Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:21,099 --> 00:00:23,599
We're past the point of no return!
2
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,200
Anybody else notice that we keep passing
3
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:43,600
the same stars and planets every 30 seconds?
4
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,500
That's the screensaver, whip.
5
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,700
Oh! Much better!
6
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:06,600
- Come to the beginning of time!
- Stop the ship!
7
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,500
Time travel!
8
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,100
Everyone can do it now.
9
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:14,700
But not everyone can go back
to the beginning of time.
10
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,900
In fact, no one can.
11
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,400
Or should we say,
no one could, until today!
12
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:24,800
Reserve a space on our maiden voyage now!
13
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:29,100
You know what the best part of being able
to go back to the beginning of time means?
14
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,000
Yeah, not having to remember
what you did yesterday.
15
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:36,700
Yeah that, and we're going to know,
once and for all, how the universe was created.
16
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,500
I think we already know.
17
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,300
It was the Good Lord himself.
18
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,500
Gus, everyone knows that the universe
began from an explosion...
19
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:47,664
due to a combination of high temperature
and density, A.K.A. The big bang. Right?
20
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:49,500
Oh, Chode honey,...
21
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,900
I've been part of so many big bangs
that if anything had actually started a universe,...
22
00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:55,300
I'd know.
23
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,700
I don't get why you robots and cyborgs
believe in God anyway.
24
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,200
You're nothing but metal, circuits,
and pseudo-flesh.
25
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:06,400
If we didn't believe in God, we'd have to worship
the engineering dweebs that designed us.
26
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:07,300
And frankly,...
27
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:11,600
the God I pray to doesn't need acne medicine
and chronically masturbate.
28
00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:13,000
I'm a God man, too!
29
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:17,100
I know the big guy watches over the whipper
and takes care of my every need.
30
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,400
And nothing will ever get me to think differently.
31
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,468
Excuse me!
32
00:02:21,502 --> 00:02:23,100
God is a woman!
33
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,000
And I was made in her image!
34
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,500
on second thought...
35
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:28,900
Come on!
36
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,200
The whole God concept is one
of the best scams ever invented.
37
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,900
How dare you speak this way about our creator?
38
00:02:35,940 --> 00:02:40,634
Who with divine beneficence
created a universe filled with such...
39
00:02:40,668 --> 00:02:43,144
extraordinary beauty!
40
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,400
Well, that's enough divine beauty for one day.
41
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:51,400
When do we leave?
42
00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:53,300
"We" aren't going anywhere.
43
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,800
The only one I'm taking is Gus.
44
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,700
Chode, honey,...
45
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:02,700
I would really,
really like to go with you and Gus.
46
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:07,300
I've always wanted
to make love to the man himself.
47
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,700
- Really?
- Oh, yeah!
48
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:14,800
Just once when I moan, "Oh God, oh, God!"
49
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,200
I really want to mean it.
50
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,100
Yeah, whatever.
51
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,200
Gus, initiate the vector coordinates.
52
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,600
T'nuk! Set the course to the nearest timeport.
53
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,400
We're not moving!
54
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,400
Bob!
55
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:34,300
Come on Bob, you agoraphobic!
Let's get going!
56
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,200
You know, T'nuk,...
57
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:38,100
I may be a spaceship who ironically
has a fear of space,...
58
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,500
but do you always have to refer to me as such?
59
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,600
Being reduced to one-word hurts!
60
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:43,800
What if I did that to you?
61
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,200
Oh, please!
62
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:49,500
Like you could sum up any of us
with a one-word description.
63
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,500
Ok, whatever you say...
64
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,800
Bitch. Whore. Slacker. Wimp. Thief.
65
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:57,500
You know,...
66
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,400
if he wasn't so fast,...
67
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,300
I'd get rid of him like that.
68
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,300
I heard that.
69
00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:12,850
Passengers for flight 172,
destination orion, board at gate 2.
70
00:04:13,263 --> 00:04:15,635
Hey, you think those guys will recognize me?
71
00:04:15,669 --> 00:04:18,400
Oh please. You'll blend right in.
72
00:04:18,401 --> 00:04:19,401
.
73
00:04:19,436 --> 00:04:22,529
You know,
if you had just given Six back to him,...
74
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:25,502
we wouldn't have to dress up like morons!
75
00:04:25,542 --> 00:04:28,900
Well, I would've,
except I like banging her.
76
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,500
Banging... yuck!
77
00:04:31,717 --> 00:04:34,066
It amazes me that although I'm a robot,...
