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1
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:19,120
I knew you'd change your mind.
It wasn't hard.
2
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,040
I disagree.
3
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,200
I couldn't stop thinking about you
4
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:28,000
and what I'd do to you in that
sexy little milkmaid's outfit.
5
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,000
I mean, look at you, Kath,
you're a bloody goddess.
6
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,960
I've been really stupid.
7
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:38,160
Russell Grant thinks it's all
to do with Mars being in Aries.
8
00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:40,960
Messes with your mind, Martin.
9
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:45,600
You mess with my mind, Kath.
You always have.
10
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,880
Sod it.
11
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,600
Let's run away together,
12
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:53,760
get married, buy a boat
and sail the world, eh?
13
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,720
What about Diane?
She don't like boats.
14
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,440
She once got seasick
on a log flume.
15
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:02,960
It was an undercooked hot dog,
as well you know, Martin! Diane!
16
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,920
Die Wurst war
zu wenig gekocht...
17
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,760
Stop it! Martin, stop.
That is it! It's over.
18
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,880
Martin, don't leave me.
Don't leave me!
19
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,040
CAR ALARM BLARES
No! No!
20
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,480
You're mental.
21
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:19,040
BANGING ON DOOR
Shit!
22
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,320
All right! I'm coming!
23
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,480
What the bloody hell
are you banging so loud for?
24
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,800
Take a picture.
It'll last longer.
25
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,840
Parker's Electricals.
We've come to move you out.
26
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,720
Are you hell as like?!
27
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:38,840
What...?
28
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,760
Hang on a minute.
29
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,360
LINE RINGS
30
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,000
Hello. Parker's Power Electricals.
Julie! Who's calling, please?
31
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,680
Martin, your boss. Oh, hiya.
32
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,240
Listen, after this call,
do not answer the phone.
33
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,120
What if it's my boyfriend?
I don't care if it's your boyfriend.
34
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,080
What have I said
about personal calls? Even me mam?
35
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,880
Yes! Even your mam. Ignore it.
HORN TOOTS
36
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,320
She's taking Kylie back in.
She's bust her stitches. Yeah.
37
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,640
Get my car booked in. Respray.
38
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:25,360
Did you do this?
Might have.
39
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,080
Yeah. Well, you need to
get off my driveway now.
40
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,680
And you need to pay your debts.
41
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,400
I've told you, I'm sorting it.
42
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,120
No, please.
You need to leave now. Go on.
43
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,600
Friday.
44
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,960
Travellers!
45
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,200
Seeing if we want
the driveway tarmacked.
46
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,760
Did they come last night?
I thought I saw a van.
47
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,480
There's nothing wrong
with our drive.
48
00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:49,840
SHE GASPS
49
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,400
Told you. Didn't I tell you?
50
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,720
This is what you get for
asking your French lot round.
51
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,200
"Big fat shit"? Fat shit?
52
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,040
What do they mean? Disgusting.
Imagine saying that about you, Di.
53
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:04,520
Oh, God. Do you think they mean me?
Well... Right,
54
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,960
that's it. Straight back on
the Rosemary Conley for me.
55
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,600
Tom! Oh! If you want this lift,
you need to come now.
56
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,640
I'm going to be late.
Well, this is very upsetting.
57
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,680
They can't get away with this, Martin.
58
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,280
I'm going to have a word
with the school.
59
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,840
No, no, no, no. Leave that.
You don't want to go in there
60
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,760
getting all emotional,
embarrassing yourself. I'll sort it.
61
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,720
Tom! Oh.
62
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,880
I'm not getting in that. Oh, get in.
63
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,480
PHONE RINGS
Come on, Julie, pick up.
64
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,520
POP MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES
65
00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,680
What? Keys.
66
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,480
Not got 'em.
67
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,280
HE SIGHS
I've not.
68
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,280
I had to shimmy up
the drainpipe last night.
69
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,160
Christ knows where I've put 'em.
LINE CONTINUES TO RING OUT
70
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,960
Hey, two girls on the go. You were
necking a different one last night.
71
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,880
Good lad, keeping your options open.
72
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:31,200
Oh, here we go. Roadworks.
As if I'm not late enough.
