All language subtitles for Tripping.The.Rift.S03E10.1080p.WEBRip.x265-INFINITY_Subtitles01.ENG

www.tvsubtitles.net

Peter Piper picked
a peck of purple peckers.

- I think we lost him.
- Think again, Uncle Chode.

Those space pirates
are right on our ass.

Put your foot down, T'nuk.

We can easily outrun
those swarthy, muscular,

brooding sex-starved
rapscallions.

On second thought,
maybe we should play hard to get.

Gus, if these pirates come aboard,

we'll be lucky to walk away
with the clothes on our back.

- Oh!
- Where are you going?

To change my thong.

Relax. Those mother... aren't
stepping a foot onboard my ship.

Bob, bank to the right.

Hate to break the news
to you, El Capitan,

but they've already locked
their tractor beam onto the ship.

The captain of the pirate ship is
sending a video transmission.

Pull him up on the screen.

Ahoy, mateys.

Captain Jack Raving's the name.

You blokes put up
quite a fight.

But the time has come
for you to surrender.

I wouldn't mind letting him
dig for my treasure.

It's going to be dicey,
Uncle Chode.

But if I do an offline reset
of the ship's power,

I can flip us into a power boost

and thrust us into hyperdrive.

It's worth a try, Chode.

Yeah, whatever.
He lost me at "dicey. "

Who's the hottie
with the jugs?

The name's T'nuk.

Currently unattached
and available.

Not you, sea hag.

You shiver my timbers.
Ugh.

Whip, please tell me
you know what you're doing.

Nice job, Whip.
I couldn't have done it without you.

- That's a given.
- It was nothing, Uncle Chode.

I just figured
polarizing the fuel coils

would create an inversion
on the tractor beam...

Yeah yeah yeah. All noise to me.
Just keep up the good work.

Uh, Captain?
I'm receiving another video transmission.

When are those
butt-pirates gonna leave me alone?

- No, this is from a Danita Benegra.
- Who?

She said you and her were
at college together 15 years ago.

She wants to discuss
a personal matter.

Send her to voicemail.

Captain, I really think
you should take this.

Fine, pull her up.

- Danita!
- You remember me.

Of course I remember you.

We went out senior year.

After graduation you pretty much
fell off the face of the planet.

There was a reason
for that, Chode.

I had to go back home
to raise our son.

Oh, boy.

And the hits just
keep on coming.

I need to talk to you, Chode.
I'll be there in a few minutes.

Hmm?

Come on. There's no way
I could possibly be a father.

Why not?
You're already a mother.

I refuse to believe there's a boy
out there who sprang from my loins.

Now how am I going
to erase that mental image?

Try picturing the women from
"The View" getting a pap smear.

Thanks.

This is what happens
when you practice unprotected sex.

Yeah, Uncle Chode.

Aren't you the one
who keeps telling me,

"If you wanna make love,
slip on the glove"?

Well, this was
a simpler time, Whip.

In college I was quite
the ladies' man.

Yeah, right.

Bet you were a real
big fat bastard on campus.

Anything but.

They were the best of times,

they were the worst of times.

It was the age of foolishness.

I made a promise to myself early on
to never be a one-woman guy.

When my grades started to suffer,

I had to do everything I could
not to get expelled.

But somehow I managed
to pass with flying colors.

Enough with the trip
down memory lane, Chode.

What do you remember about your
relationship with Danita Benegra?

From what I recall,
it was pretty fast and furious.

- The romance?
- No, the sex.

The truth is, I probably only
laid wood to her about 30 times

during our entire relationship.

- Which was for how long?
- The Friday night after finals.

That's it? One night?

Unless you count porking her
in the shower the morning after

as another day.

Chode, if you only had
intercourse with this woman

in a 24-hour period,

the chances of you being the father
of her child are infinitesimal.

- So I'm pretty much the papa, huh?
- No, you idiot.

Danita probably has you mixed up
with some other purple varsity slob.

Well, we're about to find out.
Bob just beamed her aboard.

But I'm not ready to be a father, Six.

Relax, Chode.

This is probably just
a big misunderstanding.

No doubt about it, huh?

Look, Chode, I know
this is a lot to digest.

You probably have
a lot of questions.

Yeah, such as: Why did
you wait this long to tell me?

When my father found out
I was pregnant,

he banished me back
to my home planet.

I was left to raise
little Chode Jr. All by myself.

You poor girl.

