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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:05,172
So, do you get to talk to
Rasputin and James Doohan?
2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:06,840
Yeah, totally.
3
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,091
Yeah, but you don't really have a body.
4
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:09,218
Then you can't have sex again?
5
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,011
Like we were getting laid all the time.
6
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,096
And with no sex comes no rejection.
7
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,557
You don't miss sex because
you're like omniscient.
8
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,476
Seriously, ask me any question.
9
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:20,145
Okay, what's the meaning of life?
10
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,897
The color 12.
11
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,482
- Really?
- No, idiot.
12
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,026
Ask me something less
Hitchhikers Guide, dork.
13
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,569
- Do we have souls?
- Yeah.
14
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:30,030
Uh, not quite souls, but
that's the general idea.
15
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,907
Everything has a soul.
16
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,159
Crap! So, I guess I should
become a vegetarian?
17
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,453
No, like, everything living has a soul.
18
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,914
Even spinach. You can't win.
19
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,874
Oh, so that's... a problem.
20
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,000
Here's something.
21
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,585
You know how people
cry about aborting babies
22
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,379
because of their soul?
23
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,798
Turns out you don't get a
soul until you're, like, one.
24
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,633
So weird. One, really?
25
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,593
Or maybe six months, I forget.
26
00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,762
Either way, you're just this little crying,
27
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:56,640
pooing, monster blob
till you get your soul.
28
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,767
That's amazing. I should tell everybody.
29
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,018
People need to know about this.
30
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,270
Oh, definitely!
31
00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,897
Maybe you should write it down
on a golden plate,
32
00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:07,067
or maybe get some aviators
and a compound in Guyana.
33
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,485
Yeah, I get it.
34
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,279
Dude, I barely believe you're real.
35
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,614
I mean, if there were ghosts,
they'd be freakin' everywhere.
36
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,074
Yeah, not necessarily.
37
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,618
You can only haunt
something you were close to.
38
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,203
In life.
39
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,705
And you chose me?
40
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:20,956
Out of everything, you chose me?
41
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,666
Well, before you get all teary-eyed,
42
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,459
I could only choose between you
43
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,962
and a cocoon that is
constantly getting blown up.
44
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,631
- Still, you could've--
- Or Beth Seaton.
45
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:32,134
Yeah, but she's not 15 anymore,
so she doesn't like me.
46
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,219
That way.
47
00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:36,930
I told you that I wanted
you in the Monarch Mobile,
48
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,765
fully suited up by noon.
49
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:39,975
It's noon fifteen!
50
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,019
Oh, dude, I'm sorry I was just--
51
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,062
just working on my model
52
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,106
of Blackbeard's pirate skull.
53
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:48,942
Sure you were. Just get suited up.
54
00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:50,485
We can't be late.
55
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,446
21 wants to nail your wife.
56
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:55,073
He even pasted her face on
a bunch of soft core pictures.
57
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,950
Shut up! That is so not true!
58
00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,076
Oh, it's true.
59
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,704
21, you gotta knock this
"Alas, poor Yorick" crap off.
60
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,664
Look on his computer in the folder
61
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,875
labeled "special software."
62
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,460
There's tons of them.
63
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,462
Okay, whatever!
64
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,005
Get it together.
65
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,715
We're about to make
villain history here, 21.
66
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,008
I need you on board.
67
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,844
After today, we will walk
up to Venture's front door
68
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:19,139
and explain that I win, and he loses.
69
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,474
Okay, I'll be right there.
70
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,643
He stole your wife's bra...
71
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:25,062
from the hamper!
72
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:29,524
[SPY MUSIC]
73
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,296
Uh, geez, this place reeks.
74
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,006
What's this guy doing in there?
75
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,591
The "guy" is Dr. Peter Schumpmaker.
76
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,301
Lord knows what a schump is,
77
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:59,012
but you can bet your bippy
his ancestors made them.
78
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:02,766
What he's doing is far worse
than crafting fine schumps.
79
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,309
Key.
80
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:08,271
So, he's another arms trader?
81
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,940
You wish.
