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1
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:20,664
[Poison Ivy] It's like I'm
going to a business convention
2
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,023
on the fucking moon.
3
00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:24,525
Avoid everyone from Thanagar.
They all have chlamydia.
4
00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:26,152
Nora, it's a
business conference.
5
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,488
It's not some intergalactic
orgy situation.
6
00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:30,782
Oh, so you'll be the
first person to come back
7
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:33,493
from a business conference
without chlamydia?
8
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:35,078
- Okay.
- I guess so.
9
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,538
I mean, I'm... I'm planning
to dominate this conference.
10
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:40,166
Crushing panels,
mingling at drinks,
11
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:42,543
making sick connections
with evil CEOs.
12
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,046
Okay, well, when it starts
to sting when you pee,
13
00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:47,131
call Professor Hugo Strange.
14
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,841
He's a walking pharmacy.
15
00:00:48,925 --> 00:00:50,218
Oh, what's this? Uh...
16
00:00:50,343 --> 00:00:53,971
[reading]
17
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,515
[clicks tongue] Aw!
18
00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,368
[man on speaker] This is
the final boarding call
19
00:00:57,392 --> 00:00:59,268
for the MalCon
Forum on the moon!
20
00:00:59,394 --> 00:01:00,561
[brakes screech]
21
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,817
Shit!
22
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,753
That's like the most expensive
dildo I've ever seen.
23
00:01:07,777 --> 00:01:10,738
[chuckles] I hope the clouds
don't have a gag reflex.
24
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:12,573
[laughing]
25
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,551
[man on speaker] For those of
you who think this is funny,
26
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,911
there's a scientific reason
it has to be shaped like this.
27
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,914
Uh, what's with the pubes, dude?
28
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,642
[man on speaker] Hey,
there. I can hear you.
29
00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:23,418
The antennas have to
be coarse and wiry
30
00:01:23,543 --> 00:01:25,753
and on the balls...
I mean orbs.
31
00:01:25,837 --> 00:01:29,090
So, let's get some quick pics
of me with the space dong.
32
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:31,050
[man on speaker]
Have some respect.
33
00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:33,237
- You are in a cathedral of science.
- [camera shutter clicking]
34
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:34,405
[man on speaker] Get on the
fucking rocket, so I can blastoff.
35
00:01:34,429 --> 00:01:35,888
[rocket rumbling]
36
00:01:42,687 --> 00:01:43,604
[Nora] Ho, ho!
37
00:01:43,730 --> 00:01:45,772
The sky is getting
pregnant tonight.
38
00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:48,818
[man on speaker] A rocket gets
sick if it can't release its steam.
39
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,903
[theme music playing]
40
00:01:53,489 --> 00:01:55,533
This is no way to
treat an old friend.
41
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,619
I have to find a way to
fill my days, Mr. Mayor.
42
00:01:58,703 --> 00:02:00,413
I wanted to steal a rocket ship,
43
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:01,914
but they're all on the moon.
44
00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:04,709
I can't believe I didn't
get an invite to MalCon.
45
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,961
Last year I'm
giving the keynote.
46
00:02:07,045 --> 00:02:09,838
This year, those fickle,
fair-weather one-percenters
47
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:11,507
act like I don't even exist.
48
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,676
They're right. I'm only
ransacking you as a dry run
49
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,470
for my governor's mansion heist.
50
00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:16,888
Grab those giant scissors!
51
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:19,682
Hey, I need those for a
car wash grand opening.
52
00:02:21,476 --> 00:02:24,854
- Let this sicko go, you sickos.
- [man grunting]
53
00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,814
Oh, it's Bat Harley.
54
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:29,442
You've got two faces
like me now, huh?
55
00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:32,235
[groans] I like
the old one better.
56
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,863
Oh! There's Ivy.
57
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,948
Have a great time. Whoo!
58
00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:37,492
It was another rocket?
59
00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:40,078
You may have two faces,
60
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,580
but I have two maces.
61
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,500
[grunts] Wait!
Where are my maces?
62
00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:47,627
[groans] My shuriken,
they're missing.
63
00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:50,213
-Your what?
-They're throwing stars. Doesn't matter, help!
64
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,964
Uh, I know I packed
my gel bombs.
65
00:02:52,048 --> 00:02:53,299
Where's our stuff?
66
00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:55,551
Ha! Send them my
way. I'll handle it.
67
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,337
[grunts]
68
00:02:56,386 --> 00:02:58,137
[man yelling]
69
00:02:58,221 --> 00:02:59,430
[men grunting]
70
00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:02,683
- [Two-Face groans]
- [Harley grunts]
71
00:03:02,809 --> 00:03:05,353
Ooh, you've got that edge still.
72
00:03:05,478 --> 00:03:07,355
You must really miss
being evil, huh?
73
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:11,150
Stop projecting your own
shit on me, Mr. Mayor.
74
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,653
[eerie music playing]
75
00:03:14,654 --> 00:03:15,714
[Jon 1] Your calf pumps, sir.
76
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,573
Lex Luthor is an abstraction.
77
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,868
There is no real me...
for tax purposes.
78
00:03:20,952 --> 00:03:22,745
Everything about
me is artificial.
79
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,372
My jawline, my shell companies,
80
00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,542
even all my lighting
on the moon.
81
00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:30,002
That's baby seal
blood, by the way.
