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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,520
Wait, you're saying we need
to go into witness protection?
2
00:00:04,555 --> 00:00:06,445
SHE GASPS
This is nice.
3
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,300
And it's bang in the
centre of Swindon.
4
00:00:08,335 --> 00:00:10,085
Look, I've got a job
for yous, ain't I?
5
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:12,400
There's a couple of girls
causing a bit of trouble.
6
00:00:12,435 --> 00:00:14,325
Need taking out.
7
00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:15,960
Have you come courting?
8
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,040
You became a man today.
9
00:00:21,075 --> 00:00:22,320
Respect.
10
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:24,550
No, I don't want money.
11
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,400
Just a bit of help... Sergeant.
12
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:35,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
13
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,160
Normally, when I'm out and about,
14
00:00:41,195 --> 00:00:42,925
someone - and I've timed this -
15
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,040
someone will stop me roughly
every 14 minutes and say,
16
00:00:46,075 --> 00:00:47,765
"Hey, John, how about a selfie?", or
17
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,040
"Hey, John, how about
tickets for the rugby?"
18
00:00:50,075 --> 00:00:51,937
The answer to that,
by the way, is no.
19
00:00:51,972 --> 00:00:53,765
If you want to go to
the internationals,
20
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,800
join your local club and get
involved in grass-roots sport.
21
00:00:56,835 --> 00:00:58,697
Well, today, I took a brisk-ish
22
00:00:58,732 --> 00:01:00,525
45-minute walk into the studio
23
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,085
and not one person batted an eyelid.
24
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,920
Why? Well, because, as you
can see, I've grown a "goatee".
25
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,005
Now, in week one of WitPro,
26
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,440
a lot of people think they
have to shave their heads,
27
00:01:12,475 --> 00:01:14,445
or dye their eyebrows purple.
28
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,605
Relax, you don't
need to go to extremes.
29
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,800
Small, subtle changes are
often the most effective.
30
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,360
If you part your hair to the
right, part it to the left.
31
00:01:25,395 --> 00:01:27,257
If you're normally clean-shaven,
32
00:01:27,292 --> 00:01:29,085
what about a five o'clock shadow?
33
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,400
And don't forget to think
about your surroundings.
34
00:01:31,435 --> 00:01:33,717
Is this a blazer and tie environment
35
00:01:33,752 --> 00:01:36,000
or is it more old lacrosse sweater
36
00:01:36,035 --> 00:01:37,645
and trackie bum-bums?
37
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:41,880
Remember, the aim of
the game is to blend in.
38
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,280
Why don't you just fuck off, Jackie?
39
00:02:09,315 --> 00:02:10,965
Hell, I'll give you fuck off!
40
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,640
Pay your electric, then
you can tell me to fuck off.
41
00:02:14,675 --> 00:02:15,960
All right?
42
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,800
Costs nothing to smile,
you stuck-up bitch.
43
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,280
Ta-da! What're you doing?
44
00:02:30,315 --> 00:02:31,765
Now, don't panic.
45
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,445
I've not spent a fortune.
46
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:37,160
Believe it or not, all this
was achieved for under £6.
47
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,000
Yeah, I believe it.
48
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,405
Dandelions in a yoghurt pot
49
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:48,120
are an inexpensive alternative to
costly petrol station flowers.
50
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,645
This feature wall...
51
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,525
is Christmas wrapping paper.
52
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:56,760
An absolute steal
at this time of year.
53
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,760
And I LOVE these balloons.
54
00:03:01,795 --> 00:03:04,357
They just say, "Who cares?
55
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,920
"Let's dance barefoot. "
56
00:03:06,955 --> 00:03:08,600
Right? Right.
57
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,880
Hey, have you noticed some of the
neighbours are a little bit...?
58
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,560
Well, a bit lively.
59
00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:19,965
What do you mean?
60
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,560
Well, like that lady who
stands in her doorway, smoking.
61
00:03:23,595 --> 00:03:25,520
Little bit in-your-face.
62
00:03:25,555 --> 00:03:26,977
Who, Jackie? Yeah.
63
00:03:27,012 --> 00:03:28,400
No, she's lovely.
