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00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:07,240
Good evening, New Yorkers,
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00:00:07,270 --> 00:00:09,710
and welcome to
Channel 8 News, Live at 7.
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00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:12,310
-I'm Ted Spinelli.
-And I'm Lisa Lipton.
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00:00:12,350 --> 00:00:14,520
A big day in news
across the city,
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00:00:14,550 --> 00:00:16,450
but we begin in Staten Island,
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00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:19,080
where a water main break in the
West New Brighton neighborhood
7
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,590
left the streets looking
more like rivers.
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00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:24,220
Joanna Roscoe is live
from Staten Island now.
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00:00:24,260 --> 00:00:25,600
That's right, Lisa.
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00:00:25,630 --> 00:00:28,100
This was the scene
just hours ago
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00:00:28,130 --> 00:00:31,730
on what is usually considered
a quiet residential street.
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00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,610
Now, as you can see behind me,
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00:00:33,630 --> 00:00:35,570
city workers have
managed to stop
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00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,270
the street-level flooding,
15
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:40,170
but underground flooding
still remains a concern.
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00:00:40,210 --> 00:00:41,750
Oh, boy. That means
a messy commute home
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00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:43,780
for a few Staten Islanders,
right, Joanna?
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00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,210
Yeah, it sure does.
19
00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:46,750
Now I am here with
a local resident
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00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,280
who has been watching
the situation closely.
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00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:50,720
His name is Nandor...
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00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:52,690
Nandor the Relentless.
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00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,490
Nandor De Laurentis.
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00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:57,190
Now, Nandor, you live in
this neighborhood, correct?
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00:00:57,220 --> 00:00:59,160
Yes, that's right, Joanna, I do.
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00:00:59,190 --> 00:01:00,760
In that house just over there.
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With my friends. It's fun.
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00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,130
Great.
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00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:07,310
And as I understand,
you were on the street
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00:01:07,330 --> 00:01:09,070
when the water main broke.
Can you tell us about that?
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00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:10,340
Yes, I can, Joanna.
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00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:12,370
I was going
for my evening stroll,
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00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:14,150
which I do for my mental health
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00:01:14,170 --> 00:01:16,040
as well as for
my physical health,
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00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,080
and then,
all of a sudden, crash!
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00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:20,410
Burst!
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00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:21,790
Water, it shoots
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00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,590
into the air, and then, like,
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00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:25,390
all over the street.
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00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:26,690
Now, Nandor,
have you seen an incident
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00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,120
in this area like this before?
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00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:32,400
Not since the great
flood in 1892, Joanna.
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00:01:32,430 --> 00:01:34,200
That was a big boy.
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00:01:34,230 --> 00:01:35,800
1892.
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00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:39,700
Oh, silly me. Not... not 1892.
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-1992.
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00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,770
Yeah, I was gonna say, uh, 1892?
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00:01:45,810 --> 00:01:48,510
Give me this guy's
skin care secrets.
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00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:51,480
Because 1892 was
a year that was not
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00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:53,450
in my, uh, human lifespan,
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00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,580
but 1992 most definitely was.
52
00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:58,560
It's 2023 now...
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00:01:58,590 --> 00:02:01,130
-Right.
-...and it was 1992 then.
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00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:02,650
And I have been living
in Staten Island
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00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,260
for many centuries.
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00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:05,590
Many centuries.
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00:02:05,630 --> 00:02:08,630
Well, it looks like
we have discovered
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00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:11,460
the secret to eternal life.
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00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,140
-Now, I do have a...
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00:02:14,170 --> 00:02:17,240
Well, Ted and Lisa,
I will be here,
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00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:19,540
on the ground,
monitoring the situation
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00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:21,570
as it develops. Back to you.
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00:02:21,610 --> 00:02:24,750
Oh, shitty shit. I fucked it.
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00:02:27,110 --> 00:02:29,480
? Don't sing if you want
to live long ?
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00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,090
? They have no use
for your song ?
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00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,620
? You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ?
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00:02:34,660 --> 00:02:37,560
? You're dead
and out of this world ?
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00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:42,230
? Now your hope and compassion
is gone ?
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00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:44,830
? You sold out your dream
to the world ?
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00:02:44,870 --> 00:02:47,270
? Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ?
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00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,370
? You're dead
and out of this world. ?
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00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,600
? ?
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00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:01,790
Shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
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From the diaphragm.
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00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,420
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
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00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:06,250
Guillermo!