82
00:03:30,086 --> 00:03:32,130
Very, very illegal on earth.
83
00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,715
Your body has me
literally reeling.
84
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,925
Superman wishes he
had those cumgutters.
85
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,509
Ready for your peel?
86
00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:38,862
- [ripping] - Let's shed
that dead skin, mama.
87
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,388
It's what snakes
do to stay smooth.
88
00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:42,265
- They do.
- It's true.
89
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:47,478
Uh, yeah. Mr. Luthor? Uh, sir, my
question was, who are these guys?
90
00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:49,063
- I'm Jon.
- I'm also Jon.
91
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,708
- But there's no "h" in my name.
- Or in mine.
92
00:03:50,732 --> 00:03:52,734
We're this chiseled
Greek god's PR team.
93
00:03:52,859 --> 00:03:54,569
What paper do you
work for again?
94
00:03:54,694 --> 00:03:57,029
- The Daily Planet.
- More like The Daily Superman.
95
00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:58,740
Well, good for you.
96
00:03:58,865 --> 00:04:00,843
Finally writing about something
other than that super-jacked,
97
00:04:00,867 --> 00:04:03,619
certainly undocumented
super-alien.
98
00:04:03,745 --> 00:04:05,872
Um, so I've been on
the moon for a week
99
00:04:05,955 --> 00:04:07,874
watching this conference
come together,
100
00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:10,352
and I still don't know what you'll
be announcing at the keynote...
101
00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:13,463
Oh, well. Just forever changing
102
00:04:13,588 --> 00:04:16,591
the nexus of science and
industry. No spoilers.
103
00:04:16,716 --> 00:04:18,884
- [slurps]
- [whooshing]
104
00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:21,721
Exciting! That's so
great. I can't wait!
105
00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:24,557
Man. Wow. Is this
coffee extra strong?
106
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,893
I... I just I am
jazzed. I am... Whoo!
107
00:04:26,976 --> 00:04:30,396
And one last question, uh,
about your mentee, Poison Ivy.
108
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,149
Pass. This is an interview about
Lex Luthor, not his protege.
109
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,735
I am happy to talk about Ivy.
110
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:39,864
It takes a lot of courage to
install someone like her as a CEO.
111
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,240
Not only is she a woman,
112
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:42,909
but a green woman.
113
00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:46,204
Only a true forward thinker
could come up with that.
114
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:50,625
Someone so strong that he can
crack a walnut with his armpit.
115
00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:52,468
- You care to see?
- Don't print any of that.
116
00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:55,546
- [dramatic music playing]
- [Nightwing panting]
117
00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,131
And what happened to our gear?
118
00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:58,716
We looked like
amateurs out there.
119
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,593
I thought I looked pretty good.
120
00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,137
Ugh. Someone must
have sabotaged us.
121
00:05:03,221 --> 00:05:05,098
Uh, why is Mommy here?
122
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:08,184
[camera feed warbles]
123
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:10,686
Your mommy took our camera.
124
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,689
Unhand our stuff!
125
00:05:14,524 --> 00:05:16,150
[Nightwing groans]
126
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:17,652
This has never been your stuff.
127
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,362
It's property of
Wayne Enterprises,
128
00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:20,923
which is teetering
on a financial cliff.
129
00:05:20,947 --> 00:05:22,824
So I'm liquidating all
nonessential assets.
130
00:05:22,949 --> 00:05:25,451
We need our weapons
to protect Gotham.
131
00:05:25,535 --> 00:05:27,745
For far too long, you
coddled bat-babies
132
00:05:27,829 --> 00:05:29,330
have relied on trivial gadgetry,
133
00:05:29,414 --> 00:05:31,833
while you've let your
ultimate weapons grow soft.
134
00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:34,669
- Your bodies.
- Nuh-uh. I have a rock hard six pack.
135
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,295
- [smacks]
- [groans] Mom.
136
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,922
Effective immediately,
137
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,967
you are no longer being
financed by Wayne Enterprises
138
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:43,720
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I'm off to the moon.
139
00:05:43,845 --> 00:05:45,346
Oh, and here. Happy
Birthday, son.
140
00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:47,473
My birthday was five months ago.
141
00:05:47,557 --> 00:05:48,683
Is this a rattle?
142
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:49,600
[explosion rumbles]
143
00:05:49,684 --> 00:05:51,269
[tires screeching]
144
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,770
[rocket whooshing]
145
00:05:54,147 --> 00:05:57,400
Feels like she could've
liquidated that.
146
00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:59,110
[woman on speaker]
Welcome to MalCon
147
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:03,531
License plate, GR8-VLN,
please move your rocket.
148
00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:05,908
It's about to be towed.
149
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,745
Oh, wow. Thank you.
150
00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:11,098
I don't usually wear jewelry,
but I will make an excep...
151
00:06:11,122 --> 00:06:13,541
It's a lanyard for
the conference.
152
00:06:13,666 --> 00:06:15,084
[gasps] Look.
153
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,045
Steppenwolf hasn't
picked his up yet.
154
00:06:17,128 --> 00:06:19,714
- Classic move.
- Mmm, intergalactic dom shit.
155
00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:21,674
- Love him.
- Steppenwolf?
156
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:24,260
- He's a warlord, right?
- Oh, Ivy.
157
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,971
Sure he captains a ruthless
canine army on Apokolips,
158
00:06:27,055 --> 00:06:28,890
but his true passion
is venture capitalism.
