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1
00:00:42,930 --> 00:00:43,970
Ahem.
2
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:45,890
They're ready for you now.
3
00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:50,170
Gwendolyn Harris. We've met.
4
00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:51,450
Bournemouth.
5
00:00:51,490 --> 00:00:53,170
But you don't know the others.
6
00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:55,250
No, but I'm familiar with you.
7
00:00:55,290 --> 00:00:57,810
Why do you want to be an MP?
8
00:00:57,850 --> 00:01:00,250
Because I'm not satisfied
with the way things are,
9
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:03,570
and rather than sit back and moan
I'd prefer to do something about it.
10
00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:05,890
Go again from the top.
11
00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:09,570
I don't know why anyone's surprised
the world's number one teen idol
12
00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:10,970
has become a Scientologist.
13
00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:12,530
Speed up the autocue, please.
14
00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:14,690
Pop stars do believe in weird things.
15
00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:18,090
'Abba believed in angels.
R Kelly believed he could fly...'
16
00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:19,330
They said show you this.
17
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:20,810
This happened just now?
18
00:01:20,850 --> 00:01:21,450
Mm-hmm.
19
00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:22,970
Gladwell?
20
00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:25,690
"Shamed Tory Jason Gladwell
resigns," - capitals -
21
00:01:25,730 --> 00:01:27,610
"over Twitter porn pics scandal."
22
00:01:27,650 --> 00:01:29,090
Oh, so he wasn't hacked after all.
23
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:31,410
"Originally claimed
his account had been hacked,
24
00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:34,490
"resignation statement admits
inappropriate correspondence
25
00:01:34,530 --> 00:01:35,610
"with a 15-year-old girl."
26
00:01:35,650 --> 00:01:38,650
So tweeting dick photos
is correspondence now, is it?
27
00:01:38,690 --> 00:01:40,690
"Departure triggers a by-election
28
00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:42,970
"in his Stentonford and Hersham
constituency."
29
00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:44,450
Well, you get to use
the Gladwell stuff.
30
00:01:44,490 --> 00:01:45,530
Mm-hmm.
31
00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:47,770
Bump it all up to
the top of the monologue.
32
00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:49,450
Anyone seen Jamie?
33
00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:56,330
Rach?
34
00:01:56,370 --> 00:01:58,610
'You really shouldn't be
calling me any more.
35
00:01:58,650 --> 00:02:00,330
'You need to sort yourself out.'
36
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,810
I am.
37
00:02:01,850 --> 00:02:04,330
'Focus on Waldo,
that's going well for you.'
38
00:02:04,370 --> 00:02:05,690
But it is not...
39
00:02:05,730 --> 00:02:07,450
'He's a hit, Jamie.'
40
00:02:07,610 --> 00:02:09,970
"He." Not me, "he".
41
00:02:10,010 --> 00:02:11,610
'Just do your show.'
42
00:02:11,770 --> 00:02:13,450
I will. I mean, hon,
if you'd just...
43
00:02:14,730 --> 00:02:16,250
Jamie?
44
00:02:17,450 --> 00:02:19,010
Jamie, hurry up.
45
00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,530
What do you know about
Stentonford and Hersham?
46
00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:24,370
Safe Tory seat.
47
00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:27,690
So, realistically, I know there's
not much of a chance, but...
48
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,610
So, it's a stepping stone for you?
49
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,090
Yes.
50
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,810
Obviously, I wouldn't say
that outside of this room,
51
00:02:36,850 --> 00:02:38,890
but, well,
you want me to be honest.
52
00:02:38,930 --> 00:02:40,450
There's no point in pretending.
53
00:02:40,490 --> 00:02:45,010
Is there anything in your past that
might conceivably cause problems?
54
00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:46,290
No.
55
00:02:47,570 --> 00:02:49,290
Except...
56
00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:52,890
..I did commit a series
of murders in Huddersfield
57
00:02:52,930 --> 00:02:54,890
between 1999 and 2003.
58
00:02:54,930 --> 00:02:56,490
But apart from that...
59
00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:02,730
Well, thank you, Gwendolyn.
60
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:04,690
If you could leave via that door.
61
00:03:04,730 --> 00:03:06,450
Oh, that door?
62
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,490
We like to keep
the candidates separate.
63
00:03:09,570 --> 00:03:11,050
Right, yes.
64
00:03:22,010 --> 00:03:25,250
Idiot. Idiot!
65
00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:30,330
Shamed super groomer and all-round
pillock of the community
66
00:03:30,370 --> 00:03:33,450
Jason Gladwell
has resigned as an MP,
67
00:03:33,490 --> 00:03:37,130
saying he could no longer
maintain his position.
68
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:39,410
That position, presumably,
being hunched over
69
00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:41,610
wanking madly at school kids.
70
00:03:41,650 --> 00:03:43,210
'A pal of Gladwell said...'
71
00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,050
You ready?
72
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,410
Uh-huh.
73
00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:47,490
..how old the girl wasn't.
74
00:03:47,530 --> 00:03:49,090
That's the sort of feeble excuse
75
00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:51,810
'only a naive school kid
would swallow -
76
00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:53,730
'which, presumably, was the idea.
77
00:03:55,010 --> 00:03:57,890
'Anyway, the bad news is
he's resigned in disgrace.'
78
00:03:57,930 --> 00:04:00,970
The good news is he's now
free to pursue a full-time career
79
00:04:01,010 --> 00:04:03,610
in the disgraced paedophile
industry.
80
00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:07,810
Personally, I don't understand
why anyone's surprised...
81
00:04:07,850 --> 00:04:10,210
Um, small change to the intro.
82
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:11,170
What?
83
00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,890
Nothing huge, Conor wanted the Jacko
gag for the monologue, so...
84
00:04:12,930 --> 00:04:14,370
That was my bit.
85
00:04:14,450 --> 00:04:15,610
There is the Chancellor stuff,
you could use that.
86
00:04:15,650 --> 00:04:16,970
Bit politics.
87
00:04:17,010 --> 00:04:17,810
You can do politics.
88
00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:19,370
I do piss-taking.
89
00:04:19,410 --> 00:04:20,450
Go be Waldo.
90
00:04:20,610 --> 00:04:21,690
Yes, commander.
91
00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:23,610
'R Kelly believed he could fly,
92
00:04:23,650 --> 00:04:26,970
'and Michael Jackson believed
that his doctor was qualified...'
93
00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:29,050
Big ball
blue bear bollocks.
94
00:04:29,090 --> 00:04:30,810
And now it's time
for our final visit
95
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:33,250
to the world of educational
children's programming
96
00:04:33,290 --> 00:04:34,810
courtesy of everyone's favourite,
97
00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:38,250
and only occasionally inappropriate
cool kids' TV character,
98
00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:39,610
Waldo.
99
00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:45,090
Whose mum's in tonight, apparently.