64
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:30,960
Now...
65
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:33,365
...what do you think?
66
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,685
I THINK that's the
knackered office chair
67
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,000
I've seen in the skip outside
for the past three days.
68
00:03:38,035 --> 00:03:39,520
It's shabby chic.
69
00:03:39,555 --> 00:03:40,760
SHE SCREAMS
70
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,880
There's nothing to see here, son.
71
00:04:00,915 --> 00:04:02,577
Body's gone.
72
00:04:02,612 --> 00:04:04,086
Went days ago.
73
00:04:04,121 --> 00:04:05,525
Did she...
74
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,925
have any family?
75
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:10,120
I wouldn't know about that.
Now, go on. On your way.
76
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,480
Who did you come to
Christmas last then, eh?
77
00:04:46,515 --> 00:04:48,685
Asking for 200 quid.
78
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,080
And who gave it you and
has not had it back yet, eh?
79
00:04:51,115 --> 00:04:53,245
Oh, fuck off! Hiya, Jackie.
80
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:56,200
All right, Mystique, love.
I'm just nipping to Costcutters.
81
00:04:56,235 --> 00:04:57,880
Do you want me to get
you a scratch-card?
82
00:04:57,915 --> 00:04:59,400
Oh, no, you're all right, love.
83
00:04:59,435 --> 00:05:00,605
Oh, piss off.
84
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,340
Go on, then. Get us 15...
85
00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:04,005
and get one for yourself.
86
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,440
Hey, get the champagne ready.
SHE GIGGLES
87
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,820
Oh, here she is, look.
88
00:05:17,855 --> 00:05:19,125
Dictionary Corner.
89
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,520
Oh, you think you're so much
better than us, don't you?
90
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,440
What are you doing
on our estate anyway?
91
00:05:23,475 --> 00:05:24,720
Who the fuck are you?!
92
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,645
Right, Leanne, I'm worried.
93
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:40,045
Don't be. All this paint
was totally free,
94
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,520
because it might contain
dangerous levels of lead.
95
00:05:42,555 --> 00:05:44,440
Well, I might be willing
to take those odds.
96
00:05:44,475 --> 00:05:46,005
No, no, it's not that...
97
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,965
By the way, don't put
any of that in my room.
98
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,280
...I'm worried that I'm sticking
out too much on the estate.
99
00:05:51,315 --> 00:05:54,077
People seem to be reacting
badly to me and...
100
00:05:54,112 --> 00:05:56,840
I'm worried that I'm drawing
attention to myself.
101
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,120
I'm glad you've come
to me about this, Rhons.
102
00:06:05,155 --> 00:06:06,525
So, I was thinking...
103
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,085
I could shave off my eyebrows
104
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,485
and draw them on with
eye-liner pencil...
105
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,960
and maybe carry a bottle of Newkie
Brown with me wherever I go?
106
00:06:13,995 --> 00:06:15,560
I mean, I wouldn't have to drink it,
107
00:06:15,595 --> 00:06:18,160
just always be holding it.
108
00:06:18,195 --> 00:06:19,920
SHE CLEARS THROAT
109
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,245
Accent coaching.
110
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,940
Hmm? We need to
workshop your accent.
111
00:06:26,975 --> 00:06:29,600
Nothing major, just
a few little tweaks
112
00:06:29,635 --> 00:06:31,765
to make you sound a bit more like
113
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,140
you were allowed to
watch TV as a child.
114
00:06:34,175 --> 00:06:36,480
I was allowed to
watch TV as a child.
115
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,800
I was allowed to watch Blue Peter.
116
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,520
Now, in your own time.
117
00:06:44,555 --> 00:06:46,040
Just your normal voice.
118
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,325
SHE CLEARS THROAT
119
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,165
Nice weather we're having, isn't it?
120
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,040
Telly said it was
going to piss it down.
121
00:06:53,075 --> 00:06:54,577
Great start.
122
00:06:54,612 --> 00:06:56,045
OK, um...
123
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,725
you've got a very rigid top palate.
124
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,640
It's fine, it's just something
we're going to have to work with.