This is just like that movie
I watched the other night

called "My Husband Doesn't
Listen to Me Anymore. "

So now that Junior
is a teenager,

you finally decided it was
time he meet his father?

Not at all. Truth is,
he's always been a problem child.

He's got Attention Deficit
Syndrome, hyperactivity,

a string of delinquencies
as long as my arm.

- Like father, like son.
- I'm at my wit's end.

I can't do it anymore.
Now it's your turn.

Whoa-ho-ho. Not so fast.

I'm not father material at all.

That's not true, Uncle Chode.
I think you're a pretty swell uncle.

Whip, next time remind me
to ask you when I need your help.

Look, Danita, I'm sure all the kid needs

is a swift kick in the ass
to smarten him up.

- But I'm not the guy to do it.
- I figured as much, you deadbeat.

Well, if you're not willing
to take in Junior,

I'll see you in court.

Your Honor, my client
has been the sole provider

and caregiver since
her son's birth.

- Objection!
- On what grounds?

- My client pleads the Fifth.
- That's not applicable here.

Habeas corpus?
Flagrant delecti?

Overruled. Continue.

Judge, the burden
of single parenthood

has become too much
for my client,

which is why we are here
requesting the court to assign

full legal custody
on Mr. McBlob.

Your Honor, I am prepared
to prove to the court

that my client is
an unfit father.

Defense calls T'nuk Layor
to the stand.

Miss Layor, you have known
Mr. McBlob for many years.

- Is that correct?
- Yes.

And in that time
I am sure you have developed

- an opinion regarding his character.
- I have.

What is your impression
of the plaintiff?

I don't do impressions.

I'm more of a one-line-zinger
type of comedienne.

I see. And how would you
describe Mr. McBlob?

He's a cruel, fat,

selfish, irresponsible man-child

who thinks only about himself.

He's pretty much driven
by three things.

- And those would be?
- Sex, money and food.

Thank you.
Nothing further.

Defense calls me
to the stand.

Gus, how would you
describe the plaintiff?

It's so hard.
That's okay, take your time.

He's a mean,
mean troll of an alien.

He treats us all
with disrespect.

The living conditions
on the ship are absolutely unbearable.

In your opinion,

would Mr. McBlob
make an unfit parent?

Objection, Your Honor.
Calls for speculation.

- Sustained.
- Damn.

Isn't it true that Chode McBlob
has been your guardian

for the last several years?

Yes, he has.

So for all intents and purposes,

he has acted as a father to you?

I suppose so, yes.

In the time you have
been in his care,

have you found him
to be unfit or irresponsible?

No, he loves me.
He'd never do anything to hurt me.

Liar!
I'll kill you, you little... head!

Order! Order in the court.
Restrain the plaintiff.

I'm out of order?!
You're out of order!

This whole court
is out of order!

Your Honor, we call
Chode Junior to the stand.

The kid's a looker.
I'll give him that.

Chode Junior,
will you please tell the court

why it is you desire
to live with your father?

There's so many memories
I wanna share with him,

so much time to make up for.

I've saved all my test papers,

my trophies,
Father's Day cards,

just hoping
for the day we'd meet.

I mean, I'd give
just about anything

just to play catch with my dad.

Poor little bastard.

In all my years on the bench,

I've never heard
a case quite like this one.

Due to the contradictory
testimony,

I don't know
which side to believe.

That said, this court
has to decide

which parent
to award full custody.

I think this is going good.

Therefore, I think it's only prudent
at this juncture to flip a coin.

Heads, he's yours;
Tails, you're off scot-free.

It's heads!
Congratulations.

This court awards you full custody
of Chode McBlob Jr.

Everyone, this is my son.

Junior, this is Six,
Auntie T'nuk,

Uncle Gus and Bob
the ship's computer.

- Ahem.
- Oh, right.

This is Whip.
I guess he's your cousin.

Nice to meet you, Junior.

Look, you can all stop
pretending you want me here.

- I'll just go to my room.
- Well, that's nonsense.

You don't even have a room.

What I mean to say is,

you're going to be sharing
a room with Whip.

- He's what?
- Yeah, that's right, Whip.

Why don't you go help
Junior get settled?

Play some of your video games.

Pawning off your son like that.

Do you have antifreeze
coursing through your veins?

I was planning on spending
quality time with him.

- Really? When?
- Later on.

You know, after you
and I hit the sheets

and play a little Mommy and Daddy.

Or I could go play
with the kid now,

do the whole father-son-
bonding thing.

