All language subtitles for Mother.1996.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX-Lowercase

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this being your second
divorce, Mr. Henderson,

i'm sure you're familiar
with the procedure,

but your wife--
Ex-wife--should know

it would be wise not
to leave the state
for a few weeks

until it's finalized.

I'm not planning
to leave the state.

No, she just left me.

She had nothing
against the land.

I'll tell you
something.

If you two could have
made all your decisions

with as much cooperation
as you made this one,

I think you probably
would have had
a happy marriage.

Go figure.

So, uh...
That's basically it.

I hate to
bring up business,
but who do I bill?

him.

What do you
mean "him"?

I thought we were
going to split this.

You said
you were paying
for the divorce.

I just said that
to get it started.

I thought we'd
wind up splitting it.

You offered.
You said you were
going to pay for it.

See? This is why
it didn't work.

I don't know.

We were always good
on the surface, though,
weren't we, honey?

Are we through?

yes.

Thank you.

I'll talk
to you.

She came with a lot
of nice furniture.

Man: hello?

I need
a designated driver.

I don't know what
I really feel.

I guess I'm not
going to feel it
for days.

Maybe I shouldn't
even say anything.

I mean, you probably
don't want to hear this,

but I thought
she was nice.

10 years ago,
that would have
killed me,

but you're right.

She was nice.

She was a very
nice woman

who'll make some
nice man very happy,

but I'm not
that man.

Maybe you shouldn't
get married anymore.

I want kids.

Well, adopt.

I want to
pass down my seed.

Masturbate
in the garden.

Thanks for coming
and talking to me.

Why don't you go
clown with him?

I'm listening.
Come on, I'm listening.

Can I have another
double here, please?

Listen, the thing is,
you got to know what
you're looking for,

and you don't
have a clue.

I guess I don't,
do i?

I mean...

Whoa, hey, cowboy.
That's plenty.

Do you think that
all the girls you've
ever gone out with,

including your wives,

do you think they're
all the same woman?

Well, the 2 wives
were the same,
that's for sure.

I'd say out of

the 5 serious
relationships
I've had,

3 were exactly
the same,

one was different,
unlike anybody else,

one might have
been a man.

Really?

If you were a woman
and you said that,

i'd never want to
talk to you again,

but I'm still going
to be your friend.

Why is that?

Did you see
that movie?

What movie?

You know, the one
where a guy lives

with a chinese woman
for 20 years, and it
turns out to be a man?

M. Butterfly.

yes.

Think something
like that's possible?

How can it
be possible?

I mean,
let's say she
fools the husband.

Doesn't she have to
go for an insurance
physical?

Then doesn't
the doctor
call the spouse?

"hey, how's
my wife doing?"

"she's in
very good health,

especially
her balls."

Ok, well, if all
the women are the same,

what kind
of woman is that?

Once you
figure that out,

you go
for the opposite.

Let's see, the one
thing they all
had in common...

They didn't really
believe in me.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, jesus,
that's weird.

You like women who
don't believe in you?

Yeah, I guess I do.

god.

Woman doesn't support me,
i'm out of there.

Why do you
think that is?

Do you like men
who don't believe in you?

no.

So what in god's name
would you like

a woman who doesn't
believe in you for?

I don't get it.

Are either of you
fellows married?

One of my sons
just got a divorce.

They just can't
seem to stay
married anymore.

Heh heh heh.

Man: all right, ma'am.

All hooked up
and ready to go.

Well, gee, does
that look a little
green to you?

I don't think so.

Gee, it looks
a little green
to me.

No, ma'am.
That's normal.

Does that look
green to you?

Yes, thank you.

[speaking native language]

what's wrong
with him?

He's mentally ill,
ma'am.

Ohh...

Oh, look, see.

There's something
wrong with this.

There is nothing
wrong, ma'am.

My friend did not
understand you.

But it doesn't
look right.

Turn it
to another channel.

Oh, my god,
that's too green.

That's the grass,
ma'am.

That's supposed
to be green.

Ooh, I think there's
something wrong.

I'm not going to
sign for this.

In the store,
the picture
was perfect,

the picture
is fine, ma'am.

I tell you what.
You watch it.

The house of discounts
guarantees it.

If you don't like it
in a couple weeks,
I come and take it back.

Well, maybe
I shouldn't sign
anything until then.

Ma'am, please, I cannot
leave this here unless
you sign this.

This picture is perfect.

In the beginning,
when you turn it on,

green is the color
that comes up the most,

but then, in a few
minutes, it goes away.

But the television
in the store
looked perfect.

That's because
the televisions
in the stores

are turned on a long time
before you get there.

I don't think so.

I was there at 9:15,
right when
they opened.

I know, ma'am,
but the televisions

are turned on
in the middle of
the night automatically,

so the color is
perfect by the time
people like you

get there at 9:15.

Really?

yes.

Are you
sure of that?

I am positive.

Hmm. All right.

I'll watch
for a few days,

and I'll
let you know.

Oh, boy. I'll be waiting
for that call, ma'am.

Thank you.

Don't bother
seeing me out.
I will find the door.

hmm.

[telephone ringing]

oh, um. Make sure you
shut the door, please.

[ring]

hello.

Mother?

Hello, jeff.

Good guess.
Try the other one.

Oh, hello, dear.

I was just talking
about you.

To who?

To these installers.

Installers?

Yes. We were just
talking about you.

What,
about my book?

No, no, no, dear.
I told them you'd
just gotten a divorce.

You what?

I told them
you got a divorce.

They know me?

Of course not.

Well, why did you
tell them that?

I don't know.
We were talking
about marriage,

and I asked them
if they were married,

and I mentioned
you weren't.

Great. Why don't
you give me their
home number, mom,

and I'll
call them later
and fill them in?

So, how are you?
Are you ok?

Oh, fine. And you?

I'm all right.
I just called to say
hello. That's all.

Is everything
out of the house?

Everything that
was hers, yeah.

Honey, you should
go and get new
furniture tomorrow.

I have stuff
to do before I get
new furniture.

Don't worry.

I don't want you to sit
in a big, empty house.
It's bad for you.

I'll take care
of it.

And also, buy yourself
some new clothes.

why?

Well, because
the last time I saw you,

I just thought
you could look better.

Look better
than what?

Well,
just look better.

You want to
meet somebody.

Well, I don't want
to trick anybody
into liking me.

What do you mean?

Why do you always
think it has to do
with these things?

Don't you think
I could meet somebody
wearing crappy shoes,

and they'd
still like me?

Honey, wear
whatever you want.

I just think if you
were wearing crappy shoes,

they'd say, "why are you
wearing crappy shoes?"

that's what I think,
but you do what you want.

Maybe there's
somebody out there
who wouldn't say that.

Whatever, dear.
You look for them.

[beep]

ooh. I have
a call waiting.

Hello?

John: it's still me,
mother.

Hello.

John:
still me, mother.

hi?

John: why
do you even pay
for this feature?

[caller hangs up]

well, they
hung up anyway.

So...

How's the book?

Well, a lot of people

think I should
write a sequel.

To what?

The last book.

The space thing?

Yeah.

Hello?

Oh, yes, honey,
i'm still here.

You don't think so, huh?

Well, honey,
i'm not smart like
the people you know,

but that's what
they advise you?

I mean, that's
what they say?

Yes, many of them do.

Well, they know
a lot more than me.

I don't know.

But you didn't like
the book, right?

You don't think it
deserves a sequel?

Oh, no, honey,

I love the book,
but are you sure

you want to bring back
all those characters?

[choking]

i'll talk to you later.

Honey, I love you.

I know
you think you do.

[beep]

oh, I have another
call coming through.

Hello?

John: this happens
all day, doesn't it?

He wrote this?

Yeah.

How did you
meet him?

In the market.

And he had
his book with him?

He had it
in the trunk.

Did you read it?

No, but it's
a real book.

Is he rich?

I don't know.
He just got a divorce.

When?

2 weeks ago.

Gee, that's
a little soon to go
out with somebody.

I'm just having
dinner with him,
not having sex.

Does he know that?

Well, he will
by dessert.

[buzzing]

who is it?

John henderson.

Come on in.

[buzz]

how do I look?

Gorgeous.

Thanks.

[doorbell rings]

hi, john.

Hi. Wow,
you look great.

ok.

Um, this is
my roommate donna.

hi.

So, you all ready?

Well, I'd have to
be all ready.

I came here
to get you.

What do you mean?

Nothing.

Oh. Go?

Sure.

See you later.

bye.

[door closes]

how's the salad?
Good?

Good. Yours?

Good.

oh.

Have you always wanted
to be a writer?

Yes, I think I have.

Who are some of your
favorite authors?

Well, I like you.

You've read
my books?

No, I mean,
as a person.

oh.

Did you, uh...
Read my book?

No, I couldn't.
I had a really
busy week.

Did you read
the flap?

Um...no, actually,
I didn't.

Why, what was
on the flap?

