Original subtitles

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

Ain't it thrilling, Sergeant? Ain't it just too thrilling?

I mean, us being here in Hollywood making a picture.

Yeah. Well, ain't you thrilled, Sergeant?

Pyle, as far as I'm concerned, it's a job.

We were sent here to do a job, and that's it.

But, Sergeant, ain't you thrilled

just being here in Hollywood?

Tinsel, Pyle, it's all tinsel.

Huh? It's tinsel,

it ain't real, it's all phony,

it's a Barnum & Bailey world... it's tinsel.

Well, maybe so, Sergeant, but don't you want to go

over to the commissary with me and get some autographs?

Pyle, I told you I wasn't interested in that sort of thing.

Hey, look, Sergeant, there's Omar Sharif.

Where? Where?

That's not Omar Sharif, you dummy.

Omar's doing location shooting in Warsaw,

where he's the star of The Paderoski Story.

Boy, what rotten luck.

Just when we really had a great part all sewed up for you.

I could've doubled your salary overnight. Really.

Did you explain that to the Immigration Office?

Honey, the law is the law.

Your visa expires next Wednesday.

You have to be out of the country by then.

There's just one way you can stay, and you know what that is.

I know, I know. Well, then why don't you do it?

Marry an American.

What do you think I've been trying to do?

All I'm trying to say is that you can't be so choosy!

You're gonna have to take anybody that'll have you.

What?

It's just a temporary arrangement,

a marriage of convenience... What's the big deal?

The big deal is finding this dope

who'll let himself be used for the temporary arrangement.

Golly...!

Excuse me for butting in,

but you're Pola Prevost, ain't ya?

That's right.

I just knew it had to be you.

If it wouldn't be too much trouble,

could I have your autograph, ma'am?

Of course.

And would you make it out to Gomer, Gomer Pyle.

I'm here with that marine movie that they're making.

I see. You know, Miss Prevost,

I've seen just about every picture you've ever been in,

and you know what, you're even prettier in person

than you are up there on the silver screen,

you really are.

You really think so?

I mean it.

You remember that picture where you played the gypsy girl?

I just couldn't believe the ending.

You know, where you... where Rosanno what's-his-name

gave you up to marry that rich girl.

I always felt anybody'd prefer you.

You really felt that way?

Oh, yes.

Even though I understood why he had to give you up.

You was kind of representing evil, wasn't you?

What?

Oh, yes, yes, I was.

Then that's the way it had to be in the picture.

But any other time, I'd say

that you'd be the one that any man'd prefer.

Oh, well, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Well, thank you for the autograph.

I'll always treasure it.

Bye, now.

Hello. Front desk?

Uh, this is Sergeant Carter in room 823.

I'm here with the marine movie.

Say, listen, I wonder if you could give me some information

on that Hollywood premiere tonight?

Oh, no, I didn't expect to get a ticket to get in.

No, I was just calling to find out

who could get me a bleacher seat to watch the stars come in.

Uh, yeah, I figured that was something I ought to look in on.

Oh, you don't?

I see. Well, who would?

Oh. Thank you.

Could I have that phone number?

Excuse me, Sergeant.

Uh, hold it, Pyle.

Operator, could I have 463-4699?

Sergeant, are you going out this evening?

Yeah, I'm trying to get some information on that premiere.

Oh, well, I saw a sign down in the lobby

that said you could take one of them bus tours...

No, thanks, Pyle.

You can ride with a hundred other tourists

on a bus that drives you past the theater.

Me, I've got my own private contacts.

Hello. USO?

This is Sergeant Vincent Carter.

I'm here making a marine movie.

Say, I wonder if you could give me some information

about that Hollywood premiere tonight?

Excuse me, Sergeant, my phone's ringing.

Well, what I want is a good place near the curb to stand.

Huh? Oh, okay, I'll hang on.

Hello?

Uh, just a minute.

Private Pyle, this is Pola Prevost.

My Pola Prevost?

Yes, darling.

We met at lunch.

You remember?

Golly...!

I sure do.

Tell me, Gomer, how would you like to attend

a Hollywood premiere with me this evening?

Well... why in the world are you inviting me, Miss Prevost?

Oh, let's just say that I like marines.

You do?

Well, uh, ma'am, would you mind holding on just a minute?

What's happening?

I don't know.

I think he may have fainted.

Sergeant Carter... Well, what time does the premiere start?

