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1
00:00:01,786 --> 00:00:04,956
"Cheers" is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,026 --> 00:00:06,866
For tonight?
3
00:00:06,926 --> 00:00:12,136
Yeah. Well, sure. I guess I
can come up with something.
4
00:00:12,196 --> 00:00:13,636
Well, what's the
problem there, Wood?
5
00:00:13,666 --> 00:00:15,506
Well, my theater
group's auditioning
6
00:00:15,566 --> 00:00:18,576
for our spring production. They
want us each to get up and perform.
7
00:00:18,636 --> 00:00:19,906
Hmm.
Got any suggestions?
8
00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:22,046
Why don't you do
a dramatic monologue?
9
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:24,746
I hear Shakespeare's quite good.
10
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,546
Or perhaps a classic
11
00:00:26,616 --> 00:00:28,846
like Rostand's
"Cyrano de Bergerac."
12
00:00:28,916 --> 00:00:31,486
Well, how about"Richard II?"
13
00:00:31,556 --> 00:00:33,256
"This royal throne of kings,
14
00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:34,456
"this scepter'd isle,
15
00:00:34,526 --> 00:00:36,526
"this earth of majesty,
16
00:00:36,586 --> 00:00:38,256
"this seat of Mars,
17
00:00:38,326 --> 00:00:39,866
"this other Eden...
18
00:00:39,926 --> 00:00:41,926
Demi-paradise..."
19
00:00:41,996 --> 00:00:44,136
And so forth, you know.
20
00:00:44,196 --> 00:00:46,766
All right!
21
00:00:46,836 --> 00:00:49,736
Yes, I essayed the role
at university.
22
00:00:49,806 --> 00:00:51,606
Well, I played Cyrano
in college.
23
00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:52,776
Yeah.
24
00:00:52,846 --> 00:00:55,776
"My soul, be satisfied
with flowers,
25
00:00:55,846 --> 00:00:58,116
"with fruit, with weeds even,
26
00:00:58,176 --> 00:00:59,916
"but gather them
27
00:00:59,986 --> 00:01:02,116
in the one garden
you may call your own."
28
00:01:08,656 --> 00:01:11,656
"This precious stone
set in the silver sea,
29
00:01:11,726 --> 00:01:14,596
"which serves it
in the office of a wall
30
00:01:14,666 --> 00:01:16,666
"or as a moat
defensive to a house,
31
00:01:16,736 --> 00:01:19,196
"against the envy
of less happier lands,
32
00:01:19,266 --> 00:01:22,406
"this blessed plot,
this earth, this realm...
33
00:01:22,466 --> 00:01:24,536
This England."
34
00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:27,246
[ALL CHEERING]
35
00:01:31,376 --> 00:01:34,416
"I am too proud
36
00:01:34,486 --> 00:01:36,346
"to be a parasite.
37
00:01:36,416 --> 00:01:38,716
"And in my nature wants
the germ that grows
38
00:01:38,786 --> 00:01:40,826
"towering to heaven
like the mountain pine,
39
00:01:40,886 --> 00:01:43,556
"or like the oak,
sheltering multitudes.
40
00:01:43,626 --> 00:01:46,556
"I stand, not high it may be,
41
00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:48,626
but alone."
42
00:01:48,696 --> 00:01:51,296
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
43
00:01:51,366 --> 00:01:54,606
Hey, uh, thank you
Mr. Colcord, Dr. Crane.
44
00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:56,906
But I think I'm just going to
go with what I had planned.
45
00:01:56,936 --> 00:01:58,176
What's that, Wood?
46
00:01:58,236 --> 00:01:59,946
This.
47
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:07,074
Watch any video online with Open-SUBTITLES
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48
00:02:22,066 --> 00:02:24,836
♪Making your way
in the world today ♪
49
00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:27,406
♪ takes everything you got ♪
50
00:02:27,466 --> 00:02:30,206
♪ taking a break
from all your worries ♪
51
00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:33,806
♪ sure would help a lot ♪
52
00:02:33,876 --> 00:02:37,876
♪ wouldn't you like
to get away ♪
53
00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,986
♪ sometimes you want to go ♪
54
00:02:42,046 --> 00:02:46,086
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
55
00:02:46,156 --> 00:02:51,896
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
56
00:02:51,956 --> 00:02:54,066
♪ you want to be
where you can see ♪
57
00:02:54,126 --> 00:02:56,526
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
58
00:02:56,596 --> 00:02:58,036
♪ you want to be ♪
59
00:02:58,096 --> 00:03:02,136
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
60
00:03:02,206 --> 00:03:04,506
♪ you want to go
where people know ♪
61
00:03:04,576 --> 00:03:07,176
♪ people are all the same ♪
62
00:03:07,246 --> 00:03:12,576
♪ you want to go where
everybody knows your name ♪
63
00:03:29,396 --> 00:03:32,766
Hey, guys, I'm in the chorus
64
00:03:32,836 --> 00:03:34,736
of our theater's spring musical.
