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- It's bad enough I had a messed-up childhood,

but now I gotta have a dysfunctional adulthood, too?

God,

what do you want from me?

You shoulda took my life years ago.

You know, I'm, I ended up in two failed marriages,

and these were supposed to be men of your cloth.

I'm supposed to be this so-called woman of God,

helping, helping everybody but myself has made me

such a weak vessel for, for men to just use,

and abuse, and, and hurt.

God.

Why didn't you just end my life

when I was in that coma for three months?

(Mahogany sobs)

Tired.

And I know you, I know you're happy, right?

You're happy to see me suffer the way that I do.

(Mahogany laughs)

(wine sloshing)

But I am not you.

I'm not you.

You know,

everybody said you're this mother, this great mom,

and, and, and a strong woman, but you're not.

You wouldn't even earn or live up to your mistakes.

But I'm not gonna be like you,

and I refuse to be what you said I was.

I miss my brother. (frame clattering)

(Mahogany sobbing)

So, since everybody got this whole idea

on, on how I'm supposed to be (dramatic music)

and, and, and this big old woman of God,

and how I'm supposed to treat people,

then what I'm gonna do is just end it all for all of you.

I'm tired.

(dramatic music continues)

(Mahogany sobs)

And maybe that'll make y'all happy for my brother.

(frame and container clattering)

I'm sick.

I'm tired.

You know, it's all because, it's your fault.

I changed my simple life for you, and this is what I get.

So,

(pills rattling)

I'll take my life.

(container thudding)

Tired.

(dramatic music continues)

(wine sloshing)

(hand knocking)

Who the heck is this at my door?

And I know it's not you, God,

'cause you never come to my rescue.

(wine sloshing)

Hmm, see who the heck this is.

Who is it?

Ooh, Jesus.

(door clattering)

(door squeaking)

May I help you?

- Hello, um, I'm Mrs. Celeste White.

You have missed a couple of appointments.

We talked about a month ago.

- Um, appointments, what'd you say your name was again?

- I'm Celeste White.

I'm a domestic violence advocate

down at the Crisis Center on Market Street.

Uh, can I come in?

Can we talk?

- I'm sorry, yes.

Um, come on in.

(door squeaking)

Thank you, come on in.

Excuse me.

Um, come on in.

Uh, excuse my house.

I was tidying up a bit,

and, uh, it normally don't look like this.

I normally have it together.

You can come into my living room.

- Um, if you want, I mean, I can, I can come back,

but, um, this is not a good time.

- Oh, no, it's-

- However, you did miss some scheduled appointments,

so I was a little concerned we didn't hear from you.

- Scheduled appointments.

I'm sorry, Ms. White, have a seat please.

And, and would you like a, um, a glass of wine,

or some water, or, or something

to drink? - Mm, no, no, thank you.

Um, like I mentioned, if this is not a good time,

we can reschedule.

- No, it's fine.

Um, I just remembered you're the woman I talked

to at the Crisis Center a couple months ago, right?

- Yes. - Okay.

- And you said that you wanted help,

but you said you were in a domestic violence situation.

Are you okay?

- I'm okay, but I wasn't

in a domestic violence relationship.

I came to the center because I wanted to kill someone

who I felt like hurt me and my child to the point

that I really wanted to kill him.

- Okay.

- So, you guys do house calls now, Ms. White?

- Yeah, I mean we do, especially if we feel

like somebody's in danger or they need our help.

Um, excuse me for asking,

but you're not taking those pills with alcohol, are you?

- No, these are prescribed by my doctor, nosy,

and I left the lid off last night.

(container thudding)

- Okay, well, again, uh, the reason for my visit is

that you had missed several appointments

at the Crisis Center.

So, I'm here to follow up on your case,

and we left messages, and you didn't return any phone calls,

so it kind of raised a alarm, and then it states here

that you were in a bad marriage and that you were trying

to seek help to get a divorce

before someone ended up hurt or dead?

- No, no, no, no worries.

I'm outta that situation.

Um, but the reason I came there was

because, you know, I mean I always seem to find myself

in some type of failed relationship, you know?

But I guess God spared his life

like he did the first marriage.

- Okay, so are you saying that God spared his life

like the other relationships?

Um, were you in a domestic violence relationship before?

- But this wasn't physical.

You know, this was mental and, and, and spiritual.

- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, but I am glad

that you did get out of that marriage

before somebody got hurt.

Um, if you don't mind, can we talk about it,

and I can take some notes? (paper rustling)

- Sure, no problem.

- All right, so what drove you to the point

to where you wanted to take another human life?

I mean, you did say at the Crisis Center

it was life or death.

Well, I mean we can start from the beginning,

I mean, if you want, but we can start with a little prayer.

- Ms. White, I don't know

how much God is gonna listen to me.

You know, (sighs) I've been calling

on that man all my life, and he has never answered.

- Mahogany, listen.

God hears all of our prayers and all of our requests-

- Yeah, okay.

- known or unknown.

You just have to believe and trust the process,

no matter what it is.

- Okay.

- Look, let's say a prayer.

God, we just ask that you be on the, in the midst

of our conversation on the day.

In Jesus name we pray, amen.

- Thank you.

- All right.

(paper rustling)

So, let's start from where you wanna begin.

- Well, I hope you got enough pen and paper

because, and the time, because, um,

well, let me see, wanna start when I was younger,

uh, when I first would hear that I was damaged goods.

- So, the abuse started at a young age?

- Yeah, the first type of abuse

that I experienced was sexual, then mental,

physical, emotional, and spiritual.

You know, any type of abuse that you can experience,

I have experienced, Ms. White,

and then I became the abuser myself.

- So, what led you to become the abuser?

I mean, tell me, you know, what made you feel that way.

- Let me enlighten you, Ms. White, on the hell I've been

through and the journey of my life as an adult.

- Would you like to talk about the marriage

that brought you to the center,

or do you wanna talk about the one that made you the abuser?

- Um, both, I guess.

Um, let's start when I was first abused

and then when I became the abuser.

- Okay, and how did this make you feel, I mean,

to realize that you were being abused,

but then you were becoming that same person?

- Um, Ms. White, I ain't always do things right,

but you know, I felt like a monster.

I felt like I was becoming like the,

I was being like the ones that hurt me, you know?

Um, and I was damaging a soul.

- And that's okay to admit.

You know why?

Because that's your truth.

- Oh.

- So, are you saying that there were no male role models

in your life, I mean, like, consistent to show you

any other type of love?

- No, I mean I had my father, but he wasn't there like that.

Um, his drinking took over him, and he was an alcoholic.

But the only love

that I ever truly felt was from my brother,

and he was killed when I was in my 20s, so I don't,

there's no love and trust that I had from a man.

- Okay, so that made you, like, really scared

to receive love from any other male?

- Yeah.

- Let's, let's talk about those things.

- What, about me being abused, or when I was the abuser?

- Both. (dramatic music)

- Okay, well, (laughs) let's just say

I didn't always do things right, you know, um.

Uh, I was in this serious domestic violence relationship

with this guy.

You know, I thought he was a good guy.

He paid for bills and all of that.

My kids were like, what, ages four, two, and one.

- Okay.

- They were too young to understand, though,

what was going on.

- So, was it their father that abused you?

- No, I left his butt when my last child was born, child.

He ain't want nothing out of life.

And I wanted more for my kids.

I wanted them to have the best, you know,

things that I never had,

but the abuse that I had endured, Ms. White, it was just,

it coulda ended my life.

You know, I should have left

after the first blow to the head.

(dramatic music)

(Mahogany groaning)

- So, you think you going leave me?

You must be out your mind you think you

'bout to sneak outta here without me knowing.

- Lemar, please stop licking me.

Lemar, please.

My kids, they can't see this.

I can't allow them, please.

I don't want them to grow up thinking this is normal.

- What, you think I'm not good enough for your kids?

My money be feeding and clothing them brats.

I put a roof over their heads when they had nothing,

when you had nothing,

when they dad didn't do nothing for them.

- No, please, I appreciate everything you do for us.

I just, somebody's gonna get hurt.

- So, you used me, trick.

(Mahogany whimpering)

- No, no. (foot thudding)

(Mahogany screaming) (fist thudding)

- [Lemar] Let me tell you something.

Get it through your messed-up brain of yours.

I own you,

(fist thudding) (Mahogany screaming)

much money as I spend up on you and your kids trick.

- [Mahogany] (sobbing) I can pay you back.

Please don't do this.

- You can double pay me back. (Mahogany sobbing)

Then again, you can either with your blood

or your kids, one by one.

- But I stayed.

(fist thudding) (Mahogany groaning)

- [Lemar] (laughs) Are you really that stupid?

You believing in something that you can't see?

Did your God ever help you before?

Nah. (laughs)

And he's not gonna help you now.

- Go ahead and beat me.

You're not gonna win since you like beating women.

You're not gonna win.

- Nah, nah, nah, nah.

I'm not gonna kill you. (laughs)

But I will make you suffer.

(Mahogany whimpering)

Now, like I said, please me,

and you better not bite, or I'm gonna blow your brains

out all over this place.

(Mahogany whimpering)

- (sobbing) Lemar, please, please.

(Mahogany whimpering)

- [Celeste] So, how long did you stay

in that domestic violence relationship?

- For two years, I endured that abuse,

and I had prayed to God to give me a way out.

- Okay, so I mean you did have a relationship with God.

- No, not really. (gentle music)

I just remember what my grandmother would say to me

that if we pray, and if we believe in our hearts

that, you know, God would answer our prayers

and, and see our tears, and we just had to believe,

truly believe, and it would come to pass.

- Yeah, well, I will say, you had a wise grandmother

'cause that sounds like a really crazy relationship

that you was getting ready to get into with this man.

- It was, you know, and it became more violent every day.

I had to fight every night.

- Wow. - And be forced

to have sex in ways I hated.

- No.

- Like this one time, I remember

when this man beat me so bad with a pistol

that he broke my nose.

- So, how were you able to leave

that toxic domestic violence relationship?

- This one night was really different.

I had took my kids over to my relative's house,

- [Celeste] Mm-hmm.

- And he had left his gun at home by accident.

- 'Kay.

- And I had said, "God, give me a sign or gimme a way out,

and if you don't step in for me,

then it's gonna be his life or mine."

- Oh, my God, you was gonna take his life?

- I was so tired. (gentle music continues)

I mean I was tired of seeing the busted lips

and the black eyes, and I said,

"It's gonna be him or me."

- Mm.

- I know I haven't done everything right,

and I know I make mistakes, (dramatic music)

and I'm not your favorite person,

but I need to ask you something right now.

Lord, you said, my grandmother always said,

"If you wanna know if God's word is real,

then give it back to him."

So, I'm asking you, is your word real?

