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1
00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:08,131
Just hanging around
with my head in a spin
2
00:00:08,140 --> 00:00:10,609
But there is no need
to scream and shout
3
00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:14,090
We're not going out
4
00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:17,331
We are not going out.
5
00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:20,659
KNOCK AT DOOR
6
00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,419
I need your help, Lucy.
7
00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:26,093
Come in.
8
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:28,216
Er, it's not the best time, Anna.
9
00:00:28,220 --> 00:00:31,212
Oh, don't apologise,
it's chaos at our house too.
10
00:00:31,220 --> 00:00:36,579
Toby forgot to soak my oats
last night, so I'm not happy.
11
00:00:36,900 --> 00:00:40,018
Neither am I with that image
in me head.
12
00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:42,534
So what's up?
13
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:46,096
You know Toby and I
are going to Sicily in August.
14
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,216
I'm arranging a little surprise
while we're there.
15
00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:50,496
Oh, are you having him whacked
by the mafia?
16
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,776
Don't be childish, Lee.
Of course I'm not.
17
00:00:52,780 --> 00:00:54,896
Oh, well, looks like he'll have
to shoot himself.
18
00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:58,370
I'm planning to spring
a little Italian on him.
19
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:01,736
Oh, you ARE having him
whacked by the mafia.
20
00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:04,493
I'm learning the language,
and I need your help.
21
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,537
I had my first Italian lesson
last night,
22
00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:08,936
and I covered for it
by saying I'd been here.
23
00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:12,092
If Toby happens to mention it
to you, would you back me up?
24
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:13,852
Yeah, of course we will. No problem.
25
00:01:13,860 --> 00:01:16,249
Lee's seeing him later.
26
00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:19,575
I do want to keep these lessons
a secret.
27
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,413
Whenever we go abroad,
Toby's always the one
28
00:01:22,420 --> 00:01:24,980
who speaks to the waiters
and the taxi drivers.
29
00:01:25,260 --> 00:01:28,776
This is my opportunity to take
the smug bastard down a peg or two.
30
00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:30,851
Yes, great idea.
31
00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:31,975
We won't tell
32
00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:34,813
Spirito di Punto.
33
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,896
I'm not happy about this.
34
00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:43,570
Toby's my mate.
I don't want to lie to him.
35
00:01:43,580 --> 00:01:46,777
Right, so when you wouldn't drive
him to the airport a few weeks ago,
36
00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:48,817
that's because you really
did have Covid?
37
00:01:48,820 --> 00:01:50,970
Might have had.
Those tests are very confusing.
38
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,971
At one point,
I even thought I was pregnant.
39
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:56,857
What if I get my story wrong?
40
00:01:57,060 --> 00:02:01,099
Get it wrong? You're not going
undercover with the Taliban.
41
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:03,614
Anna came round for a cup of tea
and then went home.
42
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:05,133
Yeah, but how does she have her tea?
43
00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:06,539
Same way I do.
44
00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:14,615
Course I do.
45
00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:16,055
How?
46
00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:17,698
Hot.
47
00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:19,928
Well, there you go.
48
00:02:20,260 --> 00:02:23,616
Anna came round for a hot cup
of tea. You'll be fine.
49
00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:26,499
Yeah, but what if Toby asks us
both about it?
50
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,457
Our stories need to match.
51
00:02:28,460 --> 00:02:29,575
Anna came round.
52
00:02:29,580 --> 00:02:32,572
You gave her a cup of tea -
Earl Grey, oat milk, no sugar.
53
00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:34,651
We offered her a Jaffa Cake,
which she declined,
54
00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:37,089
and we talked about holidays.
55
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:39,774
Is that a rich enough back story
for you, Daniel Day-Lewis?
56
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:42,420
Fine.
57
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:45,014
He probably won't even mention
she was round here.
58
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:47,648
I understand Anna was
round at your place last night.
59
00:02:50,980 --> 00:02:52,539
Yep.
60
00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:54,571
I made her an Earl Grey
with oat milk,
61
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,697
no sugar,
and we talked about holidays.
62
00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,177
She didn't want a Jaffa Cake.
63
00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:05,809
And how many times
did she go to the toilet?
64
00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:08,130
One. No, two.