65
00:03:34,806 --> 00:03:35,836
Hey!
66
00:03:35,906 --> 00:03:38,436
Was it the butt walk
that did it?
67
00:03:41,806 --> 00:03:42,916
Well, it must be.
68
00:03:42,976 --> 00:03:45,346
All the other butt
walkers got in, too.
69
00:03:47,246 --> 00:03:49,586
A guy who could pull his
lower lip up over his nose
70
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,016
got one of the leads.
71
00:03:53,326 --> 00:03:55,586
What's the musical you're doing?
72
00:03:55,656 --> 00:03:57,456
We're dusting off
one of the old classics.
73
00:03:57,526 --> 00:04:00,166
Matter of fact, I got to start
boning up on the period.
74
00:04:00,226 --> 00:04:02,266
Really? I love
the classic musicals.
75
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,336
Which one you doing?
"Oklahoma?" "South pacific?"
76
00:04:04,396 --> 00:04:07,566
No. Something
called, uh,"Hair."
77
00:04:09,936 --> 00:04:12,136
Hey, Dr. Crane,
what was it like
78
00:04:12,206 --> 00:04:14,406
to be alive during the 1960s?
79
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,776
Well, I don't remember
much, Woody.
80
00:04:17,846 --> 00:04:19,776
I was too busy taming the west.
81
00:04:19,846 --> 00:04:23,316
Woody.
82
00:04:23,386 --> 00:04:25,556
Are you really
doing"Hair?" Yeah.
83
00:04:25,616 --> 00:04:27,486
How do you feel about
doing that nude scene?
84
00:04:27,556 --> 00:04:29,856
What are you talking about,
Ms. Howe?
85
00:04:29,926 --> 00:04:31,456
The nude scene.
86
00:04:31,526 --> 00:04:33,442
I was in a production of
"Hair" when I was in college.
87
00:04:33,466 --> 00:04:35,196
There is this very famous scene
88
00:04:35,266 --> 00:04:36,966
where everybody
takes off their clothes.
89
00:04:37,036 --> 00:04:40,566
Come on, Ms. Howe, it's not
like I just fell off the turnip truck.
90
00:04:40,636 --> 00:04:44,406
That happened years ago.
91
00:04:44,476 --> 00:04:47,276
Now back then, I might have
believed this nude scene business.
92
00:04:47,346 --> 00:04:49,246
Actually, I guess I would
have believed anything
93
00:04:49,306 --> 00:04:51,116
after being dragged 300 yards
94
00:04:51,176 --> 00:04:53,746
down a gravel road
into a rosebush.
95
00:04:53,816 --> 00:04:56,046
Jeez, Woody,
96
00:04:56,116 --> 00:04:59,186
do you have any
fond memories of childhood
97
00:04:59,256 --> 00:05:00,886
that you can cling to?
98
00:05:00,956 --> 00:05:03,526
The roses smelled nice.
99
00:05:06,156 --> 00:05:09,366
Woody, I'm not kidding.
There is a nude scene.
100
00:05:09,426 --> 00:05:11,696
There it is, it's right
at the end of act I.
101
00:05:11,766 --> 00:05:12,896
It's a very famous number.
102
00:05:12,966 --> 00:05:14,706
Everybody takes off
all their clothes.
103
00:05:14,766 --> 00:05:16,482
Come on, Ms. Howe, if
everybody gets naked in this thing,
104
00:05:16,506 --> 00:05:18,736
how come they put me
in charge of the costumes?
105
00:05:18,806 --> 00:05:21,306
Ah, got me there, Woody.
106
00:05:22,976 --> 00:05:24,976
Hi, guys.
107
00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:26,476
Hey, sweetheart.
108
00:05:26,546 --> 00:05:28,346
Hey, how'd the reading
of Eddie's will go?
109
00:05:28,416 --> 00:05:29,416
Well, fine.
110
00:05:29,486 --> 00:05:31,956
It took this long
to read Eddie's will?
111
00:05:32,016 --> 00:05:34,056
Yeah. Well, Eddie named
112
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:36,786
one of his hockey
buddies executor of the will.
113
00:05:36,856 --> 00:05:39,156
So the whole thing
took awhile. Why?
114
00:05:39,226 --> 00:05:42,696
He forgot where he put it.
115
00:05:42,766 --> 00:05:44,266
Pretty tough on you, huh?
116
00:05:44,336 --> 00:05:46,136
Well, I'm comforted
to know that he left
117
00:05:46,196 --> 00:05:48,766
his other widow Gloria
a hundred bucks.
118
00:05:48,836 --> 00:05:50,475
And I got the rest
of his estate.
119
00:05:50,535 --> 00:05:52,705
Well, that's great.
What did you get?
120
00:05:52,775 --> 00:05:54,405
I got the bill from his funeral,
121
00:05:54,475 --> 00:05:56,805
I got the bill
from his headstone,
122
00:05:56,875 --> 00:06:00,145
and all in all, I ended
up with a big fat nothing.
