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1
00:00:08,063 --> 00:00:12,012
Well, if it isn't the late
Dr. Thaddeus Venture.
2
00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:13,580
I'm glad you're still...
3
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,948
hanging around.
4
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,550
I wanted to thank you for finding
5
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,253
Grover Cleveland's
presidential time machine for me.
6
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:20,788
I'll give him your regards.
7
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,156
Take your time, Monarch.
8
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:26,560
'Cause the minute you finish
your little speech, I'm gonna kill you.
9
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,162
What are you, Obi-Wan Kenobi?
10
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,429
Just look at you schmucks!
11
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,732
I don't think I'm the one in danger here.
12
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:35,769
Considering the sad fact
that right below you
13
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,805
flows the mighty Amazon,
14
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:40,908
teeming with the most
gruesome fish to ever...
15
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,209
- The piranha!
- No!
16
00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:43,710
- The shark?
- No!
17
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,279
- The piranha?
- No!
18
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,880
And shut up.
This isn't a quiz.
19
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,715
Now, where was I? Right.
20
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:52,386
The dreaded candiru,
a naughty little fish
21
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:55,589
with a penchant for
swimming up a man's urethra
22
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:59,226
to feed on the damaged tissue
of the pitiful mass of flesh
23
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:00,594
you once called your penis!
24
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,096
That is a total myth!
There is no such fish.
25
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,731
- Is too!
- No, there isn't!
26
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,033
- Time-out!
- What?
27
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:07,935
Time-out!
I'm really hurt!
28
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:10,170
This isn't freeze tag.
You can't do that!
29
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,639
I'm serious.
I really feel sick!
30
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,641
Don't even think about ralphing on me.
31
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,043
Where are you hurt, boy?
32
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I don't want to say.
33
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,912
- Oh, great.
- Dean?
34
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,881
My no-nos hurt.
35
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:22,282
What the hell are no-nos?
36
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,551
That's the super adult term
my teenage sons use
37
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to refer to their genitals...
38
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,055
in public...
39
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,323
in front of their father.
40
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:32,593
Well, duh! You all should be feeling
the sting in your nethers,
41
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:36,597
for in seconds, the dreaded candiru
will seek out the tiny...
42
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,533
The kid's really hurt. Let him go.
43
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,035
Why? I'm about to
kill all of you anyway.
44
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,738
- What's the point, really?
- Because you have to!
45
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:49,042
In 1969, the Guild of Calamitous Intent
enacted an addendum to article 47
46
00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:50,711
of the Unusual Torture Act.
47
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,179
So let's cut the monkey business.
48
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,780
- Go, Dad!
- Yes, go, Dad.
49
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,749
And what's more,
you arrogant little trouble-maker,
50
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,184
you have to let us all go.
51
00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:58,952
How the hell do you know that?
52
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,153
Check it out for yourself.
53
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,421
Maybe I will.
54
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,757
You don't know when to stop
with all this, do you?
55
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,325
You just keep pushing my buttons!
56
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,793
You're my arch enemy!
57
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,962
That's what I do!
That's my thing!
58
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,497
All right, fine.
59
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,466
I have a Guild of
Calamitous Intent handbook
60
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,001
in my glove compartment.
61
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,535
I'll be right back.
62
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,004
Don't go anywhere.
63
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,157
Well, I think that's settled then.
64
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,292
We meet back here in two days.
65
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:13,927
I keep the big one as collateral.
66
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,431
But what if Dean dies before then?
67
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:18,799
Then I kill this guy.
68
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:22,302
The Guild of Calamitous Intent,
which, incidentally, I only joined
69
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,304
to get the full-dental
and partial health package,
70
00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:26,840
has this pretty cut and dry.
71
00:03:27,147 --> 00:03:28,740
I have to kill him.
Those are my orders.
72
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,043
I'm not even going with you.
73
00:03:30,150 --> 00:03:31,601
What do you mean
you're not going with me?
74
00:03:31,688 --> 00:03:35,082
I'm a bodyguard.
You have your orders, and I got mine.
75
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:37,084
Okay, then, guard him!
76
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,621
No way!
77
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,157
The addendum to
the Unusual Torture Act
78
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,259
is also called Rusty's law.
79
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,995
They used to call my dad Rusty.
80
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,063
How do you think your father
knew everything about it?
81
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,232
Because he's a genius super scientist.
82
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,234
I like to dream, too, Hank.
83
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:57,170
But face it, your grandfather
really did a number on your old man.
84
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,805
God, what a pro!
85
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,008
I wish I was old enough
to hate him when he was alive!
86
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,442
Now, that was an arch enemy!
87
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,111
I never met my grandfather.
88
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:05,612
I never even met my Mom.
89
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:10,083
Hank, what would you say
if I told you that your mother
90
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:12,753
- was someone you've met before?
- What?
91
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:16,089
And what if I told you that your father
is not your real father?
92
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:17,891
Hank!
93
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:19,393
Hank!
94
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,561
I am your real father!
95
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:24,331
No way. No way!
That's not true!
96
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:26,400
Psyche! Ha, sucker!
97
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,835
You were all, "Oh, Daddy,
you're my Daddy!"
98
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,071
You are so gullible.
What is that like?
99
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:36,576
- Hey, can I have your pudding?
- Um, no. I'm so saving that.
100
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,713
You really have to hold that
so close to my face?
101
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:40,914
I mean, where am I gonna go?
102
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,749
Yeah, dude, ease up on him.
103
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,618
It's not like that's loaded or anything.
104
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,920
Aw, what are you?
Some sort of an imbecile?
105
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,522
Why would you even do that?
106
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:52,225
- Did you lift anything heavy?
- I told you, it's not a hernia!
107
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:54,027
Were you rough-housing
with your brother?
108
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,729
- No.
- Oh, dear God.
109
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:59,066
You two haven't been experimenting
with inappropriate touching?
110
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:00,400
No! Gross!
111
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:03,637
I know you've been seeing a lot
of that little tramp who lives next door.
112
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,540
Lord knows what kinds of
diseases that hussy carries.
113
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,208
It's getting worse!
114
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:11,645
Dean, I don't want you hanging around
with Triana Orpheus anymore.
115
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,713
I don't approve of the way she dresses.
116
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,916
Girls like that are usually on the dope.
117
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,820
Dean, have you been
shooting dope into your scrotum?
118
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,721
You can tell me! I'm hip!
119
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,458
Dad, why are you doing this?
120
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,893
I don't know what I did!
121
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,863
Suddenly it just felt like someone
kicked me in the rocks
122
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,566
and they never took their foot away!
123
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:35,602
All right, Dean, you're gonna
have to pull down your pants.
124
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,304
I have to palpate the region.
125
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:39,973
Please, Dad, please, please,
please don't feel me up!
126
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:43,577
I'm going to palpate, Dean.
This isn't any fun for me, either.
127
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,345
Do you want me to
get H.E.L.P.eR. to do it?
128
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:46,513
Is that better for you?
129
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,349
A doddering old robot
with cold, steel claws.
130
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,784
Is that what you want?
131
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,386
I want a doctor!
132
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,957
Are you gonna get the phone or what?
133
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,693
What is wrong with you?
Why don't you ever flush?
134
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,828
It's like a bucket full
of payday bars in there.
135
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,997
Come on, fella,
you're blocking the screen!
136
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,966
Is it so hard to pull a handle?
137
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:08,315
Oh, now, where could
I have heard this before?
138
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:09,970
Could it be I read it, like,
139
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,672
about a thousand times
in those passive/aggressive Post-its
140
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:13,974
you put all over the camper?
141
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:16,476
Those aren't passive/aggressive.
They're informative.
142
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,178
Are you going to get the phone or not?
143
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,312
Can't.
144
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:22,516
I'm apparently doing a drive-by mission
for the yardies over here.
145
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:25,218
Conjectural Technologies.
146
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,687
Master Billy, boy genius, speaking.
147
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:29,890
Billy, you gotta do it.
148
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,526
How can we make your tomorrow better?
149
00:06:32,802 --> 00:06:35,128
Well, I... I guess it's
theoretically possible.
