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1
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,609
SAY YOU COULD PICK ANY
SUPERHERO TO BE YOUR DAD.
2
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:11,677
WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
3
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,178
BATMAN, NO QUESTION.
4
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:17,249
LIVE IN A COOL CAVE,
BORROW THE BATMOBILE.
5
00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:18,961
HE LETS ROBIN HANG OUT WITH HIM
6
00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:20,397
AND PLAY WITH ALL HIS STUFF.
7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,132
AND ROBIN'S NOT
EVEN HIS REAL KID.
8
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,165
HE'S HIS WARD.
9
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,956
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A WARD?
10
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,391
BATMAN?
11
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,927
IS HE FASTER THAN
A SPEEDING BULLET?
12
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,996
I DON'T THINK SO.
13
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:33,799
IS HE MORE POWERFUL
THAN A LOCOMOTIVE?
14
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,334
UH-UH.
15
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,203
I'D WANT SUPERMAN.
16
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,512
SEES THROUGH WALLS.
17
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,851
YOU'D NEVER GET
AWAY WITH ANYTHING.
18
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,744
BECAUSE I'D MAKE
SOMEBODY A VERY COOL WARD.
19
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:48,247
I'D LIKE TO HAVE
SUPERMAN FOR A DAD.
20
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,315
HEY, THERE'S MINKUS.
21
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,321
OW.
22
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,558
WHOA! THE 2000-X
HYDRO-SATURATOR.
23
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,404
CAREFUL. IF FEENY SEES THIS BABY
24
00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,005
ON SCHOOL GROUNDS,
HE'LL SHAG IT,
25
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:04,941
AND I'LL HAVE TO SIT
OUT THE WATER WARS.
26
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:08,800
GENTLEMEN, MEET
THE HYDRO-SAT 3000-Z.
27
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:11,770
BLOW YOUR HEAD CLEAN OFF.
28
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,238
THE 3000?
29
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:15,185
THAT'S NOT EVEN
SUPPOSED TO COME OUT
30
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,253
TILL CHRISTMAS.
31
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:17,342
I KNOW A GUY.
32
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,794
YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T DO THAT.
33
00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:24,861
WHAT, ARE YOU GOING TO MELT?
34
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:25,917
NO.
35
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,458
I'M GOING TO RETALIATE.
36
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:38,963
GO AHEAD...
37
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,466
MAKE ME WET.
38
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:50,642
WISE CHOICE.
39
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,689
AH, WHO NEEDS ONE OF THOSE?
40
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,145
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
41
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:56,192
A WELL-PLACED WATER BALLOON
42
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,994
CAN GIVE YOU JUST AS MUCH SPLASH
43
00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,218
FOR YOUR CASH.
44
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,930
LIKE EVERYONE'S GONNA HAVE
45
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,754
A HUMONGOUS WATER GUN.
46
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,960
HOW ARE YOU?
47
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:11,563
AAH! AAH! STOP!
48
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,610
I'LL GET ONE! I PROMISE!
49
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,233
OH, MY G...
50
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,979
I'LL GET ONE! STOP!
51
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:18,370
I PROMISE!
52
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,448
MR. MATTHEWS...
53
00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:32,517
THE DRINKING
FOUNTAIN IS NOT A TOY.
54
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,292
HI, HON. WHAT'S HORRIBLE?
55
00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:50,139
HMM. THE PLUMBING
IN THE BOYS' BATHROOM
56
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,230
IS LEAKING AGAIN.
57
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,431
I'M ON IT.
58
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,739
YOU ARE AN AMAZING GUY.
59
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,613
HEY, DAD, HOW ABOUT
SOME QUALITY TIME
60
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:57,677
WITH YOUR SON?
61
00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:59,504
I CAN'T. I'M SPENDING
SOME QUALITY TIME
62
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,239
WITH YOUR TOILET.
63
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:03,742
BUT YOU JUST GOT HOME FROM WORK.
64
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,611
HI, MOM. WOW, DINNER
SMELLS TERRIFIC,
65
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,547
AND THAT THING YOU'RE
WEARING IS REALLY LOVELY.
66
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,116
WHAT IS THAT, A DRESS?
67
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:15,286
OH, CORY, WHAT A LOVELY
AND SINCERE COMPLIMENT,
68
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:17,366
AND I JUST KNOW THAT
YOU WOULDN'T SPOIL IT
69
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:19,301
BY ASKING ME FOR SOMETHING.
