Original subtitles

Ice cream, ice cream, we're going to get ice cream.

I've come to the conclusion

that ice cream solves all of life's problems.

Well, I hope so,

because this was the only thing keeping me cool.

Ooh, look at this cool new place.

And it looks popular, too.

Look at all these guys lining up like cattle

just because they made it look all trendy and exclusive.

Well, we are going to our old ice cream shop.

Yeah, and she's already in line.

Are you cool enough for Ice Queen Ice cream?

Inga will decide.

Whoa! She's wearing a jacket in this heat.

She must be cool.

You're in. You're not!

Love your face.

Hate your aglets. (SIGHS)

You're obviously just two people

wearing a horse costume. (CHUCKLES)

A class act! Go right ahead.

No. No. Definitely not.

Two scoops of chocolate, please, and uh...

I don't think so, little girl.

Your look is very cute...

Ooh... In a bad way!

Come back when you find some edge.

Next!

But isn't this an ice cream parlor?

(SIGHS) Ice Queen Ice cream

is not just an ice cream parlor,

it's a lifestyle.

(SIGHS) Whatever. Let's just blow this joint, Gretel.

Using coolness as a measure of self-worth

is a deeply flawed and totally subjective concept. INGA: Wait.

Your hatred of coolness is intrinsically cool.

You can go in! BOTH: We can?

Not you, edgeless girl, only him.

Follow me!

So, uh...

do you want me to get you something?

Wow.

Not so deeply flawed

and totally subjective now, huh?

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES) (SIGHS)

Looks like we've got bigger problems anyway.

Pendulum Pete is attacking a digital clock store.

We'll be right back.

I'll get you both some kind of protected flavor.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(CLOCK BEEPS) (PETE LAUGHS)

You'll never defeat Pendulum Pete.

I'm just an innocent shop owner

sharing my passion for digital time telling.

Please, stop.

A clock is not a clock without a pendulum.

Why do you have such a specific axe to grind?

Why?

Let me give you a hand.

Ow. Ow!

Clock freak punch!

(MUSIC PLAYING) (GROANING)

(CLOCK CHIMES)

Oh, he's right. That is better.

As you can see,

Ice Queen Ice cream is highly exclusive.

But you, um... Kevin.

...Keveen, will fit right in.

I will? Yeah.

Go pose for a photo buy the mega-cone.

No being funny!

Uh, sorry.

And no smiling!

(CAMERA CLICKS) Ooh, that's perfect.

Very cool.

Over here is the flavor showcase.

Oh, cool! Actually... Oh, no!

That's just for show.

The ice cream is here to see and be seen,

just like everyone else.

Right. Could I actually get some ice cream?

I promised my little sister.

I... I'll take your most pretentious version of chocolate.

Come with me, Keveen.

For you I've got a special flavor in the VIP room.

A VIP?

Never in my wildest dreams.

This is my special extra cool secret recipe.

Many have thought that they were cool enough to handle it,

but they were wrong.

Are you cool enough, Keveen?

Cool is my middle name.

Actually, I don't have a middle name.

See, my parents thought that with a hyphenated last name...

Just taste the ice cream!

(SLURPS)

Huh! That is pretty cool.

I feel cooler already.

(CRACKLING) Wait. No! That's... That's just cold.

What? Oh, no!

(SCREAMS)

Ah!

(KEVIN SCREAMS)

Don't worry, Keveen.

In a moment, you'll fit right in.

(EVIL LAUGH)

Gretel. Gretel!

Next time, Pete, I hope you deal

with your bizarre digital clock issues in a healthier way.

Like complaining into the void of the Internet

like a normal person. (CELL PHONE RINGING)

It's Kevin. Did you get our pretentious ice cream?

KEVIN: Gretel!

The ice cream? It's freezing.

Well, it is... No, Gretel.

Inga is turning people into...

Hmm. It's weird that he stopped talking

in the middle of a sentence.

Maybe we should head back over there.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

GRETEL: Ugh. That line is too long.

I have an idea.

I thought you were gonna say,

"Let's just cut the line 'cause we're superheroes."

But, yeah, crawling through vents is fun, too.

This place is awesome!

(BOTH SCREAM)

INGA: And, Keveen,

you will look great right here.

KEVIN: Let me out of here.

It's freezing. (GASPS)

Oh, my curated Kul Kru is complete.

Out of all the people in this lousy town,

I have decided that you're all the coolest.

Now, look cool.

(CAMERA CLICKS) Perfect.

This will be my new profile pic.

Psst. Kevin, it's me. (MUMBLING)

You've got to do something,

she's freezing everyone with the ice cream.

I can fix that.

Uh-oh, my heat vision isn't working.

INGA: Who's back there?

We are. Hamster and Gretel?

And we're going to put a stop to your evil freezing scheme.

I must insist you try my ice cream.

You'll love it.

(GASPS)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Why are you freezing everyone?

(CHUCKLES) I thought you'd never ask.

Allow me to explain via techno theme song.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, brother.

Totally my fault, I asked.

? Grew up poor In Switzerland ?

? On a dairy farm Learned discipline ?

? Milking cows Churning butter ?

? Had to escape One way or another ?

? The cool kids Always teased and taunted ?

? But all I ever Really wanted ?

? Was to be one of them And not one of me ?

? So I vowed to my cows That one day I would be ?

? The Ice Queen ?

? She's the Ice Queen ?

? I scream, you scream ?

? We all scream For the Ice Queen ?

? I'm the Ice Queen I'm the one who chooses ?

? Who stays, who goes Who wins, who loses ?

? Now I'm the center Of all the trends ?

? 'Cause I've Surrounded myself ?

? With frozen friends ?

? Now I'll never Have to be alone ?

? Chilling like a villain In the Arctic zone ?

? So come on in But put on a sweater ?

? 'Cause cool is cold ?

? 'Cause cool is cold Cool is cold ?

? But frozen is better ?

? Frozen is better ?

And there you have it.

Now that I have the power to decide who's cooler,

I can keep them that way forever.

I think maybe you're taking this cool thing

a little too literally. Now open wide.

GRETEL: Wait! Move, Gretel!

(GROANS)

GRETEL: (SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

Ah! Gretel!

Ooh. (BREATHES RAPIDLY)

Whoa! KEVIN: I know.

I can't believe I didn't fall over.

GRETEL: Look at that. Uh-huh.

A little help here.

What do you think it is?

INGA: I see you found the source of my coolness.

Eiysze.

Ice? No, not ice.

Eiysze.

Are we missing something?

(SIGHS) My secret recipe contains Eiysze,

a special mineral compound I excavated myself.

It looks like ice, it freezes like ice, but, honey, it ain't ice.

It's Eiysze!

And here's the brain freeze for you.

My Eiysze is now quantumly entangled

through all my customers.

And as long as it stays frozen in this vat,

they stay frozen.

That's it! Gretel, remember, heat wave.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Ice Queen...

what do you say we take this fight outside?

(GROANS) Come on, Mr. Sun, do your thing.

Hamster, help me out.

Nice try, Half Pint.

The Eiysze compound is specifically formulated

so that nothing on Earth can melt it.

So, for the last time...

open wide!

Remember, Hamster, whatever you do,

don't get hit. I know.

Hamster, no!

It's quite refreshing, really.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Ow!

That's it.

Now, give up, little girl.

Never!

(STRAINING)

Ha! You missed.

Now, I scream, you scream,

we all scream for ice cream!

(SCREAMS)

Oh, no.

Too bad you threw away the Eiysze.

Melting that would have been the only way to save you.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(THUDS)

(POPPING) What the...

(ALL GASP) Whoa!

Yeah, baby. (SCOFFS)

What smells like wet hamster?

(SNIFFS) Oh! Me.

(SIGHS) How is this possible?

Nice try, lady, but you said it yourself,

nothing on Earth could melt your special formula.

Luckily, I remembered that in space,

there's a big, flaming hot ball of gas

called the Sun.

Now you've got edge.

Yay. I'm edgy.

And now you've lost it.

INGA: (SCREAMS) Okay, you've got it back.

Ooh. Ow. (SIRENS WAILING)

So, can we go in now?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

No!

I am cool. I am...

First that clock freak, now you. Sheesh.

Well, it's been a weird day,

but thanks for thawing me out, Little G. Sure thing.

I'd rather have my Kevin than a cool Kevin, any day.

(SIGHS) Well, that sweet backhanded compliment

just earned you some ice cream.

I'm so over ice cream.

Let's get some hot soup instead.

Yeah, I can go for a chowder.

I heard there's a new soup place somewhere around here.

Are you hot enough for hot soup?

Helga will decide.

(SIGHS)

This town, man.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

? Hamster and Gretel ?

? It's Hamster ?

? Hamster and Gretel ?

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