Original subtitles

-Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

It's my favorite time of the day.

Pie time!

- Oh!

- No time for pie.

Point your eyes at the sky

'cause the Fire Moon's on the ri... se!

Fire Moon.

Fire Moon?

-That's right, slow leaks.

Now uncork your hearing holes and try to keep up.

In the beginning, there was a warrior goddess

who protected the Earth from all kinds of threats.

Tidal waves, avalanches, those spinny, windy things.

But the biggest menace of all was the sun.

- Never trust the sun!

So the warrior goddess flew to the sky

and took care of that hothead.

But she needed to keep an eye on the sun,

so she became the moon.

She's been there ever since.

During the three nights the moon is orange,

you know It's fighting with the sun to keep us safe.

And that's why we leave gifts on the Moon Rock

for three nights starting tonight.

-And what happens if we don't give gifts to the Fire Moon?

-Oh, not much. Just a whole heap of bad luck

that'll have you begging for mercy that'll never come.

The moon may be a hero,

but it's got a temper if it doesn't get what's coming to it.

-That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

And the reason the moon appears orange

is not because it's engaged in combat with the sun.

It's simply a rare, albeit explainable, celestial phenomenon.

-Yeah, I gotta agree with Phil on this one.

Sure, there's bad luck, but it's not caused by the moon.

- No disrespect, Gran.

I mean, you're obviously filled with a lot of wisdom

because you've been around for a really long time.

But I'm not saying you're old because you're not.

You're just... a long liver?

- Can I start over? - Or stop digging, Guy-boy.

-Well, what are you waitin' for?

Quit your lip-gabbin' and start your gift-grabbin'.

Now!

Good thinkin', meat-neck. The moon loves pie.

-But so do I.

Hmm. GUY: I'm flattered you asked me to help you

with your latest invention, Phil.

The truth is, I thought you didn't respect my ideas.

I don't.

But I appreciate your support

as it pertains to outrageous moon myths.

-Happy to help, Phil.

I'm an open-minded person,

but bribe the moon or you're cursed?

That's a stretch.

-Precisely.

More importantly, I need you to

test my invention's safety measures.

-Oh, so I'm a test dummy.

-Nonsense. Test dummies can't feel pain.

Behold, the Betterman Far Fetcher.

It fetches things from afar.

- Silence! - I didn't say anything.

-Now watch as the Far Fetcher grabs the rock

and returns it to me.

- Ow!

What happened to the safety measures?

-I didn't install any.

So the test was a success!

-Hey, Guy-baby. What's wrong with your foot?

-Phil's new invention hit me.

-Or you got in the invention's way. That's far more plausible.

Now, what do you two want?

- Can I borrow a glow lamp? - Yes, fine.

- And your table ballista? Yes.

And your Speak-In-Shell? Gah!

Fine! But-but what do you need these things for?

-Gifts for the Fire Moon. Thanks!

- Absolutely not!

Because the moon doesn't cause bad luck,

regardless of its color.

-Why do you keep doing that?

-Mock the Fire Moon, back luck coming soon.

-Knock on solid wood, things are looking good.

-It's just a thing we do to boost our good luck.

Even if it doesn't work, it's still fun to say.

-But it works.

-Pshaw! More worthless superstition.

-Look, Phil, I get it.

The first time Gran told me

I had to give the moon a gift,

I laughed it off too.

But the next day, I almost drowned.

In the desert.

I haven't skipped a Fire Moon gift since.

-And you better give something good.

When I was little,

I didn't wanna give my favorite blanket away.

The next day, I woke up cuddling with a raccobra!

The Fire Moon does cause bad luck.

-Come on, Eep, let's check the kitchen

for more stuff to give to the moon.

Yeah. Like spoons!

-No! Leave the flatware alone.

Or bowls! - And the roundware.

In fact, avoid all the wares!

Especially mine.

-Phil, where are you going?

-To secure our valuables before moon muggers pilfer them.

-But what about this?

-Oh, you'll be fine.

As soon as the safety measures kick in.

-You didn't install any safety measures.

-In that case, I'm sorry.

- For what?

Always on that foot!

-Oh, thank the stars.

You're already hiding our possessions.

Lunar looters are no match for this family.

Oh, well played, Bettermans.

-Oh, we're not hiding this stuff, Dad.

- Are we finally abandoning the tree house

to start anew without the Croods?

Drastic. But they leave us little choice.

If I never see the Croods again, it will be too soon.

I mean, they actually believe

if you don't offer the moon gifts,

you'll experience bad luck.

