All language subtitles for Meet.The.Cockers.2007.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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[Christmas music]

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♪♪

♪♪

[panting]

[dog sniffing]

♪♪

[exhales]

[dog whines]

- Uh-oh.

Merry Christmas, pooch.

[dog growling]

[dog barking]

Man: Hey, weasel!

Stop!

♪♪

[dog whimpering]

♪♪

[dog barking]

[dog whining]

- Here ya go, boy.

♪♪

[grunting]

♪♪

Foster Mother: We've
been their foster parents

for such a short
period of time.

- I don't care how long
you've had them.

Where are Tim and Amanda now?

- But, Ms. Brown, the twins
have never been separated.

- Little matter.

They cannot be
adopted together.

The decision is final.

- Is that policy?

- No, fact.

- Amanda, come on.

We gotta go.

- Why?

- 'Cause we want
to stay together.

- Why?

- 'Cause Mom and Dad
wouldn't want us to be apart.

- Why?

- Can't you say anything
but why?

- Where are we going?

- Away from here.

- But Ms. Brown, is
there no other way?

- None.

That's how the system works.

Please get the children.

- But it's only two weeks
'til Christmas.

♪♪

- It's cold.

- I know it is.

Come on.

♪♪

♪♪

- Tim, I'm cold.

I want to go back.

- Don't say a word.

- Hey!

Hey, kids, you see
anybody just now?

Well, what is it, yes or no?

- Oh, you mean the guy
who ran that way?

- Thanks, kid.

- Hey.

Quick thinking, kid.

- Who are you?

- Nobody.

- Hey.

- We have nowhere to go, Tim.

I want a real family
for Christmas.

- It'll be okay.

- Mrs. Henderson, you're
gonna love the subscription

to American Rose Weekly.

And just like I said,

half the money goes to
send the Eagles to California

for the big game.

- Like my grandson.

- Yes!

Like your grandson, Danny.

- Where do I sign?

- Oh, you don't.

Remember?

We're gonna
take the money

directly over to
the school today.

- Oh, of course, you
explained that, didn't you?

- Yeah, three times already.

The Eagles salute you.

[mouth noises]

- When will my
magazine arrive?

- Oh, they're gonna be here
in four to six weeks, ma'am.

Go Eagles!

[mouth noises]

- Go Eagles!

- Merry Christmas, ma'am!

♪♪

[knocking]

Man: Yes?

- I have a COD for a Mrs.
Winnifred Norris?

- Winnie?

- Yeah.

Says so right here
on the invoice.

Uh, sir, it's COD.

She's gotta sign for it.

- I'm afraid that's
not possible.

Mrs. Norris passed
away last month.

- Oh, sir, geez.

I am so sorry.

I don't know what to do.

I mean, she ordered
it and all.

- How much is the charge?

- Uh, $79.95.

No need for a tip, though.

- I wonder what she
could have ordered.

- Oh, it's cologne.

Pretty good stuff, too.

- For me.

- Yeah, for you.

- Whom do I make
the check out to?

- Oh, it's COD.

Cash On Delivery.

Company policy.

- Of course.

You've been very kind.

- Sir, I can't crack $100.

- Don't.

The balance is your tip.

♪♪

Ms. Brown: Isadora Brown here.

I'd like to initiate an
all-points bulletin

for two truants.

Then whatever you
want to call it.

Missing children who need
to be found immediately.

Fraternal twins,
seven years old.

♪♪

- Tim, wait!

Santa!

Santa, I need to tell you
one thing.

Santa?

- He's pretty busy.

- But I need to tell him one
thing about Christmas.

- You can do it later.

Come on.

You know he's not
the real Santa.

- He's not?

- He's Santa's helper.

[whistling]

[cell phone ringing]

Answering Machine:
Holiday here!

But I'm not.

You know the routine;
I'll get back to ya.

- Mr. Holiday, this is
Helen Pandergast.

I am the executive of your
uncle's estate,

Clarence Holiday.

You have been named
in the late Mr. Holiday's
will.

The will is being read in
Boston the day after tomorrow.

There's a round trip ticket
in your name at the airport.

Please be at the lawfirm
of Doyle and Pembroke

at 11:00 a.m. the
day after tomorrow.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

[giggling]

-Doc is in the money!

[humming]

[giggling]

♪♪

- Therefore, having no
other living heir

except my newphew Donald,
I do bequeath

all of my worldly goods
to him.

This predicated on the
following conditions:

1. That Donald has indeed
married as he stated to me

and has also proven himself
to be a man of integrity

with a stable means
of support and income.

2. That he can prove he is a
good husband and father

and has entirely forsaken his
errant ways of the past,

which the executrix of my
estate will verify.

- That's it?

- No.

If it is found that
Donald Holiday

has not met these conditions
as stipulated,

my entire estate of $20
million is to be divided

among the charities
I have enumerated

in a separate exhibit.

Finally, to my nephew Donald,
I want you to know

that I love you.

I hope fervently you have
indeed changed your lifestyle.

These are my wishes, made
with a clear conscience

and alert mind.

- I haven't seen him
in a while.

- More than a while,
actually.

You haven't seen your uncle
in over 12 years.

- Well, I said it's
been a while.

But I kept in touch.

- Well, yeah, you
wrote occasionally.

When you needed money.

- And other times.

- Well.

As per your uncle's wishes,
I will be visiting you

to verify the conditions
of the will.

- Sure.

- I'm looking forward to
meeting your family.

- So am I.

- Excuse me?

- So am I to know when
you're coming to visit us.

- When I get there.

- That's as good a
time as any.

[plane noises]

Donald: So, I can rent the
house month to month?

Real Estate Agent: Sure.

When do your wife
and kids arrive?

Donald: As soon as
I pick them.

Real Estate Agent: Pick them?

Donald: Pick them up
at the train station.

Real Estate Agent:
Well, here we are.

- Sure.

- Yep.

- So, three bedrooms,
how many?

- Three bedrooms, two baths.

- Yeah.

- There's a washroom
in the basement there.

It's about 865 square feet.

- Sure, sure.

Seems solid enough.

♪♪

- Sorry about all the junk,
I'll have somebody

haul this out tomorrow.

- I'll tell you what,
I'll take care of it.

- I thought you said
you had furniture.

- We'll need something in the
next couple of weeks

until it arrives.

Why don't you save the cost
of having someone haul it away

and just apply the savings
to the first month's rent?

- Are you sure?

This stuff's pretty old.

- Yeah, it's no worse
than mine.

- Excuse me?

- Oh, I said it'll get
worse with time.

What's over there?

- Dining room.

- Nice.

[horn honking]

Donald: Got the house,
now all I need is a job,

kids, and a wife.

Look at you.

What was that all about?

- Spare some change, mister?

- Get a job, kid.

- What?

What?

- Hi.

What's your name?

Donald: Now, who would
give me a job?

Amanda: Good boy.

