Original subtitles

[theme music plays]

♪ One, two One, two, three ♪

[vocalizing]

[Cricket] Hey, Gloria,

what are you setting up all this sound equipment for?

You gonna sing a little song?

No. Didn't you read the flyer?

I refuse to read anything I do not have to.

I'm setting up for the Big Coffee Open Mic.

[gasps] Wow! Wait, what is that?

It's an event to show off your talent on the big stage.

I'm working on my slam poetry. Would you like to hear some?

-[Cricket] Remy, Tilly! -And... he's gone.

Did you hear about the open mic?

You realize you're supposed to be working, right? Ugh, whatever.

Gloria says you can perform any talent you want on stage.

I myself will be doing an epic stunt spectacular!

And I'll do my special talent of assisting you, Cricket.

Good man. And what talent will you be displaying at the open mic, Tilly?

Oh, gee. I don't know if I have a talent.

Sure, you do. You're funny. You're weird.

You say a lot of stuff I don't understand. You're full of talents!

You think so?

I know so!

[Tilly] Okay, Tilly,

Cricket says you gotta find your talent,

and this old, disorganized garage is where you're gonna find it.

Because the show is tomorrow, and we're desperate.

Maybe music is my talent.

-[gasps] -[flies buzzing]

Aah! Spiders, spiders, everywhere!

Maybe fashion is my passion?

I'd say it's a talent to look this dandy.

Oh. Oh that's grim.

I've got feet for hands!

That's the whole trick.

Well, Tilly, maybe you'll never find your talent.

What's this, now?

[gasps] This will do nicely!

-[humming tune] -You know, I used to give you baths in that sink.

-Ma! -I used to wash your cute little butt right there.

We eat on these plates!

You see, Remy, for an exciting act,

you gotta introduce an element of danger.

Huh? Hold on. No, you won't.

Dad, the open mic is tomorrow. What am I supposed to juggle?

Well, uh, how about juggling some nice, soft sponges?

-They're fun! -Lame!

I know what I'm gonna do.

Look what I found in the old garage!

What... the... heck?

[Tilly] This is Hiya Henry.

Say, hello to everyone, Henry.

[high voice] Hello to everyone, Henry!

Not like that.

-[all laughing] -[shudders]

I can't believe it. My old ventriloquist dummy.

[high voice] I can't believe it either.

A real, live dinosaur!

Who's he callin' a dinosaur? Oh. [chuckles]

You meant me! [laughing]

Hey, you're pretty good at that, Tilly.

Farmer Bill, I hope your crops aren't as dead as your...

sense of fashion!

It is bad!

[high-pitched laughing]

-Nothing's funny about that. -Ooh, ooh!

Do me next! Do me!

And I thought I was the only adorable dummy here!

You think I'm adorable?

[giggles, exclaims]

Remy, don't you think Henry is a little... creepy?

Ha! If by "creepy," you mean

"creeping into my heart," then yeah!

[Bill laughing] All right, that's it.

-Henry, you're staying forever! -Yay!

[Bill, Tilly laughing, exclaiming]

Yum, yum, yum, yum! Yum, yum, yum, yum!

Oh, Henry's hungry!

Does anyone else think this joke's a little... cheesy?

Cheesy!

So, ventriloquism is cool and all, Tilly,

but is it really your best talent?

I guess you're right. I could find something else to do.

Yeah! Find something respectable

instead of stickin' your hand up someone's--

Henry! We're at the dinner table!

Okay, okay, I just think you don't need Henry.

Get rid of him. You've got plenty of other talents.

Oh, I know what's going on here.

I think somebody's been bitten

by the big, green monster of jealousy.

I'm sure your act will be impressive too, son.

What? I'm not jealous!

It's okay to be a little jealous.

Stay outta this, Henry!

-I'm not jealous, I swear! -Well, you should be.

The girl's like a beautiful young Gepetto.

Tilly made that dang puppet so lifelike,

you'd think he's really alive!

But-But we all know he's not, right?

Come on, everyone. Lay off of Cricket.

Why, he's the one who brought

me and Henry together in the first place.

So what I'm tryin' to say is, thank you, Cricket.

Oh, well, Tilly, when you put it like that, I--

And Henry also has something he wants to say.

-Thanks for lendin' Tilly... -No, no, no. it's okay, it's okay.

...a hand! [laughing hysterically]

Don't mention it.

[owl hooting]

Uhh!

All right, Henry, I need sleep

so I'll be in tip-top shape for my amazing stunt show!

Henry? Cricket,

were you trying to make Henry more comfortable?

I was trying to smother Henry.

You were trying to mother Henry? That is so sweet!

-He'll be much more comfortable up here with you. -No, no, no, no!

-In you go! -[whimpering]

Two little bugs in a rug.

-Tilly, don't turn off the... -Good night!

...light.

Okay, Henry, I'm just gonna close

your horrifying peepers here.

There we go. No. No, no, no.

No, no, no! [exclaims]

[whimpering]

Okay, I'm just gonna shut my eyes and wait till morning.

Mm!

[gasps] Tilly! Henry's gone!

I-I mean... oh no, Henry's gone.

Tilly? Hello, Tilly!

Hello!

Well, hiya, Cricket!

-Wh-What? Aah! -Hiya, Cricket!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

You're gonna die!

That wasn't even a joke!

There was no punch line! Aah!

Get your freaky little baby hands away from me!

[deep voice] Hiya, Cricket!

Who's the dummy now?

[exclaiming]

[screams, shouts]

[gasping]

I can't take this anymore!

I can't tell Tilly to get rid of you because that would break her heart.

So I'm gonna do the next best thing.

We're gonna have our own little show!

Act one: I bury you in a deep, deep hole.

Act two... [chuckles]

You die!

[sinister laughter]

[vocalizing tune]

Ooh, someone's in a good mood.

Buddy, you have no idea.

So, were you able to find a Samurai sword?

Well, no, but I thought this stick was just as good.

What-- Remy! Fine, I'll make it work.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Big Coffee's Open Mic.

-Hey, guys, I made it. -Hey, Nancy.

Just wait till you see Tilly and Henry's show!

-You mean Tilly and Cricket. -Who?

Hey, fellas, have you seen Henry anywhere? I can't find him.

Oh, gosh, no, I haven't.

Oh, shoot. Henry's missing? Oh, man, that's the worst.

But, hey, you know what? You don't need him.

You're rife with talents.

I was really looking forward to doing open mic.

Wait wait, wait. What about feet for hands?

[gasps] Oh, my gosh, that's so funny!

You should just do that, and it'll be great.

Yeah, I guess I could try that.

That's the spirit. [whistling tune]

Little bean in the tree,

do you feel as sad as me?

I grind up the beans like they grind up my soul.

Corporate greed is evil and cold.

The best part of waking up...

-until we wake up no more. -[shatters]

-[shatters] -Thank you.

Why'd everything rhyme but the last line?

My art is wasted on you people.

[seethes] Up next is Cricket Green.

Finally, some real entertainment!

Behold! I, Cricket the Crazy,

will attempt a death-defying, scarifying leap...

of insanity!

I will jump over the audience and slash the target

with my... Samurai sword.

Drum roll, please!

[exclaiming]

[shouting]

Wha?!

[gasping]

Hiya! Looky who I found!

Phoenix dug him out of the backyard.

Henry must've been playing hide-and-seek.

-But you're dead. -What was that?

Uh, I said, knock 'em dead.

Up next is Tilly Green.

Saved ya a seat, buddy,

-right up front. -Yay.

[ragtime piano plays]

[Tilly imitating tap shoes clicking]

♪ I'm a little wooden boy ♪

♪ And I'm a little Normal girl ♪

♪ We'll tell some jokes Entertain some folks ♪

♪ Now let's start the show ♪

[deep voice] You can't get rid of me, Cricket!

[gasps, screams] Tell me you heard that, Remy. Tell me!

That adorable little song? You bet I heard it!

[groans, pants]

Hiya! I'm Tilly, and this is my friend, Henry.

We're practically the same,

except she's a smarty and I'm a dummy!

Oh, Henry, you flatter me.

I'll give you your money after the show.

[laughter, applause]

[Cricket thinking] This is my life now. Henry's never going away.

Everyone loves him but me, and I can't say anything

because I can't hurt Tilly.

[deep voice] That's right Cricket.

Everybody loves me.

We're gonna be pals forever!

And ever and ever and ever...

Hey, Henry, why don't we sing a song?

♪ Well... ♪

[exclaiming]

-What? -Is this part of the act?

I can't hurt Tilly's feelings,

so I'm gonna hurt you instead!

[exclaiming]

-[all gasp] -[maniacal raving]

I feel so much better. [chuckles]

What has gotten into you, son?

You just couldn't handle sharing the spotlight with your sister, could you?

What? This isn't about Tilly! It's about the evil puppet!

Evil puppet?

Cricket, do you not like Henry?

Of course I don't. He's horrifying!

I didn't say anything 'cause I didn't want to ruin your fun,

and, well, I guess I went ahead

and did that anyway, huh?

Yep, you did.

-[sighs] -Okay, people.

This has been... bizarre.

But thanks for coming. But also, I'm sorry.

Wait. Tilly hasn't finished her act.

But, Cricket, I have no dummy to speak of.

No, you got the biggest dummy around--

-me. -[gasps]

Say hi to everyone, Cricket!

Hi to everyone, Cricket!

Not like that!

