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1
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♪
2
00:00:06,539 --> 00:00:12,245
[romantic music]
3
00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:15,215
♪
4
00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:17,250
Oh!
5
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:22,689
No!
6
00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:25,525
Huh!
7
00:00:25,558 --> 00:00:27,603
- What are the odds of that?
- One in a million?
8
00:00:27,627 --> 00:00:29,396
-Oh!
[laughs]
9
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:32,966
[romantic music continues]
10
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,434
[giggles]
11
00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:37,137
♪
12
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,572
♪
13
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,941
[terminal beeping]
14
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,744
♪
15
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:49,783
♪
16
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:53,119
♪
17
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:57,157
♪
18
00:01:03,329 --> 00:01:05,298
Here you go.
19
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,135
That was unexpected!
20
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:11,905
- Oh, yeah!
- [awkward laughter]
21
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:18,311
[mysterious music]
22
00:01:18,344 --> 00:01:19,005
♪
23
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,520
[snapping fingers]
24
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,656
Oh, oh!
25
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,993
[baby voice] Hello,
Mommy. I'm a hungry boy!
26
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,428
Me, Mommy?
27
00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:36,830
[opera music]
28
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,474
Oh my God, wait, you're on fire!
29
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:40,242
- Oh my God!
- [screaming]
30
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,634
WAITER: Not again!
31
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,870
[panicked yelling]
32
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,514
- Grab a water, no, no!
- Drop it, drop it!
33
00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:46,973
Why are you still holding it?
34
00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:48,284
Are you fucking
out of your mind?
35
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:49,618
Drop it! Drop the dessert!
36
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:51,444
Help! My eyes!
37
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:53,480
[theme music]
38
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:57,951
♪
39
00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:00,553
♪ I'm a different person now ♪
40
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,523
♪ Can we just hug it out? ♪
41
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:06,226
♪ There's an elephant ♪
42
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,895
♪ There's an elephant... ♪
43
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,564
♪ There's an elephant ♪
44
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:15,702
♪
45
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,339
♪
46
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:22,041
NURSE: Patient is 35 with second
and third-degree facial burns,
47
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:25,478
significant trauma to both eyes,
and his vitals are dropping.
48
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,189
DOCTOR: This guy's
eyes are fucked!
49
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,791
Alright, I need tubes
and suction, stat!
50
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,150
He's hemorrhaging, sir!
51
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:32,852
- [blood spurting sounds]
- Gah... aah!
52
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,530
I got pressure on
the issue, Doctor.
53
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:38,391
Alright, we're losing
him. I need a defib, now.
54
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,927
♪ Happy Birthday to you... ♪
55
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,038
No, Nurse, please,
this is not the time!
56
00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:44,164
This man is dying!
57
00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:45,498
[monitor beeping flatlines]
58
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:47,834
ALL: ♪ Happy Birthday,
dear Doctor! ♪
59
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:50,170
Fine, fine, fine.
Okay, thank you.
60
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:52,314
Thank you all, alright? We
do not have time for this.
61
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,773
I need paddles.
62
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,409
[sighs]
63
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:58,611
[cake slops onto the floor]
64
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:02,115
- What the hell?!
- Black forest, your favourite!
65
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,386
[sighs]
66
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:11,958
DOCTOR: There's, uh,
good news and bad news.
67
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,727
The bad news is his
retinas are fried.
68
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,462
He may never see again.
69
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,032
- Oh, God...
- What's the good news?
70
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,534
It's my birthday.
71
00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:23,770
I'm 41!
72
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:28,708
♪
73
00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,920
As you guys know, our sales
have been a little down.
74
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,812
Morale hasn't been great.
75
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,882
But this is Joel, a real-life
improvisational comedian.
76
00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:37,626
He performs weekly
with his improv troupe,
77
00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:39,118
A Flock of Steven Seagals.
78
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,588
Joel's here to get us back
into our groove, right?
