Original subtitles

♪ T-E-E-N ♪

♪ T-I-T-A-N-S ♪

♪ Teen Titans, let's go ♪

♪ Teen Titans, go ♪

Oh, man!

Ha... Ha-ha.

Listen up, Titans.

Today, we need to address an issue

that all of you have been neglecting.

Personal hygiene.

When it comes to personal hygiene,

there are four main problem areas.

Hair, face, teeth and hands,

which you can remember with this simple acronym.

Say it with me.

Excellent. Now...

Beast Boy, you need to do a better job keeping your hair clean.

That includes fur.

You's asking too much of me, fool.

Cyborg, you need to wash your face more.

It's very oily.

Because I oil it. My face is half robot, man.

I gotta lubricate.

Raven, you need to brush your teeth more.

You have bad breath.

I have evil breath.

And last, but certainly not least,

Starfire.

You, uh, know I don't like finding fault with you,

but we've got one more problem area left to talk about.

Hands.

Come on, let's see them.

They're spotless.

Indeed. I have been washing the hands quite often.

Excellent. At least one of you understands the importance of keeping germs at bay.

Oh, you misunderstand.

I have been washing the hands

in the event that an evil witch casts a spell upon me

and a handsome prince must kiss my hand

to wake me from the slumber and rescue me from the tower.

Smart.

I cannot approve of that.

Hands are filthy appendages.

Kissing them is a surefire way to spread disease.

But it is the most brief of lip-to-hand contact.

Allow me to demonstrate by kissing upon your hand.

I...

I approve of that.

Baby hands!

Quiet! This is my destiny.

I will never wash this hand again.

Okay, what about all that stuff you just said about hygiene?

None of that applies to hands kissed by Starfire.

Precious, precious kiss.

I promise to protect you.

Bro's, you gonna get mad stinky.

Yeah. How are you gonna take a shower without getting your hand wet?

I'll bag it.

Good evening, Titans.

Ooh, crispy tots.

Robin, it's been three months and you still haven't washed your hand.

So?

We are concerned that your hand has become hygienically-challenged.

Impossible.

The hand is bagged at all times.

And the rubber band around my wrist makes an airtight seal.

That airtight seal is just trapping germs in there.

Indeed. You have created the environment in which the bacterium flourish.

Bro, your hand is probably gonna fall off from all those bacteriums.

That's ridiculous. My hand isn't going to fall off.

It was perfectly clean when I put it in the bag.

Therefore, it must still be perfectly clean.

Prove it. Take off the bag.

Break the seal? Are you crazy?

I can't risk exposing the kiss.

Take off the bag! Take off the bag!

Take off the bag! Take off...

Okay, okay. I'll show you.

See? It's fine.

Dude, your hand just fell off!

No. No, no, no, no, no! This is terrible!

I love that hand!

Now all I have is this worthless left one.

Don't look at me like that. You know how I feel.

It's okay, dude. Lots of cool guys only have one hand.

Like Rick Allen, or a pirate or... Did that thing just move?

My hand... It's alive.

True love's kiss...

Of course! It's the only thing that makes sense.

Because Starfire is a princess,

her true love's kiss must have awakened my hand from its slumber.

It's probably moving because it's infected by so much bacteria.

Like a hand zombie.

It's just a matter of time before that hand zombie tries to eat someone's brains.

That's not a hand zombie!

It's fairy tale magic.

Therefore, I will never wash it, whether it is attached to me or not.

Dude, it's just a mindless hand zombie.

Oh, yeah? Hand, do a flip.

Can a mindless hand zombie do that?

Gee, I don't know, I've never seen a hand zombie before.

Crime alert.

Mind lending a "hand"?

Titans, and hand, go!

We'll "handle" this one.

Nice. Pound it.

Whoo-hoo. Such martial prowess.

No!

Too close.

That water could've rinsed Starfire's kiss off.

The enchantment that gives you life would disappear.

Again, there's no enchantment. It's a hand zombie.

We need to be more careful. Here, let's get you back in the bag.

Hey, you're my hand and I say, get in the bag.

Such confidence.

Fine. If you're not going in the bag,

just stay away from water, soap, anti-bacterial gel,

moist towelettes or anything else that might wash away the kiss that brings you life.

Hand!

Hand!

Hey, have you guys seen my hand?

The magic one, not this one.

- I think it's in the shower. - The shower?

Hand! You'd better be wearing a bag in there.

If you washed off Starfire's kiss...

No!

No!

Starfire's kiss has been washed away.

Now you will fade back into eternal slumber.

Rest gently, dear friend.

Rest now.

Why aren't you resting gently?

Hand, are you prepared?

Prepared, for what?

Hand and I have the date tonight.

You and my hand have a date?

- You and my hand have a date? - Yes.

We have the mutually reciprocating feelings of the romance.

- You and my hand? - Yes.

You... You and my hand...

- Yes. - Are going on a date?

- That is correct. - You and my hand?

- Yes. - You and my hand?

Yes.

- Can I come? - No.

I am sorry, Robin. But three is a number that is often crowded.

You makes a beautiful couple.

You kids have fun now!

So happy for you.

You guys knew about this?

- It was kinda obvious. - Saw it coming a mile away.

Ever since that fateful first kiss.

Oh. You could just feel the chemistry between those two.

How could I have been so blind?

All this time I thought that hand was an enchanted gift.

Instead, it was a...

Oh, no. Star's in trouble.

Thank you, the hand.

I really have to "hand" it to you.

You had us all fooled.

Robin, please, do not ruin the pleasant evening

with the jealouses and the hand puns.

Star, that hand didn't want a date.

It wants your brain.

It's a hand zombie!

Hand-to-hand combat, it is.

You've left me no other choice.

I'm biting a hand that feeds me.

No! Not the brain!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes!

You saved our brains.

That hand of yours was planning on going after all of us.

I'm sorry, Titans.

I put fairy tales ahead of hygiene and unknowingly let my hand become a zombie.

I'll never let it happen again.

But you did the savings of my brain.

Please, allow me to express the gratitude.

Bag it!