All language subtitles for Call.My.Agent.S04E004.NF.WEBRip

Congratulations!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

- Great performance. Wonderful.
- Thank you.

- Hello, Sandrine.
- Oh, hello!

Always marvelous, always the best!

- That's very kind, thank you.
- I brought you

two homemade jams.

- So nice.
- I thought it'd be a change from flowers.

And it's organic. It's straight
from my garden in the Indre area.

Oh, wow.

- Will you be stopping by?
- Where?

Indre. On your tour.

No, unfortunately no.

It's the end.
Tomorrow's the last performance.

- What a shame.
- Yes, it's a shame

Let me tell you, at Ruffec-le-Château,
you'd have had a full house!

I call it Ruffec-le-Château,

but you're supposed to say Ruffec.

This habit of shortening everything.

People are always in such a rush.
They don't have time for anything!

You do have to know
how to be concise nowadays.

Ruffec, do you know where that is?

- No.
- Between Bourges and Poitiers.

Or Limoges and Tours,
depending on how you look at it.

Ah yes, I see.

I'm on the city council, so perhaps

- I could talk to the mayor.
- Yes.

The problem isn't Barillet and Grédy,

it is the audience that comes with it.

Do you realize we all had mics
to be sure everyone could hear us?

Somebody save me!

But on the other hand.
Raspberry and rhubarb.

- Delicious.
- Well keep them, enjoy!

Last night I was so depressed,
I ate a whole box of calissons.

Oh, shit.

So… What do we do now?

Now we do Danièle Thompson's movie.
"The Countess."

I'm talking about right now. Do we go out?

Oh, you mean now? Yes, if you want to.
I mean, I don't know.

But we have to discuss the film.

It's important. I spoke to the producer
and they really want a definitive answer.

Gabriel, honestly, couldn't you find
anything better for me

than a biopic on the Countess of Ségur?

You said it was your dream
to star in a period piece!

Try to understand! I'm not getting rid
of the theater's senior citizens

to wind up on a set surrounded
by screaming brats! What a treat!

Benjamin! What are you guys doing?
Going out for drinks?

We're going to see some friends
at a comedy club.

You can come if you like.

Well… yes, we'd love that!

- Wouldn't we?
- Yes.

- Come on, then.
- Yes.

Where is it?

- The Divan du Monde.
- The Divan du Monde?

The real strategy on Tinder is to post
the grossest picture of yourself.

Taken after an all-night bender,

so totally gross.

But on the first date… "Wow."
Talk about an element of surprise.

The only problem is that
you never reach the first date.

Thank you very much,
my name is Marina Rollman.

Make some noise for our next act,
Laura Domenge!

Sandrine! I… I have to get going soon.

So, think about it!
It's a great part. César guaranteed.

I already have two. Find something else.

Thank you.

Wow, hey, that was awesome!

- That's very kind. Thanks.
- Congrats.

It means a lot coming from you.

Call me Sandrine.

Yeah, all right, sure.

- The atmosphere… Is it always like this?
- Yeah,

this place is nuts.
There's a vibe, an energy.

- Yeah.
- Marina, what are you drinking?

A shot on the house?

Yeah, yeah, thanks. Do you want one too?

A shot?

Yeah, all right.

Sure, a shot.

Right, excuse me, Sandrine.

I have to go. Let me know about the movie

We'll see about the movie later. Relax!

Can the gentleman here have a shot too?

- Oh, hey.
- No thanks.

That's where I come from. I'm 32.

32 is a good age…

- This is Gary.
- OK

He came to see me once after the show
and we just… we just clicked!

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

You know…

It's in times like these that I feel like
I totally missed my career.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Thanks, girls!

Would you like something to drink?

- Tea?
- Sure.

- I'd like a coffee.
- How do you take it?

- Black.
- OK!

- Thanks.
- No problem.

- Camille…
- Yeah?

Isn't the blond girl the author
of The Patient Toucan?

Ulrika Desrosières.

She's meeting a director to convince her
to sell us her film rights.

- Médiawan is also on the case.
- What?

It's one of this year's biggest hits.

I'd bet they're ready to pay top money.

OK, so it's over.

It makes me so mad! As if money was all
you needed to make a good movie!

It usually helps.

Sorry, but your director
doesn't seem very experienced.

Léonor? But she's a directing genius!

Yeah, OK, she's only done two shorts,
but still.

She has a very original take.
She won't betray it, she'll transcend it.

They're the same age,
love the same universe.

If they work together,
we go to Cannes! This fucking sucks!

Camille. You're going to tell her that,
just drop the "this fucking sucks".

And rest assured that Médiawan
won't stand a chance.

Because we know the deal.

They'll introduce her to an old seasoned
director and that's not what she wants.

So you walk into that room
and get us those film rights.

Thanks.

- Hey!
- Hi, Andréa

Hi, Christie.

Hello, uh…Hello.

Welcome back…

To mommy Andréa's office.

Formerly… Hicham's office!

Let's get this off of you. Huh?

We're better here
than at daycare, right? Here.

Let me set you down right here.
On this lovely rug.

I'll just grab a cuddly toy.
Don't topple over.

Here we go. The cuddly toy.

Oh, no, no, no, no…

No, you can't chew
on Desplechin's new film.

Here.

Take this instead. It's a flop

You'll write me up a summary?

Why haven't you called me back?

Why, well, because it's 10 am
and I was counting on…

Tell me the truth,
is there a problem with Sandrine?

Huh? Come on! I can hear it.

Not at all. There's no problem.
Just that she's finishes her play tonight.

I thought I'd give her room to breathe.

You gave her room to breathe
while she was rehearsing the play,

then while she was acting
and now because it's the end of the play?

She's had plenty of time to breathe,

she can give us an answer
so we can go forward.

Laurence, I'm on it.

Because Danièle Thompson loves Sandrine,

but it may be time to show her
the feeling is mutual.

I'm telling you, I'm on it! All right?

- Some pasteis de nata?
- No thank you.

- They're delicious.
- No.

No. OK. Your loss.

Ah! There. Talk about a sign.

There… You see?

Those actors, you can't push them.

- Let them come to you.
- Pick up.

Sandrine, hi, how are you?

Yeah, hi Gabriel, how are you?

I'm great.

Tell me. Do you know Melissa McCarthy?

Sure. It's funny you're calling
because I happen to be

with Laurence Paugam.

She's a genius!

- Yes, Laurence is a great producer.
- Don't overdo it.

No, Melissa McCarthy!

Did you know that she started out
by doing stand-up comedy?

Hum, no. I didn't know.

Gabriel, I can't stop thinking
about last night,

I didn't sleep a wink!
I just loved her energy.

- Her enthusiasm. A breath of fresh air.
- Great.

That's what life is really about.

- I've realized something.
- Really?

I don't know, it opened my eyes!

- I want to do stand-up comedy!
- All right.

- Put her on speaker-phone?
- What do you think?

It causes static.

Listen, I think that…

Yes, you'd rather I do
the Danièle Thompson movie?

There! Exactly. That's exactly it.
Yes, OK?

I'm going around in circles!
I'm bored! I want to take risks…

To explore uncharted territory. You know?

That's wonderful. You know what?
Let's talk about it later.

I'll call you back soon, OK?

- Ok, great, Gabriel, take care.
- Take care, bye.

- There…
- Well?

Well, perfect. Tudo bem.

But what did she tell you?

Well, you know, she said that…

She said she was delighted,
that she couldn't wait.

That she wanted to explore
uncharted territory. All that.

But the shooting takes place
in the Essonne area, it's not exactly…

You know what I mean.

She realized that a lot is at stake
for her in this film.

So Danièle can hope to meet with her?

Yes. Of course!

That's perfect. She's in Saint-Barth.
She'll take the first flight out

and they can see each other tomorrow.

This chick is just amazing.

Right. Enjoy your lunch, then!

Well, thanks for introducing us.

Thanks so much. I'm so happy.

It's my pleasure, I knew you'd hit it off.

Thanks!

Doors closing.

I don't like the seat
they put in my office,

so find me an ergonomic chair please,
with mesh back and armrests.

- Mesh?
- Yes, mesh. So?

It worked!

Plus they realized that they grew up
10 km from each other.

- No, really?
- Yes!

They have the same references,
love the same music.

- I couldn't get a word in edgewise.
- You're an agent.

Playing matchmaker,
but no love story for you.

Right, so now,
you're going to treat yourself.

What do you mean?

It's a tradition
since I signed my first contract.

Treat myself to something unusual.

I don't know…
Pumps with overly high heels,

an overly expensive bag,

a very flashy coat. You've earned it!

I'll think about it.

No, don't think about it. Do it!

OK!

Everything OK?

You tell me.

I thought you were more into guys.
What's going on, did you switch?

What do you mean?

As far as subtle flirting goes, that was…

Like a 5 am come-on
on a nightclub parking lot.

Not at all. I was just giving
a pre-negotiation pep talk.

Cornering an agent into becoming confident
about her power of seduction.

It makes one invincible. You know that.

I do.

- Did you bring your daughter?
- Yeah…

Nanny issues?

A slight misunderstanding with
the moronic woman from daycare. Got to go.

Hey… You should try to relax.
You're going to explode!

- Hello, Mimie!
- Hi, Elise!

Hello, Andréa.

Hi, Mimie.

I brought back the coffee machine.

Oh? That's nice of you.

I mean, we already bought a new one, but…

Well, I'll take it.

But I did keep the TV.

- Well, of course you did. Damages.
- So, where did they put you?

I took Mathias's office.

You'll see, it's huge.

Your picture isn't already up on my desk.

But it will take pride of place
in my office.

Is everything OK?
Is the tea at the right temperature?

Yes, thank you. It's perfectly brewed.

- Wow…Oh, my…
- What?

You have a beautiful, beautiful skin.

It's amazing, I almost don't want
to touch anything.

Let me tell you, many actresses
would kill to have skin like yours.

Give me names.

- No, I don't believe you.
- No, but her… Her face is Chernobyl.

If you want me to help you
rehearse your lines, just ask.

- Actors often…
- What?

What did you say?

Actors often like to rehearse

- during make-up.
- No! Absolutely not.

Valérie! Are you sure?
Don't forget I've never acted before.

I don't care. What I want is you.

I'm not much compared to all the actors
and actresses you've directed.

They're a pain,
I can't stand them anymore.

They show up late, they're cold,
they want tea. Always something.

You're a diamond in the rough.

Buried underground
and just waiting to shine!

So don't overthink it. Be yourself.

But take off those two earrings.

God, I hope I won't disappoint.

Hey! How about an instant-relax
mushroom face-mask from Sothys?

Leïla Bekhti swears by it whenever
she's feeling a little down.

- Why not.
- Yeah? Great.

It's not the first time
she pulls a stunt like this.

Remember when she wanted
to be a singer? There you go.

Every time routine sets in,
she's terrified.

She's got to keep things on the move.
Always changing.

Well. Playing for an audience
of four in a cellar

is a change from the Bouffes-Parisiens
theater, for sure.

Stand-up comedy is merciless.

It's lonely. You're on your own
when you write and perform.

I know. That's what I told her.
Except… She won't listen to me.

Actors are like children.

Anything out of their parents' mouth
is bullshit.

- Yeah.
- No, what you need, is… A big brother.

Or a big sister.

This feels exquisite!

Don't move.

- Thanks.
- Hello?

- Hello!
- I've tried to call you 10 times! Hello?

Yes, Alex. I'm sorry, I'm swamped.

Don't you know how to frame?
It's like Skyping my mother.

Are you in a trailer? Where are you?

Hello?

We're shooting in 10 min.

Are you on a set?

I stopped by to see one
of my actresses who is playing. That's all

Who?

Well, uh… Véronique.

You may not recognize her face
for the time being, but uh…

But I have high hopes for her.

What's all over your face?

Well, since I spend a lot of time
waiting for her in her dressing room.

I try to keep busy, you know.

Can't you find me auditions
instead of slathering on face masks?

I'm ripe for this, I'm finally ready.

I'll stop by your office
to talk about it this afternoon.

No, you can't do that.
Because the agency is being renovated.

Fine, then in a café!

Yeah, but I won't be free until late.

8 pm then. I'll text you the address.

OK, great!

See you tonight!

- Come in!
- I just got off the phone with Grasset.

What's going on with The Patient Toucan?

You mean Ulrika Desrosières's novel?

She's granting the rights to Bilboquet.

- Bilboquet?
- Bilboquet.

I thought it was the name
of a toy company for bohos.

It's a production company.

I don't know, I wasn't aware of anything.
I wasn't in on the project, sorry.

We can't miss out on this.

Everyone's read this book,

it'll sell a million tickets.
We need those rights.

OK?

What will the shareholders say

when they learn she gave them
to Léonor What's-her-name,

who has shot two unwatchable shorts
with her iPhone?

- Léonor Thiam?
- Thiam!

My daughter is her agent.

That's wonderful, why didn't you say so?
You can sort it out.

Hang on a second.

- With respect to Camille, that's not…
- What?

Well…

Hang on, you are on our side, right?

I am, that's not the point.

Then stop worrying about your daughter.

She'll understand that there's
nothing personal about it. OK?

Facing up to your old man
builds character.

Look at mine. We used to box together,
he didn't pull any punches!

- Are you free for lunch?
- Yes.

No, I was speaking to Noémie.

Yes, of course. Is there a problem?

No I just think
we have some things to discuss.

I see. Is this because of our disagreement
on the Beauvois?

Did you try the new bistro next door?

I was talking to you this time.

Oh yes, very good, really.

- Don't mind if I steal her away?
- No!

See you later.

- See you later.
- Yes.

- You didn't say we'd be having company.
- You wouldn't have come if I had.

Maybe so.

Sandrine Kiberlain will be joining us too.

Is this a trap? The more the merrier?

- Gabriel will explain.
- She wants to do stand-up.

All right, let me stop you right there,
I don't do stand-up, OK?

I do character-based bits.

- Same thing.
- No.

They have nothing in common.

Besides, I'm sorry, but I have better
things to do than entertain actresses

looking for a new hobby.

What does she think? That making
wisecracks is all it takes to be funny?

We also think it's a bad idea.

That's why we wanted you to tell her

how being a comedian is complicated,
rough, unrewarding, lonely…

Hold on, hold on…

Are you telling me I have a shitty life?

No, it's Arlette who…

No. Not Arlette!

It's hard to find the right character,
and you get lynched on social media.

I don't go on social media.
Am I getting lynched?

- No… no… no…
- Huh?

Let me see Twitter.

- My battery is dead.
- Show me.

Oh, hey!

Yes! Sandrine.

Yes, I can see you. We're right here.

So don't hold back. Loneliness,
instability, celibacy, lay it thick!

I'm sorry, I'm a little late!

- I'm sorry. How are you?
- Hey!

- Muriel, hi! Delighted to meet you.
- Hi.

- Likewise.
- Hi.

How are you doing?

Right. Muriel was just telling us

how tough being a comedian is,
almost depressing.

- Oh, really?
- Not at all, not at all.

No, I was just saying that I…

I don't coach people.

Oh, no… that's such a shame.

But what do you think about my idea?

You think it's just the whim
of some actress who thinks

it's a piece of cake?

Perhaps, yes… a little.

No. You're wrong, because I know
that it's very, very, very difficult.

But that's what's so exciting!

Are you sure you don't want
to give me a hand?

Because honestly, you're the best.

Thanks.

I even figured
I could coach you in return.

I've seen you take on a growing number
of dramatic roles. That's great!

But when it comes to tears,
sometimes it's not…

And your voice too, the slight quavering.

I could perhaps give you a few pointers,
but…

As a quid pro quo.

It's nice of you, really.
But I'll work it out on my own.

- Well, whatever you prefer.
- Right…

But I swear, I'm very, very funny,
you know!

Everyone says I'm very funny.

Apart from my agent, Gabriel,
who doesn't really get…

- Oh, no!
- My style.

That's not true. Sandrine.
I think you're very funny.

I've always said it. I just don't think

it's the right move your career,
that's all.

I mean, you're lucky enough
to be a glamorous, romantic actress and…

And as a result…

As a result?

Comedy just isn't a good fit.

Yes, I see. Because glamour and funny
are incompatible!

You have to be ugly to be funny.

- Is that it?
- No.

No. I just… No, of course not.

That's not what I meant at all.
That's not it at all.

What I meant to say is that sometimes…

The directors have a hard time…
projecting…

It's more difficult.
Directors may have trouble…

How can I say this,
idealizing a more dramatic image.

You can definitely be funny and pretty.

- And beautiful too.
- Sure.

It's a real mess in your head, isn't it?

Write that down for us
once you get it untangled, OK?

Good. Sandrine? Come to think of it,
you know what?

I'm interested in your project.

There. If only to piss off your agent.

Well! That's terrific!

So, when would we start?

Look, I have a show, well… next week.

If you're any good,
you can perform 5 min as an opening act.

No, are you for real?

That's wonderful!

- Gabriel!
- But it's next week…

A 5-minute opening act,

just like that. Right off the bat.
You see? She gets it!

So? Did you have fun?

Lots.

What did he want?

Nothing.

To get to know each other better.

He apparently appreciates
my outspokenness.

He said it was a welcome change
from all the ass-kissing MBAs

that surround him all day.

And that's it.

That's all?

Well… after that, naturally…

He slipped his hand up my skirt,
started caressing me,

and we took it to the bathroom.

Oh, no. Your face! No, I'm kidding!

No, look, actually…

He seems interested in my opinion.

It's that simple.

Right. Power-nap.

Hush.

No!

Cut!

We're cut!

Great, we've got it!

- It was good, huh?
- Yes, so…

Thanks.

Hello?

That was the last shot
for Hervé André Gezak!

Well done!

Thanks.

Oh, white lilies! My favorite flowers.

Congratulations, that was beautiful,
amazing!

Thank you, Valérie.

It was so touching!
I don't how you can be so authentic.

You know, I don't really notice.

I know and that's what's so beautiful.

What are you doing next?
Are you free for a drink?

It's just that I…

Here's the deal. Actually, when I…
It made me think of a new scene.

Another scene with you.
I'd like to tell you about it.

What, you mean an extra day of shooting?

Yes.

And another bouquet?

Yes, I'm so happy!
This is going to be great.

Yeah?

- Everything OK?
- Yeah, good… Good.

Just a small setback
on the Danièle Thompson movie,

but it's OK, I'll sort it out.

What's going on? Does Sandrine want out?

No. No, no. It's fine. It's nothing.

Don't worry. Breathe.

- Yeah.
- OK, sorry, I'm a bit on edge.

- And, you know, how's life?
- It's good.

Things seem to be going well with…

- Sarah?
- Yes. Sarah.

We went to Lisbon last weekend.

No, you? You went on a trip?

- I did indeed.
- How about that?

- Have they ever spoken to you?
- No…

- No, uh?
- Never.

It's weird, right?

What was I saying? Lisbon!

Yes, Lisbon.

And I was the one
who organized the whole thing.

A nice Airbnb in the Barrio Alto,
a romantic walk along the Tagus. I mean…

Here I brought back some…
Do you want some pasteis de nata?

No, thanks.

- What about you?
- I'm all right. Like a single parent.

It feels like hiking in flip-flops but…

But I'm all right.
Flora seems to be adapting well, so…

- What is it?
- I forgot her at the copy machine!

Shit!

Girls!

I'm so sorry!

I was with Valérie
and I lost track of the time!

- "Valérie," seriously?
- Yes.

Moscow Mule?

So? How did it go? Are you happy?

It's not over.
Valérie added a scene tomorrow.

What? That's awesome!

I am not surprised at all.

Well! To Hervé! A friend,

an agent, and soon
a star of the silver screen!

Ah, finally, Sofia.

No, she's not coming,
she's with her new pal "Mel".

And at the office?
Did anyone wonder where I was?

I think I'll have to play
the virus H3N2 card again.

It's the fancy name of the flu.

No, don't worry, no one suspects anything.

If this keeps up,
you're going to need an agent.

Sorry.

Oh, shit, shit, shit. It's Alex.

All the time.

Wait, what are you going to do about her?

The movie's going to come out someday.

Yes, but between shooting,
editing and the rest,

I figure I have minimum a year
to come clean.

Great plan. Well,
I'm going to order something to eat.

- This chick is a nightmare.
- She's bleeding me dry.

Hang on a second. Camille!

What are those beauties?

- Oh, my! Not too shabby!
- I got them as a reward for myself.

What's the occasion?

Yes! Please.

Nothing signed yet, but it may be related

to the rights
to Ulrika Desrosières's novel.

No! I loved her book!
Don't tell me you've met her in person?

- Yeah. Honestly, she's great.
- How is she? Down-to-earth?

She doesn't care about money,

she donates everything
to a charity she volunteers at.

But I'm not surprised, not in the least!

Yeah.

Which charity?

The home for show and circus animals.

The what?

Mathias.

Do you think that… People who…

Work at night drink during the day?

I have to admit
I've never thought about it.

OK… Let's take off your bag. Here.

And…

And have you ever wondered…

What happens to the animals…

The animals?

In show business…

Oh.

Well, actually…

when they're no longer any use,
and when they're too old, well they…

They kill them!

It's awful, isn't it?

Flipper the dolphin. Skippy the kangaroo.

And Lassie, the faithful dog!

Have you ever wondered
what became of Lassie?

Well, no.

They must have taken her
out like the rest.

That's why that retirement home
is so important!

What retirement home?

Ulrika Desrosières's…

Because you know… She's a good person.

She'd do anything to protect animals.

You understand?

And Laika?

The dog… that was sent up
in space all alone…

She must have…

Died like…

Justin?

Justin?

Mr. Justin!

- Me? Sorry, I'm not Justin. I'm Josselin.
- Yeah!

Ah, Josselin, sorry!

Josselin, I'm Andréa, we've met…

Yes. Yes, I remember. Yes, you're…

Colette's partner.

There you go!

We met
at the Treasury's annual conference.

- That's it!
- Yeah.

- What a crazy party?
- Yeah!

The thing is,
Colette forgot her cellphone this morning

and since I haven't seen her yet,
we could…

No. I can't do that.
She took another unpaid leave.

Hardly back and off she goes.

Yes. Right, yes. Sure! Silly me.

Yeah, yeah… so, I'll just call her then.

I don't get it.
I thought you had her phone.

Yes. Yes.

You don't know where she is?

No. I'm sorry, but…
She didn't tell me anything.

I have to go. Good luck.

As a rule, animals would be put down
when they couldn't perform anymore.

How despicable, really.

Yeah,
it's why Alexis Grüss created this place.

As a shelter for them.

It gives them a new life, in a way.

It's not exactly a holiday resort,
but close!

Ah… Ulrika!

I'd like you to meet Mathias.

- Hello.
- A new donator.

- Hello.
- And a very generous one!

Thank you, we really need it!

- You're welcome.
- Solange?

What's wrong with the doe?

Oh, excuse me.

I always wondered what happened
to the animals afterwards.

You're doing a great job.

It's the least I can do.

What are you doing now?
Do you want to come along?

- I'd love to.
- I'm going to feed the wolves.

The wolves.

Come on! Boys. Boys. Let's go! Let's go!

Are you OK?

- Great.
- You're not scared?

No, no.

Come on, big boy… Come on, big boy!

Come on! Come on!

If someone had told me
that I'd be standing here one day,

in front of such
an extraordinary audience.

I'd never have believed it.

This César…

This Oscar… This Palme… D'or…

I naturally owe it
to all of those who believed in me.

First and foremost, to… Valérie.

Thanks.

To my agent, Gabriel Sarda.

To the viewers and the critics
who were finally able to come together

thanks to this part,
which I only tried to portray

with the utmost authenticity.

It is such an honor for me
to receive this great,

great award.

You don't want to see me anymore?

- No, I was going to call…
- Save your breath, man!

I saw you in the background
of an Instagram story!

Why'd you lie to me?

I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you.

Alex, you have to understand
that film is based on desire,

and in this case, Valérie desired me.
I know it's hard to understand.

I don't care about that.
I want you to find me leading roles.

Don't worry, I'll look after you,
that hasn't changed.

- I'll sign you up for drama classes…
- What?

- You'll do internships.
- Are you kidding me?

You hunt me down, you talk me up
about how I'm a great actress.

And now what do you want?

You want me to be an intern?
Can I get you coffee?

Listen, Alex, you seem very…

An actor is in it for the long haul.
You can't jump the gun.

Aren't you jumping the gun
with your can of Palme d'or?

Hervé? Hervé, sweetheart.

We're talking. Hello!

Yes, hello, one second…

Valérie's waiting for you on set.

- Be right there!
- See you.

Slow and steady… wins…

I have to go!

Did you know
that most people are terrified?

We're taught to fear wolves.

We never could stand their freedom,
so we gave them a bad reputation.

That one's Jason.

He shot with Laetitia Casta.

Impressive!

The charities I work with
usually deal with stray cats.

Where are you active?

Oh, here and there. Well…
The ASPCA, of course. The mother ship.

Yeah. Although I'm increasingly at odds
with their policies.

Oh, same for me.
It's precisely why I left.

- Yes, to join the ADF.
- The ADF?

The ADF… The Amputee Dogs of France. ADF!

And, you… Do you work here?

Oh, no, not at all.

I'm a novelist.

Anything I might have heard of?

The Patient Toucan, perhaps?

Are you Ulrika Desrosières?

- Yes.
- I loved your book! Really.

As I was reading it, I thought:
this would make an incredible movie!

I sure hope so. I met with a director.
It'll be her first movie

Hang on. You're going to entrust
your work to a beginner?

I'd rather that than a director
who won't respect my vision.

Naturally.
But if you follow that line of thought…

There's only one way to be 100% sure
about the adaptation.

- How?
- It's to have full control over it.

If you're going to hire a beginner,
you might as well direct yourself.

I don't know. Is that a possibility?

You mean your publisher didn't mention it?

No.

Ah, Laurence. Hello.

So, the thing about Sandrine
is she's really sorry.

But she won't be able to meet
with Danièle today.

What? She flew back for nothing?

No, no, no. She's sick.
She's stuck in bed. That's the thing.

This is ridiculous!
Can't she at least Skype?

Oh, no. No way. She has a fever.

A cough… She caught that virus.

What virus?

Yes, the virus that everyone…
That's been going all over.

The H3N something something.

My assistant got it, you know,
it's not a pretty sight!

Look, Gabriel, this is a big problem.

We have a table-read on Monday,
Dussollier's only availability.

Monday's fine.
She'll be up and about in three days.

Yeah… That's a pretty weird virus, huh?

No, it's just very intense
but also short-lived.

It's a virus. Right.

So… I have to go! I'll talk to you soon

Oh, oh!

And now… a new comedian,
Sandrine Kiberlain!

- Let's get this show started!
- So…

I'm whisking Charlotte away in my basket
to see Serge in the clouds.

Did you see that? That's Jane Birkin.

Frenchmen… Frenchwomen… France.

Ah, hang on! Those assholes!

- In their cars…
- Who is that?

It's Chantal Ladesou.

Nicolas, Nicolas

Stop! What are you doing?

- This isn't the Don Camilo.
- Vartan.

We're not at the Don Camilo
churning out jokes for the employee gala.

OK? It has to feel real.

It has come from you.

Talk about things that happened to you,
tell us about your real life.

Yeah, but my real life isn't funny.

It is… of course it is. I don't know…

Tell us about your disastrous sex-life.
I don't know…

about your pretend liberal head-bed hairdo
that cost 300 euros, you know…

- One second. No. We're working here.
- That's funny.

- Listen.
- Sorry.

Listen to me, please.

You know. Like when you're famous
and you walk into a pharmacy:

"Hello,
I'd like some anti-hemorrhoid cream."

You know? You need to convey humiliation.

It has to be about your own experience.
That's what stand-up is all about! OK?

What is it like when you have

to kiss an actor who's 4ft 1"
and the audience has to think

he's taller than you? Do you kneel to kiss
him or does he get up on a stool?

- That's funny.
- I think so.

- No, but I can't do that.
- Why not?

Well because I can't… You know,
I mean it's embarrassing.

What about the people
who'll recognize themselves?

OK. Yeah, I see… Sure.

Listen, let's call it a day.

We've made a good start. I…

- I really get your style now. I get it.
- Yeah.

It's important. Anyway,
kudos for your commitment.

- Thank you so much, Muriel.
- Please.

Because…

I can feel it, I'm so glad. We're really
making headway. So see you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

- And I'll…
- Ah, yes!

Bye.

What did she say,
"an actress who goes to the pharmacy."

That's very funny.

"Hello,
I'd like some anti-hemorrhoid cream."

Come with me, please.

You win, I give up. You were right.

She's really not cut out for this.
I never should have said yes.

- You insisted!
- Yes, all right! Let's not go there.

Anyway, I'm throwing in the towel.

I can't have her as my opening act,
she's going to empty the room.

Yes, I see.

OK. How are you going to tell her, then?

Well, the thing is,

I like this girl.
I don't want to hurt her feelings.

But I'm not great
at beating around the bush.

- Indeed.
- But…

I'll tell her, nicely…

That she sucks. There…

That I've never seen anyone so unfunny,

that's all. That she may…

cause…Some suicides… Yeah.

- Ah, OK…
- I'll say all of this very kindly.

Yes. There. All right.

You know what? I'll tell her myself.
I'll just tell her, it's easier that way.

Whatever you prefer, fine by me!

Phew… Bye!

- Thank you very very much.
- Sure.

Small problem. Muriel just told me
that her tour dates have been changed.

And so as a result,
she won't be able to rehearse with you.

That's so unprofessional!

Yeah… I know, I told her.

- Oh, no!
- Yeah.

Then again, just between us,
she's not exactly an amazing teacher.

Yeah? Shit!

And so naturally,
your 5-minute opening act is canceled.

- Sure.
- So I was thinking, this might be

a sign that it's time to move on, right!
So…

It doesn't change anything for me!
I'm committed.

I even signed up for an open mic tonight.

Really? Hang on,
you're getting onstage tonight?

That's what stand-up comedy is about!
You have to face the audience.

It's the only way to hone your punchlines.

You also have a rehearsal on Monday,
with Dussollier.

What for?

For the Thompson movie! There.

Make a decision,
I can't go on bullshitting the producer.

I'm not doing the Thompson movie!

I don't want to play house
with little girls.

I don't want to wear a 19-century wig

and I don't want to play
the Countess of Ségur!

I'm sorry.

Well, so am I. So. I…

- I'm totally immersed in this.
- Yeah.

She's so cute. She's really sweet.

Here we go. So, theoretically,
I could start in September 2022.

Where do you live?

September 2022?

Well, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, I need a nanny this year.

Tomorrow! Today, right now actually!

And you just started looking?

I'm sorry, but you're funny.

What's with all the coming and going?

Are you meeting with new talent?

No. No, no, I…

Andréa? What's going on?

You've been bringing your daughter
to work for the past week.

You look… Totally stressed out.

You can talk to me, you know.

No, no, I'm OK… There's just a…

A misunderstanding with daycare

and apparently you have to start looking
for a nanny before conception.

But I'll sort it out.

And your wife, can't she help?

No. Not at the moment.

Right. You know…

I had three children
from three different fathers.

So in terms of a happy marital life,
I'm certainly not one to give advice.

But what I do know,
is that if you want your kid to be happy,

you need to be happy.

It's not that I'm unhappy… it's…

Actually, I'm just a little tired.

That's all. If I had someone
taking care of Flora during the day,

I might see things more clearly.
I just feel like everything I do is wrong.

Do you want me to find you a nanny?

Nannies are a mafia.

Forget about finding one
if you don't know the right people. I do.

You've been preoccupied since Lisbon.

Not all,
I just have work problems, that's all.

Oh, fuck. It's Laurence Paugam again.

It's her 6th call today.
I can't tell her it's over for the film.

Are you sure it's over?

Yeah, it's over.

Sandrine is so obsessed with stand-up
that we can't make her change her mind.

Let her do it, then.
It might even turn out good in the end.

No! No, it won't be good.

She stands a meter away from the mic
because she's scared of getting germs.

Well, that's funny.

You think that's funny?
I don't think it's funny.

Do you know what Thompson's film
means for us financially?

Will you stop with your whipped cream?
It's annoying.

- Really.
- Sorry.

Dior… J'adore.

Wow… Charlize Theron is back!

- I know, right?
- Totally.

What's with the outfit?

I'm on a photoshoot next door.
I thought I'd say hi.

I need to get back. Is Camille here?

No, she went out for a meeting.
You can probably wait in her office.

OK.

Shall I pick up Miss Theron's accessories?

Yes, please.

Don't worry about Sandrine.

She just wants a change of scenery.

She'll have fun for a minute
and quickly lose interest.

And come back to her true love.

Her true love?

Film.

OK, you're not listening, I'm leaving.

Yes… I am.
Don't you want to come with me tonight?

Hey, Sarah!

Sarah!

Sarah!

How could Ulrika change her mind?
She said yes!

I'm well aware it wasn't signed.

What happened?

Fine, I'll just ask her myself!

Gabriel and his girlfriend
are on the rocks

What?

Gabriel and Sarah had a fight. A big one.

That sort of thing happens.
Did you wear that to the audition?

- Oh, no, I didn't go.
- Excuse me?

Here's the thing. Mel told me it was
the surest way of blowing it.

Apparently, Verhoeven is more spontaneous,
more into the moment.

There's a screening next week,
that's a better way.

So you stood up the audition?
Fuck, what a day.

No, but Camille… Mel knows him.

Are those my Louboutin?

I don't know, maybe?

Yeah, I can confirm, they're mine.
I just bought them.

No, but I… I used them for the shoot, OK?

What's your career plan, exactly,
aside from photo-shoots,

parties, stealing my shoes
and bitching about his girlfriend?

Me, bitching about Gabriel's girlfriend?

Forget it… OK.

Just tell me, who stands up Verhoeven?

The time I spent trying
to convince him to see you?

But you don't give a shit. You don't care,
you don't you want to work.

You don't want to be an actress.

You only care about your Instagram
and your girl Mel.

Here, take your shoes!

- Yeah, give them back!
- There!

You stretched them out!

Not bad but it's too small.
It looks more like a dart.

- It's not a weapon.
- Do you have the cameras?

I just have to speak to you before you go.

You totally killed it.

I've never seen anything like it.
You made me tear up.

As if Romy Schneider came back to life!
I don't know. I saw it all.

The Old Gun.
That Most Important Thing: Love…

- The Passerby. Yes?
- Lorène?

Come here, I can't choose.

I'm coming! See you soon.

I'm right here.

- Bye, Hervé.
- Goodbye, Cyprien.

Hervé.

I'm too swamped on set.
Do you mind removing your makeup yourself?

- Everything's in your dressing room.
- Of course, Véro.

You know you were amazing again today.

It was very intense
but it went by so quickly.

You know,
I feel like I hardly had time to enjoy.

I shouldn't be telling you,
but your acting career may not be over.

What?

I heard Valérie say she was thinking
of you for her next film.

and not a for a small part either.
You didn't hear it from me! OK?

My rising star!

Talk about your dog, not mine!

How rude. Don't let them talk
to you like that, sugarplum.

Right?

They're rude.

Hey? What's going on?

Well… We're celebrating…

The rights for The Patient Toucan.
Care for a drink?

Yes, please.

This one's empty.

Mathias, could I have a word with you,
please?

So, what do we do?

We don't do anything…

You didn't use what I said last night,
right?

No, listen, honey, last night,
you were babbling incoherently.

- You swear?
- I promise.

Come.

Cheers.

Here. So!

I'd like to raise a toast.

To all the crippled animals on earth!

Without them
we never would have gotten the rights!

I finally read the book.

- Yes, and?
- It's nutty…

It's nutty, just like her, actually…

Let me find the part

where she talks about the sheep.
It's nonsense.

Noémie… Noémie! Noémie!

You really…

Disgust me.

And the director?

I'm not telling her anything
before I have the facts.

Ah, you're back.

Yes, false alarm, just a cold.

Well?

Nothing from Ulrika,
she's not answering my texts.

Naturally, she feels guilty.

Mathias must have stumbled
onto something big.

When he wants something, he's a vulture,
so we have to think like scavengers.

Bye girls!

- Aren't they great? Huh?
- Yes

Are you sure you didn't tell him
about it at all?

No, of course not.

Doors are closing.

Aside from hypnosis or torture,
there's no way to make him talk.

And even then.
He might actually like torture.

Noémie!

Excuse me.

- Do you want a tissue?
- No, no…

Camille. Do you want us to take over?

She's your talent but this is major deal.
And I think we have to act fast.

No. It's my contract and my father.
I'll handle it.

- Everything OK?
- Am I bleeding?

- No…No, no.
- No, no.

- How are you?
- Good.

What's going on?

- Noémie isn't home?
- No.

You look a bit out of sorts.

I'm having problems at work.

What kind of problems?

The signing on a project for a book
adaptation suddenly fell through.

It was my first big contract.

Plenty more contracts in the sea.

That's not what I came to talk about.

I've thought about…
About the recognition of paternity.

You have? And?

And… I'm on board…

And what made you change your mind?

No, because… it's sudden.
We haven't discussed it since.

No, but it doesn't mean
I wasn't thinking about it.

And so I just thought…
The time seemed right.

I want to do this.
It's true that we're alike, you and I.

Well, listen.
We can go to city hall tomorrow.

- Or we can download the form now.
- You're right.

Here. Come with me.

There, have a seat.

So…

- Should we drink to it?
- Yes.

Let me see what I have, OK?

RECOGNITION OF PATERNITY

I MADE PROMISES TO ULRIKA
TO GET HER TO SIGN,

BUT PLANNING
ON PUTTING HER OFF SLOWLY.

WE CAN REPLACE HER.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO USE THE EXPENSE
ACCOUNT FOR AN ANIMAL FOUNDATION?

Camille?

Good evening.

IT'S BETTER TO LAUGH THAN TO BE LAUGHED AT

- Sandrine, are you OK?
- Gabriel! Did you see me? How was I?

- Where?
- I was on Thomas Sotto's evening news.

- Promoting tonight's performance.
- Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?

No, we have to let people know!

TV and radio. It's the least I can do.

You didn't hear me on Aliagas either?

Now I understand
why it's so packed out there.

It's packed.

- Yeah.
- Oh… Wow.

I can't breathe, my stomach aches.

- Are you OK?
- No, I feel sick.

I think I want to die, actually.

We can cancel if you want.

No, why? I love it!

I love it! I can't wait. I'm scared.

And yet I'm so happy.

My whole body aches.

It's wonderful! Oh, boy, you can't imagine
the pain I'm going through.

This is amazing!

My dad was totally drunk. So, coming from
northern France, he had a no-license car.

Drink or drive… He made his choice.

And not just any no-license car.
It was customized.

I ended up driving the car,
because both parents…

let's say it was complicated.

But thanks to the booze,
they had three kids.

- Not too nervous?
- Honestly, I'm peeing my pants.

I meant Sandrine.

I'm glad you came.

Alcohol runs through my veins.
So I'll see you at the bar.

That's all for me.
My name is Gérémy Crédeville!

Bravo!

Now please keep those good vibes going.

It's her first time. She has two Césars.
Let's hope she gets two laughs.

The very chic and beautiful
Sandrine Kiberlain!

Good evening! I'm Sandrine from Paris.

Off to a good start.

Yes, well, listen, this is great.

I see a lot of young faces that aren't
bent over their smartphones.

So you're the millennials?

I'm from the previous generation,
the one with buying power.

Silly me. You don't know what that is!

I mean, I'm not out of touch.
I'm on Instagram! I post.

I post pictures of flowers, cats.

Uh… food. Oh, speaking of which!

The other day, I was doing the groceries,

and we all agree that old-fashioned
vegetables are all the rage now?

Might as well call them the hipsters
of the farmers' market!

Right, and when I say old-fashioned
vegetables… I mean turnips, parsnips,

Chinese artichokes…

At least no one
will accuse her of plagiarism.

It could make me want to go vegan.

Do you know which fruit vegans
love the most?

Watermelon.
Because there's nothing in it but water!

Get off the stage, Mademoiselle Chambon!

Come on!
Let's maybe get better acquainted first.

- So…
- That was pretty rude, what you just did!

Ah, here we go!

So I was thinking
about old-fashioned vegetables.

I was thinking about rutabaga.

You know, rutabaga?

- Do you like rutabaga?
- No.

I'd like six shots in a tall glass.
With a straw.

On its way.

So…

You want a drink?

No, I'm good. I already have one.

I never should have listened
to Muriel Robin.

My imitations were 1,000 times funnier.

Do you remember when I was playing
in The Taming of the Shrew

and had the hiccups during the monologue?

That was much less humiliating
than what happened tonight.

Vlad, can I have a hot tea with honey,
please?

- Coming up.
- Hi, Sandrine.

Hi, Marina.

I missed the show. How did it go?

I saw you in the audience.

And I meant to tell you
that there were moments…

There were some ideas…
There was… An energy.

Feel free to interrupt any time now.

I'm sorry, you know,
for putting the audience through this.

It just goes to show,
you can't always listen to your agent.

Excuse me?

Yeah, it's his fault.
He insisted I go into stand-up comedy.

I don't know what got into him.

He had this urge,
after seeing you on stage.

- Oh, yeah. That happens.
- Yeah, he figured…

Lots of actress try stand-up,
so I want Sandrine to give it a go.

No, Gabriel! No!

It's not what I do, you know. I do films,

I do plays, and I'm keeping it that way!

So tell him.
Tell him I should do that period piece.

- Yes.
- Tell him that it's right for me.

You have to get her out of this, for sure.

- Yes.
- Sure.

Yes, yes, yes… You… You win. There!

Let's do The Countess of Ségur
if that's all you can think about!

Oh, thank you, Gaby!

Thank you.

- After you.
- Thanks.

You're lucky I love you, but…

I couldn't tell her that I'd worked
my ass off for such a disastrous result.

Hang on, who can this be?

Oh, Thomas Sotto.

"So sorry dear Sandrine,
I have to run back to the newsroom…"

What a liar. Well.

We'll never get a taxi here.

Right. I'll… I'll order one for you.

You see,
I'll never swap you for another agent.

- Going home?
- Yeah…

But look, Gabriel, they're amazing.

Hang on, Gabriel…

What? No, no, no.

No, no, no… Come on… Sandrine!

No!

Patsy is fabulous!

She sends me baby pictures every 30 min.

And while she was asleep, look.

She made a sculpture with my bath towel.

Not bad… Well then, to Patsy!

Thanks… To Saint Patsy!

One more drink?

I can't, I told Patsy
I'd be home by 11 pm.

Oh no!

Yes, hi Patsy, this is Elise.

Andréa has been held up,
she'll be there at 3 am. Thanks.

But…

Excuse me. We'll have the same thing,

with some popcorn please.

And chips!

Hold on, excuse me.

What is it? Is it Patsy?

No. Gilles Lellouche wants to play
an online game of Uno.

- Uno?
- He's shooting in New York.

He's bored in his 5-star hotel
and wants me to entertain him.

That's part of the job.

Gilles my boy, you're going to go
for a little walk around Central Park

because I'm having a drink with my friend!
And turning off my phone.

There.

What about you,
who's the most annoying talent?

- No, I can't…Come on!
- Give me some dirt!

No… It's a breach of confidentiality.

Andréa, it's just us two. It's fine!

We take care of them all day long,
can't we let our hair down?

OK. So…

- Berléand.
- Yeah?

- He's a total hypochondriac.
- Really?

If you have a cold on set, you're fired.

What a pain.

- Very convenient in winter.
- Yeah.

You sneeze, you're out.

And wherever he goes,
he brings his… toilet seat.

- No way!
- In a little leather bag.

That's too good!

- Who else?
- Well, Luchini.

- There you are.
- Sorry, I had to…

Everything OK?

She found herself a new hobby.

She's having a blast.

Wait, hold on.

Ah… Damn it… Fuck.

An ex who calls this late, it's clear.

No, I don't know. Maybe something's wrong.

It must be… I'm sorry, excuse me.
Yes, Sofia?

- Sarah!
- You know what,

I'm past dating guys
who don't know what they want.

Hold on, what's going on?
No! Wait, Sarah, don't take it…

- Don't take it like that.
- Are you free?

What's going on? Tell me… Sarah!

What?

Another one, please. Yes, the same.

Camille Valentini, I'm not available,
but please leave a message.

- Hello?
- Ulrika?

This is Mathias Barneville speaking.

Camille told me everything.
Your methods are revolting,

don't ever call me again.

I don't know where I'm going

Music in my head
Like a diamond in the night

While the days come and go

Remember the past
Your childhood memories

We don't care.

Are you OK?

Oh, my savior! Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine!

Have you met my friend Mel?

I thought I absolutely had to come
because you were stranded

without ID or credit card.

Yes. Well I was stranded because…

The thing is… the coat check girl
took our stuff and moved them.

So I was flipping out.

Don't you think I have better things to do
than drive across Paris?

Don't be mad.
I swear, it wasn't for nothing.

There's a party in Saint-Germain-en-Laye.
Mel's checking the address, big house.

Great. Good night.

No, hang on, Gabriel, please!

No… I'm sorry. I'm sorry, please.

I'm sorry, you're always so nice,
I feel I can always count on you.

Yeah. I think I'm going to have
to stop being so nice, because…

No, no… You're perfect.

Wait. Wait.

- I'm sorry.
- No, I am.

No, no.

I'm sorry.

This time I really have to go. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

OK, Sofia, I got the address.

It's not in Saint-Germain-en-Laye,
it's in Chatou.

Vincent Lacoste will be there.

Here are your coffees!

Thank you.

If he had just come clean…

But no, he pretended nothing had happened

What about me?
He lied straight to my face.

As far as I'm concerned, we're done.

I'll sleep in a separate room,
I don't want him coming near me:

he disgusts me

I think playing the bastard for work
actually turned him into one.

No way. When you're that rotten,
it means you were born that way.

Oh, no… I hope it's not hereditary.

Anyway, honestly, he can forget
about his recognition of paternity.

I'd rather be an orphan
than be Jafar's daughter!

You're right, he does look like Jafar!

Of course he does.

The only thing missing is the goatee.

He already has the treacherous look!

Totally.

"Trust me, little girl."

Cut it out.

Let's not let him mess up our lives, OK?

Yeah! You're right.

Yeah, enough of this crap!

Oh, shit… Wait…
I bet it's Jafar. Just wait.

He's in for a surprise.

How stupid does he think I am?
He masked his number so I'll pick up.

Hang on. What?

Yes.

Yes, yes, this is she.

Yes.

What do you mean?

I see… I see.

I'll be right there.

Thank you. Bye.

Everything OK?

Noémie, what's wrong?

Noémie?

What's going on?

- It's Mathias…
- What?

He's in the hospital!
He had a heart attack!

What? What?

Wait… We have to take a taxi.

Oh my God!

Taxi!

Taxi!

Subtitle translation by Audrey Prieur-Drevon