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♪
2
00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:10,143
MAN: Don't get me wrong,
3
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,912
we all love the Nike logo,
but you're Michael Jordan.
4
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:14,414
You need your own logo.
5
00:00:14,447 --> 00:00:16,292
So for your upcoming
shoe release,
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00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:17,526
we went ahead and made you one.
7
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,562
WOMAN: And I don't want
to sound too cocky,
8
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,030
but we think it's
gonna make this
9
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:23,590
look like ET's crooked wang.
10
00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:25,392
I like that.
11
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:28,061
MAN: Now imagine you could have
any round object in your hand.
12
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,129
What would it be?
13
00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:30,940
But it has to be
a sports object.
14
00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:32,165
Easy, a basketball.
15
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:34,467
-I thought so, but what
would you do with it?
16
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:35,668
Dunk it!
17
00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,613
WOMAN: Yes! See, that.
18
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:39,448
Now imagine you're
going for this dunk.
19
00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:41,784
Are you gonna use two hands like
all those small-handed players
20
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:43,076
that nobody respects?
21
00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,287
Hell no, I'm gonna one-hand
the shit out of it!
22
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,551
MAN: I wanna talk about
your legs for a second.
23
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:48,924
How would you want
them positioned
24
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,593
for this amazing
one-handed dunk?
25
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:51,951
Close, tight.
26
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,763
I wanna be straight
like a pencil.
27
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,431
Okay, but then
people might think
28
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:57,566
you don't have much going
on between the legs, Mike.
29
00:00:57,590 --> 00:00:58,968
Just saying. People talk.
30
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Yeah, you're right.
31
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,328
Spread it then, like an eagle.
32
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:04,407
WOMAN: Yes! And what
are eagles known for?
33
00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:07,200
- Eating their prey.
- Yes, yes, but other than that.
34
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:08,668
They eat birdseed?
35
00:01:08,701 --> 00:01:11,471
Maybe at a zoo, but let's
move on from what they eat.
36
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:13,449
Start thinking
about what they do.
37
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,041
They hop?
38
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No, I'm just playin'.
Those things soar.
39
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:18,678
Weird joke, but you're right.
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They soar through the...?
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00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,949
MICHAEL: Air. Wait...
42
00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:24,827
What if we called
the new shoes...
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Air Jordans?
44
00:01:26,352 --> 00:01:29,489
Oh my God, why didn't
we think of that?
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Oh, wait... we did.
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MAN: Now, keep in mind,
it's just a rough.
47
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WOMAN: It tested
through the roof.
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We call it the Jump Man.
49
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We're gonna be rich!
50
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Jordan.
51
00:01:49,242 --> 00:01:51,144
[theme music]
52
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:55,248
♪
53
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,318
♪ I'm a different person now ♪
54
00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:01,321
♪ Can we just hug it out? ♪
55
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:04,057
♪ There's an elephant ♪
56
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:06,759
♪ There's an elephant... ♪
57
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:09,662
♪ There's an elephant ♪
58
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♪
59
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:17,337
[light switch flicking]
60
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:18,438
Eww.
61
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:21,174
-Oh my God, this is so creepy.
62
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,710
-Holy shit, check these out.
63
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:25,488
See, I told you
Grandpa was a hoarder.
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00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,556
I just feel like we
should put him in a home.
65
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,558
-Wait, can you put that
down and help me look?
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00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:31,427
I swear I've seen
moonshine down here before.
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00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:32,952
[mysterious music]
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00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:36,289
Oh my God, no way.
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00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,892
-Eww! Grandpa's such a perv!
70
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,003
I guess that's where
Uncle Frank gets it from.
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00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,038
- That's my dad.
- You're right, sorry.
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00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:44,573
-Who do you think
was his favourite?
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-Ooh, let's guess!
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00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:47,076
- Her maybe?
- Maybe her.
75
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,568
That's a great bathing suit.
76
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:51,070
Same with that one, too.
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00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,948
That's so weird. Why
is there a guy in here?
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00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:54,040
I don't know.
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00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:55,584
Hey, there's one
on this page, too.
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00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:56,776
[giggling]
81
00:02:56,809 --> 00:02:59,579
- Wait, is that Grandpa?
- Oh my God, it is!
82
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- Why is he making that face?
- This is so bizarre.
83
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:05,418
[intense music]
84
00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,987
Hey, girls. What's
taking so long?
85
00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:10,323
Grandma's baking your
favourite... oh...
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00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:11,891
Oh, no.
87
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,569
Oh my dear lord, no. [sighs]
88
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,404
I thought I'd
destroyed them all.
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00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:17,630
I can't show my face anymore.
90
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:18,831
Where did you find that?
91
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:20,400
Oh, just on the shelf here.
92
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,135
-Okay, I admit it.
93
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:25,305
That's me, your grandpa.
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00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:27,740
You must remember,
back in the day,
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00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:31,110
it was highly unusual
for a man to appear
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00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,613
in an all-women's sexy
car wash calendar.
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00:03:33,646 --> 00:03:34,681
Oh, well...
98
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:36,449
I guess you look pretty good.
99
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:37,660
I was in excruciating pain.
100
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:38,851
Really, why?
101
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:41,020
See the water? Scalding hot.
102
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:42,488
Why did they make it hot?
103
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:45,658
The photographer wanted a
real raw expression from me,
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sexual and primal.
105
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:49,929
We tried to shock the world,
but the world wasn't ready.
106
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,532
Sales plummeted after
opening weekend.
107
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:56,636
I mean... the cover
is pretty misleading.
108
00:03:56,669 --> 00:04:00,139
First rule in life, always
check the fine print.
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00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,708
-"With women and men"?
110
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:03,852
Second rule, if you're
gonna integrate men
111
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:06,012
into a women's
car wash calendar,
112
00:04:06,045 --> 00:04:09,983
an 80 to 20 ratio of men to
women is too much, too soon.
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00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:12,986
I tried to tell them to use
equal parts men and women,
114
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but they called me a Commie.
115
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You girls have no idea
how good you have it.
116
00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:21,894
So anyways, I guess I
always wanted to get caught.
117
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,529
Grandpa, honestly, it's fine.
118
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:27,233
Well, it's out there now.
119
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,169
And I guess that's...
120
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:31,638
Girls, look!
121
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,506
It's Eugene Levy!
122
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:36,743
Uh... what?
123
00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:39,412
Jim's dad from American
Pie, that's him!
124
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,814
Grandpa... are you okay?
125
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,651
That's Eugene Levy standing
right there behind you!
126
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,228
Okay, Grandpa, I think
you're just upset
127
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:47,487
that we found your calendar.
128
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,398
Forget the stupid
fucking calendar.
129
00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:50,890
I'm your grandfather.
130
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:52,801
I love you and would never li,
131
00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:55,194
Eugene Levy is
standing right there!
132
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,529
I can see him!
133
00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:58,173
- Okay, fine.
- [sighs]
134
00:04:58,197 --> 00:05:00,900
♪
135
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:04,070
[cartoon sneaky noise]
136
00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:06,372
[muffled coughing]
137
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:09,108
Grandpa... we see
you under the carpet.
138
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,653
[muffled] This
carpet is home now.
139
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,211
What did he just say?
140
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,223
I think he said
"carpet is home now."
141
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,249
- [muffled coughing]
- Oh, man...
142
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:20,920
♪
143
00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:22,955
[laughter]
144
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:25,191
No, no, no, I'm the
office Seinfeld,
145
00:05:25,224 --> 00:05:27,102
Phil is Kramer, and
Megan, you're Elaine.
146
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:28,695
End of story!
147
00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:30,105
- Wait, so I'm George?!
- Mm-hm!
148
00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:32,632
No way. No, no, no!
149
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:35,435
- No soup for you!
- [laughter]
150
00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:37,303
Sorry, what show is this?
151
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,372
Uh... Seinfeld?
152
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,807
The biggest show of the '90s.
153
00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:43,242
I don't know, I'm only 23.
154
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,611
Oh, Jesus, right, I always
forget you're such a baby.
155
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:46,979
[laughter]
156
00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:48,424
BRIAN: Okay, here's
a real brainteaser.
157
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:51,617
The four of us as the "C.
158
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:54,387
I know what you're gonna say,
and yes, I'm a total Del!
159
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:55,764
JANE: Oh, in your
dreams, Brian!
160
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:58,324
- [drops fork]
- I'm not wearing a diaper!
161
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:00,269
- What?
- Brian said I'm a baby.
162
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,661
I'm not one.
163
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,629
And I don't have a binky.
164
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,941
I go to the bathroom the
same as the rest of you...
165
00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:08,801
Pants down, take a
seat, let it all go.
166
00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:12,405
And it all lands in the
bowl every single time.
167
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:14,583
Okay... I think we're gett.
168
00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:16,576
- Uh, yeah.
- Maybe we can move on.
169
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:19,679
Did you guys know that
Brian buys beer for kids?
170
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:21,914
- Ha-ha.
- What?
171
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,426
BRIAN: Hey, could I talk to you
outside for a second, please?
172
00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:27,453
Sure.
173
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,264
- What are you doing?
- You.
174
00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:30,332
Now they think I have jaundice!
175
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,858
Phil is a total Annie.
176
00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:33,602
You know what?
Fine, if I'm Annie,
177
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:35,995
then you are Miss
Caroline Duffy herself.
178
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,197
Megan, no one thinks that, okay?
179
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:41,000
All we're trying to say is
we're old, you're young, okay?
180
00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:42,535
I'm sorry if that offends you.
181
00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:44,313
You're just as capable
as everyone else
182
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:45,938
and just as good, okay?
183
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,540
Fine.
184
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:49,308
And we're back.
185
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,877
You two okay?
186
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:54,113
Oh, yeah, Brian was just asking
if I had any friends my age
187
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,858
who wouldn't mind getting
gross with an old fuck.
188
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,192
- Oh my God.
- Ohh...
189
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,927
BRIAN: Now, why would I
say that about myself?
190
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,296
Okay, we've heard about enough
out of you, you old pervert!
191
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,765
- Phil!
- I can't even be here anymore.
192
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,099
- Come on!
- Me neither.
193
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:05,501
- How could you?
- Jane, you know better!
194
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:09,495
- Bye!
- She's lying... obviously.
195
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:12,198
You know, you really shouldn't
have said anything, Brian.
196
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,867
Now everyone at work is gonna
think you're an old fuck.
197
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,336
Yeah, and a pervert. I
get it, Megan, thank you.
198
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,005
Why are you even still here?
199
00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:20,173
I don't have my license.
200
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,817
You have to drive
me home, remember?
201
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:24,143
- [sighs]
- 'Cause I'm a widdle baby!
202
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,244
Wah!
203
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:26,479
Waaah!
204
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:31,517
♪
205
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:33,486
This party is gonna be so funny.
206
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:34,887
Hilarious.
207
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,489
Why do you two keep saying that?
208
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:37,733
It's all the people
that we met at that...
209
00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:39,668
- Introduction to improv class.
- Improv class!
210
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:41,027
Oh no...
211
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,361
This is a comedy party.
212
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:43,996
-Uh, yeah!
213
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,641
All the funniest people in
the city in the same place.
214
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,099
It's gonna be a riot!
215
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:48,844
- [laughter]
- Look around.
216
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:51,003
Do you see anyone laughing?
217
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,438
That's hilarious.
218
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,683
I mean, everybody knows
that comedy comes in threes,
219
00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:56,943
but I presuppose it
could come in twos...?
220
00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:58,244
Let's get outta here.
221
00:07:58,277 --> 00:07:59,688
Okay, relax. It's
not that bad.
222
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:01,490
You don't get it.
Any minute from now,
223
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,525
some guy's gonna show
up that everyone here
224
00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:05,561
is trying to impress
because he sold a show
225
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,362
and they all want
writing jobs from him.
226
00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:08,831
- And then...
- [doorbell rings]
227
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:10,566
- [door opens]
- [man laughing]
228
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:14,026
So, so then I turn to
McKay and I'm like,
229
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,395
"That's not what I meant
by bottomless mimosas!"
230
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:17,763
ALL: Blitzo's here!
231
00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:19,932
Blitzo's here. Woo! Let's go!
232
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,534
One lap and we're out.
233
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:23,345
- You're being dramatic.
- No, I'm not!
234
00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:26,205
Now, if anyone asks you to
watch their skit, just say no!
235
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,850
WOMAN: It's actually
called a sketch.
236
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:29,876
Skits are something
you do at camp.
237
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:32,478
- [sighs]
- Where's Bella?
238
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:34,289
Just leave her.
She's already gone.
239
00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:35,748
Trust me, he doesn't want notes.
240
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:36,816
Bella!
241
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:39,085
♪ Farts and butts
and boobs and cum ♪
242
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:43,055
♪ Periods and tampons,
anal and poops! ♪
243
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,790
[strums ukulele]
244
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,292
[screaming]
245
00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:47,302
Through here, through here!
246
00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:49,896
Over here...
247
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:52,765
ALL: We're watching Kyle
Mooney's cut for time
248
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,234
SNL sketches on YouTube.
249
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:59,071
They're way funnier than
the ones that get on air.
250
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,173
Jill, let...
251
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,476
JILL: So subverted...
252
00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:04,977
[screams]
253
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:11,317
[yelling incoherently]
254
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,752
I guess you just don't get it.
255
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:15,087
Whatever. It's
already finished.
256
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:18,024
Why would you ask me for notes
if you didn't want any changes?
257
00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:20,526
- [screaming]
- [loud crash]
258
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:24,130
BLITZO: [laughs] Oh, yes!
259
00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:25,698
[groaning in pain]
260
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:28,534
Oh! Oh, great pratfall, man!
261
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:31,537
- Fuck...
- Great pratfall!
262
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:32,872
Blitzo?
263
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,349
- Big fan.
- Yeah!
264
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:36,542
Look, man, are you a comedian?
265
00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:38,787
'Cause I'm actually looking
for writers for my new show.
266
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:39,946
-Big time.
267
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,823
I've been working
on a skit... sketch.
268
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:44,150
It's called "Dr. Fartstein."
269
00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:45,761
- I'm listening.
- Okay.
270
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,186
It starts with a fart, you know?
271
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:48,854
[farting noises]
272
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,265
- But it gets better.
- Yeah.
273
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,391
He's really farting...
274
00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:54,694
♪
275
00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:59,365
Well...
276
00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:00,866
I hurt someone yesterday.
277
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,144
- COP 2: Again?
- MAN: Ah...
278
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:04,236
- Aah, help!
- COP 2: Oh my God!
279
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:06,572
I've been beaten,
tortured! I need your help!
280
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:07,740
Who did this to you?
281
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,284
My sister. She's
a fucking maniac.
282
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:11,344
- Your sister did this?
- I got video.
283
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,288
I got the whole goddamn
thing. You gotta see.
284
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:15,548
Yeah...
285
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:17,416
MAN: Thank you...
286
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:19,485
MAN: [video] Oh, she's coming!
287
00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:21,029
SISTER: What the
fuck are you doing?
288
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:23,155
Sit down!
289
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,324
- [cartoon boing sounds]
- Ow, fuck!
290
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,360
My knee! I need those!
291
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:29,237
COP: Uh, what's with
the sound effects?
292
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:30,663
[cartoon boing sounds]
293
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,574
She must have gotten to
it. Hacked the mainframe!
294
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:35,434
Just watch! Look
what she's done!
295
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:37,012
MAN: [video] What are
those? What are those?
296
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:38,070
Ow, ow!
297
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,606
[clanking and slide whistle]
298
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,651
- Please, this is serious!
- COP: Sorry.
299
00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:44,043
SISTER: Do you want the brick?
300
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:45,887
MAN: No, I don't. Unless
you hand it to me maybe?
301
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:47,723
SISTER: Okay, I'll
hand you the brick.
302
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,157
- [boing sound effect]
- [laughter]
303
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:50,616
SISTER: Pick it up!
304
00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:52,027
- Pick it up.
- Okay, okay!