Well, you know, they
summarize the book
and tell about me.

Did you look
at anything at all?

Um, I saw your
picture on the back.

I thought it was cute.

You read
the picture, then.

So, then,
besides me,

who are some
of your other
favorite authors?

Um...

Gee, I didn't know
i'd be taking a test.

Oh, it's not a test.

I'm just making
conversation.

Um, let me...
Let me see.

Oh, who wrote that book
about hollywood?

Hollywood?

like
A coffee-table book?

no.

What book?

You know, the...

The one where they
took all those pills.

Julia philips.

No, no. I know
it's not that one.

no.

Um...let's see...

Jacqueline.

Um...jacqueline...

Jacqueline susann?

Yes. I love her.

You don't mean...

yes.
Valley of the dolls.

That's it.
That was it.

That's
what you meant.

You know, that book
was written, like,
30 years ago.

So? What, you can't
like somebody who wrote
a book a long time ago?

No, you're right.

Don't people
like charlie chaplin?

You know,
when did he write?

Charlie chaplin
wasn't a writer.
He was a comedian.

No, he wasn't.
He was a writer.

Tale of two cities,
um...

hey,
I have an idea.

Let's get the check.

Help me!

Mmm, I'm thinking
about branching out
and handling entertainers.

I wonder if that's
such a good idea.

Can't a sports agent
handle entertainers?

I mean, mike ovitz
used to handle athletes,

so why not?

John: well, I guess
you're right.

Have you finished
your new book?

Actually, I haven't
even started it.

I've, uh...
Got a block.

What's a block?

Uh, it's when
he can't write.

Oh, don't
tell her that.

I can write, honey.

I just don't know
what I'm going to
write about.

Uncle john?

Yeah?

Why don't you write
about a monster?

Hey, he already
did that, buddy.

I can't do it again?

Doesn't stephen king
write about
the same thing

over and over
and over?

Wife: but that's
stephen king.

What does that mean?

Jeff: she just means,
you know...

I mean,
he's a big seller.

I see. So that gives
him the right to repeat.

I don't have that right.

Misery was cool.

Let's forget it.

Besides, you shouldn't
compare yourself to anyone,

let alone
stephen king.

Thanks.

Want to see my latest?

hmm.

wow.

Yeah, huh?

What is this?

This is an autographed
picture of babe ruth.

It is, isn't it?

Yeah.

Jesus.
Autographed to you?

Of course not.
I wasn't even born then.

No, I know when
you were born.
Just joking.

"to harry,
good luck.
The babe."

Well, you know what
you have to do.

You have to
have another kid
and name him harry.

Then this really
becomes valuable.

Look at this.

hmm.

Know how much
that's worth?

It's the original?

Yes, the original.
Guess.

I don't know.
2 grand?

$50,000.

Who is going
to give you
$50,000 for this?

The market
is 11-year-olds.

You'd be lucky
to get 10 bucks

for anything,
wouldn't you?

No. You've no idea
about this stuff.

I guess I don't.

Have a seat.

So, what's wrong?

Why does something
have to be wrong?

Well, hey, you're here.
Something's wrong.

You don't come here
if something isn't wrong.

All right.
Something's wrong.

What's the problem?

How often do you
talk to mother?

Every day.

Really? Every day?

Yeah. Hey, look
what I sent her.

What is that?

That's
a picture phone.

She's not going to
be able to work that.

Why not?

No person
over 60 can operate
anything like this.

Have you ever
seen what she does
with call waiting?

This is simple.
You look
in the camera.

She'll never take
the lens cap off.

You want one?

See, I thought maybe
the whole family

could look
at each other
when we talk.

Well, I'm moving
out of my place,

so I don't really
know where I'd put it.

You're moving out
of your place?

Yes. I'm trying
to tell you something.

You just take
the picture phone
and keep it in the box.

Don't unwrap it.
Then wherever you go,
you plug it in.

Ok, good.

Do you feel
that mother likes you?

Yeah. Of course
she likes me.

She loves me.

But are you having
the life that she
thinks you should have?

In other words,
did she ever think

that you shouldn't
become an agent

because you're
not a great one?

I'm not a great one?

I was making
$100,000
out of the gate.

We were
all blown away,
including her.

So if I sold
5 million books,

you think she'd
like me more?

She likes you.

But, still, do you think
she'd be proud of me?

Do you think she'd
bond with me the way
she does with you?

You're
a complicated guy.

Oh, so that's it,
then.

You're a simpleton?

I'm in more of
a black-and-white
business.

When I have
a good year,
everyone sees.

Your years are not
that visible.

But you don't seek
her approval, huh?

I mean, obviously,
she doesn't criticize you.

Everything is perfect.

Of course not.

She criticizes
the way I raise
the kids.

I mean,
she has opinions.

It doesn't
get to me.

Why does it
get to me?

I don't know.

I mean,
we're different.

Maybe the relationship
with dad had something
to do with this.

Maybe dad was
different with me
than he was with you.

Maybe he was.

Well, let me
tell you something.

This is affecting
my whole life.

I feel estranged
from my own mother,
and I don't like it.

It affects
everything I do,
especially with women.

But you
ought to just
forget about it.

You're grown up.

I mean, there's
nothing you can do.

Ah. I don't think
that's true.

I've been thinking
about this a lot.

I'm going to move
back in with mother.

No, you're not.

Yeah, I am.

That's
the worst thing
I've ever heard.

That's stupid.

why?

You're grown up.
What are you
going to do?

Why are you going
to do that?

You know what?
You sound a little jealous.

Yeah, right.

I'm jealous.
That's what I want
is my old room back.

Come on.

Oh, man.
Go see a doctor.

No, I don't need
to see a doctor.

I wasn't raised
by a doctor.

I was raised
by my mother.

That's who
I need to see.

♪ and here's to you,
mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ your grown son is
moving back today ♪

♪ hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ god help him, please,
mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ he looks to you
to help him with his life ♪

♪ he lost a wife ♪

♪ again ♪

♪ he'd like for you
to welcome him ♪

♪ and make him feel at home ♪

♪ he needs to know
you like him coming back ♪

♪ he knows that you are busy
with problems of your own ♪

♪ but please,
when you see him ♪

♪ try not to attack ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, please,
mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ soon your house
will add another one ♪

♪ it's your son ♪

♪ remember,
please, Mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ you're the reason
why he's here at all ♪

♪ so, mother, dear ♪

♪ don't drop the ball ♪

where you heading?

Heading up north.

Big sur?

No. Big mama.

Ha ha ha!

What the hell
does that mean?

[tires screeching]

♪ and here's to you,
mother henderson ♪

♪ now's the time
to step up to the plate ♪

♪ it's your fate ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, please,
mother henderson ♪

♪ destiny has given you
a call ♪

♪ it's time to take
down the wall ♪

♪ take down the wall ♪

♪ take down the wall ♪

[honking horn]

♪ dee dee
dee dee dee dee ♪

♪ dee dee dee dee
dee dee dee ♪

hi!

honey, I'm on
the picture phone.

Just a minute.

Drove 400 miles,
she won't come out.

[sets parking brake]

more to the left, mom.
I can't see you.

I can see you.

That doesn't mean
I can see you.
You had it right before.

Honey, why don't
they put the camera
right where you are,

and that way,
I won't have to move
all over the place.

Just move
to the left!

Honey, john is here.
I'll call you back.

We didn't even get
a chance to talk.

Move up
so I can see you.

Let me
call you back.
John's here now.

Call me back soon.

Oh, do you want to
say hi to john?

Do you want to try
to see him?

That's all right,
mother.

I'll talk
to you later. Bye.

ooh.
All right, dear.

You'll explain
how to work it
next time.

[dial tone]

[punching buttons]

mother: oh, honey, how do
I turn this thing off?

I told him I like this,
but it's driving me crazy.

Oh, honey,
you look tired.

I just drove
400 miles.

Can't you start
with a hello

and then move into
a criticism?

Oh, you know
i'm happy to see you.

Now, why didn't you
want to stay in a hotel?

I told you
what's going on.

You know, dear,
I really don't understand

what you mean by
"the experiment,"

but listen--the couch
will do for a few nights.

I don't want to stay
on the couch.

I want to be here longer
than a few nights.

I thought I could get
my old room back.

No, dear. That's
a sewing room now.

You sew?

No, but I have things
in there,

and I don't want to
start going through them.

But, mother,
I want my room back.

why?

Because it's part
of the experiment.

I want to see
what feelings it would
bring up to be in there.

Listen, I'll clear
everything out.

When I leave,
i'll put it all back.

What's the big deal?

You don't want to clear
anything out of that room.

Sleep on it tonight,
and we'll talk about it
tomorrow.

All right, but
I know what I want.

Want something to eat?

Um...no.

I made some salad,
and I have some meat loaf.

I don't eat meat.

Oh, that's right.
That's jeff who loves it.

I'll have
some salad.

Don't have salad
just for my sake.