79
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:43,723
Get us a little loose,
80
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:46,726
and say "Yes!" to our ideas.
Isn't that right, Joel?
81
00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:47,937
- Sure is.
- Yep!
82
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,596
Thank you, Oliver.
83
00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:52,966
Fun fact: improv is
actually the only art form
84
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,977
where everyone's gotta [New
York accent] work togetha
85
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,402
to get that final product.
86
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:57,737
No, it isn't...
87
00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:59,782
JOEL: Let's just hop
right into the fun stuff!
88
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,008
Okay, look at me.
89
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,886
Now, could someone
from the audience
90
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,112
give me a non-geographical
location, please?
91
00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:08,181
MAN: Uh... airport?
92
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,850
Airport. Okay, that's good.
93
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:17,490
[in a whisper] No... Mm-mm...
94
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:20,126
There's a baby, wah, wah, wah...
95
00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:21,694
No, no, no, no, no, no!
96
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,805
[loudly] Fuck!
97
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,264
OLIVER: Whoa, Joel!
98
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:25,774
Maybe calm down on the language.
99
00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:29,335
No, no, no, I just can't
fucking think of anything.
100
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:30,937
Okay, now think!
101
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,872
Think, you stupid fucking pig!
102
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,174
Fucking pig, greaseball, idiot!
103
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,419
- Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you...
- MAN: Hey, hey, uh...
104
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:39,755
What if you're a security agent
and you find something weird
105
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,156
in someone's bag?
That works, right?
106
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,549
- Yeah, yeah, that's good.
- That's good!
107
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,986
[stomach rumbling]
108
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,297
Argh! Fuck!
109
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:49,622
ALL: Whoa!
110
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,700
Why didn't I think of
that? That's so obvious!
111
00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:53,026
I'm an idiot!
112
00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:55,137
Yes, and then he could
have found lube in the bag
113
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:56,672
or something. Oh, shit!
114
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:57,797
Fuck!
115
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,041
OLIVER: Oh, Joel,
come on, man.
116
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:00,175
Uh, here's an idea, uh...
117
00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:02,669
No, no more clues!
I'm just thinking!
118
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,304
Just gimme a minute.
119
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,020
- [loud slap]
- [gasps]
120
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,078
You set me up!
121
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,689
You gave me a hard
one on purpose!
122
00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:15,524
Airport is like the easiest
thing in the world, man!
123
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:16,582
Come on!
124
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,494
No, it's not! It's impossible!
125
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:20,496
Besides lube, there's
no good ideas!
126
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:21,521
ALL: Whoa!
127
00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:23,656
[Joel crying]
128
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:27,060
[text message notification]
129
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:29,929
[sighs]
130
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,432
Alright, everybody,
corporate's closing this branch
131
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,376
and we're, uh... we're all la.
132
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,668
ALL: What?!
133
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,479
I'm sorry, I don't
know what to say.
134
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,548
- Oh my God, oh my God.
- What are we gonna do?
135
00:05:39,572 --> 00:05:43,776
- Oh my God, [inaudible]...
- Whoa, Bummer Town!
136
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,020
[snaps finger] Wait...
137
00:05:45,044 --> 00:05:47,046
Bummer Town.
138
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,757
That's it... Bummer Town!
139
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:51,751
And this town smells like shit.
140
00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:54,354
[chuckles] That's not bad.
141
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,789
[laughter]
142
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:57,766
And that's improv.
143
00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:01,861
♪
144
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:07,867
♪
145
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,936
UMPIRE: Stee-rike!
146
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:12,205
PLAYER: Mustard,
relish, or hot dog?
147
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:14,278
PLAYER 2: Marry the
hot dog. Obviously.
148
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,810
Hm, I guess it's the only one.
149
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,121
- Stee-rike!
- Let's go, V-Man!
150
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,780
Hit her home!
151
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,784
- [bat thwacks]
- Home, run home!
152
00:06:24,817 --> 00:06:27,620
- Go, Janet, go!
