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1
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,625
[water splashing]
2
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- [distant piano music playing]
- [distant applause]
3
00:00:18,291 --> 00:00:20,833
- [piano plays clearly]
- [indistinct chatter]
4
00:00:24,041 --> 00:00:25,500
[light chuckling]
5
00:00:26,291 --> 00:00:27,291
[captain] Hmm.
6
00:00:33,125 --> 00:00:34,958
[suspenseful note drones]
7
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Our target is wearing a captain's uniform.
I repeat, a person in a captain's uniform.
8
00:00:39,541 --> 00:00:41,166
- [playing jolly tune]
- [jovial chatter]
9
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,791
[suspenseful note drones]
10
00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:46,750
[onlookers cheer and laugh]
11
00:00:46,833 --> 00:00:47,916
- Thank you.
- Bravo!
12
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,750
Come with me, Captain.
13
00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:52,375
Let's go find our table.
The show's about to start.
14
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:59,000
Goddamn! That is bright.
I can't see anything in there.
15
00:00:59,083 --> 00:01:02,416
[grunts] Yeah. It's like looking
straight into the sun.
16
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:05,500
What the hell is he up to in there?
I bet something nuclear.
17
00:01:05,583 --> 00:01:09,500
Remove your night-vision goggles.
I repeat, remove the night-vision goggles.
18
00:01:09,583 --> 00:01:12,666
This better work,
Mr. Know-It-All Vision Expert.
19
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:16,125
Okay, fine.
20
00:01:16,208 --> 00:01:18,434
- Set your tasers for max electrocution.
- [device chirps]
21
00:01:18,458 --> 00:01:21,416
Let's take this asshole down hard.
22
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,500
["Tequila" playing]
23
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:26,083
[laughter]
24
00:01:27,375 --> 00:01:30,291
Hold on a sec. Wait, wait!
There are multiple captains in there.
25
00:01:30,375 --> 00:01:31,375
[chief on radio] Decoys.
26
00:01:31,416 --> 00:01:33,291
Ugh, so devious.
27
00:01:33,375 --> 00:01:34,708
Go, go, go!
28
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[gasping]
29
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- [explosion]
- [screaming]
30
00:01:40,416 --> 00:01:43,125
Pacify the captains!
Our target could be any one of them.
31
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:45,500
No! No! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
32
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:47,291
[chief] Son of a bitch!
33
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:48,916
But they're just kids!
34
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:53,125
This is no time to categorize
or pigeonhole people, Agent Steel.
35
00:01:53,625 --> 00:01:54,875
Tase them all.
36
00:01:55,458 --> 00:01:57,875
[agent] That's what you get
for being a decoy.
37
00:01:57,958 --> 00:01:59,125
[kid warbles]
38
00:01:59,208 --> 00:02:00,208
[commotion]
39
00:02:00,291 --> 00:02:02,791
- [agent 2] Do not move! Do not move!
- [screams]
40
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:07,125
Well, well, well. [chuckles]
41
00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:08,541
What have we got here?
42
00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:10,041
[captain] Agh!
43
00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:13,500
I am Captain Tucker,
and I am in charge of this vessel.
44
00:02:13,583 --> 00:02:14,903
What on earth are you doing here?
45
00:02:14,958 --> 00:02:17,333
- I demand answers!
- Oh...
46
00:02:17,416 --> 00:02:19,583
- [groans]
- You'll get your answers all right.
47
00:02:19,666 --> 00:02:21,166
You'll get your answers
48
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:22,958
in a jail cell.
49
00:02:23,041 --> 00:02:24,041
[agents] Mm.
50
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:28,291
Well, uh, actually,
we should probably read him his rights
51
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:30,708
and inform him of the charges against him.
52
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:32,583
And all that.
53
00:02:32,666 --> 00:02:37,291
Oh, nice, Steel. That was a cool-ass line.
Way to ruin the moment.
54
00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:39,583
You wanna do that cool line again, Chief?
55
00:02:39,666 --> 00:02:41,958
Nope, nope, nope. The moment is gone.
56
00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:43,750
Steel took that away from us.
57
00:02:44,416 --> 00:02:46,666
Everyone, just...
Let's just leave. Let's go.
58
00:02:50,166 --> 00:02:52,500
[whimpering, sobbing]
59
00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:54,166
[children crying]
60
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Hello, sir. They got him.
61
00:02:58,291 --> 00:02:59,208
It's on again.
62
00:02:59,291 --> 00:03:01,791
[Captain Tucker] This is scandalous! Agh!
63
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[frantic string music playing]
64
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[reporter] It was just after midnight
65
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:21,083
police raided the Pacific Pearl
and arrested Captain Herman Tucker
66
00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:23,166
on multiple charges of drug smuggling,
67
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:25,875
trafficking,
possession of illegal firearms,
68
00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:27,958
and slaughter of endangered animals.