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00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:07,830
Gizmo is not here.
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00:03:07,850 --> 00:03:10,150
Colin Robinson,
turn on the television.
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00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,260
Channel 8.
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00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:12,590
Your arms broken?
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00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:14,370
-Please!
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00:03:14,390 --> 00:03:15,460
All right.
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00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,840
This is go...
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00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:18,330
But there is some worry that...
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00:03:18,370 --> 00:03:19,740
-Huh.
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00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:21,570
That's our street. Huh.
Well, that's neat.
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00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,040
That is not neat.
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00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,440
I may have committed
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00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:27,440
an unforgivable
and irreversible blunder.
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00:03:27,470 --> 00:03:29,740
Okay, Nandor, don't get
your knickers in a twist.
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00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,150
I-I accidentally told
this Joanna Roscoe
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00:03:32,180 --> 00:03:35,280
that we have lived in this
street for many centuries.
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00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,560
-You did what?
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00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:39,080
And now she and
all of the viewers
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00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,320
of Channel 8 News Live at 7
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00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,500
know that we are vampires.
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00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,120
-And now--
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00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:46,700
And now all of the humans
are going to
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00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:48,300
drive us out of Staten Island
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00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:49,470
like they drove us
out of the Old Country.
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00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,770
Alea iacta est.
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00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,570
-Game over.
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00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,740
No, no!
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00:03:55,770 --> 00:03:57,270
This time, we fight!
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00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:59,470
This is our last stand!
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00:04:00,810 --> 00:04:02,680
-Who's with me?
-Me!
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00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:05,810
Silence!
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00:04:05,850 --> 00:04:07,620
I have a plan.
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00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:10,590
I think we should
kill Joanna Roscoe.
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00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:13,320
And what would that solve?
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00:04:13,350 --> 00:04:15,250
Do you have any better ideas?
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00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,160
Where is Guillermo?!
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00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,230
So, yeah, tonight's kind of
a farewell,
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00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:23,730
goodbye dinner
for me and my mom.
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00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,330
She doesn't know
that it's a goodbye,
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00:04:25,370 --> 00:04:27,110
but when I become
a full vampire,
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00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:28,400
it won't be safe for my family,
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00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,580
or for me because
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00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,800
they are vampire killers,
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00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,740
and I'll be a vampire.
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00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:36,250
It's kind of heavy,
actually,
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00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,580
if you think about it.
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00:04:38,610 --> 00:04:40,250
No one imagines
they'll have to say
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00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,180
a final goodbye
to their mom, but...
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00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:44,160
here we are.
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00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:45,680
-Mami.
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00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,360
Oh. Oh, everyone's here.
I thought it was just going
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00:04:48,390 --> 00:04:49,730
-to be you and me.
-Hi.
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00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,130
Oh, T?a. Wow, you're also here.
133
00:04:54,830 --> 00:04:56,700
You hungry? You hungry?
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00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,130
Hey, Memo.
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00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:00,540
These guys are still
doing that documentary
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00:05:00,570 --> 00:05:02,240
on losers who work
at the railroad, huh?
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00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:03,570
-All right.
-Ah, I'm just playing.
138
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:04,700
-Okay.
-Hey, we're putting my t?a's
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00:05:04,740 --> 00:05:06,580
-gifts right there.
-Hmm?
140
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:08,580
The gifts.
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00:05:08,610 --> 00:05:12,250
Wait, you didn't bring a gift
for your own mama's birthday?
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00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,520
So, funny thing.
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00:05:13,550 --> 00:05:15,150
In the middle of, uh,
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00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:17,050
making it a big day about me,
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00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,380
I totally forgot that
it's a big day for her.
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00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,560
It's her birthday,
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00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:25,190
but birthday or no,
I need to do this.
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00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:27,300
Mami, Mami.
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00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:29,670
Can I talk to you
in private, please?
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00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,570
...local resident Nandor,
who has some insights.
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00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:45,350
...part of a pattern of
local infrastructure failures?
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00:05:45,380 --> 00:05:47,620
Yes, Joanna. If I may...
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00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:54,060
To the millions
and millions of viewers
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00:05:54,090 --> 00:05:57,090
of Channel 8 News Live at 7,
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00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,060
you will forget...
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00:05:59,090 --> 00:06:01,390
Apologies to Joanna
and Mr. De Laurentis,
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00:06:01,430 --> 00:06:04,070
but we have some breaking news.