- Run home, yeah!
153
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:29,098
- UMPIRE: Out!
- What?!
154
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,490
Come on!
155
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:33,459
She was safe! Are
you blind, Ump?
156
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:34,827
Actually, I am.
157
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,463
- Oh...
- However, she was clearly out.
158
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:39,375
The sound of the ball
hitting the leather glove
159
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,477
was well before her foot
made contact with home plate.
160
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:43,445
Well, it didn't look like that
from where we were sitting.
161
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,905
- She was safe!
- Out!
162
00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:47,750
Whatever. [in a
whisper] Fuck you!
163
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:50,476
No obscene gestures
allowed, ma'am.
164
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,978
One more and you're outta here.
165
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:53,222
Wait, how did you know that I...
166
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,982
How did I know that
you flipped me off?
167
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:57,617
Quite simple, really.
168
00:06:57,650 --> 00:07:00,319
Each individual finger travels
at its own unique velocity.
169
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:03,256
The heat emanating off your
body also indicated rage
170
00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:05,434
and aggression; therefore
the sound of the acceleration
171
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:07,302
of your middle finger from
crooked to perpendicular
172
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:09,695
was easily discernible from
your four other digits.
173
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,931
Not very sportsmanlike,
I must say.
174
00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:14,000
- Whoa.
- That's impossible.
175
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,644
-At one point, I would
have thought so too.
176
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,579
But while the unfortunate
events surrounding my life
177
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,581
for the last few days
have left me blind,
178
00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,316
all of my other
senses are heightened
179
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:22,918
beyond what I ever
thought possible.
180
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,154
For example, I know you are
currently holding a hot dog
181
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,345
in your left hand,
182
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:27,856
covered in ketchup
and corn reli.
183
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,283
A good sear on
the dog, if not s,
184
00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:32,685
and a lightly toasted
bun beneath it all.
185
00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:34,663
- How did you know that?
- I could smell it.
186
00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:36,598
Speaking of which,
could I have a bite?
187
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,691
What? No, you
can't have a bite.
188
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:40,502
That's not what your
mother said last evening.
189
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:41,727
What?
190
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,105
You see, your mother,
Francis Fitzgerald,
191
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,397
has sexual proclivities
192
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,041
that lean to the
sado-masochistic variety.
193
00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:47,733
So she did indeed ask me
194
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,611
to lacerate her left
shoulder with my teeth
195
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,046
when we engaged in
sexual intercourse,
196
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,673
16 hours and 47 minutes ago.
197
00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:55,007
You son of a bitch!
198
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,876
- [squishy thwack]
- Mmm.
199
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:58,654
[with a full mouth] Thank you!
200
00:07:58,678 --> 00:07:59,979
Game on!
201
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:01,123
You've got some on
your face there.
202
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,215
I know!
203
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:07,053
♪
204
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:10,690
[indistinct chatter]
205
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:11,991
Hi!
206
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,593
Oh, look how happy Betty looks.
207
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:14,994
Aww!
208
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,905
- I guess you two are next, huh?
- Uh...
209
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:19,665
We haven't really, um, talked
about it yet, you know?
210
00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:22,768
[nervous laughter]
211
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,346
Would you all
excuse me for a sec?
212
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:25,914
- Thanks.
- No, no, no, Jack, don't!
213
00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:27,082
Rachel, it's okay. Really.
214
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:28,407
Yeah, he didn't know.
215
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:29,885
No, no, you guys
don't understand.
216
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:31,720
Lately he's been doing this
thing where he goes around
217
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:33,155
- to people...
- Get away from my wife!
218
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,680
What the hell is he doing?
219
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:36,492
- Kaboom! Kaboom!
- Seriously, what are you doing?
220
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,160
He's cartoon-killing
that guy's wife.
221
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,753
Cartoon-kill? What?
222
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:44,357
You know like Wile E. Coyote
and that ostrich motherfucker?
