All language subtitles for Tripping.The.Rift.S03E05.1080p.WEBRip.x265-INFINITY_Subtitles01.ENG

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Hey, Six, come here
and twiddle my knobs.

Let me make one thing clear, Nurse.

I never asked you
to sleep with me.

I just asked you to breakfast.

Now do you want me to call you

or just nudge you first thing
in the morning?

I wouldn't kick that McDreamy out
of bed for eating crackers.

You wouldn't have to.
He'd be too busy bent over the toilet

puking out his guts.

Okay, McQueenie
and McHaggie,

playtime's over.
The big game is on.

You're such a McAsswipe.

We interrupt this program
to bring you a special broadcast.

Chuckles Bobo,
long since retired leader

of the Dark Clowns,
was reportedly found dead

in his condo at the Eagle Nebula
Home for the Aged

early this morning.
Chuckles's grandson Darph Bobo

is apparently en route
to San Hopkins General

- to identify the body.
- Do you believe this, Chode?

I know! They interrupted
the big game for this crap.

Yes, that's him.

What was the cause
of death, Doctor?

We won't know until
after an autopsy is performed,

but there is something
I'd like you to take a look at.

Huh?

I should have warned you.

It's common for bodies

to release gasses after death.

We discovered this document

near your grandfather's remains.

I assume he meant
for you to have it.

Can we continue this outside?

My eyes are
beginning to water.

Of course.

Well, are you gonna tell me
what it says

or do I have to
beat it out of you?

It says my grandfather has

a 10-million-kronig
life insurance policy,

listing me as a beneficiary.

Ka-ching!

Have some sensitivity,
will you?

There's a catch.
We only get the money

if Chode's grandfather Benito
gives the eulogy

at the funeral.

Chode!
If it ain't him causing me grief,

it's his retarded relatives.

They're nothing but a pain in the...

Okay, you got me.

I had Mexican for lunch.

Now...
Will you tell me

why the hell we have to
send the Bobos flowers?

Because it's
the right thing to do.

- Fine. Here's one.
- What's that? The Cheap-Me bouquet?

I think it's very tasteful.

It's two carnations
in a bowl of whipped cream.

Exactly.
Tasteful and delicious.

No, it's not. It's tacky.
You can't send that.

Oh, no?
Watch me.

- Uncle Chode, Darph's on the line.
- Wow, that was fast.

He's probably offended.

I hope so. Pull him up.

Bobo, didn't you like
the flowers?

It's not that.
Give me a minute.

He's a mess, Chode.
Say something kind.

Offer your condolences.

All right.

Darph, sorry to hear about
your grandfather dropping dead on you.

That's gotta suck hard.

Remind me to send that little ditty
over to the folks at Hallmark.

Yeah, well, Darph. Whatever we can do
to help you in your hour of need,

- just name it.
- There is something.

The late Chuckles requested
your grandfather eulogize him

at his funeral.

Except that.

Come on, our grandfathers hated
one another, remember?

All Chuckles used to do was wave
his fist at my granddad

and say,
"You'll rue the day!"

I don't give a rat's ass!
Chuckles is gone,

and I have to
respect his wishes!

- You might, but I don't.
- Chode, please.

Go ahead. Play the my-granddaddy-
was-found-dead-and-rotting card,

why don't you?
See if I care.

Chode, I think
you should talk to Benito.

Or the next time you see this,
you'll be wearing bifocals.

Let me talk to my grandfather.
See what I can do.

Thank you, Chode.
You have no idea what this...

Yeah yeah, just stop crying.
Your mascara's starting to run.

So you want me to try
to get Benito on the blower?

What the hell? I just don't get
why Chuckles would want him

at his funeral in the first place.

Maybe it's about closure.

If he couldn't find it in life,
then maybe in death.

I suppose anything's possible.

I mean, something had to screw
something to come up with you, right?

Speaking of death...

Come on, Chode.
There had to be happier times

when your grandfather
and Chuckles got along.

I do remember a Christmas morning
when I was just a little kid.

That's what I call a Christmas gift
that keeps on giving

blowjob after blowjob
after blowjob.

She doesn't even need batteries.

Two beaming aboard, Captain.