69
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,416
- [student] Watch out. Pee incoming.
- Ugh!
70
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:31,833
[laughter]
71
00:03:31,916 --> 00:03:33,000
That's a good one.
72
00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:36,083
Yeah, looks like I peed
my pants pretty massively.
73
00:03:36,166 --> 00:03:37,500
Whatever, Fall.
74
00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:40,500
[sighs] Yep, just emptied my bladder
in my pants.
75
00:03:40,583 --> 00:03:42,875
That's me. No, that's... It's good stuff.
76
00:03:42,958 --> 00:03:45,041
See you at the next, uh...
Yeah. [clears throat]
77
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:48,208
The prosecution is getting ready
for the trial of the century.
78
00:03:48,291 --> 00:03:51,833
But first, Captain Tucker is going
to be isolated in prison,
79
00:03:51,916 --> 00:03:54,125
where should he for some reason pass away,
80
00:03:54,208 --> 00:03:56,958
the district attorney would lose
her only witness.
81
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,166
Oh, it looks like I peed myself, but, um...
82
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:05,500
I'm just the butt of a great prank.
Don't worry.
83
00:04:05,583 --> 00:04:07,958
- Oh... kay.
- Yeah, it's not urine.
84
00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:09,166
Um... [sucks]
85
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,625
- Mm.
- Oh, it's actually...
86
00:04:11,291 --> 00:04:12,208
It's actually Fanta.
87
00:04:12,291 --> 00:04:15,916
Whatever, Fall. Exam results are in.
You should check 'em out.
88
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,666
They're here? Should I be excited or...
89
00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:20,190
[sarcastically] Oh yeah. This is it.
90
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:23,708
This is the exam that decides your career,
and you really stand out.
91
00:04:23,791 --> 00:04:26,375
Really? Oh! [panting]
92
00:04:26,458 --> 00:04:28,083
Okay. Here we go.
93
00:04:28,875 --> 00:04:30,750
Fall, Fall. Duh-duh-duh...
94
00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:32,375
Duh... No...
95
00:04:34,416 --> 00:04:35,416
Oh.
96
00:04:35,958 --> 00:04:37,375
Ah, darn it.
97
00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:39,458
[dramatic string music playing]
98
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:57,875
[music builds]
99
00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:05,750
[strings screech]
100
00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:10,083
[music fades]
101
00:05:11,708 --> 00:05:13,125
[agent] Right...
102
00:05:13,208 --> 00:05:17,583
Guys. Wow, I am just so proud right now.
103
00:05:17,666 --> 00:05:19,916
We have helped rid the world of evil.
104
00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:24,416
- Let's have some cake.
- Fuck, yeah! Cake tastes good.
105
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:25,583
[cheering]
106
00:05:25,666 --> 00:05:29,333
Yeah, I just have this weird hunch.
Am I the only one who thinks
107
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,296
there could be more
to this Captain Tucker case?
108
00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:33,208
Say what, Steel?
109
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,958
I just mean that...
does everyone really believe
110
00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:39,541
that one man single-handedly
did all those horrible things by himself
111
00:05:39,625 --> 00:05:42,541
without anyone else on that ship knowing?
112
00:05:42,625 --> 00:05:43,541
Wow.
113
00:05:43,625 --> 00:05:44,458
Right?
114
00:05:44,541 --> 00:05:46,333
[chuckles] Just wow.
115
00:05:46,416 --> 00:05:48,625
Could be a criminal organization
running that ship.
116
00:05:48,708 --> 00:05:51,250
Captain Tucker could actually just be
the tip of the iceberg.
117
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:54,041
Some kind of pawn. A patsy, a fall guy.
118
00:05:54,125 --> 00:05:55,125
Hmm.
119
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:58,000
- You know what I think, Steel?
- No.
120
00:05:58,083 --> 00:06:02,250
I think it's actually time for you
to shut your big yapper.
121
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:05,125
- Right on!
- Can't you just enjoy this glorious win?
122
00:06:05,208 --> 00:06:08,166
Washington has been this close
to shutting us down,
123
00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:10,750
and now you come here
with this... this nonsense.
124
00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:12,166
Yeah, what an asshole!
125
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:15,125
Fuck you, Steel! Fuck you to hell!
126
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:19,041
To be completely honest with you, Steel,
no one likes a snoopy agent.
127
00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:20,125
Really?
128
00:06:20,166 --> 00:06:22,791
All that sneaking around,
gathering evidence,
129
00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:25,416
retrieving lost documents,
and finding witnesses
130
00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,250
that could shed new light on a case?
131
00:06:27,333 --> 00:06:29,041
Ugh. People hate that.