Because you said in Psalms 18:48

and in 1:41 and, and four

and Jeremiah 15:21 and 2 Samuels 22 and 49

that you would deliver us from the evils man hand

and that you would rescue us from the wicked man's hand.

Lord, just like you did for David

when he asked you to help him,

(sobbing) I'm asking you please, please step in and help me.

I can't do this anymore, Lord.

I just wanna raise my children right.

(dramatic music continues)

I just wanna serve you right.

Oh, I just don't want us to depart from your word.

Father, God, please just manifest this for me, Jesus.

(Mahogany sobbing)

Oh, God.

Either that's you coming to get me, or that's that devil,

and he left his key out.

It's 3:00 AM.

He shoulda just stayed where he was at.

- Hello, ma'am, your door was open.

Are you Mahogany Noble?

- [Mahogany] Yes, I am.

Um, how can I help you?

- Do you mind if I come in and talk to you about Lemar Luv?

- Lemar?

Yes, please come in.

I'm sorry.

- What's your relations to Lemar?

- His girlfriend, but he would say fiance, why?

Did he get locked up?

I'm not coming to get his butt.

I'm tired of bailing him out.

You could just keep him.

- Ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you,

but Lemar was killed last night.

- Killed?

- This was the address listed on his ID.

- What?

Wait a minute, who, what happened?

- He was shot multiple times

and pronounced dead on the scene.

- Dead?

Do you got anybody in custody?

Do you know who did this?

- We do.

I can't give much details, but it started

with an argument between him and his brother-in-law,

and Mr. Stems took matters into his own hands.

- What?

My God, this is crazy.

- Are you gonna be okay?

Is there anyone here with you?

- I'll be okay, but no, there's no one here.

I, I'm by myself, but I need to call his mom.

Could you gimme this time, please?

- Yes.

- I can't believe-

- Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

If you need anything, have any questions, take this card.

Contact Detective Morris.

(Mahogany exhales)

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

- God.

(Mahogany sighs)

(Mahogany clicks tongue)

Jesus.

Thank you, Lord.

(Mahogany sobbing)

- [Celeste] So, how did that make you feel

to hear that Lemar got murdered?

- At first, I felt happy, but as time went by,

I didn't know how to feel, you know.

I mean, watching his children, and his mom,

and his siblings mourn over him, it made me confused.

But, um, (laughs) I felt like I was the cause of him dying.

- Why?

- Because I had prayed to God, I said,

"You better do something about this man, or I will."

- Listen, you got to know you had nothing to do with that.

Only God knows our departure and our arrival on this Earth.

So, after that, what happened?

- Well, I had became this young, angry lady.

You know, I wanted someone to pay for the pain, the hurt,

the lies, the abandonment,

the rape, the abuse. (hands smacking)

I wanted someone to pay for my angry tears.

- I understand what you're saying,

but hurt people hurt people.

I mean, so is that when you felt like you became the abuser?

- Yes.

You know, I thought I could love him,

but I couldn't allow him in that space.

- Well, how could you love him

when you really couldn't love yourself?

You never knew what real love was, and I mean,

and you didn't even get help for it.

- Yeah, but why would I wanna afflict pain

on someone that was good?

- Well, the reason why victims become victimizers is

because they're trying to get their power and control back

over their lives, and there's a lack of social support

and socioeconomic support.

- You know, I truly didn't understand that.

I don't understand how I could love someone and stay

in a relationship that long with someone like that.

And I couldn't even love someone

that loved me and my children.

- They call it Stockholm syndrome.

It's a condition they call emotional attachment.

You develop it as a child, and you're looking

for love any way you can receive it.

- So, I would want to inflict pain

for love or love for pain

and then become the abuser? (gentle music)

- Well, let's talk about some of those things

that made you feel like you became the abuser.

- After Lemar's death, (laughs)

you know, it became hard for me,

but, um, I met this nice guy,

and he was nice to my children, too.

He didn't have any kids,

so he treated mines like they were his.

- Awesome.

- (clicks tongue) And couple months went by,

and we got a place together.

Things were going good for a while.

But my anger, it would always get in the way.

- Hmm, okay, so tell me about some of those things

that upset you.

- Well, when he didn't respect me,

and I had to have control, like this one time.

(door clattering)

- I can't keep taking too much of your abuse, Mahogany.

I mean, I gotta go to work with marks and scratches

on my face and arms.

- Then, stop provoking me. (brush clanking)

You do some stupid things sometimes.

You know, I really think something is wrong with you.

(Mahogany laughs)

I think you're slow.

I don't even know why I stay with you, Evander.

You don't make me feel good.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you say that all the time.

(laughing) "You don't make me feel good,"

and yet you still here.

People always be asking me why I allow you

to treat me the way you do.

- I care less what people say.

I don't care. You the one do.

Just leave, dang.

I want someone else anyway.

You don't make me feel good with your non-dressing behind.

- I mean, I ain't never hurt you.

I go to work, come home, bring my check to you.

I mean, what more do you want

from me? - Everything.

You know what?

I don't love you, Evander.

I tolerate you.

My kids like you, for one thing.

That's the only reason why I'm with you.

- You gonna regret that.

- Regret what, huh?

You threatening me?

You just like the rest of them scums.

- (laughing) I ain't nothing like the rest of them.

I truly care about you, Mahogany, and the kids.

- Care? (laughs)

Love?

You wouldn't even know what those words are.

They're lies, Evander.

- It's true.

Mahogany, you need anger management and counseling.

I mean, I'll go with you.

- What you're trying to say, I'm crazy?

Boy, I will cut you. (dramatic music)

Believe that.

- Man, this violence got to stop.

The kids watching this and all.

You know this ain't right.

- I will break every bone in your dang body

if you ever think about turning my kids against me.

Hate your stupid crazy butt.

You're not even my type, Evander.

You're too weak, for one.

- Then, let me leave.

I ain't trying to get you upset, man.

You need anything while I'm out?

- No, I don't need you getting me anything

with your dumb, stupid butt.

You ain't gonna bring back the right things anyway.

Just leave me the money.

I'll get it myself. (dramatic music continues)

Brush your teeth before you try to kiss me.

- Someday, you gonna regret the way you treat me.

- You just leave so a good man can come up in here

and deal with me? - Everything you said

about you being abused,

look in the mirror for once, Mahogany.

- Look in the mirror?

You always in the mirror abandoned with your sissy self.

(door slamming)

- So, how long did the physical and mental abuse go on?

I mean, were you able to get help for your anger problems?

(Mahogany clicks tongue)

- 13 years, this was the longest relationship I had had.

You know, I cheated on him, and he stayed. (laughs)

My dad, my mom, my brother had died,

and he still stayed.

I had blamed him like he was the one that killed them,

and he stayed.

- Hmm.

Well, it sounds like, I mean, like he loved you,

and he cared for you, so what broke you guys up?

- I guess he got tired of the way I was treating him,

and he cheated on me with my friend's sister,

so I dumped his butt.

- But wait a minute.

I mean, you did say that you cheated on him,

and he still stayed, and you couldn't forgive him?

- It was different, Ms. White.

I, I can't explain it.

All I know I didn't want him,

but I didn't want anyone else to have him.

(Celeste clicks tongue)

- You know what I think?

I think, deep down inside, you knew he was a good man.

You knew that he loved you, and he loved those kids,

and you were too afraid to open up and let him in.

(dramatic music continues)

- I believe I just wanted someone to pay for the pain

that I had been enduring, you know?

So, this man rescued me and my kids,

but I mentally and physically abused him.

- Okay, so how did that make you feel

to face that you were the abuser?

I mean, did that give you some type of control

or, or power over your life?

- I thought it would, but no,

it, it, it made me feel like all the monsters

that had hurt me, you know, that I was no better than them

because I was damaging a soul.

And this man, I just didn't know

how to love him the way he loved me.

- And you know what, that's okay because that's your truth.

I mean, I just felt like you wasn't ready

to receive those feelings.

Were you able to get help with the abuse?

(dramatic music continues)

- No, I mean, I had been in counseling all my life,

and it's never helped.

All they do is just drug you with medicine

that do not ease the pain.

It don't go away.

So, after three years alone,

I decided to go and get back in church

because I wanted my children to get a foundation

just like my grandmother had gave me.

- Okay, all right, that's great.

I mean, so did that help?

- Well, do you want something to drink,

a bottle of water or something?

Because what I'm gonna tell you is gonna shock you.

- Okay, you know what?

I'm gonna take you up on that bottle of water.

Is it okay if I take off my jacket?

- Yeah.

- Okay. - Be right back.

- All right. - All right.

(jacket rustling)

(Celeste sighs)

(paper rustling)

(dramatic music continues)

Here you go, sweetie.

- Oh, thank you.

- [Mahogany] Mm-hmm.

- I appreciate that. - Yeah.

- Um, so you made- - Ooh.

- mention, um, that you got back in church?

- Mm-hmm, I did.

And I had gotten into a new relationship

with this guy that had invited me to his church.

- All right, that's good, spiritual help.

All right, so I mean, how did that work out for you?

- It was the worst mistake that I could have made.

- [Celeste] Oh.

- After one year of being in this church,

this man had invited me over to his house

to watch a movie, you know?

And he, he seemed nice, and he seemed harmless.

- And what, I mean, what do you mean?

What happened?

- You know, this church that I thought was

my rescue village end up having to arrange a marriage

between me and this guy

to cover up something bad that had happened.

- Arrange marriage?

How?

I mean, how did you even end up married to this guy?

- The pastor had to cover up the crime of rape.

- Oh, my God, he raped you?

- Yes.

I mean the night that I went over there

to watch the movie with him,

he had, he had put something, some kind of date-rape drug

in my, in my drink.

- Oh, my God.

I mean, did you tell a pastor?

I mean, did you, did you tell anyone else?

- I went to the pastor,

and he said it's best that we marry

because we don't take our affairs to the law.

We deal with them.

And that's what the Bible was teaching us.

I was told, if I disobeyed the pastor,

and if I went over his head,

that me and my children would be punished,

and we would burn in hell.

He would always quote this scripture from Hebrews 13.

- Mm-hmm.

- And it would say, "Obey those that have ruled

over your, your soul," you know,

because they have to take account to what we say and do.

- That's crazy.

I mean, I mean, I'm not gonna talk ill

of a man of the cloth or anything,

but, um, yeah, that was definitely a crime.

And that's truly out of context to fit their logic.

- (clicks tongue) Yeah, I would say so, too.

I mean I understand that now

that I'm studying and reading the word for myself.

- So, how long did you stay in that marriage?

- I stayed in that relationship five years,

and I endured mental, spiritual,

and emotional abuse.

- Mm.

- He had isolated me from my family and my friends.

- Wow.

- I couldn't deal with nobody

unless they was inside that church.

- So, so what about your children?

- He had convinced me that my children were evil

and that they were from Satan.

- What? - I mean,

anybody that wasn't in their circle.

