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1
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♪
2
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,441
I'm flossing! I'm flossing!
3
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Yeah, you're actually
kind of good at that.
4
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,112
Bella, hello! Check this out.
5
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Uh... Oh, yeah, cool.
Good stuff, guys.
6
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Bella, what's wrong?
7
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It's my head.
8
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I think my soft
spot's coming back.
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00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,096
- What?
- [squishing sounds]
10
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Jesus!
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Don't you have to see
a doctor or something?
12
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- [grunting in pain]
- What are you doing?
13
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I gotta "poppa da dent out,"
like my dad used to say.
14
00:00:28,128 --> 00:00:29,939
- What was he, Italian?
- No, close... Jamaican.
15
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- Gotcha.
- Wait, wait, I got an idea.
16
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Hey, can you, like...
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00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,878
squeeze my head really hard,
like you're popping a pimple
18
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- and pop it back out?
- Yes, 100%.
19
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,782
I just feel like it's sinking
into my brain more now.
20
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Okay, it's not. You're fine.
21
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- Um, geez... like this?
- [squishing sounds]
22
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No, you're pushing!
You need to squeeze.
23
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:46,446
Squeeze harder!
24
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:47,590
- Get the dent.
- I'm trying!
25
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,125
Shane, can you come
give it a stab?
26
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:50,292
Get outta here. Gimme that!
27
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:52,128
Ohh, yeah! That's
a good squeeze!
28
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That's a good fuckin' squeeze.
29
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Oh, it feels good for me, too.
30
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,232
Come on, you gotta
poppa da dent out!
31
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:57,433
What do you think I'm doing?
32
00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:59,068
Oh, you're taking
me to Squeeze Town!
33
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[screaming]
34
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:01,928
[pop]
35
00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:03,263
[all exhaling in relief]
36
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[coughs]
37
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Much better. Much better.
38
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Yeah. Hey, woo-whoop!
39
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Check this out.
40
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- You're so good at that.
- Yeah!
41
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I'm doin' it!
42
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[theme music]
43
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♪
44
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♪ I'm a different person now ♪
45
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♪ Can we just hug it out? ♪
46
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♪ There's an elephant ♪
47
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♪ There's an elephant... ♪
48
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♪ There's an elephant ♪
49
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♪
50
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NARRATOR: This is the
story of the greatest coach
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to ever grace the hardwood.
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00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:46,706
With more championship rings
than fingers on his hands,
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this is Phil Jackson:
The Zen Master.
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I should have brought my rings.
55
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[inspirational music]
56
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♪
57
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Phil?
58
00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:04,691
God, he was more than
a coach, you know?
59
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:07,527
He was a mentor.
60
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:11,364
♪
61
00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:13,800
♪
62
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- [whistle blows]
- Play ball!
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Okay, they're already playing.
Okay, let's go, Bulls!
64
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:19,815
Oh, you missed that
one. That's okay.
65
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,617
People call me the
greatest of all time.
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00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,643
The GOAT. [chuckles]
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I don't know about
that, but Phil,
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00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,490
he was the greatest
coach of all time.
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00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:28,581
Bulls, go Bulls!
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Without a doubt,
without a doubt.
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00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:31,885
Air ball!
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Aaand, gimme that!
73
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,064
That went on, though. Good
one, Jordan, continue.
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Play ball, play
ball. Go, Bulls!
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You thought I was wild?
He was the wild one.
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00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,393
Rodman, Rodman, Rodman!
77
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:42,571
Pass to me, pass to me,
pass to me, pass to me!
78
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:44,340
Play, play ball. Play
ball. [blows whistle]
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He was like a mad scientist,
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but more mad than scientist.
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Defence, da-da-do,
defence, boom-boom.
82
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,773
Let's go in... And,
okay, you got it!
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00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,176
Unconventional? I guess
you could say that.
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00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:59,012
-Wag your tongue
like a dog. Wag it!
85
00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:01,581
I didn't care if my tactics
were unorthodox, though.
