Original subtitles

??

-Hi. Trophy fantasy. I just got a call

About an emergency situation with my daughter?

-Yes. I'm afraid I have some deeply concerning news

About annie. - Huh.

She dead? $40,000 for damages, final offer!

-Oh, she's not dead, mrs. Fantasy.

Honestly, it might be better if she were.

There's no easy way to say this, so...

- [ mumbles ] - I'll just come right out with it.

Annie sucks! - Yeah, she's boring. No doy.

[ suspenseful music plays ] - oh, there's doy!

Florida treats this kind of thing very seriously.

You see, to combat the psychic trauma caused

By our increasingly chaotic and stupid world,

We, as educators, must

[ strikes desk ] build up young people's resilience.

- Uh-huh. - We've had to implement

Extreme measures. - Oh. Oh.

What the...? - Follow me.

[ baby cries ]

-? I'm not as crazy as I used to be ?

? some of my devils up and left me free ?

? to find a quiet space, I'm not as out of place ?

? and I'm coming home again

? it's been too long a time gettin' back what's mine ?

? and I can't remember why I went away ?

? but it's lookin' now like maybe I can stay ?

Is that any good?

-Welcome to our state-of-the-art social studies lab.

That's right, we finally figured out what social studies is.

Florida is proud to have created

The first party-based resilience curriculum in the nation.

The crowd-wide synchronism associated with teen gatherings

Has been scientifically proven to increase endorphins

And improve social-emotional coping skills.

Plus, it at least allows teens to have some fun

Before humankind comes [ laughing ] to an end. - Whoo!

- You look confused. - So, due to budget cuts,

You guys got rid of science, textbooks, and toilet paper,

But you have funding for this?

-Yep! On the left [ beeping ]

Is your daughter's brain.

And this is a scan of a normal teenager.

You'll notice annie's party lobe is significantly underdeveloped.

[ sighs ] not even an a-cup.

-No wonder she's home every weekend.

I've tried to pressure her into going out,

But she says she likes spending time with her family.

Disgusting. - Oh, boy.

Here's annie, working with one of our occupational therapists.

-What do you see in this picture?

-Coastal erosion and rising seas?

- Ugh! - No! No!

-Look, unless annie begins to party,

She's on a dangerous path

With a terrifying future ahead of her.

As of now, she's on course to graduate high school

- [ gasps ] - and attend a private

New England college

On full scholarship! - Aah!

- Is that what you want for her? - Stop!

You don't mean that.

-I see you're in denial, miss fantasy.

You need to open your eyes to... And excuse my language...

The party pooper that is your daughter.

-Oh, no.

Excuse me!

Did an adult drop this?

-She's just really into recycling.

It's the glass! - Let her out.

-Mom? What's going on?

Am I in trouble? - Big trouble, missy,

And it's all your fault!

-Uh, actually, since annie's a minor,

I'm afraid you're both in trouble.

We've had to report annie's case to the state.

- Ugh! - Cps will be sending

A social worker to your home tonight.

-Cps? Isn't child protective services for abused children?

-Child partying services, young lady.

They'll be determining if annie needs

To be removed from the home. - [ gasps, whimpers ]

??

-[ rumbling ]

-Goat, you need be baba little helper now.

Why are you drink off floor like postal worker?

-Hey, baba. I bought some dress shorts.

Are you ready for a fashion show?

[ bleats ] - [ gasps ] hey!

Since when does he help with the embalming?!

That's my job!

-Baba and goat glued together now.

Baba mistake corpse glue for sunscreen. [ laughs ]

But it okay. - What?! No!

If anyone should be glued to you, it's me!

- [ bleating ] - [ grunting ] come on!

-Your hurt goat!

We do fine pressed together.

- [ bleating ] - but... but...

We... you and me...

Have consultation appointments

With widowers this afternoon!

You can't meet customers like this!

- Why not? - Goat great with grievers.

She have amputated nose. - Uh-huh. [ bleating ]

-What's the goat got that I don't?!

Besides horns, a cute curly beard,

Dreamy eyes, the ability to eat tin cans,

Boatloads of mojo...

- [ bleating ] - stop!

I'm not talking to you!

-[ bleating ]

-Okay, when cps gets here,

You should throw up on the floor!

Repeat after me!

Underage drinking is the best kind of drinking!

And prepare to party to the state of florida's

[ doorbell rings ] standards!

Just follow mommy's lead.

-Hi, I'm jill with cps. Sorry I'm late.

A teen's parents were out of town

And, instead of throwing a rager,

He called an sat tutor. Fool!

Well, his ass is in party foster care now, thank god.

-You can't let them take me to party foster care.

A girl in my pre-calc had to go.

They don't let you wear underwear

And they confiscate all of the supplies,

Even staplers! - Just play along.

-Are you ready for your evaluation?

-Of course. This gorgeous slut

Is my daughter, annie.

Annie, walk of shame over here to meet jill, would you?

-So... Dru... Nk!

Bite me, pantsuit!

-Alright, pre-partying, fashion risk.

We like to see that. Can I assume you're headed

To at least one underage party tonight?

-Oh, she'll be there. It's not a party

Till annie shows up. I mean, throws up.

Throw up a little for her, huh, sweetie? Come on.

-And how many of these bubblegum-flavored malt liquors

Am I supposed to believe you've had tonight?!

Blow, please. - [ blows ]

[ buzzer ] - not only are you completely sober,

It's showing you recently rolled four of a kind in yahtzee!

I've seen enough. I'm afraid -[ whimpers ]

You're going to have to come with me.

-Wait! Annie has special needs.

Because of partying... My partying.

Trust me, I'm a professional train wreck.

Here, look at my tramp stamp!

- Hm. - It's still infected!

-Well, certainly a plus when children are corrupted

By their biological parents, when possible.

Tell you what... If annie could complete

100 party hours this weekend... - [ gasps ]

- I'll consider -[ moans ]

-Letting her stay under your roof.

This device will track your progress,

But it only logs real party hours.

Don't try to fool it with book clubs and zoom proms.

See you Monday at 9:00 am sharp,

And you better be riddled with regret.

-But there's not even 100 hours between now and then.

-Party hours aren't linear, kid.

They're measured in poor decisions

And how long you go without peeing.

Good luck to you both.

-Now, what do we do?!

I wouldn't even know where to fi a party!

-Hush, my little lame one.

I know a ton of high school parties we could go to.

My high school parties!

Remember fun?!

Death powers, activate!

-Aaaah!

-So, I think I can freeze the glue off.

[ gasps ] no! Unh-unh!

Why are you wearing your going out vest?!

-It Thursday.

Baba have hag night -bah.

-And it my week to control thermostat.

[ laughing ] not going to miss.

-But I've been asking to come with you every week

For three decades.

And you always say no plus ones.

Now, he gets to go?!

-If you thought goat was good with customer,

- [ bleating ] - you should see him work his magic

On a room full of hag.

-I was only somewhat certain it would come to this.

Hold still!

- [ bleating ] - oh! [ grunts ]

Peter! Stop being so jealous!

When goat fall off, I make time for you.

-Ha ha!

Guess I will be coming

To hags night, ha!

I just have to pee, first.

[ tink! ]

-? party, party, party

-Let's burn all our clothes!

Ow! My nipples!

-When are we?

-Summer before my sophomore year.

I figure we can rack up the hours faster

By reliving some of my more debaucherous blowouts.

It's win-win... you get to see how fun being a teen can be

And I get to relive a time when I was actually happy.

-Are you sure about this?

What if we rip a hole in time and space?!

What if someone offers me drugs or gets me pregnant?!

Or talks to me?!

-Chill out, annie!

You can't get pregnant at a party!

It's too loud!

-That's definitely not true.

- Whoo! - Less talking, more alcoholic lemonade

And bad choices!

-[ moaning ]

Lemonade shouldn't hurt.

I'll do this to avoid foster care,

But I wish you'd just realize

I don't like parties!

I mean, what was so fun about this one?

-I don't know.

I guess you had to be there.

-But you were there!

-Oh, wait, I remember.

I made out with this hot older guy

Who kept trying to feel me up.

He had these big muscles and...

-Mom, I think that was a fireman giving you cpr. Look!

-Ha! I must've passed out

While playing the car on fire game.

- Uh, what's that? - You light a car on fire,

Then see who can stay inside the longest.

Guess who... 3, 2, 1!

[ explosion ]

-Oh, my god! The forest!

We got to save the trees!

- Whoo! - Nope. They all burned down,

But they built a very convenient -oh, yeah!

- Parking lot in its place. - Aah!

Arson! - You're welcome.

Time to party hop! - How about one with a bathroom?

-Fine, but you really should be soiling yourself!

It's the partier's way!

-[ laughing ]

- [ bleats ] - huh.

-[ coughs ]

-This is hag night?

Where's all the haggy food?

-Fun is we bet nickels on who would win most games solitaire

And eat pickled oreos.

Now, shh! - Baba!

This your kid?

-Finally!

We've been waiting so long to meet him.

- It's really my pleasure. - Oh!

- [ gasps ] - he so handsome.

- [ laughing ] very clean. - Hey!

I'm her son! - [ grumbling ]

Baba, aren't you going to introduce me

To your hags? - [ bleats ]

That noona. Her thing is she uptight.

-Sit up straight when you meet new person for first time!

-That uula. Her thing is

She like sex.

-I free spirit.

If you weren't baba's boy,

I'd tame you like circus bear!

-That ooga.

Her thing is she have house.

-You're welcome.

-And what's your thing, baba?

-Baba's thing is she has to get away from her son.

[ suspenseful sting plays ] - sunshine! Of course.

No sunshine for baba.

She burns so easily.

-Enough talking! I can't hear my mouse click!

-You sit on floor. No make trouble.

- [ bleating ] - you heard her.

-Sophie had the best parties.

Mm, her parents were always out of town,

Probably because they loved her so much.

Bathroom's upstairs. I'm going to go steal some silverware.

-[ laughs ]

-Can you take a picture of me?

- [ laughs ] - wait! Another one!

I wasn't ready!

- [ laughs ] - does my hair look cute?

-You bet, trophy!

Post.

Make sure she doesn't choke

On her own vomit, would you?

I want her to live long enough

To feel the humiliation of these pictures.

-[ vomiting ]

I threw up in my bra!

- Here, have some water. - Thanks.

You're so nice. Are you a veterinarianen?

-Oh, man, I wish!

Mind if I hide out in here?

Parties kind of freak me out.

-That's why we drink, stupid.

-[ banging on door ] annie! What's taking so long?!

-Uh-oh! The laws of physics will not like this.

Don't come in! - [ grunts ]

I know your instinct is to hole up in the john

And wait the party out, but...

Oh. - Why does that mirror have feet?

-I'm you, hot stuff.

In the future!

- Uh. - Stop!

Don't interact!

This could be dangerous!

Shh! [ grunts ] - I guess I had

Some self-loathing issues.

Try loving yourself more, you idiot!

-Well, maybe you should try hating yourself more?!

-Uh, way ahead of you, sweetheart.

Been there!

Killed that.

- What? - We have to go.

-I love you!

- [bleep] off, zombie. - Aah!

??

-Oh!

- [ bleating ] - [ grunting ]

Agh!

[ bleating ] - [ grunts ]

[ groaning ]

I'm bored.

-[both] shh!

-What's the point of getting together,

If you're all just going to play solitaire?

-Ooga husband has porn addiction,

So he pay for fast internet.

-But you're not even playing online!

-Baba, do something about boy.

I can hardly hear goat chew.

- [ bleating ] - shhhhh!

[ suspenseful music plays ]

-[ stomach growling ]

[ grunting ]

-Hey!

- Aah! - Whoa!

-Baba, your boy more disruptive than time uula convinced us

To hire a male stripper to be bartender.

-I'm so sorry, oona. Let me help you up.

- It noona. - Peter, no!

-[ bleating ]

-[ gasps ] oh, no!

- Ugh! - Great!

Now, husband will have to masturbate

To me doing sexy push-ups irl.

That's it!

Hag night over!

New rule!

No kids named peter allowed at hag night!

-That actually old rule, too.

-[ bleats ]

-Whoa, mom!

You're onstage! - Whoo!

-Ahh!

-That's weird!

I remember everyone catching me.

-Why do you keep showing me

Nights you were too drunk to remember?

-Because I do remember them,

Just not the way they actually happened!

That's what partying is all about!

-Okay! 4 hours down, 96 to go.

-Do you know why you've only logged four hours, so far?

-Because we've been going to parties for four long hours!

-Because you've only been watching the parties!

When you party the party, you lose track of time! Here!

[ whimsical tune plays ]

I saw you watching a montage video

Of the "harry potter" actors set to this song,

So I know you like it.

Now, start dancing!

There you go.

Yeah! Wow! Wow!

Get low.

Come on, keep gyrating

Your turnip-shaped body like that, annie.

The movement's tricking your ankle monitor

Into thinking you're partying!

-I'm doing it!

I'm partying!

Ooh!

Yeah!

-Now, this party, I know

I actually made out with a hot guy,

All night long, baby!

Where's the teen me?

[ laughter ]

-He is cute.

-Ugh! I guess he isn't the one I got herpes from.

Good kisser, though. Huh.

It's like a regular party,

Just with more bacteria and residue.

-Foam me, bruh!

Whah-aah! [ laughs ] good shot!

- Careful! - Whoa!

I think you just made be 10% less brain damaged.

How'd you know that was going to happen?!

Because scanning my environment for possible sources of danger

Is how I like to have fun.

-Why'd you come here with your grandma?!

She's creeping me out.

-[ growls ]

- Oh, no! - Aah!

[ wet thud ]

-And it's back!

Best foam party ever, right?!

-I love this for you!

But mind if we quantum leap to a party with snacks?

Okay, I see teen you over there, but where's the party?

-There isn't one. But, if kirk's sucking my face,

No one's manning the cash register.

Free hot dogs!

[ scat singing ] - whoo! Hot dogs! Hot dogs!

You know, cps may be on to something.

This does sort of feel cathartic.

Maybe parties can be okay, if you go with a friend!

-The cops are coming!

- Run! - [ grunting ]

You're going to bail me out, right, sophie?

[ siren wailing ] - [ laughs ]

Enjoy prison, bitch. [ laughs ]

-Well, they can't get me this time.

I'm not underage anymore.

-I'm underage.

-Oh, right.

Run!

[ snoring ]

[ whistling ]

[ snoring ]

-[ whispering ] baba, you awake?

-I awake.

I try turn goat on side, open airway.

-[ grunting ]

I can't. My hands are too little.

-Come on! I lift, you roll.

1...

-2...

-3.

-[ grunting ]

[ sighs ]

I'm sorry I ruined your hag night, baba.

-At least you no snore.

- [ vocalizing ] - think he's having a nightmare?

-Ha! Silly peter.

Goats don't dream.

-[ singing opera ]

??

Aaaaaaah!

-Aaaah!

-Whoa! I can't believe baba let you have a party in high school!

-Oh, she didn't. I told her it was a funeral.

I let lonny feel me up,

So he'd pretend to be a corpse all night.

I'm going to go raid the fridge.

Don't drink the punch. - Hey, cute girl.

- [ gasps ] - you look lonely.

- Ugh! - Baba find you nice boy.

Oh, petey!

-We... Ll, howdy, there.

Please forgive my friend mr. Baba.

She likes to play matchmaker.

- Oh, god, pete! - Oh, have we met?

-Enough small talk! Flirt with girl!

Mr. Baba, please! You're embarrassing me!

I don't usually say this to just any girl,

But you want to go upstairs and see my acne cream?

[ grunts ] - get back upstairs!

No one invited you and your creepy dummy.

- Mr. Baba is not creepy! - I was talking

To mr. Baba! - Oh, man!

-[ hiccough ] sorry about my brother.

I can't wait till I can grow up

And never have to live with him again.

Agh! - Can I help you?

-Actually, I was looking for a condom.