Where are you going?

- Scooter.

So, Scooter, it's kind of like

what we were talking
about before.

Ah, come on, come on,
Scooter!

Come on.

What do you say?

- Last time I did you
a favor, Doc,

I got probation and a
suspended sentence.

- Pretty lucky, huh?

Come on, Scooter, what are
you worried about?

I don't really need a job,

I just need to make it
look like I got a job.

- My family owns
this company.

If anybody finds out,
I'm toast.

- Scooter, nobody's
gonna find out.

All right?

I guarantee you.

Now, what do you guys
make here?

- Wholesale novelties.

- You mean like rubber
chickens and stuff?

- Yeah.

Rubber chickens are one
of our biggest sellers.

[laughing]

- I love rubber chickens!

Look at me.

Huh?

- I don't know about
this, Doc.

You know, I don't know.

- Come on, come on, you do
this and we're square.

- The whole $500?

- The whole $500, look
I got it right there, okay?

- Scratch you
right off the list.

- What about interest?

- No interest, nothing.

Come on, Scooter, look at me.

Deal?

Huh?

- All right, deal.

[laughing]

- Rubber chickens, come on,
you've been holding out on me.

- You're a rubber chicken.

♪♪

- Come on, boy.

[bark]

[rushing water]

- Hey doggy, you must not
have a family either.

I've been praying for Santa
to find us one.

[bark]

[door creaks open]

- Hey Melissa.

I've got a big favor to ask.

Would you help me
find a file?

- I'm not supposed to get
up front the front desk.

- I know, but it will only
take a quick second,

I promise.

- Oh, okay, but just
for a minute.

- Okay.

- So I think it was
'93, '94 maybe.

- Okay.

- Johnson or Johnston,
Ed, Edward R.

That sounds familiar to me.

Um, maybe '93 even.

[door creaks open then shut]

It was Johnston, Ed, Edward.

He's the Poughkeepsie fake
vomit distributor.

[indistinct chatter continue]

[typing]

- I don't see anything
like that.

- I understand, thank you so
much for looking.

[snapping]

And you know what,
have you changed your hair?

- Oh thanks!
Yeah, I did.

- It looks really nice.

[thump]

See you later,
Scooter.

- Bye Melissa.

- Bye.

[door shuts loudly]

Doc: Well, I changed the
computer records like you
said.

Scooter: Here's the company
sales procedures and forms.

- All right, there's one guy
you do not want to run into,

Bernard Howland.

- Who's he?

- Head of personnel.

- Is he a troublemaker
or something?

- Let's just say that his
boyhood hero

was Attiila the Hun.

- Got it.

All right, here, hold this
for a second.

- What?

- Just hold onto this
for a second.

Let's get situated here
all right?

Okay, get the door.

- I can't believe
I'm doing this.

- Well, you're doing
this, all right?

- Hi, where's my office?

- Who are you?

- I'm Donald Holiday.

I was just transferred
here from Denver.

[chuckles] Don't tell me
my office isn't ready.

- I wasn't informed
about this.

- I was supposed to take
Mr. Stern's old office,

is this it?

- But Mr. Howland didn't say
anything about a new salesman.

[footsteps]

- Melissa?

I got the Fillmore account
files for a Mr. Holiday.

- Oh.

- Is this for you?

- Thank you.

Listen it looks like they've
got me travelling on this
account,

in and out of the office
for the next couple of weeks,

you know, busy, busy, busy.

So here's my paperwork,
you've been very helpful.

- Oh, well, you're welcome!

- Listen, are you single,
married, divorced,

what's your story sister?

- Oh, well, I have
a boyfriend.

- Thanks.

Love chocolate.

- Is that candy?

- Yeah.

- Can I have one.

- They're for a friend, kid.

- Who?

- Me.

- I just want one.

- One.

- Spare some change?

- Not really.

- Like everyone.

- Hey, I know you kids,
you're from the dumpster!

- You look different.

- You don't.

You got parents?

- Everybody's got parents.

Whaddya say?

Couple of bucks.

- Where's your parents?

- Heaven.

- Come on.

[barking]

- Looks like you kids could
use some help.

Here you go.

- Thanks.

- Hey, I need kids, not a dog.

Go on, get your own food.

So when's the last time
you guys ate?

- Day before yesterday.

- You don't have any
relatves do ya?

- Sure, just not here.

- Where?

- Uncle, California.

He's a forest ranger
like my dad was.

- Foster home?

- Five, so far.

Until three days ago.

They were going
to split us up.

- Maybe we could work
something out.

- Like what?

- I dunno, like make a deal.

- What kind of deal.

- I dunno, what's
the mutt's name?

- Dunno.

He just started
following us around.

- Alright, come on,
out of my way buster.

- That's a good name!

Come on, Buster!

- What's the deal?

- You guys pretend you're my
kids for the next week or so,

what do you say?

- How much?

- What's your name?

- Tim.

She's Amanda.

- We're fa-terminal twins!

- Yeah, that sounds
about right.

- How much?

- $500.

- $500 each.

Half now.

- Jeez, from panhandling
to stippin' a mark,

you guys roll drunks too?

What did you learn
in those foster homes?

- That I don't wanna
be split up.

- What's your con?

- I prefer business
arrangement.

- Okay.

Who's business
are you arranging?

- What, are you
writin' a book?

My uncle's estate.

- Sounds like it's worth
more than $500.

- You know what?

You want in or not, huh?

'Cause I can find a couple
of kids about anywhere.

- No you can't.

$1,000.

- $750, no more bargaining.

- We could pray for the money.

- Yeah, well I used to
pray for a bike too,

and then I realized,
you know what?

God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bike and prayed
for forgiveness.

- Where's the bike?

- Someone stole it.

Deal or not?

- First, let's see some green.

- Oh, you wanna
see some green, kid?

Alright.

Let's see some green.

You take American Express?

- Forget it.

- Oh, you got a better offer?

- I'm watchin' you.

- Yeah, well I'm watchin'
you too.

- Here, Buster!

- Here, Buster.

Here, boy.

- Huh?

Well?

What do you think?

- How are you gonna pay us?

- Hey, don't give me
a hard time,

I'm gonna pay ya.

Just take a bedroom upstairs.

- This is never gonna work.

- Are we gonna be
a family now?

- Nope, we're just doing
this for a little while

until we can get enough money
to go to California.

- Why?

- 'Cause this isn't
our real family.

- Why?

- [exasperated sigh]
Don't start that again.

- We're gonna be
a pretend family,

it's gonna be fun!

- Will Santa know we're here?

- What Santa doesn't
know won't hurt 'em.

- This is Mrs. Dudley.

Can she be in our
pretend family too?

And Buster?

- Yeah, the traveling flea
circus and Mrs. Doody.

- Dudley.

- Whatever.

- Come on.

[barking]

- And take the mutt with ya.

- They were seen in the rescue
mission district today,

I've given their description
to the police.

