Original subtitles

["Pomp and Circumstance"]

["Pomp and Circumstance"]

["Pomp and Circumstance"]

["Pomp and Circumstance"]

["Pomp and Circumstance"]

["Pomp and Circumstance"]

["Pomp and Circumstance"]

["Pomp and Circumstance"]

Yes, Barbie changed everything.

Then she changed it all again.

All of these women are Barbie,

and Barbie is all of these women.

She might have started out as just a lady in a baby suit,

but she became so much more.

She has her own money, her own house,

her own car, her own career.

Because Barbie can be anything,

women can be anything.

And this has been reflected back

onto the little girls of today,

in the real world.

Girls can grow into women

who can achieve everything and anything

they set their mind to.

Thanks to Barbie,

all problems of feminism and equal rights

have been solved.

At least, that's what the Barbieists think.

After all, they're living in Barbie land,

who am I to burst their bubble?

And here is one of those Barbies now,

living her best day every day.

When I wake up in my own pink world,

I get up by the bed and wait for my home girls.

Hey, Barbie, hey, she's so cool,

all dolled up just playing chess by the pool.

Come on, we got important things to do.

It's her and her and me and you.

And pain goes with everything.

Beautiful from head to toe.

I'm ready to go.

You know you don't want to escape.

Better not to dream.

We like other girls,

but we just look so good on us.

What's she wearing?

A dress or suit?

Even way that power looks so good on you.

Hey, Barbie, I like your style.

If that was really a mirror, you'd see a perfect smile.

There's my party.

Go Barbie, go Barbie.

There's my party.

Come on, we got important things to do.

It's her and her and me and you.

And pain goes with everything.

Beautiful from head to toe.

I'm ready to go.

You know you don't want to escape.

Better not to dream.

We like other girls,

but we just look so good on us.

And pain goes with everything.

Beautiful from head to toe.

I'm ready to go.

Better not to dream.

We like other girls,

but we just look so good on us.

Hey, pretty.

I, intelligent.

In, never sad.

Okay, cool.

When you're playing with Barbies,

nobody bothers to walk them down the stairs

and out the door, etc.

You just pick them up

and put them where you want them to go.

And here's your imagination.

Hey, I was still singing.

Mitch was Barbies pregnant friend.

Well, let's not show you, Jack.

She was discontinued by Mattel

because of pregnant doll.

It's just too weird.

Anyway, Barbies has another big day ahead of us.

Everybody, turn to the Barbie next to you.

Tell her how much you love her.

Compliment her.

Reporter Barbies,

do you get asked any questions you want?

How come you're so amazing?

No comment.

Say it seriously, no comment.

I love you guys.

The Nobel Prize for Journalism

goes to Barbies.

I worked very hard,

so I deserve it.

And the Nobel Prize for Journalism

goes to Barbies.

You're the voice of innovation.

I know.

In our assessment,

money is not speech

and corporations have no free speech rights

to begin with.

So any claim on their part

to be exercising their right

is just their attempt

to turn our democracy

into a plutocracy.

This makes me emotional

and I'm expressing it.

I have no difficulty

holding both logic

and feeling at the same time.

And it does not diminish my powers.

It expands them.

Barbies

Barbies

Barbies

Barbies

Barbies

Barbies

Barbies

Barbies

Barbies has a great day every day.

But Ken only has a great

day if Barbies looks at him.

I'm telling you.

Hi Barbie!

Hi Ken!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Ken!

Hi Ken!

Hi Ken!

Hi Ken!

Hi Ken!

I got his phone back for you.

Cool.

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Ken!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Hi Barbie!

Oh, hi I!

There are no multiples of Alan.

He's just Alan.

Yeah, I'm back.

Confused about that.

Hey Barbie, check me out.

Woo!

Yeah!

Ken!

Oh my God!

Ken?

Oh, hey Barbie.

Hi.

How much did you see?

We saw the whole thing.

Let's get you up on your feet Ken.

You're so strong.

You're so strong.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Totally.

Oh, looks like this beach is a little too much beach for you Ken.

If I wasn't severely injured, I would beat you off right now Ken.

I'll beat you up with you any day Ken.

Hold my ice cream Ken.

Alright Ken you're on.

Let's beat you off.

Anyone who wants to beat him off has to beat me off first.

I will beat both of you off at the same time.

Do you really know how to beat yourself up?

How are you going to beat yourself up?

How are you going to beat yourself up?

How are you going to beat yourself up?

How are you going to beat yourself up?

Nobody's going to beat you any one off.

Okay.

Let's go.

Barbie hold my hand.

You're okay.

Stay with me Barbie.

Great.

Not even broken.

You'll be fine.

Shredding waves is much more dangerous than people realize.

You're very brave Ken.

Thank you Barbie.

You know surfers not even my job.

I know.

And it is not lifeguard, which is a common misconception.

Very common.

It's actually my job.

It's just beach.

Right.

And what a good job you do with beach.

You should heal up in no time.

Actually, in the time that it took for me to say that sentence, you healed.

Fantastic.

Nice.

Hey Barbie.

Can I come to your house tonight?

Sure.

I don't have anything big planned.

Just a giant blowout party with all the Barbies and plant choreography.

And I miss folks on me.

You should stop by.

So cool.

Yeah.

Okay.

Bye.

Okay.

Bye.

Hi Barbie.

Hi Ken.

Hi Barbie.

Hi Ken.

Hi Barbie.

What a good Barbie.

What's up guys?

This is a real Rage of Harvey, King's Harvey.

This line is just perfect. It's perfect and perfect.

You look so beautiful, Harvey.

King's Harvey, I feel so beautiful.

So do I.

This is the best day ever.

It is the best day ever, and so is yesterday, and so is tomorrow, and so is day after tomorrow,

and even Wednesdays and every day from now until forever.

Do you guys know anything about dying?

I don't know why I just...

I'm just dying to dance.

Wow.

You can go now.

I thought I might stay over tonight.

Why?

Because we're girlfriend boyfriend.

To do what?

I'm actually not sure.

Oh, but I don't want you here.

Is that Ken?

Ken's just a really good friend, and this is my dream house.

It's Harvey's dream house.

It's not Ken's dream house, right?

Right, as always.

And it's Girls' Night.

Hi, Harvey!

Oh, my, hi.

Hurry up, the president's here.

I am, you're welcome.

It's every night, it's Girls' Night.

Every night.

Forever.

Every night.

Forever and ever.

Good night.

Good night.

I love you too.

I can't find another girlfriend.

Good night, Barbies.

I'm definitely not thinking about death anymore.

That's all I want from you.

Get up out of bed and wake up my own girls

Hey Bobby, why are you so stressed?

Could it be those ill-oppressible rocks up there?

Come on, we got important things to do

It's her, it's her, it's me, it's you, it's me

Don't ever leave

Oh, that's so beautiful from the end of time

I'm glad to go, you know, we could all be the same

It's gonna be alright, good enough to dream

Hey, I got a girl that's good, she's just so good

See, her name, I, I'm scared, in, nauseous

Hey, that's my body

Go Barbie, go Barbie, that's my body

Oh, oh, girl, are you okay?

