Original subtitles

''Kyoritsu University''

Excuse my poor rendition of Jean Cocteau.

In it he talks about sumo.

During a visit to Japan, he watched a sumo tournament

The scholar, Horiguchi, took him to a sumo stadium.

Here is Horguchi's translation of his impressions.

The players are pink giants.

As unique as the frescoes from a famous cathedral

The regimen gives some of them

enormous bellies and breasts as mature as any woman.

Each of them sports a top-knot

and the face of a pretty girl.

They come together in equilibrium,

their legs intertwined,

their fingers grasping each other's sash.

And the fringe standing erect.

Their muscles flexing.

Legs rooted to the earth.

Blood coursing though their veins.

And the ring is all a pastel of pink.

''Sumo Do, Sumo Don't''

We're the All-Season Sports Club.

We offer tennis, surfing,

skiing, golf, scuba-diving and bowling.

Join us and you can enjoy all these.

Our scuba tour to Okinawa

is open to non-members, too.

We're not just another sports club.

You could become a TV reporter.

That's not very promising.

I can't expect support.

How about you?

Not yet.

I've decided.

To become what?

I'll join a big company.

Using family connections.

How did you know?

Refrigerator told me.

He can't keep his mouth shut.

You'll have a hard time coming from our Uni.

Which company?

Better not to ask.

You'll only upset him.

Have you consulted with your professor?

Should I?

Don't you read the notice board?

Comparative Culture Department Yamamoto of Social Studies.

Is professor Anayama here?

Pleased to meet you. I'm Anayama.

We're in the middle of cleaning.

Would you excuse us?

Certainly.

She's a brilliant student.

Doing post-graduate work in advertising.

Second year, aren't you?

Yes.

I'm Natsuko Kawamura.

I'm Yamamoto. Shuhei Yamamoto.

A dreadful record.

A minimum of credits.

You're on my roll, It says no absences,

but I've never laid eyes on you before.

Someone has called you present but I can't pass you.

I've been appointed your thesis supervisor.

Did you know?

Well... er... no.

Why are you here?

Got a job yet?

Yes, I have.

That's typical.

So now you have to graduate.

Yes, sir.

Can you?

That's up to you, sir.

Don't be stupid. It's up to you.

I'll make you a deal.

Will you join the sumo club?

Sir?

It's only for one day.

Just one appearance in the ring.

It's not as if it's full-time.

Be a man and help out.

Kyoritsu University

The wrestlers face off.

Time to fight!

The signal is given

Aoki rushes forward.

The champion dodges. Aoki is small but nimble.

The champ fights back.

The odds almost impossible.

Will Aoki be thrown?

Aoki turns the tables!

Aoki has thrown the grand champion!

Lower yourself.

You're crushing them.

Show some fortitude.

Can't this wait till the tournament?

You play the game, you wear the sash.

I didn't ask for this.

You guys are in trouble, I'm just helping out.

A true volunteer doesn't expect any return.

I don't know why you're here

but while you are, you're in the club.

And you'll obey me.

Wait here.

Anayama University Grand Champion.

You didn't know he was a grand champion, did you?

So, you took the manly path.

You call this manly?

What's wrong with it?

A little perseverance and you'll graduate.

I'm the honorary manager.

Only in name, really.

Professor told me about you.

Don't worry, it's only schoolboy sumo.

We're at the bottom of the 3rd division.

There's no club weaker.

Hardly any members for 16 years.

We needed volunteers to make the numbers.

Just enough to enter the tournaments.

But the well is dry.

If we don't enter this year, we may have to close.

It's in the charter.

But our opponents are full-on, aren't they?

They'll kill me.

I said not to worry.

They're all the same level.

Very few students actually train for sumo.

Most are volunteers, too.

Same build and everything.

Sorry to keep you.

Hello.

Professor has done, everything he could

the rest is up to you.

He wants this place kept spick and span.

Yes.

He's lived alone here for 4 years.

The only official member.

Do your best.

Let's go.

Where?

We're recruiting.

We need a minimum of five members.

At least one more to train.

Wait on.

In this jockstrap?

It's a sash.

Of course you will.

What about you?

I get to wear this.

What's with Yamamoto.

He's recruiting for sumo.

Do we also do sumo tours?

He's upholding the tradition.

Now recruiting for the sumo club!

Take that cap off.

It helps me to endure the ridicule.

University Pro-Wrestling Competition

Let's go look.

I hate the trickery of it.

In the red corner, Cutie Haruo!

C'mon, Haruo!

Why do I have to dress like this?

