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1
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You're not the boss of me!
2
00:00:31,238 --> 00:00:33,697
TRIPPING THE RIFT - 1x05 -
3
00:00:33,798 --> 00:00:35,774
Next up, watch as Joe Bachelor
4
00:00:35,784 --> 00:00:37,532
finally picks his bachelorette
5
00:00:37,561 --> 00:00:39,650
and makes his startling confession.
6
00:00:39,683 --> 00:00:42,170
Oh, please! These shows are insipid.
7
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:45,431
They're all staged! None of this is real!
8
00:00:45,447 --> 00:00:47,816
Shh-shh! Here it comes.
9
00:00:52,893 --> 00:00:56,608
Maureen, I got a confession to make
10
00:00:56,625 --> 00:00:58,556
I'm not a billionaire
11
00:00:58,585 --> 00:01:00,808
I'm actually a dog shampooer
12
00:01:00,837 --> 00:01:03,177
and I'm dumb as a box of rocks.
13
00:01:03,194 --> 00:01:05,037
That's ok, Joe
14
00:01:05,079 --> 00:01:08,702
See, I've got a confession of my own.
15
00:01:08,722 --> 00:01:11,559
I'm not really a woman.
16
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She's got a wiener!
17
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:17,623
I never saw it coming
18
00:01:17,653 --> 00:01:20,548
- Neither did he.
- Unbelievable!
19
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I don't see what the big deal is.
20
00:01:22,496 --> 00:01:25,099
There's dozens of websites with chicks with di...
21
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,000
..or so I've heard.
22
00:01:27,105 --> 00:01:28,255
What the...?
23
00:01:28,304 --> 00:01:29,913
Bob, what's happening?
24
00:01:29,942 --> 00:01:31,825
I'm checking, Captain. Hold on
25
00:01:31,843 --> 00:01:33,656
Oh man, this sucks.
26
00:01:33,696 --> 00:01:34,895
This really sucks.
27
00:01:34,939 --> 00:01:36,563
What's going on?
28
00:01:36,590 --> 00:01:40,654
I guess when we were watching the tv show
I kind of took my eyes off the wheel
29
00:01:42,622 --> 00:01:44,738
Could somebody please tell me
30
00:01:44,765 --> 00:01:48,638
why captain's chairs on space ships
don't have seat belts!
31
00:01:48,702 --> 00:01:52,448
What the hell is that about?
What's with the alarms? Where the hell are we?
32
00:01:52,473 --> 00:01:56,861
Way off course, sir.
We're heading into a collapsing black hole
33
00:01:57,506 --> 00:02:00,216
Reverse thrusters, Bob! Pull us out!
34
00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:03,357
I can't captain.
We're fast approaching the event horizon.
35
00:02:03,376 --> 00:02:05,358
We're past the point of no return.
36
00:02:05,424 --> 00:02:07,075
According to my manual, this is where...
37
00:02:07,142 --> 00:02:10,181
...we bend over and kiss our ass goodbye!
38
00:02:10,279 --> 00:02:12,499
Can we survive the gravitational tides?
39
00:02:12,525 --> 00:02:14,441
Not unless you're an atom.
40
00:02:14,459 --> 00:02:16,170
Sorry fox, there's no way out.
41
00:02:16,198 --> 00:02:17,404
It's been nice workin' with ya'.
42
00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:19,606
You mean we're all gonna die?
43
00:02:19,629 --> 00:02:22,478
This blows! I'm still a virgin!
44
00:02:23,793 --> 00:02:28,761
Wonderful. Now we'll be known throughout
the galaxy as the crew who died to watch Joe Bachelor.
45
00:02:29,284 --> 00:02:33,620
This is it, Six.
I'm not a coward but I don't want to die!
46
00:02:33,667 --> 00:02:35,932
I'd give anything to make all this go away!
47
00:02:36,005 --> 00:02:37,685
From your lips to my ears!
48
00:02:37,718 --> 00:02:38,625
Who are you?
49
00:02:38,647 --> 00:02:39,910
I go by many names...