82
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,358
This guy is making a stink bomb.
83
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,276
Is that like a dirty bomb?
84
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,195
No, really. Seriously, stink bomb.
85
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,322
Like a stink bomb. You want this?
86
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,074
There's a free pinky ring there.
87
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,909
Stink bomb? Who cares?
88
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,661
What the hell are we doing here?
89
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,621
Shouldn't we wait till recess
90
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,416
when all the other kids can
help us give him a wedgie?
91
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,875
This is serious.
92
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,335
You ever notice that gunpowder smells
93
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,170
like rotten eggs and fart?
94
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,089
Hmm? You ever think about that? Farts?
95
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,091
No, not unless somebody actually farts.
96
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,634
Well, that's sulfur.
97
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,969
It's one of the primary odors.
98
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,929
Oh, yeah, cutting edge olfactory science.
99
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,681
And our little Dr. Schumpmaker
here has found
100
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,100
a volatile combination of these fine odors.
101
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,185
Ta-da! Deadly stink bomb.
102
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,062
That must be why this place stinks.
103
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,189
Or maybe it's just the other key.
104
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,316
You can lose that.
It's a combination print lock.
105
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,569
So, what's the plan?
106
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,362
What? We do it like all the others.
107
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,656
I make a fun little diversion
108
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,199
and you come in and wham!
109
00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:03,034
Brockness monster on 'em.
110
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,327
[BEEPING]
111
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,662
Okay, it's open.
112
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,444
Signal me.
113
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,127
Oh there's a ladder right there.
114
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,259
Oh, yeah, that's a lot of fun!
115
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,799
Oh! I'm sorry.
116
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,384
Thought this was the bathroom.
117
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,136
What with that tangy odor I'm enjoying.
118
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,138
I was in the neighborhood shopping,
119
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,806
and I can't find a Starbucks--
120
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,808
What are you guys waiting for?
121
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,435
Okay, we'll mix it up.
122
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:31,438
But no tummy punches,
I really do gotta pee.
123
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,820
Boom! That's right!
124
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,572
This is all happening!
125
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,657
Cannot change the channel now!
126
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:48,079
MONARCH:
Sweetie, you almost hit that antenna thing.
127
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,289
Can you fly higher?
128
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,458
Last time we did that
we were chased by jets.
129
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:54,211
And we ended up on an
episode of UFO Hunters.
130
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,087
We should have just drove here.
131
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,380
[SCOFFS]
That's for chumps.
132
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,257
I'm gonna arrive in style!
133
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:02,803
Show this Monstroso clown
I mean flying car business.
134
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,585
That's the place!
Just put it down on the heliport.
135
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,201
Who sent you?
136
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,787
Any beans you wish to spill before you die?
137
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,289
I believe that's customary.
138
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,541
Love to!
139
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,251
I'm an agent of S.P.H.I.N.X.!
140
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,212
When super scientists,
lawbreaking baddies and whatnot
141
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:40,090
refuse to get a Guild license
and play all nice nice,
142
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,259
you deal with us... S.P.H.I.N.X.!
143
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,302
Are you serious?
144
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,096
This is all because I don't have a costume?
145
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,306
Well, you're
oversimplifying it, aren't you?
146
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,309
You're not gonna get killed
for your lack of fashion pizazz.
147
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:54,187
No, you're gonna die because
you're a dangerous nut.
148
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:57,315
[LAUGHS]
So I'm going to be killed?
149
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,567
Yep.
150
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,444
And I suppose, what,
my men will just fall down dead
151
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,197
and I'll suddenly not want
to pull this trigger?
152
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,240
Mm-hmm.
153
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:06,283
[LAUGHING]
154
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,325
[GRUNTS]
155
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:11,913
[SCREAMING]
156
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,290
See?
157
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,542
If you could pull that trigger,
you totally wouldn't wanna.
158
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,298
Gentlemen, veil yourselves.
159
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,301
This is Guild business.
160
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,724
Monstroso!
161
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,601
Looking... tall.
162
00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:35,270
Monarch, always a pleasure.
