Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,280
Abb�! Abb�!
2
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:06,794
Abb�!
3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,069
Abb�!
4
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,000
(Electric whirring)
5
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,594
� I don't want this, Freddie.
� It's a gift.
6
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,638
Bribe me any way you like,
I'm not house�sitting.
7
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,678
Put it on your neck,
it gives you Shiatsu massage.
8
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,070
Look. You put it here. See?
9
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,835
Oh, that's... Oh, I can feel that.
10
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,036
And that goes right down...
11
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,680
(Cracking)
12
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,115
I think I may have
got a nerve there.
13
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,838
Oh, so that's what it's for.
14
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,070
I can't feel my thighs.
15
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,516
If you do change your mind...
16
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,910
I won't. Bye, bye!
17
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,398
Corkscrew. Corkscrew. Manny!
18
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:03,993
Manny!
19
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,151
(Rustling)
20
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:15,920
� (Squeaki
ki
� Ah! "9
21
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,480
Manny, Manny, Manny...
22
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,279
� Will you stop shouting at me?
� Sorry.
23
00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:24,830
Your hair looks amazing.
Where's the corkscrew?
24
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:29,630
I don't know where anything is.
It's like Dresden back there.
25
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,791
� It isn't that bad.
- tis.
26
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,315
For one thing,
didn't you have a cat?
27
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,198
Oh, yeah. Where'd he go?
28
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,430
� I found him.
� Nipsy! Brilliant.
29
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,431
No. You don't want to see him.
30
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:44,150
� Ooh, ow, ow!
� What's up with you?
31
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:47,039
I get terrible cramp
when I'm stressed.
32
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,758
Why are you stressed?
33
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:52,151
I open the fridge, there's shin
bandages next to the cheese.
34
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,914
� That's just a little...
� There's jam in the bath.
35
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,311
� Oh, come on!
� You're a filth wizard.
36
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,279
Friend only to the pig and the rat.
37
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,636
Ugh. Look.
38
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,998
Pizza. I was gonna warm and eat
it later. Everybody does that.
39
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,630
That's normal. You want things
to complain about.
40
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,677
And what are these?
41
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:15,880
Wasps.
42
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,829
Everything's covered in filth. Look.
43
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,395
The whole place is a complete mess.
You can't find anything.
44
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:32,838
Right now, I'm eating scrambled
egg with a comb, from a shoe!
45
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,356
I really must insist
you send someone immediately.
46
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,113
All right, later today.
47
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,396
Tomorrow, then. But first thing.
48
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,472
All right, after lunch.
But just after lunch.
49
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,517
Six o'clock. Perfect.
50
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,073
lalalalala
51
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,720
You are wearing a dress.
52
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,838
What do you...what do you think?
53
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,752
� Occasion?
� I've got a date.
54
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,673
Ben. Divorc�, very good-looking.
55
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,876
Nice arse.
56
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,954
� A first for me.
� You've never had a nice one?
57
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,635
No. And I know they exist
cos I've seen them on the telly.
58
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,677
You? Had one?
59
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,351
It was when I went with Janine
60
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,558
and I don't know if it was nice,
but it was...huge.
61
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,393
So there was this tremendous
sense of value.
62
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:55,758
Well, to be honest, if he had
three arses I wouldn't care.
63
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,229
I've read this sentence 25 times.
64
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,153
This guy's special,
he's not like the others.
65
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:02,753
He's not another Curt.
66
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,877
The violinist? He seemed all right.
67
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,157
No, he was very gum�diseasey.
68
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,880
Or Raymond. Do you remember Raymond?
69
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,679
What was his thing?
Didn't he live with his mother?
70
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,512
Yeah.
71
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,511
In a car.
72
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,877
� Tactics?
� I'm gonna be really good.
73
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,315
I'm not gonna say anything stupid.
74
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:28,076
I'm not gonna be nervous.
Just nice and responsive and caring.
75
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,595
On no account
must he see the real you.
76
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,069
No, no.
