All language subtitles for No.Hard.Feelings.2023.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.Atmos.H.264 (SDH)

[TOMMY JAMES & THE SHONDELLS'
"DRAGGIN' THE LINE" PLAYING]

♪ Makin' a livin'
The old hard way ♪

♪ Takin' and givin'
My day by day ♪

♪ I dig snow and rain
And the bright sunshine ♪

♪ Draggin' the line ♪
♪ Draggin' the line ♪

♪ I feel fine ♪

♪ I'm talkin' 'bout
Peace of mind ♪

[TRUCK BEEPING]

♪ I'm gonna take my time ♪

♪ I'm gettin' the good sign ♪

♪ Draggin' the line ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la ♪
♪ Draggin' the line ♪

♪ Draggin' the line ♪
♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ Draggin' the line ♪
♪ La la la la la la la ♪

Stop. Stop.

Gary, what the fuck?

Court order
for asset seizure.

Pay your property taxes,
Maddie.

No, this is a mistake.

I'm negotiating
a payment schedule.

Guess they're done
negotiating.

So they take my car?
I'm an Uber driver.

Not my problem.

How am I supposed to pay
their taxes bartending?

My problem is that
you went radio silent on me.

Is that
what this is about?

No, I also have a contract with
the county, but I'm saying,

a little explanation about why
I never heard from you again

would've been nice.

You can't just ghost people.
Three months is not nothing.

Three months?
Felt longer. In a good way.

Wait, Gary, please stop.

You were right, okay?

My feelings were so intense
that I got scared.

I freaked out.

Is that true?

Of course it's true,
you big dummy.

Last night, I was doing laundry,
and I thought to myself:

"I miss that fucker.

I miss hearing about
what the Jets were doing wrong."

[CHUCKLES]

What you would do
differently

if you ran the team.

They'd be so much better.
So much better.

The other day,
I saw a green sock,

and I was like,
that's Gary's.

This feels good.

Just say my car wasn't here,
okay?

Yeah. You know what?

I will do that
because it's not gonna be here.

What...?
That's my cousin.

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

He's from Italy.

Gary, I swear to God,
he's my cousin.

Second cousin.
That's their culture.

Have you ever been to Italy?
I wanted closure, I got closure.

Thank you.
Gary, come on.

It was a fling.
No, no, it wasn't, not to me.

My sister was right about you.

Wait, your sister who
was arrested for elder abuse?

Okay, Gary.

There's something
seriously wrong with you.

You think you're so perfect?

You're indecisive,
which is annoying.

Okay, Gary, I'm sorry.
Will you drop me off?

I'm bartending
at the Claw today.

God. You know...

I just can't decide.

You're an asshole.

[♪♪♪]

[HORNS HONKING]

You think I chose this?

[CAR CHIRPS]

WOMAN:
Hi, Gary. What can I get you?

Let me get a banana bread.

Actually. Wait, hold on.

I gotta go lemon loaf.

[♪♪♪]

I'm gonna...

I want a heated...

That's gonna be 4.50.
Right.

[BUTTON CLICKS,
MACHINERY WHIRS]

Um...

[ENGINE STARTS]

Come on.

Hey.

What the hell are you doing?

Trying to save my house!

[MADDIE GASPS]

MAN 1: You got it?
MAN 2: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[CROWD MURMURING]

Oh. No. No, no, no.

[SIREN WAILING IN THE DISTANCE]

MAN 3:
Come on, man.

[♪♪♪]

Aah...

Gotta get it together,
Maddie.

One more infraction
and you lose your license.

Lot of good a license is gonna
do me when I don't have a car.

My mom left me that house.

It's paid off.
Can they do this?

If you haven't paid your taxes,
they can.

So these rich fucks move in

and then our taxes triple?
Bullshit.

Good news is
you have till September 1st.

You'll pay it off.
Not without a car, man.

Any idea how much money I lose
every day I'm not Ubering?

Summer's when I make
my nut for the year.

I get it.

These people are moving in,

trying to push me out?

Do you have any idea
what that feels like?

Course you do. Thanks.
Mm-hm.

See you on the water.
All right.

[♪♪♪]

MAN:
Come on, dawg.
You know how we do.

New house
is right on the water.

Tore down the old place.
Gotta come out.

G and T with lime.

Yeah, I take him out
on the boat, like, every day.

We're not open until noon.

Know what, bro?
Let me call you right back.

Um...

It is noon.

It's 11:57.

Got it.

Now what time is it?

[EXHALES AUDIBLY]

It's 11:56.

Give it back.
Why not wait on your boat?

I'll blow the foghorn
when we're open.

The fuck's wrong?
Just asked for a drink.

Hey, hey, hey. Stop that.
What is going on here?

Sir, I will make your drink
for you.

Good Lord.

Fuck that.
You need to fire her.

I can't.
She has a disability.

What? No, I don't.

You don't?
No.

That's the reason why
I hired you.

Bullshit.
FERN: You know what?

We cannot start off
the summer like this, okay?

You could be a bitch
any other month of the year.

Be a bitch in October.
Be a bitch in March.

Don't be a bitch
in June. Okay?

These people
keep our lights on.

These people are the reason
I'm losing my house.

[SIGHS]
Sorry, Fern.
I'm having a shitty morning.

Yeah, I see that.

[SIGHS]
You know what helps me?

Folding napkins.

MADDIE:
Oh, this car's only $1000.

Oh, no,
that's just the tires.

Not gonna find anything
on Craigslist. I've looked.

JIM:
You could always
sell your kidney.

You could sell your hair,
your plasma, your eggs.

The human body's a cash cow.
People don't understand that.

Jim, I can feel our baby
getting dumber.

Just trying to help.

You could always
rent the house out.

No, ugh. I can't stand the
thought of those summer people

being in my house.

Oh. Hey, hey.
Look at this.

MADDIE:
"Need a car for college?

"Date our 19-year-old son
this summer.

"He's a wonderful young man,
extremely smart,

"but socially shy.

"Never had a girlfriend.
We've tried everything.

"We're looking for
an attractive, kind,

"intelligent woman,
early to mid-20s,

"to date him and bring him
out of his shell

"before he leaves for college
in the fall.

"In exchange, we'll give you
a Buick Regal,

"clean, rust-free, 40K miles.

Serious inquiries only."

"Date" is in quotes.

It's gotta be a joke, right?
JIM: No.

Have you seen
these helicopter parents?

They'll do everything
for their kids.

Surprised they're not gonna
fuck him themselves.

It does say early
to mid-20s, though.

That's okay.
I can pass for that.

Okay.

You won't rent your house out,

but now you'll rent out
your vag?

The adults are talking.

Just 'cause I'm a guy,
I can't express an opinion?

Exactly. Yeah, shut up.
Yeah.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
You have a Road Runner tattoo

covering your entire back.

Don't think
you should tell anybody

what to do
with their body.
Nope.

What about an OnlyFans page?

What's an OnlyFans page,
Jim?

That would take too long.
I need a car now.

Just surprised you're
considering this. That's all.

I've had
a one-night stand before

and gotten zero Buick Regals
for it.

Babe,
you don't know this,

but women have all sorts
of reasons for having sex.

I had sex once because I didn't
want to commute in the morning.

I've had sex once to get out
of playing Settlers of Catan.

I had sex once on a first date

'cause I thought
he was gonna kill me.

JIM:
Jesus.

You're with me now, babe.

She's talking about you,
dumbass.

[WHOOPS]

Yeah! Epic!

Waves are firing.
No tourists.

You guys are missing out.
It's probably not even real.

It would be the fastest way
to get a car.

Oh, yeah.

Kid would cream his shorts
as soon as he saw you.

Then you can
just drive right home.

Oh, my God.
Jim.

You want my opinion?

These people use us.
So why don't we use them?

I just know my mom would've
wanted me to save that house.

Yeah.
Things are so expensive now.

Think I wanna wait tables
after teaching kids all year?

Listen to me.

If you're really in a pinch,
you can use our van.

I'll send Sara
to fuck the kid instead.

What the fuck is wrong with you?
Jim.

Just trying to keep it light.

Think a kid wants
to have sex with you

in your current condition?