No, no.
I'll have it.

Are you sure
you want salad?

Yes, I want salad.

Not just for my sake?

Don't get into
this food stuff now,
please.

Just give me
a little salad.

I know what I could do.

I could scrape the top
off the meat loaf.

What would that do?

It wouldn't be
as much meat then.

But it's still meat.

What difference
does it make
how much you have?

You really
don't like meat, huh?

No, mother. I don't
like eating cows.

Oh, honey, everything
comes from a cow.

Everything.

Come on in, honey.
sit.

Ah...there.

You know,
if you'd come
2 hours earlier,

we could have had
dinner together.

I made
great beef stew.

Here you are.

There.

Thanks.

What else
can I get for you?

No, mother,
i'll tell you.

I'm really
not hungry at all.

I ate in a truck stop,
so this is fine.

Well, I have some
cold spaghetti,

but it has
meat sauce in it.

Can you eat
lamb chops?

What the hell is a lamb?
It's meat!

I told you,
I don't eat it.

Well,
it's not a cow.

I didn't know
if it was the animal
you were siding with

or the whole thing.

The whole thing.

Want some cheese?

No. The salad is fine,
I promise.

I'm going to give you
some cheese.

That's a lot of cheese.

Got it in hunks.

Mother...

Look at the date!

It's 3 years old!

Well, it's been
in the freezer.

Yeah, but how cheap
was it that you wanted
to buy this much of it?

Honey, this is
wonderful cheese.

It comes
from switzerland.
Very hard to get.

How could it
be hard to get?
It's all here!

[motor whirs]

I don't want the cheese.

Now, dear--

Mother, stop!
I don't want any!

Wait a minute.

It's like
this old house.

Well, you haven't
even tried it.

I can tell
by the gross weight
i'm not going to like it.

I like my cheeses
in the ounces.

When they weigh
as much as a fiat,
I get worried.

Whatever.

Can you eat
saltines?

Yes, of course
I can eat saltines.

Can't anybody?
That's what they give
sick people.

I just didn't know
if there was some
sort of meat in it.

I didn't know
what they use.

Put it away, mother.
I don't want it.

Just clear a portion
out of the refrigerator,

and tomorrow, I'll go
shopping and get stuff
that I like.

You don't
have to do that.

No, I want to.

I'm going to be here.
I want to have food to eat.

You think you'll
be here long enough

that you need to
go shopping?

Yes. I wish you'd
understand what I'm doing
here and support it.

Whoo!

Yuck!

What's wrong?
There can't be meat
in that.

This lettuce
is 100 years old!

What, did you get this from
the smithsonian commissary?

Honey, lettuce
doesn't get old.

Lettuce doesn't get old?
Where do you read that?

You never heard
of wilted lettuce?

Honey, I just took it
out of the freezer.

You're freezing everything.

It was a good invention,
but it wasn't meant
for everything.

That's why it's smaller
than the refrigerator.

You're not supposed
to put everything
in that little box.

I make my salads
on monday,

and I keep them
frozen all week.

I think I know
what I'm doing.

I know, but it doesn't
taste good to me.

You're just
not used to it.

I don't want to
get used to it.

I want to go
to the market.

How about some sherbet?

Uh-oh. What kind
of sherbet?

Oh, what do you mean?

It's delicious! Mmm.

"sweet tooth"?

Where do you find
sweet tooth?

I never hear
of these brands.

There's a baskin-robbins
half a block from here.

I wouldn't go
down there.

That's
a waste of money.

I'm not going to
fall for that.

What are you falling for?
They have ice cream in there.

There's no difference.

Why should I pay
triple the amount

when they probably go
to the supermarket and
buy the very same kind?

Mother, the ice cream
is colorless.

Look under
the protective ice.

The protective ice?

You've actually named
the clear, hard crap
that sits on the top?

Well, if you don't
want it, don't eat it.

You know, when I'm down
and you give me these
words of wisdom

and you say to me,
"honey, you don't need
to see a shrink.

Just don't be
hard on yourself."

How can I possibly do that
when I come from you?

You're running
a food museum here!

Why can't you just
go buy fresh ice cream?

Honey, you haven't
even tried it.

You're making fun
of the ice cream,

and you haven't even
tasted it.

It's wonderful
sherbet.

I don't want it.
I'm not going to taste it.

no?

I don't want it.

You tell me...

Aargh...

Bleah!

Oh, god,
this is horribly old!

This tastes like
an orange foot!

Oh, my god almighty!

Phooey! Yuck!

You're the first one
that didn't like it.

Oh, I bet.

Buy your own, then.

I'm exhausted.

I'm going to go
take a bath.

Eat whatever
you want to eat.

Just put the dishes
in the sink,

and I'll see you
in the morning,

and then we'll talk
about the couch.

Such a surprise
to have you here.

Sleep well, mother.

Mother: honey?

Oh. Scared me.

What are you doing?

I just want to see how
maybe I could clear out
some of these things.

Dear, we were
going to talk
about that tomorrow.

I don't think
it's a good idea.

Mother,
I really do want to
stay in this room.

It's important
to me.

What are you trying
to do? Remind me.

I'm trying to
recapture a feeling.

You want to stay in here
to recapture something.

Yeah. I want to
see what feelings
it would bring up.

What am I going to do
with all this?
Just leave it.

We'll put it in the
garage temporarily.

We can't do that.

why?

The garage
is full of stuff.

It's full of all my
high-school stuff.

You saved
everything.

Let me move it in
here, and I'll move
this back there.

What difference
does it make?

What about the car?
You might damage it.

I'll pull
the car out.

And you'll put it back?

No, I will never
put it back.

It will become an
oldsmobile exhibit.

We'll buy a big
turntable, it will
revolve slowly,

we'll get
a good-looking girl
with a mike.

I don't want to get
everything dusty.

Look at this room!

You've got
chairs piled up
to the ceiling.

What difference
does it make
if they get dusty?

I plan to use
those chairs.

In what--some sort
of a vaudeville act?

The furniture's
very heavy, and you're
not strong enough,

and I can't help you.

I'll get somebody
off the street.

I can go down
to sears and get
one of those kids.

You know
how to do that?

How to do what?

How to choose those men
on the corner.

It's not
an art form.

You just point
to them, and they
get in the car.

Don't overpay them.
It's insulting.

I read where they
don't like that.

I know. I read
the same thing.

When they get their
paycheck and it's huge,
they feel violated.

Well, they're
different than us.

No. You're different
than them.

Good night.

Good night,
dear.

♪ there's a world ♪

♪ where I can go ♪

♪ and tell my secrets, too ♪

♪ in my room ♪

♪ in this world ♪

♪ I lock out all ♪

♪ my worries and my fears ♪

♪ in my room ♪

♪ do my brooding
and my scheming ♪

♪ lie awake and pray ♪

♪ do my crying
and my sighing ♪

♪ laugh at yesterday ♪

♪ now it's dark and ♪

♪ I'm alone but ♪

♪ I won't be afraid ♪

♪ in my room ♪

john: and...ta-da!

Mother: oh,
this is something!

It looks exactly
like it looked when
you were in school.

I hope you know
what you're doing.

Honey, I'm not sure
where the camera is.

It's the tiny hole
right above the screen.

I don't think I have
the same one you do.

Yes, of course you do.
It's the same phone.

Just move to your right.

Hold...

To your left!

Honey,
I can't hear you!

[shouting]
mother! Ma!

Stay there!
That's good! Hold it!

Just stay right there.
That's fine. Don't move.

Good enough.

Look, I think that
he just wants to see

what he can do
about your relationship.

Well, what's wrong
with our relationship?

Maybe we don't see
as much of each other
as you and i,

but it's fine.

Just go with it
for a little while.

I'm sure
he'll get sick of it.

Isn't there something
wrong with a grown man

who puts his
high-school things
back on the shelf?

Well, he's a writer.
Chalk it up to that.

Oh, I don't think
that has anything
to do with writing.

He's not that famous
a writer that he can
afford to go nuts.

He might be famous one day,
mom. You never know.

Really? Do you really
think that's possible?

Do your people think so?

My people?
They're athletes.

I don't think they
even know who he is.

That's my point.

Don't you worry.
I'm sure he'll get
tired of it soon.

I'll call you later.
Love you.

[kiss kiss kiss]

oh, my god!

[clattering]

[loud rock music playing]

♪ na na na na na ♪

♪ na na na na
na na na na na ♪

♪ na na na na ♪

♪ aaoww! ♪

♪ play it, little molly ♪

♪ long tall sally ♪

♪ great shotgun ♪

♪ watch me work, y'all ♪

♪ ow! Do it ♪

[turns music off]

yeah?

Didn't see you.

This is what you do
when you're blocked?

Sometimes.

I'm going to go
to the market.

Be back
in about an hour.

Oh, I want to go
with you.

Really?

Well, come on.

John: there's a space
right up here, mother.

Mother: where?

Right here!

What space?

There! There!

I was looking
the other way.

I don't think
it was a space.

It has to be a space.

Well,
it's where they
put the baskets.

Honey, I've been
here before.

You're making me
nervous.

I don't want to lose it,
that's all.

Well, it's not--

You're going around again.
No, no. Here. Right here.

What are you doing?
It's right there!

Oh, goodness.

They didn't
mark it well.

This is like a ride
at disneyland.

Here we go again.

I saw one down here
on the left.

What do you mean,
the left? Right here!

No. We are not
doing this again. No!

Honey,
don't do that!

If you want to
drive, drive,

but don't grab
the wheel.

I had to do something.

Someone had to stop us
from going around.

This was the space?

You want
a separate basket?

why?

If I have some meat
products in here--

I don't care
if meat's in the basket.

I just don't
want to ingest it.

I didn't know
how far you take this.

No, we can use
the same basket.

I think it's appropriate.

Oh. Ok.

You want
some peanut butter?

As a matter of fact,
I do.

"new-taste"?

Mm-hmm.

I'm going to get
the organic.

Oh, honey,
there's no difference.

Yeah, but I like
the organic.

But there's no reason
to pay extra.

This all comes from
the same place.

The man told me
it's just the label.

I don't think that's
necessarily true,

but in any case,
i'm buying my own
peanut butter.

I want the organic.

I don't know why you
want to waste the money.

Why do you want to
throw it all away?

Because
that's exactly
what I want to do.

I want an experience
where we throw away
91 cents together.

You throw it away.

New-taste is
as good as any of this,
and I won't be fooled.

Organic!

I have an idea.

Let's buy the most
expensive jelly
in the market.

Oh, honey,
you're something.

Come on. What do
you think the most
expensive jelly is?

I don't buy jelly.
I don't know.

Oh, this looks
very good.

Oh, don't get that!

why?

Because it's too expensive.
That's a waste of money.

Look, you can get
a whole jar here
for $2.50.

Why would you want to
spend $10.95?

Because, thank god,
I can afford it,

and it might
be good.

Come on, mother.
Let's experience
this together.

I don't want
this experience!

You're fooled
by these names,
all that fancy wrapping.

I'm not fooled
by anything.

This isn't what
the experiment's
about.

It's not about
being fooled.

It's about
splurging.

You see,
I realize something.

I think you
treat yourself
very cheaply,

and I think
therefore

you have instilled
that into me.

I don't treat myself
cheaply at all.

I lived through
the depression.
You didn't.

The depression!
You were 2.

By the way,
things aren't so
great right now.

Well, it's not
the thirties.

You don't have to
wait in line to buy bread.

Man: yes. Sourdough, please.

You know, I've heard
this depression
story a lot,

but I don't know
what it has to do

with splurging
for jam now.

We're in
the nineties,
mother.

It's fancy-jam time.

See, I realize
something.

We don't like
ourselves enough.

You don't give
yourself anything.

I don't give myself
anything.

It's all so clear!

Shh. Honey, I don't want
to have this discussion now.

I like myself very much.

Just because
I don't want to spend
$10 for bullshit jam

has nothing to do
with what I feel
about myself!

I never heard you
use the word
bullshit before.

You never heard me
use a lot of words.

Oh! What a waste.

For god's sakes,
looks like a toy!

The checker's going to
have a good laugh
over this.

Mother,
can't you just
forget about it?

Can't you throw
caution to the wind?

Caution I can throw all day.
Jelly is another matter.

My goodness,
a brand.

What's the matter?

Don't they make
new-nuts?

I enjoy my grape-nuts.

I know you do.

Hmm, I need
some sweet tooth.

P.a. System: shoppers,
there's no waiting
at check stand 5.

No waiting, check stand 5.

If you tell me
there's a difference
between salt,

i'm really
going to get upset.

You do not know
how to market.

No, I know there's
no difference
between salt.

I know salt's
all the same.

It's all all the same!

It's notall
all the same!

Beatrice! Hello!
This is my sister.

Sis, this is
my neighbor beatrice.

How do you do?

I forget your name.

Alice.

So nice to see you,
beatrice.

Alice is going to
be here for a week,

and then she's taking
a cruise to mexico.

Oh, my--
A cruise!

Oh, my!

I'm, uh, john.

This is my son--
The other one.

oh.

He's staying with me
for a while.

He likes this jelly.

Woman: look at that!

Oh, I've heard of that.
It's organic.

You've heard of it?

Oh, yes.
They're very big in
the catalog business.

Really!

Yes. I hear
their jelly is wonderful,
and you know what else?

They have
a peanut butter for $12
that's out of this world.

Well, just think of that.

Leave it to my son.

Woman: so,
you're the writer?

yes.

Well, he hasn't written
anything for a while,

but he's working
on a new book.

Thanks for the
intro, mother.

What are you
writing?

I'm working
on a science
fiction novel.

Like stephen king.

Whoo!
Whoo!

Now, stephen king
could afford this jelly.

My son, I'm not so sure.

[everyone laughs]

let's go.
We got a lot of
shopping to do.

Excuse us.

I will speak to you,
beatrice.

Nice to see you.

Nice to see you,
too, john.

Nice to see you.
Have a nice trip
to mexico.

Thank you.

Don't drink the water.

You see
what you do?

All you do
is apologize for me!

I don't apologize
for you at all.

Maybe I am
a little embarrassed
about the jelly. So what?

Why would you be
embarrassed about
the jelly?

Didn't her sister
like it?

Her sister doesn't
know anything.

You want to know
something about her?

No, I really don't.

She was in some
sort of institution
for a few years.

Nobody knows
what really happened.

She went insane for
spending a few dollars
more for her food.

[crash]

oh, my goodness!

Oh, my.

What did we do?

We must have come
around the same way.

I told you.

This market's
so confusing.

I thought this was
the freezer.

They don't have
a freezer.

Of course they do.

Where were you
trying to go?

Woman:
to the freezer.

And you came around
the same way?

That's so funny!

That is so funny!

It's not
that funny.

Mother,
let's go.

We're right back
where we started.

You know what
they just did?

Don't tell
the clerk!

[beatrice
retells the story]

we're going to turn
into skeletons with
this conversation.

Can you believe this?

Mother, I beg you,
let's go.

Oh, he wants to go.

That's so funny!
I'll talk to you later.

Come on, honey.
Let's get your
nonmeat things.

[laughter continues]

that's very funny.

Honey, look.

I cleared out
the refrigerator.

I'm going to give you
the right-hand side,

and I'll put
your stuff there.

It's like
it happened one night
for food.

Oh, I love that movie.
Clark gable was wonderful.

Do you really
want to separate
the refrigerator?

Oh, yes, dear.
It'll be much easier.

That way you
won't accidentally
eat some meat.

It's good that you
know that about me.

I accidentally eat
things all day long.

What are you doing?

I can't get it to fit
completely on my side.

It's just going to have
to stick over a little.

Mother,
would you forget
the separation?

Just leave the
refrigerator alone.

I can get the stuff
that I like.

I just thought I'd make it
easier for you.

Then don't
manage the food.

My eyes
are connected
to my brain

like in
a real person.

I know exactly
what it is that
I want to eat.

Fine. If you'd
rather not divide it up,
we don't divide it up.

Would you like
some of your food now?

Yes. I'm
a little hungry.

Let me make you
something.

Why don't you
set the table
and sit down?

Honey, tell me again,
because people
will start asking--

You're here why?

why?

Well, it's
complicated, mother,
but you know why.

Well, you're
having problems,
and you're blaming me.

Is that it?

I'm not blaming anyone.

It's just
that things aren't
working out so great

with the women
in my life right now,

and I feel that,
until I can figure
this situation out,

I probably will never
be able to figure that
situation out.

So, you know,
whatever I learn here,

i'll take into
that part of my life
and apply it there.

Hey! That's a very
good way to say it.

Hmm? Oh,
I wasn't listening.

Tell them what?

This is
one of the problems.

Just don't
tell them anything.

Forget it.

Yes. I could pretend
you're here for just
a regular reason.

Yeah--like a visit.
I'm your son.

Yes, of course.
You could be here for
any kind of a reason.

For example, you could
have injured yourself,

and you need me
to take care of you.

I'm not going to limp
for you, mother.

No, no.
Some internal injury.

So you're not making it work
with the women, dear?

No. Things aren't going
so great right now.

Oh, karen was lovely.

What was the problem
there again?

She didn't support me.

Did you support her?

Yeah, I supported her.

Did you, dear?
I remember when she want...

Oh, I forget which one.

What did she want to do
that you didn't want?

Leave me.

Oh. Why would you
support that?

The hell with her, dear.
She wasn't that cute anyway.

Mother,
i'm fine with her.

We don't have to
trash her looks.

What are you doing?

Stop! No more food!
It's like fantasia!

You said you were hungry.

For my whole life,

I've never been able
to deal with these
food questions.

