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Good evening, New Yorkers,
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00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:09,599
and welcome to Channel
8 News, Live at 7.
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00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,992
- I'm Ted Spinelli.
- And I'm Lisa Lipton.
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00:00:12,003 --> 00:00:14,283
A big day in news across the city,
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00:00:14,294 --> 00:00:16,196
but we begin in Staten Island,
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00:00:16,207 --> 00:00:19,108
where a water main break in the
West New Brighton neighborhood
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00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:21,430
left the streets
looking more like rivers.
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00:00:21,441 --> 00:00:24,043
Joanna Roscoe is live
from Staten Island now.
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00:00:24,054 --> 00:00:25,298
That's right, Lisa.
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00:00:25,309 --> 00:00:27,778
This was the scene just hours ago
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00:00:27,789 --> 00:00:31,393
on what is usually considered
a quiet residential street.
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00:00:31,511 --> 00:00:33,347
Now, as you can see behind me,
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00:00:33,358 --> 00:00:35,293
city workers have managed to stop
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00:00:35,304 --> 00:00:36,973
the street-level flooding,
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00:00:36,984 --> 00:00:39,567
but underground flooding
still remains a concern.
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00:00:39,578 --> 00:00:41,764
Oh, boy. That means a messy commute home
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00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:44,794
- for a few Staten Islanders, right, Joanna?
- Yeah, it sure does.
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00:00:44,805 --> 00:00:46,529
Now I am here with a local resident
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00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:48,702
who has been watching
the situation closely.
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00:00:48,713 --> 00:00:50,740
His name is Nandor...
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00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,686
Nandor the Relentless.
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00:00:52,697 --> 00:00:54,171
Nandor De Laurentis.
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00:00:54,182 --> 00:00:56,852
Now, Nandor, you live in
this neighborhood, correct?
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00:00:56,977 --> 00:00:58,697
Yes, that's right, Joanna, I do.
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00:00:58,708 --> 00:01:00,583
In that house just over there.
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With my friends. It's fun.
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00:01:03,904 --> 00:01:06,843
Great. And as I understand,
you were on the street
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00:01:06,854 --> 00:01:08,770
when the water main broke.
Can you tell us about that?
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00:01:08,781 --> 00:01:10,016
Yes, I can, Joanna.
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I was going for my evening stroll,
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which I do for my mental health
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00:01:13,786 --> 00:01:15,655
as well as for my physical health,
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and then, all of a sudden, crash!
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Burst!
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Water, it shoots
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00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:23,179
into the air, and then, like,
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00:01:23,190 --> 00:01:24,959
all over the street.
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00:01:24,970 --> 00:01:26,709
Now, Nandor, have you seen an incident
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in this area like this before?
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00:01:28,894 --> 00:01:32,131
Not since the great
flood in 1892, Joanna.
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That was a big boy.
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1892.
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Oh, silly me. Not... not 1892.
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00:01:39,711 --> 00:01:42,564
1992.
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00:01:42,575 --> 00:01:45,941
Yeah, I was gonna say, uh, 1892?
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Give me this guy's skin care secrets.
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00:01:48,254 --> 00:01:51,190
Because 1892 was a year that was not
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00:01:51,201 --> 00:01:53,137
in my, uh, human lifespan,
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00:01:53,148 --> 00:01:56,452
but 1992 most definitely was.
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00:01:56,463 --> 00:01:58,050
It's 2023 now...
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00:01:58,061 --> 00:02:00,597
- Right.
- ... and it was 1992 then.
52
00:02:00,807 --> 00:02:04,258
And I have been living in
Staten Island for many centuries.
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00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:05,593
Many centuries.
54
00:02:05,604 --> 00:02:08,607
Well, it looks like we have discovered
55
00:02:08,618 --> 00:02:11,421
the secret to eternal life.
56
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:14,068
Now, I do have a...
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00:02:14,079 --> 00:02:17,150
Well, Ted and Lisa, I will be here,
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00:02:17,161 --> 00:02:19,430
on the ground, monitoring the situation
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00:02:19,441 --> 00:02:21,443
as it develops. Back to you.
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00:02:21,679 --> 00:02:24,745
Oh, shitty shit. I fucked it.
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00:02:54,026 --> 00:02:59,026
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit.
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From the diaphragm.
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00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,698
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
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Guillermo!
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Gizmo is not here.
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Colin Robinson, turn on the television.
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- Channel 8.
- Your arms broken?
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Please!
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- All right.
- This is go...
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00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,142
But there is some worry that...
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00:03:18,153 --> 00:03:19,521
Huh.
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00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,591
That's our street.
Huh. Well, that's neat.
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00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,037
That is not neat.
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I may have committed an
unforgivable and irreversible blunder.
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00:03:27,151 --> 00:03:29,177
Okay, Nandor, don't get
your knickers in a twist.
