All language subtitles for Glory.Daze.1995.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

( rock theme playing )

( alarm ringing )

JACK:
You ever wonder what happens

to all the overeducated,
pampered rich kids

the art colleges churn out
year after year?

So did I.

After all, in two days,
I was gonna join them.

Being a well-adjusted
model citizen, of course,

I was looking forward
to it.

Graduation was just
two days away

and I couldn't wait
to get started

on that wife and kids
and pension-plan thing.

On Sunday, we'd all be going
our separate ways,

me and the scumbags
I live with.

Mickey drew cartoons
for the local funny papers.

We started as freshmen
together,

but he still had a year
to go.

MICKEY:
Why do I always gotta go
last?

JACK:
He was big, clumsy,
and he never combed his hair.

Chicks dug him.
Fucking mystery to me.

ROB:
Who's that? Who's there?
Jack?

JACK:
Fat fuck.

Yeah. Is that you, Rob?

JACK:
Rob was moving to L.A.
with his woman.

We'd all been poisoning him
against her

because, well,
that's what guys do,

but so far,
it hadn't worked.

I can give you something
right here.

Hey, man. Don't-- Ah! Ow!

You scalded me.

You know what that does
to my skin?

Hey.

Hey.
Hungover?

JACK:
Slosh had morphed
from computer geek

to raving drunk
in under a year.

Want me to
cook you up some?

For months now,
he'd been mailing bad poetry

to Charles Bukowski.
Who did that to you?

No one wanted to tell him
Buke was dead.

Well...

What are you, a madman?

No.

Just like to live
dangerously.

JACK:
The head rooster was Dennis.

He was a professional student
who'd been living in the attic

and lording over the place
for the past six years.

DENNIS:
Good morning, youngsters.
Good morning.

Ah, morning.

Ah.

Did you notice Rob skulk in
last night, huh?

Perhaps a little trouble
in doggy land?

We could only hope, huh?

Slosh brewed you up
a fresh pot of coffee.

JACK:
Dennis changed majors
more often

than he changed
his underwear.

First cup of joe of the day.
Mm.

As for me, my name's Jack.

Happy-go-fucking-lucky
as the day I was born.

Yeah, the salad days
were winding down all right,

and I wasn't sure,
but I think I hated it.

( The Vandals' "It's a Fact"
playing )

♪ You know when you're sure
That no one gives a crap ♪

♪ You're right on track ♪

♪ It's a fact ♪

♪ And when you believe
Things are good ♪

♪ It's guaranteed
You're up your ass ♪

♪ It's a fact ♪

♪ When you've got a sure thing
You're sure to fuck it up ♪

♪ It's one thing
You can count on every time ♪

♪ It's a fact ♪

♪ You know every time
You think you've got it right ♪

MAN:
We should go out, baby?

( laughing )

JACK:
There's something about seeing
your ex-girlfriend

slobbing on some other guy's
knob that makes you say,

"Hey, thanks, babe.
I miss you too."

( The Vandals' "It's a Fact"
continues playing )

♪ In five billion years
The sun will explode ♪

♪ It's in the bible ♪

♪ It's a fact ♪

♪ And no one will know
That we were ever here ♪

♪ It's a fact
It's a fact ♪

♪ So rest assured in knowing
That what you do don't matter

♪ Someone can do it better
Anyway ♪

♪ It's a fact ♪

( sighs )

Next.
Psychology major, right?

Hey, let me tell you something.
I love my mother,

but not as much
as you guys say I do. Heh.

Hey, check out my head size.
Think it needs to be shrunk?

( chuckling )

Next.
Hey, break a leg.

No, do me a favor.
Break two.

You're a history
of consciousness major, right?

( chuckling ):
Next.

You got me waiting
in line here ten minutes

while you're telling jokes.

Let's move it
right along then, shall we?

Name?
Freeman, Jack.

Ooh. I'm sorry.

I'm afraid I can't
let you graduate

with the bad haircut, man.

Next. Heh.

I'm just kidding.
I already had you marked up.

Welcome to the real world.

Know what? I really
like that Hate T-shirt.

The whole angry young man,
black thing.

Generation--
You know what I mean?

It's cool.
It's the name of a comic book.

Borrow your pen
for one second?

Absolutely.

You happy now, cocksucker?

Next.

If she liked me,
she would have said,

"Why don't you have a bagel
and I'll join you after--?"

She didn't even ask me
to join--

All right,
Mickey, Mickey, Mickey.

When are you gonna learn?

You gotta be more aggressive.
You gotta--

RENTAL TRUCK GUY: Listen--
You know, I don't--

What is it--?

Right.
Excuse me, sir.

Yeah. Two minutes.
Two seconds, be right there.

Meet you over there?
Okay, uh-huh. Yeah.

I mean--
Okay, bossa nova,

if you know so much,
how come you slept

at El Rancho
last night?

You know, it's really
interesting how you celibates

all keep little tabs
on my whereabouts.

What's that about, huh?
Yeah.

Think about
the psychology there.

We had an argument
about her mother.

I never even met
this woman,

and she's trying
to exert her power over me.

You never met
Joanie's mom before?

I've been avoiding it
for 18 months.

What's the big deal?
It's not a big deal.

I just--
I have a thing with moms.

I had a bad experience once.

Now, I'm about to move to L.A.
with Joanie.

And her mom
is renting us an apartment

five minutes from her house.
Heh.

My life is fast becoming--

It's a joke.
My life's a joke.

Like...
Yeah.

She's a beaut, ain't she?
ROB: Yeah, it's nice.

RENTAL TRUCK GUY:
You boys just graduating,
ain't you?

Well,
this is the machine for you.

I don't say that

because I read it
in some goddamn manual.

I say that from grade-A
champion experience, all right?

I mean, me and the missus,
couple of weeks ago,

come in here
in this particular machine.

Her mother rode along
with us.

We got here,
ten minutes later,

hell, they hit the road.
I ain't seen her since.

I don't know, goddamn it--

What it's all about, but...

Anyway, back to the truck.
Okay. We just wanna--

This here's the one.
We just wanna--

I'm ready
to hot diggity deal.

I believe you.

Brilliant.
Absolutely wonderful.

No. Really?

What, you really think so?
Oh, yes.

I particularly love

those intriguing references
to the Hopi.

Hopi?

The Native American
Indian tribe.

Yeah.
Yeah.

I've been there,
out on that third mesa.

There in the middle
of the Arizona desert

is a simple,
primitive people

that has kept
its culture intact.

I got this belt buckle
for a song.

( both laugh )

That's really something.

What, so you're gonna
accept my thesis?

Well, now...

Walk with me.

LUTHER:
Dennis, I like you,

and I am positively wild
about your work.

Now, I know
you're about to graduate,

but I'd like you to stay on

and act as my assistant
next year,

my understudy, if you will.

There'll be credit
towards your master's degree

and, of course,
a modest stipend.

( sighs )

Luther,
I don't know what to say,

but I got accepted
to Michigan.

I'm starting a master's
business program in the fall.

Dennis,
a boy with your insight

should not stifle
his creativity

in the pursuit
of filthy lucre.

Remember, my boy,

it is poetry
that will save the world,

not commerce.

Corpus Christi pole.

Won't find another one
between here

and the Peruvian high Andes.

Please be careful.

Culmination of centuries
of the evolution of art.

Took my sculpture students
two semesters to complete.

Hmm. Well, it's--
Hey, it's pretty awe-inspiring.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

You will think over my offer,
won't you?

Yes.

Yes, I definitely will.
Thanks, Dennis.

MAN:
This truck here's
calling your name.

You see that guy?
Zoinks, man.

Ha-ha-ha. The guy was heavy.
That's gonna be me, man.

No, man.
Oh, I'm telling you.

No.
I move in with Joanie,

her mom creeps into my life.
I turn into that guy.

No, man. Dude, Joanie is not
like that at all, man.

That does not-- I mean,
I wish I had your problem, man.

Joanie's an incredible woman.
You'll deal.

I'll deal, I'll deal.
I don't wanna just deal.

I'm supposed to be excited
about this.

Listen, you know I love her.

I love her to death.
I'm just...

I'm not sure if I'm ready for
this. I'm stressed out, sick.

Look at my gums.
Look at this. Come here.

Look at that.
Oh, yuck.

See that?
I wanna see.

I gotta go to the dentist now.
Excuse me.

You're Mickey, right?
From The Mickey Chronicles?

Yeah.

I think you're terrific.
Oh, thanks.

Would you autograph this
for me?

Yeah.

There you go.
Thanks.

See you.
I--

Hey, what's the matter
with you? What are you doing?

They're waiting for you
to go talk to them.

No, man, they're just--

They just like
the comic strip thing.

Look, I don't stand a chance
with women like that.

What, are you out
of your mind?

There's a legion
of these little freshmen chocha

who worship you.

You're like the black Ziggy.

Great. I'm the little, lovable
potato guy with no neck.

Just...

( NOFX's "Kill
All the White Man" playing )

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
Kill all the white man ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
Kill all the white man ♪

♪ The white man call himself
Civilized ♪

♪ 'Cause he know
How to take over ♪

Oh, man, you know,
you shouldn't be stealing beers

from your gracious employer.
How come?

It's unethical.
You should let me steal them.

Ah. Shit.

Besides,
you think there's a cornucopia

of shitty, menial jobs
in this town

for a college dropout
like yourself?

Hey, they're already open.

Slosh is the man.

DOC:
Slosh.

Hey, Doc.

What are you doing
back there, man?

I'm getting cheese, Doc.

You know,
grooving to the tunes.

Okay, that's gonna cost you
3 bucks,

same as a customer.

You know I don't like

to get all heavy
and uncool, man,

but what do you think I'm
running here, a soup kitchen?

It's just a job, man.
I'll get another.

A couple years ago,
you were Mr. Straight Apple,

Computer Science,
Goody Two-shoes guy, right?

Now look at you.
You're an embarrassment.

Let me tell you something.
You could've had one of these.

♪ We ran into some punky kids
Bought some beers ♪

Hey, we got free pizza
and beer.

Why don't you get off
my nuts?

They waving at you?
Yeah.

Hey!

KID:
Fucker! Get out!

Watch it, man.
( laughing )

Jesus Christ.
Fuck you.

( Slosh laughs )

JACK:
What, do you know those fags?

A bunch of freshmen.
They just moved in.

Sorry about that.

It's an oldie, but a goodie.

ROB:
The young Slosh.

Our little boy.
He's grown up.

JACK:
Honey, I'm home.

SLOSH:
Hey, dude.

MICKEY:
Scumbags.
Where'd you get the pizza?

From that place
Slosh used to work at.

What, again?
Howdy, sir.

Oh, man. Jesus Christ.

Slosh,
you quit every two weeks.

This time
I'm getting fired.

It looks like you guys don't
wanna share the windfall--

ALL:
Hey!

Slosh. Slosh is the man.

Come on. Brew me.

Here we go.
All right.

MICKEY:
To Slosh.

Hey, Rob, where you going?
To the bar,

pick up my paycheck.
Meet you at the Boardwalk.

Oh, yeah, he's gotta check in
with the warden first.

That's what's happening
here.

Oh, don't run off with Joanie.
Just ride down with us.

It's a boys' night.
Don't be a whipped dog.

Oh, Jack, Jack,

do we really wanna talk
about being pussy-whipped?

Need I remind you
of a certain woman

whose first name starts
with the letter Dina?

All right, fuck you, man.
Oh, man.

Listen,
I'm not gonna bring her along,

if that's
what you're worried about.

Any more smart-ass comments
before I go?

DENNIS:
Yeah, just one.

Who's been using
my coffee mug?

I don't know.
Does anybody give a rip?

I found it out on the front
stoop this afternoon.

Now, I thought
I made this abundantly clear

that there are two things
that nobody touches, yeah?

My Vespa and my mug.

That's right. Now,
come to find that one of you

syphilitic swine had
his diseased lips on the thing?

All right.
Have a stroke, Pappy.

Ah. See? The guilty party.

It's outrageous.

You know, Chelsea said
she'd be there tonight.

You like Chelsea now?

Good for you.
You should go for her.

I didn't know you were
planning another one

of your Waterloos of love.

Let's get going.
Don't wanna miss this.

DENNIS: Yeah, gotta go.
( all laugh )

( indistinct chattering )

Oh, Christ, here they come.

JACK: Hey.
ROB: Hey.

Hey, sorry we're late.
Joanie wanted to come.

I hope you guys don't mind me
tagging along.

It's just-- It's my last chance
to go on the log ride.

No, by all means.

This collar
looks a little tight.

Just brace yourself,
Joanie.

The lads may get a tad immature
for your tastes.

Hey, just pretend I'm not here.
No, it's gonna be fun.

It's gonna be a lot of fun.
It's fun.

Getting geared up for
the big move to L.A.?

Yes. I have so much to do.
I haven't even started packing--

Yeah, right. Let's get going
before the lines get too long.

Come on. Hustle along.
Let's go.

Well, let's go.

( Jack chuckling )

( Mr. T Experience's "I Just
Wanna Do It With You" playing )

♪ I've been up all night
And down all day ♪

♪ 'Cause we're such
a good couple ♪

JACK:
Ha! Hey!

Nobody beats the big log.

You should've paddled faster.
Right.

SLOSH:
Sorry about that.
They started it.

She's all right. Right, baby?
Yeah, I'm fine.

CHELSEA:
Mickey!

Oh, what's up?
Guess who.

Hey, Chelsea.
Hi, guys.

Ride the roller coaster
with me.

Oh, I'm actually
kind of hungry.

Hey, man,
ride the roller coaster.

Oh, I was about to get
a chimichanga.

Look, you just had
an ice cream sandwich.

I sat on that.
Oh, go.

Go now. You are--

Come on, faster.

What's wrong with him?
You think she likes him?

Mickey!
ROB: Hey!

♪ I love you
Everything I said is true ♪

♪ I'm just a simple man ♪

♪ Who you could do
Much better than ♪

♪ Still I ask
Respectfully ♪

♪ Will you waste your life
With me? ♪

♪ Then anything you wanna do
I just wanna do it with you ♪

♪ I just wanna do it
With you ♪

DENNIS:
So we're leaving
the chancellor's party.

We've got a case of wine
and several trays of sushi

that we've purloined
from the catering truck

and our good buddy Flailin' Ed
sneaks upstairs.

JACK:
Flailin 'Ed,
that guy was a genius.

Who's Flailin' Ed?
No, you don't wanna know.

Shut the fuck up.
Let him tell the story.

Shh.

He was this Hunter S.
Thompson-style drunk that...

He used to live
at El Rancho.

Right.
So we're thinking, you know,

what the hell
is this guy gonna do, right?

By now, he's out of his mind
on amyl nitrate.

I mean, he's drooling,
and he's got this...

So anyway, Ed moseys on up
into the master bedroom

and drops a Lincoln Log
in the tub.

( all laugh )

( upbeat theme playing )

ROB:
We had a great run, Slosh.

If you and Mickey
get a nice apartment...

JACK:
You ever stop and wonder,

what if what I got going is
the best I'm ever gonna get?

You'd be stupid
not to make it last.

I was beginning to think,
"Hey, fuck it.

One more spin
on the merry-go-round, slick.

I'll pay you Tuesday."

( telephone ringing )

DENNIS:
Give me some loving. Get up.

MICKEY:
What's the matter with you?

( Dennis mumbling )

Man, I'm starving.

( phone ringing )
ROB: You just ate.

I didn't eat a damn thing
all day, man.

Why give me shit every time
I put something in my mouth?

Well, because
you got a fat ass.

Oh, you can lick my crack,
the three of you, okay?

SLOSH:
Jack, phone.

Got it!

Slosh, hang up the phone!

Hello?

Oh, hey, Mom.

Do what?

Do I have
another girlfriend yet?

That's funny, Mom.

No. Give me a break.

No, Mom,
I haven't seen Dina in a while.

What?

Graduation?

It's on Saturday.

No, I just figured
you guys didn't want to.

You know, it's basically
the same as high school grad.

With the robes and the stupid
square hats, so...

Fuck it up, all right?
You'll get a clue.

Uh-huh. Right.

Go on.

( indistinct chattering
on TV )

JACK: You had a good time?
ROB: Yeah. Mm.

Well, is Dad coming too?

ROB:
Here, check this out.

So, you know,
my mom always sa--

( sighs ):
Oh, great. That's great.
It'll be a lot of fun.

Uh-huh.

Right.

( slow rock theme playing )

JACK:
Uh-huh.

Mom, I gotta go, all right?

Yeah, okay.

I'll talk to you soon.
Me too, Mom.

Yeah. See you Saturday. Bye.

You're not gonna show this
to anyone. You promise?

JACK:
I promise.

Yes. Very beautiful.
Okay, promise one more time.

JACK:
Yes, I promise.
I promise. I promise.

Wow, oh, my God.

( giggles )
JACK: Okay. No, come on.

Okay, hold on.
Just let me put this down.

I'm coming. Good.

Don't you worry. One second.

Just let me put this down.
Yes.

Hello. Hi, Mom.
DINA: Oh, God, don't say Mom.

Wave. Let's go.

( Dina giggling )

( Dina continues giggling )

DINA:
You still have your shoes on.

It's still a little rough.

So you try to get your guy
to kill all the evil bunnies.

You know, Slosh, I bet

if you change
the bunny rabbits to--

Oh, say, Nazis or something,

I bet
you could sell that thing.

No, it's just for fun.

Whatever.

You know what?
Guys, I'm not moving out.

MICKEY:
What?

You heard me.
I'm not moving out.

I'm staying here at Cruz
for another year at El Rancho.

MICKEY: Oh, bullshit.
Yeah, think about it.

Landlord ain't rented
the place yet.

I mean, he'd be tickled
three shades of pink

to keep getting checks
from us. Right?

Think about it.

You guys really wanna
give this place up?

What about the bar?

I mean,
this is a fucking great bar.

We're just gonna,
what, leave it here

for the next asshole
who moves in?

We couldn't do that
to the bar.

SLOSH:
Well, Mickey and I,

were gonna take it
to the new apartment.

Had some good times
at this bar, man.

Hey, Rob,
you remember we went down

and got the glass cut
and beveled to fit the top?

What a pain in the ass
that was?

( all chuckle )

MICKEY:
It wasn't cheap,
that's for sure.

