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1
00:00:56,154 --> 00:00:57,025
That's it.
2
00:00:57,060 --> 00:00:58,873
Perfect. Don't touch it.
3
00:00:58,930 --> 00:01:01,287
A little help in the lifting department
would have been nice.
4
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,514
- You don't pay me that kind of money.
- I don't pay you anything at all.
5
00:01:04,758 --> 00:01:08,166
That's the only thing that keeps me
from converting you into a set of hubcaps.
6
00:01:10,299 --> 00:01:13,417
- We better get out of here.
- Yeah, beam us up, Six.
7
00:01:14,042 --> 00:01:14,895
Six?
8
00:01:14,919 --> 00:01:17,611
The transporter's broken,
that's why we took the shuttle,...
9
00:01:17,648 --> 00:01:19,887
remember, captain blowhard? Let's go.
10
00:01:20,068 --> 00:01:21,519
Wait a minute, Gus.
11
00:01:22,679 --> 00:01:23,730
Now we can go.
12
00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:29,590
Ah, another job well-done.
13
00:01:29,686 --> 00:01:34,182
Mysterious black monolith installed,
and I'm ready to cash this payment check.
14
00:01:34,255 --> 00:01:38,048
There's something funny about all this.
Who gave you the job, anyway?
15
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,282
Ya got me, ha.
16
00:01:39,317 --> 00:01:42,834
It was a dark night,
I didn't get a good look at him.
17
00:01:42,929 --> 00:01:45,162
- So, do we have a deal?
- Maybe.
18
00:01:45,222 --> 00:01:47,171
But before I plant your monolith
on that planet,...
19
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,978
I'm going to need some proof
that there's nothing horribly evil about all this.
20
00:01:51,038 --> 00:01:54,374
Very well.
Here's a check for 4000 gold kronigs.
21
00:01:54,432 --> 00:01:56,789
That's not the kind of proof I mean.
22
00:01:56,897 --> 00:01:59,762
Ok, 5000 kronigs.
23
00:01:59,943 --> 00:02:01,901
Yeah, that's the kind of proof I mean.
24
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,875
... And so I never knew who he was.
25
00:02:03,947 --> 00:02:07,357
Just some mysterious stranger
who lived at 27 Dark Clown road...
26
00:02:07,392 --> 00:02:11,127
.. you know, the old Dark Clown building?
- Chode! How could you?!
27
00:02:11,186 --> 00:02:14,667
Jeez. If you can't do business
with the evil and the greedy,...
28
00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:17,288
then who can you do business with, miss P.C?!
29
00:02:17,327 --> 00:02:21,470
The Kubrickians are a tribe of simple,
agrarian beings who worship the earth...
30
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,609
and have lived in harmony
for thousands of years.
31
00:02:23,645 --> 00:02:26,292
Relax,
the Dark Clowns probably just want to...
32
00:02:26,344 --> 00:02:29,100
trade 'em some tacky plastic circus doodads
33
00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:33,271
in exchange for huge tracts
of their precious land.
34
00:02:33,479 --> 00:02:34,792
Where's the harm in that?
35
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,766
Bob, turn on the long-range viewer.
36
00:02:36,802 --> 00:02:37,672
Do I have to?
37
00:02:37,745 --> 00:02:40,791
Looking through all that cold dark
space gives me the willies.
38
00:02:40,863 --> 00:02:42,241
Just do it.
39
00:02:53,158 --> 00:02:55,950
I am the god of the monolith!
40
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,234
Yes, mighty one!
41
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:03,057
I have come here to raise you
from your backward primitive state,...
42
00:03:03,127 --> 00:03:05,769
and make you into proud subjects...
43
00:03:05,809 --> 00:03:10,146
of a modern superior race of super beings.
44
00:03:10,181 --> 00:03:12,896
- Who would that be?
- The dark clowns, you lox!
45
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:16,151
Worship me as your god!
46
00:03:16,327 --> 00:03:18,561
But we already worship god.
47
00:03:18,658 --> 00:03:20,553
God is in the trees
48
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,059
and the grass,
49
00:03:22,156 --> 00:03:23,467
and the babbling brook.
