Original subtitles

Shit then, what a poison!

It looks like the beard of Faithful Castro.

If I could have one like this

2nd class, attention!

Is that how you correspond?

I flank you to the factories, to peel the potatoes. Including?

- My Marshal...

You better work instead of wasting your time with these paper whores.

But! these are the invitation sheets that had to be completed and submitted last week!

- I'm sorry, I forgot to send it. - Silence!

You are going to put them back without wasting time!

I advise you to hurry, otherwise it will go badly for your number!

I will denounce you for gross negligence and indecent assault!

- Break ranks! - At your orders, my marshal!

- What are you waiting for? - I'll be lightning fast.

- Corporal, the bell. - At your service.

And the bell, is it for today or for tomorrow?

Excuse me, are there urinals around here?

Across the street, right in front of you.

Excuse me if I am not with you.

You thugs!

You can't watch where you piss, can you?

So, did you stick to the horn?

Hey beauty, is this where Bernie Toniores lives?

Yes.

It's me.

- It's you? - Yeah, and why?

Go do your service, tantouze.

All queers, these motorhomes.

I'm sorry but my son will not be able to come to the review board.

- Why? - Because he was just kidnapped, just outside the store.

It doesn't exempt from military service, sorry. I'll give you some advice if you want to keep him out of trouble.

Pay the ransom or the court keeps your son, sir! And it will go very badly!

I salute you!

Smart!

So, are you ready?

I am ready.

- And you, Gianni, are you ready? - Me, and how!

Come on, let's start.

- You did it right, yes? - It is excellent, for those who love chamomile.

I prefer champagne.

It is well balanced!

Funny well balanced.

What's wrong with Gianny?

- Do you feel bad? - Me no. I watch.

Don't make her wait.

She is impatient.

Come on, come help me.

- And where are the glasses? - We don't need any glass.

It is much more practical.

Come on, be a nice boy Gianni. You don't have to look. Thyffany would be ashamed.

It is a cure that his psychoanalyst advised him. to heal her of a great heartache.

Two chamomile pears a day is very relaxing.

Kind of brainwashing.

I never thought that to get to the brain you had to start from that far.

Gianni, come here, will you. Now it's yours.

Me, you're kidding, I have no heartache to treat.

That's not what i meant. Big beta, do you want to help me?

I'm low on morale, recharge me.

Please don't keep me waiting.

I feel much better after the treatment.

I feel very different on the inside.

Again.

I have the impression of flying.

Keep going, keep going.

I emptied it.

It contains one liter.

Do not leave me like this! Take me in Your arms!

Hold me tight! I don't know what's going on with me!

- I can't resist anymore. - Time to take off my pants.

- Hurry, I can't take it anymore! - That's it, I'm ready!

- Oh, Gianni. Leave me now. I can not stand it anymore.

I beg you, let me go. Let go of me, I tell you!

I can't resist anymore!

I may have put too much.

- Montano Gianni? - it's me, why?

Call under the flags. Report to the review board tomorrow.

But with pants otherwise the captain will gueleura!

- A tonic, please. - Does a schweppse suit you?

This is what it is to have money. You can bask in the sun whenever you want.

They don't give a damn about military obligations.

Nicolas!

I would like to try on the other dress that is in the window and this one too.

I should wear the uniform.

Nicolas, Nicolas!

Nicolas, I'm in trouble.

What are you saying?

Excuse me, it's for this allergy to hair. That damn bug, I want...

So much the better, get the hell out of it! Come with me.

- What were you saying? - I'm in serious trouble.

- The American refuses to marry you? - Which American?

The American of 243! The widow of the tanker!

But did you go to his apartment for tea as I explained to you?

Nicolas, this is an old mole.

Listen to him, he wants them beautiful.

Know that the life of playboy is hard, very hard.

Silence, I didn't ask your opinion. Shut up or I call the pound!

Do you see this leaf there? This is my summons for military service.

Alright... military service ?!

No, are you kidding or what? Military service, you can't.

But that's not up to me. They are the ones who summoned me.

You have obligations to me.

And our society, what do you think is becoming?

You are the arm, if I may say so, and I the brain.

I find you the opportunities and you take advantage of them.

I found you a lot of good opportunities, but you don't care.

And now you come to talk to me about military service.

I already told you not to touch the dog biscuits.

Don't you want to understand that this is very bad for you?

Give me this box and don't touch it anymore, eh.

It's not good for little children, it's poison.

Spit, spit, again.

Stronger, that's how it is.

Yesterday he found a way to eat 3 large cans of dog biscuit.

And what do we do for military service?

Aren't you going to play the government's game? First of all, you have to get admitted to the military hospital.

On site, we will find a solution.

- And how to? - Take this.

And tomorrow before going to the visit, you get splashed up and down.

What is that?

It is a liquid against the tics of dogs, it contains zinc dioxide.

On the radio, it makes a black spot appear as big as that.

Next!

No need to push behind.

Good for the service. Next.

Your distances, no need to put your balls on the table.

- Next. - Maneli Paolo.

Stand straight. and then, you could put it somewhere other than on the table, your penis.

Maneli disappears, disappears.

- 24. - 24!

- 35. -35!

- 42. - 42!

-... - Show you!

This one is reformed.

Silence, silence in the ranks.

Its good.

Next, let's hurry.

- Deangelis Julio. - Yes, but don't put your balls on...

- Julio? - Julio!

My captain, what should be done in this case?

Reduced military aptitude. Next.

Toucci Mauricio.

It is not good this idiot!

- Leave him alone, you'll have to deal with the Captain. - He hit me on the kneecap with a hammer.

- You want the Captain to send you to the disciplinary battalion? Come on, in your place.

- Who's next? - Montana Gianni.

What disease do you have?

Heaps, chickenpox, pneumonia, gastric emphysame, pleuritis, mumps, sore throat,...

Easy, I'm not a shorthand typist. let's resume.

And now how are you feeling? - Well, only I feel...

- I can feel something behind. - You should osculate it.

Come.

Breathe hard.

He's coughing so hard I can't hear a thing, Captain.

Do a chest x-ray.

- Next. - Come on, next one.

- Is that today's newspaper? - Yes.

Can you give me the sports page?

- Here. - Thank you.

The paper is good, the ink is poisoned.

- It brings the ulcer - Papalardo?

Papalardo Alvaro?

Present.

Probable formation of gastric ulcer.

I see there, a big calcification in the shape of a duck's foot.

But?! it really is a duck's foot.

But, what did you do? You fool!

Aren't you crazy to swallow duck feet?

Lieutenant Duca! Now you will have them your gastric ulcers.

Take him urgently. It must be put under observation.