Well, when they're located

I'm placing them in
separate facilities.

When?

Who?

But why, sir?

Well, yes obviously, I'll get
my full cooperation

- Bye.

- Isadora Brown?

My name is Alton Pike.

I believe you recieved a call
from your supervisor

about me?

- Yes, just now.

But I don't understand
why it's necessary

for the state to bring in
someone on this matter.

- Because it is not necessary
for you to understand.

- Now you see here...

- No.

You see.

I am now in charge
of this case.

You go back to
catching truents.

I understand you
are very good at that.

Good day Ms. Brown!

- So how's this gonna work?

- Well, all you have to do is
act like you're my kids

when the old babe shows up.

Simple.

- That's it?

- That's it.

- We need something else too.

- I know, I'm working on that.

Cash.

I got some checks, and what
I'll do is by the time they
clear,

I'll have the money
for that.

- No!

Something else.

- What, like clothes
and stuff?

- What?

- A mommy.

- Yeah, I haven't figured
that one out yet.

- You got a girlfriend?

- I'm between
relationships right now.

- Big surprise.

- I know how to get a mommy!

- How?

- Send a letter to Santa.

- Hey, you know what kid?

That's a great idea.

- It is?

- Yeah, it is.

Come on.

Come.

Close that up.

Let's go.

Alright here it is,
listen up.

"Help Wanted: Female to tutor
and supervise younger children

"during the holidays.

"Professional desired.

Some light cooking."

You always say light and they
think it's gonna be

a lot less work.

"Bring your resume.

Interview times will
be arranged."

That's it.

What do you think?

- Know who you're gonna get?

Old gomers with false teeth.

- Oh gee, good call kid, I
hadn't thought of that.

Lemme write that down.

"No geezers with dentures."

- She needs to be pretty too.

- Yeah, well don't get your
hopes up.

- She'll be a perfect mommy.

[sighing]

- My routine is simple, ja?

No TV until after doing
schoolwork,

no treats, no pets, no
friends in the afternoon,

und no talking back.

[growling]

- I'm going to need Mondays
and Fridays off

to put my feet up.

My edema.

My legs swell.

- My spirit guide
is Native American.

[sighs]

- His name is Long Tooth.

[laughs]

- My daytime dramas are
from one to three,

so the children will take
their naps then.

- Oh wow, like I've learned
so much through him,

like the rebirthing secrets

practiced by the
ancient Uruu tribe.

And now I can rebirth
these little spirits!

- I am allergic to peanuts,
legumes, coconuts, bananas...

- It's gonna be great.

- Certain kinds of rayon.

- It really is.

- Well, I've written
them down.

You'll see that everything
on the list

is in alphabetical order.

- Great idea, Doc.

What now?

- I dunno.

Take a hostage.

- That'll work.

- Santa won't forget us.

- It's not Christmas yet.

Santa only answers
wishes on Christmas.

- Hi.

I'm Elizabeth Rogers.

Oh, you filled the position?

- No, not at all.

Please uh, come in.

Take a seat.

So, do you have a resume?

- Yeah.

I taught school
until this week

when the district's cost
cutting measures were
implemented.

I'm afraid it caught me um,
unprepared.

Am I to understand that
this is a live-in position?

- Yes, I need someone who's
gonna be here with children.

- May I be frank, Mr. uh...

- Holiday.

Donald Holiday, but everyone
just calls me Doc.

- Mr. Holiday, normally I
wouldn't consider

this type of employment.

Not that I think it's
undignified,

it's just that I'm
an English teacher,

not a nanny.

But, seeing as how my
situation has changed,

I would be willing
to give this a try.

That is if you employ
me of course.

- Can you just give us
a quick moment?

- Certainly.

- She's perfect!

- That's what
I'm worried about.

I don't know how we're gonna
get her to agree to this.

- Offer big bucks?

- Big bucks isn't gonna
work this time.

- You think you're gonna
find anybody else?

[barking]

- Oh!

Oh, hi.

Oh my goodness, hello.

- But she's perfect!

She's the one he sent!

- Who?

- Santa.

- Come on, let's go.

- Uh, Ms. Rogers,
we think, I think,

that this would be a very
workable agreement.

- I can begin tomorrow!

Oh, are there employment
contracts that I may look at?

- Emplyment contracts,
yes, yes,

we have employment contracts.

I'll have those
for you tomorrow.

- And about the compensation,
are there benefits as well?

- Uh yeah, the standard
compensation that will be

in the contract tomorrow
with all the standard
benefits.

- Are you a mommy?

- No.

- You look like one.

- Oh, hey!

- Mrs. Dudley thinks
you look like one too.

- Does she?

- So, okay.

Uh, we'll see you on Monday.

- Oh, may I see my quarters?

- Your quarters, uh, you know,
we're not quite settled in
yet,

our furniture is still
comin' from Denver.

So we've just been kind
of roughin' it,

right kids?

- May I see my room at least?

- Your room is upstairs
where the rooms are.

- Fine.

- Excuse me.

You've seen the rooms, right?

- Only our room
and the bathroom.

Haven't you?

- No, it was late last night,
so I slept down on the couch.

I haven't checked out
all the rooms yet.

Which one do I give her?

- I don't know.

It's your con.

- You're gonna
absolutely love it.

These are the stairs
that uh, they go upstairs.

And uh, well starting off
with this room,

this is the bathroom
which you would uh,

you take a bath in that room,
that's what you do there.

This room here, is my room
where I would sleep,

do sleep when I'm sleeping.

That's where um...
now over here

what we have
is uh, um this is...

- Our room.

Me and Amanda's.

- Amanda's and mine.

- Whatever.

- Is she gonna stay
in our room?

- [together] No.

- Okay, that's uh, this room.

- Now here is um,
is your room.

Where you would stay
if you had a room.

If you know how many...

meant something else.

- This will be fine.

- We're in business!

- Alright, I gotta make a
score to keep us goin'.

When she gets here, you guys
help Elizabeth get her stuff

in her room.

And make her feel
comfortable.

And act natural, we're
supposed to be a family.

- Don't be too late.

- I won't, you just
do your part.

- He's not like a
regular daddy, is he?

- He's not a regular anything.

- Hey weasel, freeze!

- Oh ho ho ho, Duke!

- Smart guy, huh?

Well you're gonna smart when I
get done with you, Holiday!

- I was just comin'
to see you.

- Yeah, in about two minutes
you're gonna be on your way

to the hospital.

- Oh [laughing] Duke.

Oh Duke, please don't.

Duke I'm beggin' ya, please!

Just tell Sully I just need
more time, okay?

- You are pathetic.

- Here, Duke, just take it.

Take all of it.

It's all I have.

- Where'd you get this?

- I was with a friend,
we were bowling.

- $400 ain't hardly a down
payment on what you owe.

It's up for six grand.

- Six grand!

It was just five grand
two days ago!