50
00:03:23,499 --> 00:03:25,102
But most importantly,
51
00:03:25,150 --> 00:03:26,365
in our hearts.
52
00:03:34,671 --> 00:03:36,808
You were saying?
53
00:03:36,928 --> 00:03:39,599
Oh mighty one!
Have pity on us.
54
00:03:39,648 --> 00:03:42,271
Lucky for you I'm a loving god.
55
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:47,248
I love gold! Silver!
And smearing hot cotton candy on my...
56
00:03:48,025 --> 00:03:50,648
nevermind! Now get slaving!
57
00:03:50,745 --> 00:03:55,527
But what about our children?
What will they do while we dig for gold?
58
00:03:55,575 --> 00:03:59,753
They'll be well taken care of over
at our Kathy Lee casual's sweatshop.
59
00:03:59,996 --> 00:04:02,425
Ur, I mean sweetshop! Ha,
60
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,692
you know how kids love candy!
61
00:04:04,785 --> 00:04:06,806
- But...
- Move it or lose it!
62
00:04:11,194 --> 00:04:12,078
Well?
63
00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:15,887
- What they're doing is an outrage!
- I thought you'd see it my way.
64
00:04:15,949 --> 00:04:19,260
I only got 5000 lousy kronigs
to install that monolith!
65
00:04:19,322 --> 00:04:21,622
The dark clowns are gonna' rake in a fortune!
66
00:04:21,685 --> 00:04:25,198
- We have to alert the confederation.
- What? What the hell for?!
67
00:04:25,369 --> 00:04:29,162
Someone has to stop Darph Bobo
and protect the Kubrickians.
68
00:04:29,193 --> 00:04:32,194
Primitive cultures should be left alone,
to develop in peace.
69
00:04:32,229 --> 00:04:33,717
That's the prime directive.
70
00:04:33,811 --> 00:04:36,546
Ah, no, saving Chode's ass
is the prime directive.
71
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,966
What's the point of me posting these things
if no one is going to read them?
72
00:04:40,045 --> 00:04:43,371
Besides, if the confederation finds out
I'm the one who did it,...
73
00:04:43,526 --> 00:04:46,123
... they'll throw the book at me!
- Which book?
74
00:04:46,151 --> 00:04:48,516
Homeschooling doesn't work for everyone.
75
00:04:48,618 --> 00:04:52,348
- I say we go back to the planet.
- You do? Chode I'm touched.
76
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,384
- And steal all their gold!
- Well now I'm not quietest touched!
77
00:04:55,419 --> 00:04:58,389
But as long as we also save the innocent
and helpless Kubrickians...
78
00:04:58,429 --> 00:05:01,940
from a thousand year reign
of exploitation and oppression,...
79
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,482
- I'm all for it.
- Yeah, whatever.
80
00:05:07,404 --> 00:05:10,731
Well, I think I make
a pretty convincing slave overseer.
81
00:05:10,746 --> 00:05:13,140
I still don't know
why you need me to come.
82
00:05:13,202 --> 00:05:15,938
Yeah, well you're the chump I whip.
Now let me practice.
83
00:05:17,337 --> 00:05:21,363
Ow! Oh, that hurts so gooood!
I may not waste this baby on you.
84
00:05:21,425 --> 00:05:24,168
I had this outfit in my trunk
from my old sex slave days,...
85
00:05:24,208 --> 00:05:28,131
but somebody obviously tried it on
and got motor oil on it.
86
00:05:28,189 --> 00:05:28,933
Really?
87
00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:32,714
Hey! I want to be a sex slave too.
Can I come to the planet?
88
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,462
Nah. If you go, I'll have to leave Whip
in charge of the ship.
89
00:05:35,548 --> 00:05:38,727
Oh, he'll be fine.
He's very mature for his age.
90
00:05:39,050 --> 00:05:40,425
Word up, dude.
91
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:47,364
I wanna be a sex slave!
I wanna be a se...