Wrestlers need a gimmick.

It was decided at the meeting

that you'd be a transvestite.

Who's a transvestite?

I joined to build my body!

Don't blubber like a girl!

Fight! Fight!

We won't recruit just sitting here. They will

They will come.

No way.

It's my 8th year here. It took me years to get in.

I've always loved sumo.

But I was always too small.

All through school.

Then I happened to see a uni tournament.

Mr. Anayama recruited me.

Some were quite small.

Anayama himself was a grand champion.

I knew it was last chance.

I've stayed to keep the club from folding.

People laugh at sumo today.

We needn't grovel to recruit that type.

Gimme a break.

We need someone.

We've wasted three days.

I don't care.

I was looking forward to not entering the tournament

but to graduate, I have to.

Leave it to me.

Just because he's fat doesn't make him suitable.

You may be right.

Sorry to scare you. I have a request.

Will you save our sumo club?

Please enter the tournament.

Or our historical sumo club will forever be lost.

Please, it's just for one day.

You'll only have to appear.

Lower yourself.

You're crushing 'em.

Forbearance, boy.

Can't it wait till the tournament?

You play the game, you wear the sash.

How's that?

Where's the toilet?

Through that door.

What changed your mind?

You said ''Maybe he's got it.''

He has a natural grace.

Sumo wrestlers walk differently to other people.

The left arm moves with the left leg and vice versa.

How do I manage?

Poke it out the side.

I think he's a special case.

I've seen it before

it's just from being uncoordinated.

In here.

I've recruited a new member.

Haruo!

My brother!

It's such a common name I didn't connect.

You're joining the club?

What about wrestling?

I quit in disgust.

Sumo has class and a certain discipline.

And a cool jockstrap.

You're such an idiot.

It's a mawashi, not a jockstrap.

Sumo is very popular with those cool new stars.

That's big league stuff.

What's cool about skinny guys in jockstraps?

Mawashi.

What about you?

He gets credits.

I could have guessed.

Can you give him a jockstrap?

Mawashi.

I pissed on my jockstrap.

It's a damned mawashi!

70th East Japan University Sumo Tournament

It's our first appearance in three years.

Just appearing stops us closing down.

I know you have no experience.

But your opponents are not that much better.

So don't over-do it.

Or you may injure yourselves.

Hey, Anayama!

I heard you entered, so I brought

some of the old boys.

Even Mr. Min

You scared me!

We'll treat you all to a feast after.

At a sumo restaurant.

Let's make it a victory celebration!

Stiff with fear, already?

Hokuto University to the east.

Kyoritsu University to the west.

Drop those towels!

They're the champions.

Give 'em hell, Kyoritsu!

Bow!

Tanaka, you show 'em!

Relax, relax.

Bow.

Time's up.

Get ready.

Are you okay?

From the east, Motohashi.

From the west, Yamamoto.

Time's up.

Get ready.

He went out!

Get some specs, judge!

Don't you know the rules?

He was off the ground!

In that case he's allowed to step out first.

And it's referee, not judge!

East wins.

From the east, Sugimoto.

From the west, Yamamoto.

Take it off.

On your ear.

No earrings allowed?

Take it off!

Damn fruit.

Bow.

Time's up.

Get ready!

East wins.

Beginners shouldn't throw ritual salt.

East wins with a slap-down.

Sugimoto wins!

Your head was too low.

From the east, Kurataka.

From the west, Aoki.

It's enough to make you laugh.

You're on.

Bow.

Give him hell, Aoki!

Ouch!

Bow.

Win by pull-down!

Kurataka wins for the east!

No problem, they're the top team.

It's just beginning.

You forgot to bow!

Time out!

Cheat!

Honjitsu Medical University on the east.

Kyoritsu University on the west.

Let's get at least one win.

How shameful to lose to these guys.

Bow.

From the east, Tadokoro.

From the west, Tanaka.

Win, boy!

A win!

A win!

Bow!

Assume position!

Ready

A win!

From the east, Nonaka.

From the west, Aoki.

Fight to the death!

Bow.

Assume position!

Not that again.

Tension gives him diarrhea!

East wins by default!

Bow!

You're an insult to the noble sport of sumo!

If you disgrace it again we'll kill you!

Don't over-grind your sesame, let's eat.

Is your stomach better, Aoki?

The old boys are treating us,

so eat and drink your fill.

You did your best today.

You couldn't help losing.

You did well considering you hardly trained.

You have my heartfelt thanks.

Cheer up Aoki, everyone did their best.

I'm proud of you.

I've never been so ashamed.