Sergeant, wait'll I tell you... Hold it, Pyle!

Well, what time do I have to be there?

But, Sergeant, I've got...

Pyle, I'm talking to the USO!

I'm sorry, will you repeat that again, please?

Well, if it doesn't start until 8:00,

why do I have to be there at 5:00? But, Sergeant...

Pyle, will you get out of here!

Oh, that crowded, huh?

Oh, well, uh, okay, I'll leave right now.

And thanks for the tip.

Hello, Miss Prevost?

I'm sorry to keep you waiting, ma'am.

Um, that'll be just fine.

Where are we meeting?

Just be in front of your hotel at 8:00,

and I will pick you up.

Ciao, darling.

She'll pick us up at 8:00?

Sergeant Carter! Sergeant Carter!

We're gonna be picked up at 8:00 by Pola Prevost!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Pyle!

Pyle!

Excuse me.

Pyle!

Hey!

Hey, cab!

Cab!

Follow that big black car!

Right up there!

Move it! Move! Move!

Right this way.

There we are. Grazie.

Why don't you sit there, Gomer.

Well, thank you, Mr. Krasna. Yeah.

Hey, isn't this nice, huh?

Yeah, Harry. Thank you, dear.

Your waiter will be right here, Mr. Krasna.

Thank you.

You like, yes? Golly!

Uh, champagne for everybody.

Do you have a reservation?

Huh? Uh, no.

I'll sit at the bar.

Uh, give me a beer.

Well, I want to thank you all for this spectacular evening.

It's kind of like a Cinderella story with me being the Cinderella.

It was Miss Prevost's... uh, Pola's idea.

She liked you the minute you walked up to the table

this afternoon to ask for her autograph. Aw...

It's true, isn't it, Pola? Tell him.

I have to make a phone call. Will you excuse me?

Go on, Pola, tell him, tell him.

It's true.

You may not believe this,

but something happened to me today

when you walked over to my table in the commissary.

And tonight, sitting next to you in the theater,

it seemed to be happening again.

Really?

Well, like what?

Like what?

Like love.

I might as well say it right out... I love you.

Well... but you... you don't even know me.

How well do you know someone in a dream?

In the movie, you gave me the top of the popcorn...

Where all the butter is.

I know it's a little thing,

but that's what life and love is...

A lot of little things.

Shall I tell you something, Gomer?

I could be very happy with a man like you.

It seems crazy... we just met,

and already we're talking marriage.

R-Really, Miss Pola, I don't know what to say.

Well, we come from two different worlds.

But you're in my world now, Gomer.

Here, we act on impulse and instinct.

But, Miss Pola, I'm... I'm really very flattered,

but we just don't do things like that back home.

You haven't even met my folks yet.

I'll meet them, I'll meet them.

But even then we couldn't get married

unless we found that we truly loved one another,

through courting and...

and me asking your daddy for your hand.

And... besides, I've already got a girlfriend.

Oh...

Well, would you look who's here!

It's my Sergeant, Sergeant Carter.

Do you mind if I ask him over here?

Why not?

My goodness, what a surprise!

Pyle! How are you?

It's a small world isn't it?

Sergeant Carter, Miss Prevost.

This is Sergeant Carter.

Sergeant Carter, Miss Pola Prevost.

Sergeant Carter's as big a fan of yours as I am.

Oh, really?

Well, everybody having fun?

Excuse me.

Um, Mr. Krasna, this is my sergeant, Sergeant Carter.

Oh, how are you, Sergeant?

The sergeant's a big fan of Miss Pola's, too.

Yes, sir, there's nobody I'd rather have met

in all of Hollywood.

I mean it.

My all-time favorite.

Ah... that's nice.

Yes, sir, you're wonderful,

just wonderful. Well,

it's getting late, and I think

I should be getting on back to the hotel.

Wh-Where are you going?

Do you have to leave so soon?

If he has to leave, he has to leave, Harry. What? What?

Harry.

But you can stay, Sergeant, can't you?

Huh?

Sure.

I'll see you in the morning, Pyle.

Tell me how long you've been a sergeant.

Good night, Mr. Krasna, Miss Prevost.

Thank you for everything. Uh, six years, a gunnery sergeant.

Pola really has a weakness for marines.

Especially if they're sergeants.

Don't you, Pola? Tell him about your weakness.

I have to make a phone call. Will you excuse me a moment?

Tell him, Pola, tell him.