132
00:06:29,125 --> 00:06:30,166
Uh...
133
00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:34,083
- But that's kind of our job though.
- Our job was to crack this case.
134
00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:35,875
- And now it's cracked.
- [phone vibrating]
135
00:06:35,958 --> 00:06:38,208
[phone rings]
136
00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:39,291
Yes?
137
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:42,500
Mm. Unfortunate? [chuckles]
138
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:43,666
Roger that.
139
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,208
[clears throat]
140
00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:47,333
Listen up, team.
141
00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:50,541
Captain Tucker
just killed himself in jail.
142
00:06:50,625 --> 00:06:52,708
Suicide, Epstein-style.
143
00:06:52,791 --> 00:06:53,625
What?
144
00:06:53,708 --> 00:06:56,500
It's probably
because he was torn apart by guilt.
145
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,375
So the train has left the station.
Case closed forever.
146
00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:00,833
- Huh?
- [laughs]
147
00:07:00,916 --> 00:07:02,416
In your face, Steel.
148
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:05,041
[chief] Oh! Yes. Oh. Let's go!
149
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,416
- [disco music playing]
- Eh!
150
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,916
♪ Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it ♪
151
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,000
Yeah!
152
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,375
Hey, what are you doing
with, uh, that evidence?
153
00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:17,333
You heard the chief. Case is closed.
We're burning everything.
154
00:07:17,416 --> 00:07:18,250
Oh?
155
00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:21,875
Yeah, just dumping it into
the evidence destroyer downstairs.
156
00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:23,000
Hey, uh...
157
00:07:23,083 --> 00:07:24,625
Let me take that down for you.
158
00:07:24,708 --> 00:07:27,250
I'm actually heading down
to the evidence destroyer right now.
159
00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:30,333
Great. Thanks.
Uh, just don't take it home.
160
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,416
- That's a federal offense, you know.
- Ha-ha!
161
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:37,041
I know. I would never do that
because that is not what I am going to do.
162
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:39,541
- Far from it.
- Great. Good to hear.
163
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:42,750
This will not be that one case
I couldn't let go of
164
00:07:42,833 --> 00:07:45,708
and eventually get totally
Carrie Mathison-obsessed with.
165
00:07:45,791 --> 00:07:46,708
Perfect.
166
00:07:46,791 --> 00:07:49,000
No way, no, sir.
Ain't happening. Not this guy.
167
00:07:49,583 --> 00:07:51,375
Too grounded for that stuff.
168
00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:54,833
[cloth squeaks]
169
00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:58,208
Hi.
170
00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:01,208
[radio DJ] Well, you're listening
to 102.6 The Hawk,
171
00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:04,708
and up next, we have a great tune
from one of my favorites.
172
00:08:05,958 --> 00:08:07,583
How can I help you, young man?
173
00:08:07,666 --> 00:08:10,708
Oh, hi. Jonathan Fall. I... I called. Um...
174
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:13,208
Oh yes. Mr. Fall. Please come in.
175
00:08:14,041 --> 00:08:16,708
Oh, I was just looking at my family
on the wall out there.
176
00:08:16,791 --> 00:08:17,791
Hoo!
177
00:08:17,875 --> 00:08:20,083
Fall family has been roaming the seas
for generations,
178
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,333
so... they expect nothing less from me.
179
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:24,750
Mm-hmm.
180
00:08:24,833 --> 00:08:27,583
Let's see here. Jonathan Fall.
181
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:29,166
Ouch.
182
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:31,375
Okay, well, I know when you look
at my grades,
183
00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:33,000
it... it doesn't look that great,
184
00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:36,708
but the ocean is in my blood.
It's in my genes, I think, so...
185
00:08:36,791 --> 00:08:37,791
Okay.
186
00:08:37,833 --> 00:08:40,125
Yeah, my... my... my family
was practically responsible
187
00:08:40,208 --> 00:08:42,375
for the Allies winning World War II,
188
00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:45,750
so not too... shabby. [chuckles]
189
00:08:45,833 --> 00:08:50,458
The thing is, you had the worst exams
in the history of the Naval Academy.
190
00:08:50,541 --> 00:08:51,375
Oh. Oh.
191
00:08:51,458 --> 00:08:54,291
Right now, the closest you'll ever get
to commanding a ship
192
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:56,458
is turning tricks at the docks.
193
00:08:56,541 --> 00:08:58,333
Hmm. [sucks teeth]
194
00:08:58,416 --> 00:09:00,041
Oh, I don't know, I mean...
195
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:03,916
If there were guarantees
that I would eventually command a ship...
196
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,166
Just as a starting gig, maybe I...
197
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:09,000
I am obviously joking, Fall.
198
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:10,916
Yeah. Of course. [chuckles]
199
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:15,708
Me, a hooker?
No, I... I would never. That's, um...
200
00:09:15,791 --> 00:09:18,166
I was just joking too. Just, uh...
201
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:21,666
two people in an office
just crackin' jokes.
202
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:23,208
Anyway, you were saying?
203
00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:26,416
What I can offer you
is an extensive personality test,
204
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,750
where you can show potential employers
what you're really made of.
205
00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:32,250
Maybe you have some hidden talents
206
00:09:32,333 --> 00:09:35,958
hidden deep, deep down there. Somewhere.
207
00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:44,125
There. Done. [chuckles]
I'm pretty sure I nailed it.
208
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:48,375
Mm, there is nothing to nail.
It's a personality test.
209
00:09:48,458 --> 00:09:51,208
Hold on. I'll get the results in two secs.
210
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,750
Ooh, wow, there are some great ships here.
211
00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:57,041
Could you send my test results
to the Emperor of the Seas maybe?
212
00:09:57,125 --> 00:09:58,000
Is that crazy?
213
00:09:58,083 --> 00:10:00,750
- [computer beeps]
- Oh. Oh Lord.
214
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,375
- That good?
- No.
215
00:10:03,541 --> 00:10:07,416
But I owe it to your family name
to get you something.
216
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:13,750
Oh! Ah, this could be an opportunity
for you to work on that personality
217
00:10:13,833 --> 00:10:15,833
and get some job experience.
218
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,750
And who knows
what could happen down the line, Fall.
219
00:10:18,833 --> 00:10:20,458
Wow, that is awesome.
220
00:10:20,541 --> 00:10:22,875
Thank you. Tha... Thank you so much, ma'am.
221
00:10:22,958 --> 00:10:26,583
That is just a dream come true.
Thank you for believing in me.
222
00:10:26,666 --> 00:10:28,916
- [heartfelt music playing]
- [waves splashing]
223
00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:39,958
- [foghorn blares]
- [man over PA] Thar she blows!
224
00:10:47,791 --> 00:10:49,291
[eerie music playing]
225
00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:52,416
[rat squeaks]
226
00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:56,208
[engine revs]
227
00:10:56,291 --> 00:10:58,416
[mysterious music playing]
228
00:11:04,708 --> 00:11:06,333
[chatter]
229
00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:09,375
[tires screech]
230
00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:10,698
- [bodies thud]
- [woman groans]
231
00:11:11,416 --> 00:11:13,541
That's on you, Mrs. Gilroy.
232
00:11:13,625 --> 00:11:16,250
- That beautiful saggy ass distracted me.
- [laughs]
233
00:11:16,333 --> 00:11:19,291
Oh, never mind. Those things happen.
234
00:11:19,375 --> 00:11:21,291
- Hey, Tanner!
- [Mrs. Gilroy chuckles]
235
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:22,916
- Whoo!
- Oh. [chuckles]
236
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,083
Can't hear me.
237
00:11:26,916 --> 00:11:28,333
Jonathan, darling.
238
00:11:28,416 --> 00:11:29,416
Hey, Mom.
239
00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:32,541
I didn't know we were having a party.
What's the occasion?
240
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,541
- Oh, it's your brother's big day.
- Big day?
241
00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:39,791
Yes, we're celebrating
Tanner's 33 and a half birthday.
242
00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:41,458
Oh. Cool.
243
00:11:41,541 --> 00:11:44,041
I'll... I'll... I'll just get changed,
and then I'll join in.
244
00:11:44,125 --> 00:11:46,666
Yeah, about that. You know what?
245
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:49,125
How about you just climb up
in your treehouse,
246
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,000
and we'll bring you some food up there.
247
00:11:51,083 --> 00:11:53,291
Your father and I thought
that would be a great idea.
248
00:11:53,375 --> 00:11:56,083
I totally agree.
It's... It's just that I would really like
249
00:11:56,166 --> 00:11:57,958
to, uh, join the party.
250
00:11:58,041 --> 00:12:02,041
Of course, but I think it might be
better for you to just skip it.
251
00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:04,791
- So let's go ahead and do that.
- Roger that.
252
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:08,791
Oh, Angela, you made it!
253
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:10,875
[distant jazz playing]
254
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:12,958
[distant chatter, laughter]
255
00:12:26,583 --> 00:12:27,583
Hi, Dad.
256
00:12:27,625 --> 00:12:29,041
Here you go. Chow down.
257
00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:31,708
Ooh, thank you. So hungry. Good party?
258
00:12:31,791 --> 00:12:35,125
Oh yeah. So great. So much fun.
259
00:12:35,208 --> 00:12:36,833
Skrillex is DJing later,
260
00:12:36,916 --> 00:12:40,250
and your brother is sparkling
like a star down there.
261
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,291
Oh. I bet.
262
00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:45,583
May... Maybe I can come down
and join in for a little while?
263
00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:48,291
Just say hello to Uncle Herman
and them maybe,
264
00:12:48,375 --> 00:12:50,291
just to get a little taste of the fun.
265
00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:53,708
Well, in an ideal world,
it's exactly what you would have done,
266
00:12:53,791 --> 00:12:56,583
but we don't want to risk
you ruining your brother's big day
267
00:12:56,666 --> 00:12:57,541
with your presence.
268
00:12:57,625 --> 00:13:00,166
What? Well, I wouldn't ruin anything.
269
00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:03,916
I'll stay low, have a little friendly chat
here and there. Yes?
270
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,000
Nope, not gonna happen.
271
00:13:06,083 --> 00:13:07,416
Oh... Okay.
272
00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:16,041
Oh. Oh. You're taking the ladder?
273
00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:17,833
Oh, it's just a security measure.
274
00:13:17,916 --> 00:13:21,291
Mostly to protect you from people
climbing up and disturbing you.
275
00:13:21,375 --> 00:13:22,375
- Oh.
- Yeah, you know.
276
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:24,458
Don't want an old uncle to come up there
277
00:13:24,541 --> 00:13:26,708
and have his way with you
or anything like that.
278
00:13:26,791 --> 00:13:28,000
What?
279
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:29,958
I'm not saying it will happen,
280
00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:32,833
but statistically, every family
has a molester in their ranks.
281
00:13:32,916 --> 00:13:33,916
Ooh.
282
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:37,500
Yikes, okay. Um, well, thank you, I guess.
283
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,833
I'll put it back in the morning,
I almost promise.
284
00:13:39,916 --> 00:13:42,708
Oh, that would be great.
Okay. Good night, Dad.
285
00:13:42,791 --> 00:13:46,583
Good night... you. [chuckles]
286
00:13:47,791 --> 00:13:49,833
[dance music playing]
287
00:13:54,791 --> 00:13:55,916
["I'm Too Sexy" playing]
288
00:13:56,000 --> 00:14:00,500
[Tanner, slurring] ♪ Know what I mean
And do the little... on the catwalk ♪
289
00:14:00,583 --> 00:14:05,916
♪ I'm on the catwalk, yeah
I'm on a catwalk! ♪
290
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,333
[chuckles] Tanner. So talented.
291
00:14:08,416 --> 00:14:10,875
♪ Too sexy for my pants
Too sexy for my... ♪
292
00:14:10,958 --> 00:14:12,416
[partygoer] You're the best, Tanner!
293
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:15,875
[alarm clock beeping]
294
00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,375
[birds singing]
295
00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:34,833
[sighs] That's unfortunate.
296
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,500
[tense music playing]
297
00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:40,375
Of course, Mr. Tyrant.
298
00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:43,166
- Was that him?
- Yeah.
299
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,666
He wants us to take
a different approach this time.
300
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,958
Instead of finding a captain
with certain credentials,
301
00:14:48,041 --> 00:14:50,750
he wants us to find a captain with... none.
302
00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:53,708
Like a wet piece of clay
with a license to command a ship.
303
00:14:53,791 --> 00:14:54,833
Yeah, I guess.
304
00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:56,416
Let's get to it.
305
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:57,875
Muy bien. Vamos.
306
00:15:05,625 --> 00:15:08,958
[Tanner] Yah. Coming through.
I know the, uh, captain.
307
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,750
He's the kids' uncle, so move it.
308
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:14,708
- Hey, say hello to your uncle, kids.
- Uncle?
309
00:15:14,791 --> 00:15:16,291
Just messing with you.
310
00:15:16,375 --> 00:15:19,666
I'm trying to bang their mother,
and she made me take them to the park.
311
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,333
- Can you believe that?
- What?
312
00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:23,541
What, what?
If you don't wanna know the truth,
313
00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:26,333
stop listening in
on other people's conversations.
314
00:15:26,416 --> 00:15:28,583
I think he...
Honestly, I think this one's slow.
315
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:30,958
Here. Why don't you go on the ride?
Thank you.
316
00:15:31,041 --> 00:15:32,666
Insane birthday party, huh?
317
00:15:32,750 --> 00:15:36,083
I had, like, six beers.
I'm hungover like a mofo.
318
00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:37,166
Okay.
319
00:15:37,666 --> 00:15:40,125
Yeah, it got totally outta hand.
320
00:15:40,208 --> 00:15:42,916
Fucked three chicks, or hens, or whatever.
321
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,166
I thought there were
mostly senior citizens there last night.
322
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:47,250
What can I say?
323
00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:50,458
I like the taste of raisins
just as good as grapes.
324
00:15:51,416 --> 00:15:52,250
Okay.
325
00:15:52,333 --> 00:15:55,833
Anyway, I can't believe
I'm finally 33 and a half.
326
00:15:55,916 --> 00:16:00,583
Wow, time flies when you're doing great
and having tons of fun at the same time,
327
00:16:00,666 --> 00:16:02,541
both at work and in private.
328
00:16:02,625 --> 00:16:04,791
Sure... Sure. Yes, I get it.
329
00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:11,541
Hey, what's wrong with this ride?
Can't it go any faster?
330
00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:15,083
Well, this is as fast as I am allowed
to take this... old lady.
331
00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:16,666
Come on, Tiny J.
332
00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:20,166
You know I'm a real captain, right?
I could order you if I wanted to.
333
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:22,750
Ah, I... [chuckling] I don't think
you could do that.
334
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:24,958
Oh. Oh, you wanna test me? Do you?
335
00:16:25,041 --> 00:16:26,666
- No.
- Do you seriously wanna test me?
336
00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:29,083
- I really don't...
- I hereby commandeer this ship.
337
00:16:29,166 --> 00:16:30,291
[Jonathan] No!
338
00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:32,375
[kid] Yay-hey! Whoo!
339
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:34,000
[yelling]
340
00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:35,791
[Jonathan] Oh! Oh!
341
00:16:38,291 --> 00:16:41,000
[screaming]
342
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:48,250
God, Jonathan! That was so dangerous!
343
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:50,041
[metal creaking]
344
00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:52,125
[screaming]
345
00:16:53,041 --> 00:16:54,375
[woman] Where's my baby?
346
00:16:54,458 --> 00:16:56,166
[man over PA] Thar she blows!
347
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:58,166
Oh...
348
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:01,333
Okay. Well, okay.
And now my clothes are wet.
349
00:17:01,958 --> 00:17:05,500
Jonathan Fall,
you have shown a lack of responsibility,
350
00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:08,541
and I have no choice
but to remove you of your stripe.
351
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:11,250
- Please, sir. You can't do this.
- [grunts]
352
00:17:11,333 --> 00:17:13,500
- Well, I just did!
- [distant sirens wailing]
353
00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:15,041
Ah! [inhales sharply]
354
00:17:15,125 --> 00:17:16,291
Darn, that hurts.
355
00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:17,833
[pensive music playing]
356
00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:19,250
[knocking on door]
357
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:21,625
Mom?
358
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:23,666
Dad?
359
00:17:24,583 --> 00:17:25,625
Anyone home?
360
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,625
Mom? Dad?
361
00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:31,666
Hello?
362
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,583
Anyone in here? No. Where are you guys?
363
00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:40,041
- Hel... Oh!
- [rhythmic clicking]
364
00:17:40,791 --> 00:17:42,208
- [grunting]
- [bed squeaking]
365
00:17:42,291 --> 00:17:43,208
[squelching]
366
00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:46,500
- [gasps] What the hell, Jonathan?
- Hi.
367
00:17:46,583 --> 00:17:48,791
You know very well
what that metronome means.
368
00:17:48,875 --> 00:17:51,250
It's lovemaking at a BPM
that makes us come
369
00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:53,458
at the exact same second.
370
00:17:53,541 --> 00:17:55,833
Yes, I know. Sorry, I... I know.
371
00:17:55,916 --> 00:17:57,041
[Blake sighs]
372
00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:58,833
Well? What?
373
00:17:58,916 --> 00:18:02,583
[sighs] It's just
that I was, uh, demoted at work,
374
00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:05,166
and, um... I was just wondering
375
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,833
if you could speak to Tanner
376
00:18:06,916 --> 00:18:10,166
about me maybe getting
some work experience on his ship.
377
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,875
- He... He won't listen to me.
- On Tanner's ship?
378
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:16,666
Is that how you wanna live your life,
taking handouts to get what you want?
379
00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:19,458
Not working for it? I don't think so.
380
00:18:19,541 --> 00:18:21,916
- That's not how the Fall family works.
- [lube squelches]
381
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:22,875
No way.
382
00:18:22,958 --> 00:18:24,916
Jonathan, darling.
383
00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:26,708
Yes, Mom?
384
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:30,375
Why don't you get out of the room
so that your father and I can finish?
385
00:18:30,458 --> 00:18:35,041
No offense,
but your presence is a huge, huge turnoff.
386
00:18:35,125 --> 00:18:37,458
Yes! Now, get the hell out!
387
00:18:37,541 --> 00:18:40,416
- [metronome clicking]
- Jesus. There we go. [grunts softly]
388
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:43,375
Oh, you're s... Okay, yes.
That's... That's my cue. [chuckles]
389
00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:46,041
[Blake grunts and splutters]
390
00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:52,916
Okay. We're here.
391
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,875
Oh, and Liza,
try not to attract any attention please.
392
00:18:55,958 --> 00:18:58,666
- Just quick in and out, hmm?
- Sure thing, Pedro.
393
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,916
You know me. I'll be discreet.
394
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,000
Muy bien.
395
00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:08,875
So what can I do for you?
396
00:19:08,958 --> 00:19:12,666
My employer is looking for a captain
for a high-end cruise ship.
397
00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:16,041
Perfect. We have some
of the best candidates in the country.
398
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:19,458
Great. We are
an unconventional cruise line,
399
00:19:19,541 --> 00:19:21,958
and we are all about
giving everyone a chance.
400
00:19:22,041 --> 00:19:23,833
- Sounds good.
- Yes.
401
00:19:23,916 --> 00:19:26,416
So I was hoping we could start
at the bottom of your deck
402
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:27,958
and work our way up from there.
403
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:31,000
So you want the worst candidate?
404
00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:31,916
Mm... Maybe.
405
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,000
[keys tapping]
406
00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:36,958
Well, the very worst candidate
is a man by the name of Jonathan Fall.
407
00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:39,250
He was at the bottom of his class,
408
00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:43,375
and he has all the qualities
that you're not looking for in a leader,
409
00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:45,416
as you can see here.
410
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,833
Hmm. Gullibility through the roof,
411
00:19:47,916 --> 00:19:52,041
extremely low on natural authority,
alphaness, suspiciousness. Uh!
412
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,666
- This seems like a great fit.
- Really?
413
00:19:56,791 --> 00:19:59,541
Wow, this is so great to hear.
414
00:19:59,625 --> 00:20:02,708
I'm gonna make a huge deal about this
and tell everyone.
415
00:20:02,791 --> 00:20:04,833
Hey. Please, please, Mrs. Porter.
416
00:20:04,916 --> 00:20:07,416
Discretion is of immense importance
to my employer.
417
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:10,875
Are you kidding?
I'm already making an Instagram post.
418
00:20:10,958 --> 00:20:15,083
We have over 900,000 followers,
so the reach is pretty spectacular.
419
00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:16,958
This is bound to go viral,
420
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:20,458
and you and your employer
will have your faces all over it.
421
00:20:20,541 --> 00:20:22,958
You know, I'm so sorry,
but we can't have that.
422
00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:24,041
[gasps]
423
00:20:26,416 --> 00:20:27,958
- Ah!
- Sorry.
424
00:20:28,625 --> 00:20:31,083
Sorry. Uh, sorry. Sorry.
425
00:20:31,166 --> 00:20:33,083
["Why Don't You Do It? playing on radio]
426
00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:34,166
Shit.
427
00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:40,750
Yeah, so, uh...
428
00:20:40,833 --> 00:20:41,833
Sorry.
429
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:44,666
- [toilet flushes]
- [sighs]
430
00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:45,750
Merde.
431
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:49,458
And... sorry.
432
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,791
♪ When I woke up you had gone... ♪
433
00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:54,791
[sighs]
434
00:20:54,875 --> 00:20:56,083
[song continues on radio]
435
00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:58,708
♪ And I was here on my own ♪
436
00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:05,000
♪ You left a note on the bedroom door ♪
437
00:21:05,833 --> 00:21:09,375
♪ It said that you would be back ♪
438
00:21:09,458 --> 00:21:10,291
["Liberty" playing]
439
00:21:10,375 --> 00:21:13,583
♪ I know you wanna get up next to me... ♪
440
00:21:13,666 --> 00:21:15,708
Smooth, Liza. Very smooth.
441
00:21:19,375 --> 00:21:21,000
[tires screech]
442
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:25,958
[doorbell rings]
443
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:35,166
Well, I'll be cocked.
444
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:38,000
[Alexis] Jonathan!
445
00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:40,000
Darling!
446
00:21:40,083 --> 00:21:42,333
Breakfast is ready!
447
00:21:42,416 --> 00:21:46,875
- For me?
- Yes, for you, my little scoundrel.
448
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,375
Johnny, good God,
we've missed you so much.
449
00:21:52,458 --> 00:21:56,833
- Since yesterday?
- Yes, since yesterday. Did you sleep okay?
450
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:00,875
Oh... Okay. What? What is going on?
451
00:22:00,958 --> 00:22:04,333
Please, Mom, this is disgusting.
Ya... Revolting!
452
00:22:04,416 --> 00:22:09,541
What? I am not allowed
to tell my favorite son
453
00:22:09,625 --> 00:22:11,708
that I love him and miss him?
454
00:22:11,791 --> 00:22:14,500
What?! Love and miss Jonathan?
455
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:17,041
I'm... I'm the favorite son. Dad, tell her.
456
00:22:17,125 --> 00:22:20,333
Sorry, Tanner.