50
00:02:40,088 --> 00:02:43,506
Mephistopheles, the prince of darkness, Barry.
51
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:44,732
Barry?
52
00:02:44,844 --> 00:02:47,556
Most people refer to me as the devil.
53
00:02:50,758 --> 00:02:53,707
Thirty seconds to being crushed
like a fuckin' walnut, captain.
54
00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:56,668
Sign here and your problems are over.
55
00:03:00,238 --> 00:03:02,349
I don't know. I gotta think about it.
56
00:03:02,393 --> 00:03:04,437
Don't sign it, Chode! I don't trust him
57
00:03:04,479 --> 00:03:07,377
You know, I'm giving serious consideration
58
00:03:07,414 --> 00:03:09,681
to eating your gal-pal.
59
00:03:15,186 --> 00:03:19,644
you're running out of time, Chode.
It's now or never.
60
00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:22,474
All right, all right, don't push!
Can you sweeten the deal a little?
61
00:03:24,108 --> 00:03:26,189
Oh, all right. Sign, and I'll throw in
62
00:03:26,226 --> 00:03:29,384
an 80 inch molecular plasma
big screen tv to seal the deal.
63
00:03:29,391 --> 00:03:31,694
Oooh! Now you're talkin'!
64
00:03:31,731 --> 00:03:33,292
You gotta pen? Hmm?
65
00:03:42,738 --> 00:03:44,150
Bob, what's happening?
66
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:45,425
I can't explain it, Captain!
67
00:03:45,453 --> 00:03:46,902
We're right back on course.
68
00:03:47,125 --> 00:03:48,648
No sign of the black hole.
69
00:03:48,722 --> 00:03:50,654
It's as if it was a bad dream.
70
00:03:51,887 --> 00:03:53,113
Maybe it was.
71
00:03:53,187 --> 00:03:56,642
Uh, naw. There's an 80-inch tv behind you.
72
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,240
It says "attention: Chode".
73
00:03:59,283 --> 00:04:02,032
Ooh! He shoots, he scores!
74
00:04:02,707 --> 00:04:04,787
For someone who just sold his soul to the devil,
75
00:04:04,825 --> 00:04:06,236
you sure don't seem too worried.
76
00:04:06,273 --> 00:04:08,094
What do I have to worry about?
77
00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:09,877
Oh, I don't know.
78
00:04:09,921 --> 00:04:12,373
How about burning in hell for eternity for starters?
79
00:04:12,447 --> 00:04:14,119
Six, you don't get it.
80
00:04:14,211 --> 00:04:17,334
The tv has direct dolby virtual reality interface!
81
00:04:17,364 --> 00:04:19,922
Oh, well now I feel a whole lot better.
82
00:04:19,944 --> 00:04:22,562
I wonder what the devil would give me for my soul?
83
00:04:22,592 --> 00:04:25,031
Chode, this is serious.
84
00:04:25,053 --> 00:04:27,700
I have a feeling this nightmare isn't over yet.
85
00:04:27,730 --> 00:04:30,139
Ah, you worry too much, Six.
Trust me.
86
00:04:30,162 --> 00:04:32,631
I've got the whole thing under control.
87
00:04:40,385 --> 00:04:42,639
The sow is mine!
88
00:04:43,585 --> 00:04:47,421
Whoa! She's bouncing around
like Paris Hilton on that damn video!
89
00:04:47,462 --> 00:04:49,895
T'Nuk? Are you ok?
90
00:04:51,929 --> 00:04:55,445
Your mother sews socks that smell!
91
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,292
I know that look!
She's about to blow chow!
92
00:05:01,673 --> 00:05:03,715
What the hell have you been eating?
93
00:05:03,785 --> 00:05:06,743
She's not sick, Chode. She's possessed!
94
00:05:06,814 --> 00:05:08,575
Maybe it's pms.
95
00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:17,741
I love what she's done with the bed.
96
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:20,108
I need to talk to you right away about this contract.
97
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:25,292
Do you realize the Devil gave you 6 hours,
6 minutes and 6 seconds until he takes your soul?