125
00:07:01,675 --> 00:07:03,520
BOTH: Er-r-r-r.
126
00:07:03,555 --> 00:07:05,037
A- a-a-ah.
127
00:07:05,072 --> 00:07:06,485
A- a-a-ah.
128
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,440
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
129
00:07:08,475 --> 00:07:10,117
Eh, eh, eh.
130
00:07:10,152 --> 00:07:13,285
Country supper.
131
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:18,765
Nigh, needy, Netanyahu.
132
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,680
Imagine you've got a
mouthful of marbles.
133
00:07:21,715 --> 00:07:23,840
SHE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY
134
00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:25,165
No, less marbles.
135
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,080
SHE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY
136
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,085
One big marble.
137
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:33,360
SHE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY
138
00:07:33,395 --> 00:07:35,285
Yes.
139
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:39,180
SHE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY
140
00:07:39,215 --> 00:07:43,040
Now, soften that "wuh".
141
00:07:43,075 --> 00:07:44,325
Wuh.
142
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,645
No, soften the "wuh".
143
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,160
What do you mean, "Soften the wuh?"
Yes, that's it! Oh!
144
00:07:48,195 --> 00:07:49,445
Nice weather.
145
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,365
Yes. Nice weather!
146
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,200
Throw it away. Nice weather.
147
00:07:53,235 --> 00:07:55,125
Ha, yes!
148
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,845
OK, you're ready.
149
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,365
Are you sure? Definitely.
150
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,925
I actually think, for the first
time, I'm hearing Sarah Penn.
151
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,720
Do you know what? I was actually
cast as Bo Peep in my school play
152
00:08:05,755 --> 00:08:07,725
and I don't think
it was just because
153
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,840
they knew my mum could handle the
costumes. It's time to shine, Rhons.
154
00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,280
Let's go say hi to Jackie.
155
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,420
Hiya, Jackie.
156
00:08:21,455 --> 00:08:23,325
All right?
157
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,880
IRISH ACCENT: Nice
weather we're having.
158
00:08:25,915 --> 00:08:28,400
Telly said it were
going to piss it down.
159
00:08:28,435 --> 00:08:29,600
What?
160
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,240
Nice weather we're having.
161
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,600
Telly said it were
going to piss it down.
162
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,440
Are you taking the piss?
163
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,805
Sorry, Jackie, love.
164
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,480
You've not been introduced to Sarah,
165
00:08:50,515 --> 00:08:53,000
so, you weren't to know.
166
00:08:53,035 --> 00:08:54,520
Sarah's deaf.
167
00:08:58,160 --> 00:08:59,565
Oh, luvvie!
168
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,365
Oh, fucking hell.
169
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,645
I'm so sorry, I didn't know.
170
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,800
That's all right,
I should have said.
171
00:09:05,835 --> 00:09:07,365
I would never...
172
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,560
I would never say
anything to hurt a deafie.
173
00:09:10,595 --> 00:09:12,837
That's all right, Sarah don't mind.
174
00:09:12,872 --> 00:09:15,080
You're all right, aren't you, Saz?
175
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,040
Oh, fucking hell!
176
00:09:18,075 --> 00:09:19,600
God bless her.
177
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,420
Now, listen to me...
178
00:09:22,455 --> 00:09:24,040
Can she understand me?
179
00:09:24,075 --> 00:09:26,165
Translate.
180
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,005
I don't care what anyone says,
181
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,080
you've got every right
to walk these streets.
182
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,700
God bless you, you poor bastard.
183
00:09:36,735 --> 00:09:39,007
Oh, she's beautiful, ain't she?
184
00:09:39,042 --> 00:09:41,280
Can you tell her she's beautiful?
185
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:42,880
Fag? I'm all right, Jackie.
186
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,280
Come on, Sarah.
187
00:09:46,315 --> 00:09:48,085
SHE COOS
188
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,120
Come on, come on.
189
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:52,800
Careful!
190
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,680
Oh, my God!
191
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,800
Do you know what I think it was?
192
00:10:00,835 --> 00:10:02,845
The "wuh" sound.
193
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,560
You didn't soften the "wuh".