123
00:06:00,215 --> 00:06:01,321
It sounds like the other widow
124
00:06:01,345 --> 00:06:02,615
made out better than you did.
125
00:06:02,685 --> 00:06:04,285
Well, yes and no.
126
00:06:04,355 --> 00:06:06,261
She got the hundred bucks.
But when she wasn't looking,
127
00:06:06,285 --> 00:06:08,985
I copped her coat.
What do you think? Huh? Huh?
128
00:06:09,055 --> 00:06:11,855
[ALL GROANING]
129
00:06:11,925 --> 00:06:15,325
Hey. Give me back my coat,
130
00:06:15,395 --> 00:06:17,395
or I'm leaving with your pants.
131
00:06:17,465 --> 00:06:19,465
All right, Carla,
give her the coat.
132
00:06:25,035 --> 00:06:27,545
Why are you shaking like that?
133
00:06:27,605 --> 00:06:29,745
You walk all the way
over here in the cold?
134
00:06:29,805 --> 00:06:33,445
I had to. My car keys
were in my coat pocket.
135
00:06:33,515 --> 00:06:36,415
Not anymore, I dropped
them in the nearest mailbox.
136
00:06:36,485 --> 00:06:39,415
You'll get them
in six to eight weeks.
137
00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:43,225
Listen,
if you're still ticked off
138
00:06:43,295 --> 00:06:46,125
about the hundred bucks,
you can choke on it.
139
00:06:46,195 --> 00:06:48,395
It's mine.
Eddie gave it to me.
140
00:06:48,465 --> 00:06:50,465
Look, I slept with the guy.
141
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:53,535
I made love to him.
I earned at least 50.
142
00:06:55,635 --> 00:06:58,535
Yeah, well, I don't see you giving
me any of the stuff he gave you.
143
00:06:58,605 --> 00:07:00,375
I am perfectly
willing to give you
144
00:07:00,445 --> 00:07:02,445
half of everything
Eddie left me.
145
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,115
That'd be half of his debts
146
00:07:04,175 --> 00:07:05,945
and half of his funeral
and headstone bills,
147
00:07:06,015 --> 00:07:08,545
which should work out to
somewhere in the neighborhood
148
00:07:08,615 --> 00:07:10,755
of 620 bucks.
149
00:07:13,455 --> 00:07:16,455
Here's the 50.
Keep the coat.
150
00:07:16,525 --> 00:07:18,725
Thank you. It's nice
doing business with you.
151
00:07:18,795 --> 00:07:21,425
Well, I know you'd give me
half of whatever Eddie left you.
152
00:07:21,495 --> 00:07:23,795
I would. Absolutely.
My word of honor.
153
00:07:23,865 --> 00:07:26,735
Hey, come on, let's go fish
those keys out of the mailbox.
154
00:07:26,795 --> 00:07:29,665
You know, how do you
break into those things?
155
00:07:29,735 --> 00:07:30,905
Oh. Piece of cake.
156
00:07:30,975 --> 00:07:33,775
First I got to hold you
by the ankles, see? Right.
157
00:07:35,605 --> 00:07:40,115
Hey, Miss Howe, I'm on page
30. No one's gotten nude yet.
158
00:07:40,185 --> 00:07:43,185
Woody, there is a nude scene
in"Hair". No one could miss it.
159
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:44,855
[GLASS BREAKING]
160
00:07:44,915 --> 00:07:47,555
Oh, no!
Not even Woody.
161
00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:50,155
Sorry, Miss Howe.
I just broke a glass.
162
00:07:50,225 --> 00:07:51,925
I'll clean it up
in a second, all right?
163
00:07:51,995 --> 00:07:54,425
Ha ha. Nude scene.
164
00:07:54,495 --> 00:07:56,925
Oh, hey, Woody,
you dropped your script.
165
00:07:56,995 --> 00:07:58,271
I hope I didn't lose your place.
166
00:07:58,295 --> 00:07:59,711
I think you were right
around this nude scene.
167
00:07:59,735 --> 00:08:01,135
Oh, thanks.
168
00:08:01,205 --> 00:08:03,805
[SCREAMING]
169
00:08:10,475 --> 00:08:13,145
Got any Michelob
down there, Woody?
170
00:08:13,215 --> 00:08:15,045
Checking, Sam.
171
00:08:15,115 --> 00:08:16,515
Wood, how much longer
172
00:08:16,585 --> 00:08:17,855
are you going to keep this up?
173
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:20,225
Till I get used to it.
174
00:08:23,855 --> 00:08:26,755
Dr. Crane says if I can get
undressed a little bit at a time
175
00:08:26,825 --> 00:08:28,695
in a place where I feel
safe and secure,
176
00:08:28,765 --> 00:08:31,565
then pretty soon,
I can get naked anywhere.
177
00:08:32,735 --> 00:08:35,305
You're making progress,
huh, Wood?
