Original subtitles

I-I kinda want to get going.

You rolling? All right, man,

this is exciting. We're starting production

on "From War to Wisdom." Day one, shoot one.

Josh, please state for the record your full name.

Joshua R. Hisle.

Place of birth. Cincinnati, Ohio.

Underwear size.Large.

All right, man.

Are we live? We are live.

Dude...

could you match my... My lackadaisical carefreeness?

Sir, yes, sir. What's goin' on?

Be the one, Dan.

Pretty doggone... all righty.

First question...

So, from what I hear, it's just like "Call of Duty."

No, um...

tell me a little bit about when you deployed.

Tell me a little bit about where you're from,

where you grew up.

Yeah, where you from?

I guess I'm supposed to say something, huh?

Fuck.

What were you fighting for?

What did we fight for?

That's a good question.

I don't have that answer.

And, dude, if I'm going down paths

that make you uncomfortable or that...

I won't say anything I don't want to say.

Though, can you not put that in either, dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Sure, sure.

I've told this story hundreds of times,

but it's different every time

I tell it, I swear. That's good.

I... dude, I'm here, I'm... I'm enjoying it.

I'm having fun right now, man,

so let's... let's keep it going, man.

I wanted to be a Marine since I was a kid.

I mean, I always did.

I have papers and stuff from, like, fifth grade

where I'm writing about being a Marine.

Yeah, my grandfather, Walter K. Hisle,

was a Marine, um, in Korea.

Korean War. And, uh, I always wanted

to be a Marine ever since I was a child.

Always look at my papaw's pictures and stuff,

and he'd tell war stories, and...

something very romantic about it, I don't know.

You know, growing up it's...

You see it on TV, you play these games,

just want to do it, you know?

You don't realize what it really is.

I was 19.

Yeah, I think I was 19, 'cause I...

I turned 20, uh, a couple days

before I left for boot camp.

So, I know I was 19 when I swore in and stuff.

When 9/11 happened,

I was at work when the towers got hit.

And I left work and like, uh,

went and joined the Marines like right then and there.

It was just an instant decision.

And, honestly, I didn't give it a lot of thought,

I just did it, you know?

There were... there were some other guys

down there, too, that were doing the same thing.

It was kind of a...

This generation of, uh, guys who were like,

they want to kick somebody's ass.

I-I don't know who, but...

everybody wanted some payback, I guess.

I think people who join the Marine Corps

are a certain breed of people, man.

I would read books by, like,

the Marines on Peleliu or, you know,

what they did in Okinawa.

The whole Pacific campaign, really.

These guys were some fuckin' hard men,

and inspired me. I was like...

I wondered if I could be that hard.

I always wanted to be something bigger than myself.

I always wanted to...

be the best, and be in the best.

I wanted to be in the Marines.

It's the best branch. I wanted to be a grunt.

Physical fitness of

the United States Marines is traditional.

Yet, even the high bodily standards

of our leathernecks is being stepped up these days

to meet new demands of modern warfare.

The only thing I really knew about the Marines

is they were supposed to be the toughest,

they were supposed to be the hardest, you know.

They had commercials of them slaying dragons.

I want to be the best.

So, part of me went like, "I'll be a Navy SEAL."

Then I realized that...

I'm not too good of a swimmer.

So, you know, I joined the Marine Corps.

You know, the volunteer infantry.

My recruiter was like, "What do you want to do,

you know, as an enlisted person?"

I was like, "Well, obviously, infantry.

I want to, you know, blow stuff up and kill people."

Why would I join the Marine Corps

to do other stuff?

Oh, the Marine Corps is legendary

for being badass, man.

I mean, every major battle in the history of...

of all of our wars, uh, they've taken...

they've taken people down, man.

We learned by fire real fast,

even while we were in training.

You know, you're taking 18-year-olds,

and then by the time they're 19,

they're all marathoners and capable of hiking

large amounts of goods through mountain passes,

you know, and employ weapon systems.

You know, there's a big change

in such a small amount of time.

It was just always something

that I knew I was gonna end up doing

at one point in my life.

Now we're going to war...

hopefully it holds out till I can get there, right?

That was my train of thought, dude.

Hopefully, it... it can hold out till I get there.

The gears of war began turning.

And, so, everything changed.

There was something palpable in the air.

Everybody knew that something was coming.

We're going to war.

We didn't know what kind of war.

We didn't know how long it was gonna last,

we didn't know if we were even gonna fight it.

You know, we might just have been flown into Kuwait,

you know, rattled our saber, and then got to go home.

Nobody knew, but... we were going.

And we were going now.

Rock and roll.

Hey, quit your lollygagging,

get your stuff, and let's go!

It's 2:00, still on the plane.

Welcome to Kuwait.

This is as real as it's gonna get.

In fact, it's worse, 'cause we can't see the enemy.

Good to go?

Yeah. Yep.

Nobody gets off the bus.

We left in late January

and, uh, arrived in Kuwait in buses.

They bussed us out in the middle of the night,

like three, four, five hours

out in the middle of the night,

uh, into the Kuwaiti desert.

We finally roll up, uh, off of sandy roads

to this one generator just in the middle of nowhere.

I mean, there was nothing.

And, uh, they... We get out, and they...

They tell us to unpack, and we're just...

you know, biv... Bivouacking here tonight.

And, uh, we all just kind of...

We put up, set up a fire watch,

and we wake up under like six inches of sand.

A sandstorm comes in the middle of the night

and buries everybody while they're sleeping.

Welcome to the fucking suck, you know what I mean?

And all of a sudden we can see around us,

you know, it's morning time and, uh,

there's just nothing but... sand.

Slowly rolling sand for as... Well, as far as you can see.

We didn't know where we were at.

They were like, "We're somewhere in Kuwait."

Does anybody really know where we are?

You guys know where we are?

Which way is Iraq?

That way.

And it wasn't till later

that after we dug in the fighting holes

like World War II all over again,

but thank God it was sand to dig in.

We realized that we were like two klicks from the border.

That we were staring

at the Iraqi border just waiting to go.

And that's where we spent the first month.

And it... it still hadn't sank in.

Nothing had happened yet.

You weren't really on edge.

The... it waited us to death.

You know, that'll make somebody go stir crazy.

It's like, we're over here for a war

and then they just parked us over there.

"Hurry up! Get over there!"

And then they're like, "All right...

now we're just gonna sit here." And we...

We had no idea what we're gonna do

and when we're gonna be doin' it, by the way.

So... and that was just...

that would drive a man insane.

Whoa, Blakley, that looks like

a little bit of heaven there, huh?

Don't even know, Mike, don't even know.

Where'd you get that from?

First Sergeant hooked me up.

First Sergeant did that? He did.

Woe be to the devil dog who drops the pot.

Huh?

Seems to be the most critical piece

of tactical equipment you have here, First Sergeant.

Yeah, exactly!

Think about it, you know, you train

to go do something, you want to do it, right?

So, we're excited.

And we sat in Kuwait for a couple of months.

Uh, I think it was a solid two months.

