All language subtitles for Frasier.[07x21].Three.Faces.Of.Frasier.DVDRiP-WAT

Oh, don'tyoulook nice?

Yeah, Frasier
wanted me dressed up

for this mystery lunch
of his.

He hasn't told you what
the occasion is, either?

No, but I'm sure
it's something very important.

I'm sure he
wants to unveil

his new antique
Elizabethan egg timer.

Yeah, or debut
his Precolumbian spoon rest.

Hello, all.
Hey.

Well, Dad,
I see you're ready to roll.

Yeah. Can you
at least tell us

what kind of restaurant
you're taking us to?

Patience, Dad.

Roz'll be here in a few minutes,

then we'll be off
and all will be revealed.

So, how did it go
with the doctor?

Judging by that smile
on your face,

I'm guessing
your cholesterol's down.

Well, after several weeks

of watching my diet
and taking my medication

and racewalking every Tuesday,
it hasn't budged.

The good news is, though,

that I've developed bursitis
to help take my mind off of it.

The doctor says it's all
just a matter of aging.

Well, no reason to let it
ruin our festive lunch.

Yeah... Boy,
you don't forget

that trip to the
doctor, do you?

That day he says, "There's
nothing I can do for you.

You're just getting old, sport. "

In my case, it was "slugger,"
but that was the gist.

You know what I realize?

When people reach
our stage of life...

Dad, please,
with all due respect,

when it comes
to life's journeys,

you and I do not share a stage.

We're not even
in the same theater.

You're taking this all
very cheerfully, Dr. Crane.

Well, why shouldn't I?

In many ways,
my life couldn't be better.

I mean, by and large,

I'm in good health.

There's a promising new
relationship on the horizon-

the lovely Rachel.

My career is thriving.

Did you say "thriving"
or "diving"?

What?

Look at these ratings.

Oh, Roz, that's nothing
to worry about.

For God's sakes,
they're just leveling off.

Yeah, that's what tends
to happen when you hit bottom.

There's no cause
for alarm here, Roz.

The important thing is that
we go on doing a quality show.

Hey, how about
some quality lunch?

Splendid idea, Dad.
Off we go, then.

Oh, uh, Niles will be
joining us there.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Ah, Rachel, yes, uh...

momentito.

So, is Donny going
to be joining us?

No, he's got wedding business
this afternoon.

He's composing our vows.

Oh, isn't that romantic?

He's not exactly Wordsworth
strolling through a shady glen.

When I left, he was lying
on the couch in his underwear

with a tin of Vienna sausages

and a rhyming dictionary
on his chest.

Remember that new promising
relationship on the horizon?

Yeah.

It just got married
in Vegas last night.

Great, then you don't have a
date for Daphne's wedding?

Oh, I'll find a date,
don't worry, Roz. Lunch awaits.

Hey, great.

Why don't we
go together?

No, Roz, I assure you.

My dance card
will be punched.

By who?

Well, I don't know
right now.

It's just that I will be
"Crane plus one. "

Uh-huh.

Just in case
you don't get a date,

what time would you pick me up?

I'm getting a date.

Well, just in case.

I'm getting a date.

What time are you
pickingherup?

3:00.

Can you make it 3:30?

I'm getting a date!

So, what's the big occasion?

Wait for it, Daphne,
let the moment build.

Besides, Niles
hasn't arrived yet.

I'd be surprised
if he came.

He's terrified
of this place.

Still?

My God, it's been 30 years.

What happened?

Oh, Esther and I
brought the boys here

when they were kids, and
Niles was running around,

and he bumped into
the dessert trolley,

and Stefano got hot
and yelled at him,

and Niles got terrified
and he... well...

He vomited.

Right.

All over Stefano's shoes.

Then he ran out,
hid behind the car,

and he hasn't been
back in here since.

Poor little weenie.

Hey, Dr. Crane!

Buon giorno, buon giorno,
buon giorno!

Oh, good to see you,
Stefano. How are you?

Allow me to introduce
you to Daphne Moon...

Yes, yes.

And my father, Martin,
you remember, of course.

Yes, hi, how are you?
This is...

Hey, we all know Roz.

All right.

For today, we've got
some special dishes.

For you, Dr. Crane-

porcini,
fresh from Napoli.

Oh.

And for me?

Giorgio, fresh from Sicily.

Can I get him to go?

You bet.

Okay, now, I'm going to be
waiting on you myself today.

You just give me a minute,
I come back.

Grazie.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Yes, hello, Niles.

Oh, really?

Oh, what a shame.

Told ya.
No, that's all right.

If your patient
is having a crisis,

you'd better address it...

before it turns into

a crippling, immature,
lifelong problem!

You're not really
mad at him, are you?

Well, of course,
I'm mad at him.

I'm certainly
going to give him

a piece of my mind
at dinner tonight.

Tonight?

Oh, I was hoping you could come
to Alice's birthday party.

My balloon animal guy canceled,

and I could really
use your help.

I'm sorry, Niles made
the reservations a month ago.

It's at Quelque Chose.

Fine.

Listen, if Niles
isn't coming,

maybe you can tell us
what the big surprise is.

Oh, all right,
I'll spill.

For over 60 years,
Stefano's has immortalized

Seattle's famous faces
on its walls,

as you can see.

With one notable exception.

It's me!

Stefano's unveiling
the portrait today.

Oh, how wonderful.

Hey, that's what I'll do
for Alice's party-

I'll get a cartoonist
to draw the kids.

That's an excellent idea, Roz,

but let's not forget
why we're here.

Does anybody have a toast?

Okay, Dr. Crane,
here it is.

My portrait?

No, it's today's specials.

Of course,
it's your portrait.

Would you like to say
a few words or something?

Well, uh, if you insist.

Before we unveil
this picture,

permit me to paint
one of my own.

A picture
of a young Frasier Crane,

wide-eyed, gazing at the walls
of Stefano's and wondering...

"Who's that?"

Well, little did I suspect
that one day my picture

would be on the wall,
and perhaps now

other children will come in,
gaze at it, and wonder...

"Who's that?"

I'm betting that's
going to happen a lot.

So, thank you, Stefano,
for this honor.

Thankyou
for suggesting it.

And now...

may I presentll Dottore!

Dr. Frasier Crane!

Fras, will you let it go?

It's a perfectly
nice picture.

Oh?

So, nothing about it
jumpedout at you

as, oh, I don't know...
encephalitic?

So they gave you a big
forehead. Who cares?

It makes you look smart.

It makes me look
like I discovered fire.

Frasier, I was just
leaving you a note

apologizing for
that flimsy excuse.

I'm sorry, just the thought
of going back to that place

got my stomach
doing flip-flops.

Yeah, yeah.
Come on in, Niles.

Oh, by the way, Daphne,

the doorman gave me this.
It's for you.

No, it's for Donny.

No, it's for
"Mrs. Donny Douglas. "

Oh, funny, that's the first time
I've seen my name like that.

Well, get used to it.

That's you
in a couple of weeks.

So, how was lunch?

What was
the surprise?

Don't ask.

The less said, the better.

They put his picture
on the wall,

and he thinks his forehead
looks a touch too big.

A touch?!

I look like a fugitive
from Easter Island.

Frasier,

you always think
you look bad in pictures.

Niles, this is not some
photo I can just throw away.

This is a picture of me
in a famous restaurant.

God, I dreamed my entire life
of being on that wall.

And now you are.

Are you really so vain
that that's not honor enough?

Vanity has nothing
to do with it.

It's about misrepresentation.

And you know, if I were you,
I would be careful

about bandying about
the word "vain,"

Mr. $250 Haircut!

I have problem follicles.

Frasier,
it's a caricature.

They exaggerate stuff.