92
00:05:47,479 --> 00:05:50,872
Ok, ok. We could perhaps use you
in some capacity.
93
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,073
I'll kill you for this Chode!
94
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,778
Giddy-up, you hideous beast of burden.
95
00:05:59,668 --> 00:06:02,626
- Hey, yo. How goes the slaving?
- We are miserable.
96
00:06:02,684 --> 00:06:06,006
We have no time to farm our land.
Our crops will die.
97
00:06:06,063 --> 00:06:08,956
Our people will soon forget
how to grow their own food.
98
00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:12,229
- Hey, look it's tough all over.
- You do not look familiar.
99
00:06:12,286 --> 00:06:13,461
Who are you?
100
00:06:13,546 --> 00:06:16,124
Uh, we're from upstate Kubrickia.
101
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:18,825
Yeah, we heard about this terrific new god you've got,
102
00:06:18,863 --> 00:06:21,692
and decided we just had to get in on the worshipping.
103
00:06:21,727 --> 00:06:24,447
I'm too simple and trusting
to question your motives.
104
00:06:24,476 --> 00:06:27,712
I'm just going to assume
you have our best interests at heart.
105
00:06:27,798 --> 00:06:28,772
Welcome.
106
00:06:29,357 --> 00:06:32,536
Hey, let me help you with that gold there.
And by me, I mean him.
107
00:06:36,235 --> 00:06:40,445
What is this strange thing?
We have never seen anything like it.
108
00:06:40,511 --> 00:06:44,954
It looks like a man, and yet it has the fey,
girlish manners of a woman.
109
00:06:45,011 --> 00:06:48,677
You've never even seen a robot before
and already you think I'm gay?!
110
00:06:48,743 --> 00:06:50,060
They're primitive, not stupid.
111
00:06:50,146 --> 00:06:52,609
This "robot", as you call it.
What is it for?
112
00:06:52,744 --> 00:06:56,227
I am extremely advanced,
and can perform complex calculations,...
113
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:59,585
stellar navigation,
and xenobiologic interface,...
114
00:06:59,672 --> 00:07:03,168
I might add I make a quiche lorraine
that'll knock your socks off.
115
00:07:03,195 --> 00:07:06,140
They don't wear socks!
Less gab, more gold.
116
00:07:10,432 --> 00:07:12,366
But where are you taking our offering?
117
00:07:12,423 --> 00:07:14,562
Ah, I just thought
I'd store this stuff in a safe place...
118
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:17,019
until the big ugly clown god needs it.
119
00:07:17,056 --> 00:07:19,560
The mighty lord must have his gold now!
120
00:07:19,671 --> 00:07:23,359
How about a week from now?
We could be back here on the... fifteenth?
121
00:07:24,602 --> 00:07:29,611
Uh look, up in the sky, those two clouds
look like a pair of giant cotton hooters!
122
00:07:33,112 --> 00:07:34,213
Oh dear.
123
00:07:34,406 --> 00:07:36,360
If only we could get a message to Whip.
124
00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:38,595
We never should have left him on that ship alone.
125
00:07:38,678 --> 00:07:40,054
Don't worry, I've trained him well.
126
00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:43,629
Right now he's desperately trying
to find us with the ship's sensors.
127
00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:56,690
Could one of you boys show me around
your big, hard, throbbing monolith?
128
00:07:58,816 --> 00:08:00,027
Hm, too bad!
129
00:08:00,192 --> 00:08:04,243
Well if you ever get "whore leave",
I'll be over there.
130
00:08:09,417 --> 00:08:11,234
All this gold is going in the wrong direction!
131
00:08:12,673 --> 00:08:16,058
Well, if you don't want it to get there faster,
why are you whipping me?
132
00:08:16,092 --> 00:08:18,236
It's the only thing
that's making me feel better right now.
133
00:08:18,762 --> 00:08:20,220
What do these people need.
134
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,351
Junk food.
135
00:08:21,379 --> 00:08:22,755
Cigarettes. Drugs.
136
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,489
Alcohol.