98
00:05:25,338 --> 00:05:29,129
- What?
- 666, Chode. It's the sign of the devil.
99
00:05:29,159 --> 00:05:31,828
Which gives you less than 4 hours left of freedom.
100
00:05:31,879 --> 00:05:33,862
Ah, we'll see about that.
101
00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:36,350
I've got Bob zig-zagging across the galaxy,
102
00:05:36,386 --> 00:05:40,857
boomeranging our co-ordinates off every
weigh station from here to the milky way.
103
00:05:40,911 --> 00:05:42,476
Do you really think that's going to work?
104
00:05:42,497 --> 00:05:44,300
Trust me!
105
00:05:44,336 --> 00:05:46,752
By the time satan catches up with our signal,
106
00:05:46,788 --> 00:05:48,375
we'll be a zillion light years away.
107
00:05:52,755 --> 00:05:54,655
Uh, nice tie!
108
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:57,226
It really shows off
those beautiful red eyes of yours!
109
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,593
I'm disappointed in you, Chode.
110
00:05:59,633 --> 00:06:01,438
Think you could snake out of our deal?
111
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:03,430
You're lucky I'm a good sport.
112
00:06:03,965 --> 00:06:08,197
In my younger days,
I'd take a flame thrower to this place.
113
00:06:09,255 --> 00:06:11,683
Wait, that's the wrong movie.
114
00:06:11,752 --> 00:06:15,176
I know. I like that movie more.
115
00:06:15,239 --> 00:06:18,376
Who buys keanu reeves as an attorney?
116
00:06:18,924 --> 00:06:21,015
What're you doing here, Devil?
117
00:06:21,198 --> 00:06:24,384
You don't own my soul for another--
- Three hours and 46 minutes.
118
00:06:24,411 --> 00:06:26,854
I could say I'm here to protect my investment
119
00:06:26,871 --> 00:06:28,995
But the truth is, I'm bored.
120
00:06:29,069 --> 00:06:30,457
Hmm, must be tough...
121
00:06:30,485 --> 00:06:32,349
working at the job from hell.
122
00:06:34,252 --> 00:06:36,339
Don't you know it, hot stuff.
123
00:06:36,716 --> 00:06:39,511
You know what would look good on you?
Me.
124
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,214
Women. You can't live with 'em.
125
00:06:44,251 --> 00:06:45,816
You can't live without 'em.
126
00:06:51,781 --> 00:06:53,943
I can't keep anything down!
127
00:06:55,441 --> 00:06:57,267
Gus, you gotta help me.
128
00:06:57,304 --> 00:06:59,988
Just keep him busy while I figure a way out of this.
129
00:07:00,025 --> 00:07:04,236
Me?! I have no intention of playing
the charming hostess to the dark forces!
130
00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:07,861
So, what's there to do around here for a few hours?
131
00:07:07,898 --> 00:07:09,128
Ask him!
132
00:07:10,693 --> 00:07:11,662
Well?
133
00:07:11,666 --> 00:07:15,502
Hmm... how about we read aloud from the bible
and see where you went wrong?
134
00:07:15,542 --> 00:07:16,537
I can't believe it!
135
00:07:16,585 --> 00:07:19,418
I just weighed myself. I lost 50 pounds!
136
00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:22,178
actually shrunk 4 dress sizes!
137
00:07:22,223 --> 00:07:23,564
If you wore a dress.
138
00:07:23,639 --> 00:07:28,372
The point is, this possession
is the best thing that ever happened to me!
139
00:07:28,409 --> 00:07:30,384
I thought you were terrified of me?
140
00:07:30,465 --> 00:07:33,186
I mean, I am. Of course. It's just...
141
00:07:33,223 --> 00:07:35,235
You want to lose a few more pounds?
142
00:07:35,239 --> 00:07:36,282
Do you mind?
143
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,680
The sow is mine!
144
00:07:48,922 --> 00:07:50,748
Thanks!
145
00:07:51,278 --> 00:07:54,073
Just so you know. I ain't cleaning that up.