159
00:06:29,015 --> 00:06:31,809
You probably think Tony
Soprano is just a mobster?
160
00:06:31,893 --> 00:06:35,521
No. He made his real fortune
from owning the Bada Bing!
161
00:06:35,605 --> 00:06:39,942
I mean, I actually see him more as like
a victim of Livia's toxic maternity.
162
00:06:40,068 --> 00:06:43,071
- So are we meeting with Steppenwolf?
- [laughing]
163
00:06:43,154 --> 00:06:46,074
You don't get face time with
Steppenwolf at your first conference.
164
00:06:46,199 --> 00:06:49,327
He only makes time for
the real innovators.
165
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,287
You can golf as
drunk as you want
166
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,172
- and let lightning do the work.
- [grunting]
167
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,791
Perfect swing every time.
168
00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:56,542
Did you hear about
this thing in Gotham
169
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:59,462
where someone replaced all the
male trees with female ones.
170
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:03,299
- Yeah, that was me.
- You see, male trees cause allergies,
171
00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:04,926
because, unlike female trees,
172
00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:06,612
they don't have fruit
to contain the toxins
173
00:07:06,636 --> 00:07:08,054
created during photosynthesis.
174
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,177
- Right. That's why I...
- I'll send you an article.
175
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,100
- Done and done.
- [notification dings]
176
00:07:12,183 --> 00:07:15,019
Oh, man. So I... I'm just seeing
that I'm not on any panels.
177
00:07:15,103 --> 00:07:16,854
I just was excited
to impress everyone
178
00:07:16,938 --> 00:07:20,108
- with my cool answers to questions.
- [laughing]
179
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:23,736
You're doing something way
more important than panels.
180
00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:28,157
Oh, there I am. "45 second
intro to Lex Luthor..."
181
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:32,370
- Wait. What?
- That 45 seconds is the hottest time slot of the weekend.
182
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,871
You have to save your voice.
183
00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:36,541
I'll have one of the
Jons get you some tea.
184
00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:40,628
- [Poison Ivy growls]
- [slurps]
185
00:07:40,712 --> 00:07:41,814
[Robin] Is this all we have?
186
00:07:41,838 --> 00:07:43,423
[computer warbling]
187
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:47,927
- [Robin] Mmm.
- Ha! My life savings for the fam.
188
00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:50,179
Nineteen bucks.
189
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,765
That won't even cover the
electricity for my air fryer.
190
00:07:52,849 --> 00:07:54,642
Okay, we have $19,
191
00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:57,437
and, ugh, a silver baby rattle.
192
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,604
We're screwed.
193
00:07:58,688 --> 00:08:00,064
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
194
00:08:00,148 --> 00:08:02,150
No, I'm gonna have
to go to school.
195
00:08:02,275 --> 00:08:03,317
Where will I sit at lunch?
196
00:08:03,401 --> 00:08:05,278
No one's going to school.
197
00:08:05,361 --> 00:08:08,448
We just need to figure out a
way to generate some income.
198
00:08:08,531 --> 00:08:09,782
I can sell locks of my hair.
199
00:08:09,866 --> 00:08:11,075
Oh, wait, better idea.
200
00:08:11,159 --> 00:08:13,453
Nightwing, that
ass, live cam, baby.
201
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:16,622
Hey, my glutes are not for sale.
202
00:08:16,706 --> 00:08:18,583
Ugh, selfish prick. I'll do it.
203
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,334
Okay? I used to
rent out my feet
204
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:22,503
to rich women who needed
their shoes broken in.
205
00:08:22,587 --> 00:08:24,088
I bet my profile
is still active.
206
00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:25,214
Okay, so not that,
207
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,509
but renting does
give me an idea.
208
00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:30,094
[doorbell rings]
209
00:08:30,178 --> 00:08:32,096
[with Swedish accent]
Hello! This is CleggBnb?
210
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,600
Yes. Welcome. You must
be Amelie and Jonas.
211
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,351
- "Yonas."
- Yonas.
212
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:38,936
Yonas.
213
00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:39,854
Yonas.
214
00:08:39,979 --> 00:08:41,313
- Yo...
- Please, please come in.
215
00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:43,608
Uh, you'll find everything
you need in here.
216
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,693
The Wi-Fi password, the
history of the house
217
00:08:45,777 --> 00:08:47,987
and, of course, restaurant
recommendations.
218
00:08:48,071 --> 00:08:49,298
Hey, why don't you two lovebirds
219
00:08:49,322 --> 00:08:50,740
go get settled in
your room, huh?
220
00:08:50,865 --> 00:08:52,492
Hey, Amelie. Look,
at the door knobble.
221
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,368
- So beautskiful.
- Don't go in there.
222
00:08:54,452 --> 00:08:56,079
- Okay?
- Or there.
223
00:08:56,204 --> 00:08:56,871
Or there.
224
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:59,540
Okay, meanie man. Okay.
225
00:08:59,624 --> 00:09:01,042
Hey, this is too risky.
226
00:09:01,125 --> 00:09:02,835
What if they find out
who we actually are?
227
00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:04,295
It's all gonna be worth it.
228
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:06,881
Between renting out
the place, couponing...
229
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,674
I'm getting so many paper cuts.
230
00:09:08,758 --> 00:09:09,801
I hate being a poor.