194
00:10:04,595 --> 00:10:06,177
You told her I was deaf.
195
00:10:06,212 --> 00:10:07,725
Even by your standards...
196
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,000
Look, I'm sorry, I am not
going along with this.
197
00:10:10,035 --> 00:10:12,605
I am not pretending to be deaf.
198
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,680
It's just wrong. Look, Rhona,
if you'd asked me this morning
199
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,845
did I want you to have to
pretend to be a deaf-mute,
200
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,520
I would have said, "No, course not,"
but that's how it's gone.
201
00:10:20,555 --> 00:10:21,725
And at the end of the day,
202
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,400
it's got you the exact
result you wanted with Jackie.
203
00:10:24,435 --> 00:10:26,285
I wish I'd thought
of it for Mystique.
204
00:10:26,315 --> 00:10:27,777
Really, I do.
205
00:10:27,812 --> 00:10:29,205
Playing deaf?
206
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,640
That's Oscar shit.
207
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,445
What up, doggy stylers?
208
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,800
It's me, Leanne,
the doggy hairdresser.
209
00:10:59,835 --> 00:11:03,485
Now, we have talked again and again
210
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,800
about how a good cut can transform
a puppy's self-esteem.
211
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:11,100
They know when they look good
and they respond to that -
212
00:11:11,135 --> 00:11:14,360
which is why, today, we're
talking about doggy nail varnish.
213
00:11:14,395 --> 00:11:17,045
Now, Cookie here is a little boy,
214
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,960
so obviously we're not going
to go for anything too glam.
215
00:11:19,995 --> 00:11:22,840
By and large, we're sticking
to more muted earth tones.
216
00:11:22,875 --> 00:11:24,157
Now...
217
00:11:24,192 --> 00:11:25,440
Slag.
218
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,420
HE GASPS
219
00:11:31,455 --> 00:11:33,285
Bosh!
220
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,560
Adrian, that doesn't look to me like
221
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,800
you're researching
the Dundas Aqueduct.
222
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:52,040
All right, mate? Found out
where one of them works.
223
00:11:52,075 --> 00:11:54,600
Let's go over there
and fuck shit up.
224
00:11:54,635 --> 00:11:56,005
'Can't, Lee. '
225
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,200
My nan's coming round.
226
00:11:58,235 --> 00:12:00,325
Oh, all right. Fair play.
227
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,405
I'll go on my own,
but keep your phone on
228
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,040
in case I need you to come
over with a you-know-what.
229
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:14,685
Piss off!
230
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,085
It's natural, innit?
231
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,520
What am I meant to do,
put a cork in its arse?
232
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,440
All right, love?
233
00:12:21,475 --> 00:12:23,125
Oh...
234
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,445
bless you, love.
235
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,120
Good for you. Fuck 'em.
236
00:12:26,155 --> 00:12:27,400
Fuck 'em.
237
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,400
Sorry, are you the person
asking about Rhona Fairburn?
238
00:12:35,435 --> 00:12:39,200
Yeah. Well, what it is,
is I'm her ex-boyfriend.
239
00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:40,845
You're James? Yeah, that's me.
240
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,365
James, who's 32 and
a civil engineer?
241
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,540
Yeah, mate. Anyway,
it's a bit embarrassing,
242
00:12:46,575 --> 00:12:49,367
but, basically, she
needs to get herself tested.
243
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:52,160
If you could tell her to
meet me in a half-hour
244
00:12:52,195 --> 00:12:54,085
by the nettles behind McDonald's.
245
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,780
Well, I'm afraid Rhona
isn't actually in today, so...
246
00:12:56,815 --> 00:12:59,440
That's all right. I'll just
come back tomorrow, then.
247
00:12:59,475 --> 00:13:01,760
Am I all right to sit
here and have a Chomp?
248
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,840
Actually, she's not going to
be in for quite some time.
249
00:13:05,875 --> 00:13:08,005
She's on jury duty,
a complex fraud case.
250
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,400
It might take several months,
apparently... Oh, shit.
251
00:13:10,435 --> 00:13:14,680
...but, by all means,
finish your Chomp,
252
00:13:14,715 --> 00:13:16,720
but then do, please, leave quickly.
