Original subtitles

[woman] Who is it?

Cookie Quartz?

[Cookie] That's right.

We're from the police. We'd like to--

[Cookie] Oh, police.

I just adore policemen.

Lady, please.

I feel so safe when I'm in a policeman's arms.

[Cookie kissing Fred]

Private eyes, huh? I'll fix them.

Please, lady. I'll have to remind you that I'm a married man.

And besides, you're melting my ice cream.

[screeches]

Yabba-dabba-doo!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern Stone Age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Let's ride with the family down the street Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones ♪

♪ Have a yabba-dabba-doo time, A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

[Fred] It just isn't right.

It's unreasonable, unjustifiable, undesirable, unsuitable,

underhanded, unwarranted, unfair, and just plain unpatriotic.

Us husbands weren't put on this earth to do dishes.

Oh, Fred, it's just this once, while I set up the portable card table.

The Rubbles are coming over.

Oh, great.

If Barney sees me in this apron, it'll be all over Bedrock tomorrow.

I can even get a severe reprimand from the lodge for conduct unbecoming a Water Buffalo.

[grunting]

Oh, now it's you, Dino. Sheesh.

A woman's work is never done,

especially when the husband's doing it.

Here, Dino.

Yow!

Wait a minute. What am I doing?

You already had dinner.

Attention! About face. On the double.

Forward march!

Hup, hup, hup.

Oh, I gotta be careful. Even the dog is giving me orders.

Don't forget to empty the trash, Fred.

Now, just a rock-picking minute, Wilma. I--

Pretty please? Pretty, pretty, pretty please?

Oh, gosh, Wilma, you're using unfair tactics.

[Wilma] Hurry, Fred. I hear the trash truck.

Hey, driver.

Hold it! Hold it!

Am I too late to dump the trash?

No, dearie, hop in.

Oh, boy, everybody is a regular Jackie Gleastone.

Maybe I ought to start a maid service.

[Barney] Hey, Fred.

Yoo-hoo, dearie.

We're ready to play cards as soon as you finish your housework.

[both laughing]

[laughing mockingly] Very funny, Rubble.

Maybe I should finish by mopping up the floor with you.

That's four spades, doubled.

And redoubled.

Yeah.

Oh, let me see. Now, that comes to, um...

How much do we owe you?

Uh, four bucks, huh?

Barney, I sure wish you would learn how to play bridge.

[Barney] But, Fred--

We blew it on account of your dumb playing.

[stammering] But, Fred, don't blame me.

I was the dummy. You made the decisions.

Oh. Well, you ought to learn how to get better cards.

Oh, Fred, stop it.

[Fred] Well, just because he's a dummy, he don't have to act like one.

[crashing, then Pebbles giggling]

[Dino barking and animal honking]

I wonder what that's all about.

I better take a look-see.

What's going on, Wilma?

Betty, come here. You've gotta see this.

Oh, looks like they're sure enjoying themselves.

[Pebbles babbling and Dino barking]

[babbling]

[honking]

[babbling]

Heh, heh. If you'll pardon the expression, the home team is getting skunked.

Fred, how about going to the store and getting some cactus rock sherbet?

Hey, good idea.

Come on, Barney. A walk will do you good.

Yeah, okay.

[Fred] Any other special flavor you want, Wilma?

Hey, uh, let's try the new chopped liver chip.

Okay.

Or maybe try that other new flavor they're featuring this week.

Gravel pistachio.

Okay, Wilma. It sounds pretty good.

Uh, yeah.

Hey, Fred, uh, I got a riddle for you.

Uh, what's gray, has big ears, a tail, and a big trunk?

Uh...

-An elephant? -Nope.

A mouse going on vacation.

Oh, boy.

Wonder what's up?

[Barney] Hey, Fred, you know who that is?

That's Aaron Boulder, the millionaire cop.

Yeah, some cop.

Rides around in a Rolls-Rocks.

Oh, I'll bet he's on a hot case right now.

Yeah, and we better get home before this ice cream gets hot.

Hey, he's turning around. He's coming back.

[Boulder] Say, you two, come here.

Who, us?

Yes, I want to talk to you.

We weren't doing nothing, Mr. Boulder. Honest.

Oh, so you know me, eh? Good.

Hold up your right hand.

I hereby deputize you and make you my assistants.

[stammering] Assistants?

[Boulder] Yes, I need your help.