[all laughing]

-Whoa, look at that guy. -[Tilly] Ooh, spiky.

[Nancy] How is he moving with his pants like that?

[Cricket laughs] That's not how you walk a dog!

Here in Big City. you see a new face every day, Mama.

Back in the country, you saw the same five people,

and you knew all their secrets.

Yeah, it's weird living someplace

where you don't know all your neighbors.

-You don't know these people? I do. -What?

Their names, jobs, everything.

-Wow, Mama. -Yeah, how do you already know all that stuff?

Easy. The people-watching game.

Oh, boy. Not this game again.

You just don't like it 'cause you ain't creative.

Hey! I'm plenty creative!

Bill, you once told me your favorite food was water.

It's good enough for my crops, it's good enough for me.

Oh! Aah! Oh, this vanilla ice cream is so spicy!

So, the people-watching game. It's simple.

You just pick a random person and imagine what they're like.

See that lady by the window? That's Winifred Miltington.

She just got a new job as a window washer.

She's determined to be great at it,

except there's just one problem--

She's deathly afraid of heights.

[Tilly] Oh, no! So what'd she do?

[Nancy] Well, Winifred wasn't ready to give up,

so to overcome her fear, she put on a blindfold

so she couldn't see how high she was.

It was dangerous, but she cleaned

every window on the building.

Of course, she didn't do a very good job 'cause she couldn't see anything,

but she overcame her fear.

[Cricket] Whoa, Mom. How'd you know all that?

Can you read minds?

No, no, no. That's the game.

You can just make up whatever you want.

-So what happens next? -Anything. Like, uh,

-she suddenly grew wings! -[screeches]

And flew awa-a-a-y!

-Truly inspiring. -Okay, Dad, now you try.

-Maybe you'll like it this time. -I don't know.

I can never think of ideas. I just can't find the inspiration.

Come on, Bill.

The worst you could do is deeply disappoint us.

All right, all right. Hmm.

Uh... Aha!

-That's, uh, Bill! -[Cricket] Dad!

[Bill] No, no. I-I mean, Phil! Yeah. Phil.

Phil lives in a house

on a street... next to more houses.

And his house has four--

no, that's ridiculous-- three windows.

[Nancy] Good start. But, um, how about more details?

-What color's the house? -[Tilly] Is it rainbow?

[Bill] Even better. It's white.

[Tilly] Oh.

All right, that's enough!

Dad, I love you, you know that,

but this story is going absolutely nowhere.

Aw, what? I was really having fun with Phil's story.

I didn't even get to talk about his walls. They're also white!

Nope! Too boring. I'm taking over.

A good story needs action, intrigue, and lots of twists.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Hmm. Aha!

Hiding beneath that completely average appearance

is the world-renowned super spy Falcon Tuxedo.

Falcon is a businessman lawyer

and citizen of Explosion City.

Time to go to work.

Order in the court!

We find this man guilty

of not selling enough money!

Objection! Why sell money

when you can buy it?

[gasping]

No! Aah!

[Tilly] Wow, that was a great story, Cricket.

[Cricket] I'm not done yet!

Thanks for getting rid of the judge, Falcon.

But I was guilty the whole time.

[exclaims]

I love crime! [sinister laughter]

-[Bill] Why is there a helicopter? -There's always a helicopter!

Falcon blasted off after the criminal,

but the criminal was ready with a giant rocket launcher!

But Falcon's dance moves were too good!

And then the helicopter exploded

and the criminal was hurled through the sky,

but Falcon swept in and saved him!

You saved me right after I betrayed you. Why?

'Cause I could never let you die... brother.

-Huh? -What?

-What? -[both exclaim]

[shouting, exclaiming]

[panting]

And that's... how you tell a story.

-Bravo, brother! -What a thrill ride!

You call that a story? That was phooey!

All flash and cheap thrills. There was no point to it!

Let me show you how it's done.

Hmm. Oh!

You see that girl over there with a gallon of attitude?

Well, she didn't used to be this way.

Once upon a time, she was a nice girl named Grace.

She grew up in an idyllic village,

and her days were filled with hard but rewarding work.

One day, her mother told her to set off for plumbing school,

but Grace was tempted away by the woods

'cause it had free Wi-Fi and degrees in art!

There in the woods, she switched her dress

for a skimpy skirt, shaved her head,

and worst of all, got an eyebrow piercing!

[high voice] "What mother don't know won't hurt her!"

But on her way to get a face tattoo,

she tripped and fell into a bush!

-Her piercing got tangled in the thorns... -[animal roars]

and sure enough, a forest beast gobbled her up!

She spent the rest of her days

wishing she had listened to her mother,

who, by the way, died of disappointment

because her daughter was so dumb.

And that's why you should always listen to your mother.