253
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,520
TV: These days, our money has
to work even harder for us
254
00:13:28,555 --> 00:13:30,685
and one of our biggest expenditures
255
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,240
is on our property.
Last year, we spent...
256
00:13:33,275 --> 00:13:35,237
Hey, guess who texted me?
257
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:37,165
Your number one fan, Jackie.
258
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,720
Well, you shouldn't really
be giving her your number.
259
00:13:39,755 --> 00:13:42,165
She's coming round for a cuppa...
260
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,245
What?.. and she's
bringing her sisters.
261
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,480
And she says there's
someone she wants you to meet.
262
00:13:47,515 --> 00:13:49,525
Oh, God, no. Leanne, tell her no.
263
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,520
Well, to be honest,
she didn't really ask.
264
00:13:51,555 --> 00:13:53,280
She just said she was coming over.
265
00:13:53,315 --> 00:13:54,777
I'm not going to act deaf.
266
00:13:54,812 --> 00:13:56,205
Well, you don't have to.
267
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,605
That's the beauty
of deaf Sarah Penn.
268
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,680
You just sit in the corner
and leave the talking to me.
269
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,400
Fine.
270
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,445
Now...
271
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,920
I got the Fimo out...
272
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:15,520
...and I made you this.
273
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,645
Ta-da!
274
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:21,800
Get that off me.
275
00:14:21,835 --> 00:14:22,840
Right.
276
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,240
You, erm, got some
good news for me, then?
277
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,360
Right, yeah. So, we
found out where they live,
278
00:14:52,395 --> 00:14:55,285
but they ain't been there
in, like, three days.
279
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,080
So, I went to one of their works,
yeah, and spoke to this bitch...
280
00:14:58,115 --> 00:14:59,365
Oi!
281
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,685
Don't call women bitches.
282
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,685
Your mother's a woman. Right, sorry.
283
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,200
Erm, so, yeah, she said that
she's on jury service or some shit
284
00:15:07,235 --> 00:15:08,680
and wouldn't be back for ages.
285
00:15:08,715 --> 00:15:10,005
Shit.
286
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,280
Right, well, they're in
witness protection, then.
287
00:15:12,315 --> 00:15:13,565
How do you know?
288
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,480
Well, when you go
into witness protection
289
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:16,965
and it ain't permanent or nothing,
290
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,480
they tell your work that you're
going to jury duty for...
291
00:15:19,515 --> 00:15:20,925
however long.
292
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,760
Right, well, this is good, though,
mate. Good information. Yeah?
293
00:15:23,795 --> 00:15:26,760
Right, I'll be in
touch with you, yeah.
294
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:28,485
I'm impressed, mate.
295
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,040
You're a proper gangster.
296
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:38,600
HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS
297
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,920
HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS
298
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:02,925
All right, boss?
299
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,800
Daddy's come to Londis.
300
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,200
Oi, boss, put these on my tab, yeah.
301
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:11,400
No tabs, you need to pay for that.
302
00:16:11,435 --> 00:16:14,405
Yeah, fuck that, man.
303
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,120
I come in here every day, man.
304
00:16:16,155 --> 00:16:17,765
Put it on my tab.
305
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:21,080
You don't know who
you're messing with.
306
00:16:21,115 --> 00:16:24,360
This is what your daddy
should have done.
307
00:16:24,395 --> 00:16:26,285
Did you hear me?
308
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,640
Insolent! Now, get out, man!
309
00:16:28,675 --> 00:16:30,725
BELL RINGS
310
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:35,600
HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS
311
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,600
Before I was a carer, I was
actually a corporate lawyer,
312
00:16:45,635 --> 00:16:47,805
but it was all
contracts and paperwork,
313
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,400
and no-one ever talked about love.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
314
00:16:51,435 --> 00:16:53,960
So, one day, I just
walked out of the office,
315
00:16:53,995 --> 00:16:56,240
didn't know where was going,
316
00:16:56,275 --> 00:16:57,805
and I...
317
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,880
I walked into a hospital...
318
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,760
...and I just said...
319
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,125
"How can I help?"
