Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Comfy?

I'm going to fucking kill you.

Please. Tell me what you really like...

Oh, Stop with the whole maniacal killer act ok? It is painful.

Hey Dominic, is that camera even on?

No. How did you know my name?

Fucking imbeciles.

We can still inflict a lot more pain on you.

Stop laughing!

Stop laughing!

Whoo!

You know what guys, I'm done playing the victim.

That part of the movie's over.

I still see fear in your eyes.

Do you wanna see fear?

Oh please, show me.

You promised no chainsaw!

Goddamnit Dominic!

I'm a real fucking artist!

You're a cover band.

Stop criticizing me!

Not afraid to die, huh?

No actually to be honest with you, I never really have been.

Let's put that to the test.

Do it.

There's one bullet in here.

You dickless fucking pussy, do it.

Don't!

Do it, do it.

- Don't! - Do it!

Do it! Do it!

- Stop! - Do it!

Do you dream?

Do you dream, big?

Do you have what it takes, but you feel alone

because no one else sees your true potential?

That used to be me. I was a beginner, but not anymore.

Now, I'm a master. I'm a master of my own destiny.

And now, you too can become a master.

With my patented Beginner's Guide to Succe...

Three more bodies have been discovered in the L.A. area,

and while their identities have yet to be revealed,

Shut up.

Authorities already fear this may be connected

- to a new crime wave ravaging our city - Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up! Shut up!

- Dresden - Shut up!

- Dresden! - Shut up!

Oh, hey Dominic.

Hey, is everything okay?

Where you been little brother?

Ah, just a uh...

another audition for a commercial

that I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting

What was the audition?

Ready for it?

DRESDEN Yeah.

Action.

Hi.

That's it.

That's it? That's so pathetic.

Is that how you did it?

Yeah.

You're never gonna get it.

So, how's the new job?

I think I'm ready for a change.

I mean, we work hard right, I mean we... we do all the...

all the workouts, we stay in shape, we meet all the producers

at all the right parties, we go to all the right coffee shops,

we try to write scripts,

we drink light beer, I mean when

are things gonna change for us man?

I'm just tired of all these stupid prom kings

move into this town and boom! They get a sitcom on NBC.

Dresden, you're a prom king.

That's my point man. When am I gonna get my sitcom?

So you lost your job again, huh?

What is wrong with you man? We hired you yesterday,

and in less than 24 hours you have proceeded to break every

single rule we have. Oh! And on top of that,

we also have video surveillance footage

of you defecating in our jungle.

More like creative differences.

You know, probably means we're gonna have to move back.

Fuck my life.

Hola Boys.

It's your favorite landlord.

Hey, Jorge.

Some of your mail got mixed up with mine again.

This seems to be happening a lot, huh?

It's a letter from the DMV and a sweet note from your mother.

Thanks Jorge.

Hey you wanna do a set?

Get yourself all summer-primed for all the uh,

señoritas out there.

No I'm fine. I'll just watch from here.

Oh! I almost forgot, I wanted to give you this.

I know how much you like horror movies.

Are you the next big thing in horror?

Blood & Guts Magazine is now accepting film submissions.

The grand prize is $250,000, a feature in the magazine,

and an evening with Freddie Prinze, Jr.!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hanging with FPJ?

That's how you get noticed in this town,

and the deadline's next week.

I'm sorry boys I should've given it to you sooner.

I'm such a dummy.

Ah, It's okay Jorge.

We're probably gonna have to pack it in,

head back to Minnesota at the end of the month anyway.

Don't say that, Dominique.

Hey um, either of you guys hungry?

I was thinking about going down to the corner,

to get one of those five dollar pizzas.

I have to run, I'm late for my Bollywood dance class.

I really hope that you two can figure out a way to stay here.

Thanks Jorge. Us too.

Wakey, wakey.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, no, no, no. Hey, aye. It's me! It's me!

What the fuck are you doing?

The light bulb went off, dude.

What?

The horror movie competition!

Okay, why are you wearing bondage?

Because, we're gonna make a snuff film.

What are you talking about?

The whole hand-held, found- footage craze, there's been

witches, and ghosts, and monsters.

Have you ever seen anyone make a real snuff film?

Jesus Christ, Dresden, I'm not gonna kill anybody.

No Dominic, fabricating a real one.

Oh.

We need that money, Dom.

Aren't you more of a romantic comedy guy?

Well, yeah. But there's a journey of suffering in both

rom-coms and horror movies.

One just has more gore and violence than the other.

Dresden, man. We don't even have money for rent this month.

Don't worry about it. My buddy at the rental place

will help us out as far as equipment goes.

And we've got that camera, you know, that mom gave us.

Oh the one thing I do need you to do, is put some sides

together for the casting call, which is gonna be tomorrow.

What? Already?

I think we should do something iconic, you know,

like, like, uh, like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween.

Dresden man, I don't think I can...

I'm not going back, Dominic.

I can't go home with my tail between my legs. I won't.

I can't go back.

I have it all planned out. Eh...

You don't have to do much, you know. Eh...

Don't you trust me, baby brother?

What are you doing on the floor? You gotta get some sleep.

Come on, big day tomorrow. Yeah, here we go, yeah.

Let's get you tucked in.

Jamie Lee Curtis. Halloween.

Jamie Lee Curtis

Big day tomorrow.

Hey, Sorry. My uh, my nap went a little bit long and then uh...

I still had to print up all the sides.

Hmm.

And then, I had to go to three different camera stores to get

the backup battery for this thing. Can you believe that?

What is this?

Best I could do.

Well, she's just telling the children everything is gonna

be all right. Where's the... where's the horror?

Where's the drama?

There wasn't any dialogue in those scenes.

What?

Yeah.

No, trust me, I skimmed the whole thing.

Jamie Lee Curtis's character doesn't say a word to Michael

Myers the whole movie.

Really?

Yep.

Huh. Well, shit. We're just gonna have to wing it. You know

what, we need to see their improvisational skills anyways

So, when you're out there, don't say anything about this

being a snuff film. We're calling it "experimental"

at this point.