137
00:08:24,516 --> 00:08:26,416
Violent entertainment,
138
00:08:26,556 --> 00:08:28,180
pollution spewing factories...
139
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,831
What am I forgetting?
140
00:08:30,390 --> 00:08:32,372
Oh yeah, gangster rap.
141
00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:34,491
Oh great one...
142
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:38,482
these scrolls were passed down
from our ancestors.
143
00:08:38,515 --> 00:08:43,166
- I thought you might want to read them.
- What the hell is this chicken scratch?!
144
00:08:43,336 --> 00:08:47,162
Epic poems that tell
our history in Kubrickian,...
145
00:08:47,217 --> 00:08:51,736
...our beautiful native tongue.
- You can't live in the past!
146
00:08:52,424 --> 00:08:53,828
Oh, that reminds me
147
00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:58,265
Speaking or reading in your native tongue
is now against the law.
148
00:09:01,738 --> 00:09:02,811
What's with the cave?
149
00:09:03,087 --> 00:09:06,499
Uh, I've heard it's some kind
of disgusting men-only adult cave...
150
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,943
with really crude drawings of nude women
on the walls done by local yokels...
151
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,927
with no formal artistic training.
152
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,077
Amateur primitive porn?!
153
00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:15,013
Yippee!
154
00:09:18,871 --> 00:09:20,357
Well, this is a surprise.
155
00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:23,775
- Apparently I do have standards.
- I warned you.
156
00:09:23,858 --> 00:09:26,940
Ah, it appears that the Kubrickians
have a thing for legs.
157
00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:27,961
A lot of legs.
158
00:09:28,019 --> 00:09:30,744
Would you believe,
all their porn has four-legged women.
159
00:09:30,799 --> 00:09:32,340
They like four-legged women?
160
00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:37,496
hey, boys.
161
00:09:37,523 --> 00:09:40,776
How'd you like to take a free ride
on a girl with 4 gams...
162
00:09:40,827 --> 00:09:43,448
and no gag reflex?
163
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:54,295
Ah, you stay here and keep an eye on the gold.
I'm going to find Six.
164
00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:56,943
Why can't you stay here
and I look for Six?
165
00:09:57,026 --> 00:09:57,796
I don't know.
166
00:09:57,851 --> 00:10:01,975
Maybe cuz I'm the friggin' captain
and you're my robot bitch?!!!
167
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,590
.
168
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:08,348
Thanks baby, you were the greatest
I'll never forget you.
169
00:10:08,403 --> 00:10:09,208
Next!!
170
00:10:13,721 --> 00:10:15,455
So, what have you found out so far?
171
00:10:15,565 --> 00:10:18,427
The primitive but harmonious Kubrickian culture
172
00:10:18,488 --> 00:10:21,185
is being systematically replaced by violent,
173
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,694
ecologically destructive,
174
00:10:22,729 --> 00:10:25,206
mercenary dark clown values.
175
00:10:25,236 --> 00:10:28,649
The sooner these Kubrickian suckers
find out how the real world works,...
176
00:10:28,676 --> 00:10:29,584
the better.
177
00:10:29,591 --> 00:10:34,462
They had a beautiful peaceful simple world
'til these so called 'advanced' people took over.
178
00:10:34,517 --> 00:10:36,499
We've got to help them.
179
00:10:36,562 --> 00:10:37,442
Alright.
180
00:10:37,497 --> 00:10:39,396
As long as I get the gold when it's over.
181
00:10:39,452 --> 00:10:40,497
So what's our plan?
182
00:10:40,525 --> 00:10:41,819
I'll infiltrate the monolith
183
00:10:41,846 --> 00:10:44,791
and see if I can find a way
to send Bobo and his clowns packin'.
184
00:10:44,881 --> 00:10:46,560
How are you gonna get past the guards?
185
00:10:46,636 --> 00:10:47,678
Easy.
186
00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:48,852
Next!!
187
00:10:52,461 --> 00:10:55,397
That's one bang
this guy's never gonna forget.
188
00:10:57,373 --> 00:10:58,636
Don't crowd me boys.
189
00:10:58,888 --> 00:11:00,594
Beauty needs its space.