Wait a minute. Bring me that one too.

Presence of suspicious spots in the tip of the right lung.

- Hold. - Thank you.

- And four. - quickly, quickly, another.

Calm down, because there are more frying pans. it's the last.

- Always the same? - Yes and it's the 4th batch.

- Perfect, don't give him anything to drink. - Shouldn't give him anything to eat.

- My sister, I received Communion today. - Perfect my child, you are entitled to an egg.

There you are, this is your place.

- Houlala, it's not going at all. - It's almost time for the visit.

- You tell the Professor. - My sister?

- Yes? - Can I have a hard-boiled egg?

- You took Communion today? - Well no.

No communion, no hard-boiled egg.

If I want to have an omelette, do I have to get a priest?

Don't you have a fire?

- Yes, but we have the right here?

I don't know, besides I don't smoke.

So what are you doing?

But is it not right?

It causes fever, or diarrhea, I don't remember.

I know it is very bad for your health.

I thought you swallowed something to cause an ulcer.

Don't tell me about that, I digested and left it to the poop.

Everyone in place for the visit. Let's hurry, the professor will arrive.

In bed and don't mess around.

- Silence, understood. - Perfect, perfect!

How are our flanks going, are there new cases?

There are two new ones, doctor.

The 34, how come he's not there? the one who simulated appendicitis?

He died that night.

You realize what they can do to avoid military service.

And this one, how is he? - He is in top form.

He keeps nothing for himself. since this morning 4 basins have been needed.

- Transfer him to the latrine. - To the latrine!

- This one looks very good. - He is dying.

Send him home, he's reformed.

Professor, this boy has a severe inflammation of the gallbladder, besides he has the onset of jaundice.

But no, he's in good shape, he has a sensational complexion.

me, perfectly, but you can see that my skin is all yellow.

That's' cause you pissing against the wind, asshole.

So he's the new one, but what a beautiful face of a simulator.

- What's wrong with him? - Suspicious spots on the lungs.

I would say it's the x-ray that is suspicious. Come on, sit down.

No need to force yourself, you're healthier than me.

On the other hand it needs a good washing it stinks of insecticide.

- He says he has colic, professor. - In this case, enema.

Clyster? But we don't know what colic is.

A fortiori, the enema will reveal to us that it is simular colic and nothing else.

The only effective remedy in this case is the enema!

Professor, here are the results of Fontolant's analyzes.

Ah, the analyzes of this brave Fontolant. This brave Fontolant.

By the way, how's your depression?

It's okay, provided that I think that in 15 days it will be the keel.

That's what brings me back moral.

In 15 days? But no, my boy. I want it to be reformed immediately.

Reform? But it's a joke!

I have been here for more than 14 months and you are going to reform me?

For me you are clinically dead. A blood sugar level of 8.50, dazzling diabetes.

You're going to go home, to die hard.

My ass, yes. I'm gonna kick your ass, you assassin.

Help, he gave me diabetes.

Professor, your ear.

- How? 'Or' What? - Your ear!

What are you saying, he still has both ears. Come teacher.

It's the last straw, We find plenty of ears everywhere here.

It's disgusting!

No need to insist, you are in very good health. You are in perfect shape.

Colonel, every time I cough I feel pain between my shoulder blades.

And according to you when you feel pain when you cough, I should reform you? You laugh?

You don't know that there are some here that for 31 years, trying to be reformed without success.

They hope that they will be automatically sent to retire for service...

and you with your pain in the back, you think that... no but! You funny petti!

and then, we've chatted enough, you're going to serve me your sentence until the last minute.

Colonel, I speak to you like a father, I don't want to be a soldier at all.

And I speak to you like a son. I don't want to either.

However, my boy, I am here, for you things are different, you will see.

Don't worry, it will pass quickly. Go, go, go!

Colonel, come to think of it, I also have bronchial asthma.

And what do you do with bronchial asthma? What is bronchial asthma for?

It is useless at all!

- You can believe me, because I know all about it. - I believe you, you're a doctor.

No, I know about it because I tried it before you did.

And I'm still at the same point.

Nothing to do, I have no ass.

- How does he feel today, Colonel? - Bad, bad, bad.

Every time I start to cough I feel pain between my shoulder blades.

If there's no fever, don't worry, Colonel.

If I don't care, who will care?

And I think about it, what if it was the beginning of bronchial asthma?

But no, let's go.

Because with each emotion, it seems like we are serving the throat and blocking my diaphragm.

- We told you that Froustaloupi got into trouble? - Yes, I was told.

It'll teach him, he gets what he deserves. Because for him they are all slackers, simulators.

Poor old Fantolant. Such a serious case of diabetes.

And he doesn't realize anything.

Dear Captain Crispino, come on, come on.

Sit down, sit down.

- Do you have breakfast here? - No, I came to talk about the analyzes.

I am without a doubt very ill.

No, no, don't worry all the more as these are Fontolant analyzes.

A fool, in order not to be rude, substituted my lemon tea, n with urine in the test tube.

- And you think that interests me? - No doubt because I analyzed the tea instead of the urine,

I found very high blood sugar.

That explains the Fantolant case, right? Answer, please.

And how did you realize it?

While tasting the tea, watch.

I get along, Colonel.

Indeed, this is not tea... ... but urine.

While this is not urine... it is piss

There was another substitution. Sorry, would you like a taste, Colonel?

Cpt Crispino! Who is responsible for the analysis firm? - Me.

- Then go to the office - I'm going to the office.

- To do your experiments. - To do my experiments.

It is the height. He is crazy to bind, this Cpt. Crispino.

- Who was it? - Professor Roustaloupi.

Is he already well?

No, he's sending us his assistant. He will be here in a moment.

So much the better, like that it is he who will make all the visits.

You see what I see, Tony. Where did it go?

Oh damn, that's a change of good sisters.

Do not push, eh! I still fell well.

You don't have to contract especially.

- Do not harden the muscles. - No no I'm not hardening myself.

Keep calm.

I warned you, you are contracting.

You are funny, it is real saber strikes that you give.

- Allow me, Colonel! - What?

So say Cpt. Crispino, you might want to be polite and knock before you enter.

The assistant has just arrived. It's a woman!

You permit?

Hello.

Hello. You're welcome.

I am Lieutenant Elena Dogliozzi, assistant to Professor Froustaloupi.

Very honoured. Let me introduce myself, Colonel Farina.

And here is Sister Bérangère, our head nurse, to rate the best assistant, finally she does everything.

And this is Doctor Crispino, Captain Crispino, our anal patient.

Please doctor... well, doctor.

