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Tonight's program
takes us backstage
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to witness firsthand
the creation, start to finish,
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of a new play mounted
on the American stage.
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Asteroid City does not exist.
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It is an imaginary drama
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created expressly
for this broadcast.
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The characters are fictional,
the text hypothetical,
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the events
an apocryphal fabrication,
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00:01:39,941 --> 00:01:42,844
but together they present
an authentic account
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of the inner workings of
a modern theatrical production.
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Our story begins, of course,
with an ink ribbon.
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Conrad Earp, playwright,
native of upper Wyoming,
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well-known for
his romantic poetic tapestries
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of life west
of the Rocky Mountains.
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There is little amusement
to be had, however,
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00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:09,913
in watching a man type.
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00:02:10,013 --> 00:02:13,250
Skip ahead, then,
past the lonely, agonized months
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00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:16,586
of composing, revising,
polishing, editing, rewriting,
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00:02:16,686 --> 00:02:20,132
cutting, pasting, pacing,
doodling and solitary drinking,
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and join our company
as they take the stage
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for their first
read-through rehearsal.
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the Tarkington Theater,
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00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:30,150
345 South Northwest Avenue.
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00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,272
Curtain rises
on a desert bus stop
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halfway between
Parched Gulch and Arid Plains.
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00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,652
Main scenography includes
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a 12-stool luncheonette,
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00:02:42,879 --> 00:02:44,698
a one-pump filling station
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and a ten-cabin
motor court hotel.
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00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,161
Upstage left:
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the Tomahawk Mountains.
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00:02:50,929 --> 00:02:53,290
- 11,000 feet.
35
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:56,251
- an unfinished highway overpass
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00:02:56,351 --> 00:02:58,545
which vaults up 20 feet,
then chops off midair
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00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,881
behind a permanent roadblock.
38
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,549
- an impact crater
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a hundred feet
in depth and diameter
40
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encircled by a low Little League
variety chain-link fence.
41
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,976
Offstage, distant:
a 650-car freight train
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00:03:13,076 --> 00:03:16,521
which click-clacks by
at five miles an hour.
43
00:03:16,621 --> 00:03:18,315
Note to chief electrician:
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The light of the desert sun
is neither warm nor cool
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but always clean
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and, above all, unforgiving.
47
00:03:27,048 --> 00:03:29,368
Augie Steenbeck,
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00:03:29,468 --> 00:03:31,703
war photographer, early 40s.
49
00:03:31,803 --> 00:03:35,090
His son Woodrow, 14,
also known as Brainiac.
50
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,877
Midge Campbell, late 30s,
film actress.
51
00:03:38,977 --> 00:03:41,129
Her daughter Dinah, 15.
52
00:03:41,229 --> 00:03:43,757
June Douglas, schoolteacher.
53
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:46,635
Ranch hand Montana, above.
54
00:03:46,735 --> 00:03:48,762
Grif Gibson, five-star general.
55
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:53,308
Sandy Borden, Roger Cho,
J.J. Kellogg.
56
00:03:53,408 --> 00:03:55,861
Clifford, Ricky, Shelly.
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00:03:56,736 --> 00:04:00,031
Stanley Zak, 65, retired.
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The action of the play takes
place in September of 1955.
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00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:07,906
- Friday morning, 7:00 a.m.
60
00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:10,409
- the next day.
61
00:04:10,509 --> 00:04:12,919
- one week later.
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00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,677
♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪
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♪ Last train
to San Fernando ♪
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00:04:25,148 --> 00:04:28,552
♪ If you miss this one,
you'll never get another one ♪
65
00:04:28,652 --> 00:04:32,806
♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom
to San Fernando ♪
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00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,558
♪ Last night,
I met my sweet Dorothy ♪
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00:04:34,658 --> 00:04:36,726
♪ She said, "Tomorrow I join
in sweet matrimony" ♪
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00:04:36,826 --> 00:04:38,728
♪ But if you act all right ♪
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00:04:38,828 --> 00:04:40,355
♪ Oh, you can
take me out tonight ♪
70
00:04:40,455 --> 00:04:42,566
♪ We can wine and dine
and get back in time ♪
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00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:45,360
♪ For the last train
to San Fernando ♪
72
00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:50,157
♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪
73
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:53,743
♪ Last train
to San Fernando ♪
74
00:04:53,843 --> 00:04:57,414
♪ If you miss this one,
you'll never get another one ♪
75
00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,884
♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom
to San Fernando. ♪
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00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,231
GIRL
It's a dead snake.
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00:07:28,331 --> 00:07:30,525
Flat snake.
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00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:33,119
Poke him in the head
with this stick.
79
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,367
-♪ I wander the streets ♪
80
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:42,871
♪ And the gay
crowded places... ♪
81
00:07:42,971 --> 00:07:46,416
Five orders of flapjacks
and a black coffee.
82
00:07:46,516 --> 00:07:49,669
♪ But somehow it seems ♪
83
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:53,131
♪ That my thoughts ever stray ♪
84
00:07:53,231 --> 00:07:54,841
♪ To our last... ♪
85
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:56,176
Who needs to pee?
86
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,677
-Nobody needs to pee.
-I don't.
87
00:07:57,777 --> 00:07:59,429
Our average speed is
83 feet per second.
88
00:07:59,529 --> 00:08:01,606
Poor fuel efficiency
due to excess wind resistance.
89
00:08:01,706 --> 00:08:03,099
Probably the luggage rack.
90
00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:05,435
Based on data before
the loss of power, obviously.
91
00:08:05,535 --> 00:08:07,687
♪ High in the sky... ♪
92
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,584
What do you little princesses
want to drink?
93
00:08:09,684 --> 00:08:11,401
-Oh, we're not princesses.
-I'm a vampire.
94
00:08:11,501 --> 00:08:13,299
I'm a mummy in Egypt
who got buried alive...
95
00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:15,396
-I suck people's blood.
-...and came back to life
96
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,372
-with his head chopped off.
-I'm a fairy.
97
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,501
How about a glass
of strawberry milk?
98
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,538
What was that?
99
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,465
Another atom bomb test.
100
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,059
I've seen this combination
of symptoms twice before
101
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:48,395
in the '52 Estate model.
102
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:52,482
In one case, it was a quick fix
of a 75-cent part.
103
00:08:52,582 --> 00:08:54,651
In the other case,
it was a difficult, costly,
104
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,612
time-consuming disassembly
and re-mantling
105
00:08:57,712 --> 00:08:59,114
of the entire drivetrain
106
00:08:59,214 --> 00:09:01,324
and lubrication mechanism,
which didn't work.
107
00:09:01,424 --> 00:09:02,951
The motor exploded itself,
108
00:09:03,051 --> 00:09:05,203
and the body was stripped
and sold for scrap.
109
00:09:05,303 --> 00:09:06,880
There it is.
110
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,547
Well, which one have we got?
111
00:09:15,647 --> 00:09:17,807
We're about to find out.
112
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,291
You got the first one.
113
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,834
-How much do I owe you?
-Nothing.
114
00:09:52,934 --> 00:09:54,552
-Ten dollars for the tow.
115
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,518
What's that? Wh-What's that?
116
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,020
I don't know.
117
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,567
I think you've got
a third problem
118
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:19,702
we've never seen before.
119
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,786
MAN
Zak residence.
120
00:10:27,886 --> 00:10:29,454
Romulus, this is
Augie Steenbeck.
121
00:10:29,554 --> 00:10:31,372
Good morning, Mr. Augie.
The gate is open.
122
00:10:31,472 --> 00:10:33,249
-No, we're not there.
-You're not here?
123
00:10:33,349 --> 00:10:36,135
-May I speak to Mr. Zak?
-Yes, Mr. Augie.
124
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,686
-You're not here?
-We're not there.
125
00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:55,730
The car exploded.
Come get the girls.
126
00:10:55,830 --> 00:10:57,232
The car exploded?
127
00:10:57,332 --> 00:10:59,776
Parts of the car
exploded itself, yes.
128
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,753
-Come get the girls.
-I'm not their chauffeur.
129
00:11:01,853 --> 00:11:02,987
I'm their grandfather.
130
00:11:03,087 --> 00:11:05,198
-Where are you?
-Asteroid City.
131
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,242
Farm Route Six, mile 75.
Come get the girls.
132
00:11:07,342 --> 00:11:08,785
I have to stay here
with Woodrow.
133
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,119
What are you talking about?
134
00:11:10,219 --> 00:11:12,463
The thing for Woodrow.
We're there.
135
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,257
Hmm.
136
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,639
-Hello?
-How'd they take it?
137
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,594
They didn't.
138
00:11:26,694 --> 00:11:27,804
-No?
-No.
139
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,389
-No.
-Yes.
140
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,725
-You didn't tell them still?
-I still didn't tell them.
141
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,651
-You promised.
-I know.
142
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,814
The time is never right.
143
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,114
The time...
144
00:11:40,249 --> 00:11:42,368
is always wrong.
145
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,204
Are you okay?
146
00:11:53,304 --> 00:11:54,304
No.
147
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,753
You never liked me, did you?
148
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,798
I never loved you.
I always thought that you...
149
00:12:03,898 --> 00:12:05,855
You always thought
I wasn't good enough for her.
150
00:12:05,955 --> 00:12:08,061
Yes.
We're saying the same thing.
151
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,306
-Gas up the Cadillac.
-Okay.
152
00:12:11,406 --> 00:12:12,640
-Tell the kids.
-I will.
153
00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:14,943
I'll be there when I get there.
154
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,574
It's the end of that car.
155
00:12:29,674 --> 00:12:31,592
Andromeda, check under
the floor mats. Come on.
156
00:12:31,692 --> 00:12:33,202
Pandora, check the side pockets.
157
00:12:33,302 --> 00:12:35,219
Cassiopeia, check the cracks
between the seats.
158
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,290
Take everything.
What do you think, Woodrow?
159
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,258
I think it's kind of sad.
160
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,735
Rest stop, 13 minutes.
161
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:44,983
-Head count.
One.
162
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:46,401
-Two.
-Three. -Four.
163
00:13:46,501 --> 00:13:47,735
-Five. -Six.
-Seven. -Eight.
164
00:13:47,835 --> 00:13:49,237
-Nine. -Ten.
-All present.
165
00:13:49,337 --> 00:13:51,134
Let's give thanks
for a safe journey. Billy?
166
00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:52,951
Dear Heavenly Father,
we thank thee kindly
167
00:13:53,051 --> 00:13:54,051
for a terrific bus ride.
168
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,588
I ate three boxes
of Cracker Jacks,
169
00:13:55,688 --> 00:13:57,205
got a dog whistle
and a miniature map
170
00:13:57,305 --> 00:13:58,423
of the original 13 colonies.
171
00:13:58,523 --> 00:14:00,559
Also, we saw a coyote
get run over by a 14-wheeler
172
00:14:00,659 --> 00:14:02,041
and left him flat as a pancake.
173
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:03,141
Boy, oh, boy. What else?
174
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:04,518
The bus driver had to stop twice
175
00:14:04,618 --> 00:14:05,976
because Bernice
couldn't hold it.
176
00:14:06,076 --> 00:14:07,076
-Could so.
Amen.
177
00:14:07,175 --> 00:14:08,175
Amen.
178
00:14:08,274 --> 00:14:09,724
Lunchtime. Line up single file.
179
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,971
My word. It's hot.
180
00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,597
It's the desert.
What'd you expect?
181
00:14:16,697 --> 00:14:18,683
I don't know if I expected
one thing or another,
182
00:14:18,783 --> 00:14:20,560
but I'm wilting
like a cut petunia.
183
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,353
-Humans don't wilt.
-Don't they?
184
00:14:22,453 --> 00:14:23,688
No, wilting is a phenomenon
185
00:14:23,788 --> 00:14:25,648
by which a petal,
leaf or stem...
186
00:14:25,748 --> 00:14:27,275
Do you dare me?
187
00:14:27,375 --> 00:14:29,777
-Dare you what?
-To eat this hot pepper.
188
00:14:29,877 --> 00:14:32,413
-It's an experiment.
-No, don't do it.
189
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,868
Hot pepper.
190
00:14:36,968 --> 00:14:38,745
Holy Toledo.
That's Midge Campbell.
191
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,705
-Where? Who?
-Right smack in back of you.
192
00:14:40,805 --> 00:14:42,331
Don't look.
193
00:14:42,431 --> 00:14:44,375
That must be her bodyguard.
194
00:14:44,475 --> 00:14:46,586
Mr. Cho, yes? Hello.
195
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,880
You're in cabin seven.
Well, tent seven.
196
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:50,923
Here's the key,
but there's no door.
197
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:52,675
Just a flap. Tent flap.
198
00:14:52,775 --> 00:14:54,260
-Tent?
-I know.
199
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,512
I upgraded the electrical system
Tuesday morning.
200
00:14:56,612 --> 00:14:58,329
Better lighting,
power for the ice machine
201
00:14:58,429 --> 00:14:59,766
and a wall-mounted bug zapper.
202
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,601
Unfortunately,
a mistake got made,
203
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,218
and cabin seven
burned to the ground.
204
00:15:03,318 --> 00:15:04,395
It's a tent now.
205
00:15:04,495 --> 00:15:05,853
We don't want to sleep
in a tent.
206
00:15:05,953 --> 00:15:07,231
Of course. I understand.
207
00:15:07,331 --> 00:15:09,442
May I say, I think
you'll find it very comfortable.
208
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,694
Is the young gentleman
in distress?
209
00:15:11,794 --> 00:15:12,904
He's thirsty.
210
00:15:13,004 --> 00:15:14,447
Of course. I understand.
211
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:17,083
Uh, juice preference, please:
apple, orange or tomato?
212
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,369
Excuse me, sir?
213
00:15:20,469 --> 00:15:22,872
This bucket of nuts
just stole my quarter.
214
00:15:22,972 --> 00:15:25,091
I beg your pardon.
215
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,795
♪ She lived so long
till her head got bald ♪
216
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:30,797
♪ Taken a notion
not to die at all ♪
217
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,799
♪ Ida Red, Ida Red ♪
218
00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:35,852
♪ I'm a plumb fool
about Ida Red... ♪
219
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:40,264
You're probably wondering why
220
00:15:40,364 --> 00:15:42,608
we didn't pack
your mother's suitcase.
221
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:47,396
It's because she's not
coming with us on this journey.
222
00:15:47,496 --> 00:15:49,816
She can't come.
223
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:52,193
She got too sick.
224
00:15:52,293 --> 00:15:54,570
And, to put it bluntly,
after all the surgeries,
225
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:56,697
-therapies and interventions,
226
00:15:56,797 --> 00:15:59,617
after two years
of struggling and suffering,
227
00:15:59,717 --> 00:16:02,128
she succumbed to her illnesses.
228
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,205
I'm sorry.
229
00:16:04,305 --> 00:16:06,040
I didn't know
how to tell you then.
230
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:08,084
I couldn't figure out
how to tell you later.
231
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:09,877
I didn't know what to do.
232
00:16:09,977 --> 00:16:12,471
The time was never right.
233
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,934
You're saying our mother died
three weeks ago?
234
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:19,728
Yes.
235
00:16:20,321 --> 00:16:23,224
When is she coming back?
236
00:16:23,324 --> 00:16:25,359
She's not coming back.
237
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,770
Let's say she's in heaven.
238
00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:29,897
Which doesn't exist for me,
of course,
239
00:16:29,997 --> 00:16:31,949
but you're Episcopalian.
240
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,077
Come here. Let me hug you.
241
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,419
Okay. Sit back down.
242
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:53,137
Did you know already, Woodrow?
243
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,225
I think so.
244
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,802
She'd been away so long.
245
00:16:59,902 --> 00:17:01,103
Mm-hmm.
246
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:03,438
Yeah.
247
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,225
We're gonna be okay.
248
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:07,727
Your grandfather's on his way.
249
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,812
We're gonna stay with him
for a period of time
250
00:17:09,912 --> 00:17:12,740
which is yet to be determined
how long it's gonna be.
251
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,077
Is she in there?
252
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:20,872
Yeah.
253
00:17:21,632 --> 00:17:23,876
She's in the Tupperware.
254
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,511
Cremated.
255
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,637
Are we orphans now?
256
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:37,264
Huh?
257
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,927
Are we orphans now?
258
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,027
No.
259
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,939
Because I'm still alive.
260
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:50,686
When my father died, my mother
told me, "He's in the stars."
261
00:17:50,786 --> 00:17:54,106
I told her, "The closest star,
other than that one,
262
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:55,858
"is four and half
light-years away
263
00:17:55,958 --> 00:17:58,577
with a surface temperature
over 5,000 degrees centigrade."
264
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,530
"He's not in the stars," I said.
265
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:03,449
"He's in the ground."
266
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:05,201
She thought it would comfort me.
267
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:06,786
She was an atheist.
268
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,747
The other thing she'd say
which is incorrect:
269
00:18:09,847 --> 00:18:11,707
"Time heals all wounds."
270
00:18:11,807 --> 00:18:12,807
No.
271
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:15,503
Maybe it can be a Band-Aid.
272
00:18:15,603 --> 00:18:17,964
Your concept of time is
completely distorted, though.
273
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:19,799
I don't think any of you
except Woodrow
274
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:22,343
even understands
what 15 minutes means.
275
00:18:22,443 --> 00:18:26,272
15 minutes is 6,200 hours.
276
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,791
Exactly.
277
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,404
That's not your fault.
278
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,154
If you could have anything
in the world to eat right now,
279
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:44,081
what would it be?
280
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,370
The character of Augie Steenbeck
281
00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:51,539
in the imaginary tale
of our production
282
00:18:51,639 --> 00:18:54,292
was to become famously
and indelibly connected
283
00:18:54,392 --> 00:18:56,502
to the actor
who created the role,
284
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:59,005
a former carpenter
discovered in a bit part
285
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,340
by the play's director,
Schubert Green.
286
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,509
I've finished
my correspondence, Analisse.
287
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,303
Please bring me my cocktail
and my pill.
288
00:19:05,403 --> 00:19:06,881
-Remember, the gentleman...
-Oh, no.
289
00:19:06,981 --> 00:19:08,499
...referred by Mr. Green
has arrived.
290
00:19:08,599 --> 00:19:09,807
No. Send him away.
291
00:19:09,907 --> 00:19:12,064
Put him up at the Salty Skipper
or the Lighthouse Inn
292
00:19:12,164 --> 00:19:13,801
and tell him to come back
in the morning
293
00:19:13,901 --> 00:19:14,901
but not before 11:00.
294
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,358
The occasion
of the first meeting
295
00:19:16,458 --> 00:19:18,441
between playwright and player
is now,
296
00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:20,026
in our fanciful telling,
297
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:22,611
a matter of
theatrical lore and legend.
298
00:19:22,711 --> 00:19:25,614
late autumn,
late afternoon,
299
00:19:25,714 --> 00:19:28,701
a seaside village
outside the grand metropolis.
300
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,287
Oh, no, again.
I-I beg your pardon. I'm sorry.
301
00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:33,998
Did Miss Watson not inform you?
I'm indisposed.
302
00:19:34,098 --> 00:19:36,300
I know, but the ice cream
would've melted.
303
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,728
-What's this?
-I think it's the one you like.
304
00:19:44,828 --> 00:19:46,719
Gooseberry Wriggle
from the Frosty Spoon
305
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,179
on East Rotterdam.
306
00:19:48,279 --> 00:19:50,435
I wrapped it in sawdust,
newspaper and peanut shells.
307
00:19:50,535 --> 00:19:52,133
You shouldn't waste
your spending money
308
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,233
on an old fool like me.
309
00:19:53,332 --> 00:19:54,969
Well, they gave me
ten dollars bus fare,
310
00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:56,706
so I bought us a half bucket,
hitchhiked
311
00:19:56,806 --> 00:19:58,406
and pocketed the change.
312
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,746
Cool and delicious.
313
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,324
How long have you been
in the service?
314
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:09,658
The service? What service?
315
00:20:09,758 --> 00:20:11,356
I don't know
what you're talking about.
316
00:20:11,456 --> 00:20:13,414
Well, unless I've been
deliberately misinformed,
317
00:20:13,514 --> 00:20:15,272
I believe those stripes
indicate the status
318
00:20:15,372 --> 00:20:16,850
of a ranking corporal,
second class.
319
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:19,426
Oh, no. I-I'm G.I. Number Three
in Bugle Boy Blows the Blues.
320
00:20:19,526 --> 00:20:20,836
Was, anyway. We closed tonight.
321
00:20:20,936 --> 00:20:23,381
I see. Property of
the wardrobe department.
322
00:20:23,481 --> 00:20:25,266
Not anymore.
323
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,978
How was it, by the way?
324
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,222
-The play? It stunk.
-Mm.
325
00:20:31,322 --> 00:20:33,391
-Mind if I crack open a window?
-Uh, not at all.
326
00:20:33,491 --> 00:20:34,767
It's sweltering, isn't it?
327
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,019
Even the daisies
and buttercups are drooping...
328
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:40,030
That window sticks a bit.
That window sticks a bit!
329
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:46,745
-You broke my window.
330
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,420
Why does Augie burn his hand
on the Quicky-Griddle?
331
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,541
Well, I don't even know myself,
to tell you the truth.
332
00:20:58,641 --> 00:20:59,959
I hadn't planned it that way.
333
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,961
He just sort of did it
while I was typing.
334
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,838
Is it too extraordinary for you?
335
00:21:03,938 --> 00:21:06,465
Uh, I guess, the way I read it,
he was looking for an excuse
336
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:08,467
why his heart
was beating so fast.
337
00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:09,567
Oh.
338
00:21:10,027 --> 00:21:12,471
Oh, what an interesting
sentiment.
339
00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:14,306
I love that idea.
340
00:21:14,406 --> 00:21:15,766
Maybe he should say it.
341
00:21:15,866 --> 00:21:17,485
It's a very good line.
342
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:23,032
No, I suppose not.
Not necessary.
343
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,832
" playing)
344
00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:48,966
It's a fact-- we're not alone.
345
00:21:49,066 --> 00:21:50,676
The alien stole the asteroid.
346
00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:52,219
Long thought to be
a lunar splinter
347
00:21:52,319 --> 00:21:53,557
fragmented from the lesser moon
348
00:21:53,657 --> 00:21:55,973
of the hypothetical planet
Magnavox-27,
349
00:21:56,073 --> 00:21:58,184
now considered
a rogue pygmy cometette,
350
00:21:58,284 --> 00:22:00,686
according to the encyclopedia.
351
00:22:00,786 --> 00:22:02,663
Obviously, she would've said
something to him.
352
00:22:02,763 --> 00:22:04,361
I'm certain of it.
Your mother, I mean.
353
00:22:04,461 --> 00:22:06,978
She would've gotten him to tell
us the secrets of the universe
354
00:22:07,078 --> 00:22:09,028
or yelled at him
or made him laugh.
355
00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:11,572
She would've had a hypothesis.
356
00:22:11,672 --> 00:22:13,741
You remind me of her
more than ever.
357
00:22:13,841 --> 00:22:15,618
She wasn't shy.
358
00:22:15,718 --> 00:22:17,620
You'll grow out of that.
359
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:21,340
I think your sisters might be
aliens, too, by the way.
360
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,046
When I met your mother,
she was only 19.
361
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:29,298
She was smoking a cigarette,
reading a paperback,
362
00:22:29,398 --> 00:22:32,009
taking a bath in a swimsuit
on a rusty fire escape
363
00:22:32,109 --> 00:22:34,845
a flight and a half
below my camera position.
364
00:22:34,945 --> 00:22:37,765
Sometimes
I sometimes still think
365
00:22:37,865 --> 00:22:40,684
I still hear her here
366
00:22:40,784 --> 00:22:43,028
breathing in the dark.
367
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,276
Who knows, Woodrow?
368
00:22:49,376 --> 00:22:51,745
Maybe she is in the stars.
369
00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,844
You're perfect.
370
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,597
" playing)
371
00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:35,539
-Okay?
-Okay.
372
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:10,199
Hold on, partner!
373
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,829
-Zut alors.
-Oh, no.
374
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,784
When's the next one?
375
00:24:20,884 --> 00:24:23,587
Sunday morning, I think.
376
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:36,433
Drink your juice.
377
00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:46,518
You took a picture of me.
378
00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:48,018
Uh-huh.
379
00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:50,571
Why?
380
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:53,367
I'm a photographer.
381
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:55,444
You didn't ask permission.
382
00:24:55,544 --> 00:24:58,113
-I never ask permission.
-Why not?
383
00:24:58,213 --> 00:25:02,451
Because I work in trenches,
battlefields and combat zones.
384
00:25:02,551 --> 00:25:03,869
Really?
385
00:25:03,969 --> 00:25:05,295
Uh-huh.
386
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:07,790
You mean you're
a war photographer?
387
00:25:07,890 --> 00:25:08,890
Mostly.
388
00:25:08,989 --> 00:25:11,251
Sometimes I cover
sporting events.
389
00:25:11,351 --> 00:25:13,420
My name is Augie Steenbeck.
390
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:14,920
Mm-hmm.
391
00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:19,802
What are you gonna do with it?
392
00:25:19,902 --> 00:25:21,387
That picture.
393
00:25:21,487 --> 00:25:24,640
Hmm. Well, if it's any good,
I guess I'll try to sell it
394
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:26,975
to a magazine,
now that you mention it.
395
00:25:27,075 --> 00:25:29,862
"Midge Campbell
eating a waffle."
396
00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:35,534
Make me a print first,
to approve.
397
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:37,935
Uh-huh.
398
00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:40,989
This is Dinah.
399
00:25:41,089 --> 00:25:42,157
This is Woodrow.
400
00:25:42,257 --> 00:25:43,492
I have a question.
401
00:25:43,592 --> 00:25:44,827
Uh-huh.
402
00:25:44,927 --> 00:25:46,829
Have you ever been shot
with bullets?
403
00:25:46,929 --> 00:25:48,664
Have I ever been...
404
00:25:48,764 --> 00:25:51,041
Uh, once or twice-- just grazed.
405
00:25:51,141 --> 00:25:54,303
He got shrapneled in the back
of the head, too. Show her.
406
00:25:57,306 --> 00:25:58,306
Hmm.
407
00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:04,688
I don't say I forgive you yet,
by the way.
408
00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:19,862
Welcome from the
United States Military-Science
409
00:26:19,962 --> 00:26:21,864
Research and Experimentation
Division,
410
00:26:21,964 --> 00:26:24,116
in conjunction with
the Larkings Foundation.
411
00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:25,751
We salute you.
412
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,713
Each year,
we celebrate Asteroid Day,
413
00:26:37,813 --> 00:26:40,591
commemorating
September 23, 3007 BC,
414
00:26:40,691 --> 00:26:44,019
when the Arid Plains Meteorite
made Earth impact.
415
00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,818
The itinerary for
this three-day celebration
416
00:26:46,918 --> 00:26:49,183
includes a tour of the
newly refurbished observatory
417
00:26:49,283 --> 00:26:51,810
with Dr. Hickenlooper
and her staff,
418
00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:54,271
a picnic supper
of chili and frankfurters
419
00:26:54,371 --> 00:26:57,065
with evening fireworks display,
420
00:26:57,165 --> 00:26:59,151
the viewing of
the astronomical ellipses
421
00:26:59,251 --> 00:27:01,570
at its peak
just before midnight tonight,
422
00:27:01,670 --> 00:27:03,906
and finally,
the awarding of the annual
423
00:27:04,006 --> 00:27:08,035
Hickenlooper Scholarship
after Monday's banquet lunch.
424
00:27:08,135 --> 00:27:10,454
Now, I'll start by presenting
the commemorative medals,
425
00:27:10,554 --> 00:27:12,456
but first,
I'll do my speech first,
426
00:27:12,556 --> 00:27:15,551
which you'll also receive in
a folio edition as a souvenir.
427
00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,386
Chapter One.
428
00:27:26,486 --> 00:27:28,882
I walked to school 18 miles
each morning, milked the goats,
429
00:27:28,982 --> 00:27:31,138
plucked the chickens,
played hooky, caught fireflies,
430
00:27:31,238 --> 00:27:32,915
went skinny-dipping
in the watering hole,
431
00:27:33,015 --> 00:27:34,093
said my prayers every night
432
00:27:34,193 --> 00:27:36,191
and got whipped with
a maple switch twice a week.
433
00:27:36,291 --> 00:27:37,291
That was life.
434
00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:39,900
Chapter Two.
435
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,277
My father went off to fight
in the war to end all wars--
436
00:27:42,377 --> 00:27:43,855
it didn't--
and what was left of him
437
00:27:43,955 --> 00:27:45,713
came back in a pine box
with a flag on top.
438
00:27:45,813 --> 00:27:47,449
End of Chapter Two.
439
00:27:47,549 --> 00:27:49,451
Next, I went to officer school,
440
00:27:49,551 --> 00:27:51,912
and 20 years passed
at the speed of a dream.
441
00:27:52,012 --> 00:27:55,123
A wife, a son,
a daughter, a poodle.
442
00:27:55,223 --> 00:27:57,209
Chapter Three. Another war.
443
00:27:57,309 --> 00:27:59,336
Arms and legs blown off
like popcorn,
444
00:27:59,436 --> 00:28:02,130
eyeballs gouged out,
figuratively and literally.
445
00:28:02,230 --> 00:28:04,216
The men put on shows
under the palm fronds
446
00:28:04,316 --> 00:28:05,801
dressed as women in hula skirts.
447
00:28:05,901 --> 00:28:07,511
That was life.
448
00:28:07,611 --> 00:28:09,888
In the meantime,
somebody else's story.
449
00:28:09,988 --> 00:28:11,431
A man thinks up a number,
450
00:28:11,531 --> 00:28:13,768
divides it by a trillion,
plugs it into the square root
451
00:28:13,868 --> 00:28:15,226
of the circumference
of the Earth
452
00:28:15,326 --> 00:28:17,123
multiplied by the speed
of a splitting atom,
453
00:28:17,223 --> 00:28:18,438
and voilà, progress.
454
00:28:18,538 --> 00:28:20,440
I'm not a scientist. You are.
455
00:28:20,540 --> 00:28:22,317
End of Chapter Three.
456
00:28:22,417 --> 00:28:24,987
Junior Stargazers
and Space Cadets,
457
00:28:25,087 --> 00:28:27,322
we watch transfixed as you enter
458
00:28:27,422 --> 00:28:30,617
into uncharted territories
of the brains and spirit.
459
00:28:30,717 --> 00:28:33,829
If you wanted to live
a nice, quiet, peaceful life,
460
00:28:33,929 --> 00:28:36,423
you picked the wrong time
to get born.
461
00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:39,509
That's my speech.
462
00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:50,304
Be notified, you are each
the guardian of your own safety.
463
00:28:50,404 --> 00:28:51,722
Maintain alert caution
464
00:28:51,822 --> 00:28:54,191
throughout the following
demonstrations.
465
00:28:55,233 --> 00:28:56,852
To Ricky Cho,
for his work in the field
466
00:28:56,952 --> 00:28:58,437
of aeronautical induction:
467
00:28:58,537 --> 00:29:01,023
the Collapsing Star
Ribbon of Success.
468
00:29:01,123 --> 00:29:03,442
To Clifford Kellogg,
for his work in the study
469
00:29:03,542 --> 00:29:06,403
of particle disintegration:
470
00:29:06,503 --> 00:29:08,363
the Black Hole Badge of Triumph.
471
00:29:08,463 --> 00:29:09,907
To Dinah Campbell...
472
00:29:10,007 --> 00:29:12,124
It's fueled by cosmic radiation
instead of sunlight.
473
00:29:12,224 --> 00:29:13,302
...for her work in the area
474
00:29:13,402 --> 00:29:15,329
of botanical acceleration...
475
00:29:15,429 --> 00:29:18,248
Unfortunately, it makes
all vegetables toxic.
476
00:29:18,348 --> 00:29:20,751
...the Red Giant Sash of Honor.
477
00:29:20,851 --> 00:29:22,252
To Shelly Borden, for her work
478
00:29:22,352 --> 00:29:23,909
in the realm
of mineral fabrication...
479
00:29:24,009 --> 00:29:25,839
I synthesized
an extraterrestrial element.
480
00:29:25,939 --> 00:29:28,508
It's going to be added
to the periodic table next year.
481
00:29:28,608 --> 00:29:31,136
...the Distant Nebula
Laurel Crown.
482
00:29:31,236 --> 00:29:33,689
To Woodrow Steenbeck...
483
00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:38,110
...for his work in the sphere
of astronomical imaging...
484
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:44,900
It may have applications
in the development
485
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,735
of interstellar advertising.
486
00:29:46,835 --> 00:29:49,454
...the White Dwarf
Medal of Achievement.
487
00:29:54,543 --> 00:29:55,911
Our tour ends here.
488
00:29:56,011 --> 00:29:57,768
Thank you for your attention,
and thank you
489
00:29:57,868 --> 00:30:00,382
to the Larkings Foundation
for their generous funding.
490
00:30:06,888 --> 00:30:09,132
-What do those pulses indicate?
-What?
491
00:30:09,232 --> 00:30:11,009
Oh, the beeps and blips?
We don't know.
492
00:30:11,109 --> 00:30:13,679
Indecipherable radio emissions
from outer space.
493
00:30:13,779 --> 00:30:15,931
-Probably a red herring.
-Does it change ever?
494
00:30:16,031 --> 00:30:17,683
Not to my knowledge.
495
00:30:17,783 --> 00:30:20,102
-It's a date, maybe.
-It's a date?
496
00:30:20,202 --> 00:30:21,812
-On the galactic calendar.
-Maybe.
497
00:30:21,912 --> 00:30:24,106
Mary, we think it's a date
on the galactic calendar.
498
00:30:24,206 --> 00:30:26,324
What? Wow.
-Is it always today?
499
00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:30,153
♪ Yippee-yay ♪
500
00:30:30,253 --> 00:30:34,074
♪ There'll be no wedding bells
for today ♪
501
00:30:34,174 --> 00:30:37,869
♪ I got spurs that jingle,
jangle, jingle... ♪
502
00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:39,287
We thank thee for the ketchup,
503
00:30:39,387 --> 00:30:40,785
and we thank thee
for the mustard.
504
00:30:40,885 --> 00:30:42,043
We thank thee for the relish,
505
00:30:42,143 --> 00:30:43,542
and we thank thee
for the onions.
506
00:30:43,642 --> 00:30:46,078
-We thank thee for the pickles,
and we thank... -Head count.
507
00:30:46,178 --> 00:30:47,178
-One.
-Two.
508
00:30:47,277 --> 00:30:48,277
-Three.
-Four.
509
00:30:48,376 --> 00:30:49,464
-Five.
-Six.
510
00:30:49,564 --> 00:30:51,174
-Dwight? Where's Dwight?
-Eight.
511
00:30:51,274 --> 00:30:53,760
-Dwight? Dwight? -J.J.:
Less than 0.0000% chance exists
512
00:30:53,860 --> 00:30:56,216
-of extraterrestrial life
in the entire universe. -Dwight!
513
00:30:56,316 --> 00:30:57,431
It's a scientific fact.
514
00:30:57,531 --> 00:30:59,329
Other than space bugs
and microscopic worms.
515
00:30:59,429 --> 00:31:00,892
-I assertively disagree.
-So do I.
516
00:31:00,992 --> 00:31:03,149
-It's not a scientific fact.
-It's not even a number.
517
00:31:03,249 --> 00:31:05,047
-Pass the pickles, please.
-How's the chili?
518
00:31:05,147 --> 00:31:07,024
-Fine, once you add
the hot sauce. -Thank you.
519
00:31:07,124 --> 00:31:08,522
Sparkler?
-Consider the constants:
520
00:31:08,622 --> 00:31:10,100
endless space
and immeasurable time.
521
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,316
The likelihood is increased
by a factor of infinity.
522
00:31:12,416 --> 00:31:14,213
-Where'd you get that?
-The cantina machine.
523
00:31:14,313 --> 00:31:16,992
-Where's the cantina machine?
The cantina machine?
524
00:31:17,092 --> 00:31:20,328
Can you see anything
with those on your face?
525
00:31:20,428 --> 00:31:21,428
Hmm.
526
00:31:21,847 --> 00:31:23,915
Oh, gadzooks. Wh-What'd you...
527
00:31:24,015 --> 00:31:25,459
What did you do to deserve that?
528
00:31:25,559 --> 00:31:26,918
-Nothing.
-Who hit you?
529
00:31:27,018 --> 00:31:28,170
Nobody.
530
00:31:28,270 --> 00:31:30,547
It's greasepaint,
to feel like my character.
531
00:31:30,647 --> 00:31:33,175
Oh.
How does she get a black eye?
532
00:31:33,275 --> 00:31:34,301
In the story.
533
00:31:34,401 --> 00:31:35,761
Well, she doesn't in the story.
534
00:31:35,861 --> 00:31:37,596
-It's on the inside.
-Okay.
535
00:31:37,696 --> 00:31:40,172
-It's supposed to be, anyway.
-It's on the inside. All right.
536
00:31:40,272 --> 00:31:41,950
The Larkings
Foundation claims permanent,
537
00:31:42,050 --> 00:31:43,568
-incontestable rights.
-That's right.
538
00:31:43,668 --> 00:31:45,665
-They're ours. We own them.
-Incontestable rights
539
00:31:45,765 --> 00:31:47,243
to all patents
or inventions derived
540
00:31:47,343 --> 00:31:49,340
from any and every submission,
without exception.
541
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,037
Not for teenagers.
Read the fine print.
542
00:31:51,137 --> 00:31:52,654
The projects all belong
to Uncle Sam.
543
00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:54,905
I call it
"Triple Orbit and Return
544
00:31:55,005 --> 00:31:57,499
without Burning Up
in the Atmosphere."
545
00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:08,126
Why are you sitting there
all by yourself?
546
00:32:08,226 --> 00:32:10,345
-You.
-Hmm?
547
00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:12,964
Uh, are you shy?
548
00:32:13,064 --> 00:32:14,966
I'm a late bloomer.
549
00:32:15,066 --> 00:32:16,760
So I've been told by my parents.
550
00:32:16,860 --> 00:32:19,679
-Are you intimidated by us?
-No.
551
00:32:19,779 --> 00:32:21,973
Let's do a personality test.
What's your name again?
552
00:32:22,073 --> 00:32:23,642
Woodrow L. Steenbeck.
553
00:32:23,742 --> 00:32:25,185
-Hmm.
-What's the "L" for?
554
00:32:25,285 --> 00:32:27,612
Lindbergh.
-Everybody look at Woodrow.
555
00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:34,778
I agree.
Shy but not intimidated.
556
00:32:34,878 --> 00:32:36,705
Move over here, Woodrow.
557
00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:51,086
-Brainiac, huh?
-Yeah, brainiac.
558
00:32:51,186 --> 00:32:52,943
It sort of goes without saying,
doesn't it?
559
00:32:53,043 --> 00:32:55,340
Everybody already knows
we're abnormally intelligent.
560
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,676
That's true.
My mother made it for me.
561
00:32:57,776 --> 00:33:00,178
It's supposed to be funny,
according to her sense of humor,
562
00:33:00,278 --> 00:33:02,472
but it's not as hilarious
as it was originally.
563
00:33:02,572 --> 00:33:03,974
Oh, really? How come?
564
00:33:04,074 --> 00:33:07,435
Because she was alive then.
Now she's dead.
565
00:33:07,535 --> 00:33:09,654
-Oh.
-Ha-ha.
566
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:14,192
What was she like?
567
00:33:14,292 --> 00:33:16,444
My... Oh, my mother?
568
00:33:16,544 --> 00:33:18,955
She was, um...
569
00:33:23,418 --> 00:33:25,378
...like this.
570
00:33:33,136 --> 00:33:35,722
When did you lose her?
571
00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:41,052
Officially, this morning,
but I think I already knew.
572
00:33:41,152 --> 00:33:42,352
Howdy.
573
00:33:43,071 --> 00:33:44,514
What are you doing up there?
574
00:33:44,614 --> 00:33:46,850
Just enjoying the desert air.
575
00:33:46,950 --> 00:33:48,810
-You dare me?
Dare you what?
576
00:33:48,910 --> 00:33:50,896
To jump off this bungalow.
577
00:33:50,996 --> 00:33:53,907
-It's an experiment.
-No.
578
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:01,740
I love gravity.
579
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,876
It might be my favorite
law of physics at the moment.
580
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,914
Players of the stage,
581
00:34:09,014 --> 00:34:11,583
a tribe of troubadours
and nonconformists.
582
00:34:11,683 --> 00:34:14,920
They lead unconventional,
sometimes dangerous lives
583
00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:18,173
which nourish and elevate
their artistic aspirations
584
00:34:18,273 --> 00:34:20,467
and illuminate
the human condition.
585
00:34:20,567 --> 00:34:22,427
ten weeks later,
586
00:34:22,527 --> 00:34:25,388
the eve of Asteroid City's
first public preview.
587
00:34:25,488 --> 00:34:28,058
A drawing room on board
the Apache Plainsliner
588
00:34:28,158 --> 00:34:30,101
bound for the California coast.
589
00:34:30,201 --> 00:34:32,401
-It's open.
590
00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:36,866
Schubert says
you got to come back.
591
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,826
If I'm so important,
why isn't he here himself?
592
00:34:39,926 --> 00:34:42,042
Probably too busy. Too busy
to go chasing after you.
593
00:34:42,142 --> 00:34:43,460
They sent me.
You know who I am?
594
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:44,866
I think so. Understudy.
595
00:34:44,966 --> 00:34:48,044
The understudy. That's right.
Let me just, uh...
596
00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:51,539
He said, if you're crying,
I read you this one.
597
00:34:51,639 --> 00:34:52,916
No, that's not it. Here it is.
598
00:34:53,016 --> 00:34:54,876
If you're hopping mad,
I read you this one.
599
00:34:54,976 --> 00:34:55,976
Give me both.
600
00:34:56,075 --> 00:34:57,545
Not what he said.
He said, if...
601
00:34:57,645 --> 00:34:59,180
Give me both.
602
00:35:04,853 --> 00:35:06,888
"Tell her she's a stuck-up,
low-class snob
603
00:35:06,988 --> 00:35:08,556
"but she's got
no good reason to be.
604
00:35:08,656 --> 00:35:10,350
"If she sasses you,
sass her back.
605
00:35:10,450 --> 00:35:11,968
"Tell her she's
a borderline neurotic
606
00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:13,306
with an Achilles heel complex."
607
00:35:13,406 --> 00:35:14,946
That's the second one.
608
00:35:17,282 --> 00:35:19,559
"Tell her she relies on
her beauty like a wobbly crutch.
609
00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:20,777
"It's her deepest weakness.
610
00:35:20,877 --> 00:35:22,235
"Tell her
she's got the potential
611
00:35:22,335 --> 00:35:23,693
"for genuine greatness,
but I say
612
00:35:23,793 --> 00:35:26,658
with absolute certainty
she will never achieve it."
613
00:35:26,758 --> 00:35:28,376
Anything else?
614
00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:32,664
Uh-huh. He said,
if you're cool and collected,
615
00:35:32,764 --> 00:35:34,602
which I think is
what I think you seem to be,
616
00:35:34,702 --> 00:35:37,098
then that means you probably
really don't want to come back
617
00:35:37,198 --> 00:35:38,276
and I got to give you this.
618
00:35:38,376 --> 00:35:39,629
-Read it.
-Not what he said.
619
00:35:39,729 --> 00:35:41,840
He said this one's private.
Just the two of you.
620
00:35:41,940 --> 00:35:44,559
He said that... He-he said...
621
00:35:50,357 --> 00:35:52,017
"Dear Kim, I'm sorry I shouted
622
00:35:52,117 --> 00:35:54,153
"and called you a spoiled bitch
and a minor talent
623
00:35:54,253 --> 00:35:56,450
"and broke your glasses
and threw them out the window.
624
00:35:56,550 --> 00:35:58,188
"Given that I have always
considered you
625
00:35:58,288 --> 00:36:00,325
"to be the most consummately
gifted living actress
626
00:36:00,425 --> 00:36:02,461
"and a person of great
intelligence and character,
627
00:36:02,561 --> 00:36:03,719
"these statements and actions
628
00:36:03,819 --> 00:36:05,617
"do not accurately reflect
my true feelings.
629
00:36:05,717 --> 00:36:07,195
"Yes, I may be
a manipulative snake,
630
00:36:07,295 --> 00:36:09,173
"as you once characterized me
behind my back--
631
00:36:09,273 --> 00:36:11,789
"you see, I do have my sources--
but I love you like a sister,
632
00:36:11,889 --> 00:36:14,205
"other than that one time
in the bathroom the day we met,
633
00:36:14,305 --> 00:36:16,674
"which has never been repeated,
as we both know.
634
00:36:21,888 --> 00:36:23,214
"I never meant to hurt you
635
00:36:23,314 --> 00:36:25,467
"or insult you
or offend you in any way,
636
00:36:25,567 --> 00:36:28,219
"only to try with the few tools
I have at my disposal
637
00:36:28,319 --> 00:36:31,014
"to do my job,
which is to make it work.
638
00:36:31,114 --> 00:36:32,349
"Forgive me.
639
00:36:32,449 --> 00:36:34,287
"We open tomorrow night,
with or without you.
640
00:36:34,387 --> 00:36:36,644
"Without,
our entire devoted company
641
00:36:36,744 --> 00:36:39,189
"will suffer complete disaster
and tragic calamity,
642
00:36:39,289 --> 00:36:42,359
"as will a brilliant, fragile
genius named Conrad Earp.
643
00:36:42,459 --> 00:36:45,487
"With, you will enjoy
the triumph of your career,
644
00:36:45,587 --> 00:36:47,864
"which does not matter
in the least.
645
00:36:47,964 --> 00:36:51,576
"All that matters is
every second of life onstage
646
00:36:51,676 --> 00:36:53,161
"and our friendship.
647
00:36:53,261 --> 00:36:54,579
"Your servant, your director
648
00:36:54,679 --> 00:36:57,332
"and, if I may,
your devoted mentor,
649
00:36:57,432 --> 00:36:59,134
Schubert Green."
650
00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:07,934
What's your name, understudy?
651
00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:12,055
They continued through
the night as far as Ohio,
652
00:37:12,155 --> 00:37:14,599
then disembarked
and caught the return flight
653
00:37:14,699 --> 00:37:17,602
arriving two hours
prior to curtain.
654
00:37:17,702 --> 00:37:20,730
The talented understudy
immediately replaced
655
00:37:20,830 --> 00:37:23,158
the original Woodrow.
656
00:37:24,033 --> 00:37:25,360
I strongly question
657
00:37:25,460 --> 00:37:26,898
whether your daughter's
Silly Putty
658
00:37:26,998 --> 00:37:28,488
resembles anything
from outer space.
659
00:37:28,588 --> 00:37:30,625
-It's not Silly Putty.
-I'm sorry, but I doubt it.
660
00:37:30,725 --> 00:37:31,866
It's called S'morestozium.
661
00:37:31,966 --> 00:37:33,326
-This is excellent.
-Thank you.
662
00:37:33,426 --> 00:37:34,953
It's really all
the machine's doing.
663
00:37:35,053 --> 00:37:37,210
What the devil do you know
about astrogeology anyway,
664
00:37:37,310 --> 00:37:38,706
J.J., whatever that stands for?
665
00:37:38,806 --> 00:37:39,964
I just maintain the workings.
666
00:37:40,064 --> 00:37:41,626
Shelly's thesis
is supported by...
667
00:37:41,726 --> 00:37:43,002
Flimsy, outdated evidence.
668
00:37:43,102 --> 00:37:44,699
-I beg your pardon?
-Not in my opinion.
669
00:37:44,799 --> 00:37:46,836
I liked the Silly Putty
or S'morestozium, in fact.
670
00:37:46,936 --> 00:37:48,134
I'm just quoting what he said.
671
00:37:48,234 --> 00:37:49,632
Your son's project
might very well
672
00:37:49,732 --> 00:37:51,250
have killed us all today,
by the way.
673
00:37:51,350 --> 00:37:52,907
Coming from the family
that brought us
674
00:37:53,007 --> 00:37:54,924
-the electromagnetic death ray.
-It's a weapon.
675
00:37:55,024 --> 00:37:56,702
-Of course it's lethal.
-So you admit it.
676
00:37:56,802 --> 00:37:58,040
Not to mention Brainiac's flag.
677
00:37:58,140 --> 00:38:00,617
I mean, is he trying to provoke
World War Three or something?
678
00:38:00,717 --> 00:38:02,434
The jet propulsion belt
is eminently safe.
679
00:38:02,534 --> 00:38:04,412
I'd allow an eight-year-old boy
to operate it.
680
00:38:04,512 --> 00:38:06,069
In fact, I did--
Ricky's cousin Chip--
681
00:38:06,169 --> 00:38:08,007
and he broke the solo flight
altitude record.
682
00:38:08,107 --> 00:38:09,737
They're strange, aren't they?
683
00:38:09,837 --> 00:38:11,614
Your children,
compared to normal people.
684
00:38:11,714 --> 00:38:13,074
-Yes.
-That's correct.
685
00:38:13,174 --> 00:38:15,034
-It's true.
-Hmm.
686
00:38:15,134 --> 00:38:16,744
After that, the second person
687
00:38:16,844 --> 00:38:18,960
says the name the first one
said, then adds another.
688
00:38:19,060 --> 00:38:21,018
Then the third person says both
plus a new name.
689
00:38:21,118 --> 00:38:23,555
And then the next person keeps
going, and so on in a circle.
690
00:38:23,655 --> 00:38:24,733
It's a memory game. Get it?
691
00:38:24,833 --> 00:38:25,833
I'll start. Cleopatra.
692
00:38:25,932 --> 00:38:27,290
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose.
693
00:38:27,390 --> 00:38:28,390
-Like that?
-Exactly.
694
00:38:28,489 --> 00:38:29,883
-Of course. Yes.
Got it.
695
00:38:29,983 --> 00:38:32,260
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
696
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,554
-Antonie van Leeuwenhoek.
697
00:38:34,654 --> 00:38:36,306
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
698
00:38:36,406 --> 00:38:39,559
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
Paracelsus.
699
00:38:39,659 --> 00:38:41,186
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
700
00:38:41,286 --> 00:38:44,814
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
Paracelsus, uh, Kurt Gödel.
701
00:38:44,914 --> 00:38:45,982
Oh, the Vienna Circle.
702
00:38:46,082 --> 00:38:48,284
-The Austrian logician.
-Correct.
703
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:50,820
Cleopatra,
704
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,822
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
705
00:38:52,922 --> 00:38:54,824
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
706
00:38:54,924 --> 00:38:56,826
Paracelsus,
707
00:38:56,926 --> 00:38:58,495
Kurt Gödel,
708
00:38:58,595 --> 00:39:00,205
-William Bragg.
Which one?
709
00:39:00,305 --> 00:39:01,956
There's two.
-William Henry Bragg.
710
00:39:02,056 --> 00:39:04,000
I prefer the son.
The father's better.
711
00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:06,503
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
712
00:39:06,603 --> 00:39:08,379
-Antonie van...
Leeuwenhoek.
713
00:39:08,479 --> 00:39:11,049
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
714
00:39:11,149 --> 00:39:12,383
William Henry Bragg.
715
00:39:12,483 --> 00:39:14,469
-And the new one.
-Lord Kelvin.
716
00:39:14,569 --> 00:39:16,513
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,
717
00:39:16,613 --> 00:39:18,806
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
718
00:39:18,906 --> 00:39:21,726
William Henry Bragg,
Lord Kelvin...
719
00:39:21,826 --> 00:39:23,603
Midge Campbell. Can I say her?
720
00:39:23,703 --> 00:39:26,180
As long as she's a real person,
you can say anybody you like.
721
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:27,718
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose...
722
00:39:27,818 --> 00:39:29,296
-Including my mother.
She's my idol.
723
00:39:29,396 --> 00:39:31,673
My turn. Jagadish Chandra Bose,
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
724
00:39:31,773 --> 00:39:33,821
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
William Bragg, the father,
725
00:39:33,921 --> 00:39:35,558
Lord Kelvin,
the mathematical physicist,
726
00:39:35,658 --> 00:39:37,575
Midge Campbell, your mother,
727
00:39:37,675 --> 00:39:39,994
Konstantin Tsiolkovsky,
the rocket scientist.
728
00:39:40,094 --> 00:39:41,871
I don't know
if this game works with us.
729
00:39:41,971 --> 00:39:43,331
Uh, brainiacs, I mean.
730
00:39:43,431 --> 00:39:44,789
I-I think
it might go on forever.
731
00:39:44,889 --> 00:39:45,889
I don't mind.
732
00:39:45,988 --> 00:39:47,126
In my school, nobody'd play
733
00:39:47,226 --> 00:39:48,920
this game with me
in a million years.
734
00:39:49,020 --> 00:39:50,537
Plus, the names
would be too obvious.
735
00:39:50,637 --> 00:39:51,923
- Diophantus.
736
00:39:52,023 --> 00:39:53,424
Wait until it's time to say it.
737
00:39:53,524 --> 00:39:55,510
Try it backwards, Brainiac.
738
00:39:55,610 --> 00:39:57,395
Say the new one first.
739
00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:01,683
Hojo Tokiyuki,
740
00:40:01,783 --> 00:40:03,768
Konstantin Tsiolkovsky,
741
00:40:03,868 --> 00:40:05,937
Midge Campbell, Lord Kelvin,
742
00:40:06,037 --> 00:40:08,481
William Henry Bragg, Kurt Gödel,
743
00:40:08,581 --> 00:40:10,858
Paracelsus,
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
744
00:40:10,958 --> 00:40:13,202
Jagadish Chandra Bose...
745
00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:16,748
Cleopatra.
746
00:40:30,178 --> 00:40:33,131
Put out that cigarette, Dwight.
747
00:40:33,231 --> 00:40:34,591
Oh, hold on. Hold on.
748
00:40:34,691 --> 00:40:36,718
You men should be ashamed
of yourselves. Are you?
749
00:40:36,818 --> 00:40:38,456
Yes, ma'am,
but we didn't give him that.
750
00:40:38,556 --> 00:40:39,754
-Didn't you?
-That cigarette.
751
00:40:39,854 --> 00:40:41,372
He just must have got it
his own self
752
00:40:41,472 --> 00:40:43,024
-from the cigarette machine.
-Dwight!
753
00:40:46,944 --> 00:40:48,563
I almost believe you.
754
00:40:48,663 --> 00:40:50,406
Let's go.
755
00:40:52,241 --> 00:40:54,452
-So long, Dwight.
756
00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:14,931
Was I ever there?
757
00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:17,600
Was I ever there?
758
00:41:18,559 --> 00:41:21,437
Was I... ever there?
759
00:41:25,817 --> 00:41:27,560
Memorizing my lines.
760
00:41:27,660 --> 00:41:29,060
Uh-huh.
761
00:41:33,491 --> 00:41:34,992
Approved.
762
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:48,247
♪ As I walked out in
the streets of Laredo ♪
763
00:41:48,347 --> 00:41:52,710
♪ As I walked out
in Laredo one day ♪
764
00:41:52,810 --> 00:41:54,879
♪ I spied a young cowboy... ♪
765
00:41:54,979 --> 00:41:57,682
I do a nude scene.
You want to see it?
766
00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:01,803
-Huh? Did I say yes?
-You didn't say anything.
767
00:42:01,903 --> 00:42:03,979
Uh, I meant yes. My mouth...
my mouth didn't speak.
768
00:42:04,079 --> 00:42:05,306
It's a monologue.
769
00:42:05,406 --> 00:42:07,392
Pretend it starts
when I step out of the shower.
770
00:42:07,492 --> 00:42:09,602
♪ That you are a cowboy ♪
771
00:42:09,702 --> 00:42:11,437
♪ These words he did say ♪
772
00:42:11,537 --> 00:42:14,524
-♪ As I boldly walked by ♪
773
00:42:14,624 --> 00:42:19,195
♪ Come sit down beside me
and hear my sad story ♪
774
00:42:19,295 --> 00:42:24,125
♪ I'm shot in the breast
and I know I must die... ♪
775
00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:28,413
When you first picked me out
of the secretarial pool,
776
00:42:28,513 --> 00:42:30,748
I had $111 in my bank account.
777
00:42:30,848 --> 00:42:32,583
I lived alone
with a cat and a parakeet
778
00:42:32,683 --> 00:42:34,127
in a one-room dishwater flat.
779
00:42:34,227 --> 00:42:36,337
I sold the DeSoto
to lend you the down payment
780
00:42:36,437 --> 00:42:37,839
for my engagement ring.
781
00:42:37,939 --> 00:42:39,173
It was spring.
782
00:42:39,273 --> 00:42:40,800
I'm not sore.
783
00:42:40,900 --> 00:42:42,927
I know you're a good man.
784
00:42:43,027 --> 00:42:44,387
I'm not sorry.
785
00:42:44,487 --> 00:42:46,431
I never deceived you.
786
00:42:46,531 --> 00:42:48,933
Remember me as a blur
in the rearview mirror.
787
00:42:49,033 --> 00:42:50,768
Was I ever there?
788
00:42:50,868 --> 00:42:52,904
Did you actually see me?
789
00:42:54,489 --> 00:42:56,866
I can't even see myself anymore.
790
00:42:59,118 --> 00:43:01,537
But here I am.
791
00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:07,293
Let's get divorced.
792
00:43:10,004 --> 00:43:11,664
It'll be done tastefully,
of course.
793
00:43:11,764 --> 00:43:14,383
We cut to the back of my legs
when the towel falls down.
794
00:43:16,677 --> 00:43:18,713
Sometimes they sometimes
do a stunt double.
795
00:43:18,813 --> 00:43:20,590
Sometimes.
796
00:43:20,690 --> 00:43:22,800
I don't know if I like beards,
by the way.
797
00:43:22,900 --> 00:43:23,900
Oh.
798
00:43:24,235 --> 00:43:25,845
Can I take another picture?
799
00:43:25,945 --> 00:43:27,647
Not for publication.
800
00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:30,274
I thought
you never ask permission.
801
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,280
Don't move.
802
00:43:44,497 --> 00:43:46,407
I prefer to play abused,
tragic alcoholics,
803
00:43:46,507 --> 00:43:48,534
and one day, I'll probably
be discovered lifeless
804
00:43:48,634 --> 00:43:50,512
in an overflowing bathtub
with an empty bottle
805
00:43:50,612 --> 00:43:53,206
of sleeping pills spilled
all over the floor, but...
806
00:43:53,306 --> 00:43:57,418
the sad thing is I'm actually
a very gifted comedienne.
807
00:43:57,518 --> 00:43:59,545
-That's true.
-Are you married?
808
00:43:59,645 --> 00:44:02,340
I'm a widower,
but don't tell my kids.
809
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:03,966
-Why not?
-I-I...
810
00:44:04,066 --> 00:44:05,927
-I mean, I wasn't going to.
-All right. Okay.
811
00:44:06,027 --> 00:44:07,678
-Yeah.
-Oh. I'm sorry.
812
00:44:07,778 --> 00:44:11,941
Thank you. They do know,
by the way, but just barely.
813
00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:21,609
What do you swap for
814
00:44:21,709 --> 00:44:23,653
out of this particular jukebox,
mister?
815
00:44:23,753 --> 00:44:25,321
Of course. I understand.
816
00:44:25,421 --> 00:44:26,989
This machine sells land.
817
00:44:27,089 --> 00:44:28,616
-Land, you say?
-Yes, indeed.
818
00:44:28,716 --> 00:44:30,793
The properties just beyond
these cottages, in fact.
819
00:44:30,893 --> 00:44:32,291
Out of this here
soda pop machine?
820
00:44:32,391 --> 00:44:33,504
Yes, indeed.
821
00:44:35,172 --> 00:44:37,249
Well, now, I ain't calling you
a liar to your face,
822
00:44:37,349 --> 00:44:39,466
but that sounds to me like
some kind of toadswindle.
823
00:44:39,566 --> 00:44:41,524
Of course. I understand.
It's not a toadswindle.
824
00:44:41,624 --> 00:44:42,982
You put in the money,
you receive
825
00:44:43,082 --> 00:44:44,549
a notarized deed to the land.
826
00:44:44,649 --> 00:44:46,133
How big a spread?
827
00:44:46,233 --> 00:44:47,552
For ten dollars in quarters,
828
00:44:47,652 --> 00:44:50,229
approximately half
a tennis court.
829
00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:59,647
Put the potion in it.
830
00:44:59,747 --> 00:45:02,191
Friskity, triskity,
briskity, boo.
831
00:45:02,291 --> 00:45:05,244
Knickerty, knockerty,
tockerty, too.
832
00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:11,534
And with this spell,
Mama comes back alive!
833
00:45:11,634 --> 00:45:14,295
God save these bones.
834
00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:22,879
What's in the Tupperware?
835
00:45:22,979 --> 00:45:24,589
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
836
00:45:24,689 --> 00:45:27,550
♪ Going so fast... ♪
837
00:45:27,650 --> 00:45:30,019
He finally told you.
838
00:45:30,978 --> 00:45:33,598
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
839
00:45:33,698 --> 00:45:37,944
♪ Won't you tell me
where's he gone... ♪
840
00:45:41,405 --> 00:45:43,190
Who's this old man?
841
00:45:43,290 --> 00:45:44,901
Poppy, I think.
842
00:45:45,001 --> 00:45:46,527
You don't remember me.
843
00:45:46,627 --> 00:45:48,746
I remember his smell.
844
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:57,914
We're not going to abandon
my daughter
845
00:45:58,014 --> 00:45:59,790
at a motel
in the middle of the desert
846
00:45:59,890 --> 00:46:02,969
buried next to
the communal showers.
847
00:46:04,178 --> 00:46:06,494
-You're ruining the funeral!
-He's making her go to hell!
848
00:46:06,594 --> 00:46:09,884
If you torture us,
we'll sacrifice you.
849
00:46:09,984 --> 00:46:11,469
I understand.
850
00:46:11,569 --> 00:46:14,931
Thank you for your clarity.
851
00:46:15,031 --> 00:46:17,183
I'll tell you what--
let's leave her
852
00:46:17,283 --> 00:46:19,143
alone in the ground
until tomorrow morning.
853
00:46:19,243 --> 00:46:20,770
Then we'll exhume
the Tupperware,
854
00:46:20,870 --> 00:46:22,688
bring her with us
in the Cadillac
855
00:46:22,788 --> 00:46:24,982
and bury her again this weekend
in the backyard
856
00:46:25,082 --> 00:46:26,759
next to the seventh hole
at Rancho Palms,
857
00:46:26,859 --> 00:46:29,095
where I live in a beautiful
house with a swimming pool.
858
00:46:29,195 --> 00:46:30,237
Agreed?
859
00:46:30,337 --> 00:46:32,248
-Mm-hmm.
-Okay.
860
00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:35,693
Let's hope a coyote doesn't
dig her up in the meantime.
861
00:46:35,793 --> 00:46:37,420
Nothing we can do about it
anyway.
862
00:46:38,963 --> 00:46:41,215
Ooh. Look at that.
863
00:46:56,397 --> 00:46:58,224
Tonight, you're in
for a real treat.
864
00:46:58,324 --> 00:47:00,184
I don't know how many of you
ever observed
865
00:47:00,284 --> 00:47:01,978
an astronomical ellipses before.
866
00:47:02,078 --> 00:47:04,864
In fact, can we get
a show of hands?
867
00:47:05,865 --> 00:47:07,233
Nobody?
868
00:47:07,333 --> 00:47:09,110
Wow. Okay.
869
00:47:09,210 --> 00:47:12,947
Well, what you're gonna see
is a very simple dot-dot-dot:
870
00:47:13,047 --> 00:47:15,616
three pinpoints of light
inside your refracting box,
871
00:47:15,716 --> 00:47:17,952
which may not sound
very exciting at first,
872
00:47:18,052 --> 00:47:19,453
until you consider
how those dots
873
00:47:19,553 --> 00:47:20,830
managed to transmit themselves
874
00:47:20,930 --> 00:47:22,748
across a thousand billion miles
of space
875
00:47:22,848 --> 00:47:25,835
onto that little scrap
of black cardboard.
876
00:47:25,935 --> 00:47:27,545
Twice every 57 years,
877
00:47:27,645 --> 00:47:29,380
when the Earth,
the sun, the moon
878
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:31,078
and the galactic plane
of the Milky Way
879
00:47:31,178 --> 00:47:33,968
all combobulate along the same
angle of orbital interest,
880
00:47:34,068 --> 00:47:37,513
the radiant energy of three
neighboring stellar systems
881
00:47:37,613 --> 00:47:39,306
induces a parallel
ecliptic transit,
882
00:47:39,406 --> 00:47:41,142
thus all but proving
883
00:47:41,242 --> 00:47:43,519
the hypothesis
of celestial flirtation.
884
00:47:43,619 --> 00:47:46,480
The hitch, of course,
is that the math doesn't work.
885
00:47:46,580 --> 00:47:48,190
But maybe one of you one day
886
00:47:48,290 --> 00:47:50,443
will be the genius
who solves that problem.
887
00:47:50,543 --> 00:47:53,487
The event will begin
in 30 seconds.
888
00:47:53,587 --> 00:47:55,656
Remember, if you look directly
at the ellipses
889
00:47:55,756 --> 00:47:57,394
rather than through
your refracting box,
890
00:47:57,494 --> 00:47:59,331
not only will you
not actually see the effect
891
00:47:59,431 --> 00:48:00,661
but you will burn the dots
892
00:48:00,761 --> 00:48:02,718
straight into your retina,
probably permanently.
893
00:48:02,818 --> 00:48:05,335
I know that for a fact, because
they're still burned into mine
894
00:48:05,435 --> 00:48:06,876
from when I was 11 going on 12.
895
00:48:06,976 --> 00:48:09,503
That's when I realized
I wanted to be an astronomer,
896
00:48:09,603 --> 00:48:10,796
which is another story.
897
00:48:10,896 --> 00:48:12,014
Here we go.
898
00:48:38,415 --> 00:48:39,959
There it is.
899
00:48:41,585 --> 00:48:43,204
Uh, these are just such
900
00:48:43,304 --> 00:48:45,164
marvelously luminous colors,
aren't they?
901
00:48:45,264 --> 00:48:47,374
Very exciting.
Does everybody see it?
902
00:48:47,474 --> 00:48:49,885
I don't. I just see a staple.
903
00:48:53,889 --> 00:48:55,850
Yipe! It works.
904
00:48:56,684 --> 00:48:58,260
Are you Shelly?
905
00:48:58,360 --> 00:48:59,360
Yeah.
906
00:48:59,570 --> 00:49:01,931
I'm your idol. What's your rank?
907
00:49:02,031 --> 00:49:03,974
Commanding secretary.
908
00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:05,684
I was a Cookie Trooper myself.
909
00:49:05,784 --> 00:49:07,144
Really? Wow.
910
00:49:07,244 --> 00:49:09,822
What'll they say in Squad 75?
911
00:49:13,367 --> 00:49:14,367
Hmm?
912
00:51:56,655 --> 00:52:00,701
The, uh, alien
stole the asteroid.
913
00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:18,460
Schubert Green,
born Shylock Grzworvszowski.
914
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:20,170
Director, immigrant.
915
00:52:20,270 --> 00:52:24,300
Known for his limitless energy,
his voracious enthusiasms--
916
00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:26,719
a well-known actress
described him sexually
917
00:52:26,819 --> 00:52:29,513
as an animal,
specifically a rabbit--
918
00:52:29,613 --> 00:52:33,183
and his long, deep
and intimate relationship
919
00:52:33,283 --> 00:52:35,436
with success.
920
00:52:35,536 --> 00:52:37,438
What do you think, Lunky?
921
00:52:37,538 --> 00:52:38,538
Good.
922
00:52:44,328 --> 00:52:46,488
I'm not going to ask
what the hell's going on here.
923
00:52:46,588 --> 00:52:49,867
His wife Polly left him
for an all-star second baseman
924
00:52:49,967 --> 00:52:52,536
during the first week
of rehearsals.
925
00:52:52,636 --> 00:52:54,496
My living quarters.
926
00:52:54,596 --> 00:52:56,373
♪ Oh, Rose ♪
927
00:52:56,473 --> 00:52:58,709
♪ My Rose Marie... ♪
928
00:52:58,809 --> 00:53:00,210
Sign this.
929
00:53:00,310 --> 00:53:01,710
Oh, no.
930
00:53:03,472 --> 00:53:06,216
It's Clark's report card.
931
00:53:06,316 --> 00:53:08,385
Uh-huh. What'd you think it was?
932
00:53:08,485 --> 00:53:10,804
I thought maybe
we were already divorced.
933
00:53:10,904 --> 00:53:11,904
Oh.
934
00:53:12,156 --> 00:53:14,350
Not yet, but eventually.
935
00:53:14,450 --> 00:53:17,061
He made the honor roll again.
936
00:53:17,161 --> 00:53:20,761
♪ Oh, Rose Marie ♪
937
00:53:21,498 --> 00:53:24,298
♪ I love you ♪
938
00:53:24,877 --> 00:53:28,038
♪ I'm always dreaming... ♪
939
00:53:30,499 --> 00:53:32,451
I'm staying at
Diego's penthouse.
940
00:53:32,551 --> 00:53:35,162
Clark's at my mother's.
The apartment's empty.
941
00:53:35,262 --> 00:53:36,830
Why don't you just go home?
942
00:53:36,930 --> 00:53:39,675
I don't think I should be alone
in a building with real windows.
943
00:53:43,095 --> 00:53:45,089
Makeup cuts my hair
and shaves me.
944
00:53:45,189 --> 00:53:47,424
Costumes washes my dungarees.
945
00:53:47,524 --> 00:53:50,803
This is where I belong, for now.
946
00:53:50,903 --> 00:53:52,388
Much better.
947
00:53:52,488 --> 00:53:54,606
-Did you do the green?
-Hmm.
948
00:53:57,901 --> 00:54:00,270
It's been a great ten years,
Schubert.
949
00:54:00,370 --> 00:54:02,523
I don't regret a second of it.
950
00:54:02,623 --> 00:54:04,942
Clark still loves you.
951
00:54:05,042 --> 00:54:07,027
I still love you.
952
00:54:07,127 --> 00:54:08,912
But not like before?
953
00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:12,040
But not like before.
954
00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,042
Schubert Green lived
in the scenic bay
955
00:54:22,142 --> 00:54:23,460
of the Tarkington Theater
956
00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:27,423
for all 785 performances
of Asteroid City.
957
00:54:27,523 --> 00:54:28,966
Dark nights, he stayed
958
00:54:29,066 --> 00:54:31,593
in the Governor's Suite
of the Nebraska Hotel.
959
00:54:31,693 --> 00:54:33,512
One last note.
960
00:54:33,612 --> 00:54:36,807
When Midge makes her exit
in Act Three, Scene Five,
961
00:54:36,907 --> 00:54:40,144
try having her say the line
after she closes the door.
962
00:54:40,244 --> 00:54:43,730
Hmm. Maybe we are doomed.
963
00:54:43,830 --> 00:54:45,230
I will.
964
00:54:45,374 --> 00:54:48,974
♪ My Rose Marie. ♪
965
00:54:50,754 --> 00:54:52,289
Goodbye.
966
00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:40,420
Here he comes.
967
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:43,332
I've just informed
the president.
968
00:55:43,432 --> 00:55:45,589
He authorized me to read
and implement the provisions
969
00:55:45,689 --> 00:55:47,711
of National Security
Emergency Scrimmage Plan X.
970
00:55:47,811 --> 00:55:49,421
Here I go.
971
00:55:49,521 --> 00:55:51,048
"The following
top secret directive
972
00:55:51,148 --> 00:55:54,343
was mandated into law
on July 1, 1950."
973
00:55:54,443 --> 00:55:56,053
"In the event
of unforeseen engagement
974
00:55:56,153 --> 00:55:58,347
"with intelligent life-form
or forms from any planet
975
00:55:58,447 --> 00:56:00,224
"not specifically defined
as our Earth,
976
00:56:00,324 --> 00:56:02,559
"be advised to initiate
the following protocols:
977
00:56:02,659 --> 00:56:04,561
"One, confirm said life-form
978
00:56:04,661 --> 00:56:06,230
"is not operating
under the guidance
979
00:56:06,330 --> 00:56:08,247
of any hostile foreign
terrestrial government."
980
00:56:08,347 --> 00:56:10,264
No, I don't think
he's working for the Russians
981
00:56:10,364 --> 00:56:11,961
or the Red Chinese,
but you never know.
982
00:56:12,061 --> 00:56:13,859
He certainly didn't give me
that impression.
983
00:56:13,959 --> 00:56:16,116
"Two, confirm the life-form
does not intend to annex,
984
00:56:16,216 --> 00:56:18,174
"colonize, vaporize
or expropriate the resources
985
00:56:18,274 --> 00:56:20,789
of the sovereign territories of
the United States of America."
986
00:56:20,889 --> 00:56:22,663
I doubt it.
He took the asteroid and went.
987
00:56:22,763 --> 00:56:24,873
"Three, identify and detain
all possible witnesses
988
00:56:24,973 --> 00:56:26,371
"and place them
under group arrest
989
00:56:26,471 --> 00:56:28,108
"for a period
of no less than one week--
990
00:56:28,208 --> 00:56:29,566
"defined as
seven calendar days--
991
00:56:29,666 --> 00:56:31,144
"during which time
they be subjected
992
00:56:31,244 --> 00:56:33,401
"to a prescribed battery
of medical and psychological
993
00:56:33,501 --> 00:56:35,018
examinations
and cross-examinations."
994
00:56:35,118 --> 00:56:36,795
Standard procedure.
Already in the works.
995
00:56:36,895 --> 00:56:38,220
"Four, secure the site,
996
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:39,958
"cease the dissemination
of information,
997
00:56:40,058 --> 00:56:41,976
"collect and transport
the totality of evidence
998
00:56:42,076 --> 00:56:43,194
"to a hermetically enclosed,
999
00:56:43,294 --> 00:56:44,972
"deep-underground
secret storage facility
1000
00:56:45,072 --> 00:56:46,869
"and publicly deny
all aspects of the event,
1001
00:56:46,969 --> 00:56:49,166
"including its existence,
for a period of no less than
1002
00:56:49,266 --> 00:56:51,316
100 years--
defined as 36,500 days."
1003
00:56:51,416 --> 00:56:52,985
End of directive.
1004
00:56:53,085 --> 00:56:54,403
-That's pretty clear.
-Huh.
1005
00:56:54,503 --> 00:56:55,821
-What do we tell them?
-Who?
1006
00:56:55,921 --> 00:56:57,030
The Junior Stargazers,
1007
00:56:57,130 --> 00:56:58,608
the Space Cadets,
the moms and dads.
1008
00:56:58,708 --> 00:57:00,784
-Midge Campbell.
Midge Campbell.
1009
00:57:00,884 --> 00:57:02,586
Tell them it didn't happen?
1010
00:57:04,129 --> 00:57:06,331
No, obviously,
we'll have to formulate
1011
00:57:06,431 --> 00:57:09,009
a suitable cover story.
1012
00:57:11,345 --> 00:57:13,180
You dare me?
1013
00:57:14,848 --> 00:57:17,434
-Dare you what?
-To press that button.
1014
00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:20,804
I will break your neck.
1015
00:57:20,904 --> 00:57:22,389
That's an alien eating an apple.
1016
00:57:22,489 --> 00:57:23,967
That's an alien
doing jumping jacks.
1017
00:57:24,067 --> 00:57:25,225
That's an alien in a top hat.
1018
00:57:25,325 --> 00:57:26,723
That's an alien
climbing a ladder.
1019
00:57:26,823 --> 00:57:28,860
That's an alien on a racehorse.
That's an alien...
1020
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:30,038
Let's take it from the top.
1021
00:57:30,138 --> 00:57:32,566
I told you 50 times, the alien
picked up the asteroid...
1022
00:57:32,666 --> 00:57:34,276
-Alleged alien.
-I know what I saw!
1023
00:57:34,376 --> 00:57:36,533
-It's called a meteorite.
-An extraterrestrial being.
1024
00:57:36,633 --> 00:57:38,510
This is a microfiche
of your school newspaper.
1025
00:57:38,610 --> 00:57:40,487
Your byline accompanies
an article criticizing
1026
00:57:40,587 --> 00:57:42,105
the principal's
disciplinary methods.
1027
00:57:42,205 --> 00:57:44,242
-Who were your sources?
-I was in the sixth grade.
1028
00:57:44,342 --> 00:57:46,539
-Just answer the question.
-And I will not name names!
1029
00:57:50,050 --> 00:57:51,668
-You dared me!
-What did I say?
1030
00:57:51,768 --> 00:57:53,595
-What did I say?
-You dared me!
1031
00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,806
All right. Um...
1032
00:58:04,906 --> 00:58:08,143
♪ When I'm calling you... ♪
1033
00:58:08,243 --> 00:58:09,770
I'm going to attempt to proceed
1034
00:58:09,870 --> 00:58:11,938
with the lesson plan
I originally prepared.
1035
00:58:12,038 --> 00:58:14,036
Just to keep orderliness
under the circumstances.
1036
00:58:14,136 --> 00:58:15,442
I expect that some...
1037
00:58:15,542 --> 00:58:17,220
some of our information
about outer space
1038
00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:18,837
may no longer be
completely accurate,
1039
00:58:18,937 --> 00:58:21,365
but, anyway, there are still
only nine planets
1040
00:58:21,465 --> 00:58:23,492
in the solar system,
as far as we know. Billy?
1041
00:58:23,592 --> 00:58:25,544
Except now there's a alien.
1042
00:58:26,378 --> 00:58:28,497
True, by all appearances.
1043
00:58:28,597 --> 00:58:29,956
Nevertheless, Neptune:
1044
00:58:30,056 --> 00:58:31,541
Fourth largest planet
by diameter,
1045
00:58:31,641 --> 00:58:34,461
Neptune orbits the sun
only once every 165 years.
1046
00:58:34,561 --> 00:58:35,561
Bernice?
1047
00:58:35,660 --> 00:58:38,215
Maybe the alien went there.
1048
00:58:38,315 --> 00:58:40,217
Well, maybe.
1049
00:58:40,317 --> 00:58:41,968
I don't think anybody knows
1050
00:58:42,068 --> 00:58:44,179
where the alien went
or came from.
1051
00:58:44,279 --> 00:58:45,639
Yes, Dwight?
1052
00:58:45,739 --> 00:58:47,736
At first, I thought the alien
was kind of sneaky,
1053
00:58:47,836 --> 00:58:50,073
but now I think he was probably
nervous to go to Earth.
1054
00:58:50,173 --> 00:58:51,895
He's never been here before,
I bet you.
1055
00:58:51,995 --> 00:58:53,593
Then why'd he steal
our asteroid, then,
1056
00:58:53,693 --> 00:58:54,731
if he's such a gentleman?
1057
00:58:54,831 --> 00:58:56,650
These are all
reasonable questions,
1058
00:58:56,750 --> 00:58:58,735
but at this time,
let's stick to Neptune
1059
00:58:58,835 --> 00:59:00,991
because I haven't had time
to prepare any lesson plan
1060
00:59:01,091 --> 00:59:02,569
on this subject
we're talking about.
1061
00:59:02,669 --> 00:59:03,824
The alien.
1062
00:59:03,924 --> 00:59:05,625
The alien, yes.
1063
00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:09,329
And, by the way, I don't mean
to evade your questions.
1064
00:59:09,429 --> 00:59:11,206
I want to emphasize
that you're safe.
1065
00:59:11,306 --> 00:59:12,833
We all are, here on Earth.
1066
00:59:12,933 --> 00:59:15,460
Your parents have been notified
of at least something.
1067
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:18,338
-America remains at peace.
1068
00:59:18,438 --> 00:59:20,382
Yes, Montana?
1069
00:59:20,482 --> 00:59:23,593
I'd like to parley a notion
myself, if I could, June.
1070
00:59:23,693 --> 00:59:24,693
Um...
1071
00:59:25,821 --> 00:59:26,821
Okay.
1072
00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:34,521
I figure this here alien
come from a tribe
1073
00:59:34,621 --> 00:59:36,440
we don't know
nothing 'bout, do we?
1074
00:59:36,540 --> 00:59:39,192
Anything we say'd
just be pure speculation.
1075
00:59:39,292 --> 00:59:41,278
But I tell you what I reckon.
1076
00:59:41,378 --> 00:59:44,698
I reckon that alien
don't mean no harm at all.
1077
00:59:44,798 --> 00:59:46,491
I reckon he just
took hisself down here
1078
00:59:46,591 --> 00:59:49,453
to have a look-see at the land
and the peoples on it.
1079
00:59:49,553 --> 00:59:51,788
In the spirit of exploration.
1080
00:59:51,888 --> 00:59:55,167
See, I don't look on a feller
alien all suspicious-like.
1081
00:59:55,267 --> 00:59:57,085
No, he ain't American.
1082
00:59:57,185 --> 00:59:59,463
No, he ain't a creature
of God's green Earth.
1083
00:59:59,563 --> 01:00:03,592
But he's a creature
of somewheres, and so are we.
1084
01:00:03,692 --> 01:00:07,179
Now, let's show the old feller
some hospitality,
1085
01:00:07,279 --> 01:00:09,473
and if he turns out
to be a dirty dog--
1086
01:00:09,573 --> 01:00:11,141
which I reckon he ain't--
1087
01:00:11,241 --> 01:00:13,598
well, that'll be a job for
the United States armed forces,
1088
01:00:13,698 --> 01:00:15,862
and they ain't never
lost a war yet.
1089
01:00:18,114 --> 01:00:19,991
Thanky-do.
1090
01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:23,653
I agree with Montana.
1091
01:00:23,753 --> 01:00:26,373
Now, Neptune.
1092
01:00:30,293 --> 01:00:32,921
♪ Tell me, where do they go? ♪
1093
01:00:35,048 --> 01:00:36,500
♪ The smoke rings... ♪
1094
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:38,293
Which way did he go?
1095
01:00:38,393 --> 01:00:41,713
Hmm. Well, I think
he went from here
1096
01:00:41,813 --> 01:00:45,175
to here to here to...
1097
01:00:45,275 --> 01:00:46,510
I don't know where.
1098
01:00:46,610 --> 01:00:48,407
My mother couldn't remember
which was which,
1099
01:00:48,507 --> 01:00:50,180
so she made up
her own constellations.
1100
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:53,016
That one's the Coat Hanger.
That one's the Leaky Faucet.
1101
01:00:53,116 --> 01:00:54,976
Over there's
Fried Egg with Spatula.
1102
01:00:55,076 --> 01:00:57,729
My mother is a constellation,
or-or at least part of one.
1103
01:00:57,829 --> 01:01:00,106
A Swiss scientist named
a hypothetical star after her.
1104
01:01:00,206 --> 01:01:01,358
Really? What's it called?
1105
01:01:01,458 --> 01:01:02,818
Midge Campbell X-9 Major.
1106
01:01:02,918 --> 01:01:04,676
Midge Campbell X-9...
I'm gonna look it up.
1107
01:01:04,776 --> 01:01:06,822
Is she interested
in astronomy-- your mother?
1108
01:01:06,922 --> 01:01:08,990
Not exactly.
She's interested in stardom.
1109
01:01:09,090 --> 01:01:10,927
I don't mean that
as a criticism, by the way.
1110
01:01:11,027 --> 01:01:12,369
It's her job to be famous.
1111
01:01:12,469 --> 01:01:15,038
Anyway, I'm sick of her face,
but I love her voice.
1112
01:01:15,138 --> 01:01:16,882
She should do more radio.
1113
01:01:17,757 --> 01:01:19,000
I never had children.
1114
01:01:19,100 --> 01:01:21,962
Sometimes I wonder
if I wish I should've.
1115
01:01:22,062 --> 01:01:24,548
I discovered a hypothetical star
myself, by the way.
1116
01:01:24,648 --> 01:01:26,216
-Ooh. Where is it?
-Which one?
1117
01:01:26,316 --> 01:01:29,352
Right there. Partly blocked
by that burnt-out light bulb.
1118
01:01:38,695 --> 01:01:39,895
-Uh...
1119
01:01:41,414 --> 01:01:44,200
-What happened?
-I don't know.
1120
01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:55,170
-Oh.
-Uh...
1121
01:01:56,046 --> 01:01:58,048
After you.
1122
01:02:05,263 --> 01:02:07,799
Sometimes I think
I'd feel more at home
1123
01:02:07,899 --> 01:02:10,268
outside the Earth's atmosphere.
1124
01:02:13,688 --> 01:02:15,223
Oh, wow.
1125
01:02:15,323 --> 01:02:16,923
Me, too.
1126
01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:24,524
Did it come out?
1127
01:02:24,624 --> 01:02:28,320
♪ Some people say a man... ♪
1128
01:02:28,420 --> 01:02:29,863
-I mean the other one.
-Oh.
1129
01:02:29,963 --> 01:02:33,199
♪ A poor man's made
out of muscle and blood ♪
1130
01:02:33,299 --> 01:02:36,036
♪ Muscle and blood
and skin and bones ♪
1131
01:02:36,136 --> 01:02:40,006
♪ A mind that's weak
and a back that's strong... ♪
1132
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:41,840
Okay.
1133
01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:45,462
♪ Another day older
and deeper in debt ♪
1134
01:02:45,562 --> 01:02:48,798
♪ Saint Peter, don't you
call me, 'cause I can't go ♪
1135
01:02:48,898 --> 01:02:50,216
You feel different?
1136
01:02:50,316 --> 01:02:53,178
♪ I owe my soul
to the company store... ♪
1137
01:02:53,278 --> 01:02:55,438
Hey. You feel different?
1138
01:02:56,481 --> 01:02:58,892
I don't feel anything at all.
1139
01:02:58,992 --> 01:03:01,194
-Me, neither.
-Hmm.
1140
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:05,106
I'm not a good mother.
1141
01:03:05,206 --> 01:03:06,441
Uh-huh.
1142
01:03:06,541 --> 01:03:08,378
I love my daughter,
but I'm not a good mother
1143
01:03:08,478 --> 01:03:10,915
because, unfortunately for her,
she's not my first priority.
1144
01:03:11,015 --> 01:03:12,493
On account of
there's always already
1145
01:03:12,593 --> 01:03:13,711
the thing I plan to do next.
1146
01:03:13,811 --> 01:03:15,825
I love my daughter,
by the way. I-I...
1147
01:03:15,925 --> 01:03:17,577
I love all my children.
1148
01:03:17,677 --> 01:03:20,205
We have a magical time
when we're together.
1149
01:03:20,305 --> 01:03:21,957
I have another girl and a boy.
1150
01:03:22,057 --> 01:03:23,917
They live with
my second ex-husband in Utah.
1151
01:03:24,017 --> 01:03:26,002
-Uh-huh.
-He rarely sees them, either.
1152
01:03:26,102 --> 01:03:28,254
-Mm-hmm.
-I wish I felt guilty at least,
1153
01:03:28,354 --> 01:03:30,006
but I don't experience
that emotion,
1154
01:03:30,106 --> 01:03:31,549
if I understand it correctly.
1155
01:03:31,649 --> 01:03:33,176
-Yes.
-I've played it, of course.
1156
01:03:33,276 --> 01:03:35,393
So you're saying you never
feel guilty in real life?
1157
01:03:35,493 --> 01:03:36,493
Not to my knowledge.
1158
01:03:36,592 --> 01:03:38,515
I think because of my history
with violent men.
1159
01:03:38,615 --> 01:03:43,103
Starting with my father,
brother and uncles.
1160
01:03:43,203 --> 01:03:47,107
There's always already the thing
I plan to do next, too.
1161
01:03:47,207 --> 01:03:48,650
Usually, it's a war.
1162
01:03:48,750 --> 01:03:50,860
Nobody can compete with that,
can they?
1163
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:52,612
Probably not.
1164
01:03:52,712 --> 01:03:54,280
I did a USO tour once.
1165
01:03:54,380 --> 01:03:56,041
It was thrilling.
1166
01:03:56,999 --> 01:04:00,295
♪ I owe my soul
to the company store... ♪
1167
01:04:01,504 --> 01:04:04,374
-I think I see how I see us.
-Hmm?
1168
01:04:04,474 --> 01:04:07,419
I mean, I think I know now
what I realize we are.
1169
01:04:07,519 --> 01:04:08,519
Okay.
1170
01:04:08,728 --> 01:04:10,213
Two catastrophically
wounded people
1171
01:04:10,313 --> 01:04:13,216
who don't express the depths
of their pain because...
1172
01:04:13,316 --> 01:04:14,592
we don't want to.
1173
01:04:14,692 --> 01:04:16,052
That's our connection.
1174
01:04:16,152 --> 01:04:18,146
Do you agree?
1175
01:04:19,981 --> 01:04:21,381
Uh-huh.
1176
01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:24,644
Let's, um...
1177
01:04:24,744 --> 01:04:27,989
Let's change the subject,
shall we?
1178
01:04:29,032 --> 01:04:30,492
It's open.
1179
01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,331
-Hello?
In here.
1180
01:04:39,459 --> 01:04:41,077
Hello? Hello.
1181
01:04:41,177 --> 01:04:42,662
I'm just your neighbor,
Stanley Zak.
1182
01:04:42,762 --> 01:04:44,520
I wanted to make sure
you and your daughter
1183
01:04:44,620 --> 01:04:46,458
have everything you might need
at the moment.
1184
01:04:46,558 --> 01:04:47,959
Thank you. I think so.
1185
01:04:48,059 --> 01:04:50,211
What a strange experience
this is, isn't it?
1186
01:04:50,311 --> 01:04:52,756
I went to law school with
your former agent, by the way.
1187
01:04:52,856 --> 01:04:54,591
-Mort?
-Mort. Yes, Mort.
1188
01:04:54,691 --> 01:04:55,691
Oh.
1189
01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:58,845
That came out.
1190
01:04:58,945 --> 01:05:01,856
Yeah, it came out.
All my pictures come out.
1191
01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:07,437
Anyway, as I say,
we're just across the driveway,
1192
01:05:07,537 --> 01:05:10,190
as my son-in-law seems
to have established.
1193
01:05:10,290 --> 01:05:12,567
Send my best wishes to Mort
and his family.
1194
01:05:12,667 --> 01:05:14,105
I will, if and when
we're permitted
1195
01:05:14,205 --> 01:05:15,528
contact with the outside world,
1196
01:05:15,628 --> 01:05:18,581
though I don't speak to him,
to tell you the truth.
1197
01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:21,409
I love your hairdo like that.
1198
01:05:21,509 --> 01:05:23,294
Ugh, Christ.
1199
01:05:25,672 --> 01:05:27,499
You see
that wonderful crackly-patch
1200
01:05:27,599 --> 01:05:29,276
right out there
between the dead cactuses
1201
01:05:29,376 --> 01:05:30,460
and the dried-up riverbed?
1202
01:05:30,560 --> 01:05:32,003
-I think so.
-That's your parcel.
1203
01:05:32,103 --> 01:05:33,630
How much of it do I own?
1204
01:05:33,730 --> 01:05:35,173
Well, it's actually
an interesting
1205
01:05:35,273 --> 01:05:36,633
financial mechanism.
1206
01:05:36,733 --> 01:05:38,968
You don't technically own
anything outright.
1207
01:05:39,068 --> 01:05:41,763
You own stock in the town
in the form of a loan
1208
01:05:41,863 --> 01:05:43,098
with a 50-year maturity rate.
1209
01:05:43,198 --> 01:05:44,796
Then, at the end,
the loan is forgiven.
1210
01:05:44,896 --> 01:05:46,174
-You dare me?
-How about water?
1211
01:05:46,274 --> 01:05:47,274
Of course. I understand.
1212
01:05:47,373 --> 01:05:49,250
There isn't any.
This is a desert opportunity.
1213
01:05:49,350 --> 01:05:50,480
-You dare me?
-I heard you.
1214
01:05:50,580 --> 01:05:52,338
-It's an experiment.
-I don't care anymore.
1215
01:05:52,438 --> 01:05:54,475
I dare you or I don't dare you.
It doesn't matter.
1216
01:05:54,575 --> 01:05:56,619
Do what you wish. I give up.
1217
01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:07,413
What's the cause?
1218
01:06:07,513 --> 01:06:08,915
What's the meaning?
1219
01:06:09,015 --> 01:06:11,634
Why do you always
have to dare something?
1220
01:06:15,471 --> 01:06:17,307
I don't know.
1221
01:06:18,725 --> 01:06:22,345
Maybe it's because I'm afraid,
1222
01:06:22,445 --> 01:06:26,474
otherwise, nobody'll...
1223
01:06:26,574 --> 01:06:30,374
notice my existence
1224
01:06:32,288 --> 01:06:34,532
in the universe.
1225
01:06:44,167 --> 01:06:45,618
Dare you what?
1226
01:06:45,718 --> 01:06:48,663
Yes, dare you what?
1227
01:06:48,763 --> 01:06:50,373
To climb that cactus out there.
1228
01:06:50,473 --> 01:06:52,175
-Lord, no. No.
-Please don't.
1229
01:06:54,969 --> 01:06:56,169
Hello.
1230
01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:58,256
Hello. Hello.
1231
01:06:58,356 --> 01:07:00,633
We met before. I'm the mother
of that Cookie Trooper
1232
01:07:00,733 --> 01:07:02,385
-who idolizes you.
-I know.
1233
01:07:02,485 --> 01:07:05,388
Thought you might not
recognize me out of uniform.
1234
01:07:05,488 --> 01:07:07,015
You were very good in the one
1235
01:07:07,115 --> 01:07:09,033
about the tramp in the brothel
who gets amnesia
1236
01:07:09,133 --> 01:07:11,210
-and becomes a pediatrician.
-Thank you. Thank you.
1237
01:07:11,310 --> 01:07:13,268
-You were very authentic.
-That's actually maybe
1238
01:07:13,368 --> 01:07:14,966
my favorite character
I've ever played.
1239
01:07:15,066 --> 01:07:16,623
I don't know why
nobody else liked it.
1240
01:07:16,723 --> 01:07:17,723
Oh. Yes. Me, neither.
1241
01:07:17,822 --> 01:07:19,100
Thank you. Some people liked it.
1242
01:07:19,200 --> 01:07:20,612
Oh, I'm sure. I did.
1243
01:07:20,712 --> 01:07:22,580
Who hit you?
1244
01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:29,087
Am I not in this?
1245
01:07:31,047 --> 01:07:33,208
Excuse me. I'm not in this.
1246
01:07:33,308 --> 01:07:34,751
Um, who hit you?
1247
01:07:34,851 --> 01:07:36,920
-It's on the other eye.
-It's greasepaint.
1248
01:07:37,020 --> 01:07:38,588
Some people did-- do-- liked it.
1249
01:07:38,688 --> 01:07:40,256
Oh, I'm sure.
1250
01:07:40,356 --> 01:07:43,184
I thought it might have been
your second ex-husband in Utah.
1251
01:07:55,405 --> 01:07:57,482
If I sleep on a cot
instead of the sofa bed,
1252
01:07:57,582 --> 01:07:59,139
that might leave room
for me to set up
1253
01:07:59,239 --> 01:08:00,735
-a darkroom in the pool house.
1254
01:08:00,835 --> 01:08:02,193
Is that possible
as a compromise?
1255
01:08:02,293 --> 01:08:03,780
-It depends on the measurements.
1256
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:06,037
-It's not that big. -I can
actually carpool the girls
1257
01:08:06,137 --> 01:08:07,533
to school by golf cart,
you know.
1258
01:08:07,633 --> 01:08:09,035
If I cut across the 14th tee.
1259
01:08:09,135 --> 01:08:10,693
Oh, it's that close
to the elementary?
1260
01:08:10,793 --> 01:08:12,497
How can you two
even think about this?
1261
01:08:12,597 --> 01:08:14,791
The world will never
be the same.
1262
01:08:14,891 --> 01:08:17,001
What happens next? Nobody knows.
1263
01:08:17,101 --> 01:08:18,920
Will he visit us again?
Will he speak to us?
1264
01:08:19,020 --> 01:08:21,047
What will he say?
Why did he steal our asteroid?
1265
01:08:21,147 --> 01:08:23,424
Was it ours in the first place?
Does he like us?
1266
01:08:23,524 --> 01:08:25,134
-Nobody knows.
-That's true.
1267
01:08:25,234 --> 01:08:27,637
What's out there? Something.
1268
01:08:27,737 --> 01:08:29,931
The meaning of life.
Maybe there is one.
1269
01:08:30,031 --> 01:08:32,976
I hope you're still
Episcopalian.
1270
01:08:33,076 --> 01:08:35,486
You took his picture, Dad.
1271
01:08:39,282 --> 01:08:41,326
I'm a photographer.
1272
01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:47,707
Episcopalian?
1273
01:08:55,882 --> 01:08:57,583
You really want us, Stanley?
1274
01:08:57,683 --> 01:09:00,503
No, but you need me.
1275
01:09:00,603 --> 01:09:02,171
She did love me, you know.
1276
01:09:02,271 --> 01:09:03,840
Who says she didn't?
1277
01:09:03,940 --> 01:09:05,925
I've been on my own
for 12 years, after all.
1278
01:09:06,025 --> 01:09:08,469
And remember,
my wife drank herself to death.
1279
01:09:08,569 --> 01:09:12,015
"Drank herself to..."
I don't know what that means.
1280
01:09:12,115 --> 01:09:15,518
In my loneliness--
or perhaps because of it--
1281
01:09:15,618 --> 01:09:17,770
I've learned
not to judge people,
1282
01:09:17,870 --> 01:09:21,316
to take people as I find them,
not as others find them,
1283
01:09:21,416 --> 01:09:23,276
and most of all,
to give complete
1284
01:09:23,376 --> 01:09:26,446
and unquestioning faith
to the people I love.
1285
01:09:26,546 --> 01:09:28,865
I don't know
if that includes you,
1286
01:09:28,965 --> 01:09:32,493
but it included my daughter
and your four children,
1287
01:09:32,593 --> 01:09:34,078
so you're welcome
to stay with me
1288
01:09:34,178 --> 01:09:36,622
for as long as you wish,
whether I like it or not.
1289
01:09:36,722 --> 01:09:38,800
Which I don't, by the way.
1290
01:09:42,136 --> 01:09:44,005
Stop helping us.
1291
01:09:44,105 --> 01:09:45,590
We're in grief.
1292
01:09:45,690 --> 01:09:49,385
♪ He rides in the sun
till his day's work is done ♪
1293
01:09:49,485 --> 01:09:50,845
Me, too.
1294
01:09:50,945 --> 01:09:54,899
♪ And he rounds up
the cattle each fall ♪
1295
01:10:00,154 --> 01:10:03,941
♪ Singing his cattle call... ♪
1296
01:10:04,041 --> 01:10:06,244
Are you planning to abandon us?
1297
01:10:07,161 --> 01:10:08,161
Uh...
1298
01:10:10,590 --> 01:10:12,992
I was, as a temporary measure.
1299
01:10:13,092 --> 01:10:14,577
-What?
-But I decided against it.
1300
01:10:14,677 --> 01:10:16,245
-I knew it. I sensed it.
-I didn't.
1301
01:10:16,345 --> 01:10:18,183
I'm not the wet nurse.
I'm their grandfather.
1302
01:10:18,283 --> 01:10:20,280
I would've hired a babysitter
in addition to you.
1303
01:10:20,380 --> 01:10:22,126
I'm not planning
to abandon you anymore,
1304
01:10:22,226 --> 01:10:23,503
even as a temporary measure,
1305
01:10:23,603 --> 01:10:25,847
which is all
it ever would've been.
1306
01:10:27,432 --> 01:10:30,309
I forgive you
for considering it.
1307
01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:58,371
Evening, soldier.
1308
01:10:58,471 --> 01:11:01,624
Can I ask you to stick this dime
in the pay phone for me, please?
1309
01:11:01,724 --> 01:11:03,084
All public telephone service
1310
01:11:03,184 --> 01:11:04,836
has been suspended
until further notice.
1311
01:11:04,936 --> 01:11:06,212
I know it. The thing is,
1312
01:11:06,312 --> 01:11:07,839
right before the hubbub
yesterday,
1313
01:11:07,939 --> 01:11:09,882
I made a trunk call
to my cousin long-distance,
1314
01:11:09,982 --> 01:11:11,660
and the operator
let me owe the surcharge
1315
01:11:11,760 --> 01:11:13,428
because all I had
was three pennies.
1316
01:11:13,528 --> 01:11:16,564
I don't feel right stealing
from the telephone company.
1317
01:11:48,221 --> 01:11:50,018
Although it might convey
a different meaning
1318
01:11:50,118 --> 01:11:51,236
-on his planet.
-It's true.
1319
01:11:51,336 --> 01:11:52,967
If he even has a planet,
by the way.
1320
01:11:53,067 --> 01:11:54,260
-He might be nomadic.
-Hmm.
1321
01:11:54,360 --> 01:11:56,179
Operator?
Kismet-nine-seven-seven-oh.
1322
01:11:56,279 --> 01:11:57,972
-Station to station.
Stay on the line.
1323
01:11:58,072 --> 01:11:59,398
-Thank you.
1324
01:12:03,402 --> 01:12:04,979
-Hello? Who's calling?
1325
01:12:05,079 --> 01:12:07,106
Good evening, Mrs. Weatherford.
It's Ricky Cho.
1326
01:12:07,206 --> 01:12:09,283
-May I have a word with...
-Ricky, it's after 9:00.
1327
01:12:09,383 --> 01:12:10,821
He's already drinking
his Ovaltine.
1328
01:12:10,921 --> 01:12:12,159
Can't this wait until tomorrow?
1329
01:12:12,259 --> 01:12:13,617
I'm afraid not,
Mrs. Weatherford.
1330
01:12:13,717 --> 01:12:15,274
I-I wouldn't disturb you
if it weren't
1331
01:12:15,374 --> 01:12:17,450
of the utmost importance
to the Weekly Bobcat.
1332
01:12:17,550 --> 01:12:19,869
I just need a minute
of his time.
1333
01:12:19,969 --> 01:12:21,496
All right, Ricky. Hold the line.
1334
01:12:21,596 --> 01:12:23,414
Some kind of romance
between the two of you?
1335
01:12:23,514 --> 01:12:24,874
-Skip, Ricky Cho!
-What? Who?
1336
01:12:24,974 --> 01:12:26,250
-Who? You.
-Who?
1337
01:12:26,350 --> 01:12:27,585
-You know who.
-Us?
1338
01:12:27,685 --> 01:12:28,878
We only met yesterday.
1339
01:12:28,978 --> 01:12:30,576
I feel she doesn't like me
in that way.
1340
01:12:30,676 --> 01:12:32,394
Uh-huh. Well, I think
you're pretty smart,
1341
01:12:32,494 --> 01:12:33,732
but I think you're pretty dumb.
1342
01:12:33,832 --> 01:12:34,950
-Hello?
-Shh, shh. Hold it.
1343
01:12:35,050 --> 01:12:36,978
Skip? Ricky. We got a scoop.
1344
01:12:44,986 --> 01:12:48,564
The first hints of the future
existence of Asteroid City
1345
01:12:48,664 --> 01:12:50,566
were revealed during
a special seminar
1346
01:12:50,666 --> 01:12:52,944
scheduled at
the playwright's request.
1347
01:12:53,044 --> 01:12:55,321
Conrad Earp,
how can we help you?
1348
01:12:55,421 --> 01:12:57,578
Well, the thing is, Saltzie,
I'd like to make a scene
1349
01:12:57,678 --> 01:13:00,743
where all my characters are
each gently, privately seduced
1350
01:13:00,843 --> 01:13:03,287
into the deepest, dreamiest
slumber of their lives
1351
01:13:03,387 --> 01:13:05,206
as a result of
their shared experience
1352
01:13:05,306 --> 01:13:08,042
of a bewildering and bedazzling
celestial mystery.
1353
01:13:08,142 --> 01:13:10,628
-A sleeping scene.
-A scene of sleep.
1354
01:13:10,728 --> 01:13:12,213
But I don't know
how to write it.
1355
01:13:12,313 --> 01:13:13,313
-Yet.
1356
01:13:14,440 --> 01:13:15,967
I thought, perhaps, if you
1357
01:13:16,067 --> 01:13:19,178
and your wonderfully talented
pupils just improvise,
1358
01:13:19,278 --> 01:13:21,389
something might reveal itself.
1359
01:13:21,489 --> 01:13:23,432
Who wasn't going to be famous?
1360
01:13:23,532 --> 01:13:27,436
On any given day, roll call
in Saltzburg Keitel's classroom
1361
01:13:27,536 --> 01:13:31,649
was a now dazzling list
of undiscovered luminaries:
1362
01:13:31,749 --> 01:13:33,359
Linus Mao.
1363
01:13:33,459 --> 01:13:35,111
Lucretia Shaver.
1364
01:13:35,211 --> 01:13:36,946
Walter Geronimo.
1365
01:13:37,046 --> 01:13:38,447
Asquith Eden.
1366
01:13:38,547 --> 01:13:40,074
Mercedes Ford.
1367
01:13:40,174 --> 01:13:43,578
Even, unofficially, Jones Hall.
1368
01:13:43,678 --> 01:13:46,038
What's it about, the play?
1369
01:13:46,138 --> 01:13:49,917
Mm, infinity,
and I don't know what else.
1370
01:13:50,017 --> 01:13:51,586
Is there a title?
1371
01:13:51,686 --> 01:13:52,686
I'm torn.
1372
01:13:52,785 --> 01:13:55,256
Maybe The Cosmic Wilderness.
1373
01:13:55,356 --> 01:13:56,549
Do you like that one?
1374
01:13:56,649 --> 01:13:58,134
-Mm, not really.
Uh-uh.
1375
01:13:58,234 --> 01:13:59,719
What's the alternative?
1376
01:13:59,819 --> 01:14:00,970
Title, I mean.
1377
01:14:01,070 --> 01:14:02,587
Well, it's the name
of the small town
1378
01:14:02,687 --> 01:14:04,324
on the California/Nevada/
Arizona desert
1379
01:14:04,424 --> 01:14:05,641
where the story takes place.
1380
01:14:05,741 --> 01:14:10,021
Okay. Who here has ever
actually fallen asleep onstage
1381
01:14:10,121 --> 01:14:13,065
during a live performance
in front of a paying audience?
1382
01:14:13,165 --> 01:14:14,165
Me.
1383
01:14:14,834 --> 01:14:17,389
I spent the first three-quarters
of Act Two of The Welterweight
1384
01:14:17,489 --> 01:14:21,282
on a massage table with no lines
till the last minute and a half.
1385
01:14:21,382 --> 01:14:23,659
One night, I nodded off.
1386
01:14:23,759 --> 01:14:25,995
-On purpose, you did this?
- No.
1387
01:14:26,095 --> 01:14:28,706
-Did you miss your cue?
-Almost.
1388
01:14:28,806 --> 01:14:31,167
I heard it,
and I woke up very scared,
1389
01:14:31,267 --> 01:14:32,668
but I knew my lines.
1390
01:14:32,768 --> 01:14:34,725
-Good morning, Schubert.
-Good morning, Saltzie.
1391
01:14:34,825 --> 01:14:35,921
What brings you here today?
1392
01:14:36,021 --> 01:14:37,465
We haven't seen you
in six weeks.
1393
01:14:37,565 --> 01:14:39,508
Lavender and Lemons
opened last night
1394
01:14:39,608 --> 01:14:42,511
to very good, uh...
I might say raves, by the way.
1395
01:14:42,611 --> 01:14:44,271
I'm available.
1396
01:14:45,731 --> 01:14:47,975
What did he teach? Example.
1397
01:14:48,075 --> 01:14:49,935
Sleep-- it's not death.
1398
01:14:50,035 --> 01:14:52,146
The body keeps busy,
breathing air,
1399
01:14:52,246 --> 01:14:53,689
pumping blood, thinking.
1400
01:14:53,789 --> 01:14:55,983
Maybe you pay a visit
to your dead mother.
1401
01:14:56,083 --> 01:14:58,986
Maybe you go to bed
with your ex-wife or husband.
1402
01:14:59,086 --> 01:15:00,655
Maybe you climb the Matterhorn.
1403
01:15:00,755 --> 01:15:02,657
Connie, you wake up
with a new scene
1404
01:15:02,757 --> 01:15:04,784
three-quarters written
in your head already.
1405
01:15:04,884 --> 01:15:07,495
Schubert, you wake up
with a hangover.
1406
01:15:07,595 --> 01:15:09,121
Important things happen.
1407
01:15:09,221 --> 01:15:11,207
Is there something to play?
I think so.
1408
01:15:11,307 --> 01:15:14,001
Let's work on the scene
from the outside in.
1409
01:15:14,101 --> 01:15:15,378
Be inert.
1410
01:15:15,478 --> 01:15:17,430
Then dream.
1411
01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:22,510
Where are we, Connie? And when?
1412
01:15:22,610 --> 01:15:23,678
Talk to us.
1413
01:15:23,778 --> 01:15:25,137
Yes. All right.
1414
01:15:25,237 --> 01:15:26,555
One week later.
1415
01:15:26,655 --> 01:15:28,474
Our cast of characters'
already tenuous
1416
01:15:28,574 --> 01:15:31,394
grasp of reality has further
slipped in quarantine,
1417
01:15:31,494 --> 01:15:33,521
and the group begins
to occupy a space
1418
01:15:33,621 --> 01:15:35,856
of the most peculiar
emotional dimensions.
1419
01:15:35,956 --> 01:15:37,858
Meanwhile,
the information blockade
1420
01:15:37,958 --> 01:15:39,902
spearheaded
by General Grif Gibson
1421
01:15:40,002 --> 01:15:42,363
has been, it appears...
1422
01:15:42,463 --> 01:15:44,623
incomplete.
1423
01:16:17,323 --> 01:16:19,859
Extra! Extra! Late edition!
1424
01:16:19,959 --> 01:16:21,527
Extra! Extra!
1425
01:16:21,627 --> 01:16:23,329
Late edition!
1426
01:16:28,083 --> 01:16:30,828
I hope you're aware, you and
your accomplices may still face
1427
01:16:30,928 --> 01:16:33,289
felony prosecution,
possibly even a treason charge.
1428
01:16:33,389 --> 01:16:35,583
I'll fight it all the way
to the Supreme Court,
1429
01:16:35,683 --> 01:16:37,877
-if necessary, and win.
1430
01:16:37,977 --> 01:16:40,346
This just in,
from the president.
1431
01:16:41,305 --> 01:16:43,048
He's furious.
Thanks a lot, Ricky.
1432
01:16:43,148 --> 01:16:45,092
I don't know what to say,
General Gibson.
1433
01:16:45,192 --> 01:16:46,927
-I'm sorry.
-Don't apologize, Dad.
1434
01:16:47,027 --> 01:16:48,637
The public has a right
to the truth.
1435
01:16:48,737 --> 01:16:51,015
-You made your point.
-This tribunal is a mockery!
1436
01:16:51,115 --> 01:16:52,992
What about Steenbeck,
who took the photograph?
1437
01:16:53,092 --> 01:16:55,369
It's on the front page of
every newspaper on the planet.
1438
01:16:55,469 --> 01:16:57,505
-Can't we arrest him, as well?
-Unfortunately, no.
1439
01:16:57,605 --> 01:16:58,803
He dropped a print in the mail
1440
01:16:58,903 --> 01:17:00,860
to his photo agency
first thing Tuesday morning,
1441
01:17:00,960 --> 01:17:03,077
and the postman got it
before we did. He's innocent.
1442
01:17:03,177 --> 01:17:05,174
Supposedly, he did a nude
of Midge Campbell, too.
1443
01:17:05,274 --> 01:17:07,164
-Midge Campbell?
-Ooh, Midge Campbell.
1444
01:17:08,290 --> 01:17:10,288
As you know, boys and girls,
your parents arrived
1445
01:17:10,388 --> 01:17:11,986
late last night
by military helicopter.
1446
01:17:12,086 --> 01:17:14,243
They've been sequestered
in that metal hut over there
1447
01:17:14,343 --> 01:17:16,699
for the past several hours
while the government scientists
1448
01:17:16,799 --> 01:17:17,997
explain the situation to them,
1449
01:17:18,097 --> 01:17:20,055
although everything's
already in the newspapers.
1450
01:17:20,155 --> 01:17:22,032
It's my understanding
they're about to go onto
1451
01:17:22,132 --> 01:17:24,129
this closed-circuit
television set at any moment.
1452
01:17:24,229 --> 01:17:26,107
Everything's connected,
but nothing's working.
1453
01:17:26,207 --> 01:17:28,204
Let's carry on with
the lesson plan, then. Billy?
1454
01:17:28,304 --> 01:17:29,542
I did the alien's flying saucer
1455
01:17:29,642 --> 01:17:31,280
with a hubcap
and a chicken pot pie tin.
1456
01:17:31,380 --> 01:17:33,474
Good work. Very accurate.
1457
01:17:33,574 --> 01:17:35,017
Jupiter, fifth planet
from the sun,
1458
01:17:35,117 --> 01:17:36,519
largest in our solar system...
1459
01:17:36,619 --> 01:17:37,895
Yes, Bernice?
1460
01:17:37,995 --> 01:17:40,489
I did the alien
on his home planet.
1461
01:17:41,323 --> 01:17:43,567
Well done. How wonderful.
1462
01:17:43,667 --> 01:17:45,653
Due to extreme
atmospheric conditions,
1463
01:17:45,753 --> 01:17:49,073
an anticyclonic storm has raged
on Jupiter's surface for over...
1464
01:17:49,173 --> 01:17:50,199
Yes, Dwight?
1465
01:17:50,299 --> 01:17:51,784
I wrote a song about him.
1466
01:17:51,884 --> 01:17:56,205
Oh. Um, this may not be the time
for a musical performance.
1467
01:17:56,305 --> 01:17:57,748
-Let's...
1468
01:17:57,848 --> 01:17:59,208
Uh, yes, Montana?
1469
01:17:59,308 --> 01:18:00,584
Pardon the interruption, June.
1470
01:18:00,684 --> 01:18:01,961
The boys and I heard old Dwight
1471
01:18:02,061 --> 01:18:03,459
was scribbling up
a little warble,
1472
01:18:03,559 --> 01:18:05,180
so we learned ourselves
to play it.
1473
01:18:11,520 --> 01:18:14,390
-One, two, three.
1474
01:18:14,490 --> 01:18:16,976
♪ Howdly-dee... ♪
1475
01:18:17,076 --> 01:18:21,814
Dear alien, who art in heaven,
1476
01:18:21,914 --> 01:18:27,111
lean and skinny,
'bout six-foot-seven;
1477
01:18:27,211 --> 01:18:31,240
Though we know ye ain't our
brother:
1478
01:18:31,340 --> 01:18:34,368
are you friend or foe
1479
01:18:34,468 --> 01:18:35,468
?
1480
01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:38,664
Hop on one foot, skip on two
1481
01:18:38,764 --> 01:18:40,291
dance the Spaceman,
howdly-do!
1482
01:18:40,391 --> 01:18:42,209
Bounce on four foot, spring on
three;
1483
01:18:42,309 --> 01:18:44,086
let's be spacemen,
howdly-dee!
1484
01:18:44,186 --> 01:18:47,256
-♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪
1485
01:18:47,356 --> 01:18:51,093
♪ Howdly-dee,
howdly-dee ♪
1486
01:18:51,193 --> 01:18:54,388
♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪
1487
01:18:54,488 --> 01:18:58,142
-♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪
-Come on, y'all!
1488
01:18:58,242 --> 01:19:00,102
♪ Hop on one foot, skip on two ♪
1489
01:19:00,202 --> 01:19:02,021
♪ Dance the Spaceman,
howdly-do ♪
1490
01:19:02,121 --> 01:19:03,856
♪ Bounce on four foot,
spring on three ♪
1491
01:19:03,956 --> 01:19:05,482
♪ Let's be spacemen,
howdly-dee ♪
1492
01:19:05,582 --> 01:19:09,703
♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee. ♪
1493
01:19:11,246 --> 01:19:13,532
This was on an old roll
I forgot to develop
1494
01:19:13,632 --> 01:19:15,326
in the glove box.
1495
01:19:15,426 --> 01:19:18,087
"Self-Portrait with Shrapnel."
1496
01:19:24,718 --> 01:19:26,762
Do page 45.
1497
01:19:36,897 --> 01:19:38,641
"What have you done?
How could you?"
1498
01:19:38,741 --> 01:19:40,378
-It says "shouting and crying."
-Uh-huh.
1499
01:19:40,478 --> 01:19:42,695
-So shout and cry.
-"How could you?!"
1500
01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:45,898
"How couldn't I?"
1501
01:19:45,998 --> 01:19:47,316
"How couldn't you?"
1502
01:19:47,416 --> 01:19:48,734
"That's what I'm asking."
1503
01:19:48,834 --> 01:19:50,945
"It was over already.
You were free.
1504
01:19:51,045 --> 01:19:52,863
"What's the point
of committing suicide
1505
01:19:52,963 --> 01:19:55,541
when there's nothing left
to escape?"
1506
01:19:56,458 --> 01:19:59,078
"Maybe that was
the problem all along."
1507
01:19:59,178 --> 01:20:01,914
"Stares for a moment."
1508
01:20:02,014 --> 01:20:04,051
And then it says I smash
everything off the shelf.
1509
01:20:04,151 --> 01:20:05,634
So smash everything
off the shelf.
1510
01:20:09,847 --> 01:20:11,507
"Such a sickening waste.
1511
01:20:11,607 --> 01:20:14,343
"Think of the people.
Think of the places.
1512
01:20:14,443 --> 01:20:16,595
-Think of the world..."
-Use your grief.
1513
01:20:16,695 --> 01:20:18,013
For a rehearsal?
1514
01:20:18,113 --> 01:20:19,515
I'm not even in this picture.
1515
01:20:19,615 --> 01:20:21,392
I'm a war photographer.
1516
01:20:21,492 --> 01:20:23,068
Use your grief.
1517
01:20:24,611 --> 01:20:25,988
All right.
1518
01:20:29,408 --> 01:20:31,744
"Such a sickening waste.
1519
01:20:33,328 --> 01:20:36,949
"Think of the people.
Think of the places.
1520
01:20:37,049 --> 01:20:40,252
Think of the world
you could have seen, Dolores."
1521
01:20:42,337 --> 01:20:44,465
"I've already seen it."
1522
01:20:45,424 --> 01:20:48,135
She still is...
uh, is-is she a ghost?
1523
01:20:50,929 --> 01:20:52,723
It's not clear.
1524
01:20:53,515 --> 01:20:54,515
Uh...
1525
01:20:54,858 --> 01:20:56,560
Then the, uh... the...
1526
01:20:57,644 --> 01:20:59,800
Then the coroner comes in,
orders me out of the room.
1527
01:20:59,900 --> 01:21:01,457
I slowly turn away
and close the door.
1528
01:21:01,557 --> 01:21:02,557
Scene.
1529
01:21:02,656 --> 01:21:04,651
My sandwich is burning.
1530
01:21:20,042 --> 01:21:21,702
My daughter saw us.
1531
01:21:21,802 --> 01:21:22,802
What?
1532
01:21:22,901 --> 01:21:24,663
Oh, uh, Dinah saw us.
1533
01:21:24,763 --> 01:21:27,424
Through this window,
in your bedroom yesterday.
1534
01:21:36,225 --> 01:21:39,353
Did you, uh, tell her
we were rehearsing again?
1535
01:21:40,270 --> 01:21:42,264
I didn't think of that.
I should've.
1536
01:21:42,364 --> 01:21:45,275
But it's too late,
because I admitted everything.
1537
01:21:46,318 --> 01:21:48,112
Did she tell Woodrow?
1538
01:21:48,946 --> 01:21:50,522
Hard to say.
1539
01:21:50,622 --> 01:21:52,107
She can keep a secret.
1540
01:21:52,207 --> 01:21:53,951
I don't know if she will.
1541
01:21:56,745 --> 01:21:59,490
This isn't the beginning
of something, Augie.
1542
01:21:59,590 --> 01:22:01,390
Isn't it?
1543
01:22:02,417 --> 01:22:03,617
Is it?
1544
01:22:03,969 --> 01:22:05,829
Probably not.
1545
01:22:05,929 --> 01:22:07,206
Unless maybe it is.
1546
01:22:07,306 --> 01:22:09,063
I don't like the way
that guy looked at us.
1547
01:22:09,163 --> 01:22:10,876
-What guy?
-The alien.
1548
01:22:10,976 --> 01:22:12,252
Oh. How did he...
1549
01:22:12,352 --> 01:22:14,555
-How did he look at us?
-Like we're doomed.
1550
01:22:17,015 --> 01:22:19,268
Maybe we are.
1551
01:22:24,815 --> 01:22:26,391
What did you just do?
1552
01:22:26,491 --> 01:22:28,089
I burned my hand
on the Quicky-Griddle.
1553
01:22:28,189 --> 01:22:30,062
-Why?
-It's not clear.
1554
01:22:30,162 --> 01:22:31,762
Show me.
1555
01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:34,733
You really did it.
1556
01:22:34,833 --> 01:22:37,411
That actually happened.
1557
01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:46,794
Pull.
1558
01:22:53,886 --> 01:22:56,255
How long can they keep us
in Asteroid City?
1559
01:22:56,355 --> 01:22:57,714
Legally, I mean.
1560
01:22:57,814 --> 01:22:59,091
Well, I'm not an attorney,
1561
01:22:59,191 --> 01:23:00,717
but I'd say
as long as they like.
1562
01:23:00,817 --> 01:23:02,427
I think we'd have to file
an injunction
1563
01:23:02,527 --> 01:23:04,764
and successfully argue
the case-- six months to a year?
1564
01:23:04,864 --> 01:23:06,381
Of course,
we'd also need to initiate
1565
01:23:06,481 --> 01:23:07,759
a civil suit for loss of income.
1566
01:23:07,859 --> 01:23:09,497
Maybe we should just
walk out right now.
1567
01:23:09,597 --> 01:23:11,913
I'm not sure they could stop us
without killing somebody.
1568
01:23:12,013 --> 01:23:13,480
Interesting idea.
1569
01:23:13,580 --> 01:23:16,108
What kind of mileage
you think that jet pack gets?
1570
01:23:16,208 --> 01:23:17,442
Ask Roger or his son.
1571
01:23:17,542 --> 01:23:19,027
Apparently,
he's being prosecuted
1572
01:23:19,127 --> 01:23:20,445
for revealing state secrets.
1573
01:23:20,545 --> 01:23:22,463
-They'll never make it stick.
-I'm in no hurry.
1574
01:23:22,563 --> 01:23:24,449
I like the desert.
I like aliens.
1575
01:23:24,549 --> 01:23:25,749
-Pull.
1576
01:23:26,093 --> 01:23:27,452
How'd you get that back?
1577
01:23:27,552 --> 01:23:29,270
The projects remain
under secure lockdown.
1578
01:23:29,370 --> 01:23:31,048
No Stargazer is permitted
personal access
1579
01:23:31,148 --> 01:23:32,506
without the express
permission...
1580
01:23:32,606 --> 01:23:33,844
My son invented this death ray.
1581
01:23:33,944 --> 01:23:35,501
That may be true,
but my orders are...
1582
01:23:35,601 --> 01:23:36,679
-Step back.
-Easy, fellas.
1583
01:23:36,779 --> 01:23:38,935
-We're not in Guadalcanal
anymore. -Okay, okay, okay.
1584
01:23:39,035 --> 01:23:41,111
Everyone, please. It's been
a difficult quarantine.
1585
01:23:41,211 --> 01:23:43,248
-I'll zap you right now!
-You stole your projects!
1586
01:23:43,348 --> 01:23:44,506
GIBSON
Goddamn it, tell them
1587
01:23:44,606 --> 01:23:46,364
-to stand down!
-Stand down! You hear that?
1588
01:23:46,464 --> 01:23:47,862
General Gibson says,
"Stand down."
1589
01:23:47,962 --> 01:23:49,000
-You married?
-Of course.
1590
01:23:49,100 --> 01:23:51,057
We'll reconfiscate the projects
at a later time.
1591
01:23:51,157 --> 01:23:52,157
Probably after dinner.
1592
01:23:52,255 --> 01:23:53,255
Try it.
1593
01:23:55,072 --> 01:23:56,648
Tab Hunter, Doris Day, out,
1594
01:23:56,748 --> 01:23:58,784
Jack the Ripper, out,
Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple,
1595
01:23:58,884 --> 01:24:00,777
out, out, Orson Welles,
Lucille Ball, out,
1596
01:24:00,877 --> 01:24:02,988
Marlon Brando, out,
Queen Elizabeth, Mickey Mantle,
1597
01:24:03,088 --> 01:24:04,686
out, out, Yul Brynner,
Louis Armstrong,
1598
01:24:04,786 --> 01:24:07,159
out, Lana Turner, out,
Betty Grable, Ella Fitzgerald,
1599
01:24:07,259 --> 01:24:09,661
out, out, Rock Hudson, out,
Jerry Lewis, out, out,
1600
01:24:09,761 --> 01:24:11,872
Greta Garbo, Karl Marx, out,
Joan of Arc, out,
1601
01:24:11,972 --> 01:24:13,498
Charles Darwin,
Walter Pidgeon, out,
1602
01:24:13,598 --> 01:24:15,417
Emily Dickinson,
Galileo, out, out,
1603
01:24:15,517 --> 01:24:17,554
Pontius Pilate, out,
Ernest Hemingway, Jackie O...
1604
01:24:17,654 --> 01:24:19,691
Who's responsible for stealing
my radio telescope,
1605
01:24:19,791 --> 01:24:21,006
my signal processing receiver
1606
01:24:21,106 --> 01:24:23,558
and my entire spectrographical
monitoring network?
1607
01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:27,095
They're trying
to contact the alien.
1608
01:24:27,195 --> 01:24:30,015
Well, I appreciate that,
but what about Dr. Hickenlooper?
1609
01:24:30,115 --> 01:24:33,018
If you're trying to contact
the alien, include me.
1610
01:24:33,118 --> 01:24:35,187
Did you hear anything
from him so far?
1611
01:24:35,287 --> 01:24:36,897
-No.
Huh.
1612
01:24:36,997 --> 01:24:38,732
What's all this?
1613
01:24:38,832 --> 01:24:41,026
I put the American flag
just to be patriotic.
1614
01:24:41,126 --> 01:24:42,778
Now we need
to really mean something.
1615
01:24:42,878 --> 01:24:44,780
A universal message,
not only to earthlings.
1616
01:24:44,880 --> 01:24:46,956
We already thought of
everything we could think of:
1617
01:24:47,056 --> 01:24:48,617
a cross, a star,
a four-leaf clover,
1618
01:24:48,717 --> 01:24:50,202
letters, numbers, hieroglyphics.
1619
01:24:50,302 --> 01:24:52,419
What's the point of projecting
a star onto the moon?
1620
01:24:52,519 --> 01:24:53,837
-Exactly.
-I ask that sincerely.
1621
01:24:53,937 --> 01:24:55,215
How about "E equals MC-squared"?
1622
01:24:55,315 --> 01:24:56,913
-I still think it's...
-They know that.
1623
01:24:57,013 --> 01:24:58,451
-It's too easy.
-This is our chance
1624
01:24:58,551 --> 01:25:00,309
to be actually worthwhile
in our lifetimes.
1625
01:25:00,409 --> 01:25:01,409
I see what you mean.
1626
01:25:01,508 --> 01:25:03,305
-Whose turn was it?
-Oh, the middle of mine.
1627
01:25:03,405 --> 01:25:04,800
I'd better start over.
1628
01:25:04,900 --> 01:25:06,578
-Cleopatra, Jagadish...
-A word, Woodrow.
1629
01:25:06,678 --> 01:25:09,137
About the, uh, settings
on the spectrograph.
1630
01:25:09,237 --> 01:25:10,639
Over here, if you wouldn't mind.
1631
01:25:10,739 --> 01:25:12,266
...Kurt Gödel,
William Henry Bragg...
1632
01:25:12,366 --> 01:25:14,309
The, uh, warning label indicates
1633
01:25:14,409 --> 01:25:16,153
that the, uh...
1634
01:25:18,447 --> 01:25:21,108
It's all worthwhile
in your lifetime.
1635
01:25:21,208 --> 01:25:22,776
-This, I mean.
-Okay.
1636
01:25:22,876 --> 01:25:25,070
Your curiosity is
your most important asset.
1637
01:25:25,170 --> 01:25:26,405
-Trust it.
-Okay.
1638
01:25:26,505 --> 01:25:27,990
-Trust your curiosity.
-Okay.
1639
01:25:28,090 --> 01:25:30,367
The resources of my lab
will always be available to you.
1640
01:25:30,467 --> 01:25:31,825
After this thing is over,
I mean.
1641
01:25:31,925 --> 01:25:34,002
You could maybe sort of
be my protégé, if you like.
1642
01:25:34,102 --> 01:25:35,180
Oh, wow. Maybe we can prove
1643
01:25:35,280 --> 01:25:36,838
the hypothesis
of celestial flirtation
1644
01:25:36,938 --> 01:25:38,176
and get the math right finally.
1645
01:25:38,276 --> 01:25:39,276
Wow. Let's try.
1646
01:25:39,375 --> 01:25:41,003
I think I see
the dots from space
1647
01:25:41,103 --> 01:25:42,846
burned into your eyeballs.
1648
01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:47,217
I'm sorry about your mother.
1649
01:25:47,317 --> 01:25:50,187
I miss mine, too,
and she died 46 years ago.
1650
01:25:51,396 --> 01:25:53,396
Thank you.
1651
01:25:55,609 --> 01:25:57,327
I've already petitioned
the State Assembly
1652
01:25:57,427 --> 01:25:59,604
to change the name of the town
from Asteroid City
1653
01:25:59,704 --> 01:26:01,231
to Alien Landing, U.S.A.
1654
01:26:01,331 --> 01:26:03,775
This municipality might end up
being the center
1655
01:26:03,875 --> 01:26:06,987
of a vast community
of Stargazers and Space Cadets.
1656
01:26:07,087 --> 01:26:09,998
It's a historic offering.
1657
01:26:15,212 --> 01:26:17,247
As you know,
the Asteroid Day itinerary
1658
01:26:17,347 --> 01:26:18,707
had to be suspended last week
1659
01:26:18,807 --> 01:26:21,209
due to the factual reality
of our circumstances.
1660
01:26:21,309 --> 01:26:23,045
However, I have
an announcement to make.
1661
01:26:23,145 --> 01:26:25,005
Dr. Hickenlooper
and the Military-Science
1662
01:26:25,105 --> 01:26:26,673
Research and Experimentation
Division,
1663
01:26:26,773 --> 01:26:28,570
in conjunction with
the Larkings Foundation,
1664
01:26:28,670 --> 01:26:30,886
have officially selected
a recipient
1665
01:26:30,986 --> 01:26:32,929
for this year's
Hickenlooper Scholarship,
1666
01:26:33,029 --> 01:26:36,141
and you're all going home
first thing tomorrow morning.
1667
01:26:36,241 --> 01:26:38,226
The president has opted
to lift the quarantine
1668
01:26:38,326 --> 01:26:40,112
by executive decree.
1669
01:26:42,697 --> 01:26:44,316
I'd like to take
this opportunity--
1670
01:26:44,416 --> 01:26:46,443
and, by the way,
all of this year's projects,
1671
01:26:46,543 --> 01:26:47,944
setting aside my own
1672
01:26:48,044 --> 01:26:49,988
differences of opinion
with Ricky Cho,
1673
01:26:50,088 --> 01:26:52,491
were of the very highest
caliber, without exception--
1674
01:26:52,591 --> 01:26:55,369
-to officially declare, uh...
1675
01:26:55,469 --> 01:26:57,027
-What's happening now?
-Scholarship...
1676
01:26:57,127 --> 01:26:58,645
-What's happening now?
-I don't know.
1677
01:26:58,745 --> 01:26:59,881
It's today again.
1678
01:27:33,373 --> 01:27:35,292
It's been inventoried.
1679
01:27:39,671 --> 01:27:41,206
Under the provisions of
1680
01:27:41,306 --> 01:27:43,143
National Security
Emergency Scrimmage Plan X,
1681
01:27:43,243 --> 01:27:45,360
the lifting of the quarantine
which I just announced
1682
01:27:45,460 --> 01:27:46,978
is now canceled
or at least postponed
1683
01:27:47,078 --> 01:27:50,265
due to the unexpected
new event which just...
1684
01:28:16,958 --> 01:28:20,162
Why does Augie burn his hand
on the Quicky-Griddle?
1685
01:28:20,262 --> 01:28:22,506
I still don't understand
the play.
1686
01:28:23,673 --> 01:28:24,673
What?
1687
01:28:33,475 --> 01:28:36,178
Where are you going?
1688
01:28:36,278 --> 01:28:38,054
I'll be right back.
1689
01:28:38,154 --> 01:28:40,015
I don't play him
as an alien, actually.
1690
01:28:40,115 --> 01:28:41,641
I play him as a metaphor.
1691
01:28:41,741 --> 01:28:43,619
-That's my interpretation.
-Metaphor for what?
1692
01:28:43,719 --> 01:28:46,104
I-I don't know yet.
We don't pin it down.
1693
01:28:46,204 --> 01:28:48,190
Schubert. Schubert.
1694
01:28:48,290 --> 01:28:50,358
-Schubert! Schubert!
-Huh? Yes.
1695
01:28:50,458 --> 01:28:52,694
What's wrong? Are you on?
1696
01:28:52,794 --> 01:28:54,990
Technically, but General Gibson
just started the scene
1697
01:28:55,090 --> 01:28:57,166
where the president
doesn't accept his resignation.
1698
01:28:57,266 --> 01:28:59,382
I've got six and a half minutes
before my next line.
1699
01:28:59,482 --> 01:29:01,319
I need an answer
to a question I want to ask.
1700
01:29:01,419 --> 01:29:02,419
Okay.
1701
01:29:02,518 --> 01:29:03,518
Am I doing him right?
1702
01:29:03,617 --> 01:29:04,617
Oh.
1703
01:29:04,806 --> 01:29:06,041
Well...
1704
01:29:06,141 --> 01:29:08,019
I told you before,
there's too much business--
1705
01:29:08,119 --> 01:29:09,397
with the pipe, with the lighter,
1706
01:29:09,497 --> 01:29:10,935
with the camera,
with the eyebrow--
1707
01:29:11,035 --> 01:29:12,547
but aside from that,
on the whole,
1708
01:29:12,647 --> 01:29:14,975
in answer to your question...
Sit down.
1709
01:29:17,352 --> 01:29:18,929
You're doing him just right.
1710
01:29:19,029 --> 01:29:21,556
In fact, in my opinion,
you didn't just become Augie.
1711
01:29:21,656 --> 01:29:22,891
He became you.
1712
01:29:22,991 --> 01:29:23,991
I feel lost.
1713
01:29:24,090 --> 01:29:25,560
-Good.
-He's such a wounded guy.
1714
01:29:25,660 --> 01:29:27,437
I feel like my heart
is getting broken--
1715
01:29:27,537 --> 01:29:28,647
my own, personal heart--
1716
01:29:28,747 --> 01:29:29,814
-every night.
-Good.
1717
01:29:29,914 --> 01:29:31,358
-Do I just keep doing it?
-Yes.
1718
01:29:31,458 --> 01:29:33,151
-Without knowing anything?
-Yes.
1719
01:29:33,251 --> 01:29:35,249
Isn't there supposed to be
some kind of an answer
1720
01:29:35,349 --> 01:29:36,787
out there
in the cosmic wilderness?
1721
01:29:36,887 --> 01:29:38,564
Woodrow's line
about the meaning of life.
1722
01:29:38,664 --> 01:29:39,902
-"Maybe there is one."
-Right.
1723
01:29:40,002 --> 01:29:41,002
Well, that's my question.
1724
01:29:42,210 --> 01:29:44,162
I still don't understand
the play.
1725
01:29:44,262 --> 01:29:45,705
Doesn't matter.
1726
01:29:45,805 --> 01:29:48,216
Just keep telling the story.
1727
01:29:49,050 --> 01:29:50,335
You're doing him right.
1728
01:29:50,435 --> 01:29:51,836
I need a breath of fresh air.
1729
01:29:51,936 --> 01:29:52,936
Huh.
1730
01:29:53,035 --> 01:29:55,432
Okay, but you won't find one.
1731
01:29:58,268 --> 01:29:59,468
Right.
1732
01:30:19,289 --> 01:30:20,489
Hello.
1733
01:30:23,043 --> 01:30:25,870
Oh. It's you, the wife
who played my actress.
1734
01:30:25,970 --> 01:30:29,257
Hmm. My scene was cut
after one rehearsal.
1735
01:30:30,425 --> 01:30:33,136
-We still use your photograph.
-Hmm.
1736
01:30:36,139 --> 01:30:38,475
You remember the dialogue?
1737
01:30:39,601 --> 01:30:40,601
No.
1738
01:30:42,354 --> 01:30:45,432
We meet in a dream
on the alien's planet.
1739
01:30:45,532 --> 01:30:47,309
Magnavox-27.
1740
01:30:47,409 --> 01:30:49,944
Actually,
it's one of the moons of it.
1741
01:30:50,904 --> 01:30:54,107
You say,
"Did you talk to the alien?"
1742
01:30:54,207 --> 01:30:57,235
I say, "Not yet."
1743
01:30:57,335 --> 01:30:59,988
You say, "Why not?
I thought for sure
1744
01:31:00,088 --> 01:31:02,949
you would've yelled at him
or made him laugh."
1745
01:31:03,049 --> 01:31:07,162
I say, "Or asked him
the secrets of the universe?"
1746
01:31:07,262 --> 01:31:09,339
You say, "Exactly."
1747
01:31:10,423 --> 01:31:13,426
I say, "I think he's shy."
1748
01:31:14,678 --> 01:31:16,278
You say,
1749
01:31:16,438 --> 01:31:19,132
"So's Woodrow, but I'm sure
he'll grow out of it.
1750
01:31:19,232 --> 01:31:22,143
I mean, at least I hope he will,
without a mother."
1751
01:31:23,937 --> 01:31:27,432
I say, "He's a late bloomer,
1752
01:31:27,532 --> 01:31:32,729
but maybe I think
you'll need to replace me."
1753
01:31:32,829 --> 01:31:34,105
You say,
1754
01:31:34,205 --> 01:31:37,283
"What? Why? How? I can't."
1755
01:31:38,535 --> 01:31:43,164
I say, "Maybe I think
you'll need to try.
1756
01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:47,919
I'm not coming back, Augie."
1757
01:31:50,672 --> 01:31:53,917
Then you take a picture of me
and start crying,
1758
01:31:54,017 --> 01:31:56,010
and I say...
1759
01:31:58,221 --> 01:32:00,682
"I hope it comes out."
1760
01:32:03,768 --> 01:32:05,768
And I say,
1761
01:32:05,987 --> 01:32:08,314
"All my pictures come out."
1762
01:32:19,951 --> 01:32:20,951
Hmm.
1763
01:32:21,795 --> 01:32:23,571
Good memory. Why'd they cut it?
1764
01:32:23,671 --> 01:32:25,073
Running time.
1765
01:32:25,173 --> 01:32:27,209
Now I'm First Lady-in-Waiting
to the Queen Consort
1766
01:32:27,309 --> 01:32:28,467
in Fruit of a Withering Vine.
1767
01:32:28,567 --> 01:32:29,994
You missed your cue.
1768
01:32:30,094 --> 01:32:32,570
June and the cowboy are already
necking in the station wagon.
1769
01:32:32,670 --> 01:32:35,049
They're bandaging
the understudy's hand right now.
1770
01:32:36,384 --> 01:32:38,086
Oh. It's you.
1771
01:32:38,186 --> 01:32:39,921
We almost would've had
a scene together.
1772
01:32:40,021 --> 01:32:41,421
-Hello.
1773
01:32:44,309 --> 01:32:48,096
Six months into the run,
the company received the news:
1774
01:32:48,196 --> 01:32:50,807
a catastrophic
automobile accident.
1775
01:32:50,907 --> 01:32:52,934
Conrad Earp, American playwright
1776
01:32:53,034 --> 01:32:55,770
unequaled in passion
and imagination,
1777
01:32:55,870 --> 01:32:57,313
dead at 50.
1778
01:32:57,413 --> 01:32:59,566
I'd like to make
a scene where all my characters
1779
01:32:59,666 --> 01:33:01,192
are each gently,
privately seduced
1780
01:33:01,292 --> 01:33:03,486
into the deepest, dreamiest
slumber of their lives
1781
01:33:03,586 --> 01:33:05,196
as a result
of their shared experience
1782
01:33:05,296 --> 01:33:08,074
of a bewildering and bedazzling
celestial mystery,
1783
01:33:08,174 --> 01:33:10,585
-but I don't know
how to write it. -
1784
01:33:11,503 --> 01:33:14,038
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1785
01:33:14,138 --> 01:33:15,582
-What was that?
1786
01:33:15,682 --> 01:33:17,217
What's happening?
1787
01:33:18,176 --> 01:33:19,934
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1788
01:33:20,034 --> 01:33:21,045
-What?
-That's not true.
1789
01:33:21,145 --> 01:33:22,380
-Say it again.
-Who cares?
1790
01:33:22,480 --> 01:33:25,133
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1791
01:33:25,233 --> 01:33:26,391
-Why should you?
-Maybe not.
1792
01:33:26,491 --> 01:33:27,802
-Of course.
-Uh, yes.
1793
01:33:27,902 --> 01:33:29,860
-You can't wake up...
-If you don't fall asleep.
1794
01:33:29,960 --> 01:33:32,140
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1795
01:33:32,240 --> 01:33:34,142
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1796
01:33:34,242 --> 01:33:36,436
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1797
01:33:36,536 --> 01:33:38,897
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1798
01:33:38,997 --> 01:33:41,274
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1799
01:33:41,374 --> 01:33:43,568
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1800
01:33:43,668 --> 01:33:45,945
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1801
01:33:46,045 --> 01:33:48,323
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1802
01:33:48,423 --> 01:33:50,742
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1803
01:33:50,842 --> 01:33:53,244
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1804
01:33:53,344 --> 01:33:55,413
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1805
01:33:55,513 --> 01:33:57,749
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.
1806
01:33:57,849 --> 01:34:00,927
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.
1807
01:34:28,955 --> 01:34:32,575
♪ Somewhere there's music,
how faint the tune ♪
1808
01:34:32,675 --> 01:34:35,703
♪ Somewhere there's heaven,
how high the moon... ♪
1809
01:34:35,803 --> 01:34:38,715
Uh, where'd they go?
1810
01:34:39,465 --> 01:34:40,875
Good morning, Mr. Steenbeck.
1811
01:34:40,975 --> 01:34:43,052
Juice preference, please--
apple, orange or tomato.
1812
01:34:43,152 --> 01:34:44,879
Where'd they go? Everybody.
1813
01:34:44,979 --> 01:34:46,381
Of course. I understand.
1814
01:34:46,481 --> 01:34:48,383
The president lifted
the quarantine after all,
1815
01:34:48,483 --> 01:34:49,884
at midnight.
1816
01:34:49,984 --> 01:34:52,180
He sent the whole gang home--
the troops, the cowboys,
1817
01:34:52,280 --> 01:34:53,878
the Junior Stargazers
and Space Cadets.
1818
01:34:53,978 --> 01:34:56,175
You are free to return
back to wherever you came from.
1819
01:34:56,275 --> 01:34:57,767
We had 11 checkouts
this morning.
1820
01:34:57,867 --> 01:34:59,811
I guess you overslept.
1821
01:34:59,911 --> 01:35:01,868
They returned your
science projects, by the way.
1822
01:35:01,968 --> 01:35:02,968
Hmm.
1823
01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:06,701
-Tomato.
-Right away.
1824
01:35:13,249 --> 01:35:16,661
The plan was to shovel it up
and take her with us.
1825
01:35:16,761 --> 01:35:20,039
Like I said,
we'll exhume the Tupperware.
1826
01:35:20,139 --> 01:35:22,625
We don't have any burial rights
to this plot here.
1827
01:35:22,725 --> 01:35:24,627
I would question
whether it even is a plot.
1828
01:35:24,727 --> 01:35:26,045
It isn't.
1829
01:35:26,145 --> 01:35:28,222
-Don't murder my mother's ashes!
-He's killing her!
1830
01:35:28,322 --> 01:35:30,934
No, no, no, no. Let us pray.
1831
01:35:34,938 --> 01:35:36,138
Poppy!
1832
01:35:37,941 --> 01:35:40,560
Dear Heavenly Father,
we thank thee for the life
1833
01:35:40,660 --> 01:35:44,522
of this magnificent woman,
who was once just a little girl
1834
01:35:44,622 --> 01:35:47,191
like these three
witches in training.
1835
01:35:47,291 --> 01:35:48,776
-Not in training.
-We are witches.
1836
01:35:48,876 --> 01:35:50,403
Part witch, part alien.
1837
01:35:50,503 --> 01:35:52,780
Like these three witches
at one time.
1838
01:35:52,880 --> 01:35:55,700
We had no intention
of permanently burying her
1839
01:35:55,800 --> 01:35:57,702
next to this unmarked cactus,
1840
01:35:57,802 --> 01:35:59,203
but I no longer have
the strength
1841
01:35:59,303 --> 01:36:02,206
to fight for her dignity,
nor neither does Augie.
1842
01:36:02,306 --> 01:36:03,958
-Do you?
-No.
1843
01:36:04,058 --> 01:36:07,045
So we'll defer to the wishes
of her stubborn daughters.
1844
01:36:07,145 --> 01:36:10,632
Woodrow, any final farewell?
1845
01:36:10,732 --> 01:36:12,425
I don't believe in God anymore.
1846
01:36:12,525 --> 01:36:13,843
Fair enough.
1847
01:36:13,943 --> 01:36:16,543
-Amen.
Amen.
1848
01:36:16,988 --> 01:36:19,474
Friskity, triskity,
briskity, boo,
1849
01:36:19,574 --> 01:36:22,769
knickerty, knockerty,
tockerty, too.
1850
01:36:22,869 --> 01:36:25,063
Mama is in the ground.
1851
01:36:25,163 --> 01:36:27,398
Say the prayer for Mama.
1852
01:36:27,498 --> 01:36:30,026
Mama, we'll say the prayer, too.
1853
01:36:30,126 --> 01:36:31,703
You are beautiful...
1854
01:36:33,287 --> 01:36:35,204
Five orders of flapjacks
and two black coffees.
1855
01:36:35,304 --> 01:36:36,731
-Thanks.
1856
01:36:39,711 --> 01:36:41,079
Who needs to pee?
1857
01:36:41,179 --> 01:36:42,817
-Nobody needs to pee.
-I don't. -Not me.
1858
01:36:42,917 --> 01:36:44,499
How about a glass
of strawberry milk?
1859
01:36:44,599 --> 01:36:46,592
Mmm.
-Yes, please.
1860
01:36:48,052 --> 01:36:50,713
Somebody win that scholarship?
1861
01:36:50,813 --> 01:36:52,013
I did.
1862
01:36:52,774 --> 01:36:54,342
-When?
-Last night.
1863
01:36:54,442 --> 01:36:57,261
General Gibson slipped it to me
in line at the communal showers.
1864
01:36:57,361 --> 01:36:59,305
I think he just wanted
to get it over with.
1865
01:36:59,405 --> 01:37:01,801
It's actually a standard-sized
check of typical dimensions.
1866
01:37:01,901 --> 01:37:03,768
The big one's only for show.
1867
01:37:03,868 --> 01:37:05,770
-Wow.
-Congratulations, Woodrow.
1868
01:37:05,870 --> 01:37:07,146
That's, uh, stupendous.
1869
01:37:07,246 --> 01:37:08,644
You must be
some kind of a genius.
1870
01:37:08,744 --> 01:37:09,816
I agree.
1871
01:37:09,916 --> 01:37:12,493
You must be
some kind of brainiac.
1872
01:37:13,494 --> 01:37:15,279
Has it got any strings
attached to it?
1873
01:37:15,379 --> 01:37:16,864
It's made out to you personally.
1874
01:37:16,964 --> 01:37:18,958
How you plan to use it?
1875
01:37:20,209 --> 01:37:22,503
I'll probably spend it
on my girlfriend.
1876
01:37:26,299 --> 01:37:29,052
What do you write
in that little book?
1877
01:37:30,428 --> 01:37:32,130
Next year's project,
confidentially.
1878
01:37:32,230 --> 01:37:34,426
-Gee whiz. Look at that. Whoa.
-Wow. Is that possible?
1879
01:37:34,526 --> 01:37:36,175
-Is that possible?
1880
01:37:36,275 --> 01:37:39,554
Midge Campbell
left you her address.
1881
01:37:39,654 --> 01:37:42,440
It's just a post office box.
1882
01:37:44,442 --> 01:37:46,060
What happened
that night I saw the...
1883
01:37:46,160 --> 01:37:47,717
That's none of
your business, Stanley.
1884
01:37:47,817 --> 01:37:49,397
I know. Of course it isn't.
1885
01:37:49,497 --> 01:37:50,982
I only ask because
Woodrow told me
1886
01:37:51,082 --> 01:37:52,919
-Dinah told him.
-I understand. I understand.
1887
01:37:53,019 --> 01:37:54,235
I understand.
1888
01:37:54,335 --> 01:37:56,904
I went to law school
with her former agent.
1889
01:37:57,004 --> 01:37:59,115
Anyway, I don't object.
1890
01:37:59,215 --> 01:38:02,201
She's actually
a very gifted comedienne.
1891
01:38:02,301 --> 01:38:03,795
That's true.
1892
01:38:07,381 --> 01:38:09,634
Another atom bomb test.
1893
01:38:32,448 --> 01:38:34,567
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1894
01:38:34,667 --> 01:38:36,360
♪ Going so fast ♪
1895
01:38:36,460 --> 01:38:38,404
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1896
01:38:38,504 --> 01:38:40,198
♪ Going so fast ♪
1897
01:38:40,298 --> 01:38:43,034
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
1898
01:38:43,134 --> 01:38:45,536
-♪ Won't you tell me... ♪
1899
01:38:45,636 --> 01:38:47,755
Woodrow, let's go.
1900
01:38:55,221 --> 01:38:56,672
♪ Don't know where ♪
1901
01:38:56,772 --> 01:38:59,050
-♪ He's heading for ♪
1902
01:38:59,150 --> 01:39:00,551
♪ What he's done ♪
1903
01:39:00,651 --> 01:39:02,845
-♪ Against the law ♪
1904
01:39:02,945 --> 01:39:06,015
♪ Got no future, got no hope ♪
1905
01:39:06,115 --> 01:39:09,944
♪ Just nothing but the rope ♪
1906
01:39:17,952 --> 01:39:19,821
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1907
01:39:19,921 --> 01:39:21,572
♪ Going so fast ♪
1908
01:39:21,672 --> 01:39:23,783
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1909
01:39:23,883 --> 01:39:25,535
♪ Going so fast ♪
1910
01:39:25,635 --> 01:39:28,121
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
1911
01:39:28,221 --> 01:39:30,289
-♪ Won't you tell me ♪
1912
01:39:30,389 --> 01:39:32,884
♪ Where he's gone ♪
1913
01:39:40,683 --> 01:39:44,428
♪ He lost his reason,
lost his life ♪
1914
01:39:44,528 --> 01:39:48,307
♪ He killed his friend
in mortal strife ♪
1915
01:39:48,407 --> 01:39:51,602
♪ He must keep moving
like the rolling skies ♪
1916
01:39:51,702 --> 01:39:55,907
♪ Just a-waitin' till he dies ♪
1917
01:40:03,623 --> 01:40:05,533
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1918
01:40:05,633 --> 01:40:07,326
♪ Going so fast ♪
1919
01:40:07,426 --> 01:40:09,328
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1920
01:40:09,428 --> 01:40:11,164
♪ Going so fast ♪
1921
01:40:11,264 --> 01:40:14,208
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
1922
01:40:14,308 --> 01:40:18,471
♪ Won't you tell me
where he's gone ♪
1923
01:40:26,437 --> 01:40:30,349
♪ When he dies,
just bury him, please ♪
1924
01:40:30,449 --> 01:40:34,312
♪ Way down the end
of old Chestnut Street ♪
1925
01:40:34,412 --> 01:40:37,607
♪ Poplars at his head and feet ♪
1926
01:40:37,707 --> 01:40:42,286
♪ And tell them
he's gone to sleep ♪
1927
01:40:49,502 --> 01:40:51,495
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1928
01:40:51,595 --> 01:40:53,247
♪ Going so fast ♪
1929
01:40:53,347 --> 01:40:55,208
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
1930
01:40:55,308 --> 01:40:57,084
♪ Going so fast ♪
1931
01:40:57,184 --> 01:41:00,171
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪
1932
01:41:00,271 --> 01:41:04,225
♪ Won't you tell me
where he's gone. ♪
1933
01:41:40,469 --> 01:41:41,869
♪ You ♪
1934
01:41:47,018 --> 01:41:50,221
♪ Can't wake up ♪
1935
01:41:50,321 --> 01:41:53,975
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1936
01:41:54,075 --> 01:41:57,812
♪ You can't fall in love ♪
1937
01:41:57,912 --> 01:42:01,524
♪ And land on your feet ♪
1938
01:42:01,624 --> 01:42:04,902
♪ You won't smell the roses ♪
1939
01:42:05,002 --> 01:42:08,906
♪ If you never plant a seed ♪
1940
01:42:09,006 --> 01:42:12,034
♪ And you can't wake up ♪
1941
01:42:12,134 --> 01:42:16,797
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1942
01:42:19,717 --> 01:42:23,462
♪ You can't make an entrance ♪
1943
01:42:23,562 --> 01:42:26,265
♪ If you keep missing your cue ♪
1944
01:42:28,142 --> 01:42:30,469
♪ And you won't pick a winner ♪
1945
01:42:30,569 --> 01:42:35,141
♪ Till you learn how to choose ♪
1946
01:42:35,241 --> 01:42:38,227
♪ You'll never find
the treasure ♪
1947
01:42:38,327 --> 01:42:41,939
♪ Unless you dig deep ♪
1948
01:42:42,039 --> 01:42:45,109
♪ And you can't wake up ♪
1949
01:42:45,209 --> 01:42:49,080
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1950
01:42:52,625 --> 01:42:56,287
♪ Oh, you'll never ♪
1951
01:42:56,387 --> 01:42:59,787
♪ Have memories ♪
1952
01:43:00,015 --> 01:43:03,386
♪ Worth keeping ♪
1953
01:43:06,138 --> 01:43:10,138
♪ Oh, you'll never ♪
1954
01:43:10,818 --> 01:43:14,055
♪ Find the truth ♪
1955
01:43:14,155 --> 01:43:17,955
♪ You are seeking ♪
1956
01:43:24,448 --> 01:43:28,494
♪ While you are sleeping ♪
1957
01:43:32,581 --> 01:43:36,827
♪ But you can't wake up ♪
1958
01:43:36,927 --> 01:43:40,664
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1959
01:43:40,764 --> 01:43:44,460
♪ So go live your dreams ♪
1960
01:43:44,560 --> 01:43:47,296
♪ And live them real deep ♪
1961
01:43:47,396 --> 01:43:51,926
♪ There is some counting money ♪
1962
01:43:52,026 --> 01:43:57,098
♪ And there's some
counting sheep ♪
1963
01:43:57,198 --> 01:44:01,268
♪ Oh, you can't wake up ♪
1964
01:44:01,368 --> 01:44:06,699
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪
1965
01:44:12,621 --> 01:44:16,208
♪ If you don't fall asleep. ♪
1966
01:45:01,879 --> 01:45:03,279
Wicked.
136333
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