Experimental.

Hi, thanks for coming in. Do you have any pets?

I do, I've got a little Yorkie named Alfonso.

Aw, that's great. Alfonso, that's a cute name.

Okay, now when I clap my hands, I want you to imagine that

you're with Alfonso and he's just been crushed by a big rig

right in front of you. And...

Are you serious?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Um, Sort of.

How much older is he than you?

- I play, like, 18 to 24. - But how old are you really?

18 to 24.

Well Chupacabras have this magical language.

That has nothing to do with this audition.

You're a real asshole, you know that?

I do know that I'm an asshole,

do you know that you're an actress?

I'm gonna miss you so much, all the time we spent together.

If you were on a deserted island, and you had

just yourself to be there, would you kill yourself?

No.

Do you have a dog at home?

- Yeah. - We just got a call while you

were in the lobby, your dog has been killed. Action.

You're my best friend.

My little sweet pea, my angel.

Obviously from your read, you've never acted before.

So, what do you wanna do?

I'm really sure that you're gonna be an excellent director.

I can tell by that dipshit, douche-rag, dribble cloth...

you have tied around your neck.

This was my grandfather's kerchief,

and he died in Pearl Harbor.

It's like in a tone that human beings can't hear.

So it's like really hard to get it.

I took a picture on Instragram of my dog this morning,

My dog is not dead.

Do it again, and maybe do it in English this time.

You're awful.

So when you fuck a cop, they give you F.O.P. cards?

Yeah, friend of police cards.

I bet you just pull those right out of your va-jan-jan.

Good luck with your shitty experimental film.

Yeah, good luck with your shitty experimental life.

You guys are so unprofessional.

Is there anything you want me to do that's legitimate or...

Yeah, uh.

...should we just talk about the things I have shoved

in my vagina all day?

Can you do it again?

Sure, is there anything you would like me to do different?

Do it as if you're actually a good actress.

I think I'm done here.

What is going on here? Is this some kind of joke?

The fuck is wrong with you?

You're such a bad actress.

Okay, fuck you.

Bring in the next one.

We gotta be about done, right?

I can only pray.

Hello over there.

Hi. Hi, sorry, hi.

Um, where did everybody go?

Well, there was talk of the director

being a complete asshole, so everybody left.

Term has been thrown around a little bit today.

Why'd you stay?

Well, the last people that I trust are the other actresses

auditioning for the same role as I am.

And you know what, you don't look so scary.

I'm not, um, I'm also not the... the uh... director. So uh...

What's the fucking hold up, Dominic?!

I'm Dominic.

Hi, I'm Jennifer.

Yes you are, Jennifer, please, Jennifer have a seat.

Uh, we're not gonna be using those sides, you can

discard them.

Halloween?

You know your movies.

I'm a horror fanatic.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

Me too. Uh, not Dresden though, he's a uh,

he's a romantic comedy guy.

Ay, Thank you, Dominic.

Seems like quite a jump from rom-com

to horror, don't you think?

- That's exactly what I said. - A really big jump, right?

That's actually, that's actually not. What I had said to Dominic,

there is a very similar art that happens in... you know what?

Sorry, cut, no.

You're auditioning for us, it's not the other way around.

You're absolutely right, I'm sorry. Please continue.

Dominic, I'm gonna wanna go handheld for this one.

Okay.

Let me know when we're rolling.

And...

Camera speeds.

Action.

Do you have a dog?

I had a Chihuahua, a little baby girl.

She died six months ago.

Jesus Christ, does every actress in this town

have a small fucking dog.

Had... a dog.

Okay, well, let's just imagine that your little Chihuahua

is still alive, only barely.

The two of you been in the desert for the last three days,

you're about to die.

But the pint of blood in that little guy is...

Girl.

Girl.

The pint of blood in that little bitch is the only thing

that's gonna keep you alive. You're about to strangle her

to death but you wanna say goodbye to her first.

Can you work with that? Thoughts?

Scenario a little too much for you?

My first thought is,

I wish I had bought a fuckin bigger dog. Right?

I mean a bigger dog, like a fucking great dane, right?

Pounds of blood in that fucker,

Just go to town on it. Right?

What an awesome question! Good for you! Kind of improv thing.

Keep it going! What's the next question? I'm ready.

Let's cut.

She wasn't bad.

She wasn't good either.

What about her?

No. There's that damn dog again.

Okay. What about this one?

Um, she has potential bu... shut that god damn dog up!

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

- Shut up! - Dresden! Dresden!

You can barely hear the thing.

Come on man, we're on a time crunch.

Okay, here... here's the thing Dom. I don't think,

any of these girls can help us win that contest.

And I think you know that.

She could.

She could! I really liked her.

I know you did. And she's good I... I liked her but

I don't think that without the proper inspiration

she'll be able to deliver for us.

What do you mean by proper inspiration?

Okay, you might not like what I'm about to say

but just hear me out, all right?

She has to think it's real.

If she thinks it's real she's gonna give us

an amazing performance. I mean, we're talking about

a performance of her lifetime.

So you wanna... you wanna actually kidnap her,

and then pretend, like, we're gonna kill her,

and she's gonna thank us for it?

Well there's a little bit more to it then that but, yeah.

In a nutshell, yeah.

That's... you're funny man. You really had me going.

You're serious? You've officially lost your mind!

No I h... no I haven't, no. We let her in on it, you know,

after we have her amazing performance.

Then when she's had some time to cool off, because arguably

she may be a little upset, and we sit down with her...

This is insane, this is...

I can't believe what you're actually saying to me.

Dominic! If we're gonna do something great,

we've got to not only break the rules,

we have to break the proverbial fucking mold!

I mean we're talking about a snuff film here. This thing has

to feel real and... and... and... and... and...

...and raw, and gritty, and dangerous, but none of that

matters if the audience doesn't really empathize with this girl.

Okay, all right, wow... okay. So what if we tell her afterwards,

we fill her in and she doesn't go for it. What then?

What do all actresses want?

To act.

No, to be famous.

I'm an actor. I want to act.