-Um, trophy, if I may,

Intoxication actually precludes consensual sex.

-Oh, I'm not drunk.

I just hate myself so much

That I look, feel, and act drunk.

-In that case, I've never had sex,

But I always come prepared.

Pun not intended. Gross.

-[ laughs ] gotcha!

I'm totally drunk!

-Oh. Oh, no.

-Look what I found! Pepsi blue!

Wow, do I miss post-9/11.

-Oh. Whoa!

-Hey, what's wrong with you? Why are you blinking?

-I just gave teenage you a condom,

But now, I don't feel so good.

-Geez, le touche! This must be the party

Where I got knocked up with you!

I knew the music wasn't loud enough!

See?! This is why I'm so passionately anti-condom!

-I think I'm about to not get made.

I knew I could die at a party.

-[ grunting ]

[ panting ]

Aha!

-Put that girl out of her misery!

She can't party for shit!

-Maybe not. But you're having fun tonight, right?

And you remember the first rule of war in parties, don'tcha?

-Mm...

-Aah!

-Never leave a man behind.

Go!

-Yeah!

Oh!

I'm okay!

[ moaning ]

-[ laughs ]

-Told you this funeral home's haunted.

Ugh! Look at that thing. Sickening.

-I put a hole in that condom, annie,

Because you not being born

Would've put a hole

In my heart.

Teen trophy's up there, filling with sperm as we speak.

-You actually saved me!

I was like 75/25 odds on that.

-Look!

You partied for the equivalent of four days!

I hope it's enough to keep you at home.

Let's go!

-Come back, pretty girl!

-Well, I have to admit, it's encouraging

You completed all 100 party hours,

But even the wettest blanket

Can manage a single wild weekend.

Annie, what has this exposure to partying taught you?

And I'm going to remind you to keep

Your "lord of the rings" references to a minimum.

-Well, first of all, it taught me that dancing is fun.

-Show them, sweetie.

-I'm still not liking what I see here.

Principal shepler, please prepare

Annie's records for transfer.

-Wait! I also learned that, at parties,

Unplanned things happen.

And that, even though they can seem like terrible mistakes,

Later, you might decide

That you're glad the mistake happened.

You might even choose to make it all over again.

-Annie, I'm sorry, but you're now ward of the state.

-Keep dancing! Keep dancing!

You know, the world needs nerds, doctor lady.

They keep us from eating laundry detergent

And help us develop the technology to download porn!

And, if my kid is a nerd, then I'll be the first

To shove her into a locker.

Because I love her!

-Hm! Impressive.

Both the dancing and the tenacious defense

Of your boring-ass daughter.

Okay, annie can remain in the home for the time being.

-But that doesn't change the fact

That she's just not florida material.

-It remains our recommendation

That annie leaves the state when she turns 18.

-So, mom, I was thinking, since you can time travel,

Why not go back in time and un-abandon me?

We can finally get those 15 years back.

-Oh, annie!

I wouldn't change those 15 years for the world!

I partied in castles and dumpsters

And the grandest of canyons.

A billionaire gave me a racehorse.

That's a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

If I didn't go through that; and you, your... Stuff...

- [ sighs ] - Would we be

The incredible women we are today?

[ upbeat hip hop plays ]

??

-[ bleats ]

-You know, I think we're really starting

To thrive as a throuple. - [ bleats ]

-I agree!

If this is what poly mean, I sold.

??

- Oh! - [ bleats ]

-[ gasps ]

-[ rumbles ]

- We're free. - [ sadly ] oh.

-[ bleating ]

-Huh, I guess I'll head up to my room.

-[ bleats ]

??

[ munching ]

??

-? when we go, we go from a to b ?

? we go from c to d

? we go 1, 2, 3, 4 -[ bleating ]

? then we go, we walk on through the house ?

? and we walk outta the house

? we go 1, 2, 3, 4

? when we go, we get inside of our cars ?

? we come outside from our cars ?

? we go 1, 2, 3, 4

? when we sleep, we sleep inside of our beds ?

? we crawl on out from our beds ?

? we go 1

??

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