77
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,595
� Fran.
� Yeah?
78
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,399
It's a very nice dress.
79
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,596
(Exuberant forced laughter)
80
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,635
What's that?
81
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,678
It's my new laugh with a turn?
82
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,236
The turn's all right. Lose the laugh.
83
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,713
(Door closes)
84
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,794
� Dirty.
� Ah!
85
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:02,838
� Who are you?
� Who am I?
86
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:04,957
I'll tell you who I am.
87
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,270
I'm the cleaner.
88
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:15,309
Second degree unspecified
soiling, zones B through K.
89
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:19,997
North ceiling corner.
90
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:24,392
Cobweb containing a number
of deceased arachnids...
91
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,879
with beans.
92
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,958
Why did you call this man
into my house?
93
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,510
I love toffee. Don't know why
I don't eat toffee all the time.
94
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,398
Ow! My tooth!
95
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,471
� Ow!
� I'm asking you a question!
96
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:42,235
� Why did you get this freak?
� I had to. You made me.
97
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:46,359
Well, I don't trust him.
He has no nasal hair!
98
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:50,070
Anyway, why do we need him?
The place isn't that bad.
99
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,839
This is going to take some time.
100
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,992
Everything's very...dirty.
101
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:07,109
You have grime under the taps,
that's very nasty.
102
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:11,512
The state of the bathroom
is...shameful.
103
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,830
And the dust... Oh, the dust.
104
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,991
The place isn't that dusty!
105
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,797
The worst thing is the cups.
106
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:31,034
Yes. You have very, very dusty...
107
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:32,474
cups.
108
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,598
I want to clean your dusty cups
from the inside out.
109
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,320
OK, I'm just gonna go
and sit over here.
110
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,233
Anything else about cleaning,
you can ask Manny.
111
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,676
Very well.
Do you have anywhere to stay?
112
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:48,355
So that I can get to...work?
113
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,078
We have to leave the house?
114
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,879
Oh, this is a big job.
You can stay if you want to.
115
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,951
Some people prefer to leave.
116
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,951
Freddie asked us to house�sit.
117
00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:00,112
We're not going anywhere!
We're not house�sitting.
118
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,077
What are you doing?
119
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,834
Some ash fell, I'm just
wiping it into my trousers.
120
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,309
Filthy...
121
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,710
Whatever am I
going to do with you?
122
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,040
It's terribly sweet of both of you.
123
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,714
It's marvellous you can
look after the place.
124
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,155
Pleasure.
125
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,913
(Shattering)
126
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,639
� Sorry.
� Sorry.
127
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,313
Sorry.
128
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,313
We may have been drinking before.
129
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,232
No, no, I'm sorry.
130
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,039
It was clearly
a very silly place to put it.
131
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,714
We have another one, although...
132
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,599
I would ask you
to be careful of that
133
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:43,911
because it is the only one
left in the world...now.
134
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,911
Erm, heating.
135
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:50,039
Ah, I see you're an aficionado
of, er...paintings.
136
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:51,440
Oh, yes, yes.
137
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,998
(Manny) It's a cow.
138
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:57,718
Mm. Yes.
139
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,189
- You like art?
� Oh, yes.
140
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:04,035
Especially late...art.
141
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:08,273
Yes. I mean, the way
he's captured the...look,
142
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:12,354
the cow's looking over there,
we can't see what the cow's seeing.
143
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:16,752
Maybe the art is saying
cows know something we don't.
144
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:20,959
Yes. It's French,
apparently, from the Dutch school.
145
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,874
� Yes. Brown.
� I don't know what his name is.
146
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:29,238
The timer, the thermostat,
the thingy, control.
147
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,755
� It's in the cellar. Follow me.
- OK.
148
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,751
Manny, I have to go and wee�wee.
149
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,751
Now, this is very important.
150
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,876
..poured it all over the canap�.
151
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,110
(Exuberant forced laughter)
152
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:49,433
� That's an unusual laugh.
� Is it? Sorry.
153
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,672
What's wrong with your wine?
154
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,751
Nothing. I just drink slowly.
155
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,070
I get undressed slowly.
156
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,592
� I think I can manage that.
� (Laughing)
157
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,751
That's on, that's off.
158
00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:11,799
No, no. That's on, that's off.
159
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:17,713
Oh, and, ah...please feel free
to enjoy the wine
160
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,757
but this is very important.
161
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,990
Anything here is fine,
162
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,038
you can drink
as many bottles as you want.
163
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:30,991
But these ten here,
now, please, don't touch them.
164
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,434
Don't even move them.
165
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,557
� These are very special.
� Right.
166
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:38,349
I'm presenting one to the Pope
at the end of the month.
167
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,511
Really? Wow. What for?
168
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,353
Oh, I have a cousin
who's a Cardinal, Roy.
169
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,319
And these trumped up charges,
170
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:50,951
some nonsense about him punching
Sophia Loren in a nightclub.
171
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:54,635
And the Pope, who really is
a lovely, lovely man,
172
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,792
he made the whole thing...go away.
173
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,431
There are some books on wine
upstairs as well.
174
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,717
Sometimes it's jolly
to know what one's drinking.
175
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,235
Ah, Bernard,
Manny will fill you in.
176
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,596
I must just say goodbye to the dogs.
177
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,354
� Right, what's the thing?
� Very simple.
178
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,751
� Very simple, very simple.
� OK, so what is it? What?
179
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:20,151
We can only drink
these ten bottles here.
180
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,311
� Just these?
� Yeah. These...
181
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,869
completely out of bounds �
can't touch.
182
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,078
� Just these ones, then?
� These, just these ones.
183
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:32,358
OK. Thank God you were here,
I'd have said the other way around.
184
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,550
(Slurring) Old wine is good wine.
185
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,155
(Slurring) Yes. But...
186
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,949
expensive wine is good wine also.
187
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:51,194
Yes. But the older the wine is,
the gooder it is.
188
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,517
Ah. But by the same token,
189
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:59,515
the more expensive the wine,
then the gooder it is also.
190
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,991
� Look at the colours.
- Yeah.
191
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,914
AlL..all the colours. Well, yellow.
192
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,994
This is like...
a farmyard of...of wine.
193
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,637
It's like looking into
the eye of a duck.
194
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:21,437
And sucking all the fluid
from its beak.
195
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:26,196
..touch�. And because you win,
you get to go to the cellar.
196
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,112
Hey!
197
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,871
Music's a bit boring, isn't it?
198
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,349
I wonder if they'd let me
put my tape on?
199
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,192
All my favourite songs on here.
200
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,794
I'm a giant ear...
201
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,236
waiting for your songs of niceness.
202
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:11,638
Will you just
look at these...breasts?
203
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,112
Wait until you hear this.
204
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,510
( Swing trumpet intro)
205
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,558
(Humming)
206
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,677
Ah! Wine! Ah ha ha!
207
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,872
No, no, no!
208
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,520
Drink me! Drink me! Drink me!
209
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:36,116
Boys, boys, boys. You!
210
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,240
�Le Vin du Rosier.�
211
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,755
That'll do.
212
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,672
Got one!
213
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,316
Aha, more fuel.
Hand over, thank you.
214
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,112
Mind your leg...
215
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,759
(Drill whirring)
216
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,194
(Pop!)
217
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,873
(Laughing)
218
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,349
It was a crazy, crazy time for me.
219
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,477
A short spell in the navy.
220
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,837
Ooh. Climb aboard,
Cap...Captain.
221
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,673
And now I'm in antiques.
Unbelievable.
222
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,593
Wow. Quite the renaissance man.
223
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,956
About then my divorce came through
224
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,237
and I've never been able
to settle on one woman since.
225
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,312
It's like I'm...
Oh, I don't know, cruising.
226
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,550
Oh, oh!
227
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:10,635
..and California and I've
sipped champagne from a shoe
228
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,029
(Humming)
229
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:21,909
(Machine whirrs)
230
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,911
(Chuckling)
231
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,792
Look. Bernard.
232
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,793
Bernard. Look. Bernard.
233
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,235
Bernard. Look.
234
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,870
Bernard. Bernard. Bernard.
235
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,919
Bernard. Bernard. Look, Bernard.
236
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,038
Bernard. Bernard! Bernard, look.
237
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:49,990
Bernard. Bernard.
Bernard. Bernard, look.
238
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,356
Look. Look, Bernard.
239
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,159
Bernard. Bernard, look.
240
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,278
Look. Bernard. Bernard.
241
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:00,994
� Bernard!
� What?!
242
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,232
Look. I'm a prostitute robot
from the future.
243
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,553
Yes. Listen to the rubbish
in this book.
244
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,514
"Don't drink burgundy in a boat.�
245
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,558
What does that mean?
Wine is just for enjoyment.
246
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,154
You speak the truth, my friend.
Look at this.
247
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:24,598
I looked this up.
It says it's worth �7,000!
248
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,354
Nonsense.
That's the normal, everyday...
249
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,831
normal everyday drinking wine
Freddie gave us,
250
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,072
not the really expensive
out�of�bounds stuff.
251
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:38,552
That's from the cheap and dusty
wine on the...on the right.
252
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,951
Not the clean,
expensive wine on the left.
253
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,679
Not the, not the...
that's the cheap and dusty.
254
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,434
Not the clean, expensive...
255
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:56,071
Now that I think of it, there's
stickers from Londis on them.
256
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,551
There isn't any chance,
is there, that you somehow
257
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,473
managed to direct us to drink
not the cheap wine
258
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,359
but the unbelievably rare
and expensive wine?
259
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,353
(Inhaling deeply)
260
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,431
How much did you say the wine cost?!
261
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,478
Seven...thousand pounds.
262
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,154
Well, I've got �3.50 on me.
What have you got?
263
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,959
Don't panic.
Is that what you're doing?
264
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,156
Yes. I'm sort of dancing
in a panicky way.
265
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,790
Well, stop. We'll think about this
and figure a way out.
266
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,917
Here's a thought.
267
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,038
Don't say no immediately
cos it could sound crazy.
268
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:33,431
Could we...burn down the house?
269
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,194
No, that's absurd.
Think, Bernard, think!
270
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,320
� What about a gift?
� Oh! A gift.
271
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,914
� But it'd have to be perfect.
� Yes.
272
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,991
A really nice box of pencils?
273
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,400
� No.
� I mean...
274
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,073
a REALLY nice box.
275
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:55,233
No. If you're gonna give the guy
pencils for drinking his wine,
276
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,834
you're talking about,
you know, magic pencils.
277
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,150
You draw a cow,
the cow comes to life!
278
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,799
Yeah. Sorry, yeah.
279
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,996
We'll make some more!
280
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,390
We'll use the cheap stuff,
nobody'll know.
281
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,518
But this cost �7,000.
He's presenting this to the Pope!
282
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,877
� He won't know.
� He's used to the finer things.
283
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:16,794
It's all waffle! Nobody will
admit wine doesn't have a taste.
284
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,712
But you can't taste anything.
285
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,474
You smoke eight bajillion
cigarettes a day!
286
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,198
� What's that?
� What?
287
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,840
� What are you eating?
� A delicious biscuit.
288
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,150
It's a coaster.
289
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,356
Is it? Are there more? Anyway...
290
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,876
� Do they describe the wine?
� Yes, I think so.
291
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,553
� Ow! Ohhh!
� What?
292
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,314
Cramp.
I'm very stressed, very stressed.
293
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,799
Use the Shiatsu machine.
294
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,234
(Whirring)
295
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,038
Oh, yeah...
296
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,554
Ah! Oh! Ow!
297
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,473
Oh! Ow! Oh!
298
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,471
Ah! Oh!
299
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,235
So, Ben. Who's the real Ben, Ben?
300
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,517
What can I tell you?
Didn't have a good time at school.
301
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,160
� Didn't feel comfortable?
� Mmm.
302
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,913
� So I sort of...
� Retreated?
303
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,879
� Into a private fantasy world?
- Yeah.
304
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,871
� I always...
� Got on well with women?
305
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,951
� And...
� They helped you feel normal.
306
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,678
� But...
� Something was wrong.
307
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:14,435
Something that occasionally
stops you sleeping.
308
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,989
How could you possibly know all this?
309
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,640
Just a hunch.
310
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,757
Tell me, Ben.
311
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,714
How many times a day
do you talk to your mother?
312
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,518
Eh? God, I don't know.
313
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,797
I mean, the normal amount �
four, five times a day?
314
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,879
Yes.
315
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,749
Ben, I've got something to tell you.
316
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,151
And it might come as a bit
of a shock, but you are...
317
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,278
No. Question.
318
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:50,000
What do the following people
have in common?
319
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,516
Elton John, lan McKellan,
Jean�Paul Gaultier.
320
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,951
Well, they're all fabulous.
321
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,238
What are you doing?
322
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,199
I'm chewing the cork
to get it back in the bottle.
323
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,112
� Ow! Oh!
� What?
324
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,760
My tooth! It's come loose. It hurts!
325
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,480
A trace of vanilla.
Do we have any vanilla?
326
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,278
� lce cream?
� Yes! Yes!
327
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,715
(Garbled)
I'lL check the freezer.
328
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,518
(Thunder cracks)
329
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,880
(Gibbering)
330
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,316
They'd all laugh at me if they
knew what I was trying to do.
331
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,951
To create a new superwine with
a fraction of nature's resources
332
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,270
and a FOOL for an assistant.
333
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:37,671
"Bernard Black, he's mad!�
they'd say. "He's dangerous.�
334
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,990
I'll show them! I'll show them all!
335
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,276
(Garbled) I have returned!
336
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:46,069
� Nutmeg! We need nutmeg!
� Nutmeg!
337
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,674
It's my destiny!
My legacy to the world!
338
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,878
Anything else?
With the limp, I'm getting tired.
339
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,349
� Just get the nutmeg!
� Nutmeg!
340
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,717
� Oh, it's just here.
� Ah.
341
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,110
"An oaky finish.� Oak! Oak!
342
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,396
To the front garden!
343
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,312
(Thunder cracks)
344
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,193
(Church bells toll)
345
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,998
What is this?
346
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,311
This isn't oak!
Why did you get so much?
347
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,357
(Bernard screaming)
348
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,639
(Bernard screaming, Manny moaning)
349
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:29,031
Manny, get back in! Get back in!
350
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,279
Here it is! Yes!
351
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,760
Now, dust, dust.
352
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:09,037
He'll never know.
He'll never know!
353
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:13,079
It's all so clear.
I've been fighting this all my life.
354
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,755
Why am I fighting it?
Thank you, Fran.
355
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,514
You've saved my life,
you have saved my life!
356
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,672
(Muffled) I'm really...
very, very happy for you.
357
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,355
Happy. I'm happy.
Really. I'm so happy.
358
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,953
Jam�jam�jam, jam�jam�jam
359
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,555
(Humming)
360
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,198
Bleugh.
361
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,553
Sorry. Oh, hello.
362
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,520
That is a very, very nice dress.
Paper?
363
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,517
� Another date?
� Yep.
364
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,114
This time I might be onto something.
365
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,396
He's a very interesting young man.
366
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,871
� You know him, actually.
� Really? Who?
367
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,359
(Fran) Bye, Bernard.
368
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,751
� Dirty.
� Oh, you flirt.
369
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:18,989
Dirty!
370
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,390
(Door shuts)
371
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:29,957
� Oh, my God.
� What?
372
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,670
� Oh, my God!
� What? What?
373
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,395
It's the 19th. It's my birthday!
27322
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof