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1
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,228
Last season
on Harley Quinn...
2
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:22,272
I got my green on.
3
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,816
Batman created zombies
instead of going to therapy,
for fuck's sake.
4
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,568
Joker became the mayor.
5
00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:29,195
I went CEO at the LOD.
6
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:31,656
And Harley,
she joined the Bat Fam.
7
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:33,366
All right, y'all caught up?
8
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,913
Come on! I'm just trying to--
9
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:40,206
Nerts, that hurt!
10
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,667
I am just trying
to drop off lunch
11
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,587
{\an8}for my hot
and powerful girlfriend.
12
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,175
Ow!
13
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:53,970
I can't let good guys
into the Legion of Doom.
14
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:58,099
Hey, babe,
is the Bat Signal working?
15
00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,434
Uh, yeah, why? Wait, wait.
16
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,935
D... Does it not work
during the day?
17
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,687
Honey, you forgot your lunch.
18
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:06,649
So I thought
it would be, like, sexy
if I, like, did a crime,
19
00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,485
and then you and the Bat Fam
showed up.
20
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:11,821
Aw, I'm at the LOD
with your lunch, ohh.
21
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,156
God, we're cute.
22
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,240
So damn cute.
23
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,700
Shit, more guards are coming.
24
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,243
There must be,
like, a shift change.
25
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:18,495
Okay, good luck
with your first day.
26
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,746
I love you so much. I gotta go.
27
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,415
Love you more.
28
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,644
- Lex.
- There's my new SHE-EO.
29
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,771
Girl power and all that stuff.
30
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,523
{\an8}You know,
I got some pretty big plans.
31
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,441
{\an8}I'm starting
with the corporate rebrand.
32
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:51,152
{\an8}What do you think of, like,
socially conscious evil?
33
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:52,779
{\an8}Totally. Totally.
34
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,031
First, I thought I'd destroy
an oil rig safely, obviously.
35
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,992
And make the execs
drink all the oil, and boom,
36
00:01:57,992 --> 00:02:01,037
high body count,
zero environmental damage.
37
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:05,291
All the deets are here in this
color-coded tabbed binder.
38
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,126
Mmm.
39
00:02:07,126 --> 00:02:09,295
Well, you know what?
I think we'd start things off
on the right foot
40
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:12,924
to do, like, a ceremonial
handing over the keys
in front of everyone.
41
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,218
Can't. I'm going
to my launchpad on the roof
42
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,386
and then heading to the moon.
43
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,012
The moon.
That's cool. That's cool.
44
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:20,181
Hope the rocket isn't
shaped like a giant penis.
45
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,683
Am I right?
46
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,226
There is a scientific reason
47
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,853
the rocket needs
to look like that.
48
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,230
All right, this is you.
49
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,399
Lean in, disrupt,
and things of that nature.
50
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,653
Oh, shit. That was terrible.
51
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,450
Move, lady.
52
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,412
I want a perfect view
of the doorway
for where the new CEO comes in.
53
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,914
I hope he's chill.
I hope he thinks I'm chill.
54
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,332
Shut up.
55
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:49,252
I want to be able to hear
the new CEO's footsteps.
56
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:54,257
Oh, uh, so I'm guessing nobody
sort of, um, let you guys in.
57
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:57,093
But, uh, surprise.
I'm the new CEO.
58
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,970
Fuck, it is true.
59
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,346
Look at her mug.
60
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:01,806
Frick.
61
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:04,475
She must have slept with Lex.
62
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,269
I hope
she gets pregnant.
63
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,939
Lex bowed
to the woke mob
and hired a skirt.
64
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,733
Okay.
65
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,443
Why don't we all just,
like, take a seat
and we can all discuss--
66
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:14,777
How you think we should stop
67
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,863
brewing the break room
coffee with beer?
68
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,574
Yeah, well, 'cause that sounds
fucking gross.
69
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:24,120
But listen up. The plan is
socially conscious evil.
70
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,830
Now, if you look
in your dossier,
71
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:29,042
you're gonna see how together
we're gonna make that happen.
72
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,793
Never.
73
00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,630
If this folder wasn't
literally perfect
for doing lines off of,
74
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,506
I'd throw it in the trash.
75
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,133
That's right, the trash.
76
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,510
Even though
I know this is recyclable.
77
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,807
If we wanted to get
bossed around by a lady,
78
00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,392
we would get girlfriends.