-Yes. Which is why we're gathering all this stuff

to give to the moon.

You don't ever wear this, do you?

-Of course, I do. It's my favorite robe!

Don't tell me you believe in all of this moon madness.

-Of course not.

But better to be safe than sorry.

-Yeah. I don't take chances with anything in the sky.

Or on the ground. Or in the water.

The moon's gonna love this.

- I love it, because it's mine!

And the moon doesn't cause bad luck.

-Knock on solid wood.

-Things are looking good.

-Malarkey! Pure malarkey!

Oh, Fire Moon,

please accept our tribute of,

um... this thing.

It's a sandal.

And it isn't for moons. It's for men.

Specifically this men.

I mean, man. Because it's mine.

- Well, the moon is not gonna like that one bit.

-Yeah, I'm-I'm just gonna not be by you.

-Phil, you're not here to give gifts to the moon,

you're here to cause trouble.

So just get out of here.

-Oh, no.

We brought gifts.

Guy, where did we put those gifts of ours?

-i...

-Perhaps they're over here.

Or maybe we left them over there.

Ah, now I remember.

They're... nowhere.

-Yeah, that felt really unnecessary.

-And the reason they're nowhere...

-Oh, we're still doing this?

- is because we didn't bring any!

-Wow! Great twist.

-Because we don't believe in this moon mumbo-jumbo.

Knock on solid wood,

things are looking good.

-Stop doing that!

-Don't do it, Grug. Don't you do it!

-Phil, we know you don't believe in this, so why are you here?

-We are here to observe an exercise in futility.

Isn't that right, Guy?

-The words Phil just said are his own

and do not necessarily reflect

the views and opinions of, uh, Guy.

-Okay. So why are you here, Guy?

-Curiosity. And I thought there might be snacks.

-And you'll see, tomorrow

Guy and I won't experience any bad luck

despite your foolish warnings.

-Wow. Tense moment, huh?

Also, Guy said something about snacks.

What a beautiful morning.

The sun is shining,

the birds or bird-like things are chirping

and there wasn't a raccobra in my bed.

Which means our moon gifts were a hit.

-I still don't understand

how the moon is able to take the gifts.

I mean, does the moon have hands?

-All I know is on the way to breakfast,

I almost stepped on a sharp rock, but then I didn't.

Bad luck averted.

- Sharp rock!

-Stepped on a sharp rock, did you, Phil?

Hmm. Talk about bad luck.

Also, I'm just gonna sit over...

-Don't read into it.

The farm is littered with sharp rocks.

Stepping on one is an inevitability.

-Sure. Or it's the moon getting its revenge.

Either way, it's bad luck.

- Preposterous. Sorry I'm late.

My door was stuck and it took me forever to open it.

-Been there, G-man.

Why are doors so complicated?

-It sounds like more bad luck to me.

Mess with the moon, you get the door.

-What? No. Doors get stuck all the time.

That's just doors.

-Yep. You can't control doors

unless you're a doorknob.

-Or the door was stuck due to excess moisture in the air.

You see, there's always a logical explanation.

-Well, good luck with that logic.

Dawn and I have a rollerlog date with destiny.

-Rollerlogging?

I'm in.

-Maybe not a great idea

for you today, Guy-baby.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

-Am I sure I wanna do my favorite thing in the world

on the thing I invented?

Yes. Why wouldn't I?

-Because you snubbed the Fire Moon

so now you're in a bad luck spiral?

-Not a problem,

'cause I don't believe the moon causes bad luck.

Race you to the bottom.

My fault. Forgot to tighten my wheels.

No problem, I can fix it.

After I-I get some new wheels.

And a new rollerlog. You know what?

Roller rain check.

I'm gonna hang out with Thunk.

I'm fine. Happens all the time.

You believe in

the Fire Moon malarkey?

I'm disappointed, Philliam.

I thought you were a stick of science.

Yes! Victory is as good as mine.

Save your gripery

and lose like a stick-man.

Wait. You don't growl.

You're Philliam, not...

- A raccobra!

-It doesn't have to be big, Guy-boy.

Just leave the moon a banana or something.

I don't want a tree or a boulder or anything to fall on you.

-Trust me, Eep. I'm gonna be fine.

Nothing bad is gonna happen to me.

- Okay, Guy-boy.

- Go long. - I'm open!

- Guy, look out!

- Oof!

Close one.

Thanks, Eep!

Ooh!

I'm okay.

Except for my legs.

And arms. And body. And head.

Aha!

The brakes were worn thin.

Crisis averted.

Thanks to Phil Betterman, problem conqueror.

Dawn? Hammer.

-Sorry, Dad, but I don't think

it's a good idea for you to use a hammer.

Or be near a roller coaster.

Or walk around without some kind of body armor.

Ooh, you could use my progress pod.

-Ugh. I told your mother

if we let the Croods live on the farm,

their ignorance would spread like wildfire.

And here we are, engulfed in an ignorance inferno.

Hammer, please.

-What if I gave the moon a gift

but said it was from both of us?

-Absolutely not.

Now hammer me!

- Dad!

Pure coincidence. Nothing more!

-Ready or not, Sandy, here I come.

- And... there she is.

You're not Sandy.

That was close.

Too close!

What is going on with the...

Ooh. Easy, Guy. You're inside a tree.

Not great, but it could be worse.

Sandy, is that you?

- You're not Sandy!

-For the last time, Hope,

roller coasters operate on their own

without reason or explanation all the time.

-Are you listening to yourself?

-Constantly.

In fact, I almost never listen

to anyone else.

-Phil, did you go down without me?

Seriously?

-Eat up! It's the second night of the Fire Moon

and we've got more gifts to give.

-Ooh, do I smell mashed burnips?

Was it something I said?

-Not this time.

We're leaving because of your bad luck.

-Yeah. We don't wanna catch it.

Sorry, Dad.

-Don't worry, Guy-baby.

This is just until you change your mind.

-Fine. More for us.

-Still plenty of food left.

- Just gonna grab a little more.

-You know, Phil, maybe we should get on board with the Fire Moon.

Sure, bad things have happened to me before,

but not all at once.

And frankly, I'm a little scared.

-Understandable. Because you're a coward.

But I have a solution.

- Gifts? - Exactly.

We're going to take the Fire Moon's gifts.

That will debunk this duncery once and for all!

-Wait, did you say "take"?

Explain how this is a good idea again?

-It's not a good idea.

It's the greatest idea ever.

And it's quite simple.

- First, we take the gifts. - Rocky start.

-After nothing bad happens to the others,

we tell them what we did.

-Getting worse.

-Then they bow down before us,

thanking us for freeing them

from the shackles of their mindless superstition.

Now I'll take this cup. You carry the rest.

-And all bad.

-I feel bad.

Do we really need to make them sit that far away?

-Yes. This is the best breakfast we've ever had here.

We should have done this a while ago.

-Maybe Eep's right. I mean, look at them.

- We didn't do this, they did.

They can rejoin us as soon as they stop being so stubborn.

Until then, we have to play it safe.

-This is humiliating.

-A small price to pay for sweet vindication.

They'll go the whole day without bad luck

and then we'll reveal the truth

that the Fire Moon isn't real.

Boarnets!

-Eh. Perfectly normal. Eat your eggs.

-Hmm.

Oh, no. I'm stuck!

- Huh?

-Oh, no. I'm trapped in my favorite place.

I have mixed feelings,

but I'll go with fear and jumping!

-This is bad, and it's all our fault.

-We don't know that, Guy.

Just because we stole the Fire Moon gifts

doesn't mean we're to blame

for their otherwise inexplicable string of misfortune.

But just in case we are, let's never tell them.

-Good call. I mean, can you imagine?

Hey.

Phil, isn't this your speak-in-shell?

Oh, no. Do you think they heard us?

Why did I even ask?

-You should run. It won't save you.

But it will be more fun for us.

-I'll admit there does seem to be some causality,

but I assure you there's a reasonable explanation.

After all, if there wasn't,

how could Thunk be enjoying a tasty snack of bug nuggets?

-You mean rock nuggets, Phil.

And rocks aren't tasty,

not without some kind of dip or something.

-Okay, so how do you explain that?

-Rock slide in the kitchen?

-Do you even believe that, Phil?

-Of course not. It's patently absurd.

Which means there's only one reasonable explanation,

the Fire Moon is real!

-What do we do, Gran? What do we do?

-First, take your paws off me if you wanna keep 'em.

-Done. Now what?

-Now we say goodbye. So, bye.

I'll miss you both.

But really, I won't!

-No. Now you do nothing.

- Really? - Yep.

'Cause there's nothing you can do.

No!

-Wait. Actually, there is something you can do,

but it's dangerous.

-Yes!

-And you gotta do it

before the break of dawn.

Just you two. Alone.

-What is it? We'll do anything!

-There's only one thing that will appease the Fire Moon.

The horn of a ramaconda!

-I love this plan.