223
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:46,034
See, like right now,
he's sawing a big hole
224
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:47,260
around that woman's chair.
225
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,004
-Can I help you with
something, young man?
226
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,439
- [falling whistle sound]
- He says it, like,
227
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,040
calms him down or
something. I don't know.
228
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:53,242
- He studied theatre.
- Oh.
229
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:55,067
Bye-bye!
230
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,536
Shouldn't we stop him?
231
00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:59,038
No, I dealt with this all
weekend at my cousin's wedding
232
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:01,874
and I'm not doing it again,
so it's his problem now.
233
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:03,452
- Rachel!
- Yes?
234
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,521
You promised Jack wasn't gonna
do the cartoon thing today!
235
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,712
Timber!
236
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,123
Do you think I'm
happy about this?
237
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,148
I'm miserable.
238
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,750
This is ridiculous!
239
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:11,884
Jack?
240
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:13,986
Stop! You're ruining
my baby shower!
241
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:16,656
Boom! Pow! Oof!
242
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,267
You're such a dork!
Why don't you...
243
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,868
-Striking an innocent
pregnant woman?
244
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,228
Not on my watch, criminal.
245
00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:23,996
- Do I know you?
- No...
246
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,464
But I know you.
247
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,476
- Who is that?
- Entertainment or something?
248
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,002
I know the smell of the
villainous underbelly
249
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,438
stinking this city to its core,
250
00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:34,574
and I'm here to clean it up.
251
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:36,051
Look, dude, I think
you should just...
252
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,577
[slicing metal sounds]
253
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:38,778
Oh my God.
254
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:40,255
[slashes and spurting
blood sounds]
255
00:09:40,279 --> 00:09:41,557
- Oh my God!
- Oh my God!
256
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,617
- What the fuck?!
- [dripping blood sounds]
257
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,953
- [slicing flesh]
- [panicked screams]
258
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:50,656
That's fucking disgusting!
259
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,858
- Oh my God, oh my God!
- No!
260
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,794
- Oh my God, no, no, no!
- No!
261
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:57,330
Oh my God, Jack!
262
00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:58,807
- [gunshot]
- [screaming]
263
00:09:58,831 --> 00:10:01,667
- Oh my God!
- [screaming]
264
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,669
I may be blind for now,
265
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,204
but I see everything!
266
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,706
[hysterical screaming]
267
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:09,976
Criminals are no
match... for Sightless.
268
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,979
- Oh my God!
- [screaming]
269
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:16,048
[hysterical screaming]
270
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,817
He's really fucking dead!
271
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:22,355
♪
272
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,123
[school bell rings]
273
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:26,459
KID: Last one there
is a rotten egg!
274
00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:27,393
[giggling]
275
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,063
[laughter]
276
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,299
Hey, slow down, you
little roadrunner.
277
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:36,002
Morning, Mr. S! Are we
gonna go fast today?
278
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:38,046
With these sweaty palms,
I don't think so, Billy.
279
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:40,182
Now, get on back there,
you little wisenheimer!
280
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:41,641
You're the best, Mr. S!
281
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:43,309
You too, sweety!
282
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:45,220
Mr. Silvestriano, do
you have a minute?
283
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:46,646
Well, good morning, ladies!
284
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:48,414
How may I be of assistance?
285
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,516
- Beans, huh?
- Hmph!
286
00:10:50,549 --> 00:10:52,694
Well, my wife's got me on
one of those special diets.
287
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:54,420
- Ah.
- Hmm, right.
288
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,998
Well, since it's the
last day of school...
289
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:57,899
And all the kids
love you so much...
290
00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,735
A few of the parents
decided to pool together
291
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,027
to get you something special.
292
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,738
Just a little token
of our appreciation.
293
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,530
Really, ladies!
294
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:06,098
You didn't have to do that!
295
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:07,542
Oh, it was our
pleasure. Really.
296
00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:09,001
Open it!
297
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:13,773
Are these Renier Lindhurst
Type M string-back
298
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:16,242
- driving gloves?
- They are!
299
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:18,086
The internet says these
ones are really good.
300
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:20,713
-Yeah, Renier Lindhurst Type M
301
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,658
string-back driving
gloves are...
302
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,517
pretty good! Ha!
303
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:27,119
- [laughter]
- Try 'em on!
304
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,689
-Yeah, get on there, baby!
305
00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:31,924
Well, we hope you like them.
306
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:33,526
[door hinges screech]
307
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,394
[music swells]
308
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:38,597
[leather squeaks]
309
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,366
♪
310
00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:42,535
[engine revs]
311
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:43,528
[crowd cheering]
312
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:48,040
- Is everything okay?
- Hey, Billy.
313
00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:50,142
What did you ask me before?
314
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,211
Are we gonna go fast today?
315
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:54,947
Oh yeah, Billy. We're
gonna go fast...
316
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:57,092
KIDS: ♪ The wheels on the
bus go round and round... ♪
317
00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:59,251
Um, Mr. Silvestriano?
318
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:01,554
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round... ♪
319
00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:05,324
This bird's... gotta fly...
320
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,259
- [loud fart]
- [music stops]
321
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:08,561
Eww!
322
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:10,596
- Yo-ou far-ted!
- [laughter]
323
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:12,040
"Fart"? I hate that word!
324
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,899
You stink, Mr. Stinky.
325
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,302
This bus smells like
ass because of you!
326
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:17,570
You're making us puke!
327
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:20,106
- Your wife doesn't love you.
- Nobody does!
328
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:23,142
[laughter]
329
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:24,910
BILLY: I knew you were a loser!
330
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,011
Gimme the gloves.
331
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,346
BILLY: Eat shit, dummy!
332
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,848
GIRL: Ah, what a loser!
333
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,483
BILLY: You call this a life?
334
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:32,151
Oh my God, these reek!
335
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,352
Sniff these.
336
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,455
[sniffs] Jesus, these
smell like shit.
337
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,023
Beans make me stinky, man.
338
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,458
KID: Your beard sucks!
339
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:43,963
♪
340
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:50,536
♪
341
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,871
Phew!
342
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,749
WIFE: You're home
early, for once.
343
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,040
HUSBAND: Oh, sorry, honey.
344
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,275
It's birthday season.
345
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:58,186
I don't exactly
have a set schedule.
346
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:01,113
-Funny, I didn't know
"birthday" was a season.
347
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:02,958
-Honey, now is not
a good time, okay?
348
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:04,316
I'm exhausted.
349
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,652
Okay, Todd, when exactly
is a good time, then?
350
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:09,021
Just not right now. I've
had a long day, okay?
351
00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:11,323
Pfft.
352
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,025
The bank called.
353
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:15,303
We missed our minimum payment
on our line of credit.
354
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:16,796
I'll call them in the morning.
355
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,774
I'll tell them Daylight
Savings messed up our payments.
356
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,509
They'll understand. Trust me.
357
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,144
When are you gonna
get a real job, Todd?
358
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:23,945
- I have a real job.
- Humiliating yourself?
359
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:27,306
That's a real job?
360
00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:29,184
What exactly is that
stupid catchphrase again,
361
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:30,409
"It wasn't me!"
362
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,911
What does that mean?
363
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,646
I'm a skunk, Julie!
364
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,549
No, you're a
fucking loser, Todd!
365
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:37,626
You don't understand.
366
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,852
This is what I'm
meant to be doing.
367
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,221
- What you're meant to be doing?
- Yeah.
368
00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:44,356
They're paying you in paper...
369
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,425
fucking... tickets, Todd!
370
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,403
Well, those "paper
fucking tickets"
371
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:51,430
put real fucking food on that
goddamn motherfucking table!
372
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,098
Oh, here we go again.
373
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,868
Todd and his "I'm the.
374
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:57,937
Play another one
next time, will you?
375
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,538
You think I enjoy this?
376
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:03,042
You think I like getting kicked
in the nuts 18 hours a day,
377
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:06,512
7 days a week, covered in my own
sweat, smelling my own pre-def?
378
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:08,113
-Oh, woe is me!
379
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,349
You chose this shit, not me!
380
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:12,394
You know, you could have
had a really good job
381
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,029
at the post office
like your uncle.
382
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,422
- Fuck him!
- Great ben!
383
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:19,725
But no, you're too good
for that, aren't you, Todd?
384
00:14:19,758 --> 00:14:22,728
Way better off dressing up
like some fucking skunk idiot
385
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:23,863
for little morons!
386
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:25,976
Your problem is you
don't dream anymore.
387
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,766
My art could change the world!
388
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,735
[plate crashes]
389
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:32,404
Your art? Your art?!
390
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,416
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- [farts in the distance]
391
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,884
You have to be the
most deranged...
392
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,310
[sniffs] Is there
someone in the washroom?
393
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:39,855
- No.
- I can smell him!
394
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,456
No, there isn't! Nope!
395
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,916
It's not what you think it is.
396
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,587
♪
397
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,131
What the hell are
you doing here?
398
00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:52,892
Oh, uh...
399
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:56,061
I'm just doing what the
cookie told me, my man.
400
00:14:56,095 --> 00:15:00,332
"Cuck some dorkhole who
does birthday parties."
401
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,502
Hey, it wasn't
me! That's funny.
402
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,671
- See?
- Pfft.
403
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:06,805
She doesn't get it.
404
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:10,676
♪
405
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:14,480
♪
406
00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:16,491
- ROBBER: Hey, hey, you! Move!
- Okay, okay!
407
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:17,893
- Move, you worm!
- [gun cocks]
408
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,619
Nobody fucking move,
or I swear to God,
409
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,187
I blow your fucking brains!
410
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,990
- [gunshot]
- [woman screaming]
411
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:29,028
Not so fast, scumbag.
412
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,772
Who the hell are
you supposed to be?
413
00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:32,097
I'm...
414
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:33,766
Sightless.
415
00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:36,702
You're that superhero
who can't see!
416
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,804
I don't care who
he is! Waste him!
417
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,105
[guns cock]
418
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:43,309
[laughs] You poor fools.
419
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,511
Let me let you in
on a little secret.
420
00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:47,346
I may be blind for now,
421
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:49,515
but I see... everything.
422
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:52,117
[dramatic music]
423
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:56,455
[sniffing loudly]
424
00:15:56,488 --> 00:16:01,060
♪
425
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,195
Hot dog!
426
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:06,298
What?
427
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:07,399
Hot dog.
428
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:08,834
Someone's got a hot dog here.
429
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,003
It's making my mouth water.
430
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:13,048
I had a hot dog for
lunch... He's right!
431
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:14,239
Sit the fuck down!
432
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,176
[sniffing] Yeah, sauerkraut...
433
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:19,311
Mustard... Two pickles.
434
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:20,346
[gunshot]
435
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,348
[gurgling moans]
436
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:23,582
Show's over, folks!
437
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,017
Let's make with the cash-ola.
438
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:26,652
[loud fart]
439
00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:28,354
Ugh, nasty!
440
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:30,389
Oh, geez, I'm pre-deffing!
441
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:32,000
- I'm a goner!
- [loud farts]
442
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,325
Pre-deffing?
443
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,036
Yeah, pre-def. Pre-defecation.
444
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:36,562
[loud fart]
445
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:38,640
It's the sound your ass
makes before you take a shit.
446
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:41,667
When you die, you shit
yourself! Everybody knows that.
447
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,411
- Ohh, I'm done for!
- [farting]
448
00:16:43,435 --> 00:16:45,938
What the fuck's a pre-def?
449
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,439
It's called a fart!
450
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,184
-No, no, they don't
call it that anymore.
451
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:50,418
- It's pre-def now.
- [farts]
452
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:51,820
Yeah, that's what I call it too.
453
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,212
Only losers say "fart."
454
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:54,990
ROBBER: Well, I'm
no fucking loser!
455
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,825
If that's true, you'll
always call farts
456
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,017
"pre-defs" from now on.
457
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,861
- [loud fart]
- ROBBER 2: Pre-def?
458
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,353
Huh.
459
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:02,688
I like that.
460
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:04,256
Me too.
461
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:05,724
Well, it's settled, then.
462
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,526
From this day forward,
463
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:11,630
this gang will refer
to farts as "pre-defs"!
464
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,408
Good for you! [farts]
465
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,968
ROBBER: Speak of the devil, It
466
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,270
of some pre-def
coming right about...
467
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:19,614
No! You don't understand!
468
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,206
My senses are heightened!
469
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,708
[loud fart]
470
00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:23,976
[laughter]
471
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,620
- ROBBER 2: Me too!
- [laughter]
472
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,146
[cacophony of farts]
473
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:30,215
I beg you! The smell,
it's overpowering!
474
00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:32,618
ROBBER 2: That one was hot!
475
00:17:32,651 --> 00:17:34,462
My powers are my
greatest weakness!
476
00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:36,889
- No!
- [loud farts]
477
00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:39,625
Stinky, stinky!
Stinky, stinky!
478
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,560
- [laughter]
- [small toot]
479
00:17:41,593 --> 00:17:43,629
No! Here comes the shit!
480
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,898
Here comes the... shit!
481
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:47,933
[long, wet fart]
482
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:50,102
[sad music]
483
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,775
[thunder rumbles]
484
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,278
MASTERMIND: A billion
dollars worldwide...
485
00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:01,680
Thirteen Oscars...
486
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,349
Double-platinum soundtrack...
487
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:09,755
And the coveted MTV Movie
and TV Award for Best Hero.
488
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,599
-Hello, Mommy!
I'm a hungry boy!
489
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:12,901
MASTERMIND: Ladies
and gentlemen...
490
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,335
DOCTOR: This guy's
eyes are fucked.
491
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:17,329
MASTERMIND: "Sightless" is
now the most-watched movie
492
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:19,932
of all time.
493
00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:21,467
-Actually, I am.
494
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:23,802
MASTERMIND: Oh, I've
heard the questions,
495
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:27,873
the ruminating, spoken
in hushed tones.
496
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,942
Why?
497
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,344
Why do all this
498
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:35,781
just so everyone on the planet
will replace the word "fart"...
499
00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:37,850
- Fart? I hate that word!
500
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,485
MASTERMIND: with "pre-def"?
501
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:41,019
-Smelling my own pre-def!
502
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,031
- That's what I call it too.
- Only losers say "fart."
503
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,490
Because we can!
504
00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:46,692
Because we must!
505
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:49,461
Because without the efforts
of every person in this room,
506
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:53,332
exerting unending and
sometimes unexplainable control
507
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:56,668
over this planet and every
single person upon it,
508
00:18:56,702 --> 00:19:00,706
life itself ceases
to have meaning...
509
00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:02,574
to have purpose!
510
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,043
[loud pre-defs]
511
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,179
MASTERMIND: Now, please,
512
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:10,649
raise your glass
and drink with me.
513
00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:12,084
To the future!
514
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,686
- HENCHMEN: To the future!
- [thunder booms]
515
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,056
[dramatic classical music]
516
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:21,527
♪
517
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,570
[upbeat indie pop song]
518
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,163
♪ I don't give a fuck, Daddy ♪
519
00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:25,840
♪ Tell me what
you want from me ♪
520
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:30,235
♪
521
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,538
♪ See that look in your eyes ♪
522
00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:34,349
♪ I can tell where
this is going ♪
523
00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:35,034
♪
524
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:44,183
♪
525
00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:47,886
♪
526
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,622
♪
35801
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