163
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,230
What's with the extra muscle?
164
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:41,526
And this feisty little beetle
must be henchman 21.
165
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:43,361
These are my associates.
166
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,614
Mammoth Corp is a
legitimately traded business.
167
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:46,948
Mostly.
168
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,367
These men are harmless. Cigar?
169
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,453
I don't smoke.
170
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,538
Well, I do. Have a seat, gentlemen.
171
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,373
Look, I got my wife doing
circles around this place
172
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,125
wasting jet fuel.
173
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,627
- Can we get down to it?
- But, of course.
174
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,587
Well, I've reviewed your request
175
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,297
and there is something we could do
176
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,299
that would completely cripple Venture
177
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:07,761
and leave you in
possession of all his assets.
178
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:08,970
Sweet!
179
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,306
So let's go with my plan
to cover his compound
180
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,183
in sticky hot sugar!
181
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,144
Leaving him and his family
to be devoured by ants!
182
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:17,979
And those little ones--
183
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,356
21:
Wait, gnats?
184
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,274
No.
185
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,317
- Chiggers?
- Chiggers!
186
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,777
No, that plan was stupid.
187
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,863
My plan is clean, elegant, classic.
188
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,532
We take him down as one
would take down a mafia don.
189
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,368
- Cigar?
- No.
190
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,578
So then we're going with my
plan to just put him in a bag
191
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:34,663
and beat him with a rake?
192
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,748
No, that was also stupid.
193
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,333
What we will do is give him
194
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,543
a deep, bureaucratic, paper cut.
195
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,878
Cigar?
196
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,630
No, still don't smoke.
197
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,383
So, where do I sign?
198
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,635
Yeah, I'm thinking
199
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,470
what's in it for Monstroso?
200
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,264
Why doesn't the big man
just cut out the little Monarch
201
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:56,226
and keep all the goodies for himself?
202
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,687
The guy behind you has
a gun in his right pocket,
203
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:02,399
and the guy behind the Monarch
has an ether soaked hanky.
204
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,360
And you put your underwear
on inside out again.
205
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:06,653
Keyaii!
206
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,323
Suck it!
207
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,369
Pwned!
208
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,121
Ether.
209
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,914
No, that one just had snot on it.
210
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,529
But he did have another.
211
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,378
Well, it seems I have my answer.
212
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,672
I'll ready the papers. Cigar?
213
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,555
Yes, fine! Give me a fucking cigar!
214
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,762
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
215
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,472
Gah!
216
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:35,807
Come on, Venture!
217
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:37,726
How dare you!
218
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:40,186
You, sir, can powder your own ruddy bottom.
219
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,563
Why, yes!
220
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,189
You do deserve a good spanking, in fact.
221
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,900
Venture, you gotta get
your own screen name!
222
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,402
Who's "Little Boy Pink"?
223
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,695
He has a potty mouth, let me tell ya.
224
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:51,031
That guy is, like, 35 or something.
225
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,408
It's just role playing. It's healthy!
226
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,702
Using your-- What are you doing in here?
227
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,620
Checking my electronic mailbox.
228
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,123
Yeah, I'd do it on my computer,
but the Commodore 64
229
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,500
gets kinda buggy with
the cradle modem that--
230
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,503
Well, it's all very technical.
231
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,048
Yeah, technical. I was gonna say boring.
232
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,341
Well, aren't I popular.
233
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:12,385
Sexy singles wanna meet me.
234
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:15,138
College girls... twins.
235
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,639
Twin coeds.
236
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,933
Yeah, I wouldn't answer those.
237
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,351
Fans of my show, obviously.
238
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:23,271
Don't wanna encourage them. What's this?
239
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,065
If it's a Nigerian prince
240
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,816
asking you to take $12 million,
241
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,443
he never sends it.
242
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,361
And then you have to explain to your wife,
243
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,322
who leaves you, for... other reasons.
244
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,531
You're kidding me?!
245
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:34,908
No!
246
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,701
I mean, the guy seemed on the up and up.
247
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,579
Poor kid couldn't get to his money.