- That had to have been hard to deal with.

- It was.

I was trying to be obedient, you know,

to what the word of God says because I was in training

to be a minister's wife, you know, (scoffs) stupid.

- So, you thought being isolated

from your loved ones and your children,

that would help you get acceptance from God?

(dramatic music) - Yes, in a way

because I was doomed.

You know, I was, I was damaged goods.

You know, I was feeling trapped.

I started asking God, "Is this your way of punishing me?"

- You really think God would punish you like that?

- Yeah, I mean, I was already doomed and damaged goods.

You know, ever since I was a little girl,

that's all I've been told.

- You know what?

Let's go back.

Let's talk about the arranged marriage.

(dramatic music continues)

- Ms. White, let's start with the mind control.

- Mm.

(footsteps plodding)

(paper rustling)

(book thudding)

- I know those aren't jeans you're wearing.

What type of wife are you?

(Rasalas laughs)

See, I knew I should have married Sister Aquilla.

She knew how to be obedient and a good wife.

I hope you read those scriptures

I left for you on the kitchen table.

- Then, maybe you should have married her, God,

because you know that this is not right.

What type of God makes you marry a man that rapes you?

(Rasalas scoffs)

- So, playing the victim card again?

How many times you gonna keep crying wolf?

- Crying wolf?

Are you serious right now?

You and the pastor know that you raped me

and brainwashed me to believe

that you truly loved me and my kids,

and if we didn't obey you or obey the pastor,

then we would go straight to hell.

- First off, you came to the church already damaged.

Or, did you forget about all those testimonies you gave

about how you were a loose woman

and had all those men and boys run up inside you?

(Mahogany clicks tongue)

- Really?

So, you take my past and my pain, and you use it against,

and child abuse and use it against me?

God.

- Once a harlot, always a harlot,

doesn't matter what age they start.

(Rasalas scoffs)

I mean, look at you.

I cleaned you up to the woman you are today.

So, instead of claiming, you should be thanking me

and pastor for saving your reputation

from being the whore that your mother was.

- My pain of my past and who my mother was gives you

a right to force yourself on me?

(Rasalas scoffs)

- See, first off, you know you wanted it that night,

coming over to my apartment with those tight jeans on,

and it was dark.

Look like your body was just begging me

to take those clothes off and give it to you.

- The only thing that I was right about,

and you got that right, (dramatic music)

was coming over to your house alone believing

that you were a true man of God.

You know that you forced yourself on me.

And when a woman says, no, Rasalas,

that doesn't give you the right to force yourself on them.

(dramatic music continues)

You know that you drugged me.

- In Philippians 3:13, I believe it tells us

to forget those things that are behind you.

And in Hebrews 13:17, it says,

to obey those who have rule over you.

And let's not forget the main course,

since you are my wife. (paper rustling)

And this will apply

for the next time you reject me in the bed.

First Corinthians 4 and 7, it says,

"Your body is mine.

It belongs to me now, and I will have it when I want it.

(book thudding)

- You will always have to take it, Rasalas,

because you know that this is not right.

You know, all the studying you've been having me do

for you is teaching me

that the, that the word of God is right,

and what they're teaching down at that church is wrong.

(dramatic music continues)

- See, I see why your mother left you.

You must be stupid to think you can outwin me

in the word of God.

Next time you wanna look at a scripture,

look at 1 Corinthians 14 and 34.

It says, "The woman should be silent

and should not be permitted to speak

but to be in submission, and she should ask the husband

what she should learn."

(dramatic music continues)

- When I get one I will because you are a true imposter.

- Just have my notes ready for my sermon on Sunday

and don't have me looking stupid like you.

- That's what I'm doing now. (footsteps plodding)

(dramatic music continues)

(paper rustling)

- So, you saying that he controlled you with the Bible

and talked down to you?

I mean, how did that make you feel?

- It made me feel like, like I was wrong

for thinking the way I was and feeling the way I were.

You know, because

maybe I was confusing

the rape from my past, you know, that it wasn't rape,

and maybe I was wrong for going over there that night.

- No, Mahogany, listen, if a woman tells a man no,

then no means no. (dramatic music continues)

That doesn't mean that he has the right

to take advantage of you.

And I don't care what the circumstances were.

He does not have a right to violate that word no.

- It was just like he was saying.

Mahogany, don't concentrate on the actions of your past

but concentrate on our marriage.

But I couldn't get past thinking,

what decent man would want a woman

who was considered damaged goods?

You know, like, I wasn't pure.

I wasn't a virgin anymore.

It was like God was punishing me.

- Mahogany, God does not punish us by allowing us to be

in relationships that's unhealthy.

All that does is damage us and make it worse.

Look, what we need to do is acknowledge and deal

with our past and our failures, and address those actions

of pain from the people that hurt us.

And once we do that, we can move on, forgive, and let go.

- Well, right now I feel like my lesson from that was

to, "Mahogany, protect yourself."

- Mm-hmm. - "Guard yourself."

- Mm-hmm. - Because there are churches

out here that will turn a deaf ear and a blind eye

to what is going on,

especially when it has to do with abuse, you know?

They'll protect theirselves.

- Wow, okay, so how long did you stay with Minister Rasalas?

- (scoffs) Five years, and after five years of mental abuse,

plus our financials had changed.

- [Celeste] Hmm.

- You know, the pastor would tell him,

"Give her $50 every two weeks.

She'll be fine.

You pay all the bills."

- So, you mean the pastor would coach your husband

on y'all's finances?

- He would also pull me in the office to talk

about our sex life and, and say,

"This is what you need to do to please your husband,"

and not to deny him my body.

- So, I know that had to be uncomfortable talking

to the pastor about what goes on in your bedroom.

- It was because I hated it.

You know, it wasn't love.

This was rape, and I felt like he was raping me

over and over again.

You know, like, it, like, he was just using

the bathroom on me.

I hated it.

- I am so sorry you had to endure that, Mahogany.

But listen, God loves you.

He's been with you the whole time,

and he wants you to be delivered,

and I really believe he sent me here.

(gentle music)

- I wanna believe that, and I wanna receive that from you.

But it's just hard to say that or believe that for me

because I, too, I pray, I pray, and I pray,

and I try to live the right way.

- I totally agree with what you're saying.

You know why?

Because what you don't know is that I, too, was abused.

- What?

- By my own father, his neighbors, his friends,

and that went on from ages 10 to 18 years old.

I had to deal with that.

My mother, she abandoned me and my brother for drugs.

She left us.

- I'm sorry.

- My father, he was our only caretaker at that time.

So, listen, our story will help men and women

to break those chains.

- Yeah. - I mean,

but can you just tell me how did you get

the strength to leave?

- Well, (clears throat) wasn't easy.

(dramatic music)

And Minister Rasalas was not pleased, you know.

You know, this man had went as far as to kidnap me,

to drug me, stalk me.

He even, (sighs) they couldn't find out what it was

that he drugged me with.

It was some kind of unknown street substance.

- You have a true testimony,

and this is a movie that we could share with the world.

Can you tell me a little bit more, though, about the events

that took place?

- I can remember my cousin, Starla, she came over,

and she was trying to help me find a place

'cause I was leaving Minister Rasalas, and like I said,

he wasn't pleased about it.

But this one night, (dramatic music)

if she wouldn't have found me when she did,

I wouldn't even be here to tell my story today.

(footsteps plodding) (dramatic music)

Hey.

(bag thudding)

(chair clattering)

- I hope you enjoy your meal.

I tried to get all your favorites

from your favorite restaurant.

(Mahogany laughs)

- Well, thank you, this was a nice gesture.

But, um, this still doesn't change anything.

As soon as I find a place, leaving.

- I understand.

I just wanted to do something nice

and to tell you that I believe you're right.

I do need to actually read God's word,

and, um, hopefully me and you can study the Bible

when you, before you leave.

- So, now you want to hear what God got to say?

(Mahogany laughs)

Okay, but I guess it's better late than never.

Um, but I thought that you were prohibited

from the pastor in drinking wine.

I mean.

- Well, like you said, to actually read what God is saying.

And, um, I believe it said in, um,

1 Timothy 5:23, says to have a little wine

to settle the stomach and to help

with all other infirmities.

(Mahogany laughs)

- Wait, so what was that scripture you used

to beat me down with all the time

when I would have a glass of wine once a month only?

And it was for the reasons that you would say Rasalas,

to settle my stomach because when I would eat

certain sauces, they would hurt my stomach,

and I would have a glass of wine only.

And I believe that that was in Galatians, actually,

where you would beat me down and say that it was impure,

um, that I was wicked, uh, that I was envious of you.

- I apologize for that.

I was wrong.

That's why I'm having a glass of wine with you.

And, um, the guy that sold it to me said

that this was a very nice, smooth, sweet red wine,

and, uh, hope you enjoy it.

- Well, I'm glad that you're reading your scriptures

for yourself now, but read that chapter again

because that was actually Galatians 19 and 20

or verses five, chapter 5, verses 19 and 21

where it actually speaks of the same reason you just stated,

why I would drink that wine.

(gentle music)

- Well, let's just enjoy our meal,

and I hope you like the flowers.

- They're nice.

Thank you.

But this doesn't change anything.

(gentle music continues)

(dramatic music)

- Mahogany, Mahogany, Mahogany.

What in the world?

(buttons clicking)

Hello.

- [Dispatcher] 911, what's- - Hello.

- [Dispatcher] your emergency?

- Yes, I need someone at 557 Tenderlane Drive.

My cousin is on the floor and not responding.

I don't know.

What is CRP?

Whatever, CPR.

No, I'm not a doctor nor a nurse.

Just hurry.

Mahogany. (exhales)

(air whooshing)

Mahogany, are you sure you should be here?

'Cause I don't trust this dude.

And where did he go?

- I don't, I don't know where he's at right now.

And I don't care.

He ain't gonna come back here after he found out I survived.

I just gotta find that bottle of wine and have it tested.

What in the world?

Wait a minute.

(fingers tapping)

What happened to the bottle of wine, Starla, and the food,

and the flowers that was on that table right there?

- There was nothing on the table.

The door was unlocked, and I only came over here

because you didn't answer your phone.

(Mahogany sighs)

- No, there was food, these plates, a bottle of wine,

and flowers on that table.

I know he drugged me.

(dramatic music continues)

- When them doctors came in after they pumped your stomach

and asked were you on drugs, I wanted to cut him

with his own scalpel.

Like, just because you Black, you gotta be doing drugs.

- Yeah, right.

But they did find, say that they found

some kinda, um, unknown street drug in my system.

I just gotta find proof to press charges.

But thank God you came in and found me when you did, cuz.

- Hmm, I wish I could find this dude.

This is not cool, Mahogany.

You need to get outta this right now

because him and that church is on some Jim Jones mess.