78
00:04:34,101 --> 00:04:37,400
I am infinitely more evolved
and refined than you are.
79
00:04:37,536 --> 00:04:39,535
I would never bang someone.
80
00:04:39,569 --> 00:04:41,034
Yeah, because you can't!
81
00:04:41,069 --> 00:04:43,500
You can't afford the banging attachment!
82
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:52,869
Passengers for flight 11,
destination: The creation of the universe,...
83
00:04:52,903 --> 00:04:55,200
are awaited at gate 1.
84
00:04:56,869 --> 00:04:59,400
Damn, confederation soldiers!
85
00:04:59,436 --> 00:05:01,900
I'm ducking out 'til they pass by.
86
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,570
Chode, for the last time:
87
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:06,635
nobody's going to recognize us in these outfits.
88
00:05:06,669 --> 00:05:08,335
Gus! Is that you?
89
00:05:08,369 --> 00:05:09,500
Nancy!
90
00:05:10,136 --> 00:05:11,567
What are you doing here?
91
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,000
I'm with my church group!
92
00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:15,568
Say no to time travel!
93
00:05:15,602 --> 00:05:17,669
We've taken some time off
from our regular jobs,...
94
00:05:17,703 --> 00:05:21,500
like preventing stem cell research
from curing horrible diseases,...
95
00:05:21,535 --> 00:05:25,335
to protest this time tour going back
to the creation of the universe.
96
00:05:25,369 --> 00:05:27,800
Boy, I hate anyone taking that trip.
97
00:05:27,900 --> 00:05:29,900
So, where are you going?
98
00:05:30,503 --> 00:05:32,100
C'mon, Gus!
99
00:05:32,136 --> 00:05:35,100
We've got an appointment
with the beginning of time!
100
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:38,502
God told us to go there.
101
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:39,868
Heh. I'm not lying!
102
00:05:39,902 --> 00:05:42,000
Who are we to question God?
103
00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:45,000
Have I told you lately that I hate you?
104
00:05:46,141 --> 00:05:48,900
Hey, who was the God freak
you were talking to?
105
00:05:48,934 --> 00:05:50,000
Nancy.
106
00:05:50,004 --> 00:05:52,700
Really? That's nancy?
107
00:05:52,737 --> 00:05:56,969
The one who's been after you to join
her gang of religions lunatics?
108
00:05:57,003 --> 00:05:59,600
Yes. Charming isn't she?
109
00:05:59,805 --> 00:06:02,172
Umm... she's got no tits.
110
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:17,500
Ok, Bob. A little to the left.
111
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:21,800
Now raise your nose 20 degrees.
112
00:06:21,837 --> 00:06:22,904
Perfect!
113
00:06:22,938 --> 00:06:24,100
Thanks, Bob.
114
00:06:30,637 --> 00:06:32,435
What are you doing to her?
115
00:06:32,472 --> 00:06:33,836
Oh, nothing really.
116
00:06:33,870 --> 00:06:37,135
I just want to turn
this cheap whore into a lady,...
117
00:06:37,169 --> 00:06:38,068
that's all.
118
00:06:38,103 --> 00:06:40,337
First of all, I am not a cheap whore.
119
00:06:40,371 --> 00:06:42,434
I am an expensive whore.
120
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:44,935
Second, you're dripping pus again.
121
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:45,902
And last,...
122
00:06:45,936 --> 00:06:47,069
if you know what's good for you,...
123
00:06:47,103 --> 00:06:49,369
you'll keep your paws off me!
124
00:06:49,403 --> 00:06:52,300
If I know what's good for me? Ha!
125
00:06:52,369 --> 00:06:55,800
I have gas cramps
more threatening than that!
126
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,500
Next!
127
00:07:13,439 --> 00:07:16,968
Be careful!
You shake that too much, it'll explode.
128
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,300
Really?
129
00:07:18,336 --> 00:07:19,435
What is it?
130
00:07:19,469 --> 00:07:21,569
Um, a can of soda?
131
00:07:21,603 --> 00:07:23,302
I don't think so, buddy!
132
00:07:23,336 --> 00:07:26,202
You know you're not allowed
to bring soda to another time period.
133
00:07:26,236 --> 00:07:27,869
You're right! My mistake!
134
00:07:27,903 --> 00:07:29,402
That's not a can of soda!
135
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:30,700
Then what is it?
136
00:07:30,703 --> 00:07:32,000
A bomb.