100
00:04:45,130 --> 00:04:47,890
Waldo, who have you had
in your cave this week?
101
00:04:47,930 --> 00:04:51,250
Well, Conor,
in my big pink cave this week
102
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:54,250
I had former Minister
for Culture Liam Monroe.
103
00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:56,170
Oh, he's quite handsome, isn't he?
104
00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:58,450
I was hoping he'd nosh me off!
105
00:04:58,490 --> 00:05:00,250
Want to see how it panned out?
106
00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:01,890
I think we should.
107
00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:03,250
Run VT!
108
00:05:16,130 --> 00:05:17,530
Hey, everybody!
109
00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:19,530
It's Waldo time!
110
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,010
Yeah!
111
00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:22,530
Cool! Cool!
112
00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:25,530
Waldo-rrific!
113
00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:26,890
Ha-ha-ha!
114
00:05:26,930 --> 00:05:30,410
Hey, kids,
my guest this week is Mr Monroe.
115
00:05:30,450 --> 00:05:31,970
Hello, Mr Monroe.
116
00:05:32,010 --> 00:05:33,370
Hello, Waldo.
117
00:05:33,410 --> 00:05:36,450
Mr Monroe is a politician.
118
00:05:40,650 --> 00:05:43,090
So, what is a politician, Mr Monroe?
119
00:05:43,130 --> 00:05:44,970
Well, a politician is someone
120
00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:47,690
who tries to make the
world a fairer place.
121
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:49,250
Like Batman.
122
00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:51,170
Not exactly like Batman.
123
00:05:51,210 --> 00:05:53,050
Do you beat people up?
124
00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:54,450
No, I don't beat people up.
125
00:05:54,490 --> 00:05:56,010
Oh, you're a pussy then?
126
00:05:57,850 --> 00:05:59,810
Well, I'm not sure
I know exactly what...
127
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:02,530
You don't know what pussy is?
128
00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:07,610
OK, this is clearly
some kind of joke.
129
00:06:07,650 --> 00:06:10,250
No joke, sorry, let's move on.
130
00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:11,530
Friends again?
131
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:23,610
Oh, hello, mate, great show.
132
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:24,730
Well done, really good.
133
00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:26,010
So, we'll bring him over.
134
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,810
You go and get him,
I'll explain about...
135
00:06:27,850 --> 00:06:29,610
'Now, he comes across...'
136
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:30,970
Jamie!
137
00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:33,010
What you want, Miss Tamsin?
138
00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:35,170
Behind me, man in glasses
talking to Jack Napier.
139
00:06:35,210 --> 00:06:35,890
Jack freaks me out.
140
00:06:35,930 --> 00:06:37,250
Yeah, ditto,
141
00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:39,450
but he owns the company
and the man he's with is important
142
00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:40,250
and wants to talk to you.
143
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:43,090
He's from the channel.
144
00:06:43,130 --> 00:06:44,610
Go on.
145
00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:45,370
'Honestly, all I'm saying...'
146
00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:46,810
'Is he shy?'
147
00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:49,050
'No, all I'm saying is
he's a terrific guy...'
148
00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:50,370
Jim, Jamie, Jamie, Jim.
149
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,370
How do you do?
150
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:52,610
Jim, Jack, James.
151
00:06:52,650 --> 00:06:53,890
Jamie.
152
00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:56,530
Jim was just talking about Waldo.
153
00:06:56,570 --> 00:06:59,370
Yeah. Liam Monroe
has lodged a complaint.
154
00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:01,810
Toys out the pram.
155
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:03,170
And that's...?
156
00:07:03,210 --> 00:07:04,530
Good press.
157
00:07:04,570 --> 00:07:06,970
It's so tough to get
a breakthrough these days,
158
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,450
but when it does,
well, it's just fantastic.
159
00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:11,890
It's fantastic the way Waldo puts
the piss up Monroe.
160
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:15,330
You know, all those twats,
it's punk, it's...it's...
161
00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:16,530
'Jack?'
162
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:17,930
Excuse me.
163
00:07:19,490 --> 00:07:22,690
Well, Twitter can't get
enough of Waldo, loves him.
164
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:27,170
Look, I know the show's
coming back again next year,
165
00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:29,770
but we want to see more of Waldo.
166
00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:33,170
They want to do a pilot.
167
00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:34,090
A Waldo pilot?
168
00:07:34,130 --> 00:07:36,250
Yeah. I mean, how does that sound?
169
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,450
Yeah. Sounds good.
170
00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:41,650
Sounds stormin' Norman,
fucking stormin'.
171
00:07:41,690 --> 00:07:43,130
Going to give it to 'em.
172
00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:05,730
But look, we can't do sketches
without Waldo.
173
00:08:05,770 --> 00:08:07,730
It's a Waldo pilot,
it's a Waldo show,
174
00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:09,330
it's got to be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.
175
00:08:09,370 --> 00:08:12,090
Realistically, there isn't
the budget for other animations.
176
00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:14,250
I mean live action,
other characters I can do.
177
00:08:14,290 --> 00:08:16,170
What about the Brown Knight?
178
00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:17,730
What, the crap crusader?
179
00:08:17,770 --> 00:08:19,690
We can look into the Brown Knight.
180
00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:22,290
But right now
let's find more Waldo ideas.
181
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:27,250
The problem is, any guests
we book will be in on it.
182
00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,610
They know that Waldo's a joke,
the surprise is gone.
183
00:08:29,650 --> 00:08:31,530
So, we think round that.
184
00:08:31,570 --> 00:08:34,210
Hey, boys and girls!
It's Waldo time!
185
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:36,370
Yeah! Ha-ha!
186
00:08:37,490 --> 00:08:39,250
He's awesome, isn't he?
187
00:08:39,290 --> 00:08:43,010
I mean, look - sod name in lights,
you're an app now, my brother.
188
00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:48,250
All right, Sara? How's the
think tanking going, good shit?
189
00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:50,250
Um, yeah, yeah,
we're making headway.
190
00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:51,730
Good.
191
00:08:51,770 --> 00:08:54,090
I see our friend Monroe
is in the news again,
192
00:08:54,130 --> 00:08:56,810
running in
the Stentonford by-election.
193
00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:58,410
We should get Waldo down there.
194
00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:01,690
Hey, that's not a bad idea,
actually.
195
00:09:01,730 --> 00:09:04,890
We get a van with a screen with
the image of Waldo on the side.
196
00:09:04,930 --> 00:09:06,090
Like it.
197
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,330
And then, when Monroe's
doing a meet and greet,
198
00:09:08,370 --> 00:09:10,170
we just turn up
and just get under his skin.
199
00:09:10,210 --> 00:09:11,570
I love that, I love it.
200
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:12,290
We've done Monroe.
201
00:09:12,330 --> 00:09:13,650
But it was a great bit.
202
00:09:13,690 --> 00:09:16,090
I'm not dumb or clever enough
to be political...