86
00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:06,085
I knew, controversial or not,
I always planned for success.
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00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,555
-[imitates buzzer noise]
88
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Is that messing you up?
Do you not like that?
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00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:11,791
I'll leave you alone.
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00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,003
What would my legacy
look like without Phil?
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Lemme put it this way...
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00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,031
Bad.
93
00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:20,009
Dribble it, dribble it,
bounce it, give it to J-Bone!
94
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,510
- Who's J-Bone?
- Jordan!
95
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:22,702
No one calls him that.
96
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:24,204
Well, you knew who I meant!
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00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:26,639
Pippen, now, he was
a really good player.
98
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,641
-Pippen, really good.
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00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,244
Jordan? Oh my.
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00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:33,479
He was a really,
really good player.
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00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:36,216
-And, yes! Ha-ha!
Really, really good.
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Give it to him. Two
points... for us!
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00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:39,452
And Rodman?
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00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,821
Well, he was our rebound guy.
105
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-Worm man! Rebound.
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Always on your toes.
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He was a tyrant. [chuckles]
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But dammit if it didn't pay off.
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00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,706
Hey! Hey, hey, two of those.
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00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,899
One time I had gone
up to him to say hi...
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00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:54,734
and it wasn't him.
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00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,903
He had hired a man
that looked like him
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and he introduced
himself as Bill Jackson.
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00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,007
Not Phil, Bill Jackson.
115
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,442
And he got away with it too!
116
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:03,776
Phil was a master motivator.
117
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,988
-Are you a bouncer guy,
too? You can bounce it?
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00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:08,615
He knew exactly what to
say at the right time
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to get the most
out of everybody.
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00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,618
Hey, is that Eugene Levy?
121
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:14,020
Oh-ho, I'm better than you!
122
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,898
I'm way older than
you, and I'm better.
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00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,491
The way he was with
the coaching staff?
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It was magical.
125
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:21,837
-See Jordan? Should
we ask him to score?
126
00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:23,305
-What's that guy's name
in the middle there?
127
00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:24,673
Not the big guy that
I hate... that guy.
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00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:25,674
Bulls! Go, Bulls!
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00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:27,300
Quick anecdote.
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00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,035
Game was on the line.
131
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Two seconds on the clock.
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00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,273
I said, "Give it to Jordan."
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00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:35,475
We won that game.
134
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,510
[inspirational music]
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♪
136
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WOMAN: Ugh, I effing
need this night out.
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ANGIE: Tell me about it.
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00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:47,296
Who do you think's
gonna be there tonight?
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00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,998
-Oh, well, definitely Jake
because he's a big suck-up.
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00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,633
Knock-knock, who's
ready to party?
141
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:53,126
There you are. We
gotta get going.
142
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,204
Wait... why are you
guys dressed like that?
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00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,872
Uh, it's a Halloween
party. Duh!
144
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,399
No, I mean like with
the huge tits and stuff.
145
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:00,800
You're joking, right?
146
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,878
-You have to know what
this costume is, Jodie.
147
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:05,905
-Oh my God, she's not joking.
148
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:09,542
- We're Grandma Milkbags!
- Yeah, Grandma Milkbags.
149
00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:12,345
I'm actually Sexy
Grandma Milkbags.
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00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:14,490
Holy shit, she's never
heard of Grandma Milkbags.
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00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:15,958
Do you live on the fucking Moon?
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00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,222
Okay, can someone just tell me
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00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,727
what the hell
Grandma Milkbags is?
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00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:20,796
Just the most popular show
on the fucking planet, Jodie.
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00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,822
JODIE: Okay, so it's a TV show?
156
00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:24,566
Yeah! Grandma Milkbags!
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She's like... insane.
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She'll fuck anybody.
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00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:29,705
- Huh?
- It's Canadian.
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00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:31,931
But also, she has
huge fucking honkers.
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00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,409
- [fly buzzing]
- Okay, I'm confused.
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00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,144
So they call this lady
"Grandma Milkbags"?