137
00:07:32,003 --> 00:07:37,034
Well, ok then.
Just as long as it's not a can of soda.
138
00:07:37,068 --> 00:07:38,600
No, it's a bomb.
139
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:39,800
Next!
140
00:07:40,838 --> 00:07:44,100
Where do they get these security guys?
141
00:07:44,703 --> 00:07:45,501
Plastic?
142
00:07:45,535 --> 00:07:47,400
Nuh-uh. C-4.
143
00:07:56,104 --> 00:07:59,100
This is racial profiling!
144
00:07:59,368 --> 00:08:02,500
No, it's just a random check.
145
00:08:05,729 --> 00:08:07,137
Chode, before we board,...
146
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:10,302
I just want to thank you
from the bottom of my heart.
147
00:08:10,369 --> 00:08:13,936
It's not everyday an owner buys a ticket
for their robot, so thank you.
148
00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:15,900
Ticket? What ticket?
149
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:22,900
Not funny, Chode.
Not funny.
150
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:26,100
Next!
151
00:08:41,002 --> 00:08:45,400
I'm not sure deregulating
the timelines was the best idea.
152
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,400
Thank you for taking Temporal Adventures!
153
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:51,500
Now with more leg and/or other appendage room.
154
00:08:54,714 --> 00:08:56,700
Good afternoon!
This is your captain speaking.
155
00:08:56,900 --> 00:09:00,000
We're taking off.
Please turn off electronic equipment...
156
00:09:00,034 --> 00:09:02,564
including such as cell phones,
laptops, and robots.
157
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,500
I hate take-offs and landings.
158
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:17,100
Next stop, beginning of time.
159
00:09:51,296 --> 00:09:53,300
Oh yes! Do it to me!
160
00:09:59,030 --> 00:10:02,400
Let's congratulate the newest members
of the mile high club!
161
00:10:04,369 --> 00:10:07,300
In a few moments we'll arrive
at the creation of the universe.
162
00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:10,468
But first we have to cross the blue wavy lines...
163
00:10:10,502 --> 00:10:14,900
that no one has ever crossed before
due to the ferocious tornadoes and turbulence!
164
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,000
So what makes us feel invulnerable?
165
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,100
Well it's simple:
166
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,200
Liquor!
167
00:10:28,006 --> 00:10:29,800
Please, God. Please don't kill me!
168
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:32,000
I'm sorry for all the horrible things
I said about you.
169
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,900
I do believe in you!
I do believe!
170
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,000
So you do believe in God!
171
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,000
I never said that.
172
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,500
Oh, yes, you did.
173
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,400
Listen, you metal prick!
174
00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,500
I'll pretend to believe in him
if it saves our lives.
175
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,000
But it's not like I really believe in him!
176
00:10:48,303 --> 00:10:50,000
I believe!
177
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:52,200
I was lying.
178
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,000
I believe!
179
00:10:56,261 --> 00:10:57,300
I was lying.
180
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,800
Hello, this is the captain speaking.
181
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:03,200
We've decided, after careful thought
and consideration that...
182
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,000
we don't want to die!
183
00:11:11,869 --> 00:11:14,400
Complimentary videotape of your flight?
184
00:11:20,936 --> 00:11:22,301
What are we doing?
185
00:11:22,335 --> 00:11:23,700
I've got a plan.
186
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:29,800
Just as long as it doesn't involve stealing this timeplane
and flying it ourselves back to the beginning of time,...
187
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,000
I'm with you.
188
00:11:32,631 --> 00:11:35,600
Thanks a lot for changing your mind
about this whole thing.
189
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:38,000
Your support really means a lot to me.
190
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,300
Mmm... pretty weird, huh?
191
00:11:58,237 --> 00:12:00,300
Hey buddy, we're almost there!
192
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:03,300
You can stop praying
and just yell out the window.
193
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,000
Gus, get out of the door!
I go first!
194
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,500
Master before slave.
195
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,734
You are on such a power trip.
196
00:12:18,768 --> 00:12:21,800
Me, on a power trip?
That is so ridiculous.
197
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,800
Let there be light!
198
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,200
Hah! Look at that!
199
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:30,100
The big bang!
200
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,600
Are you sure we're at the beginning of time?
201
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:39,200
We're at the creation of the universe
and what do I see?
202
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:43,400
Big bang! Tiny supernova!
Digital readout!
203
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:47,300
Hmm... anything missing, Gus?
Anything you don't see?
204
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,800
Who are you looking for, Gus?
