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1
00:00:01,767 --> 00:00:03,585
_
2
00:00:06,322 --> 00:00:08,456
Eleanor, come on in.
3
00:00:09,959 --> 00:00:11,660
Well, not often you get to confront
4
00:00:11,694 --> 00:00:14,129
your greatest failure face-to-face.
5
00:00:14,163 --> 00:00:15,363
Good to see you, too, bud.
6
00:00:15,431 --> 00:00:17,932
I am just dumbfounded
as to how this happened.
7
00:00:17,967 --> 00:00:21,303
Our system has never
made a mistake before...
8
00:00:21,337 --> 00:00:22,804
It's just not possible.
9
00:00:22,838 --> 00:00:24,806
And yet, here we are.
10
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,876
First things first,
11
00:00:27,943 --> 00:00:28,977
who are you?
12
00:00:29,011 --> 00:00:31,146
Well, my name is Eleanor Shellstrop,
13
00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:32,947
and some of the info you had was right.
14
00:00:32,982 --> 00:00:36,217
I mean, "flattened by boner pill truck
15
00:00:36,285 --> 00:00:39,187
after dropping margarita mix
in grocery store parking lot,"
16
00:00:39,221 --> 00:00:40,789
that's a very me way to die.
17
00:00:40,823 --> 00:00:43,658
But all the other info was wrong.
18
00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:46,695
In my defense, when I first
arrived, and you said,
19
00:00:46,729 --> 00:00:48,363
"You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead,
20
00:00:48,397 --> 00:00:51,466
and you're in the Good Place,"
I had no reason to think
21
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:52,534
that was a mistake.
22
00:00:52,568 --> 00:00:54,636
Location and date of birth, please.
23
00:00:54,670 --> 00:00:58,506
Phoenix, Arizona, October 14, 1986.
24
00:00:58,541 --> 00:01:00,542
So sorry, that's what
I used to tell people
25
00:01:00,576 --> 00:01:02,577
when I lied about my age.
26
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,413
I was born in 1982.
27
00:01:05,481 --> 00:01:08,750
You lied so much,
you forgot your own birthday.
28
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:09,984
Not a great start,
29
00:01:10,019 --> 00:01:13,521
but it should be enough
for Janet to locate your file.
30
00:01:13,556 --> 00:01:16,257
Janet?
31
00:01:16,325 --> 00:01:18,760
- Janet...
- What's that?
32
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:19,761
What's that?
33
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:21,529
What's this?
34
00:01:22,932 --> 00:01:25,500
Her memory's still being
rebooted because,
35
00:01:25,534 --> 00:01:27,836
oh, you know, someone murdered her.
36
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:30,188
Janet, could you please
locate the file for
37
00:01:30,227 --> 00:01:32,039
an Eleanor Shellstrop, born in...
38
00:01:32,086 --> 00:01:34,188
- 1982?
- Yes.
39
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:36,411
Phoenix, Arizona, USA.
40
00:01:36,445 --> 00:01:37,912
Sure.
41
00:01:37,947 --> 00:01:39,514
Anything else?
42
00:01:39,548 --> 00:01:41,850
No, Janet, this is actually a cactus.
43
00:01:44,587 --> 00:01:45,854
This might take a while.
44
00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:47,222
Whee!
45
00:01:47,256 --> 00:01:52,355
Synced & corrected by
kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
46
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:54,517
_
47
00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:56,898
Since Janet can't retrieve your file,
48
00:01:56,932 --> 00:01:58,566
I need to find another way
49
00:01:58,601 --> 00:02:01,436
to determine what kind
of person you were.
50
00:02:01,470 --> 00:02:04,439
This is a quick litmus test.
51
00:02:04,473 --> 00:02:06,608
Handful of questions designed to tell
52
00:02:06,642 --> 00:02:08,910
whether you are
fundamentally good or bad.
53
00:02:08,944 --> 00:02:10,912
Question number one: Did you ever commit
54
00:02:10,946 --> 00:02:13,581
a serious crime, such as murder,
55
00:02:13,616 --> 00:02:16,785
sexual harassment, arson, or otherwise?
56
00:02:16,819 --> 00:02:17,886
No.
57
00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:21,723
Did you ever have
a vanity license plate,
58
00:02:21,757 --> 00:02:26,261
like "MAMASBMW,"
"LEXUS4LIZ," or "BOOBGUY"?
59
00:02:26,295 --> 00:02:27,050
No.
60
00:02:27,075 --> 00:02:29,564
Did you ever reheat fish
in an office microwave?
61
00:02:29,598 --> 00:02:30,598
Ew, no.
62
00:02:30,633 --> 00:02:31,666
Have you ever paid money
63
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,067
to hear music performed by
64
00:02:33,102 --> 00:02:36,004
California funk rock band
"The Red Hot Chili Peppers"?
65
00:02:36,071 --> 00:02:38,306
No.
66
00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:40,008
Did you ever take off
your shoes and socks
67
00:02:40,075 --> 00:02:41,443
on a commercial airline?
68
00:02:41,477 --> 00:02:42,477
And socks?
69
00:02:42,511 --> 00:02:45,079
Ew, who would do that?
70
00:02:45,114 --> 00:02:48,917
People who go to the Bad Place,
Eleanor, that's the point.
71
00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:50,952
And unless I can figure out
a compelling reason
72
00:02:50,986 --> 00:02:54,289
to keep you here,
you will spend eternity
73
00:02:54,323 --> 00:02:57,592
with murderers, and arsonists,
and people who take off
74
00:02:57,626 --> 00:03:01,830
their shoes and socks
on commercial airlines.
75
00:03:01,864 --> 00:03:04,799
Mm, Janet, can I have
a glass of water, please?
76
00:03:04,834 --> 00:03:07,602
Here you go.
77
00:03:07,636 --> 00:03:09,971
Oh, gosh, you said "water"?
78
00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:11,706
- Yeah.
- I'm so sorry.
79
00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,641
There you go.
80
00:03:13,676 --> 00:03:14,876
Ahh.
81
00:03:17,646 --> 00:03:20,982
I really do have sympathy
for your situation.
82
00:03:21,016 --> 00:03:23,485
I mean, you thought your soul
mate was a good person,
83
00:03:23,519 --> 00:03:25,987
and then you learned that
she's just an immoral grifter.
84
00:03:26,021 --> 00:03:27,822
- Tahani, please.
- Am I wrong?
85
00:03:27,857 --> 00:03:29,691
She lied to everyone.
86
00:03:29,725 --> 00:03:31,392
She caused a giant sinkhole
87
00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:33,027
into which poor Glenn fell.
88
00:03:33,062 --> 00:03:34,395
She caused a trash storm.
89
00:03:34,463 --> 00:03:37,799
She... well, she pretended
to be my friend
90
00:03:37,833 --> 00:03:39,567
when I really needed one.
91
00:03:39,635 --> 00:03:42,904
And, lest we forget, she murdered Janet.
92
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:45,473
As far as I'm concerned,
the sooner she's gone,
93
00:03:45,508 --> 00:03:46,741
the better off we'll all be.
94
00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:49,077
I... I understand that
Eleanor violated our trust,
95
00:03:49,144 --> 00:03:51,713
but please,
when you're talking to Michael,
96
00:03:51,747 --> 00:03:54,482
try to think about
what she's had to go through.
97
00:03:55,851 --> 00:03:57,485
All right.
98
00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,088
I will, for you.
99
00:04:00,155 --> 00:04:01,823
But we've been through a lot as well.
100
00:04:01,857 --> 00:04:03,558
You know, I haven't been this
upset since my good friend
101
00:04:03,592 --> 00:04:05,760
Taylor was rudely upstaged
by my other friend, Kanye,
102
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:09,063
who was defending
my best friend, Beyoncé.
103
00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:11,766
And finally, a multi-part question:
104
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,569
Did you ever appear on the
American television program
105
00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:18,006
"The Bachelor" or its companion
shows "The Bachelorette"
106
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,707
and "Bachelor in Paradise,"
107
00:04:19,742 --> 00:04:22,410
or post on any social media site
108
00:04:22,444 --> 00:04:25,446
that you were emotionally invested
109
00:04:25,514 --> 00:04:27,715
in any of the relationships
110
00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:29,450
the contestants were pursuing?
111
00:04:29,518 --> 00:04:30,718
No.
112
00:04:30,753 --> 00:04:31,786
Okay.
113
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,723
You did very well
on the questionnaire, Eleanor.
114
00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:36,724
So far, so good.
115
00:04:36,759 --> 00:04:38,626
Michael, good news.
116
00:04:38,694 --> 00:04:41,429
I was able to obtain
Eleanor Shellstrop's file.
117
00:04:41,463 --> 00:04:43,798
Is it actually a cactus?
118
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,900
- I don't understand.
- I want to see the file
119
00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:47,569
for Eleanor Shellstrop.
120
00:04:47,603 --> 00:04:48,703
Is that what you have,
121
00:04:48,737 --> 00:04:50,572
or do you have a cactus?
122
00:04:50,606 --> 00:04:51,906
- I have the file.
- You're sure?
123
00:04:51,941 --> 00:04:53,875
You have the file and not a cactus?
124
00:04:53,909 --> 00:04:54,943
That is correct.
125
00:04:54,977 --> 00:04:56,778
I have Eleanor Shellstrop's file.
126
00:04:56,812 --> 00:04:58,780
I do not have a cactus.
127
00:04:58,814 --> 00:05:00,748
Excellent. Please, give me the file.
128
00:05:00,783 --> 00:05:02,917
Here you go.
129
00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:03,952
Thank you, Janet.
130
00:05:03,986 --> 00:05:06,054
You're welcome.
131
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:08,456
Well, I say we call it a day.
132
00:05:08,490 --> 00:05:10,058
I mean, I nailed the questionnaire,
133
00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:12,160
and you're swimming in cacti.
134
00:05:12,227 --> 00:05:13,828
Can't we just chalk this up
135
00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:16,831
to a hilarious mistake and move on?
136
00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:18,600
No, we can't, Eleanor.
137
00:05:18,634 --> 00:05:21,936
There's no such thing
as a mistake in this realm.
138
00:05:21,971 --> 00:05:24,439
And yet, you are, somehow, a mistake.
139
00:05:24,473 --> 00:05:27,008
I mean, you're a giant chunk of spinach
140
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,077
in the teeth of the universe.
141
00:05:35,751 --> 00:05:39,654
I need to understand every
facet of this disaster.
142
00:05:39,688 --> 00:05:41,789
Tell me a lie about yourself.
143
00:05:41,824 --> 00:05:44,759
- Any lie.
- I love the opera.
144
00:05:46,161 --> 00:05:47,595
And now a truth.
145
00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:49,130
I love Women's MMA.
146
00:05:50,165 --> 00:05:51,933
We don't like to use this.
147
00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:54,202
We've never really
had a call for it before you,
148
00:05:54,269 --> 00:05:55,770
but in the interest of time.
149
00:05:55,804 --> 00:05:57,205
Eleanor,
150
00:05:57,272 --> 00:05:59,807
did you murder Janet?
151
00:05:59,842 --> 00:06:01,676
No, I did not.
152
00:06:03,646 --> 00:06:04,946
Do you know who did?
153
00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:05,980
Yes.
154
00:06:07,049 --> 00:06:09,117
Will you tell me who it was?
155
00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:10,151
No.
156
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,187
I assume it was one of your friends,
157
00:06:13,222 --> 00:06:16,190
and I admire you
for protecting him or her.
158
00:06:16,225 --> 00:06:18,159
But Eleanor, in the Good Place,
159
00:06:18,193 --> 00:06:22,230
there's no room for bad people
or bad actions,
160
00:06:22,297 --> 00:06:24,532
so anyone involved
in the murder of Janet
161
00:06:24,566 --> 00:06:27,635
will be reviewed and judged,
162
00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:29,637
and there will be consequences.
163
00:06:32,207 --> 00:06:34,075
Tahani, come on in.
164
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,010
Chidi.
165
00:06:36,045 --> 00:06:40,048
Imposter who soiled our paradise
with her moral turpitude.
166
00:06:40,082 --> 00:06:42,016
'Sup?
167
00:06:42,051 --> 00:06:44,018
Thank you for confessing,
I don't know what I would
168
00:06:44,053 --> 00:06:45,853
- have done if you hadn't...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm amazing.
169
00:06:45,888 --> 00:06:46,888
Bad news.
170
00:06:46,922 --> 00:06:48,756
Michael knows I didn't kill Janet
171
00:06:48,824 --> 00:06:50,692
which means it's only a matter of time
172
00:06:50,726 --> 00:06:52,401
before he finds out that you did
173
00:06:52,426 --> 00:06:53,895
and that you did it because you were
174
00:06:53,929 --> 00:06:56,097
trying to stop Bonehead Jones over here.
175
00:06:56,122 --> 00:06:57,171
Hey, homies!
176
00:06:57,196 --> 00:06:59,167
Then he'll figure out
that Jianyu's also a phony,
177
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:02,203
and, here's the real dong-buster,
178
00:07:02,237 --> 00:07:05,106
Michael said anybody
who did anything bad
179
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:07,175
might have to go...
180
00:07:07,209 --> 00:07:08,876
- Ohh...
- Which means Jianyu's gone,
181
00:07:08,911 --> 00:07:10,111
you might be gone,
182
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:12,503
and all three of us
are royally forking forked!
183
00:07:12,528 --> 00:07:14,464
This is terrible. What am I supposed
to do if he asks me?
184
00:07:14,489 --> 00:07:17,618
I don't know. Kant would say
185
00:07:17,686 --> 00:07:19,921
that lying in any scenario is wrong,
186
00:07:19,955 --> 00:07:22,557
so if Michael asks you
if you killed Janet,
187
00:07:22,591 --> 00:07:23,858
you should say yes.
188
00:07:23,892 --> 00:07:25,560
On the other hand,
189
00:07:25,594 --> 00:07:27,095
snitches do get stitches.
190
00:07:27,129 --> 00:07:28,896
That is true. I read that once
191
00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:30,865
on the back of my boy Peanut's tricep.
192
00:07:30,899 --> 00:07:33,301
You just casually cited Immanuel Kant.
193
00:07:33,368 --> 00:07:35,136
Yeah, I know we're
in a miserable bind here,
194
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:37,772
but this might be
the proudest day of my life.
195
00:07:37,806 --> 00:07:40,413
No offense, but that's
a real bummer of a life.
196
00:07:41,616 --> 00:07:44,725
Tahani, I'll get right
to the crux of the matter.
197
00:07:44,868 --> 00:07:46,168
Did you murder Janet?
198
00:07:46,202 --> 00:07:47,736
Absolutely not.
199
00:07:50,073 --> 00:07:52,741
Now, you spent a lot
of time with Eleanor.
200
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,009
Why do you think that is?
201
00:07:54,043 --> 00:07:56,078
Well, people are just drawn to me.
202
00:07:56,112 --> 00:07:58,413
You know, one of my shyest
friends, I won't say his name
203
00:07:58,448 --> 00:08:00,916
to preserve his privacy,
but he found my presence
204
00:08:00,950 --> 00:08:03,118
so comforting that he asked me
to co-host his TV show
205
00:08:03,186 --> 00:08:04,753
"Anderson Cooper 360."
206
00:08:05,922 --> 00:08:08,423
Given what you learned about Eleanor,
207
00:08:08,458 --> 00:08:10,692
do you think she deserves to be here?
208
00:08:13,129 --> 00:08:15,063
Well...
209
00:08:15,098 --> 00:08:16,799
You know, if it were up to me,
210
00:08:16,866 --> 00:08:20,135
I might find a way
to look past her, um...
211
00:08:20,203 --> 00:08:21,770
deficiencies,
212
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,205
but it's not up to me, is it?
213
00:08:23,239 --> 00:08:25,607
There are some criteria
that she unfortunately
214
00:08:25,642 --> 00:08:27,242
just didn't meet in her time on Earth.
215
00:08:27,277 --> 00:08:29,478
So you think that I should
send her to the Bad Place?
216
00:08:29,546 --> 00:08:31,213
Well, I didn't say that,
217
00:08:31,247 --> 00:08:35,150
but is her staying here unfair
to those who earned their place?
218
00:08:35,218 --> 00:08:37,486
It sounds like you want her to leave.
219
00:08:37,554 --> 00:08:40,088
Well, is it not she
220
00:08:40,123 --> 00:08:44,092
who wants us to leave her?
221
00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:45,961
Thank you, Tahani.
You've been a big help.
222
00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:49,965
Listen up, genius.
223
00:08:49,999 --> 00:08:51,500
He's gonna call you
in there in a second.
224
00:08:51,568 --> 00:08:53,635
Don't worry, I got you.
I'll just tell Michael
225
00:08:53,670 --> 00:08:56,171
you're the bomb and that you got
a dope soul and hella ethics.
226
00:08:56,239 --> 00:08:58,974
Oh, boy. No, don't say any of that.
227
00:08:59,008 --> 00:09:00,809
Michael has a lie detector in there.
228
00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:02,244
It's a... it's a glowing cube.
229
00:09:02,278 --> 00:09:04,913
Like the AllSpark? From "Transformers"?
230
00:09:04,948 --> 00:09:07,649
Sure, uh, just like the
AllSpark from "Transformers,"
231
00:09:07,684 --> 00:09:10,124
and... and he'll know instantly
if you're lying about anything
232
00:09:10,153 --> 00:09:13,188
so only smiles and nods, got it?
233
00:09:15,024 --> 00:09:17,659
Wise sage,
234
00:09:17,694 --> 00:09:20,662
centered Jianyu.
235
00:09:20,697 --> 00:09:24,666
I seek your wisdom
in this moment of crisis.