Yes, you have to know how to adapt, dear Cpt Crispino. Adapt to the more advanced country system.

There are more than enough of the idiotic prejudices which undermined collaboration between women and soldiers.

You don't agree with me?

You can leave, Captain.

I have.

How are you a specialist, doctor?

In internal medicine, surgery and diseases of the respiratory system.

How come it burns me more than usual, sister?

Sweet Jesus, Colonel, excuse me, I left the needle in your back.

- I'll take it off right now. - It's funny.

We are going to do a small extraction. it is intramuscular epat broncho cardioli...

... with a bent needle.

Attention children, the new civilian doctor will arrive soon.

I warn you right away that it is a woman.

Hope she has a nice ass.

Of course she has a good heart, since that interests you.

- And the rest? - The rest doesn't matter.

What do you mean? It is the most important!

My sister, couldn't you make a little noise?

- Uh, I was saying my prayers. - I understand, but God is not deaf.

As for you, try to behave like well-educated people, understood!

If not, I immediately call the duty officer, is that clear?

You paples, we don't give a fuck about the officer.

But? What is that smell of Chamomile?

Sister Julia, what are you doing washing the floor with?

As usual, with the laundry, my sister.

-But it's chamomile! - It's chamomile.

- But then, if it's chamomile... Oh God. - What's the matter?

A great service for washing.

- Petsulo, did you do the enema at 125? - Yes, I gave him 1.5 liters of chamomile.

Chamomile, eh?

Fool, you gave him a detergent enema.

De-ter-sif... I found it.

A cleaning agent with the detergent! Poor old!

Go sleep! And you too!

- How do you feel? - A little swollen.

My sister, get ready for a sedating IV right away.

- Heard. - Nurse, find out, S.V.P.

No, I don't want to, I'm ashamed.

Leave alone.

- But then his case is very serious. - No, he's acting.

I know these little things there. It's to squeeze the bubble.

- Hello Mr Rossi. - Hello doctor.

- Good job, master. - Thank you.

- How are you, Mr. Le concil? - In fine fettle.

- How are you today? - Hello Doctor, touch the muscles.

Excellent!

It's starting over again, come on, get up.

- Touch the muscles - yes, yes.

- Hello Frederico, how are you? - Ah, it's you my little one, come on, come on.

- How's your earache? - I hardly feel anything anymore.

But morally I am in great shape. Tonight I have to operate.

But what about you, how was it at the military hospital?

Well, they're nice, very nice. Only I had a funny feeling.

What a feeling?

The feeling that the sick are not being treated as they should be.

But they are not sick, they are flanks, simulators, they do not want to do their service.

We must not treat them, we must unmask them.

But some of them are in a worrying state.

For example, the colonel, the one in charge of the hospital.

I see that you too let yourself be bamboozled.

At first he had pneumonia, then osteoarthritis and the next time he will have his period.

- It's a simulator I tell you. - A simulator, him, and why?

It is however clear, he wants to permanently invalidate it for reasons of service.

So he's entitled to a privileged pension, and a nice little pile of money.

And I must lend myself to this little game according to you?

Good evening Colonel, how are you?

You have bronchitis, arteriosclerosis, pulmonary emphisema, purulent eczema and an onset of peronosporate.

- Satisfied! - 13 years of service.

But no need to worry about it as long as there is health.

- But? - And once again we took over the state.

But I am an honest doctor with integrity and I never will.

It's time to go down now, I have a control visit from my little sweeties.

And do you know that this old man's asylum is bringing me a bunch of money.

Breathe.

Say 33.

Say 33.

Stronger!

All right, you're going to cough now.

Enough, Enough.

Straighten up. Come back the visit is not over.

Sensational, we are wild this morning, things are much better, from what I see.

Go back to bed, we'll check the hip joint. Its very important.

Especially for doing gymnastics.

Exceptional.

Lower them.

Untie it, Miss.

I see we are in great shape. Straighten up again.

And now you're going to take a very deep breath.

He is in great shape, in great health, my child. A real teenager.

But, breathe out, what are you doing? breathe, relax.

Let me see your language.

Put it back inside.

You are in exceptional shape.

That makes me very happy. And I would even say more, that makes me really happy.

I feel very weak doctor.

You will see that with the diet I am going to give you and outdoor gymnastics...

... you will leap like a gazelle.

Come on... get up.

Lean on me.

- Doctor, am I giving him a cardio tonic? - Instead, cook 2 fried eggs.

And be careful that others don't see you. They would accuse us of being unfair.

Go, go.

He is in top form.

What's the matter? It's starting again, you don't approve of my methods.

I don't approve of your speculations.

My speculations? What are you saying?

I use the therapies of the best Swiss clinics, do you realize that, Héléna?

You have seen, diet and gymnastics in the open air, gymnastics not in the open air and diet.

Have you seen my little old folks how they handle the pickax? All day.

Yes, they arrange your garden for free, they pay millions to eat carrots and salad.

Of course since it's a diet that I gave them.

They have so much money, they better spend it here, it keeps them from doing anything stupid.

By the way, I have decided to bring our wedding date forward.

I need a woman like you, I absolutely need her.

What you need is an accomplice.

An accomplice... how's that an accomplice?

I don't understand how you said accomplice. Complice is a word that no one has ever told me.

You managed to put me in...

Calm down, please.

An attack, I can tell it's happening.

Frédérico!

Colonel Farina is asked on the phone.

The pills!

Frédérico, I beg you. Calm down.

The pills, open your mouth.

- How do you feel? - Very well and now I am expected in the operating room.

For a circumcision

I'd better replace you, Frédérico.

It would be better, the last time I had my hand a little too heavy.

Where are you going? You leave me alone?

I have never left a sick person alone.

So, satisfied, my son?

Everything is fine? So give thanks to our Lord and eat well if you want to digest.

- Hey, can I have the menu? - No, but I'll give you a menu.

- I can't swallow this mixture. - Why?

Drop, you'll see.

It's true, you're right.

And here.

100 balls.

My sister! And to me, you don't give me anything?

If it is true that you have an ulcer, it is necessary that you remain fasting, mno son.

- Pray to the good god. - You torturer.

No, the doctor said he has to fast.

So much the better, he sleeps well. He is under the influence of the sedative.

Poor little.

Hello my children, hello.

Is he the new patient, my sister?

Yes, he absolutely wanted you to visit him.

- I will find out, professor. I am the one who discovers the patient.

Very fair, it is within your rights.

I think we've seen each other before, haven't we?

Where are you hurt?

- Pretty much everywhere. - Perfect, take off your clothes.

Silence or I evacuate the room.

- Let's start at the top. - Do I have to strip?

- Lower! - Silence.