146
00:08:02,735 --> 00:08:03,884
Ah! Who's there?!
147
00:08:03,904 --> 00:08:05,608
Could it be Satan?
148
00:08:05,668 --> 00:08:06,934
Very funny, Bob.
149
00:08:06,983 --> 00:08:08,980
If I wore pants I would have crapped 'em!
150
00:08:09,029 --> 00:08:12,325
- Pretty good church lady though, huh?
- Yeah, it could win a fucking Prize.
151
00:08:12,348 --> 00:08:13,286
Now get lost!
152
00:08:13,483 --> 00:08:17,096
- Chode... what are you doing?
- I'm trying to find a way out of this!
153
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,183
By what, playing cards?
154
00:08:19,224 --> 00:08:22,769
I need to buy myself some time
until I can come up with a better idea.
155
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,757
See, I'm gonna challenge
the devil to a game of poker!
156
00:08:25,832 --> 00:08:28,157
Gambling what little time I've got left.
157
00:08:28,194 --> 00:08:29,920
You really think that's wise?
158
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,572
I'm stacking the deck!
159
00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:34,348
All I need is one hand to go double or nothing.
160
00:08:34,427 --> 00:08:35,401
Hey, kids...
161
00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:37,501
notice anything different?
162
00:08:37,577 --> 00:08:38,927
Uh, you got uglier?
163
00:08:38,964 --> 00:08:40,914
I'm thinner, fart face!
164
00:08:40,997 --> 00:08:43,190
And obviously smarter!
165
00:08:43,209 --> 00:08:46,322
Because I figured a way
you can get out of your contract!
166
00:08:46,405 --> 00:08:50,343
There was a case called
"The Devil and Daniel Webster".
167
00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:53,305
And this Webster guy actually got his client off?
168
00:08:54,093 --> 00:08:55,555
Hear that, Six?
169
00:08:55,633 --> 00:08:58,071
All we need to do is find this Daniel Webster
170
00:08:58,108 --> 00:08:59,271
and I'm as good as free!
171
00:08:59,316 --> 00:09:01,679
There's one small problem.
172
00:09:01,716 --> 00:09:04,641
Webster lived during the, uh...
173
00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:06,141
1890'S.
174
00:09:06,820 --> 00:09:08,582
I'm a dead man.
175
00:09:08,658 --> 00:09:10,382
Not necessarily.
176
00:09:10,461 --> 00:09:13,724
If Whip could rig the transporter
into a time continuum,
177
00:09:13,765 --> 00:09:16,465
we might be able to actually go back in time.
178
00:09:16,506 --> 00:09:17,594
Get moving!
179
00:09:17,631 --> 00:09:20,406
Meanwhile,
I'll buy some time with a few hands of poker.
180
00:09:20,481 --> 00:09:24,044
I think I'll start off with a royal flush.
181
00:09:24,614 --> 00:09:28,289
"Before entering into any agreement with the devil,"
182
00:09:28,331 --> 00:09:31,705
"it's key to prioritize your desires."
183
00:09:32,268 --> 00:09:37,043
Oh, a loaded hummer with 4-wheel drive...
184
00:09:37,112 --> 00:09:41,275
with a custom made trailer outfitted
with his and hers seadoo!
185
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,082
Whip, what're you doing?
186
00:09:44,173 --> 00:09:47,720
I told you to convert the transporter
to accommodate a time continuum!
187
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:48,888
It's done-ski!
188
00:09:48,926 --> 00:09:50,245
It's all ready to go!
189
00:09:50,358 --> 00:09:53,448
What? How'd you manage
to convert the system so quickly?
190
00:09:53,488 --> 00:09:55,599
That's a complicated program!
191
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,860
I downloaded bootleg software from the internet.
192
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,707
Good work. Let's go.
193
00:10:02,307 --> 00:10:03,637
1893, Whip.
194
00:10:03,664 --> 00:10:04,606
You got it!
195
00:10:17,137 --> 00:10:19,550
Uh... what do you say, we start off friendly.