73
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,240
PHONE RINGS
74
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,320
Your mobile phone's ringing. Mm-hm.
75
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,280
What's the point in having one
if you're not going to answer it?
76
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,800
I'm going to need some new wheels
soon to get to and from gigs.
77
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,640
Oh, yeah? And who's going
to pay for these wheels?
78
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,840
Well, you promised you'd get me one
as soon as I pass my test.
79
00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:51,000
It's been six months.
Yeah, well, I'm still looking.
80
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,520
You need to get off your arse
and find a job.
81
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,840
Corduroy Jesus is my job.
What? Corduroy Jesus. My band.
82
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,160
Corduroy bloody Jesus.
83
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,520
I've just written a new track.
Thatcher Is A Mofo.
84
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,760
How dare you?!
You live in a bastard dream world.
85
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,040
Sat around doing sweet FA
since you finished college.
86
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,600
All that money wasted.
When I was your age, I was grafting.
87
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,920
I ran a chain of stores.
Paid cash for a Ford Anglia.
88
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,280
Thank you. About time.
89
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,640
I told you, I don't want
to flog fridges for a living.
90
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,720
Yeah, well, sometimes you don't
get what you want in life, Tom.
91
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,120
Sometimes it throws shit at you.
92
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,480
Are you ready for that?
Ready for shit?
93
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,600
Hey! Button it, lippy. Come here.
94
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:45,320
Get yourself some dinner and put
a comb through that bloody hair.
95
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,400
Will you stick one of these up
in your shop? No.
96
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,480
Two and three, Rustie Lee.
97
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,400
Young and keen, 15.
98
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,720
Gladys, I'm going to have
to stay with you for a bit.
99
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,720
You don't mind, do you?
How long's "a bit"?
100
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,640
Sh! 77. Winnie Owen's
gone to heaven.
101
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:08,960
Aw.
102
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,240
Aw... Poor Winnie.
103
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,080
Oh, that's your Teasmade sorted, Glad.
104
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,760
Does your mum have
to watch her weight, Zara?
105
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,000
Leave it, Mum.
106
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,720
Well, I bet she's lovely and slim,
just like you.
107
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,200
So where's today's excursion?
Liverpool.
108
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:27,520
Oh! Albert Dock.
Oh, Albert Dock. How wonderful.
109
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,680
Come on, Alison.
Hey, you'll see Fred the Map.
110
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,520
A map of Liverpool?
Oh, no. It's a big floating map,
111
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,920
and Fred thingy jumps from
Blackpool Tower to Stonehenge,
112
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,480
telling you if it's going to be
windy or not. Boring.
113
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,960
Oh, you'll love Liverpool, Zara.
Do you get Brookside in France?
114
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,320
Sinbad? Bobby, Sheila?
Well, Sheila's with Billy now.
115
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,400
Damon and Debbie?
Oh, poor Damon died, didn't he,
116
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,120
Alison? Mum. No-one cares.
117
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,400
Mrs Parker, could I have
a quick word before you go?
118
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,720
Oh, yes, Mr Scott. Sorry, Graham.
119
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,280
Actually, I was...
I was hoping to bump into you.
120
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,280
Thanks for driving us, Mrs Parker.
Oh, pleasure, Zara.
121
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:03,520
Lovely girl. Au revoir, girls!
Have a lorra, lorra laughs.
122
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,360
Sorry. I don't know
what came over me, then.
123
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:08,520
I was just telling Zara
about Brookie.
124
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,320
Shall we? Yes.
125
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,440
52 Danny La Rue.
126
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:13,800
Any luck, Malcolm?
127
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,280
I don't think you're even trying.
128
00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:20,520
Here, take half of this,
and you should be right.
129
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,720
But make sure you stay near a bog. OK.
130
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,960
If there's no movement by t'weekend,
we'll have to go in manually.
131
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,520
Oh...
132
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,120
You dirty pig.
133
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,920
Six and nine meal for two.
134
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,760
House! Check that.
135
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,920
LINE RINGS
She's full of it.
136
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,720
No-one's answering.
137
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,760
This is getting right on my tits
now. Pick up, Martin.
138
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,120
False call.
RESIDENTS BOO
139
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,680
Bugger him.
Going to leave him to stew.