305
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,595
Hey, Mary, um...
you gotta see this.
306
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:55,087
MARY: See what?
307
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:56,598
SISTER: I'm not gonna
hit you again, I promise.
308
00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:58,367
[loud boing and chirping birds]
309
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,868
- [laughter]
- MAN: See?
310
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:02,194
Don't you see what she's
doing? She's a maniac!
311
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,872
My mom won't do
anything, either!
312
00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:06,232
COP: Your mom?
Aren't you, like, 40?
313
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:08,043
MAN: [video] Do
you have an Advil?
314
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,102
[laughter]
315
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:12,438
Stop! I'm in so much pain!
316
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:13,348
- Just watch!
- [mutes video]
317
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,474
Watch!
318
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:21,414
- Well, this isn't funny at all.
- It's not supposed to be funny.
319
00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:23,315
It's illegal!
320
00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:27,129
MAN: [video] Just no
more ball stuff, maybe?
321
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,287
SISTER: Okay!
322
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,891
- [clown nose honk sound]
- [laughter]
323
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:34,760
- [loud boings]
- [laughter]
324
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,496
SUPERVISOR: Hey, hey! What's
the commotion out here?
325
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,665
[sound of whip cracking]
326
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:41,934
MAN: [video] Oww!
327
00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:44,804
- [chuckles]
- [laughter]
328
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:47,606
♪
329
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,741
[whistle blows]
330
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:51,911
Time out, purple!
331
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:53,145
I think it's broke, Coach!
332
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,848
Oh, no... Not now!
333
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,926
REF: Sorry, Coach,
you need five to play.
334
00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:00,252
You find someone
else or you forfeit.
335
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:05,458
Damn it!
336
00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:09,462
You.
337
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:10,796
You wanna play for me?
338
00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:13,666
Me?
339
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:15,167
But I'm not in high school.
340
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,169
Not you, idiot! Him!
341
00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:21,006
Roger? My dog?
342
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,341
He's perfect!
343
00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:23,476
I'm a genius.
344
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,177
Come on down!
345
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:26,922
Okay. Let's go, Roger.
346
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,380
OTHER COACH: No, no, no!
347
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,516
What the heck's going on here?
348
00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:32,985
Ain't no rule says a dog
can't play basketball.
349
00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:34,386
You sure?
350
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,789
- You don't seem sure.
- Yeah.
351
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:38,858
Oh, that mutt's gonna play.
352
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,659
And damn it...
353
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,194
He's gonna win!
354
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,396
[inspirational music]
355
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:46,208
Come on, Roger.
You can do it, boy!
356
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:49,301
[whistle blows]
357
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:52,538
COACH: The dog!
Give it to the dog!
358
00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:54,206
Shoot! Shoot it!
359
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,307
[Roger barks]
360
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:58,043
♪
361
00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,846
[buzzer]
362
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:05,484
[crowd cheers]
363
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:10,055
[triumphant music]
364
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:10,750
♪
365
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:19,732
♪
366
00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:24,003
♪
367
00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:28,574
[chanting] Roger,
Roger, Roger, Roger!
368
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,876
- [camera shutter clicks]
- [cheering fades out]
369
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,380
♪
370
00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:39,084
[players cheering]
371
00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:43,055
[players cheering]
372
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:46,559
♪
373
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,763
♪ Let's take a look
at my yearbook ♪
374
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:53,232
♪ The best class in town ♪
375
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:57,570
♪ Janey was pretty
and Joe was a clown ♪
376
00:13:57,603 --> 00:14:02,241
♪ And those were the
years we'll never forget ♪
377
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:08,080
♪ Number one in the state,
every record was set ♪
378
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:11,584
♪ Years from now,
when we look back ♪
379
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:15,221
♪ I know I'm gonna say
those were the best years ♪
380
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,656
♪ Me and my friends
drivin' all over town ♪
381
00:14:17,723 --> 00:14:19,992
- [music stops]
- [camera shutter clicks]
382
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,828
Must have OD'ed
around 4 or 5 am.
383
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,430
Party just got the best of him.