Make him feel at home.

If I knew this
was gonna be this much work,

I would have gotten a puppy.

Hey, whatcha up to?

I'm downloading
a key code generator.

It can create virtually
any passcode to any website.

You mean, like,
angrytitty. Com?

That porn site costs me, like,
50 kronigs a month.

Not anymore.
Now it's free.

Junior, you know what this means?

I'm sorry, Dad.
I know it's wrong.

Well, wrong is a relative term.

It's more like wrong adjacent.

I mean, it is a victimless crime.

- If you say so, Dad.
- I say so, kiddo.

You know, I have a feeling you
and I are gonna get along just fine.

- Humph!
- If there's something on your mind,

just say it.
We're all family here.

In that case, I can't help
but feel slighted since Junior arrived.

Besides, I'm 17.

I think I'm a little old
to be sharing a bedroom.

I agree with you.
From now on,

you'll be bunking in
the requisition headquarters.

The requisition headquarters?
You mean the broom closet.

Well, it may be a little cozy,

but with some fresh paint
to get rid of the ammonia smell

and a choicely
positioned hammock,

you could make
the place your own Taj Mahole.

Captain, the space pirates are back

and they've caused a security breach
in the ship's mainframe.

Okay, put up the shields,
man the battle stations

and prepare to go stealth.

The ship's mainframe
is already infected, Chode.

There's nothing we can do.

Those pirates are
gonna plunder us...

long and deep,

hard and dry.

I don't think so.

A girl can dream, can't she?

Attaboy, Whip.
That's the can-do attitude I wanna hear.

No can do.

- We're totally screwed.
- We're... what?

If I try tampering
with the system at this point,

we could lose vital functions.

It's over. They win.

There is another way.

Since the pirates have
already infected the core,

it's possible
to reverse the reaction

by planting
our own Trojan virus.

Good luck with that.

We all stand a better chance
of beelining it to the escape hatch.

All systems normal, Captain.
Security breach reversed.

Oh, you said Trojan virus.

Well, of course.
That's a no-brainer.

- Nice work, Junior.
- You're a genius.

- You must take after your mother.
- Way to go, little man.

You really pulled that one out, kiddo.

I'm proud of you.

Come on, Six.

I gave you two minutes
of foreplay.

Uh, hey there, kiddo.

Six and I were just...

I was just...

Pulling a piece of lint
out of her vagina.

- What's up?
- I couldn't sleep.

I kept having terrible
nightmares of you dying.

There's no need
to worry, kiddo. I'm fine.

What if something
happened to you?

Mom doesn't want me.
I'd be alone.

There'd be no one to take care of me.

Aw, come on, kiddo.

I'd never let
that happen to you.

I'm scared.
I don't wanna end up homeless

with no means of support.

Without two kronigs
to rub together.

Junior's got a point, Chode.

You should take out
a life insurance policy.

- What's that?
- An expensive lottery ticket

sold to idiots
by cheesy scam artists

who prey upon our fear
of our own mortality. Forget it!

I don't think that sounds
like such a bad idea, Dad.

- Mmm.
- Okay, kiddo.

I'll do whatever it takes
to make you feel better.

Now do you feel better, kiddo?

It says that the double-indemnity
clause payout

for accidental or work-related death
is two million kronigs.

- Is that correct?
- Mm-hmm.

I do feel better, Dad.

What the hell do you want?

I just stopped by to drop off
some of Junior's things

and see how he's doing.

You can stop playing
the concerned mother, Danita.

He's doing just fine.

I'm sorry about having
to take you to court, Chode.

But I knew that was the only way
you'd ever agree to take him in.

That's ridiculous.
Well, maybe not that ridiculous.

I'd like to say goodbye to Junior.

Don't let me stop you.

Chode, could you
give us a little privacy?

Huh? What? Yeah, okay.
Good night, kiddo.

Is everything in place
as we planned?

Yeah. How much longer
do I have to keep up this charade?

It won't be long now.

Ooh!

Uncle Chode, there's
something really important

- I need to talk to you about.
- Go away, Whip!

Can't you see the international symbol

- that sex is going on?
- Huh?

The bra, you idiot. The bra!

But it's about Junior.

I just discovered something
about him we need to talk about.

Please, Uncle Chode.
This will only take five minutes.

So will this. Now get lost!

Yo, coz, what's up?

You can drop the act.
I knew there was something off

as soon as I saw you
and your mama swapping saliva.