Hi Barbie, I'm fine, are you okay?

Come on Barbie, let's run towards the water

My feet

Hey Barbie, hi Barbie

Yeah, Barbie, I just fell

I'm so embarrassed

Barbie doesn't get embarrassed

I know Barbie, I don't even have context for this

But my feet, my heels are on the ground

I'm no longer on tiptoes, that's okay, let me see

Stop it Ken

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I know I'm staring at Google Barbie and therefore don't form conjectures

considering the causality of adjacent unfolding events

but some things have been happening that might be related

I've brought this morning a cold shower

from waffle in the fall of my mood

You're malfunctioning

What? No, I'm just, I'm, I've never seen this kind of malfunction before

it's usually just hair related

You know, you're gonna have to visit weird Barbie

I have never had to visit weird Barbie

That's because you've never malfunctioned

I heard that she used to be the most beautiful Barbie of all

but then someone played with her too hard in the real world

Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, Barbie!

and now she's faded to an eternity of making other Barbie perfect

while following more and more into disrepair herself

That, and we all call her weird Barbie

both behind her back and also to her face

She's so weird

Why is she always in this place?

Oh, I've never been killed in my first year this way.

Hello!

Hey.

What's good and good looking?

Hi.

Welcome.

Welcome to my rearcabs.

Hi, how are you?

Nice to meet you.

Sorry about the dog crap.

What can I do you for?

I just had to come see you about my feet.

There, um...

Flat?

Yeah.

I've never seen that before.

Is he?

Look.

Okay, well, can you, you know, fix them?

You're a stereotypical barber, right?

Mm-hmm.

I can of yours.

He is one nice-looking little protein pop.

I guess.

I'd like to see what kind of nude block

he's packing under those jeans.

Anyway, what procedure is this for?

Oh, nothing.

A really fun game of volleyball.

Is it?

Pots of death.

What?

Maybe some thoughts of death?

Thoughts of death?

Is that a problem?

Oh.

What?

I've heard of this.

God, it's real.

Oh, you've done it.

You've opened a portal.

I didn't open a portal.

Someone did.

And now there is a fit in the continuum

that is the membrane between Barbie Land and the real world.

If you want to be stereotypical Barbie perky and the baby girl,

you've got to go fix it.

You're going to keep going funny.

Look at your upper thigh.

What is that?

A cellulite.

That's going to spread everywhere.

Then you're going to start getting sad and wishy and complicated.

No!

What do I have to do?

You have to go to the real world

and you have to find the girl who's playing with you.

Playing with me?

The girl will be playing with me.

But usually there's some kind of separation of things.

There's the girl and the doll

and never the twain shall cross.

The train is crossing?

Yes.

And the girl who's playing with you, she must be sad.

And her thoughts and feelings and humanness

are interfering with your dullness.

Why would she be sad?

We've fixed everything so that all women in the real world

can be happy and powerful.

I don't know.

But if yes, me, you had something to do with this too.

Me?

It takes two to report on that.

I can't have.

I've only ever wanted for everything to stay exactly as it is.

Well, be that as it may.

The two of you are becoming inextricably intertwined.

And you've got to help her to help yourself.

So should I...

So, what'll it be then?

You can go back to your regular life

and forget any of this ever happened.

Or you can know the truth about the universe.

The choice is now yours.

The first one.

The high heel.

No.

We'll do what we do.

You're supposed to want to know.

I don't.

Babe, listen.

You have to want to know.

Okay? Do it again.

I'm not adventure Barbie.

I'm stereotypical Barbie.

I'm like the Barbie you think of when someone says,

think of a Barbie.

That's me.

I'm bummed.

You're a bummer.

That's a bummer.

Okay.

I'm ready to forget now.

No.

You're doing this one.

I just gave you a choice

so you could feel some sense of control.

So there is no option one?

No.

You.

You have to fix the rip yourself.

Don't blame me.

Blame Mattel.

I make the rules.

I don't want to.

Fine. Get silly like that.

I don't care.

No.

No.

No.

Okay.

Send me through the portal.

Okay.

There's actually no portal.

It's a figure of speech.

It's actually a sports car

to a speed boat

to a rocket ship

to a tandem find

to a camper van

to a snowmobile

which will take you

most of the way

to the state of Los Angeles

where you will don neon

and rollerblades

and enter the country

of California.

Weird I am.

And it's best if you don't think

of it too much.

And then when I get there,

how do I find this girl?

You will know.

Okay.

And how do I get back?

The same way you came

but in reverse.

Like I should move forward

but through the order back

where we're going.

Don't overthink it.

Oh, okay.

Where you see

if you do not find her

and fix things,

what's ugly will become

uglier

and what's weird

will become weirder.

And then you look like me.

Ah!

Oh!

No, no, no.

Sorry.

I understand.

I set myself up for that.

Anyway, I believe in you.

Thank you.

Go.

Be careful.

I love you.

Bye.

Thank you.

I guess she's going without you.

You're so lost, Kenny.

She literally asked me

and I was like,

I prefer to stay here.

Why?

Are you scared?

What?

I bet she was scared

and I bet she doesn't even want you to go.

Well, you did both those things incorrectly

and I bet the opposite direction.

You can't.

Which way is that?

You don't even know.

I just don't want to leave.

I'm trying to find reasons not to leave.

I'm going to miss you guys so much.

I just wish someone could come with me

but you can't.

I should do this alone.

What bird am I thinking of?

Panoramic dolphin.

I mean, no, a bird.

I like it.

I am.

Who missed you, Barbie?

I'll be back in no time.

Perfect feet and we'll forget that this ever happened.

And you'll get to see all the good work

we've done to fix the world.

You'll be such a hero to them.

All those grateful, powerful women

who owe their wonderful lives to Barbie.

I'll bet every woman will say thank you

and give you a really big hug.

Yes, you're right.

Here I go.

Bye, Jerry.

Bye, Barbie.

Bye, Barbie.

Bye, Barbie.

Bye, Barbie.

Bye, Barbie.

Good luck in reality.

That's what I tell you, Barbie.

I went to the Dr, I went to the mountains

I looked to the children

I trained from the mountains

There's more than one answer to these questions

But what do you need a crooked eye

And the less I see my sword from sun to if

Couser I am defined

Couser I am defined

What are you doing here?

I'm coming with you.

No.

Please get out.

I can't.

I made a double bet with Ken.

And you can't make me look uncool in front of Ken.

Ken's not cool!

He is to be.

You're just gonna slow me down.

Pardon me.

What if there's Peach?

You'll need someone who's a professional in that.

Did you bring your roll of glades?

I literally go nowhere without him.

Please.

Okay.

What?

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Get our second friend.

Yeah.

And so Bobblin can set off on their adventure to the real world.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Add both.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

They're also staring at me.

Oh, look at that.

Wow.

I feel kind of ill at ease, right?

I don't have a word for it, but I'm conscious,

but it's myself that I'm conscious of.

I'm not getting any of that.

I feel it can only be described as admiring,

but not awkward.

And there's no undertone of violence.

My very much has an undertone of violence.