203
00:09:16,130 --> 00:09:19,450
Why don't we get Waldo
to stand for the by-election?
204
00:09:19,490 --> 00:09:20,530
Get people to vote for him?
205
00:09:20,570 --> 00:09:21,730
He's not real.
206
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:24,250
But people have stood as
fictional characters before.
207
00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:26,530
Do you think Screaming
Lord Sutch was his real name?
208
00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:28,810
We just put "commonly known as"
on the ballot.
209
00:09:28,850 --> 00:09:31,450
No-one's actually going to vote
for him, that's not the point.
210
00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:34,530
The point is, we get to hang around,
we're there for the count.
211
00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:37,210
Well, go on then, Sara,
whack it up there.
212
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,860
'He's with a mum and baby group.'
213
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:59,540
OK. Going live
in five...four...three two...
214
00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:02,220
'Thank you so much
for joining me this morning.'
215
00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:03,860
It's been incredibly informative
216
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:07,060
and I think we should have a little
round of applause for the children,
217
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,020
who were fantastic.
218
00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:11,540
Thank you, Naomi.
219
00:10:11,580 --> 00:10:13,420
Thank you for your time.
220
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:17,860
Hey!
221
00:10:18,060 --> 00:10:20,420
Hey, it's me Waldo.
222
00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:22,860
Oh. I like your trainers, man!
223
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:25,380
I'd wear trainers myself
but I can't cos I haven't got feet.
224
00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:26,460
I've got stumps.
225
00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:28,700
He's out.
226
00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:30,780
Hey, Mr Monroe! Mr Monroe.
227
00:10:30,820 --> 00:10:32,900
Hey! Did you get off with
any of the mums?
228
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:35,020
Where'd you look while
they were breastfeeding?
229
00:10:35,060 --> 00:10:37,500
They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe!
230
00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:39,260
He said it!
231
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,700
Mr Monroe, don't walk away from me!
232
00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:42,300
I'm sorry about this, Liam.
233
00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:43,620
Hey, I'm being snubbed!
234
00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:46,340
Hey, don't ignore me.
Don't just get in your car.
235
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,580
It's a death trap anyway,
look at it!
236
00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:50,620
Let's find out what we can about
the idiot inside that thing.
237
00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:51,620
Sure.
238
00:10:53,060 --> 00:10:54,620
Mr Monroe. Oi!
239
00:10:57,860 --> 00:11:00,020
'Stentonford Labour Party.'
240
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,940
Right, you've got
a choice of styles,
241
00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:07,260
so just choose one from there.
Then you put your name in there.
242
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,940
This is like bloody Moonpig.
243
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,100
Don't knock the free mail out.
244
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,980
Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some
Fisher-Price leaflet app.
245
00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:18,500
He doesn't have to.
246
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:27,180
Day one of the campaign
in Stentonford and Hersham,
247
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,020
and Tory hopeful Liam Monroe
hits the ground running.
248
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:32,940
The licence fee is something
that's very close to my heart...
249
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:35,300
'Mr Monroe, ey! Oh, oh, oh!
Look at me Mr Monroe, please!'
250
00:11:35,340 --> 00:11:37,900
Hey, over here! Hey, over here...
251
00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:39,900
Look over here, Mr Monroe...
252
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,700
The Conservative Party
have been, er...
253
00:11:41,740 --> 00:11:45,420
Have been arguing for a reduction
of the licence fee for...
254
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:46,180
Good morning, everybody.
255
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:47,220
Pardon?
256
00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:48,660
Why you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?
Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me?
257
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:49,900
I beg your pardon.
258
00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,980
I'm sorry. It's rather loud.
259
00:11:52,020 --> 00:11:53,620
We have argued for a further
reduction in the licence fee...
260
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:55,420
Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me?
261
00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:57,220
Mum with a pushchair -
drag her into it.
262
00:11:57,260 --> 00:11:58,660
Hey, you. Mum with the pushchair.
263
00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:02,660
Yeah, you. Ask Mr Monroe
why he's ignoring me.
264
00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:04,900
Why are you ignoring Waldo?
265
00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:08,340
'Mr Monroe, what's Waldo
done to you?'
266
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:11,860
We should probably just shift
before this turns stupid.
267
00:12:13,180 --> 00:12:15,180
I'm not walking away from a cartoon.
268
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:18,780
'I'm not ignoring you.'
269
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,980
Yeah, you were, you upset me.
270
00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:23,100
You made Waldo sad.
271
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:31,980
Well, obviously, I'm absolutely
devastated that you're upset...
272
00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:39,460
Let him get a word in.
273
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:44,100
I'm not ignoring you
because there is no you.
274
00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:46,940
You are an image voiced
by a comedian -
275
00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:48,820
an alleged comedian,
more accurately.
276
00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:50,940
If I'm not real,
why you talking to him?
277
00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:52,900
And by "him" I mean me, knobber!
278
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,780
There's no point in attempting
to converse with a cartoon.
279
00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:00,580
Ooh, "converse", Your Lordship!
280
00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:03,980
Thy flowery language doth give
me a right throbbing bone-on!
281
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,220
Finished.
282
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:25,340
Drink?
283
00:13:25,380 --> 00:13:26,940
I've got e-mails.
284
00:13:33,540 --> 00:13:36,540
You know that's Gwendolyn Harris?
285
00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:37,820
The Labour candidate.
286
00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:41,420
Did you read my background doc?
287
00:13:41,460 --> 00:13:42,580
Yes.
288
00:13:44,180 --> 00:13:46,620
Why don't you read it tonight? Alone.
289
00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:59,460
I'll swing by about nine,
so have your breakfast first...
290
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,500
Are you my dad?
291
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,380
Apparently not. See you tomorrow.
292
00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:09,460
'..Waldo the bear left
Monroe in stunned silence.
293
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,980
'The colourful Waldo
launched his own campaign
294
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:14,980
'in typically loud and
crowd-pleasing style...'
295
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,100
Someone's bold? Do I know you?
296
00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:22,460
Nice way to greet a voter...
297
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,420
Sorry, I thought you were...
298
00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:27,500
Actually, I'm more of a rival.
299
00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:30,980
"Hey, Mr Monroe, Mr Monroe, why
are you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?"
300
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,220
You're good at that!
301
00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:33,340
Because I am that.
302
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:34,460
What? You're that thing?
303
00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:37,900
Waldo's not a thing, he's a bear.
304
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:42,180
Liam Monroe calls him worse.
Nice work there, by the way.
305
00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:45,700
Yeah, well. It's dick jokes
at his expense basically.
306
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:46,820
Another one?
307
00:14:46,860 --> 00:14:48,260
OK. One.
308
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:55,660
The way you describe it, it's like
you're doing this for a showreel...
309
00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:56,700
No...
310
00:14:56,740 --> 00:14:59,420
..like this place is the equivalent
of a walk-on in a sketch show...