-Yeah. I was thinking more fruit basket,

maybe a melon medley?

-Sure thing, tappy toes.

As long as there's a ramaconda horn in it.

'Cause if there isn't, we'll all be cursed

with bad luck... forever.

-Forever?

-That's what I said!

-I believe in you, Phil. You can do this.

Because if you don't,

bad luck will be the least of your concerns.

-I'd get a move on.

It's a long way to the shock swamp.

-Wait, Guy, before you go...

-Ugh! We don't have time for mawkish sentimentality.

-You're leaving without me?

-No. I'm saying goodbye to Philliam.

I may never see him again.

-I want you to take this.

Aardshark tooth in hand, you won't,

uh... lose your hand.

Sorry, I just made that one up.

But aardshark teeth are supposed to bring good luck.

And you're gonna need all the luck you can get.

-I can't believe this.

If the Fire Moon is real,

perhaps everything I've ever known to be true is a lie.

-Or it's just this one thing.

Phil, what are you doing?

-I was trying to grab your collar

to shake some sense into you,

but since you refuse to wear a shirt,

I'm grabbing your foot instead.

Now be still while I shake it.

-Phil, relax. Everything's gonna be fine.

-No, it's not.

We've got so much bad luck.

It's like a second skin.

And even if we managed to obtain a ramaconda horn,

which we likely won't because of said bad luck,

we'll never escape the shock swamp alive.

Those ramacondas will burn us. Or eat us.

Or both! Probably both, actually.

-None of that's gonna happen because of this.

Knock on solid wood, things are looking good.

-I'm still struggling to see how simple rhymes can boost our fortune.

But what choice do I have?

-Don't step on a crack, keep your life intact.

-Also not sure how stepping on a crack

would disrupt one's life in any way,

but it's worth a shot.

Whoa.

-Shaky bridge about to drop, raise a foot and start to hop.

-Really?

Hopping seems like the last

thing to do in this situation.

- It worked!

-Did it?

Let me try this one.

Skip the ladder or you'll be, uh, flatter?

-Or let's just take the ladder?

-Too risky. Inane rhymery is our only hope.

Now climb.

And so ends our superstitious odyssey

in the savage shock swamp.

A ghoulish ghoulash...

- of pain...

- and peril.

We'll never get that horn.

-You're right. We'll...

get that horn.

Lucky for us, ramacondas lose their horns

like Gran loses her teeth.

Yah! See, Phil? Those rhymes paid off.

Nachos by Ugga!

Oh. Now all we need is a plan.

-Say no more. Because luckily...

Zenithees!

I brought this.

-Ow! Same foot!

-I'll simply lower the claw, grab hold of the horn,

and we'll be on our merry way.

All without the ramaconda suspecting a thing.

-Let me try, Phil. I'm feeling lucky.

Oh!

Gah! I'm tellin' you, these things never work.

-In the wrong hands.

Fortunately, mine are the right hands.

Gah! It's stuck.

These things never work.

Well, I suppose that's it.

Our luck has officially run out.

-Wrong. Because I've got this.

It's an aardshark tooth.

It's supposed to be lucky.

-I don't believe it. It's working.

It's working!

It's not working! Run!

Phil, your fetcher fetched something!

-Of course.

'Cause I'm brilliant.

They're almost out of time.

Hmm!

- They're back!

-It's about time!

Our bad luck's getting worse.

I burned my hand. On a cold banana!

-I was taking a dip in the lagoon

and I realized I was in a well!

-I got attacked by my own pillow

and I wasn't even close to my bed!

-I ate a hammock. Don't ask.

-Whoa. Are you okay, Eep?

I mean, I had your aardshark tooth.

-True, but nothing bad happened to me.

Guess I'm bad luck proof.

Yah!

- Scratch that.

-Enough with the jibber-jabber!

This is the final night of the Fire Moon.

So make with the horn!

-Oh, great moon in the sky,

please accept this generous offering as our humble...

Too long!

Now, let's get outta here

so the goddess warrior can claim her gifts in peace.

-Well, glad that's over.

Life's hard enough without a moon on your back.

-You know, Sandy, I think this was the best Fire Moon yet.

Thanks for all your help.

Dropping that boarnet nest

on the table was a knockout punch!

Everybody bought it, and the raccobra?

Now let's divvy up the loot before anyone finds out.

Ow!

Stupid horn.

I don't even know why I asked for this!

Hard to believe everyone keeps falling for it.

Bunch of suckers.

I mean, it's a moon.

What's it gonna do, moon us?

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