205
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:56,600
God. God! Oh, God! Oh!
206
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:01,200
Well, you'd think he'd be here
at the creation of his universe.
207
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,200
Unless he was just a scam.
208
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,400
I hate to admit it, but you were right.
209
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:08,700
There is no God.
210
00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:10,700
Look, if it'll make you feel any better,...
211
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,400
you can call me God.
212
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,100
Excuse me, gentlemen!
213
00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,100
We are so dead.
214
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:36,400
Gentlemen!
215
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,800
We want to make sure you don't forget
your souvenir videotape.
216
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,700
Souvenir videotape?
217
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,800
You never know when you'll want
to relive your adventure.
218
00:13:44,836 --> 00:13:45,900
Thanks.
219
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,300
Well, that was a surprise.
220
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,000
Yeah. She cleans up nice.
221
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,000
I wonder where Nancy went?
222
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,836
She and her friends are probably out
doing something religious,...
223
00:13:58,870 --> 00:14:01,000
like bombing abortion clinics.
224
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,000
It's weird they're not here though.
225
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:06,400
Time travel always brings you back
to the same time you left.
226
00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:10,400
- White pearls?
- Nuh-uh. Black diamonds.
227
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:15,800
Welcome to timeport 7612-544.
228
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,800
As usual, all flights are on time.
229
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,500
Ok,
maybe there is something a little off here.
230
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,200
First floor--
231
00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:31,800
Second--
232
00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:33,800
What if things are different here too?
233
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:34,600
Third--
234
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:36,700
We'll cross that bridge when we find it.
235
00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:37,700
Bridge.
236
00:14:37,901 --> 00:14:42,578
Schlemiel, schlimazel,
hasenpfeffer, incorporated!
237
00:14:42,918 --> 00:14:44,700
Or maybe we won't.
238
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,700
I actually thought
I saw Six and T'nuk getting along.
239
00:14:50,677 --> 00:14:52,200
You two are friends?
240
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:53,300
Friends?
241
00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:55,900
Heh. We're same-sex partners!
242
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,400
You know that, silly.
243
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,700
First mate Chode and robot Gus! Ahoy!
244
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,000
All right, first question:
245
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:04,000
Why are you sitting in my chair?
246
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:05,000
Second question:
247
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,100
why is there a parrot on your shoulder?
248
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:09,100
Because I'm the captain.
249
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,000
Raar! You know that, silly.
250
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,700
If ever there was a sign of the apocalypse...
251
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,700
Now that you've won the World Series,
where are you going?
252
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,400
The happiest place on earth:
253
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,100
Jะนrusalem!
254
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:33,600
Bob! Come on, Bob, you daredevil!
Take it easy.
255
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:34,700
You know, T'nuk,...
256
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,800
I may be a spaceship who takes wild risks,...
257
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:39,400
but do you always have to refer to me as such?
258
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,400
Being reduced to a one-word label hurts.
259
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,000
How would you like it if I did that to you?
260
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,600
Oh, please!
261
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:48,700
Like you could sum up any of us
with a one-word description.
262
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,800
Ok, whatever you say...
263
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:56,100
Sweet. Innocent. Motivated. Brave. Giver.
264
00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:57,700
What have we done?
265
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,200
I don't know.
But I think I have a way to find out.
266
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:10,500
I was wrong.
267
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,600
This souvenir videotape is useless.
268
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:13,700
Wait.
269
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,600
I think I heard something
right at the end there.
270
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:19,500
Rewind it and go slow.
271
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,900
I guess there was a God. My bad.
272
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,300
Do you think he's dead?
273
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:36,700
Hey, Six, what's the deal with sex nowadays?
274
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,400
Deal? There's no deal.
You want to have sex, you just have sex.
275
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,100
Yep. He's dead.
276
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,500
We killed God!
277
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,100
We have to go back immediately and fix this!
278
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:48,800
- Not so fast!
- What?
279
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:50,800
Why should we bring the big guy back?
280
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,700
Look around.
No wars. No religions...
281
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:56,900
The only bummer is,
no teenage girls walking around...
282
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,700
in catholic school uniforms.
283
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,100
Chode, enough.
284
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,500
We have to go back and unkill God.
285
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,500
Hey, Gus-muffin.
Hee hee!
286
00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:07,168
Ready for some hot metal-on-metal action?
287
00:17:07,202 --> 00:17:08,600
God help me!
288
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:12,800
Yep, I killed God,
and the universe is a better place.
