All language subtitles for The.Kardashians.S03E08.WEB.x264-TG.Hi

♪ Upbeat music playing ♪

KIM: Previously on
The Kardashians...

- You have to give yourself a break
because every time I come over here,

you're the mother of the year.

You're the most attentive
person to all of us.

KIM: Look excited.

KHLOÉ: Kimberly!

Kim's Malibu house
is for the family,

and this is where we're gonna
have barbecues and our summers,

and it's all for the kids.

- I'm throwing Mom's
birthday party.

How funny would it be if
everyone who comes to the party

is dressed like Kris Jenner?

I'm getting Kris'd.
STYLIST: Oh, my God.

- Oh, my... [laughs] [screaming]

Oh, my God, what is happening?!

I never would've imagined
walking in to dozens of mes.

This meant so much to
celebrate my birthday

with my kids, and my
friends, and my family.

This is what it's all about.

And let's not forget, I'm 40.

♪

♪

♪ Let me show you something ♪

♪ Let me show you somethin', it's
a good life, it's a good vibe ♪

♪ It's a good time, uh,
yeah, we never done ♪

♪ Let me show you something ♪

♪ Let me show you somethin' ♪

♪ Yeah, let me show
you somethin' ♪

SCOTT: Yello!
- Hey!

- What's happenin'?

- Do you wanna eat something?

- Um... I'd take a tea.

You got a little tea?
- Hot tea?

- Yeah, you know, uh, now I
ask for tea when I go places.

- I like your hair. Hold
on, let me get you a tea.

What do you want in it?

- Maybe a little chamomile, a
little honey, a little lemon.

How ya doin'?
- Okay. Chef?

CHEF: Yes.
- Could we get a chamomile tea,

a little honey, a little lemon?

- And a "How ya doin'?"
KRIS: And a "How ya doin'?"

- That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

- He thinks I'm crazy.

I love the Jewish star.
I love the chrome hearts.

- I have to represent
for my Jews these days.

- Thank God.

Are we excited for
Mason's bar mitzvah?

- Are you excited? I am, yeah.
- I am beyond.

- I'm sitting... The
tutor's comin' today.

- He's so happy.
- She comes a few times a week.

- He likes the tutor.

People ask me all the time
what was my favorite part

in all of our episodes,
all of our shows combined,

and my answer will always
be when Mason was born

because that was a very
special time for me,

and I was so emotional,

and just being in the room when
Kourtney was giving birth to Mason,

my first-born grandchild.

I can't believe that he's
going to have a bar mitzvah,

that 13 years have gone
by since that time.

It's just remarkable to me to look
back. That seems like yesterday.

Tell me about... some more about
Mason. What are you gonna do?

- So, we're tryin' to figure
out where we're gonna have

his actual bar mitzvah,

and then we're gonna have
his party in the city.

- Are you gonna do
it in a synagogue?

- We might not do
it in an synagogue

and do it in a private setting
with, like, a rabbi and stuff,

and do it maybe, like, outside...
- Oh, nice.

- which is different 'cause
I did it in a temple.

- Do you want me to get
up and say anything?

- Yeah, you gotta light a candle.
- Right.

And what do I say when I light the candle?
- That's up to you.

You're proud of him, eh, things like that.
- 'Kay.

- You live for this.
- Yeah.

Oh, I went to go get a body
scan and they said I was 40.

I'm like literally 40 years old.
- How much did you pay them?

- [laughs] You're
such an [bleep].

- I love you, but you're not 40.
- I'm in great shape.

You are a buzzkill.
- Not a buzzkill!

- You're a [bleep] buzzkill.
- There's no kill and there's no buzz.

You're gorgeous. You just
put a hip in, you're not 40.

- I'm gonna put another hip in in the next few years.
- If you said 50, I'd go with it.

- They said I was totally 40.

I think that feeling
young is a state of mind,

and I don't think having 12
grandkids hurts anything either.

It keeps me on my toes.

- Have you ever thought
about retiring or no?

- I am never going to retire.

- Yeah. Anyway, you're 40.
- I think once...

Yeah, exactly. I've
got a long way to go.

- You should start doin'
like a... a Kris school,

start runnin' out
like what's his name.

- Tony Robbins.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- But with you? Get people jumpin'.

[laughs] You wanna be
40 at my age? Let's go!

- [laughs] Oh, my God.

♪

ROB [on phone]: Yo.
- Hi.

ROB: Hey.
- Um...

ROB: Hello.
- Hello.

So, I know you wanna talk
about throwing Dream's party,

and I know you said
she wrote a list.

ROB: She wants like a three-tier
cake. I'm pretty sure she said.

I forget the exact flavor
she asked for, but...

- I'm sure she'll tell us, but okay.
ROB: Yeah, I'll get the details.

- Dream is my niece.
Dream is Rob's daughter.

And she is the cutest
little thing ever.

I am helping Rob plan
Dream's birthday.

Dream is gonna turn six. I cannot
believe she's gonna be six.

ROB: She wants somebody
to, like, tell jokes.

And she wants a DJ, she
wants a moon bounce,

slime people, she wants
a butterfly theme.

- Yes.

Rob does such an
incredible job with her,

and I'm just there to
help whenever he needs.

Rob and I are crazy
close to one another.

I mean, we've always
been, but, you know,

I do not have a relationship
with Dream's mom.

It was just hard to have a relationship
with someone when they sue you

for hundreds of
millions of dollars.

Do you know what
she wants to wear?

ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah. She
wants a butterfly dress.

She wants, like, pink
braids in her hair.

- Oh, my gosh. ROB: Um, so
I'll get her hair braided,

and her nails done, and
stuff like that, so.

- Well, send me some photos that
you think and we'll go from there.

ROB: All right.
Well, thank you.

- I do think Rob would
come back to the show.

He talks about it
a lot, he does.