196
00:10:19,581 --> 00:10:21,126
Say, 20-minute ante?
197
00:10:21,315 --> 00:10:24,491
Ok. But since you're dealing, I choose the game.
198
00:10:24,518 --> 00:10:25,573
Sounds good.
199
00:10:25,649 --> 00:10:26,742
What's your fancy?
200
00:10:26,779 --> 00:10:29,429
- Seven cards, high low.
- How's that work?
201
00:10:29,464 --> 00:10:30,519
It's regular poker,
202
00:10:30,595 --> 00:10:32,253
only the low hand wins.
203
00:10:32,969 --> 00:10:34,401
Uh, low?
204
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,735
Sweet. I'm good.
205
00:10:59,502 --> 00:11:01,462
Let's go find him!
206
00:11:08,089 --> 00:11:09,521
Come on, Chode!
207
00:11:09,597 --> 00:11:10,629
Bet already!
208
00:11:11,066 --> 00:11:12,046
All right, all right,
209
00:11:12,094 --> 00:11:13,865
I'll raise you...
210
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,243
uh, 9 seconds.
211
00:11:16,277 --> 00:11:17,446
Nine seconds?
212
00:11:17,521 --> 00:11:19,217
It took you 3 minutes to make up your mind!
213
00:11:19,286 --> 00:11:21,208
Yeah, well, if it's too rich for your blood
214
00:11:21,246 --> 00:11:22,783
you can always walk away!
215
00:11:22,829 --> 00:11:24,675
I know what you're trying to do
216
00:11:24,864 --> 00:11:26,673
but it's not going to work.
217
00:11:26,742 --> 00:11:29,832
We're just going to wait out
the rest of your time here
218
00:11:29,908 --> 00:11:31,755
then be on our way.
219
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:35,674
I'm a good guy!
220
00:11:35,721 --> 00:11:36,776
If I'm going anywhere,
221
00:11:36,814 --> 00:11:37,907
it should be heaven!
222
00:11:37,944 --> 00:11:39,791
Have you ever seen heaven?
223
00:11:40,281 --> 00:11:41,675
Take a look.
224
00:11:44,028 --> 00:11:45,611
You got any clubs?
225
00:11:47,225 --> 00:11:48,695
Go fish.
226
00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:50,391
Oy, good news!
227
00:11:50,429 --> 00:11:52,992
The Lawrence Welk marathon is on tonight!
228
00:11:53,061 --> 00:11:55,511
300 episodes back-to-back!
229
00:11:55,563 --> 00:11:56,920
I'm glad you told me.
230
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,935
I'd better soak my bunions now.
231
00:12:02,804 --> 00:12:04,881
Now hell on the other hand...
232
00:12:05,154 --> 00:12:06,519
Could I have a peek?
233
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,937
You like girl-on-girl, don't you?
234
00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:10,971
Do I?
235
00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:14,159
You got some hot girl-on-girl action
waiting for me down there?
236
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:16,423
Oh yeah! The hottest!
237
00:12:32,828 --> 00:12:33,820
Don't worry,
238
00:12:33,882 --> 00:12:36,673
I'll tell them to be gentle with you
the first hundred years.
239
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:43,849
This is it.
240
00:12:48,954 --> 00:12:49,915
Hold on.
241
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,900
What if he refuses to come with us?
242
00:12:51,919 --> 00:12:52,911
He's right.
243
00:12:52,942 --> 00:12:55,578
We need a back up plan in case he puts up a fight!
244
00:13:20,343 --> 00:13:21,584
My god,
245
00:13:21,603 --> 00:13:24,208
can J Lo's ass get any bigger?
246
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,277
Don't even.
247
00:13:27,297 --> 00:13:28,568
Well then,
248
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,242
I haven't wasted this much time
249
00:13:30,273 --> 00:13:33,126
since I started
Pauly Shore's film career.
250
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:35,682
I'm not going!
You can't make me!
251
00:13:35,716 --> 00:13:38,479
Fine.
We'll do this the hard way.
252
00:13:41,971 --> 00:13:43,645
Not so fast.