Get back into the sea.
Just opened a beer.

Go to the sea.

It's cold as fuck--
Go in the ocean.

Might just keep paddling.

[♪♪♪]

[THE STOOGES'
"DOWN ON THE STREET" PLAYING]

♪ Ooh! ♪

♪ Ow! Whoo! ♪

[PANTING]

♪ No wall ♪

♪ No wall ♪

♪ No wall ♪

[LINE RINGS]

[MOTOR WHIRS]

[♪♪♪]

ALLISON:
Maddie.

Oh, hi.
Hi.

Hey.

ALLISON:
Any trouble finding the place?

No.

No. Found it.

Oh, well,
welcome to our home.

I'm Allison
and this is my husband, Laird.

Layered? Like lasagna?

Lasagna? No. Laird.

Laird. Am I saying that right?

Yeah, one syllable. Laird.

Okay.

Just call me Laird.
I can't.

So should I come up,
or do you wanna come down here?

Come on.
Yeah, come on up.

That'd be great.
LAIRD: Come on up.

[GRUNTING]

I just want you to know,

we have the utmost respect
for sex workers.

I am...

not a sex worker.

Not that there's anything wrong.
Oh, no.

So, Maddie,
tell us about yourself.

Where you from?
Here, actually.

Wow, a local.

I'm jealous, heh.

You live in paradise
all year long.

I meant to ask this on
the phone, but how old are you?

Well...

I know you were looking for
someone early to mid-20s.

I'm slightly older.
Right. How old?

I just turned 29.

Recently?
Last year.

So you're 29?
Last year.

And how old are you,
like, right now?

One more year older.
So 30.

Yeah. 32.

I...

May I be frank?

I'm assuming that I'm here

because you haven't
found anyone yet,

and the reason
you haven't found anyone yet

is because
young girls are idiots.

That's not their fault.
They're young.

But...

this is your son
we're talking about.

What you need is someone
who looks like a peer,

but has the maturity
to be able to handle this

with the tact and sensitivity
the situation requires.

She's good.
Good.

Good answer.
Mm-hm.

We've just been so worried
about our son.

Percy is so loving,
and he is so sensitive,

and he's extremely bright.

He's going to Princeton
next year.

Oh, I've heard of it.

He's an amazing musician,
but won't play for anyone.

He's just having
a lot of trouble socially.

You know, and as a mother,

that's just been
really hard to watch

these past four years.

LAIRD:
Always on his phone,

doesn't come out of his room,

he doesn't have any friends,
he doesn't talk to girls.

Doesn't drink, doesn't go
to parties, doesn't drive.

Doesn't do anything
that I did.

We can't send him
to college like that.

He'd never make it.

Well, that's why
you called a professional.

Not a professional,
just a girl who needs a car.

Yeah.
We didn't come by this easily.

We tried everything
to bring him out of his shell.

We're at the end of our rope.

I was shy
when I was Percy's age.

But I dated this girl
before I went to college,

and she really opened me up
sexually.

Okay. Mm-mm.
Barbara.

Anyway,
by the time I got to college,

I was out of my shell
and thriving.

Yes, and that's
what we want for Percy.

Is this him?

Yes.

MADDIE: Wow, he's adorable.
ALLISON: Isn't he?

Mm-hm.
[FOOD CRUNCHES]

So...

how does this work?

The honor system
or...?

That, and we know
his passcode.
Mm-hm.

And he's not gay?

No. We've seen
his Internet history.

Yeah, the porn is graphic,
but not gay.

A little gay.
Large groups of people.
Hm.

Hm.

Not to look a gift horse
in the mouth,

but does it have to be
a Buick?

It's just what Dad drove.
Mm.

Okay, then, why don't you date
Percy and the Buick is yours?

And don't just "date" him,
you know?

Get to know him,
'cause he's a good kid.

So when you say date him,

do you mean date him
or date him?

Yes.
Yeah, that's correct.

Date him.
Date him hard.

Okay.

I'll date his brains out.

So is he in his room? Should I
jump out and surprise him?

No. No, no, no.
He's not here.

He can't know about this.
Nobody can know about this.

Nobody can know about this.

Also,
it would devastate him,

which would
defeat the purpose

of building up
his confidence.

Right. Right.

He volunteers
at the animal shelter

from 10 to 6.

We thought
maybe you could go

and act like
you wanna adopt a dog.

And I don't see this
happening,

but if Percy dates somebody
the organic way...

Got it.
[SNAPS]

Better get to work.
Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

I'm drifting. I'm drifting,
I'm drifting, I'm drifting.

[LAUGHING]

[DOG BARKS]
[BELLS ON DOOR JANGLE]

[DOG WHINING]

Hi. Can I interest you
in some unconditional love?

Looking for something
to slobber on you?

Can he help me?

Well, he works with the dogs.
I deal with the people.

But you have a weird energy.

Don't worry,
I've been neutered.

I want him.

Percy,
can you help this lady?

Mind if I touch your wiener?

What?
Your dog.

Oh.

Yeah.

Um...

How can I help you?

Um, I wanna adopt a dog.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Um... Great.

Um...

That's a cool cartoon.
It's anime.

Yeah, animated.
That's what I said.

Um, excuse me.
I need your help.

Oh! Sorry, sorry. Okay.

What kind of dog
are you looking to adopt?

I wish
I could adopt them all.

Which is the most fucked up?

Um, the most messed up
is Milo.

This is Milo. Um...

He's been here
the longest.

Um...

He was a drug dog
for the state police,

but they forced him
into retirement

because he got addicted
to C-O-C-A-I-N-E.

Cocaine?

[BARKING]
No! Milo!

Milo. Milo.

If he hears the word,
he gets triggered.

Sorry, Milo. I'm fresh out.
Heh, heh.

PERCY:
It's okay. It's okay. Um...

I have to ask you questions

just to make sure
you're a suitable candidate.

We do it with everyone.
It's the rules.

Oh,
a little rule follower, huh?

Yeah, they're super important.
Mm.

So is there, like,
an office or somewhere private?

An office.

Come right this way.
Great.

Maddie Barker.

I feel so far from you.

[COUCH SCRAPING LOUDLY
AGAINST FLOOR]

[SIGHS]

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
Um...

Spouse?

Um, currently single.

Thank God too.

You can just have more fun.
Be spontaneous.

"Unmarried."

Children?

No. God, no. Too young.

Having fun still. Meeting
new people. I love that.

"Childless."

Why do you want to adopt a dog?

Because I can't have dogs
of my own.

And what do you plan to do
with the dog if you move?

I'm not moving.
Well, if you did.

I have lived here my whole life.
Not going anywhere.

Oh, sorry. I di--
I didn't mean to pry.

No. Pry.

Pry me open.

Um...

Oh, what? Already?

Um, okay. Sorry.

I'll have to send this
application up to my supervisor.

Come on.
Gotta be more questions.

Yes, there are, but, um,
I have to start closing up.

So, um, yeah. You can come back
another day, though.

I might not want a dog
another day.

I want a dog right now.

Well, then, pet ownership
may not be for you.

You sound a lot like
the kind of person

we would normally
take a dog from.

How about I give you
a ride home?

And we can keep talking?

You're on the way.
How do you know where I live?

Your parents told me.

What?
It's on your school bag.

Oh, heh.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Everything under control?

PERCY:
Um, hey, Crispin,

what's the company policy
about leaving early?

It's like we super can't
do that, right?

Would that be, you know,
frowned upon?

Oh, come on. Let's go.

Okay.

Okay.

You can finish alone,
right?

Bet you do it all the time.
Uh...

Thanks.

Bye.

Okay, then.

Approved.

That's your car?
It is for tonight.

Actually, um, you know what?

This sucks,
but I just remembered

I rode my bike here, so...

This is what--
I'll go on this.

Well, that's okay.

I can just throw it
in the back.

You can ride up front with me.

Oh, come on. I won't bite.

Unless you want me to.

Okay. But no biting.

♪ Stroke me, stroke me ♪
♪ Stroke ♪

I mean, whatever. I've been
with girls a couple times.

Where's the rest of
my seat belt?

It's a lap belt.