384
00:14:24,463 --> 00:14:27,766
Bad dog. Very bad dog!
385
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:31,003
Come on, get that piece
of shit outta here!
386
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,409
[sniffles loudly]
387
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:42,348
♪
388
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,583
[school bell rings]
389
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,994
Morning, class.
[snaps fingers]
390
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,453
My name's Dr. Rosato,
391
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:49,831
and I want to extend a huge
thank you to your teacher
392
00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:51,857
for letting me
swing by to tell you
393
00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:53,602
a few things about
my favourite subject:
394
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:54,827
dinosaurs.
395
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,771
Can someone grab
the lights, please?
396
00:14:56,795 --> 00:14:58,330
Thank you.
397
00:14:58,364 --> 00:14:59,932
Oh, what do we have here?
398
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:01,500
The Ornithomimus.
399
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:04,036
Many experts believe it
was a distant relative
400
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,804
of the modern ostrich.
401
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,682
It was a fast and
fierce creature.
402
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:08,974
But don't worry...
403
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:10,142
I could still take him.
404
00:15:10,175 --> 00:15:11,443
[laughter]
405
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:14,346
Ah... my old friend,
the Parasaurolophus.
406
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:17,016
Despite the fact
that they could s
407
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:19,451
in size, I could still grab
him by that heady thing
408
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:20,853
and bring him down that way.
409
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:23,622
- [laughter]
- Yes... Stegosaurus.
410
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:26,225
Famous for its
protective backplates.
411
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:28,270
But don't let these
sharp spikes fool you,
412
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:30,963
I could still smash him to
smithereens pretty handily!
413
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,974
And to be honest, it wouldn't
even be all that hard.
414
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,500
[laughter]
415
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,403
Brontosaurus, I'd beat
the heck out of him.
416
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:40,506
Big turtle guy, put
him in the hospital.
417
00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,908
- The Velociraptor...
- KID: Oh, come on.
418
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:45,053
There's no way you can
beat up a dinosaur.
419
00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:46,145
Really?
420
00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:47,646
Yeah, it's like impossible.
421
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,724
- Oh, is that a fact?
- He'd just eat you!
422
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,717
[students chuckle]
423
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,795
Could I have a word with
you both in the hallway
424
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:54,863
for a moment, please?
425
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:55,821
KIDS: Ooh...
426
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:02,494
Don't worry, class.
We'll be right back.
427
00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:05,097
[door closes]
428
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:06,865
So, neither of you think
429
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,843
I can beat any of those
damned things' asses?
430
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:10,402
KIDS: Uh-huh.
431
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:14,173
Let's find out about
that, shall we?
432
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:17,776
[electric zapping]
433
00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:21,380
Here we go again.
434
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:25,417
♪
435
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:26,885
[whoosh noise]
436
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,587
[distant roar]
437
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,589
You comin'?
438
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:31,957
[distant roar]
439
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,895
- [whoosh noise]
- KIDS: Whoa!
440
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,530
Oh my gosh!
441
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:41,400
Now, let's see
what we have here.
442
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:43,736
- So, what grade are you guys in?
- Nine.
443
00:16:43,769 --> 00:16:46,572
Oh, cool. I love Grade 9.
444
00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:50,809
[dinosaur growling]
445
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:52,044
DR. ROSATO: Brontosaurus.
446
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:54,613
She's big, but she's slow.
447
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:55,948
Are you gonna fight it?
448
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:57,316
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
449
00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:59,952
I don't hit chicks. Let's go.
450
00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:01,420
Either of you have a girlfriend?
451
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:02,797
- No.
- Oh.
452
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,089
Me, either.
453
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,758
Never settle, boys!
454
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,259
Never settle.
455
00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:11,130
There's someone out there
for all of us, trust me.
456
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:12,765
Now we're talkin'.
457
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:15,834
Hey, you Jurassic fuck!
458
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,746
- [raptor growls]
- Come get your ass beat!
459
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:18,971
[raptor snarls]
460
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:20,406
Watch this.
461
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:24,977
♪
462
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,813
Let's dance.