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00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,979
- Isn't that kind of mean?
- No, no, no.
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00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,514
It's what she likes.
She wants that!
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00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,182
I'm like shocked that
you've never heard of it.
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00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:42,084
ANGIE: Can we just go? We're
gonna be so late, guys.
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00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:44,019
JODIE: Wait, wait, wait,
I don't know if I wanna
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00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:45,487
go out with you guys
dressed like that.
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00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,422
Everyone's gonna
think you're nuts.
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00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,513
You think so, huh?
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00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,091
-Um, yes. Kind of.
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00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:50,350
[phone rings]
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00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:51,727
Hey, Deborah, what are
you wearing tonight?
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00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,862
DEBORAH: [phone] Um, a
Grandma Milkbags costume?
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00:05:53,886 --> 00:05:55,331
- What kind of...
- [hangs up phone]
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00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,190
See? Do you not trust me?
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00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:59,859
Of course I trust you. You're
my fucking life, Angie.
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00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:02,004
Let's just go to the
party and drop this, okay?
179
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,930
No, no, no. Listen.
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00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,765
[ominous music]
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00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:08,434
Grandma Milkbags.
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00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:11,237
Grandma... Milk... Bags.
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00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:13,439
Okay, yes, I understand,
I get it, let's go.
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00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:16,309
Grandma Milkbags...
185
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,812
Grandma Milkbags.
186
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,381
Grandma Milkbags...
187
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:23,192
Okay, you guys are fucking
scaring me right now.
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00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,460
- Grandma Milkbags, Jodie.
- Can you...
189
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,061
- Grandma Milkbags!
- Grandma...
190
00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:28,654
- Guys, stop.
- Grandma Milkbags...
191
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:29,932
You're hitting me
with your nipples.
192
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,800
- Grandma Milkbags.
- Grandma Milkbags.
193
00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:34,660
[overlapping repeating
voices] Grandma Milkbags...
194
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:35,938
- Guys, stop it, please!
- Grandma...
195
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:37,306
- Milk...
- Bags...
196
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,965
Do you not trust me, Jodie?
197
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:40,166
I'll watch it!
198
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,877
I'll watch every single
season, I promise!
199
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,237
- Get out of my face!
- [doorbell rings]
200
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:49,942
[ominous music]
201
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,310
[doorbell rings twice]
202
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:56,182
[ominous music]
203
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,085
Can you girls keep it down?
204
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:01,020
Now, that's a Grandma Milkbags!
205
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,188
[boing sound effect]
206
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,423
Who?
207
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:04,733
♪ Everybody bounce
up and down ♪
208
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,325
♪ It's Grandma Milkbags! ♪
209
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,503
[rapping] ♪ They say
age before beauty,
210
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:08,961
but she has them both ♪
211
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,305
♪ This granny's so hot,
she turns bread to toast ♪
212
00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:11,407
♪ Can't judge a
book by its cover
213
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,032
or the edge of its spine ♪
214
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,343
♪ You just blow off the dust
when she lookin' this fine ♪
215
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:15,177
♪ Like a vintage wine... ♪
216
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:19,372
♪
217
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,441
NARRATOR: The Zen Master.
218
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:24,644
What was coming to mind
when you think of Phil?
219
00:07:24,677 --> 00:07:27,513
Uh, cool, calm, zen.
220
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:30,183
Total, uh, control.
221
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:33,453
♪
222
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:36,656
♪
223
00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:38,467
Idiots. Get the
fuck away from me.
224
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,293
Are you drunk? You drunk?
225
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:42,161
You're out of bounds, Pippen!
226
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,797
I, uh, once watched
him coach a game
227
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,833
and he was wearing
those big glasses
228
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:49,211
that make it look like your
eyes are open when they're not,
229
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,403
and he was, uh, sleeping.
230
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,205
They won by 40 points that game.
231
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,173
What's going on here now?
232
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,342
Yes, Jordan! Ha!
233
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,144
I was a student of the game.