70
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,560
EERIE HOW SHE ALWAYS KNOWS, HUH?
71
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:24,195
WHAT, DO ALL WOMEN HAVE ANTENNAS
72
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,365
HIDDEN SOMEWHERE
ON THEIR BODIES?
73
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:30,068
I DON'T KNOW. NONE OF
THEM WILL LET ME LOOK.
74
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:32,070
LOOK. OK, LOOK, SAY
YOU'RE IN THE KITCHEN
75
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:34,773
AND THE LIVING ROOM
BURST INTO FLAMES.
76
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,140
WHY?
77
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,176
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE
LIGHTNING HIT IT.
78
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:39,444
WHY?
79
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:40,823
BECAUSE IT WAS ATTRACTED
80
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,726
BY THE METAL PLATE IN YOUR HEAD.
81
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:46,017
AND YOU CAN'T ESCAPE
'CAUSE YOUR LEGS ARE BROKEN.
82
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,086
WHAT WILL YOU DO?
83
00:04:48,154 --> 00:04:49,988
WHY ARE HER LEGS BROKEN?
84
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,576
BECAUSE SHE TRIPPED
OVER YOUR DEAD BODY.
85
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,662
CORY, SPIT IT OUT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
86
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,398
JUST A WATER GUN. YOU KNOW,
87
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,500
SO YOU CAN PUT OUT THAT
FIRE IN THE LIVING ROOM.
88
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,145
FINE. I'LL BUY YOU A WATER GUN.
89
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:04,670
COOL. HERE'S THE BROCHURE.
90
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,371
COLOR CHART'S ON THE BACK.
91
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,285
HOW MUCH DO THESE THINGS COST?
92
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:10,074
HOW CAN YOU PUT A PRICE
93
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,110
ON THE SAFETY OF YOUR FAMILY?
94
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:13,812
$50?
95
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:16,748
$49.95... PLUS TAX, BUT...
96
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,961
I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES
WITH THE LIGHTNING.
97
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,519
COME ON, MOM.
98
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:24,055
YOU AND DAD BLOW THAT MUCH
MONEY ON FOOD EVERY WEEK.
99
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,558
YOUR BATHROOM SINK
DOESN'T LEAK NOW.
100
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:29,160
WOW, DAD. YOU FIXED
IT ALL BY YOURSELF?
101
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,429
YEAH, AND YOUR TOILET
102
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,031
DOESN'T DO THAT GEYSER
THING ANYMORE, EITHER.
103
00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:35,111
YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME.
104
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:37,179
HOW MUCH DO YOU FIGURE
YOU SAVED ON A PLUMBER?
105
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:40,372
WHAT'S HE WANT THIS TIME?
106
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,641
A $50 SQUIRT GUN.
107
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,142
A $50 SQUIRT GUN?
108
00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,511
NO, REALLY, WHAT'S HE WANT?
109
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,891
DAD, WE'RE NOT TALKING
AN ORDINARY SQUIRT GUN.
110
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:52,016
WE'RE TALKING THE
HYDRO-SAT 3000-Z.
111
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,986
IT'S THE BIG BOY ON THE BLOCK.
112
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:56,554
THAT'S NICE, COR.
113
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:59,558
PRETTY STEEP, THOUGH.
MAYBE FOR CHRISTMAS.
114
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,026
HEY, GREAT, A WATER
GUN IN DECEMBER.
115
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:05,464
I'LL BE THE LITTLE BOY
SPREADING PNEUMONIA.
116
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,979
IF THEY CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY TOYS
117
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,335
FOR 3 CHILDREN,
118
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:13,282
WHY DID THEY HAVE 3 CHILDREN?
119
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:14,605
LEAVE ME ALONE.
120
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,708
I'M TRYING TO PUT
HEATHER IN MY WATCH.
121
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:17,809
WHAT?
122
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,478
I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF
VIDEO BASEBALL MODE.
123
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,216
HEY, HOW'D YOU GET MOM AND DAD
124
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,584
TO BUY THAT FOR YOU?
125
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:28,086
I BOUGHT IT FOR ME.
126
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:29,888
I CASHED MY FIRST
WEEK'S PAYCHECK,
127
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,322
WENT DOWN TO THE MALL.
128
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,558
WELCOME TO THE
WONDERFUL WORLD OF STUFF.
129
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:36,160
MOM AND DAD JUST
LET YOU BUY THAT?
130
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,429
YEAH, THEY SAID IT'S MY MONEY.
131
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:38,963
I CAN BUY ANYTHING I WANT,
132
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,733
EXCEPT THAT BUNS OF STEEL VIDEO.
133
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,780
ERIC, YOU KNOW, I'M THINKING.
134
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,815
NOW THAT YOU'RE
RAKING IN THE BIG BUCKS,
135
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,483
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO CONSIDER
136
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:50,141
THIS EXCITING
INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY.
137
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,010
CALL MY BROKER...
138
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,745
SHEARSON, LEAVE ME ALONE.
139
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:59,584
BIG MAN... DOESN'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS.
140
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,152
I DO SO.
141
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,554
IT IS... 12:00.
142
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,657
12:00, 12:00.
143
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,102
SEE? I'M NOT GETTING
144
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,048
ANY KIND OF PRESSURE HERE.
145
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,039
YOU HAD TO HAVE A HOUSE.
146
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,941
REMEMBER THE APARTMENT?
147
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,876
REMEMBER BEFORE THE CHILDREN?
148
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,845
BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED?
149
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,412
BEFORE WE KNEW EACH OTHER?
150
00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:30,681
REMEMBER HOW HAPPY WE WERE?
151
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,786
OOH! OW!
152
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,756
YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU
KNEW WHEN I WAS KIDDING?
153
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,925
DAD, YOU BUSY?
154
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,462
NO. I'M JUST RELAXING
WITH MY WRENCH.
155
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,731
I WANT A JOB AT THE MARKET.
156
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,778
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG FOR
A JOB AT THE MARKET.
157
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,236
YOU LET ERIC BE A BOX BOY.
158
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,737
SON, YOU'RE YOUNG.
159
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,739
ENJOY IT. IT DOESN'T LAST LONG.
160
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,075
WELL, I COULD WORK AFTER SCHOOL.
161
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,578
CORY, I DON'T HAVE ANY OPENINGS.
162
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,380
WELL, YOU'RE THE
MANAGER. FIRE SOMEBODY.
163
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,717
FIRE ERIC!
164
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,554
WHY DON'T I FIRE MYSELF
AND MAKE YOU MANAGER?
165
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:13,224
COOL. WHAT'S IT PAY?
166
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:16,227
NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP ME
OUT FROM UNDER THE SINK,
167
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:19,230
OR THE CAR OR THE
MORTGAGE PAYMENTS.
168
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,566
DAD, NOBODY LIKES A WHINER.
169
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:24,568
NOW, I NEED A JOB.
170
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:26,470
YOU NEED TO BE A KID.
171
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,439
I DON'T WANT TO BE A KID.
172
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,319
THAT'S TOO BAD,
BECAUSE ONCE IT'S GONE,
173
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,688
YOU CAN NEVER GET IT BACK.
174
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,978
I WANT TO BE ABLE
TO AFFORD STUFF!
175
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,514
SO DO I!
176
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,152
HEY, MR. FEENY. WHATCHA DOIN'?
177
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:45,702
IMMERSING MYSELF
IN THE TRANQUILLITY
178
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:46,958
OF MY ROSE GARDEN
179
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,426
IN THE VAIN ATTEMPT
180
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:50,695
TO OFFSET MY EVENING AHEAD...
181
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:54,399
DRUDGING THROUGH 2
DOZEN SIXTH-GRADE ESSAYS
182
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,468
ON EDGAR ALLAN POE'S THE RAVEN.
183
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:58,970
I THINK YOU'LL LIKE MY PAPER.
184
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,104
OH?
185
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,372
WHAT A MAJOR FREAKOID
186
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,842
THAT ED POE MUST HAVE BEEN, HUH?
187
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:09,113
YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW MAJOR A FREAKOID.
188
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,616
SO, ARE YOU CUTTING
YOUR FLOWERS?
189
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,017
I AM PRUNING
190
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:16,120
MY PRIZED EGLANTERIA
FLORIBUNDAS...
191
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,289
A FRAGILE HYBRID
192
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,458
THAT I HAVE
METICULOUSLY CULTIVATED
193
00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:22,486
OVER THE PAST FEW SEASONS.
