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1
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2
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[panting]
3
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:46,384
[grunting]
4
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:51,020
[growling]
5
00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:56,192
♪♪ [rock guitar]
6
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,040
♪ The devil's eye
will be the death of me a'?
7
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:08,811
♪ My weapon's warm
It keeps me company ♪
8
00:01:11,538 --> 00:01:15,645
♪ There's Purple Hearts,
and they're all around us ♪
9
00:01:15,708 --> 00:01:19,087
♪ The Silver Star
is in the sky ♪
10
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:22,217
♪ The devil's eye
will be the death of me a'?
11
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,462
♪ Huah ♪
12
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:29,731
♪ Huah ♪
13
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:36,766
♪ They're coming in low
above the desert plain ♪
14
00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:41,039
♪ Oh, yeah,
they're dusting crops ♪
15
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,638
♪ Looks like a poison rain ♪
16
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:49,745
Muzak ringtone]
17
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,565
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
18
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:02,691
[straining]
19
00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:05,429
I can't do this.
20
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:06,698
[screaming]
21
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,468
[Sighs]
22
00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:13,511
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
Bachelor party!
23
00:02:13,566 --> 00:02:16,513
Bachelor party!
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
24
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:19,482
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
Bachelor party!
25
00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:22,577
Bachelor party!
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
26
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:26,249
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
27
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,087
Hey, hey-
28
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,094
You gotta catch up.
Here, here, here.
29
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,720
You're late to your own
bachelor party,
30
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,695
- Chug, chug, chug.
- What are you doing?
31
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:35,289
I'm sorry.
32
00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:37,301
- Why did you do that?
- You held my nose.
33
00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:39,234
It's like a shotgun.
You plug the shotgun hole.
34
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,135
- You're an idiot.
- You are an idiot, Nick.
35
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:43,731
You wouldn't know an idiot
if it smacked you in the face.
36
00:02:43,796 --> 00:02:47,266
Smack me in the face,
so I have a frame of reference.
37
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:50,644
- You want a slap fight?
- Yeah, yeah.
38
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:54,583
I'm so glad you're here, man.
These two make me wanna puke.
39
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,211
That's a very underwhelming
mustache.
40
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:59,189
Why do you guys
all have mustaches?
41
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:02,249
We have mustaches for you,
for your bachelor party.
42
00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:03,760
Did we not discuss this
with you?
43
00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:05,159
No.
44
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:07,425
- Really?
- Yeah. What about Nick?
45
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:10,400
Nick got confused.
46
00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:12,402
I thought I texted you from
my second phone. I'm so sorry.
47
00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:14,233
No, I think I would've
remembered that.
48
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:16,433
I'm sorry. I guess I haven't
seen you in a while.
49
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,271
How you been?
50
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:20,436
- Not great, actually.
- Just hold on tight
51
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,481
'cause these guys have been
living for this week.
52
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:24,742
Yeah, look, the thing is--
53
00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:26,579
Wait, wait, wait!
We got rules.
54
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,550
You need to learn the rules.
55
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:31,282
Colin and me wrote rules,
and you gotta learn 'em.
56
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:33,483
- They made rules.
- Yeah!
57
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,253
[clears throat]
58
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:37,420
Bachelor parties.
59
00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:42,489
I'm so sick of going to
bachelor parties and fishing.
60
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:43,659
[blows raspberry]
61
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,930
- Or whitewater rafting.
- Boo!
62
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,596
That is not a bachelor party.
63
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,264
- That's a party.
-lt's just camping.
64
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,899
A bunch of cock and balls
sleeping in the woods.
65
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,240
- It's a schlong-a-thon.
- Now, this great tradition
66
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,939
is not only a send-off
of one's bachelorhood,
67
00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:58,505
but a way to send
said bachelor off
68
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:02,451
with a train car
full of regret so deep,
69
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:04,351
you'll never wanna be
a bachelor again.
70
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,412
That's beautiful, Colin,
really, but, guys--
71
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:09,619
Rule number one,
get drunk.
72
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:12,219
Fastest train to regret
is alcohol.
73
00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:16,199
Rule number two, stay drunk.
74
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,667
I wrote the first two rules.
75
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:19,635
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Nick!
- It's okay.
76
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,569
- I knew you'd freak out.
- Is he drinking?
77
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:24,472
It's been five years, man.
I need a fucking break.
78
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,339
- I don't think--
- Who cares if he dies?
79
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:28,470
- It doesn't work that way.
- I can have a beer or two,
80
00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:31,310
in celebration of
your bachelor party, Dad.
81
00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:33,476
I wouldn't even be doing this
it you weren't getting married.
82
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:34,916
- No.
- It's on you, Joe.
83
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,851
- No.
- There's a meeting on Monday.
84
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,946
- I'll be there, okay? Promise.
- Look...
85
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,458
- Or Tuesday at the latest
- I'll give you a ride.
86
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:42,788
I don't think
that's really the point.
87
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,887
Rule number three,
hit the bar.
88
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,761
- Yeah!
- There's no better place
89
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:50,391
to hop on said train of regret
than a bar.
90
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,436
Rule number four,
and this is one of my favorites.
91
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:54,938
- This is a goody.
- Come back to the house
92
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:57,531
for a private viewing
of some of the local ballet.
93
00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:58,598
♪Ooh, ooh ♪
94
00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,576
I said no strippers.
95
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,840
That was the one rule I had,
was no strippers.
96
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:04,609
I lined it up
with a local agency.
97
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,344
Her name is Susan.
I'm sure she's very classy.
98
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,942
- Scotch-Irish, Joe.
- Susie.
99
00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:09,782
- Okay, guys, look.
- She's clean, Joe.
100
00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:12,846
Good. I imagine
they all are clean.
101
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:14,585
- She's clean, Joe.
- She's super clean.
102
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,251
Yeah. We think.
103
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,728
And rule number five,
the final rule,
104
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,025
the most important rule,
105
00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:22,396
the reason why we're all here:
106
00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:24,662
Wake up feeling so hungover
and guilty
107
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:26,635
that you never wanna be
a bachelor again,
108
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:30,072
and thus,
you're ready to be married.
109
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,271
Okay, look.
110
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,041
Guys, I really
just came down here--
111
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:38,275
- I wanted to tell you--
- No, wait, no, no, no.
112
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,375
Before you get
in any speeches, here.
113
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,283
Come on, here, here, here.
114
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,515
Beer, beer.
Okay, okay, now...
115
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:45,715
- Yeah.
- Speech.
116
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:46,950
- I came down--
- Speech, speech!
117
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,720
I came down here
to tell you, guys--
118
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:50,590
Fuck, what am I talking about?
You're the bachelor.
119
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:52,596
You can't do it.
It's bad luck.
120
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,461
- I'll do it, I'll do it.
- Yeah, let's do this.
121
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,466
It's a toast
Come, come, Joe.
122
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,365
Come on, guys,
get in here.
123
00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,631
Okay, all right.
124
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,468
God, this is awkward.
125
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:05,441
Okay, so, Joe,
I've always looked up to you.
126
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,000
I think you know that.
127
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:09,842
You're smart, you're a handsome
son of a bitch.
128
00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:11,677
You've never woken up
next to a fat chick
129
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,718
hitting you because you were
so drunk, you pissed the bed.
130
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:15,514
- Okay, Nick.
- No, it's okay, it's okay.
131
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:16,986
I'm in control now.
132
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:20,047
But before you met Jess,
honestly,
133
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,389
I didn't even know
that love existed.
134
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:23,950
I really didn't.
135
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:26,394
And I've never told you this
before either, but...
136
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,897
it wasn't until I saw
what you and Jess had
137
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:31,060
that I decided to stop drinking,
138
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,365
clean up my life,
find that love for myself
139
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,372
'cause I knew now
that it existed
140
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,066
because of you and Jess.
141
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,076
You inspire me, man.
142
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:43,080
You and Jess inspire me.
Here's to true love.
143
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,548
- Cheers.
- Cheers!
144
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,482
- Okay, you're up.
- My turn.
145
00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:50,749
Uh, to Joe, to Joe.
146
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:53,381
Even though getting married
was the...
147
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:55,392
worst decision I ever made
in my entire life,
148
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:58,019
and I hate my ex
more than anything,
149
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,757
- with every fiber my--
- Okay, all right.
150
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,561
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Before you met Jess,
151
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:06,900
you were very, very lonely,
152
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:08,666
and you hated casual sex
153
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:11,834
for some reason that none of us
could ever figure out.
154
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:15,436
So, yeah, I guess, you know,
marriage, that's the--
155
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,538
that's the right thing
for you to do, so, cheers.
156
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:20,106
- Cheers. That was nice.
- [bottles clink]
157
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,743
Is that me? Should I?
158
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:25,915
All right.
All right. Um...
159
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:28,584
I think you guys know
I don't believe in love.
160
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,924
I certainly don't believe
in weddings, you know,
161
00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:34,795
the idea of families
coming together.
162
00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:44,966
But I do believe in finishing
what you started,
163
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:50,504
so, you know, you said you're
gonna marry this girl and, uh...
164
00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:08,993
Uh, cheers?
165
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,535
Cheers. Yeah, cheers.
166
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:15,095
Okay, end of show.
That's you, Joe, Mr. Bachelor.
167
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,141
Speech!
168
00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:19,437
Are you guys, done?
169
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:24,039
Are you done with your little
speeches and your little rules?
170
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,606
- Yeah.
- What's going on, Joe?
171
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,543
I'm not getting married.
172
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:32,021
- What?
- Are you serious?
173
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,887
Oh, shit.
174
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:35,892
- It's probably for the best
- Shut your mouth, Colin.
175
00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:37,450
Oh, fuck it.
176
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,691
- What happened?
- I don't know. I, uh...
177
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,858
I came home today after work.
178
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,026
This happened today?
179
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,763
Yeah, right before
I drove up here.
180
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:46,963
Oh, fuck.
181
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,530
She was sitting
in the kitchen, crying.
182
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,576
Her...
183
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:56,808
Her ring was on the table,
and she said...
184
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,181
Um...
185
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,749
She said it was over.
186
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,880
Ouch, dude.
187
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,817
What happened to your hand?
188
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,828
- I punched a hole in the wall.
- You okay?
189
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,488
Yeah.
I don't think it's broken.
190
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,124
No, I mean, you.
Are you okay?
191
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:19,692
Oh, um, yeah.
192
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:22,137
Yeah, I think--
I think so.
193
00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:24,003
Maybe it's for the best
194
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,565
That you found out
that she's a bitch now
195
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,076
and not two weeks from now?
196
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,976
Or before a couple of gremlins
crawled out of her.
197
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:31,015
Which you have to pay
child support for
198
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,050
when you only get
to see them every two weeks.
199
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:35,244
You only see your kids
twice a month?
200
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,185
It's a fucking travesty, Nick,
but here's the thing.
201
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,620
I try to look at the positive,
202
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,248
They have soccer games
on the weekends.
203
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,793
I have my boat time.
I don't bring the kids there.
204
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:45,294
It's dangerous, you know.
There's water. They can't swim.
205
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,160
It's not a safe place
for the kids, no.
206
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,563
But I get to do
bachelor parties though.
207
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:50,623
That's the one good thing.
208
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,135
Bachelor parties
with my buddies.
209
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:53,636
- Yeah!
- Oh, shit.
210
00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,263
It's not your bachelor party
anymore.
211
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,807
I'm sorry, Joe.
212
00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:01,243
Hey, man, did she
say anything else?
213
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:04,543
Anything? I mean...
214
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,584
did she say there was
someone else?
215
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:10,309
Joe? Joe?
216
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:15,192
Joe.
217
00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:16,749
- Joe.
- Joe!
218
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:18,727
This is so fucking bad.
219
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,320
Look, I just came up here
to let you guys know
220
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:21,865
that the bachelor party's
over, all right?
221
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,229
I'm sorry.
I know that you guys
222
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,064
were really looking forward
to this weekend,
223
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:28,333
but what I need to do right now
is just figure out my life.
224
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:29,839
What'd you have in mind?
225
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:31,841
Well, for starters,
before it closes,
226
00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:33,171
I'm gonna go to IKEA.
227
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:34,802
- IKEA?
- Yeah.
228
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,938
I don't have anything
to sleep on tonight.
229
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,346
Okay, you just got dumped
230
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,577
two weeks before your wedding,
like garbage,
231
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,142
- and you wanna go to IKEA?
- Yeah, yeah.
232
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,812
I need furniture, you know?
233
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:45,219
I think you just need
to chill out for a minute.
234
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:46,654
Took his furniture.
It happened to me.
235
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:49,124
No, I didn't own any with her.
236
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,092
It was all hers.
And lam chill, all right?
237
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,188
Okay, okay. I can see that
you need furniture.
238
00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,324
Why IKEA?
239
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,629
I like IKEA.
240
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:58,760
Nobody likes IKEA.
241
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:01,065
I do. I like a lot of IKEA.
242
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:03,038
I hate those little wrenches.
243
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:05,097
Oh, yeah, I know.
I swallowed one once.
244
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:06,666
Never came out.
245
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,609
How the fuck did you do that?
246
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:13,083
All right, all right,
all right, Joe, wait.
247
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:14,743
Why IKEA?
248
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:16,844
Because when I get
something from IKEA,
249
00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:19,185
I know exactly how long
it takes to put it together.
250
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:21,054
It says right on the box:
3.4 hours to assemble.
251
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:24,322
I like knowing that for the next
three-point-four hours,
252
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:29,093
I'm gonna be assembling a brown
Brusali with Lonset slats,
253
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:30,862
and a white
stained oak veneer Malm,
254
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:33,369
or whichever fucking IKEA bed
I'm gonna get today.
255
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,099
Okay.
256
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:37,767
Maybe before you go,
257
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,366
you'll have one drink with us
at the bar.
258
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:45,348
It shouldn't take more than
oh-point-four hours.
259
00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:49,240
♪♪
260
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:50,117
♪♪
261
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:51,849
- Nick, get over here.
- Ow.
262
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:53,219
- Hey, Colin!
- What are we doing?
263
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:54,917
Take him. Don't let him go
no matter what.
264
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:56,755
I got him.
We doing this?
265
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,420
Joe, we don't think
you're telling us the truth.
266
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:00,430
- I told you what happened.
- Yeah, but...
267
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:03,933
you didn't tell us
everything that happened.
268
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:05,297
No.
269
00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:07,200
- Yes.
- Why?
270
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:09,796
Because you like to tell
most of the truth.
271
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:12,069
That's not what we want.
That's not what friends do.
272
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:15,078
We want the whole truth.
Did she fucking cheat on you?
273
00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:16,875
- She fucking cheat?
- She fucking cheat on you, Joe?
274
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,916
No. No!
275
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:21,212
Careful. I've been drinking.
276
00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:24,886
- [yells]
- Did you get him?
277
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,252
I was always better
at this game drunk though.
278
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:28,121
It got real.
279
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:29,454
Guys, I don't wanna do this,
all right?
280
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:31,188
Bullshit you don't
wanna do this.
281
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,924
You drove all the way up here.
For a reason, I think.
282
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:35,363
Always there to help us,
but when he needs it,
283
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,456
he won't let us help him.
284
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,798
- Exactly, Nick.
- Classic Joe.
285
00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:40,462
How about you tell us what
really happened to the hand?
286
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:42,267
I told you.
I punched the wall.
287
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,330
Yes, but why?
We've known you since college.
288
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:47,377
The last thing you would ever do
is resort to senseless violence.
289
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,106
I was mad at her.
290
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:50,169
This fucking guy.
291
00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:51,408
You don't punch a fucking wall.
292
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:52,710
Mm-mm.
293
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,378
My fiancé dumped me, all right?
294
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,752
- I was mad at her.