234
00:07:58,177 --> 00:07:59,979
That's what it all came down to.
235
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:03,349
Learning, absorbing
the decades of strategy
236
00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:05,852
that every coach before me
already experimented with.
237
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,125
Like if Rodman wanted to
shoot a three, I'd say,
238
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,298
"Maybe let Kerr do that."
239
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,389
Yes, give it to him!
240
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:11,557
Hey, shoot that three.
241
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:12,925
And... yes!
242
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:13,869
- Hurray!
- There we go!
243
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,094
PHIL: Good three-pointer!
244
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,205
Look at me shoot that three.
245
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,639
It's worth three
points, and good job.
246
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,031
Three claps for me.
247
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:21,534
But if Kerr wanted to
get a rebound, I'd say,
248
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:23,903
"Remember when Rodman let
you shoot that three?"
249
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:25,647
Then of course
Kerr would oblige.
250
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,516
Sometimes it felt like
he didn't even know
251
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:29,351
what he was doing.
Pretty cool.
252
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:30,610
I know I'm Michael Jordan,
253
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,421
but Phil never
pandered to the stars.
254
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,056
You're cut, Jordan.
I'm kidding.
255
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,281
Best player on the team.
256
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,391
Best player in the world.
257
00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:37,783
Everyone was equal to Phil.
258
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,119
Kerr? Kerr, Kerr...
259
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,789
Kukoc? You're doin' it.
260
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,592
Kukoc, now, that's
a... That's a mouthful.
261
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,004
Getting his name right, that
was, uh, that was hard enough.
262
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,229
There you go, Kuky!
263
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,299
But I knew that he
could score sometimes.
264
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,034
They had just beaten Reggie.
265
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,770
I go up to shake his hand
and he says, "Ha ha ha,
266
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,043
"my team is better than yours!
267
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,606
"I'm better than your brother!"
268
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,409
Then he moonwalks away, but
it wasn't even a moonwalk.
269
00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:06,979
He kind of shuffled his feet
backwards and called it a day.
270
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,057
MICHAEL: Phil's sense
of humour is deep.
271
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:11,150
Uh, you've gotta
kinda hang around him
272
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,319
to kind of get to
know him, but, uh...
273
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,897
our little family
within the locker room,
274
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:16,989
we got to know each
other very well,
275
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,225
and we really
appreciated Phil's humour
276
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:20,636
because he made us
laugh all the time.
277
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:23,162
I like to keep things light.
278
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,331
Unless it's the championship.
279
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,133
Then I'm a bit of a hard-ass.
280
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:30,503
Phil, uh, Phil was, uh...
281
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,738
Yeah, he lost his composure.
282
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:33,649
A couple times.
283
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:35,942
No! No! No!
284
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:38,511
Oh, fuck, we fucked up.
Somebody passed to Luc.
285
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,988
Fuck, no! No!
286
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:41,781
Luc...
287
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,659
I don't even wanna talk
about that asshole.
288
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:45,418
-Gimme that! Pow!
289
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:47,162
Ball. Nice pass, asshole.
290
00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:48,597
Phil kicked the
ball really well.
291
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:50,632
See this ball? Pretend
it's a hot potato.
292
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:54,193
And if, heaven forbid, you
find the potato in your hand,
293
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,129
you give it to
literally anyone else!
294
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,603
And don't worry, all the other
good guys in this scenario,
295
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:00,967
they're wearing oven mitts
296
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,578
so they can handle the
heat of the potato.
297
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,246
You understand the words
comin' outta my mouth?
298
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,771
I honestly can't talk about him.
299
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,282
It makes me mad just
thinking about him.
300
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:09,475
Run it again. [blows whistle]
301
00:10:09,508 --> 00:10:10,543
Fuck!
302
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,378
He was big, but he was ugly.
303
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,680
The only thing uglier
than him was his game.
304
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,325
[chuckles] That's
a little joke.
305
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,450
You can keep that in.
306
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:20,186
You can show that to
Luc if you see him.