65
00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:11,372
One time, for a number two.
66
00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:15,658
I'm only making small talk,
67
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,577
I don't need every little detail.
68
00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:22,817
Bollocks.
69
00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:24,334
That's a bit harsh.
70
00:03:24,340 --> 00:03:26,854
I mean, what outfit? What about it?
71
00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:29,773
I don't notice people's outfits.
72
00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,215
Oh, come on.
I know you noticed it really.
73
00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:35,178
How could you not? It was a bit...
74
00:03:35,220 --> 00:03:36,733
.you know, wasn't it?
75
00:03:38,660 --> 00:03:40,173
Yeah.
76
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:44,294
Yeah, it was a bit, er...
77
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:46,576
It's all right. You can say.
78
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:49,019
I can't.
79
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:51,934
Well, let me help you out.
80
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:56,616
I mean, it... It wasn't
exactly conservative, was it?
81
00:03:56,740 --> 00:03:58,890
I know the word you're looking for,
you know.
82
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,698
Tarty.
83
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:02,008
Oh...
84
00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:06,048
Revealing!
85
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:10,092
And very unlike Anna.
86
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:14,294
We're hardly seeing each other
at the moment,
87
00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:18,413
I'm working all the time, and she's
either back late from a night out
88
00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:20,570
or off to the gym or something.
89
00:04:20,580 --> 00:04:24,619
Tonight, she's got a beauty
treatment straight after work.
90
00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:26,975
Ships that pass in the night.
91
00:04:26,980 --> 00:04:29,540
More like ships that scrape up
against each other.
92
00:04:30,860 --> 00:04:32,453
Fire off the odd volley.
93
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:37,649
Every now and again, make
a half-hearted attempt to board.
94
00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:41,531
Generally met with resistance.
95
00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:46,975
Let's leave it there before we
get to the terrible loss of seamen.
96
00:04:51,780 --> 00:04:54,613
I hope she's not having
some sort of midlife crisis.
97
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:56,691
I'm sure everything's fine.
98
00:04:56,740 --> 00:04:58,617
Nah, I'm probably
worrying about nothing.
99
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:01,733
And she's obviously having fun.
Especially at yours last night,
100
00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:03,617
She wasn't back till after midnight.
101
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:04,928
Wasn't she?!
102
00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:06,368
I mean...
103
00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:08,690
.wasn't she!
104
00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:10,099
And if it is a midlife crisis,
105
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,853
there are worse symptoms
than having a makeover.
106
00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:14,931
I mean, at least she's not
having an affair, right?
107
00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:26,368
We have got a problem.
108
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:27,774
Ah, let me guess.
109
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:30,454
You told him
some overly complicated lie,
110
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:32,974
and now we've got to pretend
we're Bulgarian folk dancers.
111
00:05:34,340 --> 00:05:37,651
No. Good, because I'm not
going through all that again.
112
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,737
I think Anna might be
up to something,
113
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:45,612
She is.
114
00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:51,419
She's having Italian lessons.
115
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:56,011
And what's Italian for
"having an affair"?
116
00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:59,854
Bruschetta?
117
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,851
Well, it means a bit on the side.
118
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:06,013
Who the hell is she supposed
to be having an affair with?
119
00:06:06,180 --> 00:06:07,375
I don't know.
120
00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:08,893
The Italian teacher.
121
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:11,449
She didn't get back last night
until after mid right.
122
00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:13,098
It's a bit late for lessons,
st it?
123
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,738
And she's bought
a whole new wardrobe.
124
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:17,414
Probably for the Italian teacher
to hide in.
125
00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:21,577
Look, Anna tells me everything.
126
00:06:21,780 --> 00:06:25,250
I went shopping with her a few days
ago. She would have confided in me.
127
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,649
Oh, yeah? Buying new clothes,
was she?
128
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:31,933
Oh, good God.
129
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,410
Buying new underwear
doesn't mean you're cheating.
130
00:06:35,420 --> 00:06:38,048
I mean, if you cheated on me
every time you bought new underwear,
131
00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:39,459
you'd...
132
00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:43,774
...never have cheated.
133
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:47,056
Are you telling me
that you would not be suspicious
134
00:06:47,460 --> 00:06:49,258
if I started wearing
fancy underpants?
135
00:06:49,260 --> 00:06:52,378
I'd be suspicious if you started
washing your underpants.
136
00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:57,418
So is Toby suspicious?
137
00:06:57,420 --> 00:07:00,776
No, because we gave her an alibi,
didn't we?
138
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:03,454
I'm going to have to talk to him.
139
00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:05,178
Don't you dare!
140
00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:06,813
Lucy, are you telling me
141
00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:09,050
that if Anna is having sex
with some strange man,
142
00:07:09,380 --> 00:07:10,973
I'm supposed to just sit by
and watch?
143
00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:15,411
I am being used as an accessory.
144
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,538
Well, I hope you've got
new batteries.
145
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:22,294
Look, I don't for one second
think Anna's sleeping with someone.
146
00:07:22,620 --> 00:07:24,816
But even if she is,
it's none of our business,
147
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:28,495
especially given that you haven't
even got any proper evidence.
148
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:29,854
Fair point.
149
00:07:29,860 --> 00:07:31,692
Where are you going?
150
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,930
To get proper evidence.
151
00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:37,410
Apparently, she's having a
beauty treatment after work today.
152
00:07:37,420 --> 00:07:38,933
But is she?
153
00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:42,818
Yes, probably.
154
00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:45,290
All right, maybe she is.
155
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:48,531
But why is she having
a beauty treatment?
156
00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:50,975
So, to clarify,
if she's having a beauty treatment,
157
00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:52,209
she's having an affair,
158
00:07:52,340 --> 00:07:55,139
But if she's not having a beauty
treatment, she's having an affair.
159
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:57,211
Don't forget to dunk her
in the river as well
160
00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:58,449
and see if she's a witch.
161
00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:02,294
Don't worry, I already know
the answer to that one.
162
00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:15,809
MUSIC: Pink Panther theme
163
00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:01,455
DOG BARKS
164
00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:24,456
Good afternoon. How can I help you?
165
00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:28,738
I, uh, wanted to enquire
about a reservation I've made.
166
00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:30,811
Sure. Have you got the booking
reference number?
167
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,731
Actually, that's why I'm here.
168
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,414
I've made a booking
for this Friday night, room 23,
169
00:09:35,420 --> 00:09:38,412
but like an idiot ,I've gone
and lost the confirmation email.
170
00:09:38,420 --> 00:09:40,331
That's all right.
When you arrive on Friday,
171
00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:41,569
you can check in with your name
172
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:43,696
and the credit card you used
to make the reservation.
173
00:09:43,780 --> 00:09:46,738
Oh, good.
174
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:49,419
Well, thank you very much.
175
00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:57,897
Just double checking.
176
00:09:57,900 --> 00:10:03,851
Room 23 is a...romantic room,
st it?
177
00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:05,374
The honeymoon suite, in fact.
178
00:10:05,380 --> 00:10:07,815
I guarantee
you won't be disappointed.
179
00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:11,415
Uh, and I can confirm your order
for champagne and flowers
180
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:13,451
will be in the room on arrival.
181
00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:14,973
Thank you.
182
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,938
CAMERA CLICKS
183
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:19,056
well, I'll..
I'll see you on Friday.
184
00:10:22,260 --> 00:10:23,614
Oh, excuse me.
185
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:26,050
Oh, ha!
186
00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:29,419
Thanks.
187
00:10:34,020 --> 00:10:36,580
Can I help you find anything
back there, sir?
188
00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:40,255
No, I'm just checking out your rack.
189
00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:45,531
Security to reception, please.
190
00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:55,290
So how was your stalking expedition?
191
00:10:56,340 --> 00:10:58,217
"Stalking� makes it sound sinister.
192
00:10:58,340 --> 00:11:00,058
I was just following Anna..
193
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,653
.Without her knowing...
194
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:04,248
.and taking photos.
195
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:05,853
So what happened?
196
00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:08,329
She didn't go for
a beauty treatment.
197
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,457
She went straight into a hotel
198
00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:14,169
to confirm a booking she's got
for this Friday in a romantic room.
199
00:11:14,180 --> 00:11:15,773
Room 23. I remembered it
200
00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:19,091
because it's the same shirt number
David Beckham had at Real Madrid.
201
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:22,655
See?
Now you're concerned, aren't you?
202
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:24,537
I'm concerned you need
a special technique
203
00:11:24,740 --> 00:11:26,219
to remember a two-digit number.
204
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:29,051
Has it occurred to you,
even for a second,
205
00:11:29,380 --> 00:11:31,849
that she might have booked that room
for her and Toby?
206
00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:35,494
Well, why would she bock
the romantic room? They're married.
207
00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:39,415
I don't suppose we can pretend
I never said that?
208
00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:43,215
Maybe they're trying to put a bit
of magic back in their marriage.
209
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:46,930
Siegfried and Roy couldn't put
the magic back in their marriage.
210
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,051
One night in a hotel room's
not going to do it.
211
00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:51,734
Well, it's better than a two-for-one
meal deal at Wetherspoon's
212
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:53,578
followed by a night
at the Travelodge.
213
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:56,015
I told you at the time,
214
00:11:56,020 --> 00:11:58,409
a fourth wedding anniversary
is not a round number.
215
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:01,492
I'm telling you,
it'll be a surprise for Toby,
216
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:05,130
so keep quiet, and more importantly,
keep your nose out.
217
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:06,699
KNOCK AT DOOR
218
00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:12,932
Oh, hello!
219
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,931
It's fine.
220
00:12:14,940 --> 00:12:16,499
How's the Italian going?
221
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,059
Like a steam train?
222
00:12:20,220 --> 00:12:21,938
So what can we do for you, Anna?
223
00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:24,819
First of all, I want to thank you
both for covering for me last night.
224
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:27,369
Our pleasure.
225
00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:28,808
Well, not just ours.
226
00:12:30,340 --> 00:12:34,174
And secondly, I want to ask
another favour, I'm afraid.
227
00:12:34,180 --> 00:12:36,979
It's about this Friday night.
228
00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:39,017
Have you got plans?
229
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:41,614
This Friday?
230
00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:44,692
As in the Friday
at the end of this week?
231
00:12:44,740 --> 00:12:46,492
It's the only night
I can squeeze him in,
232
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,729
Don't.
233
00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:53,818
In fact, he can't see me
until late evening,
234
00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:57,769
and I'm having a double lesson,
so I won't get back until very late.
235
00:12:57,780 --> 00:12:59,930
And I'm worried if I get back home
late again,
236
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,733
Toby's going to start wondering
what's really going on.
237
00:13:05,540 --> 00:13:09,534
Which is what?
238
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:15,172
So I wondered if you could tell Toby
I'm coming here again,
239
00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:18,411
and this time, say I'm staying over.
240
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:20,775
Oh, so you want to stay over here?
241
00:13:20,780 --> 00:13:23,056
No! Don't be ridiculous.
242
00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:28,130
No, no. I just want to tell Toby
I'm staying here,
243
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:32,896
but actually, I'll just get a hotel
near where the lessons are.
244
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:35,289
Be quite nice, having a bed
to myself. Bit of "me� time.
245
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,735
Or "we" time.
246
00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:40,414
Not everybody sees hotel beds
as "wee" time.
247
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:46,091
I was very drunk.
And would you stop banging on
248
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:48,092
about our fourth wedding
anniversary?
249
00:13:49,420 --> 00:13:51,775
The thing is, Anna,
I don't think we can...
250
00:13:51,820 --> 00:13:54,050
No problem at all, Anna.
We'll do that for you.
251
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:56,211
Of course.
252
00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:58,331
Anything to help a friend
253
00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:00,411
secretly get her mouth round
a bit of Italian.
254
00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:02,770
Ha! Sounds rude.
255
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:04,657
I was going to say cunning linguist.
256
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:09,175
The lying cow!
257
00:14:09,180 --> 00:14:11,694
So why have you just agreed
to help her with another alibi?
258
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,692
Because I am going to invite Toby
out for a drink on Friday night,
259
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:18,694
and we might just find ourselves
in a certain hotel bar.
260
00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:21,050
That way, he can see it
with his own eyes
261
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,937
instead of me having to tell him.
262
00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:26,092
Overnight Italian lessons
in a hotel room?
263
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:28,489
That is an actual name
of a porno video...