289
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:16,500
I wonder if they'll erect a statue of me?
290
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:20,600
Yeah, I go to a bank and there's no safe.
291
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,900
The money's just in a big pile in the corner.
292
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,500
You just take what you need!
293
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,100
I have to admit it's great.
294
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,300
I say "I guess I'll just try sex".
295
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,600
I get a penis attachment!
296
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:30,900
I say "a large one please",...
297
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:32,500
I get that too!
298
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,700
How do I describe how great it all is?
299
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:36,200
It's like...
300
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:37,800
christmas without the chris?
301
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:38,900
Exactly!
302
00:17:38,936 --> 00:17:41,905
You know, Gus,
after all the years of you claiming...
303
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:45,100
that all the good in the universe
was because of God,...
304
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:47,300
it's nice to know that you were wrong.
305
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:50,968
In fact, without God,
everyone is just naturally good.
306
00:17:51,002 --> 00:17:53,500
Because without God, there's no Satan.
307
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,000
And without Satan, there's no evil.
308
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,500
Well, the important thing is...
309
00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,500
we're the only two in the universe
who know how to be bad.
310
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,000
Ok. The only three.
311
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,700
You told Whip?
312
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,000
About the evil thing...
313
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:12,100
I hope that wasn't a secret because
I may have mentioned it to a few people.
314
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,800
Our top story tonight:
315
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:17,900
Evel.
316
00:18:18,037 --> 00:18:19,400
Hmm? Evil.
317
00:18:19,434 --> 00:18:21,000
It's new and it's everywhere.
318
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:25,000
We begin our team coverage tonight
with Hank Hanson, live on the street. Hank?
319
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:25,900
Thanks, Jim.
320
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:28,800
Just a few days ago,
no one knew what stealing meant.
321
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,300
Now everyone's doing it!
322
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,300
Apparently, the new way of thinking is:
323
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,100
if you want something,
you take it even if it's not yours!
324
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,400
- Gimme that microphone!
- No!
325
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,100
Hank Hanson. He will be missed.
326
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,600
Elsewhere in the universe,...
327
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,700
other types of evil have been invented.
328
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,400
For this, we go to Dan Danson. Dan?
329
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:54,100
Jim, you're witnessing a first.
What you are about to see is shocking, disturbing...
330
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,800
and yet,... oddly arousing.
331
00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:01,300
Right now, this reporter
is being raped in the ass. Oh!
332
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,200
Were you out stealing today, too?
333
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:08,600
That's so yesterday.
334
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:09,700
Good.
335
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,600
Today, something new is all the rage.
336
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,700
Senseless murder.
337
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,500
You see what you started?
338
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,900
Robbery. Rape. Murder!
339
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,700
And my parents said
I'd never do anything with my life.
340
00:19:27,768 --> 00:19:30,800
It's like they have no sense of right or wrong.
341
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:34,500
Kind of hard to believe
that there could actually be beings...
342
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,500
with less of that than you.
343
00:19:36,534 --> 00:19:38,400
Well that's because I know there's a God...
344
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:41,700
who eventually is going to hold me
responsible for my actions.
345
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:44,700
You know, I never thought I'd say this, but...
346
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,300
I miss God.
347
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:51,592
It's like all his wars, plagues, wraths,
furies, rages, smites, and guilt...
348
00:19:51,626 --> 00:19:53,700
made the world a better place.
349
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,500
Well, he is love.
350
00:19:55,534 --> 00:19:57,300
What do you say we go get him back?
351
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,200
Oh, there you are, Gus-muffin.
352
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,000
I learned a new word today.
353
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:05,600
Sodomy.
354
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:08,400
So the plan is,
we're gonna go back in time,...
355
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,700
to right before the other plane hits God.
356
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,900
And then we land near, but not exactly where,
the other one lands,...
357
00:20:14,934 --> 00:20:19,119
and with enough time to climb out, and push him,
providing he can be pushed, out of the way,...
358
00:20:19,153 --> 00:20:21,700
before the next plane comes and hits him!
359
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,900
Which, by the way,
is also being flown by us simultaneously.
360
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,000
Do you understand time travel?
361
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:29,400
Not for the life of me.
362
00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:35,000
Pretty weird, huh?
363
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:37,200
Wow! Deja vu.
364
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,000
So as a reward for saving me,...
365
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:44,600
not only will I erect a statue of you,...
366
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:50,000
but consider yourselves
my only begotten sons.
367
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:00,800
Suckers!
27405
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Uighur
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof