All language subtitles for Minx.S02E02.WEB

You really gonna leave
all this for business school?

I was thinkin' about it.

Well, don't.

The best is yet to come.

Hey, honey, I'm home.

You know, I was thinking
about you and Bambi,

seeing you two together
like that...

Like what?

But she came to, um--

over to, uh, borrow this bra.

- Oh, yes.
- Mm-hmm.

I lost mine in a well.

Constance Papadopoulos.

- I love it.
- I pitched her

on investing in Bottom Dollar.

No, look, she's-she's retired
from shipping.

She... no. She has zero
publishing experience.

I just hear "deep pockets

with no big ideas
of what to do with a magazine."

Why didn't I think of that?

You don't have to.
That's why you got me.

Maybe I have
one good chapter left.

I cannot believe he was right.

Yes, he was.
But do we need him?

Now this is what I call
a comeback, huh?

Yeah, baby.

When I bought this company
three weeks ago,

this is exactly the kind
of cultural happening

that I hoped
to become a part of.

And I have this man
and his global vision

to thank for pulling me
out of a premature retirement

and hosting
this historic event.

You know, a lot of people
counted us out.

But we are back,
and we are better than ever

with the hottest new movie

to launch
the hottest new company, BDP.

Remember that name.

We're becoming a major player
in media.

And, sure,
Minx is our flagship,

but we're gonna be so much more
than just one magazine.

I'm CFO, chief fun officer.

And I'm art director,
which is an actual title.

We're building a catalog
of new magazines.

Hosting fancy parties
like this one.

There might even be
some merchandise

coming your way.

You said you wanted splashy.

-Is this splashy enough?
-Well, it's a beginning.

Where's our star editor?
Not here yet?

Oh, Joyce? Uh, she's coming.

She loves red carpets.

She absolutely loves them.

Faith not filth.
Faith not filth.

Faith not filth.
Faith not filth!

Whoo! Yeah.

-Hello!
-Where were you?

Oh, sorry.
The 101 was crazy.

No, it wasn't.
That's how we got here.

Okay, fine. I was writing
my editor's letter.

A fine thank-you for giving her
the bigger office.

They're the same size.

The glass creates
an optical illusion.

- They are not.
- Look, it's

the first issue
with the new owner.

I wanted to make
the right statement, okay?

And, um, speaking of,
are we sure that Deep Throat

is really putting
our best foot forward?

Oh, I think so.
It's a really feminist tale.

It's about a woman
searching for an orgasm.

Yeah, which she finds
via a clitoris

conveniently located
inside of her mouth?

It's always in the last place
you look.

This is our big launch, Joycey,

just smile
and make us look good.

-Have a little fun.
-All right.

This is a big win for us.

- Yeah.
- Oh, my gosh,

there are so many
fabulous people here.

Any new names
on the, uh, guest list?

Red Buttons, the Alans--
Alda and Arkin--

and, you're never gonna
believe this,

Warren frickin' Beatty.

Connie's gonna love this.

Porn has gone mainstream.
We should have

-an after-party, right?
-Yes.

- No. No.
- Yes, let's do

-an after-party.
-God no.

The second this is over,
I'm at home in the bath.

Joan Didion has a new piece
in the Paris Review.

I've been saving it.

-It's 7,000 words, no pictures.
-It's a quick read.

Rich, go take some photos.

Bambs, mingle.

When you see Warren Beatty,
let me know.

-I wanna meet him.
-Definitely.

What about me?

You're management, baby.

You're not lifting a finger.
You just enjoy your night.

Well, we are certainly
a long way from Seneca Falls.

Yeah.

Come have a drink
with me.

-With pleasure.
-You guys have fun.

We will.
Nice cane, by the way.

It's a walking stick.
Churchill had one.

So did Willy Wonka.

Oh, let him have his moment.

Poor man already feels
like an appendage.

- Mr. Renetti...
- What?

...I'm Timmy,
the projectionist.

Okay.

Sorry, sir,
we have a problem.

Deep Throat is missing.

Okay.

Why are you freakin' me out,
Timmy?

-They're right here.
-Yes, the canisters.

Okay?

What am I lookin' at here?

That's
Bedknobs and Broomsticks,

a five-time Academy Award
nominated musical fantasy

set during World War II.

Three adorable moppets
are placed in the care

of an apprentice witch
played by Angela Lansbury.

Apprentice? The woman's
nearly 70 years old.

Miss Lansbury's

in her early 40s.

She just has
one of those faces.

Well, unless somebody
comes on that face

in the second act,

this audience
is gonna eat me alive.