Next, they'd be doing you like Jeffrey Dahmer,

crap and cook you.

- Cuz, you, you watch too much TV.

- No, I am serious.

They all look crazy at that church.

It's like they robots at that program

by that serial predator leader of theirs.

Just stay with me tonight.

- I'll be okay, but thank you.

I don't, you know, I, I don't think he gonna come back here,

especially after he found out I survived.

I just gotta find that proof and press these charges.

- (sighs) Okay, but I will be calling you later on

and in the morning.

- Okay, thank you, cuz, thank you for coming in,

being there for me.

- That is what family does. (dramatic music continues)

Me and you are like sisters.

I'll just be glad when you get

outta this messed up marriage and have yourself back.

- I filed, so that's the first step.

- Mm, you shoulda asked for a little bit more, you know,

like that new car.

(laughs) But I'll check on you later.

- Okay.

Make sure you call me when you get home, okay?

- All right, give me a hug.

I love you. - All right.

Love you, too.

Thank you again.

- [Starla] All right.

- What in the world?

(Mahogany sighs)

Hmm.

(plate clanking)

- So, you believe he drugged you with that bottle of wine?

- I know he did, and he tried to act

like he was a changed man.

- Was you able to prove it?

- No.

I mean, if I had told someone at the hospital,

they woulda just thought I was crazy.

- Hmm. - Plus, he had the church

to back him up like he did before.

- What you mean like before?

- Not like that, Ms. Celeste.

What I mean is I exposed Minister Rasalas about the rape

to the church, and all they did was make us marry.

(Mahogany scoffs)

They didn't believe me.

- So, you went to the church members?

- I went to the church members,

and all they did was call the police and say

that I threatened them, and I was kicked

outta the, out of the church and wasn't allowed back.

- What?

So, I mean, I didn't even know you could stop somebody

from going to God's church and serving him.

That's crazy.

- Yeah, but that's because this wasn't God's church.

This was theirs.

- You got that right. - Mm-hmm.

- But you know what?

God is the judge.

So, what happened after that?

- Well, I got settled in bed.

I was still tired from feeling those effects

from the, uh, the, the drug or whatever,

and I was waiting on my cousin Starla-

- Mm-hmm. - to call me.

And I, I got tired and went to sleep.

- I can't even imagine.

Well, good thing is that it didn't do any serious damage,

whatever it was.

So, were you able to get any rest that night?

Did he come home?

- Well, after Starla called me and I told her I was okay,

all I remember is being dragged outta my bed by gunpoint,

talking about let's take a ride.

- Oh, my God.

Was it Minister Rasalas? - Yes.

And at first I thought I was having

a bad dream or something.

I didn't know if this was it for me,

but, and he looked like he was having some kind

of breakdown, and then I realized I was being kidnapped

at 1:00 AM. (dramatic music)

- Wow.

(footsteps plodding)

- Mahogany.

Mahogany, Mahogany.

(bag rustling) (keys jangling)

Keys, purse.

(Starla exhales)

Jesus.

Hello.

Mahogany, where are you?

I have been calling your phone for several days.

You need to pick up your phone.

The door is unlocked.

Your purse is here on the table.

If you do not call me back, I will call the police.

(phone clanking)

(phone buzzing)

- [Mahogany] Starla, it's me.

- Where are you, and what's going on?

- [Mahogany] Listen, I am fine.

I, I need you not to call the police, okay?

I'll be fine.

- Like I said, where are you, and who are you with?

Mahogany, you don't even sound right.

Send me the address right now.

- [Rasalas] Tell her you're with me,

and we got back together.

We went away for a couple days.

- And who voice was that?

I know you not with that rapist.

Like, come on, Mahogany.

What is wrong with you?

You just divorced this dude.

Send me the location right now.

(dramatic music continues)

- [Mahogany] I'll be okay, okay?

I promise.

Uh, don't call the, no police.

I will see you as soon as I, I can.

I'll call you when I get back.

- Mm-mm, this don't even feel right.

Just let me come see for myself, and then I will leave.

I'm coming to get you.

(phone beeps)

Hello?

Hello?

(Starla exhales)

Ooh, I know something wrong now.

(finger tapping)

Hello.

Yes, I need someone at 557 Tenderlane Drive ASAP.

My cousin has been kidnapped.

(dramatic music)

(Rasalas exhaling)

- Look what you made me do.

- Oh, my God. - You got these people

out here thinking I'm crazy.

All you had to do was be a good wife.

We would not be in this position.

(Mahogany whimpering)

- Boy, what do you mean?

That church got you messed up.

I mean, and the pastor controls everything.

He even got you thinking that raping me was okay.

- I told you.

God spoke to me and told me you were my wife that night.

I got a little anxious, okay?

But you will not reject the call of God.

You will not shame me in this way.

- Shame you how?

And this is not the call of God,

and I'm not your wife anymore.

- I guess I have to make you realize that you are,

so take off your clothes now.

- No, I'm not gonna take my clothes off.

And if you're gonna do something to me, just do it.

Like you all said, I was doomed from the beginning, right?

So, you taking my life is not gonna make me your wife.

- Matthew 5:31-32, it said,

"If he who divorces his wife makes her an adulteress,"

and you gonna make me sin against God?

We are one, so if you die, I die.

God hates divorces.

- Rasalas, you did not divorce me.

I filed against you. (dramatic music continues)

So, whatever you going to do to me, just do it.

This is not a marriage, Rasalas,

and I am not your wife anymore.

And stop reading quotes from the Bible

that you truly don't understand.

- Not until you admit that you're my wife.

You forgive me from the past.

- Rasalas, I've been forgave you,

but I'm not your wife anymore.

I don't love you in that way.

Why would you want a wife that you have

to force them to be with you?

- Then, have sex with me one last time.

Those papers aren't signed yet.

You are still my wife, and then I'll let you go.

- Me sleeping with you

one last time is not gonna make me your wife.

- Genesis chapter 1, it says,

"When a man goes inside a woman,

they are a husband and wife."

And in a Matthew 19, it says, "A woman is put to death

if she divorces you."

- You really are messed up when it comes to the word of God

and what he's truly saying.

I don't believe that God is saying

that a man can rape a woman, or marry him, or die.

- All you had to do was be the wife and not be the husband.

What's so hard about that, huh?

Was it, did you want more money or something?

Or, was it that friend of yours

that got your head messed up?

- No, it's that church of yours that got you messed up.

- So, what happened?

How did you get out of this situation?

- Messed up as it is, and I hate to admit this,

but I, I had to do what I needed to do to survive

and to stay alive, so I slept with him.

- Mm.

- And I promised him that I would stay his wife,

you know, and as soon as he fell asleep,

I ran as fast as I could.

- So, did you call the police on him so he can get arrested?

I mean, 'cause that was rape by force.

He tried to kill you and, and kidnap you.

- To be honest, I was still messed up in the head

from being programmed and brainwashed,

I mean, believing what the Bible had told me about,

we do not take our brothers and sisters to the law,

that we handle them in our own way,

so that's what I wanted to do was handle him my own way.

- You know what?

(clears throat) A lot of people are brainwashed

by churches like this, like cults, and when I look at you,

I mean, I can see the hurt in your eyes just like me.

And I remember looking for help, and no one seemed to care.

(Mahogany exhales)

(Mahogany clicks tongue)

- So, you're saying that you care about me?

I mean, really?

Why me?

You don't even know me.

You know, maybe this is just another reason for you to write

down in your notepad like you've been doing sitting there.

You know what? (laughs)

That's, I mean (laughs)-

- No, no, Mahogany, that's not it.

I do care.

(Mahogany scoffs)

Listen, I went to the church for, for help,

for my pain, seeking help, and the bishop, I was raped

by the bishop, and my grandmother, she went to that church

for 25 years and had me to keep that quiet.

I ended up having a son by him.

- A son? - Yes.

And couldn't say anything. (dramatic music)

And when my son was 15, he found out,

and he committed suicide.

- What, I mean, what does that have to do with his death?

I mean, did, did he know that that was his father?

If you don't mind me asking.

- No, I don't, I don't mind sharing.

He, um, once he find out how he was conceived

and who his father really was, he was, he was depressed.

- Wow.

I'm so sorry that that happened to him.

And how did you ever forgive God for doing that to you?

(Celeste sighs)

- Look, the word of God wants us to share our testimonies

with each other and for us to be able to heal

and help others break the cycle.

- I'm so sorry that you lost your son

and that you had to go through that.

(dramatic music continues)

- Yeah, he was, um, he was my only son.

- Yeah, wow.

- Yeah.

(paper rustling)

But the word of God helped me to understand, Jeremiah 29:11,

"To prosper us, not to harm us."

- Mm. - And for us

to not take the law into our own hands.

- Not being smart.

But what does this have to do with the fact of every man

and every monster that has ever done anything to us?

You know, what does this have to do with them?

Don't they pay by that law that you say?

- Listen, I know how you feel, and that's why I'm here

because I do believe your story.

And once others hear it and read about it,

it will help others come clean.

So, listen, back to your story.

You, you said you, you ran, and, and you waited.

I mean, what happened?

What happened next?

- Well, the next day, my cousin came

over to my house, Starla.

- [Celeste] Yeah.

- And she had came with the police.

- Okay, great.

I mean, was you able to tell 'em what happened to you?

(Mahogany clicks tongue)

- No.

You know, because I was, I was still messed up

and brainwashed from what I was being taught.

But you know what?

I wanted to expose them myself.

So, I took the law into my own hands.

- [Officer Candace] Now, have you heard anything

at all from her?

- [Starla] I haven't heard anything.

- [Officer Candace] Looks like she just walked in.

(door clattering)

- [Mahogany] Starla.

- Mahogany. - Hey.

- Where have you been?

(Mahogany clears throat)

And are you okay?

- I'm okay, and why are the police at my home?

- I've been calling your phone all night and this morning.

- [Mahogany] Okay.

- Hello, I'm Officer Candace.

Are you okay, Ms. Noble?

Now, tell me, were you kidnapped?

- No, I, I'm fine as you can see, um, and if you don't mind,

you can leave.

- I know.

- What are you talking about?

You are not okay, Mahogany.

(paper rustling)

That punk kidnapped you yesterday, and when we were talking

on the phone, you hung up on me.

- Is this true, Ms. Noble?

Are you in any type of trouble?

And again, were you kidnapped?

- No, like I said, officer, I am fine.

My cousin called me, and she's overreacting

because I couldn't talk when she called.

- I overreacted?

Are you serious?

- [Mahogany] Mm-hmm.

- This man has drugged you.

He stalked you for several months.

He was hiding in your backyard at night,

and he was threatening to divorce you as well.

And we not even gonna talk

about that wacky church he belongs to.

- Is this true, Ms. Noble?

Are you afraid of your husband?

Now, do you want me to file a report?