79
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,479
This is so not chill!
80
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,152
Oh, shit. That's a grenade.
81
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,737
Fuck.
82
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:11,042
"Wonder Woman's
favorite winter salad recipes"?
83
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,670
Oh, God. She has more than one?
Kill me.
84
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,838
Ooh, the Hottest Hotties list.
85
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,006
Such a fun issue.
86
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,675
I start a new gig in, like, 20.
87
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,677
Don't wanna show up early
and seem like a try-hard,
you know.
88
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,928
The hell?
89
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,846
Devora Macklewaithe's
number three?
90
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,765
What makes her so hot?
91
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:28,977
Miss Macklewaithe has
the most beautiful
clavicle in Gotham.
92
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,104
For sure, I mean,
whatever a clavicle is,
93
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,022
she certainly, certainly
got a nice one.
94
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:36,067
Oh, Professor Pyg,
I can't be seen talking to you,
no offense.
95
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,568
Because I'm not a hottie?
96
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,195
Notties are people, too.
97
00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:41,322
'Cause I'm a major player
on the hero scene.
98
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,032
Yep, me and Wonder Woman.
99
00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,159
You know, she called
spinach the new romaine,
but the old kale?
100
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,539
Uh, okay.
101
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,082
That old lady seems
to be having one heck
of a time crossing the street.
102
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,126
I gotta go save her ass, bye.
103
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,386
It's a bird, it's a plane.
104
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:06,014
It's motherfucking
Harley Quinn!
105
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,269
Hello?
106
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,062
Was my pose
not dramatic enough?
107
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,856
I blame your
very soft lighting.
108
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,442
Harley,
it's great to see you.
109
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,985
Oh, Captain Boomerang.
110
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,403
He knows his angles.
111
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:22,363
Okay, so what's the plan?
We kicking his ass?
112
00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,741
I mean, it's Monday,
so he's probably
at bingo at the senior center.
113
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,117
He loves a mature woman.
114
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,410
Ugh, ew.
115
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,328
We're just updating
our criminal database.
116
00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:32,582
Yeah, we can't
kick anyone's ass
until they actually do crimes.
117
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,916
Oh, great, great, okay.
118
00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,585
What... What if we
go on Cleggslist,
119
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,754
and post a job opportunity
for "murderer",
120
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,672
then bash the skulls
of anyone who applies?
121
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,049
We're heroes.
122
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,718
We update records,
do paperwork and stay fit,
123
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:46,512
until the computer
tells us there's a crime.
124
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:47,930
Cool. Yeah, yeah.
125
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,474
Um, how about while we do that,
126
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,892
we get to know
each other better?
127
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,435
You know,
my three biggest turn ons are--
128
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,854
Harley, your frivolity
is not an asset here.
129
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,106
Geez, sorry for trying
to get a vibe going.
130
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:59,317
Ooh, now, that's good lighting.
131
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,110
My skin looks slick as a...
132
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:03,696
Sorry, I shouldn't say.
There are children present.
133
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,573
...a pair of titties
at a car wash.
134
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:12,038
You need to get the shades
or I'm gonna
photosynthesize everywhere.
135
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,290
I did put in the request,
but I don't want
to get your hopes up.
136
00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:17,126
Because when I went
into the supply office,
the clerk says to me,
137
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:20,797
all the Soviet era
dental clamps
and industrial-size funnels
138
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,132
that I need for my plan to work
got checked out.
139
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,801
Who else would need those?
140
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,344
Okay, I know
they're fucking with me.
141
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:29,388
Ugh, yes. At least I know
my outfit's here.
142
00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:31,349
See, I'm gonna
seize the oil rig
143
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:35,478
in, like, a crisp 19th-century
British Royal Navy
Captain's uniform.
144
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:38,272
Ooh, that's fresh as hell.
145
00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,776
"I'm a dumb boss."
146
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,653
- I don't hate the bottoms.
- Great.
147
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:47,615
Ugh, I mean, if this gaggle
of obtuse plebes
148
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:48,866
keeps cockblocking me,
149
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,284
I'm never gonna
get anything done.
150
00:06:50,284 --> 00:06:51,702
I might as well be
the CEO of nothing.
151
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:53,663
Everything is just
like it was before.
152
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,373
I'm doing it on my own,
yet again,
153
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:56,791
just in a bigger office.