And unless
your name is Oedipus,

that was some sick...

Yeah, well, if you know
what's good for you,

you'll keep your mouth shut.

You think I'm afraid of you?

I eat little turds
like you for breakfast.

No wonder your breath
smells like crap.

Okay, you two.
Don't make me come down there.

I guess I'll have to.

I sure ain't gonna
come down here.

That's it! I've had enough!

- What the hell is going on in here?
- Help me, Dad.

That insane lizard tried to kill me.

- But Uncle Chode...
- What are you thinking, Whip?

Look at the poor kid.
You've scared the crap out of him.

Is that what that smell is?

I should have known jealousy
would rear its ugly head.

Please, you have to listen to me.
Junior isn't what you...

Huh-uh!
I don't want to hear another word.

Go straight to your broom closet.

Give me one good reason
why we shouldn't kill you right now.

And if I were you,
I'd make sure

that reason starts
with a kronig sign.

- How about a million of them?
- I'm listening.

Chode took out a life insurance
policy worth two million kronigs

naming my partner
as sole beneficiary.

You kill Chode
and we'll split it down the middle.

Typically, that's not
how it works with pirates.

All we really do is
rape and pillage.

He's right. I mean, sometimes
we may pillage then rape.

Why did you come to us?

It has to be a work-related death

for the double-indemnity
clause to pay off.

And the threat of pirates is one
of Chode's job descriptions.

Come on, boys.

It's easy money.
Now do you want the job or not?

Finally, I can catch up
on my favorite series...

"Queer as Dead Folk. "

You boys wouldn't happen to be here

because of that personal ad
I took out a while back?

Oh, please.
I'm not that bad.

Six, you really need to start
waxing that upper lip of yours.

Huh?

I believe we have some
unfinished business.

Okay, Jack, take what you want.
Just don't hurt the women or children.

Or fey-acting robots.

Our only interest here
is killing you, Chode.

Me? What for?

Because of a vested
interest we have

in a two million kronig
life insurance policy.

You sold your own
father off for money?

No, it must have been Mom.

Give it up, Junior.

He's not Chode's son.

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

I did a little background
check on him.

It turns out he's
an unemployed actor

by the name of Clyde Stanley.

You should have
seen me playing Puck

in Shakespeare in the Park.

I was the toast of the town.

I don't know what to say.
That was the most evil, devious,

- underhanded, cold-blooded...
- Are you sure you're not his son?

Get on with it.
He still legally adopted me,

so I'm still the beneficiary.

Not exactly.
I never took out a policy on myself.

Do you have any idea what
the rates are for someone who smokes,

drinks, leads the life I do?

He's lying.
I saw him sign it.

Oh, I signed a life
insurance policy all right,

but not for my life.
For yours.

Get Danita on the blower.

See, I knew this job had
aggravation written all over it.

We rape and pillage,
end of story.

Danita, there seems
to be a question here

as to exactly who's
life is insured

and who gets
the money upon death.

What? This is ridiculous.

It says right here,

"Insured Chode Junior. "

Mm-hmm, told ya.

Thanks, love. We'll get back to you.
Now what do we do?

Like Junior said...
I still legally adopted the bastard,

so in case of death
I still get a paycheck.

And if you finish the job,
you can keep the lot.

Otherwise, you can
rape and pillage,

starting with me.

Let's finish the job.
Where is he?

He just beamed
himself off the ship.

We're in for a pound, boys.
Come on!

Huh?

I know what you're
gonna say, Uncle Chode,

but that's okay.
You don't have to apologize.

Actually, I was gonna tell
T'nuk to hit hyperdrive

and get us all the hell
out of Dodge.

That policy I took out expired
a few minutes ago,

and those pirates are gonna
be pissed when they find out.

Come on. I ain't made of money.

I saved a fortune
on that 24-hour special.

We have rift speed, Captain.

I don't understand, Chode.

At the time you
took out the policy,

you really believed
Junior was your son.

Yeah, what's your point?

You know, every time
we think you've hit

an all-time
money-grubbing low,

you always go and surprise us.

I know. It's a gift.

I thought you hated fishing.

I do, but having
Junior around got me thinking

how I'm neglecting
my own nephew.

Wait, you mean after
everything you've been through,

you actually learned something?

That shouldn't be
so hard to believe, Six.

I am capable of change.

- Ready to go, kiddo?
- Can't wait!

Just make sure you
have him back by dinner.

The little... still
has chores to do.