320
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,840
Thank God for people
like you, Mystique, love.
321
00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:12,645
I couldn't do what you do.
322
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,320
Hand on heart, couldn't be fucked.
323
00:17:15,355 --> 00:17:17,960
Told you, didn't I? Like Lady Di.
324
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,245
Well, thanks.
325
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,060
You know, it's so
nice to have visitors,
326
00:17:25,095 --> 00:17:27,840
and I can tell it
means a lot to her.
327
00:17:27,875 --> 00:17:30,137
Look how peaceful she is.
328
00:17:30,172 --> 00:17:32,400
She understands, doesn't she,
329
00:17:32,435 --> 00:17:33,885
all this is for her?
330
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,280
Oh, I'd like to think so, Jackie.
331
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,840
He's upstairs, go on up.
332
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,400
Mate, where's the gun?
333
00:17:59,435 --> 00:18:00,885
What?
334
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,240
Why? I just need it.
335
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,645
For what?
Look, I've been disrespected.
336
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,220
This guy. You don't need
to know, just give it.
337
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,760
We can't just, like, go
around shooting people.
338
00:18:11,795 --> 00:18:13,765
Or what? You think
I can't handle it?
339
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,000
Yeah? Think you're the
big boss man, yeah?
340
00:18:16,035 --> 00:18:17,285
Just cos you shot... Shh!
341
00:18:17,315 --> 00:18:18,800
CAT YELPS
342
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,680
Mate, since when did you have a cat?
343
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,365
I shagged this girl,
so she gave me her cat.
344
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,800
Right, come on! Gareth's
got to have his tea now.
345
00:18:30,835 --> 00:18:32,005
Give me the gun.
346
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,440
No. Get off. No. Get off of...
347
00:18:34,475 --> 00:18:36,120
What the fuck?
348
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,320
Bender.
349
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,805
BUZZER
350
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,445
I wonder who that could be.
351
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,680
Jackie, have you got
something up your sleeve?
352
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,600
Someone's got a visitor, I think.
353
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,720
Mystique, this is
my sister, Michelle.
354
00:19:00,755 --> 00:19:02,125
Michelle, Mystique.
355
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,800
All right. Shell's a dinner
lady at St Wilfred's.
356
00:19:04,835 --> 00:19:06,245
They've got one there.
357
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:10,280
We thought it would be nice if we
brought him round to meet Sarah.
358
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:11,960
This is Nathan.
359
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,360
Sarah, love, this is Nathan!
360
00:19:19,395 --> 00:19:20,840
Nathan is deaf!
361
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,840
Aww.
362
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,405
Don't you love it
when they do all this?
363
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,000
It's like another world, innit?
Go on, then, don't be shy.
364
00:19:38,035 --> 00:19:40,000
Talk to him with your little hands.
365
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,800
Come on! He's got on
two buses to get here.
366
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,125
Ooh, look how excited he is.
367
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,240
I think someone's sweet on someone.
368
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,200
What's wrong with him, Shell?
369
00:20:12,235 --> 00:20:14,085
Maybe he's a bit overtired.
370
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:18,160
He's playing up. You're going
to have to take him home, Shell.
371
00:20:18,195 --> 00:20:20,245
Come on, come on.
372
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,880
I'll see you on Thursday, Shell.
373
00:20:21,915 --> 00:20:23,445
Sorry about that Sarah, love.
374
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,160
They're like a dog with two
dicks at this age, deaf or not.
375
00:20:26,195 --> 00:20:27,720
Oh, my Go...!
376
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,240
What the fuck?
377
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,420
Christ be praised!
378
00:20:40,455 --> 00:20:42,245
It's a miracle!
379
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,400
That African preacher
did the job for you, Saz.
380
00:20:44,435 --> 00:20:46,280
You're healed. Stop it. Just...
381
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,005
I'm not deaf. I'm sorry.
382
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,240
What the hell is
going on with you two?
383
00:20:55,275 --> 00:20:57,320
You're hiding something, I know it.
384
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,525
OK.
385
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:01,965
OK, you're right, Jackie.
386
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,320
We have been hiding something.
