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1
00:00:02,060 --> 00:00:03,220
Oh,the irony.
2
00:00:03,550 --> 00:00:06,360
They put the contraceptives right next to the baby food.
3
00:00:07,730 --> 00:00:11,630
Dude,now that I'm going to be a dad,
I'm realizing how expensive this baby stuff is.
4
00:00:12,050 --> 00:00:14,150
Good thing Billie's planning on breast-feeding.
5
00:00:15,590 --> 00:00:18,300
This tiny can of formula costs more than a 12-ounce beer.
6
00:00:19,850 --> 00:00:21,850
Imagine if beer came out of boobs.
7
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,900
That would combine two
of my favorite things.
8
00:00:27,380 --> 00:00:30,420
Hey,dude,last week when we were at the
restaurant and you were working,
9
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:34,990
did you notice that Billie's friend Olivia kind of
disappeared as soon as the check came out?
10
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:36,940
Well,I covered her share,so she
owes me eight bucks.
11
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:40,110
It's just eight bucks.
12
00:00:40,830 --> 00:00:41,860
Just eight bucks?
13
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:47,210
Dude,eight bucks buys you a joyless
lunchtime lap dance down by the airport.
14
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,070
You should see this list of baby essentials.
15
00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:58,990
When all is said and done,that single
orgasm is going to cost me $450,000.
16
00:01:00,710 --> 00:01:03,300
You should write that down.
It'll go good in a birthday card someday.
17
00:01:04,610 --> 00:01:07,160
What the hell is a wipe warmer,
and why does it cost $30?
18
00:01:07,620 --> 00:01:11,390
It keeps the baby wipes warm so the little baby
butts don't get cold and pucker up.
19
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:14,270
All right,so then what's
a diaper genie?
20
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,810
It must be the bottom
rung of genies.
21
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:19,410
No,bro,that is a must-have.
22
00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:24,330
It twists the diaper into a
never-ending sausage of baby crap.
23
00:01:25,550 --> 00:01:29,660
And just like that, I've lost my
appetite to ever eat sausage again.
24
00:01:31,570 --> 00:01:33,400
Maybe I should get a second job.
25
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,580
I could always donate my sperm;
we know that works.
26
00:01:37,070 --> 00:01:38,070
We'll be okay.
27
00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:39,730
I have a great job at the paper.
28
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,850
You should be focusing on becoming a chef.
29
00:01:42,110 --> 00:01:43,180
You know,when I was your age...
30
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,620
Oh,you know,I hate it when you start
sentences that way.
31
00:01:46,420 --> 00:01:47,550
So do I.
32
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:51,790
Anyway,I was a go-getter.
33
00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:53,290
I didn't take no for an answer.
34
00:01:53,490 --> 00:01:57,180
I'd watch ten movies every weekend and mail my
reviews to papers all across the country.
35
00:01:57,590 --> 00:01:59,660
Why didn't you just post them on the Internet?
36
00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:01,590
'Cause I'm crazy old.
37
00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:07,390
Finally,a brilliant editor Chickasaw,Oklahoma,printed
my review ofBraveheart,
38
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,890
or as that headline read,"Chickasaw,Oklahoma,
Gets Movie Theater.
39
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,398
" But that put me on the
map and led me to
40
00:02:14,399 --> 00:02:17,492
becoming a film critic for the fifth-largest
market in the United States of America.
41
00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:22,240
Yeah,well,I'd ask my boss to let
me be sous chef for a night,
42
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:26,050
but he's a jackass in the fifth-largest
market in the United States of America.
43
00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:29,290
Well,don't let that stop you.You gotta go for it.
44
00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:31,130
March on in there with your best dish.
45
00:02:31,330 --> 00:02:32,790
What was that cheesy rice thing you made the other day?
46
00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:34,640
Oh,it's one of the restaurant's specials.
47
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:37,430
It was a three-mushroom risotto with a
saffron truffle oil and a reduction of...
48
00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:38,760
Cheesy rice thing.
49
00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:43,970
The point is,you'll impress your boss,and then
you can ask him to be sous chef for a night.
50
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:45,150
What,like an audition?
51
00:02:45,710 --> 00:02:48,150
You focus on what you love to do,and the
money will follow.
52
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,490
What do you think the guy who invented
the diaper genie loved to do?
53
00:02:54,410 --> 00:02:56,830
Edit Text By YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
54
00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:59,400
===WWW.ADDIC7ED.COM===
55
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:03,779
Accidentally on Purpose
Season 01 Episode 09
56
00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:08,540
I had to stop at a gas station
on the way here to pee.