236
00:09:24,701 --> 00:09:26,201
What to do with Eleanor?
237
00:09:26,269 --> 00:09:28,303
Should I let her stay?
238
00:09:28,338 --> 00:09:30,272
Should I send her away?
239
00:09:31,207 --> 00:09:33,976
You think I should send her away?
240
00:09:35,044 --> 00:09:38,513
No, I should let her stay?
241
00:09:38,548 --> 00:09:42,818
Or no, I shouldn't let her stay
because she doesn't belong here?
242
00:09:42,852 --> 00:09:44,319
Or no, I shouldn't let her stay
243
00:09:44,354 --> 00:09:46,555
even though she does belong here?
244
00:09:47,724 --> 00:09:51,526
Oh, Jianyu, I wish I had your wisdom.
245
00:09:51,561 --> 00:09:54,129
Your devotion to the noble
truths has given you something
246
00:09:54,163 --> 00:09:57,032
that I don't have: clarity.
247
00:09:57,066 --> 00:09:59,301
It was Buddha who said,
248
00:09:59,335 --> 00:10:02,004
"The man lives a pure life.
249
00:10:02,038 --> 00:10:03,872
Nothing can destroy him."
250
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:07,743
I'm not a man, and I've lived no life,
251
00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:10,178
so will this destroy me?
252
00:10:10,213 --> 00:10:11,246
Ouch.
253
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:16,885
Oh, of course.
254
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:20,055
A cactus on its own intends no harm.
255
00:10:20,089 --> 00:10:23,825
It's only when we interfere
that it becomes dangerous.
256
00:10:23,860 --> 00:10:26,695
I need to remember my own agency here.
257
00:10:26,729 --> 00:10:29,998
Oh, thank you, Jianyu.
258
00:10:30,033 --> 00:10:32,901
You're free to go.
259
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:35,237
Oh, yes, of course. Help yourself.
260
00:10:35,271 --> 00:10:37,239
I've got plenty of those.
261
00:10:41,244 --> 00:10:42,844
Chidi, come on in.
262
00:10:42,879 --> 00:10:43,919
Hi there.
263
00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:45,113
I have Eleanor's file.
264
00:10:45,181 --> 00:10:47,215
Janet, if you hand me a cactus,
265
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:49,117
I swear I will lose my mind.
266
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,187
Oh, yes!
267
00:10:52,221 --> 00:10:54,623
All right, here we go.
Eleanor, come back in.
268
00:10:54,691 --> 00:10:55,857
Chidi, you stay here.
269
00:10:57,894 --> 00:11:01,263
This file contains a compendium
270
00:11:01,297 --> 00:11:04,199
of all of the highest impact
events from your life,
271
00:11:04,233 --> 00:11:05,300
that's the, uh,
272
00:11:05,368 --> 00:11:07,869
biggest positive
and negative point swings.
273
00:11:07,904 --> 00:11:10,272
So "Little Julie," who's that?
274
00:11:10,306 --> 00:11:11,974
Julie is my cousin's daughter.
275
00:11:12,041 --> 00:11:15,043
Her mom is kind of a mess,
so I used to take her
276
00:11:15,078 --> 00:11:18,647
to the mall sometimes
and bought her churro dogs.
277
00:11:18,715 --> 00:11:22,384
It's a hot dog,
but the bun is two churros.
278
00:11:22,418 --> 00:11:25,921
And it's tied together with a Slim Jim.
279
00:11:25,955 --> 00:11:27,122
It's an Arizona delicacy.
280
00:11:27,156 --> 00:11:29,391
Oh, sounds awful, but it's very nice
281
00:11:29,425 --> 00:11:31,159
that you made that girl happy.
282
00:11:32,161 --> 00:11:34,796
So what's this: "Kool Threadz,
283
00:11:34,831 --> 00:11:38,000
"Glendale, Arizona's
Premiere T-Shirt Emporium"?
284
00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:41,003
Uh, can we skip around
and... and circle back?
285
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:43,171
How about I tell you more
about those churro dogs.
286
00:11:43,239 --> 00:11:45,072
They came with unlimited ranch dressing.
287
00:11:45,097 --> 00:11:47,051
Let's hear about the t-shirts, please.
288
00:11:47,076 --> 00:11:49,144
Eeeh, okay.
289
00:11:49,178 --> 00:11:50,278
I'll tell you,
290
00:11:50,313 --> 00:11:53,448
but it doesn't make me look great,
291
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:55,117
so don't judge me.
292
00:11:55,151 --> 00:11:59,094
That's literally the purpose
of this entire exercise.