307
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:21,654
No, but I really hate him.
308
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:24,156
-Yeah, okay, last play,
and then we're gonna, uh,
309
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,558
hit the showers.
310
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,035
Including me. Just kidding.
311
00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:29,328
Was Phil Jackson a good coach?
312
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,472
No. No.
313
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:34,333
♪
314
00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:39,071
And another one
for you, my lady.
315
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:42,908
Ooh, I wonder what it is!
316
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,645
Oh my gosh, Kevin,
these are beautiful.
317
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,747
I love them so
much. Thank you!
318
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,150
- Now one for you!
- Mm-hm?
319
00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:52,551
This one.
320
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,188
[giggles]
321
00:10:56,222 --> 00:11:01,527
[jazzy Christmas music
playing on stereo]
322
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:04,706
I just thought maybe
it would help with...
323
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:07,066
What I do in the bathroom
is my business, Cloe.
324
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:10,836
- This gift sucks ass!
- [dramatic music]
325
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,347
Kevin, please, you're
making yourself sick!
326
00:11:12,371 --> 00:11:13,539
Bullshit!
327
00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,017
I'll show you
making myself sick.
328
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,877
Kevin! Kevin, just read it!
329
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:19,078
Kevin, no, no!
330
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:20,756
Kevin, don't eat
that soap in there!
331
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,190
KEVIN: Too late!
You stressed me out.
332
00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:23,825
CLOE: [knocks on
door] Kevin, open up!
333
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:25,661
Just read it, okay? For me?
334
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,852
Tastes so fuckin' good...
335
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:28,430
CLOE: I can hear you
eating soap in there!
336
00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:30,089
Kevin, come on, open up!
337
00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:31,390
Just read it, won't you?
338
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:32,601
Oh, I'm reading it, alright.
339
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,926
Very interesting!
340
00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:36,071
CLOE: You're so stubborn.
It's Christmas morning!
341
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:38,731
Stop eating soap? Make
me, you fucking book!
342
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,032
[knocking on door]
343
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:41,610
CLOE: Kevin, open
this door right now!
344
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:45,137
You're just like your mother!
345
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,015
- You're pregnant?
- That's right.
346
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:51,977
We're having a baby, you
soap-eating son of a bitch.
347
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,446
I'm gonna be a dad.
348
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:54,790
CLOE: [knocks on door] Kevin!
349
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,615
I'm busy! [sighs]
350
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,317
♪
351
00:11:58,384 --> 00:11:59,919
NARRATOR: The Zen Master.
352
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:02,254
[whistle blows]
353
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:03,489
Throw it around.
354
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,092
One time, he coached a
game from the stands.
355
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:09,328
Didn't talk to anybody and
just ate three hot dogs.
356
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:13,065
Plain. No ketchup.
357
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:16,268
And they still won by 45 points.
358
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:18,170
What a guy! Ha-ha!
359
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:21,807
[inspirational music]
360
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:24,477
♪
361
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:27,146
There's squares,
there's rectangles,
362
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:28,848
but triangles?
363
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,826
Where do I come up
with this stuff?
364
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,518
I'll tell you where...
365
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,253
My brain.
366
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:36,622
I have a smarter brain
than most people.
367
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:38,023
Which makes me smart.
368
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,159
He did all the little things.
369
00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:41,837
Pushed us out of
our comfort zone.
370
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:44,663
Dribble, dribble, back
and forth, back and forth!
371
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:47,299
He gave us room to breathe.
Extremely hands-off.
372
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,702
Shoot it, shoot it,
shoot it, shoot it!
373
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,371
And... yup! It's
okay, you can miss.
374
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,106
Phil had this calm about him.
375
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,251
I'm gonna pretend to guard
you. Pants down, nope!
376
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,676
MICHAEL: All the intensity,
377
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,311
the bravado around the game,
378
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:00,780
it floated over him.
379
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:02,591
Luc, D me up. I'm
going for a layup.
380
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,784
Psych! Hey! Hi, Mom!