311
00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:00,460
Shh!
312
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:03,140
..but your party leader has to show
up because it's a...mid-thing...
313
00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:04,340
Midterm by-election.
314
00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:05,380
Terminology tits.
315
00:15:05,420 --> 00:15:06,580
You are 12!
316
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:08,540
So because leaderballs is there,
317
00:15:08,580 --> 00:15:11,580
suddenly it's walk-on
in a Ricky Gervais sketch show
318
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:12,940
so it's good exposure.
319
00:15:13,140 --> 00:15:14,420
You're not going to win,
you know you're not going to win...
320
00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:15,460
Come on, shh.
321
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,500
You're not going to win though.
322
00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:18,540
Of course not.
323
00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:19,740
So, why not be honest?
324
00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:21,780
Say, "You arseholes aren't
going to vote for me,
325
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,220
"so here's what I think anyway."?
326
00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:24,180
It doesn't work like that.
327
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:26,660
Nothing does, that's why
everything's bollocksed.
328
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:29,900
You're angry, for someone
who's doing well.
329
00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:33,900
I'm the voice of a blue bear...
330
00:15:33,940 --> 00:15:36,540
if that's, "doing well,"
then we are doomed!
331
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:41,740
I can't see!
332
00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:43,260
Hang on, there's a thing.
333
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:50,100
Have you had a fox in here or do you
live like a 14-year-old?
334
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:56,860
Well, don't get too excited,
I'm not sleeping in it.
335
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,140
Shit, really?
336
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:16,060
You're amazing.
337
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,220
Sorry?
338
00:16:17,260 --> 00:16:19,060
You're amazing?
339
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,660
Oh, thank you!
340
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:46,100
What's up?
341
00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:47,660
Nothing.
342
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:48,980
Are you sure?
343
00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:55,420
It's just...
344
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:02,140
..I haven't been happy in a while...
345
00:17:04,180 --> 00:17:06,940
..and this is good, you know?
346
00:17:06,980 --> 00:17:07,940
Hm.
347
00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:20,940
Can I...have your number?
348
00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:26,420
Yes!
349
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,340
Where's our mark this morning?
350
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:46,980
We're out on the road.
351
00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:49,100
Ooh...bien sur.
352
00:17:52,540 --> 00:18:00,260
Oh, hello, I'm Mr Monroe.
Vote for me and keep things shitty.
353
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:27,420
Vote Waldo! Vote Waldo!
354
00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:30,620
Vote Waldo! Vote Waldo!
355
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,940
'You're right. Strong Tory.'
356
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,220
'I warned you.'
357
00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:39,820
You know you're on Monroe turf
when they live so far apart.
358
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:43,220
I'm voting Waldo!
359
00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:49,340
I met Waldo last night.
360
00:18:49,380 --> 00:18:51,140
Jamie, the guy who plays him.
361
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:52,260
He's fun.
362
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:53,860
Fun?
363
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:54,860
Mmm-hmm.
364
00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,460
Did you tell him anything
about our campaign?
365
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,020
Not really.
366
00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,660
Not really or no?
367
00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:05,420
Er, not really.
368
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:07,740
Look, he's OK.
369
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:08,940
He's a comedian -
370
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:11,380
he's mocking Monroe now,
it'll be you next.
371
00:19:13,460 --> 00:19:16,380
His act is all f-this
and penis jokes.
372
00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:17,420
But...
373
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,300
Don't see him again.
374
00:19:26,020 --> 00:19:28,980
OK. Job done till
the husting tomorrow.
375
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:33,100
Some media students doing
a Question Time type thing.
376
00:19:33,140 --> 00:19:35,100
They've asked Waldo
to join the panel.
377
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:38,180
Oh, come on. It's my nightmare,
going on Question Time.
378
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,420
It's students, you'll walk it.
379
00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:41,300
I can't answer
serious questions...
380
00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:44,420
No-one wants you to!
You're the comic relief, lighten up.
381
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:59,980
Erm, just have a look. I'm sure
you'll find lots in there...
382
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:07,740
Are there any particular issues that
you're concerned about at all?
383
00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:24,460
Hey.
384
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:25,500
Oh, hi.
385
00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:26,220
I thought we were going to...?
386
00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,700
Sorry - I've had a tough day...
387
00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:29,100
Right. Not even one?
388
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,580
Sorry.
389
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,140
Well, what about tomorrow?
390
00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:35,060
Look, I can't, when this
is happening, I can't see you.
391
00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:36,180
What do you mean?
392
00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:37,420
I'm sorry.
393
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,080
Do they think that
looks like Question Time?
394
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,120
Yeah. It looks politicsy.
395
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,760
Check the host.
396
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:58,880
Jailbait Dimbleby.
397
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,240
When it comes to addiction
and addicts, we should sympathise,
398
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,400
but we shouldn't patronise.
399
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,800
You know, serious drug use is
a criminal offence, that is
400
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,400
committed voluntarily
and for pleasure...
401
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,880
Look, I'm sorry, these are the
facts.
402
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,280
Waldo, what do you think?
403
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,920
Mr Monroe, are you addicted?
404
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,680
No.
405
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,680
Sorry, I mean, are you a dickhead?
406
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,920
I think we have to ask ourselves...
407
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,360
I think we have to ask ourselves,
what is this for?
408
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:40,280
And why do we waste our time with
animated trivialities like him?
409
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,240
I mean why?
410
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,280
Why? I mean why?
411
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,280
I mean why? I mean why?
412
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:47,800
I mean why? I mean why?
413
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:51,280
This is just the kind of thing...
rather than see you laugh...
414
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:52,840
They laugh at you, Limbo.
415
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,320
You laugh, you're laughing
at someone who won't engage.
416
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:59,800
Who is scared to engage, who
hides behind a children's cartoon.
417
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,440
Who you calling a kiddy toon, fool?
418
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:07,280
I'm...I'm...I'm
speaking about James Salter.
419
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:08,560
Hm?
420
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,320
Don't worry about it.
421
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,400
That's your name, isn't it?
422
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,920
James Salter, this is the man
who's behind all this.
423
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,840
He's 33 years old,
424
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,680
a man whose career can be summed up
surprisingly quickly.
425
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,200
You were in a sketch troupe
426
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,600
that enjoyed minor success about
six years ago,
427
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,680
and the others moved on to
better things,
428
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,440
but your main achievement seems to
have been playing
429
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,120
the part of a corn on the cob
430
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,240
in a high-interest personal
loan commercial.
431
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,400
I notice you keep that
pretty quiet.
432
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,600
And now of course operating
this sort of teddy bear thing.
433
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,440
Which by the way is easier than it
looks. Anyone could do it.
434
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:52,920
See, this is...this is the thing.
It's easy, what he does.
435
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:54,400
He mocks.
436
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,920
And when he can't
think of an authentic joke,
437
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,760
which is actually quite often,
he just swears.