We don't favor any of our children.
457
00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:24,583
But if I was to choose, which I won't,
right now it would be Jonathan.
458
00:22:24,666 --> 00:22:25,541
[Alexis] Me too.
459
00:22:25,625 --> 00:22:28,666
If I had to.
If I was pushed into a corner.
460
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:31,833
Okay.
What kind of bizarre charade is this?
461
00:22:31,916 --> 00:22:34,833
You guys always say
that you dread the day he was born,
462
00:22:34,916 --> 00:22:37,541
and that he's a loser,
and that you hoped for so long
463
00:22:37,625 --> 00:22:41,375
that there was a mix-up at the hospital,
and you'd get your real child back.
464
00:22:41,458 --> 00:22:42,458
You always say that.
465
00:22:42,541 --> 00:22:44,666
That's enough, Tanner. Shoo! Shoo!
466
00:22:45,541 --> 00:22:50,458
You received this today
from the Caribbean Queen.
467
00:22:50,541 --> 00:22:53,583
You have received a formal job offer
468
00:22:53,666 --> 00:22:54,833
to be a captain!
469
00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:56,208
[Jonathan gasps]
470
00:22:56,291 --> 00:22:57,541
- Wow.
- What?
471
00:22:57,625 --> 00:23:00,500
What? We're kidding.
We're joking, right? [laughs]
472
00:23:00,583 --> 00:23:05,125
Are we kidding? No? What are...
You'll be the worst captain on earth!
473
00:23:05,750 --> 00:23:06,875
I don't get it!
474
00:23:06,958 --> 00:23:09,000
[footsteps recede]
475
00:23:16,166 --> 00:23:18,166
[triumphant music playing]
476
00:23:25,458 --> 00:23:28,333
It... It fits pretty great, doesn't it?
477
00:23:28,416 --> 00:23:31,875
My beautiful boy, I'm so proud of you.
478
00:23:31,958 --> 00:23:33,250
- [car horn toots]
- Oh!
479
00:23:33,333 --> 00:23:36,583
Your car is here. Good luck... son.
480
00:23:36,666 --> 00:23:39,125
- [triumphant music continues]
- Put that silly hand away.
481
00:23:39,208 --> 00:23:41,416
Get in here. Oh yeah.
482
00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:43,458
[gasps] It's happening.
483
00:23:43,541 --> 00:23:46,750
Oh, damn. That's a warm and loving hug.
484
00:23:46,833 --> 00:23:48,541
- Your turn, Alexis.
- Huh. Oh...
485
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:52,000
- Go on. You can do this.
- Yes, I know how to hug.
486
00:23:52,083 --> 00:23:53,125
I... Uh... Huh.
487
00:23:53,625 --> 00:23:55,166
- There it is.
- [Alexis groans]
488
00:23:55,250 --> 00:23:56,458
- Ha-ha.
- [Alexis strains]
489
00:23:56,541 --> 00:23:58,583
- So much love in the room.
- [Alexis] Mm.
490
00:23:58,666 --> 00:23:59,500
So much.
491
00:23:59,583 --> 00:24:01,416
Okay, yeah.
492
00:24:03,208 --> 00:24:05,458
Morning, Captain.
Let me take that for you.
493
00:24:05,541 --> 00:24:08,708
Oh, thank you very much.
That's, uh, me, Captain. [chuckles]
494
00:24:08,791 --> 00:24:10,391
- [Blake] Bye-bye, son!
- [Alexis] Bye...
495
00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:11,809
- [Blake] Great hug.
- [Alexis]...you!
496
00:24:11,833 --> 00:24:13,916
- Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
- Bye!
497
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,166
- Bye-bye.
- Bye, Consuela. Oh, bye, Tanner.
498
00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:19,250
[proud fanfare playing]
499
00:24:23,875 --> 00:24:24,875
Huh.
500
00:24:27,291 --> 00:24:28,541
[sighs]
501
00:24:28,625 --> 00:24:29,625
Wow.
502
00:24:30,541 --> 00:24:32,875
[triumphant orchestral music continues]
503
00:24:37,250 --> 00:24:38,625
[British man] Very well.
504
00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:41,958
Very well indeed.
505
00:24:42,041 --> 00:24:43,958
- You see that, Bon Jovi?
- [cat meows]
506
00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:46,083
That is my new captain.
507
00:24:46,666 --> 00:24:50,083
The future of our enterprise.
508
00:24:50,166 --> 00:24:52,166
- [British man chortles]
- [crows caw]
509
00:24:53,458 --> 00:24:55,458
[chortling continues]
510
00:24:55,958 --> 00:24:57,958
[climactic choral music playing]
511
00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:02,416
[music fades]
512
00:25:02,466 --> 00:25:07,016
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