But look, a construction site.

I have good feminine energy.

Hey, Lee!

Yoo-hoo!

Oh, are you that fragile, sir?

I sit here in a hot body when you hold the head down,

going out of a mirror in your pocket.

Maybe you are.

I can see myself in your shorts.

I don't know exactly what you meant with all of those little quakes,

but I'm picking up on some sort of entendre,

which appears to be double.

And I would just like to inform you,

I do not have a vagina.

And he does not have a penis.

We don't have genitals.

That's okay.

Hey, how are you?

I'm good.

I have all the genitals.

We think a construction site at lunchtime

would be the perfect place for a little woman power.

This home is so...

male.

Everything's almost like...

reversed here.

Oh, look!

The Supreme Court!

They're so smart.

Yeah.

Wow.

Me and Leontar.

I love the elbow pads.

I think we should get some different clothes.

You look great.

I look French.

Danon!

Hey, man.

You guys gotta pay for that stuff.

She looks even better in more clothes.

Because you can imagine more.

You know what?

People.

Weird Barbie said I know how to find this girl,

but I have no idea.

What would smart parts do?

I just need to clear my mind so I can think.

Who is playing with me?

People.

People.

They get so bored.

After I figure it out,

fast we get to go home.

What am I supposed to do?

I don't know.

Go for a walk or something.

By myself?

Yes.

Really?

Where?

Anywhere!

Can I go that way?

Yes.

Okay.

Don't go far.

Okay!

Excuse me, sir.

Thanks, man.

It's alright.

We gotta clean up on this one.

I'm gonna work out, man.

Come on!

Come on, come on!

See, you're not seeing any good shit.

It's good stuff.

It's all I'm not worried about it.

Not now, Margaret.

Let's shake on this.

We're gonna be in a lot of fun during the show.

Every morning, we're gonna have fun.

Not good for you.

I don't want to tell M ちゃんと說

O

Bake it!

Who is it?

That's why it makes you worse.

No, the quality of this is not...

I don't know why, but now I know.

You're so beautiful.

I know it.

Mommy! Mommy!

Yes!

I got it!

Oh, well, you got it.

You go first.

No, no, you go first.

We'll go with the same guy.

Okay.

She left home!

She left home!

What about?

The kids at the school?

What did you say?

Nothing.

Okay.

Well, let's go to the school.

No way!

Okay.

Hello.

This is Dan at the FBI.

Oh, Mrs. Aaron at the top.

I'll give a front-end squirrel who you are, Aaron.

What are you?

Like an intern?

No, I prove your dogs have gotten loose.

Impossible.

How do you know?

Don't ask me, Aaron.

What about the blondes?

Answering to Barbie and Ken.

Rollerblading in Santa Monica.

We're gonna need to tell self-landing Eagle.

Don't grab the bed, Aaron.

I won't.

This is bad.

This is really bad.

What?

What has happened before?

What?

When?

I heard about 10 years ago.

A woman named Skipper turned up at some family's home in Key West.

Asked to babysit the kids.

She then tried to take her top of surfing.

Geez, I know.

They were able to straighten it out and keep it under wraps,

but this is serious.

I'm going all the way up.

Who goes all the way up?

I have to.

You may never come back.

I know.

Hey.

Oh, hi, Aaron.

New drawings?

Yeah, I just started drawing this weird design.

These are different?

It's irrepressible thoughts of death, Barbie.

Full body tell you like Barbie.

Crippling shame, Barbie.

Okay.

Listen, I have to speak to the top brass.

No.

I must.

No.

I'm going to.

Aaron, they're in a big corporate idea section.

No one is to be admitted, Aaron.

Power and growth.

Always.

But what do we really say?

We'll tell you why.

Except dreams.

And imagination.

And sparkle.

I get excited.

I'm passionate.

And when you take a sparkle,

what do you think about that?

Female agency.

Excuse me.

Who are you?

Aaron Dinkins, sir.

We're in the middle of a major sit-down here.

Aaron Dinkins.

I think you're going to want to hear this.

Sir, can you just email it?

And you can send it to me EOD.

End of day.

Oh, that's cool.

May I put it in a whisper?

Sir?

Fine, whisper me.

No.

No.

No, no, no.

No.

Get the chair.

Get the chair.

No pain.

Aaron, is it okay?

It's okay.

It's a repeat of Skipper and Key West.

And with all due respect,

that was Skipper, sir.

This is Barbie.

If this got out,

then our dolls were coming to Los Angeles from Barbie Land

as life-size versions of themselves.

Roaming the earth.

This would be very bad.

Barbie, in the real world.

That's impossible.

We've got a definite situation on our hands.

Channels!

Logic!

What's your name again?

Aaron Dinkins, sir.

Aaron Dinkinson?

Dinkins.

Yes, Aaron.

Is Barbie Land like an ultimate reality,

or is it like a place where your imagination is?

Yes.

Think of it as a town in Sweden.

Aaron Dinkins.

Sweden.

Right.

How much do you weigh?

It doesn't matter.

It sounds like a job for the box.

No one rests until this doll is back in a box.

What?

Ladyfuckin' came to the hospital

just like I saw in my vision.

A man in a horse.

I've started to get all these weird-over feelings.

Like I have beer with no specific object.

What is that?

Anxiety.

I have a tooth.

You're just awful at this age.

I feel amazing.

This kid's gonna take it out on the dance.

He's gotta be here somewhere.

We need to find him soon.

He's gonna pop into the library

to see if I can find any folks on trucks.

Okay, just don't get in trouble.

I won't.

What are you doing?

Oh.

What's that girl's name?

I'm Sasha.

Hey, Sasha.

Don't talk to her.

Oh, Sasha can talk to you,

but you can never talk to Sasha.

She'll crush you.

Don't worry.

Everyone really likes me,

and everything sounds cool and pretty.

Come here, hon.

Thank you.

Hey, lady.

Sasha.

What's up?

Who are you?

I'm only your favorite woman of all time.

Barbie.

You really think you're Barbie?

Yeah.

She's crazy.

You think she's gonna say something?

So you're like Barbie Barbie,

like a professional bimbo?

No, Barbie's not a bimbo.

Barbie is a doctor and a lawyer

and a senator and a Nobel Prize winner.

You're a Nobel Prize winner?

Oh, no, not me, but Barbie is.

Yeah.

Aren't you guys gonna thank me

and give me a big hug?

You're being your favorite toy.

We haven't played with Barbie

since we were like five years old.

Yeah, I hated dolls with hair.

I mean, I played with Barbie,

but it was like the last resort.

I love Barbie.

Anyways, even then,

it was horrible for us.

It was horrible?

Why?

Come on, Sasha.

Give it to her.

Destroy Barbie.

Okay, Barbie.

Let's do this.

You've been making women feel bad

about themselves since you were invented.

I think you've got the wrong way around.

You represent everything wrong

with your culture.

Sexualized capitalism,

unrealistic, physical activities.

No, no, no.

You're describing something stereotypical.

Barbie is so much more than that.

Look at yourself.

What?

I am technically stereotypical Barbie.

You said the feminist movement

back 50 years.