178
00:08:35,365 --> 00:08:38,505
You bet. I mean,
I'm still scared, cold,
179
00:08:38,575 --> 00:08:40,345
and self-conscious
as all get-out,
180
00:08:40,405 --> 00:08:43,075
but I did pick up
an extra 50 in tips.
181
00:08:43,145 --> 00:08:44,915
Hey.
182
00:08:44,975 --> 00:08:46,645
Man.
183
00:08:46,715 --> 00:08:50,215
It's interesting
is, as human beings,
184
00:08:50,285 --> 00:08:52,615
the most evolved species
of the animal kingdom,
185
00:08:52,685 --> 00:08:54,355
we should assign such
Victorian notions
186
00:08:54,425 --> 00:08:55,655
as guilt and shame
187
00:08:55,725 --> 00:08:57,995
to something as beautiful
as the human body.
188
00:08:58,055 --> 00:09:02,195
You know, even Lilith, for example,
still gets undressed in the dark.
189
00:09:02,265 --> 00:09:03,635
Oh, come on.
190
00:09:03,695 --> 00:09:06,135
A woman with all
Lilith's psychiatric training
191
00:09:06,195 --> 00:09:08,035
still has hang-ups about nudity?
192
00:09:08,105 --> 00:09:11,675
Actually, it was my suggestion.
193
00:09:18,045 --> 00:09:19,915
Hi, guys.
194
00:09:19,975 --> 00:09:21,845
How do you like my hair?
195
00:09:21,915 --> 00:09:25,215
Oh, it's just stunning. What,
did you get a new rake?
196
00:09:25,285 --> 00:09:28,925
For your information,
Gloria did my hair,
197
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,395
and I did hers.
198
00:09:30,455 --> 00:09:32,595
Yeah? Where's Gloria now?
199
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,165
She's at the beauty parlor
200
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:36,095
trying to get some
color back into hers.
201
00:09:36,165 --> 00:09:37,965
I don't know went wrong.
202
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,935
I mean, that stuff worked great
on those old jeans, you know.
203
00:09:41,005 --> 00:09:43,065
You know, Carla, the last time
204
00:09:43,135 --> 00:09:44,475
you and Gloria got together,
205
00:09:44,535 --> 00:09:46,375
the two of you were
at each other's throats.
206
00:09:46,435 --> 00:09:47,905
I mean, all of a sudden,
207
00:09:47,975 --> 00:09:50,475
you're palling around like
you were Mutt and Jeff.
208
00:09:50,545 --> 00:09:53,585
You being Jeff, of course.
209
00:09:53,645 --> 00:09:56,545
We're not exactly
palling around.
210
00:09:56,615 --> 00:09:58,155
She's just staying at my place
211
00:09:58,215 --> 00:10:00,325
until she goes back to Kenosha.
212
00:10:00,385 --> 00:10:02,225
Carla, you got a letter here.
213
00:10:02,285 --> 00:10:05,225
Looks kind of official.
214
00:10:05,295 --> 00:10:09,765
You know what?
I would venture to say
215
00:10:09,825 --> 00:10:12,495
that Carla has
finally found a friend.
216
00:10:12,565 --> 00:10:15,205
It sort of put me in
mind of the relationship
217
00:10:15,265 --> 00:10:16,765
you seem to have
with Cliff, Norm.
218
00:10:16,835 --> 00:10:17,675
Yeah.
219
00:10:17,735 --> 00:10:20,035
Hey, where is he tonight,
anyway?
220
00:10:20,105 --> 00:10:21,475
I don't know.
221
00:10:21,545 --> 00:10:23,021
He said something
about going in the hospital.
222
00:10:23,045 --> 00:10:26,175
Bring me another beer, Sam?
223
00:10:26,245 --> 00:10:28,485
All right, all right!
224
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,585
I'll give him a call,
or I'll stop by,
225
00:10:31,655 --> 00:10:34,585
or I'll ask him about it
when he comes back.
226
00:10:34,655 --> 00:10:37,725
Hey, listen to this, everybody.
227
00:10:37,795 --> 00:10:41,695
Apparently, the ice show
Eddie skated in
228
00:10:41,765 --> 00:10:43,595
had an accidental death policy,
229
00:10:43,665 --> 00:10:45,735
and I'm Eddie's beneficiary,
230
00:10:45,795 --> 00:10:51,105
which is to say that Carla
Lozoponi Tortelli LeBec
231
00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:56,275
is now worth a cool $50,000.
232
00:10:56,345 --> 00:10:58,245
What?!
233
00:10:58,315 --> 00:10:59,991
It means I'm rich, I'm
telling you! I'm rich!
234
00:11:00,015 --> 00:11:02,315
I'm rich! I'm rich!
235
00:11:03,615 --> 00:11:05,455
I'm rich! I'm rich!
236
00:11:05,515 --> 00:11:06,885
I'm rich! I'm rich!
237
00:11:06,955 --> 00:11:08,255
Sam, I'm rich!
238
00:11:08,325 --> 00:11:09,325
Oh, my God, I'm rich!
239
00:11:09,385 --> 00:11:11,195
I'm rich. Oh!
240
00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:13,725
I can't believe this!
Look at you!
241
00:11:13,795 --> 00:11:16,365
Can you imagine what
you can buy with $25,000?
242
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,565
25? I said 50!
243
00:11:18,635 --> 00:11:21,235
I'm rich!
Come here, you big lug!
244
00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:24,305
I'm rich!
245
00:11:29,675 --> 00:11:33,815
Well, hold it.
The whole point is, honey...
246
00:11:35,985 --> 00:11:37,815
Listen to me.
247
00:11:37,885 --> 00:11:41,855
You made an agreement there
to split the estate with Gloria.
248
00:11:41,925 --> 00:11:43,055
Who?
249
00:11:44,395 --> 00:11:45,955
Gloria.
250
00:11:47,155 --> 00:11:49,065
Gloria?
Yeah.
251
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,995
Oh...
252
00:11:51,065 --> 00:11:53,405
Poor Gloria.
253
00:11:53,465 --> 00:11:56,065
Poor Gloria...
254
00:11:56,135 --> 00:11:58,535
Is not here right now
255
00:11:58,605 --> 00:12:01,875
and must never, ever find out.
256
00:12:01,945 --> 00:12:05,015
Wait a minute, Carla, this
doesn't seem exactly right.
257
00:12:05,075 --> 00:12:07,585
OK, then try this.
258
00:12:07,645 --> 00:12:10,715
Poor Gloria, who
isn't here right now
259
00:12:10,785 --> 00:12:12,885
to see me buy a round of beers
260
00:12:12,955 --> 00:12:14,355
for all my friends.
261
00:12:14,425 --> 00:12:16,025
To poor Gloria!
262
00:12:16,085 --> 00:12:18,025
[ALL CHEERING]
263
00:12:27,635 --> 00:12:32,035
♪ For she's
a jolly good fellow ♪
264
00:12:32,105 --> 00:12:37,205
♪ which nobody can deny ♪
265
00:12:37,275 --> 00:12:39,145
Carla, another round, please.
266
00:12:39,215 --> 00:12:40,585
Bite my Francis.
267
00:12:40,645 --> 00:12:44,285
♪ For she's
a tightfisted widow ♪
268
00:12:44,355 --> 00:12:46,215
♪ for she's a tightfisted... ♪
269
00:12:46,285 --> 00:12:48,555
Hey, come here, listen.
270
00:12:48,625 --> 00:12:49,885
$50,000 is a lot of money.
271
00:12:49,955 --> 00:12:51,455
You sure you don't want
to split that
272
00:12:51,525 --> 00:12:53,025
with your best pal?
273
00:12:53,095 --> 00:12:54,525
Oh, you mean Gloria?
274
00:12:54,595 --> 00:12:55,825
Look, it's her own fault.
275
00:12:55,895 --> 00:12:56,901
If she'd been here
two minutes ago,
276
00:12:56,925 --> 00:12:58,635
she'd have got a free beer.
277
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,781
Carla, we were all witnesses
when you gave your word of honor
278
00:13:00,805 --> 00:13:03,205
that you'd split
anything he left you 50-50.
279
00:13:03,265 --> 00:13:04,805
My word of honor?
280
00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:06,975
If you don't shut up,
I'll split you 50-50.
281
00:13:07,035 --> 00:13:09,005
Carla, you're getting defensive.
282
00:13:09,075 --> 00:13:11,045
I have a feeling that
maybe deep down inside,
283
00:13:11,115 --> 00:13:12,915
you're beginning to
feel a little bit guilty.
284
00:13:12,975 --> 00:13:16,245
Hey, look, if I feel
guilty, it's my business.
285
00:13:16,315 --> 00:13:17,915
Well, all right, suit yourself.
286
00:13:17,985 --> 00:13:20,161
It's the worst thing a person
can do, keep guilt inside.
287
00:13:20,185 --> 00:13:23,525
Has an insidious way of
bringing itself to the surface.
288
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:24,831
Sure, what do you think's
going to happen...
289
00:13:24,855 --> 00:13:27,255
Suddenly I'm going
to come down with
290
00:13:27,325 --> 00:13:29,265
a severe case of the shakes?
291
00:13:29,325 --> 00:13:30,695
Yes, exactly my point.
292
00:13:30,765 --> 00:13:33,195
Well, I did it
on purpose, you quack.
293
00:13:35,305 --> 00:13:36,935
Hey, guys.
294
00:13:37,005 --> 00:13:38,205
Here I go.
295
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,205
Off to my dress rehearsal.
296
00:13:40,275 --> 00:13:43,205
[CHUCKLES]
Dress rehearsal.
297
00:13:43,275 --> 00:13:45,545
What bitter irony.
298
00:13:48,515 --> 00:13:49,915
Now listen, Woody,
299
00:13:49,985 --> 00:13:52,085
when you take off your
clothes on that stage,
300
00:13:52,155 --> 00:13:53,385
it's not exhibitionism.
301
00:13:53,455 --> 00:13:54,585
You are becoming a part
302
00:13:54,655 --> 00:13:56,555
of the rich heritage
of the theater.
303
00:13:56,625 --> 00:13:58,725
You're joining a continuum
that stretches back
304
00:13:58,795 --> 00:14:01,595
from Shakespeare
to the Greeks to the Romans
305
00:14:01,665 --> 00:14:04,795
and all the way back into
the endless mists of time.
306
00:14:04,865 --> 00:14:08,035
Gee, I never thought
about it that way, Dr. Crane.
307
00:14:08,105 --> 00:14:11,635
Really? I had.
308
00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:15,005
Well, maybe I am
making too much of this.
309
00:14:15,075 --> 00:14:18,245
You know, it's not like they're
forcing us to take our clothes off.
310
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,545
In fact, the director said that we
only have to take our clothes off
311
00:14:21,615 --> 00:14:24,255
if the spirit moves us.
312
00:14:24,315 --> 00:14:25,655
Well, what's your problem?
313
00:14:25,715 --> 00:14:28,885
You know, we are, after
all, born naked, Woody.
314
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,425
And it's man's natural state.
315
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:34,625
I mean, you and I are both
naked underneath our clothes.
316
00:14:34,695 --> 00:14:37,695
Dr. Crane,
you're a married man.
317
00:14:40,465 --> 00:14:42,665
Perhaps I'd do better
318
00:14:42,735 --> 00:14:45,205
to have a little chat
with this gentleman here.
319
00:14:50,175 --> 00:14:51,545
Hey, Norm,
320
00:14:51,615 --> 00:14:53,021
did you ever find out
what happened to Cliffie?
321
00:14:53,045 --> 00:14:54,921
Uh, yeah, yeah. It turns out
it was the hospital.
322
00:14:54,945 --> 00:14:57,215
He, uh, had
a little minor surgery.
323
00:14:57,285 --> 00:14:59,985
No big deal. Yeah, he'll
be back in a couple days.
324
00:15:00,055 --> 00:15:02,185
How's he feeling?
I'll tell you what,
325
00:15:02,255 --> 00:15:04,695
he's on the phone there.
Why don't you ask him yourself.
326
00:15:16,335 --> 00:15:18,905
Cliffie, is that you?
327
00:15:18,975 --> 00:15:20,175
[CHUCKLES]
328
00:15:20,235 --> 00:15:22,305
Hey, well...
329
00:15:22,375 --> 00:15:24,875
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I bet it does hurt
330
00:15:24,945 --> 00:15:26,975
to have those things
cauterized, yeah.
331
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,985
Uh-huh.
332
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,625
Uh-huh.
333
00:15:35,285 --> 00:15:36,685
Uh-huh.
334
00:15:38,595 --> 00:15:41,095
Hi, Carla.
335
00:15:41,165 --> 00:15:44,265
Look, I got my hair back
to its original shade.
336
00:15:44,335 --> 00:15:45,735
Great.
Yeah.
337
00:15:45,795 --> 00:15:49,335
They had stuff left over,
so they did my purse to match.
338
00:15:51,005 --> 00:15:54,805
I got one done for
you, too. Here, catch.
339
00:15:54,875 --> 00:15:57,105
See you back at your house.
340
00:16:02,885 --> 00:16:04,485
Well, that was nice of Gloria.
341
00:16:04,555 --> 00:16:08,925
Now, every time you open your
purse, you can think about her.
342
00:16:08,985 --> 00:16:12,195
Just leave me alone.
I got work to do, OK?
343
00:16:35,345 --> 00:16:39,385
Sam, did we send something
to Woody for opening night?
344
00:16:39,455 --> 00:16:40,985
Uh, yeah. As a matter of fact,
345
00:16:41,055 --> 00:16:42,825
we were going to send him
flowers and candy,
346
00:16:42,885 --> 00:16:43,995
but that's so impersonal.
347
00:16:44,055 --> 00:16:46,255
We sent him
a very nice wristwatch.
348
00:16:46,325 --> 00:16:47,695
A watch?
349
00:16:47,765 --> 00:16:50,325
17 jewels, leather band.
350
00:16:50,395 --> 00:16:51,635
Whoa!
Yeah.
351
00:16:51,695 --> 00:16:53,065
How much did that cost?
352
00:16:53,135 --> 00:16:54,135
Actually, nothing.
353
00:16:54,205 --> 00:16:56,935
We got it out
of the lost and found.
354
00:16:57,005 --> 00:16:59,175
And it had been in there
30 days, OK?
355
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,945
It was under
a lot of stuff, but...
356
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,275
Uh, can we get
a couple beers, Miss?
357
00:17:06,345 --> 00:17:07,345
Yeah, couple beers, Sam.