264
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:31,700
I bet.
265
00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:45,615
I was supposed to be
at a work leaving party tonight,
266
00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:48,578
But don't worry,
you're not spoiling my evening.
267
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:53,412
Give it a chance. The night is
young.
268
00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:57,778
Al those over-the�top goodbyes.
269
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:01,730
I hate it when people get drunk
and overly sentimental
270
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,369
I would rather be
on a Friday night out
271
00:15:05,380 --> 00:15:08,975
with my best mate
in the whole wide world.
272
00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:11,779
Steady on. Let's keep it British.
273
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:17,694
Well, it's your fault for buying me
all those whiskies.
274
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:21,939
If I didn't know better, I would say
you were preparing me for bad news.
275
00:15:21,940 --> 00:15:24,648
What makes you say that?
276
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:26,890
I'm a doctor, aren't I?
277
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:29,210
It's part of my job
to give people bad news.
278
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:31,770
And how do you do it?
279
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:36,212
I'm guessing you haven't got time
to get all your patients drunk.
280
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:39,656
You've always got to find
a silver lining.
281
00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:44,097
Like, "Good news, you won't be
in hospital much longer.�
282
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:49,699
Anyway, why are we talking about
bad news? We should be having fun.
283
00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:54,212
Anna is at your house
having fun with Lucy, right?
284
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,530
Yeah, that's what she said.
285
00:15:58,180 --> 00:15:59,773
I need to have some fun.
286
00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:06,657
Our marriage,
it's like watching a swan,
287
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:13,814
On the surface,
it's all calm and serene...
288
00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:16,016
Blimey, you really are muntered,
aren't you?
289
00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:18,812
.But beneath the water,
290
00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:21,779
there's a nice little fish
291
00:16:21,860 --> 00:16:24,693
having its face bitten off
by a pike.
292
00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:27,539
Come on, mate,
293
00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:31,010
there's a certain hotel bar
I want to take you to.
294
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:36,178
I once told a patient
the bad news by limerick.
295
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:38,853
Limerick?
296
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:41,813
There was a young man from Arbroath
297
00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:45,615
Who had a magnificent growth...
298
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:47,008
Come on, hurry up.
299
00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:48,419
Don't hold my hand.
300
00:16:49,580 --> 00:16:51,218
KNOCK AT DOOR
301
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:57,768
Oh. I thought you were supposed
to be at your Rattan lesson.
302
00:16:58,020 --> 00:16:59,613
I'm just on my way.
303
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:03,409
I just thought I'd just double check
that Toby's still none the wiser.
304
00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:05,218
Well, HE'S none the wiser.
305
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:08,690
It seems like a lot of effort
to go to
306
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:11,780
just so you can order
your own toppings
307
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,737
at the Palermo branch
of Pizza Express.
308
00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:18,052
Is there something you want
to say to me, Lucy?
309
00:17:18,060 --> 00:17:20,290
OK. Bye, then.
310
00:17:21,380 --> 00:17:24,338
I don't think you're having
Italian lessons, are you?
311
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:29,495
No.
312
00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:31,531
I'm sorry, Lucy.
I wanted to tell you the truth,
313
00:17:31,540 --> 00:17:32,848
but the fact is, I'm ashamed.
314
00:17:32,860 --> 00:17:35,739
50 we are talking
about an affair, then?
315
00:17:35,740 --> 00:17:37,208
Oh, Anna!
316
00:17:37,220 --> 00:17:41,851
And you involved us!
317
00:17:41,940 --> 00:17:44,819
Yes!
318
00:17:46,740 --> 00:17:51,655
I can lend you mixing bowls and have
secret chats about yeast infections,
319
00:17:51,740 --> 00:17:54,892
but a line has to be drawn.
320
00:17:54,980 --> 00:17:57,210
I can't help you cheat on Toby.
321
00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:59,894
I'm not cheating on Toby.
322
00:17:59,940 --> 00:18:01,499
He's cheating on me.
323
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:03,377
What?
324
00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:06,498
I know everyone thinks
butter wouldn't melt in his mouth,
325
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,128
even with all that sun
shining out of his backside,
326
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:12,417
but he's been acting strangely
for weeks.
327
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:16,300
Sort of upbeat,
whistling to himself.