438
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,880
I think that this puppet's
inclusion on this panel debases the
439
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,960
process of debate, and smothers any
meaningful discussion of the issues.
440
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,560
So I return to my original question,
is that really what this is for?
441
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,760
He has nothing to offer
and he has nothing to say.
442
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,400
Prove me wrong. Hm?
443
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,520
Speak, Waldo.
444
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,720
Please. Come on. Speak up.
445
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,320
There you see, nothing.
446
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:32,400
Oh, go fuck yourself.
447
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,280
It's more swearing.
448
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:37,600
You're a joke.
449
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,840
You look less human than I do
450
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,000
and I'm a made-up bear with
a turquoise cock.
451
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:48,320
What are you? You're just an old
attitude with new hair.
452
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:51,200
Assuming you're my superior because
I'm not taking you seriously?
453
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,560
No-one takes you seriously,
that's why no-one votes.
454
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:54,880
The vast majority do vote.
455
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:55,760
It's bullshit.
456
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,040
Surely this is enough?
457
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,680
You think you deserve respect.
458
00:23:58,720 --> 00:23:59,760
Just common courtesy.
459
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,200
Because you went to public school
460
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,400
and believed you were
entitled to everything.
461
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,120
Perhaps we could get back...
462
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,480
Ad hominem nonsense...
463
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:06,640
Gwendolyn Harris...
464
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,680
Something's got to change. No-one
trusts you lot cos they know
465
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,400
you don't give a shit about anything
outside your bubble.
466
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,120
What about your mate Gladwell,
the kiddy-flasher?
467
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,880
You knew him for 20 years,
did you not know what he was like?
468
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,120
No, of course not.
469
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:23,400
Yeah, cos you're all just front,
like him, sly and pretending,
470
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,400
and in that way you're all the same.
471
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:30,160
Gwendolyn Harris,
is all of politics a waste of time?
472
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,680
Well, of course I think no...
473
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,720
Oh, shut up, you're worse!
474
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,480
Seriously, she's faker than him.
475
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,120
For once I agree with
Liam Monroe in that this...
476
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:40,560
Are you going to win?
477
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,760
..doesn't get us anywhere and
there's no point in us continuing...
478
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,240
Tell them why you're here.
479
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,760
..if we can't have anything
resembling a deba...
480
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,840
Tell them why you're here.
481
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,120
She's here to build a showreel.
482
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,680
I'm not kidding, that's literally
it.
483
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:58,880
Knows she's not going to win.
This is all experience,
484
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,160
to get on telly.
485
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,800
She actually gives less of a shit
about anyone round here than
486
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,160
he does, because he'll actually
have to represent you.
487
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:06,400
Am I wrong?
488
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:10,400
A career politician.
Someone else less real than me,
489
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,680
and I can do this.
490
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,760
Can I just make
a couple of points?
491
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,480
Oh, shut up, you pebble.
492
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,160
What is this for? That's what you
wanted to know, Mr Monroe.
493
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,160
And the truth is, none of us
know any more, thanks to you.
494
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,400
What are you for? What are you for?
495
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,160
Thank you and goodnight.
496
00:26:20,900 --> 00:26:22,820
Jamie.
497
00:26:24,620 --> 00:26:25,780
Jamie?
498
00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:29,860
Jack's here. He wants to see us.
499
00:26:31,140 --> 00:26:32,220
You can't avoid it.
500
00:26:37,620 --> 00:26:40,820
Get dressed, he'll meet us outside.
501
00:26:56,060 --> 00:26:58,180
'And yet accusations of vapidity
aside,
502
00:26:58,220 --> 00:27:00,500
'it's clearly tapped a nerve.
503
00:27:00,540 --> 00:27:03,260
'in just three days, Waldo has gone
viral.
504
00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:07,180
'The video of his clash has already
been viewed over a million times
505
00:27:07,220 --> 00:27:10,500
'on YouTube. There are Facebook
groups calling on Waldo
506
00:27:10,540 --> 00:27:13,300
'to form a national party.'
507
00:27:13,340 --> 00:27:15,020
'You're a joke.
508
00:27:15,060 --> 00:27:18,100
'You look less human than I do
and I'm a made-up bear with
509
00:27:18,140 --> 00:27:19,100
'a turquoise dick What are you?
510
00:27:19,460 --> 00:27:21,940
'You're just an old attitude
with new hair.
511
00:27:21,980 --> 00:27:25,900
'Assuming you're my superior because
I'm not taking you seriously.
512
00:27:25,940 --> 00:27:28,740
'No-one takes you seriously.'
513
00:27:36,940 --> 00:27:39,100
Oh, look, here
he is the man of the moment!
514
00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:40,820
How does it feel to be a phenomenon?
515
00:27:40,860 --> 00:27:41,860
Shitifying.
516
00:27:43,420 --> 00:27:44,940
You are everywhere, my son.
517
00:27:44,980 --> 00:27:47,100
Twitter, the news...
Have you seen the poll?
518
00:27:47,140 --> 00:27:49,300
You're in third place, mate.
519
00:27:49,340 --> 00:27:50,900
You overtook that Lib Dem prick...
520
00:27:50,940 --> 00:27:52,180
Yeah, well, he's a glass of water.
521
00:27:52,220 --> 00:27:53,540
This is an opportunity, Jamie.
522
00:27:53,580 --> 00:27:55,580
He knows my name now.
523
00:27:55,620 --> 00:27:57,380
We could really do something here.
524
00:27:57,420 --> 00:27:59,740
You know, everyone's pissed
with the status quo.
525
00:27:59,780 --> 00:28:01,580
And Waldo gives that a voice.
526
00:28:01,620 --> 00:28:04,380
Waldo's a bear. A blue bear.
527
00:28:04,420 --> 00:28:05,940
Tell him, Tams.
528
00:28:05,980 --> 00:28:08,180
We've been asked on Consensus.
529
00:28:08,220 --> 00:28:11,620
It's a ten-minute one-to-one
interview with Phillip Crane.
530
00:28:11,660 --> 00:28:12,740
Pitbull Crane?
531
00:28:12,780 --> 00:28:13,820
Big guns for big guns.
532
00:28:13,860 --> 00:28:17,100
Hello? I'm not a politician, OK?
I don't want to be a politician.
533
00:28:17,140 --> 00:28:18,460
We know that you hate politics.
534
00:28:18,500 --> 00:28:21,020
I don't hate them,
I'm just not interested in them.
535
00:28:21,060 --> 00:28:22,740
You don't need to be
interested in them.
536
00:28:22,780 --> 00:28:24,060
You just need to be Waldo.
537
00:28:25,540 --> 00:28:28,060
And when Crane asks something tricky
and I look stupid
538
00:28:28,100 --> 00:28:28,980
because I don't know how to answer?
539
00:28:29,020 --> 00:28:31,060
You'll know the answer.