I said 'silence', are you deaf?

And you Sister Bérangère, instead of blowing bubbles, you better put those bitches out.

- Sorry, doctor right away. - I want to be alone with the patient.

You too disappear!

Undress.

Let's go.

Perfect. They are beautiful, your breasts.

Well modeled, brimming with health.

Professor, I have an ulcer. I cannot digest the pages of the directory.

I don't care about your ulcer, can't you see what I have to do? Go!

All right, lay down.

Raise more.

- Are you in pain here? - No, it's the opposite.

And here you are in pain?

No, do it again, I beg you professor.

- Do you often make love? - Yes, I'm a bitch.

It is true! I saw it immediately. How do you feel when you have sex?

The irresistible urge to start over.

Don't worry. You are in good health.

Doctor, I beg you, you must find me an illness.

And then you can do whatever you want with me.

My angel, you are very appetizing and I will skip you willingly.

But, my conscience as a doctor has its price too.

Doctor, listen. not only am I good at jumping but I have loads of ability...

I have a correspondence geisha degree, and a contortionist.

And then, employed 18 months in a harem, in Kuwait.

I can also do belly dancing.

They say I am irresistible in this area.

- Let me prove it to you, doctor. - Alright my boy.

You almost convinced me. But I am young and I have to think about my future.

I need sorrel, a lot of sorrel. I have no intention of working.

Yes. Hurry, I can't wait any longer.

I wrote you a check for 100 million.

It's enough for you? Something else... extra.

These are the keys to the Rolls Royce that you will find parked in front of the door, in double file.

Ok doll, you convinced me. Now show me what you can do.

Wake up, lazy.

- You, you work at the Hilton hotel I think? - Yes why?

- You speak English? - Yes. - So come.

- Follow me - What's going on?

- Do not worry. - I must not get out of bed, I have an ulcer.

They say you can translate English! - Yes, my colonel, as well as French and Spanish.

Well. Imagine that 6 months ago I asked the ministry for an interpreter.

To try to understand something in all these NATO coordination circulars.

Written naturally in English. They don't care and the work is piling up.

Conclusion, you are going to translate for your colonel, this whole package of circulars.

Yes, but I am passing through here. I believe that tomorrow they send me to the training center.

We won't ship you anywhere. Here there is one who gives the orders, me.

The civilian doctor said I was in perfect health.

Who? Froustaloupi? What does he know about it, he doesn't understand anything.

For him, everyone is good for the service.

For this Froustaloupi, even I am in good health.

While I have bronchial asthma, which is incurable.

Various acute colic which I am only telling you that. The 8th vertebra compressed and displaced.

And despite that, that asshole says I'm healthy.

How do you want to be healthy, toin with that look that you have.

I don't want to demoralize you, but your face is pale and your eyes are a bit dead and rickety.

We will have to do all the analyzes. We will start tomorrow, not today!

Urine tests, blood tests, radio, electro-cardiogram. - expectoration.

Sputum and electroencephalogram. If there is a crack, you must take precautions.

You will have for a week of analyzes.

Listen, during this week you take 1.5 kilos of paperwork from home...

and you translate by applying yourself well.

But not all day. Let's say until noon. Then you bring me the translations already done.

You take another kilogram, you take it on board and I send you to do the cures.

- And Froustaloupi?

I send him for treatment, he may be the only one who really needs it.

Take the papers, go home and start translating.

- What about this package? - Tomorrow, tomorrow!

See, I told you. It works. Do you have to do some urinalysis?

Well, in the urine, we'll put something in it.

A chemical, a filth to make them think your kidneys are wrong.

Or else... I found the weed. With a fault in the zizi you are sure to be reformed.

If it works.

There you go, Gégé.

This kid is a real little demon.

Her parents are Finnish.

Every day, to be freer, they leave it to me here from morning till night.

Shampoo and styling, styling and shampoo. So he's sick of the poor kid.

His name is Gievo, but I call him Gégé.

- This little one retains everything, isn't he really jerk? - You're breaking my balls!

He is very talented.

How do we deal with urine?

- We put blood in it. - Some blood?

- But who will put the blood in the urine? - You.

You're kidding? How do I do?

Very easy, listen and don't panic.

You take a razor blade, and at the right time you cut your finger.

To make you spill some blood, look.

Let's pretend it's blood.

You put your finger in front of your thing, your penis. The urine washes away the blood and the mixture lands in the test tube.

Admit it's easy? Can you do it?

I think so.

Shit! I made him a dye.

I'm going to be in trouble with his parents. His father is strong.

5 miles, 6..7... 8... 9 and 10!

Here are my 10,000 bullets. If I do the thing in less than a minute I pick it up, okay?

Tell me your watch, to time it.

- I'm the one who keeps the sorrel, guys. - It's not going, you'd run away. Go back to your backyard!

Don't talk about what you don't have!

The basket is in its place.

Step aside.

The stool.

Put it there. Silence.

Where's the egg?

- You're there? - I'm there.

Go ahead!

It's not an ass, it's a mechanical shovel.

Hey, don't make me laugh.

Take care of yourself! What is this noise, bunch of idlers?

After that it is against me, the commander.

What are you doing in this outfit?

- I lay eggs. - And you lay them like that?

It's not my fault I have an ulcer.

Silence! Or call the duty officer, get it?

Those who have to do the ana... those who have to piss in a glass...

are asked to follow me. And I don't those hear a single word. Forward march.

But still, they are completely clogged!

Oh Romeo, Romeo. Why are you Romeo?

So deny your father and refuse your name. And if you don't want to excuse me, swear your heart is mine.

I will no longer be a capulet.

Romeo what are you waiting for to deny your name.

And if no one is part of you, believe me, Romeo, I will be yours.

O Juliet, you forced me to take you at your word.

And if I call me "my love" I swear that I will forget before God even my name.

I won't be your Romeo anymore.

Stop. You, you and you in there.

- On the silent wings of love, I knew how to pass... - My Captain...

- What is that? - They are ready, Captain.

The performance is stopped. Excuse me my dear.

Shit! There you go, Juliet's dress will smell like urine.

It had to happen. We live in the midst of urine.

It's not an analysis laboratory here, it's a urinator.

- My Captain - Yes, I'm coming.

A second.

It smells of urine. Oh it stinks!

- Good, at work. - At your command, Captain.

It's the recruits who have to do the ana .. - Yes I know, the urine tests.

Give them drinks.

Here, here, and here.

- Can't I get a bigger one? - To do what?

- It won't fit in. - Just hold back.

And not a drop on the ground, otherwise beware.

What are you doing? U-turn, right.