Because it seems necessary at this point.

- [Mahogany] Are you serious,

officer, right now? - Very serious.

- Like I said, I am fine.

My cousin here overreacted.

She's just upset because I decided to work things

out with my husband after I filed for a divorce.

- [Starla] Hmm.

- Now, if you don't mind leaving,

I would like to take a long bath.

And for the record, you should be asking my husband

if he's scared of me.

- Is your husband okay?

Is there a reason

why I should be asking your husband is he okay?

- I'm sorry.

He is fine.

He's just, it was just a joke. (laughs)

- Okay.

- Um, he's good.

You know I left him feeling real good, you know,

performing the last wifely duties a woman got

to do in the bedroom.

So, he is knocked out.

- Are you crazy?

- Mm-hmm, no. - Something is not right.

(Mahogany clears throat)

- Did he drug you again?

- Drug, what? - What?

- Because I know you did not go sleep with that scum.

- Oh, my goodness.

- What is really going on here, drugged you?

What is Ms. James talking about?

- Tell her.

- Officer, are you serious

right now? - Very serious.

- Look, it's, my cousin Starla's just upset.

She's a drama queen because I, again, like I said,

I decided to work things out with my husband.

You should understand that.

- No, I just thank you crazy and on drugs

if you went and did that.

(paper rustling)

- Well, if you change your mind, Ms. Noble,

because you're telling me that you're okay

and that there's absolutely nothing wrong-

- Right.

- I mean, I'll just make this a closed case then.

- Case?

Who said this was a case?

- I did, and the case just reopened

because I don't know what that man has done nor said

to you for you to be sitting in here acting

like nothing is wrong, Mahogany.

- Mm, mm, mm, mm. - Well,

if there's nothing wrong, ladies, I'll be going now.

- Okay. (paper rustling)

- But I will leave you with my card, Mrs. Noble.

Please, utilize this card at any time.

(card clattering)

- I will, and I'll be getting to the bottom of this.

Thank you.

- You're welcome. - Have a good day.

- Good day, ladies.

- Bye, officer, thank you.

- Okay, now tell me what the heck is going on.

And where are your shoes, Mahogany?

- Calm down first, Starla, and I'll tell you.

Look, I'm good.

I don't need the police involved.

I wanna handle him myself, okay?

Plus, you know that they're not gonna believe me.

They're gonna believe him over me,

especially with that new good pastor on his side.

God. (dramatic music)

I got a plan.

- Okay, then, 'cause you already know

I'm that ride-or-die sister,

so tell me what happened,

and what's the plan? (dramatic music)

- Okay.

So, how does it feel

when the tables are turned, minister?

- What are you doing?

Are you crazy?

You're not gonna get away with this.

- Oh, really?

I'm, am I crazy?

You should be asking yourself that.

I mean, after you had me captured

in that five-year long, disgusting marriage with you.

So, tell me.

How does it feel?

- Cut me loose now.

Are you that stupid like my pastor said you were?

(Mahogany laughs)

- Yeah, I believe I am stupid.

- They're gonna come looking for me.

- Who, that fake, greedy pastor of yours, baby?

No, no, no, no.

See, today was your payday, and so I made sure

to leave a nice donation in the basket

along with a note saying that we decided to work things out,

and we were gonna take a long trip to make things up.

(Mahogany laughs)

- You're sick. - Sick.

- He'll never believe that I'll miss church on Sunday.

- Uh, yes, he will because, see, I was taught by the best

that money can buy anything that you need to disappear.

Oh, how do you feel?

I hope Starla didn't drug you too much.

- What do you mean Starla drugged me?

I never seen her or drank anything she had.

- Yes, you did, baby.

Oh, yeah, I forgot you don't like Starla.

So, we had Aquilla Shine,

you know, the one you were supposed to marry besides me,

to give it to you.

So, who is the stupid one now?

I asked you, how does it feel, Rasalas?

- Nah, you're a liar.

Sister Aquilla would never be like you

and that harlot friend of yours.

She's a real wholesome woman that God chose to be my wife.

- [Mahogany] Really?

- Now, listen, let me go, and I will not bother you again.

- Bother me again?

(Mahogany laughs)

Now, why should I do that?

Don't you want me anymore?

What, you don't want my body?

I thought you did.

I mean, you did tell me that by drugging me by gunpoint,

it, that anytime that I would have sex with you,

let me think about it,

you would, you would just make me feel sick, right?

And I figured maybe this is

what men want, you know, is to take it.

So, I'm gonna take it.

- Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I moved on. (Mahogany laughs)

- You moved on?

Oh, you said that a few times

when you used the bathroom on me.

- Used the bathroom? (dramatic music)

What, what are you talking about?

Now, you're just making up stuff.

- Oh, no, I'm not, with that little worm

that you call a God-given pleasure.

Please.

- Listen.

- Listen, hmm?

- I said I was sorry.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - I moved on.

- You sorry? - I will never bother

you again.

I'm gonna get remarried soon.

- You, to who, Sister Aquilla?

Oh, that's what you thought.

(laughing) Now, that's a laugh.

No, baby, I think you want me.

- Listen, baby, I know you've been messed up

by many other people, and I did not go

about things the right way.

- Oh.

- But we can be friends.

- Friends?

- What do you need?

- Admit that you drugged and raped me,

or I'm gonna start cutting this thing off piece by piece,

starting with your freaking nuts.

- Mahogany, baby, listen, okay?

I will pay your rent for you as long as I need to.

- I pay my rent.

- I'll even buy you a car if I need to.

(sighs) Look, I'll even give you the $1,000

I give to the church every week.

- Wait a minute.

You give the church $1,000 a week

while we gotta live in a low-income apartment?

Really?

No wonder he drives a new truck and has a new suit

on every Sunday while you still got the same two tired suits

that you've been wearing for the last seven years.

Who is the stupid one?

(dramatic music continues)

- Listen.

- (laughs) Listen. - Let me loose,

and we can talk.

- [Mahogany] Boy.

- I never knew that I hurt you that much.

You're right.

I do need to find another church so I can understand

what God is really trying to say.

- (laughs) What do you think, I'm stupid?

What I want for you to do, Rasalas, is admit

that you drugged and raped me, and that you kidnapped me

at gunpoint, and that the whole church turned

a deaf ear and a blind eye to what's going on in there.

Babe, babe, babe, baby. - Baby?

- Look, look, look, look, look, listen,

listen. - Yeah, what?

- You got it all wrong.

- Got it wrong? - Okay?

Everything I say to you is from the Bible, 'kay?

You got it all wrong.

You've been hanging with those worldly friends

of yours again, and that Starla, she has a lot of spirits

in her, and I think they jumped into you, too.

And I can cast it out of you if you just let me go.

- You are a joke.

Something must be really wrong with that brain of yours,

but maybe we should just do a repeat of events

of what you did on me, hmm?

- Wait, we?

What do- - I wouldn't mind that.

- [Rasalas] What do you mean we?

Who's here with you?

- Me, (laughing) who's here with me?

Me and the spirits you claim are in me.

- So, you want to drug and rape me?

- Don't flatter yourself.

I would never upset myself with this half a pint

that you call a God-given pleasure.

As a matter of fact, I probably should have asked

for pain and suffering

for this no-good, actually, ugh, disgusting member.

And instead of using this big knife,

I shoulda got my paring knife because that's more your size.

- Okay, okay, I admit it.

I took advantage of you some years ago.

- You admit it.

And? - And.

(sighs) And.

- And?

- I know you said stop several times,

and I, and I knew you didn't drink,

so I put a little something in your wine to relax you.

And I really messed up by having sex

without your permission.

- And you raped me,

and you, and the pastor agreed it was okay, right?

- Yes. - God.

- Pastor Sims knows about it.

I admitted it to him.

He thought it would be a good idea

if we didn't get the law involved

and that I would just marry you to make it right.

I was up to being minister, and I needed a wife

before I got the title.

- So, you admit that you raped me

over, and over, and over again, right?

And the pastor agreed.

- Yes, you got your confession.

Now, let me go.

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

See, just a few more confessions

between you, me, and God, okay?

That night that we had dinner,

admit to me that you drugged and raped me

with some street drug, and you dragged me

outta here, Rasalas, to a hotel to have sex with you.

- Yes, I did it.

I went to my cousin's to get something from the projects,

some type of street drug.

And I did kidnap you and hold you at gunpoint.

But that was to keep my marriage.

But God spoke to me-

- What- - and said

that Aquilla was my wife.

That's why I left you alone.

(dramatic music continues)

(Mahogany laughs)

- Good one.

- (sighs) You mean to tell me all this time

you had us thinking that Sister Mahogany was crazy

and a liar, (laughing) that she was sent from the devil

to destroy all of God's men?

And all of this time you and pastor knew the whole time?

Really, Minister Rasalas?

- Sister Aquilla. - Yeah.

- This is a setup, okay?

She's jealous.

She's mad because I told her I should marry you and not her

'cause she's a scarlet, a Jezebel.

Look, call the police now.

Her and her friend drugged and kidnapped me.

- Like you did her several years ago?

- [Mahogany] Yeah.

- And not to forget that street drug

they found in her system

when she was about to leave your butt.

- Stop with the lies, devil.

I heard everything, and you will pay.

You are sick.

I would have never married you.

You were never my type.

- You are all harlots.

- What? - You are going to hell.

(Mahogany laughing) - Mahogany, gimme that knife-

- No, Starla. - so I can cut this off

so he'll never be able to use it again.

- No, don't worry.

He will not be able to use that to hurt anyone else again.

And he will not be telling anybody

what has happened here today,

not after I allow the bishop hear this confession.

Him and Pastor Sims will never preach

at anyone's church again.

- Let me talk.

I can pay you all.

- Pay, really? (dramatic music continues)

Do you think that money can buy everything, Rasalas,

all the pain I've been through, the lies I've been told,

the separation of me and my family?

- (laughs) No, but me castrating it

off can start the healing.

- Mm-hmm.

- Let me cut him.

- Wait a minute, no.

Like Sister Aquilla says,

'cause once bishop hears this confession,

Pastor Sims and Rasalas, they will have a lotta hell

to pay, and that's payment enough.

So, I'm gonna untie him.

(dramatic music continues)

- So, so what happened after you released him?

Did he go to the police?

I mean, did the confession go to the bishop?

I mean, how did you resolve your problem with him?

- To answer all those questions, yes, I released him,

but, and he was begging us not

to, you know, say anything 'cause he wanted

to save his pastorship and his career.

But it was time for him and Pastor Sims

to just face their consequences, you know?

And, uh, after some years, I had found out

that he had remarried and started his own church.

- Oh, wow, really?

- Mm-hmm.

- So, I mean, how did that make you feel after he hurt you

like he did, and he went and got remarried

and started another church?

- To be honest, I was angry with God.

I mean, how could you allow this man to use your word

to falsely just abuse people?

He was damaging souls, Ms. White.

God.

And then I felt bad for the woman that he was with,

thinking maybe she went through the same thing I did.

(gentle music)

- So, okay, so he left the church.

What, what happened to the pastor?

- Well, the pastor was still running his church,

and, um, he wasn't,

you know, too full nowadays

because he had lost some members-

- Mm-hmm. - when the truth was told.

But some people stayed under that false leadership.

- Yeah, you know, I did some research on that,

like cults and things like that, and a lotta people,

they get really comfortable, and it's hard for them

to leave after a while.

- Yeah, well, I felt like a failure.

You know, no matter what I did,

it seemed like it just wasn't good enough, you know.

I, I just couldn't be proud of myself

even with raising my children.

I just felt like a void was missing.

- Listen, you are not a failure, Mahogany,

and I don't wanna hear you say that

because, yes, you've been through a lot,

but there are people who have done the same thing,

but they've committed suicide.

They're drinking alcohol.

They're taking drugs.

Listen, your story is gonna free so many.

- Well, my alcohol and my drug was the pain

that I endured from the men.

That's all I knew.

- So, what did you do after that?

- Well, I became celibate,

and I started an outreach ministry.

You know, I wanted to help people

like children, and, uh, homeless people, and women like me

that had been through the same thing.

- [Celeste] So, did you get in another relationship?

(gentle music continues)

- Yes, after 12 years.

- So, is this the marriage that led you

to the agency about a month ago?

- Yes, that's the one.

When I came to your agency that day,

I wanted to kill him for taking my life for 12 years.

- Um, okay, so can you elaborate on that?

I mean, I got here in my notes

that someone was in danger,

and it was a matter of life or death.

- Yeah, I guess it was life or death

because I wanted to kill him that day.

- Okay, so what was so different about this marriage

that make you wanna get in that mindset to kill someone?

- Where do you want me to start?

Because this marriage was so different.

You know, I really wanted

to kill him or kill myself. (laughs)

- Um.

(Mahogany laughing)

- Ooh. - Mahogany,

do we need to stop?

Do you need a moment?

- (laughing) No, I'm fine.

I want to get all of this out while I can, Ms. White.

- Okay.

- You know.

It's been a while since I've thought

about killing someone in that type of way,

I mean, murdering a man like that.

The last time I remember doing that was

when my brother got killed,

and I wanted to kill his murderer.

You know, he, he just made me go to a place,

to a person I hated-

- Well- - to become.

- Well, well who did you become?

- I became suicidal, low self-esteem again.

You know, it was just

like that damaged goods thing was just lingering

over my head like everyone said.

I was becoming what my mother wanted me to be,

that little girl.

- Hmm.

Okay, so tell me about that.

Talk, let's talk about the relationship

with you and your mother.

- I never had one, Ms. White.

And when I tried, it still was unstable.

- Okay, well, do you wanna talk about it?

(Mahogany scoffs)

- Even though I was going through in my own marriage

and having hardships-

- Mm-hmm.

- I still rearranged my life for her.

- Okay, so what happened to make you have

to rearrange your life for your mom?

- Well, she had became critically ill.

- [Celeste] Mm-hmm.

- And I had to go out of town, and get her,

and bring her back to my home with me.

- Okay.

- And this was the worst thing that I could have did

because I still had to experience,

like, rejection, neglect- (hands smacking)

- [Celeste] Wow.

- and, and abuse, mental abuse-

- [Celeste] Mm-hmm.

- from her.

- Wow.

- Mahogany, I'm not gonna let you

and nobody else hold me to my past.

Why do you keep living in the past?

- Mom.

- Just because you are allowing what happened

over 30 years ago ruin your life don't mean

I'm gonna let it ruin mine.

- Ma, (dramatic music)

all I was trying to do is

get you to understand what I have been through,

what me and my sister have been through

with the, with the men that you brought into our lives.

You will never admit or say sorry for anything, will you?

All I was trying to do was just bring us closer

by admitting what me and my sister had been

through with the men.

All I ever wanted was for you to say I'm sorry

and forgive me.

(Mahogany sobbing)

- My being here right now should be enough.

My past is my past.

- [Mahogany] Ma.

- Get over it.

- Ma.

- So, you didn't get the I love you, or the forgiveness,

or the I'm sorry that you needed from your mother?

- Yes, in a way, I did.

You know, it was after her funeral, though.

I found it in a box of her things.

She had wrote me a letter.

But I wanted her to tell me in person, you know,

to, to be there, you know,

to hug me like a mother would do a child

when they're hurting.

- I understand that.

I mean, you probably wanted to hear those words directly

from your mother, and I know that's hard

because that's a feeling that we all long for,

and it seems like she just didn't love you

the way that she needed to.

But you know, I think she expressed herself

the only way she knew how, and that was through a letter.

- Yeah.

- I mean, some people can't express themselves verbally.

And I mean, I learned that from my own parents.

- I believe that, too.

You know, in so many ways, I'm like her. (laughs)

You know, I express myself and how I feel

about people in my writing.

- Hmm, so did the letter,

did it give you any comfort or any release?

How did you cope with her death?

- In a way, you know, I truly felt my mother really loved me

and that she was sorry for what I had been through.

- [Celeste] Mm-hmm.

- She just didn't know how to express it, you know?

But if she truly got herself right with God,

(dramatic music continues)

then I'm okay with that, and that's okay with my soul.

- So, so let's switch gears.

Let's talk about the events that led

to you divorcing your third husband.

- Well, honestly,

I never seen this one coming.

No one could have ever prepared me for this one.

And do you know that I was blamed again

and told that this was my fault?

All my life, I've been told, "You know what?

You brought this on yourself."

And me and him, we dated for two years

before we got married.

- So, everything was good for two years,

I mean, no signs, nothing to make you think differently?

- I mean, we had our ups and downs

but nothing that we couldn't work through.

And plus, he was the only man that I ever trusted

besides my brother.

- Hmm.

- I never realized that I was with a, a womanizer,

a, a, a narcissist, a liar,

a whoremonger, a manipulator. (hand smacking)

So, are you ready to hear this one?

- Yes.

- Now, your problem is you got trust issues.

(Mahogany laughs)

Your past messed you all up.

- So, you gonna stand there and act like I'm crazy, right?

Like in my heart, I didn't see the Facebook messages

of you telling women that I'm crazy

and that you're not happy with me, Antares.

Really?

Hmm.

If you're not happy, then you can leave

'cause I'm not begging you to stay.

- Like I said, you're naive and dumb.

- Mm-hmm.

- They're lying to you.

The people I was with last night

I look at like sisters to me.

Woman, we grew up together.

- The only thing I did dumb is believing that you were a man

of God when you're acting like you're different

when you're all the same,

coming dressed up in God's clothes, and reading God's word,

and you don't even know nothing about it.

God.

Just to get what you want.

- You know, your people probably messed you up pretty bad,

but I'm only here to help you out.

- Hmm.

Help me? - Yeah.

- By lying to me?

Really, Antares?

You done lied.

You cheated with my cousin.

You cheated with my goddaughter and lied

and the women in the ministry, too,

telling everybody that I'm a witch and that I'm crazy.

(Antares laugh)

Really, Antares?

- You see, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

You are crazy.

- [Mahogany] Mm.

- You believe all that mess

when the whole time they want me.

Got you thinking I really want them.

- You keep just acting like I'm stupid and watch God.

(Antares sighs)

- Look here, babe, I married you.

A lot of women wanted me, but I decided to marry you.

So, your friends and your little cousins are only jealous

'cause I don't want them.

- Wow, really, and everybody wants Antares?

- You dang gone stippy

everybody wants me. - Mm-hmm.

- Look at me.

I sing.

You know, every woman loves a man that can sing.

- [Mahogany] Mm-hmm.

- I look good, and I'm a good man.

So, don't let nobody poison your little mind.

- Poison me?

The only one poisoning me is you with your lies, Antares.

Got people thinking I'm crazy and I'm stupid.

You know what?

I'm just so over this conversation.

I gotta go to ministry, too.

I'll talk to you later.

(footsteps plodding)

- You remarried, and then this husband,

he's committing infidelity?

- Yes.

You know, and I waited 12 years to remarry,

(pen clicking)

and I thought that this one was the one.

But, boy, was I wrong again.

- I know that had to have been hurtful,

especially after you just started trusting again

and falling in real love.

- Yeah, but maybe Lemar was right, you know,

that I'm just stupid and dumb to believe in people.

- Mahogany, never feel that you're dumb or stupid.

I mean, God has a purpose and a plan for your life.

I mean, we all make mistakes, and we trust the wrong people.

But give yourself some credit.

- Credit?

And I'm just tired of believing

that God has something good for me.

Oh, God, you know,

I will never, ever trust

or believe in a man again in my life.

God, this man Antares did the unthinkable.

- So, so, what did he do?

I mean, what was the unthinkable,

I mean, to make it be him or you?

- Let's just say he took me back to my past, way back.

But this time, he stuck the knife so deep in my heart

that there was no return from this.

He had drained the life outta me.

I became so cold.

You know, I gave this man 15 years of my life.

- Wow.

- Oh, I can't believe this.

Can't wait till I actually get, hey.

- Hey, girl.

- Ah, I was just talking about you, girl.

Electra, God better come down from heaven to Earth

and deal with me today.

Look at this mess that this devil wrote to my daughter.

I can't believe that he would just do this to me.

Just read this mess.

This don't make no sense, and you might have to lock me up.

- Wait a minute. - Girl.

- Just, just calm down, Mahogany.

- Please. - Calm down.

Nothing in the world is that bad it make you want

to kill somebody.

(Mahogany scoffs and laughs)

Although you probably should have killed him a long time ago

with all his cheating and lying ways.

And you already know, personally, me,

I woulda killed him as soon

as I found out he was sleeping with my cousin,

your so-called goddaughter.

- Just read that mess right there

because, after today, he is dead.

I can promise you that.

I can't believe that this scum with stoop this low.

Girl.

- Okay, I'm gonna read it.

I'm gonna read it, okay?

But I'm gonna tell you this.

I didn't come here to catch no case.

- Mm-hmm. - But I can, and I will.

(Mahogany scoffs)

- You might catch a couple after you read that.

- Wait. (Mahogany laughs)

What? - Mm-hmm.

- What, what the heck?

You're kidding me, right?

(Mahogany laughs)

Girl, where is Diamond?

First of all, we not gonna let this kill you, okay?

But give me a minute, baby girl,

'cause, uh, Lord knows I need one.

Hold on. - Mm-hmm.

- (sighs) Girl.

Wait a minute.

Did he just say, did he just ask her for sex?

Talking about sit on his face for $50, $50?

Oh, no.

(Mahogany clicks tongue)

- Now you see why I want to kill this devil?