I need two strong, athletic, fearless, intelligent assistants.

Oh, I think you got the wrong guys.

Shut up, Barney.

Yes. Yes, go on, Mr. Boulder.

Get in, quick.

[Boulder] These are my deputies, sweetheart.

If anything happens to me, they'll take over.

Okay, honey.

Uh, what are we supposed to do, Mr. Boulder?

I'm on a hot case. I'm about to close in on a killer.

-Killer? -Killer?

Gee, we'd like to help you, Mr. Boulder, but we gotta bring this ice cream home.

Wait a minute.

You can't leave now. Where's your pride?

Besides, you've been deputized.

[stammering] I'm afraid he's got us there, Fred.

Yeah. I forgot about that.

Remember, when you lie on your back and cry on your pillow,

tears get in your ears.

Boulder's rule.

Drive on, Gus.

A policeman's lot is not a happy one.

No, brother.

You have a reservation, monsieur?

Who needs a reservation?

This is Aaron Boulder and retinue.

We're his deputies.

Police business.

Uh, this sure is a rotten table, Fred. You can hardly see the show from here.

Yeah. That head waiter probably hates private eyes.

Oh, monsieur, I hate to disturb you before the soufflé,

but there has been an unfortunate accident.

-Accident? -Yes, monsieur.

The boss, he has been, how you say, murdered.

Murdered?

Did you hear that, Mr. Boulder?

-Mr. Boulder? -Huh?

It's murder.

I'll say.

He's been shot, stabbed, choked, strangled, and karated.

What do you make of it, Mr. Boulder?

Looks like the work of a jealous woman.

Cigars, cigarettes, souvenirs.

I'll take one of those souvenirs.

-Honey. -[screams]

-What's that? -[Fred] Just a body.

You know anything about this, miss?

Well, about an hour ago, I was listening at the door,

and he was having an argument with Cookie Quartz,

the nightclub chanteuse.

Yeah? Hm.

[woman] Cookie was awful mad.

Is that so? Eh, what did she say? What did she say?

She said if he came one step closer,

she'd shoot, stab, choke, strangle, and karate him.

You're lovely, my dear.

Hey, uh, did you hear what she said? How about that, Fred?

Well, could be a coincidence.

What do you make of it, Mr. Boulder?

East is east and west is west, but an elephant never forgets.

Boulder's rule.

Where to now, boss?

Cookie Quartz's apartment, Gus, and fast.

[both sniffing]

Hey, Fred, something smells awful good.

Yeah.

[Boulder] Care to join me, boys?

After all, I don't have an apartment.

On my pay, I can barely afford to run this car.

Wow. Wowee! Wow, wow!

Follow that car, Gus.

Uh, yes, boss.

What are we following her for, Fred?

I don't know. She's probably a suspect or something.

She's getting away. Faster!

We're out of gas, boss.

Well, don't just sit there, do something. She's getting away.

Can't you go any faster, Gus?

Uh, don't tell me. Tell them.

You just drive, Gus.

And leave the pushing to us.

She's getting away again. Take a shortcut.

Uh, okay, boss.

Gadzooks.

Why don't you watch where you're going?

Sorry, Charlie.

I can't see, boss. What now?

Turn on the windshield wipers.

Oh, yes, I forget.

Shucks, fellas, she's getting away again.

Faster! Faster!

Uh, hey, boss, looks like she stopped up ahead.

A-ha! She loves me.

Stop! Stop!

[grunting] I wish he'd make up his mind.

He probably located the suspect, Fred.

Baby. Baby, I see you've run out of gas.

Allow me to assist you.

Well, if you insist.

I do indeed.

If you keep your head when everybody loses theirs,

you'll be the only one needing a haircut.

Boulder's rule.

Boy, that Boulder sure is a smooth operator.

[groans]

[grunts] Cheer up, Fred. It could have been worse.

She could have been driving a truck.

All right, men. This is Cookie's pad.

Now, I want you to go up there and interrogate her.

Well, uh, aren't you coming with us, Mr. Boulder?

No, this is all yours.

And don't come back until that Cookie crumbles.

[Cookie] Who is it?

Cookie Quartz?

[Cookie] That's right.

We're from the police. We'd like to--

Oh, police.

I just adore policemen.

Lady, please.

Oh, I feel so safe when I'm in a policeman's arms.

[Cookie kissing Fred]

Private eyes, huh? I'll fix them.