540
00:28:31,100 --> 00:28:32,820
Because you have a producer.
541
00:28:32,860 --> 00:28:36,460
Look, I can tell you what to say.
542
00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:39,220
I can live Google any facts,
give you stats, quotes,
543
00:28:39,260 --> 00:28:40,260
whatever else you need.
544
00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:42,660
So you've got a safety
net for the concrete stuff
545
00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:45,060
and the rest is Waldo
and you can do that in your sleep.
546
00:28:45,100 --> 00:28:47,100
You'll piss all over Crane.
547
00:28:47,140 --> 00:28:49,180
He'll know there's a team around me,
he'll see it.
548
00:28:49,220 --> 00:28:51,780
Yeah good. I hope he does.
I hope he points a camera at it.
549
00:28:51,820 --> 00:28:54,860
All the other MPs have got teams,
we're just more honest about it.
550
00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:57,340
Now come on. What d'you say? Eh?
551
00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:02,140
Jamie! Jamie!
552
00:29:02,180 --> 00:29:03,500
Why would I want to do this?
553
00:29:03,540 --> 00:29:06,420
Look, the world is knackered
and you can do something about it.
554
00:29:06,460 --> 00:29:07,900
I don't know what you're on about.
555
00:29:07,940 --> 00:29:10,820
Waldo has got the attention
of the young, and the young don't
556
00:29:10,860 --> 00:29:13,860
give a shit about anything
except trainers and pirating films.
557
00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:16,580
Do you have any other astounding
theories about young people?
558
00:29:16,620 --> 00:29:20,220
Yeah, yeah I do actually.
Look, they care about Waldo.
559
00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:21,540
They'll vote for Waldo.
560
00:29:21,580 --> 00:29:23,020
The video was a hit for a reason.
561
00:29:23,060 --> 00:29:25,340
The video's embarrassing.
I'm embarrassed by it.
562
00:29:25,380 --> 00:29:27,260
I was lashing out.
I wasn't even articulate -
563
00:29:27,300 --> 00:29:29,460
Doesn't matter.
Or funny, which is almost worse.
564
00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:30,740
We can build on that.
565
00:29:30,780 --> 00:29:31,820
Waldo's not real.
566
00:29:31,860 --> 00:29:35,620
Exactly! That's what you said that
really hit home. He's not real,
567
00:29:35,660 --> 00:29:37,180
but he's realer than all the others.
568
00:29:37,220 --> 00:29:38,900
He doesn't stand for anything.
569
00:29:38,940 --> 00:29:41,300
Yeah, well, at least
he doesn't pretend to.
570
00:29:41,340 --> 00:29:43,820
Look we...we don't need politicians,
571
00:29:43,860 --> 00:29:46,660
we've all got iPhones
and computers, right?
572
00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:50,220
So any decision that has to be made,
any policy, we just put it online.
573
00:29:50,260 --> 00:29:53,980
Let the people vote thumbs up,
thumbs down, the majority wins.
574
00:29:54,020 --> 00:29:56,860
That's a democracy. That's a...
that's an actual democracy.
575
00:29:56,900 --> 00:29:59,860
So's YouTube and I don't know
if you've seen it but the most
576
00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:03,900
popular video is a dog farting
the theme tune to Happy Days.
577
00:30:06,020 --> 00:30:07,940
Well, today it's Waldo.
578
00:30:07,980 --> 00:30:10,500
No. It's still the dog.
579
00:30:10,540 --> 00:30:13,140
Listen, can you imagine all
the things we can change
580
00:30:13,180 --> 00:30:15,180
if we fuck the politicians
out the equation?
581
00:30:15,220 --> 00:30:17,660
I've said what I've said
and now I'm shutting this door.
582
00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:25,740
Do you know who owns Waldo?
583
00:30:25,780 --> 00:30:26,940
I do, I own the rights.
584
00:30:29,540 --> 00:30:30,820
He's my character.
585
00:30:30,860 --> 00:30:32,420
Yeah, written for my show.
586
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:38,180
You're too frightened to take to
the next level. Fine. I understand.
587
00:30:38,220 --> 00:30:40,060
But also, fuck off!
588
00:30:40,100 --> 00:30:41,140
And watch me fly.
589
00:30:41,180 --> 00:30:43,460
You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo.
590
00:30:46,180 --> 00:30:49,660
Eh, Jamie, Jamie,
Jamie, what's 'appenin, eh?
591
00:30:51,900 --> 00:30:53,140
Pretty close, I'd say.
592
00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:00,650
What's happenin'? Ahh!
593
00:31:00,690 --> 00:31:04,490
Waldorific, yeah! Yeah!
594
00:31:04,530 --> 00:31:05,730
Why is it going off left again?
595
00:31:05,770 --> 00:31:06,570
Because the...
596
00:31:06,610 --> 00:31:07,530
I know! I've got my...
597
00:31:07,570 --> 00:31:08,810
Put your thumb in the white thing.
598
00:31:08,850 --> 00:31:10,770
I got that. In there? OK.
599
00:31:10,810 --> 00:31:12,410
That's not how that works.
600
00:31:21,410 --> 00:31:25,730
First tonight, a figure -
or more accurately a character -
601
00:31:25,770 --> 00:31:29,450
who's been causing an upset
in the Stentonford by-election.
602
00:31:29,490 --> 00:31:32,730
Unlike the other candidates,
he has no party affiliation.
603
00:31:32,770 --> 00:31:34,570
He doesn't even have a surname.
604
00:31:34,610 --> 00:31:39,010
He is Waldo, a few weeks ago just
a cult character in a comedy show.
605
00:31:39,050 --> 00:31:42,650
Today, an official
mascot for protest voters.
606
00:31:42,690 --> 00:31:43,970
Vote Waldo.
607
00:31:44,010 --> 00:31:47,170
Cartoons don't play by the rules
and Waldo's open disdain
608
00:31:47,210 --> 00:31:49,970
for his opponents
has clearly struck a chord.
609
00:31:52,610 --> 00:31:55,290
Waldo, as a mascot
for the disenfranchised, aren't you
610
00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:58,570
ultimately neutralizing seriously
effective dissent?
611
00:31:59,770 --> 00:32:01,650
Can I have subtitles for Mr Crane,
please?
612
00:32:01,690 --> 00:32:05,090
By encouraging people not to care,
you're actively dangerous.
613
00:32:05,130 --> 00:32:07,090
Dangerous? You think
the public can't be trusted?
614
00:32:07,130 --> 00:32:08,170
No.
615
00:32:08,210 --> 00:32:09,650
Isn't that basically you
calling them twats?
616
00:32:09,690 --> 00:32:10,650
No, I...
617
00:32:10,690 --> 00:32:11,730
Bell-ends then?
618
00:32:11,770 --> 00:32:13,290
Did you come for a discussion
or...
619
00:32:13,330 --> 00:32:16,530
You're snooty for a glorified
Punch And Judy man, Phil.