- But the pissors are against the wall. - You must do this within sight of the Captain.

- What are you waiting for? - Whistle their first notes, it will help.

You are right, my captain.

Okay, take out the zizis.

It's okay, shake them up. And quick.

Are you not well?

No overzealousness, it rises to the brain and it gives dark circles under the eyes.

Everyone in their place. Let's hurry, the doctor is coming for the visit.

Hey, hold on tight, there's a woman.

So I clean myself up.

No of a dog!

- Pavardo Alvaros. - Hello.

My son, when was the last time you evacuated? - When there were floods, with the whole family.

I mean, when was the last time you were at that.

This morning. - So are you better? - No, no, I have an ulcer.

I can't see anything on these x-rays. I think you have nothing.

- Houlà, do not trust it. - Why? Radios are photos.

- I know, but I'm not very photogenic. - We'll have to redo the radios, my sister.

- This is Gianni Montano. - How are you?

- It hurts, I really hurt. - Here is the result of those urine tests.

Strange, a very worrying presence of red blood cells and logocyte.

But in an absolutely normal setting. Unbelievable.

It looks like someone had fun pouring drops of blood into the test tube.

- Sit down. - Sorry.

Come on my son, make an effort. Get up, the doctor will examine you.

- Does it hurt you here? - No.

- And there? - No.

You have absolutely nothing.

Do something doctor, it hurts, I can't take it anymore.

Sweet Jesus, what are we doing doctor?

- Prepare him a sedative. - A puncture?

- Yes, an IV. - Right now.

- What does he suffer from? - That's what I thought...

He has a double diodenal ulcer. And maybe a hemorrhage.

Prepare the operating room. His case is very serious, we must operate urgently.

Operate...

- What are you saying? - Where is the patient?

- She's on the pool table..operating. - All right, go ahead.

Here it is, professor.

- What is it about? - She has an ingrown nail.

Discover it.

Upper.

Higher, higher.

- But professor...? - Each of us has our methods.

Soft and smooth skin.

The long leg.

The thigh is velvety and soft.

- You said? Ingrown nail? - Yes. But a little general check doesn't hurt.

- Silence! - Silence.

- The swollen breast. - Inflated?

I might know someone who helped them bloat, hien ma sister?

- What are you saying Petzulo, don't listen to him. - It suits them very well, it is not a reproach.

- Scalpel. - Scalpel.

- He is dirty. - I'll bring it back to you.

Like green looks good on you.

You are beautiful, you know.

Why don't we stay alone, you and me.

My sister, go say your prayers. And confess! - Immediately professor.

Scalpel, professor.

- I didn't need it anymore. - You don't need any more!

Damn blouse, how does it come off?

Relax.

I will help you.

But what's the matter with you?

What am I doing here?

What are you doing? You're going to have an operation that's all.

- Who operates? - the doctor.

- And who does she operate? - You.

Me? Here!

Hey, the slippers!

Look in front of you.

- Let me pass. - It's not okay, no!

- Kyrie eleison - Christ Eleison.

You can stop, it's the terminus.

Bring him back up there!

- Are the pains gone? - Yes, they are missing, you are happy.

Of course. A doctor is always happy when one of his patients heals.

Whatever therapy is adopted.

Do you think this is therapy? This way of making fun of the sick.

End of discussion. I thwarted your childish comedy by playing a childish trick on you too, I admit.

But the trick you played during the analyzes is an offense for the military code, if that may interest you.

What do you think the colonel would have done if by chance I had denounced you?

Ah, this dear doctor! Happy to see you!

My little Montana, how are you feeling?

You looked worse than usual. Let me see your tongue. Better than that.

This boy is covering something for me.

Do not worry.

It is better to examine it carefully. Do all the analyzes, x-rays,

We would discover a few small anomalies that wouldn't surprise me.

Speaking of radio, have you seen mine?

Yes, I saw them.

The bronchi, eh? Tell me the whole truth doctor.

You are good at the service, Colonel. You are solid as a rock.

The big words straight away.

Goodbye.

I don't understand one thing, why such a girl is a doctor.

Whereas with an ass like that, she could... do something else.

I don't find anything out of the ordinary in him, Colonel.

- Did you take a good look at her? - Yes, there is much better than that.

- At the Hilton hotel for example. - The Hilton hotel.

We must meet real Venus there.

A continuous parade, of all races. Free, young and hungry.

You could pop in one of these nights, if you want.

Take a jump, you say?

Yes, I will organize a face-to-face meeting with one of these passing foreigners.

Sacred Montana.

Now you see, I don't jump as well as I used to.

I need say take .. the momentum. In any case, I will think about it.

I don't want to set foot in this place again.

Besides, I don't want to replace you anymore, now you're healed, Frederico.

But it is 2-3 days. I have a very big business with the Americans.

It is a company that produces sanitary equipment, and I would like to buy supplies for the hospital from them.

You have to know if you're a doctor or a businessman.

Well, let's say I'm both.

Listen Helena, you have to help me with the colonel. I know you can do a lot if you want.

- You just have to be nice to him. - That I be nice to him?

Ah that's how it is, you pretend to marry me and you throw me into the arms of the first imbecile you come across.

Me, Héléna ?! I who love you deeply and unselfishly, O my adored!

I am not your beloved. I am your assistant and that's it!

Ah yes? Since you are my assistant you are going to help me undress.

I want to give you proof of love.

Damn, this door is locked.

On the couch. No on the divant it's not funny.

On the ground it's more exotic.

Pr. Froustaloupi strikes again.

Holy Mary name of God.

And therefore cease to blaspheme.

But? It is a Saint Mary that I paid a fortune.

O Juliet, the darkness and the night make me fear that all this is a dream.

A dream of too enchanting sweetness to be able to belong to reality.

One more word, Romeo, just one and then... - My Captain.

That's it, another review of zizis.

We cannot play the comedy in peace.

Here.

- Captain! - I arrive.

'Can't go on like this.

I arrive. And There you go.

- Petsulo. - Yes, Captain...

.The urines? - No.

- The salts? - No.

- So what should he do? - They send it to us from the auto-urino-larigolo service...

- Othorinolaringology. - Why did I say?

Between us you looked better with black hair.

- What did they say to you there? - I do not know.

- Is that for the urinalysis? - I do not know.

He doesn't know.

- What must be done then Pedzulo? - Pull your pants down and show your tonsils to the Captain.

What do tonsils have to do with pants?

He had his tonsils removed.

I would rather say he has no balls.

Exact.

Colonel, I know that only you can save me.

What do you want me to do. The review board deemed you unfit for service and reformed you.

Colonel, is there the appeal board?

Yes there is an appeal board but what do you want it to do?

Have you seen your x-rays? - No.

I'll show them to you. And know that the radios constitute an irrefutable document. Appeal board or not.

On the radios there is nothing, not the shadow of a... - I know that. but we do without that.

Do you spend...? I don't mind, But there you go...

As my great uncle used to say: he who has no courage, cannot give it! Including?

Maybe you have courage! Which means that if you haven't been spoiled by nature, there is nothing you can do.

But I wanted to become a soldier. I must do something

I have 5 sisters to feed, what will I give them to eat?

I would have liked to stay in the army, I thought at least to become a warrant officer.

Adjutant? Do you know that nowadays to be adjutant you have to have 2 big ones.

If there is nothing on the radio at all, what do you want me to do, draw them?

'Don't cry. Alons, calm down.

You will go back to see your friends and you will forget all that.

All right, Colonel. But try to do something.

Easy to say, I will do my best.

This poor guy is unlucky.

Yes. He could be a good soldier. He's tough, but boredom...

a zizi without peanuts. The rules are very clear.

If at least he had one. But he has nothing at all. Nothing!

How are you doing? I want to say...

- Okay okay. - I mean .. - Yes, I'm fine.

- Tell me, will you do your colonel a favor? - It depends which one.

Easy, you go to the radiographic department,

you get two nice x-rays done. You bring them to me.

I put them in this poor guy's file. and neither seen nor known I confuse you.

All you have to do is slip it into its folder. and voila.

When I think that with this defect he can avoid military service.

The radios are proof that...

What if I provided them with this proof, too!

- Montana... Giani. - Giani!

- What do you want? - Bedbugs

- The what? - Bedbugs, are you deaf?

- What are you going to do with it? - I said I have an ulcer and I will have an ulcer!

- You're crazy! - I must not do my service.

In all of Sicily I have found only one woman willing to get engaged to me, so if

I do my service you can be sure that she will stick a pretty pair of horns on me.

Bedbugs.

Here is the radio.

You didn't tell me. I would never have believed.

My sister, send me this boy in my office after the visit, I have to examine him. - Good, doctor.

I know you are mad at me. But I couldn't imagine that your case was so delicate.

Come on, take off your clothes. I will examine you.

No, don't be silly, let's see.

With the physical malformation you have, be sure they won't make you do your military service.

- That's what interests you, isn't it? - Can I be quiet, then?

But yes. But as a doctor, I have a duty to help you.

Okay, so let's do one thing. I let myself be examined and you do not dilute the secret.

It's sworn.

- Take off your clothes. - if you insist, I have to.

What treatment do you offer me?

- What a shame, impostor. - Doctor, remember, you swore.

Yes, I swore, but I assure you that I will not have a break until I know you in a barracks.

Oh, our lovely doctor.

What a beautiful meeting. I had my bronchial x-rays done for the 10th time,

Can you watch them right away or can I hang them up?

- Hang on to your ass! - Heard doctor!

What do you mean in the ass? But you are sick doctor!

She is lucky to be a woman otherwise I would put her in a cool place without further discussion.

Don't you think...?

Boy, your colonel is in serious trouble, and you make family jewels breathe out!

Sorry Colonel.

- Do you need something? - No!

Hello my sister, it's time to take over for you.

Don't bother, don't bother.

- You will shut your mouths yes! - One would think that one ripped off his balls!

Gianni, what are you doing? You sleep or what?

No why. What do you want?

- The girl has arrived, she is here. - The girl, what girl? - The girl!

- You're feeling good? - It's Santa Claus in petticoats.

Come quickly, don't waste a minute. Hurry up.

She's a money-laden girl. It has cars, villas, industries,

canned peas, and at least four great restaurants.

And the mother is crazy, the father is in the asylum, she is an only daughter, universal heiress, and she is divorced.

Admit it's a great shot, right?

Yeah it's valid.

What? I'm telling you it's a smoking gun. One second, excuse me.

- Hello, I bring you the little one. - Thank you.

Here, take it.

Thank you.

- Say goodbye, Nicolas. - Goodbye Gégé.

This is how I am thanked. 5000 lire to support this thugs from morning to night.p

Above all, don't do anything stupid. If you're doing well, this is the end of our troubles.

She's an old style girl. With the southern mentality.

You must give him a child. That way she will be forced to marry you.

Good evening. You permit?

Doloretta, it's us. We've arrived, Doloretta.

Doloretta!

- Where is she? - I do not know.

- I was cooling off. - Good evening. How are you?

- Well. - Miss Doloretta, this is Gianni.

The boy I told you about.

- He looks very small to me, Mr. Nicolas. - No, appearances play tricks.

Just look at his nose. It's not difficult, it seems that it's proportional to...

I will try it immediately.

Come.

Come quickly into my arms. Come.

Gianni, Gianni!

- I may not be his type after all. - No, that's until he's a little shy.

- Let's see a bit. - That's what I did?

- Come on, hold me. - Noooo.

- No, I'm allergic to peas. - Let me feel it.

- No, not that! - I like your sides and you like mine?

Yes, Doloretta.

- Doloretta. - Do you like it?

- Dolo .. - Tell me you like it.

One, two, three and four.

One, two, three and four!

Leg. Miss, here!

- Come on, get up. It's better? - One, two, three and four.

Go on, go on, go on!

- Have you seen this freshness, this agility? - Very good. - They don't get tired?

No, thanks to my diet, they are still fit and pinching!

And what do you feed them?

Eat, you say? No, graze. They graze the grass in the garden.

They are vegetarians. Please sit down.

Great, can I get you something to drink?

So gentlemen, what is your opinion of my organization?

But we could talk about supplies for the armed forces, right?

Do they agree at the military hospital about the supplies we talked about?

Yes, yes, the case is in the pocket. Of course it will be necessary to give bribes.

- Bribes. - Bribes?

- Spit into the bassinet. - Spit in the bassinet?

Do you remember "The Kid"?

When you paid us to give us the Hercules planes? It's the same thing!

It's clear, isn't it? The address is different, the bribes are the same.

Come on my little one, come on!

I'm sorry, Frédérico, I didn't know these gentlemen were there.

- I present to you Dr. Doliotsi, my assistant. - Nice to meet you.

These gentlemen are the representatives of the First National...

... Sanitary Equipment Industry Corporation.

World famous.

And they asked me if the military hospital is favorable to its medical supplies.

What does the colonel say about it?

- A lot of things. - You see, he says a lot of things.

He's just talking about your sanitary supplies, gentlemen.

- Excuse me, I must leave you. - That's it, go to work.

- She's lovely. - She's a wonderful collaborator.

All right, if we come to the conclusion if not our case, it will smoke.

No, no, envelope. You understand?

- To write? So give us the address. - You know the address very well.

So pick one and fuck both of you.

With great pleasure. Goodbye. - Goodbye.

What are you doing here?

I have come to speak to you clearly, once and for all.

- You see this child, this helpless being. - How cute. But this child has a fever.

Open the mouth.

Shut up now.

Is it for him that you came?

I came because I owe you at least the truth.

Which truth?

- Him. - Explain yourself?

He's my son, doctor.

You are married? Yet there is nothing in your file.

I am a boy-father.

Now you're going to sit down, come on.

Turn to me. Let me see your tongue.

It is well loaded.

No doubt intestinal complications.

What are you feeding him at this little piece of gum?

It's a problem, I'm doing my best. When I have to go out, I entrust it to neighbors.

- Good people, but I don't know what they give him. - And his mom doesn't take care of him?

She returned to her country, Finland. And she married an Eskimo.

Poor little.

I don't care what happened to her. I'm thinking of the little one, do you understand?

That's why I would like to avoid military service. Because, if I have to go...

I will have to entrust it to an institute and it breaks my heart.

I have been unfair to you. But I couldn't imagine.

Here is. Put in two teaspoons in hot broth.

- I would like to see him again tomorrow. - Tomorrow?

But maybe tomorrow I won't be there anymore.

Stop worrying. I will manage to save time at the military hospital.

How nice.

Doctor, you are an angel.

But no, it’s late.

- Thank you. - Goodbye.

Poor boy.

- So how was it? - I got it Nicolas, it's in my pocket.

So the kid worked?

Great your idea. But by the way, are you giving him something to eat? His bowels hurt.

It's not my fault he gobbles up this filthy dog and cat meat.

So you will put these drops in the food of dogs.

I have to go back tomorrow so that she can still visit the kid.

- Tomorrow? - Yes.

You are not a friend, you. You're only getting into trouble.

It doesn't cost you anything, you have the kid all day.

And do you know what they say to him in military service? Here!

You have a way of educating your son.

I'm not quite settled on this patient yet.

There is something that concerns me in his case, it would be better to redo the analyzes.

I understand, I understand.

Here are Papalardo Alvaro's analyzes.

Let's see.

You have absolutely nothing, don't worry. I must declare you good for the service.

Oh no, no jokes! I am sick, I have an ulcer! Look!

I am at the end of my strength.

But how tall are you?

- Did you measure it? - He measures 1m58.

And 3 mm.

You're unlucky. With 4 mm less you were sent back to your home.

- Pray to God, my son. - Yes, to reform myself.

Hey, it's not much more 4mm. What if we eliminate them?

It's smart! How would we do? Would they cut my head off?

- Just a bit then. - Don't say bullshit!

I have a better idea. Come with me.

Ah..Ah I'm coming with you.

There you go, bring your feet.

- Do you still have your shoes or what? - The farm!

Pass me the gauge.

Come here, we'll control.

- She is really nice! - What?

You have decreased by 6 mm.

Money.

I would like to ask a question, out of curiosity. How long has it been since you washed your feet?

Since the last floods.

Listen to me and then repeat.

Mummy mummy.

Once again, Mom.

It's her, come on.

- But she's early. - So what do you want me to do?

- Go hide! - Where? - in the cabinets.

Cabinet.

- Hello. - Hello doctor.

How are you Gege?

- Well. - He's doing a lot better.

Gege, greet the young lady, what are you waiting for?

Mom.

Mom.

No, no, it's not mom, Gégé. Miss is a doctor, you know.

No mother!

You're gonna show me your belly, huh?

And your tongue.

You do not want?

Big naughty.

He no longer has a stomach ache.

This is not the problem anyway.

This little one no longer has his mother.

So you cannot abandon it.

Yes I know. But how to do it?

Gianni, let's see.

- Poo poo. - Come quickly, let's go to the office. I come with you.

No, don't bother. I'm used to it, I'll be back right away.

Come on, hurry up. Excuse us.

- What are you doing? - Come on be nice, do a big poo and don't cry.

- But not here! - Where do you want me to put it, moron.

And when you're done, call daddy.

Giani, Giani!

What are you doing?

Oh no, eh! Do not do that.

No. If you don't, I'll buy you a big packet of candy.

You did it, are you happy? But say what a stench.

But what is he eating?

Dog biscuits!

That's it eh, you mowed the dog biscuits.

It feels like a municipal dump.

How does such a small kid manage to give off such a great stench!

I no longer resist, I faint.

No, I surrender, I surrender.

Will it last a long time?

You are right, it is so small. I can't, we don't have the right to leave him alone.

He needs to be taken care of.

We all need to be taken care of.

If you could imagine how sad loneliness is.

The absence of any sincere affection.

But maybe you already have someone, then you can't understand.

- Dad. - I had better go home, it's late.

And keep giving her the drops twice a day.

I'm finished. Dad, I'm done.

Have you finished yelling like a deaf person?

- What is that? - But what is it!

Your kid has finished. And that you have to wipe it off.

And you can't wipe it off, right?

- Who me? You are the father, right?

Here. Wiped!

Oh, this dear Pr. Froustaloupi!

Dear Colonel, how is your health?

So-so. But you, you look great,

whereas I am asthma, the spine, I am telling you that.

Your spine is in great shape, let's not fake it, will you?

- You go? - No, I'm coming!

- I have an important case for you. - To me?

Yes.

A leg!

Can't you see it?

- When did that happen? - It is artificial!

It is a sensational affair. It is about placing a thousand legs all the way to the left.

No one will notice, it will be enough to replace the shoes.

- So I thought of you. - Do you know think of me?

And what would I do with all those left legs?

How? 'Or' What? you who work in a hospital.

You who see piles of fractured kneecaps scrolling by, piles of broken ankles.

This time, you don't have to put on plaster anymore, you see?

It will suffice to cut off the leg, and replace it with another.

Bayonet joint. Adjustable. Pretty. Winding. Elegant, unisex. Olympic model.

Me your legs, I don't care. What I want are spare bronchi for...

Froustaloupi, when will you give me this certificate of retirement for service reasons?

It's not that long to do, right?

My Colonnel,

two gentlemen like us, are made to agree, right?

The legs are just the start of a long series,

- Under the legs, there are many other things! - What's the matter?

Used fighter bombers.

If you agree to help me place around 30, you are

entitled to your sickness certificate. And even death.

But you are completely nuts!

One would become a traveling salesman like a hunter, no, but are you kidding?

I don't want to be shot for your stuff... No desire.

- Good, so you take a stand. - Yes Yes.

- Colonel Farina refuses to deal. - I refuse!

No. So me... Don't count on it anymore.

Besides, do you know what I'm doing?

I take my legs at my blows and I leave.

Think about it.

I said "think about it".

Attention young man because here we do not hesitate to cut your legs.

- What's wrong with him? - What's happening to him? Nothing !

What are you meddling with?

By the way, I wanted to tell you, I totally changed my opinion about this dear Doctor.

I have the impression that this time Froustaloupi... She is doing well. Sit down.

Indeed, she found me a small beginning of emphysema, something exceptional.

- That's good news, congratulations. - Thank you.

- Are you happy then? - More than happy.

So much so that... I would like to celebrate the event.

Tell me, this invitation is still valid for...

Certainly, when you want!

- When I want? - Yes Yes.

- Tonight? - Tonight?

- But in the evening at the Hilton and in uniform... - In civilian clothes.

Okay.

Leave her, leave her. Come here, come and be admired.

There she is, she walks the sidewalk at the station.

- Nice to meet you. - Ms.

- You like her? - To me, yes. Hopefully the colonel.

Lucilla, this is room number 200.

- And full service, above all! - Yes of course.

Ah, you absolutely must pay a visit to Doloretta.

To Doloretta ?!

But the colonel is coming, what do I tell him? - No worries, I'll take care of the colonel.

Thank you, you're good as a friend.

- You are my guest. - Very kind.

Nicolas, since you are a friend, take care of the Doloretta.

Thank you. I'll owe you that!

I'm still the asshole!

- You are lovely. - Thank you.

- Good evening, ladies, would you like a table? - For four.

Can I recommend the table at the back?

- These people are my guests. - I see, is it therefore Monsieur who pays the bill?

- That's it, the man with the mustache. - Ah. Very good!

- Later.

Do you like the place? It's a bit rustic, isn't it?

I am very flattered to have you as a guest.

Serve us! It is very expensive but I prefer to come here.

- Is there a wine you prefer? - Champagne, champagne!

And don't forget what we said.

Excuse me, I have to go on the phone.

- You are surprised? - A little, I admit.

- Annoyed? - No, it's the opposite.

- I came for you. - For me ?

Yes.

I have thought a lot about your situation.

I told myself that you cannot leave your son, he is too small. You understand?

You have to stay close to him.

- So I will make you reform. - Thank you Héléna.

Gégé.

Come to daddy, excuse us. Our son is very poorly educated.

He behaves this way with everyone. I am really sorry.

He was still with Gianni lately.

- Excuse us - Good evening.

These are people... uh. We became very good friends.

You are just a little monster!

But no, wait, let me explain.

Here is, Miss.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

- You desire. - Good evening.

Mr. Gianni Montana, please.

He's not here at the moment, I don't know where he is.

- Colonel Farina? - No name, please.

But are you Colonel Farina? -Farina, no colonel.

Gianni had to be away for a moment.

He told me to tell you to go to room 829, 8th floor.

Everything is ready. You will be entitled to a particular service.

Everything is OK. Thanks, that's nice.

Good luck my collar... Mr. Farina, I mean.

Thank you for everything.

- I'm listening to you. - Miss Doloretta, it's me Nicolas.

- He is coming. - It's not too bad. I have fire in my veins.

828... 829

Yes.

- Will you allow... - Good evening.

What... Excuse me.

There must be some ambiguity, I think.

Are you Gianni's boyfriend?

- Friend that's a lot to say. - So you shut up?

- Me or the door?

- Because you know Gianni? - yes, he's my fiancé, so what?

- Your what? - My fiance.

But before I get married, I would like to take advantage of my youth.

If you say so.

Basically, if I cuckold him a little?

Personally, I see no problem with that.

- Don't be a jerk. - Shall we talk to each other?

Yes, it is the flesh that speaks.

And it will be you sweetie, the lucky one.

How? 'Or' What? Come on, I'm married.

- Stay here! - Are you still talking to me?

Own me.

"Own me", but how?

Possess me all.

You say "whole" that seems difficult to me.

But there is one thing I must ask you.

Don't tell anyone, especially.

But no, I will never talk about it. Count on me, it's sworn.

Let us retreat, the enemy is superior in strength.

I am too delicate, that will teach me.

Doctor, please don't do it like that.

Yes, I've told you a lot of stories, but I had to, take it.

I wanted to avoid military service, so as not to lose my job.

Helena!

I swear it's the truth, now I don't care.

It's only you who matter, the rest doesn't matter.

Who gave you permission to enter here? Get out of here or I'll call the duty officer.

But yes I'm going, be easy.

You, you are the doctor and I the puppet that you want to put in uniform, is that right?

Yes that's it and get the hell out!

No, I won't be leaving. You are above all a woman and I a man.

- A man who is in love with you. - That's enough, leave me alone.

At your command, doctor. It's fun to order.

To decide the fate of a few recruits who try to avoid doing their service.

You are just a slut!

Let go of me, what's up with you?

You bring these people to me without warning, I would have liked to be dressed.

Come on, they're Americans, they don't care.

On all the supplies, they make us 10%, except on the steel bridge where they make 30%, UN rate.

Joking.

Colonel Farina, let's not let this matter slip away, that would be silly.

The beard, I walk past.

Cpt Perseceti, you are going to substitute it, will you?

Landi, the light.

Here is our small operating room.

Small, but well equipped, as you can see.

This is a bed. Here is the operating light.

And here is the equipment for anesthesia.

This is the renovation room.

This young woman is Doctor Sibille.

As for this thug, he is the unworthy son of an unknown mother,

And if you excuse me for a second, I'm going to kick her ass.

That's what I said to the colonel, we lack the equipment.

As you can see, the patient's resuscitation is carried out entirely by hand.

What are you looking at?

- Sergeant, the bell. - Corporal, the trumpet.

You, the hair!

You, the beard. You dirty shoes.

U-turn right, right!

Forward, walk.

Platoon, halt!

Break ranks.

Say, soldier, do you know what mechanics do?

You laugh?

Excuse me, soldier.

- Gianni. - Alvaro.

You didn't succeed from what I see.

I thought I found the solution by skipping the doctor and then you see.

I too thought I had found the solution, By not doing military service, and then you see.

But I thought you had to go to Sicily to get married?

But I am on a honeymoon. My wife is in the car.

Come come.

Carmela, come and let me introduce you.

Your thighs.

- My friend, Montana Gianni. - Nice to meet you.

Excuse me, I have something urgent to do.

My compliments, she is pretty.

And, how are you with your wife?

The first one was difficult, but then you get used to it.

There is just one small problem, next month she is going to do her military service.