- He, girl, he say that he been digging her

for the last 10 years.

(Mahogany scoffs)

10 years, Mahogany?

- [Mahogany] Mm-hmm.

- That's 10 years of your marriage.

- I don't wanna hear it.

I know.

- Girl, where is Diamond?

(Mahogany laughs)

- She don't wanna be here.

Electra, she blaming herself thinking

she did something wrong just for coming

down to help her mom while I do my chemo treatments.

- This is not Diamond's fault.

It's that man's fault.

How in the world can he wanna sleep

with his own wife's daughter?

You know what, sis?

It's time to cut that little thingy thing thing he got

he called a snake.

We need to cut it off and hand it to him

on a silver platter-

- Yeah. - 'cause he just nasty.

But you know what?

I'm just saying I always thought it was a man lover.

- Hmm.

Now, you see why I want to kill this monster?

- I am so hurt for you, Mahogany, girl, for you even trying

to stay and work things out in this marriage-

- Ugh. - after all

he's put you through.

- Yeah, just imagine how my daughter felt, Electra.

She don't wanna be here.

You know what, this marriage, though, it is completely over.

It's finished.

No man is gonna ever come between me and mine.

You know, I am not my mother, and I would never be her.

- Diamond looked up to him as a father.

- Mm-hmm.

- And I never seen her look at him in any other way.

(Mahogany laughs)

(Electra laughs)

For him to disrespect you-

- Yeah. - as her mother

and her as his daughter-

- Hmm.

- Girl, right here makes me want to hate him.

- I know. - Oh, girl,

I do hate him.

No, (laughs) matter of fact, hate is an understatement.

- Hmm.

- If I could lose my job at the prison

for castrating his butt myself-

- Mm-hmm.

- girl, you know I would.

- Yeah.

- But you know what?

- Hmm?

- I wouldn't kill him, though, mm-mm.

No, but I'd make him suffer. (dramatic music)

(Electra laughs)

He got to suffer slowly, girl.

He got to feel the burn.

(Mahogany laughs)

- You know, people were saying

that I was making a big mistake by marrying this devil,

that he would destroy the woman of God I was becoming.

I'm tired of Antares Noble.

I, I've dealt with a lot myself.

I mean, I dealt with his disrespect, his lies,

his cheating his womanizing ways.

It's right here.

It's just, it cuts.

It's, it's overkill.

You know, Diamond was hurt to the core.

She didn't even wanna tell me this, Electra.

- Girl, you know, Diamond never would wanna hurt you

in this way.

You know that.

But the best thing about this

that you and her relationship is tight.

So, y'all gonna come through this together.

The only thing was that that man never once thought

for a second that she was gonna bring this

to your attention. - Mm.

- And that's because he was built straight from hell.

- Hmm.

You know, my baby wanted to make me happy

by never coming around again.

And I had to let her know, no, the devil is a liar.

You just gave me my keys to unlock that door

that the devil tried to set up for me.

(dramatic music continues)

- And that's exactly what God did-

- Mm-hmm. - is released you.

(Mahogany scoffs)

- Girl, God wants you to run and don't look back.

You know, your first true love is out there waiting for you.

He just waiting for you to be free, sis.

- I just can't believe that right now for me.

I'm just tired of dealing with men.

I used to pray about my first love, though,

the young guy that used to love on me when we were little.

You know, every time I would get hurt,

he would be right there caring for me.

- Mm. - And he would say,

"Mahogany, I'm gonna marry you when we get older."

(Mahogany laughs)

But I guess God just didn't have those cards dealt for me.

- Hey, you don't know what God got in store for you.

- Hmm.

- Hey, maybe after you get through all of this,

we can call him, look him up and call him or something.

Maybe we could talk to him a little bit, yay.

- Mm, nah, I care less to be with a man right now.

I can't trust one. (dramatic music continues)

Plus, I heard from a mutual friend of me and his

that he was probably on drugs or locked up somewhere.

- Well, I only can imagine who told you that.

- Mm.

- She been jealous of you guys anyway from the beginning.

- Mm-hmm.

- Matter of fact, if I'm not mistaken, she is the one

that actually, uh, convinced you to marry that devil.

(Mahogany scoffs)

So, whatever she's saying out her mouth,

I'm pretty sure she lying.

- (clicks tongue) I just can't, it don't matter anyway

because I don't want to be married ever again.

You know, there's no, no difference

in marrying a worldly man and a godly man.

They're all the same.

All they want is a little sex.

When you can't give it to 'em, please.

I'm good.

Hmm, I'm good.

- God does have that one for you.

Now, look.

- Hmm?

- We all do make bad choices, and sometimes we just got

to live and learn by them.

When I read that, I was ready

to take this man's life right there with you.

- Mm-hmm.

- But then I realized he wasn't worth it.

- Mm-hmm.

- And this is God got something in store for you,

and this is not how your story ends.

- But look at what I brought

around me and my children again,

another failed relationship, someone to come in

and hurt me and my child in this way.

I just blamed it on the fact that his, his father was

a cheater throughout his upbringing,

so he thought it was normal.

And I prayed, "God deliver this man," you know,

but nothing worked, not even my prayers.

(dramatic music continues)

- Listen, Mahogany, when I read

that thing he wrote to Diamond-

- Yeah. - girl, first thing

I thought is his phone was stolen,

somebody done hacked into it or something

'cause there's no way in the world

that Antares would write this to Diamond.

- Yeah, me too, until I got to that part

where he started mentioning places we used to stay

and to talk to my daughter about things

that we talked about in our marriage, in the bedroom,

things I didn't want to do to his stinking behind.

What evil is out there that hates me so much

that it would want to destroy my life in this way?

You know, I, I mean, I guess this is the plan for my life.

- You are a phenomenal wife, beautiful woman,

a good grandmother and mother.

Don't let nobody tell anything different.

I gotta go to work.

But if you need me to stay, I'll call in right now,

and I'll stay right here and help put this devil out.

- No, I need to handle this on my own.

- Are you sure?

Girl, 'cause if he says anything or do anything to you,

there is nothing on this Earth that's gonna stop me

from protecting my, my girl, my best friend.

- Mm-hmm, I know.

I'll be okay.

Antares Noble is not crazy, you know.

I need to make sure that he pack his things

and that I deal with this on my own.

You know, this is my marriage, and he just lost his wife.

- Okay, well, you know I love you, right?

- Yes, and I love you, too.

- I want you to take care of you.

- I am. - You hear me?

We already know that your blood pressure's high,

and you're not the best of health.

- I know it, but you said it right.

God got me.

- Mm-hmm, and he does.

- Mm-hmm. - And so do I,

your ride or die.

- Yes.

- All right, sugar.

I love you.

- I love you, too.

- All right, baby.

- Call me when you get to work.

- Get my darn water,

what I came for. - Mm-hmm. (laughs)

Love you.

- [Electra] Love you.

- Lord, what have I done to deserve this?

You better come in and step in right now

'cause I'm ready to kill this man.

God.

I am not my mother.

- My God.

(Celeste sighs)

Come here.

- Thank you.

- Mm.

- Thank you.

(gentle music)

And are you ready to finish hearing this?

- Yes, because I believe your story needs to be heard.

I mean, we were talking

about you finished off with your best friend.

You was telling her about the text messages

that your daughter shared with you about what he said,

by the way, which was despicable.

How can somebody love you or, or say their vows

and do something like that to you or their child?

Did you confront him about that?

(gentle music continues)

- You know, my mother said he was a dog.

- Hmm.

- But a dog was a understatement.

He didn't even know.

You know, Antares came home from work, (laughs)

acting like he, you know, was all having a good day,

and he had just hit the lottery or something,

styling and profiling.

- [Celeste] Mm.

- He didn't know I knew what he did.

* Move on in the water from grandma's home

- Mm, hey.

What's wrong with you?

And why you got it all dark up in here

looking like somebody died?

You, you know, I shoulda stayed at my cousin house

if I'da known I'll be coming home to something like this.

- Then, maybe you should have.

- Oh, here we go again.

You, you know, for you to be such a woman of God

that you proclaim to be, you really be allowing the devil

to use you a lot.

- Antares, I believe you're talking

about yourself right now 'cause I am good with God.

Believe that.

As a matter of fact, you probably should be asking God

if you're in his good graces.

- Oh, God, here we go again with this mental mess.

I mean-

- Who- - You don't even realize

how damaged you are in the head, do you?

(Mahogany laughs)

I'm starting to see why everybody in your past left you.

- Mm-hmm. - I mean, for real.

Even your kids talk about you.

- You better leave my kids' name out your mouth

and worry about why yours don't wanna deal

with you with your fake self.

- Once again, here you go mentally abusing me.

- Please.

- Well, you better be glad-

- Oh, Jesus. - I stay with your sorry butt

'cause I can have any woman I want.

- Then, they can have you after today,

and they better be worrying

about what kinda devil they're bringing

around their children and family members.

- Good, 'cause any place would be better

than staying here with you and your crazy butt.

(Mahogany laughs)

I only stayed this long 'cause I feel sorry.

(Mahogany laughs)

And I was only trying

to help you. - Jesus.

(Mahogany mumbling)

(laughing) Oh.

- Look what I'm talking about.

You know, something is really wrong with you, woman.

- [Mahogany] Mm-hmm.

- You're damaged, bad.

- Yeah, you, something is really wrong with me,

so you said something right for once.

So, what is this you text my daughter?

- Man, what you talking about?

I told you your daughter be nothing

but trouble staying here. (dramatic music)

She ain't got no respect for you or I,

coming in this house any time of night.

- So, you really gonna stand here

and lie of my face, Antares,

and act like I don't know what I'm talking about?

Since I, since you forgot, let me read this text.

(dramatic music continues)

"So, if you come sit on my face for $50

because your mother don't want to try anything new"?

- Now, baby, hold on.

Now, now, I was only texting her because you been going

through withdrawals lately, you know,

acting like you don't love me.

You're reading this all wrong.

- Oh, really, I'm reading this all wrong?

Then, let me continue, Antares.

"You, you know, I've been wanting you, to make love

to you since you, we lived on Beach Boulevard,

and all, I always wanted your mother instead of you

to tell you the truth."

- Baby, what are you doing?

Hey, your, your daughter's lying on me.

I told you it'd be a bad idea for her to stay here.

- You worthless piece of scum.

(dramatic music continues)

How could you do this?

My daughter's never done anything to you

but treat you like a stepfather, Antares.

How could you do this to me, my family?

- Baby, please.

Your daughter's lying on me.

Every time you leave for treatment,

she be walking around the house half naked looking at me,

saying all this negative stuff about you.

- Stop with the lies. (dramatic music continues)

My daughter's never done anything to you.

Antares, you better leave now before I catch a case.

I know too much to allow you to think that this is okay.

- [Antares] I don't know why I did it.

Maybe I ain't want nobody else staying with us,

and this was the only way

I could get your daughter to leave.

- If my kids needed me, Antares, I should be able

to be there just like I was there for your kids,

and when my daughter, when I got sick, when she came home

when I got sick and I needed help.

- [Antares] Baby, really think about this now.

It's your fault in the first place

for allowing your grown daughter to stay here.

I ain't never want her in this house.

(dramatic music continues)

You were careless with your child.

(Mahogany whimpering)

- You better leave now before the devil make me do something

to you or something that you use

and think about all the time.

I'm not my mother, and I won't be,

so the next time I pull this trigger,

this gun is not gonna jam.

Leave.

Get out, devil. Leave.

- It's terrible that it got to that point

where you felt like you needed a weapon.

- Like I said, Ms. White, I,

he took me to a place of no return, you know?

But when I was younger, I didn't have no way

of defending myself, you know, against any

of the monsters that was hurting me.

But when I turned 14 years old, I fought.

I fought a lot.

You know, I, I had to fight my adopted foster siblings,

and I didn't allow anybody to hurt me

by any means necessary.

- So, so you're saying that you were being in situations

that made you become violent in that way?

- (clicks tongue) Yeah.

I mean, I was in so many foster homes that I lost count,

you know, and like I said before,

the siblings that I had in those foster homes,

they weren't cool, you know.

They, they fought me for no reason at all.

(dramatic music continues)

But when I was 16 years old, I got adopted.

- Hmm, okay, wow.

I mean, they must have really liked you

to adopt you at 16.

- Yeah.

It was a woman I met at a hospital.

Ms. White, she saved my life.

- Wow, that's wonderful.

Is she still alive?

- No.

- [Celeste] Hmm.

- She passed away from cancer.

(dramatic music continues)

- Sorry to hear that.

- Thank you.

- So, that situation with your husband, I mean,

did that make it, make you feel

like you were being attacked?

(Mahogany laughs)

- Yeah, but it was a, it was a different type of attack.

This attack was on my character.

- [Celeste] Mm.

- It was on my heart.

It was how I received and how I looked at people

and the love that, that I was supposed to have,

you know, from, from others.

This was different.

(dramatic music continues)

You know, it took me way back to my past.

- So, earlier you were telling a story.

You said you didn't want to be like your mother.

I mean, tell me a little bit more about that.

What did you mean by that?

- (exhales) When I was 17, Ms. White-

- [Celeste] Mm-hmm.

- I went to go visit my mother.

- Mm-hmm.

- And her boyfriend, her boyfriend raped me.

- Oh, my gosh.

- And I told her right away what happened,

and she didn't believe me even when my little sister tried

to tell her he did this to her.

- Oh, wow.

- She didn't believe what we said.

She decided to believe him.

She chose him.

- Wow, so, so your husband trying to sleep

with your daughter, I mean, that had to make you feel

like you were reliving the past.

- Yeah.

(Mahogany sniffs)

You know, I felt like God was punishing me.

- Mm-hmm, wow.

- You know, because of, by sending all these different men

in my life, it wasn't no good

because of how I treated the man that loved me.

- Hmm.

Well, Mahogany, I will say,

I believe all your sins are forgiven.

I believe that, once you dedicated your life to Christ,

that he wiped everything clean.

No more shall that be your report,

but that should be your testimony.

(dramatic music continues)

- I hear you, and I have heard and read that in the word,

that if we confess our sins, then God will cleanse us.

You know, in Michael 7:19, it talks

about God will cleanse our sins and cast them

to the sea of forgiveness if we confess with our hearts

and truly believe, never to be spoken of again.

Do we reap what we sow?

- Mm, listen, I mean, we all have that cross

to carry on judgment day, I mean, including me.

(dramatic music continues)

But I know that God is a merciful god,

and I know he knows the heart of all his children,

and through your long suffering, Mahogany,

he has something greater

than you, than you can even imagine.

(dramatic music continues)

- I find myself asking God,

"Why did you save me, huh,

you know, to endure all this suffering and pain?"

What's the purpose of my life?

You know, I love my kids.

I love my grandkids, and to see a great-grand,

that is a blessing.

- [Celeste] Mm-hmm.

- But what is this great calling all my life?

- Well, I mean, just what you just testified about.

I mean, if most people, (laughs) they couldn't even do that

or talk about it if they were in your shoes.

- I, I, I know I've made mistakes,

but, (sniffs) and if God has this plan for me, Ms. White,

then why did he allow my mind to go to a place

that wanted to end a life just for someone

that I really loved?

- Listen, now I understand what you're saying,

but hurt people hurt people.

And how could you love him

when you didn't even know what real love was?

- I thought I had it with Antares.

You know, I really thought he loved me,

but I guess I couldn't give him what he needed.

- You gave him everything he needed.

He just didn't understand the true woman of God

that you were to bless him.

Listen, I know, (gentle music)

and I really believe the reason you were uncomfortable

in your marriage Antares Noble is

because he made it seem like the sexual activities

in your bedroom was a bad thing.

- You know, in a way, Ms. Celeste,

I would do anything, and I was willing to do anything

to please my husband, except for when I felt rejected,

when I knew he was cheating on me.

He had all that infidelity.

- That's understandable, but what about you being pleased?

- What do you mean?

- I believe you weren't truly healed from your past,

because you were hindered because of trust,

I mean, belief, forgiveness, understanding, compassion.

And no matter who you were with,

you woulda still felt like you were raped

because you didn't have a relationship with God.

- Relationship with God, so what do you mean, Ms. White?

Are you saying I should have had sex with God?

- No, no, Mahogany, I'm not saying I have sex with God,

but what I'm saying is you can have a relationship with God

to show you how to be loved, how to receive love,

and also how to give love.

- I thought I had that with Antares.

I really thought he loved me,

but I, I just, I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't even know

where to start, you know.

I, every time I try to get close to God,

it seem like I gotta endure more pain, more suffering.

- He has a great calling on your life,

and Matthew 5:10 says that we are his blessed children

and that they reveal you and persecute you falsely

for his namesake, and you are his chosen vessel.

- You know, my grandmother, she used to say I was special.

Watch what you entertain,

that there was this great calling on my life.

- [Celeste] Mm-hmm.

(Mahogany sniffs)

- But I would always search for the love in others

because I didn't experience that with my family.

- Okay, well, Mahogany, have you forgiven yourself?

- I don't know.

The reason I say this, Ms. White, is

because every event that I have been going through,

I blame myself, (sniffs) you know,

for not being smart enough, not knowing enough,

not, not seeing enough, not caring enough,

you know, not being aware enough.

(sobbing) I- - Well, Mahogany,

but what about loving yourself enough to let go?

I mean, I've sit here with you for two hours,

and I feel like you're holding yourself captive

in your own prison.

Like, you're not forgiving yourself.

- Ms. White, I want, I wanna forgive myself.

(Mahogany sniffs)

I just don't know how to.

- Here you go, baby.

- (sobbing) Thank you.

(sniffs) I don't know how.

You know, I ask God.

I say, "Why?

What's, what's this great calling on my life?"

You know, "Save me.

Deliver me."

(Mahogany sobbing)

I don't wanna be alone in this life, (sobbing)

you know, because in God's word, he says

that we deserve somebody special.

That's what it's saying in his word.

- Mm-hmm.

It says in John 3:16,

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son,"

and that whoever believe in him should now,

shall not perish and have everlasting life.

- Oh, God.

(dramatic music continues)

Then, if that's true,

then when is my eternal life gonna happen, huh,

when I'm not here anymore, when I'm dead?

- Mahogany, are you ready to let go

and let God heal you totally?

- Yes, I've been ready.

- Well, then it's time for you to tell your truth.

I mean, I do believe you about the abuse,

I mean, emotionally, and, and physically, and mentally.

But violence has silenced your tongue.

It's time to give all the bad men back to God.

- Bad men.

I'm not with anyone, Ms. White.

- [Celeste] Yes, you are.

(Mahogany scoffs)

You, you sleep with 'em at night, and you wake up with 'em.

(Mahogany scoffs)

- I don't mean to be disrespectful, Ms. White,

but since you seem to know my bedroom,

you're gonna have to tell me the names of these men

because I am lost.

Okay, force-

- Force? - Obligation, denial,

fear, shame.

- Oh, God.

- And as soon as you let these things go, Mahogany,

then you will be healed.

- God, oh, my God, thank you.

- [Celeste] Come here.

- Thank you, Ms. White, thank you.

- Oh, mm.

(Mahogany sobs)

It's okay to let it go.

- Oh, God. (sobbing)

When you was naming 'em one by one,

I was feeling 'em falling off of me,

you know, just shedding.

- Mm-hmm.

- And I know what I gotta do.

(dramatic music continues)

I just gotta stop having a pity party for myself and-

- Yes.

- and shake the devil off.

- [Celeste] Mm-hmm.

- Oh, my God.

You know, what a mighty God we serve.

Oh, Ms. White, thank you so much.

My grandmother used to always say,

"To much is given much is required."

- Mm-hmm, I'd like to sponsor you.

- [Mahogany] Really?

- And I'd like to have your book published.

I have a guy down at B.R. Films.

- What's his name?

- Marquand Ragland.

You may know him, but, um, he would love to make a movie

outta your true life story, mm-hmm.

- Thank you.

Uh, thank you, I mean, I don't know what to say, you know?

Thank you.

- I mean, you can tell me the title you want

for your book and your movie.

- "You Got Me Twisted!"

- Okay.

- That's the one. - I like it.

How did you, how did you come up with that title?

(Mahogany sighs)

- Well, I need every queen and king to know

that we serve a mighty God.

- [Celeste] Yeah, we do.

- But the devil, he's real, and he comes to seek, kill,

and to try to destroy your destiny.

- [Celeste] Mm-hmm.

- But to know that no weapon formed

against you shall prosper.

You know why?

Because we belong to the most high god.

And when the devil come to your face,

you just gotta look him dead in the face and say,

"You got me twisted, boo.

I belong to the most high God."

(dramatic music)

* I'll take my crown now

* These voices in my head, I'm telling you to bow down

* You don't got control, no, so bow down

* I don't give you control, no, so bow down, yeah

* I'll take my crown now

* These voices in my head, I'm telling you to bow down

* You don't got control, so bow down

* I don't give you control, no, so bow down, yeah

* Bow down

* You gotta tell 'em, you gotta tell 'em to bow down

* If they don't match up with the word

* Then, you gotta tell 'em to bow down

* You gotta crown out, you gotta tell 'em to bow down

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Voices in my head telling me that I won't make it

* But I like a challenge

* So, I just keep going, trust in the Lord

* The more that I know, the more that I grow

* The more that I show the devil

* That he's on the bottom of my soul

* Yeah, he's on the bottom of

* I know, life comes, and life goes