Shut down the club.

You call that sumo?

It's an insult to sumo!

Is it so important to keep the club going that you

get down on your knees to praise these creeps?

How dare you call these slack, wimps

the Kyoritsu University team!

Just what have you been doing?

You're the ones who insist the club keeps going!

Have you considered how it has pained him

to beg for members?

Wasn't it all to satisfy you old boys?

Miss Kawamura.

Professor, leave this to me.

Our students don't want to do sumo.

How dare you!

Shut-up!

Boys today are only interested in girls.

That's all!

They're not interested in sumo.

At least they came today.

They did their best for the club.

You should be thanking them!

There's a limit!

This team is woeful!

Best put them out of their misery!

I want you apologize. Ask their forgiveness.

They did their best for the club.

Apologize.

How conceited!

Just because you were once a champion.

Is that anyway to treat your senior?

I should apologize to these fairies?

If they'd win, I'd be pleased to!

I'd get down on my knees.

I'd donate my asshole! I mean you, Aoki!

You're like a damn fruit!

You've never won a bout.

Four years and you've never even come close!

Yet you profess to love sumo.

You want a win! We'll give you a win!

Should have kept my mouth shut.

I had my chance, why am I back again?

You know why we're so weak?

No.

We lost our sports scholarships.

So that's why?

Those guys yesterday were on scholarships?

Heard the story about Mister?

The baseball player?

In English class once he read the word ''the''

as ''t-he.''

He just spelt it out.

I heard differently.

He saw a guy reading. ''That's great having the

translation there. What's the title?

Turns out it was an English-Japanese dictionary!

Right, good sportsmen get into university.

We've nothing to be ashamed of.

The TV crew are ready to shoot.

I'm from Station News.

Do you know where the sumo club is?

Yes, but it's quite far.

We finally found someone!

The 96th student we asked knows the sumo club!

Where is it?

Turn right up past that hall there

go straight and it's on the left.

Look! Here comes the sumo club!

It is them!

It's surely the sumo club.

To revive the traditions of their sumo club

four young men are determined to win.

Are you confident?

We must for the university and our honor.

Did you see them on TV?

You've done well.

With all the publicity they're obliged to keep going.

It just may keep them for a while.

How did you contact the TV people?

Remember what my master's thesis is?

Refresh my memory.

Information manipulation in mass communications.

Using our boys as a case study?

It's discrimination.

Where are our cheer girls?

I saw you on TV.

The answer is no.

I haven't asked yet.

Isn't that why you're here?

Well, yes.

When's the tournament?

In three months.

Just for 3 months?

You'll join?

Not me.

I don't wanna flash my ass.

There's a rugby player from Oxford

he's attending our economic department.

Try the ''traditional Japanese culture'' approach.

He's bound to bite.

Sumo may well be your national game.

But it's not a sport.

It's just a show.

Unnaturally fattening men up.

Making a show of naked, fat men fighting.

They're not naked.

They wear a mawashi sash.

OK, if sumo is a sport

they can wear pants under the mawashi.

But no-one does.

Why wear pants?

I don't want to show my bottom to strangers

and I don't want to see strangers' bottoms.

Perhaps the mawashi is needed for the techniques.

But a naked bum is not.

The top-knot, too.

In sports it's not what you wear.

But that's part of the ancient tradition...

Oh, tradition. I understand.

Japanese always say that.

It's tradition- it can't be changed.

You Japanese never delve to the essence.

I've nothing against sumo.

But I will not appear naked in public.

You have nudist camps in Europe.

You Japanese miss the point!

Nudism is not for displaying nakedness,

it's for private relaxation.

Foreign toilets are always open, I hear.

In a toilet there's a need to undress.

It's nothing shameful.

It's a matter of necessity.

High-leg pants?

That's beauty, isn't it?

It's a matter of taste.

I have a pretty bum.

We're wasting our time.

One last question.

Why close the curtains in the daytime?

Japan is so expensive.

I haven't paid my rent for 6 months.

If the landlord knows I'm here he'll come for it.

The sumo club has a dormitory.

It's rent-free with food, too.

Can I wear pants?

And only two hours practice?

Let's make a contract.

He's insulting sumo.

We need him to win.

Even in pants?

It's a matter of customs.

It won't last long.

It will.

And we're slapping his face with money.

Like caricature Japanese

We have to win.

I want you all in the dormitory.

He's very strong.

Stronger than the others.

Poor Haruo!

Cheer up, Haruo!

Beat the foreigner!

Nasty brute!

How sweet!

What's all that?

They saw the TV show.