You destroyed girls' innate sense of worth,

and you were killing the planet

with your glorification of rampant consumerism.

No, I'm supposed to help you

and make you happy and powerful.

Oh, I am powerful.

And until you showed up here

and declared yourself Barbie,

I hadn't thought about you in years, you fascist.

Oh, um, okay.

That's happening again.

I have to.

Will you excuse me?

It was really nice talking to you.

Never listen.

Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?

You respect me.

Sorry, though, do you know what time it is?

No, I do not.

Okay.

Why didn't Barbie tell me about patriarchy?

Which, to my understanding,

is where men and horses run everything.

Okay.

Okay.

Why didn't Barbie tell me about patriarchy?

Which, to my understanding,

is where men and horses run everything.

Sure.

I shall seek my fortune there.

All right.

So...

I'll take a high-level, high-paying job with influence, please.

Okay, you'll need at least an MBA.

I don't know how many people I have a PhD in.

This isn't being a man enough.

Actually, right now, it's kind of the opposite.

You guys are clearly not doing patriarchy very well.

No.

No, we're, uh...

We're doing it well.

Yeah.

We're just, uh, hiding better now.

Oh.

No.

I won't let you do just one ependectomy.

But I'm a man.

But I'm not a doctor.

Please.

Yeah.

Can I talk to a doctor?

You are talking to a doctor.

Can you give me a coffee?

No.

And I need a cookie pen?

No.

And a white coat?

No.

And a shirt?

No.

There it is, doctor.

Somebody get security.

I'd like to apply for your job at the beach.

So you want to be a lifeguard?

Oh, I'm not trained to go over there.

I'm trained to stand confidently right here.

There's nobody in danger here.

And even if there were, I'm not trained to save them.

I can't hire you.

Tell me the beach here.

Oh.

She thinks I'm a fascist.

I don't control the railways or the flow of commerce.

There you are.

Oh, no.

That went terrible.

I need to find somewhere where I can start patriarchy fresh.

Is this Barbie?

It's just Barbie.

We're going to need you to come with us.

Oh.

Who are you?

We're Mattel.

Mattel?

Mattel.

Oh, thank goodness.

I've got to talk to somebody in charge.

Everything is backwards here.

Men look at me like I'm an object.

Girls hate me.

Everything's so crazy.

And I keep getting arrested.

You're going to stuff this way around?

I also just learned to cry.

First I got one tear, and then I got a whole bunch.

What do I do?

Do I follow Barbie into that scary unmarked black trunk car?

A trunk car I'd like to have, actually.

You're right.

She's right.

It's Mattel.

I know.

I'll go back to Barbie Land and I'll tell the kids what I learned.

Oh, it's going to be beautiful.

Okay.

Back to Barbie Land.

Let's go that way.

Yeah!

Hi, welcome back.

I'm off early because of the crisis at work, but I thought we could go get some of the

stuff, aren't we?

I'm off early because of a crisis at work, but I thought we could go get some socks there.

Thank God they arrested that nut job and that reality-challenged woman.

She thinks she's Barbie. Wait, what did he say?

She thinks she's Barbie. She's like, what are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Mom. Mom!

Mom, get back in the car!

Are you kidding me?

Mom!

Mattel, of course it was you guys that brought me here, because it definitely wasn't that Sasha girl.

Thanks for the ride. This is so much fun.

Wow, they're mothers!

Barbie, so happy to see you.

Hi. Would you like some mineral water?

Yes, thank you.

I'm not used to that having anything in it.

Thank you.

So we've been very anxious to get some quality face time with you.

Of course. So what can I do to repair the rift and the space time continuum,

get my feet back in that one cell that I got and just generally not turn into weird Barbie.

We have been discussing that very topic.

If you agreeable to it, we would love it if you could just get into that giant box.

Get into the box and you'll go back to Barbie and everything will be as it was.

You know what? We should probably get Ken first.

Ken?

You know, Ken. Barbie and Ken.

Yes, Ken. Ken's the guy.

Back to Barbie Land!

Ken isn't something we're worried about...ever.

Okay, I'll just send him. I'll get in the box then.

Alright, yes!

Oh, and since I came all this way, could I just meet the woman in charge? Your CEO?

Oh, that would be me.

Your CFO?

Me.

Your COO. President of the Barbie division.

I'm a man with no power. Does that make me a woman?

Are any women in charge?

Listen, I know exactly where you're going with this and I have to say I really resent it.

We are a company literally made of women.

We had a woman CO in the 90s and there was another one at some other time.

So that's two right there.

Women are the freaking foundation of this very long, phallic building.

We have gender neutral bathrooms up the wazoo.

Every single one of these men love women.

I'm the son of a mother. I'm the mother of a son.

I'm the nephew of a woman aunt.

Some of my best friends are Jewish.

What I'm trying to say is, get in the box you Jezebel.

Why, I can't say Jezebel now.

I haven't been in the box in ages.

You see, it's easy.

Oh, okay.

Oh my gosh, I remember the smell.

I'm having a real Proustian flashback.

Remember Proust Barbie? That did not sell very well.

Oh, you know what, before I get in the box,

could I just run to the restroom and make sure my hair is perfect?

Fine. Can you be speedy about it?

Mm-hmm.

It's just down the hallway.

Thank you.

On the rail.

I guess you know how to do that.

She's got that body.

Don't you dare push that body, let me use it.

Let's get that body.

Get it for me.

I gave you how to do it.

I'll capture you.

Come on, quicker to go over the shoe.

It's quicker.

Get me Barbie!

Barbie! Barbie!

Barbie!

Barbie!

Barbie!

Don't worry, you're safe here.

What is this place?

I always find I think best at kitchen tables.

Tea?

Yes, please.

So a woman does work here.

Up over sweetie, we do more than work here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

What?

It's because I don't know how to drink tea.

No.

You look different.

That's not how I normally look.

I usually look perfect.

Well, I don't know.

I think you just right.

Real world isn't what I thought it was.

It never is.

And isn't that marvelous?

Who are you?

If you go through that closet,

you'll find a stairwell down to the lobby.

Okay.

Thank you.

Ruth.

Ruth, thank you Ruth.

You're welcome Barbie.

She's my best friend.

Welcome home, boss.

She's the ins both.

And she dressed in really cute clothes.

Oh, look out, there she is.

She's hard.

I don't have my key card.

Get in!

Now! Get in now!

Now!

Come on!

Oh, no!

We're never going to get far!

Oh, we didn't get so far!

I'm on a plan here.

I would normally have shot that.

I'll go on the first one.

Hang on.

God, I hope nobody from school is off

but a life-size Barbie and her car.

How did this even happen?

It was like an idea, a great idea.

So, I've been a little lonely lately

and I found those Barbies we used to play with.

So I started playing with them

and making drawings like we used to do, remember?

Because I thought it would be joyful.

No, it wasn't. I got sad and weird

and then the drawings got sad and weird

and maybe because I couldn't be like you,

I ended up making you like me.

Did any of these drawings, by chance,

have thoughts of death and cellulite?

Yes!

They were thoughts of death Barbies!