Please, lady. I'll have to remind you that I'm a married man.

And besides, you're melting my ice cream.

Oh, I forgot to ask.

Do you take milk or cream?

Milk, if you don't mind.

I'll have to get some in the kitchen.

Hey, nice-looking pad she's got here, huh, Fred?

Yeah. Uh-oh.

Come here, private eye.

[Cookie] Here we are.

Do you take sugar?

No, thank you.

Uh, I do. Two lumps.

[Cookie] I'll get some.

Like I was saying, copper.

Take that!

Here's your sugar.

[Barney] Thanks a lot, Miss Quartz.

Oh, yes, I just remembered.

Would you like Cookie to get you some cookies?

No, thank you.

Uh, cookies? Oh, sure, Cookie, sounds great.

[Cookie] I'll go get some.

No. No, no, I'll get them.

They're in the icebox, honey.

And take this.

-Hey, did you get the cookies, Fred? -[mumbling indistinctly]

-Uh, where to now, boss? -Stillrock's gymnasium.

What for, Mr. Boulder?

Deputy Flintstone gave me a hunch.

He did? Hey, nice work, Fred.

Yes, Flintstone, you have the makings of a real private eye.

[mumbles indistinctly]

Rocky Gravelano, the champ, trains here.

I think he knows something.

Yeah, I saw his last fight, and if he knows something, it ain't about boxing.

There he is, Flintstone. Get in there and make him talk.

What if he don't wanna talk?

He'll talk. Don't be afraid.

You've got the police department in back of you.

Yeah, but I'm gonna have him in front of me.

Right, and keep your eye on him. He's tricky.

Good man, that Flintstone.

All right, Rocky, I wanna ask you a few--

Ask him where he was on the night of January 16th.

Tell him we've got ways to make him talk.

See you in the steam room.

-How'd you make out with the champ, Fred? -He ain't so tough.

Toward the end I had him plenty worried.

He thought he'd killed me.

Why don't you have a massage, Fred?

Relax those tired muscles.

Good idea.

Hey, I like this private eye type business. How about you, Fred?

Ouch!

What, Fred?

Ouch!

Hey, Ingomar, you're wanted on the telephone.

Thank you.

Hey, buddy, could you come here a minute?

Oh, uh, sure.

-Put your finger here. -Oh, sure.

-Thank you. -Yeah, don't mention it.

Don't go away, I'll be right back.

This time I got it.

I'd know Tootsie Slapstone's MO anywhere.

Tootsie Slapstone, huh?

-Did you hear that, Fred? -Uh-huh.

She lives at the Waldorf Astonia.

It's Room 901, Fred.

Arrest Tootsie and cover yourself with glory.

If it's all the same to you, Mr. Boulder, I've been covered with enough glory for one day.

Step on it, Flintstone, I'm double-parked.

Oh, phooey.

Fred is a good man, Barney. A credit to my profession.

I'll say he is, Mr. Boulder.

Open up in the name of the law!

I'm from the police, and you're under--

Oh, a policeman.

Hey, boys.

Hey, put me down!

Here, you do it.

Eh, you do it.

Uh... oops.

I missed.

Butterfingers.

Now what's the matter?

Well, I went up there and told Tootsie she was under arrest,

and three guys threw me out of the window.

They can't do that to me.

Now, you just go right back up there and throw them out the window.

But, Mr. Boulder, what about you?

I'll be right here to count them as they come out.

Hurry, before they get away.

All right in there, open up. It's me again.

A-ha! Here they come.

Don't start counting, Mr. Boulder!

It's me again.

This is one of the most baffling cases I've ever been on.

Anybody got any ideas?

Yeah, I got an idea.

How about calling this case closed and going home?

My wife is waiting for this ice cream.

No, no, Flintstone.

Aaron Boulder, millionaire policeman, bon vivant,

and idol of the fair sex,

didn't make his reputation giving up that easy.

But we seem to have run out of clues, Mr. Boulder.

Yeah, what about that?

Hey, maybe Mrs. Mortimer Mortar, the cement heiress, knows something.

She was running around with the victim before the tragedy occurred.

It was in all the papers.

That's it. She must be guilty.

[woman] She's having a big party tonight on her yacht.

Gus, head for the yacht club.

All right, boss.

There she is, Mrs. Mortimer Mortar's yacht, the Flying Fandango.