SARAH CLEARS THROAT
387
00:21:04,355 --> 00:21:05,800
No. No more lies.
388
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,740
These people deserve
to know the truth.
389
00:21:09,775 --> 00:21:12,125
They're our friends,
we can trust them.
390
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,560
Oh, my... You said you didn't
want to pretend any more.
391
00:21:14,595 --> 00:21:16,600
It's time to come clean
about who we really are.
392
00:21:16,635 --> 00:21:18,120
Right, can we just, say...
393
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,680
Fucking hell.
394
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,645
Yeah.
395
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,400
That's right, everyone,
we are lesbians.
396
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:34,160
We had to flee our last place
because of intolerance.
397
00:21:34,195 --> 00:21:36,337
Remember when Peggy
threw Mark Fowler
398
00:21:36,372 --> 00:21:38,480
out of the Queen Vic for being HIV?
399
00:21:38,515 --> 00:21:40,205
Well, it was like that.
400
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,520
We were nervous about
not being accepted here,
401
00:21:43,555 --> 00:21:47,317
so we decided to live
as a simple deaf girl
402
00:21:47,352 --> 00:21:51,080
and her beautiful carer
as a cover story.
403
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:55,480
Yep, yep, that's what
the situation is.
404
00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:58,840
Thinking about it now,
the plan was mental.
405
00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:00,720
Almost nonsensical, but...
406
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,140
...we're very emotional people.
407
00:22:05,175 --> 00:22:07,040
It was wrong, and I'm sorry...
408
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,660
...but we're just two ordinary girls
409
00:22:11,695 --> 00:22:14,720
driven wild by each other's bodies.
410
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,565
Hey...
411
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,560
now listen to me, Mystique...
412
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,840
...you've got
nothing to apologise for.
413
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:31,160
I'll be honest with you, the
last six months I was in prison,
414
00:22:31,195 --> 00:22:33,117
I went over to fanny myself.
415
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:35,005
Same as my Mark and cock.
416
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,200
Straight as a ruler all
his life but, inside,
417
00:22:37,235 --> 00:22:39,817
you couldn't keep him off it.
418
00:22:39,852 --> 00:22:42,400
That is a lovely story, Julie.
419
00:22:42,435 --> 00:22:43,645
Thank you.
420
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,645
You won't get no grief,
not round here.
421
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,080
And if you do, they'll
have us to answer to.
422
00:22:48,115 --> 00:22:50,285
Right, girls? Thanks, guys.
423
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,640
I'm so glad there's no
more secrets between us.
424
00:22:52,675 --> 00:22:55,205
Also, cos we're
planning to adopt, so...
425
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:59,600
Adopt more stereotypically
lesbian mannerisms,
426
00:22:59,635 --> 00:23:01,960
so, you know, this
doesn't happen again.
427
00:23:01,995 --> 00:23:04,640
No, we're planning to adopt.
428
00:23:04,675 --> 00:23:06,645
Hopefully, a brown one.
429
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,120
She's talking about greyhounds.
430
00:23:09,155 --> 00:23:10,400
An ex-racer.
431
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:16,800
I've always wanted a puppy.
You're going to have a baby with me.
432
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,200
DOOR OPENS
Only me.
433
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,525
Tony!
434
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:27,365
This young man - Ian, is it?
435
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,565
Hmm. This young man,
Ian, is an angel.
436
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,960
Well, I don't know
about that, Mrs Forrest.
437
00:23:32,995 --> 00:23:34,120
Vonne, please.
438
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,885
So, I had a flat tyre
439
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,240
and Ian just happened to
be passing the house
440
00:23:40,275 --> 00:23:42,277
and he stopped, God bless him,
441
00:23:42,312 --> 00:23:44,280
and he changed the tyre for me.
442
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,400
Did he? I think a man should be able
to change a tyre, don't you, Ian?
443
00:23:49,435 --> 00:23:51,200
Tony can't change a light bulb.
444
00:23:51,235 --> 00:23:53,925
KETTLE WHISTLES
445
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,860
Do you take milk and sugar?
446
00:23:55,895 --> 00:23:57,760
Three sugars, please...
447
00:23:57,795 --> 00:23:59,805
Vonne.