Oh my God!

I came for you!

Those were your memories.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Are you two like, shining?

No! No, it's nothing like that.

Are you shining with a real Barbie?

No!

I mean, maybe? Like a little?

Yes.

I don't even know where to start

with this pushing a Barbie to life crap.

Oh, Sasha, listen, I'm just a boring mom

with a boring job and a daughter who hates me.

Can you blame me for that?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, sit down.

I love women.

I love women.

I made the real world better,

but the real world is ever irrevocably messed up.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

well, the real world is not perfect.

but you inspire me.

I love women.

I'm gonna help women.

Well come on, but everybody thanks women.

Women hate women and men hate women. It's the one thing we can all agree on.

Is that true? It's complicated. Hate is a strong word.

Wake up!

What are you waiting for, Sasha?

Mom, where'd you have to drive like this?

There was this guy.

His dad?

Yeah, yeah, I would say his dad.

Hello?

Okay, duck.

You look so great.

Come, look at me.

Okay, sorry.

I can't live enough forever.

Where can we go?

Wait, I have an idea.

Can you get us to Venice Beach?

Sure can.

Again.

I love Harbor Blades.

Where are we going?

Barbie Land.

What's wrong?

Are you really going to let Barbie take you and your three daughters to an imaginary land?

Yes, and you want to know why?

Because I never get to do any.

I didn't even go on that cruise.

I wanted her to go raffle.

He said I didn't have enough vacation days,

so he had to learn it to start.

Oh, who's about to?

You can't just leave him.

He'll be fine.

Bolligrapos.

Bolligrapos.

Okay, I'll be fine.

Ready for fun?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Okay, here we go.

Come on, and seal that thing.

Where are Barbie?

How did we get into this phone?

How did we get into this vehicle?

When I was a kid, I lost these boots,

and my mom wouldn't let me buy a whole new Barbie just to replace the boots.

They were so good on you.

Well, thank you.

Thank you.

She was always my favorite Barbie.

You're my favorite human.

Don't tell them, but I never do good kids.

That's because Ken is totally super close.

Ha!

Ha!

How do you do that?

All major physicians in power control all the money.

Basically everything that land between your world,

you're going to do in hours.

I mean, that's when you run for it.

That's when you run for it.

That's when you run for it.

That's when you run for it.

What is this song?

Oh, and we have a female president,

and it's fun and work.

I'm friends with him.

He knows 24-7.

Can John's hands come in and play with you?

No, that's crazy.

Excuse me.

Have you seen a group of women on the wheels?

Actually, yeah.

There was a lot.

There was a lot.

There was a lot.

There was a lot.

There was a lot.

There was a lot.

There was a lot.

Actually, yeah.

There was a lumberman in between.

They're rolling by in that direction.

Oh, wow.

First step is always rolling later.

Excuse me, sir?

They've gone to Barnaby Land.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

She's brought humans there with her.

This could mean extremely weird things for our world.

Like, what?

Nothing any of our collective imaginations could ever dream of.

A podcast hosted by two wise trees

or a choir of 2,000 young fathers.

Not even close.

We've got to get to Barnaby Land.

We've got to find some planes back.

Just look in the direction of Barnaby.

I can practically feel my kills lifting already.

Yes.

This is what I was supposed to do for you back here.

It feels right.

It does.

Okay, good to see you.

Oh, that's strange.

She's coming for us, E.B.S.

She's our top president with a beer

and the cheering squad is the Supreme Court.

This is so much better to see a president.

It's a huge beer tank.

Ah, the barge.

Oh, okay.

Hi, Cat.

Have a brusky beer.

My big guys burst.

Anyway, wait until you see my dream house.

Everything I've bought in my home

will totally inspire you.

We can change clothes again.

That's the capital.

Ah, it's pink.

Pink.

And that's...

These are the dream houses.

This is where I live.

You can see through the houses.

So does each Barbie look have their own house?

Mm-hmm.

That's cool.

Even the Ken's Day.

I don't know.

At first, I thought the real world was run by men.

And then, there was a minute where I thought it was run by horses.

But then I realized that horses are just men extenders.

Oh, I had that tree house.

I saved up my allowance to buy it.

I've never seen a car like that before.

What happened here?

Everything basically, everything exists

to expand and elevate the presence of men.

Beautiful.

I know.

Ken?

What have you done?

What have you made me?

Don't question it.

Just roll with it, tiny baby.

How come, baby?

What about any baby?

Like this pretty fridge?

No, okay.

This is my dream house.

It is my dream house.

It's mine!

No, this is no longer Barbie's dream house.

This shall pass forth, we know.

That's Ken's mojo, dojo, casa house.

You don't have to say dojo and casa.

But you do, because it feels good.

Try it.

Mojo, dojo, casa house.

Mojo, dojo, casa house.

Give it to me straight, how weird is it?

Oh, boss, these mojo, dojo, casa houses

are literally flying off the shelves.

The kids are clamored for them.

Ken is on t-shirts, mugs.

It's the number one tattoo.

Oh, no.

One of fathers has started a audition for the Ken movie,

which is already a blockbuster hit.

It's happening.

The thing we could never imagine,

if we don't get my words, ladies,

if the assistance of my executive words, ladies,

and someone who's brought their daughter back here

and closed the portal, our rules could be altered forever.

But what does it matter if it's Barbie or Ken?

The money is pouring in.

Shame on you, executive number two.

You think I spent my entire life in boardrooms

because of a bottom line?

No, I got into this business because of little girls

and their dreams, in the least creepy way possible.

Now, play it faster. Time is running out.

Look, I'm just having some brusky beers

in my mojo, dojo, casa house.

What do you say if you want, as my bride wife,

or my long-term low-commitment distance girlfriend?

As you say.

Brusky beer.

I will not brusky beer you.

That's fine.

You know, now that you've already turned around

to run everything, we can do out here however we like.

I have hats.

Where are my hungry boys?

They want snacks.

Barbie, I'm just so happy to see you.

Can you believe what is happening?

I know, isn't it great?

Can anyone need a brusky beer?

What are you doing?

You're a doctor.

I like being a helpful decoration.

And Al likes to help me give all the cans to foot massages.

No, I don't. I don't like that.

We love it.

I'm so bottle-faced a drunk right now.

Dido sinks in that.

I might not have to make any decisions.

It's like a spa day for my brain.

Forever.

What is wrong with that?

We just explained to them the immaculate and packable

seamless garment of logic that is patriarchy and the crumbled.

Oh my god, this is like in the 1500s

with the indigenous people in smallpox.

They had no defenses against it.

Shut up.

Buckle up, babe.

Because Barbie Land is now Kenland.

And it's going to be just like Century City in Los Angeles

because they had it all figured out in Century City.

The minute you get out of your car,

it's like I can't believe how great this place is.

They don't have it figured out in Century City

because we failed them.

No, you failed me.

Out there, I was somebody.

When I walked down the street,

people respected me just for who I am.

One lady, she had asked me for the time.

No way.

And if it weren't for these technicalities

like MBAs, medical degrees, and I don't know,

swim lessons, I could have ruled that world.

I don't need any of those things here.

Here I'm just a dude.

And you know what?

That's enough.

TV running.

Which one is it?

Of course.

Welcome, Mr. Ken President, Prime Minister Mayo.

Country cab only, amazing changes and innovations.

Thanks, Mr. Ken.

The Nobel Prize in Horses goes to...

Wow.

And now you're making it permanent with a special election

to change the Constitution.

That's right.

In just 48 hours, all the kens will head to the polls

and vote to change the Constitution

to a government for the kens of the kens and by the kens.

You can't do this.

This is Barbie land.

The Barbie's worked hard and they dream hard

to make it everything that it is.

You can't just undo it in a day.

Literally, it figuratively watched me.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

this is my mojo-dojo-casa house.

It's not Barbie's mojo-dojo-casa house.

Right.

How's that feel?

It is not fun, I said no.

It's boy time.

Every night is boy's time.

Barbie, take your ladies' fashions with you.

Take your celebrate disco bell bottoms.

I know, I used to campaign pretty hard.

This is the end, Natalie Schultz-Gartner.

These are our clients.

You're a jammer, jammer, and you're damn sick.

No!

And you're pretty big, people.

I thought you passed.

You're the people.

I thought you passed.

No!

Honey.

Why did you wish me to have messed up world

using your complicated human thoughts and feelings?

What?

I thought it was perfect before.

I was perfect before.

I'm so sorry.

I wasn't trying to do anything.

Don't blame my mom.

Maybe you wished us.

Maybe it's your fault, Barbie.

No, I didn't wish anything.

I never wanted anything to change.

Oh, honey, that's life.

It's all change.

That's terrifying.

I don't want that.

Not my wife.

No, thank you.

I'm just...

I don't want mixed.

I'm just gonna sit here and wait and hope.

One and the more.

Leadership oriented Barbie's just

snaps out of it.

Doesn't mean about this whole mess.

I really understand this feeling.

It's basically like being a human person all the time.

Please just leave me here.

I'm going back to your messed up world

and just leave me to mine.

So you're just gonna give up?

Yes.

Okay.

You know, I almost felt bad for you,

but you are exactly what I thought you were.

Um...

Let's go.

I mean, let's just...

Hey, how do we even...

There are things we did in reverse.

Unbelievable.

She doesn't deserve that.

This is the lowest I've ever been.

Emotionally.

Physically.

She's crying prejudice for the seventh time

until she falls asleep.

Our family is such that any alliance between us

must be regarded as a highly reprehensible connection.

Anxiety, panic, toxin, OCD, soul separately.

Barbie, Barbie.

Wake up.

Hey.

I'm like you now.

I agree and I won't.

Thanks.

Let's get her back.

Come on.

Isn't this great?

Yes.

Wait till you see the bomb.

The bomb.

It's a beautiful country song.

You saved the seat for me

I spent four years cross straight to the higher mine

Got my paper and I was free

I went to the mountains

I went to the mountains

I looked to the tour

I came from the bottom

I went to this broadcast to bring you our new radio station

Only playing Ken's favorite song

I wore a bushel

I wore a bushel

I wore a bushel

Got my song on the bushel

I wore a bushel

I wore a bushel

I wore a bushel

Who are you? I'm Alan

Oh you are Alan, that's great

Don't tell the cameras, I'm trying to escape

I cannot sit on one more leather couch

It's gonna break my spirit

Just to figure out how to build that wall sideways

And not just up

No one is gonna be able to get in or out

So if we want to leave we better make a run for it

No Alan, you can't go

Having a Barbie in the real world is what caused all these problems in the first place

Not one person would care if Alan was in the real world

In fact, it's happened before

Olive and Sink, Alan

Yes, even him, so come on

Hey, you're there

What are you doing?

Just get in the car and keep it singing

Hey man, be ready for anything

I'm Alan, I'm Ken's buddy

Yeah, all this clothes fit me

Who are you?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

We have to go back

Barbie needs saving

You hate Barbie

But you don't, you've always believed in what she could be

No, I was wrong

Barbie gave up, but Ken's won

You have to try

Even if you can't make it perfect

You can make it better

I can't make anything better

I'm the one who ruined Barbie Land with my stupid drawings in the first place

They're not stupid, they're amazing

You like my drawings?

They're weird, and you're dark

And crazy

Everything you pretend not to be

I am

I am, I'm weird and I'm dark

And I'm crazy

You want some more?

You have to get out of here right now

Shut up Alan, we're going back

Let's go get my dog

I'll be there to get out of here

Where'd we find Barbie?

There's only one place she'd be

You're a writer

This is your Nobel Prize

Remember winning it?

It's useless trying to do programmer, I already did everything I could

Oh my god

I don't even know how I got here

I don't deserve this

I'd like to thank

Ken

Thank you Ken

The fork in my soup is this barb

Did the brainwashing work on you?

I exposed you to the real world

Must have made me immune

Giving you brainwashed or you're weird and ugly

There is no in between

Sing it sister

We'll get ready kids

It's in 48 hours, Barbie Land becomes Ken

The kids

They found us

Hi

Hello

Humans, we're fine

And Alan

Come into my weird house

Hi, I'm weird Barbie, I am in the splits

I have a funky haircut and I smell like basement

Oh my god, I had a weird Barbie

Yeah you did

You make them weird by playing two arms

That's cool

Sugar daddy Ken

And you're in magic Ken

No no no, I'm not a sugar daddy

This is sugar

And I'm her daddy

And I have a magic hair

These were actual Ken's

More discontinued Barbies

Growing up Skipper

May I? Okay

Watch this

Her boobs grow

Why would they do that?

I have a TV in my back

Nobody

And that's Barbie Barbie

She's not dead, she's just having an existential crisis

Okay, come on

Hey

What's wrong?

I'm not

Pretty anymore

Why? You're so pretty

I'm not stereotypical Barbie

Pretty

You're the best filmmaker

Margot Robbie is the wrong person to cast

if you want to make this point

It's not just that

I'm not

smart enough to be interesting

You're so smart

I can't do brain surgery

I've never flown a plane

I'm not the president

No one on the Supreme Court

of me

I'm not

And it's literally impossible to be a woman.

You are so beautiful and so smart and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough.

We have to always be extraordinary but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin but not too thin and you can never say you want to be thin.

You have to say you want to be healthy but also you have to be thin.

You have to have money but you can't ask for money because that's gross.

You have to be a boss but you can't be mean. You have to lead but you can't squash other people's

ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother but don't talk about your kids all the damn time.

You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men's bad behavior which is insane but if you point that out

you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men but not so pretty that you

tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of

the sisterhood but always stand out and always be grateful but never forget that the system is rigged

so find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old.

Never be rude. Never show off. Never be selfish. Never fall down. Never fail. Never show fear.

Never get out of line. It's too hard. It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says

thank you and it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong but also

everything is your fault.

I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots

so that people will like us.

And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing them

then I don't even know.

Wait. I did write a book. It's like I've been in a dream where I was somehow really invested

in the Zack Snyder cut of Justice League. But what you said broke me out of it.

Really. Yeah. You're back. She's back. By giving voice to the cognitive dissonance required

to be a woman under the patriarchy he robbed it of its power. Yes. Wow. I just said I love that.

Hell yes. Why'd you save your Barbie? No. It was your mom. Your mom did the saving.

We have to stop the cans. And you need to save all of those things to the other Barbies.

That's the key. Got it. But how are we going to get the Barbies away from their cans?

We have experience with a world like this one. Do you have a map of Barbie Land?

What do you think?

Wow. Thanks. I built it. Okay. Here's the deal. It's not just about how they see us.

It's about how they see themselves. Kenland contains the seeds of its own destruction.

First we have to get the Barbies away from their cans. You could use a decoy Barbie who

pretends to be brainwashed. That should be you. Cool.

Distracted by opinion helpless and confused, cans cannot resist a danger to stress.

You have to make them believe that you're complacent, that they have the power.

And when their guard is down, you take the power back.

The influence that portion of 356 has had on the motoring world as a whole,

can't be overstated. Oh, Photoshop is so hard. I just don't understand how to use the select tool.

Honey, you can only use the select tool. Klairs highlighted. Let me show you.

My tiny head is just waving the technical jargon with the color of the nose and

I'm not in black, so let's see if it's now. Oh, it's you.

Oh, what's happening?

Oh, we're out.

Just listen. You have to be their mommies but not remind them of their mommy.

Any power you have must be masked under a giggle.

What happened? One minute I was president and the next I was cutting a kid in state for him.

Welcome back, Madam President.

Then we'll recruit the now unbrainwashed Barbies to our cause.

They can be the new decoys.

You can tell them that you've never seen the Godfather.

And that you love them to explain it to you.

Ooh, you guys watching the Godfather?

The Godfather.

I've never seen it.

Oh my god, you've never seen the Godfather?

This movie is a rich blend of copalus and study genius,

so the triumph of Robert Evans and the architecture of the 70s studios is...

Can you start the movie over and just talk through the whole thing?

You have to find a way to reject men's advances without damaging their egos.

Because if you say yes to them, you're a tramp.

But if you say no to them, you approve.

I don't want to touch it, but...

No, you don't.

Another one?

Be confused about money.

I just have all my money in a savings account.

That's totally wrong.

You need treasury bonds, corporate bonds, CDs.

No one has CDs anymore.

That's sweetheart. You are so cheap.

You're a computer.

But now, not to music.

See, being in these stands for a certificate of deposits,

even now, there's really only a little serving toxin in your room.

The most common influence is sometimes on your phone as well.

What am I wearing?

I would never choose this.

Because you're a physicist.

Do you want some pants?

Yeah.

Welcome back, Barbie.

Gee, I am so awkward and don't feel pretty at all, and will anyone ever like me?

Or distract them with the old stand body.

Wearing glasses so that they can discover that you're pretty.

Yeah.

Sure, go ahead.

There.

Now we can see a beautiful face.

And then there's pretending to be terrible at every sport ever.

Here.

Let me show you.

Here.

Let me show you.

Here.

Let me show you.

Here.

Let me show you.

Here.

Let me show you.

Here.

Let me show you.

Here.

Let us show you.

We'll do this until every single Barbie is deprogrammed and ready to take back Barbie.

Yeah.

Hey, tomorrow the kens vote to change the constitution, so we have to get there first.

The final stage of our plan to turn the kens against each other.

Now that they think they have power over you, you make no question whether they have enough

power over each other.

What if this doesn't work?

What if he doesn't like me anymore?

He likes you.

He was really upset.

Because he likes you.

And because he knows deep down that you don't like him the same way.

It still doesn't mean I haven't heard him.

He took your house.

He brainwashed your friends.

He wants to control the government.

True.

Go.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's like I'm a woman already.

Welcome.

It's sort of fun.

Oh, it's time.

I'm ready.

Thank you.

Here I go.

Hi.

Oh, hey.

You caught me reading.

Oh.

I've been thinking.

In the Kenland.

It's a kingdom.

Kingdom.

Kingdom land.

Land of the freedom and.

Right.

Well, this place.

Really great.

And the kens really are just better at ruling than the Barbies ever were.

Well, we just took patriarchy and made a patriarchy.

Yeah.

Well, I was thinking.

I'm ready to be your long-term, distant, slow commitment, casual girlfriend if you'll still have me.

No.

You just hold on for a minute.

Oh, wait a minute.

Sublime!

I don't know.

You don't have to think about that.

Oh.

Please?

I'm good.

Come on in.

I'll play the guitar out here.

Hey, yay!

Here I go again, baby.

And I'm a little bit angry, well, just ain't over

No, not here, no

Now, well, I still need you around

You don't want me, we might change, yeah

Yeah, we just might feel good

I wanna push you around

Well, I will, well, I will

I wanna push you down

Well, I will, well, I will

This is the final stage of our plan

Give them their dream come true

And at the peak of their happiness

When they think you actually care about the song

You take it all away

Now, well, I know

I'm really texting

Who are you texting?

No one

I'm just trying

Sorry, one second

It's a beautiful song that we're playing

Did you write it?

Yes, you wanna sit here and watch me do

While I stare uncomfortably into your eyes

Before the happiness

I would love that

I wanna push you around

Well, I will, well, I will

I wanna push you around

You play on your egos and their petty jealousies

And you turn them against each other

Sorry

While they're fighting

We take that spot of your end

Just a title of long-term distance

Casual low commitment girlfriend

Mean nothing

What do we do?

We beach every individual one of them off

No

We go to war

Against the Barbies?

No, against the Kent

So we are the Kent

The other Kent?

Well, we should probably call them something else

So it doesn't get confusing

No, because we'll know what we need

But when we're on the battlefield

And you say Kent at four o'clock

How will I know if you mean us, Kent, or the other Kent?

Because my dudes, we attack at ten o'clock

And take advantage of the morning waves

But not so early

Because we're gonna want to sleep in

Right

But what will we fight with?

We have no guns

Tennis rackets

And volleyball

And slapfights

And match-offs

Doesn't seem to matter what I do

I'm always number two

No one knows how hard I tried

Oh, I, I have feelings that I can't explain

Driving me insane

All my life been so polite

But I'll sleep alone tonight

Cause I'm just Kent

Anywhere else I be a Kent

Is it my destiny to live a lie

A life full of rigidity

I'm just Kent

Where I see love she sees a friend

But will it take for her to see

The man behind the tent before me?

I'll see you on the Malibu Beach show

Kent, Kent, Kent, Kent, Kent

And now they destroy themselves

You know what I think?

I think we should put our friggin' constitution back

Yes

This is a real hornet's nest in here

What's it playing?

I got shot in the asshole

We're through real weapons here

I want to know what it's like to love

To be in here again

Is it a crime if I let you down?

Where am I feeling?

Is it my fault if I leave you

And throw you back to me then?

I don't remember

I don't remember

I don't remember

I don't remember

I don't remember

I don't remember

Can I feel you?

Can I feel you?

Can I feel you?

Can I feel you?

I'm just kidding

Anywhere I suddenly take

Is it my destiny

To live my life

Of profitability?

I'm just kidding

Where I see love

She sees a friend

What will it take for her

To see the man behind her face

And find for me

I'm just kidding

I'm finding out

And I'm waiting to discuss

So hey, check me out here

I'm just kidding

I'm in pain

And so am I

I won't stop every hair in my hair

So hey, check me out here

I'm just kidding

I'm in pain

And so am I

I'm just kidding

What?

What we supposed to do today?

What?

To change the constitution?

It was today, wasn't it?

Okay, ladies, let's do this

All those in favor of letting Barbie Land be Barbie Land

Say aye

I'm so happy

I'm so happy

Is it just my imagination

These mojo dojo casa houses

Just get dreamier

That's because their dream house is mother

That's like being reinstated

The Barbie Land Constitution

That's what it should be

And restored all the Barbie's brains and autonomy

And we seriously disinfected those houses

What are we doing?

Chaos

Who are we attacking, sir?

Look at me

Is he crying?

Just give me a minute

Again?

Are you okay?

Totally

It's okay if you're crying

I cry too, it's actually kind of amazing

I'm a liberated man, I eat little cranes that week

Can I sit down for a minute?

Yeah

It was heart-rending stuff

I didn't love it

I didn't

And those mini fridges are so small

You can only fit a six-pack in the freezer

It's amazing to use this

To be honest, when I found out the patriarch wasn't about the worst

I lost interest anyway

That's okay

I always thought this would be our house

Oh

I think I owe you an apology

I'm really sorry I took you for granted

Not every night had to be girls night

Thank you for saying that

Thank you

Oh, I didn't mean to suggest...

I just don't know who I am without you

You're Ken

But it's Barbie and Ken

There is no just Ken

That's why I was created

I only exist

Within the warmth of your gaze

Without it

I'm just another blind guy who can't do glimpse

Maybe it's time to discover who Ken is

Okay, I think I get it

No, no, no, no, no

This isn't the answer

You're so stupid

I thought you were so stupid

I look so stupid

You're so cool

Okay, Ken

You have to figure out who you are without me

Why?

You're not your girlfriend

You're not your house

You're not your mink

Beach?

Nope, you're not even beach

Maybe all the things that you thought made you you

Aren't really you

Maybe it's Barbie and

It's Ken

Ken is...

Okay

Yes

Ken is me

Barbie

Ken is me

Ken is me

Ken is me

Ken is me

I don't even care about being Ken anymore

I just miss my friend Barbie

That's cool, Barbie

Ken

I want you to help

That's nice

We were only fighting because we didn't know who we were

Ken is me

Ken is right

It's just so hard to be a leader

That's my boss

Oh, bitch

I thought we discontinued her

Look, do you know how many times

I've wanted to stand up at a board meeting and just say

Can we just tickle each other?

Let's have a company retreat and just tickle each other

Someone get me

No, no, no, no, don't hug me

But thanks to the Barbies

I too can now relieve myself of this heavy existential burden

While holding on to the very real title of CEO

And we can restore everything in Barbie Land

To exactly the way it was

Mr. Mattel

Please, call me mother

No, thank you

I don't think that things should go back to the way that they were

No, Barbie or Ken should be living in the shadows

Or Alan

Hey

Yeah

Oh, hello

I just want to say it

I'm sorry we called you weird Barbie

Behind your back and also to your face

Okay

I'm owning it

Would you like a job in my cabinet?

May I please have sanitation?

It's yours

Yeah

Thank you

Madam President

Oh

Please may the kens have one Supreme Court justice

Oh, I can't do that

But maybe a lower circuit court judges

We accept as long as we keep our robes

Well, the kens have to start somewhere

And one day the kens will have as much power and influence in Barbie Land

As women have in the real world

No, I don't

I do

I do

I have an idea

Tell me your secret dream, child

Okay, what about ordinary Barbie?

She's not extraordinary

She's not president of anything

Or maybe she is

Maybe she's a mom

Maybe she's not

Because it's okay to just want to be a mom

Or to want to be president

Or a mom who is president

Or not a mom who is also not president

She just has a flattering top

And she wants to get through the day feeling kind of good about herself

That's a terrible idea

Yeah, that's going to be funny

Oh, ordinary Barbie

Fantastic

Oh, great

Great

Cool

Yeah, I think we're good, right?

All right, let's begin the work

To close the portal between our two worlds

Hey, what about Barbie?

What do you mean?

What does she get?

Well, that's easy

She's in love with Ken

That is not for Andy

I'm not in love with Ken

What do you want?

I don't know

I'm not really sure where I belong anymore

I don't think I have an ending

That was always the point

I created you so you wouldn't have an ending

It's you

You're Ruth from Mattel

Baby, I am Mattel

Until the IRS got to me

But that's another movie

So you're Ruth Campbell

Inventor of Barbie

Barbie?

Absolutely

Her ghost keeps an office on the 17th floor

What?

You guys

You think the lady who invented Barbie looks like Barbie?

I'm a fight but nothing grandma

With a double mastectomy and taxivation issues

Nobody looks like Barbie

Except, of course, Barbie

Take a balance

I don't really feel like Barbie anymore

Come, walk with me

Come

Thank you

Thank you, Barbie

Thank you

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do now

I've always been staring at Barbie

And I don't think I'm really good at anything else

You saved Barbie land from patriarchy

That was very much a great effort

And you helped that mother and daughter connect

They really helped each other

Maybe you're self-effacing Barbie

Maybe I'm not Barbie anymore

You understand that humans only have one entity

Ideas live forever

Humans not so much

You know that, right?

I do

Being a human can be pretty uncomfortable

I know

Humans bring things up like patriarchy and Barbie

Just to deal with how uncomfortable it is

I understand that

And then you die

Yeah

Yeah

I want to be a part of the people that make meaning

Not the thing that's made

I want to do the imagining

I don't want to be the idea

Does that make sense?

I always knew that Barbie would surprise people

I never expected this

Do you give me permission to become human?

You don't need my permission

But you're the creator

You don't control me

I can't control you any more than I can control my own daughter

I named you after her, Barbara

And I always hoped for you

Like I hoped for her

We understand still

So our daughters can look back to see how far they've come

So being human is not something I need to ask for

Or even one, I can just...

It's something that I just discovered I am

I can't do good conscience

Let me take this leap without you knowing what it means

Take my hands

Now close your eyes

Now feel

I used to flow

Now I just fall down

I used to know

But I'm not sure now

What I was made for

What was I made for

Because I...

Because I had a heart

I don't know how to feel

But I will try

I don't know how to feel

But someday

Someday

Yes

So Barbie left behind the pastels and plastics of Barbie Land

For the pastels and plastics of Los Angeles

Okay, thanks for the lift

You've got this

I'm really proud of you

I am very proud of you

There you go

Close enough

You guys are the best

Thank you

Okay

Yes you can

That's a political statement

That's a population

Take care when you're done

Barbie

I love you

Barbie

Hi

Name?

Oh um

Handler

Comma

Barbara

And what are you here for today Barbara?

I'm here to see my gynecologist

Call it a call