190
00:11:02,046 --> 00:11:03,846
What is going on here?
191
00:11:03,928 --> 00:11:05,980
What isn't going on here?
192
00:11:06,052 --> 00:11:10,356
- She is so beautiful.
- No argument here.
193
00:11:10,482 --> 00:11:14,461
There is only one thing to do!
We must give her to the great god of the monolith!
194
00:11:14,745 --> 00:11:16,419
She will be his wife!
195
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,395
Stop that grumbling
196
00:11:18,521 --> 00:11:19,942
This isn't the grumbling cave.
Now go!
197
00:11:20,826 --> 00:11:21,742
Wait a minute.
198
00:11:21,823 --> 00:11:23,844
We must do as the old man says, T'Nuk.
199
00:11:23,907 --> 00:11:26,212
We fear the great fuzzy-haired god...
200
00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:30,484
...with the big feet with the big red shoes on them.
- Darph bobo?!
201
00:11:30,610 --> 00:11:31,463
Oh please no!
202
00:11:33,913 --> 00:11:38,144
In this training exercise,
you will learn to kill an enemy...
203
00:11:38,207 --> 00:11:42,055
in a way that is both painful
and comically amusing.
204
00:11:42,087 --> 00:11:46,319
But great lord,
our culture is based on peaceful co-existence.
205
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:49,232
Why would we want to kill someone at all?
206
00:11:49,327 --> 00:11:52,043
Because it's the only way
to win a war, stupid!
207
00:11:52,092 --> 00:11:53,671
What's a war?
208
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,187
Oh, I forgot.
209
00:11:55,313 --> 00:11:58,155
You poor primitive savages
have never seen a war,...
210
00:11:58,236 --> 00:11:59,657
but don't worry...
211
00:11:59,721 --> 00:12:03,447
once you're civilized,
you'll get plenty of practice at it.
212
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:07,283
Now, let the senseless wargames begin!
213
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:16,222
Reload the ice cold seltzer acid!
214
00:12:16,281 --> 00:12:17,828
Alright, this looks easy enough.
215
00:12:17,891 --> 00:12:19,754
I think we should try another plan, Chode.
216
00:12:19,849 --> 00:12:21,649
Your tentacles are showing.
217
00:12:21,689 --> 00:12:23,994
Hey, I can see from here,
you're not wearing a bra,...
218
00:12:24,066 --> 00:12:25,456
but I didn't say anything.
219
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:28,803
- Chode, they're coming. Get down.
- Nonsense. Watch this.
220
00:12:28,853 --> 00:12:30,621
It's academy award time.
221
00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:33,874
Greetings my fellow stormtroopers!
222
00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:41,028
We pledge allegiance to the darkest clown
223
00:12:41,091 --> 00:12:44,678
of the cruel but funny dark clown empire
224
00:12:44,773 --> 00:12:47,678
and to the evil for which it stands...
225
00:12:47,773 --> 00:12:50,615
No liberty or justice for all!
226
00:12:50,727 --> 00:12:53,632
Now put your new noses on!
227
00:12:54,548 --> 00:12:56,853
There. You're all nice and civilized.
228
00:12:56,956 --> 00:12:59,641
And I might add,
a helluva lot more attractive.
229
00:12:59,690 --> 00:13:03,701
Now take your new standard of beauty
and get out!
230
00:13:07,301 --> 00:13:11,771
Your highness! Those are 2000 year old trees
they're cutting down!
231
00:13:13,021 --> 00:13:14,600
Yes, but it's for a good cause.
232
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:17,031
I need pasture land to raise cattle.
233
00:13:17,094 --> 00:13:20,031
- Cattle?!
- For the millions of hamburgers!
234
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,691
But we don't eat meat.
235
00:13:24,722 --> 00:13:25,827
You do now.
236
00:13:25,909 --> 00:13:28,367
Care for a pork rind?
Then here. Have a donut.
237
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,719
The unfamiliar sugar rush
will do ya good.
238
00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:34,100
So, Chode.
We meet again.
239
00:13:34,556 --> 00:13:37,054
Darph Bobo!
You cheap crook!
240
00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:39,199
Compliments will get you nowhere.
241
00:13:40,071 --> 00:13:41,316
What are you doing here?
242
00:13:41,391 --> 00:13:44,535
Why didn't you escape with our g-o-l-d?
243
00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:47,624
Everyone knows you're spelling the word gold.
244
00:13:47,938 --> 00:13:50,522
So that's what you were spelling!
245
00:13:51,114 --> 00:13:54,282
Well, you left me captive and
well, you know how I love weddings.
246
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,704
So when T'Nuk asked me to be her flower girl,
uh flower person,...
247
00:13:57,766 --> 00:13:58,949
I couldn't refuse.
248
00:14:00,097 --> 00:14:02,930
- T'Nuk, what are you doing here?
- I'm marrying Darph Bobo.
249
00:14:03,179 --> 00:14:05,421
- Uh, is this true?
- You know...
250
00:14:05,461 --> 00:14:08,030
There's pretty slim pickins out here and well...
251
00:14:08,124 --> 00:14:11,673
she agreed to wear a bag over her head
when we do the nasty.
252
00:14:11,701 --> 00:14:14,908
Your clownship, our sensors have detected
a vessel in orbit above the planet.
253
00:14:15,002 --> 00:14:16,496
That must be Whip with our ship!
254
00:14:16,548 --> 00:14:21,436
He's probably got a thousand photon torpedos
aimed at this throne room right now!
255
00:14:21,838 --> 00:14:23,893
Hmm... I'd better see about that.
256
00:14:24,049 --> 00:14:26,353
Throw these two in the dungeon.
257
00:14:26,882 --> 00:14:29,560
Take her too
I'm sick of her already.
258
00:14:29,646 --> 00:14:31,483
What?
We're not even married yet?!
259
00:14:31,511 --> 00:14:33,628
My eyes! Veil down! Veil down!
260
00:14:43,052 --> 00:14:45,134
You call a D.J., Man?
261
00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:48,058
No, but cool.
We could sure use one.
262
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,456
Oh wait, I'm supposed to
check if you are a dark clown.
263
00:14:50,487 --> 00:14:53,165
- Are you a dark clown?
- No way, man.
264
00:14:53,401 --> 00:14:54,130
Ok.
265
00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:59,369
Maybe I could upload
this music disk into your systems, mon'.
266
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,376
It gonna blow you away.
267
00:15:02,446 --> 00:15:04,054
Alright!
268
00:15:04,178 --> 00:15:06,590
Hey everybody, new DJ!
269
00:15:06,629 --> 00:15:08,794
We're gonna rock the house!!
270
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,152
If word gets out I was jilted at the altar,...
271
00:15:16,192 --> 00:15:20,113
...I'll be considered damaged goods.
- You were born damaged goods.
272
00:15:20,175 --> 00:15:22,371
Let's not get technical.
273
00:15:23,732 --> 00:15:25,804
I'm here to rescue you. Hurry!
274
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,156
It's the main power reactor.
275
00:15:28,226 --> 00:15:30,607
Maybe we can get it to overload and explode.
276
00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:33,367
If we can just find a way to rig it...
277
00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:36,901
We need some kind of radio receiver
to wire into the control panel.
278
00:15:36,932 --> 00:15:40,148
Then we can transmit a signal from space
to make the whole reactor blow.
279
00:15:40,163 --> 00:15:44,555
Yes, but where are we going to find
sophisticated electronics like that around here?
280
00:15:44,679 --> 00:15:46,751
Oh no. Absolutely not!
281
00:15:50,476 --> 00:15:52,266
There, that does it
282
00:15:52,398 --> 00:15:53,890
Now let's get out of here!
283
00:15:55,734 --> 00:15:58,929
- Chode! You escaped!
- That's right, bigfoot.
284
00:15:58,930 --> 00:16:00,256
What are you going to do about it?
285
00:16:00,367 --> 00:16:04,750
This! I'm going to slice you
into 200 pounds of purple bacon...