293
00:12:01,518 --> 00:12:04,565
Okay, to understand this,
you have to know
294
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,558
about my roommate, Madison.
295
00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:07,759
She was terrible.
296
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,428
Hey, Mads, um,
I have to go to this stupid
297
00:12:10,462 --> 00:12:13,064
work party tonight.
Can I borrow your peach dress?
298
00:12:13,098 --> 00:12:15,767
Aww, that's a hard no, babe.
299
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,769
That dress is like twice your salary.
300
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:20,471
All right, I gotta go to the DMV
and pick up my vanity plates.
301
00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:23,474
Ciao, bitches.
302
00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:45,897
Well, that's... that's not great,
303
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,633
but I assume you confessed
and paid to fix it.
304
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:49,801
Not exactly.
305
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,803
Hey, losers, I'm going out.
306
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:53,338
Can you zip me?
307
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,506
Dude, that dress is hella ripped.
308
00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:57,642
What?
309
00:12:57,676 --> 00:13:00,011
Oh, that stupid dry cleaner!
310
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,980
Well, that's the risk
you take when you keep
311
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:04,349
- your clothes clean.
- My mom's a lawyer.
312
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:06,351
Those asswipes are gonna pay.
313
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,786
She sued for $900 for the dress
314
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,823
and $80 million in emotional distress.
315
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:14,325
The legal fees drove the dry
cleaner out of business.
316
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,460
Oh, boy.
317
00:13:16,528 --> 00:13:20,598
Wait, this story's about t-shirts.
318
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,800
There's more, isn't there?
319
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:23,835
A little.
320
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,370
Check this out.
321
00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:28,640
Somebody put the dry cleaners'
story online, and it went viral.
322
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:30,675
Madison's famous.
323
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,977
The "Dress Bitch"? Yikes.
324
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,345
Serves her right.
325
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,981
Madison is psycho.
She totally overreacted.
326
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,016
This is her fault.
327
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:40,885
Yeah, her fault. That works.
328
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:45,023
You guys, what is happening?
329
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:46,691
Someone egged my Lexus,
330
00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:49,894
and I have like 40,000 tweets
calling me the "Dress Bitch"?
331
00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:52,363
Over a loser dry cleaner man?
332
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,899
Why is everyone so jealous of me?
333
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:58,002
This is a trash city full of idiots.
334
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,041
The "Dress Bitch" is so catchy.
335
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:04,409
- Yeah.
- I mean, someone could
336
00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:06,544
totally make t-shirts.
337
00:14:06,578 --> 00:14:07,812
Ooh...
338
00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:10,148
No, no. No. No.
339
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:13,518
Do not tell me that you made
t-shirts that said...
340
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:16,187
that and then sold them for a profit?
341
00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:18,523
Wish I could tell you that, bud.
342
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,058
I really do.
343
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:22,060
Guuurl, check it out!
344
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:23,094
They're here.
345
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:25,897
Wait a second.
346
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:27,165
Is this insane?
347
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,366
I mean, should we be doing this?
348
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,668
Dude, Madison brought
this on herself, okay?
349
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:34,038
She's a nightmare
of a person to everybody.
350
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,419
Plus, we already have
a ton of pre-orders.
351
00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:38,843
Here is your first cut of the profits.
352
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,544
Holy mama.
353
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:44,449
I can't believe you sold the t-shirts.
354
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:46,818
Does it help if they
basically sold themselves?
355
00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,686
I think you know it does not.
356
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:51,122
What did you do with the money?
357
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:53,925
Gah, I was hoping you
wouldn't ask me that.
358
00:14:58,864 --> 00:15:00,365
Thanks, babe.
359
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:06,537
Next question.
360
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,840
Eleanor.
361
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:13,044
Given what you know about the
people who've been brought here,
362
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:15,813
the lives they've led,
363
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,949
do you think you belong
in the Good Place?
364
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:21,019
No, I don't.
365
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:31,462
Yello, Bad Place.
366
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,964
What's up, dummy?
367
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,732
This is Michael, the architect from
368
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:38,703
Good Place Neighborhood 12358W.
369
00:15:38,737 --> 00:15:40,972
I'm guessing you've been looking
for someone
370
00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:44,475
called Eleanor Shellstrop.
371
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,529
She's here. Come and get her.
372
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,527
What is this?
373
00:16:00,562 --> 00:16:02,363
What is that smell?
374
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,267
Get out of here!
375
00:16:12,106 --> 00:16:13,307
Hello, Trevor.
376
00:16:13,341 --> 00:16:14,474
Hey, there he is.
377
00:16:14,509 --> 00:16:15,642
Good to see you again, Mikey.
378
00:16:15,677 --> 00:16:17,444
Hey, think fast,
I brought you something.
379
00:16:17,478 --> 00:16:21,481
Oh, nuts, thank you. Oh!
380
00:16:23,318 --> 00:16:26,420
Oh, flaming snake ate
all the nuts you brought me.
381
00:16:26,454 --> 00:16:28,622
You're too nice to humiliate.
382
00:16:30,191 --> 00:16:31,291
Oh, hello.
383
00:16:31,326 --> 00:16:33,427
Hi, you look like a piece of crap,
384
00:16:33,461 --> 00:16:35,429
are... are you Eleanor?
385
00:16:35,463 --> 00:16:38,131
Dude, you're like
a legend in the Bad Place.
386
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,433
You're... Check this out.
387
00:16:40,368 --> 00:16:42,169
- Huh?
- "Dress Bitch"!
388
00:16:42,203 --> 00:16:43,337
It's pretty great, right?
389
00:16:43,371 --> 00:16:44,471
Trevor...
390
00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:45,806
Do you know what caused this mistake?
391
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,374
'Cause I cannot figure it out.
392
00:16:47,442 --> 00:16:49,676
No, we're stumped, but,
uh, don't sweat it, champ.
393
00:16:49,711 --> 00:16:51,345
She's definitely one of ours.
394
00:16:51,379 --> 00:16:53,814
So we'll just roll on out,
and you can get back to, uh,
395
00:16:53,848 --> 00:16:57,684
putting rainbows up your butt
or whatever you do here. Okay?
396
00:16:57,719 --> 00:16:59,686
Let's hit it, sweetheart.
We got a long ride.
397
00:16:59,721 --> 00:17:01,288
What? Right now?
398
00:17:01,322 --> 00:17:03,357
Trevor, for decency's sake,
399
00:17:03,391 --> 00:17:04,691
let her have some good-byes.
400
00:17:04,726 --> 00:17:07,294
God, good people are the worst.
401
00:17:07,328 --> 00:17:09,496
Okay, uh, 30 minutes.
402
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:11,198
We gotta get back for "The Bachelor."
403
00:17:11,232 --> 00:17:14,368
I'm gonna be pissed
if I miss the Rose Ceremony.
404
00:17:14,402 --> 00:17:17,204
I just want to say,
once more, for the record,
405
00:17:17,238 --> 00:17:20,574
that this whole good/bad
system is bullshirt.
406
00:17:21,743 --> 00:17:25,178
There should be a medium place
for people like me
407
00:17:25,213 --> 00:17:28,649
who kind of sucked,
but in, like, a fun, chill way.
408
00:17:28,683 --> 00:17:30,517
I agree.
409
00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:32,386
I'm sorry I dragged you into this.
410
00:17:32,420 --> 00:17:35,722
And that I never did laundry.
411
00:17:35,757 --> 00:17:37,224
And that I waited until you were
412
00:17:37,258 --> 00:17:39,493
about to do yours
then secretly tossed mine
413
00:17:39,527 --> 00:17:41,662
into the basket
to trick you into doing it.
414
00:17:41,696 --> 00:17:44,097
You didn't trick me.
I repeatedly asked you to stop.
415
00:17:44,165 --> 00:17:47,668
Just know you did everything
you could to help me.
416
00:17:47,702 --> 00:17:49,949
You're a really good fake soul mate.
417
00:18:01,649 --> 00:18:02,983
What are you guys doing here?
418
00:18:03,017 --> 00:18:05,319
Well, we only thought
it was proper to see you off.
419
00:18:05,353 --> 00:18:07,087
It's the neighborly thing to do.
420
00:18:09,524 --> 00:18:12,526
You guys came to say good-bye
because you're my friends.
421
00:18:12,594 --> 00:18:16,663
Well, I... suppose some part of me
422
00:18:16,698 --> 00:18:21,468
possibly has a sense
of casual kinship with you.
423
00:18:21,502 --> 00:18:23,337
Much as one might be
fond of a street cat.
424
00:18:24,706 --> 00:18:27,207
Thanks, Tahani.
425
00:18:27,275 --> 00:18:28,709
Sorry about everything.
426
00:18:31,346 --> 00:18:32,713
I'm really glad we're friends.
427
00:18:37,518 --> 00:18:39,620
Oh, hey, dum-dum. You ready to go?
428
00:18:39,654 --> 00:18:41,622
Oh, you must be Chidi.