231
00:09:09,884 --> 00:09:11,219
We have to buy back our gear.
232
00:09:11,302 --> 00:09:13,179
Or we use the money
to keep the lights on
233
00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:15,056
and I teach you to
fight without your gear.
234
00:09:15,181 --> 00:09:17,225
I think Talia might be
right about you guys.
235
00:09:17,308 --> 00:09:19,870
You're kind of useless soggy nut
sacks without your little gadgets.
236
00:09:19,894 --> 00:09:22,480
How dare you... [grunts] Harley!
237
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,732
Okay, show us what you've got.
238
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:26,025
[glass squeaking]
239
00:09:26,109 --> 00:09:28,694
It started in a
single toilet bowl
240
00:09:28,778 --> 00:09:31,739
with a crust of a
bologna sandwich.
241
00:09:31,864 --> 00:09:34,367
And now White Collar Wine,
242
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:38,955
is the official beverage
of MalCon. [laughing]
243
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,833
- [all applauding]
- Let's start with the Chablis.
244
00:09:41,916 --> 00:09:43,876
The nose of green jello
245
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,754
pairs well with an aged gruyere
246
00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:51,217
- and tax evasion.
- [slurps] Ooh, Penal Noir.
247
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,593
Wow, what's this feeling?
248
00:09:52,719 --> 00:09:55,930
It's like my head is spinning
and my tummy is a-rumbly.
249
00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:58,182
But I also feel happy.
250
00:09:58,266 --> 00:10:01,602
None for you. Alcohol
dries out the vocal cords.
251
00:10:01,686 --> 00:10:02,937
[Poison Ivy grumbles]
252
00:10:03,062 --> 00:10:04,498
There's someone I'd like
to introduce you to.
253
00:10:04,522 --> 00:10:05,606
She's a woman like you.
254
00:10:05,732 --> 00:10:08,192
- Meet...
- Hey! Love the tote.
255
00:10:08,276 --> 00:10:10,153
- Right?
- You know each other.
256
00:10:10,278 --> 00:10:12,238
God, you've been on
the moon too long.
257
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:15,283
We already met at the Evil
Women in Business Luncheon.
258
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:16,284
Women's luncheon?
259
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:17,368
Lex, can we steal you?
260
00:10:17,452 --> 00:10:19,287
There's an important task
261
00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:20,973
- that only a very swole alpha can attend to.
- [Poison Ivy laughs]
262
00:10:20,997 --> 00:10:22,415
I'm sure your
schedule is packed,
263
00:10:22,498 --> 00:10:24,500
but I'd love to find
time for us to get
264
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:25,960
a couple's massage.
265
00:10:26,085 --> 00:10:28,212
These lanyards are killing
my neck and my vibe.
266
00:10:28,296 --> 00:10:30,882
Actually, I wasn't
placed on any panels.
267
00:10:30,965 --> 00:10:34,010
So, if you're free
anytime, except 45 seconds
268
00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:36,554
before Lex's keynote
then, you know...
269
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,638
Fucking Lex.
270
00:10:37,722 --> 00:10:39,265
You're the hot new blood here.
271
00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,225
Don't let that Ken doll
wannabe hold you back.
272
00:10:41,309 --> 00:10:43,149
- So he is fucking with me.
- [portal trilling]
273
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:47,273
[woman gasps]
274
00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:50,276
[growling]
275
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,528
- [people howling]
- Ah! Steppenwolf's here.
276
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:53,821
Such an attention whore!
277
00:10:53,905 --> 00:10:55,782
- God love him.
- Gross.
278
00:10:55,865 --> 00:10:57,992
[Lex] Steppenwolf,
remember last year?
279
00:10:58,117 --> 00:10:59,994
Wolf Pack. [growls]
280
00:11:00,078 --> 00:11:01,496
- [man screaming]
- [wolf growls]
281
00:11:01,579 --> 00:11:02,997
- Sit!
- [wolf whimpers]
282
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:07,251
- Repulsive.
- [scoffs] You know what?
283
00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:08,461
[wolf grumbling]
284
00:11:08,544 --> 00:11:10,671
I'm gonna get that face
time with Steppenwolf.
285
00:11:10,797 --> 00:11:12,173
[upbeat rock music playing]
286
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,385
- [Elon Musk grunts]
- Uh... [chuckles]
287
00:11:15,510 --> 00:11:19,013
So, hello. I would like
to field that question.
288
00:11:19,097 --> 00:11:20,306
[Elon Musk grunts]
289
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:24,977
[electricity crackling]
290
00:11:28,648 --> 00:11:32,193
Hey, Zuckerberg, have fun
in the metaverse, dweeb.
291
00:11:33,528 --> 00:11:35,154
[Zuckerberg screaming]
292
00:11:36,406 --> 00:11:37,281
[screaming continues]
293
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,409
[laughing]
294
00:11:53,381 --> 00:11:54,966
I just wanna say
I'm really flattered
295
00:11:55,049 --> 00:11:56,551
that you wanted to
get java with me.
296
00:11:56,634 --> 00:11:58,136
You're the woman of the hour.
297
00:11:58,219 --> 00:12:00,430
I have unlimited resources.
298
00:12:00,555 --> 00:12:02,724
You have unlimited ideas.
299
00:12:02,849 --> 00:12:03,933
Let's collab...