Ma, that was... pretty heavy.

Of course it was! That's what makes it good!

You know what you call a story without a moral? A poem!

I'd like to see you do better.

You know what? I think I can.

I was getting hung up on details before,

but after hearing some examples,

I think I got the hang of it now.

Good for you, Papa.

Just don't forget to use your imagination.

My imagination, huh? Well let's see.

I imagine Phil was hungry and wanted to cook a steak.

But the steak was cold.

[Nancy] Okay, he's got a problem to solve. Good start.

[Bill] So I imagine he had a microwave.

-[Nancy] What? -[Bill] Yeah.

And I imagine it's got all the settings--

reheat, defrost, potato.

-Stop, stop, stop. -I can't take it.

I want to cut my ears off.

Tilly, why don't you go next?

-Aw, but-- -Don't worry, Papa.

Just sit back, relax,

and let Tilly take a turn.

-But I-- -See that guy over there?

I'd like you to meet Dr. Nelson P. Candycorn.

The "P" stands for "Peanut."

Dr. Candycorn lives

in the crowded village of Shoeville

with his many, many, beautiful children.

But lately, their home has grown a bit tight on space.

Luckily, Dr. Candycorn

was able to hatch the perfect plan.

"I'll fly to outer space."

And so, after a long journey,

the doctor found the perfect planet.

[sneezes] However, the whole planet was sick.

And also a puppy.

So, Dr. Candycorn played his magic flute

to call all his majestic space whale friends.

They danced so beautifully

that they cured the puppy planet's illness.

And inside its mouth were even more puppies,

and one of them had a human face.

And then they all lived happily ever after. The end.

-It was weird, but it was funny. -Well done, Tilly!

Whoo! That was a trip.

Thanks, Mama.

Every story needs a little whimsy. And puppies.

Yeah, that was great. Of course, nothing really exploded,

but still pretty good, you know, despite the fact that nothing really exploded.

Well, that's enough lollygagging.

Sun's going down, and I gotta put on my night creams.

Yep. Let's go.

Those were really cool stories, guys.

Oh, this family's full of great storytellers.

-Now, wait just a minute. -[all] Hmm?

I'm not done telling my story.

-You mean there's more? -Sorry, Bill.

It's just getting late, and we're all a little tired.

Just give me one last try.

Fine, but you better not screw it up,

or else I'll disown you.

O-Okay, I'll make it quick. Here we go.

When we last saw Phil,

he was waiting on his steak to finish cooking.

-[all groan] -[gasps]

[thinking] Dang it, Bill, you're losing them already.

Think, Bill, think!

What would the boy do?

All of a sudden, Phil's microwave came to life!

Then the monster burst through his house!

[roars]

It put itself on the highest setting

and started torching the neighborhood!

[Cricket] Whoa! Now, that's what I call action! Aah!

[Bill] Phil knew he had to do something, but what?

He was just a boring old man. But maybe...

Maybe he wasn't! Yeah!

Maybe he was a retired fire-fighter the whole time!

[Nancy] Oh, cool. What an awesome character detail.

[Bill] So Phil set to work saving his neighbors.

[Nancy] All right!

[Bill] But his renegade appliance had other plans.

Phil fought bravely, but he was no match for the microwave's

five billion watts of destructive power!

He was running out of options, but luckily,

something whimsical happened.

His friends from outer space arrived as reinforcements!

[Tilly] Always nice to have a little whimsy.

[Bill] With the microwave monster distracted,

Phil knew exactly what to do.

Sometimes the best solution is the simplest one.

[powering down]

[Cricket] Oh, my gosh, does it? Does it?

[Bill] Yep.

It explodes.

[Cricket] All right!

[Bill] And so, the microwave monster was destroyed!

[all cheer]

-[Bill] But so was the town. -[all] Aw.

[Bill] Luckily, Phil's mom told him to buy insurance.

-And he listened to her, so everything was fixed. -[all cheer]

And that's why you always listen to your mother.

[Gramma] Finally. The lesson.

And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

[cheering, exclaiming]

Papa, that was fantastic!

Very creative.

I wouldn't read the book, but I'd see the movie.

Aw, thanks. I guess creativity's

all about finding the right inspiration.

And for me, that's, well, all of you.

Bravo, Dad. Well put, well put.

That said, I do have some notes about your treatment

of my creation, Falcon Tuxedo.

First of all, Falcon would never need to be saved.

Also, he's immune to fire.

And his bow tie is a throwing star.

That never came up, but I figured I'd mention it here.

[scoffs] What's their story?

Eh, tourists.

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ I lost a bet and got bit By a hundred flies ♪

♪ And I fell out A big, old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch And scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ A got chased by a dog Bit by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters At seven and 10 ♪

♪ And tomorrow I'll do it all again ♪