Pretend you're on an airplane.
I'll be your flight attendant.

Why is the flight attendant
flying the plane?

I've killed the pilot
and taken over the plane.

You're my hostage.

♪ Stroke, stroke ♪

♪ Stroke, stroke ♪

♪ Stroke, stroke ♪

This isn't the way to my house.
It's a shortcut.

♪ Better listen now ♪

♪ Said it ain't no joke ♪

♪ Don't let your conscience
Fail ya' ♪

♪ Just do the stroke ♪

♪ Don't ya' take no chances ♪

Give me that.
What are you doing?

Our generation
and our phones, huh?

♪ You can't stop, you just ♪

We're home.

♪ Stroke ♪

Okay.

♪ Stroke me, stroke me ♪

Ooh.

[RATTLING]
What you got down there?

Something for me?

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Oh, fuck! Ugh!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[COUGHING]

[BOTH GASPING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Why?

You tried kidnapping me!

I can't kidnap you.
You're 19. Grow up.

You put me in a van
and took my phone.

If I were kidnapping you,

would I give
my personal information first?

Why couldn't you have used
your rape whistle?

Why would I have
a rape whistle?

Why do you have fucking Mace?

Sorry.

Will you get the hose, please?
Please.

[GASPING]

Uh... Uh, it's broken.
Is the water on?

You have to turn the water on?
Are you fucking with me?

Maybe it was already on.
The spigot.

The spigot.
Oh, okay.

God.

Oh!

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

God. Fuck.

Stop spraying me with it.
I'm sorry.

I'm trying to help.
I'm sorry.

[GROANS]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

I'm sorry.

I didn't know
what you were trying to do.

I just thought you were hot.

You think I'm hot?

Yeah. I think you're super hot.

Um, uh... Maybe we
should go on a date, then?

[BLOWS NOSE, SNIFFLES]

I'll go throw another dress on.

Oh, no, I didn't mean now.
I meant,

you know, t-tomorrow.
Like...

a real date.

Oh.

Yeah, that's better.

Okay.

Tomorrow, then.

[VAN DOOR OPENS]

Thank you for the ride.

[VAN DOOR CLOSES]

Bye.

[SIGHS]

Ugh. Can't believe
this kid is going to Princeton.

He's dumb as shit.

He's just afraid
of the world.

They all are.
Grew up in bubble wrap.

My cousin, she's 20.
Still lives at home.

Won't go outside
without a helmet.

It might be
a medical thing.

The problem is the parents.
They baby him.

Anyway, I'll need the van
tonight for my big date.

No.
What?

No. Gonna take me a week
to air that thing out.

Sara's pregnant. I can't have
her breathing those fumes.

Ask Fern
to borrow that Claw car.

That'll drop his panties.

Hey, Mel.
Hi, Mel.

Hey, guys.

JIM:
Did you hear about Mel?

She got herself a sugar daddy.
You could do that.

Then you wouldn't have to worry
about a car or property taxes.

No. No way I'm gonna be on call
to some rich asshole all summer.

If you see me doing that, it
means I've compromised who I am,

and you can kill me
because I've given up.

I should have this Buick by now,
but this kid is unfuckable.

[SNIFF 'N' THE TEARS'
"DRIVER'S SEAT" PLAYING]

♪ Doing all right ♪

♪ A little jiving
On a Saturday night ♪

♪ 'N come what may ♪

♪ Gonna dance the day away ♪

♪ Jenny was sweet ♪

♪ She always smiled
For the people she'd meet ♪

♪ On trouble and strife ♪

♪ She had another way
Of looking at life ♪

♪ Driver's seat, ooh ♪

♪ Driver's seat, yeah ♪

Well, you look like
an accountant in the Bahamas.

Heh,
it was too hot for pants.

Hi.
Hi.

I'm so glad we're doing this.
A date was a great idea.

Am I allowed to be here?

Oh, yeah. I know the owner.
It's fine.

It's just that I'm not 21.

That doesn't matter here.

I think it's a federal law,
but, heh--

[BILLIARD BALLS CRACK]

Where is the waitress?

I just hope my parents
don't find out that I'm here.

Do they come here?

No, no. They track my phone.

Wow, okay.
Do they microchip you too?

[CHUCKLES]

There she is, the Flash.

What do you want, Maddie?

Uh, a Long Island iced tea
for me, and...

Pepsi, please.
We only have Coke.

Oh.

Do you wanna go somewhere else?
No, Percy.

He'll have
a Long Island iced tea too.

Okay.

Thank you.

[EXHALES AUDIBLY]

I'm really tense.

Why? Is everything okay?
Yeah, I just--

I had this really intense dream
about you last night.

Don't ask.

Of course. That's private.

Do you ever have those?

Uh. intense dreams?
Um...

[CHUCKLING]
Actually, uh, yeah.

Tell me.

You know Harley Quinn
from Suicide Squad?

Okay.

I had this one dream

where I wouldn't let her
adopt a dog.

So she'd locked me
in one of the dog cages

and dragged me back
to her hideout.

I kicked at the cage
and screamed.

And that made you come?

Uhh... I did not.

How is that a sex dream?

You asked me if I have
intense dreams.

[SIGHS]

You're right.
I should've been more specific.

[DARYL HALL & JOHN OATES'
"MANEATER" PLAYING]

I used to have nightmares
about this song

when I was a kid.

Why?

'Cause it's about a monster.
A man-eater.

"She only comes out at night.

Watch out, boy.
She'll chew you up."

♪ Watch out, boy
She'll chew you up ♪

I don't think
that's what the song is about.

I'll look into that.

Long Island iced tea
for America's sweetheart,

and one for the boy.

Oh, uh, good news,
by the way.

Um, we got some new dogs
in today.

So, you know,
if you're still looking...

[RETCHES]

[GRUNTS]

This is the worst iced tea
I've ever had.

Percy,
you're going to college soon.

You're gonna have to learn
how to drink.

Can't go your whole life
scared of everything.

I'm not scared of everything.

Come on. Open up.

Have your medicine.

Come on, baby bird.
I don't like it.

Oh, shit.
Well, well,

look at what the tide
dragged in.

Hello, Travis.

Well, I don't know
if you heard, but...

[CLICKS TONGUE]

That's great. Congratulations.

Congratulations.
Thank you. Thank you.

Turns out your little
disappearing act,

that was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Well,
I'm happy I could help.

You know...

my wife,
she speaks three languages.

She's hot as fuck.
The sex is incredible, heh.

We do everything together.
All of it.

That's great.
Is her vagina dishwasher-safe?

No.

She's a real person.

Unlike you.

Wanna know
what the best part is?

When I told her
that I loved her,

she said it back to me
instead of running away.

Like a coward.

That must've been
a really exciting second date.

[SCOFFS]
[EXHALES, CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

You better be careful
of this one.
Mmm.

She is slippery.

Bye-bye. Bye, Travis.

Is that your ex-boyfriend?
More like a friend.

It felt like
you didn't really like him.

You met him. Do you like him?
I didn't have sex with him.

Do you want to?
I can call him back over.

Hey, Travis.
No, no, no. No.

I don't wanna do that.
I just...

I don't know why
you'd have sex with someone

if you don't like them.

It was Christmas, I was lonely.
I don't know.

Why'd you disappear on him?

What's with the questions?
Can't we get drunk and have fun?

Oh, sorry. Just trying
to get to know you.

Do you wanna get out of here?
Yes. Please.

Ah. I think
I'm a little drunk.

Yeah,
you've been drinking a lot.

No, I wasn't.

God, I love the beach.

I just feel so free out here.
Don't you?

Um...

Yeah.

I think it's closed, though.
Oh, it's after 8, so...

We could come back
during operating hours.

We got the whole place
to ourselves.

Lots of red flags.

Let's go swimming.
There's no lifeguards.

Perfect.
We can go skinny-dipping.

Oh, look, no swimming.

Oh, we tried.

You know, those rules are
more like just suggestions.

Come on, let's get you
out of these Daisy Dukes.

Ha, ha! Maddie, I don't know.

I'm ugly to you. I knew it.

I knew it.
What?

N-- No.

No.
Seems like it.

No, I...

I think you're the...

I think you're the prettiest
person I've ever seen.

Really?

Pretty where?

[♪♪♪]

Pretty here?

Or pretty here?

What about sharks?

None here.

[WATER SPLASHES]

Jellyfish?

Not in season.

It's really
the lack of lifeguards

that's causing an issue
for me.

Just get the fuck in here
right now!

Okay! Okay. Okay.

Come on. I promise
nothing's gonna happen.

Isn't this
how Jaws started?

I'm going to trust you.

See? It's not so bad.

Mmm.

PREPPY LEADER:
Fuck her!

Fuck her
in the butt!

What are they doing?
I don't know.

Hello.

Hey, what you up to
over there?

Just doing our taxes.

[LAUGHING, WHOOPS]
These yours?

Yeah,
no need to fold them.

Let's take her clothes.
Take her clothes.

Take her fucking clothes.
They're taking our clothes.

Hey, put that back!
Suck my balls!

Oh-ho-ho!
[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

I'm warning you.

Bye, sea bitch.

You said nothing bad
would happen.

We need to find an adult.
Percy, you're an adult.

Where are you going?

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh, dude.
What the fuck?

Gross, right?
Dude.

PREPPY GIRL:
It's like nasty.

Wait, are you serious?
We lost one.

Fuck yeah.
MADDIE: Come here, cunts.

[GIRL GASPS]
PREPPY LEADER: What the fuck?

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]
Shit.

Stay the fuck back.
Who wants some?

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTING]
Fucking...

Come on.

Aah! Aah!

♪ Oh, here she comes ♪

[GRUNTS]

[GASPING]

Come here.
Come on. Come on.

PREPPY GIRL: Oh, my God.
[BOTH GRUNT]

PREPPY LEADER: Connor.
PREPPY GIRL: What the fuck?

What about you?
You want the business?

Take it. Take it.

Think it's cool
to steal clothes?

You need fucking help.

PREPPY GIRL:
I'm calling the cops.

And stay the fuck out
of Montauk!

Ah...

Where were we?

What happened over there?
I got our clothes back.

Did you beat up those kids?
No.

They apologized.
I heard screaming.

That was the apologizing.

I don't like this. Something's
really wrong with you.

They had our clothes, our
phones, our keys, our wallets.

I got them back. What would you
have done? Nothing?

You should be thanking me.
I was coming up with a plan.

To do what?
Call your mom and dad?

Sack up, ho.

Sorry. That was mean.
Let's fuck.

No?

Why not?

Because it's like
you're trying to eat me.

[GROANING]
Oh, God.

I'm not gonna have sex

with somebody
that I don't know.

It's better that way.
Trust me.

Not for me.

[SIGHS]
This is bullshit. I'm done.
I feel sorry for you.

Fucking waste of time.

PERCY:
Hey! Hey!

Hey, give me my clothes.
Okay.

Here,
take your little booty shorts.

Where's my phone?
Is it in your car?

Nope.
You barely even looked.

[ENGINE STARTS]
It's not in here.

Can you check? My parents
need to know where I am.

Why? Are you a child?

Aah!
Give me my phone!

Percy, get off my hood.
Not until you give me my phone.

I need it.
Okay, guess we're doing this.

MAN: Oh, yeah.
PERCY: Okay, very funny, Maddie.

MAN: Yo!
PERCY Now let me off.

Just give me my phone.
I just need my phone.

I will drive to fucking Chicago.
Just give me my phone.

Don't test me.
'Cause I'm fucking crazy.

I'm stupid. I'm dumb.

[SIREN CHIRPS]
I don't give a--

Fuck me.

Oh, thank God.
MADDIE: Fuck.

Idiot.
Oh, thank God.

Okay, pull over.
Just pull over. Just stop.

I'm on probation.
I can't lose my license.

OFFICER [THROUGH SPEAKERS]:
Pull over.

What the fuck are you doing?

MADDIE: Hang on.
[CROSSING BELL RINGING]

Sorry. Hold on.

Oh, my God!

[SCREAMS]

[GASPING]

[GASPING]
God.

I'm not seeing any cops
out there. I think we lost them.

Are you sure? Keep looking.

[SNIFFS]

I can't believe you drove
over the train tracks.

I thought
we were gonna die.

You were really brave, holding
on to the hood like that.

Most guys
would've fallen off.

I have pretty strong hands
from piano lessons.

Ooh,
we should have some music.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, thank you for
these clothes, by the way.

I like your house a lot.
It's cozy.

Bedroom's the best part.
I'll show you later.

[NELLY'S 'HOT IN HERRE"
PLAYING]

♪ So hot in herre ♪

♪ So hot in ♪

♪ Oh ♪

PERCY:
Oh, we're wearing
the same shorts.

Ssh.

♪ Wanna a little bit a ♪

♪ And a little bit a ♪

Did you
grow up dancing?

♪ Just a little bit a ♪

Smack it.
You want...?

Me smack it? You want me
to smack it?
Mm-hm.

♪ Good gracious
Ass is bodacious, uh ♪

Do I have your consent...?
Yeah.

Smack it. Harder.

Hit it.

[GRUNTS]
Sorry.

♪ Oh, me and the rest
Of my heathens ♪

♪ Check it, got it locked ♪

So how long have you lived here?

♪ No deceivin'
Nothin' up my sleeve 'n' ♪

♪ No teasin', I need you to get
Up up on the dance floor ♪

♪ Give that man
What he askin' for ♪

[CHUCKLING]
Ow. Ow. Ow.

You're a little heavy
on my legs.

You wanna switch?

♪ And I feel like
Touchin' you, uh, uh ♪

♪ And can't nobody stop
The juice ♪

♪ So baby, tell me
What's the use ♪

♪ I said
It's gettin' hot in herre ♪

♪ So hot ♪

Do you wanna
go to the bedroom?

We can take it slow.

Yeah.

Thank you.
Are you okay?

Yeah, I wanna-- I wanna--

Yeah, I'm just a little itchy.
But let's go.

Sorry.
Heh-heh.

Does it look weird?

No, it's fine.
My back itches too.

♪ Ain't hittin' the throttle
And I be down... ♪

Oh, my God.
What?

Oh, God.

[PERCY GRUNTS]

This happens sometimes
when I get anxious.

I know you're really horny.
I'm sorry.

[SIGHS]

[WHISPERS]
Fuck.

This is for board rash,

but it should do the trick.

I'm so embarrassed.

Don't be.

I once went to a Halloween party
dressed as a baby.

My crush was there,
and as we were hooking up,

we both realized that I got
diaper rash from my costume.

I was 21.

You didn't wear underwear?

Diapers are underwear.

No, they're not. Diapers are
like wearable toilets.

Well, I didn't use it.

Sure, you didn't.

There's a smile.
Hmm.

I don't really have
a lot to smile about.

I can barely leave my room.

Well, I've lived in this house
my whole life.

Really?

I did leave once,
when I was 18.

I had this custom board

of all the California beaches
I was gonna surf.

Made it all the way
to New York City

before
I turned back around.

Why'd you turn around?
I just realized

everything I need is here.

And my mom got sick.
So...

I stayed
to take care of her.

Why couldn't your dad do it?

[CHUCKLES]

Lift up your arms.

I had to switch schools...

after I had a sleepover
in ninth grade

and everybody found out
that I still slept

in my parents' room
sometimes, so...

[SWALLOWS]

It turned into this rumor

that I slept
in the same bed with them...

and then it became
that I had sex with them.

It was awful.

Probably why
I spend so much time alone.

You don't have any friends?

Yeah, I have tons of friends,
just online.

[SIGHS]

Having Jody in my life
helped a lot too.

Who?

Jody's my old nanny.
Turn around.

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry I couldn't
have sex with you today.

I-I guess I'm just
a bit of a romantic.

It's okay.

Maybe we could spend the day
together tomorrow?

Then, I promise,
I'll put out.

Sounds nice.

[CARY BROTHERS'
"BACK TO THE START" PLAYING]

♪ I could never guess it... ♪

It's just, like, swish.

What's that?

♪ I can see some motion ♪

[CHUCKLES]

♪ Ah
Ah, ah, ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ It's comin' up
It's comin' up ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ I don't wanna let go ♪

♪ Back to the start ♪

♪ Shake it up
Follow your heart ♪

♪ Even if we don't go
Back to the start ♪

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪

♪ I don't wanna let go... ♪

Frisbee thing...
Yeah.

...and then the smallest...

♪ Shake it up
Follow your heart ♪

Yeah. Got it, got it.

Bye!

Get a life.
[LAUGHS]

[GASPS]

There.

Ah.

You can finally drink
while you're at bat.

You get me. What else?

Oh! Uh...

Close your eyes.

And stick out your finger.

Now you're stuck with me
forever.

It's a finger trap.
[CHUCKLES]

Percy,
get me out of this.

Stop pulling away.

Stop pulling away. Relax.

Just push in.

Mm.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Do you think we would've been
friends in high school?

Yeah, I think so.

I don't know.
I feel like you were, like...

prom queen or something.
[CHUCKLES]

I didn't even go to prom.

What? Nobody asked you?

Everybody asked me.
Teachers asked me.

I had a date,
and a dress, and...

What happened?

It was a long time ago.
Who cares?

I care.

Well, you asked why my dad
didn't take care of my mom

when she was sick.

It's 'cause he was in the city
with his family.

They summer here.

Oh.

They had an affair.

And then I came along.
[CHUCKLES]

I was just a mess
that he didn't wanna deal with.

So he had his lawyers
clean everything up,

gave my mom some money
and a house to make us go away.

Years later,
I wrote my dad a letter

asking why he wanted nothing
to do with me.

But, um,
on the morning of prom...

I got the letter returned,
unopened.

And so after that,
I didn't wanna go to prom.

I didn't wanna--
I didn't wanna do anything.

I just stayed in my room
and cried.

Why didn't you
reach back out to him?

'Cause fuck him. He left.
He can reach out.

What?

Can I kiss you?

[CELL PHONE PULSATING]

It's Jody.

Who?

J-Jody. Uh, my nanny.
Remember?

Meet at the lighthouse.
Yeah.

Okay.

You sure
you don't wanna

just go back to my house?

I'm still horny from
that kiss.

Yes, Jody!

Hi.
JODY: There he is.

The tickle prince.

[GRUNTS]
[CHUCKLES]

So this must be
the famous Maddie.

And you're Jody.
You were Percy's nanny?

Mr. Mary Poppins.

Oh.

You guys stayed
pretty close, huh?

Oh, yeah. Super close.

What'd you win there, pal?
Oh.

Is that a Frisbee?
Oh, yeah, Maddie won it.

Nice.
Look at that.

Maddie, score!
Yeah.

Hey, Perce, go long.
Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh. Oh.

I-I got it.
Heh, heh!

Real motor on that little guy.

What the fuck do you want?

Excuse me?

It's his parents' money,
not his.

You like little kids
or something?

Do I like little kids?
You're a male nanny.

What do you want from him?

Same thing as you.
I wanna date him.

I have nannied for a lot
of powerful families out here.

So if you hurt him...

I'll hurt you.

What are you gonna do?
Throw a pacifier at me?

Hey, bud.
[LAUGHING] Hey.

It was in a prickle bush,
but I got it.

That's incredible.

MADDIE:
Okay, are you ready
for your gift?

BOTH: Yeah.
I'm bringing it out.

Oh, my God...

Did you find this?

Figured it would get him
into surfing early.

Wow, this is...

It turns on.
It does?

Why don't-- Why don't we see
if that makes it better?

Yeah,
I have batteries somewhere.

Nice.

No.

Hey, how's the Buick thing
working out?

I haven't gotten it.
JIM: Really?

Huh.

Why?

I mean, they haven't given it
to you yet?

You could sue them
for that, you know.

Actually,
we haven't had sex yet.

He just needs more
of a connection first.

I actually really like him.
We're becoming friends.

Mmm.

He's gonna forget about me.

He's going to college
in the fall.

I don't know.

Well, it's happening tonight.

We're getting dinner.

You're going to dinner.

Okay, so you're, like,
"dating" dating, then.

Shut up.

[SIGHS]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I know what I'm doing.

Maddie.

It's me, Doug Khan.

We went to high school
together. Remember? I...

I ran varsity track?

I had that sweet
cherry-red Miata?

I had sex with our
Spanish teacher, Mrs. Walsh.

Doug Khan! You were on TV.

Didn't Miss Walsh go to jail?

Uh, no.

Mrs. Khan did.

We got married.

But, you know...

they never run that story.

How can I help you, Doug?

Well,
I'm a real estate broker now.

I don't have to tell you,
this is a fabulous neighborhood.

I mean,
an acre on this street?

[SCOFFS]
Name your price, Maddie.

It was great catching up, Doug.
Listen, come on.

If you don't
pay off your lien,

the county's gonna
fire-sale your house.

You'll lose half
of what it's worth.

Let me list it,
you'll get full price.

So they can tear
this whole thing down?

Stay off my yard, Doug.

[RICHARD SWIFT'S
"WOULD YOU" PLAYING]

♪ In the town
Where I grew up ♪

♪ I met a girl ♪

♪ She was lovely enough ♪

♪ I said to her ♪

Was this a stupid idea?

No, I love it.
We're finally going to prom.

I have something for you.

♪ Now, tell me girl ♪

I have this.

It's from my garden.

[CHUCKLING]
Careful.

♪ And we walked away ♪

You look very handsome.
Should we take a picture?

I-- I left my phone at home.
On purpose.

What?
Yeah.

I don't believe you.
No, I did.

I don't believe you.
[LAUGHING] No! I don't have it.

I did. I did.
I just wanna talk to you.

♪ Would you like to fall ♪

♪ In love with me? ♪

Just crack it.

The claws
are still sharp!

[BOTH LAUGH]

This is so much better than if
I actually went to my prom, heh.

Why didn't you?

I just didn't ask anybody.

Why?

I don't know. I guess, um...

After everything
that happened at school,

I just wanted
to stay invisible.

If they couldn't see me,
they couldn't make fun of me.

People should see who you are.
You're great.

[SWALLOWS]

Thanks.

[CHUCKLES]

[LIGHT APPLAUSE]

What?
Play something.

No.

You said you play.
You should play something.

I'm not going to play.

If you don't play something,

I'm gonna make a toast
to the entire restaurant

about what an amazing lover
you are.

Good.
It's time they find out.

Stop, stop, stop.

Wha--?
What do you want me to play?

Doesn't matter. Play anything.
Play it for me.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck me. Fuck.

Okay. Okay.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Fuck.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[DINERS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[BEGINS PLAYING
SLOW, MOODY MELODY]

♪ She'll only come out
At night ♪

♪ The lean and hungry type ♪

♪ Nothing is new
I've seen her here before ♪

♪ Watching and waiting ♪

♪ Oh, she's sitting with you
But her eyes are on the door ♪

♪ So many have paid to see ♪

♪ What you think
You're getting for free ♪

♪ The woman is wild ♪

♪ A she-cat tamed by
The purr of a Jaguar ♪

♪ Money's the matter ♪

♪ If you're in it for love ♪

♪ You ain't gonna get
Too far ♪

♪ Oh, here she comes ♪

♪ Watch out, boy
She'll chew you up ♪

♪ Oh, here she comes ♪

♪ She's a maneater ♪

♪ I wouldn't if I were you ♪

♪ I know what she can do ♪

♪ She's deadly, man ♪

♪ She could really
Rip your world apart ♪

♪ Mind over matter ♪

♪ Oh, the beauty is there
But a beast is in the heart ♪

♪ Oh, here she comes ♪

♪ Watch out, boy
She'll chew you up ♪

♪ Oh, here she comes ♪

♪ She's a maneater ♪

[APPLAUSE]

Yes!

What the fuck?

That was unbelievable.

How did you even know
that song?

We talked about "Maneater,"
so I went home and learned it.

What are you?

Percy.

Natalie. Oh, my God.
Hi.

That's so funny.
That was amazing.

Oh, my God. Dude,
I haven't seen you in so long.

My parents said that
you're going to Princeton.

PERCY: Yeah.
NATALIE: I am too.

Oh, my God, that's so great!
How funny is that? I know!

PERCY:
That's amazing.

Oh.
Maddie, this is Maddie.

Maddie.
So nice to meet you.

Are you friends
with his parents too?

No.

Um.
So are you excited?

Yes! So excited.

Except it's wild,
I look at all, like,

the freshman girls
at my high school...

and I don't know. I just
feel so old. You know?

Yeah.
Yeah. So good to see you.

I don't know
what you're doing later,

but there's this party
that I'm going to.

There's gonna be a bunch
of Princeton people there.

[GROANS]
We have plans,
but thank you so much.

Oh, dang. Um,
I can send you the address.

He didn't bring his phone.
So...

Oh, I can give you the address.
No need.

Can't hurt.
Might hurt.

Um...

31 Amagansett Road.

It was so nice to meet you.

Um. Oh, my God. Next year is
gonna be so fun. I can't wait.

That's so exciting. Yeah.
Okay. So nice to run into you.

So nice to meet you, ma'am.
Bye. Have a good night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
NATALIE: Bye.

[PERCY CHUCKLES]

So funny.

Don't remember ordering
a phony bitch for dessert.

Natalie's, like, super nice.

Well, anyway. I can't believe
you can do that,

but you can't drive.

Yeah, actually, um,

so I've been thinking about
getting my license.

That's great.
Yeah? Good.

You know, 'cause Princeton's
like five hours away by train,

but if I have a car,
then I can--

It'll be a lot easier for me

to come back here on
the weekends.

Well, you're gonna--

You're gonna wanna spend
the weekends in school.

Yeah,
you're probably right.

You can always come visit me.

Well, I don't have a car.

Oh, you could take the train.
It's only five hours.

Yeah.

I just don't really--
I don't do long distance.

You know, I hear Montauk is
the best in the fall.

All the summer people
are gone. So...

It's a lot of travel.

I don't know what you want.

Just wanna have fun tonight

and not talk
about all this stuff.

I'd like to leave, please.

Are you serious?

Yes.

It's my prom too.

Fuck.

[♪♪♪]

I'm just trying to be realistic.
Yeah.

Me too.

[GRUNTS]

You're drinking now?

Yeah. I love vermouth.

I'm going to college soon.

I need to know how to drink,
right?

Where are we going?

[SIGHS]

It's a shortcut.

[SCOFFS]
The Princeton party?

You said I needed to hang out
with people my own age, right?

Well, I didn't mean tonight.

Then don't come.

BOY:
Party!

[THE BRIAN JONESTOWN MASSACRE'S
"ANENOME" PLAYING]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

♪ I ♪

♪ I think I know how I feel ♪

♪ Cause I ♪

Do you guys know Percy?

Do you know Percy?

Yo, yo, what's going on, you
guys? It's your boy, Cameron B.

We are kicking the summer
off right

at a sick house party

in Montauk.
Now me. Yo, what's up?

It's me, Trash Gucci.
[GROANS]

If you or someone you know
is being bullied,

never be afraid to speak up.

Bullying is not a--
Excuse me, ma'am.

Can you not do that while
we're recording? Thank you.

Just getting a beer, Frosted.

Did she just call me
Frosted?

That, my friends, is what
we call a bully, huh?

Oh, no, not a phone.
Someone help, I'm being filmed.

Have you seen Percy?

Oh, yo, mami.
How old are you?

Twenty-three.

Damn, you old as fuck.

No disrespect.
He loves cougars.

I fuck with the big cats.

Why don't you two big cats
fuck each other, then?

Whoa!

Is that an insult?
Shut the front door.

It sure is, professor.

Why is us having sex with each
other an insult? I'm confused.

Say what you just said.
Say that again.

No, I didn't mean it
in a homophobic way.

How'd you mean it, then?

It was a joke. I'm not--
I've been with girls.

I'm not--
I'm not homophobic.

Where the fuck
did you come from?

Stop filming me. No comment.

GIRL [LAUGHING]:
Whose mom is that?

Have you seen Percy?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, my God.

[CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]

Was that funny?

He's with Natalie
upstairs.

[♪♪♪]

Hey!

Move! Coming through.

[GRUNTS]

Percy?
Yeah?

Wait, your name's Percy?

Yeah.

Percy?

Sorry. Continue.

Percy?

Doesn't anyone fuck anymore?

Percy?

Percy?

Open this door!

Percy!

Percy, open this door.
This is your last chance.

[BLOWS]

[SCREAMS]

[ANGRILY] Did you fuck him?
Oh, my God.

Did you fuck him?

Calm down. Please,
nothing happened.

The room is spinning.
You're drunk already?

No, he took something. I don't
know. I think it was a pill.

Percy? Did you take something?
Percy, did you take a pill?

[SIGHS]

Come...

[GRUNTS LOUDLY]

[PANTING]

Stick your fingers
down your throat.

Make yourself
throw up.

PERCY: I don't wanna.
MADDIE: Deeper, deeper.

[CRIES, GRUNTS]

No.
[CRIES, GRUNTING]

Let me do it!

[VOMITING]

Do you feel better?

Not even at all.

I didn't know you couldn't
drink on Ibuprofen.

That's what you took?

Found her.
Okay, who told the joke?

Your fucking parents are here?

You think our son
would have a party

without our consent?

That's it. Come on.
You don't belong here.

I don't belong here?
[GARGLES]

I've fucking lived here
my whole life!

You don't belong here.

You don't belong at
a high-school party, miss.

Oh, well, yeah--
We're leaving.

Let me get--
Stay away from her.

Stay back. Okay?

I said, let go of her--
Stay back!

Get out of here. Come on.
Don't touch me! Percy--

[ALL GASPING]
[CHOKING]

Oh, shi-- Oh, fuck!
Oh, sh-- Maddie.

[CHOKING, WHEEZING]

Fuck!

[COUGHING]
We should go.

I just want you to know
I-I would never hurt you.

[LOW, RASPY VOICE]
I know.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'm ready for you.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Okay.

I...

I don't know.
Where's the perforation?

Let me help you.

I love you.

[♪♪♪]

Percy, you're drunk.

[CHUCKLING]
A little.

Is that all right?
I mean, I-I still love you.

I don't think we should do this
when you're drunk.

Not for your first time.

Okay.

I think we should wait.

If that's what you want.

That's what I want.

Well, look what the cat
dragged in.

[CHUCKLES]
Fun night?

Yeah, yeah, really fun, heh.

That's good.

Hey, I'll drive you to work.
We can chat.

Actually, would it be all right
if I-- If I drive?

I'm thinking about
getting my license,

so, uh, you know,
I could use the practice.

My son,
the licensed driver?

Yeah, it'll just...
You know, if I have a car,

it'll be easier
to see my girlfriend.

Oh. Your girlfriend?

Yeah. Her name is Maddie.

She's on the older side.
But she's really, really fun.

Fun's important.
Yeah.

She doesn't really wanna do
long-distance,

so I'm not gonna go
to Princeton.

What?

Just, you know, Maddie's here.

Just makes sense for us.

You're going to Princeton.
[SIGHS]

I'm not.

I'm 19.
Okay.

I'm an adult now.

I can make my own decisions.

And I'm going to stay here,
okay?

Um, sweetie, why don't you
go wait in the car?

And Daddy will be right out.

What the fuck was that?

Just relax, okay?

You drive for a living.
Let me take this one.

She's angling for the Tesla.
[SIGHS]

Call her right now.
I'm gonna yell at her.

You're gonna yell at her?
Yeah.

You're gonna yell at
the one person

who can convince him
to go to college?

You're right. You're right.
I know.

You think that they...?
That...?

Call her. Call her now.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

Hi.

I was gonna call you.

Listen,
I don't think I can do this.

Percy has gotten
way too attached.

You-You can have the car.

Really?

Even though we didn't...?

You got him out of his shell,

and that's all we wanted.

But now he's got this idea that
he wants to stay in Montauk,

and you need to convince him
that he has to go to college.

Yeah.

Great. Great.
I'll sign over the title today.

[CONSOLE BEEPS]

MADDIE [OVER SPEAKER]:
So if I can convince him to go
to Princeton, I get the car?

I don't have to have sex
with him anymore?

Hello? Maddie? Hello?
Maddie?

MADDIE:
Hello?

[♪♪♪]

[SWALLOWS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Can I try some wine?

Yeah.
Sure.

I think that's okay.

Okay. That's-That's good.

Easy there.
Mm.

[GULPING]

Sweetie, please.

You wanna savor it. Savor it.
Yeah.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[♪♪♪]

Oh...

Did I double-book?

Aren't you guys gonna
ask Maddie about herself?

Oh, Maddie, where are you--?
Where are you from?

Um, here, actually.
I'm from here.

Yeah, in fact, she's never--
You've never left, right?

It's so beautiful here,
I don't blame you, heh.

Mm.

This chicken
is delicious.

Oh, thank you.
Mm.

Mom, you didn't make it.
Inez did.

Percy.

Well, the important thing is
that it's delicious.

I think the important thing
is the truth.

And I haven't been
entirely truthful with you all.

I didn't get the dates wrong.

I just wanted to introduce you
to them,

but I didn't know how
to explain how old you are.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I'm not that old.

I actually know someone

who married our
high school Spanish teacher.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Forty-year age difference.

Forty years? And that's
how old you are, right?

No.

[CLEARS THROAT]

You guys aren't gonna
ask us how we met?

Oh. How'd you meet?

Do you wanna tell them? No,
I'll tell them. This is so us.

It's actually really random.
Maddie came in to adopt a dog.

Oh!

Yeah, but I rejected
her application

because she was
totally unqualified.

But we still hit it off.

I mean, the first day we met,
I had to Mace her,

she was so fucking horny.

Percy. Percy, be a gentleman.

I'm kidding,
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

We actually
have a lot in common.

In four years,
we'll both be seniors.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
Oh.

Oh, I'm so--
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I have to get this, but keep
getting to know each other,

you know, chat.

My favorite people.

Did you tell him?
No.

[♪♪♪]

I brought tools.

We need to move fast.
We're in the middle of dinner.

What are you having?
Roasted chicken and salad.

I fucking love salad.

She's gonna hate
not having hubcaps.

It's very simple.

She broke your heart,
you break the car,

since that's
all she cares about.

She was just like
every other thing in my life:

Planned by my parents.

[GRUNTING]

[CLATTERS]

Fuck!
It's not doing anything.

Goddamn American-built.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

[ENGINE REVS]

Ha, Ha! Yeah. Yeah! Okay.
Whoo! Yeah.

[WOOD CRACKING]

[HORN HONKING]
[GASPS]

[HONKING STOPS]

That'll teach her.

Oh, God.
Hey, there he is.

Everything all right?

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Hey.

How we doing?

Where were you?

You okay? I--

Percy,
your parents are downstairs.

I really don't think
they mind.

Well, can we just talk? God!
Stop. What's--? My wrist.

[GRUNTS]

What's going on?

I'm just a little confused.

Because I--

Because I thought you wanted
to have sex with me.

So...

If there's something
I don't know, just tell me.

No.

No?

No.

I want to. Let's do it.

Let's have sex.

This is what you want?
This will make you happy?

Yeah. Yep.

Great.

[SHOES CLATTER ON FLOOR,
ZIPPER UNZIPS]

Um...

What--? What do I--?
What do I do?

Get on top.

Okay. Yes.
Okay. And now...

Okay, I'll help you.

Percy, you're not...

And then I'll help you--
[GRUNTING] Oh, fuck!

Mm.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Did you come too?

No.

Mm.

That-- That was my thighs.

Just gonna...

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

By the way, your car is in
the forest, crushed by a tree.

What?

I had some kind of stupid idea

that you actually liked me.

Percy.

Was any of it real?

Yes.

It is real. I've told you things
I've never told anybody.

I was just
trying to save my house.

It wasn't personal.

It felt personal to me.

Percy, I'm sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.

You should go, I think.

[♪♪♪]

The truth is, one day
I'll live in Paris or something,

and I'll come back
to visit Montauk

and you'll still be here.

How much money
do your parents have?

Why don't you go ask them?
I know you guys are close.

But you're rich, right?

You never have to worry
about money.

So my life is amazing, right?
I have no problems.

I'm gonna lose my house.

And I don't have a rich dad
that can help me.

Actually, Maddie, you do.

And you're gonna waste
your life in that house

waiting for him to come back
and apologize.

Because that's really why
you never made it past New York,

right?

[♪♪♪]

[TRUCK BEEPING OUTSIDE]

What? Gary, no.

No, no, no.

This is not my car.

Well, your name's on the title.
It's your car.

What am I supposed to do
with a car that doesn't run?

Who says it doesn't run?

These things
are built to last.

Unlike us.

What?

I didn't say anything.

[TRUCK DOOR CLOSES,
ENGINE STARTS]

What the fuck, you guys?

Percy, language.

You don't get to tell me
what to do anymore.

I'm the parents now.

What other stuff have you been
doing for me I don't know about?

That time I beat you in
basketball, did you let me win?

No. You beat me
fair and square.

What about Kyle McElroy?

Kyle McElroy.

The kid who bullied me.
Did you have him expelled?

No. I was told
it was a dream of his

to go to military school.

Okay. Whatever--
Whatever this is, it's done.

You can't track me anymore.
I'm changing my phone passcode.

To what?

Okay, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.

I-I know you're trying
to help me, but you're not.

You have to let me fail
or succeed on my own.

Understood?

Okay, you can go.

Okay.

Stop! Leave it.
Yeah.

[PHANTOGRAM'S "BLACK OUT DAYS"
(FUTURE ISLANDS REMIX)" PLAYING]

Kelly?

I have your picture.

Get in.

I'm not getting in that car.
Get in.

♪ Hide the sun ♪

ANNOUNCER: Finish him!
[SCREAMS]

Fatality.

♪ Mirror on the wall ♪

♪ Tell me all the ways
To stay ♪

♪ Away
Ay, ay, ay, yeah ♪

[GRUNTS]

♪ Away, ay, yeah ♪

♪ And stay
Away, ay, yeah ♪

♪ Away, ay, yeah ♪

Away, ay, yeah ♪

SARA:
To Maddie. You figured it out.

Yeah. I mean, that car's
a little banged up.

Whatever, the summer's over.
We got our town back.

And we can still have
Thanksgiving at my place.

Yeah.
What?

Um...

Okay.
Fine, I'll do it.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Here it goes. Uh...

[SUCKS TEETH]
[SIGHS]

Sara has something
to tell you.

SARA:
Thank you, Jim. Um...

[SUCKS TEETH]

We're gonna move to Florida,
I think.

What?

I know, I know, we wouldn't
if we didn't have to.

You know that.
I don't wanna move to Florida.

We just can't afford
to buy our own place here.

And we can't keep staying
with Jim's parents

when the baby comes.

They only have one bathroom.
Can't believe this.

We're really out of options.
I'm sorry.

JIM:
Yeah. We wanna stay.

[SIGHS]
Don't be mad.

I'm not mad. I just...
I can't believe you're leaving.

Well, I can't believe
you're staying.

[SCOFFS]

What does that mean?

Oh, you know what, I just--
My buddy's in the bathroom.

I just mean that...
I don't know.

How long are you gonna
keep doing this?

Having sex for Buicks?
This is probably it.

That wasn't what I meant.

I did what I needed to do
to save my mom's house, okay?

Yeah. You keep saying that,

but your mom wanted you
to be happy.

You don't seem happy.

I am happy.
Are you?

I like my life here.

[SARA SCOFFS]

All right.

I should tell you I go back
to the city tomorrow morning.

Oh, tomorrow?
Can't you go any sooner?

[CHUCKLES]

You're funny.

[MOANS]

What is this? A finger trap?
I used to love these things.

You okay?
Mm-hm.

So do you live in the city?

Mm-hm.
[MOANS]

Have you been out here
for the whole summer or...?

What is this,
a questionnaire?

I was trying
to get to know you.

[SIGHS]
I'm sorry. Um...

I have an idea.

Close your eyes for me?

Come on, close them.
Give me your finger.

Forward.

Up.