57
00:03:08,610 --> 00:03:11,150
And that was not easy,because
the gas station did not have a bathroom.
58
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,730
- Did you get my texts?
- Yes,all three of them.
59
00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:16,960
"Emergency at work.
60
00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:18,220
"Where the hell are you?
61
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:19,710
Bring your riding crop.
62
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,100
" That last one wasn't meant for you.
63
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:28,810
Look,I wanted to tell you,James is
meeting with a film blogger-- Max Silver.
64
00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:30,110
What? Why?
65
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,500
As your friend,I think this face
is appropriate.
66
00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:40,960
Hey,you want an Italian soda?
67
00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:45,520
The guys from the Lifestyle section think they're
hiding it from me in here,but they're not.
68
00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:51,330
I just heard something hysterically,
impossibly impossible.
69
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,530
And I know that there's no
way it could be true.
70
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,760
Well,why don't you tell me what you heard and I'll
stop you when you're wrong.
71
00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:01,590
I heard that you're
meeting with...someone...
72
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,150
another film critic...
73
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,210
Oh,my God,whare
you not stopping me?
74
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:12,180
Because I'm meeting with
another film critic.
75
00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:13,970
Did I do something to annoy you?
76
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:15,986
Since you broke up with me
on top of the Eiffel
77
00:04:15,987 --> 00:04:19,244
Tower and got pregnant with
a 12-year-old's baby...
78
00:04:19,930 --> 00:04:21,300
Nope,we're all good.
79
00:04:23,050 --> 00:04:25,690
So that's what this is about.It's personal.
80
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,830
Hey,I need to line someone up for
when you're on maternity leave.
81
00:04:29,020 --> 00:04:32,470
It's a precaution.Like a condom on your job.
82
00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:34,680
But you wouldn't know anything
about that,would you?
83
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:41,000
Just so you know,I'm not
going out on maternity leave.
84
00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:44,510
I worked all the way through
my pneumonia,even during Y2K,
85
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:48,830
and after I dyed my hair red,
I showed up here,and that took balls.
86
00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:49,640
Billie...
87
00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:54,630
I'm planning on delivering the baby on a
Friday,having a lovely 48 hours of bonding .
88
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,910
and then being back at my desk on Monday,
just like I was in some kind of crazy contest
89
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:02,260
That sounds like a great plan,but I have
to think about my business.
90
00:05:02,380 --> 00:05:03,570
Oh,and here he is.
91
00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:05,050
-Max! -Big James.
92
00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:09,750
Billie,this is Max Silver--
our substitute you.
93
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:13,820
He's personally guaranteed me that he will not
get pregnant with another man's baby.
94
00:05:14,510 --> 00:05:17,360
Hey,Billie,I read your piece on Scorse.
95
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,530
I loved Good fellas so much.
96
00:05:19,810 --> 00:05:21,150
Who played the wife in that?
97
00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:24,500
Oh,I know this. Oh,what's her name...
98
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,380
- Lorraine Bracco. -Lorraine Bracco!
99
00:05:29,130 --> 00:05:30,180
He's a great kid.
100
00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:31,610
You have nothing to worry about.
101
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,110
Your job is secure.
102
00:05:36,890 --> 00:05:38,700
He says my job is secure. -Yeah.
103
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:41,230
He also said one day he was going to marry you.
104
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,870
Hey,do you think it's too late to back
out of this sous chef thing?
105
00:05:48,230 --> 00:05:50,080
I might freak under pressure.
106
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:53,130
Here's the thing,bro... -Zack!
107
00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:54,280
It's too late.
108
00:05:57,610 --> 00:05:59,510
I got to tell you,Zack,
this is some pretty good risotto.
109
00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:02,680
Sometimes when Marco makes it,
it comes out watery.
110
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:03,210
I know.
111
00:06:03,260 --> 00:06:06,230
So I was thinking maybe you could,you know,
give me a shot at being a sous chef for a night.
112
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:08,520
Show you what else I don't make watery.
113
00:06:09,810 --> 00:06:11,890
I'll tell you what--
how about Tuesday?
114
00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:15,160
Oh,God...
115
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:16,760
How about Monday?
--Yeah,perfect.
116
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:25,080
You should have seen the weasel Max with his
Internet shirt and his blog hair.
117
00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:30,190
What happens if I go on maternity
leave and James fires me?
