All language subtitles for Totally Completely Fine S01E04 - Not All Heroes Carry Vape

♪

♪ I saw fireworks

♪ From your house

♪ Last night ♪

Hey!

Hey.

Something you gotta say to me?

Um, happy birthday?

You fully just smashed
my window.

Shit.
Yeah.

Sorry,
my aim's a bit off today.

Where have you been?

Every morning I wonder where
that paper is I don't want.

Family stuff.

My brother's back
from boarding school.

You know,
I'd give you the lowdown,

but it's boring,
even to me.

I have some bad news.

I have to cancel
my subscription.

Let me guess. You're going to
get your news from TikTok now?

It's more like
my brother's suing me.

It's boring even to me,
but there's a good chance

I'm going to have
to sell the house.

What a fucking asshole.

No, Viv, I'm serious.

Do you know I tried
to help an old man across

the street this morning,
and he yelled at me.

And I went to a friend's
last night to go dancing,

but she wants to watch
a grown man play video games

and eat cheese sticks.

This world is going to shit and
everyone's out for themselves.

Why are you laughing?

I just didn't realize
this was a thing.

What?

The fifties.

I thought you just liked
the clothes and newspapers.

I like everything about
the fifties.

Everything was so simple
back then, and I...

I don't get why no one else
can see that.

Hey.

Hey, listen.

Believe me, I know
how tempting it is

to spend all your time
in the past.

But it's really fucking unsustainable,

and really fucking ruins
the present

and I don't want
that for you, dude.

So my advice would be to try
and accept what this is.

Even if, yes, what this is
can be very sub-par.

You know,
that was vaguely insightful.

Does this have something
to do with your 15 saves?

How do you know about that?

You kidding?

It's the talk
of the Crevice, dollface.

Hey.

God, that guy
is highly strung.

Like a fucking violin.

♪

♪

Have you just come from Vivian's?

No.
Oh.

Well, yes,
I guess. Why?

Well, I've been thinking,

about trying again
with my article.

See, she's celebrating her
Crystal Jubilee this week.

It is made for the front page.

Did you just refer
to her saving 15 people

as a Crystal Jubilee?

Look, I've got to find
some kind of

phrasing for it, Dane.

You've vetoed so many of them.

Maybe you
could talk to her for me.

What?

Why?

I think I came on a bit
strong last time.

Mentioned my nipples.

But you could float it, casually,

during one of your classes.

We don't do those anymore.

Well, you could just go up there
then and talk to her for me.

I mean, you two are friends,
aren't you?

No, I'd just--I'd
rather stay out of it.

Oh, my God.

You like her.

Like her?

I don't even know her.

Well, you've got a little
crush, then!

Okay! How old am I,
Mother? Twelve?

Should I invite her over
to sandpit in the backyard?

We could build
a castle together.

Oh, Dane, you've lost
control of your face.

It's moving
all over the place.

♪

And just
to be clear, this?

Only horror and utter confusion.

And I really thought you knew
me better than that, Anna.

♪

Oh, God!

Thank you,

my darling.
Thank you.

Oh, finally.

♪

♪

Amy!

Amy?

Oh, don't you look nice!

Like a high school boy

on the way to pick up
his date for the dance.

Not what I was going for.

I thought we said we were
finishing the house today?

We are.
This is part of it.

I had this dream last night.

Well, less like a dream

and more like a vivid
awake hallucination,

because I'm sleeping
on a workbench.

Anyway,
I came up with this extra

gesture for whoever
takes on the house next.

Or us.

We have to sell, Amy.

See, why do you do that?

Why do you have to put
that energy out there?

Because there's literally
no other way

we're going to raise 140k.

You could talk to him.

I am.
It's a mediation--

I mean properly.

I mean sit him down
and tell him

all the good things
we've been doing here.

It doesn't work with John.

Never has.
Why not?

Oh, fuck! Fucking tin!

Fuck!

Ooh, I'm sorry!

I'm just trying to open it.

Maybe there's money inside.

You do realize you don't
need to keep pretending

this thing has significance.

What?

You think that tin is just a tin

and that brolga
is just a brolga?

Oh, Vivian, it's a laugh
a minute with you around.

Now.

You will fight today,
won't you?

Yes, I will fight.

Good.

Okay, just wait a moment.

Better than before,
I reckon.

I will see you tonight.

♪

My love, are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, fine.

♪

This is your third
nervous poo of the morning.

Look at your neck.

What?

It's the merino.

No, this is a stress rash.

When your body tries to tell you
something, you must listen.

This is your soul,

saying "John,
this is not right."