154
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,501
Maybe you need to put
your oil plan on hold
155
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,503
and disrupt the corporate
culture in this bitch first.
156
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,714
No, I... I... I don't wanna
manage people.
157
00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:05,299
I just wanna do my--
158
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,427
{\an8}What the... Fuck you!
159
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,223
I see your point.
160
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:15,518
Did Harley end up
killing Sheryl Sandberg
in Jackson Hole last year,
161
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,519
or did she survive?
162
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,312
No, that was Andy Sandberg.
163
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:19,564
Okay, perfect.
164
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,023
I'm gonna spend
the next four hours
165
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:23,151
numbing my brain
with idiotic Lean In TikTok.
166
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:26,195
Ugh, this is so boring.
167
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:29,448
Fighting crime is supposed
to be fun and dangerous
and sexy.
168
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:32,952
Oh, my God, look!
169
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:36,747
- What?
- Nightwing's a Hottest Hottie?
170
00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:41,460
"Nightwing's radiant rump
has him flying in
at number two."
171
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,379
Oh, I can't believe I know you!
172
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:45,298
Do you have a publicist?
Is it Wonder Woman's publicist?
173
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,592
God, this is so cool.
But what's with the pap shot?
174
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:51,345
I won't degrade myself
going to a photo shoot
for that trash rag.
175
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,599
Yes! A crime to solve.
176
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,642
But you should consider getting
some tasteful nudes taken
177
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,227
while you're
in peak physical form.
178
00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,979
Your grandchildren
will definitely want them.
179
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,731
Okay, guys,
a dead body's been found.
180
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,608
- We gotta go.
- Cool, a dead body.
181
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:04,817
Not so fast.
182
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,028
It's visitation day
at Blackgate.
183
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,946
And your papa awaits.
184
00:08:08,946 --> 00:08:12,074
{\an8}Ugh, I never
get to see dead people.
185
00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:13,367
Ew, oh, my God.
186
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:15,244
That's Mally Tomberson.
187
00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:17,622
- Who?
- The, ugh! Only a huge
Waynestagram model,
188
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,832
and heiress
to the Old Gotham Corn Factory.
189
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:23,002
Last night was the launch party
for her Hard Corn Water, hello?
190
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,253
Hello. You mean whiskey?
191
00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,630
Legally, she can't
call it that.
192
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,089
She explained it all
on her live stream.
193
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:28,841
God, you guys
are so uncultured!
194
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:31,677
So, do you look for DNA?
Dust for prints?
Seduce the bartender?
195
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,304
This cut's clean.
196
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,389
The killer could have
a background in surgery.
197
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,351
Another body's
been found
198
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,645
at the Hard Wayne's Gonna Fall
Ice Cream Pop-Up Experience.
199
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,021
Ugh, I'll handle it.
200
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,814
Should we send them
our ice cream orders?
201
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:45,650
Everyone says
Childhood Trauma Swirl
is really good.
202
00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:59,288
Ew, this place
smells like a hamster cage.
203
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,499
Oh, Mr. Pennyworth?
Young Master Damian?
204
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,794
I'm afraid you won't be able
to visit Master Bruce today.
205
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,463
So I missed the dead body
just to do absolutely nothing?
206
00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:10,091
"Master Bruce"? Who are you?
207
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,134
Oh, I'm his butler, Alvin.
208
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,636
But I'm his butler.
209
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,179
Well, I'm his penal butler.
210
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:20,810
I must insist on seeing
Master Bruce immediately.
211
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:25,189
Oh, unfortunately,
his DJ lessons
are running a wee bit long.
212
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:26,691
Now I must get back.
213
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,818
We have a call with the CFO
of Wayne Enterprises.
214
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,569
The stock prices
have leveled off.
215
00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:32,738
Hopefully, we can
avoid the trigger.
216
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,658
Uh, I'm sorry?
You're on a financial call?
217
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,285
Oh, sweetie.
218
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:40,621
He runs every
big decision by me.
219
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:41,664
Ta-ta.
220
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,502
Hmm.
221
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:48,379
The thing to remember
about managing people
222
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:51,007
{\an8}is they're inherently stupid,
needy and fragile,
223
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:54,010
which means
they're easy to manipulate.
224
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:57,722
Ugh, another ad?
Gotta get the pro account.
225
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,142
Is that my scarf?
226
00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:06,897
Whoa, what's gotten into you?