But I do know Rob has been
through a lot, personally,

but he's literally the best dad I
know and I'm so proud of him for that,

and I know that he's just feeling really
good about himself and I'm happy for him.

So, I have faith that, soon,
he'll be back on the show.

ROB: God bless you.

- God bless you.

ROB: You're a good
kid. Keep it up, girl.

[Khloé chuckles]
Sorry, I gotta go.

- Oh, okay.

Bye.

[chuckles]

ROB: I love you so much.

- I love you too, Bobby boy.

♪

- Hi... What are all these cute
cookies? Were these from you?

- No, and they're nasty.

- It's probably because they have
no flour, no sugar, no gluten.

It's just cardboard.

- I do need to have
a chat with you

about what, if
anything, am I making

for Thanksgiving.
- Well, here's the thing.

There's so many
people, we would be

in there for three days.

I love this time of the year

because we can really just focus
on family and celebrating things.

We have a lot of
Scorpios in our family.

Corey's birthday and Dream's birthday,
and then we have Thanksgiving.

Where are those cookies from?

KOURTNEY: They're,
they're just for looks.

- And if that's not busy
enough, now we decide to add

making a Christmas
album into the mix.

- Mother?

KRIS: Yes.
- Are you excited to sing?

- I am, let's go.

- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

After my mom recorded
her Christmas song...

- ♪ Dashing through the snow,
on a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go,
laughing all the way ♪

KRIS/KOURTNEY: ♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪

- all my sisters, like, we've all been
talking about doing a Christmas album.

I think it's because we all
are obsessed with Christmas.

Let's go sing, guys.

And all of the proceeds
will go to charity.

- Kourtney, you were asking me last
night if, um, anybody could sing.

As long as you can carry
a tune, you can sing.

- How do you know if
you could carry a tune?

- Test. We're gonna diagnose you guys today.
- Oh, no.

- Yeah, so I know Kourtney's
all ready from last night.

- Oh, my God.

- She did so good.
- ♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

- Beautiful.
- ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

- You just mixed. You just made it...
- Yeah, I mixed!

[laughs]

♪ No, no, no, no, nooo ♪
VALERIE MOREHOUSE: Yes!

- None of us are singers.

None of us have had
singing lessons before,

so if a singing lesson might somewhat
make us feel any better, then why not?

- Do you guys wanna
come sort of this way,

so we can curve around?

- I am gonna be auto-tuned.

- So, you guys are all gonna go.

[lip trill] [plays piano]

- Oh, on this? VALERIE: But
you're gonna blow into here.

[blowing liquid
bubbles] [plays piano]

So she's right on key.

[Valerie does lip trills]

All the way up, here we go.
Kris, you're doin' great.

I wanna hear her...
- I'm doing great.

COREY: I'mma fix Kim a glass.

- Yeah, would you?
That'd be great.

We're, uh, we're playing.
- What are we doing?

VALERIE: Hi, Kim. I'm Valerie.
- Hi.

VALERIE: Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

KHLOÉ: I know Kourtney and
Kim just had their drama,

but... it's a positive
that we're all here.

This is how we operate
in this family.

We will talk so much
shit about one sibling

and be, like, all here together.

We are known for just
sweeping things under the rug,

so maybe that's
what we're doing.

This is our love language.

It's just what we do.

- You want the voice to be
seamless, just [vocalizing]

I'm just talking on pitch.
- Wow.

- I'm not using my neck muscles.

We have 425 muscles
in the neck...

- Half of mine are
probably Botoxed,

so I can't, like... [laughs]

- Let's do this. Just blow
bubbles and give me [lip trill].

This makes it less
scary, right? Here we go.

[liquid bubbles] [plays piano]

Awesome, Kim.

[liquid bubbles] [plays piano]

KRIS: You have to make a noise,
Kim. KHLOÉ: You're not making noise.

- I know... VALERIE:
She's makin' a little.

She's makin' a little.
- Okay, Sasha Fierce, make a noise.

- Gimme. ♪ No, no,
no, no, no, no, no ♪

[liquid bubbles] But
you're gonna say "no" now.

You're gonna ditch the
straw. I'll do it with you.

Here we go.
- It's okay, she can go.

- No, you go. Just do it.
- No, you go.

It's just not my thing to be like,
♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

[laughs]

KRIS/KIM: ♪ No, no,
no, no, no, no, no ♪

KRIS/KHLOÉ: ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪
- Oh, wow.

ALL: ♪ No, no, no,
no, no, no, no ♪

- [laughing] I just
could not handle it.

VALERIE: All of you. ALL: ♪
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

VALERIE: Perfect. ALL: ♪
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

VALERIE: One more. ALL: ♪
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

- That's the bridge,
so, um, Kourtney let's

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

- ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

VALERIE: Yes, gimme one more.
- ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

- Perfect, now you're
starting to blend, right?

Kris... I want you to pull
it into your face, so go,

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

- ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

VALERIE: Now take it
off and memorize that.

- ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

- Khloé, I'm gonna go a little
lower. Just plug your nose.

- ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪
VALERIE: Now take it off and do it.

- ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪
VALERIE: Keep going, you're great.

- I am feeling like I want to die,
and that this is complete torture,

and I don't know what I did to somebody
to make me sit here and do this,

and I just don't
think it's nice.

VALERIE: Your pitch is great.
- Oh, no.

- Nice pitch, Khlo.
- Yeah, and it's so much

higher than I thought.

- Let's just keep it real.
None of us know how to sing.

I only sing if I'm in
my car or my shower

and no one else is around
me, like, this is not nice.

- Like, if we're going in tomorrow,
obviously, a lesson is necessary,

but we should also have a plan

of exactly what we're recording.
KOURTNEY: Well, that's what, what she

wanted us to come in with today,

but I ask... texted
everyone last night

and no one answered...
- I gave my answer.

- and again this morning.
KIM: Okay, lemme look.

- Mom's the only
one who wrote back.

We have not officially
picked a song.

I've tried, and tried, and tried
to get everyone to agree to a song.

We're definitely
getting one song out.

We do know that. KRIS:
What is that one song?

- Where you going, Joge?

- I'm just going to the bathroom.
- Oh.

The old "I've got
something to do,

"so I'm gonna pretend
like I'm going

to the bathroom" trick. KHLOÉ:
Kourt, it's you're shindig.

What song do you want, babe?

[ringback tone]

BABYFACE [on phone]: Hey.
- Hey.

Wait, so, yeah, we're really
recording a Christmas album

and... the... they're making
us do some singing lesson,

and I'm, like, dying in here,
like, so embarrassed, mortified.

It's just not my thing. I'd
rather take, like, three shots

and then just go in there
and see what we've got.

BABYFACE: Yeah.
- Like, who cares?

- Where is Kim? Don't
we want her input?

- She's not invested.

- But how funny would it be
if I, like, just tell everyone

I'm too shy, I can't do
it, I'll figure it out.

I'll get on a song
and I'll bring it,

and we can, like, add it to the
album, and then you produce it.

It'll sound amazing.

If I'm gonna record a
song, like, I need help.

I'm not, like, Adele here.

But what song do you think I should
do? BABYFACE: Well, I think for you

for the fun of it
could be Santa Baby.

- It would be so fun to, like,
present a song and just sound amazing,

and they'll be like,
"Where did this come from?"

I feel like I'm gonna
need your help for sure.

This has to be good. BABYFACE:
Okay. Well, I'm around.

- Okay. I'll let you
know. BABYFACE: Okay.

- Okay, bye. BABYFACE: Bye.

- I got Babyface, he said
he'll do my background vocals,

he said he'll produce me.

This is gonna be good.

♪ Playful music playing ♪

- Hey. BABYFACE
[on phone]: Hey.

- Hey, so I'm with Kourtney,
and Khloé, and me, and Kim,

and we're trying to think
of a Christmas song to sing

that we could all sing.
KIM: Who are you talking to?

Oh! KRIS: What do you think?

- Hey!

KIM: Oh!
- What do you think?

- Hey!

BABYFACE [on phone]: That's
something that all you guys could do.

KHLOÉ: What were you
doing over there?

- What was I doing over where? I
just had to go to the bathroom.

- Um...
- With the camera crew and your phone?

- he's trying to
give us some advice.

- So, of course, my
mom called him, too.

I mean, great minds think alike.

I don't think for a
second he's gonna out me

and be like, "Kim just called."

- What would you suggest?

KIM: I'm just gonna listen in

and pretend like I have
no idea what's happening,

and see where this goes.

- Would you think about it, Kenny,
and just tell us if you think

of any other songs and then
call us back? BABYFACE: Yep.

- Okay. BABYFACE:
I'll let you know.

- All right, love you, bye.

All right, I have to
go. I love everyone.

Thank you. It was lovely
meeting you. VALERIE: You, too.

- I hope we see you again.
- You, too. Take care. Absolutely.

- Namaste.

- Merry Christmas.
- Oh, cheer-cheerio.

- Cheer-cheerio.

[cars honking]

♪ Looking At Me by
Vanacore Music playing ♪

♪ Oh-na, oh-na-na-na ♪

♪ Oh-na, oh-na-na-na ♪

♪ Oh-na-na-na ♪

- Holy shit, you look cool.

SERVER: Welcome to Casa
Vega. SCOTT: Thank you.

KHLOÉ: Thank you. KIM:
It's been a while.

And we're, we're
missing the food.

SCOTT: We're very excited for some
chips and guacamole and salsa.

KIM: And maybe the
chile con queso.

- Can I get a strawberry
blended margarita?

I am so looking forward to having a
couple margaritas with Kim and Scott.

- I'll have the strawberry, same
as hers. SERVER: Same as... Okay.

- Casa Vega is the best place to do this
because they make quite a great margarita.

All you really need is one
or two and you're good to go.

KHLOÉ: Oh, my
God, she is nuts.

She goes, "I got this. I'm fluent."
- Hi, excuse me. [Spanish accent] Señor,

I would love to get some
chips and guacamole.

Gracias, sa, sa, sa.
- That's literally it.

- I'm like, "The
guy's from America."

He's like, [American accent] "All
right, I'll get those chips, Kris."

KHLOÉ: Look at all of
our pink lady drinks.

SCOTT: Oh, wow,
these are on fire.

- Salud. Thank you so much.
SERVER: Chips and salsa.

KIM: Thank you. SERVER: Okay.

SCOTT: Yo, have you heard some of
these ridiculous rumors that, like,

get written... said
about you guys?

KHLOÉ: What?

- Just, like, the
dumbest rumors.

They're saying
that... there's CGI

putting tears in Kim's face.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God, I saw that.

I thought it was funny 'cause
when I saw that viral video,

like, you're just... You're
touching here and here,

but your tear was, like,
right perfectly centered,

or something like that.
You just missed it.

KIM: Who would CGI a tear?

- Well, obviously.
- Obviously, nobody,

but just some idiots...
- We know that.

It's some [bleep] loser that has

all this time on their hands.
- I could not believe that.

- The fact that anyone thinks
we're adding CGI tears somewhere.

Like... no one is
CGling nothing.

- Definitely not a CGI
tear. Isn't that expensive?

- Khloé has fake fingertips?!

KIM: What?
- What?!

- You guys, the fake fingertips thing.
- Let me see those fingers.

KHLOÉ: I was holding
a glass on camera.

I don't know, I could
show you the thing.

You guys, before I type it in,

it comes up, "Fake fingers, fake
tan, fake fertility issues."

You guys, I do not have fake
fingers. This looks crazy.

Those are just my hands.

- Oh, they're saying,
like, it would start there.

- First of all, why would anyone
wear... have fake fingers?

Leave me alone.

You guys have been [bleep]
nitpicking me since I've been on TV.

Now, we're on to my
hands, okay, well...

let me clear this
up for everyone.

No, I don't wear
fake fingertips.

This is the length
of my fingers.

This is the length of this hand,
this is the length of this hand.

- Ooh, the Kardashians
are actually witches,

and every man that
comes in contact

with them is cursed after.
- Oh, I saw that...

SCOTT: But isn't that
just the Kardashian curse?

KHLOÉ: Scott.

But it says that many moons ago,

a woman in our family made
a deal with four witches.

[Kim laughing] It's wild.
I'll show you. Let me see.

- This is wild.

- Oh, guys, should I never date?

- But let me tell you something,
and this is where it's [bleep] up.

It's super sexist.

Why can society blame us girls,
but they would never blame men?

So, you're tell me that I made...
SCOTT: No, it's the guys' mistake.

- someone a drug addict?

You're telling me I
made someone cheat,

or you made someone this or that?
Like... SCOTT: No, I think...

- I just wish some
of the guys would

come to our defense, and be, like...
- I will. I'll say it right now.

I'm the one that made mistakes.
- Look into the camera and say it.

- Hey, everybody! I'm pretty sure
you watched every other season

when we started the show
and I [bleep] up a lot.

[laughs] KIM: Lamar.

- Lamar's always come to our defense.
- Lamar. I mean...

- Thank you. I-I have a few
thank yous I'd like to say.

Thank you, thank you, Lamar.

Thank you for always
coming to our defense.

Thank you for just...
keeping it real.

Who else?
- Do you want the real list

or the TV list? [laughs]

KIM: Nice.

Oh, my God, Tristan
called me today.

KHLOÉ: About?

- He told me that he's buying
a house in Hidden Hills

and that he...
- Do you know this?

Did you know he was
looking in Hidden Hills?

- I knew he was looking
in Hidden Hills before.

- Easy, though, for the babies.
- Like... No, yeah. Like, I knew, like,

I don't know, six or eight months
ago. SCOTT: Where do you guys stand?

Is there a talks of chances?

- No, no chances.

- Because if you felt like you want
to open up your heart and forgive,

I would support.
- No, I'm totally fine with him.

Like, I don't have any issues with...
- As you should be.

- I really don't. I don't have the...
- 'Cause you're gonna know each other forever.

- And I just don't have
the energy for issues.

- Yeah, I forgive Tristan.

Doesn't mean I forget what he's
done, but I forgive Tristan for me

'cause I gotta let that shit go.

I need to for myself.

I can't move on with my life if
I'm holding on to this bullshit.

[Kim laughing]
- Hots 'n fots.

- At Dugenheigen.

KHLOÉ: You're disgusting.
SCOTT: Ha, ha!

KHLOÉ: That's gross.

♪ Christmas music playing ♪

TRAVIS: Welcome to the studio, Khloé.
- Hi.

- Hi, welcome. KIM: So
excited to get my vocals on.

- So excited to
hear this, you guys.

- We are all meeting at
Travis's studio today

to start recording
our Christmas song.

- ♪ La, da, da ♪

I gotta hear what the
acoustics sound like in here.

TRAVIS: Mm-hm.

♪

- Kim, would you like
a Moscato D'Asti?

- I would, actually.
- Or there's tequila.

The tequila is here
to calm our nerves.

- Here's our matcha margaritas.
My wife, matcha margaritas.

- I've never heard of that.
- Margaritas.

And, hopefully, loosen us up

to get those vocal chords ready.

- Is this a shot?

KOURTNEY: I don't think I'm
gonna do a solo part, guys.

- A chaser of Moscato
with tequila is so nasty.

- And, Thrash, I hear you're
gonna make me sound...

THRASH: Incredible.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, of course.
- Okay. Me specifically.

- Yeah.
- 'Kay.

Oh, my God, I'm literally gonna
throw up thinking about it.

PRODUCER: Um. [Khloé exhales]

- Okay, what's the song
called, so I can pull it up?

TRAVIS: It should be really
a walk in the park for them,

an easy and, like, a fun
experience, you know?

- ♪ Giddy-up,
giddy-up, let's go ♪

♪ Let's look at the sno... show ♪
KHLOÉ: Oh, no.

[all laughing]

- You know, Kourtney
and I spoke.

We had our talk, and just
doing things like this,

like, we honestly
haven't been together

as a family in a while.

♪ Come on it's lovely weather ♪
KOURTNEY: ♪ Come on it's lovely... ♪

[both laughing]

North, are we gonna fail?

- So, it feels really good
and just back to normal

when we're all here just, like, laughing,
and having fun, and being stupid together.

KHLOÉ: Wait, but
there's a lotta echo.

Is that the point?
- That's the point.

♪ Just hear those sleigh... ♪
[Kim laughs]

- I hate an echo...
No. KIM/KOURTNEY: Ah!

KIM: I love it.

- You like the echo?
That's not an auto-tune,

that's just a continual
version of myself.

I'm just here because I
don't wanna be left out,

and I wanna be a part of
whatever my family's doing.

But

I, like, don't wanna sing.
This is, like, torture.

I just wanna be with my family.

THRASH: All right, here we go.

- [bleep] it up. THRASH:
Let's make a hit.

- Should we do Let It Snow?

- Well, are we back to square one
where we don't even have a song?

KIM: Okay. KHLOÉ: Okay.

We gotta get this done.

Where's Mom when we need her?

I don't get it, is everyone
doing the whole song?

- Just everyone do one
[bleep] verse. KIM: Yes.

KRIS: I'll do a
verse. [Kim singing]

KHLOÉ: Oh God, here she is.

One-take wonder up in
this bitch. She's back.

My mom, she was supposed
to be a Broadway star.

She knows what she's here for.

- All right. [clears throat]

Here we go, kids. [laughing]

♪

♪ Sleigh Ride
instrumental playing ♪

- ♪ Home of Farmer Grey ♪
KOURTNEY: ♪ Farmer Grey ♪

- ♪ It'll be the perfect
ending of a perfect day ♪

TRAVIS: That's amazing.

- ♪ We'll be singin' the songs we
love to sing without a single stop ♪

♪ At the fireplace while we
watch the chestnuts pop ♪

♪ Pop, pop, pop ♪

[sighs] Back in the studio.
This is where it all happened.

I had Jingle Bells last year,
went to number one on the charts.

- She likes to say
that she's charting,

and she's here to chart
and have a number-one song.

- I wasn't even nominated for
a Grammy, which is tragic.

- What up, Corey? Happy birthday, man.
- Got real.

- Can we turn the... it down a little
bit, so I can hear myself a little bit.

[Khloé laughs]
- You can't... No laughing, guys.

- I know, but she can see us.

- ♪ Santa baby ♪

♪ Just slip a Sable under the tree ♪
[indistinct chatter]

♪ For me ♪

THRASH: Wow.
- ♪ Been an awful good girl ♪

♪ Santa baby, so hurry
down the chimney tonight ♪

- Oh, no.
- Cool, we'll go from there.

- You better [bleep] it up

before that one part
that you [bleep] up,

but other than that,
you're a [bleep] legend,

you breathy [bleep]!

Yeah! KRIS: That's
right, Khloé!

KHLOÉ: [bleep], yes.
- Woo-hoo!

[all cheering]

- All right, what song's next?

- Come on, Kenny's here. She's
gotta get in and do something.

- The best singer is me,

but no one knows it,
and I'm too afraid.

- Yeah, I will never sing
for anyone, but I can sing.

You guys think it's Kylie?

I swear to you, no one will ever know
that I am the best singer in the family.

I will continue to sing in
the shower or in the car.

- It's like...

- See, why? Why keep
that treasure in?

- I have a different vision for
myself and my singing career.

I'm such a major singer, and
I'm... have such a beautiful voice,

and I just don't think, like,
they're worthy, honestly.

[laughter]

- Why are you up my [bleep] right now?
- Okay, I'll leave...

- Like, why... What the [bleep]...
- I was just making sure.

- are you so close
to me? KIM: 'Kay.

- [sighs] You guys,
I'm freaking out.

- Shut your eyes and
channel some emotional shit.

Think deep, close your eyes.

Anita Baker.
- Shut up.

- Just shut your eyes and do it.
- Oh.

Was someone gonna do...
the auto-tune before?

Who's in charge here?

Who does the auto-tuning?

TRAVIS: Daniel, do
we have auto-tune?

- Actually, I'm not gonna do
the interviews until you tell me

it's gonna be auto-tuned.
PRODUCER: Oh, my God!

- Paxy, turn the
[bleep] rig off.

I'm not gonna sing. I'm
not gonna let it air.

[auto-tuned] I am
gonna be auto-tuned.

Auto, auto, auto-tuned.

Wait, but there's a lotta echo.

Is that the point?
- [auto-tuned] That's the point.

- [auto-tuned] Is someone gonna
do the, the, the auto-tune before?

Who's in charge here?

Who, who, who, who
does the auto-tuning?

Get out of here.
THRASH: That's good.

- Yeah, Corey!

THRASH: Is Corey
doing the low octave?

- Do you wanna be on it?

- Mom, I wanna make a song.

- ♪ They're singing
deck the halls ♪

- ♪ But it's not like
Christmas at all ♪

- ♪ I remember when you were here ♪
- Yes, Corey!

- ♪ And all the fun we had last ye... ♪
[laughs]

THRASH: Kourt, that was great.
- That was so good.

KHLOÉ: That was good.
- Corey, we're gonna punch

your line in one more time.

[Kourtney laughs]
- That was so good!

- No, guys.
- Good for you!

- I think we need someone
to sing that last line.

KHLOÉ: Kourt, that was un...

That was great. THRASH:
That was good, Kourtney.

Let's get one more.

- You guys, that's
higher than my power.

♪ You were here and all
the fun we had last year ♪

- Yeah, exactly.
- Absolutely.

THRASH: Let's get one more.

- They're singing
deck the halls.

- Here... Take... Drink that.
- 'Kay. We gotta go. I have things to do.

- Peace! And love.

- Kendall, you're a [bleep]
bitch, and you didn't do one song.

The session is undeniably
chaos, but it's also so perfect.

[laughing]
- Legit, that was the best thing yet.

KOURTNEY: The whole point of doing
this is having fun with each other,

and really that's
what it's all about.

- I have to go.
- Did everyone else leave?

- Yep. THRASH: Yep.

- 'Kay. Are we done?
- Love you.

TRAVIS: We have to
shut it down, babe.

- Bye, you guys. Thank
you. Bye, everybody.

♪ Upbeat music playing ♪

♪

- We are having
Dream's sixth birthday.

I cannot believe she's six, and she
wanted a butterfly-theme birthday.

I came with her wings.

So, welcome to butterfly land.

♪

KRIS: Birthday girl!

- What?!

KRIS: Oh, my God,
this is so cute!

Dreamy, look at your party!

You're like a rock
star. Happy birthday!

You like your
diamond butterflies?

And your new phone?!

Who are you?

I love spoiling my grandkids,

and I love when they love
something that I've done for them.

It makes me so happy.

There's nothing
better than that,

but the best part about
being a grandparent

is I get to go home at
the end of the party.

[laughs] Is that bad
to say? Sorry, guys.

♪

KOURTNEY: Yeah, I just
wanna get a water.

PENELOPE: For your hangoverness.
KOURTNEY: Yes, for my hangoverness.

TRAVIS: Yes. KOURTNEY:
Penelope said it.

[laughter]

KHLOÉ: Is it what you
wanted? DREAM: Yes.

KHLOÉ: It is? Everything?
DREAM: Yes, yes.

Look it.
- Whoa!

That's amazing!

And your snow cone!
Did you see it?

Whoa, and your paint and
your slime! I knew it!

They take this very seriously.
- Yes.

- Feel like I'm, like, a third
parent for Dream, I guess.

I mean, I do know how
important it is for Dream

to have a great
maternal influence,

whether that be from me,
or her own mom, or whoever,

it's important, and wherever she
gets it from, she gets it from.

Who gave you those butterfly
earrings? Lovey?! Woo-hoo!

- I think the best thing about
this very time in my life

is that I get to spend some really great
quality time with my grandchildren,

and I think I'm very aware
of what a blessing that is,

and how much I appreciate
every single one of them.

SCOTT: What's happening, Sug?

This is cute.

KHLOÉ: Oh, I think
we're gonna do piñata.

Piñata time! Everyone,
stand in line!

Three swings!

DJ [on microphone]: Come
on, guys! Cheer her on.

Let's go, Dream!
[all cheering]

- Yeah, you got it, True, yeah!

- Khloé really is incredible.

She's the best mom,

loving, and nurturing, and
supportive, and caring,

and she's firm, and she's funny.

DJ: Do you guys know how
to play freeze dance?

KRIS: If you have
Khloé for your auntie,

you're probably the luckiest
little kid in the universe.

- Reign, do you ever
see this dollhouse?

It's a nice crib.

Hello?

Who's home? KHLOÉ: Say hi.

Say we're... we're
cookin'. SCOTT: Whoa.

I was gonna leave,
but... KHLOÉ: Can you...

- Um, for everything
you have goin' on

to do this.
- Oh, my gosh, I love her

and Rob...
- I know, it's... You take care

of so many people.
- Oh, Scotty.

- You do. It's amazing.
- No, I appreciate that.

- Just can't believe that
you're basically like

somewhat of a
co-parent to Dream.

- I mean... You guys
having fun up there?

- You're, like,
more than an aunt.

- Probably more
than an aunt, but...

- Less than a...
- Just a third parent.

- It's amazing.
- I'm the third, the third wheel.

- You're not the third wheel.
- Like most things,

like most things in life.
- You're like the wheel

that makes the car move.

- Dream is one of my babies, too,
just like all the rest of them,

and I absolutely love
being a mom to people.

Let's do the cake and then you can
eat. We're gonna do the cake first.

I love mothering people. I don't
know if they like that or not.

ALL [singing]: ♪ Happy
birthday to you ♪

- But it's so in my
blood just to be a mom.

I wouldn't have
it any other way.

Woo!

[all singing, cheering]

♪

PERSON: Welcome.
KOURTNEY: Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Drumming?
- Yeah.

- Sadly, no, he used to
say he was gonna teach me,

and he wanted to do, like,
a video of me playing.

We have to do that.
- I feel like that'd be so cute.

- Yeah, maybe on tour when we have time.
- Yeah.

Travis is performing
at James Corden today.

Here he... Here's my husband.

We both love to be there for each other
and support each other as much as we can.

Are you ready?

- Uh, I was just
practicin' somethin' else.

- Um, we're kinda matching.
TRAVIS: Not planned either.

- Um... thank you for

being so patient with
us in the studio.

- Of course, what are
you talkin' about?

I had the best singers in
the world in my studio.

I've kinda got music
done on Santa Baby,

and I got it done
on Sleigh Ride.

- Amazing.
- Mm-hm.

I was probably gonna go to the studio
right after this to finish one more.

- I know, like, there's so
much going on right now.

I think that's how you thrive.

- Mm-hm... I have so much.
- I'll just keep adding more,

adding more to your
time and to your day.

I really do appreciate so much.

Like, while he's in the middle
of making his Blink album,

and, like, three other albums,

took the time doing this
song with his engineer,

and he loves it, too.

But I was thinking
that we should give

all the proceeds to
a children's charity.

- That would be incredible.
KOURTNEY: Um, wait,

we were just saying...
- Yeah?

- you have to teach me how
to really play the drums.

- You wanna try to learn
somethin' right now?

- Sure.

- So, one, your right hand

and your right foot are together.
- 'Kay.

- And then, that's two.

- Two. Three.
- And then, three together.

And then, by itself.
- Four.

- There you go,
that's the first half.

Do it again.
- So, one, two, three.

[laughing]
- So, so this one goes the whole time.

- Oh, the whole time?
- Mm-hm.

So, do this.

There's actually things that, like,
this foot would be doing, too.

- [softly] Let's
not go there yet.

I just wanna be
able to be, like,

just feeling it and just getting it out,
but I know there's so much more to it.

- Just remember both hands...
- Four.

- Go on three together.
- Okay.

One, two, three, four.
Oh, shit. [laughing]

One... Shit. One.
- Yeah.

- Wait, wait.
- It would be one, two, three, four.

- One, two, three, four.
- Good, babe.

That's really good.
- 'Kay.

TRAVIS: She's playin' tonight.
- Hey, I'm learning how to play.

- Oh, my God. KOURTNEY:
I'm learning how to play.

KOURTNEY: All right.
- Babe, this is your moment right here.

- Um, it's... It
looks, It looks harder.

- It looks harder?!

It doesn't look hard at all. [laughs]
- I mean, sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's so much harder than it looks.
- Basically, you were just doing this.

You were going, "Guys, this
looks a lot harder than it is.

"Don't be fooled.

This is really hard, and
this is just what it is."

Bless you for being here. Nice
to see you. I'll see you shortly.

TRAVIS: All right.
KOURTNEY: Bye.

♪

Hi. JUSTIN LONG:
I'm Justin, um.

- Good to see you. Yeah.
- Pleasure to meet you.

This is very kind of you.

Yes, yes. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Sorry, everyone.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- So, anyway, it was so nice to meet you.

Justin, pleasure.

- Awesome.
- Uh, we're gonna watch you play.

- All right, awesome.
- Lookin' forward to it.

CREWMEMBER: Do you wanna
sit in the audience

or do you wanna be back here?

KOURTNEY: What do
you think's better?

CREWMEMBER: I have to be close to Travis.
- Wherever you want.

- I love you. Have the
best performance, baby.

- Please welcome Avril Lavigne
with Yungblud and Travis Barker.

[audience cheering]
- Woo!

SINGING: ♪ But I know
I'm a mess, I'm a mess ♪

♪ When we're not together ♪

KOURTNEY: I love watching
my husband perform.

Like, there's nothing
better than that,

and I think it's such a
cool thing to witness.

SINGING: ♪ I'm a
mess, I'm a mess ♪

[audience cheering]

- Drumming is much
harder than it looks,

and it really makes me
that much more impressed

with what an insane
drummer he is.

TRAVIS: Mm. Where'd you watch
from? KOURTNEY: The side...

- Nice.
- So I got to see.

♪

♪

KHLOÉ: Hi, Mom. KRIS: Hello.

KOURTNEY: Hi. KHLOÉ: Hi.

True has a loose tooth and one's
wiggly, so I need to prepare.

- Wait, you guys, we're supposed
to keep all their teeth?

- No, you don't have to.
One... Well, the tooth fairy

is supposed to have the teeth,

so you definitely don't
want your kids to see it.

- Got it, yeah.

KOURTNEY: I mean, I have some.

KHLOÉ: This is cute, though.
- Have them in the same drawer

as Reign's hair.
- Like, squirrel. Ew, Kourtney, enough.

- It's Thanksgiving, and we're
all in the desert, which we love,

and all together and
having the best time.

There's a tooth fairy book.

I would get the
pillow, the book.

You know, you guys yelled at me because
I saved somebody's belly button.

- Mom, that is so disgusting.

- Their belly button fell off

and I put it in a...
- Mom.

Honestly.
- It's when your belly button falls off

when you're a baby...
KHLOÉ: The umbilical cord!

It's not your belly button,
you [bleep] imbeciles!

- It's like a dark...

It's, it's, it's like a scab.
- It's an umbilical cord!

- It's a scab.
- I saved the umbilical cord in a...

- Mom, that is so disgusting.
KOURTNEY: It's a scab.

KIM: Hi, guys.
- Hi.

KHLOÉ: Hey, Jogey.
KIM: What's happenin'?

KOURTNEY: Um, okay, so, do you
guys wanna talk Christmas songs?

- Can't wait.

Do you guys know that... KOURTNEY:
Or we could talk Christmas together?

- the Christmas album
genuinely keeps me up at night?

Like, I have nightmares
thinking about the voice.

KRIS: Why are you so paranoid?

- I don't wanna...
I am not a singer.

I don't wanna be a singer. KRIS:
You have great voice, but we did...

We had fun. That was a memory.
- Why do you think so harsh about it?

It's a fun thing.
KHLOÉ: That was fun.

- Critical. KOURTNEY: Crucial.

Um, so, do you guys wanna
hear? KRIS: Yes, please.

KOURTNEY: What the [bleep]?
Why isn't it working now?

- Oh God, it's a sign.

- You're just in time
to hear our songs!

♪ Sleigh Ride plays on phone ♪

KIM: ♪ Just hear those
sleigh bells jingle-ing ♪

♪ Ring ting tingle-ing too ♪

KRIS: ♪ There's a birthday party
at the home of Farmer Grey ♪

♪ It'll be a perfect
ending of a perfect day ♪

Mine sounds terrible. [laughs]

To be honest.

I don't know what happened,
but... we need a redo.

- So Mom needs, everyone needs...
- I need to go in again.

- So, like, there's,
like, minimal things,

but it's, like... KRIS:
Well, it's not minimal,

but I love you for being
so nice. [laughter]

- No, just to make it awesome.

- We have to redo
this. KRIS: Yeah.

I'll come back in
for a week straight.

But whenever you have time, just
let me know and I'll come over.

TRAVIS: Okay.
- Okay, guys. Santa Baby.

KIM [on phone]: ♪ Santa baby, just slip ♪
- Oh.

- ♪ A Sable under the tree ♪
KOURTNEY: Sonta, remember Sonta?

- Sonta baby. KOURTNEY: Sonta,

'cause that's what she said.
- You're really... This is great.

- ♪ Awful good girl ♪

- I would listen to this.

- What? Really? [laughs]
- Yeah.

- You would listen to this?
- Yeah.

KHLOÉ: I like that one.
- It's so good.

KOURTNEY: Mm-hm.
- That is so good. That's gonna chart.

[indistinct
chatter] [laughter]

- All right, so
now the next one.

Corey has a cameo comin'
up. TRAVIS: Mm-hm.

KOURTNEY [on phone]: ♪ They're
singing deck the halls ♪

COREY [on phone]: ♪ But it's not
like Christmas at all ♪ - Oh, Corey.

KOURTNEY: ♪ I remember
when you were here ♪

[laughter]
- Yeah, that was, like, a tequila-fueled,

uh, you know, Christmas session.

But now, like, we
have these demos,

and you guys can go in

and, like, fine-tune things.
- And perfect it.

Oh, my God.
- But it was, it was awesome.

- I can come Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

KOURTNEY: You guys, Travis
is also being really nice.

He has to turn in his Blink-182 album
to go on tour by, like, December.

KHLOÉ: Yeah, you guys think
Travis has nothing else to do?

TRAVIS: No, but it's good.

This is a break for, like,

you know, sonically, and whatever, it's
cool. KRIS: Well, whenever you have time

with your schedule and the
importance of what you have

going on with Blink-182,

you have to let us know
when you have time.

- Well, timing is, like,
everything. KRIS: Yes.

- Sooner than
later. KRIS: Yep.

- Guys. KHLOÉ: Oh God.

- On another note, I have
some very important news.

KYLIE/COREY: You're pregnant.
- Oh boy.

- No. By who? The 500
people I'm dating?

I gotta stand up for this
one. KRIS: What's your news?

KHLOÉ: Oh, what are you doing?

KIM: 'Kay, so... KHLOÉ: Uh-oh.

- I'm so excited.

Um, okay, so...
KHLOÉ: Are you okay?

KYLIE: So nervous. That
feeling in my stomach.

What is it?

♪ Dramatic music playing ♪

KIM: I gotta stand up for this
one. KRIS: What's your news?

KHLOÉ: Oh, what are you doing?

I wanna know.
KIM: No one knows.

KYLIE: So nervous. That feeling
in my stomach. What is it?

- An executive from
Disney called me,

Rob Mills.
- Yeah.

- You know these people, but
they wanted to call me directly,

and then I was
gonna connect them

with you once I decided if
I was gonna do it or not.

♪

I'm gonna do the show
The Bachelorette.

I'm gonna be the Bachelorette.
KYLIE: Stop, you're lying.

KIM: I'm so serious.

- You're gonna do The Bachelorette?
- Yes.

I am. KYLIE: What?!

- You're gonna do The
Bachelorette? KIM: Yes.

- Mom... Kim, 100%, you're not doing that.
- Yes, why?

KOURTNEY: There's no way you're doing The
Bachelorette. KIM: Mom, call the guy, Rob.

- No, not happening, nope.

I'm your momager,
manager, mother.

[stammers] Name a title.

I'll put any hat
on that you want,

but you're not doing this.

- They're gonna do it in Malibu.

KHLOÉ: Who gives a [bleep]?
- That is so close by.

- You're gonna be stuck in
a house with 20 strange men

that you have to make out with? KYLIE:
And you're gonna make out with on camera?!

- Are you okay?

- You guys, I've thought this through
and I thought it was so much fun.

- Kim, absolutely not should
you be on The Bachelorette.

Like, come on.

First of all, you barely drink,
so you don't know how to be drunk.

They won't let you have your glam
team, I can guarantee you that,

and you're gonna be, ugh,

just making out with
random people all day long?

That sounds... gross.

- Hi, is this Rob? ROB MILLS
[on phone]: Yeah, it is.

- Hi, it's Kris Jenner. ROB
MILLS: Kris, how are you?

- I'm sitting here with
my family and with Kim...

ROB MILLS: Of course, that's lovely.
- And she just, she just made, um,

a special announcement
that she... ROB MILLS: Yes.

- has been offered the
role of The Bachelorette?

ROB MILLS: She, she has.

Now, we're working on all the
scheduling and everything right now.

We're probably 90% there.
KRIS: Right. 90% there.

What kind of budget do
you guys have for Kim?

ROB MILLS: For Kim? Well, that's...
- Yeah.

- always subject
to a negotiation.

Probably, what we need to do
is have Warner Brothers work

with you, Kris, on
what that fee would be.

- Well, I just need to wrap my
head around something like this

because... this isn't exactly
the space I saw Kim in,

and she does have four kids,

and a big, busy life. ROB
MILLS: But I think that's why

the story is so great.

- I watch the show,
I love the show.

But... did I want my
daughter on the show?

Oh, hell no... No, no, no.

- The Bachelorette
is an amazing show.

My mom and Kendall are literally
the biggest fans of The Bachelor.

Every Monday, we can't
talk to them, I get it.

But for Kimberly, I can't imagine
her being herself on that show.

ROB MILLS: I think that somebody who,
you know, has put everybody first,

and now, you know, is, is
looking for, for this guy

is what's gonna make
this really special.

- Okay, thanks, Rob.
I appreciate it.

ROB MILLS: Oh, you got it, Kris...
- Okay.

ROB MILLS: Have a great Thanksgiving.
KRIS: All right, you too.

Happy Thanksgiving.

ROB MILLS: Okay,
bye. KRIS: Okay, bye.

- What are you mouthing?

I saw you mouth something, so
you're, obviously, [bleep] everyone.

- I'm kidding, it was a prank!
The head of Disney was in on it.

- Oh God.
- Stop.

- I know, I'm sitting here thinking
like, "There's no [bleep] way."

KHLOÉ: Oh, my God.

- These kids love a good prank,

and it's... I'm always
the victim of the prank.

I'm always the
subject of the prank.

For them to go this far,

oh, my God.

And why don't I
see these coming?

Why?

- I know.

KIM: The look on all of
your faces was, like...

KYLIE: I was convinced that
this, that this was real.

- It's times like this
that I feel really blessed

to have such an amazing family.

And being here watching
my kids have so much fun,

makes me really happy.

It's priceless.

KIM: I'm too busy with
my singing career,

doing a Christmas album. Who
has time for The Bachelorette?

KHLOÉ: Oh, my God.

- Ah.

KIM: Next on The
Kardashians...

- My number-one slogan,

you wanna make God laugh,
tell him your plans.

- So this is not
about, like, fighting.

I have notes.

- Okay.

- With my family, I'm
like, "Protect my energy,"

and like, "I'm married.
Bye, everyone."

Like, it's so nice.

KIM: What are these? MAN:
Well, that's music equipment.

- Yeah.

That was supposed
to be for Psalm.

This is me holding on to
the Kanye that I know.

But when you know it can
never get back there,

that's what sucks and
that's what's hard.

Isn't God funny how you were so ready
to have your year of being free,

and now...
- Ohh!

- Thank you so much
from me and my family.

Man, I don't know what I'd do
without you guys right now, like.

♪ Upbeat music playing ♪

♪

- No one could hear me
sounding like a dead alley cat.

I can't do that.

[exhales] I'm literally,
like, spiraling.

PRODUCER: We love you...
- Oh, my God.

- so we will make this happen.

- Yeah, 'cause I-I
can't live like this.

PRODUCER: Okay, this is clearly
causing her stress, folks.

- Clearly... Do you want me to
be a drug addict on Xanax? No.

I already am. [laughs]