248
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:40,705
Not that!
249
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,791
I'm being slammed for a zoning violation.
250
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:45,418
It seems my idiot
grandfather zoned my estate
251
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:48,463
for "the care and upkeep
of American rightness
252
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,007
and the active defense of her civil needs."
253
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,467
What does that mean?
254
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,052
Uh, according to this, it means
255
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:56,429
that I must have 3/4
of my estate do-gooding
256
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,473
or I lose my property
257
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,642
to whatever the Mammoth Corporation is.
258
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,186
Geesh, what are we gonna do?
259
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,730
Well, I'm gonna start by
kicking the Johnson family out
260
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,190
of the missile silo.
261
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,483
And I'm also pretty sure that those guys
262
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,276
in the old propulsion research lab
263
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,402
are cooking meth.
264
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:12,529
It's a shame.
265
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,114
They always pay their rent on time.
266
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:20,203
[SPLASHING]
267
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,206
Damn it, Shoreleave,
you ruined another outfit.
268
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,707
Think Betsy Ross works here?
269
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,835
I'm the one who has to sew
this back together, you clown!
270
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,587
What are you laughing about,
"Mr. Bloodstains on Everything"?
271
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,840
You know that he just rips those himself.
272
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,676
He just tears it off like a
Chippendales' fireman.
273
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,219
Every time.
274
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,804
Good God, why?
275
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,514
For one, because it looks super cool.
276
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,224
You're an infant! How's the bath working?
277
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,350
No idea. We're used to it.
278
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,560
You tell us.
279
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,727
[SNIFFS]
280
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,605
Sorry boys, you smell
like tomato and crap soup.
281
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,357
Hunter, this just came in on the telex.
282
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,401
So what!
283
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,777
The man-shaped mountain
does that all the time.
284
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,529
Read what he's taking over.
285
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,614
Stop playing Jimmy Olsen and just tell me.
286
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,783
Mmm, not in front of... you know, him.
287
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,035
What? What's being taken over?
288
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,453
Nothing.
289
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:04,247
The boy has Tourette's
syndrome or something.
290
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,748
Uh, right. Whoop!
291
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,500
Pickled penis! Pickled penis!
292
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:08,626
My underwear is on fire.
293
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,253
It's tragic.
294
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,546
Not a damned thing you can do about it.
295
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,756
- Whoop!
- Poor bastard.
296
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,051
[YAWNING]
297
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,769
I thought you were doing your big
"I'll get you, Dr. Venture" thing today?
298
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,688
This is it. I'm arching.
299
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,607
This is my big plan. Check it out.
300
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,609
Well, uh, what did I miss?
301
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,278
Let me see, uh... well, 36 asked
302
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,864
if I thought that Leonard Maltin
had had work done.
303
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,575
And I said, "Have you seen Mickey Rourke?"
304
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,577
Yeah, he looks like he
was made by a cobbler.
305
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,121
He does! So... exciting, huh?
306
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,831
Wooo!
307
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,708
I'm having Monstroso attack Venture...
308
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,251
with paperwork!
309
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:51,377
Weee!
310
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,671
Monstroso! That's what this is about?!
311
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,089
He's king of the double cross.
312
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:56,674
I mean, think about it.
313
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,593
He's a lawyer and a super villain.
314
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,678
That's like a shark with a
grenade launcher on its head.
315
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:01,846
She's right!
316
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,973
Monstroso's planning on
seizing all of Venture's property
317
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,099
and yours!
318
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,684
- How do you know that?
- It's all right here.
319
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:08,686
I lifted a Blackberry off
one of his henchmen.
320
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,605
It had every access code and password.
321
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,608
So apparently you
signed away all your rights
322
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,653
as Venture's primary arch to Monstroso.
323
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,738
What? That dick!
324
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,448
I will kill him!
325
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,617
He's right. It's all here.
326
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,577
Nice job, 21.
327
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,454
I'm impressed.
328
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,636
Dude, that was so great!
329
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,180
She was just smooshing them in there.
330
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,391
- I know!
- You know what?