328
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:18,291
Standing tall
329
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,291
I-I don't quite know
the word for it.
330
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,495
Happy?
331
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,696
That's it. Happy.
332
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,971
No wonder I was suspicious.
333
00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:33,373
At first, I thought maybe it was
Just innocent flirting with someone.
334
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:37,453
I even made an effort
to stop his eye from wandering
335
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,174
by buying some new outfits
and sexy underwear.
336
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,574
Ridiculous.
337
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,577
But then I got worried.
338
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:46,373
What if this other flirty woman
wants more,
339
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,128
and Toby is slowly
being suckered in?
340
00:18:49,140 --> 00:18:51,336
You might be jumping to conclusions.
341
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:54,332
That's what I thought at first,
so the other night, I followed him,
342
00:18:54,340 --> 00:18:57,571
But I ended up getting lost
and I couldn't find a cab.
343
00:18:57,580 --> 00:19:01,699
There was an Uber Share option
that I even considered,
344
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:04,260
but I realised
I hadn't sunk that low.
345
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:06,938
Eventually, I got back home,
346
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:10,053
but it was so late, Toby was
already back and fast asleep,
347
00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:13,735
hence me telling him
the next morning I'd been here.
348
00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:15,890
But then I went through his pockets,
349
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:20,337
and I found a hotel card with
a handwritten note on the back.
350
00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:24,174
"Room 23, Friday night," kiss, kiss.
351
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,057
I see.
352
00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:28,899
So you went to the hotel
and enquired about it..
353
00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:36,611
...did you? I guess,
I mean, that's what I'd do.
354
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:37,934
Exactly.
355
00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:41,450
So I'm going to that hotel right now
to catch him at it.
356
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:45,250
So why did you pretend to him
you were sleeping over here?
357
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:47,570
So he doesn't feel
he needs to come home.
358
00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:50,094
Give him enough rope
to hang himself.
359
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:52,774
Look, I can guarantee
Toby isn't cheating on you.
360
00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:55,818
Well, he certainly isn't tonight
anyway. He's with Lee.
361
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:59,097
Oh, Lucy, you are so naive.
362
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,569
He's obviously got Lee
to lie for him.
363
00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:04,294
Toby never goes out
on a Friday night.
364
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:07,577
He watches Michael Portillo's
Great Railway Journeys.
365
00:20:08,580 --> 00:20:10,730
That's the Toby I...
366
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:12,414
tolerate.
367
00:20:18,180 --> 00:20:24,131
Look, Toby, you know, whatever
happens, I'm always here for you.
368
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:27,730
A shoulder to cry on
whenever you need it.
369
00:20:28,580 --> 00:20:31,698
Remember, you are a decent bloke.
370
00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:35,615
You're intelligent,
you're a good-looking lad.
371
00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:37,418
Never forget that.
372
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:44,214
Please stop touching me!
373
00:20:44,220 --> 00:20:48,339
Look, if this is about what I told
you about me and Anna, thanks,
374
00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:50,809
but there's no need to worry.
It's all good.
375
00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:52,539
I thought you said
she's never around,
376
00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:54,133
that you never see each other.
377
00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:55,813
Like I say, it's all good.
378
00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,338
This is the place
I was telling you about.
379
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:05,220
Oh...we can't go in there.
380
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:07,211
Why not?
381
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,770
Look, you know I said I was meant
to be at a work leaving do?
382
00:21:10,980 --> 00:21:13,415
Well, this is the venue!
383
00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:16,219
We need to go somewhere else.
Immediately.
384
00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:22,580
It's Gemma's leaving do.
Woman at work.
385
00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:25,459
She's got a weird crush on me.
386
00:21:25,460 --> 00:21:28,418
How weird? Apart from the fact
that it's on you?
387
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:31,049
She wants it to go further.
388
00:21:31,060 --> 00:21:33,449
So? You're not interested in her.
389
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:34,894
Are you?
390
00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:39,894
Oh, God, you're both at it!
391
00:21:39,940 --> 00:21:41,419
What?
392
00:21:41,420 --> 00:21:43,730
Nothing.
393
00:21:43,740 --> 00:21:47,017
But she s very charming,
394
00:21:47,220 --> 00:21:52,693
and very clever and...beautiful.