Okay, open your eyes.

Oh, what the fuck?

That's disgusting.
Ow! Ow!

Stop pulling on it!
This was a gift from a friend.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Don't pull it,
don't pull it, don't--

You have to push in to get out.

I'm trying.

[BOTH GROAN]

That was
kind of weird, huh?

Anyways.

I live in Battery Park.

Get out.

Yeah.

[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]

[CASS McCOMBS'
"THAT'S THAT" PLAYING]

Here you go.

♪ On a whim ♪

♪ We climbed in a car ♪

♪ That was headed
Down South ♪

♪ Do I, do I, do I
Do I...? ♪

[PHONE LINE RINGS]

DOUG: Doug Khan Realty.
MADDIE: Doug.

It's Maddie. I wanna sell.

DOUG:
Great!

MADDIE:
Don't get too excited.

There's a catch.

[DOGS BARKING IN BACKGROUND]

Hey, is he here?

No.

Well, he won't return
my calls or texts.

Will you tell him I came in?

Absolutely fucking not.

Really?
Yeah.

You fucked up.
He's a special guy.

Cocaine!

[BARKING]

All right.

Let's hear it.

"My name is Jody
and I'm a registered..."

Remember when I said I've made
some powerful friends nannying?

That includes
the Suffolk County tax assessor.

And they're gonna make
your property taxes go up.

Way up.

I sold the house.

Sorry, can I actually
use your bathroom?

It's number two, so...

Okay.

[PHONE LINE DIALS]

It's Maddie.

Can I talk to him?

ALLISON [OVER SPEAKER]:
He's not home.

He'll be at
the Princeton mixer later.

Okay. Thanks.

[♪♪♪]

MAN:
And there are several
eating clubs to choose from,

if you make it to junior year.

[MAN & PERCY CHUCKLE]
[MADDIE CHUCKLES]

I can't wait to be eaten
at Princeton.

What?
I've tried calling you.

You can't just ignore me.

Leave me alone.

Percy,
don't shut me out.

I don't owe you anything.
Stop.

Percy.

I don't owe you anything.
I don't owe you anything.

Well, I owe you something.

Our friendship is real.

You made me realize
I needed to push in to get out.

I was hurt. So I hurt people.

Percy. Percy.

Percy, unlock the door.
Come on, open the door.

Please, let's talk.

What are you doing?

Get off the hood.

I don't want anything
to do with you.

I'm not getting off
until you talk to me.

Then I guess we're doing this.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Hey, okay. Easy. Easy. Fuck.

This is scary.
I can't believe you did this.

Then get off!

No! Not until you believe me

that I care about you.

You lied to me just so you
could get a fucking car.

You don't give a shit about me.

Yes, I do.

Pull over! Let's talk!

Get off the hood of my car!

MADDIE:
Make me!

Had enough?
No!

WOMAN:
Oh, my God!

PERCY: Aah! I can't see!
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]

Oh, my God!
PERCY: You're blocking me!

Percy!

[GRUNTS, PANTING]

[SCREAMING]

Fire!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

Maddie?

Maddie!

Maddie!

It's okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

[♪♪♪]

I just got my license

and I've already ruined
two cars.

The Buick's not ruined.
I fixed it up.

It just needed a little love.

My grandfather shot himself
in that Buick.

I'm kidding.

You little shit.

You're lucky
I came back for you.

Where would you be
without me?

I'd definitely
still be a virgin.

You're still a virgin,
hotshot.

No, that counts, actually.

Well, you can tell
your friends in college

whatever you want.

If I make any friends.

What do you mean?
We're friends.

I think we're probably gonna
come back out for Thanksgiving.

I won't be here.

I sold the house.
I'm-I'm moving to California.

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

You're gonna be okay.

What are you,
some kind of wise Buddha?

I'm older than you.
You're gonna be okay.

We're both gonna be okay.

[♪♪♪]

Maddie?

Yeah?

It still counts.

Am I being executed?
Is that the surprise?

No peeking!

Yeah, no.
This is good news.

You're not
blindfolding me

to tell me
you're having an affair?

All right.

What am I looking at?

The house.
The house.

Instead of selling it to
some rich asshole,

I decided to sell it
to you guys.

Yeah,
a regular asshole.

Who had to sell
one of the boats.

Maddie, we-we can't.

No, we can. And she could've
gotten more for it.

I got enough.

[SIGHS]
This is how we stay.

This is what we wanted.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, wait.

Oh, right,
the thing you made.

There it is.
Should we put it up?

Mm-hm.
Ahem. We will do that.

We're gonna do it
as soon as you leave.

Well, I guess this is it.

Call us as soon
as you get there, okay?

Or don't.
Totally fine either way.

Yeah. We're cool.

Are you guys gonna be okay?

LAIRD:
Yeah. Yeah.

[COUGHS]
Empty nesters. Finally, heh.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, come on.
Get out of here, you.

I love you guys.

And we love you so much.
Love you too, huh?

Please don't follow me out.

No. Ha, ha!
Okay.

PERCY:
Okay.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

[ALLISON SIGHS]

Sure you don't want
help with the bags?

No, I got it.

[MUMBLES, CLEAR THROAT]
Well, let him do it.

Yeah. Oh!

Honey.

Yeah, that's it.

That's worth it.
ALLISON: Yeah!

Um... Okay.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]
All right.

All right, guys. See you.
Bye, sweetie.

[WHEELS ROLLING ACROSS FLOOR]

Whoo!

Okay.

Nice! All right.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

I'll see you guys
for Thanksgiving.

Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.

Wrong way, heh.

Bye!
Bye, sweetheart.

Your Uber's here.

I requested no conversation.

Oh, we're talking, buddy.
All the way to Princeton.

Then I'm gonna call you for
my whole drive to California.

Tell you about
my new boyfriend.

New boyfriend?

He's a former cop.

Okay.

He's had some drug addiction
in the past.

Uh-huh.

Do you want to meet him?
No.

Well, he really wants
to meet you. Come on!

Milo! Hey! Hey.

[WHINES]

[BOTH LAUGH]

[SEAT BELT CLICKS]
You ready to leave?

Yeah.

Are you?

Yeah.

♪ I've seen you smilin'
In the summer sun ♪

♪ I've seen your long hair
Flyin' when you run ♪

♪ I've made my mind up
That it's meant to be ♪

♪ Someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ Someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ Out where the rivers meet
The sound and sea ♪

♪ You're high above me now,
You're wild and free, ah but ♪

♪ Someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ Someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh-oh ♪

♪ Some people say
That love's a losin' game ♪

♪ You start with fire
But you lose the flame ♪

♪ The ashes smolder
But the warmth's soon gone ♪

♪ You end up cold and lonely
On your own ♪

♪ I'll take my chances, babe
I'll risk it all ♪

♪ I'll win your love
Or I'll take the fall ♪

♪ I've made my mind up, girl
It's meant to be ♪

♪ Someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ Someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ It's written down, somewhere
It's got to be ♪

♪ You're high above me
Flyin' wild and free ♪

♪ Oh, but someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ Someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ Someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ Out where the rivers meet
The sound and sea ♪

♪ I feel it in my soul
It's meant to be ♪

♪ Oh, someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ Someday lady
You'll accomp'ny me ♪

♪ You will accomp'ny me, yeah ♪
♪ Ooh-oh ♪

♪ Ooh-oh,
You'll accompany ♪

♪ I know you will
Accomp'ny me ♪

♪ Ooh-oh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-oh, you'll accompany ♪

♪ Someday lady ♪
♪ Ooh-oh ♪

♪ Someday lady ♪
♪ Ooh-oh, you'll accompany ♪

♪ You're gonna
Accomp'ny me, now ♪

♪ Ooh-oh ♪

♪ You're gonna walk with me
And talk with me, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh-oh, you'll accompany ♪

♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Ooh-oh ♪

♪ Ooh-oh, you'll accompany me ♪

♪ Ooh-oh ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Ooh-oh, you'll accompany me ♪
♪ Oh ♪

♪ Gonna accompany me ♪
♪ Ooh-oh ♪

♪ Gonna accompany me, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh-oh
You'll accompany me ♪

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]