358
00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:10,485
Coming up here, sweetheart.
359
00:17:10,545 --> 00:17:11,885
How are you feeling, huh?
360
00:17:11,955 --> 00:17:13,555
Fine. Fine. No problem.
361
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:16,455
Everything is
perfectly OK with me.
362
00:17:16,525 --> 00:17:18,925
Good. There you go.
363
00:17:23,965 --> 00:17:27,035
That'll be three bucks.
364
00:17:35,044 --> 00:17:36,044
Come here.
365
00:17:36,074 --> 00:17:38,674
This has been
going on for a week
366
00:17:38,744 --> 00:17:39,950
and it's not getting any better.
367
00:17:39,974 --> 00:17:41,914
Now I think we all know
368
00:17:41,984 --> 00:17:43,790
why you're shaking like this.
I mean, admit it.
369
00:17:43,814 --> 00:17:46,414
You're walking around
carrying a very big load.
370
00:17:46,484 --> 00:17:49,554
You bet, and I got it
strapped around me in cash.
371
00:17:49,624 --> 00:17:52,794
No. I meant guilt.
372
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:56,224
Really? Wow, can I see it?
373
00:17:59,194 --> 00:18:01,364
Well, my friends,
374
00:18:01,434 --> 00:18:05,674
you have missed a
once-in-a-lifetime landmark evening
375
00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:09,244
in the history
of community theater.
376
00:18:09,304 --> 00:18:10,744
Did Woody chicken out?
377
00:18:10,814 --> 00:18:13,714
Oh, no, indeed.
378
00:18:15,144 --> 00:18:18,254
Why didn't you stop me,
Mr. Peterson?
379
00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:20,654
Why didn't anybody stop me?
380
00:18:20,714 --> 00:18:22,254
Woody, what happened?
381
00:18:22,324 --> 00:18:24,354
Well, last week during
rehearsal I kept thinking,
382
00:18:24,424 --> 00:18:27,254
"why am I the only one
who's afraid to get naked?
383
00:18:27,324 --> 00:18:30,224
Why am I the only one
who's ashamed?"
384
00:18:30,294 --> 00:18:32,964
So tonight when I got out
in front of that audience,
385
00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:34,904
I ripped off every
stitch of clothing.
386
00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:36,304
And I looked around
and I thought,
387
00:18:36,364 --> 00:18:39,304
"why am I the only one
who's naked?"
388
00:18:44,174 --> 00:18:48,014
Well, maybe nobody
noticed, Wood.
389
00:18:48,084 --> 00:18:51,914
Oh, they noticed, Sam.
390
00:18:51,984 --> 00:18:53,954
As if that wasn't bad enough,
391
00:18:54,024 --> 00:18:56,324
I heard this high-pitched
scream from the audience,
392
00:18:56,384 --> 00:18:59,724
"hey, look. He's the only
one who's naked."
393
00:18:59,794 --> 00:19:02,494
Sorry, Wood.
You took me by surprise.
394
00:19:06,564 --> 00:19:11,004
Well, at least the evening
wasn't a total disaster.
395
00:19:11,074 --> 00:19:13,874
I was really touched by this
nice watch you guys gave me.
396
00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:15,244
I needed one, too.
397
00:19:15,304 --> 00:19:17,974
I lost one just like it
about a month ago.
398
00:19:24,784 --> 00:19:26,214
Can I have a beer?
399
00:19:26,284 --> 00:19:28,884
Yeah. Beer, Sam.
400
00:19:28,954 --> 00:19:30,024
Look at this, Sam.
401
00:19:30,084 --> 00:19:31,824
I don't need
the use of my hands.
402
00:19:31,894 --> 00:19:33,454
I rigged my tray
403
00:19:33,524 --> 00:19:35,794
so I can do my job perfectly.
404
00:19:48,474 --> 00:19:50,444
That's my beer?
405
00:19:50,504 --> 00:19:52,514
Yeah. Take it yourself.
406
00:19:52,574 --> 00:19:55,314
And don't forget my tip.
407
00:19:55,384 --> 00:19:58,284
If you're going to
put it in there that far,
408
00:19:58,354 --> 00:20:00,584
there'd better be
a ring with it.
409
00:20:05,124 --> 00:20:08,364
Well, I'm perfectly OK, Sam.
410
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,064
I think I'm going to make it.
411
00:20:10,124 --> 00:20:12,634
I just have to hang in
there for another three days,
412
00:20:12,694 --> 00:20:17,034
and Gloria will be on
that bus back to Kenosha,
413
00:20:17,104 --> 00:20:18,464
and all my problems
will be solved.
414
00:20:18,504 --> 00:20:19,980
Now wait a minute,
are you saying that
415
00:20:20,004 --> 00:20:21,544
it's her fault
that you're shaking?
416
00:20:21,604 --> 00:20:22,774
Of course she is.
417
00:20:22,844 --> 00:20:26,114
It's all part
of her fiendish plan.