Um, and it got to the point where

there was a whole lot of poker, and checkers,

and, uh, really nothing, uh...

you know, gas drills, but noth...

It turned into this, like,

you know, very, uh, complacent... thing

where we were just kind of camping out

in the middle of the desert.

Mr. Adouri said Iraq was committed

to abandoning banned weapons

and accused the United States

of possessing ulterior motives.

I-I think we shouldn't be out here

unless we're gonna go across the L.D.

because, I mean, we're shock troops,

we're not built to be able to stand here

and just sit here 'cause

that's just not what Marines do.

No, gas masks suck, but...

All clear on deck!

All clear!

What we try to tell the Marines,

what I try to tell the staff and shields

and the Marines directly is,

it doesn't matter what our politics,

what's happening politically or anything.

Only that matters is what's happening

to our company today.

So, shake it off

and let's get our heads in the game.

That way, we can all come home.

We're just another chapter in the long legacy of,

you know, great Marines doing what they had to do.

And it's our duty to... Not to drop the flag,

so to speak. And they understand that.

That's part of being a Marine.

It's... it's taught since recruit training.

Every unit you go to has a history,

and they'll always tell ya,

we have to, you know, keep our legacy strong,

keep our honor clean, so we can pass it on

to the Marines that come behind us.

The Marine Corps is built

to fight from the fireteam level up.

My position as First Sergeant

in this company, I work on leadership

because, um, if we can build 'em into strong leaders,

then all those bad decisions, or less favorable decisions,

will start to just drop off.

They won't exist because they'll take the time

to think about their Marines first,

and then they'll make better decisions.

So, I want to develop

their maturity as Marine leaders.

Fox 2-5.

We were attached to Second Tanks,

and, uh, they could bring

cool stuff over in their tanks.

And somebody had a guitar.

There's this motto in the Marine Corps,

"When we're not killin', we're chillin'."

So, we sat out and would, like, write songs

about how hot it was and how shitty it was.

And we had this little talent show in the desert.

And, uh, First Sergeant comes up and tells me,

you know, "You're gonna do something tonight

to represent Fox."

So I did, and I won the freaking thing.

Thanks a lot, Fox! Thanks, everybody else!

And then one night, man, about 2:00 in the morning,

they just were like freakin', "Let's go, boys!"

You waited your whole Marine Corps career.

Some of you, only been a year.

Some of you, it's only been two years.

Some of you devil dogs, it's been longer

for this moment right here.

Don't screw it up, you understand what I'm saying?

You trained so hard to get to this point,

now it's time to go do what we need...

What we trained to do. Check?

Let's go get some.

Let's go!

All of a sudden, we're invading Iraq.

And we're going through 'em, you're like,

"Oh, here we are. We're here."

And, of course, we're expecting...

D-Day, you know what I mean?

Just, bullets.

And as we went up the country

there through the south, it was just white flags.

That was it. I mean...

there were whole units surrendering.

Wasn't until around the Fertile Crescent

when we got out of the desert

and into some foliage, we got attacked,

you know, by Republican Guard.

Saddam's good, you know, elite.

They weren't very elite.

I mean, we trashed 'em pretty quick.

Pop, pop!

Boom!

You know, we'd get hit by somebody,

we'd buckle down and... And, you know,

our Cobra helicopters would just fuckin'

cut 'em to pieces and we'd move on.

Um, but, you know, April 4th, the...

that was... that was the day it all got real.

Mornin', Frank, how you doing?

Pretty good, pretty good.

Getting cleaned up for the big town?

I can't wait.

The big day is coming. Here it comes.

I want... I want to get this stuff over with.

This is our last step, Baghdad, so...

there ain't much to go from there.

This is a long trip,

but I'll tell you what, it's, uh...

It'll be worth it when we get up there.

Think it's gonna be easy or tough today?

Can't say.

Wish I knew.Yeah.

Even the Magic 8-Ball doesn't know.

Even the Magic 8-Ball doesn't know, that's true.

Yesterday was a little wild, wasn't it?

I had a little bit of fun yesterday.

Yeah. But at the end of the day,

it's always good to know that you're the good guy.

Yeah.So...

as long as I can go home with that,

I'll be a happy man.

Let's go, get it loaded!

Get out! Hey!

Get the fuck outta the way!

The fuck outta the way!

Get the fuck...

Boom! Get out!

Get the fuck outta the way!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Recon by fire. Recon by fire, gentlemen.

Within minutes of leaving our lines,

we were hit again.

For the third straight day, we're taking contact

from main Iraqi brigade...

stationed on the main road leading into Baghdad.

We only have 32 miles to go to get to Baghdad,

and it looks like we're gonna be fighting all the way up.

We were driving down the road

and we got hit by this, like, couple...

Piss-shootin' couple of guys.

And we all got out, and we're tryin' to find 'em.

It was three dudes and, uh,

I was a designated marksman at the time.

So, I lay down and I find this guy running,

and I pop a shot off and I hit him.

And he fell down.

And he, you know, crawls in the doorway, whatever.

I thought I missed him. I really thought I missed him.

I thought he just, you know, dropped.

And I find out, you know, a couple hours later

the snipers went out and said,

"You got that son of a bitch."

And I remember I was like...

stoked, but at the same time, it was like,

"Damn, man, I fuckin' just killed somebody,"

you know what I mean? I just killed this guy.

And I-I don't know him, I don't know

what he looked like, how old he was, you know.

Maybe he had liver cancer

and I put him out of his misery,

but doubtful, you know?

I killed a fuckin' kid, you know?

Just like me.

So, whatever, we move on, and, uh...

there's not really time to process that shit.

You go, "All right, cool."

Good job, good job.

If you need... You need firing support,

you need firing support, window, aperture, opening...

One, recon by fire.

We move on, we got ambushed hard.

And, uh, First Sergeant Smith got killed.

And that was all of our hero.

I mean, this guy was... He made us what we were.

He got us ready for this fight.

And to see him get killed, uh,

this invincible force, was fucked up.

I don't know what's going on.

You know, I'm just getting through the day.

You know, fuckin'... shooting at, you know,

anything that pretty much moved, half the time.

When... when he got hit,

I mean, it... rocked my world?

For... like, it hurt, you know.

You hear the radio call, you know, "Fox 8 hit."

Fox 8 is hit.

And like all I could say was just, you know, "Fuck!"

And I'm sittin' in the Humvee, and I...

I look in the side mirror...

and I see them carrying his body on the stretcher.

And they're taking him to the helo.

The helicopter's blowing everybody.

All the wind and dust around,

and it was kind of a sandstormy kinda day.

And there was still smoke

and stuff from invasion, fires and, you know,

things burning around us.

BMPs, the smell of flesh in the air.

That was tough to see.

Okay, I didn't know who it was at first.

And then, especially when I looked back.

For... for a man that was a mentor to me.

And just, I mean, an amazing Marine.

And the last time I ever got to see him

was in the side mirror of a Hummer, on a stretcher.

There is no grieving time, you know.

We had to keep going. We had a job to do.

And ultimately, at the end of the day,

I think our First Sergeant would have been proud of us.

'Cause we had to push on after that.

The war... became real.

That was it, man. Everyone was like, sh...

And, all... you saw it.

No one was smiling. Nobody was dicking around.

And everybody got very, very serious,

and very, very old very quickly.

For me, it ended up being...

Becoming over the course of the weeks and months,

it became like a symbolic thing for me.

Our... our figurehead, you know,

the top of the pyramid was knocked off.

But, you know, everybody just...

Like nothing happened,

just filled right in and just took over

and it just kept running like the machine that it is.

I mean, it's... the closest thing

I can akin it to is, uh, like the phalanx

in ancient Sparta, when they...

They moved as one unit, and no matter what happened,

everybody knew everybody's job,

up and down the chain of command.

Let's go, God damn it! I can see 'em!

Ed, the treads, look at me.

You know, if it ended up being a private

in charge of the... The entire group,

he knew the job. And that...

That's what made it so special for, uh,

for me, personally, and for the Marine Corps

as a brotherhood in general.

And the armed forces in general.

I just will never forget that day.

I mean, because the events that evening

piled on and piled on and piled on.

And it seems like once that domino fell...

it didn't stop, and we just got shit on

for the next, you know, two months until...

until, you know, they surrendered completely.

But, uh, it's... It's funny because,

in relation to... the romance of being

a kid and wanting to go to war.

And, you know, you... you thi...

I mean, you really want to go.

You think you know what you're talkin' about.

But until it happens, man, you don't...

You don't know. And when it does happen,

it's like... pshew.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, man. I shouldn't have done this.

This isn't for me." You know?

But that's, you know... But it's not...

That's not the scariest part. The scariest part is when

that feeling goes away and you start to like it.

The next thing we know, we're in Baghdad.

And that's like...

Never thought in my life I'd be sittin' in Baghdad.

And, you know, we... Obviously, we met resistance.

But, I mean, nothing stopped us.

We were there for 'em.

They waved at us. They chased us.

They were... they loved us.

I mean, we literally

set 'em free, you know?

We went in with the mentality of... hearts and minds.

Uh, no better friend, no worse enemy.

And we... we truly embodied that, I feel like.

You know, we said, we are here, you know,

we're not here to impress you, like...

we're just gonna keep ourselves safe

and other than that, like,

if you want to, you know, work with us,

we will help schools,

we'll help your children, we'll help you get food,

we'll help you get water.

You know, we will do anything and everything

we can to help you.

But, if you... if you come against us,

if you cross us...

the iron fist comes down.

And there is no half measure.

We will obliterate you.

Marines don't fight for an administration,

or a country, or a flag.

Marines fight for Marines.

And that's why we're so successful.

We believed in each other.

Everybody had each other's back.

It was a new experience for everybody involved,

but we knew that if we were there together,

we would conquer it,

because nothing could conquer us.

So you get out.

And you go back home.

And that support structure is gone.

The support structure of your friends, your brothers.

All of a sudden, it's just gone.

And because we were...

I think we were the first ones over there...

We didn't realize that things would...

that things would be different.

It's like, you walk into civilian society,

and you just don't get it anymore.

It just... like, just does not compute.

What are these people...

like, would they give a shit about something?

And it's like, just a little while ago,

like, if I was alive at the end of the day,

I wasn't bleedin', and if none of my bud...

That happened to none of my buddies,

that was a good day.

And if there was food? Psh. Plus one, you know.

If there was an oper... A working fan...

uh, I mean, you're... you're set.

You're living the life of luxury.

Your general American... the general civilian,

never had to make a sacrifice

for what went on over there.

I'll never fault a man and I'll never weep for a man

who died doing what he chose to do.

If you're doing what you love

and you died doing it,

then God bless you and a-fuckin'-men,

you know what I mean? It's...

Isn't that the way you want to go out?

My biggest issue that I found

was handling Marines that survived.

When I first got back from Iraq, you know,

I expected to be different, you know.

I-I expected if you go, uh,

into a combat zone, into such a high-stress,

high, you know, adrenaline

every day type environment,

um, that when I came home, it was gonna take awhile

to kind of readjust back to relative safety.

And, uh... you know, I thought maybe,

hey, six months, a year after getting home,

maybe then I'll start to be more like the old me.

And, uh, you know, it took a few years

to really realize that that's...

not gonna happen.

It was like, "What did I do over there?

Why did I do this?" you know.

And you try to regurgitate this information

to your loved ones, and that's where

it all kind of went downhill.

Um, your family and your friends,

as much as they love you,

they just don't understand, you know?

If I had a chance, would I do it again?

I would do it all over again...

to be able to be there for... my brothers.

Would I be there for...

political reasons and bullshit,

and the lies that we were told?

No, I wouldn't be there.

But would I be there for Josh...

for Langley, for First Sergeant?

Yes. Heartbeat.

After the first tour, I got home

and got married right away.

Um, we'd been planning it

through letters throughout the war.

Um, I mean, I threw on my dress blues,

got married a couple of days after I got home.

And then when we found out we had to do a second tour

in Ramadi, um, to...

kick these guys back outta there,

you know, we'd lost control of it

and gotten all fucked up again.

Um, I had a son at this point.

When we got the call to leave,

it was down to...

Down to the wire on the birth date.

Like, I-I was deployed two weeks after he...

My son, Holland, was born.

Throughout the pregnancy, prior to his birth,

I was training new Marines,

kids who... just gotten out of...

infantry school, you know, just like I was

a year and a half before that.

And, uh, that was... That was hard,

because I'm looking at these guys

and I know that I was the same idiot that they were.

Um, didn't know anything, you know,

about war or about anything.

And I'm thinking to myself like,

"I'm training these guys,

you know, half of 'em are gonna fuckin' die."

You know, and I'm watching the news, and you...

You saw what was going on in Fallujah and Ramadi.

It's like, you know what you're dropping into.

And you try to tell 'em that,

and you try to train 'em for that, but...

it's a tiny city.

So, you're not gonna, like, avoid shit.

Like, you're going to Ramadi, you're going to Ramadi.

The company I went to was, uh...

called "The Blackhearts"... That was our nickname.

In boot camp, you learn general

Marine Corps knowledge, right?

And you hear, okay, 2nd Battalion, 5th Marines

is the most decorated unit in the Marine Corps.

All right? So, I find out

that I'm going to the 2/5,

and I'm stoked, dude, you know?

There was a legacy. These dudes, uh,

had just got back from the invasion,

so these guys had all been in the fight.

And we're just these young infantry Marines

who are like, "This is what we signed up to do."

So, these guys were like our heroes, right?

And, uh, being Blackhearts, they...

they instilled... an ethos, almost, into us.

And they made us earn that title.

And I think that's why we functioned

so well when we finally got into Ramadi,

because we had this identity as Blackhearts.

And that's who we had to live up to.

Let's go. Let's go.

Where is go? Where is go, please?

Please, I have... please!

Why?

Why husband, why?