253
00:13:43,770 --> 00:13:45,785
You're not going anywhere
254
00:13:45,847 --> 00:13:46,653
Oh really?
255
00:13:46,677 --> 00:13:51,264
You're gonna need a lot more than those
two heavenly doorknockers of yours.
256
00:13:51,342 --> 00:13:53,854
Well then, how about our day in court?
257
00:13:53,932 --> 00:13:56,474
Chode's contesting the contract you made with him.
258
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,098
You're suing me?
259
00:13:58,239 --> 00:14:00,357
I hope you know what you're doing.
260
00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:04,630
Lose and I'll make the hell I mentioned
seem like a week at club med.
261
00:14:05,547 --> 00:14:09,218
From now on, address all your comments
to our attorney...
262
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,205
Daniel Webster.
263
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:14,876
I told you space freaks,
264
00:14:14,947 --> 00:14:16,147
my name's Emmanuel Lewis!
265
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:18,830
I just play a guy named webster on tv.
266
00:14:19,536 --> 00:14:21,865
Oh, please. How dumb do you think we are?
267
00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:23,263
Believe me,
268
00:14:23,288 --> 00:14:24,731
you don't want me to answer that.
269
00:14:24,771 --> 00:14:26,536
Isn't he adorable?
270
00:14:26,606 --> 00:14:28,202
Oh, I could just eat him up!
271
00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:30,277
I thought cows only eat grass!
272
00:14:31,054 --> 00:14:32,466
Listen, I promise you
273
00:14:32,607 --> 00:14:34,513
I'm not who you think I am!
274
00:14:34,654 --> 00:14:36,913
So, you're not really Daniel Webster.
275
00:14:36,984 --> 00:14:38,820
You never won a case against the devil.
276
00:14:38,885 --> 00:14:40,862
And you're not from 1893.
277
00:14:40,932 --> 00:14:42,626
No, no and no!
278
00:14:42,768 --> 00:14:45,097
I'm a sitcom star from 1983.
279
00:14:45,168 --> 00:14:46,933
I'm on a show called Webster.
280
00:14:47,004 --> 00:14:48,204
Wait a minute.
281
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:53,563
Oh my god! We got the wrong guy!
282
00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:57,564
What I tried to tell you
before you stuffed my butt in that bag!
283
00:14:57,587 --> 00:14:59,352
What're we going to do?
284
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,164
Uh... ah, Chode's gonna be fine!
285
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:05,706
He always lands on his feet.
286
00:15:27,757 --> 00:15:29,296
Ah! Get a look at hell's jury.
287
00:15:29,338 --> 00:15:30,648
I'm a dead man!
288
00:15:30,707 --> 00:15:31,927
Not necessarily.
289
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,728
I bet by now Hitler's turned over a whole new leaf.
290
00:15:40,688 --> 00:15:43,535
Meet my attorney, the Annihilator 5000.
291
00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:46,046
Watch as he eats your webster guy for lunch,
292
00:15:46,065 --> 00:15:48,324
then craps out the dream team.
293
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:49,992
Where's your lawyer anyway?
294
00:15:50,128 --> 00:15:51,980
You forget to pay him his retainer?
295
00:15:56,091 --> 00:15:57,266
What we gonna do?
296
00:15:57,329 --> 00:15:58,323
I don't know.
297
00:15:58,413 --> 00:16:00,763
I'm trying to make heads or tales of this contract.
298
00:16:00,848 --> 00:16:01,842
Forget it, sal.
299
00:16:01,888 --> 00:16:04,915
You tell angela landsbury unless she meets my quote,
300
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,987
she can kiss my you know what
before I do "A Murder, She Wrote."
301
00:16:08,032 --> 00:16:09,659
I don't work for scale!
302
00:16:09,975 --> 00:16:12,339
Maybe we didn't get the wrong Webster after all.
303
00:16:12,363 --> 00:16:13,718
I know you're busy
304
00:16:13,809 --> 00:16:19,140
but is there any chance you can take a look
at this contract our Captain made with the Devil?