381
00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:06,118
Oh, my mom's here!
382
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:10,623
Boom goes the dynamite.
383
00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:12,825
I invented that, you know.
384
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,960
That viral video clip?
385
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,797
That was me who
came up with that.
386
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,365
He cried a lot.
387
00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:21,567
Big crier, Phil Jackson.
388
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,779
If they lost, he would cry
for sure, but if they won,
389
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,638
most of the time, too.
390
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:31,076
[sighs] He wasn't gonna
make it easy for us...
391
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:33,155
but we had faith in
him to get it done.
392
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,647
Ever see a master chef at work?
393
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,391
Somehow taking all
these ingredients
394
00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:38,717
and magically combining
them into a gourmet meal?
395
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:39,819
That was Phil.
396
00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:41,696
I still don't know
how he did it.
397
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,632
And not just with the
Bulls, but the Lakers, too?
398
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,456
Yes, okay, give it to Kobe!
399
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,335
Kobe Bryant! Now,
Kobe, grab it, yeah.
400
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:49,562
Give it to Shaq. Shaq got it!
401
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:52,231
I really found that having
all the best players
402
00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:55,534
in the world made coaching
a heck of a lot easier.
403
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,069
-Yes, just like that!
404
00:13:57,102 --> 00:14:00,339
Lemme let you in on a little s.
405
00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:02,274
In the game of basketball,
406
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,610
the team that scores
the most baskets
407
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:05,957
is probably gonna win the game.
408
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:10,883
Well, theoretically speaking,
a team could score 90 baskets
409
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:13,586
and another team could
score 86 baskets,
410
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:17,356
but if the 90 baskets are only
one-pointers, free throws,
411
00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:20,092
and the 86 baskets
were three-pointers,
412
00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:22,928
then the team with 90 baskets
would only have 90 points
413
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:25,865
and the team with 86
would have 258 points.
414
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:28,058
I actually saw that
happen before, you know.
415
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:32,438
The other day. I even
filmed it on my iPhone.
416
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,683
I'd show it to you, but
my phone ran out of space
417
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:37,243
and I had to delete it.
418
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,744
True story.
419
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:43,816
♪
420
00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:46,652
[medieval fanfare]
421
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,655
- [crash]
- [horse whinnies]
422
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,790
[people cheering]
423
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:52,485
♪
424
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:58,564
[sword pulled from sheath]
425
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:02,234
♪
426
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:06,739
♪
427
00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:08,416
MAN: How many turkey
legs did you guys eat?
428
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,418
Because they just kept
dropping them in front of me,
429
00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:12,454
so I just kept eating
them and eating them.
430
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:14,589
- Oh, it was so good!
- I know, I couldn't stop.
431
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:15,948
I know!
432
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,893
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa! Guys, guys, guys!
433
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,127
- Guys!
- What?
434
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:20,819
Look who that is!
435
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:23,088
The Red Knight!
436
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:24,423
Whoa, it is!
437
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,592
Oh, we have to get
him to party with us.
438
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,169
Oh my God, that
would be hilarious.
439
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:29,504
- Yeah, let's go!
- Wait, wait.
440
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:31,506
I don't know, I don't
know if we should do that.
441
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:34,533
- Why?
- Look at him.
442
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,701
So?
443
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,312
I've heard those knights
party really hard.
444
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:39,447
He's not a real knight,
he's just an actor!
445
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:41,674
Probably a totally normal guy.
446
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:44,343
- Okay.
- Yes!
447
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,779
Mister, uh, Red Knight, sir?
448
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:48,380
Can I help you?
449
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,817
Um, we were wondering if, uh,
you know, if you wanna party.
450
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:54,553
Like, you know, with us?
451
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,456
Well, I was thinking about
heading back to my place to...
452
00:15:57,489 --> 00:15:59,725
unwind, if you know what I mean.
453
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,770
You and your friends
are welcome to join me.
454
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,563
Really?! Wait, you sure?
455
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,007
Sure. Come on.