Haruo is something of an idol.

Mass-media merchandise, is he?

Both he and Shuhei have a real following.

Take a break.

I think I see your strong points.

You all need strengthening.

How was your first time, Smiley?

Power inevitably wins.

It's too simple to enjoy.

I'm number one. I don't need to practice.

We're not finished yet.

Two hours is up.

Let's follow the contract.

What is that thing?

Our house god.

House god?

An altar for offerings.

But isn't this a Christian university?

You Japanese never delve to the essence of the matter.

Power inevitably wins?

That's not always the case in sumo, is it?

You're right. I always thought so.

Do some basic movements practice.

Keep at it.

Thank you, sir.

I want to join the club.

I'll do anything.

I'll cook, wash or clean.

Make me a manager.

I can even live in.

A manager built like a champ and foreigner under contract.

We've hit rock bottom.

You always have been.

What's that?

She fancies Haruo.

Don't say that!

What are you doing.

I'm going to wash them.

You mustn't. They never get washed.

You're kidding!

I'm serious.

Whose was mine?

I don't know.

Sorry, I didn't know.

They never get washed.

Not even once?

How disgusting.

40 days have passed since the sumo revival began.

Including the Englishman, Smiley

there are now 5 in the club.

Haruo, is training arduous?

Yes, but I've adjusted.

Now we're all totally absorbed.

What's with the colored sandbags?

We use them to shove against.

We all have our own color

and have pledged to wear a hole in them.

Why don't you coach them?

It's best to let them train themselves.

Don't you want to win the tournament?

They couldn't take the training that would demand.

I'm happy just to see them participate.

You really mean that?

I'm pleased you're giving your support.

But truthfully, they haven't a chance.

Not one of them a real passion for sumo.

They can't learn with that attitude.

Is it better to have such a dismal club than none at all?

If you won't get involved why not close it down?

Myself, I'd miss it.

American Cheergirls Strip-show.

You went?

How long...?

Awhile.

You love Natsuko, don't you?

What?

Forget it.

Unlike you I'm totally beat.

I'm so tired I'd like to quit sumo.

What's this?

We don't have an air-conditioner.

Is Tanaka asleep?

He's exhausted.

Almost dead.

And Smiley?

He's studying.

Foreigners are made of different stuff.

Studying contracts, eh?

And Shuhei?

I thought he may have been here.

He's not.

Maybe he's hit his limit.

Limit?

Sexual deprivation.

Who's the lucky girl?

He has many?

Sure.

If he breaks curfew he'll get punished.

Sounds like fun.

You're a nasty boy.

Do you hate sumo?

Why do you care so much about sumo?

He's so lonely.

Who is?

Mr. Anayama.

Don't misunderstand

he really loves sumo.

But you guys don't care at all, so he

has no wish to instruct you

I want to see real sumo.

Maybe it's selfish but I want you to be serious.

It is selfish.

Try it yourself.

Sorry, but sumo is the pits.

It's gotta be. Scuba-diving in Okinawa!

The summer sun at pool side

Great!

What happened?

He broke curfew.

Three hundred.

Three hundred ring stamps.

Three hundred!

Enough. You'll kill him.

Tomorrow we leave for summer camp.

Should be Hawaii.

But we can't afford it so it's my hometown.

Reef... diving.

Muff diving?

They can laugh now.

Did you hear about Prof's last summer camp?

How should I?

We were about to be demoted.

He took three members with him.

Only he came back.

The others couldn't take it and ran away.

They even quit school.

With no members we were demoted to third division.

And have remained there since.

I've prepared chilled melon.

Excuse the intrusion.

This is ''Hell-Camp?''

We've done nothing since arriving.

Eating and sleeping, we'll end up like fat pigs.

Shall we train?

Anayama says not to.

I'm not cut out for sumo.

You like sumo?

Not really...

So why stay?

Admittedly I roped you in.

It's the first time I've ever been roped.

All through school no-one ever cared about me.

I've never been in a club.

I thought I'd never make friends.

It was the first time anyone ever asked me for anything.

It made me really happy.

Maybe sumo is not for me,

but God gave me this final chance.

Are you a Christian?

Now we shall begin your image training.

Fill your mind with your most pleasurable experience.

When was it?

Ten days ago.

Where was it?

The Yoshiwara American Cheergirls.

How was it pleasurable?

How can I say...?

I'm flattered but, I can't.

You have a boyfriend?

No.

I'm not really interested in love.

I may be mistaken, but are you doing sumo for me?

Will you quit the club?

Can we beat them in a month?