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The National Weather Service
has announced
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00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:07,700
a severe thunderstorm
warning for the city.
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00:06:07,730 --> 00:06:10,070
We now go to meteorologist
Heather Dupont...
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I leave the house
for one fucking minute...
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Memo!
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00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,100
It's not a big deal,
as long as they just...
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00:06:33,130 --> 00:06:34,370
answer the fucking phone.
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00:06:34,390 --> 00:06:35,630
Fucking hell.
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00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:37,200
-Damn!
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-Look out, look out!
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00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:41,440
Oh, fuck this. Ah!
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00:06:41,470 --> 00:06:43,240
-Should I answer that?
Announcement.
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00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:46,210
After methodical analysis,
I have decided
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00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,580
that it is not a good idea
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to kill Joanna Roscoe.
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No shit, you human fart.
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00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,120
Now, help me
booby-trap the staircase.
185
00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:54,590
Maybe I should just
take it off the hook?
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00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:55,490
Hello?
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00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,320
Colin Robinson, now is
not the time for decorating.
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00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:00,650
Get your fucking go-bag.
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00:07:00,690 --> 00:07:02,360
Vampires must always
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00:07:02,390 --> 00:07:04,090
be prepared to skip out of town
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00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,590
at a moment's notice.
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00:07:05,630 --> 00:07:07,770
I have been chased out
of five, maybe six
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00:07:07,790 --> 00:07:09,530
villages over the course
of my vampiric life,
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00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,600
and believe me,
you don't want to be
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00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:14,230
caught out there fleeing with
only the clothes on your back,
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00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:16,440
sleeping at the bottom
of a cold well,
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00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,070
sucking on the throats
of the mountain goats
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00:07:18,110 --> 00:07:19,350
you once called your brothers.
200
00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:21,710
No. So, what was
the first thing I did
201
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:23,080
when I moved to Staten Island?
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00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,510
I made the go-bags.
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00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:27,210
I have decided on
a multi-part plan.
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00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:28,320
The first part of which:
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00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:30,720
Kidnap Joanna Roscoe.
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00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,090
And how is that going to help?
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00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,490
Takes us to step two.
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Everybody,
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in your go-bags you will find
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00:07:37,260 --> 00:07:39,230
your emergency
fleeing checklist.
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00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:40,230
Okay.
212
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,760
"Ancestral soils."
213
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:42,800
Check.
214
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,230
"Three days' supply of blood."
215
00:07:45,270 --> 00:07:46,510
Eh... Oof.
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00:07:46,530 --> 00:07:48,600
A little bit rank, but check.
217
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,310
"Memorize new identity."
218
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,610
"Oh, hello.
219
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,310
"My name is Sally Rhubarb.
220
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:57,210
"I am a blonde girl
from a large farm,
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00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:01,610
and my blackberry pie wins
every year at the county fair."
222
00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:02,620
-Don't sit there.
-Why not?
223
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,020
Because.
224
00:08:05,390 --> 00:08:07,760
-The whole ground floor
is booby-trapped
225
00:08:07,790 --> 00:08:09,490
for our final stand.
226
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,060
Oh, yes, because the attackers
first thing they will do
227
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,530
is come down and
take a nice rest.
228
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,630
I think you're all
wasting valuable time.
229
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,760
-Thank you.
-What you need to do
230
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,370
is get a kidnapping sack.
231
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,770
No, you need to get your go-bag.
232
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,470
And you need to trust the plan.
233
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,600
-Get your go-bag.
-Trust the plan.
234
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,180
-Get your go-bag.
-Trust...
235
00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:28,480
Hey, you two may want
to have your argument
236
00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:30,510
away from the
chandelier fall zone.
237
00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:32,340
-Also, mind the trip wire.
Fucking hell.
239
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,750
-Places, places!
-It's all right.
It's all right, my darling.
240
00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,450
-I'll protect you.
241
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,380
-This is it.
This is our final stand.
-Be calm.
242
00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:42,360
Would you stop fucking
saying that, Colin Robinson?
243
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:43,660
Step back, my darling.
244
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,630
-Friends, fear not.
245
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:49,070
I went back to
Channel 8 News Live at 7
246
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:50,640
and hypnotized
the audience, so...
247
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:52,260
We saw.
248
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:54,740
And no, you did not
hypnotize anyone, Nandor.
249
00:08:54,770 --> 00:08:56,440
Those television humans
250
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:57,470
interrupted your blather
with a warning of a storm.
251
00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,070
This is all Guillermo's fault!
252
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:02,450
-He's not back yet, is he?
No.
253
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,120
Also, why is your
hair yellow, Nadja?
254
00:09:05,150 --> 00:09:06,250
-I am not Nadja.
-Oh.
255
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,510
I am Sally Rhubarb.
256
00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:09,090
There is only
one way out of this:
257
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,720
We must kill Joanna Roscoe.
258
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:14,220
Which were my thoughts exactly,
259
00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:15,620
but if you follow "Arrow F,"
260
00:09:15,660 --> 00:09:17,760
you'll find a far more
sophisticated plan.
261
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:19,790
"Kidnap Joanna Roscoe"?
262
00:09:19,830 --> 00:09:21,500
Which is step one of the plan.
263
00:09:21,530 --> 00:09:24,070
-And then what?
-Step two.
264
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,100
Welcome back to
Channel 8 News, Live at 7.
265
00:09:28,140 --> 00:09:30,610
We'll check in with
Joanna Roscoe, but first...
266
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,480
And then I saw that diesel
was as cheap as gas.
267
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,110
So I took it back to
the rent-a-car spot
268
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,610
and say, "Hey, homie,
how am I supposed to know
269
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,210
-Corollas don't take diesel?"
270
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,040
Guillermo?
271
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,620
-Are you okay?
You know what?
272
00:09:40,650 --> 00:09:42,250
He doesn't listen, all right?
Don't even bother.
273
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,050
-I'm listening.
274
00:09:45,090 --> 00:09:46,490
That's what it is. The screens.
275
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,090
You need to cut
that shit off, cold turkey.
276
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,620
Just like I did with
the Sierra Mist, huh, Ma?
277
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:52,400
Guillermo, you're working
too much. It's not healthy.
278
00:09:52,430 --> 00:09:53,630
You need to be
healthy like I am.
279
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,060
No Sierra Mist,
280
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:56,770
no whack bosses.
I told my last boss,
281
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,540
"Hey, jefe, you want to try
to ruin my life like that?
282
00:09:58,570 --> 00:10:00,410
Boom. Toma."
284
00:10:01,770 --> 00:10:03,210
But, you know,
you're probably too scared
285
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,610
-to do that.
-I'm not scared, Miguel.
286
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,240
I'm not scared.
I recently made a big move.
287
00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:11,040
My old boss kept
promising me a promotion,
288
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,210
and I got tired of waiting.
289
00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:13,620
Wow.
290
00:10:13,650 --> 00:10:15,220
Yeah, yeah.
291
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:16,350
So I'm here.
293
00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:19,590
-Are you here, though?
-Yeah, I'm here.
294
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,190
Why are you still
all on your phone, then?
295
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:22,620
Because, it's the transition.
I haven't...
296
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:24,460
officially left
the old railroad,
297
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:27,360
and, uh, haven't
officially started
298
00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:29,130
-the new one.
-How many railroads
even are there?
299
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,100
Let's just eat, huh?
Why don't we all just eat?
300
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:35,600
I do not have a name
in the traditional sense.
301
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,610
And you said that you
work for the city...
303
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:42,620
Right, Joanna Roscoe.
304
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,210
There will be damage.
305
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,440
Bloodshed, too.
306
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,350
This is why I propose a truce.
307
00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:52,220
Because we are not so
different, you and us.
308
00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:54,750
We all want peace.
309
00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:56,390
-Yello?
-Hey, Sean,
310
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:58,190
this is Guillermo
from next door.
311
00:10:58,230 --> 00:11:01,330
Yo, Guillermo. How's it goin'?
What can I do for you?
312
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,230
Yeah, I was wondering
if you could do me a favor.
313
00:11:03,260 --> 00:11:05,460
If you can go next door
and tell the vam...
314
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:08,340
Uh, Laszlo and Nadja
and everyone at the house
315
00:11:08,370 --> 00:11:09,740
if they could just,
can they stay
316
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,510
inside the house
and just stay put
317
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,340
until I get there? Could you
do that for me, please?
318
00:11:13,370 --> 00:11:14,770
That's gonna be a little tricky.
319
00:11:14,810 --> 00:11:17,310
There's been a water main break
on our street,
320
00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:20,110
and these TV fuckers
parked their van
321
00:11:20,150 --> 00:11:22,350
-right on the front lawn...