150
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:36,596
Billy, if you push the start button,
151
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:37,964
- you can see my stats!
- Yeah, uh-huh. Sure.
152
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,400
- I am awesome!
- Okay, sure.
153
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,636
But then there is my rather steep fee.
154
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,472
Okay, then. All right.
155
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:46,907
Bye-bye.
156
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,608
"Bye-bye"?
157
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,577
Well, he said it first.
It just slipped out.
158
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,579
Well? Do we have a job?
159
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:55,048
Brace yourself.
That was Dr. Venture.
160
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:56,883
- Get out!
- I will not.
161
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,218
And there's more.
162
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,321
It seems that his son
has a mysterious malady
163
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,589
and he needs the help of...
164
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,958
Conjectural Technologies.
165
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:06,393
Way to go, Billy.
166
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:09,563
Did you tell him that you needed
the aid of a certain computer technician?
167
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:11,932
- You're in.
- Did you ask for some extra cash
168
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,333
to refuel the helicopter?
169
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:15,811
- We don't have a helicopter.
- Venture doesn't know that.
170
00:07:15,909 --> 00:07:17,978
- High five!
- I don't think so.
171
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,674
Man, this is the coolest book ever.
172
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,143
There's a guy in here
who guards his headquarters
173
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,477
with robot cheetahs!
174
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:27,347
Oh, yeah. The Zoocreeper.
Oh, hey, am I in there?
175
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:29,282
Uh... nope.
176
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,884
"M" for Monarch.
177
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:34,054
Try "T" for "The Monarch!"
178
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,590
Nothing.
So where are we going?
179
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:37,958
Towards the blinking light.
180
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,659
We fly by radar alone.
181
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:42,862
The location of my flying cocoon
is highly secretive.
182
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:45,065
Even I don't know its whereabouts.
183
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:47,300
It may well be floating over the moon!
184
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:48,902
- Really?
- Maybe.
185
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,571
Or even deep below the earth's crust.
186
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,340
Hey! It's the Grand Canyon.
187
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,910
Or it might be in the Grand Canyon,
hovering where everyone can see it.
188
00:07:57,104 --> 00:07:58,712
Sure. Yeah.
Wouldn't rule that out.
189
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:00,180
Plausible.
190
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:04,951
Surprise!
191
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,519
Crap! An ambush!
192
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:13,293
My bad. Sorry, everybody.
Sorry. My bad.
193
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,062
Now, before you tell me what
a jolly good fellow I am,
194
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:18,565
there are some people who
I would like you to meet.
195
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,737
Someone got him Brock Samson?
196
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,639
- Now I feel like a tool.
- What'd you get him?
197
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,208
I made him coupons for one free washing
of the Monarch Mobile
198
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,509
and one free back rub.
199
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:32,946
- Aren't those your jobs anyway?
- Yeah, but these are coupons.
200
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:36,416
All right, now,
let's see what all this fuss is about.
201
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:40,086
Dean, you wanted a doctor,
and Billy is one of the best.
202
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,721
Now drop those pants, mister.
203
00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:44,457
Actually, this is more of a job
for a urologist.
204
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,259
Billy is more of a neurogeneticist.
205
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,595
Yeah, but this kind of thing
should be a walk in the park.
206
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,830
A walk through a park
with genitals for trees.
207
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:51,965
And hair for grass.
208
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,700
Oh, I'm sure that put him at ease.
209
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,136
You two might want to work
on your bedside manner.
210
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,638
Dr. Girlfriend,
211
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:02,542
I'm coming in with some cake,
and a little surprise for you.
212
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,577
Come in, sweetie!
213
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,580
I have a little surprise for you, too.
214
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,784
? For he's a sexy good fellow ?
215
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,152
Oh, sweet mercy!
216
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,321
Dr. Girlfriend!
217
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,923
Won't you come over here
with me for a moment?
218
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,893
Oh, I guess
the muscular one is all right,
219
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,062
but the boy is just going too far.
220
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,297
Can't we just use the puppet again?
221
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,465
No, no. Sweetie!
222
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,867
This is Brock Samson
and Hank Venture.