Interest grifter!

This gives you
24 hours, no more.

Don't play the ponies
if you can't pay.

Capiche?

- Capiche.

[grunting]
Right, right, right.

Yeah.

- Thanks for helping
me with my bag.

- Did you ever have a
home of your own?

- I had an apartment.

- This is a pretty nice room.

- Yeah.

I like it too.

So what grade are you in?

- Third.

We missed some school with
the big move and everything.

- Mm, we'll have
to catch you up.

- No hurry.

- Where were you in your
reading and writing?

- Well mom was teaching
us cursive when...

- Where is your mother?

- Heaven, I guess.

If you believe in
that sort of stuff.

- I'm so sorry.

- It's okay.

Amanda says that mom is up
there watching out for us.

She also thinks that Santa
Claus will bring a new mom.

- Your mother...

was it an accident?

- They--she was
coming home from work.

Drunk driver crossed
the center line.

- Thanks.

Now, as for your schooling,

we better get you
back on track, huh?

- Are you asking or telling?

- Informing.

- Man.

[barking]

- Hey, Buster.

You wanna go out?

There you go, boy.

- Where's he going?

- I don't know.

He goes every day.

- Probably has a route.

- A route?

- You know, has friends all
over the neighborhood

that give him leftovers.

- That's why he likes
socks so much.

- Oh, it's too nice a day to
stay inside the house.

What do you say we go
to the children's museum?

- Where they keep kids?

- You've never been
to the museum?

[doorbell buzzes]

- Here you go, boy.

- Here you go, boy.

- Wow!

This is so cool!

- Okay you two, have fun!

- Okay you two, have fun!

- Okay you two, have fun!

[grunting]

[pumping]

[groans]

[electric buzzing]

- No.

- Amanda, come on!

- Huh?

[screams]

- Whoa!

Whoa

- Whoa!

- We're done.

- Already?

Why?

- Someone fell down
where we were playing,

and they need to clean up
the mess.

- Okay.

Alright, well them
come on, let's go.

- Oh, thank you.

Although you cooked,
we'll clean.

We'll get this.

Though you do know your
way around a kitchen.

- Had a lot of practice.

- Well for me, if it doesn't
get made with peanut butter,

it doesn't get made.

Oh, Amanda says you went to
the children's musem today,

was that fun?

- Yes, but I didn't
want to leave.

I was having too much fun.

I was in the rainforest!

- Amanda had an accident and
sort of closed things down

for a while.

- Was it a big ugly guy
with no hair?

- I'm not sure.

- He had hair.

- Maybe he was the Grinch!

[laughs]

- I know that guy,
his name is Duke.

- Are you from Spokane?

- Seattle.

But the teaching position
came up here,

so I moved over.

- I was gonna be a teacher
once and then I realized,

I didn't know anything.

[crash] Nice catch.

- Here, let me get that.

- Thanks Elizabeth.

Sorry about the mess.

- Do you have a husband?

- No.

I guess I never met
the right person.

- Why?

You're not ugly.

- Thanks.

- Okay, come on.

Time for bed kids, alright?

- Here, sport.

- Well, this outta handle
the first week.

- Thank you!

Not many people pay
in cash these days.

I've noticed
that the children

seem a bit preoccupied.

- Mm, what do you mean?

- Well, Tim's a bit withdrawn

and Amanda's displacing a
great deal of emotion onto her
doll.

I think that's understandable
since your wife passed away,

but have they had any
counseling since the accident?

- The accident?

Oh, oh uh, no.

Not really.

- It might help.

- Sure.

- Doc, can you tell me
and Mrs. Dudley

a story before bed?

- Mm, yeah, sure.

- She calls you Doc?

- Yeah, ever since I met her.

I mean, that's a joke.

[strained laughing] Okay.

What's the name of the story?

- I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Uh.

Leroy at the Racetrack.

Leroy was the slowest horse
at the racetrack.

He never ever won a race,
and everyone knew

he was the slowest, but he
really wanted to win a race

because then he wouldn't
have to go the glue factory!

So that day, the odds
against him winning

were fifty to one!

But Leroy knew he was
going to win the race,

because it was
raining that day,

and he was a mudder.

That means he could run
faster than all the other

horses in the mud.

So the gate bell goes off,
and Leroy takes off

through the mud,
lickety split.

He's chargin' out there
in front of everybody.

In the first turn
it's Leroy out in front

and Leroy says to himself,
"I am going to win this race!"

Okay, so there he is comin'
around that second turn,

he's way out there, oh.

And then it happened.

- What happened?

- Just as Leroy's jumpin'
out there in front,

you see, way out in front
of the other horses,

he slips and falls
and starts sliding

across that muddy track.

And as he's sliding, people
are still cheerin' him on.

Other horses are just about
ready to go by him,

and just as he gets
to that finish line,

he slides around backwards
and wins the race!

And he was the first horse
ever to win a race

by a tail instead of a nose!

- And they lived happily
ever after, right?

- Right, 'cause then he didn't
have to go to the glue
factory.

- Thanks, Doc.

That was the best story ever!

Mrs. Dudley thought so too.

- Okay you, go on up to bed.

I'm gonna tuck you in.

[soft music]

- You told her a story
about a race horse?

- What are you, a critic?

- Mrs. Dudley liked it.

- Oh see,
Mrs. Dudley liked it.

Okay, now you guys
go to sleep.

[yawning]

- We're pretend family,
Amanda.

You know that, don't you?

- Yeah.

- As soon as we get our money,
we're outta here.

Then we'll have
a real family.

But this is our
real family, Tim.

- No, it isn't.

You and I.

We're family.

Not him.

He's just here to get
the money for us.

You understand?

- Sort of.

I guess.

- Go to sleep, please.

Good night.

[sighs]

[knocking]

- Mr. Holiday?

It's nearly 9:00, won't you
be late for work?

[grunting]

- Yeah.

Yeah, work.

Right.

Thank you.

Overslept.

Thank you.

Mornin', everyone!

- Your alarm didn't go off?

- No, thank you for
getting me up,

Ms. Rogers.

- Why don't we drop
the formalities?

Please call me Elizabeth.

- Okay.

You can call me Doc.

- Okay.

Oh, wait.

- Not good at that.

[clears throat]

- Oh Tim, I expect
a good report.

- Sure, Dad.

- Bye, Doc!

Say goodbye to Mrs. Dudley!

- Bye, Mrs...

I gotta go.

Mrs. Pendergast!

Just, please come in.

- This must be your family.

- Yes, uh, those are my
children who are my family.

- How are you, children?

- Uh, say hi to
Mrs. Pendergast.

She's the lady I told you
was coming.

- The old broad?

- No, this is the lady I told
you was coming to see

about my uncle's
estate, remember?

Uh, love my kids.

- Come on.

- Uh this is, this is our
home where we live.

- Hi, I'm Amanda.

This is Mrs. Dudley.