300
00:12:04,058 --> 00:12:07,979
[coughs] Excuse me... orate.
301
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:10,982
[Barbara grunting]
302
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:13,985
- [Barbara yells]
- And...
303
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:15,236
You're both dead.
304
00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:16,904
Come on. You can do
better than that.
305
00:12:16,988 --> 00:12:18,239
What the heck?
306
00:12:18,364 --> 00:12:19,924
That was dangerously
close to my nipples.
307
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:21,951
- [grunts]
- Toughen up.
308
00:12:22,076 --> 00:12:24,495
You think real villains are
above giving you a titty twister?
309
00:12:24,579 --> 00:12:26,539
- Think again!
- [Dick Grayson groans]
310
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:28,458
I want my Bat stun gun.
311
00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:30,585
If you want a
weapon, look around.
312
00:12:30,668 --> 00:12:32,462
Everything's a weapon.
313
00:12:32,587 --> 00:12:33,921
Fine. What about my belt
314
00:12:34,005 --> 00:12:36,049
that Amelie poked
four extra holes in?
315
00:12:36,132 --> 00:12:38,593
Horrible choice for fashion.
Great choice for weapon.
316
00:12:38,676 --> 00:12:40,237
- [grunts] - [Dick]
What about cheeseballs?
317
00:12:40,261 --> 00:12:41,780
They were several on
the floor this morning.
318
00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,014
I nearly broke my neck.
319
00:12:43,097 --> 00:12:45,391
Those Euroscum are
trying to kill me!
320
00:12:45,475 --> 00:12:47,894
Okay, paranoid, I'm sure it's
just a Swedish tradition.
321
00:12:47,977 --> 00:12:49,228
Be respectful.
322
00:12:49,312 --> 00:12:52,065
Hello. Do you recommend
any Thai food?
323
00:12:52,148 --> 00:12:53,566
It's in the binder, Jonas!
324
00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:56,110
"Yonas." Thanks, ya.
325
00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:57,445
Okay, why are they cooking?
326
00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:59,322
They just asked
for Thai food recs.
327
00:12:59,447 --> 00:13:01,324
[Amelie muffled] How
do I use the dishwashy?
328
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:02,825
- Ugh! [grunts]
- [phone vibrates]
329
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,368
Ooh, ooh.
330
00:13:04,452 --> 00:13:06,221
Guess who's girlfriend's
making headlines on the moon?
331
00:13:06,245 --> 00:13:07,789
Mine, probably. She's a dime.
332
00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:10,833
"Move Over Sun: Poison Ivy
Makes the Moon Shine Bright.
333
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,020
"Ten things Poison Ivy can't
live without on the moon."
334
00:13:13,044 --> 00:13:16,130
[gasps] I gotta call
Ivy for the deets.
335
00:13:16,214 --> 00:13:18,132
Ivy! Ivy, Ivy! I have some
336
00:13:18,257 --> 00:13:19,860
- really exciting IP...
- [cell phone vibrating]
337
00:13:19,884 --> 00:13:21,153
that would be perfect for you...
338
00:13:21,177 --> 00:13:22,553
Hey, baby. What's up?
339
00:13:22,637 --> 00:13:25,640
Um, G-friend, you are
killing it on the moon,
340
00:13:25,765 --> 00:13:27,308
according to my feeds.
341
00:13:27,392 --> 00:13:28,810
It's crazy. I went
to the bathroom,
342
00:13:28,935 --> 00:13:30,812
and someone tried to
reach into the stall
343
00:13:30,895 --> 00:13:32,355
and tried to take my underwear.
344
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,315
Ooh, ooh. Okay,
would it be cool
345
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,126
if I sold some of your undies
online on the dark Clegg?
346
00:13:36,150 --> 00:13:37,590
We're down to canned
beans over here,
347
00:13:37,652 --> 00:13:39,487
and you know how
sodium affects my skin.
348
00:13:39,612 --> 00:13:41,114
Um, sure.
349
00:13:41,197 --> 00:13:42,674
I mean, you got to give
the market what it wants,
350
00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:44,742
and obviously I'm gonna
refute it publicly.
351
00:13:44,826 --> 00:13:48,329
But I kind of like that the
people, like, want my underwear.
352
00:13:48,454 --> 00:13:50,081
That's what's up, Miss Thang!
353
00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:52,083
I am so glad you're
enjoying yourself.
354
00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:53,526
Maybe it's the
toilet wine talking,
355
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,003
but I've been
having so many ideas
356
00:13:56,087 --> 00:13:57,847
and everyone, like,
thinks they're brilliant.
357
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,150
Of course they are brilliant.
God, you are so fucking hot.
358
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,568
I want it right now.
What are you wearing?
359
00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:03,386
[clears throat] I'm
wearing, like, a lanyard
360
00:14:03,511 --> 00:14:05,555
with a bunch of maps
and QR codes. [coughs]
361
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,480
Yes! Well, call me when
you're in the bathtub.
362
00:14:07,515 --> 00:14:09,976
I wanna hear more about
this fucking lanyard.
363
00:14:10,059 --> 00:14:11,769
[sexy music playing]
364
00:14:11,853 --> 00:14:13,896
[both moaning]
365
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,398
[moaning continues]
366
00:14:15,523 --> 00:14:17,483
- [woman moaning]
- [man grunting]
367
00:14:17,567 --> 00:14:19,861
The physical act of
sex is so pedestrian.