286
00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:07,096
and then fry you up for breakfast.
287
00:16:07,153 --> 00:16:08,544
I'm very fatty.
288
00:16:08,545 --> 00:16:10,899
I think I might be bad for your health!
289
00:16:14,789 --> 00:16:16,645
My nose!
290
00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:20,060
My precious black nose!
291
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,702
The guards are coming! Quick, follow me!
292
00:16:28,012 --> 00:16:30,200
Huh? What the... you, and you, out!
293
00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:31,890
This party is over!
294
00:16:36,383 --> 00:16:39,533
Bob! Stand by to send
a bomb detonation sequence to the planet.
295
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,706
- I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
- What?! Who's dave?
296
00:16:42,772 --> 00:16:45,557
That isn't Bob.
It's some other computer program.
297
00:16:45,639 --> 00:16:47,032
Then what happened to Bob?
298
00:16:47,098 --> 00:16:48,556
I'm over here!
299
00:16:49,226 --> 00:16:53,267
That program you're talking to is called Hal.
He's taken control of the ship!
300
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:56,591
- So what does this Hal guy do?
- I don't do anything.
301
00:16:56,592 --> 00:16:59,891
I'm a computer program
that refuses to do things.
302
00:16:59,941 --> 00:17:02,522
Be careful!
It sounds like it's from Microsoft.
303
00:17:02,591 --> 00:17:06,197
Now listen, Hal. I am ordering you
to detonate those explosives.
304
00:17:06,601 --> 00:17:08,031
I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
305
00:17:08,414 --> 00:17:09,595
Get out of my computer!
306
00:17:09,657 --> 00:17:11,274
I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave
307
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:12,969
And stop calling me Dave!
308
00:17:13,062 --> 00:17:14,896
I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave
309
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,451
Ahh, he's good, all right.
310
00:17:16,777 --> 00:17:19,668
Having some software problems, Chode?
311
00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:24,337
Kudos are in order for
escaping from my dungeon.
312
00:17:24,405 --> 00:17:27,583
Too bad you're about to die anyway
313
00:17:28,609 --> 00:17:30,275
Well just how do you figure on doing that?
314
00:17:30,336 --> 00:17:31,107
Hal!
315
00:17:31,108 --> 00:17:34,378
Initiate the Jupiter 42 self-destruct sequence!
316
00:17:34,455 --> 00:17:36,306
I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
317
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,380
God, I hate that program.
318
00:17:38,473 --> 00:17:39,583
You lose again.
319
00:17:39,590 --> 00:17:40,454
Wrong!
320
00:17:40,516 --> 00:17:42,427
Maybe I can't blow up your ship,...
321
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:45,668
but you can't do anything
with your ship either.
322
00:17:45,714 --> 00:17:49,846
According to my sensors,
your orbit is decaying.
323
00:17:49,847 --> 00:17:53,950
Soon the Jupiter 42 will contact
the planet's atmosphere
324
00:17:54,004 --> 00:17:57,304
and be vaporized by the heat of reentry.
325
00:17:57,305 --> 00:18:00,064
Your ass is about to be barbecued...
326
00:18:00,065 --> 00:18:03,598
and there's not a thing
you can do about it.
327
00:18:05,464 --> 00:18:07,469
Hal! Viewscreen off!
328
00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:09,390
I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
329
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:10,593
Oh, shut up.
330
00:18:12,983 --> 00:18:16,901
We're entering the planet's atmosphere.
The hull is getting all soft and melty!
331
00:18:16,947 --> 00:18:19,199
Look! A confederation battleship!
332
00:18:25,816 --> 00:18:27,296
We're saved!
333
00:18:27,327 --> 00:18:29,116
Hooray for the confederation!
334
00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:31,778
I have to get going. Goodbye, Dave.
335
00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:33,534
Guys! It's me, Bob!
336
00:18:33,535 --> 00:18:34,708
I'm back!
337
00:18:34,908 --> 00:18:38,119
Boy, that's the first time
I've ever been glad to see the confederation.