463
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:29,281
[dramatic music]
464
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:30,649
[grunting]
465
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:33,118
- [raptor chitters]
- [grunting]
466
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:35,087
[dramatic music]
467
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,822
[grunting]
468
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:41,260
He's just toying with him!
469
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:44,530
[thuds and growls]
470
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:48,934
- [raptor snarls]
- [loud crunch]
471
00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:50,578
- Clever boy...
- [loud thud]
472
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:52,471
Ohh!
473
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:57,509
- Just stay down, Mister!
- No!
474
00:17:57,543 --> 00:17:59,111
I said I'd beat his ass.
475
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:00,922
Don't worry about
that, just stay down!
476
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,757
Who's the guest
speaker, me or you?
477
00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:03,992
- You.
- Exactly.
478
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,685
Watch and learn.
479
00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:08,620
[dramatic music]
480
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:11,890
[thuds and grunts]
481
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:13,868
[choking sound]
482
00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:14,860
[groans]
483
00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:17,329
[dramatic music]
484
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:19,731
- You really are a Jurassic fuck.
- [raptor chirps]
485
00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:21,333
Now it's time for you to get...
486
00:18:21,366 --> 00:18:23,086
- [loud thwack]
- [yells]
487
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:25,704
[breathing heavily]
488
00:18:25,737 --> 00:18:27,639
Nuh-uh, I can't do it!
489
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:30,008
I can't beat his
ass, it turns out!
490
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:34,847
Hey, Mister... I think
you might need this.
491
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,624
A grenade? Where'd
you guys get this?
492
00:18:36,648 --> 00:18:38,383
Heh, wouldn't you like to know.
493
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:39,751
Yeah, I would, but...
494
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,720
no, I gotta use my bare hands.
495
00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:45,424
KID: Beat him... and end him.
496
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:47,392
You kids are fuckin' crazy.
497
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:49,161
Alright, I'll be back.
498
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,829
[raptor roars]
499
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,831
[clapping]
500
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,666
[dramatic music]
501
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,535
[thwacking sounds]
502
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:57,603
Ha!
503
00:18:57,669 --> 00:18:59,071
Kick the shit out of him!
504
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:02,741
- [raptor roars]
- [grunting]
505
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:03,852
- [loud thwack]
- Ha!
506
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,053
You got him. You got him!
507
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,545
Woo!
508
00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:09,381
[grunting]
509
00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:11,183
- Hi-yah!
- [raptor snarls]
510
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:13,585
End that fucking dinosaur!
511
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:16,622
[dramatic Hollywood-style music]
512
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:17,756
[screams]
513
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:18,924
[gasp]
514
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:20,759
- [loud crunch]
- [yells]
515
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:22,628
[laughs maniacally]
516
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:23,862
Gotcha!
517
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:26,231
- [panicked screech]
- [explosion]
518
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:29,101
[splattering sounds]
519
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:36,041
[relaxed, triumphant music]
520
00:19:36,074 --> 00:19:37,809
[chuckles]
521
00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:39,954
I guess he always did
want to give me head.
522
00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:41,780
- Right, kids?
- What?
523
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:43,048
Nothing.
524
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:46,084
Hey, what's that?
525
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,786
Well...
526
00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:49,988
It's either the end
or the beginning
527
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:51,790
of an ass-beating.
528
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:54,560
Come and get some!
529
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,995
♪
530
00:19:57,062 --> 00:20:01,133
[rumbling and whooshing]
531
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,769
[loud explosion]
532
00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:05,938
[screaming]
533
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:09,308
♪
534
00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:11,410
[school bell rings]
535
00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:13,812
♪
536
00:20:13,845 --> 00:20:17,082
♪ Uh-huh ♪
537
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:21,486
♪ Before all the trouble came ♪
538
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:27,626
♪ Baby, I was your
man, you were my wife ♪
539
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:30,195
♪ Baby ♪
540
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:32,764
♪ You opened up my eyes... ♪
541
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:37,135
♪
542
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:42,374
♪
543
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:44,710
♪
544
00:20:44,776 --> 00:20:49,281
♪ I saw you floating there ♪
545
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:50,482
♪ Uh-huh... ♪
36855
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