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"History Lesson"
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sync & correction by
f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~
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Oh, dang.
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Bonjour mes amis. Ha-ha-ha.
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My name is Napoleon Bonaparte.
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- What did he say?
- Those aren't even real words!
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They are real to French people.
Ha-ha-ha.
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00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,525
What's going on with
the hand there?
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00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:01,427
You got an upset tum tum?
10
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:03,162
Sacrebleu!
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Don't you know
anything about me?
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00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,966
This is how Napoleon stands.
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That is why I'm here. To teach
you the importance of istoree.
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Man, we don't wanna learn
about no "istoree".
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Knowing istoree helps us with
the issues we face today.
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Now, let us begin.
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Napoleon was a leader who
stood above the rest.
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Ha-ha-ha.
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Who grows tall over challenges
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and reached heights only
dreamed of by others.
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Wait a second. Are
you doing this whole
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Napoleon thing 'cause
we called you short?
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Or is it because we said
you got baby hands?
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I'm doing this because
history is important!
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Also, I am not short and I
do not have baby hands.
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And neither did Napoleon!
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Come on, everyone knows
Napoleon was short. Like you.
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Actually, Napoleon was the
average height for his time.
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Some might even say he was...
tall.
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Ha-ha-ha.
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Napoleon!
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Yo, yo, yo, yo, Napoleon.
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We're starving mon frere, dude.
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We cannot reach the baguette.
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So the cheese is upon
the high shelves.
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Ah, fear not my countrymen
for I am not short.
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Yay!
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Regarde, look upon the
length of his reach.
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He does not even need to
go up on his tippy toe.
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00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:41,727
Also, he was some
kind of war general
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00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:43,128
or maybe an emperor.
Well, whatever.
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The main thing is Napoleon
was five-foot six
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and that wasn't
short for his time.
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Yeah, but it's short for nowadays.
Doink!
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History says I'm not short!
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Now, as punishment
for your ignorance
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we are going to spend
the rest of the day
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learning about history
and me not being short.
49
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:03,081
What's there to learn?
We already know it all.
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00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:06,418
If you knew it all you wouldn't
think Napoleon had baby hands.
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00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:09,154
Oh, he's got some baby hands.
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Obviously, you don't know
anything about history.
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00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,929
Prepare for me to take you on...
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a trip through time,
time, time, time...
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Ha-ha-ha.
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Travel with me back in time
where the ancient Egyptians
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- were beginning construction...
- Oh, you're talking about the Pyramids.
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I know all about those.
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It all started with a Pharaoh
who had a crazy idea.
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00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:42,788
Look, four sides like a
square but pointy on top.
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00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:45,791
I'm telling you Pharaoh
Mama we can't build these.
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But they're so cool. Look!
A pointy top.
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00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:52,564
I know, I love those pointy tops.
But this is ancient times.
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We don't have trucks or cranes.
Just those guys.
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So hot.
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00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:13,652
There has to be a way.
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00:04:16,389 --> 00:04:18,023
What is that?
68
00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:28,166
Hello wonderful friends.
I am the alien.
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00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,602
Your flying thingy
is super neat.
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Ooh, thank you. Your
hat is also the neat.
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00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:36,575
I'll let you wear it if you can
help us build this pyramid.
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Yay.
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00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:48,954
Whoa-ho-ho...
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00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,122
Whoa. Whoa.
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00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:52,824
Okay. Aliens did not
build the Pyramids.
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00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,760
Not by themselves.
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Thank you alien lady, Bigfoot
and Loch Ness monster.
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00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,014
This is a dream come true.
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00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,649
Aw...
80
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:37,269
And that's pretty much everything you
need to know about the Pyramids.
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00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:40,839
- Bigfoot is the man!
- Wow!
82
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That is the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.
83
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:46,111
The history is often ridiculous.
84
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:50,282
History is the runner that steers
mankind to a better future!
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Forget Egypt. Let's move
on to American history
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00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:56,388
- and its 16th President.
- Ooh-ooh-ooh.
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00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,057
The Abraham and turkey
sandwich Lincoln.
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He was tall, and with a beard,
89
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,230
and very much enjoyed
the theater.
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00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,501
Oh, I have the happiness inside.
91
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,436
I love being the President
92
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,705
Abraham and turkey
sandwich Lincoln
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and my beard is so fluffy,
like the kitten on my face.
94
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,711
Pet, pet, pet, pet, pet.