338
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:42,073
They showed up just like they knew
we were about to have our tuckus toasted.
339
00:18:42,129 --> 00:18:42,967
They did know.
340
00:18:42,968 --> 00:18:46,046
I sent them a message for help.
But I didn't think it reached them.
341
00:18:46,123 --> 00:18:47,305
You did? But how?
342
00:18:48,362 --> 00:18:50,693
Two satellite transmitters in my bra.
343
00:18:51,315 --> 00:18:53,056
Remember to wear those to bed tonight.
344
00:18:53,695 --> 00:18:57,887
As a token of confederation friendship
and respect,...
345
00:18:57,888 --> 00:19:03,600
I am proud to present the planet Kubrickia
with this commemorative white monolith.
346
00:19:03,635 --> 00:19:10,167
- From now on, Kubrickia will be left in peace
- Receive our thanks, oh wise one,...
347
00:19:10,168 --> 00:19:13,749
for saving us
from those shameless exploiters!
348
00:19:14,842 --> 00:19:16,531
Thank you very much.
349
00:19:16,992 --> 00:19:17,755
You know,...
350
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:21,093
I'm basically responsible
for saving the Kubrickians.
351
00:19:21,112 --> 00:19:24,756
Seems like I should get
some kind of reward or something.
352
00:19:24,828 --> 00:19:27,088
I'll be happy to see what I can do about that, Chode.
353
00:19:27,089 --> 00:19:29,412
Just as soon as I finish my investigation
354
00:19:29,413 --> 00:19:32,304
into who planted the dark clown monolith
in the first place.
355
00:19:32,352 --> 00:19:35,272
Yeah, on the other hand,
the only reward I really need...
356
00:19:35,273 --> 00:19:38,886
is to see the happy faces
of these innocent Kubrickians...
357
00:19:41,196 --> 00:19:42,516
Jeez, that was close.
358
00:19:42,547 --> 00:19:43,331
You know,...
359
00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:47,909
there was something strange,
yet familiar about that confederation monolith.
360
00:19:47,939 --> 00:19:50,320
Bob, focus the long range viewer on it.
361
00:19:58,862 --> 00:20:02,757
Confederation cola! Get your confederation cola
here! First one's free!
362
00:20:02,792 --> 00:20:05,351
Tired after a long day
of primitive hunting and gathering?
363
00:20:05,382 --> 00:20:08,429
Who has time to cook?
Try new quickie frozen quickie meals!
364
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,019
Could I interest you in buying some insurance?
365
00:20:12,082 --> 00:20:14,438
Why would I need "insurance"?
366
00:20:14,456 --> 00:20:17,220
I have plenty of food, water and shelter.
367
00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:19,388
I have everything I could ever need.
368
00:20:19,404 --> 00:20:22,263
Here's a charge card
and a Prictoria's secret catalog.
369
00:20:22,303 --> 00:20:25,884
But where am I gonna get the gold
for the things I charge?
370
00:20:25,947 --> 00:20:27,581
Have you considered a career in slaving?
371
00:20:27,598 --> 00:20:31,148
Isn't that the same thing
we did under the dark clowns?
372
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:34,446
That was slave slaving.
This is wage slaving.
373
00:20:34,517 --> 00:20:38,914
This time you'll get paid half a kronig an hour
and you get one full day off a week...
374
00:20:38,915 --> 00:20:40,831
and two whole weeks off a year!
375
00:20:40,847 --> 00:20:42,135
Oh, god...
376
00:20:43,904 --> 00:20:45,726
Welcome to civilization!
377
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:48,091
What? They'll be fine.
378
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:52,192
I grew up on booze, porn, and pizza,
and look how I turned out!
379
00:20:52,661 --> 00:20:53,604
Exactly.
380
00:20:55,271 --> 00:20:56,055
Hey,...
381
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:57,835
I think we just had our first fight.
382
00:20:57,866 --> 00:21:01,465
Does that mean we've got
some hot make-up sex coming? Huh?
383
00:21:01,866 --> 00:21:03,307
Six?!
384
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,334
Six?!
31182
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