194
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:24,162
WELL, FOR A SMALL FEE,
195
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,364
I CAN HACK OFF THE
REST OF THAT DEAD STUFF.
196
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,703
YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY ROSES!
197
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,706
UH, YOU KNOW,
MR. FEENY, I WAS THINKING.
198
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:35,940
AUTUMN'S HERE,
199
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,376
AND WINTER'S JUST
AROUND THE CORNER.
200
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:40,945
THAT'S TYPICALLY THE PATTERN.
201
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,448
AND IF YOU GIVE ME 50 BUCKS NOW,
202
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:45,749
I'LL SHOVEL YOUR
SNOW ALL WINTER.
203
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,685
PAYMENT IN ADVANCE?
204
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:50,121
FOR A TASK LINKED TO FACTORS
205
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,168
AS UNPREDICTABLE AS THE WEATHER?
206
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,657
HARDLY SEEMS FAIR.
207
00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:55,860
COME ON, MR. FEENY,
HAVE SOME PITY.
208
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,930
I'VE BEEN OUT OF
WORK FOR 11 YEARS.
209
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:03,067
WELL, I DO HAVE SOME SHUTTERS
210
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,569
THAT ARE IN DIRE NEED OF PAINT.
211
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:07,605
COOL. WHAT'S IT PAY?
212
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:11,242
WELL, I COULD GO
AS HIGH AS, OH, 5.
213
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,745
DOLLARS? GET A PULSE!
214
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:16,814
5 BUCKS TO PAINT ALL THOSE?
215
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:19,951
$5 APIECE, MR. MATTHEWS.
216
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,586
THAT'S 5 TIMES 2 SHUTTERS
217
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,989
TIMES 8 WINDOWS.
218
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:29,127
5 TIMES 2...
219
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:31,229
TIMES 8.
220
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,531
WHAT'S THAT, LIKE, 58 BUCKS?
221
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,270
$58 IT IS.
222
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,576
YOU ARE WORTH EVERY
INCH OF THAT C-PLUS
223
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,979
I GAVE YOU IN MATH.
224
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,480
THANKS, MR. FEENY.
225
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,449
YOU WON'T REGRET IT.
226
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,851
OH, I EXPECT I SHALL.
227
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,045
WELL, MR. MATTHEWS,
I MUST CONFESS,
228
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,579
I'M PLEASANTLY SURPRISED.
229
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,137
YOUR FIRST FORAY
INTO THE WORK FORCE
230
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,817
IS A ROUSING SUCCESS.
231
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,741
YOU COMPLETED YOUR
TASK AHEAD OF SCHEDULE
232
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,788
AND WITH A MODICUM OF SKILL.
233
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:21,980
COOL. DOES THAT MEAN
YOU'RE GIVING ME A BONUS?
234
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:23,447
GET A PULSE.
235
00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:27,997
GOOD MORNING, ALAN.
236
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,221
GEORGE. KID DID OK, HUH?
237
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,370
OH, YES. HE ACQUITTED HIMSELF
238
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:35,259
LIKE A YOUNG EARL SCHEIB.
239
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,261
3 COATS, LIKE YOU SAID,
240
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,764
AND THEY DON'T EVEN
STICK OR ANYTHING.
241
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,266
SEE, DAD, THIS WORK
STUFF IS A PIECE OF CAKE.
242
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,768
NOTHING TO IT.
243
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,704
I MAY JUST START
UP MY OWN BUSINESS.
244
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,947
YEAH? WELL, DON'T
START PRINTING UP
245
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:59,750
THOSE BUSINESS CARDS JUST YET.
246
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:01,552
DOESN'T EVEN STICK.
247
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:02,854
REMARKABLE.
248
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,391
WELL, GOT TO GO.
249
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,560
WATER WAR'S STARTING,
STARTING REAL SOON.
250
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,895
GOTTA GO. SEE YA.
251
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:17,168
I'M GONNA BE LATE, AREN'T I?
252
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,323
YOU KNOW HOW YOU'VE
BEEN TALKING ABOUT
253
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,780
MAYBE REDOING THE BACKYARD.
254
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,659
YEAH, BUT NOW THAT I LOOK AT IT,
255
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:31,928
I DON'T THINK I WANT
256
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,385
TO GO WITH THIS ZEBRA MOTIF.