How about getting your ass down
to the transporter room

and showing our guests up?

I'm busy over here.
You want your eggnog or not?

¤ Silent night ¤

¤ Holy night. ¤

Hey, you gonna let us in or not?

Hello, Chuckles.

Hello, Benito.

- Go play with Chode.
- Oh!

What's this?

You didn't think I'd forget,
did you? Merry Christmas!

A CD Player 2000!
Oh, very generous!

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

Just don't ask me
for a gift receipt.

So what did you get me?

Oh, right, yeah.

Go get Chuckles's present
from under the tree.

Can't you see
I've got my hands full?

Never mind,
I'll get it.

Oh, what can it be?
It's so big!

No, it's just

the right size.

A fondue set!

How did you know I was thinking
of taking a cooking course

- down at the Learning Annex?
- Lucky guess.

You must have remembered I have
French on my mother's side.

Yeah, sure, whatever.

Or the fact that
I've always been a slave

to the gadget
of the moment.

Want to know the real reason?

Look at the card.

How dare you regift me!

Look, if you're not happy,
I'll let you trade it

for the bottle of Old Spice
I got from the grandson.

Benito McBlob,

I swear by all
that is evil you will...

Rue the day. Stupid...
always ended up saying that.

Uncle Chode,
I got Benito.

Oh, dear, I wonder how Benito's going
to take the news of Chuckles's death.

There's no telling.
Death can bring out all sorts

of emotions in people...
denial, anger, depression.

Euphoria?

What do you mean
he's not coming?

I tried, Darph.
Honestly, I did.

Maybe you didn't try
hard enough.

What did he say
when you asked him?

He said he'd rather sit through
a Ben Affleck film retrospective.

But he did leave me this note

and said you could pin it
on Chuckles if you want.

I see. In that case,
you give me no choice

but to turn things over
to Bernice.

Listen carefully,
you purple polka-dotted pencil...,

you will find a way

to get that no good pea-brained
grandfather of yours

to Chuckles's funeral tomorrow.

- Or else what?
- Or else I will make it

my life's mission
to hunt your pathetic ass down

and make sure every second
of whatever time you have left

of that self-abusive,
nauseating nightmare

you call a life will be

a painful, gut-churning hell!

Trust me, Chode.
She knows what she's talking about.

Screw with me, Chode,

and I'll be so deep
up your ass,

you'll need a colonoscopy
to see what I'm up to.

Well, that went
about as smooth

as the Lee Harvey Oswald
prison transfer.

- Do you think she's bluffing?
- Well, you're the royal bitch expert

around here.
What do you think?

You're a dead blob walking.

Chode, we have to go talk
to your grandfather face to face,

appeal to his conscience.

Number one, having a conscience
doesn't run in our family.

And two, I'm not gonna visit
that nearly-dead shed

any more than I have to.
Old people freak me out.

But you heard Bernice.
You've got no choice.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

Bob, fire up the transporters.

Chode, I'm proud of you.

Besides, he turns 109 next week.
This'll count for his birthday visit.

Imported calla lilies,
two dozen white doves,

a gold-encrusted coffin capsule?!

We're getting bled dry here.

If I hadn't followed
the instructions

in Chuckles's last will
and testament word for word,

we'd have ended up
with bupkis.

Aggh!
He screwed us in life

and now he's screwing us
in death!

Awww.

Chuckles's favorite song.

What a terrible piece of...

Oh! Hmm.

Very funny. You always said
leave 'em laughing,

you old bastard.

Hey, show a little respect, you punk!

Sorry, Granddad, but I...

Huh? What?

Relax, dummy.
It's just a dummy.

But when? Who? How?

All it took was a mannequin,
a makeup artist,

a bribe for the pathologist
and voilа!

Will you tell me

what the hell is
going on here?!

A little thing I like
to call payback.

Huh?

I faked my death
in order to get Benito,

and because it's vital
that everybody believes I am dead,

I decided not to tell you.

- Why not?
- Because you keep a secret

like a cow with stomach flu
keeps a turd.

And now Benito will finally

rue the day!

Sweet!

Any chance you can rue Chode
at the same time?

Hmm, a double rue.
Yeah, sure. Why not?