620
00:32:16,570 --> 00:32:19,410
You know you're gonna get your best
ratings in months cos I'm here.
621
00:32:19,450 --> 00:32:22,170
To even get close to the figures
I'm gonna pull in for you tonight,
622
00:32:22,210 --> 00:32:25,010
you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich
live on air.
623
00:32:25,050 --> 00:32:26,650
Make a nice prawn cocktail.
624
00:32:26,690 --> 00:32:28,810
Could we make a serious
political point that is...
625
00:32:28,850 --> 00:32:30,730
I've got one big blue point
to make, fool.
626
00:32:30,770 --> 00:32:31,530
Would you like to have a look at it?
627
00:32:31,690 --> 00:32:32,570
Oh, God. Thank you.
628
00:32:32,610 --> 00:32:35,370
Great work tonight. Look at...Look
at this, look at this.
629
00:32:35,410 --> 00:32:38,530
It's The Waldo polling app.
Now, this can pinpoint you with GPS
630
00:32:38,570 --> 00:32:40,370
so that when you're at a polling
station,
631
00:32:40,410 --> 00:32:42,050
it unlocks loads of free shit, look.
632
00:32:42,130 --> 00:32:43,370
Thanks for voting, dickhead!
633
00:32:43,410 --> 00:32:45,930
Thanks for voting, dickhead!
634
00:32:45,970 --> 00:32:47,090
It's good, isn't it?
635
00:32:47,130 --> 00:32:48,530
Who's this guy we're meeting?
636
00:32:48,570 --> 00:32:52,610
I dunno. But he's from Washington
and he's got my restricted number.
637
00:32:55,850 --> 00:32:58,530
Jeff Carter, from the agency.
638
00:32:58,690 --> 00:32:59,170
Hey. Hey.
639
00:32:59,210 --> 00:33:00,450
And I'll leap right in.
640
00:33:00,490 --> 00:33:03,050
I think what you're doing
with Waldo is fascinating.
641
00:33:03,090 --> 00:33:04,370
From "the agency"?
642
00:33:04,410 --> 00:33:08,010
Yeah, listen. Waldo may be
the perfect political figurehead.
643
00:33:08,050 --> 00:33:09,530
Waldo The Bear.
644
00:33:09,570 --> 00:33:12,570
The bear, people like.
The fact he's a bear is an assist.
645
00:33:12,610 --> 00:33:13,010
An assist?
646
00:33:13,050 --> 00:33:14,090
It helps.
647
00:33:14,130 --> 00:33:16,290
Right. You look at human
politicians,
648
00:33:16,330 --> 00:33:19,170
you're instinctively like,
"brrrr" - uncanny, right?
649
00:33:19,210 --> 00:33:20,370
Like the girls in porn.
650
00:33:20,410 --> 00:33:22,850
You know something's wrong,
cos why else are they doing it?
651
00:33:22,890 --> 00:33:24,570
It's usually daddy issues, eh?
652
00:33:24,610 --> 00:33:26,850
Just like politics.
Waldo bypasses that.
653
00:33:26,890 --> 00:33:29,370
You already know he's not real,
so no personal flaws.
654
00:33:29,410 --> 00:33:30,810
I'm a person.
655
00:33:30,850 --> 00:33:32,730
With respect, Waldo's more than you.
656
00:33:32,770 --> 00:33:36,370
He's a team, and you're open
about that, which is fantastic.
657
00:33:36,410 --> 00:33:38,330
The honesty thing works.
658
00:33:38,370 --> 00:33:42,570
Waldo is a construct
people not just accept but embrace.
659
00:33:42,610 --> 00:33:44,530
At the moment he's anti-politics,
660
00:33:44,570 --> 00:33:47,570
which is a political stance itself,
right?
661
00:33:47,610 --> 00:33:50,690
But he could deliver any brand
of political content,
662
00:33:50,730 --> 00:33:53,370
minus the potential downsides
of a human messenger.
663
00:33:53,410 --> 00:33:57,290
In a debate, your team could Google
every word the other guy says,
664
00:33:57,330 --> 00:33:59,290
then let Waldo hit him
with debunk stats
665
00:33:59,330 --> 00:34:02,450
and spit a Twitter-ready
zinger into the next sentence.
666
00:34:02,490 --> 00:34:04,810
He's the perfect assassin.
667
00:34:04,850 --> 00:34:06,530
We won't win, though.
668
00:34:10,250 --> 00:34:12,210
You guys are so British.
669
00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:16,370
No, of course he won't win. You
started out too coarse off the bat.
670
00:34:16,410 --> 00:34:19,570
There's no substantial basis
to what you offer, and the whole
671
00:34:19,730 --> 00:34:24,010
nihilist "democracy sucks" thing,
yeah, is kind of wack-a-doo,
672
00:34:24,050 --> 00:34:28,450
but with a targeted, hopeful
message, which we can provide,
673
00:34:28,490 --> 00:34:31,650
energising the disenfranchised
without spooking the middle
674
00:34:31,690 --> 00:34:36,090
via your new platform... You got
a global political-entertainment
675
00:34:36,130 --> 00:34:38,650
product people actually want.
676
00:34:40,210 --> 00:34:42,010
You could roll this out worldwide.
677
00:34:42,050 --> 00:34:43,930
Like Pringles.
678
00:34:43,970 --> 00:34:45,330
Absolutely.
679
00:34:50,210 --> 00:34:53,730
It's, er... It's interesting stuff
though.
680
00:34:53,770 --> 00:34:55,570
When you're done with Stentonford,
681
00:34:55,610 --> 00:34:58,170
there may be an opportunity
in South America.
682
00:34:58,210 --> 00:34:59,810
Se puede hablar espanol?
683
00:34:59,850 --> 00:35:02,210
Vivi en Madrid tres anos.
684
00:35:02,250 --> 00:35:04,090
Excelente.
685
00:35:23,050 --> 00:35:24,290
What?
686
00:35:25,610 --> 00:35:27,090
He's not coming.
687
00:35:27,130 --> 00:35:29,730
But he's the party leader!
688
00:35:29,770 --> 00:35:30,850
It's too toxic.
689
00:35:34,650 --> 00:35:36,850
Meanwhile, as support
for Gwendolyn Harris
690
00:35:36,890 --> 00:35:38,090
appears to be dwindling,
691
00:35:38,130 --> 00:35:42,010
Labour denies the party is losing
faith in their young candidate.
692
00:35:42,050 --> 00:35:44,650
But Miss Harris spent most of
the day locked in crisis talks
693
00:35:44,690 --> 00:35:45,930
at party headqu...
694
00:35:49,610 --> 00:35:53,890
In the Stentonford by-election,
Waldo the cartoon bear continues...
695
00:35:55,130 --> 00:35:57,610
Did you see Gwendolyn Harris
yesterday?