- Hello, Amanda.

Mrs. Dudley.

- She's very pleased
to meet you.

Me too.

That's Buster.

- We didn't expect you
so soon.

- I caught the red eye
out last night.

- Oh, this must be...

- Elizabeth!

- Hello, I'm
Elizabeth Rogers...

- Roger-dodger on that.

That's our old Elizabeth.

- You must be Mrs. Pendergast,
is it?

- Yes.

- Won't you sit down?

- Thank you.

- So, this is quite
a surprise.

A big surprise.

- Don't worry, I'm only
here for a moment,

I have other business
for several days.

- Right.

- By the way, when I get back
I do hope my room will be
ready.

- And you're back, when?

- When I get here.

- Of course.

- You know, you're not
as I imagined you.

- I'm not?

- No, for some reason, I
thought you'd be a brunette.

- I really don't understand.

- It's just, when he
spoke of you,

I pictured you differently,
that's all.

- You spoke of me?

- Yes, I was so excited
that I told everybody.

- I can see why you're so
proud of your family.

- I'm really not...

- Used to all the
attention like this.

- Well, I think
I better be going,

but I must say,
it's awfully nice

to finally meet all of you.

I look forward to
spending time together.

- Yeah, me too.

Sorry you have to go so soon.

Uh here, let me
get your coat.

Whoa, whoops!

Sorry.

[laughs nervously] Who knew
coats could be so slippery?

You know, they should put
handles on these things.

Uh, yeah.

Okay, I, uh.

Sorry, that slipped.

Bye.

- Is she gonna be
in our family too?

- I hope not.

- Is there something
you're not telling me?

- No!

No, I uh, just surprised to
see Mrs. Pendergast here so
soon.

You know, my uncle's estate,
family business.

- I see.

- I, uh, I gotta go.

Okay?

One more.

Gloves.

- You gotta tell her!

- I will, once I figure
out what to say.

Now listen, if Mrs.
Pendergast comes back,

keep her away from Elizabeth.

- How?

- Pretend you're sick.

- That shouldn't be too hard.

This whole deal is sick.

[exhales sharply]

[plane noises]

[knocking]

- Yes, come in.

- Hi, excuse me, Mr. Holiday.

You had a call.

- I did?

- Mr. Howlin, from personal?

He wants you to give him a
call and make an appointment.

- Oh, sure.

I'm just, I'm just still
getting kind of settled in
here.

- And you got a sales
call on line two!

- Sales call.

Yeah!

Sales call, a what?

You know what, a sales call!

You're right.

Thank you.

- The sales catelog
is on your desk!

- Doh!

There's a sales catelog!

You're right,
it was on my desk.

It was right there!

If it was a rattlesnake,
it would have bit me,

for cryin' out loud.

Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- So tell me about
your father.

- My real dad?

I mean...

my dad's a real great guy.

- He seems to have
a lot on his mind lately.

- Yeah, new promotion.

He's pretty busy.

But when he's not working,
he likes to take me camping.

He knew a lot
about the outdoors.

- Knew?

- Knows, I mean.

- I see.

Come on.

- Line two.

[clears throat] Hello?

Holiday here.

Uh, yeah, well, I'm taking
Mr. Stern's place, actually.

Nose and glasses?

Oh, I got a bunch of 'em.

Yeah.

Uh huh.

Yeah, and it looks like they
are on special for the
holidays,

I can give you a 20% discount
if you buy now.

In quantity of course, right.

Uh huh.

Twenty gross?

Oh sure I can handle
that many, heck,

I'll overnight
'em to ya!

[laughs] Hey by the way, how
is your supply of fake vomit?

Oh the best, chunks
and everything.

It'll make ya hurl.

[carousel music]

[carousel music]

[gasp]

- Hi Elizabeth!

- Whoa!

- Amanda, come on!

- That was fun.

- Ready!

- You don't want to go again?

- No.

Schoolwork, remember?

- Oh, right.

[retching]

[knocking]

- Mr. Howlin, you
wanted to see me, sir?

- You're Holiday?

- In the flesh.

- Mr. Holiday, who are you?

- Well, my friends
call me Doc.

- That's not what I meant.

I have no record of
your employment here.

Furthermore, no one
else does either.

- Well, there must be a
problem with the records.

- I checked that.

No one has ever
even heard of you.

Not here, or Denver.

- But I am here.

I have an office
and everything,

even made a sale today.

So that pretty much proves
that I work here

at the company.

- Well, normally I would
say yes.

- Well, who would come to a
job that they don't have?

- Well, nobody, I suppose.

- Exactly.

Nobody.

But I'm somebody, right?

- Well, yes, yes.

Of course.

- So simple!

Doc Holiday, somebody who
works here at the company.

As they say, if
the shoe fits,

it's probably yours.

- But what am I going to do
about your records?

- Put 'em in a file?

Listen, I gotta take
care of this order,

and it's a biggie.

We're talking mondo-biggo.

Not bad for a second day
at the company, huh?

[laughing] Listen,
appreciate your help,

and uh, I'm lovin' that tie.

[clears throat]

- That looks dangerous.

- Not at all.

Go get me some
more nails, okay?

- Why are you doing this?

- We're supposed
to be a family,

and at Christmas time,
you hang lights.

- You're gonna fall.

- Yeah right.

Whoa!

Oh!

Oh...

That wasn't good.

Great bulbs of fire.

Hey, how about a little help
here, please?

- We're never gonna
get our money.

- Oh, oh.

Oh...ho ho.

- Elizabeth was askin' a lot
of questions about you.

- Oh yeah, well,
what'd you say?

- I told her about
my real dad.

She bought it.

I think.

- Hey, good thinkin' kid.

- When are you gonna tell her?

- Soon as I can figure
out what to say.

- Hi fellas!

- Oh hey!

What do you think?

- Impressive!

- About ready for
the big show, okay.

Everybody ready?

Let's fire this up!

Ready?

Here we go!

[loud popping]

[coughing]

Well, that sure puts ya
in the Christmas spirit,

doesn't it?

- Hi Heavenly Father,
it's me, Amanda.

Please bless Doc
so he can take care of us.

Bless Tim, bless Sarah,
and Mrs. Dudley too.

And please bless Elizabeth
for being here with us.

Tell Santa thanks
for sending her.

Amen.

[soft music]

[soft music]

- Did you get 'em tucked in?

- She said her prayers.

She thanked God for sending
me to your family.

- Well, she's a little girl.

Sometimes they tend
to think very simply.

- And pretty clearly too.

Children have a way
of getting to you.

- Yeah, I've noticed
that lately.

- Lately?

- Well, meaning, sometimes
you can take 'em for granted.

- Hm.

- Amanda?

- Yeah?

- They're not our family.

- Now they are.

- No.

They aren't.

- They are pretty great kids.

- You are too good
a father.

- You really think so?

- Yeah.

I'm a pretty fair judge
of people.