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00:03:29,188 --> 00:03:31,558
I-I accidentally told
this Joanna Roscoe
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00:03:31,569 --> 00:03:35,197
that we have lived in this
street for many centuries.
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00:03:35,208 --> 00:03:36,443
You did what?
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00:03:36,454 --> 00:03:38,734
And now she and all of the viewers
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00:03:38,745 --> 00:03:40,948
of Channel 8 News Live at 7
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00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:43,412
know that we are vampires.
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00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:44,892
And now...
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And now all of the humans are going to
drive us out of Staten Island
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00:03:47,557 --> 00:03:49,286
like they drove us
out of the Old Country.
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Alea iacta est.
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00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,567
Game over.
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00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,736
No, no!
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This time, we fight!
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00:03:57,030 --> 00:03:58,726
This is our last stand!
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00:04:00,739 --> 00:04:02,608
- Who's with me?
- Me!
92
00:04:04,190 --> 00:04:07,028
Silence! I have a plan.
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00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:10,880
I think we should kill Joanna Roscoe.
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00:04:10,891 --> 00:04:13,342
And what would that solve?
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00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:15,255
Do you have any better ideas?
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00:04:16,237 --> 00:04:18,105
Where is Guillermo?!
97
00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:22,229
So, yeah, tonight's kind of a farewell,
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00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,731
goodbye dinner for me and my mom.
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00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,332
She doesn't know that it's a goodbye,
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00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,101
but when I become a full vampire,
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00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,821
it won't be safe for my family,
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00:04:28,832 --> 00:04:30,571
or for me because
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00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,806
they are vampire killers,
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00:04:32,817 --> 00:04:34,720
and I'll be a vampire.
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00:04:34,731 --> 00:04:38,513
It's kind of heavy, actually,
if you think about it.
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No one imagines they'll have to say
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00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,182
a final goodbye to their mom, but...
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00:04:42,193 --> 00:04:43,599
here we are.
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Mami.
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Oh. Oh, everyone's here.
I thought it was just going
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00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,723
- to be you and me.
- Hi.
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00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:52,126
Oh, Tía. Wow, you're also here.
113
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,697
You hungry? You hungry?
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00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,133
Hey, Memo.
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00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,534
These guys are still
doing that documentary
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00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,236
on losers who work at the railroad, huh?
117
00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:03,571
- All right.
- Ah, I'm just playing.
118
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:04,705
- Okay.
- Hey, we're putting my tía's
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00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,753
- gifts right there.
- Hmm?
120
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:08,576
The gifts.
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00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:12,246
Wait, you didn't bring a gift
for your own mama's birthday?
122
00:05:12,384 --> 00:05:15,149
So, funny thing. In the middle of, uh,
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00:05:15,328 --> 00:05:16,852
making it a big day about me,
124
00:05:16,863 --> 00:05:20,166
I totally forgot that
it's a big day for her.
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00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,389
It's her birthday,
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00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,003
but birthday or no, I need to do this.
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00:05:25,151 --> 00:05:27,076
Mami, Mami.
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00:05:27,087 --> 00:05:29,663
Can I talk to you in private, please?
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00:05:34,281 --> 00:05:37,231
... local resident
Nandor, who has some insights.
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00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:45,234
... part of a pattern
of local infrastructure failures?
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00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,480
Yes, Joanna. If I may...
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To the millions and millions of viewers
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of Channel 8 News Live at 7,
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00:05:57,024 --> 00:06:01,395
- you will forget...
- Apologies to Joanna and Mr. De Laurentis,
135
00:06:01,406 --> 00:06:03,479
but we have some breaking news.
136
00:06:03,490 --> 00:06:04,892
The National Weather
Service has announced
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00:06:04,903 --> 00:06:07,817
a severe thunderstorm
warning for the city.
138
00:06:07,828 --> 00:06:10,092
We now go to meteorologist
Heather Dupont...
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I leave the house
for one fucking minute...
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Memo!
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It's not a big deal,
as long as they just...
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answer the fucking phone.
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Fucking hell.
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Damn!
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Look out, look out!
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00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,435
Oh, fuck this. Ah!
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00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,674
- Should I answer that?
- Announcement.
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After methodical
analysis, I have decided
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00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,835
that it is not a good idea
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to kill Joanna Roscoe.
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No shit, you human fart.
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00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:53,157
Now, help me booby-trap the staircase.
153
00:06:53,168 --> 00:06:54,604
Maybe I should just
take it off the hook?
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00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,065
Hello?
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00:06:57,076 --> 00:06:59,262
Colin Robinson, now is not
the time for decorating.
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Get your fucking go-bag.
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00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,356
Vampires must always
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00:07:02,367 --> 00:07:04,069
be prepared to skip out of town
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00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,549
at a moment's notice.
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00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,783
I have been chased
out of five, maybe six
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00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:09,574
villages over the course
of my vampiric life,
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00:07:09,585 --> 00:07:11,369
and believe me, you don't want to be
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caught out there fleeing with
only the clothes on your back,
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00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,437
sleeping at the bottom of a cold well,
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00:07:16,448 --> 00:07:18,285
sucking on the throats
of the mountain goats
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you once called your brothers.
No. So, what was the first thing I did
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00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:24,711
when I moved to Staten Island?
I made the go-bags.
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I have decided on a multi-part plan.
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The first part of which:
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Kidnap Joanna Roscoe.
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And how is that going to help?
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Takes us to step two.
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Everybody,
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in your go-bags you will find
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00:07:37,168 --> 00:07:39,375
your emergency fleeing checklist.
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00:07:39,386 --> 00:07:42,132
Okay. "Ancestral soils."
177
00:07:42,143 --> 00:07:45,232
Check. "Three days' supply of blood."
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Eh... Oof.
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00:07:46,779 --> 00:07:48,947
A little bit rank, but check.
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00:07:48,958 --> 00:07:51,204
"Memorize new identity."
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"Oh, hello.
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00:07:52,494 --> 00:07:54,217
My name is Sally Rhubarb.
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00:07:54,228 --> 00:07:57,233
I am a blonde girl from a large farm,
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00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:01,479
and my blackberry pie wins
every year at the county fair."
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00:08:01,490 --> 00:08:02,751
- Don't sit there.
- Why not?
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00:08:02,762 --> 00:08:04,130
Because.
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00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,755
The whole ground floor is booby-trapped
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00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,270
for our final stand.
189
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,397
Oh, yes, because the attackers
first thing they will do
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00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:12,843
is come down and take a nice rest.
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00:08:12,854 --> 00:08:14,853
I think you're all
wasting valuable time.
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00:08:14,864 --> 00:08:16,764
- Thank you.
- What you need to do
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00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,365
is get a kidnapping sack.
194
00:08:18,376 --> 00:08:19,745
No, you need to get your go-bag.
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00:08:19,756 --> 00:08:21,814
And you need to trust the plan.
196
00:08:21,825 --> 00:08:24,095
- Get your go-bag.
- Trust the plan.
197
00:08:24,106 --> 00:08:26,070
- Get your go-bag.
- Trust...
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00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:28,350
Hey, you two may want
to have your argument
199
00:08:28,361 --> 00:08:30,055
away from the chandelier fall zone.
200
00:08:30,066 --> 00:08:32,368
- Also, mind the trip wire.
- Fucking hell.
201
00:08:34,158 --> 00:08:35,903
- Places, places!
- It's all right. It's all right, my darling.
202
00:08:35,914 --> 00:08:37,451
I'll protect you.
203
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,635
- This is it. This is our final stand.
- Be calm.
204
00:08:39,646 --> 00:08:42,356
Would you stop fucking
saying that, Colin Robinson?
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00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,657
Step back, my darling.
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00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,625
Friends, fear not.
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00:08:46,884 --> 00:08:49,063
I went back to Channel 8 News Live at 7
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00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:51,289
and hypnotized the audience, so...
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00:08:51,451 --> 00:08:54,875
We saw. And no, you did
not hypnotize anyone, Nandor.
210
00:08:54,886 --> 00:08:56,380
Those television humans interrupted
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00:08:56,390 --> 00:08:58,218
your blather with a warning of a storm.
212
00:08:58,229 --> 00:09:00,355
This is all Guillermo's fault!
213
00:09:00,588 --> 00:09:02,652
- He's not back yet, is he?
- No.
214
00:09:02,663 --> 00:09:05,134
Also, why is your hair yellow, Nadja?
215
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,247
- I am not Nadja.
- Oh.
216
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,514
I am Sally Rhubarb.
217
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,083
There is only one way out of this:
218
00:09:09,328 --> 00:09:12,129
We must kill Joanna Roscoe.
219
00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:14,221
Which were my thoughts exactly,
220
00:09:14,232 --> 00:09:15,811
but if you follow "Arrow F,"
221
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:18,464
you'll find a far more
sophisticated plan.
222
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,070
"Kidnap Joanna Roscoe"?
223
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:21,750
Which is step one of the plan.
224
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:24,143
- And then what?
- Step two.
225
00:09:25,421 --> 00:09:28,327
Welcome back to Channel
8 News, Live at 7.
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00:09:28,338 --> 00:09:30,604
We'll check in with
Joanna Roscoe, but first...
227
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,473
And then I saw that
diesel was as cheap as gas.
228
00:09:32,506 --> 00:09:34,108
So I took it back to
the rent-a-car spot
229
00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:35,609
and say, "Hey, homie,
how am I supposed to know
230
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:37,211
Corollas don't take diesel?"
231
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,046
Guillermo?
232
00:09:39,422 --> 00:09:40,777
- Are you okay?
- You know what?
233
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,468
He doesn't listen, all
right? Don't even bother.
234
00:09:42,479 --> 00:09:44,222
I'm listening.
235
00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:45,775
That's what it is. The screens.
236
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,842
You need to cut that
shit off, cold turkey.
237
00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:49,645
Just like I did with
the Sierra Mist, huh, Ma?
238
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:52,582
Guillermo, you're working
too much. It's not healthy.
239
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,968
You need to be
healthy like I am. No Sierra Mist,
240
00:09:54,979 --> 00:09:56,648
no whack bosses. I told my last boss,
241
00:09:56,659 --> 00:09:58,807
"Hey, jefe, you want to try
to ruin my life like that?
242
00:09:58,818 --> 00:10:00,401
Boom. Toma."
243
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:02,810
But, you know, you're
probably too scared
244
00:10:02,821 --> 00:10:04,627
- to do that.
- I'm not scared, Miguel.
245
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:07,241
I'm not scared. I
recently made a big move.
246
00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:10,423
My old boss kept
promising me a promotion,
247
00:10:10,434 --> 00:10:11,880
and I got tired of waiting.
248
00:10:11,891 --> 00:10:13,442
Wow.
249
00:10:13,453 --> 00:10:15,021
Yeah, yeah.
250
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,228
So I'm here.
251
00:10:18,239 --> 00:10:19,474
- Are you here, though?
- Yeah, I'm here.
252
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:20,648
Why are you still all
on your phone, then?
253
00:10:20,659 --> 00:10:22,885
Because, it's the
transition. I haven't...
254
00:10:22,896 --> 00:10:24,458
officially left the old railroad,
255
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,239
and, uh, haven't officially started
256
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:28,985
- the new one.
- How many railroads even are there?
257
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:31,933
Let's just eat, huh? Why
don't we all just eat?
258
00:10:31,944 --> 00:10:35,625
I do not have a name
in the traditional sense.
259
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:38,064
And you said that
you work for the city...
260
00:10:41,476 --> 00:10:42,811
Right, Joanna Roscoe.
261
00:10:42,822 --> 00:10:44,390
There will be damage.
262
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,891
Bloodshed, too.
263
00:10:46,902 --> 00:10:49,643
This is why I propose a truce.
264
00:10:49,654 --> 00:10:52,515
Because we are not so
different, you and us.
265
00:10:52,755 --> 00:10:55,175
We all want peace.
266
00:10:55,328 --> 00:10:56,672
- Yello?
- Hey, Sean,
267
00:10:56,683 --> 00:10:58,192
this is Guillermo from next door.
268
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:01,513
Yo, Guillermo. How's it
goin'? What can I do for you?
269
00:11:01,524 --> 00:11:03,230
Yeah, I was wondering if
you could do me a favor.
270
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,466
If you can go next
door and tell the vam...
271
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,851
Uh, Laszlo and Nadja
and everyone at the house
272
00:11:08,862 --> 00:11:11,708
if they could just, can they stay
inside the house and just stay put
273
00:11:11,719 --> 00:11:13,340
until I get there? Could
you do that for me, please?
274
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,460
That's gonna be a little tricky.
275
00:11:15,471 --> 00:11:17,688
There's been a water
main break on our street,
276
00:11:17,699 --> 00:11:20,114
and these TV fuckers parked their van
277
00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:22,349
- right on the front lawn...
- And someone else is here.
278
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,433
- ... which I just resodded last year.
- Sean? What are you doing?
279
00:11:24,444 --> 00:11:26,219
The territory of Staten Island
280
00:11:26,230 --> 00:11:30,205
can, nay, must be shared
between our people...
281
00:11:30,216 --> 00:11:32,459
Looks like there's a lot
of excitement over there.
282
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,328
Speaking of excitement,
283
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,197
you'll never guess what this
Bronx seventh grader is doing
284
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,635
to raise money for the rainforest.
285
00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:43,843
A nine-step plan!
286
00:11:43,854 --> 00:11:46,073
- Make sure it's bloody straight, you idiot.
- Yes.
287
00:11:46,391 --> 00:11:48,908
Reason and diplomacy did not work,
288
00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:50,228
as you all saw.
289
00:11:50,239 --> 00:11:53,447
So let us do it. Let us flee.
290
00:11:54,996 --> 00:11:56,127
- Us?
- Yes.
291
00:11:56,138 --> 00:11:57,779
And if they won't go,
292
00:11:57,790 --> 00:12:00,400
then it will be just you
and I, into the night.
293
00:12:00,411 --> 00:12:03,114
Um, okay. C-Cool.
294
00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:05,402
I shall go prepare my disguise.
295
00:12:09,357 --> 00:12:11,459
So, bad news.
296
00:12:11,470 --> 00:12:14,113
There's been an emergency
with, uh, a train.
297
00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:15,693
So I'm gonna have to head out.
298
00:12:15,704 --> 00:12:17,366
I called it, didn't I?
299
00:12:17,377 --> 00:12:19,919
Mami? Mami, can we just
have that talk really quick,
300
00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:21,566
the one I was telling you about?
301
00:12:21,599 --> 00:12:22,934
Gracias. Por favor.
302
00:12:22,954 --> 00:12:24,162
Hello?
303
00:12:24,173 --> 00:12:26,168
- Laszlo? Laszlo.
- Who is this?
304
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,547
Sorry, Mom. Por favor.
305
00:12:27,652 --> 00:12:29,187
What do you mean, "who
is it"? It's Guillermo.
306
00:12:29,198 --> 00:12:30,653
Oh, Gizmo. What do you want?
307
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,909
What the hell's going on over there?
308
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,222
Can't talk right now.
309
00:12:33,233 --> 00:12:34,667
To cut a shit story short,
310
00:12:34,678 --> 00:12:36,094
- we've been found out.
- Huh?
311
00:12:36,105 --> 00:12:39,995
The whole world knows that
vampires are real and that we are they.
312
00:12:40,006 --> 00:12:41,245
Okay, Laszlo, just do me a favor.
313
00:12:41,256 --> 00:12:42,721
Just stay put, okay? I'll be over soon.
314
00:12:42,732 --> 00:12:44,277
- Don't you tell me what to do.
- Laszlo?
315
00:12:44,287 --> 00:12:46,775
- I have con...
- Laszlo?
316
00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:48,762
- That's too small, you prick.
- Who's there with you?
317
00:12:48,773 --> 00:12:50,542
- You think?
- Just stay put, okay?
318
00:12:50,553 --> 00:12:53,256
We have to get Joanna
Roscoe's entire body in there.
319
00:12:53,267 --> 00:12:55,099
- No. What are you...
- We need to get a grown woman in there.
320
00:12:55,132 --> 00:12:56,534
What are you... What are you doing?
321
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,009
I think this bag is big enough.
322
00:12:58,020 --> 00:12:59,726
- All right, well, get in it.
- Laszlo?
323
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,699
- Okay.
- What's going on? Laszlo?
324
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:03,541
- Oy vey. Too small.
- Too fucking small.
325
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,411
-If we are to kidnap Joanna Roscoe,
-No!
326
00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:07,800
- we need a sack large enough for her entire body.
- Beep, beep.
327
00:13:07,811 --> 00:13:10,815
Now, don't phone here again.
We are incredibly busy.
328
00:13:10,848 --> 00:13:12,516
- Do not kidnap...
- We don't need to be distracted.
329
00:13:12,549 --> 00:13:14,685
Gizmo? Huh.
330
00:13:14,947 --> 00:13:17,110
Blasted boy, hung up on me.
331
00:13:17,121 --> 00:13:19,438
Fucking hell, Nandor. Get a bigger sack.
332
00:13:19,622 --> 00:13:20,685
Laszlo?
333
00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:24,181
I found one!
334
00:13:24,192 --> 00:13:26,852
- No, Nandor.
- This is a very big bag.
335
00:13:26,863 --> 00:13:28,932
I tried it already. I fit.
336
00:13:28,943 --> 00:13:30,311
It's translucent.
337
00:13:30,322 --> 00:13:31,690
We could add a blindfold?
338
00:13:31,701 --> 00:13:33,960
- Yes, but it would add time.
- Is anybody listening to me?
339
00:13:33,971 --> 00:13:37,374
You need to get your go-bags!
340
00:13:38,936 --> 00:13:40,766
- Mami?
- Mm-hmm?
341
00:14:29,123 --> 00:14:30,143
No.
342
00:14:32,034 --> 00:14:33,156
No...
343
00:15:24,367 --> 00:15:26,169
How's it going?
344
00:15:28,659 --> 00:15:30,594
It was like this when I got here.
345
00:15:32,259 --> 00:15:36,861
So, this is it, then?
This is really goodbye, my agápi mou.
346
00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:39,130
I'm afraid so, my mátia mou.
347
00:15:39,513 --> 00:15:41,332
I must see my plan through.
348
00:15:41,343 --> 00:15:43,346
It has many steps.
349
00:15:43,379 --> 00:15:44,814
- Ready!
- Oh!
350
00:15:44,847 --> 00:15:46,902
- Oh.
- So, when the villagers who are chasing us
351
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,501
say they are looking for
a blonde and a brunette...
352
00:15:50,412 --> 00:15:52,772
Well, I guess I didn't
really think it through.
353
00:15:52,783 --> 00:15:54,602
Housemates.
354
00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:55,732
Friends.
355
00:15:56,058 --> 00:15:57,059
The Guide.
356
00:15:57,092 --> 00:15:58,927
A great enemy is upon us.
357
00:15:59,581 --> 00:16:03,621
Joanna Roscoe and her
army of Channel 8 viewers.
358
00:16:03,632 --> 00:16:05,201
This is not the first foe we have met,
359
00:16:05,945 --> 00:16:07,503
nor will it be the last.
360
00:16:07,536 --> 00:16:09,772
They may outnumber us,
361
00:16:09,805 --> 00:16:12,016
they may have a satellite truck
362
00:16:12,027 --> 00:16:15,431
and a Sky High chopper,
whatever the fuck,
363
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,036
- but what do we have?
- Go-bags!
364
00:16:18,047 --> 00:16:19,608
- Kidnapping sack.
- The skull of Orson Welles.
365
00:16:19,619 --> 00:16:21,022
Each other.
366
00:16:21,033 --> 00:16:22,042
- Oh.
- Oh.
367
00:16:22,053 --> 00:16:24,509
Look at us, running
around, this way and that,
368
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,522
focusing on our own plans.
369
00:16:26,533 --> 00:16:29,496
We all have a part to play in this,
and play it we must,
370
00:16:29,507 --> 00:16:31,790
- but together.
- Hear, hear.
371
00:16:31,801 --> 00:16:34,052
- Thank you, Laszlo.
- Now, get the fuck on with it
372
00:16:34,063 --> 00:16:36,120
Yes, this is all your fault, you know.
373
00:16:36,131 --> 00:16:39,835
For this shithole on
Staten Island is our home,
374
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:41,337
and 30 years from now,
375
00:16:41,579 --> 00:16:42,872
when you, Nadja,
376
00:16:42,883 --> 00:16:44,649
are sat there by that fireplace
377
00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:46,617
and you have a little
ghost dolly on your knee,
378
00:16:46,628 --> 00:16:48,846
and she looks up at you, and she says,
379
00:16:48,857 --> 00:16:52,170
"What did you do during
the great vampire battle?"
380
00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:54,264
Maybe you won't need to say to her,
381
00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:57,845
"Me, dolly? I was shoveling
shit in Louisiana."
382
00:16:57,856 --> 00:16:59,398
I would never do that.
383
00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:01,165
Okay, you guys, I'm back.
384
00:17:01,176 --> 00:17:04,103
No need to worry 'cause I have a plan...
385
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:06,847
- Whoa.
- Shit!
386
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:08,660
For crying out loud.
387
00:17:11,025 --> 00:17:12,168
We are fine, Guillermo.
388
00:17:12,179 --> 00:17:14,196
In fact, we are better
than fine. We are great.
389
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:15,860
We have our own plan.
390
00:17:15,871 --> 00:17:17,491
Okay, I'm just trying to help cal...
391
00:17:17,502 --> 00:17:19,401
Nadja, when did you go blonde?
392
00:17:19,412 --> 00:17:21,065
- I mean, you look really...
- I don't have time to tell you
393
00:17:21,076 --> 00:17:22,854
everything that you've missed, traitor.
394
00:17:22,865 --> 00:17:24,548
Look, I know I haven't
been around, but...
395
00:17:24,559 --> 00:17:26,926
It's fine. I get it.
396
00:17:26,937 --> 00:17:28,749
You have your life and we have ours.
397
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,241
And if tonight has
taught us nothing else,
398
00:17:30,252 --> 00:17:32,157
then it has taught us this:
399
00:17:32,168 --> 00:17:35,190
We can survive quite easily without you.
400
00:17:39,097 --> 00:17:40,184
Well, okay, then.
401
00:17:40,195 --> 00:17:41,210
Wait, what?
402
00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:44,583
You seem to have everything
under control, so good luck.
403
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,729
I wouldn't go that way if I were you.
404
00:17:47,115 --> 00:17:49,508
- Why not?
- Ever hear of a Bouncing Betty?
405
00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:52,689
A schrapnellmine in
the authentic German?
406
00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,630
Our latest model is now
showing that those mild showers
407
00:18:00,641 --> 00:18:02,333
won't be hitting the five boroughs
408
00:18:02,344 --> 00:18:04,574
until 4:00 a.m. at the earliest.
409
00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:06,070
All right, that's great news. Still time
410
00:18:06,081 --> 00:18:07,633
to pull in that lawn furniture.
411
00:18:07,644 --> 00:18:09,580
And speaking of unexpected waters,
412
00:18:09,591 --> 00:18:12,219
Joanna Roscoe is back
with an update for us
413
00:18:12,230 --> 00:18:14,405
on that Staten Island water main break.
414
00:18:14,416 --> 00:18:15,931
What's it looking like, Joanna?
415
00:18:15,942 --> 00:18:18,488
Hi, Ted. I am happy to report
416
00:18:18,499 --> 00:18:21,945
that this story finally
has a happy ending.
417
00:18:21,956 --> 00:18:23,961
The water main has been sealed,
418
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:27,134
and the underground leaks
have been brought under control.
419
00:18:27,145 --> 00:18:29,672
Now there is a small sinkhole,
420
00:18:29,683 --> 00:18:31,489
but the area has been cordoned off
421
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,449
to prevent it from widening any further
422
00:18:33,482 --> 00:18:35,418
until we can get a street crew out here
423
00:18:35,451 --> 00:18:36,995
to fill it in the morning, but, hey,
424
00:18:37,006 --> 00:18:39,797
at the risk of sounding
overly optimistic,
425
00:18:39,808 --> 00:18:41,979
it looks like residents are on their way
426
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:45,613
to having their street
back any moment now. I...
427
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,525
- Wait. Wait!
- Kevin, you got this?
428
00:18:47,536 --> 00:18:49,987
Looks like this story
is not quite over yet.
429
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:53,235
A very odd and dangerous new
development happening here.
430
00:18:53,268 --> 00:18:55,071
- Whoa, whoa whoa...
- Shit!
431
00:18:55,104 --> 00:18:56,472
Fucking idiots!
432
00:18:56,505 --> 00:18:57,940
An antique car has rolled into
433
00:18:57,973 --> 00:19:01,077
the sinkhole, and a group of locals
434
00:19:01,110 --> 00:19:04,996
- are now working together to retrieve it.
- Initiate diversion, Colin Robinson.
435
00:19:05,007 --> 00:19:06,809
Initiate diversion.
436
00:19:06,820 --> 00:19:09,634
All right, there's a guy, and, uh,
437
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,175
he doesn't work for us.
438
00:19:11,186 --> 00:19:13,557
Okay, and he's throwing
fire in the van. Kev?
439
00:19:14,878 --> 00:19:16,247
Oh! Holy fuck.
440
00:19:18,705 --> 00:19:20,640
Nope, not my problem.
441
00:19:20,829 --> 00:19:23,065
All right, uh, apologies to our viewers,
442
00:19:23,098 --> 00:19:26,102
but it appears we have
lost our Staten Island feed.
443
00:19:26,135 --> 00:19:28,004
We are working to contact our team
444
00:19:28,015 --> 00:19:30,150
to make sure everything is okay.
445
00:19:30,161 --> 00:19:31,197
Whoa.
446
00:19:33,597 --> 00:19:35,033
We lost the feed. We lost it.
447
00:19:35,044 --> 00:19:36,866
- Are you getting this? Are you filming?
- Satellite's not transmitting to studio,
448
00:19:36,877 --> 00:19:39,046
- but I'm recording on the card.
- Get it on the memory card.
449
00:19:39,057 --> 00:19:40,972
Do not stop.
450
00:19:40,983 --> 00:19:43,225
What is going on? Are they flying?!
451
00:19:43,519 --> 00:19:44,948
Oh, oh!
452
00:19:44,959 --> 00:19:46,957
Okay, call the station
and tell them that
453
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,636
- we're coming in with the footage.
- Okay.
454
00:19:50,091 --> 00:19:51,759
- Excuse me.
- What?
455
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:54,898
I think Joanna caught
us flying on tape. FYI.
456
00:19:54,909 --> 00:19:56,758
We need to follow that tape
457
00:19:56,769 --> 00:19:59,590
and steal that tape
and destroy that tape.
458
00:19:59,601 --> 00:20:02,677
Absolutely, continue
with the second part of the plan.
459
00:20:02,688 --> 00:20:04,449
This sounds like a
slightly different plan.
460
00:20:04,460 --> 00:20:06,495
No, it's the same plan. Bat!
461
00:20:10,305 --> 00:20:11,773
Assholes!
462
00:20:15,318 --> 00:20:17,623
Apologies, for the
technical difficulties, folks,
463
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:20,625
but I hear we have some
truly inexplicable footage
464
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,091
from Joanna en route.
465
00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:25,050
Hand it over, camera jockey.
466
00:20:25,061 --> 00:20:27,004
Show yourself, Joanna Roscoe.
467
00:20:27,015 --> 00:20:28,671
I got Joanna's camera!
468
00:20:28,682 --> 00:20:30,266
Ladies and gentlemen, one moment.
469
00:20:30,299 --> 00:20:32,935
Bit of confusion here in studio.
470
00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:34,904
I'll say. Who are you people?
471
00:20:34,937 --> 00:20:36,772
What are you doing in here?
This is a closed set...
472
00:20:36,805 --> 00:20:39,906
You will fall
asleep and forget everything
473
00:20:39,917 --> 00:20:43,025
that has happened here tonight.
474
00:20:43,036 --> 00:20:44,515
And then fall off your chair.
475
00:20:44,526 --> 00:20:46,817
What about all the people
who just saw Lisa Lipton
476
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:48,679
and Ted Spinelli get hypnotized?
477
00:20:48,690 --> 00:20:50,326
We go on and hypnotize them, too?
478
00:20:50,337 --> 00:20:52,305
Yes, good idea.
479
00:20:54,443 --> 00:20:58,180
To all of the
viewers of the Channel 8 News,
480
00:20:58,191 --> 00:21:00,353
you will remember nothing
481
00:21:00,364 --> 00:21:03,354
out of the ordinary tonight.
482
00:21:03,365 --> 00:21:07,528
That is all ye know,
and all ye need to know.
483
00:21:07,539 --> 00:21:10,172
Actually, pretty solid solution.
484
00:21:10,183 --> 00:21:11,752
Should we just leave now?
485
00:21:11,763 --> 00:21:13,520
No, that will look very suspicious
486
00:21:13,531 --> 00:21:15,859
to the humans that have just tuned in.
487
00:21:15,870 --> 00:21:18,061
Just read the words on the screen.
488
00:21:18,124 --> 00:21:19,209
Uh...
489
00:21:21,662 --> 00:21:23,808
Hip-hip pup-rade.
490
00:21:23,819 --> 00:21:25,855
Indeed. It is time again
491
00:21:25,888 --> 00:21:28,057
for Staten Island's annual puppy parade.
492
00:21:28,090 --> 00:21:30,459
Which is always a barking good time.
493
00:21:30,514 --> 00:21:33,199
Here's hoping we have some nice weather
494
00:21:33,210 --> 00:21:35,431
for these promenading pooches.
495
00:21:35,622 --> 00:21:38,267
And now, let's turn it over to...
496
00:21:38,462 --> 00:21:41,016
Colin Robinson with the weather.
497
00:21:41,027 --> 00:21:43,291
Seems like a wet one out there tonight,
498
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,049
right, Colin Robinson?
499
00:21:45,060 --> 00:21:47,825
Not as wet as it could have been, Nadja,
500
00:21:47,836 --> 00:21:51,862
but still, no fun for anyone
who forgot their umbrella at home.
501
00:21:51,873 --> 00:21:54,138
Let's take a look at
the News 8 WeatherWall
502
00:21:54,149 --> 00:21:56,132
with high Doppler action.
503
00:21:56,143 --> 00:21:58,310
And this patch right here,
504
00:21:58,321 --> 00:22:00,990
um... well, that's
505
00:22:01,001 --> 00:22:04,513
a little schmutz there
on the old WeatherWall
506
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:06,726
with high Doppler action.
507
00:22:06,737 --> 00:22:10,812
But this patch up here,
this is a bit of good news.
508
00:22:10,823 --> 00:22:12,769
New Yorkers, you can rest easy tonight
509
00:22:12,780 --> 00:22:15,617
and enjoy a little
sunshine this weekend.
510
00:22:15,628 --> 00:22:18,794
Perfect weather for a puppy parade.
511
00:22:18,807 --> 00:22:22,311
Our four-legged friends will
certainly be happy to hear that.
512
00:22:22,524 --> 00:22:24,981
And now we turn to...
513
00:22:25,014 --> 00:22:27,296
Laszlo Cravensworth,
514
00:22:27,476 --> 00:22:30,757
who better be telling me
my New York football Giants
515
00:22:30,768 --> 00:22:35,682
are raring to go for Sunday's
game against the Cowboys.
516
00:22:35,976 --> 00:22:37,193
Thanks, Nandor.
517
00:22:37,226 --> 00:22:40,248
From your lips to Coach Daboll's ears.
518
00:22:40,259 --> 00:22:42,228
Big Blue is having a big season,
519
00:22:42,239 --> 00:22:44,793
but the Cowboys are
on a roll themselves.
520
00:22:44,804 --> 00:22:47,336
So let's just say that for either team,
521
00:22:47,347 --> 00:22:49,711
the road to a W is going to be paved
522
00:22:49,722 --> 00:22:53,024
with blood, sweat and tears.
523
00:22:53,035 --> 00:22:55,437
Here's my lovely wife Nadja.
524
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,762
Thank you, my love.
525
00:22:57,773 --> 00:23:00,377
Well, that is it for
us tonight, New York.
526
00:23:00,790 --> 00:23:03,793
And from everyone at Channel 8 News:
527
00:23:03,940 --> 00:23:04,942
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
528
00:23:04,953 --> 00:23:06,055
Goodbye.
529
00:23:06,568 --> 00:23:07,870
Bye, then.
530
00:23:08,126 --> 00:23:10,258
That's it, try and look normal.
531
00:23:22,773 --> 00:23:24,302
Well, good.
532
00:23:24,313 --> 00:23:26,749
I don't want anything bad
to happen to them, so...
533
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,713
I guess I always
imagined the hardest part
534
00:23:28,724 --> 00:23:31,961
of being a vampire was
keeping your identity a secret,
535
00:23:31,972 --> 00:23:34,383
but I guess the hardest part is...
536
00:23:34,394 --> 00:23:36,964
who you leave behind.
537
00:23:38,116 --> 00:23:39,332
You know?
538
00:23:39,343 --> 00:23:40,552
The goodbyes.
539
00:23:56,312 --> 00:23:57,680
Whoa!
540
00:23:57,725 --> 00:23:59,410
What the fuck is going on?!
541
00:24:01,914 --> 00:24:06,914
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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