It's true.

You may not believe this,

but something happened to me

when you walked over to the table tonight.

Pyle, wake up, wake up!

What, Sergeant?

Listen, Pyle, the reason I woke you up

was to make sure I'm not dreaming. Huh?

I mean, I am awake, right?

Yes, Sergeant.

Listen, Pyle, you're not going to believe this.

It's crazy, just crazy.

It's Pola Prevost and me... we're engaged.

Engaged?

Engaged!

I know it sounds crazy. I just can't believe it.

It's the kind of thing a guy like me just dreams about,

but, well, it's only supposed to happen

in movies and fairy tales.

Sergeant, you just met her.

I know, I know, that's what's so crazy about the whole thing.

Well, what about Miss Bunny?

Huh?

What about her?

Well, I always thought that, well, you...

Yeah, well, this is different.

I don't know... I never really asked Bunny to marry me.

And did you ask Miss Pola?

To tell you the truth, I don't even remember.

There we were talking one minute,

and the next thing... boom!

That's awful fast ain't it, Sergeant?

Yeah. I'll tell you something, Pyle,

these people in Hollywood don't think like the rest of us.

They don't fool around.

They like you, they marry you, just like that.

Why do you suppose Miss Pola's so anxious to get married?

Huh?

Well, I don't know, Pyle.

She must have seen something in me.

You know the kind of guy she's probably used to...

Softies, pretty boys, phonies...

and then along comes a guy like me

and she probably says to herself,

"Yeah, that's what I've been looking for.

"Somebody strong, somebody powerful.

A kind of a tough father figure."

Yeah, I can see what she saw in me.

Then Sunday morning after champagne,

we can fly to Las Vegas and be married.

I still can't believe it.

You know, since last night I've been walking on air.

We're trained to move fast in the marines,

but, boy, this is really something.

Yes, well... Oh, I have to run, darling.

I'll stop by and see you on the set later.

Come in.

Hey, Pyle.

Well, hey, Sergeant.

You want to see something great?

What you got?

Is that hot stuff? Huh? Huh?

Yeah, that guy was right.

Russian pajamas do do something for you.

I saw Yul Brenner wearing a pair in a movie once,

and he looked great.

And if he could look great,

think what they'll do for me with all my hair.

Yeah, they're real nice, Sergeant.

Gomer, you ready to go to lunch...?

Oh, hi, Sarge. I didn't know you were here.

It's okay. Come in, come in.

I was just showing Pyle part of my trousseau.

Your what?

Well, uh, Pyle will explain.

Put these in my room, will ya?

I got to get out of here.

I got to pick up a pair of shoes

and a million and one things to do.

Oh, uh, Pyle... if Pola calls, tell her

I'll meet her in the commissary for lunch,

if not a little later.

You got that?

Yes, sir.

I'll see you after while.

♪ I'm getting married in the morning... ♪

What was that all about?

Gomer, what's going on?

Well, you know Pola Prevost the actress?

Yeah.

Looks like the sergeant's gonna marry her.

You're kidding?!

Well, isn't it strange, Duke?

First she asks me and then she asks Sergeant Carter.

What does it mean?

One of two things.

She's either a kook... or... Or what?

Or she's pretty cute and she just needs a husband.

Huh?

Look, first she tries you

and then she goes out after the sergeant.

She just needs a husband... For a little while.

A little while? What do you mean?

Well, she needs a husband for some reason.

I don't know... maybe to straighten out her income tax.

And when it's straightened out, she dumps him.

Why I never heard of such a...

Well, maybe you never, but it goes on,

and that's what's going on right now.

I'm telling you, this chick needs a temporary husband.

Duke, I just don't believe

that there really are people in the world like that.

Let me ask you something, Gomer,

did you tell the Sarge what you just told me?

I tried to, but... well, it wasn't easy.

He just wouldn't listen.

Well then, I guess he's just going

to have to learn the hard way.

He wakes up a few months, or even a few weeks,

after the wedding and finds a note pinned to his pillow.

Finito.

I know Miss Pola seems kind of strange, Duke,

but... well, she just never would do

an awful thing like that.

Okay, don't believe me, Gomer.

Wait and find out for yourself.

Hey, Duke, there's Mr. Krasna.

Hi, sweetheart.

Oh, hello, Harry.

Where's the happy bridegroom?

He said he might meet me here.

He wasn't sure.

He had so many things to do.