- As soon as we get
the money for our trip,

we're out of here.

You understand?

- But I wanna stay here.

- Go to sleep.

It'll be okay.

- You know,
we should probably,

I think we should
head off to bed.

Tomorrow's a busy day.

- Right, right.

Well, thank you.

For taking me in.

- Doc!

I mean, Dad!

- What are you doin' up?

- We need to talk.

- Now?

- Now.

- Okay, what's up?

- Amanda and I are
gonna leave tomorrow.

- What, you can't leave now!

- This isn't working!

- Tim, I am this close
to tellin' Elizabeth.

- Amanda thinks this is real.

A real family.

And most importantly, she's
getting attached to Elizabeth.

- I'm geting attached
to Elizabeth too,

a lot more than I thought.

- But she's not our mom.

- I know.

- I don't want Amanda
to get hurt again.

This is a lie.

- Look, I'll up your
percentage, okay?

A thousand bucks each.

All you gotta do is stick
around and keep up the act.

That's a lot of money, kid.
What do you say?

- The money doesn't
matter to Amanda.

Losing Mom and Dad
hurt her bad.

I don't want that
to happen again.

- I promise she
won't get hurt.

- How can you promise that?

- Look, look.

You think it won't hurt her

leaving right before
Christmas like this?

I mean come on, how far do
you think you're gonna get?

- We'll manage.

- Tim, this isn't the answer.

Just one more week.

- You don't care about
anything but the money, do
you?

- Sure I do, kid.

That's why I want
to get the money,

so you and Amanda
can have a fresh start.

- One week.

Then we're outta here.

- You won't regret it.

- I hope not.

[ominous piano]

- What am I doin'?

What am I doin'?

- What's goin' on?

- Right verb, wrong pronoun.

Who's going?

That would be me.

- What are you talkin' about?

- I overheard your
conversation with Tim last
night,

and we had a little
chat this morning.

I know about the scam.

Count me out.

- You don't understand.

- Oh, I think I do.

I'm calling the authorities
about these children.

- Amanda, come on.

We're leaving.

- But I wanna stay.

[knocking]

- You two stay right there.

Don't move.

- My name is Alton Pike.

I'm with the state department
of social services,

and I have reason to believe
that you are harboring

runaway children.

- You can't...

there's no children here!

Come on, I'm home alone.

- I've seen them.

They're here.

What's your name?

- Doctor Galakawitz.

- You're a doctor?

- Yes.

Ear, nose, and toe.

- I'm afraid
I don't beleive that.

May I see some
identification?

- No you may not.

- I will be back
with the sheriff, Doctor.

You know we have very serious
civil penalties for those

that harbor runaway
children, Doctor!

Not the sort of thing we take
kindly to in this city!

- Here you go.

$285.

That's all I have.

- Long way from two thousand.

- You're not stayin' remember?

No stay, no pay.

- Come on, Amanda.

- I'll take you
to the bus station.

- In what?

Your bike?

We'll manage.

- Hey kid, lighten up, okay?

I still want you guys to stay
even if I don't get the money.

- I love you, Doc.

- Come on.

- Mrs. Pendergast!

- Going somewhere?

- Outside, the kids are
going outside to play.

- With a suitcase?

- No school today, so kids,
go outside to play.

Go on.

[nervous laughing]

They love playin'
throw-the-suitcase.

- Would you mind bringing
in my bags?

[dialing tones]

- Come on!

Let's go see Santa!

- Buerau of Family Services,
how can I help you?

- Hurry!

He's waiting!

- Hello?

How long until Christmas?

- Only three more days.

[banging]

- You got a lot
of stuff there.

- I hope my room is ready.

- Your room, yes,
is ready and waiting.

- Your wife isn't home?

- No, she's not.

- I was looking forward
to getting to know her.

- Last minute
Christmas shopping.

- Ah.

- Mrs. Pendegast,

I might as well
just go ahead and say it.

You've come all this way
for nothing.

- What makes you say that?

- Tim, look!

- Things have changed.

- How so?

- I don't have a wife.

- I'm just a big liar.

I have an incredible wife,
an amazing wife!

Wonder Woman, here she is!

- Nice to see you again.

- You too.

Doc's told me so little
about you.

- Shopping didn't go well?

- I decided to take the
children to go see Santa
Claus.

- I get to see Santa?

- Go get into my car!

- Come on, Tim!

Santa's waiting!

- So when do you think
you'll be back, dear?

- When we're finished, dear.

[Christmas music]

- And what do you want
for Christmas, young lady?

- Well, I want...

[children laughing]

- Why'd you come back?

- I think you guys
deserve a chance.

- We're not going back
to a foster home, are we?

- Oh, I know you
don't want to.

But...

- They wanna split us up.

How come you're not
turning Doc in?

- Well, he deserves it.

But not now.

- Doc likes you.

- What makes you say that?

- His eyes when he
looks at you.

Like my dad used
to look at my mom.

- I don't know if Doc cares
about anybody or anything

but himself.

- I used to think that too.

But I'm not so sure now.

Oh, geez!

He's here!

- Doc?

- No, the Grinch!

Hey everybody!

Free candy!

[children shouting] Come on!

- What is it?

- We gotta go!

- We were just in line!

[bell ringing]

Whoa, hey.

Hold on one second, okay?

Be right back.

Um, excuse me,

how would you like to make
a very big donation?

- For who?

- Twenty for the pot,
twenty for you.

- You serious?

- Have a little girl that
really needs to talk to Santa.

It is very important.

Do you think you
can handle it?

- Sure, lady.

- I'm serious.

- You got it!

- Okay, go see Santa.

Just go sit on his lap.

[clears throat]

- Ho ho ho.

So what's your name,
sweetheart?

- Amanda.

- Ah.

Have you been a good
little girl this year?

- You know I have.

- Oh.

Right.

Well I was just checking to
see if you knew that Santa
knew.

- Yes, I have a lot
to tell you!

So listen up.

It's really important.

- Okay, I'm listening.

- Well...

[swelling music]

[swelling music]

- Hey!

- Hi Doc!

I got to talk with Santa,
it's all set.

- Hey, I love a good set up.

- So, what's cookin'?

I'm starved!

- Ta da!

Doc Holiday's famous,
Son of a Gun Stew!

Alright, you two.

Upstairs, get ready
for dinner.

- Where's your house guest?

- I put her in your room.

- My room?

- Don't panic,
I worked it out.

Hey look, I don't know
why you came back,

and I understand
why you're upset,

and I deserve it.

- Why did you lie to me?

- Because I'm good at it.

Conning people.

You said so yourself.

Do you think you really would
have come back if I said

"Hey Elizabeth!

"Why don't you
come and stay

and pretend to be
my live-in wife?"

- No. I guess not.

- Well then why are you here?

- Not because of you.

But because of those kids.

I think that they
deserve a chance.

But I am not going to lie

so that you can get
your uncle's estate.

- I'm not asking you to,

and if I could've figured out
a better way to do this,

I would've.

I was going to tell you.

Honest.

Last night, but I lost
my nerve.

- Oh, quite conning
people, Doc.

Let me ask you something.

Don't you think these kids
deserve something

better than this?

- Of course they do.

[sighs] Up until last week,
all I cared about was the
money.

- And now?

- Now I remember what it was
like to be a hurt kid.

I never had one Christmas
with my mom.

Not one.

No Christmas tree,
no presents.

No I love you's.

Nothing.

I do remember one
Christmas though,

wanna know what it was?

- What?

- At the PX at Fort Lost
in the Woods Missouri,

a Sergent Major's wife made
me a little uniform.

It was just like my dad's.

And I wore that uniform every
day until I grew out of it.

I was so proud of my dad, I
wanted to be just like him.

So I would put my uniform on,

I used to go and
stand in the mirror

and pretend that I
was my own father.

And the father in that mirror
was so proud of me.

And for just a little
bit of my life,

I'd be just like my dad.

- He's gone.

- I know.

Forever.

- He loved you.

- I know that too.

- Then be like him.

- Yeah.

- How was Santa?

- Pretty exciting, actaully.

- Last Christmas.

Donald, I was wondering,
aren't you going to get a
tree?

It's not Christmas
without a tree.

- Right, yeah, we'll get one
first, uh, first thing.

Up in the mountains
we'll cut it ourselves.

It's a family tradition.

- Mmh, children
must love that.

Splendid.

- Yeah.

- When's dinner?

- In five.

- Good.

- Goodnight, Elizabeth.

♪♪

- Well, goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- You can't stay in here.

- Just give me a few minutes
until she goes back to bed

and then I'm out of here.

- Why don't I believe you?

- Oh, don't flatter yourself.

- Sleep well.

- You too.

- See what lies cause?

- Yeah, sleep deprivation.

Now go ahead, you get in bed
and I'll just sit here on the
chair

until she goes back
to her room.

- My room!

And I am not getting
into bed in my robe.

- Well then take it off.

- Leave.

- I can't while
she's out there.

- I do not wear pajamas.

- You don't?

- That's all I'm going
to tell you.

Now go.

- Okay.

I know what you
should ask Santa for.

- [harsh whisper] Go.

[Door shuts]

[Floor creaks]

♪♪

[dog barks]

[licking]

- Mmh, yeah, I love you.

Oh!

Okay, I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.

- What are you doing?

- I'm supposed to make it look
like I slept here last night,

remember?

- [stifles laugh]

Yeah, I can see how that
would drive a man wild.

All you need now is a
little clown makeup.

- Get out of here.

- [startled noise]
So, did you sleep well?

- Oh, yeah, like a baby.

And you?

- Like a big baby.

You ready for the mountains?

- Oh, I can't wait.

Good morning!

- Good morning.

Amanda: Only two more days
'til Christmas.

Elizabeth: That's right,
sweetie.

Tim: Yeah, good thing we're
finally getting a tree, Doc.

Doc: [laughs]
Well, I like them fresh.

Doc: How about that one?

Amanda: How would
we decorate it?

Doc: Well, you put three
Christmas balls on that one.

Yeah?

How about that, no?

- How about we get
the angel one?

- Oh look over here,
here's some.

Woah!

Hoo.

Hey, this looks like
a great one.

This is a beauty,
what do you think, huh?

You hold that.

All right, look out,
everybody.

Here we go.

- Don't chop that down.

- Why?

- It's just a baby tree.

- Well if I don't chop
this one down,

what are we gonna do
for a Christmas tree?

I have to chop a little one.

- But it's just a baby.

- It's a baby.

- Oh, brother.

Hey, how about if I
find a teenage tree?

- Agh, please!

- You know, I have an idea.

- What?

- Why don't we get
a living tree?

- Well, last I checked, these
were all living trees.

- No, you know the kind that
lives year after year?

Doc: You know what?

I like that idea,
that sounds great.

All right, come on
everybody, let's go.

Come on, you guys,

I flunked out of
lumberjack school anyway.

That's pretty, huh?

Elizabeth: It reminds me of
when my family used to go up

to Mount Rainier.

Brings back memories.

- So, uh, what kind of memory
is this gonna be?

- A good one.

- Oh, you little munchkin,
you're gonna--

[all laughing and
screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[all singing "Jingle Bells]

Doc: Thanks.

- Now that's a Holiday tree.

Doc: Yeah, sure is.

At least Amanda's happy, huh?

- You know, when I was young,
my dad told us

that our tree lot was really a
forest of Christmas trees.

- Ah, sounds like he had
a great imagination.

- Mmh, so did I.

Whenever I needed to get away

or mull over something
really important for
Christmas,

that's where I'd go.

I'd hide behind those
trees in the lot.

Just like those.

[sigh] It became
my special place.

My own personal forest, smack
dab in the middle of the city.

- That is the ugliest tree
I have ever seen.

- That's why it needs
a home the most.

- Yeah, just like us.

That's a great tree,
come on, let's bring it home.

Elizabeth: Woo, okay,
let's do this.

[phone rings]

- Oh, here you go.

Welcome to our home
for the holidays,

Holiday here.

- Yeah, oh, you're not
gonna feel too good

when I come over there and
separate you from your teeth.

Now Sully will have
his money tomorrow,

one way or another.

Oh, Sister Duke,
uh, Merry Christmas,

thanks for calling
about the Parish.

- Do you hear me, weasel?

Doc: Oh, sure, I'd love to
make a donation

to the church.

I'll stop by in the morning.

- Don't bother.

- Merry Christmas!

Yes, uh, wish Father Sully
a Merry Christmas for me.

- Who was that?

- Oh, just an old friend who's
collecting from the poor.

- What?

- For the poor.

This looks great, you guys.

- I have some errands
to run this morning.

Thank you.

- You're leaving?

- This afternoon.

You have a wonderful
family, Donald.

I'm so happy for you.

- Can I give you a ride?

- No, I called a cab,
but I'll be back

before I go to the airport,
don't worry.

I have something to give you.

- Oh, I'm not worried.

Guys?

We did it, huh?

[dog whimpers]

Doc: Hey, what's
with all the sour faces?

It looks like your teddy
bears died.

Don't you want the money?

- See?
I told you, pretend.

That's all.

- You said we were gonna
be a family.

- What's with you guys?

Come on, we're
getting the money.

Elizabeth: You just
don't get it.

Anything to get
what you want.

Congratulations,
now you have the money.

Excuse me.

[knock]

- Could be Mrs. Pendergast.

Woah, woah, woah, woah,
hey, hey, hey,

what's going on!

- Hey, what are you doing?!

- We're taking them!

Timothy!

- What do you think
you're doing?

- Don't touch them!

- Come along with me and
everything will be all right.

- Let go of those kids.

- I suggest you get
an attourney.

I'll see you in court.

- Mrs. Dudley!

Don't--help, ow!

- Hey, let her go, you creep!

- Do something!

- What am I supposed to do,
write my congressmen?

They're gone!

- Worked out perfectly
for you, didn't it?

No kids, no problems,
and all that money.

You are pathetic.

Oh, no, that's not right,
I'm pathetic,

because I actually believed
you cared about someone

other than yourself.

What could be more
pathetic than that?

Doc: I can't fight the
entire state.

What do you want from me?

- I don't want anything
from you,

Doc, not one thing.

- [sighs]

♪♪

♪♪

- Ah, so you're the new
folks here, huh?

It's always nice to have some
new families on my route.

Mr. Holiday, huh?

Well, it's nice to have some
Holidays for the holidays!

[laughs] Are you all right?

- I think my doll could use
some new clothes.

- [mutters] Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.

- Come on, Buster.

♪♪

Isadora: You have
to understand,

you cannot adopt children
in one day.

And not on Christmas Eve.

You're going to have to wait
until after the holidays.

But, um, don't hold
your breath.

Adoptive parents are
required to be married,

reputable, provide stable
environments.

- Well there must be
something you can do.

- There's nothing I can
do for you.

Good day.

- Well, thanks for
all your help.

Oh, and say hi to all your
flying monkeys for me.

[slow laugh and a bark]

[chuckle]

♪♪

[stumbling]

- Wait, I-I-I don't have the
money,

but I'll have it for
ya by today.

- Too late, hustler.

I'm gonna take it
out of your hide.

- Okay, go ahead.

Ah, okay, you know what?

Hey, here, look!

It's- It's my check from work,
take it, take all of it.

Ow.

- You got a job?

And a bonus?

- I got a bonus?

Well, you know, I did sell
more rubber chickens

than anybody this month,
and I don't really work there

but I guess
technically now I do.

- $6,500 dollars.

- Six- sixty-five...

[stammering] Oh ho ho ho.

- Endorse it.

- [groaning]
[stammering]

Sixty-five hundred dollars.

- Merry Christmas, hustler.

Mrs. Pendergast:
Friend of yours?

- Oh, I wouldn't exactly
use those words.

So, here you are.

- Well, congratulations,
Donald, here's your check.

Where is everybody?

- Um, shopping.

- Again?

What's the matter?

You don't look well.

- This is how I always look.

- You have everything anybody
could possibly want--

a great deal of money,

a beautiful family
that loves you,

you have more than most
men could ever dream of.

And yet you're not happy.

I can see it in your eyes.

- No, I'm not happy.

It's all been a lie,
my whole family.

It's just a con so I
could get the money.

I don't have a job,
or a house.

I-I'm not married,
I don't have any kids.

- Elizabeth, the children,
all of it?

- Right down to my socks.

Here, take it back.

- You're nothing but a thief.

- And I'm not even
a good thief anymore.

- That's all you care
about, isn't it?

The money?

- I could care less
about the stupid money.

It's my family.

Well, my almost family.

- Is this the truth?

- Of course it is.

But you don't care.

- Oh, yes I do.

You don't know how happy I am
to hear you say that.

Alton, come in.

- You!

- Mr. Pike works for me.

Donald, I married your uncle
15 years ago.

- You married uncle Clarence?

- Yes, I did.

- Mrs. Pendergast hired me
to--ow, ow--

to, uh, keep track of you
and the children.

- So this has all
been a set-up?

- In point of fact, yes.

Your uncle knew
how you lived.

This was his idea.

We'd always hoped
you'd change.

And when I saw you with
Elizabeth and the children

I hoped against hope
that you had changed.

- How did you know I would?

- Oh, I didn't.

But your uncle did.

I thought the money
would ruin you,

but he believed in you
until the very end.

He said to give you a chance.

- So Elizabeth
was a set-up too?

- No, no.

The children and
Elizabeth found you.

You know, perhaps Amanda
was right...

Santa Claus or God intervened.

When I saw the children,
I knew they were special.

So I decided
to do something about it.

- Mrs. Pendergast
asked me

to begin the adoption
proceedings with the state

for you.

That's why I came in early.

She and the Governor
are cousins,

and that helped.

It will soon be official.

- This is the only family I'm
ever going to have at my age.

- You're a bigger con artist
than I am.

- And a better one.

I knew from Mr. Pike that you
went to extraordinary lengths

to keep the children here.

I was afraid it was
because of the money

until you refused
to take the check.

Had to be certain.

- Well, where are the kids?

Hey!

I didn't think I'd see you
guys again.

- I want to stay with you,
Doc.

Mrs. Dudley!

So does Mrs. Dudley.

- How about you?

- I want a real family too.

- Can you watch the kids
for a while?

- Oh yes, we have a lot
to talk about.

- We're not quite
a family yet.

- What's missing?

- A mommy.

[Buster barks]

- Hey, Buster!

- Hi.

I know, don't say it,

I'm probably the last guy in
the world you want to see
right now,

but there's- there's really
something I have to tell you.

- I think I know
all I need to.

- No, you don't,
you really don't.

I-I need help
with my kids, all right?

And you're the only
one who's qualified.

- You don't have any kids.

- Yes, I do, I really do.

I have two great kids who
miss you very much.

And you're the only one that
those two little con artists

will settle for.

- Is this a temporary
position?

- No.

Actually, it's for the
rest of your life.

- Are there any benefits?

- Not really sure what my
new job offers.

- Was there a large bonus?

- No.

I didn't take the money.

- So I heard this
was a live-in position.

- It is, um, guest room's
already taken so we'll have

to make other arrangements.

- Hm, so no benefits,
no bonus, full-time work,

and I have to live
with my employer.

- Pretty cool, huh?

So what do you say?

- I'll take it.

♪♪

[Buster barks]

♪♪

[barking]

Tim: So this is your route?

You're a family guy too, huh?

[barking and whimpering]

Elizabeth: Hey, you're
gonna be late for work!

- You know what,
I can be late,

I sold more of these things
last week than anybody.

- Oh, no you can't.

- Can I take a puppy
to show and tell?

- You know what?

Take one of these,
the kids will love it.

- How about this, I'll bring
by a puppy later on.

How's that sound?

- Okay!

Elizabeth: Tim, do you have
anything for show and tell?

- Dad and I made
cookies last night.

- And I helped.

- I meant you.

- Oh.

- Do you have enough to share?

- I think so!

- Well that's nice,

'cause sharing helps
you get into heaven.

- It does?

- Just make sure you
get a receipt, though.

You know, in case
heaven's like the IRS.

- Come on, we're really
going to be late.

- Oh wait, I forgot something!

- Okay.

Hurry!

Amanda: Hi Heavenly Father,
it's me, Amanda again.

Thank you for everything.

It's working out really,
really, well.

Um, now can we talk
about a baby sister?

♪♪