[Fred] Hey, that's some scow.

[Boulder] Yes, it's a converted aircraft carrier.

Mrs. Mortar picked it up at a surplus sale.

There's her private whirlybird landing now.

Okay, now here's what we'll do.

You know, this waiter disguise is a good idea, but I wish Mr. Boulder had come along, Fred.

He could give me a hand with this rowing.

Well, he wanted to, Barney,

but like he said, Mortars and Boulders don't mix socially.

Well, uh, how about you rowing for a while, Fred?

Barney, stop complaining.

We only got a couple of thousand knots to go.

And besides, I gotta carry all this paraphernalia.

Now hear this, waiters.

Report to the dining salon, and don't fraternize with the guests.

If anybody wants me, I'll be downstairs having dinner.

Boy. Barney, this is really high-class, huh?

Gee, I'll say.

Hey, Fred, get a load of that green salad.

It's chopped up money.

Oh, looking at all this food is making me hungry.

All right, buster, put it back.

Uh, yes, sir. Sorry.

Hey, Barney, we're not supposed to fraternize.

Remember, we're here on business.

I wonder which one of those rich dames is Mrs. Mortimer Mortar.

I do hope you darlings are enjoying yourselves.

Wonderful party, dear.

And you're looking lovely, Mrs. Mortar.

Hey, there she is, Fred.

Which one?

Just follow the cigarette holder. It'll lead you right to her.

Right, Barney.

[clears throat] Excuse me, Mrs. Mortar, but can we see you for a minute, privately?

Why, certainly.

Excuse me, darlings.

Servants are such a problem these days.

Now, my good man, what is it you wish?

Well, I hate to tell you this, lady, but you're under arrest.

Cops.

Listen, you dumb flatfoot, you'll never take me in.

You think this is a filter cigarette, don't you? Ha!

Look, lady, you're already wanted for murder.

Don't make it resisting arrest too.

Stop!

One more step and I'll blow this ship to kingdom come

with this stick of dynamite.

What do you think, Barney?

Uh, I think she's only bluffing, Fred.

-Come on, Barney. -Sure, let's get her.

"I think she's only bluffing, Fred."

Oh, boy.

Uh, I'm, uh, sorry.

Mr. Boulder.

Now what? Where is Mrs. Mortar?

Well, uh, that's what we came back to tell you, sir.

We didn't get her.

Didn't get her?

Do I have to do everything myself?

Am I the only guy around here that can ever get the girl?

Look here, Boulder, speaking of girls,

I got a little woman, and she's home waiting for me,

and that is where I'm going.

Here's your badge.

Yeah, and mine too.

Come back, boys. I got a confession to make.

-You're on television. -Huh?

Sure, there's the camera.

Show them, Gus.

And the badges were really microphones.

You mean...?

[Boulder] That's right.

You've been guests on my new TV show.

It's called Smile, You're on My Favorite Crime.

[Fred laughing] Barney, we've been on television.

What do you think of that, Barney?

[laughing] Gee, I don't know.

There's the camera. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. Gee.

A candid crime show, oh, gosh.

I sure appreciate this lift home, Mr. Boulder, but there's one more thing you've gotta do for us.

Name it.

[Fred] Come in and help square this with our wives.

A friend in need is a friend indeed,

so one good turn is worth two in the bush.

Boulder's rule.

I'll do it.

-Thank you, Mr. Boulder. -Thank you, Mr. Boulder.

Wilma?

Oh, Wilma?

It's me, with the ice cream.

Fred.

Barney.

I can explain everything, Wilma.

Me and Barney were coming home with the ice cream,

and we ran into this guy, Aaron Boulder, and he--

We know. We know.

We saw the whole thing on television.

Oh, Fred, you stole the show.

You were wonderful too, Barney.

And we thought you were the greatest, Mr. Boulder.

Thank you, my dear. But now I must bid you au revoir.

I have a very important client waiting.

Boy, what a day. It's good to be home, dear.

Fred, in that scene with Tootsie Slapstone, you looked like you were enjoying it.

Wilma, don't you recognize great acting when you see it?

Well, just don't let it happen again, TV or no TV.

You'll wind up in living color, black and blue.

And that's Wilma's rule. Get it?

I get it.

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern Stone Age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight Then that cat will stay out for the night ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones ♪

♪ Have a yabba-dabba-doo time, A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

Wilma!