Splendid! And you're picking up
the tab for all this, right?

Yes.

Grandpa, this is your last chance
to forgive and forget.

Do you really wanna
go through life with a giant regret?

I live with arthritis,
a weak bladder and limp noodle.

What's a giant regret?

- Really?
- Yeah, regret doesn't affect me.

I'm talking
about your noodle.

Maybe you just haven't met
the right woman.

You couldn't give him a stiffy
with two small sticks

and a roll of duct tape.

People, can we focus here?

Chode's right.
We need Benito to realize it's best

to let bygones
be bygones,

to close the book
on all the bad blood.

Perhaps if we examine how
all this got started in the first place.

Hmm, well,
I'll tell you how.

We were stationed together
in the big war;

Set out on a reconnaissance mission
through enemy territory.

Neither of us had any idea

if we were gonna make it out alive.

We went as far
as we could at night

then set up camp
until morning.

Benito, you're gonna get soaked
out there. Where's your tent?

I traded it
for a pack of cigarettes

and some nylons.

Idiot. Get in here before you
catch your death of cold.

Do you think
we're gonna die here?

Eh, who knows? There's no telling
what tomorrow's gonna bring.

That's why I say
live every day like it's your last.

Try new things
before it's too late.

That makes a lot of sense.
Well, good night.

Night.

Chuckles, you're elbow is
sticking me in my back.

That's not my elbow.

Oh.

And that was my tour of duty
on the Battle of Bareback Planet.

I feel your pain, Benito.

The same thing happened
to me once in Scouts,

then twice
as an altar boy.

College, of course,
was a completely different story.

You know,
considering his name was Chuckles,

I can't remember a single time

I saw that clown smile.

Maybe you never
gave him a reason to.

It sounds to me you always made
Chuckles the butt of your jokes.

She said butt.

I guess the apple didn't fall
so far away from the tree.

It wasn't just
pranks and tomfoolery.

That clown had it in for me.

Now Chode knows the story
about how I had

to rescue his grandmother.

You're not still gnawing
on that old bone.

Old bone, old schmone.
I could have died.

- What happened?
- Chuckles had my sweet Mildred

in his evil clutches.

I finally managed
to find her

and was leading her
towards an escape shuttle.

Mildred, I want you to get
in the shuttle and get out of here.

- But you can't...
- Please, don't argue.

I have to stay here.

I have a score
to settle with Chuckles.

Oh, and when you get home,

let the dog out.

Very noble, Benito,
but that act of gallantry

has just cost you your life.

Hold on.

That's better.

You always said you wanted one

that touched the ground.

I swear by all that's evil,

before I take my final breath,

you will rue the day!

But first, I gotta see if I can
have this sewn back on.

You mean you cut off his meat

- and potatoes?
- There was more potatoes than meat,

but yeah, and that was
the last time we ever spoke.

Benito, this may not be
a McBlob tradition,

but maybe it's time
to forgive and forget

and pay your respects
at Chuckles's funeral.

No way, and there's nothing any
of you can say to change my mind.

- What if I gave you 500 kronigs?
- Deal.

There's one tradition
safely upheld.

Every McBlob has his price.

Some cheaper than others.

Okay, Bobo, Grandpa has agreed
to give a eulogy

at Chuckles's funeral and promises
to say nothing but nice things.

- Right?
- Uh... yeah.

So expect it to be short
and pithy.

- Splendid.
- Not so fast.

You have to get
the Wicked Witch of the West

to lift her vendetta
against me first.

Chode, she's standing

right next to me.

- Oh, yeah.
- Tell you what, Chode:

If you show up
with your granddad,

Bernice will back off.

Yeah, I guess.

There'll be plenty
of other opportunities

to... him up sooner or later.

Thanks, Bernice, you're all heart.
See you tomorrow.

And tomorrow
won't come fast enough

for me.

You know,
I never get sick of that.

Grandpa,
why aren't you dressed?

The funeral's in 10 minutes.

I've decided I'm not going.
I couldn't sleep the whole night.

- Overactive bladder?
- Yeah, but there's something else.

You got cold feet?

Yeah, but that's just
my poor circulation.

Look, I've got a really bad feeling
about this funeral.

I can't believe Chuckles
would want me there

after everything we went through.
It doesn't add up.

Come to think of it,
something does stink to high heaven.

Don't tell me
you're believing his nonsense.

No! Can't anyone else smell it?

Yeah.

A little like the Thai food
we ordered in last night.

Excuse me while I check
my adult undergarment.

- Now what are we gonna do?
- Hmm.

I don't see Benito anywhere.

Relax.
He'll be here.

By the way,
black really is your color.

Shut your trap!

Gus, I have to say,

you really are
a magician with makeup.

Guess all that practice
in the mirror finally paid off.

Hmm.
I don't believe I'm saying this,

but Chode and Benito
really could pass for twins.

Hmm, something's not right.

Here's that can of
That Old Man Smell you asked me for.

- Perfect.
- Forget that, time's a-wastin'.

Whip, you stay here
and keep the old fella company.

We've got a funeral to go to.

Darph, that son of a bitch
isn't gonna show.

The vendetta's back on!

How you doing, kiddo?
Sorry we're late.

Traffic was a real cluster...

That's okay, Benito.

I'm just glad
you made it.

Where's Chode?

Right behind us.
He wouldn't miss this for the world.

Can we get this show
on the road?

I got a brit malah in half an hour

and we're already running late
on the Saperstein funeral.

- We can't get the coffin lid shut.
- How come?

Seems Saperstein died
with a massive boner.

Quite a turnout, Darph.

I'm sure you're granddaddy is
smiling down at us right now.

Oh, I know he is.

Benito, I think
your instincts were right.

That lifescan on Chuckles
you asked me for,

it turns out he's still
reporting a life signal,

and it's coming
from the funeral.

I knew that pasty-faced
bastard was up to no good.

Okay, we're gonna
have to move fast.

Whip, my boy,
we've got a funeral to crash.

And now here to say
a few words

about our friend
Chuckles Schlomo Bobo

is his former
arch-nemesis Benito McBlob.

Do you have a speech prepared?

No, I figure I'll just
sort of vamp it.

Wow, I have to tell you

I feel about
as comfortable here today

as Mel Gibson
at a Passover Seder.

But what can I say
about Chuckles

that hasn't already
been said?

An evil leader, sure,
but with a heart of gold.

Chuckles was the first proponent
to forge a health plan for henchmen.

That's right, and I'm not
just talking medical, either.

A full dental plan
and vacation

for even part-time employees.

What the f... hey?

What the hell are you doing here,
old man? I'm killing 'em.

You'd better get down now
or you're going to be the one killed.

This is all a trap.

The shots are coming from up there.

No..., schleprock.

Nice try... wonder.

Which one of us
is real?

Hey, butt raisin,
how's the weather up there?

No, please,
I can't die like this.

Come on, Chode.
We have to get out of here.

Oh my God!
He's really dead.

You think this means
we're not getting an invite back

to Bobo's ship
for the post-funeral spread?

Ohhh!

Sometimes tells me
he's a little pissed.

- You think?
- Chuckles is truly gone forever,

leaving me, his heir apparent,

to carry on his legacy.

Oh, no, here it comes.

Chode, I vow
by all that is evil,

you will rue the day!

But not today.
Whip, get us the hell out of here.

There's gonna be some
ruing going on today.

Just wait until I get
your sorry white ass home!

All right, all right,
you were right all along.

Just stop saying
"I told you so. "

I hate to admit it, but part of me
is gonna miss that bastard Chuckles.

Like I said, death can bring out
all sorts of emotions.

It's not that.
Getting down and dirty with him

suddenly made me
feel alive again.

Don't get used
to it, old man.

Stick with the battles
on bingo night

at the retirement home, capisce?

Capisce.

Well, thank Christ
that's all over.

- Bob, full speed ahead.
- Wait, where's T'nuk?

- Where've you been?
- I crashed the Saperstein funeral

and got a little action.

Really?
You found yourself a live one?

Well, not exactly.

Are you telling me you did
the nasty with Saperstein?

The fact that he wasn't
technically alive

doesn't make him
any less sensitive a lover.

- Oh my God.
- Oh, that's just wrong.

What? You know how hard it is
for me to resist a man

in a suit.