118
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,390
He can't do that. It's illegal.
119
00:06:32,010 --> 00:06:34,400
Oh,so you're a lawyer now. Fascinating.
120
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,580
What's your problem? -Nothing.
121
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:39,920
I have a baby to support.
122
00:06:40,170 --> 00:06:42,410
I can't go back working at
theChickasaw Sentinel.
123
00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,660
Billie,you're getting
way ahead of yourself.
124
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:47,120
How do you know that?
Do you have a crystal ball? I doubt it.
125
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:52,190
Seriously,what is your problem?
-Nothing. Stop it.
126
00:06:52,540 --> 00:06:54,710
you guys. I could lose my job.
127
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:56,620
And then how am I supposed to get money?
128
00:06:57,180 --> 00:07:00,350
I'll have to enter my baby in
those baby beauty contests.
129
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,180
And what if my baby's ugly?
She'll lose.
130
00:07:04,030 --> 00:07:06,760
You're not going to be on
maternity leave for another five months.
131
00:07:06,790 --> 00:07:08,120
You're a great writer.
132
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:10,330
You've got a loyal following,you're...
133
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:11,750
Oh,break's over.
134
00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:18,200
I knew it. I knew she would leave us
with the check.
135
00:07:18,290 --> 00:07:19,800
That's why I was giving
her the business.
136
00:07:22,670 --> 00:07:24,630
What are you talking about?
-She never pays.
137
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,850
Oh,look,it's Don Johnson.
138
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:32,680
You're right.
139
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:35,080
That totally wasn't Don Johnson.
140
00:07:36,650 --> 00:07:38,040
It's because she's...Scottish.
141
00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:41,660
Why are you whispering?
142
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,660
Because I'm...prejudiced.
143
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,200
Max is on his way over here.
144
00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:52,790
We're going to have a little
film critics meeting.
145
00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:56,362
Oh,I remember a year ago when
"have a film critics meeting"
146
00:07:56,363 --> 00:07:58,592
was code for let's do it on your desk.
147
00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:02,990
You remember those days--
when you liked me?
148
00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:05,580
All right.
149
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:11,260
Check it out: I got a copy coming tomorrow of
a little movie called Ocean of Tears.
150
00:08:11,430 --> 00:08:13,810
Have you heard of it?
-I've heard the hell out of it.
151
00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:16,110
Well,I got a source to hook
me up with a cut so we
152
00:08:16,111 --> 00:08:17,604
could totally pwn the other papers.
153
00:08:17,870 --> 00:08:20,210
I'm talking pure pwn-edge.
154
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,040
Po...what?
155
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:23,950
It's an Internet term.
156
00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:26,040
You know what, let me use
an old-timey phrase--
157
00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:28,821
So we can get the
scoop on 'em, Chief.
158
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,720
So I guess when you get
the DVD,just get it to me.
159
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,860
I'll write it up,and I'll see
you in five months.
160
00:08:36,030 --> 00:08:39,140
Actually,you know,like,I scored the
DVD,so I should probably write it up.
161
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,290
Actually,it's actually my column,
so I should actually do it.
162
00:08:42,930 --> 00:08:46,300
Actually,you both have a valid argument,
so how about this--
163
00:08:46,340 --> 00:08:49,640
you watch it together,you both write a
review,and I'll print which one I like best.
164
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:51,710
Great. -Great.
165
00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:52,330
Great.
166
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,280
I'm gonna go hit a bucket of balls.
167
00:08:56,770 --> 00:09:00,410
Listen,I like you,but I'm not waiting five
months for my shot.
168
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,300
I need this job now.
169
00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:04,040
Well,I don't like you.
170
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:05,690
Even more so now.
171
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:08,590
More so than anyone who has ever
stood where you are standing.
172
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:10,660
So it is on,Max.
173
00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:13,270
Max Von Sydow starred in
Hannah and Her Sisters.
174
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,160
Won best screenplay in 1986.
175
00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:17,970
I don't need Google.
I got it all right up here.
176
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:20,740
Blam,blogger.
You just got pwnd.
177
00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:28,470
James is making me compete
against Max for my own column.
178
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,600
I can't believe what
a jerk he's being.
179
00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:31,970
No,this is normal.
180
00:09:32,470 --> 00:09:33,750
This is what he's like
with everybody.
181
00:09:34,330 --> 00:09:36,730
You just never noticed it
before because you were shagging him.
182
00:09:38,550 --> 00:09:41,060
All in all,I prefer the
other way of getting screwed.
183
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:50,150
You can't be seriously
worried about losing your job to that Max guy.
184
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:51,920
Yes,I can.
185
00:09:53,350 --> 00:09:57,270
There's not a lot of film
critic jobs as it is,and if I lose this one,then what?
186
00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:59,900
My only skill is watching movies
and writing what I think.
187
00:10:00,060 --> 00:10:02,980
I mean,I could write my opinion about other
things, but my Aunt Pam does that all the time
188
00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:05,220
,and nobody pays her and everyone
just thinks she's annoying.
189
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:06,550
Okay,calm down.
190
00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:10,060
Sure,Max Silver is clever and funny,
but that's not what you're about.
191
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,010
Great at risotto,
bad at pep talks.
192
00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:18,130
What if Silver writes a
better thing than me?
193
00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:19,720
I mean,I just said "thing.
194
00:10:19,930 --> 00:10:21,360
" That's bad writing.
195
00:10:22,070 --> 00:10:23,580
You are a great writer.
196
00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:26,240
I've learned a lot of sexy
words in your column.
197
00:10:27,030 --> 00:10:27,840
"Motif.
198
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,610
"Tour de force.
199
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:31,540
Gerard Depardieu.
200
00:10:34,570 --> 00:10:35,830
" I'm glad you had a good day.
201
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:37,810
Because I listened to you.
202
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:41,060
My risotto should be in
the rice hall of fame.
203
00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:45,900
Now all I have to do is not
screw Monday night up.
204
00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:48,850
You won't.
You'll be fantastic.
205
00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:52,830
And I'm not just saying
that because you have your shirt off.
206
00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:55,840
And I'm vulnerable because
I had a bad time at work.
207
00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:59,590
And your shoulder muscles
ripple every time you move your toothbrush.
208
00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:02,480
I should go to my room.
209
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:07,150
It's a wall.
210
00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:23,400
If you're looking for Billie,
she's in a screening.
211
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,750
I'm not looking for Billie.
212
00:11:24,990 --> 00:11:26,580
I'm here for my eight bucks.
213
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:28,430
What are you talking about?
214
00:11:28,910 --> 00:11:32,730
The other night,you left before you paid,
I covered your share.
215
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,100
How much money did it
cost you to get here?
216
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:36,560
Four bucks.
217
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:38,350
How much will it cost you to get back?
218
00:11:38,710 --> 00:11:39,980
Four bucks.
219
00:11:40,050 --> 00:11:41,510
There's your eight bucks. We're even.
220
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,190
That just means you owe me $16 bucks!
221
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,300
Security! Crazy man behind
me shouting numbers.
222
00:11:46,450 --> 00:11:47,110
I'm terrified.
223
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,340
This isn't over! I'm coming
for you,Highlander!
224
00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:55,920
Max,I gotta pee. -uh
225
00:11:57,770 --> 00:11:58,640
Recognize that framing.
226
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:02,340
You saw that,right? Metaphor.
227
00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:05,740
Come on,dude. -Shh...
228
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:08,100
I'm pregnant. I'm peeing for two.
229
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,200
Whose fault is that?
230
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:13,250
Okay,I don't have time to
explain human sex to you,okay?
231
00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:16,130
Just pause the damn...
-Sorry. It ruins the continuity.
232
00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:17,830
You can just finish the rest later.
233
00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:21,860
This rain. This endless rain.
234
00:12:22,050 --> 00:12:24,480
It's making me cry. What a release.
235
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:30,130
And thus ends the first time
you've ever watched a movie with a girl.
236
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:37,590
Hey,can I get that DVD?
237
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:38,900
'Cause I need to see the last ten minutes.
238
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,270
Where did I put that thing?
239
00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:42,870
Oh,right,the mailbox.
240
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,800
Whatever. I'll write it up,you won't. Oh,well.
241
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:51,320
So,you're going to cheat because
you know you're not as good as I am.
242
00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:55,620
Listen,I get 10,000 hits a day.
243
00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:58,990
You're about to get one more.
244
00:13:00,660 --> 00:13:03,850
If you think you can sabotage me,
then you don't know Billie Chase.
245
00:13:06,540 --> 00:13:07,900
I am so screwed!
246
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:12,880
On the plus side,'m single and having a baby.
247
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,290
That's how you do it.
I just Zacked it up a notch.
248
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,950
Just a little catchphrase thing
I've been playing around with.
249
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:26,680
Here you go,
sir,your meal.
250
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,410
I'm still waiting for the wine.
251
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:34,980
This is delicious.
252
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:35,930
Really? -Yeah.
253
00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:41,100
It's undercooked. Damn it!
254
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,810
Mmm,the sauce is really great.
255
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,850
Stop eating that. you can die
256
00:13:46,620 --> 00:13:48,070
I can't even make one test meal.
257
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:50,980
You did. There's nothing
wrong with rare chicken.
258
00:13:54,180 --> 00:13:54,970
We're screwed.
259
00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:57,730
I'm gonna lose my job,and you and me and the
baby are going to be living in a van
260
00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:00,750
and we're going to have to be warming up our
baby wipes on the frickin' tailpipe!
261
00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:03,140
You're gonna lose your job?
262
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:06,130
No,no,no,no,because you can't.
I'm gonna lose my job!
263
00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:07,560
Yeah,that's raw.
264
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,370
What are you talking about?
265
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:13,890
You told me I could do this,but I'm not ready,and
now I'm gonna blow my only chance!
266
00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:14,830
Stop it!
267
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,070
You're both acting like a
couple of drama queens!
268
00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:19,640
So you lose your job.
269
00:14:20,510 --> 00:14:22,380
So you blow up the restaurant.
270
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,180
So I sleep in your bed
while you're at work.
271
00:14:27,750 --> 00:14:30,130
The point is,Zack,this
is your M.O. ,man.
272
00:14:30,350 --> 00:14:32,400
You always panic,but
then you succeed.
273
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,700
Yeah,like when you
lost your virginity.
274
00:14:39,020 --> 00:14:40,700
Dude,you were born
to be a chef,okay?
275
00:14:41,190 --> 00:14:45,330
When the stork brought you,you grabbed that
bird and cooked it into something delicious.
276
00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:50,210
Pregnant lady,I kind of space out
when you start talking...
277
00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:54,430
so I'm not entirely sure
what your problem is.
278
00:14:55,890 --> 00:14:58,079
I need a DVD of a movie that
hasn't been released
279
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,295
yet,or James is going to fire me.
280
00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:02,690
I can get you any DVD you want.
281
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,260
I can get you a DVD of
this conversation.
282
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,020
Yeah,take her to Jabba.
283
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:09,300
Jabba. -Jabba.
284
00:15:11,770 --> 00:15:15,150
You get me that DVD,and you
can sleep in my bed with me in it.
285
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,050
Ooh,can I have a word with
you just for a second?
286
00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:32,130
Make it quick. I got a hot
stone massage at 7:00.
287
00:15:33,780 --> 00:15:36,320
Well,first of all,I would like
to say that you are very handsome
288
00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:39,590
because I know that you
could fire me at any second.
289
00:15:41,830 --> 00:15:45,070
I have to say I think it's a
real shame the way you're treating Billie.
290
00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:50,530
And you wouldn't be torturing her like this if you
didn't still care,which I know that you do.
291
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:56,470
So,if you have got any sense,and there's still a
heart in that cold chest of yours
292
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,270
you'll dial it back and stop behaving
like a bloody jackass!
293
00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:04,220
Did you used to be a model?
294
00:16:11,010 --> 00:16:12,230
This guy can get you any
screener you want.
295
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,930
Just don't look him in the eye.
296
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:17,980
And his name tag says "Eric,"
but you have to call him Jabba.
297
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:22,080
And you must present him
with this egg sandwich.
298
00:16:22,770 --> 00:16:23,340
Okay.
299
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,690
Excuse me,Mr.Hut?
Jabba?
300
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,910
Um,I'm having a little
trouble at work...
301
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,480
Do you have something for me?
302
00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:37,440
Hey! Psst! -Oh,a sandwich.
303
00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:50,630
What's up,ladies? - Hello.
304
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,020
I hooked Billie up with Mr.Hut.
305
00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:53,730
She'll be here as soon as
she's done a review.
306
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:58,020
Hey,these pomegranate martinis are
filled with antioxidants.
307
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:02,100
And they're expensive. -Yes.
308
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,210
She's gonna pay for everything tonight.
309
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:05,570
Doe she owe you money,too?
310
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:06,930
We'll take another round.
311
00:17:08,790 --> 00:17:12,250
I'm running up a big bill,and then
sticking Olivia with the check.
312
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:15,010
Hey,sorry I'm late. How's it going?
313
00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:18,100
Good,I'm kind of sweating in all
the food,but I think I'm pulling it off.
314
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,190
See? Cooking for two people,
cooking for 50,it's not that different.
315
00:17:21,330 --> 00:17:22,600
There's 50 people here?
316
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,200
Don't worry. People love you.
-Thanks.
317
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,360
They'll love your sweat.
318
00:17:27,410 --> 00:17:28,610
How'd it go for you?
319
00:17:28,850 --> 00:17:31,260
I wrote the most beautiful
poetic review of my life.
320
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:36,270
And if you look vertically down the left side
column,the letters spell out "Suck it,Max Silver.
321
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,250
" Of course,James may still hate it,but if he
does,you can kick his ass for me,right?
322
00:17:41,330 --> 00:17:43,130
I'd be happy to if I survive tonight.
323
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:47,560
How did you do?
324
00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:50,000
I knocked it out of the park.
325
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,160
Oh,perfect. You know how
you should celebrate?
326
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:54,140
Order something expensive. -Yes.
327
00:17:59,590 --> 00:18:00,980
What the hell is that
dirtbag doing here?
328
00:18:01,550 --> 00:18:07,170
Hey,Billie,um,Olivia told
me where you were.
329
00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:08,036
I have to tell you something,
330
00:18:08,037 --> 00:18:09,704
and I really didn't want to
do it over the phone.
331
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:14,370
Oh,my God,you hated my review. I'm fired.
332
00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:15,160
No!
333
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:22,060
Look,I may have brought this Max
kid on a little early,possibly out of spite.
334
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:23,740
Check that; definitely out of spite.
335
00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:26,730
He's really annoying,isn't he?
336
00:18:28,490 --> 00:18:31,750
Yeah,I'd like to pin him down and
shave that little blog-fro.
337
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:34,340
Your job is safe.
338
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,570
Billie,that review was fantastic.
339
00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:40,730
You're a terrific writer.
You always have been.
340
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,570
Really? -Yeah.
341
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:47,300
Oh,my God,you can't imagine
how good that makes me feel.
342
00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:51,610
I don't know if it's just the hormones
affecting to me,but I'm really happy.
343
00:18:53,450 --> 00:18:56,150
Now I can get that crap
sausage machine!
344
00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:00,660
Oh,that's it.
345
00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:34,820
Sorry,dude. I did not not know
she was crying tears of joy.
346
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:37,750
That was my bad.
347
00:19:38,590 --> 00:19:41,371
No,no,it's okay,'cause I've
been looking for an opportunity
348
00:19:41,372 --> 00:19:43,360
to punch you for a
long time, so thanks.
349
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,650
You're welcome.
350
00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:49,050
You've got a really
hard face, dude.
351
00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:52,200
I work out.
352
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:57,410
Okay,one for the ex,one for
the baby daddy.
353
00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:01,003
I've never had two guys
fight over me when I
354
00:20:01,004 --> 00:20:02,514
wasn't sleeping with either one of them.
355
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,070
Thanks for coming
tonight,Billie.
356
00:20:05,150 --> 00:20:06,120
It really meant a lot to me.
357
00:20:06,370 --> 00:20:07,690
I wouldn't have missed
it for the world.
358
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:09,680
You know what I was thinking?
359
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,420
We are not naming
our baby "Max.
360
00:20:13,330 --> 00:20:14,700
Or Maxine.
361
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:17,900
What was that name
you said the other day?
362
00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:19,310
Isabella.
363
00:20:19,420 --> 00:20:20,460
Yeah, I really like that.
364
00:20:20,660 --> 00:20:22,100
This is really awkward for me.
365
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,640
I have to cover a
story at City Hall.
366
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:31,530
No!
- No.
367
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,600
You know what?
I'm...
368
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:35,900
I'm actually really
offended by this
369
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,875
because I have paid
for a lot of things
370
00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:40,768
that you're not
even acknowledging.
371
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,670
And I think it's all because
you two both got some
372
00:20:43,671 --> 00:20:46,065
sort of prejudice against
Scottish people.
373
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:48,050
Well, there we are.
374
00:20:48,490 --> 00:20:51,740
If this will lay the horrible
stereotypes to rest...
375
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:53,860
fine.
376
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,510
Happy?
377
00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:06,550
Now I feel really bad.
378
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:09,980
You shouldn't.
That's my purse.
379
00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:15,270
Final Edit's By YesCool
Www.addic7ed.com
380
00:21:15,410 --> 00:21:16,880
Accidentally on Purpose
Season 01 Episode 09
381
00:21:16,930 --> 00:21:21,480
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