223
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,135
I captured them.
224
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,370
- Did not!
- Did too!
225
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,673
I think you better give us
a place to bed down.
226
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,576
Kid here gets kind of wiggy
if he doesn't get enough sleep.
227
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:37,577
Of course.
228
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,412
I treat my captives as kings.
229
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,915
You'll be given
the grandest of accommodations.
230
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:45,085
It will be a far cry from sleeping
over Dr. Venture's garage
231
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,720
like so much Fonzie.
232
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,056
Hey, you put me in a stinky old jail cell
last time I was here.
233
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,958
You broke my heart, Hank.
234
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:55,495
Come on, there, fella,
you could have a real problem.
235
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,330
With your lifestyle, who knows?
236
00:09:57,564 --> 00:10:01,000
Could be an implant or a space virus...
237
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,036
A parasite.
238
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:06,206
Sure. Parasite,
growing larger by the minute.
239
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,409
It probably wants to eat your brain.
240
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:12,345
Okay, okay!
But I don't want you to look.
241
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:14,714
Fine. I'll go behind the screen.
242
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,950
All right.
243
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,085
Let's see 'em.
244
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,087
I don't want to show my junk
to a little boy.
245
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,355
Oh, come on!
246
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,791
- You said you wouldn't look!
- I'm not looking!
247
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:26,526
Billy, 'fess up to the boy.
248
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,495
He's been pulling that boy genius crap
249
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,330
for at least the twenty years
that I've known him.
250
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:34,401
Well, nobody's really that impressed
with Master Billy Quizboy, adult genius.
251
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,803
Like a speech impediment
and growth hormone deficiency
252
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:38,972
qualifies you as a boy genius.
253
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,441
- Don't forget the huge head.
- I copped to it.
254
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,309
Now you guys are just
ganging up on me.
255
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:45,211
Could we just do this, please?
256
00:10:47,824 --> 00:10:49,215
Holy mackerel!
257
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,686
I am not prepared to rule out
the parasite hypothesis.
258
00:10:56,508 --> 00:10:59,592
The boss is wicked excited
that you're here to celebrate his birthday.
259
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,261
What'd you guys get him?
260
00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:04,097
Well, I have a Razzle in my pocket.
I could give him that.
261
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,865
First it's a candy, then it's a gum.
262
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,167
So that's like two gifts.
263
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,702
You have no idea
why we're here, do you?
264
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,038
Big birthday bash, what else?
265
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,606
Yeah. That's it.
266
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,710
Well, it doesn't look like
the Monarch needs anything.
267
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:21,448
He's got a flying cocoon,
268
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:25,885
sharp henchmen
in peak physical condition.
269
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,921
He's got it all.
270
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,791
Morning, sleepyheads.
271
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,960
Wish I had your life,
sleeping all day.
272
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,063
So, I trust you found
the lodging provided to be agreeable?
273
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:38,865
I had to sleep in my clothes.
274
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:41,034
Now I feel gross wearing
them two days in a row.
275
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:42,472
You're kidding me, right?
276
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:44,404
That's the only outfit
I've ever seen you in.
277
00:11:44,544 --> 00:11:46,105
Well, it doesn't mean I never wash it.
278
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,475
Fair enough.
Number Twenty-Seven!
279
00:11:48,621 --> 00:11:50,556
Get the kid a change of clothes.
280
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:53,580
- How about you? You okay?
- I didn't sleep in my clothes.
281
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:55,782
Twenty-Seven!
282
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,684
Burn his sheets!
283
00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:02,489
Gentlemen, welcome to the heart
of the Monarch's lair,
284
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,758
the living nerve center
of my ominous body.
285
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:08,495
This is where it all happens.
286
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:10,363
Relax...
287
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,899
and enjoy the show.
288
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,587
Are you going past the fridge?
289
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,256
Can you get me a Fresca?
290
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,592
Well, what do we usually do?
291
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:41,494
You make some "I'm gonna
get Dr. Venture" speech,
292
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:44,063
- and then, you know.
- Well, we can't do that.
293
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,133
Man, this is sad.