368
00:14:19,986 --> 00:14:22,864
Surrogates are much more
efficient and less to clean up.
369
00:14:22,989 --> 00:14:25,229
- [intercom clicks] - Flip him
over and play with his ass.
370
00:14:26,492 --> 00:14:27,702
[vibrating]
371
00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:29,871
So what do you think of
the convention this year?
372
00:14:29,996 --> 00:14:31,873
Every detail is my own design.
373
00:14:31,998 --> 00:14:33,291
Including the sweatshirts.
374
00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:34,958
Did you notice the thumbhole?
375
00:14:35,043 --> 00:14:37,378
Smart move putting
Ivy front and center.
376
00:14:37,462 --> 00:14:38,546
She's a star.
377
00:14:38,671 --> 00:14:40,311
Every panel she's been
on has been packed.
378
00:14:40,381 --> 00:14:42,633
What? Ivy's not on any panels.
379
00:14:42,717 --> 00:14:44,802
She's saving her
voice for my keynote.
380
00:14:44,886 --> 00:14:48,264
Or maybe next year you'll
be introducing her keynote.
381
00:14:48,389 --> 00:14:50,266
You should have been
keeping an eye on her.
382
00:14:50,391 --> 00:14:52,935
[sighs] I know
what you're doing.
383
00:14:53,061 --> 00:14:54,687
This is a sex thing.
384
00:14:54,771 --> 00:14:56,522
You get off on weak men.
385
00:14:56,606 --> 00:14:57,565
[Talia giggles]
386
00:14:57,690 --> 00:14:59,233
[sighs] What
happened to the cape?
387
00:14:59,317 --> 00:15:01,235
- Gives me a wedgie.
- I said,
388
00:15:01,319 --> 00:15:04,322
the cape stays on
until you finish.
389
00:15:04,405 --> 00:15:06,741
You know what? I'm not
in the mood anymore.
390
00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:07,909
Forget it.
391
00:15:07,992 --> 00:15:09,202
[Talia sighs]
392
00:15:09,285 --> 00:15:10,244
That was great.
393
00:15:10,328 --> 00:15:13,372
[moaning continues]
394
00:15:13,456 --> 00:15:15,249
[Joker chuckles and grumbles]
395
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:18,378
[Joker] Ha! Huh! [laughs]
396
00:15:18,461 --> 00:15:21,923
Lex is so fucking thirsty.
397
00:15:22,006 --> 00:15:24,258
Uh, are you even listening?
398
00:15:24,342 --> 00:15:26,469
Oh, did my briefly
glancing at my phone
399
00:15:26,594 --> 00:15:28,429
imply this was the
most boring meeting
400
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,765
about cutting grass
I've ever been to?
401
00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:32,767
Because I'm riveted.
402
00:15:34,102 --> 00:15:35,853
Please continue.
403
00:15:35,937 --> 00:15:37,397
Okay.
404
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,442
I was saying normally
we use a 6 mm blade,
405
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:44,570
but due to the lack of rain,
it's all basically kindling.
406
00:15:44,654 --> 00:15:47,073
So, we're gonna have
to run out and buy...
407
00:15:47,156 --> 00:15:48,574
[continues indistinctly]
408
00:15:49,784 --> 00:15:52,120
[Dick humming]
409
00:15:55,164 --> 00:15:57,500
[continues humming]
410
00:15:57,625 --> 00:15:59,669
Oh, where's that
draft coming from?
411
00:16:01,379 --> 00:16:03,840
[grunts] That's it!
412
00:16:03,965 --> 00:16:06,718
It's time to pack your
bags, you Euro pervs.
413
00:16:09,804 --> 00:16:12,140
I told you we couldn't
trust Amelie and Yonas.
414
00:16:12,223 --> 00:16:13,891
[Jonas] Beautskiful
pronunciation.
415
00:16:13,975 --> 00:16:15,143
[Dick groans]
416
00:16:16,436 --> 00:16:17,788
[emcee] And again,
the hotline is open
417
00:16:17,812 --> 00:16:20,148
for any tips on the
Zuck's whereabouts.
418
00:16:20,273 --> 00:16:23,776
- Let's get #wheresMark trending!
- [audience applauding]
419
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,863
- [pumping]
- Uh, what's that sound?
420
00:16:26,988 --> 00:16:28,322
I'm pumping my calves.
421
00:16:28,406 --> 00:16:29,883
Yeah, but you're
wearing... [clears throat]
422
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:31,909
You're wearing... [grunts]
You're wearing pants.
423
00:16:31,993 --> 00:16:34,287
You think you can hide
chicken calves behind pants?
424
00:16:34,370 --> 00:16:35,663
Ugh, women don't understand
425
00:16:35,747 --> 00:16:37,582
the pressures put
on men's bodies.
426
00:16:37,665 --> 00:16:39,809
- [Poison Ivy clears throat] -
What is going on with your voice?
427
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:44,130
And now your keynote
speaker, Mr. Lex Luthor,
428
00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:47,508
with an introduction by the
incredible, the incomparable,
429
00:16:47,592 --> 00:16:50,053
- the absolutely insidious...
- Oh!
430
00:16:50,178 --> 00:16:52,430
[emcee] Poison Ivy!
431
00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:54,015
[audience cheering
and applauding]
432
00:16:54,098 --> 00:16:56,017
You have been
speaking on panels.