Now, if it were me,

they would have drawn
maybe a big cane.

If it were Niles,

they'd draw a barber

cutting the hair
off a giant sucker.

I know you're sensitive
about your big forehead,

but we all have
stuff like that.

With me, it's my eyes.

I've always fancied
sparkling blue ones

instead of dull old brown.

Youreyes?

Your eyes are not dull.

Thank you, Dr. Crane.
That's very nice.

They're... they're...
warm and, uh...

...full of life.

You have beautiful
eyes, too.

Oh, goodness.

I can't be lollygagging
around here, I have to...

to get Dr. Crane his oat bran.

Oat bran? Now?

You'll need it for the morning.

You've got to have
something to sop up

all that nasty cholesterol
gumming up your heart.

If not, I'm liable to come home

and find you face down
on the floor

with the dog
gnawing off your foot,

and I'm not making that up,
either. That happened.

Cheerio.

I wish she'd move that fast
when I'm out of beer.

Well, I should be off, too.

Are we still on
for dinner at Quelque Chose?

Oh, yes, yes,
of course, Niles.

You might want to call
and confirm.

Yes, I'll make a mental note.

Well, be careful
you don't lose it

inside that giant
puppet head of yours.

Good-bye, Niles!

Giant puppet head, indeed.

Oh, let it go, Frasier-
what are you going to do,

go down there
and make him change it?

Just accept it
for the honor it is,

that's all.

You know,
I don't get you.

A doctor gives you bad news,
you take it in stride

but one bad picture...

Yes, thank you, Dad.

Hello.

Yes, I'm calling
about a reservation tonight.

For two. Crane.

Well, what can I say,

but I just love
your food, Stefano.

I'm in the mood
for Italian.

Will you come along, Niles?

I'd really
rather not.

I'm feeling queasy
just standing here.

You can hardly see
the picture from there.

All right, let's just
be quick about this.

Hello, do you have
a reservation?

Uh, yes. For Crane.

One moment.

You tricked me.

We'll just be here long enough

for me to talk to Stefano,

convince him to change
the picture

so it doesn't mock me
for the rest of my life.

Frasier, the man
has a violent temper.

He's already made me
humiliate myself once.

Niles, I can't believe

you're letting a minor
childhood trauma

like this plague you.

I have a feeling this may be

the root of your fear
of authority figures.

Listen, a nice,
relaxing

dinner here may
go a long way

toward helping you
resolve this problem.

Dottore,

Dottore,how nice
to see you again.

Stefano, good to see you.

And who is
this gentleman?

He looks
familiar to me.

This is my
brother, Niles.

Of course, you have
the family forehead.

Come on.

Follow me.

Hey, Antonio, slow down!

What's the
matter with you?

Come on

sit down, we got
a nice table.

Oh, thank you.

Right under
your picture.

Okay, tonight,
no menus.

I'm going to take care
of everything.

Except the bill, of course.

Well, there it is.

Frasier Cranium.

Well, it does have
a certain under-nuanced

over-contoured...

Macy's parade
kind of quality, but...

even so, you cannot

ask him to change it.

The man will explode.

Not if I do it
with the utmost tact.

Okay...

here we are,
antipasto.

Oh...
Oh...

Wonderful, Stefano.

You know, you certainly
do have a way

of making people
feel comfortable.

I suspect that it would
actually physically pain you

to think that someone
wasn't totally pleased.

What's wrong?

Mm-mmm.

Well, actually...
well, there is a...

a tiny, tiny problem.

It's really about

my picture, you see.

There is a small faction

that thinks the forehead
is too large.

What, this one?

No, I love it.

As do I.

It's just that, well, I...

I feel I might be
more recognizable

if the forehead
were a tad smaller.

So you don't like it?

It's not that.

It's not good enough for you?

Yes, it is.

You want me to have it changed?

Could you?

How long is this
going to take?

Now, Niles, I was
fortunate enough

that the artist is
actually here tonight.

I'm certainly not
going to rush him.

Now, you better
finish your lasagna.

You don't want
to offend Stefano.

Offend him?

So far tonight I have had
the prosciutto di Parma,

the pesto Genovese
and the Venetian sea bass.

One more bite,
and we'll conclude

our little tour of Italy
with my impression of Pompeii.

Hey, hey,
look who it is.

They'll let anyone
in this joint.

Hello, Kenny.

So what are you celebrating?

Not your ratings, huh?

I'm kidding!

You got to kid.

If you don't laugh,
you cry, right?

So, did I hear a rumor

you're going up on the
wall of fame? Oh, yes.

As a matter of fact,
they're putting

the finishing touches
on the picture right now.

Isn't that
something?

Hey, hey, hey, you
better save some room.

Stefano goes crazy

if you pass
on his dessert.

My mother found that out
the hard way

on her 80th birthday.

He went off on her.

Called her a...

skoonja-boonja or something.

The kids had it memorized
for a while.

Well, enjoy.

Okay, Dr. Crane.

Hot off the easel.

Is this one more
to your liking?

Oh, my.

Is it better?

Well, it's like
looking in a mirror.

Okay, that's what
I want to hear.

You know, this is the first time

that anybody's ever
asked for a change.

Beautiful.

You make me so happy.

I'm going to see how
the steaks are coming.

Thank you.

Frasier, I hate
to burst your bubble,

but that picture looks
absolutely nothing like you.

Well, well...

I was wondering when Mr. Envy
would pull up a chair.

Ah, Kenny, Kenny.

If I may, can I direct your
attention to this caricature?

Wow, look at that.
I am impressed.

I thought you might be.

James Garner eats here?

James Garner?

Well, I guess
I can go sit down now.

My father-in-law
just picked up the check.

I don't believe this.

I've waited
my entire life

to have my picture
on this wall.

Now that it is,
it's unrecognizable.

Well, not for long.

No. Frasier,
you are not

going to ask him
to change it again.

Niles... if this means so much to you,

my girlfriend
is a plastic surgeon.

She can have you looking
like this picture

in six procedures or less.

All right,

here we are, boys, here we are.

Mangia bene.

Whoa!

Thank you. Grazie.

You know, there's
been something

that's been bugging
me all night.

Hey, shove over, will you?

I know you
from someplace,

and I can't
figure out where.

And it's driving me
pazzo.

So, we got to figure
this out together, okay?

You and me, all right?

You know,
while you two

are strolling down
memory lane,

I have a quick errand
I have to run.

I tell you what.

Save some dessert
for me.

Frasier, Frasier...

Uh, Roz...

Frasier, I knew you'd show up.

Yes, well, of course.

You knew how much it would
mean to me and Alice.

Oh, gosh, am I
that transparent?

Come on in.

Everybody, this is Frasier.

Hello, hello. Hi.

Can I get you something?

Jell-O? Lunchables?

Pokemon punch?

Do you have any coffee made?

No.

That's perfect.

I mean, while you're making
coffee, it'll give me some

quality time
with Alice.

Hey, no cuts.
I need

a picture right away.

I'll tell. Do you know who this is?

This is the birthday girl.

If she wants a picture
right away,

she's gonna get a picture
right away.

Now why don't you run along?

All right, I think
you're finished.

Here we are.

But I don't have any eyes.

Yes, well,

neither did
Little Orphan Annie

and she's got her own
Broadway show. Now, go on, shoo.

Okay, fine.

I'm looking for something manly.

Go easy on the forehead
and leave the kid out.

Niles.

Where the hell
have you been?

Stefano's been
trying to place me

for the last 40 minutes.

Was I ever in Panama?

Did I sell him
his first Lincoln?

Do I have a box
at the dog track?

Why don't you
just say "yes"

and let that be
the end of it?

Oh, that's a good idea.

What's that?

I went by Alice's
birthday party.

I had the artist there
draw me some new sketches.

Here. What do you think?

I think you're insane.

No, Niles,

it's not so crazy,
really, just imagine.

Suppose that picture there

should accidentally
drop to the floor

and tear.

You see, I could come
back here tomorrow

tell Stefano
that I didn't want

to put his artist
to any more trouble

and I had a new
caricature done myself.

You see, I'm actually
partial to this one here.

But there is one in here
of me playing soccer

which is very good.

Frasier...

we'll put these away,
and we'll pay the bill

and we'll find a bed
to strap you into.

No, no, no, Niles.

This can work. It really can.

I promise you,
it can work.

What is this?
The pictures?

It's nothing, it's no business
of yours. Off you go.

Stefano.
Shh.

Stefano!

Mama, what is it?

Dr. Crane,
what is this?

Oh, all right.

I may as well just
tell you the truth.

The fact is, I don't really
care for this picture, either.

It's just that
I'm afraid

your artist has
lost his touch.

To be honest, I think
he's robbing you blind.

I mean, my God, how much
is this hack charging you?

Mama, Mama.

Mama's the hack, isn't she?

That's right.

Son of a gun,
get out of here!

And don't ever
come back!

You, hold on one second.

Now... I remember you.

Oh...

Bridgeport, Connecticut.

Yes. Yes.

Right.
Yes.

My car got stuck in the rain
and you saved my ass.

Yes, well, it was nothing.

Glad you remembered.

Let me show you how we
thank you where I come from.

Well, suffice it to say,

that the entire
Crane family

is now banned
from Stefano's.

Just 'cause of
that dumb picture?

No, no, actually

there was a little incident
involving Niles, too.

He was doing just fine

until Stefano took him
in some sort of a bear hug

and shook him
a little too vigorously.

On the shoes again?

No, this time there was

a conveniently placed
lobster tank.

Poor Niles.
Yeah.

Wasn't any picnic
for the lobsters either.

What the hell is wrong
with me, Dad?

I became so obsessed
with that damn picture

I completely lost my head.

Well, I think I know
what's really going on here.

Really?

Well, enlighten us.

Well, I think there's
some stuff in your life

that you can't control.

Your doctor tells you
you're getting old.

Your ratings are low.

You're not happy
with your love life.

And so I think you obsessed
about this picture

because you figured it was
something in your life

that you could control.

Well, Dad, you do raise a point.

Oh, what the hell,
you're dead on.

Where'd you learn so much
about psychology?

Oh, I listen to radio.

Gosh, it's so obvious, isn't it?

You know, when a person
is confronted

with some deeply troubling issue

that they're not
ready to face yet

they usually avoid the problem

by obsessing
about something else-

something completely trivial.

Got it.

Got what?

Dr. Crane's oat bran.

God, you left for that
eight hours ago.

Well, it wasn't easy.

They were out of it
at the regular market

so I went
to another one.

But they
were out of it

so I looked into it

and it turns out

they don't sell it
in Washington anymore.

Well, for some reason,
I just couldn't let it go.

So I went for a little drive.

It wouldn't kill you to do
something like that once in a while.

Get off that big, round
duff of yours.

Anyway... hop, skip
and a jump later...

here it is.

Fresh from Portland.

Well, off to bed.

Good night.

What the hell was that?

I don't know,
what did she mean

about that "big,
round duff" comment?

Now, Dad...

You know, the sands of time

don't exactly flow up
the hourglass.

It's not easy for a guy our age.

Dad, for the last time,

we are not the same age.

I mean, I've seen your
hips start to spread...

For Pete's sake, my hips
have nothing to do with this...

d Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a'callin'd

d Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs d

d Mercy d

d And maybe
I seem a bit confused d

d Well, maybe,
but I got you pegged d

d But I don't know what to do d

d With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs d

d They're callin' again. d

Thank you!