696
00:35:57,650 --> 00:35:59,690
She looks like she's been poisoned.
697
00:35:59,730 --> 00:36:02,090
Because he's gonna overtake her.
698
00:36:02,130 --> 00:36:03,450
We're still way ahead.
699
00:36:03,490 --> 00:36:06,810
If that thing is the main opposition
then the whole system looks absurd.
700
00:36:09,490 --> 00:36:12,050
Which it may well be.
701
00:36:12,090 --> 00:36:13,490
But it built these roads.
702
00:36:21,610 --> 00:36:23,450
Just come in, Roy.
703
00:36:29,690 --> 00:36:31,450
I'm sorry, OK?
704
00:36:32,970 --> 00:36:35,370
It was wrong to speak to you
like that and...
705
00:36:35,410 --> 00:36:37,810
After the campaign,
I would've called you.
706
00:36:39,090 --> 00:36:41,090
After the campaign!
707
00:36:41,130 --> 00:36:43,250
All you've done
is strengthen Monroe.
708
00:36:44,250 --> 00:36:48,010
You won't win either, but I was
at least attempting to represent...
709
00:36:48,050 --> 00:36:51,010
Well I don't know!
Not just "bollocks to everything".
710
00:36:51,050 --> 00:36:53,690
If you were preaching revolution,
well that'd be something,
711
00:36:53,730 --> 00:36:56,770
but you're not because that would
require courage and a mindset.
712
00:36:58,050 --> 00:36:59,410
And what have you got?
713
00:37:00,970 --> 00:37:02,170
Who are you?
714
00:37:03,610 --> 00:37:05,210
What are you for?
715
00:37:12,370 --> 00:37:13,450
Morning.
716
00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:25,210
So, final push.
717
00:37:25,250 --> 00:37:26,890
You remind everyone
that's got the app
718
00:37:26,930 --> 00:37:30,650
that if they recommend it to a friend
it unlocks a little fez for Waldo.
719
00:37:30,690 --> 00:37:31,770
We're here.
720
00:37:34,690 --> 00:37:36,930
Attention, shoppers.
721
00:37:36,970 --> 00:37:40,370
I'm here to ask you an important
favour. Gather round.
722
00:37:40,410 --> 00:37:42,530
Come over here and listen.
723
00:37:45,050 --> 00:37:48,170
Don't vote for me. I'm an insult.
724
00:37:48,210 --> 00:37:49,730
Seriously.
725
00:37:49,770 --> 00:37:52,730
Vote for Monroe or Harris
or, I dunno, UKIP,
726
00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,570
or even that Lib Dem guy.
727
00:37:54,610 --> 00:37:56,210
He's a prick!
728
00:37:56,250 --> 00:37:59,850
Seriously, only an arsehole
would actually vote for me.
729
00:38:00,010 --> 00:38:01,010
What is this? Irony?
730
00:38:01,050 --> 00:38:02,730
I'm worse than a wasted vote.
731
00:38:02,770 --> 00:38:04,490
He's from the Harris campaign.
732
00:38:04,530 --> 00:38:06,730
I mean it, you idiots!
Don't vote for me!
733
00:38:06,770 --> 00:38:08,930
Don't vote for me!
Don't vote for me!
734
00:38:08,970 --> 00:38:10,850
Don't vote for me!
735
00:38:10,890 --> 00:38:12,610
Don't vmmmf!
736
00:38:14,970 --> 00:38:16,090
Shut up.
737
00:38:16,130 --> 00:38:18,010
No. Don't boo him,
he's right! He's right!
738
00:38:18,050 --> 00:38:19,210
What are you doing?
739
00:38:19,250 --> 00:38:19,650
Resigning.
740
00:38:19,690 --> 00:38:20,890
Jamie!
741
00:38:22,330 --> 00:38:24,090
Look! It's me, I'm Waldo.
742
00:38:24,130 --> 00:38:27,290
This guy, whoever this guy is,
he's a hero.
743
00:38:27,330 --> 00:38:29,650
You should throw stuff at Waldo,
he's bad bloody news.
744
00:38:29,690 --> 00:38:29,850
He's funny!
745
00:38:29,890 --> 00:38:31,010
He's not.
746
00:38:31,170 --> 00:38:33,570
Don't listen to that man,
he's a lesbian. Ahh!
747
00:38:33,610 --> 00:38:37,210
So remember, the polls are open,
and if you've got my app, you can
748
00:38:37,250 --> 00:38:40,570
unlock new stuff like catchphrases
and a little hat 'n' that.
749
00:38:40,610 --> 00:38:44,930
Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me
so question the status quo!
750
00:38:44,970 --> 00:38:46,210
Kill it! Kill it!
751
00:38:46,250 --> 00:38:48,090
Kick them where it hurts.
752
00:38:48,130 --> 00:38:50,730
The first man to hit him
gets 500 quid!
753
00:38:50,770 --> 00:38:54,210
Yeah, that's right. Knock him down.
Knock him down.
754
00:38:54,250 --> 00:38:55,650
Smash it!
755
00:38:55,690 --> 00:38:57,810
Yeah! Yeah!
756
00:38:57,850 --> 00:39:02,170
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah...
757
00:39:11,490 --> 00:39:12,850
I, the undersigned,
758
00:39:12,890 --> 00:39:14,970
being the returning
officer for the Stentonford
759
00:39:15,010 --> 00:39:18,490
and Hersham constituency, hereby
give notice that the total number
760
00:39:18,530 --> 00:39:21,970
of votes recorded for each candidate
at the election is as follows.
761
00:39:23,330 --> 00:39:26,930
Finch, Simon Arthur.
Liberal Democrats.
762
00:39:26,970 --> 00:39:29,090
2,449.
763
00:39:32,330 --> 00:39:35,730
Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie. Labour.
764
00:39:35,770 --> 00:39:38,010
11,237.
765
00:39:41,610 --> 00:39:46,050
Monroe, Liam George Tennyson.
Conservative.
766
00:39:46,090 --> 00:39:48,330
19,161.
767
00:39:55,050 --> 00:39:57,090
Waldo, Independent.
768
00:40:00,650 --> 00:40:03,010
16,784.
769
00:40:06,930 --> 00:40:11,010
Ladies...Ladies and gentlemen,
please! I declare that Liam Monroe
770
00:40:11,050 --> 00:40:13,730
is duly elected member of Parliament
for the constituency.
771
00:40:16,050 --> 00:40:18,370
Hey, hey! Everyone!
772
00:40:18,410 --> 00:40:20,890
500 quid to anyone
who can lob a shoe!
773
00:40:51,330 --> 00:40:53,570
Up you get, come on.
774
00:40:53,610 --> 00:40:54,890
Come on!
775
00:41:03,770 --> 00:41:05,450
Come on. Out you go.
776
00:42:01,890 --> 00:42:03,290
Oi!
777
00:42:04,610 --> 00:42:05,810
Agh!
57528
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