433
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,643
Why'd I think I
could rely on you?
434
00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:59,727
Did you even do the throat
douche the Jons gave you?
435
00:16:59,771 --> 00:17:02,690
Don't respond. You'll just
strain your voice more.
436
00:17:02,774 --> 00:17:04,484
I mean, Lex, you
really thought that
437
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:06,110
I'd spend all my
time on the moon,
438
00:17:06,194 --> 00:17:07,570
like, douching my throat...
439
00:17:07,695 --> 00:17:10,739
[coughs] waiting
to talk about you?
440
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,867
So yeah, I did panels.
441
00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:15,953
Okay, I did all the panels.
442
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,997
- [coughing] - Never send
a woman to do a man's job.
443
00:17:19,082 --> 00:17:20,875
Good evening, evil colleagues.
444
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:24,003
What an amazing time to
be a woman in villainy.
445
00:17:24,087 --> 00:17:25,463
I'm humbled
446
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:29,300
to be the LOD's first
CEO with a labia...
447
00:17:29,384 --> 00:17:31,594
Just keep scrolling. Get to me.
448
00:17:31,719 --> 00:17:35,223
It's an honor for you to watch
me announce my new initiative
449
00:17:35,306 --> 00:17:37,225
using the latest
LexCorp technology,
450
00:17:37,308 --> 00:17:38,601
developed right
here on the moon.
451
00:17:38,726 --> 00:17:40,937
I devised a plan to
thicken the ozone layer,
452
00:17:41,062 --> 00:17:44,023
reverse global warming,
and save the earth.
453
00:17:44,107 --> 00:17:48,569
The Earth Saver by Lex can
beam new ozone particles
454
00:17:48,653 --> 00:17:50,613
into the atmosphere
literally whenever.
455
00:17:50,738 --> 00:17:53,032
And, if I keep saving the earth,
456
00:17:53,116 --> 00:17:56,244
- we can keep destroying it.
- [audience cheering]
457
00:17:58,871 --> 00:18:00,998
I'll now open it
up for questions.
458
00:18:01,082 --> 00:18:02,583
Sounds like socially
conscious evil.
459
00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:04,419
Did Lex steal your idea, Ivy?
460
00:18:04,544 --> 00:18:05,771
This has nothing to do with her.
461
00:18:05,795 --> 00:18:07,422
Ivy, you said in
an earlier panel,
462
00:18:07,505 --> 00:18:09,149
I'm quoting, "I love bread."
Can you expound on that?
463
00:18:09,173 --> 00:18:10,453
[reporter] Poison
Ivy, over here!
464
00:18:10,550 --> 00:18:11,735
How do you come up with
all your cool plans?
465
00:18:11,759 --> 00:18:13,302
And also, how is
your hair so shiny?
466
00:18:13,428 --> 00:18:15,239
Would you have been mean
to me in middle school?
467
00:18:15,263 --> 00:18:16,806
It's fine if the answer is yes.
468
00:18:16,931 --> 00:18:17,974
[pumping]
469
00:18:18,099 --> 00:18:19,767
Ivy, I'd love you for our cover.
470
00:18:19,892 --> 00:18:21,394
C... Could you pose
for the camera?
471
00:18:21,477 --> 00:18:23,317
- That's my cover.
- [camera shutters clicking]
472
00:18:23,354 --> 00:18:24,581
[female reporter] Is it true you're
collaborating with Steppenwolf?
473
00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:25,648
- [bursts]
- [Lex yells]
474
00:18:25,773 --> 00:18:27,984
- [all gasping]
- [Lex grunts]
475
00:18:28,109 --> 00:18:29,694
You're working with Steppenwolf?
476
00:18:29,777 --> 00:18:31,779
Oh, you know what?
Honestly, it's casual.
477
00:18:31,904 --> 00:18:35,116
He did offer to bankroll
whatever I want to do next.
478
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:39,454
I'd go into more detail, but,
you know, I'm saving my voice.
479
00:18:39,537 --> 00:18:41,289
[yells] That's enough.
480
00:18:41,372 --> 00:18:43,291
- Everybody get off my moon.
- [alarm blaring]
481
00:18:45,126 --> 00:18:46,627
[alien screaming]
482
00:18:46,753 --> 00:18:47,670
[all screaming]
483
00:18:51,799 --> 00:18:53,301
[Amelie grunting]
484
00:18:54,469 --> 00:18:56,012
I thought they'd
have more stuff.
485
00:18:56,137 --> 00:18:59,265
- [grunts] - Some people must
have already take everything.
486
00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:00,808
Honeys, I'm home!
487
00:19:00,892 --> 00:19:03,811
I made bank on the first
batch of Ivy's thongs.
488
00:19:04,854 --> 00:19:06,064
They're robbing us?
489
00:19:06,147 --> 00:19:08,775
God damn it! Time to
take out the Euro trash.
490
00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:10,377
- [upbeat music playing]
- [Jonas grunts]
491
00:19:10,401 --> 00:19:12,904
[screams] Oh, God. You
sneaky motherfucker.
492
00:19:12,987 --> 00:19:14,906
[both grunting]
493
00:19:14,989 --> 00:19:16,199
[sniffs and sighs]
494
00:19:16,324 --> 00:19:17,950
[grunts]
495
00:19:21,162 --> 00:19:23,122
How are you still standing?