140
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,800
Four and six - dog with two dicks.
141
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,960
You've started
a right shitshow, Gladys.
142
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,480
Why did you tell me to go
round to his house last night?
143
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,000
I should have just gone home.
You what? I did.
144
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,920
I did tell you to go home.
I don't think you did.
145
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,840
On its one, one little duck -
number two. Quack!
146
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,080
I made a right knob of meself.
I vandalised his car.
147
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,320
Oh, he bloody loves that car.
I need to apologise.
148
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,920
You are going to apologise
for nothing, lady.
149
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,720
He's the one
that's been playing away.
150
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:17,320
Imagine sleeping with two sisters
from the same family!
151
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,880
What's that?
152
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,720
You were shagging
your sister's fella?
153
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,160
Kind of.
How did I not know about this?
154
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,280
You're the biggest mouth in here.
155
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,800
Maggie's den Number 10.
RESIDENTS BOO
156
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,800
Fair play, Kath. It's like
an episode of Dynasty, this.
157
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,400
She's the cheater, actually.
He was my boyfriend first.
158
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:39,640
She stole him from me.
Fact. Barely legal 16.
159
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,080
Oh, house.
160
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,160
Oh... Bloody hell.
161
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,320
Check it. Jammy bitch.
162
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:49,760
We have a winner.
Oh, cock-a-leekie.
163
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,280
Not keen on that.
164
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,000
I hope this weather holds up.
It's a lovely day for it.
165
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,240
I, uh, appreciate this is delicate.
166
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,800
Yes, it is. It's very upsetting.
167
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,600
It's OK. It's easy to let
things slip when we're busy.
168
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:06,040
Yvonne Trimble, we don't run.
We walk!
169
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:09,880
And we have written to you
and Mr Parker. You've written to us?
170
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,760
Oh, you don't hang about, do you,
Graham? You run a very tight ship.
171
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,880
Well, we can't turn a blind eye
to this.
172
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,000
It gives the wrong impression.
173
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,600
Well, it's good to know
we're on the same page. Super.
174
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:24,840
So I take it we'll be receiving
payment from yourself soon?
175
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,400
Sorry, Graham. Come again.
Andrew Boyle,
176
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,600
fingers don't go there!
177
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,280
Alison's school fees, Mrs Parker.
178
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:38,320
We haven't received payment for the
past two terms. School fees?
179
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,120
Oh, no. No, no, no. There must be
some kind of mistake.
180
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:45,160
No, I don't think there has been.
I have double-checked.
181
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,920
And, uh, could you ask Mr Parker
how he's getting on
182
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,320
with that coffee percolator
he promised me for the staffroom?
183
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,760
Oh, yes, of course, Graham.
Yes, I'll talk to Martin.
184
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,920
Thank you. Thanks, Graham.
Thank you.
185
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,120
Tuck your blouse in, for God's sake!
186
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,320
SCHOOL BELL RINGS
187
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,960
She was working
at the chicken factory.
188
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,400
Hated it.
189
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,320
Jealous as hell
that I was modelling. Modelling?
190
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,960
You? Yeah. Pageants and that.
191
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,720
That's how I met Martin, actually.
192
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:25,040
He was judging Miss Stockport
County at the Bamboo Club.
193
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,880
Came first.
194
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:30,120
Twice that night.
You were Miss Stockport?
195
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,160
Yeah. Nearly two years running.
196
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,720
So I get Martin to get her
the job at Parker's,
197
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,680
just, like, trying to be nice, like.
Next thing you know,
198
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,840
she's shagging him
in the cleaning cupboard.
199
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,400
That was the last time
she was anywhere near a mop!
200
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,800
Not seen her since.
201
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,960
Never even met her kids.
202
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,120
Sad, really.
203
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:53,120
Right, Les, let's get
these eyebrows sorted.
204
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,840
Keep still for me. Good lad.
205
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,640
So what did you do?
Well, what could I do?
206
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,760
Went and got herself pregnant,
didn't she? Trapped him.
207
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,680
He was trapped.
208
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:06,080
He had no choice but to marry her.
He's a man of honour. Sounds it.
209
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:10,640
Now he's dumped you twice.
You need to sort him out.
210
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,680
Get your revenge.
What are you on about?
211
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:17,400
You want to start smearing dog dirt
all over his door knobs.
212
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,760
Brick his windows.
213
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,280
Burn his shop down.
No, no, Glad. No more violence.
214
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,360
Sod revenge. You want
to show him what he's missing.
215
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:30,040
Yeah. Walk past his shop,
crop top, tits out,
216
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,960
little skirt just an inch
below your min... All done!
217
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,680
Very handsome, Les.
218
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,880
A little choccie treat, my love.
Dougie's 'ere.
219
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,960
Oh, he'll not be happy
to have missed the bingo.
220
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,000
Oh, shitting hell. Do us a favour.
Not a word to Dad about Martin.
221
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,320
He don't know a thing.
Oh, come on, love.
222
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,000
You can't keep this a secret
from your own dad.
223
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,920
Gladys, it's complicated.
Just don't say anything. Hiya.
224
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,960
Kath's got news. He's left her.
225
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,080
Betty Hopkins, stop shit-stirring.
226
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:03,640
Who? Who's left you?
Your son-in-law, Billy Big-Bollocks.
227
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,720
Martin Parker.
228
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,120
Fuckin' hell.
229
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,960
Sorry for swearing.
230
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:18,000
I always knew he were a wrong 'un.
Never liked him.
231
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,800
Stuck-up sod.
232
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,640
Does our Di know?
233
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,760
Oh, bloody hell, Kath!
234
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:33,800
Is this why you two
haven't spoken all these years?
235
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:37,360
I always thought it was because
she didn't ask you to be bridesmaid.
236
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:40,800
Got that ginger lass instead.
Yeah. Brenda from Co-op.
237
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,920
And she's got a buzzy eye.
I know. Ruined all the photos.
238
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,000
Yeah. How could you?
239
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:51,440
Diane's always looked after you.
She practically brought you up.
240
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,600
Oh, good old Diane.
Everyone's favourite.
241
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:59,640
Diane can't do anything wrong,
can she? Kin' hell.
242
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,160
Sorry for swearing.
243
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,920
What would your mum say?
244
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,280
This is awful.
245
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,000
I don't know what
I'm supposed to think, even.
246
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,720
What am I supposed to do with this?
Nothing.
247
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,240
Just leave it, Dad.
248
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,960
Yeah, you're right.
I'm going to fucking kill him.
249
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,880
Dad... Sorry for swearing.
250
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,800
Have you booked me car in yet?
251
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,640
Garage won't look at it until
you settle your bill. Shit!
252
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,280
Where else have you tried? Nowhere.
Well, why the hell not, Julie?
253
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:39,120
I've been dead busy
not answering t'phone. Oh...
254
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,480
Get me Alan!
255
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,160
The accountant!
256
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,520
And then sort me car out, eh?
257
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:48,960
DOOR SLAMS
258
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,080
SHE SIGHS
259
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,960
Dad's gone to see Martin.
260
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,400
Oh... Maybe I should ring the shop.
261
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,520
It's just talk.
Don't worry about them.
262
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,760
Come on, let's do this before
Mandeep comes back from t'bog.
263
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,520
OK. What am I doing again?
You want to get him back, don't you?
264
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,880
Yeah. Yeah. Well,
show him what he's missing.
265
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,960
He'll lap this up and he'll be
begging you to come back. Trust me.
266
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,280
Right. Are you sure?
267
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,880
Abso-fucking-lutely. Begging.
268
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,480
OK. Mind the door. All right.
269
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,200
PHOTOCOPIER WHIRS
Oh, that's cold!
270
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,280
Oh!
271
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,160
Alan! We're code red here.
272
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,400
Two of them showed up
outside my house this morning.
273
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,720
Broad daylight.
274
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,960
Scratched "big fat shit"
on the side of the Merc.
275
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:16,960
Can't sell it now. Luckily,
Diana and the kids didn't see them.
276
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,520
Jesus! No, I told you,
I can't report it.
277
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,480
They want their money,
that's all. You go to the bank,
278
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,840
see what you can do.
We're two grand shy.
279
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:29,840
Sandy Cooper's here. Are you still
not in? I told him I'd ask you.
280
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,720
No, no, no, no, no. Show the man in.
Got to go.
281
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:52,680
Sandy, you old bastard!
Looking good, sir.
282
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:56,720
Looking good. A couple of weeks
in the Algarve. God's country.
283
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,720
Just what the doctor ordered.
POPS TONGUE
284
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,880
Oh. Yeah, she loved it out there.
Course she did.
285
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,080
Still, keeps her quiet.
286
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,440
Ohh! Women. She's downstairs now
looking at toasters.
287
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,000
Nothing wrong
with the one we've got,
288
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,240
but apparently red's
all the rage this week,
289
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:15,600
so I thought I'd just bob in,
see how miladdo's doing. Hey?
290
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,360
Hey?
291
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,480
So, how's tricks? Great.
292
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:24,120
Yeah. No. No, no complaints.
Business is very good.
293
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,280
Booming, in fact.
Glad to hear it, pal.
294
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,400
And your Diane, how's she keeping?
295
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,240
Never better.
296
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,760
God, I remember my dad
talking about sitting in here
297
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:40,720
shooting the breeze with
your old fella. Great man.
298
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,320
He'd be proud of the success
you've made of everything.
299
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,040
You know, the business,
happy family.
300
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,520
People look up to you, you know?
301
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,760
They've got a lot of respect
for you.
302
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,480
Cheers.
303
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,760
Oh, what did we do before faxes?
304
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:59,680
Do you think he'll send one back?
Of what?
305
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,920
A squashed-up ball-bag?
Pic of a dick?
306
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,160
Who'd want to see that?
307
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,920
FAX BEEPS
308
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,040
Wouldn't mind.
309
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,320
Ugh, Kath!
310
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,520
Right. Ready?
311
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,480
Go on, then.
312
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:15,880
Send?
313
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,240
Oh, no.
314
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,080
FAX DIALS
315
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,960
They do look good.
They're fantastic.
316
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:28,080
The thing is, Dennis Larch
is giving it all up.
317
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,520
Discovered religion.
Yeah. Found Jesus after his wife
318
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,520
caught him parading round
the lounge in her knickers.
319
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,160
But you didn't hear that from me.
320
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,680
Anyway, Martin, I can't think of
a better replacement
321
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,200
for Rotary Club treasurer.
322
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:48,120
That is marvellous.
I mean, not the knickers bit.
323
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,760
Oh, your timing couldn't be better.
324
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,880
I mean, this is perfect...
325
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,640
Hang on. It's not a done deal yet.
326
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:59,440
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I will
not let you down, Sandy.
327
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,720
I'll bring a fresh,
new approach to it.
328
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,120
My fiscal knowledge...
329
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,400
FAX WHIRS
330
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,480
That'll be a wrong number.
331
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,680
Wednesday night, you and Diane
must come over for dinner,
332
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,160
see the new conservatory.
333
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:25,560
Our VP, Vinnie Hayes, will be there.
You'll need his vote.
334
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,000
Hey, and you can meet
his new wife.
335
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,360
I've got Y-fronts older.
336
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,640
Wednesday night. Perfect.
337
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,520
Right, well, I've kept you
for long enough.
338
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,320
Best get back to our Jean
before she bleeds me dry.
339
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:39,760
MARTIN CHUCKLES
340
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,880
Thank you so much, Sandy.
341
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,320
It's an honour.
I will not let you down.
342
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,880
Yes!
343
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,080
Oh, thank God. Oh...
344
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,560
Can I get myself one of these
fax machines downstairs?
345
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:58,560
Julie. Julie! Make sure Sandy's wife
gets the staff discount.
346
00:18:58,560 --> 00:18:59,840
What's up wi' you?
347
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:04,080
You are looking at the new
treasurer of the Rotary Club.
348
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:08,040
Oh, that sounds boring. Boring?
It's a very important role.
349
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,840
I'm their face of finance.
350
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,640
Things are looking up, Julie.
351
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,760
? When you're in love,
you know you're in love
352
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:25,080
? No matter what you try to do
353
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:30,000
? You might as well resign yourself
354
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,120
? To what you're going through
355
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,680
? If you're a hard man
or if you're a child
356
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,640
? It still might get to you
357
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,360
? Don't kid yourself
you've seen it all before
358
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:49,560
? A million mouths
have said that too-ooh-ooh... ?
359
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,280
Oh, excuse me. Do you happen to know
whose keys these...?
360
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,320
Number nine.
Number nine? Thank you.
361
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,360
It's only lukewarm.
Kettle's buggered.
362
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:19,040
Water from the tap would be hotter.
Oh, frig me.
363
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,400
The state of that!
Being single's aged me.
364
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,960
And me.
365
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,480
Here you are.
That should take the edge off.
366
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,920
Oh. Work miracles, does it?
367
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,440
Hey, I can be your wingman
now you're single.
368
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,480
We can go Thunderdome
on Oldham Street.
369
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,120
Oh, no. Oldham Street?
Ooh-ooh-ooh!
370
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,760
Last time I was down there,
371
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,320
I was felt up
by a black and white minstrel.
372
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,400
KNOCK ON DOOR
373
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,520
Oh, yeah? You're a dirty cow,
you, Gladys.
374
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,600
Oh, he was a gentleman.
375
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,560
Kept his gloves on throughout.
376
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,000
You up for that, then, Glad? Find
you a fella with a pair of mittens?
377
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,920
No!
378
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:04,960
Hiya.
379
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,920
Is this a joke?
380
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,120
What the...?
381
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:23,280
What is this? This is my room.
382
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,960
And who the bloody hell are you?
383
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,920
This is my sister.
384
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,360
Oh, right.
385
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,240
Come on, Bev.
386
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,040
But I am warning you -
387
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,840
if I hear any scrapping,
I'll be right back.
388
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,960
I am not missing that.
389
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,800
You look like Mum.
390
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,480
And you look like
you're stalking my husband.
391
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,080
Hardly stalking.
392
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,400
KEYS CLATTER
393
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:58,120
Where is he, then? Is he here,
is he? Or is he at your place?
394
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:01,640
This is my place.
What? You live 'ere?
395
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,880
Yeah. You get used
to the musty smell.
396
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,360
How long has all this been going on?
I've only just moved in.
397
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:11,240
No, idiot! You and Martin.
398
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,240
Oh, so he's told you about us?
399
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,800
Oh, my God. Are you joking me?
I've got that necklace.
400
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,600
Did he get you one, too?
401
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,920
The same necklace!
What a cliche!
402
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,480
I got this and a pair of BaByliss
crimpers. Christmas '81.
403
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:29,000
It was a good year.
He's my husband.
404
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,240
He's your meal ticket. That's all
he's ever been to you.
405
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,200
I beg your pardon? What about you?
What's he to you? Sloppy seconds?
406
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,400
Uh, he's your sloppy seconds.
Oh, here she goes!
407
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,640
You were 16. And...?
408
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,720
We're in love. Love? Oh, please.
No, no. I'm going to throw up.
409
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,600
Listen, I know exactly
what you're after,
410
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:47,640
and I'm telling you now,
411
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,040
you will not be getting
a single penny of our money.
412
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,680
I don't want your money.
It's never been about money.
413
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,440
Oh? Have you forgotten about
the wedge we gave you
414
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,000
to clear off and get
the hell away from us?
415
00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:00,040
I did get away. I went to London
for a few days. A few days? Yeah.
416
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,880
I got my ears pinned back.
417
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,440
Wow. I know.
418
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,680
So we gave you money
for a new life,
419
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,000
and you got your ears done.
And what then?
420
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,040
You just came back and carried on
shagging my husband
421
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,240
with your brand-new ears
in an old people's home?
422
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,600
I told you, I've just moved in.
423
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,480
Here come the lies.
You're a liar and you're lying.
424
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,720
It's all lies. I'm not lying.
425
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,440
And anyway, it doesn't
even matter any more
426
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,280
because he dumped me last night.
Dumped you?
427
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,680
Yeah. And I've been trying
to get a hold of him all day
428
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,880
because I wanted to apologise
for coming round to the house.
429
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,240
My house? I just lost it.
430
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,600
You're the big fat shit!
431
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,000
No, Martin's the big fat shit.
He said I was the big fat shit.
432
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,120
I'd write it on your car
if you were the big fat shit.
433
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:43,680
You were at my house? How could you?