95
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,313
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
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00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,417
I have the stove pipe hat
for cooking the dinners
97
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,819
and my face is on the penny.
98
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:32,858
Now I will eat of the popcorn
whilst I enjoy this theater play.
99
00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:36,161
Munch, munch, munch.
100
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:37,863
Munch, munch, munch.
101
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,965
That's not at all, how
that night went down.
102
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:44,002
President Abraham Lincoln, did not
just watch a play and eat popcorn.
103
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- Something terrible happened that night.
- Indeed it did.
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00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:49,608
You see from behind
105
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,943
the President Abraham and
turkey sandwich Lincoln,
106
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,745
crept a dark figure.
107
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Oh. Hello, friend. Would you
care for some of the popcorn?
108
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:07,092
No! I am John Milks Booth.
109
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:12,497
And I'm here to ask you
to take off your hat.
110
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,632
I can't see the play.
111
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,169
Oh, so thoughtless of me.
112
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:19,905
Apologies to you
John Milks Booth.
113
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:23,408
Please sit next to me and we
will have the meal of dinner.
114
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:24,910
Do you like the rabbits?
115
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,312
- I do, but where...
- Tada!
116
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:28,814
Ooh...
117
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,949
President Abraham and
turkey sandwich Lincoln,
118
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,552
cooked a meal of yumminess
on his stove pipe hat,
119
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:36,221
and did more of the
tricks of magic.
120
00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:51,670
The President Abraham and
turkey sandwich Lincoln,
121
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:55,140
became the best friends
with the John Milks Booth.
122
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:58,376
And they purchased a small
cabin of the logs together,
123
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:01,747
and there they live to this day.
124
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,919
Such an inspiring story.
125
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:11,256
Nows I know, why they put
his face on the moneys.
126
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,325
None of what you're
saying is right.
127
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,927
You might as well be telling
me that the sun is the moon.
128
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:19,464
We knows the difference between
the sun and the moon, fool.
129
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,133
And we know more
things about the Moon.
130
00:08:21,135 --> 00:08:23,702
Like how those dudes landed
on it, that one time.
131
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,103
Please don't recite
your twisted version...
132
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,105
So, there were these space dudes
133
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,641
and they were all up in the
Apollo Creed space ship.
134
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,710
- It was the Apollo 11...
- Stop interrupting, Robin.
135
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,980
- History is important.
- Likes I was saying,
136
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,182
the Apollo Creed
landed on the Moon.
137
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,786
That's one small step for mans
138
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:44,289
and one giant leap
for man's kind, yo!
139
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:01,740
Phew. Dude. I'm so hot
from kicking out the jams.
140
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:05,310
- I gotta get this helmet off.
- Wait! There is no air up here.
141
00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,445
That's crazy. There's
air everywhere.
142
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,080
It's air.
143
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:12,818
Mmm... smell that
good moon breeze.
144
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,421
Oh fresh!
145
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:19,291
I'm smelling something.
What is it?
146
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:21,560
Cheese!
147
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:24,362
You seriously think the
Moon is made out of cheese?
148
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:27,566
Of course not, dude. The
Moon's not made of cheese.
149
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:28,900
It's got cheese oceans.
150
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:33,038
I gots to get my eat on!
151
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:47,485
Ugh. So much cheese.
152
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,954
I don't feel so good.
153
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,822
Oh, bro, me neither.
154
00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:54,593
Uh-oh.
155
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,928
Our toots are too strong for
the Moon's low gravity.
156
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,997
If we don't stop, we'll
shoot into space!
157
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:02,567
I can't stop. I ate
too much cheese.
158
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,637
The flageranity!
159
00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:10,208
- Who's that?
- It's the man on the Moon.
160
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,577
Hey.
161
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,346
Sticky Joe!
162
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:28,226
If it wasn't for everyone's
favorite Bohemian, Sticky Joe,
163
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:31,329
those brave space dudes would
have been lost forever.
164
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,098
- Wow! I never knew that.
- Such information.
165
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,539
That the Sticky Joe, is
the man in the Moon.
166
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,001
That's really amazing.
167
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,336
You don't know anything
about history.
168
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,972
This was a waste of time.
Just give me my hat back.
169
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,908
Here you go.
170
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,280
I thinks, you need
both hands, bro.
171
00:10:57,592 --> 00:11:00,592
sync & correction by
f1nc0 ~ addic7ed.com ~ 13285
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