331
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,519
Uh, I know what I have to do.
332
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,771
BILLY:
We don't need much room for what we do,
333
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,773
and that's why we can't pay that much
334
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,275
because we don't do that much.
335
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,734
We actually don't do anything.
336
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:57,860
I'll cut you a break.
337
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,737
I just need to have at
least 70% of my estate
338
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,823
allotted to community vigilance
and safeguarding rightness.
339
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,408
What does that even mean?
340
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,619
It means that Quizboy and
the Pink Phantom have arrived.
341
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,204
High five!
342
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,664
Yep, welcome to the world
343
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,582
of super science, action and adventure.
344
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:13,293
Rules!
345
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,420
Will somebody hit this? I'm hanging here.
346
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,338
Come on, Rusty, you know we can't get
347
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,674
the super scientist
community to take us seriously.
348
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,676
You guys are ready. It's easy.
349
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,012
You park a hovercraft in there,
and once a month you go
350
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:26,514
to a soup kitchen and lance
boils off homeless guys.
351
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:27,932
You don't need costumes or anything.
352
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,934
Oh, yes we do!
353
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,436
Well, this is it.
354
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:32,979
It isn't so impressive on the outside,
355
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,690
but I think you'll be
impressed with the inside.
356
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:39,402
Just needs a little bit of--
What the fuck!?
357
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,571
BILLY:
It's perfect!
358
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,697
Where do I sign?
359
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:51,539
Um, I know I'm not really
up on this confusing crap,
360
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:54,083
but isn't S.P.H.I.N.X. the bad guys?
361
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,627
They were, but we
annihilated the real S.P.H.I.N.X.
362
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,921
in the Pyramid Wars of '87.
363
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,049
So, when we went rogue, we just went,
364
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,301
"Hey, why don't we use
these fresh costumes,
365
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:06,012
and all this sweet Egypt-themed
equipment we captured."
366
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,847
You guys aren't with the O.S.I. anymore?
367
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:08,973
Hell no, son.
368
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,225
We all joined the O.S.I.
with pie-eyed dreams
369
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,810
of saving the world from baddies.
370
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,103
And what did we get?
371
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,356
Hot bureaucracy poured in our laps.
372
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,816
As S.P.H.I.N.X.,
we can whip-up foamy justice
373
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,568
any way we want.
374
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:22,945
The O.S.I. plays their
game of tag with the Guild.
375
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,114
But when someone
refuses the costumed life...
376
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,033
S.P.H.I.N.X.!
377
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,701
Can we join?
378
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:29,827
Uh, speak for yourself, Billy.
379
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,704
Don't kid yourself, short round.
380
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,831
You two are gonna wake up
tomorrow with your memory wiped.
381
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,833
How's that metal hi-five
treating you these days?
382
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:39,253
With all due respect, I hate you.
383
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:40,380
I know!
384
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,756
And tomorrow, you will love me!
385
00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:44,634
You know, this is the
answer to my problems.
386
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,260
You guys just need to pay some back rent
387
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:47,595
and sign some papers.
388
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,263
Wrong-o!
389
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:50,932
S.P.H.I.N.X. works in the shadows.
390
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,475
We are ghosts.
391
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,352
I couldn't tell anyone about this.
392
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,646
Doc, seriously, it's important work.
393
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,272
That's why we're all here.
394
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,066
You're here because you
forgot to leave me your keys.
395
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,360
I mean, why we're here on this planet.
396
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:03,861
We had to make sacrifices.
397
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,530
Like covering yourselves in rotten eggs.
398
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:06,906
Do you know how bad you smell?
399
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,032
No, ass!
400
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,534
Like living next to the boys for a year
401
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:10,993
and not being able to
tell them that they're safe.
402
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,287
That kinda sacrifice!
403
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:15,415
I had my pud removed, then reattached.
404
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,792
I pretended that
I became a religious fanatic.
405
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,502
I pretended to be in love with Shoreleave.
406
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,504
Oh! And I pretended
407
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,506
I liked having sex with him every night.
408
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,426
Uh, intruder at the front gate.
409
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:28,886
SPHINX STATUE:
Intruder at the front gate.
410
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:33,891
The Sphinx has spoken.
411
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,476
How much do you want
for that watch of yours?
412
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,979
Ours is way too creepy.
413
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,916
Psst! 24.
414
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,461
Hey, 24. Dude!
415
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,254
Yes, my master.
416
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,840
Dude, what is this, I Dream of Jeannie?
417
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:07,467
I need you to check out
the Venture compound
418
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:08,843
and deactivate the alarms.
419
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,219
I'm not a poltergeist.
420
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,345
I can't move stuff.
421
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,306
But I'll take a look around
if you do that thing
422
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,849
for a couple of my new friends.
423
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,267
Oh, come on!
424
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,935
Okay, fine. Quickly.
425
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,858
I'm in a hurry.
426
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,774
This is Speedy. You remember him.
427
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:26,027
And President Woodrow Wilson.
428
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,820
Yeah, they bet me you couldn't do it.
429
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:28,946
Velvet Hour!
430
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,948
Kate Moss. Easy.
431
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,492
Still?
432
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:33,618
Umm, Jennifer Lopez.
433
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,077
- Covet?
- Sarah Jessica Parker.
434
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,079
And she also has Lovely,
and Twilight, and Dawn.
435
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,498
And a whole bunch more.
436
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:39,916
Astonishing.
437
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,919
He is like the rain man of
celebrity signature perfumes.
438
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,587
Unscripted?!
439
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,172
Patrick Dempsey. I know, it's insane.
440
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,508
Tim McGraw and
Carlos Santana also have them.
441
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,092
All right, you guys, I win.
442
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,094
Looks like you have to tell Helen of Troy
443
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,013
how awesome I am. Beat it.
444
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:57,058
Jeez! Okay, now you gotta
go secure the compound.
445
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,684
I'm gonna wait here for Monstroso
446
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,603
and deal with him the old-fashioned way.
447
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,688
You're gonna sew him a quilt?
448
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,482
No, douche, I'm gonna whale on him.
449
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:05,733
I can't secure anything.
450
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,652
Come on! You help me all the time!
451
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,237
Do I?
452
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,447
Or do I just let you feel secure enough
453
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,990
to trust your intuition?
454
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:15,451
No, you are real! Real!
455
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,037
If you say so.
456
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:21,457
We will drag his ass in front
of the Council of Thirteen!
457
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,001
Nobody double crosses the Monarch!
458
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,671
Honey, the double cross
isn't a Guild offence.
459
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,881
They actually encourage that kind of thing.
460
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,676
Trust me, Monstroso knows Guild law.
461
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,844
But we gotta do something!
462
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:36,013
It's 21, sir.
463
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,807
He's stolen the Monarch Mobile.
464
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,017
He's gone all crazy again.
465
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,019
We think he plans on attacking Monstroso.
466
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,271
- Good.
- What?
467
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:45,481
Good, we didn't order it.
We're in the clear.
468
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,109
If one of our henchmen goes
behind our backs and fixes this,
469
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,986
I'm not gonna stop him.
470
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,112
You're right!
471
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,738
And 21 might actually succeed.
472
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:56,117
And you two little snitches
have work to do, I believe.
473
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,577
We do?
474
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,036
Yeah, go clean the toilets or something.
475
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,080
No, no, no, motherf-- Are you serious?
476
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,541
You heard your leader!
477
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:06,043
Those two are really
starting to burn my ass.
478
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:08,045
You can either follow me to our bedroom,
479
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:11,215
or bend over that control throne.
480
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:14,430
Because I haven't been
this turned on in forever.
481
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,015
Brock Samson...
482
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,641
at last we meet.
483
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:21,934
Do I know you?
484
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,312
Don't pull that shit with me!
485
00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:28,649
[GRUNTING]
486
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:31,068
I don't know why you're here,
and I don't care.
487
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:33,613
I have been waiting for
this moment for a year.
488
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:36,991
Boo.
489
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:40,077
Ah, very nice. Somebody's been training.
490
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,747
This is like Christmas, my first BMX bike,
491
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:45,416
and meeting the cast of Firefly all in one.
492
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,501
Let's go! Come on, Samson, bring it!
493
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,712
Okay, Tubs.
494
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,328
Let's see what else you got.
495
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:56,761
You didn't think I was gonna
take it easy on you, did ya?
496
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:58,471
I was fucking praying you wouldn't.
497
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,348
You gotta bring it!
498
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,099
[SCREAMS]
499
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:05,186
[SCREAMS]
500
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,037
Come on!
501
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,028
Well, if you can't solve my problem
502
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,863
with this Monstroso character,
503
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,073
you gotta pack this up.
504
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,699
And there will be a late
fee with that back rent.
505
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,785
Oh, we'll solve your
problem with Monstroso.
506
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,536
But not legally.
507
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,456
S.P.H.I.N.X. solves problems
their own special way.
508
00:19:25,587 --> 00:19:27,989
Don't worry, we have
Brock Lobster taking care of it.
509
00:19:28,197 --> 00:19:30,044
He's clean as a whistle.
510
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,754
Won't remember a thing.
511
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,130
Aren't you gonna wipe my memory?
512
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,256
White, you lazy bastard, if you had
513
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,050
even an ounce of the little guy's moxie,
514
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:38,594
I'd be cleaning you like a toilet seat.
515
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,429
Um, what's going on?
516
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,681
Oh, great.
517
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:45,142
Is the uh, washing machine still warm?
518
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,435
You're sure that thing works?
519
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,979
Shoreleave! You have fun with
those homophobic drug lords
520
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,731
you were imprisoned with last week?
521
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:53,359
Prison? I was here last week.
522
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,111
Come on in, boys.
523
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,154
Hey, did I ever tell you about your mother?
524
00:19:57,238 --> 00:20:00,157
Or that you are both clones?
525
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,992
What?
526
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,911
24:
21!
527
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:06,997
You must go to the Dagoba system.
528
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,624
There you will meet the Jedi master
529
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,167
who instructed me.
530
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:12,002
Good one.
531
00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:14,505
Thanks. But I'll hand it to ya,
532
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,383
you really can deliver
a pretty decent beating.
533
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,551
[GROANS]
534
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,760
I really thought I had a chance
535
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,011
'cause when I got next to you,
536
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,013
I swear it smelled like
you crapped yourself.
537
00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,432
That's not, uh...
538
00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:25,933
that's from something else.
539
00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:27,727
Obviously.
540
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,311
What are you doing here?
541
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,938
I heard you went over to the other side.
542
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:33,524
Who cares why I'm here.
Why are you here?
543
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:34,692
What do you mean, why am I here?
544
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,861
Monstroso's taking our place
and this place over.
545
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:38,571
The only way I could think to stop him
546
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:39,947
was an old-fashioned ambush.
547
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,615
So, you're being a hero, huh?
548
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:42,825
Yeah, I guess so.
549
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:47,288
Well, then you gotta
think bigger than ambush.
550
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,293
[DOORKNOB RATTLES]
551
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,586
Can I help you?
552
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,212
Is this locked or something?
553
00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,298
It goes counter clockwise.
554
00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:00,259
I'd like you to tear up that last agreement
555
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:01,385
you made with the Monarch.
556
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:04,221
Oh, really. And you are...?
557
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:07,600
Just a concerned citizen/Jedi/ninja is all.
558
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,019
Idiot. Get out.
559
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,687
What are you doing there --
calling your men?
560
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,231
Ah, they're sleeping. I put 'em to bed.
561
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:16,692
Shh, don't wake 'em. It's rude.
562
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:20,821
Okay, little guy.
563
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:22,364
You really wanna do this?
564
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:24,271
I'm twice your size.
565
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,827
Not anymore.
566
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:29,747
[BOTH SCREAMING]
567
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:13,666
G'night, Brock.
568
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,292
Good night, Hank.
569
00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:16,919
- [GLASS BREAKS]
- Brock?!
570
00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:21,519
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