What can I say, Doug?

My old lady
made me hire her son.

He's a fuckin' moron.

Yeah, Dwight,
I'm talkin' about you.

Aw, you really fucked me
on this one, you know that?

You think you got it bad?

I'd hate to be
at that birthday party

in Palos Verdes.

I'm gonna slide

up and down the banister.

I thought the bed
was gonna fly.

I guess you could drive
over there.

It's a two-hour drive.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I have
a theatre full of people.

My boss is here.

You are in luck.

There's another copy
of the film nearby.

Bob Evans been sittin' on it.

Who the hell
is Bob Evans?

He's some Hollywood hotshot,

and I think he did
The Godfather.

Here, give me that.
Give me that. Come here.

- Director?
- Uh, no.

- Writer?
- I-I don't know.

All I know is, he's been
spankin' it to this movie

- for two weeks straight.
- Ali MacGraw

left him for Steve McQueen.
Cut the guy some slack.

Doug, what the hell
are we doin'?

It's 30 minutes there.
It's 30 minutes back.

Please... I'll-I'll vamp
for the crowd.

Just please do this for me.

Thomas Guide?

It's in the back seat.

And, please,
easy on the brakes.

It's a very expensive car.

Thank you, guys.
I love you, I love you,

I love you.

-Everything all right?
-Oh, with me?

Fantastic.
Thank you for asking.

Who's that? Who's that?

-Hmm?
-Who was that?

- I don't know. Is he famous?
- Hi!

- Hey.
- I didn't think you guys

were gonna show.

Yeah, me neither,

especially after I buried
the first invitation

at the bottom of the trash can.

But then the second one
showed up

and this one got
his hands on it,

so here we are.

This scene is wild.

You know what? I am.

I'm gonna unbutton
the second button.

- Yes, fun.
- No, no, no.

You have that eczema patch.

Oh, just put the chain over it.
It'll be foxy.

No, no, no.
I got it. I got it.

I got it. It's okay.

That's perfect. Thank you.

You guys, drinkies.

I'm Chief Fun Offering
my services.

Um, uh, two Jack and Cokes,

unless you have
anything stronger.

Um, I'll see what they have.

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.

Thank God you're here.

You can keep me company
at this bacchanal.

Is that... uh, is that...

is that--no, don't--
is it Telly Savalas?

That could be
any bald head.

No, no. Look at the gleam.

That's him.
That's Telly Savalas.

- I know it.
- God, the Lamberts

at Deep Throat.

What is the world coming to?

Well, this film is the talk
of the dental community.

Yeah, if that smug Peter Strom
wants to brag

about his porcelain veneers
again, then I'm gonna say,

"Oh, really?
Well, guess what I got to see.

I got to see"--
Yul Brynner.

- Oh, is it?
- I knew

-it was a celebrity skull.
-I do like Yul.

Now the movie's gonna start
and I didn't say hi.

Uh, you can talk to him after.

- Shall we do this?
- Maybe we're sitting

- by him.
- All right...

- Are we sitting by him?
- No, we're

definitely not.
We're not seated by him.

-How do you know?
-Please don't. Please don't.

That's such
a snazzy jacket, Lenny.

Thank you.

I don't get to, uh, trot it out
very often,

- but...
- You know what?

Let's be close to the aisle.

- Okay. Ooh.
- Yeah?

- You want me to go--
- Oh, that's so cute.

Your bladder's
the size of a pea.

- Uh, Joyce...
- Yeah.

You know what?
You need to sit here.

- We have sister business.
- Oh, okay.

Prigger! Joyce!

Can I talk to you
for a second? Now?

I'm so sorry, Bambi.

Okay. Yup.

Okay. Sorry.
Excuse us.

- Sorry.

- Just scootch that on over.
- Oh.

Okay, what do you think?

Popcorn, nachos, dog of corn?

Oh, uh, nachos, please.

I have seen popcorn hulls
get jammed

right up into the gumline.

-Yeah.
-Your job is so interesting.

Oh.

Do you judge people
when they get cavities,

or is it nice to feel needed?

Well, is it crazy if I say

it's a little bit of both?

No.

No, well, that's
what I was saying...

Oh, no.

Something gone awry
with your mob-distributed

-illegal film?
-Okay, listen, Joyce,

I-I might have to get up there
and vamp a little bit

for the crowd, and-and-and I
might pull you up, okay?

And I'm gonna need you,
if you get up there,

to talk about the--
kind of the lady Minx

perspective of the movie
to keep people going.

All right,
the Minx perspective is gonna

be quite happy in her seat,
eating Nonpareils, okay?

-Want one?
-No, I don't want a Nonpareil.

Those are disgusting.

Fuck.

What?

We're here for the reels.

No.
Not Lady Sings the Blues.

Deep Throat.

Okay, thank you. You too.

- Kevin's coming down.
- If you say so.

Welcome, everybody,
to the biggest and baddest

social event of 1973.

This movie is too hot
for New York City.

They couldn't handle it.

Chicago couldn't handle it.

But this is LA, baby.

Can we handle it?

Oh.

But first, I wanna introduce

Minx's own Joyce Prigger.

Come on up, Joycey.

You're gonna love her.
I know I do.

Get up, Joycey.

Joyce! Joyce!
Joyce! Joyce! Joyce!

Joyce! Joyce! Whoo!

Whoo!

Surely we can work
something out, guys.

Shutting this down seems to be
an extreme reaction

to this situation.

You placed ads on billboards.

You got those drive time idiots

to yammer about it
on the radio.

Then you wave your klieg lights
across the city

for a movie that's banned
in half the country.

You tied the DA's hands.

Friends, you're killin' me
right now.

As we're all aware,

Michelangelo was repulsed
by the female form.

Um... uh...

Uh, his greatest depictions...

...were of virginal,
untouched Mary.

Uh...

Have you guys seen the movie?

It's more arthouse
than it is porn.

You know what it's about?
It's about a woman

-searching for pleasure--
-Mr. Renetti,

this is not a negotiation.

If a single frame
of Deep Throat

hits that screen,

we're gonna arrest you
and everyone here.

You guys really know
how to rain

on someone's parade,
you know that?

I just don't know
what I'm gonna tell

all those people
in the theatre.

I got no Deep Throat now
'cause of you.

Well, better you say it here

than from the inside
of a jail cell.

Good night, Mr. Renetti.

I got egg
all over my face, officers.

You win again.

I lose again.

Thanks for nothin', officers.

Deep dish pizza,

a lake as big as an ocean,

-the Cubbies--
-Is that a haiku?

No.

I was just listing
all the things

that you missed out on
by turning down

- the University of Chicago.
- Don't start.

Running Minx
is my business school.

Tina, you're not running Minx.
You're running errands.

Doug can distract us with all
the new titles he wants,

but we're still his gofers.

Oh.

There's supposed to be six.

Yeah.
Bob wanted to give

the last three
one more viewing.

- He's had it for a week.
- I don't know, man.

The engagement sequence
cheers him up.

All right, I'll drive back
with the first set.

You stay and take a cab
with the rest.

Wha...

Oh, Porn Schlepping 101.
I love that MBA program.

Is that grass?

No.

- Do you have 'em?
- Yes.

Yes.

Oh, Tina, hallelujah.

Tell me you weren't ridin'
the brakes

like that the whole time.

Would you quit worrying?

You kill the brakes
when you do that.

Uh, very good guess,
but no, that is the perineum.

Warren, for the 12th time,
I know you know, all right?

We all know you now. Right?

Gentlemen, does any man
in this room

besides Warren Beatty
over there,

know where the clitoris is
on a female body?

Absolutely not.

Yes, good sir.

The little nubbin
under the beret.

Ew. Jeez.

But yes. Yes, yes.

It's the nubbin.

The nubbin, everybody.
All right, now, let's--

hey-hey, ladies and gentlemen,
you've had enough of me.

Are you ready for the absurdist

cinematic spectacle
of our time,

Deep Throat?

So do all of Bob's assistants

have to wait
for him to jerk off?

I'm actually a VP at Paramount.

But I started as his assistant,

and he can't stop thinkin'
of me that way.

The things he makes me do.

You know,
if I ever have an assistant,

I swear I'm gonna be
so nice to him.

- I do have an assistant.
- Mm.

Who do you think is standing

outside Bob's door right now?

No. No. I'm getting loopier
by the second, so...

And if I like you loopy?

Kevin, I'm done. I need

a strawberry milkshake...

...and a menthol cigarette.

Also, I, uh, fired
your assistant.

He won't stop crying.

-Duty calls.
-Mm.

Can you get me a cab?

I have a better idea.

Listen, having a clitoris

deep down at the bottom
of your throat

is better than having
no clitoris at all.

That's easy for you to say.

Suppose your balls
were in your ear.

Why, then I could hear
myself coming.

Listen, we have
the problem solved.

All we have to do now
is find a solution.

Like what?

Like-like deep throat.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

- Oh, my God.
- Deep what?

Deep throat.

You make it sound so easy.

Well, it is.

Try it. You'll like it.

Well, what have I got
to lose?

- Come dear.
- How much time

we got left, Timmy?

Seven, maybe eight minutes.

Well, it-it's better
to give the audience

some Deep Throat
than no Deep Throat, right?

No. It's way worse.

- See this crack?
- Yeah.

Sound of Music, '66.
We spooled out

right as the Nazis rushed in.

All right, so we are
about to give blue balls

to this entire theatre.

Is that what you're telling me
right now?

Yes, sir.

Teens? Teens? Please.

I need you.

I need you to go find Richie
and figure out

what the holdup is.

By the time I get
there and back,

this reel'll be long done.
It doesn't m--

No, I have a plan for that.
I have a plan for that.

I'm gonna have
Joyce go up there

and tap dance a little bit.

-Please. Please.
-Okay, but it...

- it just doesn't make sense.
- I-I-I need you

to go, please.

-I'm begging you.
-Ooh, okay. Yep.

Oh, God.

It's a lot. Right?

I've mostly been watching
the crowd

-instead of the screen.
-What? Oh, no.

I-I-I had a large cola.

You know, after three kids,
whoosh, goes right through ya.

Well, Lenny seems to be having
a good time.

Oh, yeah.
Mark my words,

he's in there workshopping
a Deep Throat joke

he'll be telling for years.

Huh? Ow!

What's wrong with you?

-Joan Didion?
-Oh, my God.

Is it the auth--
Joan Didion? Is she here?

- Hi. Hi.
- Oh, God.

- I'm, uh--I'm Joyce--
- Joyce Prigger, yeah.

I enjoyed
your little performance.

Oh, God. Blech.

What are you doing here?

Forming an opinion.

I wanted to see what all the...
the fuss was about.

Well, people are here.

You know, and people
are really laughing.

But I-I think that's because

of the collective anxiety

of watching something
so unsettling on screen.

The laughter's
a nervous release, you know?

I think they're laughing
'cause it's a comedy.

Yes. I-I agree.

Well, I don't think
it was their intent,

but, uh, regardless,

they seem to have stumbled
onto something.

And will you excuse me?

Hey, Joan?

Um, fun idea
just occurred to me.

What if you wrote

about this for Minx?

Uh...

Just some
small musings, really.

Just you... just your thoughts

on what it all means.

It is possible
to continue this conversation

at another time?

Well, uh, actually,

um, we're having
an after-party,

um, which you should come to.

Um, and we can...
we can chat there

if you like and talk about life

and star signs
and...

- Um...
- Oh.

- There you go.
- Yeah.

Is this in the valley?

Help me push this
against the door.

- It might buy us some time.
- Stop it.

Her-her-her eyes
were smiling.

You know? Like-like-like,

from ear to ear. Oh!

Oh, God, no!

Oh! Oh, God.

Oh, that's terrible.

Find reel four.

- All right. Jesus.
- Oh, okay.

I haven't seen any of it.
How am I supposed to know

- what's in reel four?
- Shout it out.

- I'll know.
- I've got, uh,

pubic shaving.

Is this the nurse
making whoopie?

There's a straw
coming out of her vagina.

That's Coke dildo.

Coke dildo starts reel four.

All right, give me reel
four.

It's reel four. Give it to me.

Thank you. Come on.

Oh, my God.
Give me that.

- Come on.
- Fuck!

Je--God, reel four.

Case 358.
Albert Finster. Age 25.

Bachelor.

Has an obsession
in finding out

that things really do
go better with Coke.

Relax your muscles...

All right.

Oh. Thank you.
You're very kind.

Thank you.

Hi, hello.

Did you enjoy it?
Love your boa.

'Kay, thank you.
Great to meet you.

Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me.

All right, you should put
some ice on that,

because we have
an after-party to host.

Thought you nixed that.
Who was it, Joyce Carol Oates

in the bathtub, reading
a book or something?

No, it's Joan Didion, and she's
coming to the party, okay?

She might actually be writing
about Deep Throat

for our magazine.

Oh, God, this really is
a cultural phenomenon.

- Uh... it's not gonna happen.
- Hi.

We don't have time
to throw a party.

What? No, it's fine.
Constance is all over it.

She's got a caterer
on retainer.

- Constance...
- Yeah.

...is gonna stock the booze
for one of our parties?

- Yeah.
- No.

- Why?
- No, no, if we're gonna do it,

it's gotta be Tina.
I'll send Tina.

-She knows what good--
-Tina! Where is Tina?

I haven't seen her all evening.
Thank you.

Hi! Oh, my God, hi.

Enjoy!

Great choice.

No, no, I liked it.
I liked it.

Of course, I've had
a lot of women patients,

but the only thing
I've ever found

in the back of a woman's throat

is esophageal cancer.

So another... oh, yeah.

Hey, you're driving.

Oh, the green ones
are for focus.

Astronauts take them
to survive reentry.

- You can have half.
- Ooh.

- Give it.
- I love what you did

with the lens flare.
It makes you feel

like someone's looking.

Most people get derailed

by the monster cock.

Oh. Funny and talented.

Hope you're ready to hit
the big time.

Okay.

Well, the difference is,
cane's got a crook,

whereas this baby right here...
check that out.

Nepalese fire opal.

They say it's cursed.

I say it's expensive.

- Ahem.
- A great piece.

Oh, yeah?
When I was a kid,

I thought a blow job
was someone

literally blowing on your dick.

No, the first time
I saw a penis,

I thought it was
a long belly button.

What kind of wackos
send these unsolicited?

Aw, grandpa thinks he belongs
in a magazine.

That's Wayne.
He has a purple heart.

Yeah.
And a purple penis.

Um...

Hey, can I get a refill?

Ah, nothing
more attractive

than a man doing the dishes.

You know, if you were
20 years younger,

I might just lock you away
in my tower.

Well, if you were
ten years older,

I might let ya.

I'm just sayin' my goodbyes.

Not bad
for our maiden voyage, huh?

What do you think? You happy?

I especially appreciate
the way you handled

the debacle
with the missing reels

and the police.

- What police?
- Mm-hmm.

I know that you're used
to taking care

of all these things
by yourself, but use me.

I was the DA's
third-largest donor,

and that prickly
son of a bitch owes me.

Good to know.

But I like
what I saw tonight, Douglas.

I'm very excited
to roll up our sleeves

and see where this is gonna go.

Me too.

Oh, and by the way,

awfully generous of you to give
Joyce the larger office.

You are a gentleman.

Your car is on Mulholland

somewhere between Coldwater

and Laurel Canyon.

That Rolls is a piece of shit,
and so are you.

I shouldn't have sent you,

but there was no way
I could have reached--

Laurel and Coldwater?

That's a two-mile stretch,
Teens.

Tough shit.

I just walked
into a big-ass party

that I wasn't invited to

for a movie
I didn't get to see.

Go back to the party, guys.

Have fun. Tina, please,

you think
that was my intention?

There was no way
I could reach you.

Résumés for my replacement.

I am the managing editor, Doug,
not your secretary.

If you need me,
I'll be drinking

your secret Scotch
in Joyce's office.

That's where the fun
seems to be.

The-the-the only thing

I've found at the back
of a woman's throat

is a swollen uvula.

Okay, these pills are
definitely making me funnier.

- Can I have the other half now?
- No. It's 2:00 a.m.

The sitter probably thinks
we're dead.

Okay, so what's another hour?

You've had enough, okay?

Y-you can tell all your friends
tomorrow at the club

about your big party
with the porn stars.

That's what you think
this night is about?

Shell...

Something is going on with you,
and I don't know what.

And I-I don't quite know why,
but I just figured

it would be good
for us to get away

from the kids and the house

and the responsibilities,

try to have a little fun
together?

I would like that, too,

to have some fun with you.

Look, I love you.

And-and whatever this is,

I wanna figure it out with you.

Do whatever it takes.

I do still have
that other half, so...

Come with me.

I know a place.

kiss.

- Oh.
- Watch out,

the cabinet on the left
is a little wobbly.

Okay.

You're the belle
of the ball.

Joan! Hi.

I didn't know you were here.
Hi.

That's by design.

Oh.

Is that your notebook?

Are you-are you considering
writing the piece?

I don't think I have
much to say about Deep Throat.

Oh. Really?

Mm.

But doesn't it seem
like people are longing

for a way to be more open
about sexuality

and-and to ask questions
without feeling shame?

And so they've turned
this ridiculous movie

into this spectacle

to give themselves a way
to do just that.

And, do you know,
I don't think it stops there.

I-I think... I don't know.

This feels like the beginning
of something.

Sounds like you've
already started writing it.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Well, this is the biggest party
we've ever thrown.

Oh, by far.

Ernest Borgnine
and Warren Beatty

came to blows
in the parking lot.

What? Why didn't anybody
come tell me?

It wasn't a fair fight.

Ernie dropped with one punch.

Ugh, I fucking missed
everything.

I think I like
the old parties better.

Yeah. Porn's gone mainstream.

Eighteen.

Motherfuck.