- No, that's wrong.
295
00:12:58,811 --> 00:12:59,983
[thud]
296
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:01,956
- Ah, Jesus, man! Fuck!
297
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:04,358
- Good darts.
- Honestly, I'm just throwing.
298
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:06,362
Just tell us what you won't
fucking tell us, Joe.
299
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:07,829
No, it's
none of your business.
300
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:09,924
Oh, so you admit
there is something else?
301
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:11,798
- Aha.
- Ooh!
302
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,734
We're your friends.
Please.
303
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:14,965
Let us take care of you.
304
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:17,064
- Uh, does this count?
- Yeah.
305
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,836
- Yes.
- Yeah.
306
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,741
Tough love, buddy.
307
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,245
- [splat]
- Ah.
308
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:28,749
[heartbeats]
309
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,048
bear growls]
310
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,488
Joe?
' [bear growls]
311
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:43,056
heartbeats continue]
312
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,332
She's in love with someone else.
313
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:07,550
- Who is he?
- I don't know.
314
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,286
She said she loves him?
315
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:12,056
She said that they didn't cheat,
that they just...
316
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:14,461
fell in love,
but they didn't have sex.
317
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:18,297
Well, if they're in love,
then they're not having sex.
318
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,566
They're making love.
Technically.
319
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:24,198
An emotional affair
is still cheating, Joe.
320
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:28,939
I don't know. She said that it's
not really about him and her.
321
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,537
It's more about us,
our problems.
322
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,446
Oh, fuck that shit.
I hate that excuse.
323
00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:33,881
God, we should find this guy.
324
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,441
We should kick the shit
out of him.
325
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,316
- Can we do that?
- Teach him a lesson.
326
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,549
- Make you feel a lot better.
- Going to jail?
327
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,320
Who's going to jail?
Why would you go to jail?
328
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,361
Show me a cop in the world
who's gonna put you in jail
329
00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:46,327
for taking the guy
who stole your fiancé
330
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,524
and punching him in the face
like a few hundred times.
331
00:14:48,587 --> 00:14:50,123
- Not gonna happen.
- Never happen.
332
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,465
- No.
- He didn't steal my fiancé.
333
00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:55,403
Oh, my God.
Joe, you can't even admit that?
334
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,941
Come on, man. The guy
totally crossed the line.
335
00:14:57,997 --> 00:14:59,874
What line?
336
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:02,572
Yeah, what line?
You...
337
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,615
Oh, yeah, I step over it
all the time.
338
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,172
It's very obvious,
in the moment. Here I am.
339
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:08,582
I'm talking to someone's wife
340
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:12,589
or fiance, mother,
and there's an attraction.
341
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:15,626
And then all of a sudden,
we're sharing energy.
342
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,957
And then there's a line.
There it is.
343
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:19,496
Oh, that line.
Yeah, I know that line.
344
00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:22,031
And I have a choice.
Do I step over it,
345
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,623
or do I step back?
346
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:26,533
Guess what this cum stain did.
He stepped right over it.
347
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,436
- He stepped over the line.
- Stomped over the line.
348
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,168
- He stomped it, Joe.
- Like a stallion.
349
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:35,110
Let me ask you something.
Just hypothetically.
350
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:38,011
If you could do anything
to teach this guy a lesson,
351
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,050
what'd that be?
352
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:44,955
- What, anything?
- Mm-hmm.
353
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,618
I'd make him
dig his own grave.
354
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,322
You'd make him dig
his own grave? Shit!
355
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:54,057
That's so dark.
356
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:57,259
Like in mob movies, right?
When they take a guy out,
357
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:58,927
they take him
to the woods to kill him,
358
00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:01,403
but they make him
dig his own grave first
359
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:04,907
In reality, I mean,
that must take hours, right?
360
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,500
And the whole time
you're digging,
361
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:09,944
you're just thinking
about what you did
362
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,448
that got you
in that situation.
363
00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:15,041
That's genius, man.
364
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,348
Yeah, then you pop that piece of
shit in the back of the head
365
00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:18,444
three times, right?
366
00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:20,421
Blap! Blap! Ra-ta-ta!
367
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:23,983
I'd probably have to, right?
368
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,222
No, you wouldn't.
369
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:30,427
No. You just
turn him around, right?
370
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:33,060
He's sitting there,
he's evacuating his bowels,
371
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,071
looking down
into his own grave,
372
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:36,697
waiting for the lights
to go out,
373
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:38,469
thinking about what he did.
374
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:40,976
And then...
375
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,675
you let him go.
376
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,582
Fuck yeah. Dude would never
mess with you again.
377
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,449
- Yeah.
- Oh! You do nothing.
378
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,487
I love it.
It's the ultimate revenge.
379
00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:53,284
You're sick.
380
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:56,224
Well, how about, uh, you know,
instead of sweet revenge,
381
00:16:56,281 --> 00:17:00,286
next best thing,
some sweet, stanky booze?
382
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:02,161
Guys, I'm gonna go to that
meeting on Monday, okay?
383
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:04,098
Or Tuesday.
Wednesday at the very latest.
384
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:05,567
No, no, no,
you're off leash.
385
00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:07,695
- It's Joe's bachelor party.
- No, no.
386
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,740
It's not my bachelor party
anymore.
387
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,701
Rude.
388
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,408
Okay, so it's not the end
of your bachelorhood.
389
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:20,347
We can call it
whatever we want with you,
390
00:17:20,406 --> 00:17:22,317
It's a celebration
of its rebirth.
391
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,751
That's exactly what he needs.
I'm in.
392
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,982
- Me too.
- This is a rebirth of Joe.
393
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,992
Come on, Joe.
394
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,427
- Come on in, it's warm.
- Join us.
395
00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:33,485
Fuck it.
396
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,225
_ Hey!
' Yes!
397
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:37,324
M' [rock]
398
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:42,728
Oh, ho! Ah!
399
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:45,742
Oh, my God, I feel alive again.
I feel alive!
400
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,774
♪ No, I won't
HI never give it up ♪
401
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:52,713
♪ Because I can'!
I won'! ♪
402
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:54,444
♪ I love it too much ♪
403
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:56,042
♪ Pm never coming down ♪
404
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:58,645
♪The only way to go is up ♪
405
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:02,084
♪ Pm never coming down ♪
406
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:05,060
♪The only way to go is up ♪
407
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:10,026
♪ Yeah, I'm a wild man ♪
408
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,729
♪ Fm driving straight
into your trash can ♪
409
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:16,204
♪ Mama, call a lawyer
'cause I'm going to jail ♪
410
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,537
Susan!
411
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:34,187
♪ She don't wanna
chase your comet ♪
412
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:39,696
♪ Take your cover down ♪
413
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:44,824
Okay, Joe.
Susan's here for you, man.
414
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:49,361
It's time to take all that anger
and disappointment and sadness
415
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:52,500
and get it off your chest,
and just...
416
00:18:52,564 --> 00:18:54,271
just spray it on hers.
417
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,335
No. No, I'm not gonna do that.
418
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:59,644
Okay.
Well, just the lap dance.
419
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,446
Okay.
420
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:03,612
♪No,I won't♪
421
00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:05,313
♪ H! never give it up ♪
422
00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:06,754
♪ Because I can'!
I won'! ♪
423
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,450
♪ I love it too much ♪
424
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:10,084
♪ Pm never coming down ♪
425
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,151
♪The only way to go is up ♪
426
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:14,754
Aah! Whoo!
427
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,164
♪ All alone
she waits by the phone ♪
428
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:19,259
♪ Because there's things
shes done ♪
429
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:22,100
♪ She wants to be a donor,
but shes never coming down ♪
430
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,108
♪The only way to go is up ♪
431
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,837
♪The only way to go is up ♪
432
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,401
♪ Fm driving straight
into your trash can ♪
433
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:29,844
- I can do this.
- Do it, do it, do it!
434
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:33,372
♪ Yeah, I'm a wild man ♪
435
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,611
♪ Fm driving straight
into your trash can ♪
436
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,153
♪ 'Cause I am, yeah ♪
437
00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:40,190
♪ Pm a wild man ♪
438
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:44,717
One.
439
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:57,836
Two.
440
00:19:57,896 --> 00:20:00,536
[exhales]
441
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:06,806
- Three.
- [w hip crack]
442
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,943
[screaming]
443
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,527
- Yeah!
- [cheering]
444
00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:29,938
[vomits, coughs]
445
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,180
Got his hair.
446
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,182
Okay, you got his hair?
447
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,581
I did it!
448
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,850
[thumping]
449
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:08,606
[thump]
450
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,286
[thump]
451
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:33,803
♪♪ [ominous]
452
00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:38,533
[yells]
453
00:21:40,932 --> 00:21:42,639
[Sighs]
454
00:21:42,701 --> 00:21:44,772
Fuck, man!
455
00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:48,916
What are you doing in here?
456
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:50,783
The whites.
457
00:21:50,842 --> 00:21:52,822
[dryer whirring]
458
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,490
Fucking weirdo.
459
00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:04,931
Hey, did you hear that?
460
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,492
No.
461
00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:09,402
I thought I heard some
banging in the basement.
462
00:22:09,461 --> 00:22:10,804
Any banging in this house
463
00:22:10,862 --> 00:22:12,773
is probably Colin
and that stripper.
464
00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:15,311
Susan.
465
00:22:15,367 --> 00:22:17,608
- How's your ass?
- Ah.
466
00:22:20,372 --> 00:22:21,817
Have you seen a stripper
do that before?
467
00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:24,046
I have.
When I was four.
468
00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:27,989
[retches]
469
00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:30,492
- Oh!
- Fantastic.
470
00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:33,029
Nick. Nick!
471
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:34,655
What?
472
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:38,395
Why didn't you puke
in your bathroom?
473
00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:39,595
Wha-- I puked?
474
00:22:39,658 --> 00:22:41,433
In the sink.
475
00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,734
Oh, shit.
476
00:22:43,795 --> 00:22:46,332
I'm just waking up right now,
like this very second.
477
00:22:46,398 --> 00:22:48,571
Well, good morning.
You just puked in the sink.
478
00:22:48,633 --> 00:22:50,704
Clean it up.
Hell no.
479
00:22:50,769 --> 00:22:52,715
No.
480
00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:54,717
[water running]
481
00:22:54,773 --> 00:22:56,980
Nick, do you know if Colin
slept in the basement?
482
00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:59,318
There's a basement?
483
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:00,914
Speak of the devil.
484
00:23:00,979 --> 00:23:03,823
M' [mischievous]
485
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:11,395
- [water running]
- Damn.
486
00:23:11,456 --> 00:23:14,562
Oh, it's up in my sinuses.
487
00:23:20,432 --> 00:23:23,072
Oh, that's fucked up.
488
00:23:32,711 --> 00:23:34,884
- How much did that cost you?
- Hmm?
489
00:23:34,946 --> 00:23:36,823
How much did you
pay that woman for sex?
490
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:40,830
No, we paid Crystal to dance.
She chose to stay the night.
491
00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:42,388
[burps]
492
00:23:42,454 --> 00:23:44,127
Crystal 7
493
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:46,897
Yeah. Susan is just
her stripper name.
494
00:23:46,958 --> 00:23:49,131
That's good misdirection.
495
00:23:49,194 --> 00:23:50,764
Grande Starbucks.
496
00:23:50,829 --> 00:23:52,536
Actually, it's a medium.
497
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,511
You've been out.
498
00:23:59,671 --> 00:24:01,742
Yup. Had some errands to run.
499
00:24:01,807 --> 00:24:05,914
Oh, you fixing cars or...
500
00:24:05,977 --> 00:24:07,718
Oh, are you talking
about my outfit?
501
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:10,555
I like the way
it feels against my skin.
502
00:24:12,484 --> 00:24:16,591
This trail of mud
seems a bit... suspicious.
503
00:24:16,655 --> 00:24:19,602
Oh, you're just a real
Benedict Cumberbatch.
504
00:24:19,658 --> 00:24:22,468
- God bless the BBC.
- He's hiding something.
505
00:24:22,527 --> 00:24:23,767
No, I'm not.
506
00:24:23,829 --> 00:24:26,639
- We know you can't be trusted.
- Yeah.
507
00:24:26,698 --> 00:24:28,939
Like that time you replaced
all my shampoo with Nair.
508
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,001
That was hilarious.
509
00:24:30,068 --> 00:24:31,513
All of my hair fell out.
510
00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:33,140
That was the hilarious part.
511
00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:35,708
Nick, it was unfortunate,
but he's right.
512
00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:38,414
[laughs]
It was fucking hilarious!
513
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:39,421
Ha ha.
514
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:41,116
This guy gets it.
515
00:24:41,179 --> 00:24:45,650
Still, it proves
you can't be trusted.
516
00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:48,798
He is hiding something.
517
00:24:48,854 --> 00:24:50,026
There was a loud crash
in the basement.
518
00:24:50,088 --> 00:24:53,126
What? Dude, you're...
[scoffs]
519
00:24:53,191 --> 00:24:55,034
[thumping]
520
00:24:58,096 --> 00:25:00,235
What are you hiding, Erik?
521
00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:04,640
Should we get the darts?
522
00:25:04,703 --> 00:25:06,148
I got a surprise for you.
523
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:12,452
♪♪ [mysterious
524
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,047
What is in the basement?
525
00:25:14,112 --> 00:25:16,524
I think you're really
gonna like this.
526
00:25:16,581 --> 00:25:18,458
- It might be Nair, dude.
- It's not Nair, Nick.
527
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,691
I'm just saying.
I'm not going down there.
528
00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:23,858
[rustling]
529
00:25:32,664 --> 00:25:36,202
♪♪ [mysterious
530
00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:18,612
[mumbles]
531
00:26:19,644 --> 00:26:23,148
[mumbling continues]
532
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:28,030
What the fuck?
533
00:26:28,086 --> 00:26:29,861
[muffled shouting]
534
00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:35,537
Do you love it?
535
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:37,870
[mumbling continues]
536
00:26:39,197 --> 00:26:42,144
There's somebody
tied up down here.
537
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,679
[mumbling continues]
538
00:26:43,735 --> 00:26:45,874
I'm sorry he's so muddy.
539
00:26:45,937 --> 00:26:49,612
He tried to run,
and he fell by the lake.
540
00:26:49,674 --> 00:26:50,982
I didn't do this.
541
00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:53,886
I left him in
a more presentable position.
542
00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:55,253
Oh, he's a big boy.
543
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:59,694
Erik, who is that?
544
00:26:59,751 --> 00:27:00,889
It's the guy.
545
00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:01,896
[mumbles]
546
00:27:01,953 --> 00:27:03,899
It's the fucking guy.
547
00:27:03,955 --> 00:27:07,232
- Oh, my God.
- What guy?
548
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:08,703
He's finally done it.
549
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,330
Wait, he--
What has he done?
550
00:27:10,395 --> 00:27:11,703
It's him.
551
00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:13,003
You fucked us all.
552
00:27:13,064 --> 00:27:14,907
Huh? What?
553
00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:17,173
The point is we got him.
He's tied up.
554
00:27:17,235 --> 00:27:20,307
He's not so fucking tall now,
is he? Is he?
555
00:27:20,372 --> 00:27:21,715
[grunts]
556
00:27:21,773 --> 00:27:22,979
What?
557
00:27:30,415 --> 00:27:31,894
Happy bachelor party.
558
00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:38,863
- Is he okay?
- I don't know. Joe.
559
00:27:38,923 --> 00:27:40,994
Somethings wrong with him.
560
00:27:41,059 --> 00:27:42,732
Joe.
561
00:27:42,794 --> 00:27:44,933
Bear growls]
562
00:27:48,266 --> 00:27:50,268
What's wrong with you?
563
00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:51,814
What's wrong with me?
564
00:27:51,870 --> 00:27:53,110
Yeah, I'm trying to help you.
565
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,014
I'm a little bit lost.
Who is that?
566
00:27:55,073 --> 00:27:58,213
You think kidnapping
the guy who stole my fiancé
567
00:27:58,276 --> 00:27:59,277
is gonna help me?
568
00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:01,688
- Oh, shit.
- Yes!
569
00:28:01,746 --> 00:28:03,783
Dude, it's gonna make you
feel so much better
570
00:28:03,848 --> 00:28:06,192
knowing that this asshole
paid for what he did.
571
00:28:06,251 --> 00:28:08,253
So now I'm supposed to go down
there and beat him with an oar?
572
00:28:08,319 --> 00:28:10,128
Or maybe waterboard him
for a bit?
573
00:28:10,188 --> 00:28:11,394
Those sound like
great options.
574
00:28:11,456 --> 00:28:13,868
You fucking kidnapped someone!
575
00:28:13,925 --> 00:28:15,063
I know!
576
00:28:16,394 --> 00:28:18,067
You're welcome?
577
00:28:19,330 --> 00:28:21,003
Hey, man, how did you
kidnap that guy?
578
00:28:21,066 --> 00:28:22,238
Oh, dude, I'm glad you asked.
579
00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:23,870
It was actually easier
than I thought.
580
00:28:23,935 --> 00:28:25,642
First, I called Kelly.
581
00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:27,684
Jess, his best friend,
would know what's going on.
582
00:28:27,739 --> 00:28:29,946
- How's her juice business?
- I don't know. I didn't ask.
583
00:28:30,008 --> 00:28:31,851
She's terrible with secrets
as you all know,
584
00:28:31,910 --> 00:28:33,651
so it didn't take her long
to tell me where to find him.
585
00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:35,123
You have to be the biggest--
586
00:28:35,180 --> 00:28:38,093
Your place.
587
00:28:38,149 --> 00:28:40,390
- Boom.
- I knocked on your door.
588
00:28:40,452 --> 00:28:43,023
This grease ball answered.
I tied him up.
589
00:28:43,088 --> 00:28:44,396
What about...
590
00:28:44,456 --> 00:28:48,268
Oh, uh, sent Jess a text
with his phone.
591
00:28:48,326 --> 00:28:50,328
"Sorry, I had to leave.
My hemorrhoids are killing me."
592
00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:51,396
It works.
593
00:28:51,463 --> 00:28:52,965
- Let me see that.
- No.
594
00:28:53,031 --> 00:28:54,806
No, man, trust me.
595
00:28:54,866 --> 00:28:56,311
You don't want to see the things
they've been texting.
596
00:28:56,367 --> 00:28:58,313
- Sexting.
- It's more about sunsets.
597
00:28:58,369 --> 00:29:00,076
It's revolting.
598
00:29:00,138 --> 00:29:03,085
Okay. Help me out here.
I'm trying to piece it together.
599
00:29:03,141 --> 00:29:04,279
Yeah, yeah, shoot.
600
00:29:04,342 --> 00:29:06,049
Guy's kind of a big guy.
601
00:29:06,111 --> 00:29:08,216
- Yeah, he's huge.
- He just let you tie him up.
602
00:29:08,279 --> 00:29:11,089
Oh, no.
Dude, I had this mask on.
603
00:29:11,149 --> 00:29:12,457
So?
604
00:29:12,517 --> 00:29:14,360
So then I also had
my dad's gun.
605
00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:16,023
- What the hell?
- That helped.
606
00:29:16,087 --> 00:29:17,191
Fuck! No, don't!
607
00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:19,735
- That helped.
- Oh, great.
608
00:29:19,791 --> 00:29:20,997
That's really funny.
609
00:29:21,059 --> 00:29:22,902
Cool down
with that thing, man!
610
00:29:22,961 --> 00:29:24,770
For armed kidnapping,
that's another ten years.
611
00:29:24,829 --> 00:29:27,070
Fucking great, Erik.
You've really done it this time.
612
00:29:27,132 --> 00:29:29,908
Someone's gonna have to use
my chloroform.
613
00:29:31,936 --> 00:29:33,973
Why do you have chloroform?
614
00:29:34,038 --> 00:29:36,018
Most people have chloroform.
615
00:29:37,308 --> 00:29:39,481
You're a scary person.
Seriously.
616
00:29:39,544 --> 00:29:41,251
Well, great. Looks like
we're stuck cleaning up
617
00:29:41,312 --> 00:29:43,258
another one of Erik's messes.
618
00:29:43,314 --> 00:29:45,089
I think we need
to think about it.
619
00:29:45,150 --> 00:29:47,824
I think we need to be
very careful on our next move.
620
00:29:47,886 --> 00:29:49,331
What happens
we let the guy go?
621
00:29:49,387 --> 00:29:52,960
The guy squeals to the cops,
Erik goes to jail.
622
00:29:53,024 --> 00:29:55,504
- Good.
- Flipside of that coin.
623
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,335
We don't untie him,
we're all accomplices,
624
00:29:57,395 --> 00:29:58,430
and we all go to jail.
625
00:29:58,496 --> 00:30:00,100
No one is going to jail!
626
00:30:00,165 --> 00:30:01,405
How do you know?
627
00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:03,275
Dude, nobody's
going to the cops!
628
00:30:03,334 --> 00:30:04,870
[tapping]
629
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:10,412
Not it.
630
00:30:10,475 --> 00:30:12,079
What? No.
631
00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:14,248
No, you can't do that
in this situation.
632
00:30:14,312 --> 00:30:15,518
[tapping]
633
00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:16,888
Yes, coming, coming.
634
00:30:16,948 --> 00:30:17,983
- Joe.
- I'm sorry.
635
00:30:18,049 --> 00:30:20,290
Talk to the cop, Joe.
636
00:30:20,351 --> 00:30:23,764
Put your fucking thumbs down.
You're coming with me.
637
00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:25,130
- Do it.
- He's got yellow glasses.
638
00:30:25,190 --> 00:30:27,796
Put your thumbs down!
Calm down. Just be calm.
639
00:30:27,859 --> 00:30:29,133
Dude, they're fucking
shooting glasses.
640
00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:33,170
Morning, Officer.
641
00:30:33,231 --> 00:30:34,972
Good afternoon, son.
642
00:30:36,534 --> 00:30:39,242
Oh, I'm sorry,
ls is that late already?
643
00:30:39,304 --> 00:30:41,147
Boys having some kind
of a party here?
644
00:30:41,206 --> 00:30:43,846
No. I mean, yeah, sort of.
645
00:30:43,908 --> 00:30:46,047
I mean, it's not
a party-party.
646
00:30:46,110 --> 00:30:47,248
Which is it?
647
00:30:47,312 --> 00:30:50,122
Uh...
648
00:30:50,181 --> 00:30:51,421
It's his bachelor party, sir.
649
00:30:51,482 --> 00:30:54,292
No. No, it's not.
Not, not really.
650
00:30:54,352 --> 00:30:59,267
No, it's really just four guys
hanging out for the weekend.
651
00:30:59,324 --> 00:31:02,100
Just one, two, three, four.
652
00:31:06,130 --> 00:31:07,370
No one else, huh?
653
00:31:07,432 --> 00:31:10,572
No. No.
654
00:31:10,635 --> 00:31:11,579
No.
655
00:31:11,636 --> 00:31:13,240
[scribbling]
656
00:31:17,642 --> 00:31:20,384
We got a call about a woman
in disarray of dress
657
00:31:20,445 --> 00:31:21,947
leaving this residence earlier.
658
00:31:22,013 --> 00:31:23,924
Oh, yeah. Crys1al-- Susan.
659
00:31:23,982 --> 00:31:26,121
- Crystal Susan?
- Crystal Susan.
660
00:31:26,184 --> 00:31:28,596
- Crystal Susan.
- Crystal-Susan.
661
00:31:30,188 --> 00:31:31,531
It's a hyphenate.
662
00:31:31,589 --> 00:31:32,897
So that's an affirmative?
663
00:31:32,957 --> 00:31:34,561
Yes.
664
00:31:34,626 --> 00:31:36,196
Yeah, affirmative, affirmative.
665
00:31:36,261 --> 00:31:38,172
You do realize
that prostitution
666
00:31:38,229 --> 00:31:40,004
is illegal in Big Bear.
667
00:31:40,064 --> 00:31:43,534
Affirmative. Crystal-Susan
is a law student.
668
00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:47,549
Actually, she overslept for
a law test on legal distress.
669
00:31:47,605 --> 00:31:51,052
That's why she left
in disarray...
670
00:31:51,109 --> 00:31:53,089
of dress.
671
00:31:53,144 --> 00:31:54,418
Yup.
672
00:31:57,949 --> 00:31:59,087
You have a medical
marijuana card
673
00:31:59,150 --> 00:32:00,891
from the State of California?
674
00:32:00,952 --> 00:32:02,056
No.
675
00:32:04,222 --> 00:32:06,429
Well, if I hear of anybody
676
00:32:06,491 --> 00:32:09,267
using medical marijuana
for recreational purposes,
677
00:32:09,327 --> 00:32:12,035
do you know the first place
that I'm gonna come?
678
00:32:12,096 --> 00:32:13,268
Here?
679
00:32:13,331 --> 00:32:14,969
Bright boy, bright boy.
680
00:32:15,033 --> 00:32:16,137
Look at him go.
681
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,612
I got my eye on you four.
682
00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:22,083
One, two, three...
683
00:32:24,342 --> 00:32:25,548
four.
684
00:32:27,312 --> 00:32:30,191
[chuckles]
685
00:32:39,157 --> 00:32:41,194
Well, that was weird.
686
00:32:41,259 --> 00:32:42,363
I'm letting him go.
687
00:32:42,427 --> 00:32:44,100
Wait, wait, wait, listen.
688
00:32:44,162 --> 00:32:47,109
If we make him realize
that he deserves what he gets,
689
00:32:47,165 --> 00:32:48,610
he's not going to the cops.
690
00:32:48,666 --> 00:32:50,612
You thought that
you'd kidnap this guy,
691
00:32:50,668 --> 00:32:53,148
beat him up, and then he'd say,
"Yeah, I deserved that."
692
00:32:53,204 --> 00:32:55,206
Yeah, that's about right.
693
00:32:55,273 --> 00:32:56,946
Is this just a joke to you?
694
00:32:57,008 --> 00:33:00,581
No. It's not a joke.
695
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:02,056
Wha--
696
00:33:03,448 --> 00:33:05,189
Do not untie him!
697
00:33:05,249 --> 00:33:09,959
M' [movie Western theme]
698
00:33:22,433 --> 00:33:26,245
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna come
take the tape off now.
699
00:33:26,304 --> 00:33:29,683
M' [Western theme continues]
700
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,091
[grunts]
701
00:33:37,148 --> 00:33:38,718
Oh, it's really stuck on there.
702
00:33:38,783 --> 00:33:41,024
- [mumbles]
- Oh, It's really stuck.
703
00:33:41,085 --> 00:33:43,122
I can't understand you.
There's tape on your face.
704
00:33:43,187 --> 00:33:46,361
Rip it fast
705
00:33:46,424 --> 00:33:47,528
Oh.
706
00:33:47,592 --> 00:33:49,037
[groans]
Fuck!
707
00:33:49,093 --> 00:33:50,697
Why would you rip it so slow?
708
00:33:50,762 --> 00:33:52,400
I don't know.
I've never done it before.
709
00:33:52,463 --> 00:33:54,443
- You took off part of my lip.
- I'm sorry.
710
00:33:54,499 --> 00:33:56,069
You should be.
711
00:33:58,302 --> 00:34:01,613
Look, I don't know
what any of this is about.
712
00:34:01,672 --> 00:34:04,175
You don't know who I am?
713
00:34:04,242 --> 00:34:07,223
Uh, no. Should I?
714
00:34:07,278 --> 00:34:09,554
Well, you're wearing
my fucking robe.
715
00:34:11,616 --> 00:34:14,096
Oh.
[laughs]
716
00:34:14,152 --> 00:34:15,290
You're Joe.
717
00:34:15,353 --> 00:34:17,560
- [laughs]
- You're laughing.
718
00:34:17,622 --> 00:34:20,432
- No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- You're clearly laughing.
719
00:34:20,491 --> 00:34:21,731
- I'm sorry. I'm not laughing.
- It's not funny.
720
00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:24,501
I know it's not.
I'm just...
721
00:34:24,562 --> 00:34:26,200
- I'm relieved.
- Relieved?
722
00:34:26,264 --> 00:34:28,767
Yeah. I thought
it was work-related.
723
00:34:28,833 --> 00:34:31,575
- What do you do for work?
- I'm in corporate takeovers.
724
00:34:31,636 --> 00:34:33,547
Some people take it
very personally.
725
00:34:33,604 --> 00:34:36,778
The guy who stole my fiance
is in corporate takeovers?
726
00:34:36,841 --> 00:34:39,515
- It's an honest living.
- Okay, but you're still tied up
727
00:34:39,577 --> 00:34:41,318
in a scary basement in Big Bear.
728
00:34:41,379 --> 00:34:43,222
Oh, I love Big Bear.
729
00:34:43,281 --> 00:34:48,697
But yeah, this is--
I don't think-- You know?
730
00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:51,757
Look, Joe, I'm really sorry
731
00:34:51,823 --> 00:34:55,669
about what happened
between you and Jess,
732
00:34:55,726 --> 00:34:59,640
but you can untie me now.
733
00:34:59,697 --> 00:35:02,405
I'm gonna untie you, all right?
But before I do that,
734
00:35:02,467 --> 00:35:04,674
I just want you to agree
that this was a stupid mistake.
735
00:35:04,735 --> 00:35:08,182
Oh, agreed.
736
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:11,243
And I just need you to say that
you're not gonna go to the cops.
737
00:35:13,611 --> 00:35:15,613
I'm sorry.
738
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,388
No, you can't just
take somebody
739
00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:20,190
and expect not to pay
the consequences.
740
00:35:20,251 --> 00:35:22,356
Kind of like how you
just took my fiancé?
741
00:35:22,420 --> 00:35:26,300
Oh, like what you did there.
But no, it's not the same thing.
742
00:35:26,357 --> 00:35:29,236
- It's not?
- No. I didn't break any laws.
743
00:35:29,293 --> 00:35:31,739
The basic tenets of almost
every law ever written--
744
00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:33,400
the Ten Fucking Commandments--
745
00:35:33,464 --> 00:35:35,501
say you can't take
someone else's girl.
746
00:35:35,566 --> 00:35:37,204
Actually,
that's your neighbor's wife,
747
00:35:37,268 --> 00:35:42,513
and, technically, you guys
weren't married yet.
748
00:35:43,641 --> 00:35:45,416
Who the fuck are you?
749
00:35:45,476 --> 00:35:49,253
Look, Joe, I actually played a
very small part in your breakup.
750
00:35:49,313 --> 00:35:50,656
- Really?
- Yeah.
751
00:35:50,715 --> 00:35:53,093
You guys have a lot of issues.
752
00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:56,155
Oh, we do? Do tell.
I'd love to hear them.
753
00:35:56,220 --> 00:35:57,426
- Would you?
- Yeah.
754
00:35:57,488 --> 00:36:01,561
Okay. Well, shit.
I mean, uh...
755
00:36:01,626 --> 00:36:03,697
for instance, you...
756
00:36:03,761 --> 00:36:05,638
you hated her family.
757
00:36:07,498 --> 00:36:08,841
I didn't hate her family.
758
00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:10,470
You didn't go on the ski trip
last year.
759
00:36:10,535 --> 00:36:12,276
That really hurt
Jess's feelings.
760
00:36:12,336 --> 00:36:14,680
I didn't go 'cause her dad
was gonna be there and--
761
00:36:14,739 --> 00:36:16,480
Wait, how do you know all this?
762
00:36:16,541 --> 00:36:18,817
That's right.
You're scared of her father.
763
00:36:18,876 --> 00:36:20,617
I am not scared of her dad.
764
00:36:20,678 --> 00:36:22,589
- You're not?
- No.
765
00:36:22,647 --> 00:36:24,126
- You sure?
- Yes.
766
00:36:24,182 --> 00:36:25,889
Really?
767
00:36:25,950 --> 00:36:27,554
Fuck you.
768
00:36:29,787 --> 00:36:32,859
Hey, wait, you didn't
untie me. Joe!
769
00:36:34,959 --> 00:36:36,199
Hello?
770
00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:38,501
♪♪ [hip-hop]
771
00:36:38,563 --> 00:36:40,201
What are you guys doing?
772
00:36:40,264 --> 00:36:41,641
- Huh?
- Hey. Nothing, man.
773
00:36:41,699 --> 00:36:43,269
- Did you untie him?
- Dude, what happened?
774
00:36:43,334 --> 00:36:45,336
What going on? Hey.
775
00:36:45,403 --> 00:36:47,679
- Um...
- Did you untie him?
776
00:36:47,738 --> 00:36:48,876
No, not yet.
777
00:36:48,940 --> 00:36:50,817
- Good.
- Can I have this beer?
778
00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:53,378
Yeah, if you like drinking
in the morning, go for it.
779
00:36:53,444 --> 00:36:56,186
[sighs]
He's kinda cocky.
780
00:36:56,247 --> 00:36:58,921
Okay! So let's teach this cocky
motherfucker some respect.
781
00:37:00,985 --> 00:37:03,431
Fuck. Hold on.
782
00:37:03,487 --> 00:37:05,160
I'll get that.
783
00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:06,463
- Be mean!
- Go, Joe!
784
00:37:06,524 --> 00:37:07,525
Go get him, Joe.
785
00:37:07,592 --> 00:37:08,866
Come on, let's do this.
786
00:37:08,926 --> 00:37:11,532
Just a little.
787
00:37:11,596 --> 00:37:13,735
All right, ready?
788
00:37:13,798 --> 00:37:16,870
What was it, end of the lips
and over your gums?
789
00:37:18,269 --> 00:37:20,306
Look, when I asked
for his blessing
790
00:37:20,371 --> 00:37:22,373
to marry his daughter,
he said no.
791
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,284
Ooh. I could understand why
you'd be afraid of him then.
792
00:37:25,343 --> 00:37:30,349
Exactly. No, I'm not--
He's a very traditional man,
793
00:37:30,414 --> 00:37:31,950
so I thought if I asked
for his blessing,
794
00:37:32,016 --> 00:37:34,428
he might finally
show me some respect.
795
00:37:34,485 --> 00:37:37,329
Why did he say no?
796
00:37:37,388 --> 00:37:40,460
He said that if we got married,
we'd have a hard time
797
00:37:40,524 --> 00:37:42,561
because I don't make
enough money.
798
00:37:42,627 --> 00:37:45,801
Hmm. How much did you
pull in last year?
799
00:37:45,863 --> 00:37:47,501
75, 80K?
800
00:37:47,565 --> 00:37:48,771
What?
801
00:37:48,833 --> 00:37:50,642
Fifty? Sixty?
802
00:37:52,470 --> 00:37:55,314
Less? Thirty? Joe!
803
00:37:55,373 --> 00:37:58,445
I had a really rough year
last year, okay?
804
00:37:58,509 --> 00:38:00,455
- It wasn't normal.
- That's right. You got demoted.
805
00:38:00,511 --> 00:38:02,991
Exactly! Yeah, for reasons
out of my control.
806
00:38:03,047 --> 00:38:05,425
Your boss promoted his
unqualified nephew or something.
807
00:38:05,483 --> 00:38:08,362
Yes. He had never even
worked in our division.
808
00:38:08,419 --> 00:38:09,727
How do you know all that?
809
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,323
How could you let that
happen though?
810
00:38:11,389 --> 00:38:14,370
- No, I didn't let it happen.
- Yeah.
811
00:38:14,425 --> 00:38:17,998
- Either that or get tired.
- So get fired or, shit, quit.
812
00:38:18,062 --> 00:38:20,770
- If it's respect that you want.
- I want money.
813
00:38:20,831 --> 00:38:22,333
That was the whole thing.
814
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,607
I needed the money
to have a good marriage
815
00:38:24,669 --> 00:38:26,546
so that I could get respect,
I thought.
816
00:38:26,604 --> 00:38:29,278
Look, Joe, I think Jess's dad
might've been right.
817
00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:32,446
You can't support a family
on an income like that.
818
00:38:32,510 --> 00:38:34,820
Half of marriages end
because of money problems.
819
00:38:34,879 --> 00:38:36,950
And the other half end
because of infidelity.
820
00:38:37,014 --> 00:38:40,427
- Whoa.
- Oh, right, right.
821
00:38:40,484 --> 00:38:44,330
You haven't slept with Jess.
822
00:38:44,388 --> 00:38:46,026
Yet.
823
00:38:46,090 --> 00:38:48,696
Why you just untie me
824
00:38:48,759 --> 00:38:52,673
before you do something you're
really gonna end up regretting?
825
00:39:06,043 --> 00:39:07,716
You're smarter than this, Joe.
826
00:39:07,778 --> 00:39:11,055
You need to wise up.
827
00:39:11,115 --> 00:39:14,062
You know, you can't go around
doing shit like this.
828
00:39:14,118 --> 00:39:18,362
M [Western]
829
00:39:35,005 --> 00:39:37,815
- I guess I just did.
- [mumbles]
830
00:39:41,412 --> 00:39:42,891
- [door slams]
- Fuck!
831
00:39:42,947 --> 00:39:45,086
- Chop it up real tine.
- Make 'em a little fatter.
832
00:39:45,149 --> 00:39:47,595
- Where'd you get this shit?
- It's one of Mike's items.
833
00:39:47,651 --> 00:39:49,927
Oh, Mike.
Man, this is a good shit.
834
00:39:49,987 --> 00:39:51,489
Make 'em fat, make 'em big.
835
00:39:51,555 --> 00:39:53,557
Shut up. I know what I'm doing.
[sniffs]
836
00:39:53,624 --> 00:39:55,570
Fuck that guy!
837
00:39:55,626 --> 00:39:57,037
Fuck yeah!
838
00:39:57,094 --> 00:39:58,596
Now do you see?
839
00:39:58,662 --> 00:40:00,733
Somehow that guy knows
everything about me.
840
00:40:00,798 --> 00:40:02,402
- He knows everything about you.
- He does.
841
00:40:02,466 --> 00:40:03,945
That's what these guys do.
842
00:40:04,001 --> 00:40:06,038
They get the information,
they get the girl to vent,
843
00:40:06,103 --> 00:40:08,083
start purging about
the boyfriend.
844
00:40:08,139 --> 00:40:09,641
She told him everything.
845
00:40:09,707 --> 00:40:11,618
- Told him everything about you.
- Fuck.
846
00:40:11,675 --> 00:40:14,019
- He flipped it on me.
- He flipped it on you.
847
00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:15,614
He fucking flipped it on you!
848
00:40:15,679 --> 00:40:17,386
- Fuck that guy.
- Fuck that guy!
849
00:40:17,448 --> 00:40:18,893
Except in this case,
850
00:40:18,949 --> 00:40:21,520
he got the fiance to fucking
break up with the fiance
851
00:40:21,585 --> 00:40:23,622
two weeks before
the fucking wedding!
852
00:40:23,687 --> 00:40:26,031
- Fuck it.
- Yeah.
853
00:40:26,090 --> 00:40:28,934
- Told you it was good shit.
- Is that my credit card?
854
00:40:28,993 --> 00:40:32,566
Where? Oh, is this--
[sniffing]
855
00:40:32,630 --> 00:40:33,700
Yeah, I think that's yours.
856
00:40:33,764 --> 00:40:35,675
Listen, we have a problem.
857
00:40:35,733 --> 00:40:36,734
Yeah, I know.
858
00:40:36,801 --> 00:40:38,109
We're all accomplices now.
859
00:40:38,169 --> 00:40:39,477
Good for you.
860
00:40:39,537 --> 00:40:41,039
No, we have a bigger problem.
861
00:40:41,105 --> 00:40:42,675
Jess won't stop calling.
862
00:40:45,209 --> 00:40:46,552
Really?
863
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:53,587
Oh, okay, I got it.
Here's what you do. You say,
864
00:40:53,651 --> 00:40:55,858
"Hey, sorry I didn't get back
to your texts or phone calls.
865
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:57,558
Just got out of the ER.
866
00:40:57,621 --> 00:40:59,498
My hemorrhoids are still
bleeding all over the place."
867
00:40:59,557 --> 00:41:01,662
- Oh, gross.
- That's the OG story.
868
00:41:01,725 --> 00:41:03,602
You gotta stick to it, man.
869
00:41:03,661 --> 00:41:05,572
She's really worried
about him, huh?
870
00:41:05,629 --> 00:41:07,165
Who cares? Let her worry.
871
00:41:07,231 --> 00:41:09,711
Nope. Tell her something
that'll get her to chill out.
872
00:41:09,767 --> 00:41:12,475
This is your fault
for not moving his car.
873
00:41:12,536 --> 00:41:15,176
I'm sorry. I'm gonna kidnap him
and valet his car?
874
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,480
Didn't think about that,
did you, genius?
875
00:41:17,541 --> 00:41:19,714
You know what? Why don't you say
"I'm sorry. My car didn't start,
876
00:41:19,777 --> 00:41:21,518
so I took a cab
to my apartment."
877
00:41:21,579 --> 00:41:22,717
- That's good.
- What if he has a house?
878
00:41:22,780 --> 00:41:24,623
Your kids don't love you.
879
00:41:24,682 --> 00:41:25,786
Sorry. I didn't mean that.
880
00:41:25,850 --> 00:41:28,797
Say "I took a cab to my place."
881
00:41:28,853 --> 00:41:31,663
- She said he left his wallet.
- Goddamn it!
882
00:41:31,722 --> 00:41:35,169
I'm sorry I didn't have time to
gather his personal belongings.
883
00:41:35,226 --> 00:41:36,728
[Chimes]
884
00:41:36,794 --> 00:41:40,003
Shit. She's gonna call the cops.
885
00:41:40,064 --> 00:41:41,805
Fuck.
886
00:41:41,866 --> 00:41:42,031
M [Western]
887
00:41:42,032 --> 00:41:43,978
M [Western]
888
00:41:44,034 --> 00:41:45,172
I need your help.
889
00:41:45,236 --> 00:41:47,876
[muffled]
Fuck you.
890
00:41:47,938 --> 00:41:51,511
I just need you to tell me
what to text Jess
891
00:41:51,575 --> 00:41:53,452
that's gonna get her
to calm down.
892
00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:54,455
[muffled]
Fuck you.
893
00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:55,684
Okay, all right.
894
00:41:55,746 --> 00:41:57,885
I'll take the tape off.
895
00:42:05,089 --> 00:42:09,538
- [mumbles]
- I know, I know. Rip it fast
896
00:42:09,593 --> 00:42:10,833
[grunts]
897
00:42:10,895 --> 00:42:13,671
That is strong duct tape.
898
00:42:13,731 --> 00:42:15,972
Come on.
What should I tell her?
899
00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:17,979
Tell her I'm tied up
in a basement in Big Bear
900
00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:20,675
- and to send the police.
- Seriously.
901
00:42:20,738 --> 00:42:22,809
Seriously?
Why the fuck would I help you?
902
00:42:22,873 --> 00:42:25,547
Because I'm gonna
take you back to LA,
903
00:42:25,609 --> 00:42:27,145
but it's gonna be
a lot more difficult
904
00:42:27,211 --> 00:42:29,953
if Jess goes on one of
her patented freak-outs first
905
00:42:30,014 --> 00:42:32,016
I help you,
you're gonna take me back?
906
00:42:32,082 --> 00:42:35,154
- I promise.
- Untie me first.
907
00:42:35,219 --> 00:42:36,789
After.
908
00:42:40,758 --> 00:42:45,207
Tell her I'm sorry
that I disappeared.
909
00:42:45,262 --> 00:42:48,243
Melanie came and picked me up.
910
00:42:48,299 --> 00:42:51,075
Who's Melanie?
911
00:42:51,135 --> 00:42:52,876
My wife.
912
00:42:52,937 --> 00:42:56,908
M [Western]
913
00:42:56,974 --> 00:42:57,975
What?
914
00:42:58,042 --> 00:42:59,578
Soon to be ex-wife.
915
00:42:59,643 --> 00:43:01,054
- You're married?
- Yeah, but--
916
00:43:01,111 --> 00:43:05,184
You cheated on your wife
with my fiancé?
917
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:06,751
- Well...
- An emotional affair
918
00:43:06,817 --> 00:43:08,125
is still crossing the line.
919
00:43:08,185 --> 00:43:10,222
- What line?
- The line that you cross
920
00:43:10,287 --> 00:43:11,732
when you're sharing energy
with someone.
921
00:43:11,789 --> 00:43:14,133
- What?
- The fucking line you cross
922
00:43:14,191 --> 00:43:15,864
when you're doing
something wrong!
923
00:43:15,926 --> 00:43:17,803
But I guess you don't
see it that way
924
00:43:17,861 --> 00:43:19,863
because you didn't bring your
dick across the line with you.
925
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:23,977
This better work.
926
00:43:24,034 --> 00:43:25,308
[text alert]
927
00:43:26,704 --> 00:43:28,115
Asshole.
928
00:43:30,174 --> 00:43:31,653
[text alert]
929
00:43:34,278 --> 00:43:37,259
Well? Did it work?
930
00:43:38,849 --> 00:43:40,829
You guys use emojis?
931
00:43:40,884 --> 00:43:42,955
What the fuck are emojis?
932
00:43:43,020 --> 00:43:46,763
These. Stupid fucking
smiley faces and shit.
933
00:43:46,824 --> 00:43:48,633
Yeah. Jess likes them.
So what?
934
00:43:48,692 --> 00:43:50,194
Yeah, I know.
I hate 'em.
935
00:43:50,260 --> 00:43:52,763
Told her I won't text her back
if she used them.
936
00:43:52,830 --> 00:43:54,275
- Why?
- Because they're stupid.
937
00:43:54,331 --> 00:43:55,935
They're childish.
938
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:57,343
If you're gonna say something,
say it in words.
939
00:43:57,401 --> 00:43:59,176
- Yeah, but who cares?
- I do.
940
00:43:59,236 --> 00:44:01,113
She likes them. So what?
That's her thing.
941
00:44:01,171 --> 00:44:03,981
I mean, you think it's important
enough to tight about it?
942
00:44:04,041 --> 00:44:06,180
I don't need your stellar
relationship counseling.
943
00:44:06,243 --> 00:44:08,245
- Okay, Professor Love?
- Well, maybe you do.
944
00:44:08,312 --> 00:44:11,054
You've already done a Whopper
on my now previous engagement.
945
00:44:11,115 --> 00:44:13,652
- You came asking for my advice.
- [shouts]
946
00:44:13,717 --> 00:44:14,821
[both screaming]
947
00:44:15,853 --> 00:44:16,797
Mmm!
948
00:44:16,854 --> 00:44:19,698
Strong tape, strong tape.
949
00:44:25,796 --> 00:44:28,140
- Too tight?
- Yeah, wait, hold on.
950
00:44:28,198 --> 00:44:30,838
- Why are we tying me up again?
- So you don't hurt yourself.
951
00:44:30,901 --> 00:44:32,972
I don't think it's necessary.
Ah, fuck, man!
952
00:44:33,037 --> 00:44:34,641
[groans]
All right.
953
00:44:34,705 --> 00:44:35,945
- You'll thank me.
- Yeah, you're right.
954
00:44:36,006 --> 00:44:37,986
- Why is Nick tied to--
- [woman giggling]
955
00:44:39,710 --> 00:44:41,314
What is she doing here?
956
00:44:41,378 --> 00:44:44,052
Okay, Joe, it's cool.
She's here to help with Jess.
957
00:44:44,114 --> 00:44:46,822
What? You told her?
958
00:44:46,884 --> 00:44:50,388
Joe, Crystal-Susan is a lady.
She understands ladies.
959
00:44:50,454 --> 00:44:55,301
Okay, I'm sorry, Crystal-Susan,
but it's already taken care of.
960
00:44:55,359 --> 00:44:59,136
Oh, I was just trying
to help, so...
961
00:44:59,196 --> 00:45:02,666
Joe, Crystal-Susan
is hereto help, okay?
962
00:45:02,733 --> 00:45:04,041
Please, take it easy.
963
00:45:04,101 --> 00:45:05,307
It seems like she's here
for you.
964
00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:06,939
Well...
[scoffs]
965
00:45:07,004 --> 00:45:08,415
- Are you?
- Yeah.
966
00:45:08,472 --> 00:45:10,645
- Are you really?
- Yeah, why not?
967
00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:12,312
At least I think so.
968
00:45:12,376 --> 00:45:14,287
Why is Nick tied to a chair?
969
00:45:14,344 --> 00:45:16,346
Oh, I got such a good idea.
970
00:45:16,413 --> 00:45:18,415
- But it's dangerous.
- It's not dangerous.
971
00:45:18,482 --> 00:45:19,984
- Okay, is it dangerous?
- Perfectly safe.
972
00:45:20,050 --> 00:45:21,757
- It'll kill him.
- What?
973
00:45:21,819 --> 00:45:23,298
Colin, shut up.
Nick, you're gonna be fine.
974
00:45:23,353 --> 00:45:25,026
Joe, we gotta
teach this guy a lesson.
975
00:45:25,089 --> 00:45:26,966
It is the only way to make sure
he doesn't squeal.
976
00:45:27,024 --> 00:45:30,198
- I think I'm out.
- Now, nobody here
977
00:45:30,260 --> 00:45:32,171
is talking about
permanently hurting,
978
00:45:32,229 --> 00:45:35,301
Wouldn't do that.
Just talking about a little dose
979
00:45:35,365 --> 00:45:38,244
of very healthy,
very safe revenge.
980
00:45:38,302 --> 00:45:39,872
Like what exactly?
981
00:45:39,937 --> 00:45:41,314
Okay, I don't think
it would be too much
982
00:45:41,371 --> 00:45:43,373
to tie a car battery
to his nipples.
983
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:46,216
- What? No, no. Is that safe?
- No.
984
00:45:46,276 --> 00:45:48,347
- I'm gonna test it on Nick.
- Untie me.
985
00:45:48,412 --> 00:45:49,914
I say we pull out some teeth.
986
00:45:49,980 --> 00:45:51,687
I think that would be permanent.
987
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:52,989
I think we should untie me.
988
00:45:53,050 --> 00:45:54,688
Then we'll get
his fingernails.
989
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:56,288
- Fingernails grow back.
- Good point.
990
00:45:56,353 --> 00:45:58,890
- That's so dumb. So much blood.
- Let's untie me.
991
00:45:58,956 --> 00:46:01,197
I'm sorry, Mr. Electroshock
Therapy Torture Man.
992
00:46:01,258 --> 00:46:03,329
I'm trying to teach him
a lesson he will remember.
993
00:46:03,393 --> 00:46:07,239
He's not gonna remember anything
if you fry his fucking brain.
994
00:46:07,297 --> 00:46:08,776
[heartbeats]
995
00:46:08,832 --> 00:46:10,311
Guys...
996
00:46:12,336 --> 00:46:13,371
Do you...
997
00:46:14,872 --> 00:46:16,442
GUYS, guys, Joe.
998
00:46:16,507 --> 00:46:18,077
- [bear growls]
- Joe?
999
00:46:20,944 --> 00:46:22,753
[bear roars]
1000
00:46:25,549 --> 00:46:28,996
Hey, man, you okay?
1001
00:46:30,554 --> 00:46:33,125
- I'm taking him back to LA.
- No!
1002
00:46:33,190 --> 00:46:35,329
We can't take him back
without scaring him first
1003
00:46:35,392 --> 00:46:37,167
- I'll try and reason with him.
- Joe, are you okay?
1004
00:46:37,227 --> 00:46:38,900
You can't reason
with these people.
1005
00:46:38,962 --> 00:46:40,339
What was that?
What just happened?
1006
00:46:40,397 --> 00:46:43,776
And I'm taking him back
on my own, all right?
1007
00:46:45,803 --> 00:46:47,510
- Untie Nick.
- What just happened there?
1008
00:46:47,571 --> 00:46:49,209
- I knew it's gonna be too much.
- You okay, Joe?
1009
00:46:49,273 --> 00:46:51,378
I knew he was gonna freak out
with the battery.
1010
00:46:51,441 --> 00:46:55,253
M' [somber]
1011
00:47:04,955 --> 00:47:09,199
PHONE." You have one unheard
message sent today at 9:35 a.m.
1012
00:47:09,259 --> 00:47:13,264
WOMAN: Oh, Joey. Oh, baby, oh.
1013
00:47:13,330 --> 00:47:16,402
want you to call
and cry with me.
1014
00:47:16,466 --> 00:47:18,139
[crying]
1015
00:47:18,202 --> 00:47:20,045
Oh, shit.
Are you crying?
1016
00:47:20,103 --> 00:47:24,848
No. No, it was--
It was just my mom.
1017
00:47:24,908 --> 00:47:28,378
Your mom crying?
Okay, good.
1018
00:47:28,445 --> 00:47:31,449
Phew. That could've been
a little awkward.
1019
00:47:34,852 --> 00:47:36,798
- You're gonna be okay.
- Thanks.
1020
00:47:36,854 --> 00:47:38,390
Right?
1021
00:47:39,890 --> 00:47:42,302
Yeah.
1022
00:47:42,359 --> 00:47:44,270
Just hurts a lot, you know?
1023
00:47:44,328 --> 00:47:46,535
Yeah, man.
1024
00:47:46,597 --> 00:47:49,476
Do you remember back in college
when my barber died?
1025
00:47:52,970 --> 00:47:56,816
I don't think it's the same
kind of hurt, exactly.
1026
00:47:56,874 --> 00:47:59,115
Maybe.
1027
00:47:59,176 --> 00:48:02,919
He was the only guy in the world
I trusted to out my hair.
1028
00:48:02,980 --> 00:48:05,324
And then he was just dead.
1029
00:48:05,382 --> 00:48:08,124
But you know, I needed
to have my hair cut still,
1030
00:48:08,185 --> 00:48:09,528
so I found a new barber.
1031
00:48:09,586 --> 00:48:12,362
But this fucking guy,
he was just so...
1032
00:48:12,422 --> 00:48:14,368
confused by my hair.
1033
00:48:14,424 --> 00:48:16,597
There's a delicate,
sort of follicular flow
1034
00:48:16,660 --> 00:48:18,833
that goes on up here
with the two cowlicks.
1035
00:48:18,896 --> 00:48:20,307
I have, like, three crowns,
1036
00:48:20,364 --> 00:48:22,002
and it's confusing
for the best of them.
1037
00:48:22,065 --> 00:48:23,840
He just ruined it, man.
I was devastated.
1038
00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:26,575
It really stressed me out.
1039
00:48:26,637 --> 00:48:29,550
I didn't realize that you take
your haircut so seriously.
1040
00:48:29,606 --> 00:48:31,313
Oh, yeah, big time.
1041
00:48:31,375 --> 00:48:33,582
You know, and then my hair
started falling out clumps,
1042
00:48:33,644 --> 00:48:35,487
which is never good.
1043
00:48:35,545 --> 00:48:38,355
I thought, well, fuck, that's
gotta be because of the stress.
1044
00:48:38,415 --> 00:48:41,988
And so I thought, well,
you gotta stop the stress.
1045
00:48:42,052 --> 00:48:45,397
But then the stress became about
me trying to stop the stress,
1046
00:48:45,455 --> 00:48:47,264
which was stressful.
1047
00:48:47,324 --> 00:48:50,168
- Huh.
- I didn't know what to do.
1048
00:48:50,227 --> 00:48:52,468
I was so lost, man.
1049
00:48:52,529 --> 00:48:57,638
Then I found out that Erik
put Nair in my fucking shampoo,
1050
00:48:57,701 --> 00:49:01,649
and I was a little hurt,
but honestly...
1051
00:49:01,705 --> 00:49:03,548
I was a little relieved.
1052
00:49:03,607 --> 00:49:04,984
Really?
1053
00:49:05,042 --> 00:49:06,578
Yeah.
1054
00:49:06,643 --> 00:49:11,183
Yeah, yeah, because my hair
had a chance to start over.
1055
00:49:11,248 --> 00:49:12,556
It was a new day.
1056
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,618
It was a new dawn for me
and my buds up there.
1057
00:49:14,685 --> 00:49:17,632
You know, I'm walking around
bald as an eagle
1058
00:49:17,688 --> 00:49:21,101
with, like, no eyelashes,
no eyebrows,
1059
00:49:21,158 --> 00:49:25,402
but I didn't have that stupid
fucking haircut anymore.
1060
00:49:25,462 --> 00:49:27,499
I was free,
and the amount of time it took
1061
00:49:27,564 --> 00:49:29,134
for my hair to grow back,
1062
00:49:29,199 --> 00:49:31,679
I spent that shopping around
for a new barber,
1063
00:49:31,735 --> 00:49:34,147
and that's when
I found Karen.
1064
00:49:34,204 --> 00:49:37,117
My rock.
1065
00:49:37,174 --> 00:49:39,381
So are you dating Karen now?
1066
00:49:39,443 --> 00:49:41,582
No. What?
1067
00:49:41,645 --> 00:49:42,680
What?
1068
00:49:42,746 --> 00:49:44,419
She cuts my hair.
1069
00:49:44,481 --> 00:49:46,222
What?
1070
00:49:46,283 --> 00:49:47,956
What?
1071
00:49:50,153 --> 00:49:53,293
Although,
now that you mention it,
1072
00:49:53,357 --> 00:49:55,359
I never really thought of her
that way before.
1073
00:49:55,425 --> 00:49:59,271
She's, uh,
she's quite fetching.
1074
00:49:59,329 --> 00:50:03,243
No, fuck, shit. Uh...
1075
00:50:03,300 --> 00:50:04,278
He's ready.
1076
00:50:05,435 --> 00:50:06,971
All right.
1077
00:50:10,240 --> 00:50:11,184
Okay.
1078
00:50:11,241 --> 00:50:12,379
I mean it.
1079
00:50:12,442 --> 00:50:14,149
Yeah.
1080
00:50:14,211 --> 00:50:16,555
- All right.
- Okay.
1081
00:50:16,613 --> 00:50:18,524
- I'll be in.
- Okay.
1082
00:50:26,656 --> 00:50:29,227
M [guitar]
1083
00:50:37,067 --> 00:50:39,172
♪ I've got friends ♪
1084
00:50:39,236 --> 00:50:41,614
♪ Yes, indeed ♪
1085
00:50:41,671 --> 00:50:44,174
♪ Yeah, I've got friends ♪
1086
00:50:44,241 --> 00:50:46,551
♪ And they've got me ♪
1087
00:50:46,610 --> 00:50:49,147
♪ Over the mountains ♪
1088
00:50:49,212 --> 00:50:51,590
♪ Across the sea ♪
1089
00:50:51,648 --> 00:50:55,357
♪ Oh, I've got friends,
and they've got me ♪
1090
00:50:55,419 --> 00:50:57,092
Crystal left.
1091
00:50:58,522 --> 00:51:00,024
Oh.
1092
00:51:02,192 --> 00:51:04,138
You hurt her feelings,
so she went home.
1093
00:51:04,194 --> 00:51:05,537
No, you didn't.
1094
00:51:05,595 --> 00:51:07,632
She was just on a stripper break.
1095
00:51:07,697 --> 00:51:09,643
She had to get back
on the pole.
1096
00:51:09,699 --> 00:51:12,179
♪ I've got friends ♪
1097
00:51:12,235 --> 00:51:14,647
♪ Here and there ♪
1098
00:51:14,704 --> 00:51:17,344
♪ Oh, I've got friends ♪
1099
00:51:17,407 --> 00:51:19,409
♪ Everywhere ♪
1100
00:51:19,476 --> 00:51:22,184
♪ From California ♪
1101
00:51:22,245 --> 00:51:24,691
♪ To Tennessee ♪
1102
00:51:24,748 --> 00:51:27,092
♪ Oh, I've got friends ♪
1103
00:51:27,150 --> 00:51:28,686
♪ And they've got me ♪
1104
00:51:28,752 --> 00:51:30,527
You want me to untie him?
1105
00:51:30,587 --> 00:51:32,157
Not yet.
1106
00:51:32,222 --> 00:51:35,260
All right, should I do this
fast or slow?
1107
00:51:35,325 --> 00:51:36,565
- Slow?
- [muffled] Fast
1108
00:51:36,626 --> 00:51:38,071
Fast
1109
00:51:38,128 --> 00:51:39,698
Oh, shit.
1110
00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:41,709
Sorry. That was really
on there good.
1111
00:51:48,505 --> 00:51:50,781
Yeah, he was thirsty.
1112
00:51:50,841 --> 00:51:52,320
[exhales]
1113
00:51:55,812 --> 00:51:56,813
Let's begin.
1114
00:51:59,683 --> 00:52:01,185
What the fuck?
1115
00:52:01,251 --> 00:52:02,525
- Erik--
- I watched a video on YouTube.
1116
00:52:02,586 --> 00:52:04,088
I know exactly
how to do it now.
1117
00:52:04,154 --> 00:52:05,758
- You said you'd let me go.
- We are.
1118
00:52:05,822 --> 00:52:08,598
As soon as I introduce you
to Mega-Tron 26 here.
1119
00:52:08,658 --> 00:52:09,796
Whoa!
1120
00:52:09,860 --> 00:52:11,601
- Jesus!
- Oh, fuck.
1121
00:52:11,661 --> 00:52:13,299
- It'll work.
- It's gonna kill him.
1122
00:52:13,363 --> 00:52:14,808
It's not gonna kill him.
He's big.
1123
00:52:14,865 --> 00:52:17,141
Erik, fucking put it down,
all right?
1124
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:18,838
Joe, you gotta
teach him a lesson.
1125
00:52:18,902 --> 00:52:21,781
No, no, I'm taking him back,
all right?
1126
00:52:21,838 --> 00:52:23,112
This was a huge mistake.
1127
00:52:23,173 --> 00:52:24,117
You're goddamn right it was.
1128
00:52:24,174 --> 00:52:25,209
But nobody got hurt.
1129
00:52:25,275 --> 00:52:27,255
- Yet.
- Just shut the fuck up.
1130
00:52:27,310 --> 00:52:28,846
These are teachers.
1131
00:52:28,912 --> 00:52:31,392
And can you really
blame my friends
1132
00:52:31,448 --> 00:52:35,328
for trying to make me
feel better?
1133
00:52:37,554 --> 00:52:39,727
[chuckles]
You must be Colin.
1134
00:52:39,789 --> 00:52:42,360
Jess tell you I was the most
handsome of the guys?
1135
00:52:42,425 --> 00:52:44,666
No, but she gave pretty good
descriptions of all of you.
1136
00:52:44,728 --> 00:52:46,674
Not surprised at all that you
would do something this stupid.
1137
00:52:46,730 --> 00:52:48,300
Let me tell you something, guy.
1138
00:52:48,365 --> 00:52:51,369
There are a lot more
stupider things we can do.
1139
00:52:51,434 --> 00:52:53,311
More stupid.
You must be Nick.
1140
00:52:53,370 --> 00:52:54,576
- [laughs]
- Ha!
1141
00:52:54,638 --> 00:52:56,447
What? Fuck you, man!
1142
00:52:56,506 --> 00:52:57,814
Now I'm definitely gonna
electrocute him.
1143
00:52:57,874 --> 00:52:59,547
- Yeah, get him.
- Okay, you know what? No.
1144
00:52:59,609 --> 00:53:01,145
- I like being Nick.
- Yes!
1145
00:53:01,211 --> 00:53:02,315
No, you're not. Look.
1146
00:53:02,379 --> 00:53:04,620
It doesn't matter who anyone is.
1147
00:53:04,681 --> 00:53:07,218
- I'm taking him back to LA.
- That is a bad idea.
1148
00:53:07,284 --> 00:53:09,195
This whole fucking thing
was a bad idea, Erik.
1149
00:53:09,252 --> 00:53:10,890
I haven't seen you guys
in months,
1150
00:53:10,954 --> 00:53:13,264
and I thought it'd be great
to reconnect with you
1151
00:53:13,323 --> 00:53:15,599
one last time before
I got married, but now...
1152
00:53:15,659 --> 00:53:18,503
now I'm not getting married
1153
00:53:18,562 --> 00:53:23,910
because my fiancé dumped me
for this fucking guy.
1154
00:53:23,967 --> 00:53:26,743
But instead of making me
feel better,
1155
00:53:26,803 --> 00:53:27,747
I'm hungover,
1156
00:53:27,804 --> 00:53:29,647
I can't sit down
1157
00:53:29,706 --> 00:53:32,880
because Crystal-Susan
broke a belt over my ass,
1158
00:53:32,943 --> 00:53:36,914
and to top it all off,
you kidnapped this fucking guy.
1159
00:53:36,980 --> 00:53:39,688
- I have a name, dude.
- Shut up!
1160
00:53:39,749 --> 00:53:42,787
You know, when this thing's
all over,
1161
00:53:42,852 --> 00:53:46,197
I don't think I wanna
see you guys for a while.
1162
00:53:47,991 --> 00:53:50,267
I have to be honest, Joe.
I think that's for the best
1163
00:53:50,327 --> 00:53:51,772
- Shut up.
- Okay.
1164
00:53:55,465 --> 00:53:57,911
[door opens, closes]
1165
00:54:12,849 --> 00:54:14,726
What's that for?
1166
00:54:14,784 --> 00:54:16,627
- Just take it.
- No, no, no, no.
1167
00:54:16,686 --> 00:54:18,256
Erik, I am not taking that.
1168
00:54:18,321 --> 00:54:19,698
Uh-oh, he's running.
1169
00:54:19,756 --> 00:54:21,463
Oh, shit.
1170
00:54:22,826 --> 00:54:24,362
Go that way!
1171
00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:26,600
♪♪
1172
00:54:43,647 --> 00:54:44,955
split up.
1173
00:55:15,478 --> 00:55:19,016
- Why didn't you grab him?
- Was I supposed to grab him?
1174
00:55:19,082 --> 00:55:21,790
- I got him, Joe!
- Get him, get him, get him!
1175
00:55:23,353 --> 00:55:25,333
Come on.
1176
00:55:25,388 --> 00:55:26,833
Stop! Stop, stop, STOP!
1177
00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:29,770
Agh! Fucking altitude.
1178
00:55:29,826 --> 00:55:31,362
Ohh!
1179
00:55:31,428 --> 00:55:34,341
Nick! Nick!
1180
00:55:34,397 --> 00:55:36,707
Ah, fuck. Okay!
1181
00:55:37,967 --> 00:55:39,708
Stop, stop, stop, stop!
1182
00:55:41,971 --> 00:55:43,450
Okay, okay, all right.
1183
00:55:43,506 --> 00:55:44,541
Hey.
1184
00:55:44,607 --> 00:55:46,018
What the fuck, man?
1185
00:55:46,076 --> 00:55:47,817
You run so fucking fast
1186
00:55:49,913 --> 00:55:51,950
Do you workout
or something?
1187
00:55:52,015 --> 00:55:53,585
I ran track in high school.
1188
00:55:53,650 --> 00:55:57,325
- So did I, 15 years ago.
- Why did you run, man?
1189
00:55:57,387 --> 00:56:00,368
- I said we're gonna let you go.
- So why are my hands tied?
1190
00:56:00,423 --> 00:56:02,596
You still haven't said that
you aren't going to the cops,
1191
00:56:02,659 --> 00:56:05,333
and I thought maybe I could
talk some sense into you.
1192
00:56:05,395 --> 00:56:07,636
Oh, right,
talk some sense into me.
1193
00:56:07,697 --> 00:56:10,541
Well, you're the one
who's still tied up,
1194
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:12,443
which means
that you can't swim.
1195
00:56:12,502 --> 00:56:14,846
- I bet he's a great swimmer.
- Oh, fuck yeah.
1196
00:56:14,904 --> 00:56:16,747
Come on, man.
1197
00:56:16,806 --> 00:56:18,376
I'll untie your hands
in the car.
1198
00:56:18,441 --> 00:56:19,920
That's a good idea.
1199
00:56:21,611 --> 00:56:22,783
Come on.
1200
00:56:22,846 --> 00:56:24,655
Come on.
1201
00:56:25,915 --> 00:56:27,861
[screaming]
1202
00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:36,701
Hey, guys, where'd he go?
1203
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:37,864
Nick, hang on!
1204
00:56:39,963 --> 00:56:40,998
[clang]
1205
00:56:41,064 --> 00:56:42,372
[thud]
1206
00:56:54,010 --> 00:56:55,853
Oh, shit.
1207
00:56:55,912 --> 00:56:57,414
You killed him.
1208
00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:59,050
- Why'd you do that?
- He's not dead.
1209
00:57:01,718 --> 00:57:03,561
See? He's fine.
1210
00:57:03,620 --> 00:57:05,099
His nose looks kinda broken.
1211
00:57:05,155 --> 00:57:07,567
Yeah, it kinda does.
1212
00:57:07,624 --> 00:57:09,831
Come on, let's get him
in the car.
1213
00:57:16,866 --> 00:57:18,539
He still hasn't
learned anything.
1214
00:57:18,601 --> 00:57:20,137
Stop making this worse.
1215
00:57:20,203 --> 00:57:22,046
I'm trying to make it better.
1216
00:57:22,105 --> 00:57:24,483
Erik, no, I'm not taking that.
1217
00:57:24,541 --> 00:57:26,077
Do what you said.
1218
00:57:26,142 --> 00:57:28,554
Make him dig his own grave
and scare the shit out of him.
1219
00:57:28,611 --> 00:57:30,557
No, I'm not doing that.
1220
00:57:30,613 --> 00:57:32,422
No one is gonna
wanna marry you
1221
00:57:32,482 --> 00:57:35,554
if you can't stand up
for yourself.
1222
00:57:35,618 --> 00:57:36,722
Fuck you.
1223
00:57:36,786 --> 00:57:38,697
Fuck you.
1224
00:57:42,625 --> 00:57:44,571
Have a nice drive.
1225
00:57:44,627 --> 00:57:48,541
If you hurry, you might
still make it to IKEA.
1226
00:57:48,598 --> 00:57:51,807
Hey, man, call us
when you get back to LA.
1227
00:57:55,004 --> 00:57:57,575
Hey, I wanna tell you
that I texted Karen.
1228
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:00,712
We're gonna meet up for dinner
next week in LA.
1229
00:58:00,777 --> 00:58:01,721
Karen?
1230
00:58:01,778 --> 00:58:02,813
Yeah, my barber.
1231
00:58:04,848 --> 00:58:07,419
Give me the fucking keys.
1232
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:08,588
Okay.
1233
00:58:18,261 --> 00:58:20,935
♪♪ [rock guitar]
1234
00:58:28,872 --> 00:58:31,853
♪ My mama's got a hold of me ♪
1235
00:58:31,908 --> 00:58:34,821
♪ And says
Fm a complicated man ♪
1236
00:58:34,878 --> 00:58:37,518
♪ And my mama
stays away from me ♪
1237
00:58:37,580 --> 00:58:39,617
♪ Cause Pm allowed
to change ♪
1238
00:58:42,852 --> 00:58:44,229
Ow.
1239
00:58:44,287 --> 00:58:47,632
Jesus, my nose.
1240
00:58:47,690 --> 00:58:49,567
ls my nose--
My nose is broken.
1241
00:58:49,626 --> 00:58:51,128
- It's fine.
- No.
1242
00:58:51,194 --> 00:58:53,105
This is fucking broken.
Look at this!
1243
00:58:53,162 --> 00:58:54,698
It was a little bit crooked
before.
1244
00:58:54,764 --> 00:58:56,744
- No, it wasn't.
- Yeah, it was.
1245
00:58:56,799 --> 00:58:58,710
I don't think so.
1246
00:58:58,768 --> 00:59:00,645
Everyone's nose is a little bit
crooked, all right?
1247
00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:03,240
You didn't have
a perfectly straight nose.
1248
00:59:03,306 --> 00:59:05,183
[Sighs]
1249
00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:10,191
Oh, my God,
this is so uncomfortable.
1250
00:59:12,982 --> 00:59:14,791
My arms are gonna fucking
fall asleep.
1251
00:59:17,921 --> 00:59:20,265
Okay, I can't feel
my hands now.
1252
00:59:20,323 --> 00:59:21,893
You don't need your hands
1253
00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:23,801
to sit in the passenger side
of a car.
1254
00:59:23,860 --> 00:59:25,897
It's two hours back to LA?
1255
00:59:25,962 --> 00:59:27,566
Thereabouts.
1256
00:59:27,630 --> 00:59:29,632
What the fuck
are you worried about?
1257
00:59:29,699 --> 00:59:32,612
Well, you bulldozed me
into a lake.
1258
00:59:32,669 --> 00:59:35,582
Come on, man. I'm not gonna
jump out of a moving car.
1259
00:59:35,638 --> 00:59:36,981
[wood rattles]
1260
00:59:38,608 --> 00:59:39,814
Damn it.
1261
00:59:50,687 --> 00:59:51,961
Shit.
1262
01:00:09,639 --> 01:00:11,619
Oh, my God,
this is really uncomfortable.
1263
01:00:11,674 --> 01:00:13,654
Just try to relax your arms.
They won't fall asleep.
1264
01:00:13,710 --> 01:00:15,917
See how I'm sitting?
How am I supposed to relax?
1265
01:00:15,979 --> 01:00:17,686
- Just...
- [siren chirps]
1266
01:00:20,116 --> 01:00:22,858
- Fuck.
- Now you have to untie me.
1267
01:00:25,989 --> 01:00:27,332
No way.
1268
01:00:27,390 --> 01:00:28,733
What, you know him?
1269
01:00:31,761 --> 01:00:32,762
Don't say anything.
1270
01:00:32,829 --> 01:00:35,776
I'm not gonna have to.
1271
01:00:35,832 --> 01:00:38,676
All right, lift your arms up.
Hurry up. Get them up.
1272
01:00:38,735 --> 01:00:40,681
I can't lift them any higher.
My arms fell asleep.
1273
01:00:40,737 --> 01:00:42,080
Oh, shit.
You're doing it tighter.
1274
01:00:42,138 --> 01:00:43,811
No, I--
I was tightening it.
1275
01:00:43,873 --> 01:00:45,784
He's coming, Joe.
Now he's coming.
1276
01:00:45,842 --> 01:00:47,321
Shh, shh. Okay.
1277
01:00:50,413 --> 01:00:52,620
Don't say anything, please.
1278
01:00:56,319 --> 01:00:58,890
Well.
1279
01:00:58,955 --> 01:00:59,990
[chuckles]
1280
01:01:00,056 --> 01:01:01,126
Cheech and Chong.
1281
01:01:03,926 --> 01:01:05,200
Hi.
1282
01:01:05,261 --> 01:01:06,831
Hi.
1283
01:01:06,896 --> 01:01:08,898
Are you?
1284
01:01:08,965 --> 01:01:10,103
What?
1285
01:01:10,166 --> 01:01:12,646
Are you high, son?
1286
01:01:12,702 --> 01:01:13,908
No.
1287
01:01:13,970 --> 01:01:16,143
- What about you?
- He's not.
1288
01:01:16,205 --> 01:01:18,811
I was talking to him.
1289
01:01:20,209 --> 01:01:21,187
No.
1290
01:01:21,244 --> 01:01:22,951
Officer, I don't.
1291
01:01:23,012 --> 01:01:24,252
Of course you don't.
1292
01:01:24,313 --> 01:01:27,351
You have any idea
why I'm asking you that?
1293
01:01:27,417 --> 01:01:29,021
Because you're cracking down
1294
01:01:29,085 --> 01:01:31,065
on the abuse of
medical marijuana in Big Bear?
1295
01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:32,758
Are you patronizing me, son?
1296
01:01:32,822 --> 01:01:35,860
No. No, I--
You said that before.
1297
01:01:37,927 --> 01:01:39,338
Is your nose broke?
1298
01:01:41,764 --> 01:01:45,837
No, sir. It's always been
a little bit crooked.
1299
01:01:45,902 --> 01:01:47,643
Hmm.
1300
01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:49,081
[exhales]
1301
01:01:49,138 --> 01:01:51,084
License and registration.
1302
01:01:51,140 --> 01:01:52,380
Affirmative.
1303
01:01:52,442 --> 01:01:53,887
What did you say to me?
1304
01:01:53,943 --> 01:01:56,423
Yes. Yes.
1305
01:01:56,479 --> 01:01:58,186
Registration's in the glove box.
1306
01:01:58,247 --> 01:01:59,817
Uh-huh.
1307
01:02:03,486 --> 01:02:06,228
You just got your nails done?
1308
01:02:06,289 --> 01:02:08,166
I got it, I got it.
1309
01:02:10,193 --> 01:02:13,766
♪♪
1310
01:02:21,437 --> 01:02:22,973
What?
1311
01:02:24,407 --> 01:02:26,318
License and registration.
1312
01:02:31,814 --> 01:02:34,761
Where are you two young men
headed today?
1313
01:02:34,817 --> 01:02:36,854
- A hike.
- To LA.
1314
01:02:38,788 --> 01:02:41,462
You both just told me
two different things.
1315
01:02:44,293 --> 01:02:47,069
Son, where are you headed?
1316
01:02:47,130 --> 01:02:51,442
Bear pants, growls]
1317
01:02:51,501 --> 01:02:53,947
Step out of the vehicle.
1318
01:02:54,003 --> 01:02:56,483
Officer, excuse me.
1319
01:02:56,539 --> 01:02:58,951
We're going back to LA.
1320
01:02:59,008 --> 01:03:02,114
But we're just gonna stop off
real quick and have a hike.
1321
01:03:02,178 --> 01:03:04,021
You know, enjoy some nature
1322
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:07,391
before we have to head back
to that smog-infested jungle.
1323
01:03:09,051 --> 01:03:11,725
I never did care too much
for Los Angeles myself.
1324
01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:13,233
Oh, Lord, me neither.
1325
01:03:13,289 --> 01:03:15,132
But it sure is nice
that there's a place
1326
01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:18,832
as safe and quiet
as Big Bear's so close.
1327
01:03:18,895 --> 01:03:22,104
Up around the next bend,
there's a real pretty hike.
1328
01:03:22,165 --> 01:03:24,202
It's my husband's favorite.
1329
01:03:24,267 --> 01:03:28,306
Just make sure you park in the
designated parking areas only.
1330
01:03:28,371 --> 01:03:30,282
Absolutely.
Thank you, Officer.
1331
01:03:30,339 --> 01:03:32,319
Sure.
1332
01:03:32,375 --> 01:03:33,911
Pants?
1333
01:03:33,976 --> 01:03:35,250
Next time.
1334
01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:37,985
[whistles]
Crack, crack.
1335
01:03:44,453 --> 01:03:46,990
[siren blares]
1336
01:03:51,127 --> 01:03:52,299
Did he say husband?
1337
01:03:52,361 --> 01:03:54,466
[siren blares]
1338
01:04:01,337 --> 01:04:03,283
Why did you say
we were going for a hike?
1339
01:04:03,339 --> 01:04:04,511
Because we are.
1340
01:04:04,574 --> 01:04:06,019
- I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
1341
01:04:06,075 --> 01:04:08,817
Okay, I could have just
told that cop
1342
01:04:08,878 --> 01:04:10,858
about the gun that you're
hiding underneath your leg.
1343
01:04:10,913 --> 01:04:13,223
Yeah? Well, why didn't you?
1344
01:04:13,282 --> 01:04:15,159
I don't know.
1345
01:04:15,218 --> 01:04:17,926
Because you saved me
from your friends,
1346
01:04:17,987 --> 01:04:20,558
and you said you were gonna
take back me to LA.
1347
01:04:20,623 --> 01:04:24,833
And maybe I feel a little bit
sorry for you.
1348
01:04:31,434 --> 01:04:34,005
You ruined my life,
but not my bachelor party.
1349
01:04:34,070 --> 01:04:36,016
I thought it wasn't
your bachelor party anymore.
1350
01:04:36,072 --> 01:04:38,416
Yeah, well, it is,
whether I like it or not.
1351
01:04:38,474 --> 01:04:40,181
Okay, Joe,
1352
01:04:40,243 --> 01:04:42,314
but you're digging a very deep
hole for yourself here.
1353
01:04:42,378 --> 01:04:44,051
No.
1354
01:04:44,113 --> 01:04:46,218
That's what you're gonna do.
1355
01:04:55,424 --> 01:04:57,927
Ohh...
1356
01:04:57,994 --> 01:04:59,371
[grunts]
1357
01:05:02,665 --> 01:05:06,078
[whistling]
1358
01:05:08,037 --> 01:05:10,039
No.
1359
01:05:10,106 --> 01:05:12,882
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing?
1360
01:05:12,942 --> 01:05:15,445
[whistles]
I'm digging.
1361
01:05:15,511 --> 01:05:17,115
No, you're whistling.
1362
01:05:17,179 --> 01:05:20,490
Yeah. I do that
when I'm bored.
1363
01:05:20,549 --> 01:05:22,927
Aren't you thinking about
what you did?
1364
01:05:22,985 --> 01:05:25,465
No. I'm thinking about
what a waste of time this is.
1365
01:05:25,521 --> 01:05:28,058
- What?
- You're not going to shoot me.
1366
01:05:28,124 --> 01:05:30,070
If your friend Erik was here,
I'd be a little fucking worried
1367
01:05:30,126 --> 01:05:31,935
because that guy,
he's psycho.
1368
01:05:31,994 --> 01:05:33,439
You need to be thinking
about what you did
1369
01:05:33,496 --> 01:05:34,975
that got you to this place.
1370
01:05:35,031 --> 01:05:36,977
I opened the door
to your psycho friend.
1371
01:05:37,033 --> 01:05:39,240
- Before that.
- I didn't convince Jess
1372
01:05:39,302 --> 01:05:41,407
to fall out of love with you,
all right?
1373
01:05:41,470 --> 01:05:43,313
That happened a long time before
I ever came around.
1374
01:05:43,372 --> 01:05:45,181
- Fuck you.
- It's true!
1375
01:05:45,241 --> 01:05:47,278
In reality,
I played a very little part
1376
01:05:47,343 --> 01:05:48,651
in the breakup
of your marriage.
1377
01:05:48,711 --> 01:05:49,917
- A little part?
- Yeah.
1378
01:05:49,979 --> 01:05:51,185
Are you talking
about your dick?
1379
01:05:51,247 --> 01:05:53,352
- No.
- Is your dick the little part?
1380
01:05:53,416 --> 01:05:55,293
Because in the reality
that I live in,
1381
01:05:55,351 --> 01:05:57,490
the number one thing
Jess loves to freak out about
1382
01:05:57,553 --> 01:05:59,260
is her allergy to latex.
1383
01:05:59,322 --> 01:06:02,098
So we always had to use
polyisoprene condoms,
1384
01:06:02,158 --> 01:06:03,933
and they only come in wrappers
1385
01:06:03,993 --> 01:06:06,166
like the one that fell out of
your pocket back in the car.
1386
01:06:06,228 --> 01:06:09,539
Sol guess your little part,
I'm talking about your dick,
1387
01:06:09,598 --> 01:06:13,102
played a pretty big part
in why she left me.
1388
01:06:13,169 --> 01:06:16,912
Hey, it's your robe.
Could've been your condom.
1389
01:06:16,973 --> 01:06:19,681
Yeah. Well...
1390
01:06:19,742 --> 01:06:22,348
I don't wear Magnums.
1391
01:06:27,283 --> 01:06:29,229
Has it ever occurred to you
1392
01:06:29,285 --> 01:06:33,131
that that she might've left you
not because of who I am,
1393
01:06:33,189 --> 01:06:35,999
but because of who you aren't?
1394
01:06:40,096 --> 01:06:41,234
Get out.
1395
01:06:41,297 --> 01:06:43,402
- What?
- Hand me the shovel.
1396
01:06:43,466 --> 01:06:45,173
- I can keep digging.
- That's deep enough.
1397
01:06:45,234 --> 01:06:46,508
- No, it's not deep enough.
- Yes, it is.
1398
01:06:46,569 --> 01:06:47,639
It's not long enough.
1399
01:06:47,703 --> 01:06:48,647
Hand me the fucking shovel!
1400
01:06:48,704 --> 01:06:49,682
Okay.
1401
01:06:52,208 --> 01:06:53,710
Get out.
1402
01:06:53,776 --> 01:06:55,449
Joe, calm down.
1403
01:06:55,511 --> 01:06:57,081
Turn around.
1404
01:06:59,048 --> 01:07:00,721
- All right, why don't we just-
- Shut the fuck up for once.
1405
01:07:00,783 --> 01:07:02,228
- Okay.
- Turn around.
1406
01:07:02,284 --> 01:07:04,423
Okay.
1407
01:07:07,590 --> 01:07:10,036
You don't need
to do this, Joe.
1408
01:07:12,194 --> 01:07:16,336
I'm so tired of everyone telling
me what they think I need.
1409
01:07:16,399 --> 01:07:18,504
[cocks gun]
1410
01:07:18,567 --> 01:07:21,639
All right. Okay.
1411
01:07:21,704 --> 01:07:25,083
Maybe this is
exactly what I need.
1412
01:07:26,809 --> 01:07:28,686
Maybe I know.
1413
01:07:31,147 --> 01:07:33,127
Maybe I know what I need.
1414
01:07:35,251 --> 01:07:36,321
[bear growling]
1415
01:07:38,387 --> 01:07:39,764
[growling]
1416
01:07:42,391 --> 01:07:44,132
[roars]
1417
01:07:55,471 --> 01:07:56,575
[screams]
1418
01:08:03,412 --> 01:08:05,517
I love him.
1419
01:08:05,581 --> 01:08:07,219
[gunshot]
1420
01:08:27,837 --> 01:08:30,374
Bell tolls]
1421
01:08:34,477 --> 01:08:37,754
M [Western]
1422
01:08:55,564 --> 01:08:56,508
Oh, shit.
1423
01:08:56,565 --> 01:08:58,636
[Shouts]
1424
01:09:13,816 --> 01:09:15,420
Ooh!
1425
01:09:22,758 --> 01:09:24,465
Oh, my"
1426
01:09:24,527 --> 01:09:25,471
[screams]
1427
01:09:25,528 --> 01:09:26,836
[groaning]
1428
01:09:31,433 --> 01:09:33,777
[groaning continues]
1429
01:09:33,836 --> 01:09:34,871
OWW!
1430
01:09:34,937 --> 01:09:36,848
[groans]
1431
01:09:39,775 --> 01:09:42,619
It's all your fault, you fuck!
Why'd you do this to me?
1432
01:09:42,678 --> 01:09:45,181
- It's my fault, okay?
- I will fucking kill you!
1433
01:09:45,247 --> 01:09:47,193
- Don't kill me, please!
- Give me a fucking reason!
1434
01:09:47,249 --> 01:09:49,160
Because, Joe, I have a kid!
1435
01:09:49,218 --> 01:09:51,528
All right?
I have a daughter.
1436
01:09:51,587 --> 01:09:53,430
Her name is Meg,
and she's amazing and beautiful.
1437
01:09:53,489 --> 01:09:55,765
Please don't take me away
from her, Joe, please.
1438
01:09:55,824 --> 01:10:00,295
Please don't take me
away from her, Joe. Please.
1439
01:10:00,362 --> 01:10:04,208
Why is your wedding ring on
if you're getting divorced?
1440
01:10:04,266 --> 01:10:06,439
Why do you still have
your wedding ring on?
1441
01:10:10,472 --> 01:10:13,282
You haven't told her yet?
1442
01:10:13,342 --> 01:10:18,155
I was gonna tell her today.
1443
01:10:18,214 --> 01:10:19,716
[Sighs]
1444
01:10:19,782 --> 01:10:22,786
We weren't careful, and...
1445
01:10:22,851 --> 01:10:26,298
I thought it was the right thing
to do, to get married.
1446
01:10:26,355 --> 01:10:27,527
Was it also
the right thing to do
1447
01:10:27,590 --> 01:10:29,263
to cheat on your wife
with my fiancé?
1448
01:10:29,325 --> 01:10:31,805
Jess didn't cheat on you.
Not like that.
1449
01:10:31,860 --> 01:10:34,773
- Really?
- Yeah.
1450
01:10:34,830 --> 01:10:37,470
Yeah, last night was
the first time that we ever...
1451
01:10:37,533 --> 01:10:39,171
polyisoprened.
1452
01:10:39,235 --> 01:10:40,612
Great. You guys just started
boning last night.
1453
01:10:40,669 --> 01:10:42,706
That makes me feel
so much better. Thank you.
1454
01:10:42,771 --> 01:10:44,876
You know what, Joe?
My life is not all rosy either.
1455
01:10:44,940 --> 01:10:46,942
- Really?
- No, it's not.
1456
01:10:47,009 --> 01:10:49,285
I got married to a woman
that I barely even know.
1457
01:10:49,345 --> 01:10:50,790
We're not happy.
1458
01:10:50,846 --> 01:10:52,723
Why marry someone
you're not happy with?
1459
01:10:52,781 --> 01:10:56,228
It didn't seem like the most
important criteria at the time.
1460
01:11:01,523 --> 01:11:04,265
Why did you wanna
get married to Jess?
1461
01:11:04,326 --> 01:11:06,772
- Because I love her.
- Yeah?
1462
01:11:06,829 --> 01:11:08,570
So what?
1463
01:11:08,631 --> 01:11:09,837
What else?
1464
01:11:12,468 --> 01:11:14,243
Because we...
1465
01:11:17,806 --> 01:11:21,253
Because we...
1466
01:11:21,310 --> 01:11:22,914
we were dating.
1467
01:11:22,978 --> 01:11:25,652
We lived together and...
1468
01:11:25,714 --> 01:11:28,217
then you get married.
1469
01:11:28,284 --> 01:11:30,821
So it was just a step?
1470
01:11:30,886 --> 01:11:33,264
Things were good.
1471
01:11:33,322 --> 01:11:35,802
We worked.
Isn't that why you marry someone
1472
01:11:35,858 --> 01:11:37,838
because you love them
and you can live with them?
1473
01:11:37,893 --> 01:11:39,702
No, I don't think so anymore.
1474
01:11:39,762 --> 01:11:41,799
I think you marry someone
because you love them,
1475
01:11:41,864 --> 01:11:44,401
and you can't live without them.
1476
01:11:44,466 --> 01:11:48,278
For the longest time, I was just
dealing with my life, you know,
1477
01:11:48,337 --> 01:11:50,476
because I took the step that I
thought I was supposed to take.
1478
01:11:50,539 --> 01:11:52,576
But that's not fair.
1479
01:11:52,641 --> 01:11:55,247
It's not fair to my wife,
1480
01:11:55,311 --> 01:11:58,758
it's not fair to my daughter,
and it's not fair to me.
1481
01:11:58,814 --> 01:12:03,422
Then I met Jess,
and it was different.
1482
01:12:03,485 --> 01:12:05,624
I was different,
1483
01:12:05,688 --> 01:12:08,828
and I knew immediately
that no matter what,
1484
01:12:08,891 --> 01:12:11,303
no matter how fucking messy
this thing got,
1485
01:12:11,360 --> 01:12:13,863
no matter how painful,
1486
01:12:13,929 --> 01:12:16,933
this was life...
1487
01:12:16,999 --> 01:12:21,414
giving me
exactly what I needed:
1488
01:12:21,470 --> 01:12:23,677
an opportunity to start over.
1489
01:12:27,409 --> 01:12:29,821
Like Nair.
1490
01:12:29,878 --> 01:12:32,085
What?
1491
01:12:37,553 --> 01:12:40,762
I was relieved.
1492
01:12:40,823 --> 01:12:43,497
[Sighs]
1493
01:12:43,559 --> 01:12:46,369
When she broke off
the engagement, I was angry
1494
01:12:46,428 --> 01:12:49,739
and disappointed
and pissed, but...
1495
01:12:49,798 --> 01:12:52,870
the first thing I felt,
and I...
1496
01:12:52,935 --> 01:12:57,315
I didn't know why,
1497
01:12:57,373 --> 01:12:59,353
I was relieved.
1498
01:13:08,050 --> 01:13:09,791
[Sighs]
1499
01:13:09,852 --> 01:13:13,425
I guess it was
a pretty good sign
1500
01:13:13,489 --> 01:13:17,801
that you weren't
supposed be married.
1501
01:13:17,860 --> 01:13:21,535
So in a way, I guess
I sort of did you a favor.
1502
01:13:22,731 --> 01:13:24,335
No, I'm kidding.
1503
01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:26,346
Jesus, man.
1504
01:13:26,402 --> 01:13:28,882
Fuck, are you for real?
1505
01:13:28,937 --> 01:13:31,417
I mean, after all this?
1506
01:13:31,473 --> 01:13:34,511
You were kidnapped,
tied up in a basement,
1507
01:13:34,576 --> 01:13:35,850
I put a fucking gun
to your head
1508
01:13:35,911 --> 01:13:37,447
and made you dig a hole
in the ground,
1509
01:13:37,513 --> 01:13:39,720
and you still can't say
that you feel sorry
1510
01:13:39,782 --> 01:13:41,489
for stealing my fiancé?
1511
01:13:44,753 --> 01:13:47,165
Why do you care so much
about how I feel?
1512
01:13:51,960 --> 01:13:53,940
I don't know.
1513
01:13:56,198 --> 01:13:59,645
I think I thought
it would make it go away.
1514
01:13:59,701 --> 01:14:01,408
Make what go away?
1515
01:14:03,205 --> 01:14:07,915
It's like this bear
comes out of the woods
1516
01:14:07,976 --> 01:14:13,449
and just sits down
on my chest,
1517
01:14:13,515 --> 01:14:15,461
and I can't breathe.
1518
01:14:15,517 --> 01:14:18,054
I feel like
I'm gonna suffocate
1519
01:14:18,120 --> 01:14:23,536
because this fucking bear
is just sitting on top of me.
1520
01:14:26,462 --> 01:14:29,807
Thought maybe if I got revenge,
it would stop.
1521
01:14:29,865 --> 01:14:31,469
So you thought
if you killed me,
1522
01:14:31,533 --> 01:14:33,774
your panic attacks
would go away?
1523
01:14:33,836 --> 01:14:35,713
- What?
- You get tunnel vision?
1524
01:14:35,771 --> 01:14:37,478
Yeah.
1525
01:14:37,539 --> 01:14:40,418
Feel like your heart's beating
out of your chest?
1526
01:14:40,476 --> 01:14:41,716
Yeah.
1527
01:14:41,777 --> 01:14:45,156
I had those
right before I had my kid.
1528
01:14:45,214 --> 01:14:46,955
I was so fucking scared.
1529
01:14:49,485 --> 01:14:51,431
How did you get it to stop?
1530
01:14:51,487 --> 01:14:55,128
- Well, I didn't kill anybody.
- I wasn't gonna kill you.
1531
01:14:55,190 --> 01:14:59,866
I just thought
maybe if I scared you,
1532
01:14:59,928 --> 01:15:03,876
you know, if I made you
dig your own grave--
1533
01:15:03,932 --> 01:15:06,435
Like in a mob movie?
1534
01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:08,914
[chuckles]
1535
01:15:08,971 --> 01:15:10,541
Yeah.
[laughs]
1536
01:15:10,606 --> 01:15:12,176
That's ridiculous.
1537
01:15:12,241 --> 01:15:15,916
[laughing]
1538
01:15:19,147 --> 01:15:24,221
You know, when I get back to LA,
I have nowhere to live.
1539
01:15:24,286 --> 01:15:26,630
I am a...
1540
01:15:26,688 --> 01:15:31,467
I am a homeless,
underemployed,
1541
01:15:31,527 --> 01:15:33,734
thirty-something
single male
1542
01:15:33,795 --> 01:15:35,900
who just got dumped
by his fiancé
1543
01:15:35,964 --> 01:15:41,038
because he was too afraid
to do it himself.
1544
01:15:41,103 --> 01:15:43,105
Well, hey,
I'm getting a divorce.
1545
01:15:43,171 --> 01:15:45,481
- You're gonna be a divorce
- With a kid.
1546
01:15:45,541 --> 01:15:47,487
Oh, shit.
1547
01:15:47,543 --> 01:15:49,113
- [laughs]
- Oh, man.
1548
01:15:49,177 --> 01:15:51,521
- That might be worse.
- It's way worse.
1549
01:15:51,580 --> 01:15:53,526
And you're never gonna
get custody of the kid
1550
01:15:53,582 --> 01:15:54,959
because you're leaving her,
1551
01:15:55,017 --> 01:15:57,019
and you're only gonna
get to see your kid
1552
01:15:57,085 --> 01:15:59,190
twice a month, if that.
1553
01:16:01,056 --> 01:16:03,559
Oh, shit.
1554
01:16:09,965 --> 01:16:12,036
Jess farts in her sleep.
1555
01:16:12,100 --> 01:16:13,170
Really?
1556
01:16:13,235 --> 01:16:14,839
Sometimes.
1557
01:16:14,903 --> 01:16:16,883
Just make sure
you fall asleep first.
1558
01:16:16,939 --> 01:16:19,545
Yeah.
1559
01:16:19,608 --> 01:16:21,645
Yeah.
1560
01:16:31,219 --> 01:16:35,190
Just leave it at Jess's.
I need to get my clothes still.
1561
01:16:39,728 --> 01:16:40,832
Thanks.
1562
01:16:47,336 --> 01:16:51,284
Hey, Joe, I know you don't want
anybody telling you
1563
01:16:51,340 --> 01:16:55,083
what you need
right now, but...
1564
01:16:55,143 --> 01:16:57,953
I always found it was best
just to face it head-on.
1565
01:16:58,013 --> 01:17:00,050
What?
1566
01:17:00,115 --> 01:17:02,561
The bear.
1567
01:17:02,618 --> 01:17:05,121
♪♪
1568
01:17:42,958 --> 01:17:45,370
- [grunting]
- [bear growling]
1569
01:17:45,427 --> 01:17:48,408
- [heartbeats]
- [growling continues]
1570
01:17:50,132 --> 01:17:52,408
♪♪
1571
01:18:13,955 --> 01:18:17,801
growling
1572
01:18:20,295 --> 01:18:22,400
[growling]
1573
01:18:22,464 --> 01:18:24,876
Aaahhh!
1574
01:18:27,302 --> 01:18:29,441
Aaahhh!
1575
01:18:32,074 --> 01:18:34,782
Aaahhh!
1576
01:18:34,843 --> 01:18:38,950
[grunts, pants]
1577
01:18:39,014 --> 01:18:40,152
[Sighs]
1578
01:18:40,215 --> 01:18:43,788
M' [serene]
1579
01:19:28,096 --> 01:19:32,067
[mumbling]
1580
01:19:34,136 --> 01:19:36,980
[mumbling]
1581
01:19:43,945 --> 01:19:47,859
[muffled screaming]
1582
01:19:47,916 --> 01:19:50,487
- [electricity crackles]
- No, no!
1583
01:19:50,552 --> 01:19:52,964
- [grunting]
- [screaming]
1584
01:19:56,858 --> 01:20:00,738
[screaming grunting]
1585
01:20:00,796 --> 01:20:04,107
[muffled shouting]
1586
01:20:04,166 --> 01:20:06,271
[screaming]
1587
01:20:06,334 --> 01:20:08,314
[sputtering]
1588
01:20:08,370 --> 01:20:12,785
[laughing]
1589
01:20:15,577 --> 01:20:18,421
Ohh!
[laughing]
1590
01:20:18,480 --> 01:20:21,427
Boom, boom, boom!
1591
01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:22,518
Fuck yeah!
1592
01:20:22,584 --> 01:20:24,962
Oh! Oh, that was awesome.
1593
01:20:25,020 --> 01:20:27,193
Awesome, awesome.
That was awesome.
1594
01:20:27,255 --> 01:20:29,292
- You guys were great.
- Fuck you!
1595
01:20:30,358 --> 01:20:31,837
Yeah?
1596
01:20:31,893 --> 01:20:33,531
Fuck you.
1597
01:20:36,531 --> 01:20:38,772
Welcome back, amigo.
[chuckles]
1598
01:20:38,834 --> 01:20:40,006
Grades.
1599
01:20:41,303 --> 01:20:42,543
Ahh!
1600
01:20:42,604 --> 01:20:44,345
I feel so much better.
1601
01:20:44,406 --> 01:20:45,942
Oh, you guys
probably want those off.
1602
01:20:46,007 --> 01:20:47,384
OW! Ohh!
1603
01:20:47,442 --> 01:20:50,355
These clamps really hurt.
What are you doing, Joe?
1604
01:20:50,412 --> 01:20:52,153
I think the faster,
the better.
1605
01:20:52,214 --> 01:20:53,784
You wouldn't.
1606
01:20:53,849 --> 01:20:55,795
- I need to.
- No, you don't.
1607
01:20:55,851 --> 01:20:59,162
- Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
- No, no, no, no!
1608
01:20:59,221 --> 01:21:00,359
- Don't!
- [crackles]
1609
01:21:00,422 --> 01:21:04,564
[screaming echoes]
1610
01:21:04,626 --> 01:21:07,232
♪♪
1611
01:21:23,078 --> 01:21:26,321
I know. I know we all lose
our way from time to time.
1612
01:21:26,381 --> 01:21:28,884
I just thought I was
stronger than that, you know?
1613
01:21:28,950 --> 01:21:31,294
I'm embarrassed.
1614
01:21:31,353 --> 01:21:33,230
No, you're right, you're right.
1615
01:21:33,288 --> 01:21:35,928
Without weakness, we never
know what true strength is.
1616
01:21:35,991 --> 01:21:38,062
Sage words.
1617
01:21:38,126 --> 01:21:39,901
What time is the meeting
tomorrow night?
1618
01:21:42,297 --> 01:21:43,901
No, I don't need a ride.
1619
01:21:43,965 --> 01:21:45,410
That's cool. All right.
Thanks, Mike.
1620
01:21:45,467 --> 01:21:47,174
I'll see you there,
definitely.
1621
01:21:47,235 --> 01:21:49,078
All right. Later, bye.
1622
01:21:51,506 --> 01:21:52,610
[opens beer can]
1623
01:21:52,674 --> 01:21:54,347
Sorry about that.
1624
01:21:55,510 --> 01:21:58,616
Hey, where's my dad's gun?
1625
01:21:58,680 --> 01:22:01,058
Oh, I buried it.
1626
01:22:01,116 --> 01:22:03,027
Really?
1627
01:22:03,084 --> 01:22:04,495
Yeah.
1628
01:22:04,552 --> 01:22:08,557
Damn it, man!
He's gonna be really pissed off.
1629
01:22:10,392 --> 01:22:12,201
Well, I hate my dad.
1630
01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:14,934
You need a place to crash
for a while, Joe?
1631
01:22:14,996 --> 01:22:16,942
Uh, no, I'm good. Thanks.
1632
01:22:16,998 --> 01:22:19,137
Where are you gonna stay?
1633
01:22:22,637 --> 01:22:25,447
I have no idea.
1634
01:22:31,212 --> 01:22:36,355
♪♪
1635
01:22:46,594 --> 01:22:49,632
♪ Oh, yo, oh, yo, oh, yo ♪
1636
01:22:49,698 --> 01:22:52,542
♪ Yo, yo, yo♪
1637
01:23:01,376 --> 01:23:03,083
♪ Hit 'em with the flow ♪
1638
01:23:03,144 --> 01:23:04,350
♪ Pull it out
Hit 'em with the 4-4 a'?
1639
01:23:04,412 --> 01:23:06,085
♪ Mark, ready, set, let's go ♪
1640
01:23:06,147 --> 01:23:07,990
♪ Ride an elevator
moving in slow-mo ♪
1641
01:23:08,049 --> 01:23:09,460
♪ I'ma bet it all
I'ma roll the dice a'?
1642
01:23:09,517 --> 01:23:11,190
♪ I'ma do that
till I go broke ♪
1643
01:23:11,252 --> 01:23:13,630
♪ Get it all back,
then goes to the club ♪
1644
01:23:13,688 --> 01:23:15,258
♪ Deep in the end zone
or the red zone a'?
1645
01:23:15,323 --> 01:23:17,166
♪To my kinfolk
Hey, now, hey, now ♪
1646
01:23:17,225 --> 01:23:18,533
♪ Going up to the crib
with a couple more bottles ♪
1647
01:23:18,593 --> 01:23:20,266
t' A couple models
following us ♪
1648
01:23:20,328 --> 01:23:22,205
♪ Bring them back up
Girls on girls ♪
1649
01:23:22,263 --> 01:23:24,106
t' Ima stick you like a haircut
Flip you around ♪
1650
01:23:24,165 --> 01:23:26,304
♪ Gymnastic practice, run up,
round up, somersault ♪
1651
01:23:26,368 --> 01:23:27,711
♪ Yeah, yo, girl,
I got the dough ♪
1652
01:23:27,769 --> 01:23:29,476
♪ I got the drank
I got the dro ♪
1653
01:23:29,537 --> 01:23:31,073
♪ I got the mo
if you need more ♪
1654
01:23:31,139 --> 01:23:33,210
♪ President suite for Caesar ♪
1655
01:23:33,274 --> 01:23:34,947
♪And I got the cribs,
and I got the whips ♪
1656
01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:36,614
♪And they got the tits
They got the tits ♪
1657
01:23:36,678 --> 01:23:38,157
♪1 can pick you up,
and I can drop you off ♪
1658
01:23:38,213 --> 01:23:40,090
♪ With no evidence, yeah ♪
1659
01:23:40,148 --> 01:23:41,388
♪ Yay, yo ♪
1660
01:23:41,449 --> 01:23:44,521
♪ on, yo, yo' yo' W'
1661
01:23:44,586 --> 01:23:47,692
♪ Oh, yo, yo, yo, W ♪
1662
01:23:47,756 --> 01:23:50,999
♪ on, yo, yo' yo' W'
1663
01:23:51,059 --> 01:23:54,404
♪ Oh, yo, yo, yo, W ♪
1664
01:23:54,462 --> 01:23:59,241
♪Yo, yo, yo' Yo' Yo' YO 3'
1665
01:23:59,300 --> 01:24:05,512
♪Yo, yo, yo' Yo' Yo' YO 3'
1666
01:24:05,573 --> 01:24:11,524
♪Yo, yo, yo' Yo' Yo' YO 3'
1667
01:24:13,048 --> 01:24:16,222
♪ Hey, dude ♪
1668
01:24:16,284 --> 01:24:20,755
♪ With your distant eyes ♪
1669
01:24:20,822 --> 01:24:25,271
a)' Your hands in your pockets ♪
1670
01:24:25,326 --> 01:24:28,569
♪ No concept of time ♪
1671
01:24:30,598 --> 01:24:35,513
♪ Paralyzed by indecision 1?'
1672
01:24:35,570 --> 01:24:39,575
♪ Hopeless as Hollywood ♪
1673
01:24:39,641 --> 01:24:43,555
♪ If you don?
change direction, man ♪
1674
01:24:43,611 --> 01:24:50,460
♪ You're gonna end up
where you should ♪
1675
01:24:50,518 --> 01:24:53,692
♪ Hey, dude ♪
1676
01:24:53,755 --> 01:24:58,363
♪ Don? fee! like a slave ♪
1677
01:24:58,426 --> 01:25:02,602
♪ You gotta be scared, man ♪
1678
01:25:02,664 --> 01:25:06,271
♪ If you're gonna be brave ♪
1679
01:25:08,236 --> 01:25:12,446
♪ Before we 10s'!
our innocence a'?
1680
01:25:12,507 --> 01:25:17,081
♪ We might have
trusted our instincts ♪
1681
01:25:17,145 --> 01:25:21,059
♪ If we don't
change direction, man ♪
1682
01:25:21,116 --> 01:25:27,761
♪ We might end up
making sense ♪
1683
01:25:29,124 --> 01:25:33,539
♪♪
1684
01:26:04,359 --> 01:26:06,839
- Hey, dude!
- What, what?
1685
01:26:06,895 --> 01:26:10,274
Come over here.
1686
01:26:10,331 --> 01:26:13,107
Give me a hug, man.
1687
01:26:13,168 --> 01:26:16,513
See, what you were scared of
this whole time
1688
01:26:16,571 --> 01:26:19,552
is exactly what you've been
fighting for, man.
1689
01:26:19,607 --> 01:26:24,454
♪ It aim'? my fob
to hold up your pain ♪
1690
01:26:24,512 --> 01:26:29,120
♪ But H! do it anyway ♪
1691
01:26:29,184 --> 01:26:31,323
♪ If we don't
change direction ♪
1692
01:26:31,386 --> 01:26:33,593
♪ Hey, I'll
tell you what, man ♪
1693
01:26:33,655 --> 01:26:39,606
♪ We might end up
saving the day ♪
1694
01:26:40,962 --> 01:26:42,373
Hey!
1695
01:26:45,767 --> 01:26:49,647
Did I tell you
what to think, man?
1696
01:26:49,704 --> 01:26:51,741
Well, good.
1697
01:26:51,806 --> 01:26:55,583
But I hope you didn't listen.
1698
01:26:55,643 --> 01:26:57,953
At least in hindsight.121421
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