429
00:18:41,656 --> 00:18:43,357
Trying to improve her.
430
00:18:43,391 --> 00:18:44,625
Bold plan, bro.
431
00:18:44,659 --> 00:18:46,526
Well, actually,
she learned a great deal in
432
00:18:46,561 --> 00:18:48,362
- a very short amount of time...
- Oh, really? Really?
433
00:18:48,396 --> 00:18:50,464
I don't care. All right, let's hit it.
434
00:18:50,498 --> 00:18:53,700
Oh, also, you should smile more.
You have such a pretty smile.
435
00:18:53,735 --> 00:18:56,203
Love you, babe.
Can't wait to torture you.
436
00:18:59,741 --> 00:19:02,576
This is the 3:18 to the Bad Place,
437
00:19:02,644 --> 00:19:06,713
making thousands of stops
for literally no reason.
438
00:19:06,748 --> 00:19:08,682
Now, you'll notice
it's very hot in here,
439
00:19:08,716 --> 00:19:10,717
and it will get one degree hotter
440
00:19:10,752 --> 00:19:13,053
every time you think about
how hot it is.
441
00:19:13,087 --> 00:19:14,588
Oops.
442
00:19:14,656 --> 00:19:16,122
You just thought about it.
443
00:19:17,592 --> 00:19:19,693
- Michael...
- Oh, hi, Chidi.
444
00:19:19,727 --> 00:19:21,161
Want some pizza?
445
00:19:21,195 --> 00:19:24,564
Bad Place crew delivered
a hundred of these to my office.
446
00:19:24,599 --> 00:19:27,167
All Hawaiian, the worst pizza.
447
00:19:27,301 --> 00:19:29,202
Michael, I murdered Janet.
448
00:19:30,004 --> 00:19:32,094
I knew about Eleanor from the beginning.
449
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,203
I've been trying to help her
become a better person,
450
00:19:34,228 --> 00:19:36,133
and when she found out
that your retirement meant
451
00:19:36,158 --> 00:19:37,844
that you would be tortured,
she immediately tried
452
00:19:37,879 --> 00:19:38,945
to find a way to prevent it.
453
00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:41,314
Eleanor is learning.
454
00:19:41,349 --> 00:19:43,884
She's just doing it after she died.
455
00:19:45,353 --> 00:19:47,103
I did enjoy her company.
456
00:19:48,656 --> 00:19:51,858
But, this is not Little League.
457
00:19:51,893 --> 00:19:54,961
There is no award for Most
Improved Player, Chidi.
458
00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:58,231
Well, maybe there should be.
459
00:19:59,567 --> 00:20:02,402
One final note: the dining car
460
00:20:02,470 --> 00:20:04,704
is at the very back of the train.
461
00:20:04,739 --> 00:20:08,708
It serves only room-temperature
Manhattan clam chowder,
462
00:20:08,743 --> 00:20:11,545
and also, it's closed.
463
00:20:11,579 --> 00:20:13,413
Okay, here we go.
464
00:20:19,587 --> 00:20:21,421
Stop this train!
465
00:20:26,327 --> 00:20:27,894
Dude, what the fork?
466
00:20:27,929 --> 00:20:30,864
You're not leaving. Not with her.
467
00:20:30,898 --> 00:20:33,767
Not yet. Come on.
468
00:20:36,671 --> 00:20:38,538
Wait, you want to keep her?
469
00:20:38,573 --> 00:20:41,441
Bro, that's our girl. We agreed on this.
470
00:20:41,509 --> 00:20:44,578
No, what we agreed on
was that this was a mistake.
471
00:20:44,612 --> 00:20:47,280
Trevor, we're in
unchartered territory here.
472
00:20:47,348 --> 00:20:49,683
Until we can sort this out,
she stays with us.
473
00:20:49,717 --> 00:20:52,919
Pff, all right, fine,
but until this is resolved,
474
00:20:52,954 --> 00:20:54,554
we're keeping the other Eleanor.
475
00:20:54,589 --> 00:20:56,289
Fine. What? I'm sorry...
476
00:20:56,357 --> 00:20:58,558
- The other Eleanor?
- Yeah, the real Eleanor.
477
00:20:58,593 --> 00:21:00,427
The one that was supposed
to be here but got sent
478
00:21:00,461 --> 00:21:03,296
down to us instead? She's on the train.
479
00:21:03,364 --> 00:21:04,631
Eleanor, come on out.
480
00:21:11,539 --> 00:21:14,074
Hi, everyone, I'm Eleanor Shellstrop.
481
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:23,102
Synced & corrected by
kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
34823