227
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:08,649
I got all horned up
at a crime scene today.
228
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:10,026
You know what I think
would be superhot?
229
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,527
Role playing.
230
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:14,196
Okay, yeah, what, all right.
What do you have in mind?
231
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,032
{\an8}- Okay, you're a super-sexy
crime boss...
- Uh-huh.
232
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,533
...and I am
a sexually-pushy cop
233
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:19,452
who will cross any line
to get answers.
234
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,495
Okay, I like the sound of that.
235
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:22,913
- Who is it?
- Oh.
236
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,498
Who in your circle of sickos
is a surgeon?
237
00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:26,250
Oh, eh, um...
238
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,877
Dr. Big Boobs?
239
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,754
No, not Dr. Big Boobs,
a real surgeon,
240
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,714
one with a fetish
for amputation.
241
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,215
Oh, sorry. Okay.
242
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,633
Sor... Sorry, Officer.
243
00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:37,178
Um, it's Dr. Berkowitz.
244
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,554
Not your dermatologist.
245
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,431
{\an8}God, the perp I'm tracking's
whereabouts
246
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,683
{\an8}are unaccounted for
from 1:00 to 2:00 a.m.
last night.
247
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,185
{\an8}Tell me who it is!
248
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,895
What, you're not into this?
249
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:48,189
Honey, are you trying
to get me to narc
250
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:51,233
on one of my new co-workers
through sex stuff?
251
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,235
Yes, I'm sorry.
252
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:55,404
I really want to figure out
who did it so I can
impress the Bat Family.
253
00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:57,490
And I thought you could
just like, I don't know,
give me the answer?
254
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,283
Babe, I can't.
255
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:02,495
Listen, I don't even know
what half of those posers
are up to, anyway.
256
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,039
They don't tell
their one true queen
their devilish schemes?
257
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,083
Who's disrespecting you?
I will kill them!
258
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,834
Oh, that's so sweet.
259
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,544
You know, if we're gonna
make our new jobs work,
260
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,463
we do need to establish
some boundaries, right?
261
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,881
Like, I'll handle my work thing
262
00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,257
so you don't have to
worry about that.
263
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:16,717
I got some fresh ideas
already brewing.
264
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:19,220
I love when
you make your idea face.
265
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,097
Okay, now I'm all
horned up again.
266
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,641
{\an8}How about you're
a super-sexy crime boss
who's had an annoying day,
267
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,601
and I am your
sexually-pushy underling.
268
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,646
Cater to my fragile male ego.
269
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:35,820
Nope, he's dead, missing,
hates me, hate him,
dickhead, dead dickhead.
270
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,114
What happened to him?
Don't wanna know.
271
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,574
- Oh, this guy.
- You've
reached Riddler's voicemail.
272
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:43,619
To leave a message,
you must solve a series
of intricate mind-bending--
273
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:45,454
Ugh, he better be in a movie.
274
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,166
Oh, right. He's dead too, delete.
275
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,878
Oh, hi, Harley.
276
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,880
- King, you busy? Great.
- Well, actually--
277
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,298
Do you know a villain
who loves hot models
and slicing limbs?
278
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:57,925
I'm so sorry to cast
such a wide net.
279
00:11:57,925 --> 00:12:00,970
Oh, Harley!
Oh, you know I'm squeamish.
280
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,847
I'm shocked
you called me about this.
281
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,890
Well, no one else picked up.
282
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,476
Well, you're a good guy now,
so your old friends
aren't gonna help you.
283
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,311
Of course,
we're still pals,
284
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,314
but I am changing
your name to "Potential Spam"
in my phone.
285
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:15,401
I... I don't wanna
lose my standing
in the villain community.
286
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:16,735
Ugh, those pussies.
287
00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:18,821
What, good guys
can't be amazing friends?
288
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,240
So, what you been up to?
289
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,242
Well, Tabitha and I
are about to find out--
290
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:24,702
Yeah. Sorry, King. I gotta go.
291
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,620
Seven, eight, oh,
that's number nine.
292
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,372
Nine healthy little sharks.
293
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,458
Oh, I'm gonna need
to get a job.
294
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,752
Vegan D-nuts on me, boys.
295
00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:36,422
Nonplussed reaction.
296
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,799
Ooh,
maple leaf cinnamon.
297
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,844
Look, guys, I... I got a lot
of appreciation for this team.
298
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,846
And, uh, I get it.
299
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,681
You know, you're at your job,
and suddenly there's, like,
this green lady,
300
00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,641
like, all up in your business.
301
00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,268
Totally hear that.
302
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,562
And I just want
you guys to know
that I love feedback.
303
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:55,524
{\an8}So If you do have a crazy idea,
shoot it over.
304
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:59,862
Ping it into my hear holes
and my door is always open.
305
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:03,699
We knock down
city hall and build
a gladiator death ring.
306
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,242
Bitching, am I right?
307
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,536
{\an8}Yeah, uh, totally bitching.
308
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:10,206
{\an8}I create a force field,
we fill it with hot babes.
309
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,958
{\an8}- And the cool thing is,
they have to go out with me.
- Right.
310
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:16,712
Three words:
cocaine, zoo, disaster.
311
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:17,963
- Okay.
- Wait, wait.
312
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,381
I need three more words.
313
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:22,635
Electric, eels, high.
314
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,887
Ah, fuck.
315
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,555
Basically, we give a bunch
of eels cocaine
316
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,390
- and watch them
fuck up shit at the zoo.
- Huh.
317
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:31,560
I need 'splosives,
lots of 'splosives.
318
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,813
- I wanna blow up a--
- This is great stuff.
I love this.
319
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:36,899
Left the... The quantity empty,
320
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,609
so just to go nuts there.
321
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:42,071
Whoa, I feel seen, ah.
322
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:46,242
{\an8}As I step away
for some highly cool
and important training,
323
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,077
{\an8}the people of Gotham
need not worry.
324
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:51,080
{\an8}You are in capable hands.
The Bat-Fam's
325
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,165
got your back, fam.
326
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:59,255
{\an8}And that was supposed to be
a reassuring message
from Batman.
327
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,966
{\an8}But with the recent uptick
in mutilation murders,
328
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,592
{\an8}Gotham's left wondering,
329
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:06,845
{\an8}will we pay the price
for the Bat Family's failures?
330
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:09,682
And will that price
be an arm or a leg?
331
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,642
So, where were you last night?
332
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,311
I told the story
a million times.
333
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:16,647
I was out to dinner
at this new restaurant
334
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:19,233
you'll never get into,
Bucket and Maup.
335
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:21,110
Oh, my God. No, wait.
336
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,113
That's where Martian Manhunter
and Grimes just got
in a huge fight.
337
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,240
Mar-Man told Grimes
that he could never love her.
338
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,159
And she threw
a bananas foster on his lap,
lighting his penis on fire.
339
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:30,786
I was sitting
in the next booth.
340
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:31,996
Aw, jealous.
341
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,290
Don't be.
My own husband stood me up.
342
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:37,960
The only way to get him
out of the house these days
is a celebrity golf tournament.
343
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,503
Whatever. Fuck him.
344
00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:42,464
I was so bored
that I live streamed
the whole thing.
345
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,716
That's it.
346
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,634
The other victims
were live streaming, too.
347
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,304
That's how the killer
figures out where they are.
348
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,264
Hey, uh,
349
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,975
do you think they'll find
my clavicle in time
for the Hottest Hotties gala?
350
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:55,311
{\an8}My dress is made
from ten live puppies,
351
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,855
{\an8}and every day I don't wear it,
they get less cute.
352
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:01,317
{\an8}"Miss Macklewaithe has the most
beautiful clavicle in Gotham."
353
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:02,318
Thank you so much.
354
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:03,319
What's wrong with your voice?
355
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,778
{\an8}It's Professor Pyg!
356
00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:07,156
{\an8}He's picking off
our city's Hottest Hotties.
357
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,991
{\an8}- Wait, what?
- I saw him at the newsstand.
358
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,285
{\an8}And he was drooling
all over Devorah's clavicle.
359
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,453
{\an8}It has got to be him.
360
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,787
{\an8}God, I am so good
at my new job.
361
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,372
{\an8}All the clues
are just drawn to me.
362
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:17,249
{\an8}Great work, Harley.
363
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,667
{\an8}Now we need to catch him.
364
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,045
{\an8}I have an idea,
and someone's gonna hate it.
365
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,382
There's my girl.
366
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,926
A clerk who knows how to work.
What's up, baby face?
367
00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:29,845
Oh, wow, Ivy.
368
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,764
The guys in shipping
are gonna be pissed
369
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,848
they missed you.
370
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:33,974
You're the talk
of the basement.
371
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,434
Love to hear it.
372
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:39,396
I need, uh, uh, 20 goons,
dental clamps and funnels.
373
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:43,817
Enough to channel about, like,
84 million gallons of oil
into the mouths of men.
374
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:46,195
Ooh, pretty sure those
84 million gallons of oil
375
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,781
are floating in the sea
as of about 20 minutes ago.
376
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,699
What? What do you...
That's impossible.
377
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,992
Oh, you didn't hear?
378
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:54,036
Bane blew up an oil rig.
379
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,454
It's so funny.
380
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,789
I love Bane.
381
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:02,419
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
382
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,546
The fuck? I'm such a chump.
383
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,134
'Sup, boss.
384
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:10,469
Hey, what are you doing?
385
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:11,762
You're in the executive women's
restroom.
386
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,722
Never been a lady executive.
387
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:17,184
So the boys deem this one
dumpers only.
388
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,605
Ivy, what are you doing
in the executive women's
restroom?
389
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,399
I'm the executive woman here.
390
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,442
Look at you! Whoo!
391
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,361
Isn't this bathroom the tits?
392
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,697
I come here when I pick up
my widow's benefits
checks from HR.
393
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:32,199
- How are you?
- You know,
just reaching a career low,
394
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:35,327
enabling overgrown goon babies
to destroy the world.
395
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,913
You know, it's customary
to just say, "I'm good."
396
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:39,415
Oh, you get to say
a long thing and I don't?
397
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,125
Hey, I don't make the rules.
398
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,919
Hey, not to pile on here,
but that stall's
out of shit tickets.
399
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,254
Hey, Snowflake.
400
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,756
Never interrupt two women
talking in the restroom.
401
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:49,299
It's not Snowflake.
402
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:50,718
- I am not Snowflake. Hey, stop.
- Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup!
403
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,886
- Your fly's open.
- Bitch.
404
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,388
- Dickless prick.
- Ugh.
405
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:57,266
Hey, Executive Woman,
cut the wallowing.
406
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,851
Who cares
if you're a cool boss?
407
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,936
You're not cool,
but you're Poison Ivy.
408
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:03,939
Oh, [sighs] okay. Thanks.
I guess... I mean...
409
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:08,235
Remember, you brought
a beautiful frozen woman
back to life
410
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,945
with your weird science powers.
411
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,531
You can do whatever you want
with the Legion of Doom.
412
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:15,159
There is a place
for everyone else's opinions.
413
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,411
And it's in that tiny,
waxy paper bag
414
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,038
that's inside
that little metal mailbox
415
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,789
in that stall
with my dirty tampons.
416
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,791
You know what, you're right.
417
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:27,129
Everyone can get on board
or they can fuck off
to that tiny tampon mailbox.
418
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,714
There we go.
419
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,632
Yeah, yeah. And you're not
supposed to be in here either.
420
00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:33,302
- Love that.
- God, you're a bulldozer,
you know that?
421
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,803
Do you want to be my assistant?
422
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:36,638
Hmm, not really.
423
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,348
Well, then, I'm gonna
have to change
the locks on this bathroom.
424
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,058
I'll do it.
425
00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:42,144
I am Umberto Argento,
426
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:45,230
the famous Italian photographer
without an accent.
427
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,441
Where is the subject of my art?
428
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,568
Ugh, again.
Why do I have to do this?
429
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:53,071
Oh, we're live streaming
this Gotham Monthly photo shoot
to lure Pyg here.
430
00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:54,448
I understand
the plan.
431
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,950
Why do we have to actually
take the photos?
432
00:17:56,950 --> 00:18:00,412
If Pyg shows up
and we're just holding
each other's fucking nutsacks,
433
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:01,747
he'll know it's a trap.
434
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,123
Now, let's get
that ass to clap, baby.
435
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:05,042
Hey,
I finally did it.
436
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:09,630
I gave Gotham Magazine
the exclusive on my, ugh,
juicy caboosey.
437
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,173
Oh, yeah.
438
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,842
You're three spritzes deep
and it's sunset on the Rialto,
439
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,844
when your love calls your name.
440
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,054
Turn around and smolder.
441
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,680
I said smolder! Gorgeous.
442
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,350
Okay, now you've lost your job
with the olive oil factory,
443
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,935
and mama tries to comfort you,
444
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,770
pulling you
into her ample bosom.
445
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,814
Okay, now serve me young coed
446
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:29,024
studying in Naples
for the summer. Yes!
447
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,027
All right,
where's the dead body?
448
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:34,029
Oh, come on.
449
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,158
Feels like someone's
about to make
their big entrance, huh?
450
00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:39,827
I'll find
the generator.
451
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,412
Almost got it. There.
452
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:44,706
- Professor Pyg?
- Nightwing?
453
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:45,624
Not cool, dude.
454
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:54,132
Okay. Everyone's plans,
schemes, plots, on the table.
455
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,807
Uh-uh-uh.
456
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:04,143
No more blowing up shit
and pathetic cash grabs
457
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,145
and problematic ways
to date hot babes.
458
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:08,522
So played out, done.
459
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:12,067
Basic as AF. Mm-mm-mm.
460
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,402
And from now on,
461
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:16,572
everyone's working together
on my stuff.
462
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,407
Socially conscious evil.
463
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:21,076
Anything that isn't
a part of that
is not gonna happen.
464
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,995
{\an8}Okay? All my shit,
all day long.
465
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,747
{\an8}We're not gonna
let this bullshit happen!
466
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:28,417
This is racist against men.
467
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,231
What's with the raggedy-ass
Andy's?
468
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:54,026
They're Dollotrons.
Poor, lost souls brainwashed
to do Pyg's bidding.
469
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,694
I wish we could help-- Ugh!
470
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,571
Gross, don't touch me.
471
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,371
Get him!
472
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,415
She's not
the boss of me.
473
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:17,341
Yeah, rip his fucking
arm off, Ivy!
474
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,011
Do you think I'm scared of you?
475
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:25,641
You go, boss!
476
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,809
Ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, yes!
477
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,566
This is all my fault.
478
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,276
I have to save Nightwing.
479
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:46,495
Oh, no. My system
seems to be malfunctioning.
480
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,664
Zeep, zap, spark, spark.
481
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:51,583
{\an8}I don't think so,
you tin cunt.
482
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,502
Wow. [grunts] Ow.
483
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:56,588
Ow, ow, ow.
484
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,509
Ahhh!
485
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,802
You'll never beat me.
486
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,722
Oh, God, the vegan doughnuts.
487
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:08,016
Sorry,
my landlord called.
488
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:12,187
He's finally going to put in
a carbon monoxide detector.
489
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:15,232
Whoa, what happened here?
490
00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:17,526
Hey, Bane.
Your next big evil plot
491
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:20,737
is to clean up a shitload
of oil from Gotham Harbor.
492
00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:23,240
But I just
'sploded that oil!
493
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:26,743
I'll get a bucket.
494
00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:30,872
What's the perfect human
without a perfect bootay?
495
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:35,919
{\an8}My creation is mere moments
from being realized.
496
00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:38,755
Holy shit! A hot Dollotron?
497
00:21:38,755 --> 00:21:40,090
Harley! Yes!
498
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:42,217
I love my ass. Okay,
I admit it. Now, help me.
499
00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:44,136
I knew you cared.
500
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,512
Drop the scalpel, Pyg!
501
00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:48,181
My coworker's wild,
perfect-party ass
502
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:50,142
does not belong
on a flesh doll.
503
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,560
It, honestly,
it belongs in a museum.
504
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,771
Too late.
This rump is a singular beauty,
505
00:21:54,771 --> 00:21:57,607
- and it's time to cut the cake.
- No, no.
506
00:21:57,607 --> 00:22:00,193
Got you!
507
00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:05,073
{\an8}It's gonna take a lot
more than some--
508
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:13,415
Well, looks like
I saved your ass.
509
00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:16,168
- What...
You killed him?
- Oh, my God, is he dead?
510
00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:18,003
Cool.
511
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:21,673
Ivy has pledged
to take the Legion
in a green-conscious direction,
512
00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:24,134
which sent LexCorp
stocks soaring.
513
00:22:24,134 --> 00:22:26,428
The same can't be said
for Wayne Enterprises,
514
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:30,098
whose stocks
are in a free fall
after the news.
515
00:22:30,098 --> 00:22:31,475
We've hit the trigger.
516
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:32,768
Fuel up the jet.
517
00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:34,478
I'm going to Gotham.
37839
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