294
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,668
Crap, you scared me!
295
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:51,738
Don't you have nothing else to do
but harp on Dr. Venture?
296
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:54,207
Why haven't you tried
the world domination thing?
297
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,808
You afraid of the big leagues?
298
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,111
Please, how stupid do I look to you?
299
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,879
World domination.
300
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:02,916
I'll leave that to the religious nuts
and the Republicans, thank you.
301
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:05,084
But I wouldn't be so quick to judge.
302
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:08,821
The Monarch has his hands
in many sinister soups.
303
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,057
It's just an off day.
304
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,394
I thought my birthdays were lame.
305
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,831
Well, the good news is
you don't have a parasite.
306
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,833
The bad news is that
you have a condition
307
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,770
known as acute testicular torsion.
308
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:27,173
- What does that mean?
- Well, in a nutshell, no pun intended,
309
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,142
your balls pulled a one-eighty.
310
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,577
In a way, you're kind of lucky.
311
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:32,579
It only happens to one in four thousand.
312
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,614
It's like you won the
genetic freak lottery.
313
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:35,848
I blame myself.
314
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,350
Oh, there's nothing you could have done.
315
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,485
I could have fixed this
in the prototype phase.
316
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,120
Don't be so hard on yourself.
317
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:45,592
Raising a son is an experiment
no scientist is prepared for.
318
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,727
That's beautiful, Billy.
319
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,295
Thanks. I just came up with that.
320
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:53,700
Come on! They have one female
servicing a large group of males.
321
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,135
That implies a species that lays eggs.
322
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,004
Oh, my God, you're crazy.
323
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,906
They are so obviously mammals!
324
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:03,376
Please! She'd be in estrus
24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.
325
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,511
Smurfs don't lay eggs!
326
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,246
I won't tell you this again.
327
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,315
Papa Smurf has
a [bleep]-ing beard.
328
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,217
They're mammals!
329
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,522
- Well, what happens now?
- We have a couple of options here.
330
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:18,791
We can do nothing.
It'll probably keep swelling
331
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,060
and let me tell you, that beach
ball you're packing down there,
332
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:22,395
can't afford that.
333
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,797
Or I could perform orchiopexy.
334
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:26,666
That means he wants
to operate on you
335
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,468
and you know, tie it down.
336
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,670
No way! He's not gonna operate on me!
337
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,972
Dad, can't you fix this!
Aren't you a doctor?
338
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:34,741
Make it go away! Please!
339
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:36,376
Take it easy, Dean.
340
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,211
Well, what happens if we wait?
341
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,646
That's not so good.
342
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,714
My guess is that in a couple of hours,
343
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:45,551
your son's testes
are going to die, then atrophy.
344
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,286
Think raisins. Or better yet,
345
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,888
you know when you're eating peanuts
346
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:51,624
and you crack one open
and the little nut is all dark
347
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,093
- and crammed into one corner...
- You're finished, right?
348
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:57,730
As for untwisting them,
I don't know which way they spun.
349
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:01,034
Unless you're that guy from INXS
and that's, like, your thing,
350
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,602
the pain would be excruciating.
351
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,904
All right!
Let's just get this over with.
352
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,573
Nurse, prep the patient
and shave the region.
353
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,176
Nurse? You said
I was your technician.
354
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,546
Do you have to shave it?
355
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,716
I just grew those.
356
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,889
Distress call from cellblock "C."
357
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:26,059
Excellent!
Put it up on the big screen!
358
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,261
I want the captives to see it.
359
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:29,962
Where's the big guy?
He's gonna miss this.
360
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,497
Boss, there's a monster down here!
361
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:35,401
I think it was two ninjas taped together
to make one giant ninja.
362
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,870
I saw it climb the wall.
It was a giant spider!
363
00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:40,073
See? Now we're talking here, huh?
364
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,542
Giant spider in the cocoon.
Where's Samson?
365
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,343
I can't believe he's not here to see this.
366
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,479
All right, what happened?
And one at a time.
367
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:47,947
We're standing here talking, right?
368
00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,750
Then suddenly something
cuts number Forty-Three's tendon.