Thank you, but it is.

To punish your family like this?

It's complicated.

Then tell me how, hmm?

She's crossed a line, Ale.

Anyway, that'll be Big John.

Hi.

Thanks for doing this.

Oh.

Yep, come in.

I'm just gonna...

Christ.

I didn't realize you ordered
a strip-o-gram for the occasion.

I'm kidding.

You must be the holiday fling.

It's nice to meet you, pal.

So I heard you got John
into the whole vegan thing.

Yeah, I couldn't do it myself.

It's like,

you need your protein,
you know what I mean?

Why is it they call you
Big John?

Oh, it's just cause I'm so
much taller than John here.

People needed a way
to differentiate us

when we were together.

Together?

Yeah, we dated for a month.
A lifetime ago.

Well,
five months, actually.

I was in business affairs back
when John was in publishing.

Oh, Small John
didn't mention this.

Uh, it seemed irrelevant.

Yeah, Big John's here
because he's good with

tough negotiations.

Plus he knows Viv
so he's not going to let her

get away with her usual shit.

No, we're gonna crush little
sister into dust, right, pal?

- Ooh, yeah.
- Every last cent.

Yeah.

Good, yeah. Yes.

Good.
You coming to watch the show?

Ah, no, no,
he's... he's not coming.

No, not coming.

It was nice to meet you,
Big John.

♪

You still do that
nervous breathing thing.

It's adorable.

Uh-uh! Whoa! Dot, no.

We do not throw our food.

We do not throw our food.

Are you eating?

Can you have some of this, please?

Can you just--can you
do this for me?

Can you--wait,
come around this way.

Come around this way.

It's like
an airplane or something.

Whooo!

Whoo!

Ah, fine. Okay.

Okay, that's fine.

Um...

Hendrix,
can you please help me?

I have to go.

I've got this Zoom
with Hans at 10:00 and I...

Wow!

Oh?

Hello.

What's this?

Whatever you want it to be, baby.

Oh, my God.

What? Your hair!

- How did you do--
- Shh, shh, shh!

No, no.

No more questions.

Let's just, uh,
let's just enjoy this ride.

I--no, Hen,
it's not--it's breakfast time

and it's not a vibe.

Let's make it one, then.

You shut your dirty mouth
and take your pants off.

That is, if you would, um,
like to do those things.

♪

Get them off! Ooh!

Tiny Teddies!

Leave the Tiny Teddies!

Are they tiny teddies
or are they...

massive teddies?

Oh, sorry!

Hendrix!

Oh my God!

June, June, June, June, darling,

how did you get out
of your chair, sweetheart?

I heard talking.

Oh, is that, uh,

is that all you heard, sweetheart?

Yeah, we stay here now, yeah?

We stay put in our chairs,
eat our porridge.

Sorry.

I thought--I thought that
would be sexier in my head.

No, that was--
that was plenty sexy.

Thank you.

Good.

'Cause, uh,

I'd like to do stuff
like that more often.

Me too.

Really?

Well, tonight,

I'll do what you want.

Anything.

I mean it.

Okay.

Deal.

♪

this is not a courtroom
and I am not a judge.

Retired four years go.

You have opted for a mediation.

So we are first going to see

if some structured

negotiation can
resolve the dispute

between...

Vivian Cunningham

and Maized and Corn-Fused.

It's a vegan taco truck.

Oh, wonderful.

I've always been curious
about making the switch,

but I just--well, I do worry
about where I'd get my protein.

Oh, no, that's a common misconception.

Lentils, chickpeas, edamame.

They're all great...

sources of protein.

Legumes tend to flare my IBS.

Could we maybe...

Oh, yes, of course.

Well, where shall we begin?

Well, how about with the fact that

Ms. Cunningham caused a fire
in my client's food truck

before fleeing the scene?

Objection, Your Honor--

Uh-uh-uh! To clarify,

not a judge.

Still,

we completely deny

these slanderous
claims of arson.

No one is accusing her of arson.

No, they are not!

resulting in destruction
of property

to which we are demanding
she pay for the damages caused.

You know I can't do that.

You could
if you were to depart

with the significant asset
that Granddad left you.

Are you seriously gonna
make me do that, John?

Believe it or not,
I'm making changes.

Mm, that's what you said
when I gave you the job.

And then you sat there,
sucking on that vape--

I didn't know it was
going to explode.

Yes, indeed.

Maybe it's the vape manufacturer

who should be paying
these damages.

Yes, well we looked into that.

See this little part here?

We were informed by the manufacturer

that it is a custom
modification made by the user

to create what Reddit commonly
refers to as a--

Super bong.

You were smoking a super bong

on the job, Vivian.

Yes.

A job where you
pushed her too hard,

in grueling conditions,

underfed on a vegan diet,

completely devoid of protein.

So she fell asleep on the job.

You fell asleep?

- Oh, yes. What?
- Right. Well,

I don't think we
need to hear anymore.

Is that right?

Well,
I have some testimony.

From Google reviews.

This is from Peas on Earth.

"The taco was fine,
but nothing special."

Hummus Where The Heart Is,

"A little soggy,
but otherwise good."

Hardly the reviews
of a successful business.

In fact, it could be argued
that my client

has done a public service
by removing this product

from the city's thriving
food truck scene--

Look, it's true.

I was high.

I fell asleep.

And when I woke up,
the super bong

fire was halfway up the truck.

Why did you run?

Why didn't you call me?

We could have
salvaged something.

You wouldn't have
salvaged anything, John.

You would have stood me
in front of the truck

and yelled at me
like you always--

So this is my fault?
No!

No, of course it's fucking not!

I just--I just wish--
I fucking wish--

What? What?

Wish you would come out
and say what you want to,

instead of all this
excruciating bullshit!

Okay. Okay, sure. Sure, Vivian.

Maybe I finally
fucking will then.

to take a break here.

That's the wonderful
thing about a mediation.

It really is in your own time.

Uh-uh, lovely, it's not vegan.

Oh!

Hey, hate to ask but
are you still all right

to look after
the twins tonight?

Yeah.

'Cause, um, Laura
and I are having sex.

♪

♪

Is that not keeping
them awake?

No, I...

They like the sound.

Ale.

Mm?

Do you wanna know
how it went?

No.

No, I'm not involved, hmm?

♪

♪

Hello.

My old school uniform?

Yeah.

I even found your chain.

Do you remember?

Of course. Hmm.

Oh, it's-it's tight.

Put this on too.

Let's go fool around
in the boys' changing room.

Okay.

As long as Mrs. Wilson
isn't outside on smoko.

Oh, fuck Mrs. Wilson.

She made me put down my hem.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe there's only
three weeks until graduation.

Me neither.

Three weeks until we're... free.

Free to do whatever we want,
whenever we want.

What do you want to do?

Oh, Jesus.

I want you to fuck me, Hendrix.

I want you to fuck me
in my uniform up against

the back fence.

♪ What is my manifesto?

Oh!

Oh, fuck me, Hendrix!

Oh, take me back there.

Take me back there!

Take me back there.

Take... me...back!

Okay, stop.
What? Why?

Please stop. Stop.
Why?

Oh. Oh, my--oh my God, I'm so sorry.

- No! No, no, no, no.
- Babe?

No, I am. I am.

I am, that I don't
look like I used to.

Wait. What?

I know I've put weight on,
and my hair is thinning,

but I have--

I have tried
to look better, Laura,

but I am just so fucking
hungry all the time.

I think we just have
to accept this is who I am now.

Hey.

You...

are just as sexy to me
now as you were back then.

Laura, what the hell
is all this about?

Oh.

This was--this was dumb, okay?

This is--we're fine.

Okay?
We are so...

so beyond fine.

Okay?

Okay.

Hey.

When our parents died, I, um--

well,
Walt looked after us,

but I...

I sort of looked
after us, too.

You know, I was 17.
It felt right.

I picked her up from parties.

I pulled vomit
out of her mouth.

I gave her my study notes

when she hadn't gone
to class in months.

Never once a thank you.

Never.

Or even a thought about me.

When it happened to me too.

Hey, John.

I have so many dark thoughts.

All the time.

Sometimes...

I...

hate her.

Can you imagine it?
Hating your own sister?

Look, they are not
horrible thoughts.

In this case, they are
reasonable thoughts.

Ale, today...

today, I just wanted her
to take responsibility,

for something.

You know, to understand what...

what sacrifice is.

And have you told her
any of this?

Do you want
to know what I think?

No.

Because it'll probably be right
and even if it's not,

it's gonna sound really
good in your accent.

You should go ahead
with this truck business,

if you think it will be good
for both of you.

Or take
your life back.

Realize that it's not your job
to look after her, hmm?

Just let it go.

Perhaps...

she's actually changing.

And that's very hard
for you to accept.

Amy, I thought I told you
to finish the pergola.

Yeah, almost there.

Though I'm hoping
there's no rush now?

My brothers think
I killed our parents.

No, they don't think,
they know.

I was the only one
in the car with them.

Vivian.

That must have been--

Don't do that.

So you think that's why
John is hard on you?

Because he
blames you?

He nearly said it
out loud today.

For the first time ever.

How did
it feel?

Like my heart split
a little bit.

But I also
felt relieved.

I've been scared of it
for so long.

I've decided.

I'm going to sell the house,
give him the cash, move away.

Maybe it'll make him
feel better.

How will it
make you feel?

Doesn't matter.

Night, Amy.

Night, Vivian.

I love you.

♪

♪

Shit.
Motherfucker!

Oh, morning.

Yeah, well I thought
about what you said.

Accepting where
the world is at.

Oh, I'm glad.
I'm still

not restarting
my subscription, though.

I watched High Society
last night.

Have you seen it?

You know, Sinatra,
Grace Kelly--

Sorry, Lou,
I gotta run.

I'm gonna miss my bus.

♪ In the heavens

♪ Stars are dancing

♪ And the mounting moon is new

♪ Since the dear day
of our meeting ♪

♪ I wanted
to tell you... ♪

Okay.

Hey, what time
will you be back?

Late.

I'll most likely be drowning
my sorrows somewhere.

See you tomorrow, though.

Fuck off!

Did you know that Vivian uses
two-in-one conditioner,

like she doesn't even
care enough

to separate out
the processes,

which are very different,
by the way.

Like what would our
dating look like, hey?

We're eating unidentifiable meat
off white bread

every night
of the week,

and injecting heroin
in our eyeballs.

Then we'd--
we'd get so drunk,

we'd accidentally
get married

and buy cheap
tickets to Vegas

and get Elvis to perform
at the ceremony in his chapel!

Then, um, we'd
be so exhausted,

we'd probably order
room service,

which I've actually
never done before.

Oh--

No, no, no!

It'll never happen.

So I really,
really wish

you'd stop getting carried
away with all of this.

Okay?

♪

♪

Are you all right?

What do you think?

Hmm.

♪

Oh, my God, this is
a party in my mouth.

The secret is
doubling the butter.

Mm-hmm.
Oh.

I made a little something
for you too, John.

We began at 10:00.

Well, I'll
make this quick.

How much
do you want?

Excuse me?

I'll pay for
the food truck.

How much did
you say it was?

140k?

I think my client has been
smoking that super bong again.

No, I just--
I want this done with,

so we can move on.

Well, there's...

there's a matter
of lost income--

Yes, fine.
Just send me the bill.

What are you doing?

Giving you
what you want.

John, does that sound

like a satisfactory
outcome to you?

Wait!

Your Honor!

I would like to submit
some new evidence,

if it pleases
the court.

Again,
not a courtroom.

Not a judge.

What the hell is this?

I thought you
were disbarred.

Uh...

only in Scotland.

Well, I don't know who thought
this shitshow was a good idea,

but Vivian, might
I suggest we postpone

until you've received
some counsel from a real lawyer?

Unless you lot want to
be sued for coercion?

I didn't realize you were
going to come in so hot.

Your Honor.

John.

I just wanted
to speak to you both,

because I think
it's important

you know the full extent
of what Vivian has done.

God,
there's more?

No, this is completely inappropriate.

It is certainly unorthodox.

But John,
it's up to you.

Yep. Fine, just...

say what you
want to say.

Just make it quick.

Do you want to know
what my favorite part

about being
a shop assistant was?

Jesus fucking Christ.

The part where
you pull the customer

out of that
change room

and they see themselves
for the first time,

and you see them,
seeing that.

Compelling.

Oh, shut up, Big John.

And I thought
I was good at it.

I really did.

Until I met Vivian.

In the space
of three weeks,

Vivian Cunningham has saved
the lives of 15 people,

myself
and Caitlin included.

And yes, she's sort of sweary
and yelly when she does this,

but she also possesses something
I've never quite seen before.

This...

swollen heart.

She feels
all your pain,

and then...

somehow turns it
into hope.

Makes you feel like
you're not alone.

Helps you remember
who you are,

when it feels like you may
never remember them again.

While Vivian
is really good

at helping people
out of that change room,

she would never,
ever step out herself.

Maybe because she's afraid
of what she might see.

So today I'm
doing it for her,

in the hopes
you see what I see.

Someone who...

if you took her away
from that house,

I think would be lost.

As would the people who turn up
on that ledge for her help.

Well, I think
we've had

our fill of the poorly-formed
retail metaphors.

Am I right, John?

John?

Fine.

Fine?

She doesn't
have to pay.

No.

No, you can't let
this rubbish sway you.

Congratulations, Viv.

How are you doing?

Oh, good.

Got a no-contact order
in place.

That bastard
will never see me again.

Now I have to go, because I
need to be in real court,

and this was really
fucking weird.

Schnitzel.
And possibly Pictionary.

Can I get a hell yeah?

♪

and we were thinking,
"Oh, this is gonna be a lovely, relaxing weekend."

But then as soon
as we get there,

Big John
has a full itinerary

with every second
accounted for.

Okay, yes, he could
be a little full-on,

but that's why
we ultimately broke up.

We were just--
we were too different.

What?

What?

Your idea of foreplay
was performing scenes

from Les Mis
to each other.

about who'd
play Fantine.

Laura and I were
listening to it all night.

God the walls in that house
were so thin--

Okay, having similar taste
in musical theater does not make us clones.

I'd love to have sex
with a clone of myself.

I think it would
be deeply erotic.

Ooh! She's a delight.

You must keep her, Vivian.

Hey, how'd it go?

What?

You know,
being sexually assertive?

Oh. Oh, great, yeah.
It went great.

Mission accomplished,
if you get my drift.

Okay, John, just relax
and go with the flow.

Now, is there a card
that you're drawn to?

That one.
Ooh, interesting.

Oh, yeah,
there's definitely a theme here.

See how this one has his hands
crossed over his heart chakra?

And this one
is bound in ropes.

And the Hermit withdraws
from the world,

preferring to control
his environment.

Hey, maybe there's something

to this shit
after all.

You gotta admit, John,
that's pretty bang on.

No, no, no, this is
not John at all.

You're great,
Amy, but no.

Did you know he and I met
on a nudist beach in Tenerife?

No, we don't need--
we don't need to go into that.

His cling-wrap...
cling-wrap, you say?

His cling-wrap
blew away in the wind,

and he didn't want
to make rubbish.

So he chased it down
the beach into a zone

where you must
wear clothes.

A polícia started
to make trouble for him.

I could hear his Spanish
was not so good at that moment,

and I wentto help.

The rest of our time
on the island,

we never put
on clothing.

Naked swimming,
naked dancing.

Even naked cooking.

Hey, you two only have
one view of your brother's soul.

And maybe this is
not the true one.

His best self.

To being the best
versions of ourselves.

The ones Mom and Dad
would have wanted.

I miss them.

Me too.

♪ Silent in the trees...

Hey.

Hey.
I've got that.

Um, look I just
wanted to say--

Oh, don't.

It's, um--
you're so welcome.

You know, Hendrix and Laura
haven't fucked in a year.

- What?
- Yep.

No, I don't--
I thought--

he told me they were
doing it last night.

No.
He's bullshitting.

Do you know
what's wrong? No.

No fucking idea.
It's really weird.

Hmm.

Bye!
Bye!

Thanks for coming!

Oh!
What are you doing?

Oh, sorry,
I have a surprise.

Probably should
have asked first.

Okay,
come on.

Open.

♪

I call them sharecrows.

I always wondered
who would people talk to

when we're
not here?

Amy, you...

You're really good
at this crap.

Thanks.

I always wanted
my own shop.

And I always imagined
it would look exactly like this.

Ooh, minus the suicide
paraphernalia, of course.

Mm.

George said I should
focus on the app,

that no one
would come,

or I'd talk so much
that they would leave.

I think you
need your bed.

I'd love a bed.

No. Your bed.

Let's take it back,
from shitbag.

I don't know.

Come on.
I'll go with you.

We'll rent a van.

Look at us.

Like Batman
and Robin.

Oh!

Okay, why do you always
have to pick the shit ones?

Why can't we
be like--

Sherlock
and Watson!

Ha!

Doctor, detective.

Oh come on,
you can't say that's shit.

Right?

Hey, Vivian.

- Come on. Let's do it.
- Okay.

So, where is it?

Dane!

I need--I need
to talk to Vivian.

Oh.

If--if that's...
okay with you both.

So, what's up?

Are you okay?

I like you.

I don't know how
it happened, but I do.

Oh.

I see.

Are you sure?

Well, do you--do you want to
say anything in response, or...

♪

I think we should
talk tomorrow.

Okay, that's...

totally fine.

No, not because
I don't like you too.

I just...

um...

I think if you
stay right now,

I'll probably have
another drink,

try and fuck you
on my new pergola,

and possibly
forget I did that.

Right.

Okay.

Well, this has been...

You know
where I live.

I don't know
why I said that.

♪

Dane, I meant
what I said.

Louis?

What are you
doing here?