448
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,640
I'm afraid it's only Canderel.
449
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,160
Tony has to be careful.
450
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,190
This must be Michael...
451
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:16,840
...and Tonya.
452
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,000
They're a credit to you both.
453
00:24:21,035 --> 00:24:22,925
What are you doing?
454
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:24,960
Why don't you just give
me the names, Tony?
455
00:24:24,995 --> 00:24:27,325
Nice and simple, instead of all this
456
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:30,085
accidentally-give-it-to-the-lawyers
shit.
457
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:33,440
I told you, it's safer
if they can't trace it.
458
00:24:33,475 --> 00:24:36,080
We know they're in
witness protection.
459
00:24:36,115 --> 00:24:39,165
Are they? Oh, bloody hell.
460
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,320
God! It never rains
but it pours, does it?
461
00:24:41,355 --> 00:24:42,925
You knew that'd happen.
462
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,640
Now, I'd take issue
with you there, Ian.
463
00:24:45,675 --> 00:24:48,320
I've always played
you with a straight bat.
464
00:24:48,355 --> 00:24:49,925
You're going to get
us their address.
465
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,840
You know, it's really very
limited what I can do on this.
466
00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:55,817
Sergeant is mainly
a ceremonial role.
467
00:24:55,852 --> 00:24:58,760
Now, Kirsty, she heads
up the admin team,
468
00:24:58,795 --> 00:25:00,685
and a little bird tells me,
469
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,005
when she was off sick last year,
470
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:07,480
she may or may not have been
spotted at Cheltenham racecourse.
471
00:25:07,515 --> 00:25:08,965
Ripe for blackmail,
472
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,640
if you don't mind me telling my
grandmother how to suck...
473
00:25:11,675 --> 00:25:12,840
HE WAILS:.. eggs.
474
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,765
Right, then.
475
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,405
Tony, what are you doing?
476
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,440
I just thought I could see
some... ants on the skirting.
477
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,205
There. Thank you.
478
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,480
Now, Ian, I wanted to give
you something for your trouble
479
00:25:39,515 --> 00:25:41,720
and I won't take...
Ah, now, Mrs Forrest...
480
00:25:41,755 --> 00:25:44,000
I won't take no for an answer.
481
00:25:44,035 --> 00:25:46,405
Well, then, I won't try.
482
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:51,200
It's very kind of you. I'll...
I'll just go and get my purse.
483
00:25:51,235 --> 00:25:52,800
Oops!
484
00:25:58,240 --> 00:25:59,880
Just give me a couple of days.
485
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,640
Hey, I know how much is
in that bottle, Candice.
486
00:26:10,675 --> 00:26:11,840
I've had a pen on it.
487
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,885
Oh, here they are,
the two love-birds.
488
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,680
Just like me and Carl
before it went to shit.
489
00:26:18,715 --> 00:26:20,725
God bless you.
490
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:24,040
Great. So, I don't have
to pretend to be deaf any more,
491
00:26:24,075 --> 00:26:27,520
but we do have to
constantly pretend to be an item
492
00:26:27,555 --> 00:26:29,480
in and around the estates.
493
00:26:29,515 --> 00:26:30,885
I think it's genius.
494
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,360
Although you'll probably have
to shave a bit of your hair,
495
00:26:33,395 --> 00:26:35,440
cos you're obviously the butch one.
496
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,440
Leanne, we can stop
holding hands now, you know.
497
00:26:39,475 --> 00:26:41,200
Yeah, I know.
498
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:47,620
This...
499
00:26:47,655 --> 00:26:49,165
Us...
500
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:50,365
It's over.
501
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:51,805
Where is the address?
502
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:54,520
Rest assured, I am working on it.
503
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,805
Wipe your own arse.
504
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,120
We need to find out what's
inside that bear, Leanne.
505
00:27:01,155 --> 00:27:02,480
I'm opening it up.
506
00:27:02,515 --> 00:27:03,845
THEY SCREAM
507
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,400
Oh, God. What is it?
508
00:27:06,435 --> 00:27:08,560
GUNSHOT
508
00:27:09,305 --> 00:28:09,928
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