When we left the first tour in Iraq,

we were... we were... It was parades.

It was people thanking us.

And we were all throwing up peace signs

and, you know, this thing was over.

And the people were kissing us and shit,

like, you know, liberators.

When we got there to Ramadi,

the combat outpost and the guys we relieved,

they'd been getting their asses kicked

for about, you know, six months.

They didn't even have advice for us.

They just were like, "Get me outta here."

So, we went on a couple patrols and, uh...

and I don't know if they hated us

or if they were just scared shitless, but, uh...

it wasn't like when I left Iraq the first time.

When I left the first time, it was like, you know,

you were getting hugs and kisses.

Uh, this time it was very...

We'd walk down the road, everybody went in the house,

you know, locked down.

And we'd get hit. You know, we'd get ambushed.

And that's just how it was.

When we were over there,

it's like, just because this...

city is quiet right now doesn't mean anything.

This city will pop off in a heartbeat, man.

In a fuckin' heartbeat. It just...

turns like that.

And if feels like the whole city's on top of you.

Whoa! How 'bout that shit?

Whoa!

Holy shit!

Duck down, man.

Holy shit!

That is the motherfuckin' window that saved my life.

Fuck, man, we were... we...

I don't... I don't even know how to explain it,

'cause I don't want to use too strong of words,

but we were... we were...

we just fucked people up.

I mean, it just was crazy.

We had license to pretty much...

to do whatever you want.

Take cover!

It's on, motherfucker! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Marines are killers, man. That's what we are.

We create hellfire, that's what we do.

That's probably the biggest mistake we made is, uh...

sending, you know,

100,000 Marines to... to police Iraq.

You don't send killers to keep the peace, man.

You don't.

I'll never forget gettin' hit,

and they told us...

"We've got two different rooms, all right?

"One room is for people that are gonna live.

"When they're injured, you bring 'em to that room.

"And the gym... the gym is expectant.

Gym means you ain't gonna make it."

And the first night that we brought guys back

into the expectant room...

the screams from that room...

that's when reality sets in.

You know, that guy's not gonna pull through.

That was the same guy that the night before,

I was up on a turret with, you know what I mean?

And, I mean, where is he gonna be tomorrow?

You know. And...

that's really the "firt" death...

The first death is when it really sinks in.

My thoughts out here really are just,

"This is my job. This is what I do."

If I died, uh...

it's simple as that, you know.

I basically told everyone back home,

"Until I come back home, just consider me dead."

You know, this way...

You know, and that's how I operate out here.

I keep going. Take a route and...

Yeah, I went to the ground.

Pulled me back, looked at myself real quick,

make sure I wasn't bleeding, kept going.

And that's what you gotta do, you gotta keep pressing,

not only for yourself, but for the platoon,

for the company, to finish the mission.

So, out here...

you hear the things whizzing by you,

things are blowing up around you,

but it's instilled in you

to continue on, to not falter.

It's... It's just second nature for us.

That pile of dirt...

can almost guarantee you that was an IED.

We've been driving down these little back roads...

you've got all these different alleys.

Any time, an RPG gunner could pop out and just...

just hit us with one.

This is the ghetto OP here.

Let's go.

Hey, I've been trying to get a Frisbee

for fuckin'... since we been here.

Well, I'll tell you what, when we left the first time,

I never thought I'd be coming back.

And, uh, when we left, it was pretty peaceful.

And we came back, it was crazy.

So... I don't know.

I'm actually having a ball.

But it's a little different.

This time, I left a wife and a kid,

whereas last time I left a fifth of Jack, you know?

This time, yeah, I'm definitely watchin'

my own ass a little bit more,

just 'cause I want my kid to have a dad.

Oh!

I don't know, I'm pretty psyched to go home

and get out of the Marine Corps, but...

now we have time to do things like this,

what we should be doing.

Help these people out.

Boost their morale, boost their confidence

so they can help us finish this thing off.

'Cause that's what it's gonna take,

is the Iraqi people to help us.

The first day back in the States,

there's signs all over the highway

coming in through Fallbrook,

"Welcome home, 2/5! Welcome home, 2/5!"

There'll be somebody's name

or something like that, you know?

They hold this formation, we march up there

all super motivated... Everyone's marching in time,

calling, like, that old

drill instructor cadence, you know?

In raggedy-ass cammies and shit.

And, uh, people are... taking pictures of us.

And that's, like, actually one of, like, the proudest

I've ever felt my entire life, man.

Coming back and everyone's, like,

cheering for you and shit, you know?

Company... dismissed!

What a great day.

But after a couple days of being home, it's like...

"Well, fuckin' now what?" You know what I'm saying?

This is my area.

It's not insomnia, it's duty.

That's what I say.

I stay up so that I can watch

the whole complex go to sleep,

and then I can go to sleep.

Sittin' on my porch, man.

It's where I go every night.

You gotta have a spot you can retreat to.

It's gotta be your spot, you know, where...

you're kind of in control, you know?

And most of the guys I talk to,

they have that same shit... Like, their basement,

or their fuckin' backyard, or whatever.

Gotta have a place to decompress, every day.

'Cause at the end of every day,

I'm full to the limit with...

stress and whatever.

You have no fuckin' idea what it's like to...

not be able to sleep, man.

It wears on you, and you start to go,

"I'm a burden to my family.

"I'm a burden to myself. I'm a burden to everybody.

I should just fuckin' shoot myself."

I don't know, man, the long arm

of the American government, I...

That was me, that's who I was, man.

I was the fuckin'...

judge, jury, and executioner.

And it... I didn't like it.

I still don't like it.

But I don't regret it.

I feel like there's a part of myself

over there, you know?

And that's why I went back my fir...

Like, after my first combat tour.

When I decided to go back,

I felt I needed to, man.

I still feel that...

whatever it was I was doing over there,

it's not fuckin' done yet.

I mean, I'm home and I know

I'm not getting shot at anymore,

and no one's, like, really trying to kill me.

But... I don't think you can ever really...

I don't know, man. I don't think

anybody ever really comes home.

Being unarmed bugged the shit outta me.

Had to have... I had to have some kind of weapon nearby.

Um... I couldn't sleep.

Falling asleep was this ordeal.

I'd be tired and I'd lay down,

and I'd lay there for two hours.

My mind would just go and go and go.

The biggest hurt for me was, you know,

I've ruined people's lives.

I arrested people that I didn't even know were terrorists.

You know, I took fathers away from children.

I took children away from fathers.

And, not only that, but...

I permanently took children away from fathers.

You know, I mean, we pulled the fuckin' trigger.

There's no if, ands, or buts about it.

You know... a killer's a killer.

Period.

And so, the first few years were tough.

You know, I spent a lot of time drinking.

You know, I got into trouble with the law, you know.

And, uh... I spent a little time in jail.

And, for me, it was basically, um...

you know, coming out of jail and getting into the V.A.

and realizing the way I'm doing it,

it's not working, you know?

When I first got back, you know,

I had a lot of rage issues. I would...

You know, my first apartment that I had,

there were so many holes in the walls.

You know, just trashed my car.

I-I punctured the tires on my own car one time

'cause I was pissed off.

Dented, you know, the side of it,

broke a window. Um... I broke my own bones.

Pulled a shotgun on a neighbor one time.

Spent, you know, almost a night in the custody

of the Long Beach Police Department.

Um, I just... you know, I struggle

with rage in a big way,

and it ruined relationships for me and...

And strained other relationships for me,

and put me to a place where I kind of did

draw off by myself and get very alone and...

And lost contact with all but a couple of people.

I've been on 32 different types of medications.

Anti-psychosis to heavy narcotics,

tranquilizers, all the way down.

The pill-taking point was my low.

I mean, you know, that...

That's when I actually put a bullet...

or a gun in my mouth, you know?

Loaded up a fuckin'...

a Glock right in front of my wife.

And, you know, told her...

"This is it.

I don't have anything else to live for."

And... you know, it's...

it's then that... After that moment,

the look that I seen in my wife's eyes,

I've never seen before.

And it's... it was a look of,

you know, of her being scared.

I've never seen her scared before.

Not... not like that.

And, I'll... never forget it.

Took that right on out the mouth and...

I haven't done it since, you know what I mean?

And from that moment on, you know,

I realized... I need help.

I didn't want to be defined as,

you know, a Marine or combat Marine.

But what I realized after ten years

is that is a part of you, and it does define you.

And it's something that for a long, long time,

I tried to put in the background,

shake off, whatever you want to call it,

and it was a real moment, actually,

a real moment of clarity for me.

Um, not too long ago.

About a year ago, speaking to a Vietnam veteran

who basically said, "Son, that never goes away.

"That's just the way it is.

You're gonna have to learn to deal with it.

Daddy, there was...

I got out of the Marines, uh, Thanksgiving Day of '05.

You're at home, you're safe, and you're sitting there

with your kid and your wife, you know, and...

and it was really over.

That's... that's my mommy, that's you.

I saw the man on his worst day,

and, you know, I'm glad I did it,

because now I know exactly what to teach my son.

You know, I know exactly what to tell him.

And I know exactly how to treat him when...

You know, when he wants to go do that crap, you know?

And... And I can write music about it,

and I can, uh...

I suffered a little bit, but I can...

I can help a lot of people, I think.

Towards the middle of that tour in Ramadi,

I started to really have an issue

with the way we were... handling things.

Um... the whole...

the interruption of people's lives,

I had a huge problem with.

If you tell... start bitching to your men about it,

then you're just a useless squad walkin' around.

So, I'd use my guitar as an outlet...

you know, to... To bitch and complain

about the way things were going.

And this way, the boys aren't hearing me,

uh, talk trash about... About the war.

And about the administration we were under.

As... As we would get hit really bad or lose someone,

or someone would get wounded, um,

all this music became reflective suddenly.

The funny stuff ended just immediately.

That's when I became a songwriter,

right then and there.

I started playing music with a local band,

uh, just having fun.

And I was getting ready for a gig in Cincinnati.

And I get the phone call from Mike Cerre.

And he was a journalist that was embedded with us in Iraq.

And, uh, he called me and said,

"Hey, you know...

You know who Neil Young is?"

I'm like, "Yeah. Yeah, I know who he is."

So, he's like, "I'm doing this movie for him,

"'CSNY/Déjà Vu.' And he's, uh,

"he's really into your music and stuff, man.

"He wants to... he wants you to come up

"and play with him and stuff.

When he comes through town."

And I'm like, "What?"

What's the order? Here's the man.

Oh, hey, Josh. Hey!

How are you? Ah, give it up, big guy.

How are ya? Good to see ya!

Winner time! Mark, mark, mark!

Yeah, are you feeling good to be

back home for a while and...

Yes! I'm doing well.

Taking it easy. Adapting.Good. Great.

Yeah, really.

All right, let's do it.

Ladies and gentlemen, Neil Young!

The reason we did it was to shoot

this documentary, "CSNY/Déjà Vu."

We did Sundance together.

We did a couple other shows that, you know...

and it's just been going on ever since.

Jackie, I want to thank you so much.

And it's a real pleasure for me to introduce

this friend of mine.

A guy that's in our movie, uh, "Déjà Vu."

He's a... he's a soldier that was in Iraq, twice.

He's a songwriter,

and he's here tonight to play for you.

His name is Josh Hisle, and he'll be playing

with his accompanist, Jennifer Wheatley.

So, how about a big hand for Josh and Jennifer?

Hi, I'm Josh. This is Jennifer.

Um, wow!

Neil Young.

All right, we're just gonna get right into it, okay?

And what happened was,

once we started hitting the road

and started sharing this music,

I suddenly became this guy

that all these vets wanted to talk to.

We'd have all these vets in the crowd,

and they'd be talking to us afterwards

about how... we keep 'em...

you know, we're keeping 'em alive, or...

or, uh, you know, they can listen to our music

and be all right, and feel all right.

And they can relate to everything.

So... it just turned into something real powerful, man.

And then when that happ... Once that happens, man,

once you decide that...

that you care about these people,

you're married to it forever, you know?

Great job, man! Great!

Thank you. All right.

Beautiful.

After Josh got out

and he started getting, you know, a little famous

touring with Stills and Nash and all those guys,

CNN did a piece on... on him, and he was singing,

I think that song "Traitor's Death,"

or something like that.

And CNN was doing this piece about, you know,

just the whole anti-war thing.

And I'm still in, man, I'm getting ready

to go back again.

And I saw that shit, and I was like,

"Fucking Hisle, dude."

I'm s... "Fuck that guy, dude. How could you do that?"

I was so mad at him for like the longest time, dude.

And then, I like... I came across

some of his other... I think it was that song "Bail Me Out."

And this is a fucking pretty righteous song, man, you know?

And especially after I got out and started

looking at things more objectively, and you know,

I started, like, "Well, I... I pretty much agree with him."

My biggest hope is that people can listen to my music

and see a painted picture of, "A,"

what you're gonna have to do

if you go over there, and the things

that you're gonna encounter.

And, "B," what you live with

for the rest of your life after you do it.

If you can listen to music or watch a film

and educate yourself, and know what...

You know these horrors of war without having to go do it.

That's the mission, man, that's the mission.

My pleasure, man.

What a perfect night for Josh Hisle

to be sharing his music with us.

Make welcome and celebrate the Fourth of July

with Josh Hisle.

2008, I did Sundance with Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

It was really cool.

After that ended, I started looking for gigs,

came home and was... went on the road with Mikey Ronstadt.

And we got a call from Walt Michael,

who runs a music and arts festival

called Common Ground on the Hill.

And he hired us in to tell our story,

and to... to play music and to teach music.

And it's a great gig. He's like, "It's a whole week,

and you live on a college campus, you get paid, you get fed."

And I get there, and it's just this incredible community

of people who truly took me in.

And even though I was teaching, I was learning so much,

making some of the best friends in my life.

And I started to heal as a result

of Common Ground on the Hill.

Thanks.

Thank you. Thanks a lot.

Common Ground on the Hill was founded in 1994,

and the idea was to bring together artists

and to foster dialogue among artists

about day-to-day boots on the ground issues

for all of us in our society.

At the same time, we celebrate our arts,

and we believe that a healthy society

is one that has its arts happening.

Josh Hisle came to us, I think four years ago,

and I was immediately blown away by his songs,

and his ability.

And not only ability, but his...

need to speak freely and to speak truth.

And I felt like we needed to hear that,

and I feel that our country and our world

needs to hear this.

We take the warriors who, um... who serve us,

who serve our countries, and we train them,

and they do their work as requested.

And then, we forget about them.

We honor them.

In this generation, we're honoring these people.

But I'm not sure we follow up right,

and I'm not sure that, um, unless we hear their stories

and allow them to be okay with their stories,

that we're doing our jobs as citizens.

We were asked to come back a second year and a third year.

After a while, I decided that this was helping me.

This was helping me psychologically.

I was feeling worth something again,

I was... you know, I was feeling like I was contributing again.

I was writing music that I wasn't just complaining

about my woes anymore, I was writing music

that was helping me, it was healing me, my own soul.

And their music was healing my soul.

I just wanna thank you guys from the bottom of my heart

for bringing me in here four years ago

and saving my life.

It changed the game for me completely.

War changes you, period.

It helps me a lot to hear what everyone's thinking.

You know what I mean, it helps me

to know how you guys feel.

So, I just wanted to thank all of you,

and give yourselves a huge round of applause.

Go ahead, give it up for yourselves.

You guys are awesome.

I knew that if this could help me,

it could help other veterans.

So, naturally, I reached out to Blackhearts, people I knew,

that I knew, I'd been in contact,

and I knew were having a hard time,

or could... I think could benefit from this.

We formed the Vets Initiative Common Ground on the Hill

three years ago.

We're bringing veterans... Scholarshipping veterans

and bringing 'em to Common Ground on the Hill,

to various places, Westminster, Maryland,

here in Gettysburg, as well as Tucson, Arizona.

And the idea is to reintegrate warriors, returning warriors

back into civilian society through arts and music,

and... and classroom programming.

And, you know, we raise money throughout the year,

uh, just guerilla-style, to bring these guys in,

and it's been successful thus far.

Made a left turn and driven about a mile and a half...

Hisle, he called me and he told me

about this Common Ground event.

And he told me that... Started... just kinda told me

something about, "Oh, there's this, like, festival

"and there's, um... uh, music.

There's, uh... the trade skills, classes."

I talked to Blakley for a little bit,

and he explained to me what... what Common Ground was,

and... I couldn't pass it up.

First time Hans told me about it,

I... I looked at the video,

and I was like, "What the fuck is this?"

I mean, it was... It was a hippie fest, you know?

It was like, it was artists.

Like, "Dude, I don't play no music.

What the hell am I gonna do here?"

Obviously, it was a little bit of culture shock at first.

But since I've been here, over the last few days,

I think it's imperative that veterans are here,

so that everybody else can have a more educated opinion

on what we are doing when we're in,

what we're doing when we get out,

and that we're just people, too.

Don't knock it till you try it, that's really the only...

The only way you can explain it.

Because it's not until you get here

that you realize that people still care about you.

Those of you in here who aren't combat veterans,

you're in here for a reason.

You're in here to understand

that we're in here with you to understand.

Uh, brought you here to bridge a gap, you know.

When you come back, being 23 years old

when I got out of the Army, all of my friends,

I mean, they're just getting done finishing up

their bachelor's degree, and I don't even know

how to conduct myself like a normal human being...

when I'm being reintroduced into society.

My friends are like, "What is wrong with you?

"Why are you driving 110 miles an hour,

dodging bags of trash blowing across the road?"

And it's incredibly hard for them to empathize

with what we've been through.

There'll be no shortage of suicides this year.

There'll be no shortage of wars in the future.

And just remember that it's gonna...

There's gonna be a lot more boys and girls

to take care of that are coming back.

There were a couple of other classes

that I thought about taking.

And something just drew me to this.

I... I guess it's the need to understand more.

You know, we love to say "support our troops,"

and, "Oh, I support our vets."

But you know, flag waving and all that kind of stuff

isn't... that's not gonna do too much.

I think we have a real responsibility to...

To do more to get to know them,

and to, uh, to find out how we can help them.

To get their perspective just puts everything

in a whole different light,

which I'm gonna take away for me,

and you know, remember forever, really.

One of the cool things about the Veterans Initiative

is the cast, the vets that come.

We got a lot of young Iraq guys

that are really having a hard time

trying to find some way up and out.

Then you got Ragtime, a Vietnam-era Marine.

He's found this level of peace,

and he's like a great mentor to the younger guys.

And sometimes, just being in contact with other...

With other warriors, um... that's all you need,

just to be in touch again, just to be able to talk

to someone who speaks your language.

Well, as you can see,

we're making a totem pole for everybody.

We're hopefully gonna represent everybody

that came with us in the initiative.

We got Fox 2/5's insignia.

Old Ragtime, who's an old former Marine,

he wanted a peace symbol, so he's been working

on his peace symbol and getting everybody started in it.

I make music with a file, they make music with a guitar.

It's all... it's all the same thing.

Each one is art, it's just art in a different direction.

It's almost surreal because it's ten years of time

that have gone by since I've seen a lot of these people.

You know, it's been a long road, I guess you could say.

You... you either choose to reinvent yourself

and change along the way, or you...

you get stuck in the mire, and that's those guys

that we're trying to help and, you know, just show 'em

that it's okay to look forward.

It's okay to not be the quintessential tough guys.

It's okay to... to not have to think about it every day.

You know, you're not doing any of the people

that were left behind an injustice

by putting their memory away.

'Cause if they were alive, they'd tell you,

"Why aren't you living your life?

"Why aren't you keeping going?

Why aren't you expressing yourself," you know?

So, you can either let it destroy you,

or you can take it and use it to heal the world.

And so, that's what this place is all about,

and I absolutely love it.

When I got back from 'Nam, I didn't want to be

that person that I was.

I didn't like him very much.

And Ragtime came about as I was just searching for an identity.

I heard that on a song by The Band

called "Rockin' Chair."

Not gonna sail the seven seas anymore.

He's gonna sit on his porch in his rocker

with his old friend Ragtime.

And... and I heard that name, and... it's just who I became.

It just was so cool, that I felt that that's who I was.

Being an artist was quite a shift.

It seemed very strange that that was kinda my path,

was gonna be into art rather than violence,

or killing, or something like that.

I just thought my whole past life

hadn't been going towards art at all.

I avoided it... with extreme prejudice.

And, um... now, I want to be an artist,

but I still don't really think of myself as that.

I'm still just basically a grunt that does some things well.

Well, this is a piece I did about 15 years ago,

when, um, I was just starting to be diagnosed with PTSD.

The head is a mass of disorganized matter.

And the hair, it swirls between chaos and order.

The shoulders are crying deep blue water,

and the neck is a simmering volcano.

And that's how life was for a while.

This gold beam is coming in to try to defuse

the disorganization in there and bring healing.

I guess that's what this is gonna try

to put the pieces back together.

It took 30 years till they started recognizing PTSD.

And so, all those years in there,

I went through a marriage, I went through a lot of things,

you know, and it's like, I didn't know

what was wrong with me.

And when the first night I got to Common Ground,

it was just like, all these guys

and all this energy that I hadn't felt

in that mass for a long, long time.

I loved it.

I feel like I'm over the hill, man.

But I can still have a few shots in...

I can help the younger bucks with.

But they gotta be there, too.

And that's why I want to be a part of Common Ground,

'cause there's people actually walking the walk.

I do feel that I have not lived in vain.

Maybe somewhere down the road, someone will look at my life

and say, "Well, Ragtime wasn't drinking the Kool-Aid."

War sucks.

There's never been a good war or a bad peace.

As far as being a warrior goes,

I'm very proud that I was able to accomplish that in my life,

and I feel good about that.

But what I did with that was not good at all.

I don't like what we did to the Vietnamese people at all.

It's put a hole in my soul that's still there.

It ain't over yet, and I've...

I've been a grunt for... Since 1963.

It's okay to be a warrior.

It's strength, it's not the fight.

You know, feeling more like a warrior now.

As long as I'm here, I'm... It's the American Dream.

Right on.

America forgot what it was supposed to be doing.

But I remember.

So, this is the worst part right here.

Just, you know, like, being on the 405 right here

where it kind of merges with the 101,

and then when it starts to, you know, go more south

through the Getty Center and into the Wilshire District.

That territory, that just kind of...

It really gets me, 'cause right here,

you feel like you're bottlenecked in,

and like, you know, there's people over there

that somebody can post if they really didn't like other people.

It's a tactical advantage for the enemy.

This place is... I mean, a lot of casualties

could happen here.

And it's just, you know, all it takes is one asshole

to go up there and, you know... make people's lives a hell.

I only did one tour in Iraq. I invaded, and, uh...

I mean, like, everybody that was in my fire team

is... is gone now.

They died either coming home or serving

in Ramadi the second time.

These guys were all guys that had just extraordinary futures

laid out for them.

Yeah, I mean, in some sense, I feel like I betrayed them

because I didn't go back with them.

That guilt just starts to set in,

and I felt this urge to still help.

My service was not done.

And I couldn't let my brothers down.

You just gotta live your life wholly and fully,

and peacefully, and you gotta show that that is possible,

and that's how you honor them.

The things I... I really honed in on

to help me heal were simple things,

like planting your own vegetables

and building, you know, simple things.

Your dog, feeding him.

Daily tasks that are routines that bring you so much joy.

You know, cooking and loving food,

and loving how a community works,

especially the folk scene, you know,

the folk... the folk communities,

where people are sharing music and food and stories.

Those things really kind of give me a sense of purpose

and a sense to move on.

Like Ragtime, he's reached the farthest stage of healing,

I mean, that you can probably possibly reach.

He's found his inner peace.

He knows he has to live with the tragedies in his life,

but he doesn't dwell on 'em.

That is, in my eyes, it is attainable.

I know it is.

I know it is because I know I have support

from other veterans.

A lot of guys, they just get out

and they're... they're really lost, you know?

And there's other things that need to happen, obviously,

at the local level, to help veterans heal more holistically.

The work's not done.

This war is gonna keep going on,

and we need to keep welcoming these guys home

and getting them the services they need,

and the government can't do that.

The government can provide infrastructure,

but it can't... it can't touch down at a local level,

at a grassroots level, it just can't.

You need empowered veterans to empower other veterans

to do these things.

Matt Lorscheider, he was a... he was a Marine infantryman

from Fox company, 2nd Battalion, 5th Marines.

After that, he went to college, got his bachelor's,

and followed by a master's degree,

and... now has decided to help homeless veterans

with the New Directions program.

So, we're gonna go pay him a visit right now

and get a little bit of... of information

on what he has to say about it, and what he's been doing

since he's been out of the Marine Corps.

The veteran population we work with is 100% homeless.

One doesn't become homeless because they have

excellent job skills, for the most part.

So, we're addressing the statistics that, you know,

probably 98% of our population

could use some retraining in those skills.

There is a correlation between companies

that have a reputation for bad customer service

and companies that pay low wages

and give not a lot of hours, and don't pay benefits,

and those things are connected.

I first came to work here

because I wanted to do something that'd help my fellow vets.

And it just, like, it made a big difference to me

when I was working with people and they were or weren't vets.

You know, I... when I was trying to talk to somebody

about my situations, and they weren't a veteran,

no matter how much they tried to say,

"Oh, well, I work with veterans all the time,"

or, "Oh, my... you know, my husband's a vet,"

or, "My cousin's a vet," or, "My uncle's a vet,"

it's not the same.

It's not the same as if you haven't really done it.

It gives me a certain level of legitimacy when dealing

with combat veterans and combat arms veterans

that have... that have been in that kind of stuff,

where I can say, you know what,

you know, I've had people shooting at me, too.

You know, I've... I've shot people.

I know what that's about.

There's kind of a trend going on right now,

and it's been going on for a few years,

where guys are getting kicked out of the military.

You know, they basically act out with rage

related to PTSD, or they start using drugs to self-medicate,

or they start using alcohol to self-medicate.

And when they get kicked out on OTHs...

On Other Than Honorable discharges,

they lose their entitlement to VA healthcare,

including healthcare and mental healthcare

for the very conditions that got them kicked out,

conditions that were started because they served in combat.

That's absolutely criminal to me,

because they're putting a whole generation of veterans

directly into the streets by doing that.

It needs to stop right away.

And you can print that, you can tell that to Congress,

you could tell that to Obama, whoever's in charge.

Like, that needs to stop yesterday.

No matter where my career takes me,

you know, I know it's gonna be doing something

that benefits veterans and society, you know.

I... my desire to serve my country and all that

didn't end the day I, you know, got my DD 214.

My purpose is I wanna help people,

and I'm starting with people like me, other veterans.

You know, veterans that... That maybe didn't take advantage

of their opportunities the way I did,

or you know, guys who are just struggling and need a hand.

That's what we did in the military, that's what we did

in the Marine Corps, you know, you helped a buddy out.

I'm not gonna stop doing that now.

You know, once a Marine, always a Marine.

That's what it's all about for me.

It gives me a great deal of hope to see

Marines I served with, Marines I didn't serve with,

warriors from all different branches,

starting these small organizations

to help one another.

That's the potential here, and that's what's happening.

As we empower each other as veterans,

and then we start bridging the gap with civilians again,

and all these people are empowered,

and they all are so happy to help,

and they're so willing to work,

it's like, it just spreads like wildfire.

Although we all have our issues...

And make no mistake, going to combat,

you don't come home the same...

But to see 'em going forward in spite of that

gives me immense hope, and for the sake of hope,

we have to keep doing this.

We had did the run, you know,

the couple hundred mile running gun fight to Baghdad.

And then after we secured Baghdad,

I guess the forces... The US forces

kinda spread out across the country.

My unit, we were tasked in the Babylon province.

So, we were down by, you know, the ruins of Babylon.

And of course, while we were there,

we would do a lot of counterambush patrols.

We'd go out in the city and basically, you know,

try and elicit a response,

you know, from the... From the enemy fighters

that, you know, were in the...

That were out there kinda waiting.

And we were headed out of the city on one of the routes,

and they had 500 20-millimeter tank rounds

daisy-chained together and wired to a car battery

laying off the road.

And so, the... the Iraqi Reform fighter or whoever it was,

you know, waited until we, you know, rolled up on the IED,

and then set if off when it was right next to our tire.

That was the first IED attack for our unit

of the entire war.

Luckily, they weren't very good at it then.

You know, nobody was seriously injured.

But it was... it was mainly the blast wave.

You know, as that blast passes through your brain,

you know, it... it could do some serious damage,

you know, long-term damage.

And at the time, you know, in '03,

they didn't understand blast wave injuries,

you know, traumatic brain injury as well as they do now.

Had that happened today, you know,

I'd spend the next 30 days in a dark room, you know,

resting the brain and giving it time to heal.

But back then, you know, I wasn't missing any limbs,

you know what I mean, and the next day,

we're out on patrol doing it again.

When we got out of the Marine Corps,

Kenny and I stayed in touch.

He was someone who I always held as a... as a close friend.

And it was very difficult, because I knew him before Iraq.

So, I knew the happy-go-lucky kid,

the guy that was just overall an up-spirit type of person.

And so, when we came back, you know, it was pretty obvious

that he was struggling and having some problems.

About ten years after getting back from Iraq

and going through the VA, you know, going through

the process of being treated for posttraumatic stress,

my doc had prescribed a service dog.

He said, you know, "I think a service dog

"would be the next best stage treatment for you

in your posttraumatic stress."

And so, you know, I started going through the process

of trying to find an organization to work with.

The VA doesn't provide them or pay for 'em,

so you know, basically, I was on my own,

just like any other vet, you know, that's gonna be trying

to figure out where to get a service dog.

My best option turned out to be going with an organization

that wasn't a nonprofit that actually charged me

$15,000 for Atlas.

And you know, being a disabled Marine on disability,

you know, and having that... That fixed income, you know,

I understand that most other vets in my position,

you know, they're just not gonna be able to afford that.

I called him, I'm like, what's... What are you talking about?

You know, why does a dog cost $15,000?

I knew he was service connected 100%,

so I said, "Why isn't the VA paying for this,

you know, and what is this all about?"

So, during that initial conversation

when he's explaining to me how this dog is helping him

and what the dog can do for him,

it was a pretty significant moment in my life

that I remember, because I knew that

that was going to be a fantastic opportunity

to help other veterans.

I was trained to, you know, turn it on.

I was trained to turn on that kill switch.

I was... I was trained to... thrive in combat and survive.

But the problem comes back, is when we come back stateside,

you know, and we take that uniform off

and we, you know, take the weapons to the armory,

and you go back to your house,

you know, and you go back to your wife,

and you go back to that civilian setting.

We're not trained to turn it off.

We're not trained to turn off that hyper-vigilance,

those survival instincts that we have,

that were reinforced and honed

depending on how long you were there and how close,

you know, you came to dying while you were there.

My Battle Buddy, I'll take him to the mall.

You know, I take him out to these public places,

you know, all the places that I spent years avoiding.

And so, over time, it's... It essentially has become

that retraining, you know, allowing me to...

I guess basically reintegrate myself

back into that civilian world.

Atlas has definitely been a life-changer for me.

He's got different tasks that he's trained to do,

and he's trained to wake me from nightmares.

So, you know, if at 3 a.m., you know, I'm sweating

and you know, cussing in Arabic,

he'll jump up on the bed, you know, and either lay on me

or lick my face and wake me up.

You know, there's different things he can do,

where he'll post, you know, turn around and face behind me

so I'm not hyper-vigilant, or I don't have to be,

you know, as on alert as, you know, I had been for years.

You know, there's all sorts of things that they can be trained

to do that... That really just help

increase that quality of life on a daily basis,

help mitigate, you know, some of those symptoms

that would keep you from doing things.

I'd actually been looking for a charity to get involved with.

And I came back to him and I said, "Hey,

"what do you think about, you know, starting a charity,

"you know, together, the two of us,

and helping other vets do this?"

And you know, he said, "There's nothing I'd rather do."

And... and that was it.

And his brother John came on board,

and the idea was... was born.

You know, there's a need in that veteran community.

There's a great need.

And when I looked for that help, it wasn't there.

I sincerely believe that we're gonna be one of the biggest

organizations that there ever were for veterans.

I don't see why we shouldn't be.

We're not looking at just sending veterans

away for a weekend, you know, or, you know,

helping 'em catch up on bills for a month

and then say, you know, "Good luck,

we hope the rest of your life's better."

When these veterans commit to getting a Battle Buddy

through the Battle Buddy Foundation,

and when they commit to becoming a part of this program

and a part of this family, it's for life.

When it comes to life after combat,

there are no unobtainable goals.

It blows me away because I'll... You know, I get vets

that look at me like I'm some kind of example or something.

And I'm like, "Brother,

"man, I got the same nightmares you do, you know.

"I've got the same, you know, sins and the same struggles,

"you know, and the same torment on the inside,

you know, that you do."

But instead of spending my days hiding in the garage,

you know, thinking about it,

now, I've got no time... I ain't got no time for that.

The most exciting thing about the situation

we're in as veterans right now is the potential.

If you can go take Ramadi at 18 years old with your friends,

you can do anything. You can start a program.

You could have the biggest program in the country.

Why not?

There's value in walking that dark path and surviving.

You know, there's value

in being there for your brothers and sisters.

Positive ripples just make positive tsunamis, you know?

It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

I don't think it's reaching to say that 100% of people

that have been in combat have one buddy

that they can still reach out to,

no matter how far down the line they go.

Call that person, tell that person what you're going through.

They might be going through the same thing.

You know, they might need you as much as you need them.

We're all in this together,

and, um... we swore an oath.

And that oath just never dies.

If I could have a voice to most veterans,

it's just, it gets better, man.

I think vets really need to help vets

and let 'em know, dude, it's gonna be all right.

Can you imagine a company of Marines,

an entire company of Marines,

the greatest fighting force in the world,

all dedicated to doing good for the rest of their lives?

There's no... there's no ceiling on that.

It could go to the moon, I mean, it's crazy.

So, we need to spread this positivity,

because it's out there, people are doing it.

And I just think that story needs to be told.

We're gonna wrap, I wanna ask you

if there's anything you wanna say

that we haven't said?

Any grand statement you wanna make, anything.

Not really. I mean, I said everything.

I don't have a grand statement. I never did.