Oh, oh really?

Hi. That's acting? There's a community theatre right down

the street you can act your fucking nuts off all day long.

No man, because you're willing to pay the price for fame.

You're willing to sacrifice all that you have, all that you are.

Just like me.

Just like her.

That's why we're in this town.

Again, what if she doesn't go for it?

Trust me. When she wins her Oscar, she'll be thanking us.

No. No. No.

Fine. I don't know about you man, but...

...this isn't what I wanted.

I mean our TV is deeper than it is wide. We deserve more man.

We deserve a house

in the Hollywood Hills, you know?

With an infinity pool, stocked with music video hoes just

dancing, and having fun, and pouring champagne,

and slapping each others' asses,

and they're there because we pay them.

Because we have that much money.

To have them their 24/7, and a boat.

We deserve a really, really long...

- Dresden. Dresden. - ...speedboat.

This is crazy!

Said every producer to every risk taking,

visionary filmmaker.

No, this is prison shit.

Think about it. If we do this right, we'll be famous.

And famous people are untouchable:

Roman Polanski, Woody Allen, OJ,

Michael Jackson slept with little boys.

This is our time, baby brother.

This is that one chance that we'll always regret

if we don't seize it now,

and that's downright un-American.

What are we missing?

I think we'e good. So uh, what's the plan?

Uh, tomorrow night we break into her house.

You know, her resume said that she knew, um, Brazilian jiujitsu

and Krav Maga, that's that Israeli special forces shit.

All actresses put that on their resume to stand out,

wouldn't worry about it.

I'll make ya famous!

Whoa take it easy, there's a bullet in there.

What? Why? Isn't this all props?

Do you know how much real props cost?

Why is there only one bullet?

Do you know how much bullets cost?

Just don't touch it, all right?

Hola, boys.

It's your favorite landlord.

Hey, Jorge.

Whoa, Jorge, looking spiffy.

Oh, looks like you just came from a make out session

with some chick. You still got lipstick on.

I'm just meeting some friends out for drinks.

Oh, you're going hunting for the ladies?

It's more like a boys night out.

Oh just some brews with the bros. I get that.

- Thank you. - What are those?

Jorge has a place where we can shoot the movie.

I'm so proud of you two following your dreams.

I can't wait to take him hunting back in Minnesota.

Aw man, he would love that.

- He'd fit right in. - Yeah.

Right. Well, I'm off. Uh, please remember to lock up, have fun,

but I rent out the other half. Oh and boys listen,

they're finding lots of dead men around town with their penises...

...cut off.

Who would want a penis?

Be careful, I worry.

Thanks Jorge.

I said don't disturb me.

How'd I look?

- Really creepy. - Ok, good.

That should set up the villain nicely.

How do you make a snuff film?

There are five rules to making a real snuff film.

One, you choose your victim, preferably female.

Two, you kidnap that victim. Three, you take that victim to

an undisclosed location where no one can hear them scream,

very important. The... Four, you torture your victim

preferably with some sort of sexual misconduct.

And five, you kill your victim.

I- I have a real problem with number five.

Dominic.

What?

We have to go soon, get ready.

Okay.

The 2 bodies found early this morning have been added to the

murder tally revolving around these mutilations.

Authorities are now linking the murders to a local

Mexican cartel. Each victim is male,

and authorities believe the cartel is sending a strong

message as all the victims penises have been severed.

You're sure this is it?

Yeah, her resume had her direct contact.

Googled her and the address came right up. It's kind of...

scary how easy it was actually.

Whoo! You ready?

I'm pretty fuckin' nervous, to be honest.

I said, are you ready?

Ready as I'll ever be.

Hey, what's in the bucket?

It's a surprise.

Oh here, wear this.

Why are you talking like Batman?

Because it's scary.

Oh, no.

- I'm not wearing this. - Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not. - I got that just for you!

What if God sees this?

It's hysterical. Come on, it makes the movie.

Don't laugh.

Controversy sells, baby.

That voice is stupid, you know.

No it's not. Yes it is.

You're stupid.

Wipe that look off your face. Okay then.

I'm gonna disguise my voice too.

Focus! All right, look, look. Seriously though, no matter what

happens in there, never, ever, stop filming.

Ever?

Never.

Wha... I mean, what if something goes wrong?

No, no, no. We... we need a... We need a safe-word.

Nah, safe-words are for... for quitters.

Mockingjay.

How about,

Robert De Niro. Are you looking at me? Bang.

Gun, under my sleeve.

Dresden, you know when we were kids and you got sent away

cause yah... you know... you lost your temper and you...

you beat that kid up really bad.

What? You mean, like, when I was a young stupid kid and didn't

know better? Like, so long ago that I don't even really

remember what happened?

Done with all that stuff right?

Ye... Yeah. You... You're around me, what like, every day for

how long? What do you think?

Come on, focus. You're starting to act really weird.

- Okay, I'm sorry. - We gotta go in there.

All right, let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Hello window.

Door.

Damn it.

Nope.

Oooh. Gotta get this one. One, two, three! Aw shit.

Come on.

Hey! This door's open, come on, come on.

Give me that camera.

There's a lot of girly shit in here.

That's her right?

Yeah.

Come on.

Over here?

She's not there. Fuck.

I guess we wait.

Okay.

Aw, that's dope.

Hey, whatcha doing?

Uh, just getting some awesome shit for the opening sequence.

Get the audience to really learn about our my main character,

so that they really feel for her later

when she's in our clutches.

Look at all this healthy organic shit.

Dom, what are you doing? Seriously?

I got snacks in the car, I brought doughnuts and red vines.

I eat when I'm nervous, you know that.

- Well, put it back. - Fine, don't worry about it. No!

Yes, you're getting granola everywhere.

Stop, Just go film your opening, don't worry about me.

I've filmed the opening. Put it down! Serious...

Hi sweetie.

Oh, shit.

Did you hear her head hit the ground? Oh no.

Oh we gotta get out of here man, we gotta get out.

What are we... no, no, no. We're... we're not going anywhere.

We're gonna tie her up. I was hoping for a better

abduction scene than...

I guess fainting's pretty cool.

She might have a hematoma man.

Why am I not getting this?

We might have to intubate.

What?

Yeah, do you have a... do you have a pen? Just in case.

No, no, no, she's fine.

Stop using big words that you don't understand.

I auditioned for that doctor role, remember?

And I did my research, I know what I'm talking about.

Ahh.

Ohhhh! She's definitely not dead!

Oh, my God. Ow...

Help! Help! Get off me!

Get the camera!

Get this up! I mean, I've got her now.

Oh! She's gonna break my arm! She's going to break my arm!

Oh, that's that Brazilian jiujitsu

I was telling you about.

She's breaking my arm.

Put the camera down and help me!

It's painful! Ahh! Mr. President! Help me!

Nope.

She's much stronger than we anticipated.

Do you want me to put the camera down?

Yes, put the camera down and help.

There's a word,

you know, that we talked about and I haven't heard it.

I-I don't remember what it is!

Ahh!

Robert De Niro!

Bingo! That's the safe-word.

Hold her down!

Brought zip ties.

God damn it! Get off me!

- Get your hands off me, fucker! - Stop squirming, little lady.

Everything will be just fine.

Get her hands. She's quite a fighter isn't she?

Fucker!

Ahh, take it easy.

It's a lot harder than you think, huh? Ahh!

You can take anything that you want.

What do you think we're doing?

No! I...

Nice and tight.

Um, uh, go uh, outside, take the camera and we're gonna film us

come up through the stairs and um, and try to get it on a nice

even plane so it can match the shot from before,

be able to splice this together so go ahead.

And, action!

Like a tiger taking down a gazelle.

Your resistance is futile. And cut, did you get it?

I accidentally, touched one of her tits, they're real.

Yeah, yeah!

Let's bag her up.

Wait.

What are you doing? This is a kidnapping, not a pantie raid!

Well, do you like what she's wearing?

Don't you think we should have some options?

Great idea. We didn't have a budget for wardrobe. Wait...

Alright, come on. It's just a pillowcase!

It's your own pillowcase! Put it on.

- No! - Yes!

Put it on here, there we go.

Whoo! That is a rush.

Oww!

She's a lot stronger than I was expecting, but we took her down.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God, that was crazy.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be.

That was fuckin' great, God, what a fucking rush. I can see our

- name now... the marquee... - our names in light.

You hear that?

Oh, jeez.

Oh, I'm pulling over, this is perfect. Are you rolling that?

- You gotta get... - I'm rolling, I'm rolling.

This would be a perfect bridge for the second act.

I bet you're...

I bet you're pretty disgusted with that gross

disgusting trunk, aren't you? That's where you live now.

Are we done?

Yeah, I guess so. All right, let's go.

All right.

Is this Jorge's place?

Yeah... yeah, I came by yesterday and set everything up,

it's great. I think Jorge is really into

costume parties or something.

Are you rolling?

♪ Beautiful Babies ♪

♪ they don't play nice. They nibble and pull, ♪

♪ they bark and they bite. Yes, they bark and they bite. ♪

♪ They bark and they bite. ♪

♪ What do you do to teach 'em a lesson, ♪

♪ you drown them in dressin'. You drown 'em in dressin'. ♪

♪ You drown them in dressin'. You drown 'em in dressin' ♪

Easy my dear, easy.

The more you struggle, the harder it will be.

Help me! Help me!

Help me!

That was awesome. All right, let's let her think about

that for a minute. I'ma lock this place up, make sure there's

no chance of escape.

Somebody please!

I wanna show you something baby brother.

Meet me in that back room.

Ow!

Help me!

Hello? Hello? Is someone there?

Please help me. Please, help me.

It's... it's okay. It's... it's all right, okay, I...

Listen, I promise you it's all gonna be over soon, okay?

Oh, my God, what does that mean?

No!

What does that mean?

No, no, no. That's not what I meant.

- Oh, my God. - That's not what I meant.

I'm sorry.

What the fuck was that?

Nothing. I jus... it was nothing. It's nothing

No, I mean that accent. Was that English?

Yeah.

Irish?

Yeah.

Hungarian?

Yeah.

I love it. Come on, I got a surprise for you.

Okay.

Here's my dojo.

Wow, nice set-up. Where'd you get all this gear?

Ah, pulled a few favors, ah,

maxed out the last of our credit cards.

What's that one for?

Well, if the movie's a hit, we're gonna want a

"making of" for the Blu-Ray.

I gotta hand it to you. You're thinking big. I like it.

So the shot of me carrying her in, that was great, huh?

Yeah. Yeah it was pretty good. I think we should shoot it again.

You know, uh. Just for safety.

What? No, no, no wait... what? Why? It was good,

we're gonna go with it.

Why'd you even ask me then? That's my opinion.

It could have been cleaner.

It's a fucking snuff film, dumb-dumb. Come on.

Oh, this is important. Our victim is checking out the room,

testing her restraints, trying to make sense of what is

happening. She has hope that she can escape. This is where

the audience is right there with her in the fucked up situation.

Red Vine?

I'm good.

You know um, you don't have to use that voice right now.

Would you say that to Daniel Day? Besides, it's showtime.

You're probably wondering who we are.

Please, don't hurt me! Please, don';t hurt me!

As long as you tell me, where the diamonds are.

Diamonds? I... I don't know anything of any diamonds!

- I know. - I swear!

I'm fucking with you.

Why are you filming this?

Oh you'll know soon enough.

Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me,

I don't want to die! Please don't kill me.

Everyone dies. Not everyone truly lives.

Is that... is that Braveheart?

Are you kidding me?

The truth is, that we've been hired by a multi-international

syndicate ring known as, The Fellowship, to produce a certain

kind of film. And you, my dear, have the grave misfortune

of being the star.

Why me?

You caught somebody's eye.

Is it someone I know?

It... it... it may... we're not given all the details.

We're just told the who, the where, and the when.

You don;t have to do this, please.

I haven't seen your faces. Please,

please just let me go, please!

We could.

Oh, God!

What are you gonna do to me?

Well, as you can see from this assortment of... tools,

at our disposal. We can do just about anything we want.

Can't we, Mr. President?

Yes we can!

Tell me, my dear. Have you ever been hunting?

Animals? No, I'm a vegetarian!

Of course she is.

Well do you see the hook on this blade?

It'll allow me to remove your skin without damaging it,

and without harming your meat.

We have this in case a client would like to wear you,

or eat you, or eat you while wearing you.

Oh, my God, that doesn't make any sense. I don't understand.

That doesn't make any sense!

Yeah, that's, that's not very clear...

What? It's very clear.

I don't know how I can make it any clearer. I feel like I just

laid it out very clearly.

No! It's not clear at all! I don't get it.

It's quite confusing.

It's not confusing at all. He has the option. He can wear you,

eat you, and the third option is to do both.

They can't do both.

Yes, they... they...

No! It... they can't!

You're very stressed, so...

I just think that you should be kind of clear about what you...

I don't get it! I don't get it!

You're ruining it. Shut up! Cut.

Okay.

Agh! Damn it Dominic! What the fuck was that?

Sorry. I just... I thought the verbiage was a little confusing.

I mean we need to make sure the audience

understands what you're saying right?

You're right. You're right. We're making a movies.

Maybe just a... a hand signal next time will suffice.

Okay, great.

That was great by the way. "Yes we can!"

Thanks.

Okay, moving on, uh...

Mmm, you feel that?

Yeah.

Come on.

Okay.

Hello...

Are you gonna bark all day little doggie?

Or you gonna bite?

Well here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

This can't be real.

Oh, do you hear that, Mr. President? She doesn't think

that this is real.

Well my dear, is this real enough for you?

Dresden!

Ow, cut... don't...

I... I'm... I'm worried about the continuity.

Ow! Don't!

Oh no... Dresden?

Ahhh.

It's all right if you, feel a certain attraction to your

captor... it's called the Nightingale effect.

Uh... do you mean Stockholm syndrome?

That's... that's what I said.

Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, sorry!

I know what I said!

Okay.

I can do to you whatever I want. I have total control.

I have all the power. It feels so good.

I've known girls like you...

Ow!

...my entire life.

No! No!

They have the whole world...

What are you doing man?

...tied around their little finger.

You're nothing but a failure.

Stop!

- Cold, desolate... - Robert De Niro! Robert De Niro! Robert De Niro! Robert De Niro!

- ...never getting what you deserve! - Dresden!

What?!

A word in private, please?

Arghh!

What now?

Don't you think you were over acting a little bit?

And... and what's with all the hatred towards women?

Again, Dominic, it's a fucking real, fake snuff film!

No man, your head was somewhere else.

You almost cut her fucking finger off..

It has to look real, doesn't it?

Are you having second thoughts?

Am I having second thoughts? Yeah. And... and third thoughts

and fourth thoughts and fifth thoughts. I don't know, man.

I just... I th... I think we may be in some deep shit here.

It doesn't matter now, all right? We're already in it, it's

too late. Can't go back.

This has gone too far!

You... you need to calm down.

I don't think I can do this.

Dominic, are you gonna fuck this up for me? Huh?

You see this?

Everything that I've done, all this.

The begging, the humiliation? I didn't do it just for me.

I did it for us.

Haven't I always taken care of you?

Don't you trust me, baby brother?

I trust you.

Good. Good. Moving on? Still have a lot to do.

Just promise me you won't use the chainsaw?

Okay!

Or the samurai sword.

I'm not gonna fuckin' butcher her! We need her to do PR!

Here we go.

Shit! She's getting out!

No, no, no, no, no. Calm down.

I loosened her restraints when I was standing over her.

Why?

Trust me. Sit back and watch the story unfold.

Ah this is great.

Exactly what we need now...

...more suspense, more action, more tension...

What if she gets out?

Mmm. Doesn't matter, all right?

This place is locked down air tight.

Do not you worry. All right, get your camera.

Now, first thing she's gonna do is try to find a way out.

But after she sees the doors are locked, she's gonna try to...

Dresden, it looks like she's coming straight for us.

You're seeing things.

Augh!

Ugh.

I got her! I got her!

Robert De Niro! Robert De Niro!

Ahh!

Kill Bill.

Great reference.

I'm afraid to ask what's in there.

Dog's blood.

Like, real dog's blood?

Nothing but the best.

You didn't...

That thing was driving me fucking nuts.

You've lost your mind.

For the sake of cinema, little brother.

What are you going to do with it?

Just a little water-boarding.

What? That's insane! She could get really sick.

Remember when Uncle Dave took us hunting? We drank blood

straight from the buck.

That was pristine Minnesota wilderness blood.

This is mangy Hollywood HIV blood.

You really need to stop

and think about what you say sometimes.

I'm not the one who wants to water-board this poor girl

with fucking dog's blood.

She's an actress. All actresses are willing to get

a little wet for fame. Trust me.

Dresden.

We can call... we can go to a pay-phone right now

and we can call the cops, and we can walk away from this! We can...

Shit! She's waking up.

Fuck. What are you guys doing?

What are you doing?!

You are one tough bitch, I'll give you that.

Whatever you're thinking about doing, don't do it.

I'm gonna enjoy breaking you.

No! No! Don't, don't, don't do this! Don't do this!

Don't do this! Don't!

- I don't know about this, Dresden. - Don't!

Jesus. Okay-okay. That's enough!

Dresden!

Tasty? Probably not for a vegetarian.

Fuck you!

That's enough, man. Enough! That's enough, man!

Stop!

What the fuck!?

I said enough!

What the hell do you think you're doing?

You're scaring me, Dresden, taking it too far.

You shut up, and do as you're told. I'm tired...

of your dead weight, tired of your cowardice.

Argh!

You little brat! Eat your face! Eat your own face!

Robert De Niro! Robert De Niro! Robert De Niro!

Time out. Time out.

I'm calling mom!

What's fucking wrong with you two?

He's my brother.

Yeah, well he treats you like shit.

Don't say that.

Aaagh!

Fuck!

Listen, please?

Please? I know you don't want do this. Please, just help

me out of here, please?

He's all I've got.

Dresden. Dresden, even when your family doesn't believe in

the path that you've chosen. You must always stay the course.

That's right, I'm talking directly to

you, Dresden Winters.

If I'm not around, he gets into trouble.

Well, what would you call this?

Don't you want your own sitcom?

Success is not only within reach, it's also your destiny.

It's show-time.

However you think this is gonna end...

it's gonna be so much worse.

Sorry about that Mr. President. Things got a little off track.

Let's just uh, chalk it up to a little unfiltered passion.

On both of our parts.

Don't worry, my dear. This will all be over soon.

Upsie-daisie.

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

Please. Tell me what you'd really...

Oh stop with the whole maniacal killer act, okay?

It is painful. I'd rather you two just kill me.

We've been hired by a...

By an elitist billionaire team called the Fellowship of the

Ring? Well, if they're so fucking special, how come

they hired you two morons?

Hey Dominic, Is that camera even on? No?

How did she know my name?

Fucking imbeciles!

I think you better stop laughing.

Or what?! What? You've already established that

you're gonna torture and then you're gonna

kill me. So what else is there?

We can still inflict a lot more pain on you.

Yes we can!

Will you shut the fuck up! You've already said that line!

Stop laughing! Stop laughing!

Whoo!

You know what guys? I'm done playing the victim. That part of

the movie is over, 'cause this is one joke.

I still see the fear in your eyes.

Do you?

Do you wanna see fear?

Oh please, show me.

You promised no chainsaw!

God damn it, Dominic!

I'm a real fucking artist!

You're a cover band.

Stop criticizing me!

You're not afraid to die, huh?

No, actually to be honest with you, I never really have been.

Let's put that to the test.

Dresden, don't!

Do it.

There's one bullet in here.

You dickless, fucking pussy! Do it!

Don't!

Do it! Do it!

- Do it! Do it! - Don't!

- Do it! Do it! - Stop!

- Do it! Do it! Do it! - Stop!

Do it!

Jesus Christ!

I'm done.

This isn't over.

I can't wait.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Relax, all right? There's like, what, like a ten percent

chance the gun goes off?

One in six. It's a lot more like twenty.

Let's figure out what the exact percentage is.

I feel like this is important. That's it!

Forget it!

It's over, we're done!

What are you talking about? We're not done

shooting the movie.

This was never about a movie, Dresden. This was about you

and what you think you deserve. You know I-I've looked up to you

my entire life. But now I see you for what you really are.

You're a fucking bully with no friends, and it's sad.

I think your f... your head's all fucked up again, Dresden?

You wanna see fucked up? No!

We'll see fucked up! No! I won't let you!

What the...

Where is she?

Oh, fuck.

Hello boys.

How did you get out?

Your fuck-face brother left all the sharp toys right next to me.

Fuck.

Jennifer! Hey!

Hi!

We wanted to share something with you. You got the part!

- Congratulations! Whoo! - Obviously...

We were never gonna kill you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! No, no, this is all about the movie.

Oh! So I should be happy!

Yeah!

- Oh! Oh, okay! - Yeah!

You should be ecstatic. I mean, your performance has been...

- So good. - ...amazing.

Shut the fuck up! I figured out it was

you two morons a long time ago, okay.

Why don't you just put the gun down?

Don't you fucking test me, sunshine. I've obviously had a

really bad, fucking day.

Now move or I'll put a bullet in your brother's face.

There's only one bullet in that gun. It's only really

like a ten percent chance...

Twenty. Twenty it's a lot closer to twenty, I... I had

time to do the math in my head.

Just do what she says.

Line up facing the wall.

That wall?

Right in front of you.

You know, we were gonna let you in on it. After, we had what we

needed. You should see the footage that we have.

I mean, this is gonna make you a fucking star.

I'm sorry. I-I misinterpreted the entire situation, right?

We should go find a diner,

and figure this out over coffee and waffles.

Well, I'm not a fan of waffles.

Ah!

Ah! Sh...

I think you broke my nose.

Jennifer, that really was the plan. We swear.

I believe that's what you thought, Dominic.

But your brother over here, I'm not so sure.

All right, he's a little fucked in the head, I know.

Not a killer.

- He's not. - Okay,

I will admit that my head may have gotten a little

bit too big.

Oh jeez, you think?

And I-I may have crossed over a few boundaries. But it was all

in the heat of the moment. I mean, it was pure beauty, baby.

We're making a film here.

Look, I promise you we're not bad people, we're

just a little over-overambitious.

I tried to tell him. I really did!

You're not innocent in this either. You're a

follower and that's pathetic.

You know, there's only one bullet in that gun.

What are you gonna do? Shoot both of us?

No, ace. Just you.

Here's what we're gonna do. You guys turn around,

close your eyes, and count to ten.

One.

No peaking!

Two.

Three. Four. Five.

Six. Seven...

Eight, nine, ten.

What the fuck?

You'd better hide, before I find you!

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Yeah.

This place is like a giant maze! The doors are all locked!

We need to hide somewhere, fast!

Right there!

In here! In here!

Ah! She looked crazy!

Yeah. I think it's safe to say she's pretty upset.

Yeah, you're right. You're right, we need

to try and reason with her...

Oh, my God!

Holy shit!

Run!

Where'd she go? Where'd she go?

Okay, I think we lost her.

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Stop! Stop!

Can we, please, just stop and talk about the fact that

she just cut off all my fucking fingers!

Well just... just keep it elevated.

Better. Alright, we need to find a door right now.

Argh!

The window!

Can't reach.

Shit!

Run! Run, run, run, run, run! Run! Run!

- Whoa! - Jorge! Jorge! Jorge! - Boys! Boys!

Dresden, what happened to your hand?!

Shhh!

Our lead actress is trying to kill us.

Actress? This is why I don't trust nothing that bleeds

for five days and lives. What happened?

We'll explain it later, can you get us out of here?

I can get you out of here.

Nobody's going to hurt you anymore!

You hear that, little girl? You try to cut me, I cut you!

You mess with my boys...

I'm so wet.

Oh, my God. Did you see what she did to Jorge?

Oh man, he was the best!

Just a guy's guy.

Warriors! Come out to play-ay!

Warriors.

We know those don't work.

We can get out through there. Let's go, come on.

Dude!

Bingo.

What do we do?

I don't know, there's gotta be a way out!

There's not, man. I looked everywhere.

- Ah, Ah. - Whoa, Whoa.

- What happened, what happened? - I'm cramping.

I'm cramping! Oh!

Are you serious?

- Yes! Yes! - Dammit.

You gotta rub it out, Dom!

- Right now? - Yeah, or I'm fucked.

- Come on! - Dammit.

All right, all right, come on. Get it?

God.

Watch these movies, where people run around

all night and, miraculously, no one

cramps up! It's fucking bullshit.

Ugh, that's good.

Told you man, should have been drinking water.

When? Did you take a water break tonight?

Yeah. Always do.

Really? Is this really happening?

I had a cramp.

What do you think? Want to try and get past me?

Can't we just talk?

No! You talk too fucking much!

Shut the fuck up for one fucking second!

I do?

You do, yeah.

But I'll tell you what, I'll make ya a deal.

You guys can come downstairs with me, play a little game...

...or simply jump.

What do ya think?

I think I can make it.

What are you? Crazy? We'll break both our legs.

You probably will, but I think I'll make it

I'm getting bored over here, guys.

Ahh...

All right.

We've taken her down before, we'll do it again.

I don't know man, she kind of fucked us up every time.

All right, look, we'll play her little game and then

when the time is right, we take her down.

One! Two!

Okay! Okay! Okay, we're coming with you.

What the fuck?

All right, we're gon... we're gonna go with you.

We do it my way.

Wait, why... why'd you wear the taser?

Because you're a disease, and I'm the cure.

Hey that's...

Is that Cobra?

Yeah, how was it?

It's kind of appropriate actually...

I'm disappointed. For someone that

talks about working out so much, you're not in very good shape.

I have a sweet tooth.

We need to talk about adding more protein to your diet.

Kind of personal isn't it?

Ah!

You have no idea how personal this is gonna get.

Did you know that boys have a G-spot? Right...

Ah! Ah! Please don't. Please.

Why? Why fucking not? You water-boarded me with

fucking dog's blood, you fucking asshole.

Why the fuck shouldn't I?

I'm sorry.

I have all the control, all the power, and it feels so good.

What are you doing?

We are going to play a little, oh... medium-sized game.

I don't want to play a game.

Really? Why not?

- No, you can't do that. - Why?

Why?! Why can't I do this?

- It's not right. - Why?

It's not right? Yes!

It's not right for you. But it's okay for a woman?

You two fuckers broke into my home, kidnapped me for your

fucking video. But when I do it to you, it's not right?

Oh man, guys. Every movie, every TV show...

...it's like there's women being tortured and raped and... and you

guys fucking love it. You sickos fucking love that shit, why?

Why do you love it? Huh? Why?

Please, Jennifer, we didn't wanna...

Shut up, pussy!

I'm gonna show you how to make a real snuff film

Action.

Dominic, I'm gonna cut you down. But if you try and run

away or do anything stupid, I'm gonna shoot your brother, okay?

Good.

Pick it up! Go ahead.

What do you want me to do?

Oh.

I'm sure you can think of something.

Oh no way!

Yes.

No.

No!

No, no, no, no, no. Yes. Yes.

- No! No! - Yes. Yes! Do it!

No.

I don't want to play this game anymore.

But you have to. Sweet Dominic, I'll tell you what.

If you do this I'll let you live. I promise.

My brother?

Yeah, fine. Okay, but he leaves with half his digits and no cock

and balls. That is if he doesn't bleed to death on his way to the

hospital, which I think you have a pretty good shot.

Ah, f...

Don't do it. Don't listen to her, Dom.

No. No.

Dominic, look at that fuck-face, really? You think that for one

second he wouldn't do it to you? I bet my left tit he wouldn't

even fucking hesitate.

Never, Dominic.

Please. It takes five minutes with the two

of you to know he wouldn't even blink.

No, that's not true.

Are you sure? Dominic, are you sure?

No, no.

You don't look sure, sweetie.

Ok. Ok, ok.

Don't li... don't listen to her. Don't listen to her.

Dominic! Do you think that any of this was for you?

It was about us!

Yeah? Do you think that if for some moronic reason you guys got

away with all this, he would give you any fucking credit?

Executive producer!

Do you? Nothing!

At least producer.

Are you sure about that, Dominic? Do you think so?

Dominic, sweet Dominic. Come on, save yourself.

You didn't want any of this.

Don't listen to her, Dominic.

She's-she's just twisting your thoughts up.

Am I? Or am I finally telling the truth?

Stop fucking with my head!

No.

Forget it.

I'm done.

Okay.

Suck it.

What?

Suck it. Either chop it off or suck it.

No. No, this has gone far enough I...

Jesus Christ!

Yes you can. Yes you can!

One?

You can suck my dick!

Two.

Just please...

Stop!

How many fucking times do I have to do this before I blow

your brother's fucking head off, huh?!

Dominic, get over here and suck my dick!

Okay! Okay! Okay, just stop!

Come on! I do it all the time. It's not so bad.

Please Dominic.

You might like it.

Ok, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Baby brother, suck it. Please suck my dick.

Please.

Yes you can.

You can.

Ahh!

Put my dick in your mouth. You can do it. Come on, you can do

it, bud. There you go, you can do this, there you go. Put my

dick in your mouth, just the tip. Don't even think about it,

it's just... it's just a dick. It could be any dick just...

DOMINIC Aw shit! I swear to God.

You made your choice.

Fuck, Dresden! This is your lucky day! I'm not really good

at math, but I'm pretty sure this is it.

I'm sorry.

Dresden, this is the price of fame. Are you ready? I'm gonna

make all your dreams come true. We can tell the world, media

loves that shit. You'll probably end up with your own show.

- Dominic, you suck my dick right now! - Dominic,

are you ready?

- Are you ready? - Put my dick in your mouth!

On the count of three. One!

Put that sword down!

- A-two! - Put that sword down!

Three!

I'm gonna kill you, you motherfucking bitch!

I can't do it. I can't... I can't do it, I'm sorry.

Oh!

I can't do it.

Oh! God, that was great! Oh Dominic, Dominic, it's okay.

I knew you couldn't do it. Kick me the sword.

Guys, I mean, I don't know about you, but I think we just created

something really, really special. I feel great about it,

I'm inspired, I'm excited. So why don't we take five, regroup,

and prepare for what's to come.

Oh, God, we gotta find a way out of here, man, she's gonna be back

soon. I couldn't suck your dick, come on! Come on, let's go! Come

on, we gotta keep going!

- No, man. - Come on, come on!

- Come on! - I'm not going.

I'm not going anywhere man.

What do you mean?

Done. It's over.

No. No, no no. We gotta go, come on!

Dominic, did you hear me man?

We're trapped, there's no way out. I fucked this up man.

We're still in this, dude. This is the part of the movie where

the guys band together and they defeat the villain.

Like in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?

They die at the end of that one, but yeah. Yes.

Well what are we gonna do?

I don't know. You're the thinker.

Come on, you always have great ideas.

Jorge's keys.

Oh fuck.

All right, it... his keys are probably in his pocket.

We gotta say something first, man.

What? No! We don't have time!

We have to, he was our friend.

Okay, all right.

Well?

You're the wordsmith! It's better if you say something.

Ok, ok, alright.

God, bless this man who enjoyed spending time with his bros down

at his favorite bar, Load. As well as spending time with his

many male companions, here in his warehouse. He enjoyed The

Color Purple, both the movie and just the color, purple. He's

survived by his beloved Maltipoo: Bubbles. Amen.

Amen.

Okay, I said the prayer, you get the keys.

Ah!

Careful.

- Oh! Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh, God! She cut off his penis!

Ok, you still have to get his keys.

Ah fuck it, fuck!

Hurry.

There's nothing. There's nothing. She must've taken them.

We're dealing with one smart cookie here.

You think, Dresden? When did you put that together?

I'm just piecing it together now.

We know she can fight. She's not afraid to kill. She seems to be

tactical. Her warfare is both physical and psychosocial.

It must be something from her past. She wanders

from town to town trying to escape that past.

You're describing John Rambo. It's not helping.

Come on, let's try and find another way out.

The fire alarm!

We should've pulled it a long time ago.

Let's pull it now. Come on.

You go that way.

Where is it?

Dresden, over here I found it!

Fuck! What the fuck!

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

- Ah! - Oh come on, g... give... give us a chance!

Ugh!

On your knees.

- Now. - Please, if you... if you... if you'll just let me explain.

Sure. Just stick out your tongue first.

I don't understand.

Stick out your fucking tongue!

Now.

There you go.

Go ahead.

I'm not getting it, what?

We... gonna make your movie!

What!?

I'm just... I'm not getting this.

Oh, wait.

Uh huh. Dresden, what was that?

Just get it over with.

Aw, did I break you already? I haven't even gotten started.

What are you?

Let's just say this isn't my first rodeo.

You've made a snuff film before?

- Oh. - I think that she means that she's killed before, Dresden.

Thank you, Dominic.

You're a killer? Like, a serial killer?

Well there's more to it than that but, in a nutshell, yeah.

All those bodies showing up without their penises, that...

that was you. Wh... why do you want all those penises?

It's my trademark.

And now you die.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait! Wait, this is... this is crazy! Jennifer, can we just

kneel down and just kind of step back and... and think about

all this. I mean, you're a killer, but you know we... we

fuckin' kidnapped you and we tortured you and shit.

So, I mean I think that makes us all pretty fucked up.

But maybe, maybe we're just artists. And I think that we've

got something really special. I mean, we've got great footage,

you've got some amazing footage. Why don't we just sit

down and see what we've got.

Yeah, sure.

Really?

Are you a lefty?

Cause otherwise, life's gonna fuckin' suck.

I am now.

No, but for real, I am right-handed.

Oops.

And out of all the actresses in this fucking town, we pick the

one who is an actual psychopath.

No offense, but you are a serial killer.

Nah, no, none taken.

It's so bad ass.

Oh, it's simple. You go after these slimy producers that

prey on young, naive actresses, that's about it.

Huh.

You know, why didn't you just hire me? It's a much more

sensible solution, don't you think?

He didn't think you could do it.

What?

Yeah. No, give a believable performance.

Come on, Dom! That's not...

You fucking kidding me?

No that's not... that's not fair!

- You didn't think I was a good enough actress? - No, no, look.

I believe it was Keanu Reeves or Stephen Dorff who said,

the trick to good acting is creating a situation

in which you don't have to act at all.

But I've been acting since you two broke into my apartment.

Really?

Yeah.

You are a good actress, shit.

Thank you.

I gotta say, guys.

I think that this is gonna be a great fucking movie.

She stabbed me!

What?

Couldn't agree more.

Guys, I'm sorry.

Good news is, I made you famous!

I'm sorry, Dom. I think you're right,

I am f... fucked up in the head a bit. You get some help now.

I think it's too late.

It's never too late, baby brother.

You think they'll make a movie about us?

Movie of the Week.

I hope they get someone good to play me.

There's only one man with the competence, the skillfulness...

...the gift.

FPJ. Freddy...

...he's my man.

Hey guys!

Which dick wants to go first?

Are you rolling?

It's show-time!

Ahh! Help me!

Your resistance is futile.

Help me! Help me!

Our victim is checking out, testing her restraints, trying

to make sense of this fucked up situation.

Where do you think you're...

Well, it will be great for you to come on this project.

Yeah, well, say hi to Michelle for me.

All right. All right, take care, man. Be safe.

Jennifer? Jennifer Sellers?

Yep. That's me.

Subtitles by explosiveskull