496
00:19:23,206 --> 00:19:24,916
It's the drugs.
497
00:19:24,999 --> 00:19:28,127
They've permanent turned off
the pain receptors in my brains.
498
00:19:28,211 --> 00:19:29,921
[Harley groans]
499
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:32,799
[screams]
500
00:19:32,882 --> 00:19:34,675
[rockets whooshing]
501
00:19:34,759 --> 00:19:36,653
[automated voice] Oxygen
levels are at ten percent.
502
00:19:36,677 --> 00:19:38,614
- Please evacuate immediately.
- [people screaming]
503
00:19:38,638 --> 00:19:40,890
Please note that the
number of escape pods
504
00:19:41,015 --> 00:19:43,810
is lower than the number
of convention attendees.
505
00:19:43,893 --> 00:19:47,105
Thank you for attending
this year's MalCon.
506
00:19:47,188 --> 00:19:48,940
Brought to you by LexCorp.
507
00:19:50,858 --> 00:19:53,403
Fear not, evil business leaders.
508
00:19:53,528 --> 00:19:55,863
I'll save you. Oh, corn nuts.
509
00:19:55,988 --> 00:19:59,325
Luthor's lined this place with
trace amounts of Kryptonite.
510
00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:00,701
That explains a lot, actually.
511
00:20:00,827 --> 00:20:02,627
- [wolf growling]
- [Steppenwolf] Want a ride?
512
00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:05,373
I have to stop on Earth to
pick up my lover, Scruffy.
513
00:20:05,456 --> 00:20:07,125
Scruffy Adelstein,
514
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:10,503
my Moroccan, fashion model
boyfriend, and notorious good boy.
515
00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:11,980
You know what? I got
a date with a blonde
516
00:20:12,004 --> 00:20:13,131
in a chastity belt,
517
00:20:13,214 --> 00:20:16,884
but I could stop by
Casablanca first.
518
00:20:17,009 --> 00:20:18,219
[portal trilling]
519
00:20:18,302 --> 00:20:19,697
Effortlessly draining
that bottle, sir.
520
00:20:19,721 --> 00:20:21,240
[Jon 2] Three cheers
for our chaotic king!
521
00:20:21,264 --> 00:20:23,725
Nice. And they say women
are too emotional. [scoffs]
522
00:20:23,850 --> 00:20:25,727
- [bottle shatters]
- [Lex grunts] Shit!
523
00:20:27,061 --> 00:20:28,730
[Harley grunting]
524
00:20:28,813 --> 00:20:32,024
Damn you and your drug-enhanced
ability to take hits.
525
00:20:32,108 --> 00:20:34,026
Ha! Eat chastity belt!
526
00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:37,739
Saved by my everlasting
devotion to my lunar lover!
527
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:40,032
- [Amelie grunts]
- [Harley groans]
528
00:20:40,116 --> 00:20:43,035
[grunts] Hey, how about I
give you a free night? Eh?
529
00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:44,454
Or a partial refund!
530
00:20:44,579 --> 00:20:46,664
- [belt lashes]
- [Amelie yells and groans]
531
00:20:48,499 --> 00:20:51,002
[heroic music playing]
532
00:20:51,085 --> 00:20:52,795
Get ready to check out, pal.
533
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:56,007
What? But the binder
says checkout is noon.
534
00:20:57,008 --> 00:21:00,553
[all grunting]
535
00:21:04,098 --> 00:21:05,391
[Jonas groans]
536
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,727
Aw, look at us.
537
00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:10,271
We're the Bat-Bat family now.
538
00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:13,608
Oh, God, I just love bonding.
539
00:21:14,442 --> 00:21:15,610
[Jonas groans]
540
00:21:15,735 --> 00:21:17,070
[gasps] Oh, hey. Guess what?
541
00:21:17,153 --> 00:21:19,447
I was able to sell enough
of Ivy's squirrel covers
542
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:21,491
that we can get new
security cameras, right?
543
00:21:21,616 --> 00:21:22,909
So no one can steal from us,
544
00:21:22,992 --> 00:21:24,792
or cut the butts out of
our towels ever again.
545
00:21:24,911 --> 00:21:26,871
Although, it's a
good look for you,
546
00:21:26,954 --> 00:21:29,957
like twin, honey
ham, glory holes.
547
00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:31,167
Mmm.
548
00:21:31,292 --> 00:21:32,627
[intense music playing]
549
00:21:34,712 --> 00:21:36,130
[engine turning over]
550
00:21:39,008 --> 00:21:40,093
[groundskeeper grunting]
551
00:21:43,554 --> 00:21:47,725
[Joker cackling]
552
00:21:52,230 --> 00:21:53,523
[crickets chirping]
553
00:21:53,648 --> 00:21:55,274
[keyboard clacking]
554
00:21:55,358 --> 00:21:57,318
[Damian] Ah! These paper cuts.
555
00:21:57,402 --> 00:21:59,320
My dumb, bandage-fingers
don't work.
556
00:21:59,445 --> 00:22:00,988
- I'm going to bed.
- Same.
557
00:22:01,114 --> 00:22:05,076
I have a headache from Jonas's
gas station body spray,
558
00:22:05,159 --> 00:22:06,494
[door creaking]
559
00:22:19,340 --> 00:22:20,591
[theme music playing]
560
00:22:20,641 --> 00:22:25,191
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