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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:29,533 --> 00:00:31,993 Dear Lord... 2 00:00:32,003 --> 00:00:34,793 we pray that we may win this game today. 3 00:00:34,813 --> 00:00:38,533 We ask that you give us the strength and the courage... 4 00:00:38,543 --> 00:00:42,473 to win our second straight state championship. 5 00:00:42,493 --> 00:00:44,573 We ask, Lord, that... 6 00:00:44,593 --> 00:00:47,133 nobody on our side is seriously injured. 7 00:00:50,053 --> 00:00:53,103 We know in our hearts, Lord... 8 00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:55,143 that we are the best team. 9 00:00:57,803 --> 00:01:00,793 We ask that you allow us to win this game. 10 00:01:05,973 --> 00:01:08,793 The Lord wants you to put your foot on their balls... 11 00:01:08,813 --> 00:01:10,493 and believe in it... 12 00:01:10,513 --> 00:01:13,843 because that's what wins football games. 13 00:01:13,853 --> 00:01:17,703 Not jumping offsides like a bunch of wimps and faggots. 14 00:01:19,653 --> 00:01:22,233 All right, lift your heads. Prayer's over. I talked to God. 15 00:01:22,263 --> 00:01:26,653 I'm through talking to God. Now I'm talking to you. 16 00:01:26,663 --> 00:01:29,013 You're going to be out there in front of your families... 17 00:01:29,033 --> 00:01:30,613 your student body. 18 00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:32,713 Every girl you ever had a hard-on for... 19 00:01:32,743 --> 00:01:34,923 is gonna be out there today, but you will not be going... 20 00:01:34,943 --> 00:01:36,483 to no sock hop tonight, boys. 21 00:01:36,503 --> 00:01:39,293 You will not get no honey on your stinger tonight... 22 00:01:39,303 --> 00:01:42,933 if you don't go out there and bust your ass. 23 00:01:42,953 --> 00:01:45,993 Because this is it. 24 00:01:46,013 --> 00:01:47,833 This is the big one. 25 00:01:50,413 --> 00:01:52,063 I want you to taste it. 26 00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:55,243 I want you to smell it, son. 27 00:01:59,523 --> 00:02:00,883 There's winners... 28 00:02:00,893 --> 00:02:02,903 and there's nothing else. 29 00:02:02,933 --> 00:02:05,863 I don't give a shit what those pinkos over in Russia say. 30 00:02:05,873 --> 00:02:09,023 You want to be a loser, you go live in Russia. 31 00:02:09,033 --> 00:02:12,833 I'm not a loser. I'm a winner. 32 00:02:12,843 --> 00:02:14,263 I'm an American. 33 00:02:14,283 --> 00:02:15,963 Who wants to be John Wayne? 34 00:02:15,983 --> 00:02:19,593 Who wants to go out there and grab a root and hang on? 35 00:02:19,613 --> 00:02:21,433 Who wants to get a mean-on? 36 00:02:21,443 --> 00:02:23,373 Get a mean-on, son. 37 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:26,433 Let me see you get a mean-on, son! 38 00:02:26,453 --> 00:02:29,313 Now, who wants it? I want to know! Who wants this? 39 00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:30,473 Who wants to get a mean-on right now? 40 00:02:31,623 --> 00:02:34,023 -Who wants it? -I want it! 41 00:03:05,563 --> 00:03:06,913 Good job, man! 42 00:03:06,933 --> 00:03:11,653 The pride of Ashcroft High, Johnny Walker! 43 00:03:11,663 --> 00:03:13,023 Hut! 44 00:03:19,443 --> 00:03:21,483 By God, we're playing football now! 45 00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:22,493 Yes, sir! 46 00:03:22,513 --> 00:03:24,733 Coach? It's the last game of the season. 47 00:03:24,753 --> 00:03:27,293 Do you think I could maybe get in for a couple of minutes? 48 00:03:27,313 --> 00:03:30,673 -You want to play? -Yes. Please. 49 00:03:30,683 --> 00:03:32,033 No, you don't. 50 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,913 Hut! Hut! 51 00:03:50,803 --> 00:03:53,963 Walker's fortieth T.D. pass this season! 52 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:56,523 A new state record! 53 00:03:56,543 --> 00:03:59,803 Wide! Wide set! 54 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,803 Gash, give him the punt sign, will ya? 55 00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:20,053 Walker! Kick the ball! Kick it! 56 00:04:20,063 --> 00:04:21,073 Hut! 57 00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:36,443 Another record for Walker! 58 00:04:36,453 --> 00:04:37,993 -Did you see that? -Look at that! 59 00:04:38,023 --> 00:04:40,343 Five-second hang time? 60 00:04:46,693 --> 00:04:47,703 Pardon you. 61 00:04:50,933 --> 00:04:53,863 With that completion to Michael Bentley... 62 00:04:53,873 --> 00:04:57,123 Walker has just set a national high school record! 63 00:04:57,143 --> 00:05:01,423 1:35, Gibson's out of his car and into the stadium. 64 00:05:04,113 --> 00:05:07,593 Excuse me. Shove over, would you, please? Thanks. 65 00:05:07,613 --> 00:05:10,263 Coach... 66 00:05:10,283 --> 00:05:12,363 that offer still stands. 67 00:05:12,393 --> 00:05:14,283 My answer's still no. 68 00:05:14,293 --> 00:05:16,283 You wait for us for the signals! 69 00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:18,213 We're calling the plays here, Walker! 70 00:05:18,223 --> 00:05:21,443 I think the score is 52-0. 71 00:05:21,463 --> 00:05:23,463 What can we do to get Gash in the game? 72 00:05:23,473 --> 00:05:25,853 I got it. Let's lose five. Break! 73 00:05:25,873 --> 00:05:27,153 Break! 74 00:05:29,133 --> 00:05:30,853 Push it in! I want another score! 75 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,983 Let's go! Let's go! 76 00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:38,033 Hut! Hut! 77 00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:40,293 I'm going down. Oh, it's the leg. I'm down. 78 00:05:41,313 --> 00:05:43,643 What's he doing? What's Walker doing? 79 00:05:43,653 --> 00:05:46,303 I think I broke my dick! 80 00:05:47,593 --> 00:05:49,843 Oh, no, not his George. 81 00:05:49,853 --> 00:05:52,343 Walker's out. Gash! Gash! Get me Gash! 82 00:05:52,363 --> 00:05:53,443 Right here. What's up? 83 00:05:53,463 --> 00:05:55,513 Get in the game, Gash! Put it in the end zone. 84 00:05:55,533 --> 00:05:56,683 My first time! 85 00:05:56,703 --> 00:05:58,843 -What's the matter, son? -I broke my dick, Coach. 86 00:05:58,863 --> 00:06:00,783 Rub some dirt on it and get back in there. 87 00:06:00,803 --> 00:06:02,223 It's broken, I'm telling you. 88 00:06:02,243 --> 00:06:04,193 You go left. 89 00:06:04,213 --> 00:06:05,753 You go right. I'll run. 90 00:06:05,773 --> 00:06:06,783 Break! 91 00:06:10,513 --> 00:06:11,523 Hut! 92 00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:18,073 Oh, Gash! Gash! 93 00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:20,503 Throw your navel in the ground, will ya? 94 00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:22,873 -Hey, Juicy. -Hey, Johnny. 95 00:06:22,893 --> 00:06:24,683 Would you mind taking off your underpants real quick... 96 00:06:24,693 --> 00:06:25,983 and go stand over there? 97 00:06:25,993 --> 00:06:28,353 -Sure. Anything for you. -Thank you. 98 00:06:30,593 --> 00:06:34,653 2:35, cheerleader taking her yellow panties off. 99 00:06:34,673 --> 00:06:36,253 Thank you. Over and out. 100 00:06:38,043 --> 00:06:41,523 Hey, guys, Juicy Dorfman isn't wearing any underpants. 101 00:06:46,253 --> 00:06:48,243 SQ? 102 00:06:48,253 --> 00:06:51,243 Left, 46, on the first sound. 103 00:06:51,253 --> 00:06:52,233 Ready? 104 00:06:52,263 --> 00:06:53,243 Break! 105 00:06:53,263 --> 00:06:54,273 Break! 106 00:06:59,963 --> 00:07:01,713 Oh, I see. 107 00:07:01,723 --> 00:07:03,423 That girl's not wearing any underwear. 108 00:07:03,433 --> 00:07:04,613 What? 109 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,623 -Which one? -Hey, check it out! 110 00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,253 Hut! 111 00:07:13,483 --> 00:07:15,693 Hob; mob!‘-! 112 00:07:15,713 --> 00:07:17,063 Oh, wrong. 113 00:07:24,123 --> 00:07:25,903 I see the hole! I see the hole! 114 00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,813 I see--yeah! 115 00:07:38,003 --> 00:07:40,513 Ashcroft High has just won... 116 00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:44,023 their second consecutive state football championship! 117 00:07:44,043 --> 00:07:46,863 Congratulations to coach Wayne Hisler... 118 00:07:46,873 --> 00:07:50,463 and especially to everyone's high school all-American... 119 00:07:50,473 --> 00:07:52,483 Johnny Walker! 120 00:08:15,803 --> 00:08:17,093 Hello? 121 00:08:17,103 --> 00:08:19,753 Hey, Johnny. Glad I could get to you. 122 00:08:19,773 --> 00:08:21,123 This is Howard Case“. 123 00:08:21,143 --> 00:08:23,903 You were just tremendous out there today. 124 00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:26,663 I've never seen a better performance... 125 00:08:26,683 --> 00:08:27,933 at the high school level. 126 00:08:27,953 --> 00:08:31,463 You should go to an Ivy League school... 127 00:08:31,483 --> 00:08:35,613 by the name of Yale University, in my opinion, young man. 128 00:08:35,623 --> 00:08:37,873 Have you thought about such a thing? 129 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,883 Is this really you, Howard? Howard? 130 00:08:39,893 --> 00:08:43,003 -Who is this? -This is Howard Cosell. 131 00:08:43,033 --> 00:08:46,023 Does anybody in America like you? Huh? 132 00:08:49,373 --> 00:08:52,453 Coach, I'm sorry. 133 00:08:52,483 --> 00:08:54,593 My boys, my boys, all right. 134 00:08:54,613 --> 00:08:56,263 That's worth a victory, huh? 135 00:08:56,283 --> 00:08:58,773 That's worth a victory. 136 00:09:01,913 --> 00:09:03,673 Johnny, listen to me, man. 137 00:09:03,693 --> 00:09:05,803 Sign with me, I will make you a star. 138 00:09:05,823 --> 00:09:07,173 Ignore all these other guys, man. 139 00:09:07,193 --> 00:09:09,003 They're a bunch of athletic pimps. 140 00:09:09,023 --> 00:09:11,243 Trust me--athletic pimps. Look at the way they dress. 141 00:09:11,253 --> 00:09:13,183 Write your own ticket! I'll give you anything you want. 142 00:09:13,203 --> 00:09:15,283 Spring break, huh? Puerto Rico! 143 00:09:15,303 --> 00:09:17,653 Just tell me what you want, and I'll get you two of them. 144 00:09:17,663 --> 00:09:19,213 What do you like? You like girls? 145 00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:22,383 -I like your head. -You got it! What else? 146 00:09:22,413 --> 00:09:24,123 Ice cream? Cultural pursuits? 147 00:09:24,143 --> 00:09:28,223 Johnny, I can offer you TV coverage. 148 00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:30,853 I can offer you TV every single Saturday. 149 00:09:30,873 --> 00:09:32,863 You don't need him. 150 00:09:32,883 --> 00:09:35,073 I got what you want. I got what you need. 151 00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:37,803 We'll keep running that style of offense, boy. 152 00:09:37,823 --> 00:09:39,833 You're gonna start right away! Right away, you hear? 153 00:09:39,853 --> 00:09:41,803 That's what you want to do-- play football, right, boy? 154 00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:54,733 Smurfs. Smurfs. Smurf patrol. 155 00:09:54,743 --> 00:09:57,253 Hi. Thank you. 156 00:09:57,273 --> 00:09:58,993 Watch my feet. Watch the toes. 157 00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:00,583 OK. Don't I know your mom? 158 00:10:00,603 --> 00:10:02,423 What's it like being king of the 12-year-olds? 159 00:10:02,453 --> 00:10:04,463 Georgia! What? 160 00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:05,873 Say that again? 161 00:10:05,883 --> 00:10:08,533 What's it like being king of the 12-year-olds? 162 00:10:08,553 --> 00:10:09,933 Let me tell you something. These girls are gonna be... 163 00:10:09,953 --> 00:10:11,733 beautiful grown women in about two minutes. 164 00:10:11,753 --> 00:10:14,143 -You shouldn't really say that. -Freeze! 165 00:10:14,163 --> 00:10:16,343 Move away from my daughter, Walker! 166 00:10:16,363 --> 00:10:17,843 Don't tell me he's still pissed off... 167 00:10:17,863 --> 00:10:19,743 'cause I brought you home a day late? 168 00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:21,843 Don't tell me that. Is that what happened? 169 00:10:21,863 --> 00:10:24,323 No. 170 00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:25,323 Johnny.. 171 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,823 What? What was it? 172 00:10:26,833 --> 00:10:28,483 It was the hickeys. 173 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,453 You can't really cover those up at all. 174 00:10:32,543 --> 00:10:34,863 -What? -Let's give him one. 175 00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:41,573 Get your mouth off her, Walker! 176 00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,343 Let's go, Georgia! 177 00:10:43,353 --> 00:10:44,363 "Ow! 178 00:10:48,723 --> 00:10:50,643 I'll see you later. 179 00:10:50,653 --> 00:10:51,643 Very good. 180 00:10:51,653 --> 00:10:52,943 Do you love me? 181 00:10:55,303 --> 00:10:57,293 Thank you. 182 00:10:57,303 --> 00:10:59,113 I can't say anything but thank you. 183 00:11:00,533 --> 00:11:03,433 -Over here, boy! -Johnny! 184 00:11:03,443 --> 00:11:05,453 You could be going to the Super Bowl! 185 00:11:09,673 --> 00:11:11,293 Excuse me. Excuse me. 186 00:11:11,313 --> 00:11:14,743 I'm sorry. I can't talk now. I have to go. Watch the jacket. 187 00:11:14,753 --> 00:11:16,143 We'll talk later. OK. 188 00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:17,693 Wrong! 189 00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:20,503 Less with the lies, more with the broads! 190 00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:24,543 Back off! 191 00:11:24,563 --> 00:11:26,013 Bye now! 192 00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,483 Thank you. Thanks a lot, recruiters! 193 00:11:28,493 --> 00:11:30,413 You think those recruiters would all want you as much... 194 00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:33,823 if they knew you were afraid of the dark? 195 00:11:33,843 --> 00:11:35,223 I'm not afraid of the dark. 196 00:11:35,243 --> 00:11:37,093 It's OK. I'm not gonna spill the beans... 197 00:11:37,103 --> 00:11:38,723 that you sleep with a night-light. 198 00:11:40,243 --> 00:11:41,593 I don't need a night-light. 199 00:11:41,603 --> 00:11:45,543 Come on. Yes, you do. It's OK. You're a punk. Accept it. 200 00:11:45,553 --> 00:11:47,803 All right, I accept it. 201 00:11:47,813 --> 00:11:49,773 So what?! 202 00:11:49,783 --> 00:11:51,033 SQ? 203 00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,073 OK, hit me again. 204 00:11:56,363 --> 00:11:57,403 Right here. 205 00:12:01,293 --> 00:12:03,193 I feel good now. 206 00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:06,453 Leo, it's time you and me moved on to big-time, pal. 207 00:12:06,473 --> 00:12:08,323 -The big-time scholarships... -UCC. 208 00:12:08,333 --> 00:12:12,153 -Big-time contacts, big deals. -UCC is the place for you. 209 00:12:12,183 --> 00:12:14,173 Hey, did I ever tell you about Coach Hisler's wife? 210 00:12:14,183 --> 00:12:17,133 -No. UCC. -She has a set of chihuahuas... 211 00:12:17,313 --> 00:12:20,303 There's someone sneakin‘ 212 00:12:20,313 --> 00:12:23,333 Round the corner 213 00:12:23,353 --> 00:12:25,813 Could that someone 214 00:12:25,823 --> 00:12:29,073 Be Mack the Knife? 215 00:12:29,093 --> 00:12:31,843 There's a tugboat 216 00:12:31,853 --> 00:12:34,513 Down by the river, don't you know? 217 00:12:34,533 --> 00:12:37,823 Well, the cement there 218 00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:40,653 Just a-drooping on down 219 00:12:40,663 --> 00:12:42,353 You're getting really good, Wayne. 220 00:12:42,373 --> 00:12:44,563 I just love your singing. 221 00:12:44,573 --> 00:12:45,753 Thank you, baby. 222 00:12:45,773 --> 00:12:48,323 You know, I was reading at the market today... 223 00:12:48,343 --> 00:12:50,793 that we all come from another world... 224 00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:54,403 and we choose in that world who we want to be in this world... 225 00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:58,903 and we're all connected by a common cosmic thread. 226 00:12:58,923 --> 00:13:00,463 That's right, honey. That's true. 227 00:13:00,483 --> 00:13:01,843 What time you going to work? 228 00:13:01,863 --> 00:13:04,473 After I make dinner for you and clean up. 229 00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:08,923 Do you realize that we're living nine lives simultaneously? 230 00:13:08,933 --> 00:13:10,113 Of course. 231 00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:13,753 -Listen, sweetcake? -Yes? 232 00:13:13,773 --> 00:13:15,783 On your way back from work, would you pick up... 233 00:13:15,803 --> 00:13:17,263 my yellow suit from the cleaners? 234 00:13:17,273 --> 00:13:20,423 OK. No problem. It's near that bakery... 235 00:13:20,443 --> 00:13:24,903 that bakes that black mundle bread you love so much. 236 00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:37,813 Hello. Coach Hisler's house? 237 00:13:37,823 --> 00:13:39,313 Is he in? 238 00:13:39,323 --> 00:13:41,073 I think so. 239 00:13:41,093 --> 00:13:42,173 May I? 240 00:13:42,203 --> 00:13:45,713 Oh, sure. Just follow the sound of the music. 241 00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:47,023 Thank you. 242 00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:48,353 Whoo, look out 243 00:13:48,373 --> 00:13:49,793 Oh, Miss Lottie Lenya 244 00:13:49,803 --> 00:13:54,363 And old Lucy Brown 245 00:13:54,383 --> 00:13:58,633 Chancellor, how are you? Good to see you again, sir. 246 00:13:58,643 --> 00:14:00,463 How about that game today, huh? 247 00:14:00,483 --> 00:14:02,403 Nice. Walker was everything you said he was. 248 00:14:02,423 --> 00:14:03,433 Yes. 249 00:14:03,453 --> 00:14:05,703 What do I do to get him to go to Piermont? 250 00:14:05,723 --> 00:14:07,903 I just want you to sit down and relax. Enjoy my home. 251 00:14:07,923 --> 00:14:10,143 You're going to have dinner with us, aren't you? 252 00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:14,713 I don't think we have enough salmon patties, Wayne. 253 00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,553 What the hey? 254 00:14:16,563 --> 00:14:19,453 Break out the fish sticks, honey. 255 00:14:19,463 --> 00:14:20,583 Oh, OK. 256 00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:24,363 Darling. Some of that sparkling fruit wine. 257 00:14:26,143 --> 00:14:28,493 Have a seat, please, Chancellor. 258 00:14:28,513 --> 00:14:30,723 Look, Coach, I didn't get to become president... 259 00:14:30,743 --> 00:14:33,673 of Piermont University by mincing words. 260 00:14:33,683 --> 00:14:35,803 My backers are getting impatient. 261 00:14:35,823 --> 00:14:37,703 They want success this year. 262 00:14:37,723 --> 00:14:40,763 They want to win. I want Walker. 263 00:14:40,783 --> 00:14:43,443 I'm the key to Walker, obviously. 264 00:14:43,463 --> 00:14:45,073 Obviously you are. 265 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:48,523 What is it you want? Name your price. 266 00:14:48,533 --> 00:14:51,983 I want to be the new head coach at Piermont University. 267 00:14:51,993 --> 00:14:53,003 Is that all? 268 00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:55,053 No. I want a five-year no-cut contract... 269 00:14:55,073 --> 00:14:56,463 weekly television show... 270 00:14:56,473 --> 00:14:59,193 membership in the country club, et cetera. All the usual perks. 271 00:14:59,203 --> 00:15:02,633 The main thing is that Walker is going to go... 272 00:15:02,653 --> 00:15:05,803 where I tell him to go, or he's not going anywhere. 273 00:15:05,813 --> 00:15:07,103 That's a fact. 274 00:15:07,113 --> 00:15:09,863 You can guarantee that? 275 00:15:09,883 --> 00:15:11,733 The kid loves me. 276 00:15:11,753 --> 00:15:14,013 You know, it's--. 277 00:15:14,023 --> 00:15:16,313 I'm like a father to him. Really. 278 00:15:16,323 --> 00:15:18,973 Hisler's such an asshole. 279 00:15:20,363 --> 00:15:25,323 Johnny, I've been having all these twisted visions lately. 280 00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,223 So lay one on me. 281 00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:30,353 Well, I was thinking about developing... 282 00:15:30,373 --> 00:15:33,083 a deep personal relationship with a psychiatrist. 283 00:15:33,113 --> 00:15:34,833 You know, very tight. 284 00:15:34,843 --> 00:15:36,853 And then one day, just while he's complimenting me... 285 00:15:36,883 --> 00:15:38,923 on all the headway progress I'm making... 286 00:15:38,943 --> 00:15:41,733 in the area of my obsessive fear of torque wrenches... 287 00:15:41,743 --> 00:15:45,843 just cut him off mid-sentence and say, "Hey, oops! 288 00:15:45,853 --> 00:15:49,403 "Why am I angry at you today?" He gets all Germanic on me... 289 00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:51,973 and goes, "Well, I think that it stems--" 290 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:54,713 It stems from nothing. That's a trick question. 291 00:15:54,733 --> 00:15:57,583 I take his Ph.D. off the wall and beat him... 292 00:15:57,603 --> 00:15:59,853 about the head and shoulders with it for about an hour... 293 00:15:59,863 --> 00:16:02,283 and then I whisper softly in his ear... 294 00:16:02,313 --> 00:16:05,693 "I'd like to pay for my next twenty visits in advance." 295 00:16:22,463 --> 00:16:25,143 Johnny, be all you can be. 296 00:16:25,163 --> 00:16:28,483 -For $81.50 a month after taxes? -Exactly. 297 00:16:28,493 --> 00:16:30,243 No, I don't think so. Thank you, though. 298 00:16:30,263 --> 00:16:32,443 -Notre Dame, my son. -Father, how you doing? 299 00:16:32,473 --> 00:16:34,223 Aren't you gonna be late for a mass or something? 300 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,623 Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. 301 00:16:35,643 --> 00:16:37,993 Alabama is football. Alabama's where you should be! 302 00:16:38,003 --> 00:16:40,013 Penn State is always in the top ten. 303 00:16:40,043 --> 00:16:41,753 We kicked Alabama's butt last year. 304 00:16:41,773 --> 00:16:44,203 That was one game. It's freezing in Penn State. 305 00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:45,363 It's a normal climate. 306 00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:47,633 Normal? Normal if you're a seal or an eskimo. 307 00:16:47,653 --> 00:16:49,363 It's good to see the seasons change! 308 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,493 It's good to see the seasons change! 309 00:16:55,423 --> 00:16:56,883 Leo, Leo. 310 00:16:56,893 --> 00:16:59,853 My school has a buddy system. If Johnny goes there... 311 00:16:59,863 --> 00:17:02,113 all of his buddies get to go there, too, first class. 312 00:17:02,123 --> 00:17:04,143 Boy buddies, girl buddies, everybody. 313 00:17:04,173 --> 00:17:05,783 I'm ready for college... 314 00:17:05,803 --> 00:17:07,153 and corruption. 315 00:17:07,173 --> 00:17:08,623 My school doesn't do that, Leo. 316 00:17:08,633 --> 00:17:10,783 It just exists in your imagination. 317 00:17:10,803 --> 00:17:12,723 Well, I have a grand imagination. 318 00:17:13,713 --> 00:17:15,203 How about ten grand? 319 00:17:23,253 --> 00:17:24,573 Leo, more chicken? 320 00:17:24,593 --> 00:17:26,843 I'll just get the rest to go, please. 321 00:17:26,853 --> 00:17:27,933 Right. 322 00:17:27,953 --> 00:17:30,373 Anything, Johnny, anything! 323 00:17:30,393 --> 00:17:31,773 I love you! 324 00:17:31,793 --> 00:17:33,513 Let's set a time! 325 00:17:33,533 --> 00:17:36,183 I'm free tonight! 326 00:17:38,303 --> 00:17:41,083 I can't believe the bald guy is still here. 327 00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:42,553 It's crazy out there. 328 00:17:42,573 --> 00:17:46,333 Well, it's crazy in here, too, but I like it. 329 00:17:46,343 --> 00:17:48,953 My lures are selling like hotcakes. 330 00:17:48,973 --> 00:17:51,493 They especially like my walleyed gibbler. 331 00:17:51,513 --> 00:17:54,273 - This is exciting. -It's original, huh? 332 00:17:54,483 --> 00:17:56,533 Oh, honey, I'm proud of you. I really am. 333 00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,503 You've worked hard for this for a long time. 334 00:17:58,523 --> 00:17:59,703 Thank you, Mom. 335 00:17:59,723 --> 00:18:01,903 You know I couldn't have done it without you. 336 00:18:01,933 --> 00:18:02,963 Yeah. 337 00:18:02,993 --> 00:18:05,043 I'm glad you know it, 'cause it's true. 338 00:18:05,063 --> 00:18:07,343 I swear one day very soon I'm gonna work hard enough... 339 00:18:07,363 --> 00:18:09,283 that you're not gonna have to work again, Mom. 340 00:18:09,293 --> 00:18:11,303 I don't mind working, Johnny. 341 00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:14,763 It's a decent way to make a living. 342 00:18:14,773 --> 00:18:17,553 Well, I know you don't mind. That's why I do. 343 00:18:17,573 --> 00:18:19,623 Where's Georgia today? 344 00:18:19,643 --> 00:18:21,423 Yeah. Where is she? 345 00:18:21,443 --> 00:18:23,303 She's grounded. 346 00:18:23,313 --> 00:18:26,303 -Why? -For knowing me. 347 00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,563 Yes. I can understand that. 348 00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:31,973 Popping off, Ma, huh? 349 00:18:31,983 --> 00:18:33,443 You ready for a little pea in the head, Ma? 350 00:18:33,463 --> 00:18:35,743 Will you stop? No, wait. Now, don't. 351 00:18:35,763 --> 00:18:37,943 You want another one? Here it is. Whoa. 352 00:18:37,963 --> 00:18:39,313 All right. You stop. 353 00:18:41,763 --> 00:18:45,313 All right, that's it. No dessert. What can I do? 354 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,653 So, Ray, what did you think of the game? 355 00:18:47,673 --> 00:18:50,783 You looked goofy. 356 00:18:50,803 --> 00:18:51,953 I looked what? 357 00:18:51,983 --> 00:18:53,183 Goofy. 358 00:18:53,213 --> 00:18:55,493 You didn't look in the mirror today. You know why? 359 00:18:55,513 --> 00:18:57,503 'Cause you don't have any teeth. When you get some front teeth... 360 00:18:57,513 --> 00:18:59,003 then you can tell me how goofy I look. 361 00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:02,843 Until that moment comes along, you can't say anything, OK? 362 00:19:02,853 --> 00:19:05,243 -OK? Do you hear me? -Yes! 363 00:19:05,253 --> 00:19:07,043 -Say, "| hear you, Johnny." -I hear you, Johnny! 364 00:19:07,053 --> 00:19:09,803 -Say, "| hear you, big brother." -I hear you, big brother! 365 00:19:09,823 --> 00:19:13,623 -Say, "You are my man." -You are my man. 366 00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,383 No. She just ate. Now... 367 00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:16,683 But much more importantly... 368 00:19:16,703 --> 00:19:18,343 what about Leo's first touchdown ever? 369 00:19:18,363 --> 00:19:19,613 You looked good today. 370 00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:22,183 Thank you. Once I got the right direction going, right? 371 00:19:22,213 --> 00:19:25,893 Why don't you ever eat at your house, Leo? 372 00:19:25,913 --> 00:19:27,193 Why? 373 00:19:27,213 --> 00:19:30,663 Well, I think it's basically because my parents hate me... 374 00:19:30,673 --> 00:19:32,923 and they have accused me of carrying... 375 00:19:32,953 --> 00:19:35,943 an ammonia-filled tentacle around with me... 376 00:19:35,953 --> 00:19:38,033 which, of course, I do not! 377 00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,803 What is this, the funny farm? 378 00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:45,023 I can understand why they hate you. 379 00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:47,883 Johnny, my boy, you know. 380 00:19:47,893 --> 00:19:50,823 Listen. You've got to get organized, you know? 381 00:19:50,833 --> 00:19:52,823 Now, you've had calls from Michigan... 382 00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:56,093 UCC, Piermont and Ol' Tex... 383 00:19:56,103 --> 00:19:59,753 LSU and Kansas and Cornell. 384 00:19:59,773 --> 00:20:02,553 What do you think, Mom? Do I call these people back? 385 00:20:02,583 --> 00:20:07,263 Well, superstar, you can start by clearing the table... 386 00:20:07,283 --> 00:20:09,363 and helping me with the dishes. 387 00:20:10,553 --> 00:20:12,063 Nice little reality break from Mom there, huh? 388 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:14,083 - Isn't that nice? - Well, you're home now, son. 389 00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:15,083 Thank you, Gramp. 390 00:20:15,093 --> 00:20:18,053 This doesn't have a hook on it. 391 00:20:18,063 --> 00:20:19,173 And you are in trouble. 392 00:20:19,193 --> 00:20:20,843 You couldn't catch a single monkfish... 393 00:20:20,863 --> 00:20:21,903 if you had to. 394 00:20:21,933 --> 00:20:24,753 -See you later. -That a boy. 395 00:20:24,773 --> 00:20:26,223 A fish. 396 00:21:32,303 --> 00:21:33,883 Your family's really nice. 397 00:21:33,903 --> 00:21:36,193 Your mom's a terrible cook. 398 00:21:37,803 --> 00:21:38,983 Thank you. 399 00:21:39,003 --> 00:21:41,083 -Where are we going now? -Georgia's. 400 00:21:41,103 --> 00:21:43,433 Really? I thought she was grounded. 401 00:21:43,453 --> 00:21:45,033 I'm ungrounding her. 402 00:21:55,623 --> 00:21:56,843 Freeze, boy! 403 00:22:00,463 --> 00:22:03,583 I see. It's gotta be a Rottweiler. 404 00:22:03,603 --> 00:22:07,023 There's no mistaking this. That's no chihuahua. 405 00:22:09,633 --> 00:22:12,853 I thought her parents hated you. It must be embarrassing. 406 00:22:12,883 --> 00:22:14,363 Yeah, well, she digs me. 407 00:22:14,383 --> 00:22:16,493 Her father is the one who I have problems with. 408 00:22:16,513 --> 00:22:17,833 She'll come around. 409 00:22:20,143 --> 00:22:22,363 Mrs. Elkans, good evening. 410 00:22:22,393 --> 00:22:24,343 Is Georgia home? 411 00:22:24,353 --> 00:22:29,213 Yes...and that's where she's going to stay. 412 00:22:31,293 --> 00:22:33,583 I just felt the love beam. 413 00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,113 She loves me. 414 00:22:43,413 --> 00:22:45,363 Freeze, dirtbags! 415 00:22:45,373 --> 00:22:48,763 I don't want you sniffing around my daughter, Walker. 416 00:22:48,773 --> 00:22:49,893 What's shaking, Chief? 417 00:22:49,913 --> 00:22:52,333 Chief, how the hell was patrol? 418 00:22:52,353 --> 00:22:54,343 You're in big trouble, Walker. 419 00:22:54,353 --> 00:22:57,103 Chief, you can't keep me away from your daughter. 420 00:22:57,123 --> 00:22:59,703 I'm gonna keep you away from her forever. 421 00:22:59,723 --> 00:23:01,173 How you gonna do that, Chief? 422 00:23:01,183 --> 00:23:03,813 We're gonna settle this thing once and for all. 423 00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:06,283 I can't just beat the shit out of you... 424 00:23:06,293 --> 00:23:08,373 so we're gonna have us a little game of football... 425 00:23:08,393 --> 00:23:09,853 and I'm gonna hurt you. 426 00:23:09,863 --> 00:23:12,583 I'm gonna play with these two men right here. 427 00:23:12,603 --> 00:23:13,893 These men right here? 428 00:23:13,903 --> 00:23:16,693 OK, hold on. Let me get a head count for a second. 429 00:23:16,703 --> 00:23:18,523 You got one, two, three, four. 430 00:23:18,543 --> 00:23:21,253 That's a little unfair, isn't it? 431 00:23:21,273 --> 00:23:23,393 Well, then you can play with the big cheese. 432 00:23:23,413 --> 00:23:25,563 Oh, now I like it. Chief, one last thing. 433 00:23:25,583 --> 00:23:29,063 Once we kick your butt, Georgia's mine. 434 00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:31,003 Well, then, just to make it fair... 435 00:23:31,013 --> 00:23:34,573 you're gonna get to play with one hand behind your back. 436 00:23:34,593 --> 00:23:36,103 Isn't that cute? 437 00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:38,513 Chief, you don't play with one hand, do you? 438 00:23:42,003 --> 00:23:43,953 Let's bless the ball. 439 00:23:43,973 --> 00:23:47,083 A little pooper for the Troopers. 440 00:23:58,343 --> 00:24:00,833 Rotten little piss-ants. 441 00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:03,303 Go, John! 442 00:24:06,493 --> 00:24:09,743 Cheerleaders? Cheerleaders? 443 00:24:09,753 --> 00:24:10,903 Run! 444 00:24:12,203 --> 00:24:13,513 I got it, I got it. 445 00:24:13,533 --> 00:24:14,923 Luther! 446 00:24:43,163 --> 00:24:44,773 Can I see some I.D., please? 447 00:24:49,963 --> 00:24:52,213 Nice catch, Cooper. 448 00:24:55,073 --> 00:24:57,823 Yay, Troopers! 449 00:24:57,843 --> 00:25:00,163 Get 'em out of here. 450 00:25:00,173 --> 00:25:02,063 Oh, my God. 451 00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:03,093 Hut! 452 00:25:05,853 --> 00:25:07,993 Hey, fat man, get out of here. 453 00:25:08,013 --> 00:25:09,563 I'm out of here. 454 00:25:16,523 --> 00:25:19,273 Look at him go. Look at the chief. 455 00:25:19,293 --> 00:25:20,683 Wait a second. 456 00:25:20,693 --> 00:25:22,373 That's a $20 ball. That's a game ball. 457 00:25:22,403 --> 00:25:24,413 Let's get him. 458 00:25:33,083 --> 00:25:36,933 It started last weekend 459 00:25:36,943 --> 00:25:39,663 At the Yale-Harvard game 460 00:25:39,683 --> 00:25:43,273 10:38. This movie is shit. 461 00:25:43,293 --> 00:25:47,333 Girl, I saw your beaver flash 462 00:25:47,353 --> 00:25:52,213 I'll never be the same 463 00:25:52,233 --> 00:25:55,783 Oh, no 464 00:25:58,763 --> 00:26:04,033 You gave me a soul kiss 465 00:26:04,043 --> 00:26:08,333 Oh, it sure was grand 466 00:26:08,343 --> 00:26:11,693 Johnny, now that I'm homeless... 467 00:26:11,713 --> 00:26:13,533 what do you plan to do with me? 468 00:26:13,553 --> 00:26:15,133 I'm gonna love you. 469 00:26:16,823 --> 00:26:18,813 And I'm gonna marry you. 470 00:26:20,853 --> 00:26:25,213 And that should take care of about sixty years. 471 00:26:25,233 --> 00:26:27,743 Is that a threat or a promise? 472 00:26:27,763 --> 00:26:30,873 That's a threat. 473 00:26:30,893 --> 00:26:33,013 I'm getting old, though. 474 00:26:33,043 --> 00:26:34,393 Yeah, real old. 475 00:26:34,403 --> 00:26:35,723 I'm serious. 476 00:26:35,743 --> 00:26:38,663 Next thing you know, I'll be on the beach... 477 00:26:38,673 --> 00:26:43,603 with that big belly, sporting the bikini underwear... 478 00:26:43,613 --> 00:26:44,863 just walking. 479 00:26:46,883 --> 00:26:48,773 Then comes gray hair. 480 00:26:48,783 --> 00:26:52,403 Then comes ear hair, coming out of my ears. 481 00:26:52,423 --> 00:26:55,243 Then comes white hair. Then comes no hair. 482 00:26:55,263 --> 00:26:57,013 Then comes no teeth. 483 00:26:57,023 --> 00:27:00,243 Then, boom, you're 70 years old. 484 00:27:00,263 --> 00:27:01,873 Or 80. 485 00:27:01,893 --> 00:27:04,483 Ooh, nature. 486 00:27:04,503 --> 00:27:06,493 I'll be there. 487 00:27:18,413 --> 00:27:21,633 You kids having a good time? 488 00:27:24,393 --> 00:27:27,003 Hi, John. Johnny Ballgame. 489 00:27:27,023 --> 00:27:29,573 All right. Now, I don't mean to interrupt you. 490 00:27:29,593 --> 00:27:31,343 I just want you to know, John... 491 00:27:31,353 --> 00:27:34,753 that there's a lot of phony hype with all these schools. 492 00:27:34,763 --> 00:27:36,953 Now, I know you better than you know yourself... 493 00:27:36,963 --> 00:27:40,553 and right now the best situation for you is Piermont. 494 00:27:40,563 --> 00:27:42,893 Oh, yeah, Coach? 495 00:27:42,913 --> 00:27:44,223 -Really. -Yeah? 496 00:27:44,243 --> 00:27:47,203 Can I tell them you'll come down for a visit this weekend? 497 00:27:47,213 --> 00:27:48,223 Coach. 498 00:27:50,643 --> 00:27:54,513 You'd be my horse if you never even ran a race. 499 00:27:54,523 --> 00:27:56,513 OK, I'll be there. 500 00:27:56,523 --> 00:27:58,703 -Johnny Ballgame. -OK. 501 00:27:58,723 --> 00:28:01,143 I'll have 'em send you a plane ticket. 502 00:28:01,153 --> 00:28:04,243 You know I've always been fond of you, kid. 503 00:28:04,263 --> 00:28:05,543 Thank you, Coach. 504 00:28:05,563 --> 00:28:08,343 I'm fond of your Pacer. 505 00:28:08,363 --> 00:28:09,403 Thank you. 506 00:28:09,433 --> 00:28:10,973 I'm most fond of it. 507 00:28:10,993 --> 00:28:13,393 Hey, you could have one of these someday. 508 00:28:13,403 --> 00:28:14,913 Don't tease me, Coach. 509 00:28:20,443 --> 00:28:22,903 That's the last damn school I'd ever visit in my life. 510 00:28:22,913 --> 00:28:25,433 Johnny, why are you visiting all these schools? 511 00:28:27,453 --> 00:28:29,563 I thought we planned to go to State... 512 00:28:29,583 --> 00:28:31,733 to be together. 513 00:28:33,593 --> 00:28:35,673 I can't just ignore the opportunity... 514 00:28:35,693 --> 00:28:39,243 to go see schools, to see the country. 515 00:28:39,263 --> 00:28:41,473 You wouldn't want that. 516 00:28:43,703 --> 00:28:46,493 Come on. When you get that look on your face-- 517 00:28:46,503 --> 00:28:47,653 Let me get a kiss, please. 518 00:28:47,673 --> 00:28:49,853 Like, let me get a Georgia fish kiss. 519 00:28:49,873 --> 00:28:52,323 Come get it. 520 00:28:55,213 --> 00:28:56,603 Come get it? 521 00:28:58,113 --> 00:28:59,503 I will. 522 00:29:22,543 --> 00:29:24,593 It's the way to travel, ain't it, soldier? 523 00:29:24,613 --> 00:29:26,603 Huh? You see the country here and... 524 00:29:26,613 --> 00:29:29,433 first-class bucket seats. 525 00:29:29,443 --> 00:29:31,453 The price is right, too, huh? 526 00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:37,103 What are you, a private? 527 00:29:37,123 --> 00:29:40,163 Hey, I'm trying to eat. You mind? 528 00:29:40,183 --> 00:29:42,143 Hey, this is a family bus here. 529 00:29:42,153 --> 00:29:45,383 Hey, Slim. Hey, I'm trying to eat. 530 00:29:45,393 --> 00:29:48,983 Hey, Slim. Knock it off, will you? 531 00:30:00,203 --> 00:30:02,723 I wonder if that's the Ol' Tex plane. 532 00:30:02,753 --> 00:30:04,463 Have you seen a lot of commercial airlines... 533 00:30:04,483 --> 00:30:06,263 that look like a flying horny toad? 534 00:30:06,283 --> 00:30:07,323 No. 535 00:30:17,723 --> 00:30:20,543 Get off that. No. Please. 536 00:30:24,333 --> 00:30:27,193 -Hi. How y'all doing? -How you doing? Good to see you. 537 00:30:27,203 --> 00:30:30,163 My name's Tex Wade. I'm gonna be your host for the weekend. 538 00:30:30,173 --> 00:30:32,713 I'm gonna make sure you get everything you want... 539 00:30:32,743 --> 00:30:34,493 from your visit to Ol' Tex. 540 00:30:34,513 --> 00:30:37,863 Well, thank you, Tex. You got a lot of style, Tex. 541 00:30:37,883 --> 00:30:41,533 How about a little something to blur your vision, Johnny? 542 00:30:41,543 --> 00:30:44,203 - No, thanks, Tex. - Well, then hop in. 543 00:30:44,223 --> 00:30:46,373 OK. Bye, Georgia. 544 00:30:46,393 --> 00:30:48,473 Johnny, be good. 545 00:30:51,853 --> 00:30:54,253 Come on in, Tex. 546 00:30:54,263 --> 00:30:56,343 Georgia, can you see his boots? 547 00:30:58,033 --> 00:30:59,353 See you, Georgia. 548 00:31:02,373 --> 00:31:03,793 Just kidding, Tex. 549 00:31:03,813 --> 00:31:05,663 Aw, man! 550 00:31:18,023 --> 00:31:20,013 Where is that punk? 551 00:31:20,023 --> 00:31:21,533 Excuse me? 552 00:31:21,553 --> 00:31:23,843 I'm not talking to you, lady. 553 00:31:23,863 --> 00:31:25,213 What a jerk. 554 00:31:30,963 --> 00:31:34,453 Thinks his time is more valuable than mine, I guess. 555 00:31:34,473 --> 00:31:37,653 Probably stroking his muskrat somewhere. 556 00:31:41,873 --> 00:31:43,463 Sit down, Coach. 557 00:31:43,483 --> 00:31:45,233 Oh, thank you. 558 00:31:46,753 --> 00:31:49,133 You're late. Where's the kid? 559 00:31:49,153 --> 00:31:52,763 They sprung a math test on him. 560 00:31:52,793 --> 00:31:54,043 You believe that? 561 00:31:54,063 --> 00:31:55,873 He'll be flying down a little later. 562 00:31:55,893 --> 00:31:58,113 Actually, I should give him a little call. 563 00:31:58,123 --> 00:31:59,633 Use the phone back there, please. 564 00:31:59,663 --> 00:32:01,113 Yeah. 565 00:32:01,123 --> 00:32:03,083 You should have seen that airport. 566 00:32:03,103 --> 00:32:04,253 What a madhouse. 567 00:32:05,303 --> 00:32:07,883 It's a beautiful office, Chancellor. 568 00:32:07,903 --> 00:32:10,083 Not too shabby. 569 00:32:11,333 --> 00:32:13,303 John, how are you? 570 00:32:14,283 --> 00:32:15,493 What's the matter? 571 00:32:15,513 --> 00:32:17,293 Well, that's terrible. 572 00:32:17,313 --> 00:32:19,463 Listen. Don't worry about a thing. 573 00:32:19,483 --> 00:32:21,733 We'll just reschedule the meeting, OK? 574 00:32:21,743 --> 00:32:24,543 I know you want to come here with me. 575 00:32:24,553 --> 00:32:26,063 You haven't hurt your chances. 576 00:32:26,093 --> 00:32:29,133 Now, look. As soon as I get off the airplane... 577 00:32:29,153 --> 00:32:30,943 I'm coming right over to see you. 578 00:32:30,953 --> 00:32:33,453 I love you, too, son. 579 00:32:33,463 --> 00:32:34,513 Bye-bye. 580 00:32:35,833 --> 00:32:37,323 That's a great kid. 581 00:33:05,963 --> 00:33:09,943 I want you to feel right at home, like family. 582 00:33:09,963 --> 00:33:12,643 Like this was your very own ranch. 583 00:33:12,673 --> 00:33:15,133 Look, this comes straight from the heart, John. 584 00:33:15,143 --> 00:33:17,393 Everybody here loves you. 585 00:33:17,403 --> 00:33:19,393 You see these long-stemmed American beauties here? 586 00:33:19,403 --> 00:33:21,023 They're all for you. They're yours. 587 00:33:21,043 --> 00:33:23,663 That grass is yours. This whole shindig is yours. 588 00:33:23,683 --> 00:33:26,603 Them trees are yours. Hell, that lake is yours. 589 00:33:26,613 --> 00:33:28,123 Is this part of the campus, Tex? 590 00:33:28,153 --> 00:33:30,333 You could call it part of the campus, Johnny. 591 00:33:30,353 --> 00:33:33,843 You come to Ol' Tex, you can call it anything you want. 592 00:33:33,863 --> 00:33:35,073 I love Ol' Tex. 593 00:33:35,093 --> 00:33:37,883 Margarita, Mr. Wade? -Don't mind if we do, darling. 594 00:33:37,893 --> 00:33:39,003 Here you go. 595 00:33:39,023 --> 00:33:40,913 Never had one of these. 596 00:33:40,923 --> 00:33:44,823 Shit. Everybody drinks margaritas at Ol' Tex. 597 00:33:44,833 --> 00:33:46,723 Feisty little filly, ain't she? 598 00:33:46,733 --> 00:33:49,093 My wife says they're medicinal. 599 00:33:49,103 --> 00:33:50,353 The ride has started! 600 00:33:50,373 --> 00:33:51,793 He's out of the chute. 601 00:33:51,803 --> 00:33:53,893 He's riding that-- 602 00:33:53,913 --> 00:33:55,303 B.B., what's shaking? 603 00:33:55,313 --> 00:33:57,893 Come on, break yourself loose and say hi to Johnny Walker. 604 00:33:57,913 --> 00:34:00,533 Johnny, captain of the team, Bad Breath Banister. 605 00:34:00,543 --> 00:34:01,863 Tough duty, B.B. 606 00:34:01,893 --> 00:34:03,703 That boy's breath would gag a maggot. 607 00:34:03,723 --> 00:34:05,733 I know it, Tex, but he's gotta be... 608 00:34:06,793 --> 00:34:08,503 Ladies and gents... 609 00:34:08,523 --> 00:34:11,603 can I have your attention for one minute? 610 00:34:11,623 --> 00:34:14,213 I want to introduce to you... 611 00:34:14,233 --> 00:34:17,553 five of the most sought-after football players... 612 00:34:17,563 --> 00:34:20,493 in the entire country. 613 00:34:20,503 --> 00:34:22,513 Boys, come on now. 614 00:34:22,543 --> 00:34:23,933 Step up here. 615 00:34:28,673 --> 00:34:31,393 We want you! We want you! 616 00:34:31,413 --> 00:34:33,373 And you're gonna get 'em! 617 00:34:33,383 --> 00:34:35,303 This here is Flick Weaver... 618 00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:36,863 Pete Andropolous... 619 00:34:36,883 --> 00:34:39,073 Benny Figg... 620 00:34:39,083 --> 00:34:42,013 and that hunk of Mexican-Samoan man flesh... 621 00:34:42,033 --> 00:34:44,043 Jose Fopupu. 622 00:34:44,063 --> 00:34:47,643 And last, but not least, Johnny "Rocket Arm" Walker. 623 00:34:47,663 --> 00:34:51,013 We want you! We want you! 624 00:34:51,033 --> 00:34:54,463 Hail all to Ol' Tex 625 00:34:54,473 --> 00:34:57,893 Let the spirit lead 626 00:34:57,903 --> 00:35:01,293 Hail all to Ol' Tex 627 00:35:01,303 --> 00:35:04,673 On to victory 628 00:35:04,683 --> 00:35:09,073 Our minds and hearts are with you 629 00:35:09,083 --> 00:35:13,983 Your hallowed halls we praise 630 00:35:13,993 --> 00:35:17,003 Hail all to Ol' Tex 631 00:35:17,023 --> 00:35:21,713 All the live-long day 632 00:35:38,583 --> 00:35:40,033 Ol' Tex is great. 633 00:35:40,043 --> 00:35:43,513 Yeah, but it can't come close to the money Piermont offered. 634 00:35:43,523 --> 00:35:45,133 Man, only that junk bond bullshit. 635 00:35:45,153 --> 00:35:46,843 I'm splitting. 636 00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:48,213 Where are you going? 637 00:35:48,223 --> 00:35:50,113 I'm going to get some Chinese. 638 00:35:50,123 --> 00:35:51,703 Man, ain't you full yet, brother? 639 00:35:51,723 --> 00:35:54,853 I'm not talking about food. I told Tex I'd only come... 640 00:35:54,863 --> 00:35:56,913 to visit if he got me two Chinese girls. 641 00:35:56,933 --> 00:35:58,923 -Yo, Slick. -He did! 642 00:35:58,933 --> 00:36:01,323 Poontang foo-yang, hoss. 643 00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:05,733 We're gonna show you a real good time. 644 00:36:05,743 --> 00:36:07,093 How you doing, Carmen? 645 00:36:07,113 --> 00:36:09,103 I'm glad to see you. Ralph, what's up with you, man? 646 00:36:09,113 --> 00:36:10,793 How you doing? How's it feeling, man? 647 00:36:10,813 --> 00:36:12,693 Yeah? Things looking up? 648 00:36:12,723 --> 00:36:14,173 Aw, the stock market's down. 649 00:36:14,183 --> 00:36:16,233 Stocks are down, huh? How's your wife, man? 650 00:36:16,253 --> 00:36:17,243 Oh, fair. 651 00:36:17,253 --> 00:36:18,863 I need a partner. 652 00:36:18,883 --> 00:36:20,573 -Still picking pockets, man? -Yeah. 653 00:36:28,433 --> 00:36:31,443 I'm here to tell you that it is my responsibility... 654 00:36:31,463 --> 00:36:34,863 to welcome you to the fold of Ol' Tex. 655 00:36:34,873 --> 00:36:39,263 Sort of like a queen bee with a hive... 656 00:36:39,273 --> 00:36:40,883 and I never miss. 657 00:36:40,903 --> 00:36:43,733 I got me a player in every class. 658 00:36:45,913 --> 00:36:50,273 In order to prepare you for tonight's experience... 659 00:36:50,283 --> 00:36:52,363 we need to do a little hot heart exercise. 660 00:36:52,393 --> 00:36:54,473 Now I'm gonna send you some energy. 661 00:36:56,093 --> 00:36:57,373 Do you feel it? 662 00:36:57,393 --> 00:36:58,843 Do you feel it? 663 00:36:58,863 --> 00:37:00,673 I feel it. I feel good. 664 00:37:00,693 --> 00:37:03,213 -Do you feel the heat? -I feel the heat. 665 00:37:03,233 --> 00:37:05,593 OK, OK. I feel it, too. 666 00:37:05,603 --> 00:37:07,093 OK, now. 667 00:37:07,103 --> 00:37:10,353 How'd you like to go visit our campus? 668 00:37:10,373 --> 00:37:12,413 Where the hell is that campus, by the way? 669 00:37:12,443 --> 00:37:14,563 Well, I'm glad you asked... 670 00:37:14,583 --> 00:37:16,793 because I'm gonna take you there right now. 671 00:37:16,813 --> 00:37:17,823 Thank you, ma'am. 672 00:37:17,843 --> 00:37:22,863 Well, let us grab our drinks and vamoose. 673 00:37:22,893 --> 00:37:24,273 Ooh, numero uno. 674 00:37:26,123 --> 00:37:28,203 I'm going to show you, you lucky boy... 675 00:37:28,223 --> 00:37:31,543 why they call us the Horny Toads. 676 00:37:31,553 --> 00:37:35,353 Why, darling, this is far more than a football team. 677 00:37:35,363 --> 00:37:36,683 Armadillo. 678 00:37:36,703 --> 00:37:38,883 I mean, we have a very fine medical program... 679 00:37:38,903 --> 00:37:42,053 in which many operators come out successfully. 680 00:37:42,073 --> 00:37:43,143 Oh, is that right? 681 00:37:43,173 --> 00:37:44,923 Well, you understand the word "operator"? 682 00:37:44,943 --> 00:37:45,933 Not at all. 683 00:37:45,943 --> 00:37:47,953 -Was that your hand? -That was yours. 684 00:37:47,973 --> 00:37:51,053 Oh, well, that was my hand, darling. 685 00:37:51,073 --> 00:37:55,913 I thought it was a pillow, but I can see I was mistaken. 686 00:37:55,923 --> 00:37:59,073 And as you can see, we have a very fine library. 687 00:37:59,083 --> 00:38:00,333 Right. I can see that. 688 00:38:00,353 --> 00:38:03,713 Well, we'll see the library now. 689 00:38:05,333 --> 00:38:06,913 Excuse me. 690 00:38:12,773 --> 00:38:16,253 Listen, if you're not interested in her... 691 00:38:16,273 --> 00:38:20,283 I may know someone a little more your speed. 692 00:38:23,953 --> 00:38:26,273 Now, darling... 693 00:38:26,283 --> 00:38:30,763 I thought this would be a more intimate place to dine. 694 00:38:30,783 --> 00:38:32,273 A little more spacious. 695 00:38:32,293 --> 00:38:34,613 I can't believe the size of this campus. 696 00:38:34,623 --> 00:38:36,943 - It's huge. - Well, you bet. 697 00:38:36,963 --> 00:38:39,173 They're all gonna be saying it-- "Go, Johnny, go." 698 00:38:39,193 --> 00:38:42,773 In the fall, 80,000 people will be cheering you on, darling. 699 00:38:42,803 --> 00:38:44,293 Johnny Walker! 700 00:38:44,303 --> 00:38:47,983 And I can guarantee you something, sweetheart. 701 00:38:48,003 --> 00:38:49,353 It will be nothing... 702 00:38:49,373 --> 00:38:51,863 like the performance I'm about to give. 703 00:38:53,813 --> 00:38:55,133 Oh, no. 704 00:38:58,313 --> 00:38:59,733 Oh. Ouch. 705 00:38:59,743 --> 00:39:00,733 Oh, boink. 706 00:39:00,743 --> 00:39:02,163 Thank you so much. 707 00:39:02,193 --> 00:39:03,473 Matter of fact... 708 00:39:03,493 --> 00:39:06,073 I should start abusing that term-thank you-- 709 00:39:06,093 --> 00:39:09,513 because it can get me in and out of more situations... 710 00:39:09,523 --> 00:39:11,273 with smooth sincerity. 711 00:39:12,763 --> 00:39:14,583 Absolutely the best thing I could say... 712 00:39:14,603 --> 00:39:16,023 is thank you right now. 713 00:39:16,033 --> 00:39:17,883 Thank you and... 714 00:39:17,903 --> 00:39:19,893 well, thank you. Thank you. 715 00:39:19,903 --> 00:39:21,383 Darling, you talk too much. 716 00:39:21,403 --> 00:39:22,883 Wait a minute. No, thank you. 717 00:39:22,913 --> 00:39:24,923 See, I'm not the type of guy who thinks-- 718 00:39:24,943 --> 00:39:26,953 -Joe Bob! -Yo! 719 00:39:26,973 --> 00:39:29,393 Tell 'em about the Ol' Tex baby dolls... 720 00:39:29,413 --> 00:39:33,403 and how they like to sneak in the locker room at halftime. 721 00:39:33,423 --> 00:39:35,413 Lord have mercy, boys. 722 00:39:35,423 --> 00:39:38,413 We spend $20,000 a month on these pretty little fillies... 723 00:39:38,423 --> 00:39:40,913 just for the football program alone. 724 00:39:40,923 --> 00:39:42,533 You gonna like it here. 725 00:39:42,563 --> 00:39:46,923 Please stop. Stop. I--thank you very much. 726 00:39:46,933 --> 00:39:49,923 Miss, look, thank you. No. You're making this hard enough. 727 00:39:49,933 --> 00:39:51,283 Please stop. 728 00:39:53,043 --> 00:39:55,793 Jose, come on down here, boy. I wanna show you your future. 729 00:39:55,803 --> 00:39:57,023 Ride 'em, cowboy! 730 00:39:57,043 --> 00:39:59,033 Speaking of luxury, if my eyes don't deceive me... 731 00:39:59,043 --> 00:40:00,923 that's a boy getting his knob polished... 732 00:40:00,943 --> 00:40:02,623 right there on the fifty-yard line. 733 00:40:02,653 --> 00:40:03,733 Say what? 734 00:40:03,753 --> 00:40:06,833 I gotta go, you understand? 735 00:40:06,853 --> 00:40:09,863 Oh, wait! Where are you-- Don't leave! 736 00:40:09,883 --> 00:40:12,603 And |--stop! Stop! Let me go. 737 00:40:12,623 --> 00:40:15,273 Oh, I gotta put this up on the scoreboard... 738 00:40:15,293 --> 00:40:16,783 see it a little clearer. 739 00:40:17,993 --> 00:40:21,503 I have to go. No, I'm not a homosexual. 740 00:40:21,523 --> 00:40:23,453 I have to go. 741 00:40:23,473 --> 00:40:24,953 No, you don't. 742 00:40:24,973 --> 00:40:27,463 By God. I'll be dipped in dog shit. 743 00:40:27,473 --> 00:40:28,953 That's Johnny Walker. 744 00:40:28,973 --> 00:40:30,453 What the-- 745 00:40:30,473 --> 00:40:33,303 Shit. That's my wife! 746 00:40:33,313 --> 00:40:34,763 That's your wife? 747 00:40:34,783 --> 00:40:37,293 Who said that? Wait a minute. Please. You have a husband? 748 00:40:37,313 --> 00:40:38,963 I'm getting out of here now. This is it, and I'm out. 749 00:40:38,983 --> 00:40:41,833 And put those tits away. This was no med school. 750 00:40:41,843 --> 00:40:43,843 -This was not a library! -I wanna play ball! 751 00:40:43,853 --> 00:40:45,003 I have to go! 752 00:40:45,023 --> 00:40:47,983 I won't put away my tits before you get back here! 753 00:40:47,993 --> 00:40:49,983 Come back here, you |i|' boy! 754 00:40:49,993 --> 00:40:51,473 I gotta go! No, no! 755 00:40:51,493 --> 00:40:54,013 Come back here! I can make you feel good! 756 00:41:02,443 --> 00:41:04,863 Get your butt in this car, boy! Now! 757 00:41:04,873 --> 00:41:06,363 Come on, let's go! 758 00:41:06,373 --> 00:41:07,863 You wanna go? Get in! 759 00:41:09,843 --> 00:41:11,833 Hey, don't be doing that to the paint! 760 00:41:11,843 --> 00:41:14,343 Tex'll have my behind for that. 761 00:41:14,353 --> 00:41:16,533 Don't be doing that. Get in. Come on. 762 00:41:22,463 --> 00:41:24,883 Oh, so this is the medical school. 763 00:41:41,853 --> 00:41:44,133 Hey, boys, come on down here! 764 00:41:44,153 --> 00:41:46,663 Got the entire front row for y'all! 765 00:41:55,363 --> 00:41:56,873 Oh, my gosh! 766 00:41:56,893 --> 00:41:58,003 It's looking very good! 767 00:41:58,023 --> 00:41:59,033 Oh, no. 768 00:42:30,453 --> 00:42:32,443 Sure was nice of 0|‘ Tex to let us use his car. 769 00:42:32,463 --> 00:42:35,613 Goddamn! It was nice of him to give us his wife! 770 00:42:38,163 --> 00:42:40,853 - Fill 'er up? - Yes, sir, with beer. 771 00:42:40,863 --> 00:42:42,323 HEY- 772 00:42:42,343 --> 00:42:44,493 Get you guys a beer or maybe two. 773 00:42:45,973 --> 00:42:47,293 How you doing? 774 00:42:47,313 --> 00:42:50,133 -Doing good. How you doing? -Good, good. 775 00:42:50,143 --> 00:42:52,693 You going to play football at Ol' Tex? 776 00:42:52,723 --> 00:42:54,973 Oh, I don't know yet. 777 00:42:54,983 --> 00:42:57,973 You know, I used to be a football player. 778 00:42:57,983 --> 00:43:00,403 They said I would've been all-American... 779 00:43:00,423 --> 00:43:02,463 if I hadn't hurt my leg. 780 00:43:03,933 --> 00:43:05,413 What happened? 781 00:43:05,433 --> 00:43:07,923 Did you go to Ol' Tex? 782 00:43:07,933 --> 00:43:10,283 I was going to, but... 783 00:43:10,293 --> 00:43:12,923 I never got the chance. 784 00:43:12,943 --> 00:43:14,933 After they took my scholarship away... 785 00:43:14,943 --> 00:43:16,423 I had to quit school. 786 00:43:16,443 --> 00:43:17,923 But... 787 00:43:17,943 --> 00:43:20,723 Ol' Tex took care of me, got me this job. 788 00:43:24,153 --> 00:43:25,793 I ain't complaining. 789 00:43:32,823 --> 00:43:33,943 HEY- 790 00:43:33,963 --> 00:43:35,953 - Yeah, buddy. - Party! 791 00:43:35,963 --> 00:43:38,143 Yeah! Gonna party tonight! 792 00:43:42,973 --> 00:43:45,223 What's this stuff, man? 793 00:43:49,333 --> 00:43:50,513 What is it? 794 00:43:54,483 --> 00:43:56,733 That's Texas sushi, boy. 795 00:43:56,743 --> 00:43:58,793 Forget you, man. 796 00:44:03,753 --> 00:44:05,403 Come on. We're out of here. 797 00:44:05,423 --> 00:44:06,913 Let's jam. 798 00:44:06,923 --> 00:44:07,963 Move it out! All right. 799 00:44:25,573 --> 00:44:27,083 There he is! 800 00:44:27,113 --> 00:44:29,863 Hey, Johnny, why'd you visit Ol' Tex? 801 00:44:29,873 --> 00:44:32,093 I need silence. I need silence. 802 00:44:32,123 --> 00:44:34,803 Why'd you go there in the first place? 803 00:44:34,823 --> 00:44:36,813 Come on, you're smarter than that, Johnny. 804 00:44:36,823 --> 00:44:38,133 I don't know. I don't know. 805 00:44:38,153 --> 00:44:41,803 Until you signed your letter, nothing else means squat. 806 00:44:44,663 --> 00:44:46,273 Hey. Hello there. 807 00:44:46,293 --> 00:44:48,653 Hi, honey. 808 00:44:48,663 --> 00:44:50,653 How was the campus? 809 00:44:50,663 --> 00:44:52,113 The campus. 810 00:44:52,143 --> 00:44:55,153 Right. It was nice, Mom. 811 00:44:55,173 --> 00:44:57,993 Yeah, it was nice. It really was a nice campus. 812 00:44:58,003 --> 00:45:00,583 Well, you think of Ol' Tex as just a football school, right? 813 00:45:00,603 --> 00:45:01,823 And in actuality... 814 00:45:01,843 --> 00:45:05,463 they have the finest pre-med school in the country. 815 00:45:05,483 --> 00:45:08,403 Really. Just a fierce-- it was a beautiful setup. 816 00:45:08,413 --> 00:45:10,903 Yeah, it was nice. It really was. 817 00:45:10,913 --> 00:45:15,073 Listen, something wonderful happened while you were away. 818 00:45:15,093 --> 00:45:17,603 This fella calls up on the telephone, see... 819 00:45:17,623 --> 00:45:21,083 and he orders 10,000 walleyed gibblers. 820 00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,513 Apparently he gives them away... 821 00:45:22,533 --> 00:45:24,113 on his late-night television show... 822 00:45:24,133 --> 00:45:27,753 like those Veg-a-matics or those spiffy little fishing rods... 823 00:45:27,773 --> 00:45:30,923 that turn into can openers. 824 00:45:30,933 --> 00:45:34,923 We could make a small fortune on this deal, you know? 825 00:45:34,943 --> 00:45:36,933 That's excellent, Gramp. 826 00:45:36,943 --> 00:45:38,933 Yeah. So he called? 827 00:45:38,943 --> 00:45:41,933 The fella says so long as they sell... 828 00:45:41,953 --> 00:45:43,943 the orders will just keep coming in. 829 00:45:43,953 --> 00:45:46,943 You know, we could maybe buy a larger house. 830 00:45:46,953 --> 00:45:50,003 That'll really catch a lot of fish. 831 00:45:50,193 --> 00:45:52,073 - Hi, Johnny. - Hey, Monica. 832 00:45:52,103 --> 00:45:53,983 Don't you bruise those tomatoes now. 833 00:45:57,503 --> 00:45:59,083 Have you folks tried those biscuits? 834 00:45:59,103 --> 00:46:01,243 - They're delicious. - What'd he say? 835 00:46:01,263 --> 00:46:02,443 Pick a school yet, Johnny? 836 00:46:02,473 --> 00:46:04,263 Baby love. 837 00:46:04,273 --> 00:46:07,233 Hey. How was it? 838 00:46:07,243 --> 00:46:11,223 It was cool. It was good. I had a good time. 839 00:46:11,243 --> 00:46:13,433 Yeah? 840 00:46:13,453 --> 00:46:15,563 So how were the girls? 841 00:46:15,583 --> 00:46:18,473 The girls. 842 00:46:18,483 --> 00:46:20,493 How were the girls? 843 00:46:21,483 --> 00:46:23,503 Well, they were... 844 00:46:24,993 --> 00:46:26,683 very short... 845 00:46:26,693 --> 00:46:28,703 very fat... 846 00:46:28,733 --> 00:46:30,983 and kinda weird looking. 847 00:46:30,993 --> 00:46:32,113 What was her name? 848 00:46:32,143 --> 00:46:34,963 - Huh? - What was her name? 849 00:46:37,103 --> 00:46:38,923 The woman I had dinner with was Lawanda. 850 00:46:38,943 --> 00:46:40,253 That was Tex's wife. 851 00:46:40,273 --> 00:46:41,593 Lawanda? 852 00:46:41,603 --> 00:46:44,363 Very old chick. Very fat woman. 853 00:46:44,383 --> 00:46:46,163 And very funny looking. 854 00:46:46,183 --> 00:46:49,173 She took me to dinner, and, you know... 855 00:46:49,183 --> 00:46:53,653 "What do you think of Texas?" And, you know, "I love it." 856 00:46:53,663 --> 00:46:55,943 Lot of small talk. 857 00:46:55,963 --> 00:46:58,103 I didn't--you know, I didn't do anything... 858 00:46:58,123 --> 00:47:00,673 or, you know, touched her. 859 00:47:04,403 --> 00:47:06,323 What are you thinking about? 860 00:47:08,573 --> 00:47:10,923 I think you're an asshole! 861 00:47:23,323 --> 00:47:25,943 This boy-girl shit hurts, man. 862 00:47:26,923 --> 00:47:29,413 Oh, no. None of that. 863 00:47:29,423 --> 00:47:31,913 It's a bogus product. It's a payoff. 864 00:47:31,933 --> 00:47:35,113 No self-respecting fish would go near a walleyed gibbler. 865 00:47:35,133 --> 00:47:37,923 Hey, Leo, read my lips. 866 00:47:37,933 --> 00:47:39,923 Joe Bob promised my grandfather... 867 00:47:39,933 --> 00:47:41,923 he'd by 10,000 of the things, OK? 868 00:47:41,943 --> 00:47:43,933 Dude, you're confused. You're repeating yourself. 869 00:47:43,943 --> 00:47:46,363 - Maybe you're wrong. - Well... 870 00:47:46,373 --> 00:47:49,123 I couldn't break his heart like that. 871 00:47:49,143 --> 00:47:51,603 Well, you can't commit to Ol' Tex. 872 00:47:51,613 --> 00:47:55,003 I'll tell you something, Leo, I had such a groove in Texas. 873 00:47:55,023 --> 00:47:56,663 I vomited margaritas the whole way home... 874 00:47:56,683 --> 00:47:58,143 but it was beautiful. I'm telling you. 875 00:47:58,153 --> 00:47:59,733 Well, perhaps you'll spew forth... 876 00:47:59,753 --> 00:48:01,533 the drink of every school you visit. 877 00:48:01,553 --> 00:48:03,213 I like that. I'll keep it in mind. 878 00:48:03,233 --> 00:48:04,913 Give me a hand. Howdy, Chief! 879 00:48:04,933 --> 00:48:06,383 Dirtbags! 880 00:48:07,363 --> 00:48:11,413 UCC, UCC, UCC. 881 00:48:12,743 --> 00:48:16,063 What's shaking, Coach? I didn't know you'd show. 882 00:48:16,073 --> 00:48:18,223 Coach, how do you feel? 883 00:48:18,243 --> 00:48:22,063 John, you promised me you were gonna visit Piermont. 884 00:48:22,073 --> 00:48:25,663 He's not going to Piermont. You get it? Got it? 885 00:48:25,683 --> 00:48:27,033 And goose yourself. 886 00:48:28,913 --> 00:48:32,773 If I want any shit out of you, Leo, I'll squeeze your head. 887 00:48:35,393 --> 00:48:38,143 You better listen to me, son. 888 00:48:38,163 --> 00:48:42,243 You're on the verge of destroying your entire career. 889 00:48:42,273 --> 00:48:44,483 I'm not gonna let it happen. 890 00:48:44,503 --> 00:48:46,423 I'm gonna do whatever it takes... 891 00:48:46,433 --> 00:48:48,823 to make sure you do the right thing. 892 00:48:59,713 --> 00:49:01,263 You keep playing games with me... 893 00:49:01,283 --> 00:49:04,443 you're gonna end up waiting on tables with this guy. 894 00:49:04,453 --> 00:49:06,873 That was cold-blooded, Coach. 895 00:49:06,893 --> 00:49:10,003 - Coach, where's your shoes? - Forgot those shoes, Coach. 896 00:49:10,193 --> 00:49:14,593 Are you sure Tom won't want to order more of my lures? 897 00:49:14,603 --> 00:49:18,583 We haven't sold one in three years. 898 00:49:18,603 --> 00:49:21,983 Well, Harvey, you tell him that a big shot down in Texas... 899 00:49:22,003 --> 00:49:24,003 just ordered 10,000 of them. 900 00:49:24,013 --> 00:49:27,863 Reckon the fish in that state are gonna be safe for a while. 901 00:49:51,943 --> 00:49:54,593 Grandpa Walker, can I have a word with you? 902 00:49:54,603 --> 00:49:56,423 Sure, Coach. Sit down. 903 00:49:56,443 --> 00:49:57,923 Got some bad news. 904 00:49:57,943 --> 00:49:59,793 You know Tom Norman? 905 00:49:59,803 --> 00:50:02,423 Well, he owns this shop. Fishing buddy. 906 00:50:02,453 --> 00:50:03,903 What's happened? 907 00:50:03,913 --> 00:50:05,563 Well, apparently he's very connected... 908 00:50:05,583 --> 00:50:07,433 with some of the alumni from Piermont. 909 00:50:07,453 --> 00:50:09,533 Tom tells me that if Johnny doesn't go to Fiermont... 910 00:50:09,553 --> 00:50:12,903 he's gonna have to cut off your credit here. 911 00:50:12,923 --> 00:50:16,443 Hey, I hear you're flunking English. Ouch. 912 00:50:16,463 --> 00:50:18,973 John, you need that English, son. 913 00:50:26,473 --> 00:50:27,783 You did your term paper... 914 00:50:27,803 --> 00:50:29,793 on the American hardware store, huh? 915 00:50:29,803 --> 00:50:31,123 Maybe you deserved that 916 00:50:31,133 --> 00:50:33,263 I don't want to hear about it. It's a very legitimate topic. 917 00:50:33,283 --> 00:50:36,393 - Yes, it is, and I must read it. - I know you wanted to. 918 00:50:36,413 --> 00:50:38,993 So, Leo, I think you know why we're here today. 919 00:50:39,013 --> 00:50:40,793 I think you do. 920 00:50:40,813 --> 00:50:42,963 Hisler's been messing with me, Leo. 921 00:50:42,993 --> 00:50:45,483 He's been messing with my grandfather... 922 00:50:45,493 --> 00:50:47,983 been messing with my little brother... 923 00:50:47,993 --> 00:50:49,503 my little sister. 924 00:50:50,993 --> 00:50:53,323 Been messing with my mom, Leo. 925 00:50:53,333 --> 00:50:56,983 He's been talking to her, messing with her. 926 00:50:57,003 --> 00:50:58,993 And now... 927 00:50:59,003 --> 00:51:00,753 we're gonna mess with him, Leo. 928 00:51:00,763 --> 00:51:01,913 Are you with me? 929 00:51:01,933 --> 00:51:03,223 Die! 930 00:51:05,443 --> 00:51:07,223 Gonna ruin his life 931 00:51:07,243 --> 00:51:09,093 Gonna ruin it good 932 00:51:09,113 --> 00:51:10,923 Gonna do the wrong thing 933 00:51:10,943 --> 00:51:12,433 Like I thought I could 934 00:51:12,453 --> 00:51:14,733 Oh, Leo, vengeance is mine. Made all the calls, did you? 935 00:51:14,753 --> 00:51:16,933 It all comes together now. 936 00:51:16,953 --> 00:51:19,533 Wait till you see these chihuahuas. 937 00:51:21,283 --> 00:51:23,483 Hut, hut, hut. 938 00:51:26,963 --> 00:51:29,453 Hello, John. Glad you boys came by. 939 00:51:29,463 --> 00:51:31,453 The wife has a Tupperware party... 940 00:51:31,463 --> 00:51:33,463 but we can talk in the den if you like. 941 00:51:33,473 --> 00:51:34,963 I'd appreciate that, Coach. 942 00:51:34,973 --> 00:51:37,483 - Come right in, please. - Thank you. Thank you. 943 00:51:37,503 --> 00:51:40,463 It has a green lid. 944 00:51:40,473 --> 00:51:41,963 It has blue. 945 00:51:41,973 --> 00:51:45,273 It has...purple. See that purple? 946 00:51:45,283 --> 00:51:48,743 You boys met my children before-Sugar and Honey? 947 00:51:48,753 --> 00:51:49,793 Oh, I love your kids. 948 00:51:49,813 --> 00:51:51,303 I've been giving a lot of thought... 949 00:51:51,313 --> 00:51:53,133 to what you told me about Piermont. I really have. 950 00:51:53,163 --> 00:51:55,043 That's good. 951 00:51:55,063 --> 00:51:57,073 Except I'm having a little problem with my English grade. 952 00:51:57,093 --> 00:51:58,983 Really? 953 00:51:58,993 --> 00:52:01,413 Yeah. I thought you could help. 954 00:52:01,423 --> 00:52:05,483 I might be able to help you out with that. Sure. 955 00:52:05,503 --> 00:52:07,183 I thought you could, Coach. 956 00:52:09,433 --> 00:52:10,583 Stick with me, Johnny. 957 00:52:10,603 --> 00:52:13,603 - More company, honey? - Don't get up, Pumpkin. 958 00:52:13,613 --> 00:52:16,933 - Keep selling your goods. - OK, now, I have... 959 00:52:16,943 --> 00:52:18,593 Pizza delivery for Hitler. 960 00:52:18,613 --> 00:52:20,463 Hitler? Hisler. Hisler. 961 00:52:20,483 --> 00:52:22,903 Where you going? Wait a minute, fellas. 962 00:52:22,923 --> 00:52:24,933 Wait a minute. I didn't order any pizza. 963 00:52:24,953 --> 00:52:27,773 $283. - No, it won't be $283. 964 00:52:27,793 --> 00:52:29,303 I didn't order any pizza. 965 00:52:29,323 --> 00:52:31,313 Look, pal, you order pizza, we bring you pizza. 966 00:52:31,323 --> 00:52:33,113 - Hey, listen, you like pizza? - Sure. 967 00:52:33,133 --> 00:52:36,753 Yeah, you like it? All right. You eat the pizza! 968 00:52:39,333 --> 00:52:41,223 What are you doing? 969 00:52:41,233 --> 00:52:43,793 Can't you take a joke, mister? 970 00:52:43,813 --> 00:52:46,633 Go back! Connie, get my shotgun! 971 00:52:48,213 --> 00:52:49,823 Honey, I'm coming! 972 00:52:49,843 --> 00:52:51,953 Can I have the rest of the pizzas? 973 00:53:00,583 --> 00:53:02,073 Is it for me? 974 00:53:02,083 --> 00:53:04,553 No! It's for nobody! Get out of here now! 975 00:53:10,093 --> 00:53:13,253 Whoa! Wait a minute! Where you going? 976 00:53:13,273 --> 00:53:14,953 I'm from D.O.A. Exterminators. 977 00:53:14,973 --> 00:53:16,823 Hear you got a problem with rodents. 978 00:53:16,843 --> 00:53:18,593 I got no rodents! 979 00:53:18,603 --> 00:53:20,253 I'm gonna take care of my own rodents. 980 00:53:20,273 --> 00:53:22,323 Out, out, out! 981 00:53:27,613 --> 00:53:30,663 Coach, we're even now. 982 00:53:30,683 --> 00:53:32,263 How do you turn this thing off? 983 00:53:32,293 --> 00:53:33,373 Come on. Out. 984 00:53:34,393 --> 00:53:35,973 Connie, where are you? 985 00:54:25,813 --> 00:54:28,023 Number one. 986 00:54:29,513 --> 00:54:31,123 That's your number. 987 00:54:31,143 --> 00:54:33,113 Yeah, I was really surprised. 988 00:54:33,123 --> 00:54:35,133 No kidding, yeah. 989 00:54:36,283 --> 00:54:38,203 Definitely want to see him, yeah. 990 00:54:38,223 --> 00:54:41,433 Fast like Homer Jones. Remember Homer? 991 00:54:41,453 --> 00:54:44,043 Yeah, yeah. Heck of a student. 992 00:54:44,063 --> 00:54:46,553 95 average--that's great. 993 00:54:46,563 --> 00:54:48,053 Let's have dinner next Tuesday. 994 00:54:48,063 --> 00:54:50,713 I gotta go. Next Tuesday, OK? 995 00:54:50,733 --> 00:54:52,343 I really have to go. Bye-bye. 996 00:54:52,373 --> 00:54:56,623 What do you say, Coach? How do you feel? 997 00:54:56,643 --> 00:55:00,563 Would you mind removing your feet from my desk, please? 998 00:55:00,573 --> 00:55:02,963 Thank you. 999 00:55:02,983 --> 00:55:05,903 So, I came here to do some business with you today, sir. 1000 00:55:05,913 --> 00:55:07,403 I just got back from Ol' Tex. 1001 00:55:07,413 --> 00:55:10,063 They're ready to cut a sweet and lucrative deal with me... 1002 00:55:10,083 --> 00:55:12,043 except the thing is, I want to play here. 1003 00:55:12,053 --> 00:55:13,603 I want to come to State. 1004 00:55:16,263 --> 00:55:18,803 Johnny, we don't give out deals here. 1005 00:55:20,093 --> 00:55:22,083 What? 1006 00:55:22,093 --> 00:55:26,113 We give the usual scholarship: Room and board... 1007 00:55:26,133 --> 00:55:28,093 a good education. 1008 00:55:28,103 --> 00:55:31,583 Everyone has to actually go to class here. 1009 00:55:31,603 --> 00:55:33,603 And I like to believe... 1010 00:55:33,613 --> 00:55:35,863 that we offer a good background in football. 1011 00:55:35,883 --> 00:55:37,833 We had a lot of players go into pro ball. 1012 00:55:37,843 --> 00:55:41,633 That's nice, Coach, but... 1013 00:55:41,643 --> 00:55:43,703 you're losing the top high school athletes... 1014 00:55:43,723 --> 00:55:46,043 every year for a reason. 1015 00:55:46,053 --> 00:55:47,563 What's that? 1016 00:55:49,723 --> 00:55:51,373 Well, you're not giving them anything. 1017 00:55:51,393 --> 00:55:53,543 You gotta show them something. They gotta see something. 1018 00:55:53,563 --> 00:55:55,213 They gotta know that they're gonna get something-- 1019 00:55:55,233 --> 00:55:59,053 cash, you know, cars, apartments, money. 1020 00:55:59,063 --> 00:56:01,213 Hook-ups, you know what I mean? 1021 00:56:01,233 --> 00:56:03,923 We're looking for benefits these days, Coach. 1022 00:56:03,943 --> 00:56:07,053 Look, Johnny, I like you... 1023 00:56:07,073 --> 00:56:10,063 so I'm not gonna B.S. you. 1024 00:56:10,073 --> 00:56:11,563 You're a good athlete. 1025 00:56:11,573 --> 00:56:15,563 You have a lot of talent and a lot of energy. 1026 00:56:15,583 --> 00:56:17,233 So I'm warning you... 1027 00:56:17,253 --> 00:56:19,873 you're getting into something that you don't understand. 1028 00:56:19,883 --> 00:56:22,743 See, when word goes out that a kid like yourself... 1029 00:56:22,763 --> 00:56:24,483 is looking for a deal... 1030 00:56:24,493 --> 00:56:27,613 believe me, that deal turns out to be a lot stronger... 1031 00:56:27,633 --> 00:56:29,383 than that kid ever bargained for. 1032 00:56:31,093 --> 00:56:32,583 Be careful. 1033 00:56:32,603 --> 00:56:34,463 You're playing with fire. 1034 00:57:05,073 --> 00:57:07,083 Are you crazy? 1035 00:57:07,103 --> 00:57:09,993 My father sleeps with his gun. 1036 00:57:13,143 --> 00:57:15,263 I heard you visited State. 1037 00:57:18,743 --> 00:57:21,433 Does this mean your lobotomy's worn off? 1038 00:57:25,423 --> 00:57:27,073 Well... 1039 00:57:27,093 --> 00:57:32,273 since you're not going to speak, you will rub my feet. 1040 00:57:35,763 --> 00:57:38,223 I mean, far be it for me to ask you to apologize... 1041 00:57:38,233 --> 00:57:41,413 when you have behaved like a complete son of a bitch... 1042 00:57:41,433 --> 00:57:43,053 but... 1043 00:58:06,893 --> 00:58:10,713 "Flowers that have festered smell far worse than weeds." 1044 00:58:12,243 --> 00:58:15,593 That means...you stink. 1045 00:58:19,073 --> 00:58:20,753 But it was sweet. 1046 00:58:21,853 --> 00:58:24,893 I guess I'm still sweet on you. 1047 00:58:24,913 --> 00:58:27,403 I'll cut in ten minutes. 1048 00:58:27,413 --> 00:58:29,563 You're a bombshell. 1049 00:58:36,193 --> 00:58:37,513 “Cc! 1050 00:58:37,523 --> 00:58:40,453 - We're going to 0l' Tex. - No, we're not. 1051 00:58:40,463 --> 00:58:41,943 People in Texas... 1052 00:58:43,973 --> 00:58:45,453 sorry- 1053 00:58:45,473 --> 00:58:46,483 Cool. 1054 00:58:49,103 --> 00:58:51,453 No real shots! No real shots! 1055 00:58:51,473 --> 00:58:52,483 Punk! 1056 00:58:56,643 --> 00:58:59,033 - You wouldn't really use that. - Yes, I would. 1057 00:58:59,043 --> 00:59:02,003 - No, you're not gonna use that. - Yes, I would. 1058 00:59:02,993 --> 00:59:04,473 Leo. 1059 00:59:04,493 --> 00:59:05,973 What? 1060 00:59:05,993 --> 00:59:09,173 What do you really want out of life, huh? 1061 00:59:09,193 --> 00:59:12,273 I want Johnny Walker to go to California. 1062 00:59:16,003 --> 00:59:17,923 - All right, I'll go. - Really? 1063 00:59:17,933 --> 00:59:19,583 - Yeah. - Cool. 1064 01:00:02,313 --> 01:00:06,403 Hey, how you doing, Johnny? Lew Landers, I.C.A. 1065 01:00:06,413 --> 01:00:08,033 It's good to see you. Welcome to California. 1066 01:00:08,053 --> 01:00:09,803 We got a fine time planned for you, buddy. 1067 01:00:09,813 --> 01:00:11,963 Listen, Lew, I'm here to meet the money man. 1068 01:00:11,983 --> 01:00:13,413 I'm here on business, not pleasure. 1069 01:00:13,423 --> 01:00:15,283 I'm the money man, Johnny. 1070 01:00:15,293 --> 01:00:17,343 And I'll tell you something. I'm gonna take you to meet... 1071 01:00:17,363 --> 01:00:18,943 the best quarterback in the country... 1072 01:00:18,963 --> 01:00:20,473 a close personal friend of mine. 1073 01:00:20,493 --> 01:00:22,823 Give me five, Johnny. Never touch. 1074 01:00:41,513 --> 01:00:45,103 Jim McMahon wears Adidas. 1075 01:00:56,133 --> 01:00:57,783 Either I wear Adidas... 1076 01:00:57,803 --> 01:00:59,313 or I wear nothing. 1077 01:01:01,133 --> 01:01:02,953 Almost nothing. 1078 01:01:02,973 --> 01:01:07,663 And cut! Great. Beautiful. Amazing. 1079 01:01:07,673 --> 01:01:09,793 Here you go, Jim. 1080 01:01:09,813 --> 01:01:11,693 I don't know how you do it, Jimmy. Every time. 1081 01:01:11,713 --> 01:01:12,693 Natural talent. 1082 01:01:12,723 --> 01:01:14,643 Back to the golf course again, huh? 1083 01:01:14,653 --> 01:01:16,803 - The rest of you--thank you. - Just one more, Jim. 1084 01:01:16,823 --> 01:01:19,143 - Hey, Yeoman, thanks a lot, man. - You bet, boss. 1085 01:01:19,153 --> 01:01:21,333 Thanks, Bob. 1086 01:01:21,353 --> 01:01:24,983 Jimmy, how you doing? Meet Johnny Walker. 1087 01:01:24,993 --> 01:01:26,313 What's up, Jim? 1088 01:01:26,333 --> 01:01:27,813 How you doing, John? 1089 01:01:27,833 --> 01:01:30,253 Glad to see you're coming to UCC. 1090 01:01:30,263 --> 01:01:32,273 Well, I haven't really made up my mind yet... 1091 01:01:32,303 --> 01:01:35,193 but I'm damn glad to meet you, man. 1092 01:01:35,203 --> 01:01:37,253 I'm having a little party for my man tonight. 1093 01:01:37,273 --> 01:01:38,813 Why don't you stop by the house, huh? 1094 01:01:38,843 --> 01:01:41,353 Well, I'd love to, but I promised my wife... 1095 01:01:41,373 --> 01:01:44,003 I wouldn't show up at your place anymore. 1096 01:01:45,783 --> 01:01:48,293 What a kidder, huh? I love you, Jimmy. 1097 01:01:48,313 --> 01:01:50,503 Hey, maybe next time, huh, babe? 1098 01:01:51,783 --> 01:01:53,183 - Hey, Lew. - Yeah? 1099 01:01:53,193 --> 01:01:55,343 Did you notice how he had his hair done up like that? 1100 01:01:55,363 --> 01:01:56,503 Yeah. Looks good. 1101 01:01:56,523 --> 01:01:58,343 Just like mine. Like he planned it for me. 1102 01:01:58,363 --> 01:02:00,003 Listen, let me tell you something serious, huh? 1103 01:02:00,023 --> 01:02:01,343 You play your cards right... 1104 01:02:01,363 --> 01:02:03,003 you could be the next Adidas man someday. 1105 01:02:03,033 --> 01:02:05,353 Lew, he had his hair hooked up just like mine. 1106 01:02:05,373 --> 01:02:08,853 1:45--Walker receives jacket from Landers. 1107 01:02:08,873 --> 01:02:10,053 Over and out. 1108 01:02:15,743 --> 01:02:18,963 I know I may talk 90% of the time, Johnny... 1109 01:02:18,983 --> 01:02:22,593 but, believe me, I only take 10% of the action. 1110 01:02:22,623 --> 01:02:25,443 - How you doing, Doc? - Terrific, Lew, terrific. 1111 01:02:28,453 --> 01:02:30,773 - Lewie. - Yeah? 1112 01:02:30,793 --> 01:02:33,223 My mother's medicine cabinet was never like this. 1113 01:02:33,233 --> 01:02:36,453 Don't worry about it, Johnny. You're not in Ashcroft anymore. 1114 01:02:36,463 --> 01:02:39,083 We use only the finest steroids available. 1115 01:02:40,163 --> 01:02:43,223 We have only one mind-set here at UCC... 1116 01:02:43,243 --> 01:02:45,093 and that is that our boys are winners. 1117 01:02:45,113 --> 01:02:47,153 - Isn't that right, boys? - Right! 1118 01:02:47,173 --> 01:02:50,063 I love these guys like my own kids, and because of that... 1119 01:02:50,073 --> 01:02:52,623 I take better care of them than their own mommies do. 1120 01:02:52,653 --> 01:02:55,333 - Isn't that right, boys? - Right! 1121 01:02:55,353 --> 01:02:57,273 We have the best training facilities... 1122 01:02:57,283 --> 01:02:59,273 in the country, Johnny, college or pro. 1123 01:02:59,283 --> 01:03:00,603 Our men are appreciated... 1124 01:03:00,623 --> 01:03:03,013 for the fine pieces of machinery that they are. 1125 01:03:03,033 --> 01:03:04,813 - What's up, Slick? - Hey. 1126 01:03:04,833 --> 01:03:05,943 Does he play here? 1127 01:03:05,963 --> 01:03:07,573 No, he just pisses for the players... 1128 01:03:07,593 --> 01:03:09,213 so they pass their drug tests. 1129 01:03:09,233 --> 01:03:11,443 - A designated pisser, huh? - Yeah. 1130 01:03:11,463 --> 01:03:13,423 Let's get you some threads for the party. 1131 01:03:13,443 --> 01:03:14,653 All right. 1132 01:03:14,673 --> 01:03:15,923 Lew, how tall are you? 1133 01:03:15,943 --> 01:03:16,953 About 5'8“. 1134 01:03:40,593 --> 01:03:43,223 Hi, I'm Tex Wade. I'm looking for Johnny Walker. 1135 01:03:43,233 --> 01:03:46,453 Oh. Well, he hasn't got back from UCC yet. 1136 01:03:46,473 --> 01:03:50,223 The hell's he doing at UCC? Isn't he committed to Ol' Tex? 1137 01:03:50,233 --> 01:03:53,893 As far as I know, he hasn't committed himself anywhere. 1138 01:03:53,913 --> 01:03:57,803 Well, I hate to be the one to enlighten you, Grandpa... 1139 01:03:57,813 --> 01:03:59,733 but you did not get that order... 1140 01:03:59,743 --> 01:04:01,993 for them 10,000 walleyed gibblers... 1141 01:04:02,013 --> 01:04:04,013 because they catch fish. 1142 01:04:06,093 --> 01:04:07,903 What are you saying, mister? 1143 01:04:07,923 --> 01:04:10,713 You figure it out, Grandpa. 1144 01:04:25,213 --> 01:04:26,893 Ah, it's good to be home. 1145 01:04:26,913 --> 01:04:28,553 Thanks, everybody. Thank you. 1146 01:04:30,273 --> 01:04:31,493 Thank you. 1147 01:04:31,513 --> 01:04:32,723 Hey, it's Johnny Walker. 1148 01:04:38,053 --> 01:04:39,163 Thank you. 1149 01:04:45,863 --> 01:04:47,513 This is a nice ride. This is all right. 1150 01:04:47,533 --> 01:04:49,523 Where'd you get it, anyway? My dad got it for me. 1151 01:04:49,533 --> 01:04:51,783 Kind of a graduation present type thing. 1152 01:04:51,793 --> 01:04:54,923 I thought I knew your father hated you. 1153 01:04:54,943 --> 01:04:57,523 Well, he used to, but we're real tight now. 1154 01:04:57,543 --> 01:04:59,623 Just kind of woke up one morning... 1155 01:04:59,643 --> 01:05:02,563 we had breakfast, and now, you know, real solid. 1156 01:05:02,583 --> 01:05:03,973 Things are real good. 1157 01:05:03,983 --> 01:05:07,373 I look cleaner than the board of health, don't I? 1158 01:05:07,383 --> 01:05:10,203 You kind of look like a combo-- 1159 01:05:10,213 --> 01:05:13,273 Liberace meets Prince's mom. But it's groovy. 1160 01:05:26,933 --> 01:05:28,483 Bye now. 1161 01:05:32,713 --> 01:05:34,163 What's happening, Chief? 1162 01:05:34,183 --> 01:05:38,003 Where did you finally decide to go to college, clown school? 1163 01:05:38,013 --> 01:05:41,593 You know what you are, Chief? You're an officer of love. 1164 01:05:41,613 --> 01:05:43,473 Not of law-of love, you are. 1165 01:05:51,693 --> 01:05:53,213 Do you dig it? 1166 01:05:54,533 --> 01:05:55,813 It's a look. 1167 01:06:24,963 --> 01:06:28,443 Mom, Mom, Johnny's lost his mind! 1168 01:06:38,603 --> 01:06:40,223 What do you think? 1169 01:06:41,543 --> 01:06:43,693 Mom, I got to tell you about this school. 1170 01:06:43,713 --> 01:06:48,103 UCC has a premed program-- absolutely blows Ol' Tex away. 1171 01:06:48,113 --> 01:06:50,903 Not even in the running anymore, Ol' Tex, because you know why? 1172 01:06:50,913 --> 01:06:54,313 I'm gonna get about 3 times the lab time I had at Ol' Tex. 1173 01:06:54,323 --> 01:06:57,543 Johnny, what has happened to you? 1174 01:06:57,563 --> 01:06:59,743 Me? I'm great. Don't I look great? 1175 01:06:59,763 --> 01:07:01,973 I feel great, Mom. I really do. 1176 01:07:01,993 --> 01:07:04,653 UCC is a football factory, Johnny. 1177 01:07:04,673 --> 01:07:06,683 Only about half the players there even graduate. 1178 01:07:06,703 --> 01:07:08,213 What about your education? 1179 01:07:09,233 --> 01:07:10,983 Ma, education? Please, OK? 1180 01:07:11,003 --> 01:07:13,363 Just, please, step off with that, OK? 1181 01:07:13,383 --> 01:07:14,593 I want to tell you something. 1182 01:07:14,613 --> 01:07:16,363 I have a much better deal here at UCC. 1183 01:07:16,383 --> 01:07:17,733 They're working out a sweeter deal... 1184 01:07:17,743 --> 01:07:19,753 and they're gonna take care of everything, guys. 1185 01:07:19,783 --> 01:07:22,603 The way Ol' Tex took care of me? 1186 01:07:24,923 --> 01:07:28,033 Come on, look, everyone looks nauseous here now. 1187 01:07:28,053 --> 01:07:31,173 I want to explain to you, OK? UCC has a better deal for me. 1188 01:07:31,193 --> 01:07:35,123 They're going to hook us up. Mom, you'll have a bigger house. 1189 01:07:35,133 --> 01:07:37,123 I don't want a bigger house, Johnny. 1190 01:07:37,133 --> 01:07:38,983 I want you to stop thinking about yourself... 1191 01:07:39,003 --> 01:07:40,483 and start thinking about what's right... 1192 01:07:40,503 --> 01:07:43,293 and about your family. We're the people who love you... 1193 01:07:43,313 --> 01:07:45,523 or maybe you've been too busy Lear-jetting around... 1194 01:07:45,543 --> 01:07:46,693 to remember that. 1195 01:07:46,713 --> 01:07:50,293 I mean, look at you. Purple and gold? 1196 01:07:50,313 --> 01:07:51,823 You look ridiculous. 1197 01:07:53,023 --> 01:07:56,533 I don't know how this could've happened. 1198 01:07:56,553 --> 01:08:00,233 Maybe it was just too important a decision to leave up to you. 1199 01:08:00,253 --> 01:08:03,483 Hey, Mom, wait a second. Mom, can we-- 1200 01:08:10,733 --> 01:08:12,583 Come on, Gramps. Isn't this what you wanted? 1201 01:08:13,943 --> 01:08:18,723 I wanted to sell my lures, not my grandson. 1202 01:08:18,743 --> 01:08:20,253 Come on. 1203 01:08:22,553 --> 01:08:24,233 Gramp. 1204 01:08:24,253 --> 01:08:25,603 Gramp. 1205 01:08:33,763 --> 01:08:36,143 What do you think, Randy? Come on, what's up? 1206 01:08:36,163 --> 01:08:40,143 I'm going to go do my homework and take a reality break. 1207 01:08:55,613 --> 01:08:57,693 Johnny, I've had a deep, revelatory vision... 1208 01:08:57,713 --> 01:09:00,763 and I think you should drop this ridiculous college ball thing. 1209 01:09:00,783 --> 01:09:02,063 And do what? 1210 01:09:02,093 --> 01:09:05,303 Become a professional waiter. Develop a reputation... 1211 01:09:05,323 --> 01:09:07,903 as a bistro's most courteous server. 1212 01:09:07,923 --> 01:09:09,843 And, of course, you're waiting for one night... 1213 01:09:09,853 --> 01:09:11,713 when the manager's relatives come in. 1214 01:09:11,723 --> 01:09:14,523 You seat them. You serve them. You wine them. You dine them. 1215 01:09:14,533 --> 01:09:16,423 You read them the specials. 1216 01:09:16,433 --> 01:09:18,943 You take the last of their orders, and then you say... 1217 01:09:18,963 --> 01:09:22,513 "Actually, it's the fish or nothing!" 1218 01:09:22,543 --> 01:09:23,933 Of course, at this point... 1219 01:09:23,943 --> 01:09:25,363 they're all jamming for the door like wild. 1220 01:09:25,373 --> 01:09:26,953 You tackle down around the ankles. 1221 01:09:26,973 --> 01:09:29,223 You get them down on the ground. You pound them in the spine. 1222 01:09:29,243 --> 01:09:30,963 You say, "Are you trying to stiff me... 1223 01:09:30,973 --> 01:09:32,463 "on the gratuity, you fop?" 1224 01:09:32,483 --> 01:09:33,733 Right. 1225 01:09:33,753 --> 01:09:36,403 UCC is your only move 1226 01:09:36,423 --> 01:09:40,073 UCC is your evermost groove 1227 01:09:40,083 --> 01:09:42,633 Excuse me. We're new in town... 1228 01:09:42,663 --> 01:09:45,053 and we've never had sex before. 1229 01:09:45,063 --> 01:09:46,953 Would you give us a hand? 1230 01:09:48,163 --> 01:09:49,173 Up. 1231 01:09:49,193 --> 01:09:51,053 Don't follow the dames. 1232 01:09:55,643 --> 01:09:58,593 Leo. Leo, turn-- I want to go home. 1233 01:09:58,603 --> 01:10:00,823 I started dating this Nancy girl... 1234 01:10:00,843 --> 01:10:04,033 specifically because she was a virgin. 1235 01:10:04,053 --> 01:10:07,803 Well, milliseconds before initial penetration... 1236 01:10:07,813 --> 01:10:11,863 I just shot up in bed like a reverse domino... 1237 01:10:11,883 --> 01:10:15,013 and I just said, "Hey, there'll be none of this. 1238 01:10:15,023 --> 01:10:16,773 "What kind of boy do you think I'm? 1239 01:10:16,793 --> 01:10:19,443 "I will hardly pop you without having met your father. 1240 01:10:19,463 --> 01:10:21,383 "Get him on the horn." 1241 01:10:21,393 --> 01:10:25,623 The things that make life worth so much and so worthwhile... 1242 01:10:25,633 --> 01:10:29,393 are things that we have to look up at a lot of the time-- 1243 01:10:29,403 --> 01:10:31,723 it's clouds, it's stars... 1244 01:10:31,733 --> 01:10:32,853 children. 1245 01:10:32,883 --> 01:10:34,593 "By the way, where is the can? 1246 01:10:34,613 --> 01:10:39,363 "I have to take an awful, putrid asparagus piss." 1247 01:10:39,383 --> 01:10:41,133 He says, "Down the hall to the left." 1248 01:10:41,143 --> 01:10:43,613 That just really ticked me off, so I got up and I said... 1249 01:10:43,623 --> 01:10:46,083 "Just a goddamn minute. That won't do." 1250 01:10:46,093 --> 01:10:48,013 I run right up to the family drapes... 1251 01:10:48,023 --> 01:10:50,813 and proceed to write my surname on them in urine. 1252 01:10:50,823 --> 01:10:52,873 Well, Mom bolts out of the La-Z-Boy chair... 1253 01:10:52,903 --> 01:10:56,223 and comes over and delivers me a flurry of slaps... 1254 01:10:56,233 --> 01:10:58,053 so I retaliate with a series of blows... 1255 01:10:58,063 --> 01:11:00,813 to her midriff and midsection that I usually reserve... 1256 01:11:00,833 --> 01:11:03,393 only for those times when I actually do see red. 1257 01:11:03,413 --> 01:11:05,223 I'm a winner. 1258 01:11:05,243 --> 01:11:08,233 I'm, and so all these big money men... 1259 01:11:08,243 --> 01:11:10,633 they're offering me this, this, this, and this, you know? 1260 01:11:10,643 --> 01:11:13,773 Because I came home wearing, like, heels and gold. 1261 01:11:13,783 --> 01:11:17,213 My mother sat me down and she told me what the deal was... 1262 01:11:17,223 --> 01:11:19,933 you know, and spoke her mind, and I've been acting crazy. 1263 01:11:19,953 --> 01:11:21,103 I really have. 1264 01:11:21,123 --> 01:11:23,843 Are you still conscious? 1265 01:11:23,863 --> 01:11:25,373 She's talking. Good. 1266 01:11:28,933 --> 01:11:30,943 Let her go. It's been an hour. 1267 01:11:30,963 --> 01:11:34,483 Look, I seem to have lockjaw of the arm. 1268 01:11:39,643 --> 01:11:42,133 Love is a verb, and I wish... 1269 01:11:42,153 --> 01:11:44,903 I wish I'd just get to it a lot more... 1270 01:11:44,913 --> 01:11:47,463 because I feel good when I do. 1271 01:11:47,483 --> 01:11:50,803 Say, are we going to have sex or not? 1272 01:12:00,693 --> 01:12:01,803 Rape! 1273 01:12:01,823 --> 01:12:03,223 Rape! 1274 01:12:06,503 --> 01:12:07,853 Put your top on! 1275 01:12:10,003 --> 01:12:11,253 Freeze, assholes! 1276 01:12:12,243 --> 01:12:15,033 - This is too good to be true. - For who? 1277 01:12:16,043 --> 01:12:19,003 You're going to the joint forever. 1278 01:12:20,643 --> 01:12:22,693 What are you looking at, weirdo? 1279 01:12:22,723 --> 01:12:23,763 Ouch. 1280 01:12:28,393 --> 01:12:29,903 We got to get out of here. 1281 01:12:31,223 --> 01:12:33,723 Look, Lew Landers can get us out of here, right? 1282 01:12:33,733 --> 01:12:38,593 - But then you got to go to UCC. - Wait a minute. 1283 01:12:38,603 --> 01:12:40,023 You know Lew Landers? 1284 01:12:41,133 --> 01:12:43,493 Of course. You think my dad bought me that Jeep? 1285 01:12:43,513 --> 01:12:45,723 Are you kidding? Lew Landers bought me the jeep. 1286 01:12:45,743 --> 01:12:49,203 UCC got it for me to try to get you to go to their school. 1287 01:12:52,183 --> 01:12:55,473 - You set me up? - No, I didn't set you up. 1288 01:12:55,483 --> 01:12:57,203 I just pushed you in a direction... 1289 01:12:57,223 --> 01:12:59,763 trying to do the right thing for you. 1290 01:12:59,783 --> 01:13:01,203 You set me up. You didn't tell me. 1291 01:13:01,223 --> 01:13:03,883 If I told you, you would've said no, and then... 1292 01:13:03,893 --> 01:13:05,443 well, then, it still wouldn't have been setting you up. 1293 01:13:05,463 --> 01:13:06,973 I just, you know... 1294 01:13:08,633 --> 01:13:10,053 I just made a mistake. 1295 01:13:10,063 --> 01:13:11,883 I got... 1296 01:13:14,203 --> 01:13:15,563 selfish. 1297 01:13:18,003 --> 01:13:19,223 Me, too. 1298 01:13:27,813 --> 01:13:30,603 Oh, this is terrible. This is awful. 1299 01:13:30,613 --> 01:13:32,903 This is really awful. 1300 01:13:32,923 --> 01:13:35,143 This is a serious mess. 1301 01:13:35,163 --> 01:13:37,413 Does the phrase "Bail us out immediately"... 1302 01:13:37,423 --> 01:13:38,673 mean anything to you? 1303 01:13:38,693 --> 01:13:39,773 Bail? 1304 01:13:41,093 --> 01:13:42,203 There's your bail. 1305 01:13:42,233 --> 01:13:45,223 That's your ticket out of here right there. 1306 01:13:45,233 --> 01:13:47,223 All he has to do is sign with Fiermont-- 1307 01:13:47,233 --> 01:13:48,413 you're on the street. 1308 01:13:48,433 --> 01:13:50,153 Otherwise, boys... 1309 01:13:50,173 --> 01:13:52,163 you're looking at twenty years in the slammer... 1310 01:13:52,183 --> 01:13:53,823 with all the butt pirates. 1311 01:13:53,843 --> 01:13:56,063 And they say they're waiting for you up there, Johnny... 1312 01:13:56,083 --> 01:13:59,403 want to give you a little hiney poke up there. 1313 01:13:59,413 --> 01:14:01,233 Coach, I know I'm a man, OK? 1314 01:14:01,243 --> 01:14:02,863 My asshole is exit only... 1315 01:14:02,893 --> 01:14:05,573 and we really didn't do anything wrong. 1316 01:14:05,593 --> 01:14:06,903 You want sympathy, Leo... 1317 01:14:06,923 --> 01:14:10,573 you look between "shit" and "syphilis" in the dictionary. 1318 01:14:10,593 --> 01:14:12,873 No, no, you're gonna like it. You're going to love it... 1319 01:14:12,903 --> 01:14:15,853 on the road gang, out there with the cons cutting that grass. 1320 01:14:15,863 --> 01:14:16,853 Oh, yeah. 1321 01:14:16,863 --> 01:14:18,783 Boom. Boom. 1322 01:14:18,803 --> 01:14:21,123 All the pretty girls will be going by in convertibles... 1323 01:14:21,133 --> 01:14:24,153 on spring break, drinking beer. 1324 01:14:24,173 --> 01:14:27,603 They'll be waving at you. "Hi, Johnny. Johnny!" 1325 01:14:28,573 --> 01:14:30,083 It's up to you, John. 1326 01:14:30,113 --> 01:14:33,043 Put your foot in the chain gang... 1327 01:14:33,053 --> 01:14:35,773 or you can put your foot in the cash register. 1328 01:14:36,883 --> 01:14:39,173 You let me know. 1329 01:14:41,153 --> 01:14:43,163 Don't drop the soap, boys. 1330 01:14:47,933 --> 01:14:49,883 Hello, everyone. I'm Gary DeLaune. 1331 01:14:49,893 --> 01:14:51,883 Today, throughout the country, hundreds of boys... 1332 01:14:51,893 --> 01:14:53,983 will be signing their national letters of intent. 1333 01:14:54,003 --> 01:14:56,583 These letters are commitments by high school seniors... 1334 01:14:56,603 --> 01:14:58,423 to play for the college of their choice. 1335 01:14:58,443 --> 01:15:00,553 Today, there's no place across the country... 1336 01:15:00,573 --> 01:15:02,723 that has more media coverage and more attention... 1337 01:15:02,753 --> 01:15:04,463 than right here-- Ashcroft High School. 1338 01:15:04,483 --> 01:15:06,063 We're here at Ashcroft High School. 1339 01:15:06,083 --> 01:15:07,233 It's signing day. 1340 01:15:07,253 --> 01:15:09,333 Now, Johnny Walker has just arrived... 1341 01:15:09,353 --> 01:15:11,343 to sign his national letter of intent. 1342 01:15:11,353 --> 01:15:13,133 In just a very few short moments... 1343 01:15:13,163 --> 01:15:15,513 the entire country will know where Johnny Walker... 1344 01:15:15,523 --> 01:15:18,213 has decided to play his college football. 1345 01:15:18,223 --> 01:15:21,343 Glad to see you boys could be here for the announcement. 1346 01:15:21,363 --> 01:15:23,653 I sure hope none of us are disappointed. 1347 01:15:23,673 --> 01:15:26,993 Something sure don't smell right here. 1348 01:15:30,273 --> 01:15:32,283 Thank you very much. Thank you. 1349 01:15:32,313 --> 01:15:35,823 I'm very happy to have been asked, ladies and gentlemen... 1350 01:15:35,843 --> 01:15:37,993 to introduce Johnny Walker here today. 1351 01:15:38,013 --> 01:15:42,063 And I'm so happy to announce... 1352 01:15:42,083 --> 01:15:45,243 that John and I are going to be together for another four years. 1353 01:15:45,253 --> 01:15:48,273 I'm the new head coach at Piermont University. 1354 01:15:50,623 --> 01:15:52,703 But, you know, what really makes me proud... 1355 01:15:52,733 --> 01:15:54,913 is that John could've gone anywhere in America... 1356 01:15:54,933 --> 01:15:56,713 and he chose to be with me. 1357 01:15:56,733 --> 01:15:57,983 Now, we've also landed... 1358 01:15:58,003 --> 01:16:01,423 four of the top blue-chip prospects in this country... 1359 01:16:01,433 --> 01:16:03,553 and they're all here today. Come on up, fellas. 1360 01:16:06,743 --> 01:16:08,893 You need a haircut. 1361 01:16:08,913 --> 01:16:10,423 All right. 1362 01:16:12,253 --> 01:16:13,933 This is not about me. 1363 01:16:13,953 --> 01:16:16,463 I'm only as good as my players, believe me. 1364 01:16:16,483 --> 01:16:17,973 Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce... 1365 01:16:17,983 --> 01:16:19,993 the man of the hour, Johnny Walker. 1366 01:16:35,543 --> 01:16:36,853 'Iay! 'lay! 1367 01:16:38,873 --> 01:16:40,653 Throughout this recruitment... 1368 01:16:41,873 --> 01:16:44,703 I've acted like an idiot. 1369 01:16:44,713 --> 01:16:46,963 I completely embarrassed my mother... 1370 01:16:46,983 --> 01:16:49,273 my family, my girlfriend... 1371 01:16:49,283 --> 01:16:51,533 my friends. 1372 01:16:51,553 --> 01:16:54,073 Mostly, I just embarrassed myself... 1373 01:16:56,323 --> 01:17:00,683 because I thought I had something, and I lost it. 1374 01:17:00,693 --> 01:17:04,493 And if this is what it takes to play college football... 1375 01:17:04,503 --> 01:17:08,293 then I don't even want to play at all. 1376 01:17:08,303 --> 01:17:13,833 Just because I know how to remember to throw a ball... 1377 01:17:13,843 --> 01:17:19,863 doesn't mean I should forget my life or anyone else's. 1378 01:17:21,183 --> 01:17:24,843 Therefore, I'm not going to sign any letters to any schools. 1379 01:17:24,853 --> 01:17:27,433 Now, that's reality. 1380 01:17:27,453 --> 01:17:29,033 Thank you. 1381 01:17:29,053 --> 01:17:31,703 You listen to me. You are going to Piermont. 1382 01:17:31,723 --> 01:17:34,193 - No, I'm not. - If he doesn't go, I don't go. 1383 01:17:34,203 --> 01:17:36,313 - I'm with him. - Wait a minute, fellas. 1384 01:17:36,333 --> 01:17:37,513 Hold on, fellas. 1385 01:17:37,533 --> 01:17:39,713 Piermont University will honor all its commitments. 1386 01:17:39,733 --> 01:17:40,953 Now, I promise you that. 1387 01:17:40,963 --> 01:17:43,193 Slight misunderstanding, ladies and gentlemen. 1388 01:17:43,213 --> 01:17:44,463 Bear with us. 1389 01:17:44,473 --> 01:17:45,483 Who are you? 1390 01:17:45,513 --> 01:17:47,553 My name is Floyd Gondole. 1391 01:17:47,573 --> 01:17:50,593 I'm the NCAA recruitment investigator... 1392 01:17:50,613 --> 01:17:51,923 and I have followed... 1393 01:17:51,943 --> 01:17:55,413 the recruitment of Johnny Walker since day one... 1394 01:17:55,423 --> 01:17:58,633 and I'm now calling for a complete investigation... 1395 01:17:58,653 --> 01:18:01,043 of UCC, Ol' TeX... 1396 01:18:01,053 --> 01:18:04,023 and, specifically, Piermont. 1397 01:18:04,033 --> 01:18:05,413 We didn't do anything wrong. 1398 01:18:05,433 --> 01:18:08,683 You call framing a kid for rape not wrong? 1399 01:18:08,693 --> 01:18:10,653 You mean you framed the kid for rape? 1400 01:18:10,663 --> 01:18:12,623 You're both history. You're both finished. 1401 01:18:12,643 --> 01:18:13,683 Oh, this is ridiculous. 1402 01:18:13,703 --> 01:18:15,563 Congratulations, John. I'm proud of you. 1403 01:18:15,573 --> 01:18:17,153 Ladies and gentlemen, this is... 1404 01:18:17,173 --> 01:18:18,853 You did good. I'm proud of you. 1405 01:18:18,873 --> 01:18:22,293 Hey, Johnny, I'm proud of you. You did good, kid. 1406 01:18:22,313 --> 01:18:24,363 So, what are you going to do now, huh? 1407 01:18:24,383 --> 01:18:26,843 Penn State, Johnny! Penn State! Penn State! 1408 01:18:26,853 --> 01:18:29,273 Alabama! Remember the weather! 1409 01:18:29,283 --> 01:18:31,463 Listen, Johnny, nobody-- and I mean nobody-- 1410 01:18:31,483 --> 01:18:33,213 makes a schmuck out of me, capisce? 1411 01:18:33,223 --> 01:18:34,613 Nobody has to, Lew. 1412 01:18:34,623 --> 01:18:35,773 Is that right? 1413 01:18:36,923 --> 01:18:38,543 You're going down now, Lew. 1414 01:18:38,563 --> 01:18:40,573 Oh, you done made a big mistake. 1415 01:18:44,133 --> 01:18:45,753 No pictures! 1416 01:18:50,903 --> 01:18:53,963 Title fight. Hey, wish I could help. 1417 01:19:11,393 --> 01:19:12,573 Thank you, my friend. 1418 01:19:12,603 --> 01:19:14,243 Good move, man. 1419 01:19:16,063 --> 01:19:17,753 Let's get out of here. 1420 01:19:20,903 --> 01:19:22,323 Get back here, Walker! 1421 01:19:22,343 --> 01:19:24,563 Get out of my way! Walker, get back here! 1422 01:19:27,543 --> 01:19:28,863 Get down, Gramp. 1423 01:19:28,873 --> 01:19:30,333 Never did like that fella. 1424 01:19:43,833 --> 01:19:46,283 Coach. Coach. 1425 01:20:03,413 --> 01:20:04,493 Coach? 1426 01:20:07,813 --> 01:20:09,323 I want an education. 1427 01:20:12,053 --> 01:20:14,443 I saw the news conference last night, Johnny. 1428 01:20:14,463 --> 01:20:17,003 Yeah? 1429 01:20:19,293 --> 01:20:21,143 What'd you think? 1430 01:20:21,163 --> 01:20:23,853 You showed the type of character... 1431 01:20:23,873 --> 01:20:25,953 that we like in our students. 1432 01:20:25,973 --> 01:20:27,323 I like that. 1433 01:20:28,733 --> 01:20:32,163 Does this mean... 1434 01:20:32,183 --> 01:20:34,193 you want me to come play ball here? 1435 01:20:37,743 --> 01:20:39,703 You bet I do. 1436 01:21:52,823 --> 01:21:57,183 The Johnny Walker recruitment scandal widened today... 1437 01:21:57,193 --> 01:22:00,873 with the announcement that UCC and Ol' Tex... 1438 01:22:00,893 --> 01:22:04,483 have each been placed on one-year probation. 1439 01:22:04,503 --> 01:22:06,513 Well, Joe Bob, thank God... 1440 01:22:06,533 --> 01:22:08,993 basketball season's right around the corner. 1441 01:22:09,003 --> 01:22:11,113 Yeah, amen to that, Tex. 1442 01:22:11,133 --> 01:22:14,763 You know, football ain't been good to us this year at all. 1443 01:22:20,243 --> 01:22:22,863 In a still further development... 1444 01:22:22,893 --> 01:22:27,643 Lew Landers has been barred from participating... 1445 01:22:27,653 --> 01:22:31,473 in the UCC football program for life. 1446 01:22:31,493 --> 01:22:34,153 You have one "F"? We'll take care of it for you. 1447 01:22:35,403 --> 01:22:37,653 Hey, slow down for a minute! I just want to talk to you! 1448 01:22:37,733 --> 01:22:40,023 Lew Landers gave me that jeep! 1449 01:22:52,883 --> 01:22:56,203 This is a pack of lies! A pack of lies! 1450 01:22:56,223 --> 01:22:59,103 I know what I did. 1451 01:22:59,123 --> 01:23:00,103 No, no. 1452 01:23:00,123 --> 01:23:02,043 I hired a common idiot! 1453 01:23:02,063 --> 01:23:03,413 A common idiot! 1454 01:23:03,433 --> 01:23:04,683 Get the hell away from me! 99387