305
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,489
Hmm... the Devil? Give me that.
306
00:16:24,352 --> 00:16:25,572
Who would sign this thing?
307
00:16:25,708 --> 00:16:28,955
It's filled with contradiction
and inconsistencies.
308
00:16:29,048 --> 00:16:30,357
For a little kid,
309
00:16:30,403 --> 00:16:31,894
you sure sound smart.
310
00:16:31,939 --> 00:16:33,760
Think you can help our friend?
311
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:34,831
Heck, why not?
312
00:16:34,876 --> 00:16:36,954
I don't like this week's episode anyway.
313
00:16:40,927 --> 00:16:42,779
T'Nuk, aren't you coming?
314
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:45,309
Sorry, I'm meeting with some infomercial people.
315
00:16:45,351 --> 00:16:48,256
They wanna hear about my new "Diet from Hell".
316
00:16:48,514 --> 00:16:52,218
How Satan can help you puke your way
to a beautiful new you!
317
00:16:52,325 --> 00:16:54,268
Bulimics need not apply!
318
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,925
Isn't it true, Mr. McBlob,
319
00:16:55,989 --> 00:16:59,886
you made the arrangement with the Devil
by your own free will?
320
00:17:00,098 --> 00:17:01,277
Uh, that's correct.
321
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:04,024
And the only reason you're contesting the contract
322
00:17:04,055 --> 00:17:06,941
is because you don't want to live up
to your half of the agreement!
323
00:17:06,970 --> 00:17:07,713
Isn't that right?
324
00:17:07,798 --> 00:17:09,141
Absolutely.
325
00:17:09,218 --> 00:17:10,933
Who the hell wants to go to hell?
326
00:17:11,590 --> 00:17:13,018
That's it exactly.
327
00:17:13,087 --> 00:17:15,058
Who wants to go to hell?
328
00:17:15,087 --> 00:17:16,630
Yeah, not me! Heh heh
329
00:17:24,767 --> 00:17:25,738
The truth is,
330
00:17:25,767 --> 00:17:29,482
you're a selfish alien
who only cares about himself!
331
00:17:29,521 --> 00:17:33,119
You'd sell your own mother out
if it would serve your needs!
332
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:34,407
Problem is,
333
00:17:34,464 --> 00:17:35,835
who wants her?
334
00:17:35,864 --> 00:17:37,407
I was just... talking...
335
00:17:40,632 --> 00:17:42,919
.
336
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,968
Your Honour, at this point,
I beg for your ruling.
337
00:17:48,994 --> 00:17:51,965
Clearly the plaintiff's case here is meritless.
338
00:17:52,042 --> 00:17:53,328
I agree!
339
00:17:53,385 --> 00:17:55,128
Not so fast!
340
00:17:57,262 --> 00:18:00,034
Defense deserves a chance to present our case.
341
00:18:00,102 --> 00:18:01,645
Don't you think, your honour?
342
00:18:01,702 --> 00:18:02,988
Proceed.
343
00:18:06,060 --> 00:18:08,855
.
344
00:18:08,885 --> 00:18:11,542
Defense calls the Devil to testify.
345
00:18:11,582 --> 00:18:13,439
Your honour! I object!
346
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,688
This is a fishing expedition!
347
00:18:15,708 --> 00:18:18,498
Then your big barracuda client
has nothing to worry about.
348
00:18:18,536 --> 00:18:20,336
That's ok. I'll take the stand.
349
00:18:22,128 --> 00:18:23,356
So you see,
350
00:18:23,405 --> 00:18:24,805
I'm the victim here.
351
00:18:24,912 --> 00:18:26,626
Oh, the victim, huh?
352
00:18:26,712 --> 00:18:28,540
What about the fact that you made
353
00:18:28,597 --> 00:18:30,769
my client sign under duress.
354
00:18:30,826 --> 00:18:31,683
Duress?
355
00:18:31,732 --> 00:18:33,189
Am I going too fast for you?
356
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,103
It means forcible restraint
357
00:18:35,143 --> 00:18:36,229
or compulsion by threat.