You ask me
if I'm hungry,

I tell you yes,
you bring me food.

You ask me
if I'm hungry,

I tell you no,
you bring me food.

You ask me
the questions,

but you don't listen
to the answers,

so I know I'm
going to get food

no matter
what I tell you.

Therefore,
I adjust how hungry
I tell you I am

to know
how much food
i'm going to get.

From now on, just
bring what you want.

Really. I'll eat
what you bring me,

or I won't eat what
you bring me.

It doesn't matter.

Bring it anyway,
and that's the end
of the food deal.

Honey, I never knew
it was this much
of a problem.

I will never ask you
about food anymore.

Oh, mother,
you can ask me,

but you know
what I mean.

Oh, I just wish
your father were alive

so he could take
a little of this blame.

Is that a joke?

Yes, it is, honey.

Every time you say
something funny,
i'm shocked.

I know.

You must think of me
as some sort of a moron.

No, no.
Not a moron.

Just someone who
thinks I'm a moron.

Well, it takes one
to know one,

doesn't it, dear?

So, let me
ask you something.

The son
does get more
from his mother,

for the most part,
anyway,

than his father,
doesn't he?

Yes, in your case,
but not all the time.

Well, who instilled
the cheapness
and self-loathing?

You, right?

Dear, I'm tired.

We can berate me
tomorrow.

I love you, mother.

You know, if you
talk to the women

the way you talk to me
sometimes,

I can see why
they all leave you.

They didn't
all leave me.

I left some of them.

Really!

I didn't know that.

It is morning
on this strange planet.

We do not know
where we are,

but we are safe,
at least for the moment.

What is outside,
no one will ever know.

What is outside,
nobody...

It is morning
on this strange planet.

We do not know where
we are, but we are safe,
at least for the moment.

What is outside,
nobody will ever know.

No one?

No one.

What is outside,
no one will ever know.

Mother: honey?

Yeah?

I'm going out,
and I'll be back later.

Are you all right?

Yeah.
Where are you going?

I have some shopping
and things to do.

Oh, look at this!

This is beautiful.

Oh, you never
saw one before?

Only in the store.
My goodness,
look what they've done.

Did you ever
use one?

no.

Do you know
how to type?

Do I know
how to type?

I was the fastest
typist in my class.

Number one.

But it was manual.

Then they didn't
do all those things.

Come on. You got
to try it.

Oh, no,
I couldn't do that.

No. Try it.
It's easy.

It's the same
as manual.

It just does
it all for you.

Let's see.

Mother!

You're amazing!

No mistakes,
and you're fast.

I'm impressed.

I never knew this.

Your mother does
a lot of things
you don't know.

Well, that's
why I'm here.

Tell me everything.

You came here to
find out what I do?

I thought you
came here because

of the problems
with the women.

The problems
with the women,

to find out what
you do--the whole
thing. Come on.

Not now, dear.
I have to go.

Oh, mother?

I'm taking you out
to dinner tonight,
so be ready at 8:00.

What?

We have a date.

I want you to be
ready at 8:00 sharp.

I'll pick you up
in your room.

Honey, you don't
have to do that.
I'll make something.

No more house cheese.

This is going to be
a very special evening.

hmm!

To the experiment,
whatever it is.

To the experiment.

And you look good.

but?

What, dear?

Just wondering
when the but's coming.

Is that what
you think I do?

I don't think you do it.
That's what you do.

I don't mean
anything by it.

It's just something
a mother does.

I don't know that
every mother does that.

I don't know think
every mother says,

"honey, you look good,
but your hair is
thinning."

Honey, I never told
you your hair
was thinning.

Yes, you did.

The last time
I was at the house,

on my way out
you called after me,

"look out for your
bald spot." remember?

Well, someone
has to say that.

And by the way,
whatever you did,
it looks wonderful.

You can barely tell.

I used that
minoxidil stuff.

I was one of
the lucky ones.

But it doesn't
work up here, hmm?

What are you--
What is--why?

Why should
it work up here?

I have hair here.
I didn't even
put it here.

I see there's
hair there.

No, no, dear.
I was just--

It's for the back.

That's where I put it.
That's where it worked.

Oh, that's
a miracle.

Just think.

It was a blood
pressure medicine.

Isn't that funny?

They accidentally
found out it grew hair.

Isn't that the way
it always works?

They always
accidentally
find something.

Do you know
how the cane
was invented?

no.

how?

Oh, I don't know,
dear.

I just can't imagine
that was its
original purpose.

Thank you.

that
Looks delicious.

Looks lovely.

And you, sir.

Thank you very much.

Would you like
another martini?

Oh, no.

Yes. 2 olives.

I'm fine. Thank you.

You don't speak to
your brother very
much, do you, dear?

No. No, I don't.

I wonder why.

Maybe it's
the age difference.

Well, age difference,
every difference.

You know, we're just
different. That's all.

I just wish
you could meet
a girl like cheryl.

She's a wonderful girl,
don't you think?

I like her.
Yeah, she's very nice.

So what happened?

You just had
some bad luck?

What do you mean?

I just mean
he seemed to hit
it off right away,

and they have children,
and they're happy, and
you haven't found it.

Well, I can't
help that, mother.

I can't help who I am.
What am I supposed to do?

Of course not, dear.
I know that.

I'm just saying
it's interesting how
someone has good luck

and someone
has bad luck.

Mother, I don't look
at my life as good luck
and bad luck, you know?

I'm on a quest.
We're different people.

He's an agent.
I'm a writer.

There's a big
difference there.

You know something?

Maybe you should
write about that.

What did you say?

I just think you
should think about

writing about real
things--you know,

people, instead of all
that science fiction
all the time.

Science fiction
has people in it.

What kind
of a comment is that?

It's not a bad
comment, dear.

It's just
my opinion.

I mean, I just think
it would be interesting

to write about what's
really right here

instead of all
that made-up stuff--

You know, with
the large heads.

And what was that
one character you had
with just a big hand?

Even if I wrote
about "right here,"

i'd have to make it up,
wouldn't i?

Isn't it more visionary
to make up a world
that doesn't even exist?

Maybe.

Well, maybe you're
right. You're right.

Mother, you don't have
to like science fiction.

I'm not going
to bully you into
liking the genre.

No, dear, I love
science fiction.

No, you don't.

Oh, yes, I do.
I think it's
very creative.

But not as creative
as, what--a story
about brothers?

You know, dear,
you misunderstand me.

I know. Vice versa.

Well, let's change
the subject.

To a new subject.

New subject.

Maybe when you
stopped eating meat,

your writing became
a little thinner.

[telephone ringing]

oh, dear, the phone.

Why don't you get
an answering machine?

I had one,
but it broke.
I never got it fixed.

You don't
get them fixed.
You throw them away.

Hello?

Jeff: hi, mom.

Oh, hi, honey.

Sit down in front
of the camera.

Honey, I just walked in.
I'm exhausted.

Let me use this phone.

Where were you?

We went to the most
beautiful restaurant.

Listen, I closed
a giant deal today.

[whispering] big deal.

Oh, really, dear?

It was fabulous.
It was fabulous!

I'll call you later,
and you can tell me
all about it.

Let me tell you
about it now.
You can't talk now?

Honey, I just walked in,

and I just--well,
i'd like to be able
to concentrate.

Ok. Forget it.
I'll tell you
about it later.

All right, dear.
Sleep well.

Good.
Say hi to john.

All right.

Ok. Bye.

Your brother
says hi.

hi.

Want something
to eat?

You got
to be kidding.

You're not full?

What a wonderful time
we had this evening.
Thank you, honey.

It was fun.

As much as I don't
want to, I guess
i'll go in my room

and see if I can
work a little bit.

You don't feel silly
in that room, huh, dear?

I do a little bit,
yeah.

And yet you still
want to be in there.

Yeah.

I guess you know
what you're doing.

So, tomorrow I figure
we'll go shopping
and have a nice lunch.

Oh, I can't
do anything tomorrow.

Why not?

I have to take
the car in.

What time is that?

9:00.

So how does that
ruin the whole day?

Oh, well, if there's
something wrong,

you know, they might
want me to leave it.

You never know what
they're going to say.

What is wrong
with the car?

It's some sort
of a rattle.

I'll take
a look at it.

No, dear,
I can't do that.

Why not?

You could void
the warranty.

I could what?

They told me
if I took it to
some other place

other than the dealer,
it would void
the warranty.

Mother, I'm not
another place.
I'm your child.

I don't have a waiting
room with magazines
and a service adviser

who's going to tap
you on the shoulder
and talk to you.

I'm your kid.

Honey, forget about it.
You could make it worse.

I can't get over
how much you know
about cars.

I just tightened
the bolt on
the air cleaner.

I don't really know
anything about cars.

It's wonderful,
dear.

I'm sure they would
have found something

to charge me
a fortune for.

It's so nice
to have a man
around the house.

Dad used to fix stuff?

Oh, god, no.

I just always liked
that expression.

[loud buzzer]

ticket machine:
please take the ticket.

[car horn honks]

take that ticket.

Honey, I wonder--

Maybe--I don't know,
but we could park
the car--

It's free. You don't even
have to have it validated.

Just take the ticket.

You don't have to
have it validated?

Take the ticket!

My goodness,
look what they do
at these places!

You've never
been here before?

You know, it's far
from the house.

What am I going to do?
I'm not going to
come here.

It's 10 minutes
from the house.

Oh. Well,
it felt far.

There's a gap
up there.

Come on. I need
some underwear.

Yes, may I help you?

Yeah, I need
to get some
underwear.

ok.

That's my son.

I didn't come
here to pick out
underwear for him.

He's just staying
with me for a while.

Mother, I understand
when you tell
your friends,

but this is a kid
we don't have to
tell this to.

What is your name?

Steve.

Steve, other than
selling us things,

you don't give
a shit about us,
do you?

No, not really.

see?

You tell everyone.

I don't
tell everyone.

You do. You don't
even realize it.

You're just trying
to justify everything
to strangers.

That's not
it at all, dear.

People are just
curious why a grown
man and his mother

would be in
an underwear store.

Who cares
if they're curious?

What difference
does it make?

You see
what's going on?

You want their approval,
I want your approval.

It's all about approval.

We have an approval
problem in this family.

We don't have
anyproblem
in this family,

and lower
your voice.

You're making this
much too serious.

Now, where do you
want to go next?

Well, there's
a little store

down there called
"tell it all."

You go in
and tell them your
most personal secrets.

You're joking?

Yeah.

If only your writing
were that real.

Oh, look at this.

oh!

hi!

Hi, cutie.

Yeah.

Honey,
put that down.

Don't play
with that.

Do you know how
much this dog is?

Mother,
i'm just petting it.

I'm not lennie in
of mice and men.

What am I going
to do, kill it?

But, honey, look,
it's over $3,000.
You don't want to--

Don't want to what?

All right.

Do what you want.

Hello, cutie.

Hi, cutie.

Aw, yes, honey.

My son's in town
just for a while.

That's why we're
shopping today.

Slowed-down voice:
normally he doesn't
live with me.

He's divorced.

Actually,
it's his second divorce.

They just can't seem
to stay married anymore.

I don't know.

I can't believe
that you told him
I was divorced.

Honey, he asked.

Oh, I'm sure he did.
That's what they do
in these stores.

Before they can
sell you a bird,

they need to know
your marital status.

What difference
does it make?

What if we
were man and wife?

shh!
Honey, please!

Oh, mother, I got to run
in here for one second.

I got to get a woman
something very quickly.

What, what?

You're going to get
a woman something
in here?

Yeah.

who?

Excuse me?

Welcome to
victoria's secret.
May I help you?

Yes, I'm buying
my mother a pair
of crotchless panties.

You're what?

Wonderful.
Do you know what
size you are, ma'am?

What size are you?

Uh, n-n-n-i'm--
No size. No--

He's just joking.
He's a writer.

It's all made up.
We're not getting
anything.

We're getting out
of here. Thank you.

She's shy.
Sexy, but shy.

It's an experiment,
you see?

I'm part of
an experiment...

Where we're things
that we're not.

Remind me to call jeff
when I get home.

That's now the 30th time
you told me that.

I don't want
to forget.

What are you
so worried about?
What if you forgot?

That has nothing
to do with it.

You know they want me
to come down there,

and they need to know
about the room.

Come down there?
When?

I was going
to go this weekend.

But I'm here.

You want
to come with me?

No. I just came
from there.

Mother,
we need time alone.

We do?

Look, I don't want
to upset your life.

You do what
you want to do.

You don't want
to upset my life?

I thought
that was part of
the experiment.

No, it's not part
of the experiment.

Go visit jeff.

No. I'll stay
with you.

Are you sure that's
what you want to do?

No, dear, I'm not,
but I'll stay.

Well, christ, mom,
we're all expecting you.

You can't
just do that.

Well, it's just
that john is here.

And let me get
through with him,

and then I'll come
down there.

But how long
will that be?

I don't know,
honey.

He doesn't tell me.

What's going on?

That's great.

You know, somebody
could have told us
before, mother.

We had plans.

What's
the problem?

I should be
asking you that.

We are planned.
Now she's not coming.

You know what?

You talk to her
every goddamned
day of your life.

Can I have this
little bit of time?

I don't talk to her
every goddamned day
of anybody's life,

and you can do
whatever you want.

Get some help,
buddy!

hey!

Watch it, will you?

What's the matter
with you?

My mother's not coming
here this weekend.

Where's she going?

She's staying
up there with john.

So that's ok,
isn't it?

We had a plan,
didn't we?

She was going
to come down here.

We were going
to do something
with the kids. Yes?

Yes. We can't
do something
with the kids?

That's not
the point.

No, that is
the point.

It's almost like
you're not going to live

unless your mother
comes here.

I like to be
with my mother.

Is there something
wrong with that?

I mean, just because
I get along with mine.

Oh, go to hell.

I'm tired of this,
and there's a big
difference

between getting along
with and not being
able to live without.

What does that mean?

It means
you're a mama's boy.

Screw you!

I'm not a mama's boy.

I love my mother.

What's wrong with that?

How do you think
that makes me feel?

You find out
that your mother's
not coming here,

and your world ends.

I don't mean
anything, the kids
don't mean anything.

Don't you think
that's a little odd
at your age?

What are you
afraid of?

I am not afraid
of anything.

What does that mean?

Your brother
went up there

to figure out
his relationship
with his mother.

I think you'd better
do the same thing.

My relationship with
my mother is perfect.
I don't have his problem.

Don't be too sure.

I don't think you know
your mother any better
than he does.

You just cling more.

[door slams]

they say that these
animals have better
memory than even us.

We don't have that
good of a memory.

I don't think
animals get
alzheimer's.

hmm.

You know, I once
read about that.

What did I read?

It was--
I'm thinking.

I think you've just
proved the point.

Now, let's see if this
animal remembers me.

That's the same elephant
as when I was a kid.

How do you know?

Look at his rear.

The white diamond.

Remember?

That's the same animal.

Now, we came here
a lot, right?

We came here dozens
of times. Call him.

hey!

Fatty!

It's john
and his mother.

Remember
we fed you a lot?

Remember?

[aroo]

no, he's walking away.

I guess he doesn't
remember me, huh?

He might remember you.
He might not like you.

Honey,
I don't need this.

Mother, nobody needs
a t-shirt with their
name on it.

We're getting it
just for fun.

These people--

Uh-uh-uh.

You're right.

That looks perfect.
Thanks.

Look at this.

I am very proud
of you.

why?

You know why.
This was a big step.

You didn't make
any explanation,
no apologies.

Now I think we
should graduate

and go on to something
far more embarrassing.

There's a nude beach
nearby, but it's not
very nice out.

That's...a joke?

You think I'd go
to a nude beach?

Very good, mother.

John: mother, stop sign
coming up right here.

Stop sign.

Stop sign!
What are you doing?

Mother: where?

Where?! All right,
that's it.

Hold the penguin.
I'm driving.

Well, look
who's here.

Jeff, honey!

What you got there?

Well, we just came
home from the zoo.
Anything wrong?

No, no.
Nothing at all.

I was just up here
on business.

I thought I'd drop by
and say hello.

Come on in.

hey.

Honey,
I like your suit.

You don't think
it's too long, do you?

Oh, no.

No, look at it.

Business, huh? Came up
here on business?

Who's up here?

What does that mean?

I mean, who do you
represent that lives
in the bay area?

If you knew anything
about sports, there's
about 6 teams up here,

so I don't want
to talk about it, ok?

What should
I make to eat?

You still have
that sherbet?

Absolutely.

Ok. Just a bowl of that
and some of that cheese
if you have that, too.

Mother: good, good.

[whispering]
you like her food?

huh?

Nothing.

So, jeff, everything
all right with you?

Yeah, everything's
all right.

Look, could I speak to john
alone for a second?

Of course, honey.
John, show him your room.

Ha ha!

Yeah,
show me your room.

Let's see that room
of yours, john.

No cheese for me.

oh!

Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, boy!

Look...

Don't take this
the wrong way,

but I think
this is tragic.

Oh, man,
who asked you?

I--i--I don't think
mother has anything
to do with your problem.

Look who's talking.

Look who immediately
got on an airplane

because mommy couldn't
listen to the good news.

What the hell
are you doing here?

I'm here on business.
I told you I'm on
the way to the airport.

Stop bullshitting
yourself.

You don't have
any business here.
You missed mommy.

Listen, I don't make
a living in a room
all day like you, ok?

I travel
all the time.

Please do not tell
me what my business
consists of.

I think you're
kidding yourself,

and I think
you ought to
examine this.

Don't tell me
what to examine.
I have a very nice family.

I think I'm pretty
well adjusted.

Whatever.

Anyway, I'd like mom
to come down this weekend
and see the kids.

So it's no big deal,
really, is it?

Yeah,
it's a big deal.

She already told you
she's staying here
with me.

Why can't you
understand that?

And whose idea was that,
yours or hers?

Oh, I'm telling her
what to say now?

I have children.
Do you understand?
They'll be disappointed.

They want to see
their grandmother.

Whatever it is that
you're doing here,
and god only knows--

I mean, can't it
hold for 2 days?
She'll be back.

Robot to earthling.

Mommy not coming
with you.

Mommy staying here.

Robot to earthling.

ow!

All right, let's see
whose idea it was.

ow!

Mom, if you can
get away for 3 days--

I mean, the kids,
you know, they would
love to see you.

Mother, you've
already made
this decision.

You don't have
to make it again.

Now, don't let him
intimidate you.

Honey, nobody
intimidates me.

Dear, I'm going
to stay up here
for a little while,

and when I'm through
i'll come down
and see everybody.

Fine. I'll just
tell the kids
you're not coming.

Oh, I forgot
about the kids.

Look what
he's doing.

What makes you think
the kids want to
see you, anyway?

Don't you think
they'd rather be
outside playing?

You know,
I always thought that.

I always thought they
stayed indoors for me.

Is that right, jeff?

Mother, don't be silly.
Don't listen to him.

That's right. That's
what I liked to do
when I was a kid.

Stay inside
in a darkened room
with my grandmother.

I don't need this
sarcastic shit.

You don't want to
come, don't come.
It's ok. Fine.

Bye-bye.

bye.

Oh, I feel terrible.

He succeeded now.

See what
he's doing to you?

Honey, don't leave
like this.

Really.
It's nothing.

Then come with me.

"then come with me."
My god, it sounds
like you're lovers.

We're lovers?!

You're the one
that's living with her!

Well, I have
some news for you.

We are lovers.

That's a joke?

No, it isn't a joke.

I didn't want to tell
you earlier. I thought
it would upset you.

No. God! Um--

Why are you
talking like this?

Why would you even say
something like that?
It's disgusting.

Why is it disgusting?
Don't you read history?

It didn't start with me.

I love my mother,
and I love having
sex with her.

Oh, my god!

[mouthing words]

you ought to examine
yourself that you could

even make
a joke like that.

Well, you ought to
examine yourself that
you take it so seriously.

shh!

By the way, you make
so much fun of
the picture phones,

why don't you send
the one I gave
you back, ok?

It's still in
the box. Take it.
I don't give a crap.

Keep it. I get them
for free, anyway.

[whispering]
free?

I told you.
Some gift, huh?

But nothing happened
out of the ordinary?

Uh-huh.

No, no. He just
seemed so upset.

They were having
this argument,

and he stormed
out of the house.

I mean, really,
it was--

hmm?

Oh, now, dear.

Don't be upset
about it, dear.

No. It happens
to everybody.

If you want to,
you can call me later.

Yeah.

All right, honey.

Good-bye, honey.

Who was that?

Cheryl.

I have a theory
about this whole thing.

Do you want
to hear it?

What is it?

Well, the so-called
adjusted one is
actually the sickie,

and the one who
everyone thinks is sick

is pretty darn healthy
to begin with.

Which one are you?

Hey, tomorrow at 11:00--

Oh, honey,
I can't do anything
with you tomorrow.

why?

Don't ask me
any questions.

I have
something to do.

Do you work
for the c.i.a.?

What are you doing?

I hate to talk about
every single thing.

You're secretly
going down to jeff's,
aren't you?

I have a friend who I see
every 3 or 4 weeks

when he comes
through san francisco,

and he's coming.

Normally, we spend
a couple of days together,

but I told him,
because you were here,
just one day.

Well, first of all,
i'm really upset
because I told you

not to alter your life
because of me.

I'm not having somebody
stay in the house
when you're here.

He stays over?

Well, not really.

Not really?

Well, do you want me
to go to a hotel?

That's a waste
of money.

Which hotel?

I don't want
to go to a hotel.

I want to stay
in my room.

I know, honey.

That's why he's not
staying over this time.

But I do have
to see him.

What's his name?

Charles.

I'm curious--
Why have I never heard
of this man before?

I don't tell you
everything.

It's not that important.

Not that important?

Gee, mother,
I would think

a man that
you're intimate with
is pretty important.

Dear,
we're not intimate.

We just have sex
occasionally.

Oh...

I mean, oh.

[doorbell rings]

oh, hello.

You must be charles.

You must be
the other son.

Are you still blocked?

Still blocked?

Yeah. Word travels,
doesn't it?

I've heard
an awful lot
about you.

Your mother's
very proud of you.

I thought you had
the wrong address.

Now I'm positive.

You should hear her
talk about you.

I have.
That's why I'm here.

When you're not here,
she brags her head off.

What does she do?

Marvel that I can
get all of my fat
under my clothes?

No, I haven't heard that one.
How do you do that?

Oh, there she is.

I see you've met.

What are you two
talking about?

Just the whole damn thing,
that's all.

[whispering]
honey, don't bother him
with the experiment.

He'll never understand.

I didn't say anything.

He's not like us.

I didn't tell anything.

All right,
i'm ready to go.

Honey, there's some food
in the refrigerator.

Mother, you promised.
No more food talk.

All right, dear.

Be asleep
when we get home.

You have that
food problem, too?

So he didn't want
to stay in a hotel.

Let's not let that
ruin our evening.

Oh, it's not
ruining anything.

By the way,
for later on,
i, uh...

I rented that movie.

Oh, we're not
watching any movies.
No, no, no.

You'll just
drop me off.

What?

This is not
the time for that.

When he goes back
to los angeles,
you'll show me.

I don't want
to wait that long.

When is he
going back?

I don't know,
but no movies--
Not tonight.

Now, please.

Beatrice, I'm sorry,
but I don't understand.

Well, think about it.

I have a 40-year-old man
20 feet away,

and I don't feel
very private.

Wasn't that one
of your fantasies?

A 40-year-old man...
20 feet away...

No. That was
a 60-year-old man
6 feet under.

Now I'm warning you,
he's my son,

and I don't want
to talk about it.

All right.

Let's just have
a nice dinner,

and then maybe later
you'll change your mind.

I'm not going
to change my mind.

No movies, no nothing,
until he goes home.

Well, we can talk
about it in the car,
can't we?

That's a silly place
to talk about it.

God forbid, what if
we got pulled over?

I think you're thinking
of dirty underwear.

They don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, don't be too sure.

When they point
those things at you,

I just wonder
what they really know.

Man on tv:
...beef jerky,

just marinate in
a combination of soy sauce
and brown sugar.

Place the meat on the trays,
you plug it in,

and that's all there is
to making beef jerky.

Second man on tv:
I learned technique.

That's why I wrote
the warner book, technique.

Take a look at paul avaloni.

Look at him--
60-inch waist.

Look at this.
That's what we're talking about.

Right?

Third man on tv:
look at this.
Really fine.

Fourth man on tv:
this is perfect.

So many recipes call
for chopped onion.

That's right,
and mexican food--

Oh, I love
mexican food.

Fifth man on tv:
but watch how
it works, ladies.

Woman on tv:
we're ready.
This is great.

Second woman on tv:
we've seen this once.

First woman:
look at the smile
on ari's face.

Now, ron, you're about
3 inches from his scalp--

Ron: that's all you do.

And you're just
spraying it,

like you would
a bottle of hairspray.

It's as simple
as that.

[whispering]
jeanette's secret locket.

[indistinct whispering]

"as I turned the corner
on main street,

the sun was shining
right behind me."

Princess anna.

Irene takes a lover.

"the room was dark
except for the slash of light

"that peeked
through the curtains.

"irene dreaded going home.

"the darkness of the house

equaled the darkness
of her marriage."

This looks good.

Unbelievable.

Ha ha ha!

Please?

shh.

No, I'm just
saying please.

Don't beg--
Not here.

What if he's asleep
already?

You said he's a very
sound sleeper.

That's jeff.
I don't think
this one ever sleeps.

Why don't we just
go in and see,

and then if he's up,
i'll leave.

Well, all right.

John?

Oh, hi.

What are you doing?

What do you mean?

Why do you have
all this stuff out?

Well, I'm just
looking at it.

Well, who told you
you could do that?

That's mine.

Who told you
to do that?

What right have you got
to touch my stuff?

Mother,
take it easy.

I just saw the boxes
in the closet.

Mother?

I'll call you later.
I need to talk to john.

Are you sure?
I thought maybe--

That's it.

Good night.

Good night.

I am very upset
with you, really.

I don't rummage
through your stuff.

I didn't do anything.
What's the big deal?

What have you got
to hide?

I have nothing to hide.

These boxes are put away
for a reason.

What reason?

My reason.

All right,
i'm putting it
all away.

Mother...

Mother?

Did you write
all that stuff?

No. A little elf
wrote it.

Of course I wrote it.

You know,
the children's story
was beautiful.

I'm not sure what
you're talking about.

I've written
many of those,

and that was
a long time ago.

And I'll tell you
something--

If I thought people
would be rummaging
through this,

I don't think
I would have saved
anything.

What are you talking
about, people?
I'm your goddamn son.

Please.

Oh, mother,
we're 7 walls away
from another ear.

What else
did you look at?

I was just looking
through the boxes

and just seeing
what was in them,
that's all.

That was another
part of me.
That's the past.

You know I don't like
to look back.

Your father always said,

"never look back.
They might be
gaining on you."

I think it was
satchel paige
who said that.

So when did you do
all this stuff?

It was
a long time ago.

You weren't
even born then.

What are you doing?
You smoke?

I'll have one
once a year

when I'm feeling
this way.

Boy, you really
must be upset.

Look, we're actually
using the living room.

I'm going to take
all those boxes
out of there.

You can have
the entire closet.

We'll do it
in the morning.

You don't have to
take the boxes out.

If you ask me
not to look at it,
I won't look at it.

I think
it'll be safer.

Oh, safer, whatever.
Take them all out.
I don't care.

Honey, do you
remember once

when I looked at your
high-school yearbook

and how upset you were
because of the pictures
you didn't like?

You weren't looking at
my high-school yearbook.

You were showing it
to everyone.

That's what I remember.

"look, everybody.
Doesn't his head
look a little big?"

remember?

Wait a second.

It just occurred to me.
This is why I write
about big heads.

Oh, blame
something else on me.

I'm not blaming
anything on you.

I think that's
a very good character.

He's not
a good character.

You want
to know why?

yes.

You make someone
with a head that big,

but he's stupider
than everyone else.

I was just trying
to be different.

Why can't a guy
have a big head
and still be stupid?

Why is his head
that big, then?

Well, part of it's empty.

Honey, no god's
going to create

a head that big
with nothing in it.

What about
the dinosaurs?

Their heads
were full.

They just had
small heads.

You never saw a dinosaur
with a huge head
and a little brain.

Their brain was the size
of their head.

I don't know
how the hell we got
on this subject,

but you should
see yourself when you
talk to me about this.

You just light up.

Boy, mother,
you must have stuffed

the creative part
of you way down there
somewhere.

Oh, no. You're not
going to analyze me
at midnight.

Which children's story
did you read?

The one about the flight
around the world.

That was
about amelia earhart.

Do you remember her?

Yes, of course I do.

That was very clever,
what you did.

You took a real character,
but you turned it
into fiction.

You know, that was
way ahead of your time.

Woodward and bernstein
did that.

I'm trying to think
of who that is.

It doesn't matter.
It's a compliment.

So tell me something--
Where did you learn
all about this stuff?

Did you think I was
born yesterday?

You know, every child
thinks their mother

just came to life
when they were born.

I was around a long time
before you.

Well, that's the part
i'm trying to find out.

Every time I ask a question,
you don't seem to want
to talk about it.

Well, it's in the past.

Stop saying that, mother.
It's not in the past.

That past is plopped
all over our lives.

How much have you written?

Did you ever get
anything published?

No, I never published.

Your father talked me
out of it.

Why would he do that?

Well, you know, dear,
in those days a woman
didn't have a career.

You know, she just...

Raised children
who she hated
for ruining her life

and killing her chances
at doing the one thing
she loved.

Well, my goodness.

I never heard it put
exactly like that,

but...yes...

I'm afraid that's true.

[softly]
we did it.

We figured it out,
mother.

Look what just happened.

We know why you hate me.

We know why
she hates me!

♪ we know why
she hates me ♪

I don't hate you.
Stop it!

Sit down!

Mother,
this is so exciting!

I want to hear everything.

Tell me exactly,
when did you
start to write?

I started
in high school,

and then I got
a scholarship
to college.

Because
of the writing?

Yes. That's where
I met your father,
in college.

You know that.

Yeah, but I never knew
how you got there.

No kid knows what
his parents majored in.

I never told you,
huh?

so no wonder
you like jeff better.

There's no threat there.

I just have to be
a huge threat to you.

I don't like
jeff better.

But still, he doesn't
represent the writer.

I represent
what you had to stop.

Maybe you're right.

How do you like that?

Listen to me.

I'm sorry, mother.

I wish I could have
done something to change
all of this--

You know that--

But I had nothing
to do with it.

But for the very first time,
for the first time,

I don't see you
as my mother.

I see you as a failure...

And it's wonderful.

I'm a failure,
and that's wonderful?

All right, honey...

If that's what you need.

Mother, I'm going into town
for a little bit.

I'll be back later.

Oh, honey, listen.
I was thinking
this morning.

As long as you have
your computer in there,

I don't think
one phone line
is enough.

So go ahead and get
the other phone line

that you wanted
just for the computer.

Thanks, but
I don't need it.

why?

Because
we're through.

We did it.

We did?

Mother, I came here
not understanding
anything,

and now I understand
all of it.

So just live
your life, ok?

Live your life,
and I'll do
the best I can.

I don't blame you
for anything anymore.

It's not your fault.

I see you
as a real person.

You do?

Yes, and it's fine.

My goodness. I didn't get
that moment that you did.

You will.
Don't worry.

So you don't need
to stay, then?

No. I'm fine.

Go down to l.a.
Stay with jeff.

Sleep with charles.
Do whatever you want.

Oh...

But, mother,
just think.

From now on,
when we talk
on the phone,

we don't talk
as mother and son.

We talk like
2 writers.

One blocked
and insecure,

one stifled
and angry.

Which one am i, dear?
I forget.

So, are you going to
go back to work now?

No. I think I'm going
to take a couple
of weeks off

and just enjoy
this realization.

Maybe I'll even
buy myself
some new clothes.

That's what
I like to hear.

Do buy yourself
some new clothes.

All right,
i'll make you
a deal.

For every new piece
of clothing I buy,

you buy
one brand-new ounce

of very expensive
cheese.

Does kraft count?

Oh, mother,
that's so sweet.

Yes. Yes,
kraft counts.

I'll Miss you.

I'll Miss you, too,
mother.

Bye. Love you.

If it gets cold,
put the top up.

[honk honk]

woman:
oh, my god.

John henderson?

yes?

Planet 7 was
the best book
I've ever read.

What did you say?

Planet 7 was
the best book
I've ever read.

You're kidding me.

Why would I kid you?
My god, what about
planet 8?

I loved that one, too.

You read planet 8?

Yeah, and I read
the day there was
no earth twice.

Twice?

Mm-hmm.

Did you like
the character
with the big hand?

I loved that character.

Are you married?

No, I'm not married.

So, where
do you live?

In los angeles.

Well, me, too.

Why don't you
follow me,

and we'll stop
along the way

and talk and eat
and get to know
each other.

By the time
we get there,

it'll be
like 5 dates.

God, that's
so creative.

Um...

Well, yeah,
that sounds wonderful.

That's a yes?

That's a yes.

Great.

This isn't
a practical joke,
is it?

Nobody sent you here,
like my brother
or somebody.

What are you
talking about?

Nothing. It's just
this liking me stuff

is all virgin
territory,
that's all.

I'm not used to it.

I'll get used to it.

You'll help me.

You read
the whole book...

Ok, so follow me.

Follow you.

[telephone rings]

hello?

Oh, honey, I'm working.
May I call you back?

bye.

♪ and here's to you,
mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ your grown son is
moving back today ♪

♪ hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ god help him, please,
mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ he looks to you
to help him with his life ♪

♪ he lost a wife ♪

♪ again ♪

♪ he'd like for you
to welcome him ♪

♪ and make him feel at home ♪

♪ he needs to know
you like him coming back ♪

♪ he knows that you are busy
with problems of your own ♪

♪ but please,
when you see him ♪

♪ try not to attack ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, please,
mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ soon your house
will add another one ♪

♪ it's your son ♪

♪ remember, please,
mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ you're the reason
why he's here at all ♪

♪ so, mother, dear ♪

♪ don't drop the ball ♪

♪ and here's to you,
mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ your grown son is
moving back today ♪

♪ hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ god help him, please,
mrs. Henderson ♪

♪ he looks to you
to help him with his life ♪

♪ he lost a wife ♪

♪ again ♪

♪ he wants
to get to know you ♪

♪ to understand his mom ♪

♪ he'd like
to understand himself ♪

♪ he'd like to see just where
everything went wrong ♪

♪ instead of putting
all the problems on the shelf ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, please,
mother henderson ♪

♪ now's the time
to step up to the plate ♪

♪ it's your fate ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, please,
mother henderson ♪

♪ destiny has given
you a call ♪

♪ it's time to take ♪

♪ down the wall ♪

♪ take down the wall ♪

♪ dee dee dee dee
dee dee ♪

♪ dee dee dee dee
dee dee dee ♪