257
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:35,886
WELL, NOBODY TOLD ME
258
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:38,122
THE PAINT WAS GONNA GO
THROUGH THE SHUTTERS.
259
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,535
CORY, WHEN YOU OPEN THE SHUTTERS
260
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,679
IN YOUR BEDROOM,
261
00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:42,438
DOES THE SUNLIGHT GO THROUGH?
262
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,994
WELL, YOU GOT ME.
263
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,863
I'M AN IDIOT.
264
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,532
NO, YOU'RE NOT AN
IDIOT. YOU'RE A KID.
265
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,968
I'M A KIDIOT.
266
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,007
WATER WAR TIME, CORY.
267
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,377
WAR!
268
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,814
WAR BRINGS OUT
THE BEAST IN MINKUS.
269
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:07,251
YOU KIDS AND YOUR WATER WARS.
270
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,697
I'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU,
271
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,799
BUT I'M HAVING WAY
TOO MUCH FUN HERE.
272
00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:13,124
YOU'RE BAILING ON THE WATER WAR?
273
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,592
TO PAINT A FENCE?
274
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:17,795
YOU SAY PAINT A
FENCE. I SAY PARTY.
275
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,577
AND, BY THE WAY,
EVEN IF YOU WANTED TO,
276
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,968
I WOULDN'T CUT YOU
IN ON THIS ACTION.
277
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,504
WHY NOT? I THOUGHT
WE WERE FRIENDS.
278
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,451
YEAH, HOW COME
YOU'RE CUTTING US OUT?
279
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:32,343
PEOPLE, PEOPLE,
AM I THE ONLY ONE
280
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:35,546
WHO READ THE
SUMMER READING LIST?
281
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,381
TOM SAWYER?
282
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,420
HE'S SUCKING YOU IN
TO DO THE WORK FOR HIM.
283
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,533
GUYS, WHO ARE YOU
GONNA LISTEN TO,
284
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,357
ME OR THE BANANA?
285
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,294
WELL, LET'S SEE.
286
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:53,564
THE BANANA SAYS
PLAY. YOU SAY WORK.
287
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:56,434
WE'RE GONNA HANG
WITH THE BIG YELLOW GUY.
288
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,769
OK, LOOK, I GOT 7 BUCKS LEFT
289
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,516
AFTER BUYING MY HYDRO-SAT,
290
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:01,772
AND IT'S YOURS
291
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,519
IF YOU HELP ME PAINT THE FENCE.
292
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,042
I SAY WE HOLD OUT FOR LUNCH,
293
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:08,246
AND THAT'S
MR. BANANA TO YOU, BUD.
294
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,317
ONE BUNNY EAR
295
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:18,022
GOES AROUND THE OTHER BUNNY EAR.
296
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,024
WILL YOU JUST TIE THE BOW?
297
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,193
I'M LATE FOR THE MARKET.
DAD'S GOING TO KILL ME!
298
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:25,563
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TIE A BOW.
299
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,865
SO, WHY DID YOU TELL ME YOU DID?
300
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,967
'CAUSE I'M SELF-CONFIDENT.
301
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,937
NOW THEY WANT DESSERT!
302
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:35,406
HOW'S WORK GOING, MAN?
303
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,775
WORK. I LOVE WORK.
304
00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:40,010
PAINT THE SHUTTERS,
PAINT THE FENCE.
305
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,557
YOU WANT PAPER OR
YOU WANT PLASTIC?
306
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:42,901
DON'T DRIP THE
PAINT ON THE ROSES.
307
00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:44,426
DON'T PUT THE CANS
ON THE PRODUCE.
308
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:47,352
I'M WITH YOU, MAN. I
HATE BEING AN ADULT.
309
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,654
CAN I HAVE AN ICE CREAM?
310
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,991
ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED.
311
00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:59,208
WHAT FLAVOR DID YOU BRING US?
312
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,498
VANILLA. THEY'RE VANILLA
313
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,200
WITH CHOCOLATE ON THE OUTSIDE,
314
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:05,536
JUST LIKE THEY'VE
BEEN FOR 1,000 YEARS!
315
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,306
I REALLY PREFER A
HEATH BAR CRUNCH.
316
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:09,374
YOU DO?
317
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,311
HERE YOU ARE, MINKUS.
318
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:16,480
CRUNCH ON THIS.
319
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:17,726
IS IT JUST ME,
320
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,661
OR IS HE COPPING AN ATTITUDE?
321
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,120
I'M BEGINNING TO FEEL
UNWELCOME HERE.
322
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:23,865
WATER WAR? WATER WAR.
323
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,357
HEY, COME ON,
COME ON! I PAID YOU.
324
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,636
I BROUGHT YOU SANDWICHES.
325
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:28,904
I BROUGHT YOU ICE CREAM.
326
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:29,961
YEAH, SO?
327
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,908
SO I'M GONNA SUE YOU!
328
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:34,865
FINE. HAVE YOUR
LAWYER CALL MY MOM.
329
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,900
FINE. YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE,
330
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:38,369
YOU DO IT YOURSELF.
331
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,372
I DON'T NEED THEM. I
DON'T NEED ANYBODY.
332
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,873
STUPID WATER WAR.
333
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,409
WATER WARS ARE FOR KIDS.
334
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,711
MR. MATTHEWS...
335
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:50,548
I SOLD YOU MY
CHILDHOOD FOR 58 BUCKS!
336
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,650
A PAINT DRIP, MR. MATTHEWS,
337
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:54,696
AN ACRYLIC DRIBBLE HAS APPEARED
338
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,565
ON MY SIDE OF THE FENCE.
339
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,389
I LIKE IT.
340
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,292
I DON'T. I WANT IT REMOVED.
341
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,793
YOU DO?
342
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:06,964
YES. EITHER THAT, OR PERHAPS
343
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:09,478
YOU'D CARE TO PAINT
THE REST OF MY SIDE
344
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:12,170
TO MATCH THE OFFENDING SPOT.
345
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,255
OH, COME NOW, MR. MATTHEWS.
346
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,257
I'VE HARDLY ASKED YOU TO DESCEND
347
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,159
INTO THE STYGIAN COAL SHAFTS
348
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,448
OF WEST VIRGINIA
349
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,817
WITH A PICKAX AND A FLASHLIGHT.
350
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:30,121
WHAT'S SOMETHING LIKE THAT PAY?
351
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,824
WHAT DID YOU DO
TO MY KID, GEORGE?
352
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:37,295
OVERWORK, STRESS-RELATED INJURY.
353
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,397
YOU KNOW, ALAN, WHEN I WAS A BOY
354
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:42,333
MY FATHER HAD A STRONG
PURITANICAL BELIEF
355
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,368
IN THE WORK ETHIC.
356
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,871
HE USED TO WORK ME
FROM SUNUP TO SUNDOWN...
357
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,875
AND LOOK HOW I TURNED OUT.
358
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,514
I DON'T WANT YOU
WORKING ANYMORE.
359
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:01,184
SHUTTER MARKS STILL
SHOWED AFTER ONE COAT.
360
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,486
HAD TO BORROW FROM MOM
361
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,855
TO BUY MORE PAINT
FOR SECOND COAT.
362
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,057
I WORKED 2 DAYS,
363
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,192
PAINTED 16 SHUTTERS AND A FENCE.
364
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,328
KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I MADE?
365
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,830
I OWE 8 BUCKS.
366
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:15,299
WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD.
367
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,767
AT LEAST YOU CAME OUT OF IT
368
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,076
WITH THIS WATER GUN YOU WANTED.
369
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,570
YEAH. YOU LIKE IT?
370
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,005
SO THIS IS THE BIG BOY
ON THE BLOCK, HUH?
371
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:23,574
VERY SLICK.
372
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,854
TOO BAD I CAN'T GO TO
THE WATER WAR TO USE IT.
373
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,713
YOU CAN IF YOU RUN.
374
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,659
ISN'T IT MY RESPONSIBILITY
375
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,361
TO FINISH PAINTING THE FENCE?
376
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,419
I THINK YOUR FIRST
RESPONSIBILITY
377
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:39,423
IS TO STAY 11 YEARS
OLD AS LONG AS YOU CAN.
378
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,993
HOO HOO, COOL.
379
00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:46,564
GO ON.
380
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:56,173
AHH! WHEW!
381
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,576
THE WATER WAR TO
END ALL WATER WARS.
382
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:01,845
BOTH SIDES ARE CLAIMING VICTORY.
383
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,450
I'D KILL YOU, BUT I CAN'T MOVE.
384
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:10,187
BAGGING GROCERIES...
CHASING CARTS...
385
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,022
PRICE CHECKS...
386
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,725
SPILL ON AISLE 7!
387
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:17,495
OH! IT'S A NIGHTMARE.
388
00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:19,530
I ONLY WORKED
HALF A SHIFT TODAY.
389
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,899
I DON'T KNOW HOW HE DOES IT.
390
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,234
WHO?
391
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:24,602
DAD.
392
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:27,771
12-HOUR DAYS... NEVER SITS...
393
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,807
EATS HIS LUNCH STANDING UP,
394
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:31,275
NEVER TAKES A BREAK.
395
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,310
IT'S LIKE HE'S NOT HUMAN.
396
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:34,612
IT'S LIKE HE'S...
397
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,347
IT'S LIKE HE'S SUPERMAN.
398
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:37,815
HUH?
399
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:40,351
SUPERMAN'S MY DAD.
400
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,762
I KNOW YOU FINISHED PAINTING
THE FENCE FOR ME TODAY, DAD.
401
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,263
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, CORY.
402
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:57,134
NO. IT'S NOT ALL RIGHT.
403
00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:59,570
YOU WORK ALL DAY,
THEN YOU COME HOME
404
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:03,073
AND WORK SOME MORE,
AND THEN YOU DO MY WORK.
405
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,776
YOU'RE HOGGING ALL THE WORK.
406
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:08,679
AND I'M CALLING YOU OUT.
407
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,213
HUH?
408
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,952
I'M CALLING YOU OUT.
409
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,320
CORY... DRAW.
410
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,666
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
411
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,203
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
412
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:23,060
I THINK I'M BEING A KID, MA!
413
00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:25,095
I THINK I'M LIVING UP
TO MY RESPONSIBILITY
414
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,764
OF BEING 11 YEARS OLD.
415
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,744
HEY, HEY! NO,
LISTEN, I'M SERIOUS!
416
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,145
I'VE HAD A VERY ROUGH DAY.
417
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,680
WE DO NOT SHOOT WATER PISTOLS
418
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:32,848
AT THE DINNER TABLE.
419
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,305
YOU WOULD IF YOU HAD ONE.
420
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,574
WHAT?
421
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:39,142
GO AHEAD. MAYBE
THERE'S A LITTLE SURPRISE
422
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,178
TAPED UNDERNEATH
THE TABLE FOR YOU.
423
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:47,117
HEY, WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?
424
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,954
TRADED MY 3000 FOR TWO 1500s.
425
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,022
COOL!
426
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,560
DAD, I KNOW YOU SAID
YOU HAD A ROUGH DAY,
427
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,995
AND THAT YOU ONLY
GET TO BE A KID ONCE,
428
00:19:58,063 --> 00:20:00,398
BUT I THOUGHT IT'D BE OK
IF YOU CAME BACK TO VISIT.
429
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:07,571
VISITING HOURS ARE
OUTSIDE IN THE YARD.
430
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:12,988
NO SHOOTING WATER GUNS
431
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,478
IN THE HOUSE!
432
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,247
MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T FEEL THAT WAY
433
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,949
IF YOU CHECKED UNDER
YOUR SIDE OF THE TABLE.
434
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:23,721
THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
435
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:26,056
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
I'M MADE OF MONEY?
436
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,262
DON'T HIT MY HAIR!
437
00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:33,764
Morgan: HIT HIS HAIR!
438
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:34,765
YAAH! YAAH!
439
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:37,267
I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GUN!
440
00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:38,769
TRADE THE STUPID WATCH!
441
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,546
COOKIES, MORGAN?
442
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:51,749
SURE, I'D LOVE SOME.
443
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:06,831
9-1-1.
444
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,600
HELLO?
445
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:13,237
YES. I'M STUCK HERE,
AND I CAN'T GET DOWN.
446
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:15,606
MY PARENTS ARE OUTSIDE FIGHTING.
447
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:17,007
LISTEN.
448
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,813
YOU'RE DROWNING MY FLORIBUNDAS!
449
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,583
THEY JUST SHOT THE NEIGHBOR!
450
00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:31,389
HOLD ON. LET ME ASK.
451
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,958
MOMMY! WHAT'S OUR ADDRESS?
30217
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