395
00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:54,213
And she definitely fancies you?
396
00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:57,611
A minute ago,
you told me I was good-looking.
397
00:21:57,620 --> 00:21:59,497
Yeah, but I didn't mean it,
obviously.
398
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:01,730
Well, Gemma does,
399
00:22:01,740 --> 00:22:03,617
and she has booked a room here
for the night,
400
00:22:03,620 --> 00:22:05,657
which is why I didn't want to come.
401
00:22:05,660 --> 00:22:07,856
50 I thought the best way
402
00:22:07,940 --> 00:22:13,140
to take my mind off someone
that attractive and intelligent
403
00:22:13,140 --> 00:22:14,733
was to go out with you.
404
00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:18,091
You're making me blush.
405
00:22:18,100 --> 00:22:20,740
Look, it's a really bad idea
for me to go in there,
406
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:22,458
50 let's just move on.
407
00:22:22,460 --> 00:22:24,929
Toby! I thought it was you.
408
00:22:24,940 --> 00:22:27,136
I knew you wouldn't let me down.
409
00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:28,733
Hello, Gemma.
410
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,979
This is Lee.
411
00:22:32,980 --> 00:22:37,417
Hello, Lee. Are you coming inside
for a drink, then?
412
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:40,014
I don't really think I should.
413
00:22:40,060 --> 00:22:42,051
I do really think you should.
414
00:22:46,140 --> 00:22:48,529
SHE WHISPERS:
415
00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:49,888
Easy to remember.
416
00:22:49,980 --> 00:22:52,859
David's Beckham shirt number
when he was at Real Madrid.
417
00:22:52,860 --> 00:22:55,818
Even when he was playing...
away from home.
418
00:22:59,460 --> 00:23:01,337
I don't know exactly
what's going on here,
419
00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:03,138
but I think we should go.
420
00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:13,898
PHONE RINGS
421
00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:19,570
Hello?
422
00:23:19,580 --> 00:23:22,129
Are you sure?
423
00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:26,055
But she thinks Toby's cheating
with some woman from work.
424
00:23:26,060 --> 00:23:29,894
Which of course he isn't,
because he's with you.
425
00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:32,892
Yeah.
426
00:23:32,900 --> 00:23:35,210
Everything's fine.. sort of.
427
00:23:35,220 --> 00:23:37,689
What do you mean, "sort of"?
428
00:23:37,700 --> 00:23:40,135
Well, I got Toby drunk,
told him he was handsome,
429
00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:42,529
and handed him over
to a very attractive woman
430
00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:44,258
who wants to have sex with him.
431
00:23:44,420 --> 00:23:46,058
But apart from that,
everything's fine.
432
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:49,178
Oh, God.
433
00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:19,009
Sorry, I've, um, lost me key.
434
00:24:19,020 --> 00:24:21,455
I've delivered the champagne
that was ordered, sir.
435
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,212
I did knock,
but there was nobody in.
436
00:24:23,340 --> 00:24:26,219
Right. Great. Thanks.
437
00:24:28,340 --> 00:24:29,648
Oh.
438
00:24:33,620 --> 00:24:35,418
Tic Tac?
439
00:24:54,340 --> 00:24:55,978
Mm!
440
00:25:01,420 --> 00:25:03,536
I'm really not sure
I should be going in there.
441
00:25:03,540 --> 00:25:04,814
Why?
442
00:25:04,940 --> 00:25:06,817
I am a happily married man.
443
00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:09,214
Of three years.
444
00:25:10,580 --> 00:25:13,572
Although it did go downhill
for the next 12.
445
00:25:17,580 --> 00:25:21,608
OK, maybe just a quickie, then.
446
00:25:23,340 --> 00:25:25,297
I don't mean champagne, I mean sex.
447
00:25:25,540 --> 00:25:28,134
No, actually, the other way round.
448
00:25:28,140 --> 00:25:32,054
Not... Not sex the other way round.
I mean...
449
00:25:33,180 --> 00:25:36,218
Actually, I-I don't know
what I mean any more.
450
00:25:37,780 --> 00:25:39,259
CHAMPAGNE CORK POPS
451
00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:42,939
That wasn't me.