-And someone else is here.
322
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:24,050
-...which I just
resodded last year.
-Sean? What are you doing?
323
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,780
The territory of Staten Island
324
00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:29,760
can, nay, must be shared
between our people...
325
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,460
Looks like there's a lot of
excitement over there.
326
00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:34,330
Speaking of excitement,
327
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,200
you'll never guess what this
Bronx seventh grader is doing
328
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,400
to raise money
for the rainforest.
330
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,370
A nine-step plan!
331
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,070
-Make sure it's bloody
straight, you idiot.
-Yes.
332
00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:48,480
Reason and diplomacy
did not work,
333
00:11:48,510 --> 00:11:49,610
as you all saw.
334
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,580
So let us do it. Let us flee.
335
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:56,090
-Us?
-Yes.
336
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,490
And if they won't go,
337
00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,060
then it will be just you
and I, into the night.
338
00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:02,790
Um, okay. C-Cool.
339
00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:05,060
I shall go prepare my disguise.
341
00:12:09,130 --> 00:12:11,230
So, bad news.
342
00:12:11,260 --> 00:12:13,760
There's been an emergency
with, uh, a train.
343
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,370
So I'm gonna have to head out.
344
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,200
I called it, didn't I?
345
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,580
Mami? Mami, can we just
have that talk really quick,
346
00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:21,250
-the one I was
telling you about?
347
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,620
Gracias. Por favor.
348
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,110
Hello?
349
00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:26,340
-Laszlo? Laszlo.
-Who is this?
350
00:12:26,380 --> 00:12:27,750
Sorry, Mom. Por favor.
351
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:28,780
What do you mean,
"who is it"? It's Guillermo.
352
00:12:28,820 --> 00:12:30,360
Oh, Gizmo. What do you want?
353
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:31,580
What the hell's
going on over there?
354
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:33,090
Can't talk right now.
355
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,320
To cut a shit story short,
356
00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:35,490
-we've been found out.
-Huh?
357
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,220
The whole world knows
358
00:12:37,260 --> 00:12:39,630
that vampires are real
and that we are they.
359
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:41,200
Okay, Laszlo,
just do me a favor.
360
00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:42,270
Just stay put, okay?
I'll be over soon.
361
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:43,640
Don't you tell me what to do.
362
00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:45,230
Laszlo?
-I have con...
363
00:12:45,270 --> 00:12:47,040
Laszlo?
364
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,510
-That's too small, you prick.
-Who's there with you?
365
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,310
-You think?
-Just stay put, okay?
366
00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:52,710
We have to get Joanna Roscoe's
entire body in there.
367
00:12:52,740 --> 00:12:54,780
-No. What are you...
We need to get
a grown woman in there.
368
00:12:54,810 --> 00:12:56,210
What are you...
What are you doing?
369
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:57,480
I think this bag is big enough.
370
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,380
-All right, well, get in it.
-Laszlo?
371
00:12:59,410 --> 00:13:01,080
-Okay.
-What's going on? Laszlo?
372
00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:03,210
-Oy vey. Too small.
-Too fucking small.
373
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,490
-If we are to
kidnap Joanna Roscoe,
-No!
374
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,460
-we need a sack large enough
for her entire body.
-Beep, beep.
375
00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:10,490
Now, don't phone here again.
We are incredibly busy.
376
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,190
-Do not kidnap...
-We don't need to be distracted.
377
00:13:12,230 --> 00:13:14,370
Gizmo? Huh.
378
00:13:14,390 --> 00:13:17,360
Blasted boy, hung up on me.
379
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:18,740
Fucking hell, Nandor.
Get a bigger sack.
380
00:13:18,770 --> 00:13:20,610
Laszlo?
381
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:25,310
-I found one!
382
00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:26,580
This is a very big bag.
383
00:13:26,610 --> 00:13:28,680
I tried it already. I fit.
384
00:13:28,710 --> 00:13:30,080
It's translucent.
385
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,480
We could add a blindfold?
386
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:32,480
Yes, but it would add time.
387
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:33,610
Is anybody listening to me?
388
00:13:33,650 --> 00:13:37,050
You need to get your go-bags!
389
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:40,150
-Mami?
-Mm-hmm?
390
00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:30,170
No.
391
00:14:32,210 --> 00:14:33,550
No...
398
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,390
How's it going?
399
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,700
It was like this
when I got here.
400
00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:34,700
So, this is it, then?
This is really goodbye,
401
00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:36,540
my ag?pi mou.
402
00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:38,810
I'm afraid so, my m?tia mou.
403
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,580
I must see my plan through.
404
00:15:40,610 --> 00:15:42,610
It has many steps.
405
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,080
-Ready!
-Oh!
406
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,450
Oh.
407
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,080
So, when the villagers
who are chasing us
408
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:48,310
say they are looking for
a blonde and a brunette...
409
00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:51,820
Well, I guess I didn't
really think it through.
410
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:54,150
Housemates.
411
00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:55,290
Friends.
412
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,320
The Guide.
413
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,200
A great enemy is upon us.
414
00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:03,230
Joanna Roscoe and her army
of Channel 8 viewers.
415
00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:04,830
This is not
the first foe we have met,
416
00:16:04,870 --> 00:16:06,770
nor will it be the last.
417
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,040
They may outnumber us,
418
00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:12,040
they may have a satellite truck
419
00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:15,470
and a Sky High chopper,
whatever the fuck,
420
00:16:15,510 --> 00:16:17,310
but what do we have?
421
00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:19,340
-Kidnapping sack.
-Go-bags!
-The skull of Orson Welles.
422
00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:20,480
Each other.
423
00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:22,150
-Oh.
-Oh.
424
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:24,050
Look at us, running around,
this way and that,
425
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,080
focusing on our own plans.
426
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,690
We all have
a part to play in this,
427
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,360
and play it we must,
428
00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:31,590
-but together.
-Hear, hear.
429
00:16:31,630 --> 00:16:33,170
-Thank you, Laszlo.
-Now, get the fuck on with it
430
00:16:33,190 --> 00:16:35,360
Yes, this is all
your fault, you know.
431
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:39,100
For this shithole on
Staten Island is our home,
432
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:40,600
and 30 years from now,
433
00:16:40,630 --> 00:16:42,130
when you, Nadja,
434
00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:43,610
are sat there by that fireplace
435
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,080
and you have a little ghost
dolly on your knee,
436
00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:48,210
and she looks up at you,
and she says,
437
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,410
"What did you do during
the great vampire battle?"
438
00:16:51,450 --> 00:16:53,620
Maybe you won't
need to say to her,
439
00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:57,220
"Me, dolly? I was shoveling
shit in Louisiana."
440
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,150
-I would never do that.
441
00:16:59,190 --> 00:17:00,490
Okay, you guys, I'm back.
442
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,720
No need to worry 'cause
I have a plan...
444
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,560
Whoa.
Shit!
445
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,090
For crying out loud.
448
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,100
We are fine, Guillermo.
449
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:13,300
In fact, we are better
than fine. We are great.
450
00:17:13,330 --> 00:17:15,200
We have our own plan.
451
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,310
Okay, I'm just trying
to help cal--
452
00:17:16,340 --> 00:17:18,410
Nadja, when did you go blonde?
453
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:19,480
I mean, you look really--
454
00:17:19,510 --> 00:17:20,750
I don't have time to tell you
455
00:17:20,770 --> 00:17:22,310
everything that you've
missed, traitor.
456
00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:24,210
Look, I know I haven't
been around, but--
457
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,140
It's fine. I get it.
458
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:28,220
You have your life
and we have ours.
459
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:29,490
And if tonight
has taught us nothing else,
460
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:30,760
then it has taught us this:
461
00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:34,450
We can survive
quite easily without you.
462
00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:39,430
Well, okay, then.
463
00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:41,200
Wait, what?
464
00:17:41,230 --> 00:17:42,330
You seem to have everything
under control,
465
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,430
so good luck.
466
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:46,430
I wouldn't go that way
if I were you.
467
00:17:46,470 --> 00:17:48,610
-Why not?
-Ever hear of a Bouncing Betty?
468
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,680
A schrapnellmine
in the authentic German?
469
00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:00,540
Our latest model is now showing
that those mild showers
470
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,820
won't be hitting
the five boroughs
471
00:18:01,850 --> 00:18:04,420
until 4:00 a.m. at the earliest.
472
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:05,490
All right, that's
great news. Still time
473
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,190
to pull in that lawn furniture.
474
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,160
And speaking
of unexpected waters,
475
00:18:09,190 --> 00:18:10,190
Joanna Roscoe is back
476
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:11,690
with an update for us
477
00:18:11,730 --> 00:18:13,430
on that Staten Island
water main break.