I don't know. I just--

I figured now
that school's over, you know,

I think we owe it
to ourselves.

Relax a little bit, you know?
Take it easy.

A few grins.

If you guys stayed,
that'd be fucking awesome, man.

Fuck, yeah, man.
Yeah, it would.

I mean, we could put
the band back together.

Be like it was
in the old days.

We'd have a fucking
great time, man.

These punks are easy, man.
It's just you two guys.

Oh, no, no, no.
Don't start with me, man.

Rob. Come on.
Where's our band gonna be

without our suave, sexy,
front man guy, huh?

After you got all
fucking mature and quit on us,

the band fell apart.
We're nothing without you.

SLOSH: Yeah.
( laughs )

It's not gonna work.

Dennis.
Yeah?

Business school in Michigan?

Who are you kidding?
You got three degrees already.

The whole thing's
a fucking joke, man.

Seriously, what,
are you just gonna walk away

from your photography
after you spent a year on it?

You're finally getting
your eye, putting it together.

It's starting to look good.
Okay, okay, okay.

Actually, it's sort of funny
that you bring this up,

because Luther
sort of offered me

an apprenticeship.
What?

Yeah. He asked me to stay on
next year.

Are you serious?
Yes, I am.

He is offering me a salary
and credit towards my MFA.

Dennis.

You've been dying to transfer
to Michigan since I met you.

Yes, I know. So I will defer
my enrollment.

I mean, you know, come on.
What's another year, right?

I mean, we're young and stupid
and unattached.

JACK:
I was gonna go
and live with my brother.

That can wait
another year, man.

Joanie's not gonna wait a year.
She'll flip out.

MICKEY:
You gotta be kidding me.

Rob,
you can't fight this, man.

I mean, come on.
You know, I need this.

We all need this.

Jesus, let's rage against
the dying of the light a little.

Yeah. Come on.

MICKEY:
You don't wanna end up
like the rental truck guy.

Forget about the skirt. There
are more where she came from.

And throw off the shackles.

Come on, it'll be like
the fucking old days.

Please, Rob.
I'm begging you, man.

I'm on my hands and knees,
kissing your smelly ass.

All right, let's do it.
Let's do it.

Just stay away from my ass.
Go!

ALL:
Yeah!

( rock theme playing )

Hey, bring your friends
to the El Rancho

tomorrow night.
Free beer.

( Dennis humming )

Oh, yeah.
You know how long it's been

since I've been
with anybody besides Joanie?

No, but I bet you do.

Eighteen months.
Ow!

Oh, that's a long time
for the king of swing.

Wow. Mm, yeah.

DENNIS: I think she likes you.
ROB: Yeah.

There you go.
That's a Mickey original.

♪ Pick it up, pick it up
Pick it up ♪

Mick, you're a mindblower.

Hey, is that that nut beer?

Why don't you give this up?
I'll give you a nut.

Get out of here,
you cheap screw. Buy your own.

Come on, man.
Why are you coming at me

with the cheap screw
thing for?

I just want a taste-- What?

Every time we go out,
for four years now,

you buy that piss water,
then you want my import.

You think
I'm not onto this routine?

You really-- You ought
to watch out for that stuff.

Because there's stuff in there
that'll give you a butt cancer.

What are you talking about?

This is good beer.
Oh, no, no.

Delicious, no doubt,

but you see
the darker-yielding hops,

they tend to get trapped
in your colon and fester

until that magical moment

when your prostate drops out
like a peach pit.

Wait, hey, hey. Oh, Edgar.

There's been a terrible mistake
here. See this party?

This party was last weekend.
The party is over.

They've already cleaned up
all the cups. Sorry.

Who invited that dork?

Treacherous little bastard.
Who's responsible? Slosh!

ROB: Come here, Slosh.
Come here.

DENNIS: Come here a second.
Hey, what's up, bros?

Did you invite
the Pudwhacker?

Who?
The Pudwhacker, man.

The fucking action man
over there.

Who told you to invite him,
huh?

Come here, come here,
come here.

You see, Edgar used to live
in your room, okay?

He's a compulsive
little jerk-off artist.

He's an idiot. He owes us
200 bucks for the phone bill.

Always staring at Joanie.

I'm sorry.
No more Pudwhackers.

All right, very good.

We got a reputation
to hold up here.

That's right.
Women.

Mr. Mick.
Mickey.

You wanna put some diapers
on that thing?

Yeah. Jay, can we get a nipple
for Mickey's beer here?

Yeah, just a minute, boys.

My number one big spender
is buying shots for everybody.

Welcome back!
ALL: Yeah!

( indistinct shouting )

JACK:
People say nothing is forever.

If that's true,
how do you explain herpes

or the Grateful Dead?

I say forever's for people

who got the balls
to make it last.

We were back, all right.

I was gonna prove
all these pricks wrong.

Tomorrow,
after graduation ceremony,

the studio will be open.

Feel free to bring your friends
and your relatives,

and show off
your excellent work.

Once again, thank you.
See you tomorrow.

JACK: Luther.
Yes, Jack.

I just wanted to know what
you thought of my final piece.

Well, you'll receive
my written assessment

in the mail
in a couple days time.

I know. I just wanted
to hear it from you.

All right.

To be perfectly honest
with you,

l find it muddled.

It seems to me you get
lost in abstractionism

and you lose sight
of your real feelings.

With my real feelings?

It's the old argument, Jack.

Art isn't just the vomiting up
of adolescent angst.

Real art is subject
to a complex filtration system

allied to tried
and true structures.

I look at your stuff,
and what do I see?

I see 20th-century
American suburbia.

It doesn't resonate.

That was why I was so keen
to have you participate

in the Corpus Christi totem.

Yeah, but, Luther,
I told you-- I mean--

I've never even been
to Tijuana,

much less
15th-century South America.

You know, I mean--

What does a Corpus Christi
totem mean to me?

All the other students
were prepared

to open themselves
to a multicultural experience.

That is why they have gone
full circle and why they--

They are full of shit
and have no personality.

I mean,
this multiculturalism thing

is completely bullshit.

I was raised in the suburbs.
That's where I was born.

That's what I'm trying
to express. I can't have--

That's what I know.

So you intend
to captivate people

with the plight
of the affluent,

white American male.

Well, I have some
shocking news for you.

Nobody cares.

So he's giving me
his whole song and dance

about the tried
and true structures,

and all that bullshit.
Wait, hold on.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, Mickey?

How much longer?

Five minutes.

Oh, jeez.
Anyway, man...

So then he said my stuff
was muddled vomit.

Ouch!

Yeah. Can you believe
that wanker?

You're kidding me.
No.

Oh. Well...

I mean, I hate to be the fart
in your soup bowl,

but he loved mine.

What?
Mm. Yeah.

I threw in
my working boy photo essay.

Oh, my God! You're kidding me.
You finished that yesterday.

That's right.
He loved it.

I'm telling you, man,
Luther went crazy for it.

JACK:
What? Slosh doing vodka shots
in his Johnson holders?

( chuckles )

( phone ringing )

Yeah, Rancho.

Yeah, party here tonight.

What can I tell you?
We're back.

All right, bring everybody.
Yeah.

Yeah,
yo, check it out, Jack.

Luther said that I brought
a compelling,

socio-scatological edge
to my work.

JACK:
You're pulling my ripcord,
right?

No. Not even a little bit.

You know he wants to shuck
your corncob, don't you?

You know, I mean,
when you get like this,

it's just sad.

You slap this shit together,
and he loves it.

He gives me a speech on
the fucking filtration process.

What does that tell you?
You're a dolt and a homophobe.

What? It's just beyond
the realm of possibility

that he likes my work,
right?

MICKEY:
I got it! Let's go!

You think I like having
these incredible powers

of perception?
We're gonna get the kegs.

Consider
the ulterior motives.

DENNIS:
Oh, just drop it, will you?

( rock theme playing )

( cheering )

I can do this, right?
I'm just nervous, you know?

Don't worry about it.
We're there. We're back.

Dudes of steel, right?
Yeah!

There you go. You look good.
See?

Yeah? Oh, man.

You're not gonna wear that,
are you?

That too-drunk-to-fuck button.
You're not gonna wear that.

Hey, man, this thing works
like fucking magic.

You put this fucking button on,
and immediately

drunk chicks start
coming up to you and say,

"Is that really true?"

Please, don't be offended
if I laugh in your face.

That is ridiculous.

Four simple words
pack a lot of punch.

For one thing,
it shows good taste in music,

which you obviously lack.

Two, a self-deprecating
sense of humor

which women fucking love.

Three,
this sort of angst-ridden,

sexual mysteriousness thing
that I got going on.

Oh, man!

Well, so much
for sexual mysteriousness.

I don't recall you getting
anywhere at the last party.

No, that's right,
but I could have.

Okay? Easily.

These are monastic times,
my friend.

All portent
and no payoff is a win.

And I won big.

DENNIS:
So I'm a photographer.

Actually, I teach
at the university

and I'm looking for somebody

who could do some modeling
for me.

There may be
some nudity required.

I don't know.
Uh-huh.

Oh, hey, Mickey.
Where are you going?

Piss.
All right. Wait up.

( ska music playing
from speakers )

Hey! Hey!

MICKEY:
Hey, who's that?

You guys almost got me, man.

Oh. Hey, Crazy.

You see band of Orks go by?
What you doing here?

Orks?
Well, we kind of live here.

Aren't we by the castle
in the woods?

No. No.
No. No.

Hey, hey, why don't you
go back to ye olde pub

and have yourself
a pint of ale?

I was just tying my shoes.

Okay.
I know, man. I know--

You gonna be ready
to play later?

I wasn't in the bushes, man.
Oh, well, okay.

That's fine.

Some guitar player
you got there.

Well, by now,
you should be knee-deep

in a certain young lady's
underpants, huh?

I see how well you're doing.

Listen. Always do as I say,
not as I do.

( indistinct chattering )

( Tilt's "Crying Jag"
playing )

If you get thirsty,
come on back over here.

Or if you wanna rap
or need another drink,

you just come on back
and let me know, all right?

Yeah, hot-blooded
little monkey.

She's cute, Jack.

So what?

One more line,
you would've bagged her.

Oh, you think so,
Chelsea?

So, what's up
with you and Mickey?

Nothing. No, sir, nada.

He treats me
like I'm his sister.

I'm condemned
to wallflower status.

I'm gonna die
a lonely old maid.

Ah-- Are you fishing
for a compliment here?

Is that what's going on?

Because you can forget
about it.

Beat it, would you?
I'm trying to get laid.

Beer?

( fingers snap )

You're the rapscallions
putting up the basketball hoop?

That's us. We just moved
into the house down the block.

Ah.

So you get to live
with Slosh, huh?

( chuckles )

So was he always
this psycho?

Was Slosh always psycho?

Yeah.

Okay. I'm not gonna
candy coat this for you.

He is a psychotic,
maniac drunk. Okay?

Been that way
since I met him.

Six a.m.? Heh.

Kid's shot out of a cannon.
All right?

Doesn't stop
until the beer is gone.

Well, huh?
Is Slosh a psycho?

Oh, please.

Yeah, he's a psycho.
Right.

All right, now beat it.
You guys bug me.

Go on. Get the hell out.
I'm finished. Go on. Go on!

Don't give me
big Bambi doe eyes. Beat it!

♪ I'm on a cryin' jag ♪

♪ Pay me no mind
I do it all the time ♪

♪ I can show you ♪

♪ I could easily show you ♪

♪ Call it a day
Or you can pay my way ♪

♪ Gonna cry
Till I'm all cried out ♪

♪ I can show you ♪

♪ I could easily show you ♪

( phone ringing )

Are you gonna get that?

Yeah, no. Fuck them.

They're just gonna complain.

All right.

Op Ivy, Screeching Weasel.

Hey, how come you have

all those pictures
of Jim Belushi on your wall?

John Belushi.

He was a genius.

He had the class to die
in his prime.

Here we go, NOFX.
S&M Airlines.

Jack,
can I tell you something?

Sure.

Um...

I always thought
you were cute.

When we would play
spring softball together,

I'd always look
at your butt. Heh.

Chelsea.
Did you really?

Yeah.

What, uh...?

What about Mickey?
I mean--

I thought you guys
are, uh...

I don't know. I just--

Mickey doesn't like me,
and I like you.

( Ednaswap's "Clown Show"
playing )

Mickey! What's wrong, man?

Man, the same old story.

What happened?
You look like a dog's ass.

We got any vodka
or anything?

♪ Been wasting my time ♪

♪ Convincing you to buy

♪ What you can't afford
To need ♪

God, I hope that isn't true.

Wait. Wait a minute.

Chels, I'm--

I'm not into this.
Why?

I mean, is it about Mickey?
Because Mickey doesn't like me.

No, no, no.
It's not about Mickey, okay?

It's about you.

I just--
I'm not into it. Okay?

What did I do?

Nothing. You didn't--

You didn't do anything.
It's me. I--

You're not my type,
you know.

All right.
All right. Look,

we're not gonna talk
about this, okay?

I'm really sorry.
God, I'm such an idiot! No.

Chels, wait a second.
What I meant--

What I'm trying to say is--
Chelsea!

♪ For days
Of the incredible waste ♪

♪ Making it easy
To forget you ♪

Hey! Psycho, bro!

Hey, dude!

MAN:
You shredded our lawn.

Hey, you got that beer bong
back here?

Yeah. Right here.
Hey, there it is!

Enjoy it.

Oh, yeah!

( line ringing )

Hello? Dina.

Hi, Dina.
Yeah, it's me, Jack.

Listen, um...

I just, uh...

I'm sorry.
Did I wake you up?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to call so late. I just--

I just called up

because I just wanna ask you
a question.

I have something
I wanna ask you,

if that's all right.
I just, uh...

( sighs ):
Listen, Dina,

I just--

I just wanna say-- I just--

I just wanna say...

Fuck you.

Fuck fuck you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Welcome to Rancho,
where the stars shine bright

and the moon goes down

so it won't be hit
by the stars.

ROB ( whispering ):
Hey, hey!

What, dude?
Come, come here.

What, man?
We're supposed to be on stage.

What? Why? What up?

What, Slosh puke again?
What's the problem?

( mutters )

What?

I can't believe I let you
talk me into this.

Look at me? Will you
look at me? Look at me.

I look
like Jam Master Shecky.

God! What are you,
fucking insane, man?

The pimp jacket is tits, dude.
What's the stress factor?

What's the stress factor?

I look like an asshole.

I haven't sung in a year.
I could go on.

Let's have Mickey DJ
at the party.

I don't wanna make a fool
out of myself.

Did you smell this thing?
Smell that thing.

You know, pardon me,
all right,

Mr. Fucking Highfalutin'
Econ Guy,

but this bitch-slapping,
pimp-ass fucking coat

is your trademark.
You wore it at every gig.

What are you talking about?
We only had five gigs.

All right,
you gonna be a baby?

Is that it?
You gonna be a pussy about it?

Forget it. That's fine because
Slosh was gonna do a song.

And he'll wear the coat.

We could just have him
do your whole set.

Cool,
so you don't need to worry.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay,
wait, wait, wait.

Don't beg me. I'll do it.

( band playing )

Is everybody happy?

♪ Look at that girl
Juliet-icious ♪

♪ And me, I'm so cool
I'm Romeo Sid Vicious ♪

♪ Bring on the ball
And the cruisers ♪

♪ Santa Claus
And Santa Cruz ♪

♪ Is chillin' brews
For happy losers ♪

♪ Hey, look it there
It's a dude ♪

♪ Well, the dude is crude ♪

♪ The dude is rude
The dude is lewd ♪

♪ The dude is food ♪

♪ The dude is stewed
The dude is nude ♪

♪ Oh, can't you tell? ♪

♪ That dude is steel ♪

♪ Go, baby ♪

♪ Shake that thang ♪

( cheering )

Hey!
We have to wrap this up.

But before we do,
Slosh would like to do a song.

Slosh! Where are you, man?

No way, chief.
You're gonna sing one?

All right! I didn't know
this was your band.

It's my band.

Come on, baby!
Do it, man!

Do it! You're the man!

You're the man!

Oh, yes!

Very nice!
Bravo.

Hey, baby. Hey, woman.

Neat threads.
Where are all your hos?

( chuckles )

Yeah.
Well, I figured, why not?

It's all a part of the show.

You know what I mean?
Uh-huh.

Hey, why don't you give me--?
Oh, Rob.

You're all sweaty and gross.

Don't! Heh.

You know, I was thinking.
That we should start

our own little
Josie and the Pussycats band.

What do you think?
Yeah.

Get a song
and sing it over and over

and scream it
into the microphone.

It'll be great.

Oh, Rob.

You're not gonna go
get your scrotum

pierced or anything,
are you?

( giggling )

Well, whoa, Joanie, come here.
Can I talk to you for a second?

Uh-oh. Uh, uh-oh.

I think I'm gonna get
a talking to.

I'll be right over there,
girls, okay?

Stand strong.
All right. Over here?

Yeah. Over here.
One, two, three, four!

( band continues playing )

What are you doing? Huh?

What are you doing?

You think I was trying
to be funny out there?

What?

You were kooky.
You know, wacky.

Hey. Hey, don't do that.
Don't do that.

Don't you come over here
to my house

and belittle me
and my housemates

in front of these little
fucking teenyboppers.

This means something to me.

Mm-hm.

You know what?

When me and my friends
get together

and we get all cuckoo-wacky,
that's me.

That's the real me.
I'm a cuckoo-wacky bastard.

Oh, so this is
the real you.

Yeah, that's right.
Mm-hm.

And which one of you

was the guy who told me
to shut up

in front of his friends?
Is that the real you?

I guess that is the real me.
I'm an asshole.

You didn't know that?

No, I didn't know that.

But thanks. You know, I'm glad
we got this straightened out.

Yeah. Me too.

Mm.

I think I should be going.
Yeah, why don't you?

And have fun at breakfast
with Mommy.

Drive fucking careful!

♪ Now we are 21 ♪

♪ Now we have
To get things done ♪

♪ We can't watch
Brady Bunch ♪

♪ We can't eat
Cap'n Crunch ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ When I was 17♪ ♪

♪ I used to watch TV ♪

♪ But now I'm 21
And I drink way too much ♪

♪ Twenty-one
Now we are 21♪ ♪

♪ Now we are 21♪ ♪

♪ Now we are 21♪ ♪

( crowd cheering )

Hey, who the fuck let the bacon
in here?

MAN:
Free bird!

Free bird!

Free-fucking-bird!

Up the academy.

ROB:
Oh, God.

Hey, Mickey.
What happened with Chelsea?

Did you make it happen?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Oh, come on.
Spill yon beans, sonny boy.

You didn't say anything stupid,
did you?

Look, all I know
is that she left early.

Stop breaking his nads, man,
will you?

I saw that female
freak-out Joanie pulled on you.

ROB:
Oh, yeah, man. That was ugly.

Fuck. I'm supposed to be having
breakfast with her mother.

Oh, yikes. Meeting the mom.

So, Dennis, what happened
to that chick

you were dancing
all over the place with?

Oh, her. Well...

I talked to her
at some length

and, quite frankly,
found her substandard.

Oh, God. Fuck you.
No, it's true.

We spoke in detail,

and I decided
that there was something

genetically impolite
about her.

SLOSH:
Come on. Drink.

What's wrong
with you people?

This sucks. It's the same
after every party.

Everybody goes home,

and I end up sitting here
with you dickheads.

You're better off
this way, believe me.

See, this is what freedom's
all about.

You see, with a girlfriend,

you get a constant supply,
okay?

Oh, it's the same meal
every day,

but you never go hungry.

Now, single guys like us,

obviously,
there are no regular meals,

but when it's finally
chow time,

it's a smorgasbord.

Yeah? A little bit of this,
a little bit of that.

Some smorgasbord.
I'm stuffed.

Okay, sometimes it rains,
sometimes it doesn't.

But you have to ask yourself

do you really want
a girlfriend

or just some comforting,
disease-free harbor

where you can park
your genitals?

I wanna be in love.

Oh, he wants to be in love.

Sure,
see how long that lasts.

I'll tell you, you know,
it's like Camus was right.

The greatest love affair
in the world

is where you get a woman,

she fucking loves you,
you know?

And right in the middle
of the salad days,

when you're still stupid
in love with each other,

she dies.

She never gets a chance
to dump you.

She never gets to drag
her family into it.

That's right.

You never get sick of her.
Love never fades.

To Camus.

Camus.
Camus.

To Al.
To Al.

( all cheering )

( mellow theme playing )

JACK:
Me and Dina were supposed to
go to Bali after graduation.

That clown will probably
take her to Six Flags.

Hope he falls off
the loop de loop.

To make matters worse,

I had the parental units
for the day.

Hey!
Hey, Mom.

Well, con-graduations.

JACK:
In Catcher In the Rye,

Holden Caulfield
said something to the effect

of whenever you get
someplace new and exciting,

somebody else
has been there first

and scribbled
"fuck you" on it.

For me,
that person was my father.

( clears throat )

Dad. Good to see you.
Jack.

So you, ahem,
you find the hotel all right?

Oh, yes. Right next
to the methadone clinic.

By the way, what was all
that hooting and hollering

during the commencement
speech?

I remember my graduation
as being much more solemn.

It's just Santa Cruz.

You know, we're a lot more
casual up here.

What do you plan to do now
that you've graduated?

Well, I've only been a college
graduate for 17 minutes,

so I don't know yet.
( chuckles )

Well,
according to my calculations,

that's 17 minutes behind anyone
who's planned ahead.

( Jack and Jack's Dad
chuckle )

FEMALE GRADUATE:
Hey, guys.

We finally made it!

( Dennis chuckles )

Yeah, we did.

This whole thing's
a travesty.

Are your folks not coming up
to celebrate?

Yeah, right.
Yeah.

This is my third degree.
They don't bother anymore.

Ooh. I'll tell you
one thing, though.

That Felicia's got a neat
little turd cutter on her. Hmm?

( chuckles )

Jesus. You gotta help me
out here, Dennis.

Mm-hm.
Joanie and her mom

are lurking out there
somewhere.

I don't want to get shackled
down like some mutt, right?

No, you don't.

You tell that hag
and her skunk of a mother

to drop dead.

Yeah, I better find her,
huh?

All my relatives
were gonna come up

for my graduation next year.
Mm.

And instead you slapped them
in the face, huh?

Pretty much.

My mom says
my granddad cries

every time they mention
my name.

He's from the old country.

Hmm.

What is he?
Is he a Sicilian?

Oh, come on.

Don't give me
the family disgrace crap, huh?

You don't understand
Asian culture.

Oh-- Yeah. I know.

I'm just a big
ol' white dummy.

Look, despite your obvious
racial handicap,

you are an American citizen
now, okay?

So act like one.

We shit all over our families,
and then we have kids

who grow up to be as big
a fuckups as we are, huh?

I guess I have that
to look forward to then, huh?

That's right.

Which one is it?

It's here. It's this one.

( Jack's mom gasps )

JACK'S MOM:
Oh.

It's so shiny.

This is wild.

Is this yours too?

No, Ma.

Aha.
Oh, good. Okay.

I really like it, Jack.
It's really cute.

Dad?

Well, what are you gonna do
with it?

I'm not gonna do anything
with it. I just-- Ahem.

I was wondering, you know,
what you thought.

Oh, look at--

The hand, and--

It's cast metal, isn't it?

How much would you say
it weighs?

ROB:
Hey, what's going on?

Congratulations.
Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Listen, Joanie.

I'm sorry about what I said
at the Boardwalk.

No--
I was really-

I'm sorry.
It'll never happen again.

I blew the prime directive
of girlfriending.

I got between a guy
and his friends.

Yeah.

So Monday,
it's right around the corner.

Do you--?
Yeah, uh...

Yeah,
I've been thinking about it.

Maybe we could talk--
Oh.

Here she is.
Oh, shit.

Look,
this is no big deal, okay?

Okay. All right.
Okay.

Mom, this is Rob.

Rob, this is my mother.

Why, hi there.

You okay?
Hey.

Here, babe. Drink some.

( coughs )

Oh, he's choking.

I just need
to catch my breath.

Push!

It's okay, Mrs. Crump.
I'm okay.

It's fine. I'm okay.

I'm fine.

You still have something
coming out of your nose.

Ah, shit.
Let's start all over.

Okay.
I'm Joanie's mom.

You can just call me Vicki.

Hi.

It's a pleasure
to finally meet you.

( chuckles )

DENNIS:
I don't know, Mickey. I think I
need to find a nice mute woman.

You know,
like the one in that movie.

MICKEY:
Like the one
at the ticket office.

DENNIS: No, not her.
MICKEY: What's wrong with her?

Randy's having a big beach
bonfire down at Seabright.

Are you gonna go?
I don't know.

Oh, come on. If the Grunion
run up on the beach,

we can hit them with sticks.
Ah.

Dennis and I were gonna
kind of hang out

and do some graduation,

you know,
celebrating and stuff.

Um, we might come after.

Okay.

Maybe I'll see you later.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.
I don't believe her, man.

You're an idiot.

Oh, Dennis.

Excuse me, please.

Really, though,
I think there's something wrong

with you, Mickey.
Something very, very wrong.

Dennis, I want you to stop
by the faculty luncheon

this afternoon.
Meet the rest of the faculty.

Some of the people
you'll be working with.

Ah, well...

To tell you the truth,
I just made plans.

Well, piss on your plans.

Just stop by
for a few minutes.

Hobnob with the good
and the great. Hmm?

There'll be free drink.

Perhaps that will provide you
with sufficient motivation.

Hmm. Well...

Okay, I'll see you there.

Impress everyone.
Make me look good.

I will.

Ah. Excellent.

Now, Jack, tell me.

That girl you've been
going around with.

What about her? Hmm?

Dina? Yeah,
we don't talk much anymore.

I never did get
the story straight.

Who dumped who, dear?

Well, I guess
she dumped me, Mom.

You guess?

Why would she do that?

She just fell out of love
with me.

People don't just
fall out of love, dear.

They need a little shove.

Was she sleeping
with both of you at once?

Christ, Mom.
JACK'S DAD: Look, Jack.

You're a college graduate.
Don't be so milquetoast.

( sighs )

JACK'S MOM:
You loved her, didn't you?

Are we still on this?
Yeah, I did.

She was the best.

It's been a while, though,
hasn't it?

Don't you think
you should be over her by now?

I don't know, Mom.
Is there a time limit?

I mean, what do you guys
want me to say?

I'm sorry.
Yes, I still love her, okay?

All right.
If that's the case, fine.

Go get her.

Tell her you love her.
Sweep her off her feet.

You guys are missing something.
She dumped me.

Oh, Jack.
Don't be a horse's ass.

Either fish or cut the bait?
Hmm?

Don't be pining away
over a girl like some chump.

You know? Go get her.

We still have your bedroom
at the house.

You two can live there.
Of course.

That's it. I'll pull some
strings and get you into work.

We'll start you out
in shipping.

You're getting a bit
of a late start,

but in a couple of years,

I'm sure you can make something
of yourself.

Heh. You guys
are flipping out, man.

Jesus, Mary
and the apostles, boy,

when are you
going to get serious?

What do you think this is,
a damn game?

I just made you
a goddamned sensible offer!

Darryl, please.
You're gonna make a scene.

JACK'S DAD:
Listen to me!

I don't care
if the girl is in or out.

Make a goddamn decision!

What's with you, guys?
I mean, what did I do?

What's with
all the pressure?

We love you, Jack.

You know that. We're proud
you went away to college.

We're not so happy
you got a degree in art.

Why not?
It's not worth anything.

It has no cash value.

JACK'S MOM:
It's time to give up.

You've had four years
to be happy

and do what you want.

But...

I wanna do
what I want my whole life.

Oh, Jack.
What?

Life is not a fairy tale.
But, Dad,

I don't wanna be some zombie
climbing the corporate ladder.

You'll learn to like it.

It's the American way.

JACK'S DAD:
Don't even bother.

Stop trying to talk sense
into him.

Listen, Jack,
go out there and see

how many people
are gonna pay you

to arrange garbage
into neat little piles.

Oh, waiter?

Check, please,
when you have a chance.

I need to go to the bathroom.
May I be excused?

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where you going with that
video game, young man?

What do you care?
You guys never play it.

Well, yeah. I would've gotten
around to it eventually.

All right.
Mom, Dad.

No. Just shut up

and listen to me
for a second, all right?

I appreciate everything
you guys you've done for me,

but you-- I'm my own man!
( toilet flushes )

( clears throat )

But I'm my own man now.

You guys both had a chance
to screw up your lives,

so just back off.

Give me a chance
to screw up mine.

Mom.

All right.
Don't cry, it's okay.

It's fine.

Dad.

Thank you.
I appreciate that.

It takes a big man to admit
when he's wrong like that.

I love you too.

Hey! Hey!

What a minute.
What are you doing?

( honking )

You're ditching me here?

He's a man of the world.
He'll find his own way.

Send us a postcard
from Skid Row, Jack!

What? Wait a minute,
I got something to say!

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Whoa! Man, this is phat!

You made this?
Yep.

Oh, man, thanks
for bringing this over.

Hey, somebody
fucking brew me. Come on.

Hey, Andy, beer. Come on,
come on, brew, come on!

Here you go, man.

All right. Stew's the man.

( railway bell ringing )

THERESA:
I felt like it didn't matter
if I was there or not.

You looked at me
and you were all,

"Hi, Theresa."
And I'm all, "What?"

Like you weren't even glad
to see me.

And Danielle's all,
"What's with you and Doug?"

And I'm all, "Why do you ask?"
She's all, "Well, I don't know.

It just doesn't seem
like you guys are talking."

This always happens
when we're at parties.

Does not. I just-- I don't do
the hugging, kissing,

public-display-of-affection
thing.

It's something better kept
in private.

I mean,
it just makes me feel

like you don't even care,
you know?

What? Because I am not
actively showing you

my adoration
and affection--?

Uh, ahem. Excuse me.
What?

Would you guys mind
just shutting up?

Keep your pathetic little
relationship to yourselves.

You-- Heh.

Hello.

Why don't you
do something?

Me? Why?

Okay, good. I'm not gonna
forget about this, okay?

Really?
Hey, hey!

Why don't you mind
your own business?

Chick, you're making it
my business, okay?

Oh, chi-- chick?

Chick, chick.
Oh, so I'm a chick now.

Okay--

Theresa--
Who do you think--? Doug.

Who do you think you are
telling people what to do?

Listen, I don't wanna hear
your dirty laundry, okay?

I think I speak
for everyone here. Am I right?

Keep it to yourself.

You know what?
you don't speak for me,

and you don't tell me
what to do.

Just shut the fuck up, okay?
Ride the fucking bus!

How hard is that?
Look out the fucking windows.

Keep to yourself, all right?
Just shut up!

What the hell
is going on back there?

You know, you are so lucky

I don't know karate.
So lucky.

All right.
Settle down, Doug.

All right,
this had better be good.

What seems to be
the problem here, miss?

He called me chick.

A chick?
Mm-hm.

Not on my bus. All right,
let's go, mister, you're off.

You're out of here.
Come on.

What?
Come on, you heard me.

You may be able to get away
with that language

maybe on the 2, maybe
on the 7, but not on the 3!

That kind of language
doesn't wash on the 3.

Fuck you, man!

Fuck me?
Fuck you, buddy!

BUS DRIVER:
Hey, buddy! Hey, buddy! You--

JACK: Hey-- Back off!
You get--

Let go! All right, give me
my fucking shirt back!

You want your shirt back?
You learn to treat a woman

with dignity and respect.
Right.

Then you'll get
your shirt back.

Spaz-o.

Not so tough now,
are you, macho man?

Fuck you! Fuck off!
Fuck-- Don't hit my bus!

THERESA:
Jerk-off!

You jerk...off.

♪ What kind of shit is this?
I said ♪

♪ And I got pissed off
And my face turned red ♪

♪ And that's the last thing
That I should have done ♪

♪ Because she left me ♪

♪ And I said, "What the hell
is goin' on here?" ♪

♪ But sometimes you gotta do
That kind of thing ♪

♪ When love breaks down
Like a turd in the rain ♪

♪ Even for my baby ♪

♪ Who always called me Daddy
When she came ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Shit, fuck ♪

♪ Son of a gun ♪

♪ And now I'm thinkin' ♪

♪ I'm not havin'
Very much fun here ♪

♪ So I get on the phone ♪

♪ And I call up a girl
And I say ♪

♪ "Oh, did I wake ya?" ♪

( sighs )

Hey.

( sighs )

( grunts )

You wouldn't believe
my fucking day.

Keg tapped out?

( breathes heavily )

You want to get a twelver
and shred?

( The New Bomb Turks'
"Runnin' on Go" playing )

( man singing indistinctly )

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪

JACK:
Hey.

♪ Yeah ♪

MICKEY:
You all right?

Yeah.

( sighs )

Ah...

I tell you, man,
I don't get it.

You know who she's going out
with now?

Who who's
going out with?

Dina.

You know who's the new me?

What do you care?
I thought you were over her.

Yeah. She's got some new
fucking boyfriend now.

You know him.
That fucking guy.

You know, with the bug
with Bob Marley on the door.

That greasy guy?
Yeah.

Dumped me for some
white trash Rastafarian.

Bullshit.

But I envy you.

You got the good life now
with Chelsea.

I don't got no kind of life
with Chelsea.

Well, you could have,

if you put in
any effort, though.

She likes you.

What?
And that's fine.

I think you two-- I want you two
to be happy together.

Wait a minute, are you talking
about the party

when she came up
to my room?

Is that
what you're talking about?

Has this been
like a little issue for you?

You've been stewing on this,
haven't you?

Dude, she only did that to make
you jealous, you know that.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll bet.

I'm telling you, she only came
to provoke a response.

Jesus Christ!

What does it take to light
a fire under your ass?

Ha, ha. Yeah.

Ah.

You're unbelievable, man.
You know that?

What, you really get off that
much on being a poor little guy

who can't get
a girlfriend, huh?

I'll tell you what else
she did. You know what?

She put my fucking balls
in her mouth.

Yeah, she put my nuts
in her mouth

and she hummed
"The Star Spangled Banner."

( humming
"The Star Spangled Banner" )

All right. See?
There you go, I--

Ow, man! What the fuck's
the matter--?

Ah! All right. Take it easy!
Jesus Christ!

All right!

I made all that shit up.

I was just trying
to piss you off.

She's a fine young lady.
Fine...

upstanding young citizen.

Nice little titties too.

( chuckles )

I'm sorry, man.
I was just kidding.

I'm a bigger dumb shit
than you are.

Here I am getting advice
from you,

and you're carrying the Olympic
torch for Dina still.

Yeah, that's right.

See how great
having a girlfriend is?

Aren't you just dying
for a steady gal pal

who'll love, cherish
and betray you?

You should try it.
It's a lot of fun.

( rap music playing
indistinctly on radio )

All right, you guys.

Hey.
Hey.

You're tremendous.

It was nice meeting you,
Rob.

Nice meeting you.
See you.

I'll see you later.

All right. I'll call you.

JOANIE: Bye.
Okay. We'll talk.

So you met the mom,
huh?

Yeah. We went for chowder

and went up
to the Mystery Spot.

It's pretty--
It was boring.

Looked like
you were hitting it off.

What's up with that?

Yeah.
If you wanna call it that.

You got some lipstick
on you.

What?

MICKEY:
Stop playing house darts.

You're wrecking the furniture,
man.

Ha! Right. House darts!

Forget it, Rob!
Forget it, Rob!

Stop with the darts!
Hey, man.

( Rob grunting )

Hey, guys, we got
some beers here, huh?

What do you say?
Yes. A fine brew.

The elixir of the gods.

You know, I realize now

my only salvation lies
at the bottom of this bottle.

Um, guys,
are you guys really staying?

What's that
supposed to mean?

It's just that Stew
and those guys down the street

just asked me to move in.

I mean, unless you guys
are for sure staying,

then I'll be moving
down there.

So, what,
you'd sell us out?

No, no. I just wanted
to be sure before I said no.

I mean,
is everyone for sure staying?

Yeah,
we're fucking staying, man.

I can't leave this place
yet.

Right, Slosh,
what's the matter with you?

Come on,
we got a beach party to go to.

You brew these fucking guys

before we all die
of thirst here.

God.

All right, fine. You know,
forget it. Fuck you, then.

Here, Mickey, come on.

Well--
Dennis, come on.

Pound these down, let's go.
The fun's just beginning.

Up the academy, right?

Yeah. Yeah!
Yeah. This is the fun.

DENNIS:
Okay.

ROB:
Yeah. Let's drink this stuff.

( indistinct chattering )

Oh, Jack, Jack, Jack.
What?

Would you mind maybe,
you know, staying outside?

What for?
They got free cocktails.

Oh, I know, but, uh...

Yeah, you're all amped up,
and you hate Luther anyway.

Just, you know,
let me get in, get the job.

I'll be out in two seconds.
Ay, ay, ay.

All right, you better fucking
bring me something.

All right.
All right.

You want me to stay out here
with you?

This is spiffy.

This is where
our tuition goes.

Ooh,
little taco things.

There you are, Dennis.

I see you brought the entire
motley crew with you.

Hey, Luther,
good to see you.

I'll see you guys later,
huh?

Okay.

I was really going to introduce
you to the rest of the faculty,

but you know most of them
and those that you don't

are so interminably boring
I think we'll skip that.

Really?

Oh, Dennis,
I would so much prefer

to be stark naked and drunk
on a beach in Thailand

than here
wrestling for tenure.

I know what you mean.

I think sometimes you just
get sick of playing the game.

Oh, Dennis, Dennis, Dennis.
I am old and cynical.

I'm allowed to be bitter.

You're still young.

You should be filled
with ideals.

JACK:
If I was a Peruvian Indian,

the last place I'd want my
harvest totem planted would be

in this pseudo-intellectual
shit-house. That's just me.

There goes Rossi.

The man who almost
single-handedly sunk

the Theater Department.

Did you see their production
of The Crucible?

Oh, yeah.

With the surfer guy
playing the lead pilgrim?

( laughing )

Oh, dear.
It's all going down so fast.

But if we're smart,

we can winnow out
a little place

and sit and fiddle

and watch the whole
damn civilization burn down.

Well, it'd beat a jab
in the eye

with a sharp stick any day.

( laughs )

Oh, Dennis, we're gonna have
a lot of laughs together.

You know...

( sighs )

My life really needs
a good kick in the backside.

I'm 48 years of age.

My friends
are turning into fossils.

I so desperately need
a young person

to give my life
a little jump start.

( indistinct chattering )

Ah, okay. Um...
Let's make sure

that we're both turned
to the same page here.

But I thought
this was about my work,

not the extracurricular
fun and games together.

It is about your work.

Don't forget,
art comes from the soul.

Love of one leads naturally

to an appreciation
of the other.

Okay. I can see I've overstepped
the bounds of your interest.

Fine. Forget it.
Forget it. Forget it.

After all, it really is your
painting I'm interested in.

( sighs )

You've got a pretty good scam
going on here, man.

I'll see you around.

Dennis...

I want you to know
that I am sincere.

Photography.

I am a photographer,
not a painter.

You know-- Heh.

I can't believe
I'm hanging out

with all these
fucking art wankers.

Wait a minute. What--?

What happened
to your job interview?

( sighs )

Well...
( sniffles )

I never thought
I would say this, but, uh...

All I am is a pretty face.

( sighs )

Ouch.

( sniffles )

I hate it
when I'm right all the time.

Yeah.

Luther is a bozo deluxe.

I mean, you know, my degree,
it's just a fucking joke.

ROB:
Yeah, it's getting stale
real fast, man.

Gotta get out of here.

Hey, dudes, I saw Dennis
out back with Jack.

Didn't seem like things
worked out with Luther.

What happened?
Hey, there they are.

Where?

There. They just took off
down the hill

with the chain saw.

( rock theme playing )

Shall we?
Yeah.

♪ They're idiots, losers
They're scum ♪

♪ Taking advantage
Of everyone ♪

♪ You're a dog
They're your fleas ♪

♪ Doing everything they can
To spread disease ♪

Go!

Dear bloody Jesus Christ.
Can somebody call security?

No!
♪ They are the Moron Brothers ♪

♪ Don't get along
With others ♪

Get the fuck out of here!

♪ Don't get along
With others ♪

♪ They may not go down
In history ♪

♪ But they'll go down
On your sister ♪

MICKEY:
What's the time, man?

DENNIS:
It's time for love.

JACK:
Hey, we're through with
the monkey business, kids.

( indistinct chattering )

( laughing )

SLOSH:
Very nice, dude.

Fuck me.

What's up?

SLOSH:
Oh, Dina.

Can you believe
that shit?

Fucking bitch.

She has to come here.

( cheering
and indistinct chattering )

DENNIS:
Chelsea, here.

All right, fuck it.
I don't give a shit.

( sighs )

( screams )

Fuck it. I'm just gonna fucking
sit up here in the dunes

and drink myself stupid.

( sniffles ):
So...

Josh, what's it like
not being in school?

It's a lot less strife.

You get a job,
pay for the rent.

You get bored, you quit,
move on to the next one.

( chuckles )

Yeah?
You enjoy yourself at least?

Yeah, I am.

Mainly thanks to you,
bro.

How's that?

Well, I...

I always admire the way
you always do what you want.

I think some of it
rubbed off on me.

Huh.

Heard you got kicked out
of school.

Heh. Yeah.

That wasn't me then.

I was still that other guy.

Great.

You give me credit
for ruining your life.

I showed you how to be
a fucking drunk slob. Big deal.

Is that what you guys
all think?

That I'm some fucking
out-of-control idiot?

I'm not, man.

I looked at all my options,
I made a choice

and fucking went with it.

You went with it, okay.
Well, you went with what?

What do you got, Josh?
No more fear.

I never really wanted
to be in college, you know.

So I started fucking around,
I flunked out.

I thought the world would end.
It didn't.

That's when I realized you just
gotta fucking throw caution

out the door and let life
hit you full in the face.

Live life like a fucking dog
that rides in a car, you know?

Head out the window,
ears flapping in the breeze.

Come on, man. Of all people,
I thought you'd understand that.

You changed my life, man.

Shit, I don't know what the
fuck's gonna happen next week.

You know?

But I'm not afraid.

No more fear, huh?

You figured out
that whole philosophy

by watching me flail around
like a dummy?

I guess so.
Ah, goody for you.

Meanwhile, the answer
to my every hope and prayer

is down there with her new
boyfriend's dick in her mouth.

Man, you gotta figure this out
and move on.

Why don't you go
talk to her?

Whatever goes down goes down,
and that's cool.

What the fuck do you know?

Dog's head
flapping in the wind.

Fucking idiot.

MAN: Uh, you have.
WOMAN: Yeah.

( indistinct chattering )

JACK:
Hey, Dina.

Can I talk to you
for a second?

( inaudible )

DINA:
Hey. Hey! No.

JACK:
So, what?

Is that what you needed
your freedom for?

To go out with that guy?

He's a little defensive,
isn't he?

Oh, and
how would you feel?

I've got
some deranged ex-boyfriend

calling me in the middle of
the night and harassing me.

All right, wait a minute,
I wasn't harassing you, okay?

I said "fuck you" once.

I was drunk.
Jesus Christ, give me a break.

Once is plenty.

Do you have to be
such a dick?

You don't even know him.

All right.
Look, hold on one second, okay?

I just--
This is fucked.

This is not how I imagined
this conversation happening.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to yell at you.

I just-- I wanna--

Let's just start over,
okay?

I'd like to, uh...

I'd like to try the whole thing
over again.

Our relationship.

Wait a minute, Dina,
listen to me.

Whatever's wrong with it,
you know,

I can fix it.

I swear to God.
I'm more in love with you now

than I ever have been.

I mean,
I realized it the other day

when I saw you
fucking kissing him

while he was waiting
for the light to change.

You used to do that to me.
Embarrass the shit out of me.

What is so special about me?
Why do you even care?

I don't know.

I don't know what's going on
anymore, you know.

When I was fucking 18, 19,
I was great.

I had a fucking blast.
I had a great time, you know?

And now it's like
nothing's funny anymore.

Nothing's--
Nothing makes me laugh.

I mean, not really.

I'm 22 years old.

Three lousy years went by.

Where's all the funny shit?

What the fuck happened?

Because I'm totally
fucking miserable now

and it's like
I'm asking myself,

you know,
"Is this all I got?"

I mean, isn't there
a third option

between burning out
and then fading away?

I mean, is that all I get?

You know, and I realized.

I figured it out.

It's you.

I mean, you're what's
gonna keep me sane.

You're not in love with me,
Jack.

Okay? Listen to me.

I'll tell you
what you're doing.

You're obsessing,

and you have to stop

because you are starting
to scare me.

No.
Dina, listen to me.

I'm telling you,
this is love.

This is real love.

This is like
fucking poet love.

I feel it in my marrow,
okay?

I love you.

I don't care, Jack.

I don't know how else
to say it.

I'm not gonna be
your little security blanket.

JACK:
Dina.

Dina, wait a second.

Dina, please! Okay?

Don't do this to me.

( sighs )

JACK:
Please, Dina.
I'm begging you.

WOMAN:
"This is poet love!"

MAN:
What a fucking loser!

( laughing )

JACK:
So much for sweeping her
off her feet.

Thanks, Ma.

I had the boys strap
my dignity

to the hood of the car
and we headed home.

( Slosh grunts )

DENNIS:
All right.

House darts, All right.
House darts. Anyone?

DENNIS:
Anyone?

ROB:
Hell, yeah. Hey, house darts.

I gotta talk to you.

Um, if you don't wanna talk,
that's fine.

But I'll be upstairs.

Sideburn.
DENNIS: Ooh.

A little Hawaiian thing.

DENNIS: Pelvis.
( all laugh )

ROB:
Oh, man, what's the deal
with this painting?

I've always hated
this painting. It's so...

SLOSH: Who's is it?
What's his name? Fishfucker.

SLOSH:
Oh, he was the guy
that used to be in my room.

JACK:
Yeah. Cocksucker.

ALL:
All right!

Elvis has left the building.

( Tilt's "Berkeley Pier"
playing )

♪ And ask myself why ♪

Mickey, can I come in?

♪ That same old
Piece of road ♪

Yeah.

♪ And wind up
Down by the water ♪

( sighs )

So...

What are you so grumpy
about?

♪ Whatever happened
To our walks on the pier? ♪

♪ I cry myself alone ♪

♪ All the way
Down to the end ♪

♪ I drink my bottle dry ♪

♪ And I heave it
Across the bay ♪

Um...

( stuttering )

I like you.

( chuckles )

I like you too.

Oh, no.
I'm not talking about that.

( stuttering ):
I mean, I like you too.

But I mean, I'm talking about
something totally different.

See, um...

I like you,

the kind of "like you"
where l...

I get to see you naked.

I-- Just hold on a minute.

I-- Uh-- Um...

See,
I can't do this anymore.

I just-- I can't.

This palsy-walsy thing
is, you know, I--

I mean,
before you say anything,

I just want you to know
what to expect.

God, you know,
people are gonna know,

you know,
that we're together.

Is there anything else?

Um, just this.

( banging and crashing )

I'll be right back.

♪ With his punk rock
Juliet ♪

JACK:
Time for another one. Ready?

( indistinct chattering )

What do you think
you're doing?

Oh, some drunk asshole
broke a lamp.

Yeah, and now he's about
to smash this toaster.

No, no, no, no, no.
Put it back.

Can't do it.
Sorry.

No go.
Come on, dude!

MICKEY:
Don't break-- Don't break that.

( clanging )

Love it. Thank you.

Why'd you do that?

Because it's mine,
I don't want it anymore

and I'm not leaving it here

for the next clown
who moves in.

But we're staying.

Right, sure we are,
Mick.

Not happening. Gots to go.

MICKEY:
When did you decide this?

I was only upstairs
for five seconds.

It's time to move on.

Whatever goes down, goes down,
and that's cool.

Am I right, Slosh?

SLOSH:
You got it, Grasshopper.

There we go.

Why all of a sudden
is it time?

It just is.
That's right.

And this is how
we say goodbye.

You-- You have to smash
the toaster to--?

That makes no sense at all.
I don't--

Sure, it does.

It's sort of like
a Viking funeral.

Well, see,
when a Viking chief kicked off,

they bury the ship with him,
you know.

That way, it was always
special, you know.

No one could despoil
the memory.

Okay, take this mug,
for example.

It belonged
to my grandmother.

I loved my nonna.

I mean,
she practically raised me.

And so every time I see
one of you troglodytes

put your lips on the thing,
it's just...

It's like you're kissing
my grandmother, you know?

Now I never have to worry
about that again.

Dude, you love that mug.
Well...

Call it preservation
through destruction.

Hey, Mickey, Mickey,
don't be that way.

You have to be
part of this.

Let him go.
Mick-- Mickey!

Come on, just--
He'll be okay.

( Slosh grunts )

Oh, yeah. Hey!
He's a madman!

JACK: He's berserk!
ALL: Hey!

( thudding and crashing )

JACK:
What's that?

( thudding )

If the band's breaking up
anyway...

Whoa!
Shit!

( slow rock theme playing )

Now you fucked up,
Mickey.

( screams )

( all screaming
and yelling )

Motherfucker!

( banging and crashing )

( Bad Religion's "We're Only
Gonna Die" playing )

♪ Early man walked away
As modern man took control ♪

♪ Their minds
Weren't all the same ♪

♪ To conquer
Was his big goal ♪

♪ So he built his empire,
Slaughtered his own kind ♪

♪ Then he died
A confused man ♪

♪ Killed himself
with his own mind ♪

Back! Yeah! Come on!

There! Waste!

♪ Early man walked away ♪

♪ As modern man
Took control ♪

♪ Their minds
Weren't all the same ♪

♪ To conquer
Was his big goal ♪

♪ So he built
His great empire ♪

♪ And slaughtered
His own kind ♪

♪ Then he died
A confused man ♪

♪ Killed himself
with his own mind ♪

♪ Go ♪

It's gotta go too,
huh?

Gotta destroy it
to save it.

Man.

( sighs )

You know, Dennis,

I remember
when I moved in here

you hated
my fucking guts.

Remember, we shotgunned
all those beers

and you came downstairs

and your slippers stuck
to the floor?

You guys were such idiots.

I remember giving Slosh
a ride home on my scooter

and he threw up
all over my back.

I'm never gonna forget
this place, man.

( chuckles )

( sniffles )

All right.

( banging )

( slow rock theme playing )

Oh, well.

SLOSH:
Can I have that?

( sniffles )

Well, uh...

( chuckles )

( Dennis & Jack chuckling )

JACK:
Yeah, man.

MICKEY:
Hey, man.

Think they'll track us down
for the damages?

Not me.
I'll be in Michigan.

( both laugh )

Listen, as you segue

into legendary status
around here,

I just want you to know

that the secret
of your humble beginnings

dies with me, okay?

Thank you, Dennis.

You know,
for, uh, everything.

Heh, man.

So you ready to go?

You're gonna start
hassling me already, woman?

Maybe not just yet.

Come here.

Where are you headed?

Uh, I'll stay with my brother
for a little while, I guess.

Never gonna be the same
without you.

Is that right?

( humming )

( laughing )

( chuckles )

All right, brother.
Yeah, man.

Take care of yourself.
Yeah.

We'll rebuild.

I'll give you a call.
Okay.

Bye.

♪ Good morning, dear
I think I'm losing it ♪

♪ Can't find my way ♪

♪ And I'm
I'm getting used to it ♪

♪ Sun refused to shine
On this side of the street ♪

♪ I'm not recognizing
Anyone I meet ♪

♪ Trying to hide
In the shadow of the sun ♪

♪ You're not fooling
Anyone ♪

JACK:
I stay in touch
with the Rancho boys.

They're still the best friends
I ever had.

It's the bitch
about getting older,

you don't fling yourself
into love and friendships

the way you did
before you got hurt.

That's a damn shame.

♪ Oh, acetone ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Acetone ♪

♪ My feet are dragging down
On this dusty old road ♪

♪ My throat is dry
And I'm all alone ♪

♪ I remember
When we walked side by side ♪

♪ When I was parched
I would drink in your sight ♪

♪ I never meant
To make you run ♪

♪ I never meant
To hurt anyone ♪

♪ Oh, acetone ♪

♪ Why couldn't you
Leave us alone? ♪

♪ Oh, acetone ♪

♪ Oh, acetone ♪

♪ Oh, acetone ♪

♪ Everybody happy ♪

( John Connor's
"Dudes of Steel" playing )

♪ Get out of my face
If you're able ♪

♪ I'm talking to the bottom
Of the kitchen table ♪

♪ I better move
It's getting dusty ♪

♪ 'Cause steel needs oil
Or it's gonna be rusty ♪

♪ Hey, look out there
It's a dude ♪

♪ The dude is rude,
The dude is crude ♪

♪ The dude is lewd ♪

♪ The dude is food
The dude is stewed ♪

♪ The dude is nude ♪

♪ Oh, can't you feel? ♪

♪ The dude is steel ♪

♪ Look at that girl
Juliet-icious ♪

♪ And me, I'm so cool
I'm Romeo Sid Vicious ♪

♪ Bring on the ball
And the cruisers ♪

♪ Santa Claus and Santa Cruz
Is chillin' brews ♪

♪ For happy losers ♪

♪ Hey, look out there
It's a dude ♪

♪ Well, the dude is crude
The dude is rude ♪

♪ The dude is lewd ♪

♪ The dude is food
The dude is stewed ♪

♪ The dude is nude ♪

♪ Well, can't you feel? ♪

♪ That dude is steel ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Go, man ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

( man singing indistinctly )

♪ Jack hittin' Bacharach
That's a fact, not a lie ♪

♪ Every single woman
The dude's of steel ♪

♪ He's flying high ♪

♪ It's all right, Mom
I'm only bleeding ♪

♪ Leave it to the lackeys
Doing whirling ♪

♪ Send me some clothes
And some money ♪

♪ I've got a gun and
Thinkin' everything's funny ♪

♪ Hey, look out there
It's a dude ♪

♪ The dude is crude
The dude is rude ♪

♪ The dude is nude ♪

♪ The dude is food
The dude is stewed ♪

♪ The dude is booed ♪

♪ Well, can't you feel? ♪

♪ The dude is steel ♪

♪ Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Everybody say
Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Come on, everybody
Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Dudes of steel ♪

♪ Dudes of steel ♪

♪ All right ♪