369
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,385
It was horrible.
370
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,021
Oh, his calf muscle rolled up
like a window shade!
371
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:57,657
He just kept screaming till he passed out.
372
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,060
Party's over, Monarch.
373
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,996
It's time I shut down
this little tree fort of yours.
374
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:05,398
Brock Samson.
375
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,333
I had a hunch you were behind this.
376
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,802
Your arrogance will be your undoing.
377
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,538
I will get you, Brock Samson!
378
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,341
Numbers Eighteen, Thirty-Eight,
Forty, and Thirty-One,
379
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,776
secure the prison level.
380
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:19,345
Engineering, I want
a steady stream of cyanide
381
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,748
pumped into the vents
of section one through four.
382
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:23,316
Move!
383
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:24,917
Oh, and Brock?
384
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,919
- What?
- Thank you.
385
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:29,822
No, please, no! No!
386
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:48,207
Release the butterflies!
387
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:51,544
Okay.
388
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,946
Whose job was it
to feed the butterflies?
389
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,157
Way to go, Billy.
Nice job.
390
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,793
And that knot you tied,
what is that, a sheep shank?
391
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,060
Yeah, it's my signature.
392
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,796
It sure makes a statement.
393
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:10,997
High five.
394
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,266
Come on, would you
stop with that? Really.
395
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,369
Brock is totally wailing on you guys.
396
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,471
The screen says you just lost another unit.
397
00:17:18,606 --> 00:17:21,575
Nonsense!
He's in my world now.
398
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:25,444
The cocoon's internal defense system
was designed by a genius,
399
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,479
me!
400
00:17:26,794 --> 00:17:29,282
We're merely toying with him,
drawing him out.
401
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,318
Let him take as many pawns as he needs!
402
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:33,352
Hey!
403
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,087
- Hey what?
- Can I try that on?
404
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:36,889
It's all pinned to the cowl.
405
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,025
Kind of a pain in the ass to get back on.
406
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,496
You scream, I'll break your neck.
407
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:44,997
You understand me?
408
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,901
You're going to take advantage
of me, aren't you?
409
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,170
Well, be quick with it.
410
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:54,307
To be honest with you,
I never really considered that.
411
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:56,375
- Why not?
- Just didn't.
412
00:17:56,463 --> 00:17:57,980
Well, I'm not gonna beg.
413
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:02,883
What happened to my underwear?
414
00:18:02,966 --> 00:18:05,718
You can't wear underpants
until we remove the dressing, sweetie.
415
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:06,919
What's going on?
416
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:08,321
What are all those people doing here?
417
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,756
I thought you might
need some cheering up!
418
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:18,197
I've brought you a Zuni fetish doll
for being such a brave little trooper.
419
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,466
I do hope you don't
already have one.
420
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,769
You're good as new,
maybe even better.
421
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,872
I hooked you up with
the complete package
422
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:27,073
if you know what I mean.
423
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,207
I don't.
424
00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:33,779
A warm freezer pop.
How thoughtful.
425
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,481
I saved these for you.
426
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:38,684
I was gonna tape them
in a scrapbook, but here.
427
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,253
They're your pubic hairs.
428
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,255
Thanks... I guess.
429
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,123
Hey, Triana.
430
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:46,158
Kiss him.
That would be so cute.
431
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,526
Aw, sweet.
432
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:51,297
So tell me, is this the most
humiliating moment of your life, or what?
433
00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:52,832
Easily.
434
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,136
Let the girlfriend go!
It's me you want.
435
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:58,504
Give me the boy, Monarch.
436
00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:00,072
The boy's with me now.
437
00:19:00,239 --> 00:19:02,608
He has tasted the fruits
of supervillainy
438
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,143
and found them sweet.
439
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,745
- No, I haven't.
- Okay, fine!
440
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:09,548
Give me the girl
or your precious Hank Venture dies!
441
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:12,318
Monarch, we have transmission
from the Venture compound.
442
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,021
It's your father!
Everybody scramble!
443
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,990
Uh, act like nothing happened.
444
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,892
Hold that transmission.
445
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:22,028
Get these corpses out of here!