478
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,200
What's it looking like, Joanna?
479
00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:18,430
Hi, Ted. I am happy to report
480
00:18:18,470 --> 00:18:19,740
that this story finally has
481
00:18:19,770 --> 00:18:21,310
a happy ending.
482
00:18:21,340 --> 00:18:23,210
The water main has been sealed,
483
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,610
and the underground leaks
have been brought
484
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:26,740
under control.
485
00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:28,570
Now there is a small sinkhole,
486
00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:30,310
but the area
has been cordoned off
487
00:18:30,340 --> 00:18:32,710
to prevent it from
widening any further
488
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:34,690
until we can get
a street crew out here
489
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,060
to fill it in the morning,
but, hey,
490
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,280
at the risk of sounding
overly optimistic,
491
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,220
it looks like residents
are on their way
492
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,290
to having their street
back any moment now. I...
493
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,060
Wait. Wait!
494
00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:47,490
Kevin, you got this?
495
00:18:47,530 --> 00:18:49,230
Looks like this story
is not quite over yet.
496
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:52,500
A very odd and dangerous
new development happening here.
497
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:54,330
-Whoa, whoa whoa--
-Shit!
498
00:18:54,370 --> 00:18:55,740
Fucking idiots!
499
00:18:55,770 --> 00:18:57,210
An antique car
has rolled into
500
00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,340
the sinkhole,
and a group of locals
501
00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:02,340
are now working together
to retrieve it.
502
00:19:02,380 --> 00:19:04,350
Initiate diversion,
Colin Robinson.
503
00:19:04,380 --> 00:19:06,180
Initiate diversion.
504
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:08,410
All right, there's a guy,
and, uh,
505
00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:10,420
he doesn't work for us.
506
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,420
Okay, and he's throwing
fire in the van. Kev?
507
00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:15,620
Oh! Holy fuck.
509
00:19:18,130 --> 00:19:20,070
Nope, not my problem.
510
00:19:20,090 --> 00:19:22,330
All right, uh,
apologies to our viewers,
511
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:25,360
but it appears we have
lost our Staten Island feed.
512
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,270
We are working
to contact our team
513
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,440
to make sure everything is okay.
514
00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:30,740
Whoa.
516
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,280
We lost the feed.
We lost it.
517
00:19:34,310 --> 00:19:35,750
Are you getting this?
Are you filming?
518
00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:37,680
Satellite's not
transmitting to studio,
519
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:38,440
-but I'm recording on the card.
-Get it on the memory card.
520
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:39,420
Do not stop.
522
00:19:40,610 --> 00:19:42,750
What is going on?
Are they flying?!
523
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,350
Oh, oh!
524
00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:45,750
Okay, call the station
and tell them that
525
00:19:45,790 --> 00:19:47,460
-we're coming in
with the footage.
-Okay.
526
00:19:49,490 --> 00:19:51,290
-Excuse me.
What?
527
00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:54,570
I think Joanna caught us
flying on tape. FYI.
528
00:19:54,590 --> 00:19:56,160
We need to follow that tape
529
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,840
and steal that tape
and destroy that tape.
530
00:19:58,870 --> 00:20:02,070
Absolutely, continue with
the second part of the plan.
531
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:03,570
This sounds like
a slightly different plan.
532
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,640
No, it's the same plan. Bat!
534
00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:10,650
Assholes!
535
00:20:15,550 --> 00:20:17,250
Apologies, for the technical
diffic
536
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,620
but I hear we have some
truly inexplicable footage
537
00:20:19,650 --> 00:20:21,350
from Joanna en route.
539
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,360
Hand it over, camera jockey.
540
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,690
Show yourself,
Joanna Roscoe.
541
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:27,170
I got Joanna's camera!
542
00:20:27,190 --> 00:20:29,530
Ladies and gentlemen,
one moment.
543
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,200
Bit of confusion here in studio.
544
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:34,170
I'll say. Who are you people?
545
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,040
What are you doing in here?
This is a closed set...
546
00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:39,340
You will fall asleep
and forget everything
547
00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:41,170
that has happened here tonight.
548
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:43,550
And then fall off your chair.
549
00:20:43,580 --> 00:20:45,150
What about all the people
550
00:20:45,180 --> 00:20:46,380
who just saw Lisa Lipton
551
00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:48,050
and Ted Spinelli get hypnotized?
552
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,720
We go on
and hypnotize them, too?