418
00:20:26,174 --> 00:20:28,914
Why would she have
a fiendish plan?
419
00:20:28,984 --> 00:20:31,854
Because she knows all
about the insurance money.
420
00:20:31,914 --> 00:20:33,284
How do you know she knows?
421
00:20:33,354 --> 00:20:34,830
Because she acts like
she doesn't know!
422
00:20:34,854 --> 00:20:36,254
That's how I know she knows.
423
00:20:36,324 --> 00:20:39,454
Do you want to hear an example
424
00:20:39,524 --> 00:20:43,094
of what this cruel woman is
trying to do to break my spirit?
425
00:20:43,164 --> 00:20:45,694
She's being nice.
426
00:20:45,764 --> 00:20:48,264
You know what
she did last night?
427
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,934
She did eight loads of laundry,
428
00:20:51,004 --> 00:20:53,304
and I don't have
a washer and dryer.
429
00:20:54,674 --> 00:20:56,704
Carla.
430
00:20:56,774 --> 00:21:00,714
Carla, what are you doing here?
431
00:21:00,774 --> 00:21:03,784
I told you to stay home today.
432
00:21:03,844 --> 00:21:05,084
I've been worried sick
433
00:21:05,154 --> 00:21:06,684
about the way
you've been shaking.
434
00:21:06,754 --> 00:21:10,784
I want you to go home
right now and get some rest.
435
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:14,864
I left a pot of minestrone
on the stove.
436
00:21:14,924 --> 00:21:17,294
Are you from hell?
437
00:21:17,364 --> 00:21:20,434
And I don't want you to worry
about missing your pay here,
438
00:21:20,494 --> 00:21:22,734
because I'm going
to finish your shift.
439
00:21:22,804 --> 00:21:26,004
You are from hell.
She is, she's from hell, Sam.
440
00:21:26,074 --> 00:21:27,974
From hell.
Calm down...
441
00:21:28,044 --> 00:21:30,674
No! No! Don't touch me!
Don't touch me!
442
00:21:30,744 --> 00:21:32,574
You know about
the money! Admit it!
443
00:21:32,644 --> 00:21:33,914
You know!
I know you know!
444
00:21:33,984 --> 00:21:36,014
Oh, why are you
torturing me like this?
445
00:21:36,084 --> 00:21:39,214
All right, all right,
here it is. Here it is.
446
00:21:39,284 --> 00:21:41,724
Here's half of the 50,000 bucks
447
00:21:41,784 --> 00:21:43,384
from Eddie's insurance money.
448
00:21:43,454 --> 00:21:46,224
Here. Take it!
449
00:21:46,294 --> 00:21:49,224
Eddie had insurance money?
450
00:21:49,294 --> 00:21:51,534
I didn't know that.
451
00:21:51,594 --> 00:21:54,634
Give me that!
452
00:21:57,704 --> 00:21:58,874
Oh, my God.
453
00:21:58,934 --> 00:22:02,674
Oh, the hell with
it. Here. Take it.
454
00:22:07,074 --> 00:22:10,384
Great. I'm not
shaking anymore.
455
00:22:10,444 --> 00:22:12,954
I can go back
to hustling drinks.
456
00:22:13,014 --> 00:22:14,724
Oh, joy.
457
00:22:16,484 --> 00:22:19,924
So that's why you were shaking?
458
00:22:19,994 --> 00:22:22,624
Because your conscience
was bothering you,
459
00:22:22,694 --> 00:22:24,334
and now out of the
goodness of your heart,
460
00:22:24,394 --> 00:22:25,834
you're giving me all this money
461
00:22:25,894 --> 00:22:28,064
even though it's
rightfully yours?
462
00:22:28,134 --> 00:22:29,664
That's right, Gloria.
463
00:22:29,734 --> 00:22:32,734
What a chump.
464
00:22:32,804 --> 00:22:35,304
What?
465
00:22:35,374 --> 00:22:38,114
Just because of
a little shaking.
466
00:22:38,174 --> 00:22:43,114
Huh. No wonder Eddie
wanted another wife.
467
00:22:51,794 --> 00:22:54,594
I don't care what she says.
468
00:22:54,664 --> 00:22:59,664
I know in my heart that
I did the right thing.
469
00:23:01,364 --> 00:23:05,334
Besides, I still got
25,000 bucks. Yeah.
470
00:23:05,404 --> 00:23:07,504
I mean, that can buy a
lot of things, you know?
471
00:23:07,574 --> 00:23:10,944
Yeah, you bet. You know,
I'm proud of you, too.
472
00:23:11,004 --> 00:23:12,644
So what are you
going to buy first?
473
00:23:14,214 --> 00:23:16,384
A big, expensive car,
474
00:23:16,444 --> 00:23:19,014
so the next time I see her,
475
00:23:19,084 --> 00:23:21,684
I can run the slut down.
476
00:23:22,305 --> 00:24:22,492
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