456
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,666
Follow me.
457
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,469
Wait, guys, I don't like that.
Maybe we should just stay here.
458
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:11,637
Stop it.
459
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,048
I told you, he's
not a real knight.
460
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:14,840
Yeah, seriously, let's go!
461
00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:16,785
What's the worst
that could happen?
462
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,344
WOMAN: Jesus, okay.
463
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:22,014
[intense music]
464
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:24,717
GRANDMA MILKBAGS: [TV] So today
I'm shopping for a new bra,
465
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,828
which as you can
imagine, for these girls,
466
00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:28,420
is not as easy as it sounds!
467
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,865
BENJAMIN: [TV] Good morning.
You must be Mrs. Milkbags.
468
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:33,425
GRANDMA: You can go ahead
and call me Grandma Milkbags
469
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,537
- like everybody else.
- BENJAMIN: Mm-hm!
470
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,672
GRANDMA: That's right,
my bosoms were begging me
471
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,064
to get them a new holder.
472
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:40,375
Thanks again for the pizza, man.
473
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,210
- No problem.
- Yeah, man, thanks.
474
00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:44,670
GRANDMA: Grandma
always delivers!
475
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:46,514
BENJAMIN: First of all,
my name is Benjamin.
476
00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:47,773
Pleasure to meet you both.
477
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,010
- I love this show.
- I've never seen it before.
478
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:53,012
Oh, no? How are you liking it?
479
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:54,780
It's not bad!
480
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,181
Yeah, it's really good.
481
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:58,026
GRANDMA: I'm a
lover, not a fighter.
482
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:01,453
But Kitty, Kitty'll claw
your goddamn eyes out.
483
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,231
BENJAMIN: Your bust. Like,
your chest measurements.
484
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,666
GRANDMA: Are you
talking about my bosoms?
485
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,534
Hey, you were really
good today, by the way.
486
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:07,769
- Hm, totally.
- Oh, yeah?
487
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,262
- Mm-hm!
- Thanks.
488
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,335
BENJAMIN: Oh, wow,
that's quite large!
489
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,175
How long have you
been a knight for?
490
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:15,443
I don't know, a couple
months, I guess.
491
00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:16,635
Hmm, cool.
492
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,037
GRANDMA: Who knows,
493
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,614
maybe I'll be able
to help you out...
494
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,974
[laughter]
495
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:25,144
- Man, this show's crazy.
- Totally.
496
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,880
- How old is she?
- Guys, please.
497
00:17:27,913 --> 00:17:30,416
- Sorry.
- [clears throat]
498
00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,761
BENJAMIN: Grandma Milkbags,
please, I could lose my job!
499
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,596
GRANDMA: You could
lose your drawers,
500
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,121
or I'll lose them for you!
501
00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:38,199
We were back there, I
guess, about 30, 40 minutes.
502
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,591
Where's the, um, bathroom?
503
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,569
Oh, around the
corner, second door.
504
00:17:41,593 --> 00:17:42,895
Cool, thanks.
505
00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:44,706
BENJAMIN: Very rough
sex in the back room!
506
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,908
GRANDMA: You're gonna have
to deal with my cookies...
507
00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:48,476
BENJAMIN: Was I
expecting it? No.
508
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,045
Did I enjoy it? Very much.
509
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,279
KITTY: [TV] That
Grandma Milkbags,
510
00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:52,738
she'll fuck anybody.
511
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:54,649
But he did eventually
help her pick out
512
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:56,175
a wonderful bra afterwards.
513
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,342
Bye, Benjamin!
514
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:58,811
GRANDMA: Kitty, behave!
515
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,145
[loud urinating]
516
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,556
BENJAMIN: Let's just
say it was very good,
517
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,248
and I'm glad we had that sex!
518
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:05,427
GRANDMA: Now, after all
those back room antics,
519
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:07,295
- I'd built up an appetite.
- [toilet flushes]
520
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:09,359
- Nothing satisfies
Grandma Milkbags
521
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:12,424
after a day of shopping
and intercourse
522
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:15,928
like a big, old carton of
2%. Grandma like milky!
523
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,930
Go get me a shopping cart there.
524
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:19,674
KITTY: What do you need
a shopping cart for?
525
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,509
We're just getting a
little old carton of milk.
526
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:27,106
[medieval fanfare]
527
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,507
GRANDMA: So there's this guy
528
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:31,710
just standing there
blocking me from my milk!
529
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,113
Did I mention
Grandma like milky?
530
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:36,315
- I miss anything?
- Nope, you're all good.
531
00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:38,293
She's just looking for milk
and that guy won't help her.
532
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:39,852
Oh, awesome.
533
00:18:39,885 --> 00:18:41,186
GRANDMA: A second?
534
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:43,031
How about less than a
second, as in right now?
535
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,123
Help a grandma out!
536
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:45,533
Hey, I'm getting
another one of these.
537
00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,693
- You good?
- I'm good, yeah.
538
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:49,871
Actually, we should probably
head out soon, guys.
539
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,439
We got that, uh, team-building
thing in the morning.
540
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:53,132
- Oh!
- Oh, true.
541
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:55,310
Oh no, that sucks. Let's
finish this episode.
542
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:56,668
No, he's right.
543
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,313
We should probably
call it a night, guys.
544
00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:00,405
Hey, maybe we should
call you a knight!
545
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:03,075
- [laughter]
- All good, all good.
546
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,978
Well, thanks for hanging out,
and very nice meeting you all.
547
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:07,822
Thanks for having us!
And thanks for the pizza.
548
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,457
- Yeah!
- Yeah, absolutely.
549
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,892
Don't even mention
it. My treat.
550
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:12,393
Hey, man, it was
nice meeting you.
551
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:13,657
GRANDMA: Ooh, you go, Grandma!
552
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,023
- We'll see you around?
- Yeah.
553
00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:19,896
- [door unlatches]
- Totally.
554
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:22,237
- Bye!
- See ya.
555
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:23,171
Thanks, see you later!
556
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:24,329
Okay, bye!
557
00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:25,597
Be safe.
558
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:29,835
GRANDMA: Uh-oh, there's
that look again!
559
00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:32,437
Chug this milk, you bad boy!
560
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,051
CLERK: It was
actually really good!
561
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:39,244
GRANDMA: I'm lactose
and intolerant!
562
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:41,256
CLERK: I wouldn't have
thought I'd enjoy sex
563
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,857
- with Grandma so much.
- [knock on door]
564
00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,259
CLERK: But guess what? I did!
565
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:47,252
KITTY: That Grandma
Milkbags will fuck anybody!
566
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:49,755
GRANDMA: Cheque, please!
567
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:51,223
I think I left my phone.
568
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:52,934
Oh! Thought you
just missed me.
569
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,569
- [laughs]
- [TV show theme music]
570
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:57,462
♪ Everybody bounce up and
down, it's Grandma Milkbags! ♪
571
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:58,463
KNIGHT: Got it?
572
00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,574
MAN: Yeah, thanks again.
573
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:00,708
- Alright.
- Yeah.
574
00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:02,377
- Till we meet again.
- Yeah, absolutely.
575
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,612
♪ You just blow off the dust
when she lookin' this fine ♪
576
00:20:04,636 --> 00:20:06,414
♪ Like a vintage wine
from a premium rack... ♪
577
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:10,542
♪
578
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:12,311
♪
579
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,122
♪ Whoa... (Stand up!) ♪
580
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,248
♪ Hey... (Sit down!) ♪
581
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:19,618
♪ Everybody bounce up and
down, it's Grandma Milkbags! ♪
582
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:21,653
♪ Whoa... (We doin' it!) ♪
583
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,922
♪ Hey... (Do the Bartman!) ♪
584
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:27,259
♪ Everybody bounce up and
down, it's Grandma Milkbags! ♪
585
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:28,972
[chuckles] Milkbags.
41917
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