452
00:25:46,260 --> 00:25:48,615
I'm sure I left those curtains open.
453
00:25:52,180 --> 00:25:54,615
I find the moonlight very romantic.
454
00:25:56,820 --> 00:25:58,299
Don't you?
455
00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:02,294
Maybe the staff closed them when
they came in to turn down the bed.
456
00:26:03,260 --> 00:26:05,058
And what about you, Toby?
457
00:26:05,260 --> 00:26:07,934
Are you going to turn down my bed?
458
00:26:09,380 --> 00:26:14,534
Well, perhaps I could
rearrange your towels or something.
459
00:26:17,220 --> 00:26:19,609
I don't bite.
460
00:26:19,620 --> 00:26:22,533
Well, not straight away.
461
00:26:24,340 --> 00:26:26,536
Do you think
we should be wearing face masks?
462
00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:31,212
Sh.
463
00:26:31,220 --> 00:26:34,133
Now, where's my leaving present?
464
00:26:34,140 --> 00:26:38,737
Well, I chipped in
for the Habitat vouchers.
465
00:26:38,820 --> 00:26:40,458
And I signed the group card.
466
00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:44,374
You didn't put a kiss on it.
467
00:26:44,580 --> 00:26:47,254
Even stuffy old Malcolm
from accounts put a kiss on.
468
00:26:47,260 --> 00:26:48,933
Oh.
469
00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:52,058
I wondered why someone
had signed it "Malcolm X."
470
00:26:55,660 --> 00:26:57,810
Maybe you can give me my kiss now.
471
00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:03,737
Hello!
472
00:27:05,060 --> 00:27:07,051
What are you doing in there?
473
00:27:07,060 --> 00:27:09,097
Took the wrong exit leaving Narnia.
474
00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:13,299
He can't do this.
475
00:27:13,300 --> 00:27:15,291
What's it got to do with you?
476
00:27:15,460 --> 00:27:18,418
Are you his secret boyfriend
or something? No.
477
00:27:18,420 --> 00:27:20,696
Although I have just
come out of the closet.
478
00:27:22,220 --> 00:27:23,779
I just want to make sure
479
00:27:24,020 --> 00:27:26,614
that he doesn't do something
that he regrets.
480
00:27:27,740 --> 00:27:29,378
I think you should leave, Gemma.
481
00:27:29,460 --> 00:27:32,691
You can't throw me out.
482
00:27:32,740 --> 00:27:34,572
It's my room.
483
00:27:34,660 --> 00:27:36,697
Come on, Lee, we're going.
484
00:27:36,740 --> 00:27:39,016
No, it's fine.
485
00:27:39,100 --> 00:27:40,408
I don't need the room.
486
00:27:40,420 --> 00:27:42,730
Well, not any more anyway.
487
00:27:42,980 --> 00:27:46,371
And I suppose I should show my face
at my own leaving party.
488
00:27:51,140 --> 00:27:52,460
Bye, Toby.
489
00:27:57,500 --> 00:27:58,888
You'll thank me for that, mate.
490
00:28:02,020 --> 00:28:04,057
But I won't hold me breath.
491
00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:08,299
Mate, I know it's been
an emotional roller�coaster,
492
00:28:08,420 --> 00:28:10,377
but you did the right thing.
493
00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:11,609
HE SOBS LOUDLY
494
00:28:11,780 --> 00:28:13,612
Oh, good God.
495
00:28:13,620 --> 00:28:15,338
You're a good mate, Lee.
496
00:28:19,020 --> 00:28:21,057
Please wash your face!
497
00:28:21,060 --> 00:28:23,654
I bloody love you, you know.
498
00:28:32,540 --> 00:28:34,451
I'm giving him French lessons.
499
00:28:38,940 --> 00:28:41,090
We're not going out
500
00:28:41,100 --> 00:28:42,693
Not staying in
501
00:28:42,780 --> 00:28:45,499
Just hanging around
with my head in a spin
502
00:28:45,660 --> 00:28:48,971
But there is no need
to scream and shout
503
00:28:48,980 --> 00:28:52,132
We're not going out
504
00:28:52,140 --> 00:28:55,053
We are not going out.
505
00:28:55,103 --> 00:28:59,653
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