446
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,197
- Hello. Come in, Monarch.
- Go, go, go!
447
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,732
This is Dr. Thaddeus Venture.
448
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,334
What is your status? Over.
449
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:30,603
- And who may I say is calling?
- Down, down!
450
00:19:30,824 --> 00:19:32,192
You know damn well who I am.
451
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:33,797
I just said this is
Dr. Thaddeus Venture.
452
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:36,242
- Now put the Monarch on.
- Yes! This is the Monarch.
453
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,810
Everything is super great
and normal here.
454
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,879
- What are you talking about?
- Has your son died yet?
455
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,047
Or was he faking it?
456
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,549
No, he had a legitimate medical
condition and that's been solved.
457
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,284
My testicles spun around.
458
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:47,620
Hey, Hank. I had emergency surgery.
459
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,255
Dean, Daddy's talking now.
460
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:51,090
I'm ready to finish this
business with you now,
461
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:54,427
so if we... What?
Is that blood all over you?
462
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,561
What's going on over there?
463
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,930
Oh, this?
This is... jelly.
464
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:01,534
We were just enjoying a gift pack
of assorted jams and preserves.
465
00:20:04,236 --> 00:20:05,037
Yummy!
466
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,539
Brock! Hank!
467
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,107
Everything is fine, Doc.
468
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:10,109
- We just had a little...
- Party!
469
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,758
- We had a birthday party.
- Hey, Pop!
470
00:20:11,841 --> 00:20:13,813
- Is that true, Hank?
- I guess. Hey, Dean!
471
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,881
Hank, I had my pubes shaved.
472
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:17,984
I'm gonna put them
under my pillow for the tooth fairy!
473
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,419
Did the doctor see
that creepy dog dork of yours?
474
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:22,455
Hank, don't brag to your brother
about your circumcision.
475
00:20:22,580 --> 00:20:24,657
- And what are you wearing?
- It's the Monarch's crown!
476
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,926
- We had a party.
- Look, this is ridiculous.
477
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,028
I'm taking Dean
back to the Amazon
478
00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:30,162
as per our arrangement.
479
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:31,530
Over and out!
480
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:34,166
Well, if it isn't the late
Dr. Thaddeus Venture,
481
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,434
blah, blah, blah.
482
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:37,003
Come on, get to the end part.
483
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,372
- I can't feel my hands.
- Very well, Dr. Venture.
484
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:42,308
I, too, am anxious to see
you severely mangled,
485
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:46,879
for below you swims the dreaded candiru,
a naughty little fish
486
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,248
with a penchant for
swimming up a man's urethra.
487
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:50,916
Come on, just do it.
488
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,485
Oh, you're real fun.
489
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:53,986
Cut the rope!
490
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:57,590
And let them feel the sting of the Monarch!
491
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,225
Time-out!
492
00:21:27,466 --> 00:21:29,522
Go, Team Venture!
493
00:21:33,392 --> 00:21:37,296
Testicular torsion
isn't just something on TV.
494
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,231
It's a real problem.
495
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:44,403
Testicular torsion occurs only in males
usually under twenty-five years of age.
496
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:47,540
If you're experiencing
sharp pains in the scrotum,
497
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,811
swelling in one or both testes,
or even blood in your semen,
498
00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:54,814
your genitals are most likely dying.
499
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:56,282
That's right, Doc.
500
00:21:56,415 --> 00:22:01,320
So if you want to keep them,
you need to seek medical attention
501
00:22:01,454 --> 00:22:06,792
as soon as you experience pain,
like Hank and Dean here did.
502
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:08,661
So don't be a jackass.
503
00:22:08,727 --> 00:22:10,062
Go see a doctor.
504
00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:15,034
If you want to keep your testicles healthy,
remember these three words:
505
00:22:15,134 --> 00:22:16,268
Stop...
506
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:17,803
Touch...
507
00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:19,171
and tell.
508
00:22:19,371 --> 00:22:24,110
To find out more about testicular torsion,
you can look in special medical books.
509
00:22:24,243 --> 00:22:25,711
Or on the interweb.
510
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:30,311
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