553
00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:51,720
Yes, good idea.
554
00:20:53,050 --> 00:20:57,220
To all of the
viewers of the Channel 8 News,
555
00:20:57,260 --> 00:20:59,360
you will remember nothing
556
00:20:59,390 --> 00:21:02,590
out of the ordinary tonight.
557
00:21:02,630 --> 00:21:04,070
That is all ye know,
558
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:06,240
and all ye need to know.
559
00:21:06,270 --> 00:21:09,440
Actually, pretty solid solution.
560
00:21:09,470 --> 00:21:11,040
Should we just leave now?
561
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:12,740
No, that will
look very suspicious
562
00:21:12,770 --> 00:21:14,810
to the humans
that have just tuned in.
563
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,540
Just read the words
on the screen.
564
00:21:16,580 --> 00:21:18,350
Uh...
565
00:21:20,810 --> 00:21:23,050
Hip-hip pup-rade.
566
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,120
Indeed. It is time again
567
00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:27,320
for Staten Island's
annual puppy parade.
568
00:21:27,350 --> 00:21:29,720
Which is always
a barking good time.
569
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,200
Here's hoping we have
some nice weather
570
00:21:32,230 --> 00:21:34,700
for these promenading pooches.
571
00:21:34,730 --> 00:21:37,530
And now,
let's turn it over to...
572
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,560
Colin Robinson with the weather.
573
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,070
Seems like a wet one
out there tonight,
574
00:21:43,100 --> 00:21:44,370
right, Colin Robinson?
575
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:45,540
Not as wet
576
00:21:45,570 --> 00:21:47,210
as it could have been,
Nadja,
577
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,710
but still,
no fun for anyone
578
00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:51,240
who forgot
their umbrella at home.
579
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:52,280
Let's take a look at
580
00:21:52,310 --> 00:21:53,380
the News 8 WeatherWall
581
00:21:53,410 --> 00:21:55,550
with high Doppler action.
582
00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:57,680
And this patch right here,
583
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,390
um... well, that's
584
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:03,560
a little schmutz there
on the old WeatherWall
585
00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:06,260
with high Doppler action.
586
00:22:06,290 --> 00:22:09,560
But this patch up here,
this is a bit of good news.
587
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,800
New Yorkers,
you can rest easy tonight
588
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:14,600
and enjoy a little
sunshine this weekend.
589
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:18,040
Perfect weather
for a puppy parade.
590
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:21,570
Our four-legged friends will
certainly be happy to hear that.
591
00:22:21,610 --> 00:22:24,250
And now we turn to...
592
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,050
Laszlo Cravensworth,
593
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:30,190
who better be telling me
my New York football Giants
594
00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:34,690
are raring to go for Sunday's
game against the Cowboys.
595
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,460
Thanks, Nandor.
596
00:22:36,490 --> 00:22:39,130
From your lips to
Coach Daboll's ears.
597
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,260
Big Blue is having
a big season,
598
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:43,440
but the Cowboys
are on a roll themselves.
599
00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:46,600
So let's just say
that for either team,
600
00:22:46,630 --> 00:22:48,530
the road to a W
is going to be paved
601
00:22:48,570 --> 00:22:51,570
with blood, sweat and tears.
602
00:22:51,610 --> 00:22:54,010
Here's my lovely wife Nadja.
603
00:22:54,810 --> 00:22:56,410
Thank you, my love.
604
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,210
Well, that is it for us
tonight, New York.
605
00:22:59,250 --> 00:23:02,550
And from everyone
at Channel 8 News:
606
00:23:02,580 --> 00:23:03,820
-Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
607
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:05,320
Goodbye.
608
00:23:05,350 --> 00:23:06,650
Bye, then.
609
00:23:06,690 --> 00:23:09,530
That's it, try and look normal.
610
00:23:21,340 --> 00:23:23,180
Well, good.
611
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,640
I don't want anything bad
to happen to them, so...
612
00:23:25,670 --> 00:23:27,610
I guess I always
imagined the hardest part
613
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,410
of being a vampire was
keeping your identity a secret,
614
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,640
but I guess
the hardest part is...
615
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,250
who you leave behind.
616
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,820
You know?
617
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:39,620
The goodbyes.
622
00:23:55,140 --> 00:23:56,510
Whoa!
623
00:23:56,540 --> 00:23:58,440
What the fuck is going on?!
624
00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:00,510
? ?
625
00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:38,840
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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