358
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:38,086
I know what it means.
But that wasn't the case.
359
00:18:38,249 --> 00:18:41,688
What do you call heading dead-centre
toward an event horizon?
360
00:18:41,706 --> 00:18:43,649
Your client wasn't under duress.
361
00:18:43,717 --> 00:18:45,632
Maybe you can handle that kind of pressure.
362
00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:46,917
But for the rest of us
363
00:18:46,946 --> 00:18:49,260
would squeeze a load in our pants.
364
00:18:51,929 --> 00:18:53,643
You're twisting my words!
365
00:18:53,683 --> 00:18:55,397
Your client knew what he was getting into!
366
00:18:55,455 --> 00:18:57,112
Oh! So now you can read minds now, huh?
367
00:18:57,197 --> 00:18:59,340
Then tell me what I'm thinking right now.
368
00:19:01,083 --> 00:19:02,426
If you said big-mouthed,
369
00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:04,540
fat-headed bully, you'd be right!
370
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:06,772
What do you want from me?
371
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,257
I want the truth.
372
00:19:08,286 --> 00:19:09,286
The truth?
373
00:19:09,343 --> 00:19:11,000
You can't handle the truth!
374
00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:11,813
Try me.
375
00:19:12,098 --> 00:19:14,588
He didn't sign that contract under duress
376
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:17,327
because the black hole
didn't exist in the first place.
377
00:19:18,281 --> 00:19:20,510
Care to feed that to me one more time?
378
00:19:20,538 --> 00:19:22,196
There was no black hole.
379
00:19:22,236 --> 00:19:23,897
There was no event horizon.
380
00:19:23,921 --> 00:19:25,664
I only made him believe it existed.
381
00:19:25,693 --> 00:19:26,836
He was in no danger.
382
00:19:26,864 --> 00:19:27,807
I see.
383
00:19:27,864 --> 00:19:29,178
You only created it
384
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,807
to get him to sign your contract.
385
00:19:30,867 --> 00:19:32,067
Exactly.
386
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,296
I mean not exactly.
387
00:19:34,353 --> 00:19:35,553
Well, which is it?
388
00:19:35,658 --> 00:19:37,411
I don't know
389
00:19:37,430 --> 00:19:38,516
You're confusing me!
390
00:19:38,573 --> 00:19:40,430
You sure I'm doing the confusing?
391
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,127
That sounds like your territory.
392
00:19:42,184 --> 00:19:43,384
You're just full of lies,
393
00:19:43,441 --> 00:19:45,384
half truths and deception,aren't you?
394
00:19:45,441 --> 00:19:47,514
Well, I am the Devil.
395
00:19:47,566 --> 00:19:48,765
Your Honour,
396
00:19:48,798 --> 00:19:50,291
I rest my case.
397
00:19:59,011 --> 00:20:00,504
We the jury,
398
00:20:00,537 --> 00:20:03,262
find in favour of the plaintiff, Chode Mcblob.
399
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:08,275
The plaintiff is free to go.
400
00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:11,856
Thank you, thank you!
401
00:20:11,965 --> 00:20:14,112
Easy, you Pillsbury Dough Freak.
402
00:20:14,145 --> 00:20:15,344
Put me down, all right?
403
00:20:15,377 --> 00:20:17,273
Nice job! You know,
404
00:20:17,306 --> 00:20:18,941
if you ever decide to make a move,
405
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:21,230
you can always hang your shingle at my place.
406
00:20:21,339 --> 00:20:22,974
Thanks, but no thanks.
407
00:20:23,007 --> 00:20:24,827
I'd rather work on the side of good.
408
00:20:24,860 --> 00:20:27,410
I know that god didn't make robots,
409
00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:29,623
but I'm very religious anyway.
410
00:20:29,734 --> 00:20:31,587
So I'd like to state for the record
411
00:20:31,695 --> 00:20:35,619
that I always knew the lord
would help me beat you in the end.
412
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,543
Do you smell something burning?
413
00:21:01,887 --> 00:21:04,394
I still got it.
29804
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