Probably out shopping for the honeymoon.

Please, not while I'm eating.

I told you to stop worrying.

We just need that marriage certificate

to establish your new status.

In the meantime, you can have a very severe cold.

The sergeant will understand. You think so?

I know so. He's a very understanding sergeant.

I'll see you later.

It couldn't have worked out any better.

Excuse me, Duke.

Hey, Miss Pola.

Hello.

It's me... Gomer. Don't you remember?

Oh, Gomer. Hello, Gomer.

I was just wondering if I could talk to you for a minute.

Well, yes, what is it?

Well, Miss Pola,

it's about you and Sergeant Carter.

I know how you all do things on impulses and all,

but excuse me for asking...

Are you really sincere about marrying Sergeant Carter?

Of course I'm sincere.

What makes you ask a question like that?

Well, I just wanted to tell you one thing, ma'am.

You're getting the most wonderful man.

And you don't have to worry none, neither.

This ain't gonna be just another one of them Hollywood marriages.

No, sir, this is going to be the real thing...

With kids and everything. What?

I'm sure the sergeant's going to want

to start a family right away.

Now that he's decided to settle down,

he's really going to settle down.

Uh, yes, what... what makes you say that?

Well, the sergeant ain't the flighty kind, ma'am.

With him, it's for keeps, through thick and thin,

forever and ever.

Just like they say in the marriage vow...

"Till death do you part."

Yes, they do say that, don't they?

Yes, ma'am, and the sergeant's

really one that goes by the book.

And what better book is there than where that came from...

"Till death do you part"?

Yes.

I mean it, really.

Why he ain't gonna let you out of his sight.

He'll follow you to the ends of the Earth.

And won't that be comforting, ma'am,

to know that he's always there...

Always, forever and ever,

"Till death..." Yes, I know, "Till death do us part."

I must run, Gomer.

Excuse me.

I cannot tell you how interesting it was...

This little talk we had.

Come in.

Hey, Sergeant.

Pyle, what do you got there?

Well, I got the mail

and there was a package for you.

Huh?

Who's it from?

It's from Miss Bunny.

Must be another salami.

You keep it, Pyle.

Not that I don't want it, but you understand.

Sure, Sergeant.

She's a nice girl... Bunny.

She's... Well, that was nice of her to do that.

Sure was.

Hello, operator.

Give me 462-7399.

I wonder why Pola hasn't called?

I left her at least three messages this afternoon.

This is my last night as a bachelor, Pyle.

You realize that?

Hello?

Miss Prevost please.

Vince Carter calling.

Hmm?

She's not there?

What are you talking about?

Yeah... Yeah?

Yeah.

What happened, Sergeant?

That was Krasna, her manager.

Pola's eloped to Las Vegas

to marry her... interior decorator.

It can't be true.

Why? Why?

Well, I don't know.

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Well, Sergeant, these things happen.

And, well, maybe it's for the best.

What?

Well, it could be.

Leastwise this shows you

that she's just the marry-in-haste kind

and could be that's not exactly

the right kind for you.

In a way, I think you're kind of lucky.

'Cause, well, it would have been awful

if you had married her

and then she decided on her decorator.

Actually, this is really not too much of a surprise to me.

Like I've been saying all along...

This town ain't for real.

It's tinsel, Pyle.

Tinsel places, tinsel people... tinsel.

You was right all along, Sergeant.

Yeah.

You know, Pyle, I've been thinking,

there's a valuable lesson for you

in this Pola Prevost thing.

There is, Sergeant?

That's right... resilience.

You got to have resilience.

You know, a lot of guys would have fallen apart

over a thing like that.

Stayed down for the count, you know what I mean?

But not me.

Oh, no, I'm not about to fall apart.

And you know why?

Because I got resilience, Pyle... lots of it.

Have a piece of salami.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Pyle, women are like a bus schedule.

Sometimes you can depend on 'em,

but then other times, you got to take a train.

No, sir, you can't judge a book by its...

Hey, this is pretty good salami.

Good old Bunny.

There ain't nobody that can pick a salami like her.

Not too hard, not too soft...

Hello.

Huh?

You're ready with my call to where?

But I didn't place no call.

Pyle, did you place a call?

Hello.

Bunny?

Sure. Don't mention it.

Yeah, I just figured I'd call to thank you for the salami.

Oh, yeah, Bunny, everything's fine, just fine.

No.

Well, we saw a couple of movie stars.