How dare you vandalise the Merc!
434
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,440
I'm a passionate person, Diane.
435
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,960
Sometimes I do things
without thinking.
436
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,760
That's what Martin says
he loves about me.
437
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,720
Oh, please.
He loves that you're easy.
438
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,560
If it's handed to him on a plate,
he's going to take it, isn't he?
439
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,600
Yeah. And he does.
440
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,440
And he loves it,
because he thinks you're disgusting.
441
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:00,520
Ooh!
442
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:03,080
You silly cow!
443
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,720
I hate you!
444
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,160
No! No! Get off me hair!
445
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,800
Ohh!
446
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,600
Not my ears! Yeah! Yeah!
Cos I paid for those ears!
447
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:19,920
SCREAMING AND SHOUTING
448
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,720
Agh! You've unpinned my ears.
449
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,480
I've worked hard
for the lifestyle I've got.
450
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:36,080
So you keep your whore-y hands
off my family.
451
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,320
All right, Krystle Carrington,
calm down.
452
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:41,360
God...
453
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,560
Who else knows? No-one.
454
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,640
Gladys.
455
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,320
Betty.
456
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,920
Bev and Les. Oh, Christ Almighty.
Oh, Mandeep in the office.
457
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:58,920
Dad.
458
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,560
What?
459
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,760
When did he find out?
About an hour ago.
460
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,960
Oh, for fuck's sake!
461
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,880
Christ, I miss you.
462
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:12,200
Mr Parker! Mr Parker!
463
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,280
You've got to see this. It's proper
kicking off downstairs.
464
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,480
Some tramp's got the penguin
in a headlock.
465
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,600
Aw, shit.
466
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:25,640
I caught two buses to come here.
467
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,320
So tell that selfish Tory prick
to come see me
468
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,360
or the penguin gets it.
469
00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:33,800
Back off. Snap his neck like a
bloody carrot, won't I, Penguin?
470
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,640
Yes. Oh, here he is.
471
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:40,720
The gobshite who can't keep his
mucky hands off both my daughters.
472
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:44,160
Had a drink, have you?
You want to calm down, pal.
473
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,120
You're the one who needs
to calm down.
474
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,680
Grown man,
acting like a bloody teenager.
475
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,600
You've enough cheek
for a second arsehole.
476
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,520
Why don't we take this outside,
get you some fresh air?
477
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,320
Oh, yeah. You'd love that,
wouldn't you,
478
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,440
if it all just went away?
Well, guess what?
479
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,560
I'm going nowhere,
you lying sack of shit.
480
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,360
Hit him in the face, Grandad!
Watch it, Julie.
481
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,040
One more written warning,
you're out.
482
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,960
You've always thought you're better
than us, haven't you? Eh?
483
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,480
Well, I'm a better man than
you are! And do you know why?
484
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,040
Go on, tell me.
I'm game for a laugh.
485
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,040
Because I'm a good man.
I'm loyal and I'm honest.
486
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,040
And I didn't cheat on me wife.
487
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,440
BYSTANDERS MURMUR
488
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:22,480
Picked the wrong family
this time, haven't you, Parker?
489
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,600
Hey? Oh, yeah? Yeah.
This will be the undoing of you,
490
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:29,920
mark my bloody words! Will it?
Yes. Yeah? Yeah! Yeah? Yeah.
491
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,600
Well, I can't help it
if your daughters were easy.
492
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,920
Fuck him...
493
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,880
Hey! Get off!
494
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:38,920
BYSTANDERS GASP
495
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,520
Gary! Hand round some balloons. Quickly.
496
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,120
All right, everyone, show's over.
497
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,280
Shit a brick, I think
you've killed him.
498
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:58,800
? Ra ra Rasputin
499
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,880
? Lover of the Russian queen
500
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,360
? There was a cat
that really was gone
501
00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,200
? Ra ra Rasputin
502
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,360
? Russia's greatest love machine
503
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:13,920
? It was a shame how he carried on
504
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,760
? Ra ra Rasputin
505
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,840
? Russia's greatest love machine
506
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:23,520
? And so they shot him
till he was dead. ?
507
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,800
{\an8}Oh, those Russians.
508
00:27:25,850 --> 00:27:30,400
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